Culture Club - Am I A Bad Friend If I Don't Reply To Your Message？

00:00:00.000 harry styles is defrosting the pressures of being digitally available and is me too really dead

00:00:13.420 i'm maggie zow and i'm jasmine wallace and you're listening to culture club

00:00:17.520 where we chat about pop culture current affairs the internet and our lives

00:00:22.240 today we are on the land of the Wurundjeri Woiwurrung people of the Kulin nations we would

00:00:33.340 like to pay our respects to elders past and present and extend this to any aboriginal or

00:00:38.020 Torres Strait Islander listeners today we are back in the studio baby I'm excited it's nice

00:00:47.960 to sit across from you again yeah it very much is you got red tights on miss styling queen

00:00:52.960 i'm trying to be more adventurous with my fashion oh yeah i recently made an instagram get to know

00:01:01.120 me carousel and i said on there like i don't really know my personal style and i think it's

00:01:07.760 just like getting a bit lazy with it like when you are really busy and you work in an office and then

00:01:13.980 you work from home like it's just so easy to fall into the trap of like jeans and a t-shirt or like

00:01:18.480 in winter jeans jumper sneakers like that's what i've just been wearing for so long and i really

00:01:24.000 want to like get creative with fashion again let's do it yeah i'm feeling inspired so i'm

00:01:29.500 pinteresting a lot i'm figuring out what style i want to lean into more of and given it's winter

00:01:35.200 in melbourne i thought bright red tights would be so fun to just like jazz up an outfit oh jazz

00:01:41.240 up an outfit you like them yeah wait that should be your series name like jazzing up

00:01:46.100 everything is content something like that um speaking of like kind of style transformations

00:01:52.000 right i got a haircut yesterday but then this might not make sense but i think i might start

00:01:57.580 trying to grow up my hair for the first time since i ever got a bob guys this is big news in

00:02:03.260 maggie world because i think i probably cut a bob maybe like 2017 2018 and then i haven't had

00:02:08.700 anything else essentially since yeah so how long do you want it I don't know I'm thinking like

00:02:14.740 let's get to collarbone maybe yeah and why this I think is a step is because I've not wanted to

00:02:21.540 grow my hair long because that's what I had as a teenager and I'm like oh my god I just don't want

00:02:27.340 to look at my my teen self again but now I feel like I'm maturing and I'm like no we can revisit

00:02:32.540 that we were talking about this at book club weren't we yeah one of our friends Em she's like

00:02:38.200 had I mean you would know you've known her for a long time but she had very much long hair and now

00:02:42.880 she's a bob girl and when you go a bob it's really hard to go back switch because I love a bob yeah

00:02:49.500 I remember when we first met your hair was so long and we did a little photo shoot and I have these

00:02:54.100 photos of you with long you look so young obviously you literally were younger but like yeah I think

00:02:59.200 that's exciting to try something new I miss plaits if people know I talk about wearing two plaits a

00:03:05.140 lot like i'm jealous of anyone who has a hair to do it because it's just like such a cute look

00:03:10.240 i'm think sorry i don't know if this is a boring conversation about hair but i'm thinking after

00:03:14.420 the wedding i'll cut my hair not like short short but like just a little bit oh my god like refresh

00:03:19.860 okay that's exciting also change of gear but did you see my tiktok i made about macho reviews this

00:03:27.040 week i did i saw it when it hadn't been up for very long and i remember thinking oh

00:03:34.420 she's gone spicy with this one but and then I kind of was like keeping an eye of it a couple

00:03:40.900 days afterwards and what's it at now like 300k? Almost so I've just checked and it's got 282,000

00:03:47.660 views and for those who haven't seen it it's just me with my face and then the text on screen all 0.93

00:03:54.860 it reads is I only trust matcha reviews from Asians sorry and to be honest that video has

00:04:01.980 gained some controversy is too strong but it's had some mixed comments yeah the comment that

00:04:09.220 you made like oh actually i guess what i like yeah really well this is the thing yeah so the

00:04:14.460 comment jazz is alluding to this was like in the first like hour that it was posted someone was like

00:04:18.880 um we shouldn't like reduce culture down to race which i was like found interesting i was like oh

00:04:24.620 yeah i'll consider that but and then they were also like maybe we should say center voices instead of

00:04:31.180 excluding others and then I did reply to like oh yeah I'll listen to that maybe I should say I'm

00:04:36.200 listening to and like centering Asian voices but that is like exactly what I'm saying I'm just

00:04:40.480 saying I just that's exactly what I meant right like I'm trusting these voices instead of others

00:04:46.420 and I'm like oh like it was just like a um politer way of saying it but I'm like I don't know if I

00:04:52.720 needed to be no you definitely didn't need to but that's that comment got hundreds of likes as well

00:04:59.260 So I totally agree with you on this.

