Culture Club - Who’s Got Time To Be A Good Friend？

00:00:00.000 celeb wedding season is here why are we all dressing the same and do you have the time

00:00:12.960 to be a good friend i'm maggie zhou and i'm jasmine wallace and you're listening to culture

00:00:18.080 club where we chat about pop culture current affairs the internet and our lives

00:00:23.440 today we are on the land of the Rwandri Woiwurrung people of the Kulin Nations

00:00:33.080 First Nations people have taken care of our lands and waterways for over 60,000 years and have been

00:00:39.300 sharing knowledge and culture through oral history from time immemorial we would like to pay our

00:00:45.300 respects to elders past and present and extend this to any Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander

00:00:50.780 listeners today hello it's nice to see you behind the mic again yes last week was a public holiday

00:01:02.660 here in victoria because of a sports ball event and yeah we had a nice off mic off work kind of

00:01:11.700 weekend did you it was a long weekend for you yes on the friday um my partner and i actually took

00:01:18.160 some engagement photos which was so wholesome um our friend kitch was behind the camera um because

00:01:24.860 she started her own wedding content business grand draw content it was so fun it was fun to

00:01:29.520 do something creative and to like recognize the engagement period because i think it's so easy

00:01:37.240 to just like get swept up in like wedding planning and thinking about photographers for the wedding

00:01:42.080 but to actually take we've never had like professional portrait like photos done together

00:01:45.960 either so it was good practice for the wedding yes if you want to see them they're on my personal

00:01:49.820 instagram jasmine sky but that was fun that was friday saturday watch the game how disappointing

00:01:55.420 but oh your partner is a swans fan as well how did he take the loss oh he's had a bit of a rough

00:02:04.540 week he like doesn't take things too to heart he's just been a bit more like a little bit more

00:02:09.520 glum and quiet i will say he was like oh thank god i can skip all the footy podcasts like he

00:02:15.140 usually listens to he's like i don't need to listen to any of that oh i have a like confession

00:02:21.220 apology though jazz and this will tie into a bigger conversation we're gonna have later in

00:02:26.500 this ep i just i actually felt myself going red when you mentioned the photos because i remember

00:02:30.520 seeing them while i was out and then i was like amazing and then in my um like state of being

00:02:37.140 like you know out with like socializing i actually haven't commented nor i don't even know if i've

00:02:42.800 actually like the photos and I feel like terrible because of that I low-key didn't notice okay good

00:02:51.300 okay good because it's obviously important beautiful photos and it's also you know your

00:02:56.280 engagement pics but it's also kitsch like my friend's photos anyway I will be hopping onto

00:03:01.840 that later and we will be discussing this friendship social media dilemma in more detail

00:03:06.480 later on as well a little sizzle keen for that but let's get into the episode i think we need

00:03:14.100 to do a little revisit to a story that we spoke about a few months ago and the update is that

00:03:21.640 tasmania's museum of old and new art or mona has won an appeal in the state supreme court

00:03:28.540 in a bid to continue barring men from entering an installation known as the ladies lounge

00:03:34.940 this is probably one of the most iconic local news stories that has come out of Australia

00:03:41.640 this year I would like to throw my hat in the ring for that it's one of my favorite stories

00:03:45.780 because you've been I've been in Mona there is like a secluded um like curtain off section that

00:03:53.400 only women are allowed in um there's famously Picasso in there as well as some other notable

00:03:59.400 artworks and then just as a really quick recap a sydney man lol like sued them or whatever he like

00:04:07.400 filed a complaint serious complaint that he had been discriminated against um due to his gender

00:04:14.080 and i am so glad to hear that the supreme court found the ladies lounge i actually qualified for

00:04:23.260 an exemption from the state's Anti-Discrimination Act, stating that, you know, we're allowed to

00:04:29.580 have discrimination in this instance because the intention behind the action is to promote

00:04:34.500 equal opportunity for a group of people who are disadvantaged, right? Like women have been

00:04:39.880 notoriously barred from spaces like this. Yeah. It's such a big story. And I just love that. 0.99

00:04:48.420 i'm really glad that the supreme court like recognize this because i think it is a good

00:04:54.120 moment for like equal rights and what about all the men's clubs like over the decades who

00:05:01.160 they have their spaces but it's just because we have our own that it's like this is discrimination

00:05:07.460 embarrassing but i'm really glad that they won and the uh creator of this artwork space is just

00:05:16.000 like iconic to like the like the most iconic person ever we actually posted a video that was

00:05:22.960 posted by SBS on our Instagram about like her response to this um like success and it's just

