Culture Study Podcast - Strong Opinions About Trivial Sh＊t

00:00:00.000 Hey everyone, it's Anne. We've got a few recordings coming up, so I wanted to let you know what

00:00:05.440 they are so that you can submit your questions. We need more. We're working on an episode

00:00:09.200 with Hannah McGregor about what happened to the kind of blockbuster movie that brings

00:00:13.880 everyone together, like Summer Blockbuster, Thanksgiving Blockbuster, and for context,

00:00:18.760 Hannah just released a book about Jurassic Park. We're also working on an episode about

00:00:23.280 trends happening on BookTok, so if you see something while you're scrolling that you

00:00:27.280 want an explainer on, or if you just want to know like more about book talk, let us know. And we're

00:00:32.500 also doing some star image analysis on Nicole Kidman, who I love. So definitely need your

00:00:37.840 questions and reactions on her career. Sam Sanders is going to join us for that one. And then we're

00:00:42.320 continuing our series on romance novels with an episode on all things queer romance. And as always,

00:00:48.920 if none of those topics sound like a good time to you, let us know what would sound like a good

00:00:53.480 time. We're planning our future episodes now, so you can always submit your show and guest ideas

00:00:58.960 at tinyurl.com slash culturestudypod. We literally cannot make this show without you,

00:01:05.400 so thanks in advance for chiming in. Okay, on with the show.

00:01:13.780 This is the Culture Study Podcast, and I'm Anne Helen Peterson.

00:01:17.380 And I'm Krista Burton. I wrote a book called Moby Dyke, an obsessive quest to track down the last lesbian bars in America. 0.57

00:01:26.360 And I also write a newsletter called Oh Kaftin, My Kaftin, where I go off about very minuscule things in daily life. 0.97

00:01:35.540 OK, so this is a great setup for the idea for this episode, which is strong opinions about trivial shit. 0.91

00:01:42.180 Where where did that come from? 0.98

00:01:44.180 Why did you want to talk about strong opinions about trivial shit? 0.99

00:01:48.480 There's a couple reasons. Number one, we all have to deal with big stuff all the time. 0.99

00:01:54.500 We're surrounded by big stuff, but what we're living in is tiny stuff. And our day-to-day

00:02:02.020 lives don't get a lot of attention. And I like to discuss the minutiae of the day-to-day. And

00:02:09.140 I also think that that's where the the most fun conversational like stuff with your friends comes

00:02:15.700 from is like you will not believe what happened to me today you know I like to talk about things

00:02:19.400 like etiquette and mores and things that are like norms in society and like at a very tiny level I

00:02:27.420 also like to uh yell complain about things that bother me that are small and uh really really

00:02:34.520 strongly recommend things that i truly love so that's why this helps explain why i have such

00:02:42.020 an addiction to our little islands next door page so we don't have a facebook group or anything like

00:02:48.060 that the next door page it's much less toxic than most people's next doors but it is filled

00:02:55.640 with people talking about etiquette basically island etiquette like you will love this there

00:03:02.620 is a sign that people put out in the summer and it's drive islandly um like drive in a way that

00:03:10.780 it's basically a sign to tell tourists to not drive like you're driving down the interstate

00:03:17.340 um and instead drive very carefully like there's deer all over the island there's also like

00:03:22.980 cats and kids and so whenever someone whenever I'm driving somewhere I'm like oh am I driving

00:03:29.540 islandly right now um but there is also a constant argument about the way that we load the ferry and

00:03:37.340 like oh did this person observe the norms about how we how we load the ferry because it's like

00:03:43.920 very complicated this threading mechanism and if you're not from here you might not know and what

00:03:50.060 do you do if there is someone who doesn't know and then do you cut in front of them because they're

00:03:54.700 just like not paying attention so the next door is all about that and like how fast people are

00:04:02.460 going whether or not cats should be let outside just as a general rule that sort of thing i would

00:04:09.080 be addicted to that next door situation i would love to read that like that's exactly what i like

00:04:15.380 ultimately yeah things that are like ultimately somewhat trivial right like yeah are you going

00:04:20.640 to be the next person in line on the ferry although also was just huge huge argument last

00:04:26.580 year this person has since moved off the island about whether you should feed the deer the answer

00:04:30.840 is no you should not know the deer but see i knew that i didn't live on an island i knew that

00:04:35.560 you should never feed the deer but how do you defend that position this person had a strong 0.91