00:05:01.760 I think the matcha trend has gotten a little bit out of hand. 0.95

00:05:05.640 I just don't love, especially white women, becoming the experts on this 0.99

00:05:12.120 and even creating businesses around this. 1.00

00:05:15.880 Don't think we'll name names on this podcast,

00:05:18.500 but it seems to be coming the latest business venture,

00:05:23.040 especially for influencers.

00:05:25.280 Obviously, everyone is allowed to enjoy whatever drink they want.

00:05:27.860 obviously certain things become more mainstream or they fall into western culture etc but like

00:05:34.960 to say you're an expert or to own something like that it's really icky and so i totally

00:05:41.120 think that you are in the right to kind of call it out but interested to hear what the audience

00:05:47.140 thinks if you yeah open it up leave a comment drop it below yeah because i i definitely want

00:05:54.480 to reiterate i'm not saying that people can't drink matcha or they you can even post a review

00:05:59.000 that's fine i'm just saying that like you know i am trusting especially people who are japanese

00:06:04.160 for their reviews on matcha i also want to mention that jeff kasubi who is an australian speaker and

00:06:12.160 like anti-racism advocate also made a stitch video about this and we'll play a bit of the clip here

00:06:17.800 the comment section is something else some even saying well you know are you saying you know people

00:06:22.340 that are not asian can't have matcha misconstruing everything that is being said in this video

00:06:27.580 because before they actually listen or read they react given that for years you know asian cultures

00:06:33.000 has specifically been reduced to trends pinterest boards whilst the people behind it were mocked

00:06:38.120 and also erased i think it's wild that whenever someone said well i actually trust my community

00:06:42.480 about this specific thing some of you feel so threatened by that just shows that some of you

00:06:46.660 don't like when whiteness is being dissented and automatically some of you go on the attack

00:06:52.340 we're gonna go back to glastonbury again and in exciting news harry styles is defrosting

00:07:04.160 he was spotted at glasto over the weekend you mentioned last week that he was spotted in his

00:07:11.020 little red shorts but what we didn't speak about is him pashing a stranger in a vip tench that

00:07:17.740 video made me feel a bit weird no it was icky it gave me the icky beard did it give you the ick in

00:07:22.700 terms of like the kissing you saw or the fact that that private moment was filmed i mean private

00:07:27.640 you're in public but like yeah no no it was the the kiss so i'll try explain it it was quite blurry

00:07:33.380 and it was quite dark and they're kind of against the wall and then harry and then this lady they're

00:07:38.160 like they're so upright that's the only way i can describe it they're like no no head is tilting

00:07:44.720 I would say that they're just kind of like leaning into each other it didn't look great

00:07:50.980 but who am I to judge well I am judging and who was this mystery woman at first people thought

00:07:57.380 she was Olivia Dean Harry's rumored ex-girlfriend but then it's been revealed yeah it has internet

00:08:04.800 sleuths have found that the woman in question is Ella Kenny who is a 29 year old music producer

00:08:11.520 from london it wasn't just this video that he was uh in though he randomly agreed to be in a video

00:08:17.880 for days and it is the most awkward 21 seconds ever we'll actually play the audio now hello

00:08:24.820 how are you're my favorite singer well i'm gonna find you at 3 a.m um i'll be in bed probably

00:08:30.400 i can't understand him but i still love you and what is your survival kit

00:08:35.580 water always a style check it out

00:08:41.260 we'll love you styles we love you i want to know if this was pre-planned i don't think it was i

00:08:50.540 think they just found him in the crowd and they're like oh my god it's harry styles but do you think

00:08:54.440 the fact that he wanted to be on camera one he might have been like under the influence of

00:08:59.260 something having fun just thought fuck it but I wonder if that's also him warming back up to the

00:09:06.540 press and being like I need I'm gonna like be out in public again soon I need this album like 0.95

00:09:12.400 biblically like I feel ill that I don't have a new Harry Styles album well this is a thing like did

00:09:17.960 he want to be in that video because he said two words yeah famously bed and then water and um

00:09:23.240 he looked so uncomfortable in the video as well but I'm like no Harry I think you agreed to do

00:09:27.980 this but you're right I do think this could allude to more Harry stuff in the future whether that's

00:09:34.740 music which I'm hoping for or maybe another acting gig or something we'll just have to wait and see

00:09:41.160 so the biggest news story from Glastonbury has kind of continued into the week and we definitely

00:09:47.700 want to discuss it I think last week when we recorded Monday morning just like the initial

00:09:52.280 headline had come out and now there has been a few more points made. So this is of course the

00:09:59.700 outrage from the British media after the punk artist Bob Villain chanted death to the IDF

00:10:05.640 during his set. Yes he also called for a free Palestine and spoke of working for a quote

00:10:12.020 fucking Zionist. He was not the only you know group who made a public stance during Glastow 0.97