00:05:29.060 just so funny she's like yeah they have found us to be exceptional and like blah blah she's so good

00:05:35.420 she even had this statement where she was like I have enjoyed every minute of this process like

00:05:40.260 just so good oh it's not this whole I would say this whole lawsuit etc has been an artwork in

00:05:49.540 itself celebrity wedding season is upon us once again I feel like it is kind of a 365 day thing

00:06:01.920 but there have been two major celeb weddings recently let's kick off with Lana Del Rey

00:06:08.200 I'm obsessed with her wedding and just the whole lore as well Lana Del Rey married an alligator

00:06:15.520 tour guide Jeremy Dufresne in Louisiana it was affectionately titled swamp wedding online which

00:06:23.060 I low-key love and the pair exchanged vows in the same bay where Jeremy operates his tours from

00:06:29.840 so like if you've seen the pictures what I love is like it's literally off a major highway so you

00:06:36.300 know like a highway the freeway the monash freeway or whatever like a highway like that and then you

00:06:41.980 just veer off like turn off one street not even and there's just like a swamp and like a bay and

00:06:48.940 that's where they got married it's just so lana del rey it is and the thing is their relationship

00:06:55.000 has been so quick but also has had some history to it so kind of what we've seen just for some

00:07:03.400 background is in august this year they were spotted at reading and leeds festival um and

00:07:08.980 then they were seen in a tiktok video like holding hands there have also been photos of them at a pub

00:07:14.680 as well but they first kind of connected on social media or we saw of them on social media in 2019

00:07:21.680 so it's not like they met a month ago and started a relationship and got married within a month

00:07:27.440 although i wouldn't put that past lana like we've all seen the ride music video but yeah i

00:07:33.280 love this for her one funny bit of discourse though is like teenagers online being like the

00:07:38.720 age gap and because she's 39 and he's 49 it's like these are two very much adults that's so

00:07:47.080 funny but yeah they actually supposedly met in 2019 when she took a tour one of his tours

00:07:52.900 and i just am obsessed with this she also supposedly thrifted her wedding dress so

00:07:58.980 go lana sustainable queen on the other end of the spectrum i feel we also got the pictures this week

00:08:07.200 of millie bobby brown and jake bon jovi of course john bon jovi's son um they got married back in

00:08:15.060 may in italy and the photos were just stunning i have a bone to pick though because the photos

00:08:21.860 that millie actually posted on her instagram they're obviously the most incredible beautiful

00:08:26.520 photos and they're obviously quite hd but when she posted them they weren't like um i don't know

00:08:32.220 that how to use the terminology but it wasn't formatted for web essentially and they're blurry

00:08:36.700 as hell have you seen i went to repost them i didn't notice i know i'm just i'm like scratching

00:08:43.520 my head yeah this one of them in the garden together like you zoom in and it's yeah girl

00:08:49.100 fully pixelated i'm like honey do you reckon it's for a magazine or something

00:08:54.360 potentially but like why like i looked at um like her photographer's instagram and other people

00:09:02.020 involved in the wedding their photos are nice and crisp so amelia's just kind of gone rogue

00:09:06.280 and she's just like whatever and you know what it's got 8.7 million likes at the moment i don't

00:09:13.520 think people care no no we just care because we worked we work in media so it's like everything

00:09:19.660 has to be perfect the pictures of the flowers as well were insane I want to see the bill but I think

00:09:28.860 it would be in the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on flowers alone yeah which

00:09:32.320 if you can do that then you should do that like if I was a multi-millionaire I would also spend

00:09:38.920 that much money, but I'm going to be like, let's go to the market in the morning and pick some

00:09:44.280 flowers from the garden for my wedding. Which I love, but yeah, it's so obvious that you're

00:09:49.540 in bride mentality because you're like, what's the bill of the flowers? I didn't even notice the

00:09:54.160 flowers. Why are we all dressing the same? That's a question that Australian trend forecaster

00:10:06.160 Lucinda Pickett has put forth on TikTok this week. She went on TikTok and pointed out a lot

00:10:14.820 of local and international brands, both on like fast fashion and high end spectrum that are

00:10:20.520 essentially kind of releasing very similar collections. So think like beige cardigans,

00:10:27.240 think tailored trench coats. And we want to talk about whether this is happening and if it is,

00:10:33.560 why I 100% think this is so true I've seen a few TikToks come off my feed talking about the same

00:10:41.540 thing and I feel like even people who like are content creators who engage in fashion quite a

00:10:47.720 lot are also even though they might be advertising these brands they're feeling the same way or