00:04:42.080 opinion about trivial shit yes yeah so tell me more i want to hear about i love oh caftan my 0.98

00:04:49.440 captain but i specifically want to hear about um the common queer to see letters did i say that 0.96

00:04:54.820 did i pronounce it the way that you would like me to see yeah uh like courtesy but queer to see

00:05:02.460 yeah common courtesy so that's a recurring column that i just started um that has been kind of

00:05:07.500 popping off with the people who already are reading the newsletter people like this and

00:05:11.520 i am pretty sure it's just because we would all like to think that we are high-minded and we never

00:05:19.140 really gossip and we are you know well I would not like to think that actually I gossip all the

00:05:24.320 time however we would like to think that we're not as nosy as we are but we're all super nosy

00:05:29.800 I think that's why things like dear Anne like the Anne Landers column and dear Abby had and dear

00:05:35.060 Miss Manners went off for so long but we love to read about other people's problems and etiquette

00:05:40.400 encompasses so many things and I've I realized there wasn't a queer specific etiquette column

00:05:46.340 that like helps you deal with situations that might only come up if you were deeply ensconced

00:05:51.940 in the queer community give me an example of one that you are grappling with right now um okay um 0.98

00:05:59.820 there i'm trying to think of one that the first one that came to mind is really dirty um 0.69

00:06:06.780 okay somebody recently wrote in it's a short question i'll quick read it it says

00:06:13.620 what is a polite way to let someone know that you want to invite them to something without them

00:06:17.240 automatically inviting their polycule to come to? My friend doesn't seem to get that sometimes it's

00:06:22.320 cool to bring extra people and sometimes it makes things awkward for the person hosting if they're

00:06:25.960 cooking or hosting at home or only wanted their close friends to come. Yeah, that's great. What

00:06:32.500 are you going to say? What are you going to say? Well, I mean, first of all- I mean, I guess we

00:06:37.460 should just tell people to subscribe to your newsletter. I mean, I answered that one and I

00:06:43.480 first spent a couple seconds going off about like how nobody likes it if you just assume that your

00:06:51.140 one partner is going to come and now we've moved to this new territory of assuming your polycule

00:06:57.340 is invited now that is a big assumption um like how big is it i know someone in my real life who

00:07:04.500 has 16 people for real in their polycule how could you just assume that those people are all invited

00:07:12.300 oh is my is my grandma invited to like you know extending your extended group of of connections

00:07:20.520 i think that like that that's such a great way to get to a lot of the questions that we're going to

00:07:25.340 be dealing with in this episode are about like assuming someone's intention instead of just

00:07:31.820 doing the very straightforward work of being like can i can i bring is it okay to bring someone even

00:07:38.080 just one person right just and and if you can then they're gonna be like yeah of course and

00:07:43.940 otherwise you might have an opportunity to have a nice little conversation about oh i wanted to

00:07:48.520 have some more intimate time with you right yes like is there anything wrong with having a direct

00:07:55.280 yet polite quick conversation what if we just said what we were midwestern of you that's never

00:08:01.140 but you can do it politely you can softly direct all right so i should set us up for this episode

00:08:10.560 a little bit usually we have like a theme of questions about a topic and we have all these

00:08:17.160 listener questions and we talk about that one thing so whether that's like jennifer lopez or

00:08:22.860 whatever right today we're taking a bunch of disparate questions that have come in just from

00:08:31.200 like listeners who have just opinions about things they're like what if we talk about this and i think

00:08:36.060 they wanted us to talk about this thing for an entire episode and we're compromising and talking 0.55

00:08:41.420 about it as part of this larger episode which is about strong opinions about somewhat trivial shit 0.67

00:08:48.180 So, some of them are pet peeves. Some of them are like, why does this exist? And then we have 0.84

00:08:54.920 the Ask Anne Anything segment where we're going to take advantage of your etiquette chops and

00:08:59.300 have you answer a couple more questions that are just kind of advice-based. So, are we ready?

00:09:04.400 Yes, I'm here for this.

00:09:06.300 Okay. Unsurprisingly, when we put out the call for strong opinions on trivial shit, 0.98

00:09:11.100 we got a lot of submissions about grammar and word choices. We picked one that I think will 0.85

00:09:17.320 lead us to the most fun discussion. So this is from Annie. Something that I've been noticing,

00:09:23.240 even though it's seemingly minor, it really grates on me is the overuse of trendy, self-serious

00:09:28.940 words. Instead of words like choose or chose, for example, something for a shelf, it's curated.