00:10:18.660 so of course northern irish group kneecap was actually also censored by the bbc for their

00:10:25.720 pro-palestine stance i was reading up on this this morning because i didn't realize that yeah bbc

00:10:31.240 actually refused to live stream the group's performance at all yeah so even before wow like

00:10:36.940 glasto happened because earlier in the year there was some controversy surrounding kneecap after

00:10:41.800 the band's coachella performance um it contained pro-palestine messaging at the end it said israel

00:10:48.560 is committing genocide against the Palestinian people it's being enabled by the U.S. government

00:10:52.960 who arm and fund Israel despite their war crimes and it resulted in kneecaps U.S. visas being

00:10:59.300 revoked so with that in mind the BBC said we are not going to live stream this performance at all

00:11:04.580 like they'll still perform but it's not going to be live streamed it's not going to be available

00:11:08.880 on like the iPlayer later on a woman in the crowd actually live streamed it for an hour just from

00:11:16.040 her phone because she said that she thought that this needed to be seen by the public which was

00:11:21.200 awesome. I feel like historically as well like music festivals have always been a platform for

00:11:26.140 people to speak out about politics so the fact that the BBC and other news organizations have

00:11:32.740 chosen this hill to die on I think is very telling and it's really disappointing. There was a post

00:11:38.860 from the Batuta Advocate that was shared really widely over the weekend which essentially was like

00:11:43.860 um Glastonbury like it said something like Glastonbury shows how out of touch the media is 0.55

00:11:50.120 with the opinions of 20 and 30 year olds because in the crowd there were so many Palestinian flags

00:11:55.440 there were so many people chanting free Palestine and death to the IDF and also there were other

00:12:01.640 artists throughout the festival I know the artist see Matt also at the end of her set said free 0.96

00:12:06.320 Palestine as she like basically walked off stage yeah and Amal and the Sniffers of course Australians

00:12:11.460 who are always very vocal about Palestine.

00:12:15.200 So it's disappointing to see this from the media outlets,

00:12:17.900 but it's also incredible to see the support

00:12:20.660 that these artists have been getting from the general public.

00:12:23.680 Yes, it's not surprising that the media

00:12:26.820 is freaking out about this, right?

00:12:28.500 Because the media want us to be basically pro-Israel.

00:12:32.840 And I think it's a real watershed moment

00:12:35.820 for music and politics.

00:12:41.460 in this week's segment of culture shock where we discuss one of the week's most shocking headlines

00:12:48.060 we will of course be diving into the p diddy case before we get into this one we do want to

00:12:54.080 mention that there is a content warning for sexual assault so sean diddy combs a music producer and

00:13:00.040 the founder of bad boy records has this week been acquitted on the most serious charges in his trial

00:13:05.740 in New York, but he has been convicted of two counts of transportation to engage in prostitution.

00:13:13.020 So we have seen the verdict now be announced to the public. This has of course been such an ongoing

00:13:20.420 kind of case, like we've seen the headlines and now we have what the verdict is. So we're going

00:13:26.940 to get into some of the biggest kind of headlines from it. It was found that he is not guilty on one

00:13:33.020 count of racketeering conspiracy which means running a criminal enterprise that engages in

00:13:38.500 several illegal activities things like sex trafficking drug distribution and violence

00:13:44.020 that one was the most serious charge against him and if he was found guilty of that he could have

00:13:51.160 actually served life in prison diddy was also found not guilty on two counts of sex trafficking

00:13:56.860 by force, fraud or coercion. So it's not been decided just yet how much jail time Diddy will

00:14:04.060 receive. Each of the offences carries a maximum term of 10 years. So he could theoretically spend

00:14:11.680 20 years behind bars, but he avoided the mandatory 15 year sentence and the possibility of life in

00:14:19.320 prison. Yeah. In addition to these criminal charges, he's also facing more than 70 civil

00:14:25.720 lawsuits accusing him of abuse including rape, sexual harassment, sex trafficking and creating

00:14:32.200 non-consensual pornography. Let's go to the jury. So it was a 12-person jury and it was made up of

00:14:39.420 eight men and four women. It took 13 hours over three days to reach this decision. So that is

00:14:47.780 quite a long time really for a jury and they cited quote unpersuadable opinions on both sides.