00:10:53.760 they're saying the same thing of like I don't know where to shop anymore I've actually stopped

00:10:58.940 enjoyed shopping as much like do you remember back in the day I know it's I think it's different

00:11:05.320 because when you're a teenager you're so excited to like have your own money and like go to the

00:11:09.660 shops with your friends remember you just like used to go shopping and like browse like for no

00:11:14.680 reason oh yeah just like wander around and try things on just for fun like I'm just gonna go

00:11:19.820 shopping today I don't think I've done that in a good like five years I don't know if it's a

00:11:25.600 COVID thing stopped you know the habit circuit breaker if it's getting older if it's becoming

00:11:32.000 more aware of like climate change and consumption issues maybe a combo of all three but I think this

00:11:38.940 conversation is specifically about TikTok right and how TikTok is making the trends go faster

00:11:46.000 and then also I think we're like mirroring one another so I'm kind of in two minds about this

00:11:52.520 because at the start when I was like first looking at this topic, I'm like, well, trends have like

00:11:58.340 always existed. Brands do mirror each other. Like also pulling out examples like, oh, they're making

00:12:05.700 a Cardi and they're making a trench coat. Like these are quite like regular wardrobe staples.

00:12:10.100 But then like, as you're speaking, like I totally see what you mean. So for instance,

00:12:15.140 there's a fashion brand called Unison. It was French Connections rebrand, right?

00:12:18.780 and it looks like every other brand kind of out there and I told like you're so right I do remember

00:12:25.840 um going around like shopping centers as um like a teenager and like you'd see for revenue you'd

00:12:31.860 see dotty you'd see yeah whatever JJ's and everything is kind of molding into like a very

00:12:38.260 like similar vibe yeah and it's not even an exciting vibe it's actually clothes that I wear

00:12:46.080 quite often when you were like trench coats and cardigans and stuff yeah I love them girl love

00:12:50.300 yeah you know they are staples for a reason especially when you work in an office and like

00:12:55.840 you don't have time to think about like things that you know deeply well me anyway I'd rather

00:13:01.580 spend 15 minutes sleeping in than like putting together an outfit but it's becoming this like

00:13:06.900 weird uh corporate yeah there's lots of linen everywhere as well so it's either like you're

00:13:15.780 at a resort or you're like in the corporate office no in-between babe yeah you don't get

00:13:23.520 an in-between the in-between brands that i love are overseas as well like damson matter and

00:13:31.120 brands like that that actually feel fresh and exciting and then i just feel really guilty about

00:13:36.920 like the the carbon it takes to like ship something from overseas and also like obviously

00:13:43.320 buying new clothes god it's hard the trend forecaster lucinda also was talking about how

00:13:48.720 like their rise in minimal style also could be indicative of course of like our cost of living

00:13:54.040 crisis and recession core and that you know for australian fashion brands right now um so many

00:14:00.720 of them are struggling so many brands have shut their doors recently and that perhaps it is safer

00:14:06.000 to focus on like classic staples and wardrobe essentials which i i definitely see as well but

00:14:13.040 it is fascinating because she pulled out like screenshots and screenshots of various brands and

00:14:18.580 sometimes like you can't even tell the difference like when you're quickly going through them yeah

00:14:23.160 we'll share the tiktok in our show notes as well if you want to see the visuals for yourself

00:14:27.480 you actually posted two things this week alone about this topic I guess and one was a picture

00:14:35.160 of an op shop and you were like why does this op shop look like a regular shop is that what you

00:14:41.360 yeah that is what I said I was in Brighton lol so the bay side of Melbourne so a rich suburb

00:14:48.020 and the racks were full of seemingly new quite high quality garments and it just kind of freaked

00:14:56.460 me out because I'm like how are we all just getting rid of our clothes when they look this

00:15:00.340 new and they're so wearable and you know it just it's a bit frightening and I think that we need

00:15:06.660 to stop using like just donate your clothes if you don't want them anymore as like a catch-all

00:15:12.420 thing for like decluttering and you're like justifying your consumption habits because

00:15:18.340 the op shops are getting so full and also so full of like fast fashion yeah in australia only 10 to

00:15:28.240 15 percent of clothes are actually sold in op shops so it's like it's not a perfect solution at all

00:15:34.060 the other thing you posted this week was that fast fashion when you used to buy it you started

00:15:40.300 getting gifted things as like a young influencer it actually hurt your sense of personal style

00:15:46.280 and i'd love for you to expand on that if you could of course i was going through my instagram