00:09:37.820 Instead of the process or an effort that you might go through, it's a journey. And instead of a time

00:09:44.440 of life, an age, or some event like your high school years. It's a season. It seems overly

00:09:52.720 dramatic, and it also seems like maybe it puts a lot of pressure on people. I'm wondering if this

00:09:59.440 trend toward self-serious language has evolved with the increasing importance of self-image

00:10:07.100 and social media? I'm looking forward to your answer. I love this question because

00:10:13.880 I think it's a whole bunch of things. Like number one, yes, I think the answer to your question is

00:10:21.500 I think it's yes, that people's increasing importance to their own self-image on social

00:10:27.920 media might be the driver behind this. However, I really think it can be fun to announce something

00:10:36.080 is like a season or an era because even though yeah that's a little it's a little self-serious

00:10:43.460 I think it kind of lets people you're alerting others that you are doing this thing you're not

00:10:50.740 ashamed of it you're broadcasting it and maybe in a way you're also kind of taking control of it

00:10:55.960 you're possibly even reassuring yourself and others being like oh this is just a season I'm

00:11:02.040 just in a season. I'm not, this isn't life from now on. Um, like when I cut off all my hair,

00:11:07.980 I used to have really long hair. I went into the hairdresser and I showed her a picture of, uh,

00:11:13.200 Carol aired from the movie Carol. Uh, and I said, do this. I want this hair. This is the hair.

00:11:18.080 And so I've been yelling that I'm in my Carol era for so long. You are in your Carol era.

00:11:23.440 It looks great. So, but I know that it's just, it's just for the time being at some point I will

00:11:30.120 be out of my Carol era. And the Carol era, by the way, does not include being slightly predatory

00:11:35.660 towards someone who is very, very young. It's an aesthetic. I also think that some of these words

00:11:46.960 like that, like era, season, curate, journey, I think that these words come from a little bit

00:11:53.720 of corporate jargon, like creeping into our lives. Yeah. I mean, I think that we've never had as much

00:11:59.340 of an opportunity to self-narrativize in the past right like yeah not only are we talking about

00:12:06.260 ourselves in instagram captions constantly if you are a person who does that but you're also

00:12:12.440 talking about it in therapy if you're in therapy you're talking about it uh in a sub stack if you

00:12:18.640 have a sub stack and people have journaled for a very long time and people have gone to therapy

00:12:22.580 all of these things are very like this is not absolutely new it's more that there are so many

00:12:28.380 different opportunities to do it. And also, once you start doing it, if it becomes a source of

00:12:34.720 pleasure or a source of income, you have to do more of it. So I understand the compulsion to

00:12:40.520 come up with this language that allows us to talk about what we're going through in ways that aren't

00:12:48.020 just like, I'm 40, right? Like, it's a little bit more specific than just the age. And so some of

00:12:55.120 this I think too is like a disarticulation between age and feel so like people who are like I'm in my

00:13:01.960 era right it's like some people go through their era or never go through but some people go through

00:13:07.680 it like in their early 20s and then some people go through it at very different ages and so it's

00:13:12.520 a way of like claiming that thing that might usually for some people be positioned at a certain

00:13:17.660 time and putting it into another time the other thing I'll say is that seasons don't necessarily

00:13:24.060 end or start when we think that they're going to end or start, but they do end, right? And so using

00:13:29.660 that particular word is a good way of talking about the fact that like, you know, it will end,

00:13:34.460 as you said, with your Carol era, it's a way of saying that like, this is not me for the rest of

00:13:39.640 my life. But this is something that I am negotiating. And also, I like it. And I can

00:13:44.720 find some things that I like about it in this period. So yeah, that's my thoughts.