00:14:55.720 don't you think it's interesting that the gender balance was weighted to men in this i don't know

00:15:01.920 the u.s judicial system enough to be like to know why but i don't know for logically you think it

00:15:07.840 would be 50 50 yeah yeah i don't know either but that is a good point to raise so the whole trial

00:15:14.720 was over seven weeks and it included witnesses from um 34 people including uh diddy's former

00:15:22.460 partner cassandra ventura also known as cassie as well as federal agents former employees and 0.99

00:15:29.060 male escorts so cassie was actually the catalyst for the trial because she filed a civil lawsuit

00:15:35.360 against diddy in 2023 cassie accused him of physical abuse which the world saw in a release

00:15:42.980 video last year have you seen that video no i'm not watching i purposely choose not to watch yeah

00:15:48.800 it's horrific um she also accused him of sexual coercion during the 10-year relationship but that

00:15:55.980 was actually settled within 24 hours for u.s 20 million dollars after cassie's legal action other

00:16:03.460 alleged victims came forward which then resulted in this federal crime investigation and diddy's

00:16:08.880 arrest um in 2024 it's interesting because diddy's lawyers tried to kind of defend his actions saying

00:16:15.680 that he just led an unconventional quote swingers lifestyle i don't know how you can distill these

00:16:23.020 terrible allegations into something like that i think what else is really ironic is that you know

00:16:27.900 he is a founder of bad boy records like how how can you use something like what's that word like

00:16:35.020 how ballsy do you have to be essentially to like name yourself like bad boy records it was the

00:16:41.040 90s well that's it right like that power and money and fame and in the 90s like there were

00:16:48.860 so many more things that just went unchecked there were no phones with cameras in them like

00:16:52.720 there was much more privacy yeah privacy and like that was just what was like i wouldn't say it's

00:16:59.640 the norm of course but like if you're a powerful male celebrity um who has sex fame money everything

00:17:06.800 being like left unchecked that's when you can start to play into that I guess what's interesting

00:17:12.340 is because while this court case again to our non-legal eyes is a win in some ways you know he

00:17:18.880 could spend 20 years in prison it's also a bit disappointing that I think he was found not

00:17:25.020 guilty for quite a lot of the charges against him civil rights attorney and legal analyst

00:17:30.940 Areva Martin said she believes that the jury's decision confirmed a, quote, backlash against the

00:17:37.120 Me Too movement, fueled by a rise in toxic masculinity, especially in the US. She's quoted

00:17:43.340 saying, we never will hold powerful men accountable if powerful men aren't charged. So we will move

00:17:49.200 the needle by continuing to press forward with these kinds of cases, recognizing that you're

00:17:53.680 not going to win all of them. One headline around this case really caught my eye this week, and that

00:17:58.840 was a headline in the cut which is titled maybe me too is really dead and that's by andrea gonzalez

00:18:04.880 ramirez so in this feature andrea writes that the language from the manosphere has spilled into the

00:18:10.500 mainstream so that's the language that was once reserved for these like fringe and extremist

00:18:15.400 groups it's now infiltrated the day-to-day culture and therefore so have the hateful beliefs about 0.82

00:18:21.920 women's place in society andrea does such a great job of like distilling what has been happening in

00:18:27.960 recent years and how it's kind of accumulated to this point she looks at the quote gleeful

00:18:34.480 cruelty and conspiratorial thinking which surrounded the Deb versus Amber Heard case

00:18:40.960 and then of course not long after that the Blake Lively versus the Justin Baldoni case as well

00:18:48.000 I don't think we've ever really seen like two major celebrity court cases in such a short period

00:18:53.720 of time that really do deal with such similar themes there and it has been so fascinating

00:18:59.680 watching the public scrutiny towards especially the two women in these cases. The article also

00:19:06.100 references research which found that between May 2022 and November 2024 the number of Republican

00:19:12.880 men who said women should return to quote traditional roles went from 28% to 48% which

00:19:20.960 is obviously a 20 increase in just two years i felt genuinely depressed reading this last night

00:19:26.740 like obviously it's not surprising given the politics of the u.s at the moment but i think

00:19:33.060 having that research in your face in black and white is really staggering of just like how

00:19:38.580 backwards we've gone in the last couple years completely i do agree with that i will mention

00:19:43.880 that they are interviewing or surveying republicans so it is more likely that they're going to hold

00:19:50.720 more conservative beliefs like yeah but like a 20 jump in two years like they interviewed the same

00:19:55.160 group oh yeah completely i mean when they interviewed the republican women um the percentage

00:20:00.480 switch went from 23 to 37 which is actually a big jump yeah right yeah for like the same group to

00:20:08.660 jump that far in two years is pretty scary while the article references a lot of facts the writing

00:20:16.020 is also really beautiful and powerful and kind of makes you stop in your tracks a bit so just

00:20:21.340 wanted to read out a little bit here. Andrea writes we know the courtroom has rarely been

00:20:26.240 the place where survivors can find justice. The law is simply not designed to fully contain

00:20:31.220 gender-based violence and discrimination but for a brief moment in time it seemed at least to me

00:20:37.040 as if culturally we could move past the constraints of the criminal legal system

00:20:41.920 rewiring our collective understanding of how abusers wield their power over their victims

00:20:47.140 and reaffirming survivors humanity she continues in those hopeful early days of me too when victims

00:20:53.720 disproportionately women and members of other marginalized groups bravely offered up their

00:20:58.740 wounds for the world to see i believe their example would lead and our institutions would

00:21:04.200 follow was that naive should i have resigned myself to the idea that the violence ingrained

00:21:09.160 in our patriarchal structures would be much harder to vanquish? Did I have too much faith

00:21:14.440 that our society would be able to show compassion rather than callousness?