00:15:54.360 feed like scrolling to the bottom of it a couple weeks ago because i've had it since january 2013

00:16:00.720 13th so I can really see the archive of my style and what I found interesting was yes there were

00:16:06.940 a few years in there where I was like cringing at like my filter uses and like what I was wearing

00:16:12.940 this is when I was being gifted fast fashion clothing because I'm like oh I actually don't

00:16:16.980 like what I'm wearing it doesn't align with my style and that was for like I expected to think

00:16:21.960 that but what I didn't expect to think was when I kept scrolling so pre that era I really liked

00:16:28.780 what I was wearing and I felt really connected to my style. And that would have been my early

00:16:33.340 teen years. So when I was really big into like Tumblr and starting to develop who I was and

00:16:39.280 developing my music tastes and whatnot. So it was a really surprising thing seeing that. And then

00:16:47.440 it really kind of emboldened me. And I was like, oh, like I've already, I've known what my style

00:16:52.880 has been like, like a decade ago. And it just felt like kind of nice and reassuring. Like,

00:16:58.300 oh like I do think about my personal style quite a bit nowadays and I'm like oh am I there yet like

00:17:03.920 what is it but looking back at those old pics I was like oh no I think I'm on the right path

00:17:08.560 I love that I also wanted to ask like the mainstream or like the hot we call them high

00:17:15.020 street stores I guess are really uninspiring at the moment as we've discussed so where do you

00:17:21.600 find inspiration for style because I tend to get like a lot of decision fatigue over fashion

00:17:28.420 um also like clothes in high street stores often don't fit me properly because I'm like

00:17:37.100 quite small waisted but then have big boobs up top so like things dresses and things like are just

00:17:43.540 really not great like well made for me and my body so I struggle to find inspiration and if I

00:17:50.880 do it's on like celebrities uh or you know like emin chamberlain or people like that and they're

00:17:58.340 wearing like full-on designer clothes which obviously are made well and that's why they

00:18:02.680 fit so well but yes my question after that meandering tour was where do you find inspiration

00:18:08.600 for your style oh my god i love this kind of mini q and a but um i mean i do get a lot of

00:18:16.740 inspo from like the internet to be very frank. So other like influences in our orbit, people who

00:18:24.900 come to mind are like Carmen as a party. I love Keely style, a lot of local Australians. And then

00:18:31.800 I really just take what I like from what I see and then try to translate that into my existing

00:18:38.300 wardrobe. Wait, there's something I was going to make a TikTok about this. I don't know if it's

00:18:42.400 savage though so maybe you and the audience can tell me right so a little challenge I like a game

00:18:49.060 I play with myself is when I'm in public I and I'll like look at people's outfits right and

00:18:55.360 whoever they are doesn't matter if it's like a businessman doesn't mean doesn't matter if it's

00:18:59.340 like a 70 year old lady in my head of course I say something in my head I think I think something I

00:19:06.060 like about the outfit and something that I don't like or I would change that's so it sounds savage

00:19:10.980 what do you think i don't think it's savage i think it's interesting because you're observing

00:19:16.120 the world around you when like i feel because of the way we live our lives on screens now

00:19:22.040 people are so in their own head and their own world and it's a really bad habit of mine but

00:19:27.940 i can walk and like be on my phone at the same time and so often i'm like i have to reply to

00:19:33.940 this message right now whatever do this look at slack or whatever um so often i'm not really like

00:19:39.760 looking like that closely at strangers on the street so I think it's quite endearing actually

00:19:45.540 and creative and it's probably very good for your brain I do it as like an exercise to like it's

00:19:52.900 like a fashion muscle that I'm exercising being like okay what do I actually like and what don't

00:19:58.180 I like or on the flip side of that it's like I can find something good and bad or bad is a very

00:20:03.680 strong word but something I like and dislike about somebody's outfit and a lot of these people again

00:20:08.580 aren't people that would probably consider themselves fashionable or even interested

00:20:12.840 in fashion, but everyone is a part of it. So anyway, I like doing that too. Judging strangers.