00:13:49.280 yeah I really like those thoughts all right next question I don't even know how to tee this up

00:13:55.120 this is from Emily and Melody is gonna read it where did those gnomes come from all of a sudden

00:14:01.920 it seems like out of nowhere these gnomes were everywhere and every woman over the age of 40

00:14:07.580 was obsessed with them okay rude over the age of 40 maybe we're in our gnome journey it's my gnome

00:14:16.640 era i had a gnome that came with this house it is old and like all the paint is chipping off

00:14:22.840 and i so i don't think that it's like a new thing there's also there are there is a couple

00:14:29.380 on the island that is over 90 and um they have gnomes they're like two gnomes and they're like

00:14:36.780 hugging it's like cute elderly gnomes that are i mean all gnomes i guess are kind of elderly

00:14:42.600 it's a like I like it it's cute but apparently there is the new like this is a new phenomenon

00:14:48.920 have you noticed this yes uh yes okay so first off I want to say that I have no feelings toward

00:14:56.480 older gnomes gnomes that perhaps came with one's house gnomes that are cute they've been around

00:15:04.180 since we were children they've been around a lot longer than that there is an illustrated book

00:15:07.620 called gnomes that i'm obsessed with from the 70s i think uh it's very weird uh those gnomes fine

00:15:14.520 i think this person is asking about a very specific type of gnome which is the gnome that

00:15:19.740 has the hat that the pointy hat that covers the eyes has a bulbous nose and can then be

00:15:26.080 customized to all of a sudden apparently any season oh yes i think this is the gnome that

00:15:33.780 this person is talking about, because these are the gnomes that I hate. And I want to start this

00:15:37.240 by saying, four years ago, I was in a Menards, which is like the Home Depot of the Midwest.

00:15:43.160 Yeah, I love Menards. Got it at Menards.

00:15:45.740 Oh, there you go. Exactly. And I saw this inflatable Santa, and it was a gnome. I had

00:15:51.860 never seen it before. I had never encountered the gnome with the hat over its eyes and the nose

00:15:55.960 and a big flapping white beard. And I screamed, and I bought it on site. And now I have an

00:16:01.140 inflatable christmas gnome it used to be that the gnomes were only kind of christmasy and fast

00:16:09.780 forward four years you cannot walk into a target you can't be in a tj maxx without seeing a gnome

00:16:17.600 for any season there's easter gnomes there's valentine's day gnomes there are i saw a pride

00:16:21.440 gnome and it nearly ended no no so that's what that's that's the gnome i think i you know

00:16:31.120 know i think this is connected to the larger idea that like you should be decorating for every season

00:16:39.220 and consuming things cheap things right like um things that do not last necessarily but that

00:16:46.100 like the performance of domesticity is in part this outward expression of like holiday

00:16:51.400 and seasonal celebration and again not new but there are so many more ways that you can express

00:16:59.900 your seasonal celebration i will say that we have someone listening into this podcast right now

00:17:06.860 who does not have a gnome but she does have a porch goose with many different outfits melody

00:17:12.700 i love the porch oh my god i did not consent to being outed like this whatever you outed

00:17:20.700 yourselves in the comments we did a thread about things that we're not buying and melody was like

00:17:25.760 I'm not buying the eight outfits that are that I've chosen for my porch goose.

00:17:30.700 And then you bought them anyway.

00:17:32.620 Well, everybody talked me into it.

00:17:35.140 It wasn't my fault.

00:17:36.760 Melody, I love the porch goose.

00:17:38.700 Thank you.

00:17:39.660 I do too.

00:17:40.800 I think porch geese are funnier than gnomes.

00:17:44.140 Same.

00:17:44.680 I mean, obviously, I agree.

00:17:46.820 I think the gnomes are like very cheap to produce and they're easy to like paint for any season.

00:17:51.460 And they're all exactly the same except for the color.

00:17:53.480 someone on reddit was blaming um cottagecore for this which i don't think is quite fair but

00:17:58.880 i think that's part of it i think that you know melody did some nice research and it found that

00:18:04.160 the first gnomes were uh popularized in like the early 19th century in germany and they were like

00:18:12.700 three feet tall oh and can you i think i think if you're gonna go gnome go three feet tall

00:18:19.020 all right next question this is another why is this a thing question and it comes from tracy

00:18:24.600 where did the mullet haircut originate and why does it continue to be popular

00:18:29.560 okay to answer tracy's first question about the origins of the mullet

00:18:35.300 melody did some research and mullets were definitely described in the alien so it's

00:18:41.060 always kind of been around and you know the mullet actually makes total sense because

00:18:44.740 you know you need to not have your hair in your face so you cut like these bangs

00:18:49.520 to not have that in your face but then you let the rest just have a party in the back you know

00:18:55.100 um and a ponytail would get in the way of your helmet so you don't you know you just need to

00:19:01.380 have it flowing behind uh when we were planning this episode you said that three quarters of the 0.91