00:21:18.360 I am afraid the answer to all those questions is yes, yes, and yes.

00:21:28.380 Maggie, do you feel the pressure to be always digitally available?

00:21:34.260 Kind of, but maybe not to the extent that you're expecting.

00:21:37.740 interesting this was a question that sydney writer miski omar asked in the guardian australia

00:21:44.220 this week and her subsequent instagram post about it has done real numbers especially around the

00:21:50.620 media circles in australia for some context miski kindly read out some of their work for us

00:21:56.240 i get a ping from the family group chat which doubles as an it help desk for my mum

00:22:00.760 my best friend just facetimed me about a white lotus episode and the other left a voice note

00:22:05.700 crying about a possible diagnosis. All this lodged between videos of cats and videos of genocide.

00:22:12.600 The boundaries between reception and response have collapsed. I'm switching lanes like a subway

00:22:18.140 surfer. Digital whiplash has branded itself on my cheek. My psychological tabs are maxed out

00:22:24.580 and there's no alert to clear storage or update my internal OS. I can't tell it's happening but

00:22:30.880 it creeps in and settles into a quiet, directionless overwhelm, a kind of existential buffering

00:22:37.420 I've started to call multiverse fatigue. No tab to close, no logout option, too many realities to

00:22:45.740 keep up with. Who am I? The funny friend, the unreliable co-worker, the negligent daughter,

00:22:53.960 the inconsistent self. Also, why do I know about a dog's birthday in Kampala? According to a

00:23:00.600 2022 Pew Research survey, more than 70% of people aged 18 to 29 feel the pressure to reply to texts

00:23:08.720 or DMs quickly. Because we appear online, we're assumed to be free. I feel guilty posting an

00:23:15.320 Instagram story because everyone will see I'm online and not assume I've been mauled by a

00:23:20.100 gorilla. Korean-born German philosopher Byung-Chul Han, in his seminal book The Burnout Society,

00:23:25.420 argues that modern life has shifted from a disciplinary society where we were told what

00:23:30.460 not to do to an achievement society where we are constantly encouraged to do more, be more,

00:23:36.520 connect more. This shift creates a culture of self-surveillance and exhaustion maskless freedom.

00:23:42.840 In today's culture your responsiveness equals your worth. It's a proxy for your love,

00:23:47.600 your professionalism, your care and I do care. I love the people in my life but to be in

00:23:55.280 constant rotation, always switching modes, always logging into another version of myself.

00:24:01.020 I'm tired, man. I'm tired. You're not unreliable. The human brain just wasn't built for this.

00:24:08.000 According to the American Psychological Association, task switching reduces productivity

00:24:12.880 by up to 40% and increases mental fatigue. Psychologists call it attention residue,

00:24:19.120 a mental hangover that lingers after leaving one task or identity and moving to the next.

00:24:25.280 You might be deep in work when a notification pops up.

00:24:28.840 Suddenly you're scrolling, replying, tapping.

00:24:31.680 By the time you return, your body's at the desk, but your mind's still catching up.

00:24:36.760 Replying is not neutral.

00:24:38.660 It takes a toll, especially when you're juggling so many selves.

00:24:42.720 It starts to make you a little nihilistic.

00:24:45.300 Okay, Jazz, you brought this to my attention.

00:24:48.120 I did also see it on a lot of people's Instagram stories.

00:24:51.900 What made you resonate with this piece?

00:24:53.580 I think I really resonated with the switching selves thing and how in the past like say my

00:25:02.360 parents and grandparents generations you might get a phone call and you can answer that phone call or

00:25:07.620 you can let it ring out but there wasn't that constant like dinging of people wanting your

00:25:14.300 attention and not just your family but like so many different people like your friends work side

00:25:21.340 jobs that you might have and family as well and I think it's something I've been grappling with

00:25:28.600 after taking a week off for burnout recently I haven't really spoken about on the podcast yet

00:25:34.200 but it just reached a point where I was like so frazzled and I think the digital swapping of all

00:25:42.860 different apps and messages slack like most of my work at the moment isn't done on emails or google

00:25:50.180 docs it's done on slack because i'm managing people and a team and an interstate team at that

00:25:55.120 so i think all that culminated into just like total burnout and so then hearing someone else

00:26:00.920 feel that way and having the stats to back up the fact that like oh i'm not failing like there's so

00:26:08.140 much the feelings of like well i'm not good enough and i said to people as well like i felt like i