00:20:21.060 One thing I did when I started thinking about wedding dresses as well, because I was so

00:20:26.800 overwhelmed. I'm not one of those girls who had like ever really thought about what the style I

00:20:31.660 wanted to wear. And so when, before I went for my first couple of appointments, I actually thought

00:20:37.660 about what don't I like in a dress and like what would I am immediately like know to and then I

00:20:44.640 ended up with like a little sample of things that I do like in a wedding dress or would feel

00:20:51.300 comfortable wearing and then like go from there so I feel like it sometimes can be good to work

00:20:55.380 backwards as well like okay what trends don't I like and that must mean that I do enjoy these

00:21:00.620 trends so then I can focus on that so it's a work in progress oh I love that take

00:21:05.340 a tweet did the rounds recently by writer sherry ning and it stated the weirdest effect instagram

00:21:16.560 has had on culture is that it has created this genre of friends you keep in touch with

00:21:21.040 not by talking to them but by entertaining them you don't exchange ideas you exchange

00:21:26.060 things to laugh at together you're not really friends but your images are i've probably seen

00:21:31.340 this now like three times or something every time it shocks me I just have such a like like

00:21:37.880 quite an intense reaction to it and I don't know what that reaction really is it's like yes it's

00:21:43.360 true but oh like that's really like strange to look at it this way I think when I first saw it

00:21:49.880 I was like oh that's interesting and kind of true because one thing I've been struggling with I

00:21:56.940 guess maybe struggling with is too hard of like big of a thing but one thing i've been thinking

00:22:02.620 about with social media is you kind of like a collecting followers right especially if you have

00:22:08.540 like a personal page which this my account has been my account since 2013 so it's got high school

00:22:16.200 friends friends who i lived with in london um friends i worked with in hospitality over the

00:22:22.000 like all sorts of people who are all watching your life unfold I guess and like in reality

00:22:30.040 we're not friends anymore because time has made our paths different and that's okay

00:22:36.600 but these people still know about my life which I think is what I took from this quote as well

00:22:42.740 of like it's like the friendship of keeping in touch is different with social media oh I like

00:22:49.620 that the way i kind of looked at it was like oh i had this vision of all of us being like clowns

00:22:55.920 performing to each other on a stage like we're just like performing which um i feel like obviously

00:23:02.320 feels quite inauthentic and like doesn't feel very genuine in terms of friendship

00:23:07.460 but i feel like a lot of the comments on the twitter thread uh showed people's diverse ways

00:23:14.280 of thinking of this so one user wrote sharing things to laugh at together sounds kind of like

00:23:19.380 storytelling, which has existed since we have. The empty feeling isn't from Instagram. It's from

00:23:24.580 not sharing physical space with them when they consume it. I agree with that as well. Like if

00:23:31.440 you send your partner like TikToks in the day when you're both in the office or whatever,

00:23:36.680 and then compared to like at the end of the night, like going through like, oh, I sent you this,

00:23:42.800 let's go through them. Or like, isn't this funny? That's so much more connected, right?

00:23:46.900 yeah so that's the thing i don't send any to tom i like i'm so i'm a i'm a like gatherer you know

00:23:53.340 i like collect them to show at night it's like i've collected the nuts for us tonight to look

00:23:58.140 through um so you're right about that but then i'm thinking about my other friendships and i don't

00:24:03.140 think they're really lessened by like sharing memes with each other and stuff it's not like

00:24:07.460 it's like if me and you only communicated by that and then didn't talk in real life like

00:24:11.780 obviously that's different but it's nice like a company like a little sorry i was just thinking

00:24:17.780 like out in an event and like not talking to you but if we'd been sending memes to each other all

00:24:24.380 day like that's so yeah sherry expanded on this idea in her newsletter titled stop looking at

00:24:31.120 each other you're lonely because you're over connected it reads we often compare social

00:24:36.780 media to Orwell's surveillance state of 1984, but here's what's different about our telescreens.

00:24:42.740 Our screens do not exist to monitor us, but for us to monitor others. The tyranny of social media

00:24:48.740 is hard to detect because it doesn't force us to create an account, post a picture, or film a vlog.

00:24:54.460 Instead, we join a new app because all our friends are there. It's the fear of missing out. It's the

00:24:59.540 lack of third spaces. It's the sneaky opportunity to gather more information about a crush, a job

00:25:04.900 applicant or a frenemy behind their back we congregate at the meta town square to look at

00:25:09.840 each other social media lures taking advantage of our fomo and loneliness while making them worse

00:25:16.140 i do think there are things to take from this like type of talking about social media but i i think

00:25:25.100 there is also a new wave of hot takes and internet discourse that makes me feel quite powerless

00:25:33.660 against big tech and it's like what sherry was saying above i feel is true to an extent

00:25:42.500 but also we do have some sort of agency over this and we can choose to not monitor each other on

00:25:54.020 social media or we can choose to like be a little bit more disconnected i know it's getting harder

00:25:57.660 and harder I always said that like the biggest luxury in like from now and for as of like probably