00:19:08.780 queers in minneapolis have a version of this haircut and you linked to a picture of frodo

00:19:12.680 baggins so krista please explain yeah um i i jokingly call it the photo baggins special and

00:19:21.020 like once you once you if you google right now a picture of photo baggins you will see the exact

00:19:26.440 hair yeah it's like this kind of wavy kind of curly it's a shag it's a shag it's also i think

00:19:32.960 sometimes known as a wolf cut was that a thing a couple years ago yeah yeah everyone has this

00:19:38.360 I mean, there's a few that don't, but hoo-wee, sometimes I will meet like two or three people

00:19:46.060 in a row and be like, if I turned around and faced you again, I couldn't tell you apart.

00:19:51.840 What's your strong opinion on the mullet?

00:19:54.380 You know what?

00:19:55.100 I want to say this.

00:19:56.300 Although this hairstyle is very popular, I like it.

00:20:00.420 I do too.

00:20:01.120 I think it's popular because people look sexy with it.

00:20:03.840 I love the mullet.

00:20:05.820 I also think that if you have a pronounced one, it, it's something arresting to look at visually.

00:20:12.180 And I love that. I like, I had in college, I had a professor who had a really severe bowl cut,

00:20:21.120 like Vidal Sassoon style, but then in the back was this cascading mullet. It went down past her

00:20:27.020 ass and she did something different with it every day. She would braid it. She would put beads in 1.00

00:20:33.040 it sometimes she would curl it sometimes she would unkink the braid and just let it be hanging

00:20:37.840 like a pony's tail i remember nothing from this class there is no memory of this class that's

00:20:44.420 and i think if you if it's 20 years later i'm still talking about it i think that if you have

00:20:50.000 a hairstyle that can command that amount of attention i want to see it her hair was her

00:20:56.660 glory right think i like think about how much that lady loved her hair oh yes you love your hair 1.00

00:21:03.060 like lean into it and i do think that mullets are practical in terms of low maintenance um paul

00:21:10.260 mescal has a really hot mullet but maybe that's just because he's really hot i love him he's from

00:21:17.400 normal people um he's just an amazing amazing actor oh that's that's a nice mullet there was

00:21:23.360 a great piece in British GQ interviewing women anonymously about their feelings about the mullet

00:21:30.480 and all these women are like I like it but I would never say it publicly I'm like that's I'm fine

00:21:35.280 saying it publicly yeah but also that it it seems to add a little bit of youth to the person like

00:21:42.760 or maybe playfulness or boyishness so I think that that might be part of like the kids these

00:21:49.500 days right it's like can you believe that someone has a mullet if they're 40 right um melody chimes

00:21:56.080 in that she only loves it on major league baseball players i mean it's a kind of it's similar to

00:22:02.960 hockey hair right like this similar kind of mullet situation well like the way it flows out of the

00:22:10.340 back of the cap is just really nice it's playful it's out of control it can't be contained you know

00:22:16.460 I love it. It also reminds me of the haircuts that, you know, were popular when I was in

00:22:21.060 elementary school and those are coming back for kids too. So there's a kid at my friend's kid's

00:22:26.360 school who has like the ridges, you know, like cut into over his ears and then a little bit of

00:22:33.360 a mulet. Yeah. Steps. And then a little bit of a mulet and an earring. This kid, he's great. I love

00:22:39.020 all right okay that's our strong opinion okay next question is from jenay why are iphone users

00:22:48.300 so aggressively anti-android or anti-green bubble and where did this animosity come from

00:22:54.620 i get why apple doesn't incentivize cross-platform agnosticism but i've had family members and

00:23:01.200 friends get mad at me for not owning an iphone and have another android using friends with the

00:23:06.500 same experience. I'm very curious about the class and cultural implications affiliated with

00:23:11.000 aggressive iPhone superiority. Okay. So I know a lot about this because my brother has an Android

00:23:17.380 and then also my stepdad like thinks Apple is just ridiculous and also has an Android. So there's

00:23:23.740 lots of conversations on the difficulties of our group chat because of this. And like

00:23:29.440 for a while we've tried WhatsApp, but like no one wants to, you know, use another app,

00:23:35.660 especially not me um but my brother has also pointed out and this is ongoing as we are

00:23:44.520 recording right now that their green bubble shaming has been invoked perhaps successfully