00:26:13.920 was doing everything i was doing a lot but i wasn't doing any of it well um like i was just

00:26:20.660 scraping past being a good friend and just scraping past the podcast and all these different facets of

00:26:27.020 my life there was not really many places i felt like no i'm giving this like my all or i was giving

00:26:33.020 it what i could i do wonder though maybe outside of a work context do you expect your friends to

00:26:42.180 like reply quite instantly like what's your relationship to that of what you expect from

00:26:47.280 others when it comes to messaging I don't expect my friends to reply instantly I think we might

00:26:54.620 have had this convo before where I've had friends who stream of consciousness message me and I found

00:27:01.820 it really overwhelming and now I'm trying to like feel less shame around not replying straight away

00:27:09.360 and it's true right like I don't think that like you're a bad friend if you take three hours to

00:27:14.580 reply yeah but like why is it that we feel that pressure from ourselves that's kind of why I

00:27:21.200 wanted to like get into this piece as well because I think this was a beautifully written piece and

00:27:26.740 it's resonated with so many people but if I'm to be real as well reading this at times it felt quite

00:27:33.500 navel-gazely and I think I'm not sure I don't know how to word it but essentially I actually

00:27:40.540 don't know if this is self-inflicted or not because like I think why I asked you that last

00:27:46.120 question it's like I don't mind if my friends take a few days to reply like I'm not over

00:27:50.400 analyzing it I'm not thinking they're a bad friend I think we all know that we all experience

00:27:56.320 this kind of fatigue with messaging and got work and then you got family stuff and you got friend

00:28:01.220 stuff all on our phones like I think we already know that so I don't think anyone wants like

00:28:06.460 anyone is expecting this always on mentality like I don't expect that and I think we're all fatigued

00:28:12.960 by it and at times I'm scared that this type of rhetoric makes us like it's it feels in some ways

00:28:20.920 it can be towards being self-centered being like I'm respecting my own time only like other people

00:28:26.980 blah blah blah blah which we obviously like we don't believe in that but I think sometimes our

00:28:32.800 language around it can can enter that territory I'm being quite like like critical and like I'm

00:28:38.420 I know I'm like it's fine girl like we can we can like get off our phones what you do it's great

00:28:46.120 sometimes you message me like hey I'm off Instagram for this weekend I'm like great and that's and

00:28:50.300 that's it right I just I don't know like who we're pointing fingers at like who are we blaming here

00:28:56.380 I don't know if it's a blame I think maybe that's why people resonated with this so much

00:29:01.340 it's more just like a recognition of like oh okay like everyone's feeling this way like you're not

00:29:05.880 a failure if you can't switch your brain so quickly and all day because the article references

00:29:13.640 some stats that say like task switching reduces productivity by up to 40 percent psychologists

00:29:19.600 are calling it a attention residue which is basically a mental hangover that can linger

00:29:25.200 after leaving one task or identity if you're going from friend to colleague whatever and then moving

00:29:31.300 on to the next which I feel for sure yeah I do think that this article has resonated for a lot

00:29:39.880 of people because also it's like it explains or it's not an excuse but it's like oh like here I've

00:29:46.060 got this article that just like oh I don't even know I don't want to I know oh my god I know I

00:29:51.000 sound so harsh but I just think people are being like yes we've got this article like that's why

00:29:57.760 I don't have to reply all the time and I'm like I think we can just already acknowledge that I

00:30:02.440 don't know we grew up in the digital age so it's like it's been like this for a decade it's gone

00:30:06.620 worse but it's like this is what we've always grappled with I don't know but then like yeah

00:30:12.100 I'm just so many people it was an opinion piece in The Guardian so then why so you think that

00:30:17.900 people are resonating with it because it gives them like an out sometimes yeah yeah but i also

00:30:23.180 think we already know this like we all struggle with this and then where to from here i don't know

00:30:28.960 so many topics can be like that i know like so many articles could be like oh like opinion pieces

00:30:34.940 that you write could be like but we already know this yeah i just think we maybe have more tools

00:30:41.380 at at our disposal when you can i mean she has she ends up really nicely which is like you can

00:30:46.320 just like message your friend be like hey i received this but i'm quite busy at the moment

00:30:49.680 i'll get back to you later like this is what i mean at the end of the day it's quite simple yeah

00:30:53.500 i think we can kind of like not suck it up but we can work like we actually have the tools to do

00:30:58.960 something about it it's not like oh my god this is a problem that we're all forced into oh well

00:31:04.060 it's harder with other people like some people's jobs of course and like other commitments that

00:31:08.620 people have but i just think as well at the end of the day it could be as simple as turning off

00:31:13.340 your phone after work for a few hours like whatever right and of course I'm not going into like the

00:31:18.500 nuances of what people have going on in their own lives but maybe it's not as like all-consuming as