00:26:03.800 five years ago is being offline like the amount that people pay to go on wellness retreats or to

00:26:09.900 go to a cabin I went to a cabin at the start of the year with my partner and the whole point is

00:26:15.140 like it was an unyoked cabin and the whole point is that you're like away you're off the grid you're

00:26:19.620 away from society and I wrote about it on pedestrian as well but those cabins retail for

00:26:25.640 like you have to spend minimum two nights there if you're going on a weekend and it's like 250

00:26:31.280 to like 300 per night so that's like a luxury now so right about that i i feel like i had to

00:26:38.320 take a moment after like reading this newsletter because i love looking at the intersection of

00:26:43.780 tech and culture like i really love these social media conversations but this it felt like really

00:26:50.460 big statements to make and ones that I'm not sure just like encompasses everyone's personal

00:26:56.920 relationship with social media. Because I do think so many of our friends are so connected online,

00:27:01.680 but we also have really, really thriving friendships and it doesn't have to be

00:27:07.660 Orwellian like this. I totally get, as you said, like big tech has such a hold and I'm not like

00:27:15.320 denying that. But then I don't know if this is like the full picture, especially for a lot of

00:27:21.920 people who like our listeners who like might not have public accounts and then they just have

00:27:27.020 accounts, you know, to talk to their friends. This notion kind of relates to a Days article

00:27:32.940 that was published this week by Laura Pitcher titled, Does Anyone Have Time to Be a Good Friend

00:27:38.620 Anymore? So the article begins with Laura saying that she recently asked a friend,

00:27:43.320 do you ever wish you could take two weeks of annual leave from seeing or socializing with

00:27:47.540 anyone? She goes on to explain that while she's a social butterfly, recently Laura has been craving

00:27:53.380 to spend every spare moment, quote, lying vertically at home, which has been a relatively

00:27:58.500 new but increasing occurrence. So she says, I cherish my deeply fulfilling friendships and I

00:28:05.060 strongly believe in the importance of nurturing my relationships even when I'm tired. Still,

00:28:10.540 I often feel like I have no hours to spare after showing up for all of the week's commitments.

00:28:16.100 I realized I wasn't craving space away from loved ones, but the ability to feel energized

00:28:20.940 enough to relish in their company, more time to truly enjoy my friendships.

00:28:26.180 Another interesting part of the article is Laura referencing a study by Colorado State University

00:28:31.860 that says Americans have an average of four or five friends, and that has been the same since

00:28:37.920 the 1970s but now americans only spend three hours per week with them compared to six hours

00:28:45.240 just a decade ago so in other words the growing loneliness epidemic is not about people having

00:28:51.580 less friends but it's actually a byproduct of having quote no time to foster the deep connections

00:28:58.200 i was watching friends the other day with laurie sorry millennial giveaway

00:29:03.180 no i love friends and i obviously it's a tv show and it's fictional i'm sure even in the 90s people

00:29:11.840 like do these people ever go to work like the percentage of time that hanging out at each

00:29:15.800 other's houses is so much more but it just made me feel a bit like nostalgic or something for

00:29:21.500 i guess like university life when you were like it was almost like a constant having friends like

00:29:29.700 in high school as well of like the constant hangout or like spending weekends you remember

00:29:34.520 when you're a teenager and you would spend like a whole weekend with your friend doing like

00:29:38.080 nothing like just doing whatever you wanted to do and now I guess it's just like being an adult but

00:29:44.740 it feels very different how many friends do you think you see on an average week

00:29:50.940 probably gonna be like how many friends do you have and I'm like wow

00:29:55.660 look I think I know you're going to bring up something very similar but because we attend

00:30:06.820 quite a few like industry events in our week and we have a lot of friends who work in similar

00:30:12.240 industries to us we are very lucky to be able to see friends through that avenue because if I was

00:30:18.160 going to take that out of the equation um and yeah obviously we're not counting our partners here

00:30:23.920 um how many friends would I see maybe like oh one to two yeah maybe I think the same I think the

00:30:33.860 same I think I'll do like one weekly one dinner in the week maybe but that's often replaced by an

00:30:41.520 industry event and then Saturday morning I try to schedule something in and that's with friends who

00:30:47.080 i haven't seen for a little while so not friends who i would see either at work or at work worky

00:30:52.800 events like media events people who might not work in the industry and will like go for brunch so i'm

00:30:57.180 trying to like get better at scheduling my weekends which sounds depressing but it is actually helping

00:31:02.380 me feel less overwhelmed by almost having a structure of my weekend when did you come to that