00:23:50.940 in the current litigation against apple for essentially like monopoly activity so it's a way

00:24:00.440 that apple and there's recordings of this there's like documentation that apple has said like

00:24:05.420 this is a way essentially to make people want to come over to our platform and they have

00:24:12.300 until you know they're being forced now to move over to using this type of technology

00:24:18.020 that will make it more universal instead of using iMessage this is going to happen supposedly

00:24:23.220 sometime in 2024 but before that they were using iMessage specifically they said because when

00:24:31.180 people saw the blue bubble, they would know that it was encrypted. But really, it was a way of

00:24:37.820 trying to compel people to get iPhones so that in the group chat, or when they send messages to

00:24:45.660 other people who have iPhones, that there would be the same sort of like image fidelity, right?

00:24:50.980 Because right now, if you send it between systems, the images are much crappier. And then also just

00:24:57.180 like the whole the the shaming of people who don't have iphones and i can't participate in

00:25:04.860 the same way so krista what are your thoughts uh i the sooner they fix the talking between the two

00:25:14.060 systems the better i cannot wait um do you what are you green bubble or blue bubble i'm blue

00:25:19.820 bubble i have an iphone and i also have several friends and a father-in-law who is so staunchly

00:25:27.780 green bubble that uh there no discussions of civility can be had no same with my brother

00:25:35.420 like yeah it is so heated it becomes this really interesting thing and i think it's because they're 0.98

00:25:41.440 like well your stupid operating system is the one that's excluding me like why do i have to get on 0.99

00:25:47.180 bored with the way that you know your expensive phones in order to have conversation with you 1.00

00:25:52.460 so i yeah and that i do get it i think that's so stupid like i do think that we should all have the 0.90

00:25:57.500 same phone stuff like that's very technical i definitely know about it things but um i also

00:26:06.100 understand that like it's slightly frustrating in uh in an in a time where we we find minor things

00:26:12.980 more irritating than they are because we're constantly on our phones. It is frustrating

00:26:17.400 to know that the picture I sent to an Android user, it looks terrible. It's super pixelated.

00:26:21.700 It's tiny. If I send you a video, there's no point in watching it. If I like unthinkingly

00:26:27.100 heart or like something that you said, you're going to get a whole ass text about it. And I'm

00:26:31.500 sorry. And also I just want to be able to FaceTime you. Like if we're friends and I want to FaceTime,

00:26:37.640 I want to FaceTime you and be like, look, look at this thing. Are you kidding me?

00:26:41.440 And so it bugs me that I can't do that. However, I think it's so dumb to bully someone over this and we can all we can all be fine. 0.67

00:26:51.640 Yeah. I mean, I think this is also a larger conversation about capitalism in some ways, right? Because if you love unfettered capitalism, then Apple's doing a great job, right? Like they are trying to force people to get on their operating system by offering an exclusionary product. 0.69

00:27:08.480 with that said i don't think unregulated capitalism is awesome and i think you know

00:27:14.500 this is you know the eu is doing a lot of different regulatory work that is having

00:27:20.520 trickle-down effects in the united states in terms of like they have recently mandated that

00:27:26.700 like all of the plugs have to be the same right so you can't like keep making a new iphone and

00:27:32.300 being like, oh, now you need to buy all new plugs, and instead insisting on a system that,

00:27:41.140 you know, might not make as much money, but does increase user usability. And I think that that

00:27:48.560 is great. And really, that's what we're, you know, at the bottom of the conversation.

00:27:54.800 Also, I think that getting the little notification that like, Krista has liked your comment,

00:28:01.420 Krista loves your comment like that is incredibly annoying and it's been worked it's worked

00:28:06.900 effectively so that's part of why we have such big feelings about this yes okay gosh we're just

00:28:15.600 we're sailing through uh our next question is about something that I think about constantly 0.98

00:28:20.000 especially when I travel this is from Sarah why do we board planes in such a stupid way 0.96

00:28:26.620 it's all over the place and I think that makes it take longer than it needs to 0.96

00:28:31.100 It just seems so inefficient and harder than it has to be.

00:28:35.980 Okay, should we rant about this first?

00:28:38.860 Yes.

00:28:39.400 Like how hard it is.

00:28:41.280 I think we should rant.

00:28:43.380 Yeah.

00:28:44.280 People just take all different amounts of time.

00:28:46.840 People don't listen to the rules.