00:31:26.900 it is made out to be is that is that I feel like that is it's so insensitive to say sometimes but

00:31:33.800 like maybe I love you by the way Jess I'm taking your burnout thing so seriously and I can like I

00:31:40.100 know the toll it's taken on you so I don't want to I hope I'm not minimizing that

00:31:44.100 it's now time for bookmarked where we share a recommendation that we've been loving watching

00:31:55.500 reading or listening to this week Maggie what is yours I've got a throwback movie for us but

00:32:02.660 dare I say it wasn't really a throwback for me because I'd never heard of this movie and Jazz

00:32:06.940 just for some context she laughed when i put this in our shared doc okay so let me tell you what it

00:32:12.720 is the recommendation i have is the film called the click which is laughing why are you laughing

00:32:20.760 at me sorry go on it's a from 2008 and it is an american teen comedy drama guys i'd never heard of

00:32:29.400 this so some of you listening might be in jazz's boat laughing along at me but i had a friend of

00:32:35.800 the pod Ali Daisy King come over and we watch this this is like her kind of obsession like she's

00:32:42.980 watched it so much when she was younger she could quote every scene essentially and for those who

00:32:47.720 don't know what it's about like I didn't know let me give you a brief synopsis so essentially

00:32:53.380 the one of the main characters is 12 year old Massey and she's a leader of the pretty committee

00:32:59.680 a clique of popular girls at a at a school right then her dad tells her that one of his friends

00:33:07.700 is moving into their guest house with his wife and two kids and oh they've got a daughter her age

00:33:13.580 that girl Claire is going to also join her school Massey does not like Claire and essentially this

00:33:21.660 movie just follows a plot of Claire trying to fit in at school while the pretty committee

00:33:27.000 um i'm mean to her etc so it's kind of like mean girls okay but like preteen but preteens and so

00:33:33.660 preteens yeah anyway i literally non-ironically loved this so much and i'd never seen this or

00:33:41.580 heard of it before and i have to say some of the best fashion i've ever bloody seen i was like

00:33:46.880 needing to like pause being like oh my god incredible outfits so preppy so preppy but

00:33:51.820 the thing is it's like almost at 20 year um it's almost been 20 years since that movie came out and

00:33:56.900 trends often work in those 20 year cycles she has his face is freaking out realizing that i'm like 0.57

00:34:02.460 how was i in year seven and 20 years ago that's fucked yeah and it was just it was so funny it 0.67

00:34:08.640 was actually pretty well written it wasn't like just like there were a few things that i went like 0.76

00:34:13.060 about in terms of plot like it wasn't the most basic plot and i just found it really fun and i

00:34:19.400 and i rated it pretty bloody high four and a half stars wow but i did that for like my younger self

00:34:24.460 i was like she would have loved this i'm sad you didn't experience it at the time so sad i would

00:34:29.640 have loved it so much so the click for me is one of those movies i watched when i was younger yeah

00:34:35.340 when it came out and i haven't watched it as an adult because i don't want to ruin

00:34:39.540 what i remember it being you know when you do that and you're like oh this is actually bad and

00:34:44.940 like and now i'm never going to watch it again but i'm glad to hear that like you've seen it

00:34:48.960 for the first time as an adult and you enjoyed it yeah so i i'm able to revisit it truly um the

00:34:55.540 cultural significance of this film cannot be understated as well and we've actually got ali

00:35:00.940 daisy king to record us a voice note just summarizing like a few of her thoughts about

00:35:06.240 its relevance today she will actually have a youtube video about the film um later on on her

00:35:13.260 channel extra version which we will link down below but here's Ali. The click is cinematic

00:35:18.900 herstory. It's pretty much a gossip girl for middle schoolers in 2008. As a reader of all

00:35:24.100 of the books and the clickionary, yes it is a click dictionary, I can attest to how much of

00:35:28.720 an impact that this had on me personally. Instead of being asked which sex in the city character

00:35:32.660 you were as a nine-year-old, we would be inquiring if you were a Massey, Alicia, Kristen, Dylan or

00:35:38.060 god forbid a claire the outfits are all over my pinterest the soundtrack slaps tyra banks produced

00:35:44.640 it and i often find myself thinking about the irl friendship breakdown between kristen and alicia

00:35:48.760 post good luck charlie it's so wildflower by billy eilish coded i think that the click deserves its

00:35:54.080 flowers and so i in an upcoming video essay on my channel extra virgin aspire to plant a whole

00:35:58.980 garden for this cinematic masterpiece thanks so much ali for that now jazz it's time for your

00:36:05.520 recommendation what do you have for us today i am in my sub stack era at the moment i can't remember

00:36:11.060 if i've said that on the podcast before i recently found um my dad's old ipad that he gave me years

00:36:19.660 ago and it's so old like so so old i can't even update some apps like i can't go on instagram on 0.98