00:31:08.360 conclusion where you decided that okay like saturday mornings are going to be for like

00:31:13.180 nourishing the friendships I don't see often it's really recent it was actually spurred on by

00:31:19.200 my collab I guess with Good Times Pilates so I posted about that on my feed recently

00:31:24.960 this week and it was about like making time for yourself but because I live south side and that

00:31:30.500 studio is north side I was getting up to make the most of this membership I had I was getting up on

00:31:36.580 a Saturday morning at like eight o'clock when normally I might be used to be like a bit more

00:31:40.760 lazy like with my weekends getting eight o'clock and then i was in fitzroy which is like my favorite

00:31:46.000 like one of my favorite suburbs in melbourne and so then i would make a point to be like well i'm

00:31:50.220 up i'm out of the house i've just done a pilates class so i'm like buzzing with like endorphins

00:31:54.820 yeah so i will like schedule in a friendship hangout afterwards so it's really only been

00:32:00.220 two three months but i think i'm going to try to keep the habit going for example tomorrow i'm

00:32:04.480 going to the south melbourne markets with grace to get a coffee seeing you in the arvo for the

00:32:09.580 substance that I'm so excited for so to get back to the topic I think scheduling in friendship

00:32:16.880 sounds depressing but it's actually helping me to find the time not depressing at all I mean one of

00:32:25.040 the biggest uh arguments for a four-day work week how many times I bring that up on this podcast

00:32:31.080 is how like imagine if we had three days off and one day is dedicated to like friendships and like

00:32:38.420 nurturing social connections one day is um for yourself and like relaxing sorry I think I'm

00:32:45.560 forgetting something else but another day I think it's like admin and housework and like

00:32:49.100 yeah kind of like life stuff like it's so hard to do everything in like the the given two days

00:32:57.520 yes 100 you're really good at making me feel less guilty for it as well about like

00:33:03.960 always reminding you and I'm like oh my god like I haven't done my housework or like

00:33:09.040 I haven't seen this person I feel so bad and you're always like girl you have a full-time job

00:33:15.000 and you know responsibilities and stuff um another notion around friendship that's been coming up for

00:33:20.780 me on my feed recently as well is this idea of hanging out with your friends and forcing yourself

00:33:27.700 to make plans with people even when you're tired obviously disclaimer if you have a chronic illness

00:33:35.220 if it will impact your health that's different but i think i think that it was spurred on by

00:33:42.640 this tiktok being like go to work tired like why should your job have all of your energy

00:33:49.680 like your why does your boss need all of your like 150 and it's not saying don't do a good job at

00:33:58.340 work that's not what it's saying it's just saying maybe stay out an extra hour and yeah you might

00:34:04.780 not feel 100 great but you've made those memories like i went out last night until 11 ish got home

00:34:12.520 at 12 was asleep at 12 30 work from home today so i was able to sleep in till 8 so i still got

00:34:18.260 like seven eight hours and I saw so many different friends and like had these really nice connections

00:34:23.720 with multiple different people even though I was fading a bit and I'm feel a bit tired today I'm

00:34:30.420 like that was actually worth it I think this also intersects with the wellness thing that

00:34:37.500 TikTok is perpetuating of like everyone trying to work to their optimum or everyone being their

00:34:42.860 optimal selves which includes like going to bed at 9 p.m and like making sure you're in the gym

00:34:49.920 every single morning like we're not robots and I think that is something that is actually impacting

00:34:55.220 our friendships of like oh well I can't feel like tired or whatever why should your work get all of

00:35:02.040 you god that is such a good point I hadn't heard it being put that way before this was actually one

00:35:08.220 of my uh pseudo like new year's resolutions of like okay I had okay this was too bold but I was

00:35:14.540 like yeah it's gonna be my year of debauchery no it wasn't but I um used some of that mentality

00:35:23.180 to like inform how I act this year and I used to be someone that yeah first leave places

00:35:31.140 always prioritize like sleep and kind of introvertedness um but this year I've pushed

00:35:38.460 past that and it's like no like yeah things are okay if you get a bit less sleep like it's okay

00:35:43.160 if like things are a bit more messy and stuff yeah so I love that it's kind of like a bit about

00:35:50.560 giving up control as well which I think is a byproduct of capitalism because it's like

00:35:56.260 you can win the game right if you have self-control and you get up earlier and you put in the work to

00:36:03.760 be a better self then you will win the game of capitalism like so it's kind of radical it kind

00:36:10.260 of is the days article also references this and in it laura interviewed a young woman named juliana

00:36:18.460 who says that she has in an internal battle which i think we all feel between prioritizing

00:36:25.780 productivity and enjoying shared experiences and feels like we often give into the machine's

00:36:31.560 demand, which is kind of what I was just saying. Juliana said, I think it's tricked us into

00:36:36.920 thinking isolation and hyper-independence as self-preservation, but together is the only way

00:36:42.480 to survive. And in the piece, Laura also writes, many of us, myself included, have become all too

00:36:49.440 accustomed to swiftly replying to our bosses by leaving our loved ones waiting for days, weeks,

00:36:54.780 or months on the basis that they'll understand after all they're in the exact same boat we swear

00:37:00.220 we'll do the game night or proper catch-up once the deadlines wane but they never do and convince

00:37:06.320 ourselves that next month will somehow be different after we rest and recover alone

00:37:10.740 we'll finally have the time to be a friend it is now time for recommendations chas what is something

00:37:21.800 that you've read, watched, or listened to recently that you loved? A couple of weeks ago, I read the

00:37:27.480 book Woo Woo by Ella Baxter. It's the second novel by the Australian author. She was actually

00:37:34.100 interviewed on Fashion Journal recently by Sasha Gadamire, if you want to read more about Ella.

00:37:40.900 But the book is about an artist named Sabine. This is set in Melbourne and her new exhibition,

00:37:47.520 fuck you help me is about to open but the milestone isn't the only thing causing Sabine to melt down 0.95

00:37:55.640 the artist is actually being stalked and as the day to exhibition gets closer so does her stalker 0.98

00:38:03.720 and it was actually inspired by Elle's own experience of stalking it's a pretty well it's

00:38:09.040 very a symbolic book it feels like a fever dream when you're reading it but it was really easy to

00:38:16.120 read as well I like read half I read it in two sittings and read half of it on the couch like

00:38:23.200 on a Sunday afternoon I really really enjoyed Ella's writing and the way she describes the

00:38:30.880 art world as well especially for someone who's not in it so I think if you're into like literary

00:38:36.300 fiction and especially if you like a Melbourne based story then you might like woo woo oh this

00:38:44.500 one's on my tbr pile and i am really excited to read this one can i be annoying and also jump in

00:38:52.280 with like a pseudo recommendation uh because randomly recently i've read two australian

00:38:59.080 uh fiction books at center on the art world as well so so there's a big through line through

00:39:05.120 all of this uh the one i really loved was called appreciation by liam piper so another one oh

00:39:12.200 yeah grace bella and i saw him speak at the melbourne writers festival with brie lee

00:39:19.320 how was that yeah it was really good i mean he gave up the vibe of like creative genius

00:39:25.700 man thing but the conversation between him and brie was really good and so you liked the book

00:39:33.240 i did i didn't know much about him i also don't read that many books by male authors but i really

00:39:39.480 enjoyed this and i didn't realize that he himself is a ghost writer for a lot of other like big

00:39:45.520 memoirs because this book also centers on a ghost writer and it it checked out more when i read more

00:39:52.520 about him afterwards interesting well we just did two book recommendations in one but you have

00:40:00.640 another yeah what have you enjoyed reading recently i recently just finished the rachel

00:40:06.720 Incident by Caroline O'Donoghue. She is one of my favorite authors. She is the host of Sentimental

00:40:14.920 Garbage as well. And she's just an incredible Irish author. She is just so funny. Anyway,

00:40:21.580 a very quick synopsis of this is this book is set in Ireland and it follows Rachel,

00:40:28.540 who is a young uni student. She works in a bookstore and then she meets her best friend

00:40:34.580 there who works there his name is James he's gay and they quickly yeah become best friends and

00:40:40.300 live together Rachel falls for her married professor bloody I've read so many so many

00:40:48.840 books that this storyline um but then things kind of take a turn is what I will say I just think

00:40:56.780 yeah Caroline's writing is so funny I just kept laughing out loud and yeah loved it is she very

00:41:04.220 similar to Dolly Alderton. She is. I almost think I prefer Caroline's writing. I've read two or

00:41:10.160 three of her books now. But yes, very, very similar. Of course, they are good friends in

00:41:15.580 real life too. Dolly got a shout out in the acknowledgements. Well, I only heard good things

00:41:23.620 about the Rachel incident. So I think I'll have to read it as well. Thank you so much for tuning

00:41:29.740 in to another episode of culture club thank you so much for listening and we really appreciate you

00:41:37.040 and we'll talk to you next time bye

Culture Club - October 07, 2024

Who’s Got Time To Be A Good Friend？

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