00:36:27.160 it it's that old but you know what works pinterest and sub stack great that's all a girl needs in

00:36:31.700 this life slow girl living exactly so i've been reading a lot of substack on my ipad maggie called

00:36:38.200 me an ipad baby this morning but there's one newsletter i read that i've kept thinking about

00:36:44.660 this week it's a very specific recommendation of where i'm at in my life so again this might be a

00:36:52.320 bit um it might not hit for everyone depending on where you're at but i just really like the

00:36:57.620 writing. So it's by the writer Ayushi Saka and the newsletter is called Milk and Cookies. It's

00:37:05.320 described as a weekly culture newsletter about books, home and inspiration. So it's a personal

00:37:10.580 essay really and it's titled is How to Want More Without Hating What You Have. So the writer is

00:37:16.480 kind of mulling on the quote emotional choreography of being both grateful and dissatisfied at the

00:37:23.220 same time in your life and it really resonated with me because I think I was raised to be very

00:37:30.320 grateful for what I already have like I do live a blessed life I have my health I have my home I

00:37:36.160 have my family like things are really good and especially when you've worked to get to a point

00:37:41.720 in your life like working for the last decade to get to where I am now I'm proud of where I've

00:37:48.240 grown in my career I'm about to get married saving for kind of big life milestones but then you still

00:37:55.940 have might still have that feeling of like but I'm not done yet like I want to keep going and how

00:38:01.760 do you make that feel like you're not rejecting what you've built and you're not rejecting your

00:38:07.240 old selves so it's just something that I read and I just keep thinking of different sentiments from

00:38:12.940 it throughout the week and to me that that means it's a good piece so I'll read a little bit out

00:38:18.120 now we don't talk enough about the grief of wanting about how longing can feel disloyal

00:38:23.800 especially when you have a life that looks full a partner a child a city that people romanticize

00:38:29.740 a fridge that holds your favorite yogurt a bookshelf you once dreamed of a set of daily

00:38:34.740 rhythms you fought hard to build there are mornings when I look around and think this is

00:38:39.220 what I always wanted and still there is a pull towards something else. And instead of honouring

00:38:44.360 that instinct, I shrink it. I smother it under to-do lists. I tell myself it's indulgent. I

00:38:50.280 convince myself that to want more would be to reject what I already have and that somehow would

00:38:55.800 make me a bad person. But that logic is flawed and it's exhausting because it treats desire like a

00:39:01.900 betrayal instead of a signal. It treats ambition like a threat to your moral character. It turns

00:39:07.800 growth into guilt. Some of this confusion is cultural. We're a generation that inherited

00:39:13.100 both the language of self-optimisation and the leftovers of post-war modesty. We are praised

00:39:19.200 for being driven but punished for being too aspirational. We are encouraged to dream but

00:39:24.300 only if we stay humble and likeable while doing it. But there's a difference between being humble

00:39:29.100 and being afraid, between being content and being silenced. And maybe the work is in learning to

00:39:35.180 name your wants without apology not because you're entitled to every dream but because you're allowed

00:39:40.520 to explore what life could feel like if you stopped editing yourself down to what others

00:39:44.900 can handle I think of desire now as a kind of internal compass I love that that's just a small

00:39:52.540 snippet like it's quite a long piece but it's really it's really existential and it's really

00:39:58.280 well written I think so much of that really resonates and I feel like she really gets to

00:40:02.860 the crux of kind of I think where a lot of us are at where we do um want to kind of dream of

00:40:11.180 something more but then maybe feel bad about that or I think that editing ourselves down line um

00:40:17.600 brings really true and even I don't know when we speak about things we want I feel like I'm always

00:40:22.700 like giving disclaimers oh but I'm so grateful oh blah blah blah which we've spoken about before

00:40:27.760 as well um but this was such a nice kind of like affirmation reaffirming of it all yeah totally

00:40:33.260 and just a reminder i like the reminder about like the internal compass like you should follow

00:40:38.060 the desires and we've spoken about some podcasts before like jealousy is actually a signifier of

00:40:44.340 maybe something that you want so rather than like rejecting it in yourself follow the jealousy

00:40:48.740 almost and think like okay well if they can do it like why can't i yeah reframing it from a purely

00:40:54.600 negative emotion because I think jealousy is so like taboo it's this green-eyed monster but seeing

00:41:00.660 how it can serve us in some ways as well and not just completely disregarding it or like trying to

00:41:07.320 jerk it away well that's all we have time for today I really enjoyed that chat it's so nice

00:41:15.360 to sit across from you yeah this has been so nice thank you listeners for joining us today

00:41:20.380 we really loved having you here we'll be back in your ears very soon until then keep well bye

Culture Club - July 07, 2025

Am I A Bad Friend If I Don't Reply To Your Message？

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