00:28:48.340 People take suitcases that are too big because they're trying to avoid checking them and then it takes forever.

00:28:53.120 and then if they're at the back of the plane and the somehow the piece of luggage has to go to the

00:28:58.200 front to get checked like that is a whole freaking nightmare but again i think that airlines do this

00:29:03.280 to themselves this is not i most of the time this is not a user problem it is a user problem though

00:29:08.580 too because like okay number one airlines are doing this to themselves number two people are 0.94

00:29:13.900 not following the rules that are set up like the rules are stupid yes however people are being rude 0.97

00:29:20.700 And they are jumping the line. 0.98

00:29:22.820 They are trying to sneak in after like the status card, platinum, silver, badge, whatever.

00:29:27.660 They are claiming that like they have young kids.

00:29:30.920 Those kids aren't young.

00:29:32.520 Like, you know, like they're cheating.

00:29:37.260 And I feel like the airport and planes are where like wild, wild west behavior just comes out.

00:29:43.640 People feel free to be some of the worst versions of themselves on planes.

00:29:49.800 they're surrounded by strangers that they think they'll never see again but just kidding we're

00:29:53.900 all trapped on a plane for four hours together and we all know it was you and like you farted

00:29:59.600 i i heard it but everyone thinks it was me and i didn't do it to be fair you can't can't control

00:30:06.140 farting on a plane coughing not into a mouth not wearing a mask like being rude to the flight

00:30:13.180 attendant all those things are very controllable yeah and okay one more rant about this um yes

00:30:19.120 when we are deplaning i know this question is about boarding but deplaning the people who stand

00:30:24.180 okay if you have a medical condition if it's painful for you to sit i get it stand up you

00:30:29.940 know what to everybody else i see you you're in big trouble with me it's almost always men

00:30:35.440 and i am furious this is too like the um the way that men monopolize the elbow space when you're

00:30:45.860 sitting in a row? Yes. What do you think you're doing? You think I'm going to move my arm? You

00:30:51.980 think I am? I'm not. You can be uncomfortable. We're going to touch for four hours. I do not

00:30:56.260 give a shit. And I don't want to touch anybody. I am more mad about them trying to do that than 0.99

00:31:04.320 I am about being touched by a strange man. I don't care. If you're going to spread your legs

00:31:11.940 on the plane too like we're gonna touch our legs are gonna touch you know there's a theory that

00:31:17.120 the way that the airlines have made travel such an unenjoyable experience in order to maximize

00:31:24.480 profit that that has bearing on our behavior right like we're so pissed off about how

00:31:32.900 what a horrible experience air travel is that we subconsciously or consciously take it out

00:31:43.220 in the way that we board the way that we behave like and none of that I think is excusable like

00:31:51.520 I'm not excusing that excusing and explaining are two different things so I do think like

00:31:56.520 maybe we're such assholes about everything like maybe people are cutting in line 0.95

00:32:01.440 in part because you feel like you have to cheat in order to make up for the fact that like you're 0.99

00:32:07.660 spending a ridiculous amount of money to do something that should like you're you've spent

00:32:12.820 luxury dollars on something that is not a luxury experience i've never heard that theory before but

00:32:18.560 it that seems correct i feel like what we could all use is like some psa basic instructions at

00:32:27.000 the airport about how we would think of others you know i mean nobody would pay attention to

00:32:31.420 them but just like we need basic kindergarten lessons or like an announcement i you know i've

00:32:36.900 seen some flight attendants do something similar that's like the flight attendant is not responsible

00:32:41.420 for your flight delay right like this is not who you take it out on but going back to our original

00:32:46.200 question about boarding i have read many things over the years that are trying to solve this

00:32:52.260 question right so there's like the southwest style that's essentially a cattle call no thank

00:32:57.780 you never like it's like being on a camp bus nightmare yes also they've already introduced

00:33:03.840 tears and so come on that doesn't work anymore and the idea that you should load from the back

00:33:09.560 of the plane is not wholly substantiated because of the ways that like there's all these like

00:33:18.520 clusters of people and like so like a family boards together basically they they have done

00:33:24.800 many different statistical modelings and they are stymied by human behavior by people boarding out

00:33:31.560 of their their group by the fact that people sometimes travel in groups right so you can't

00:33:37.020 just board from the windows in and then also by the fact that the way that airlines try to

00:33:44.680 incentivize frequent flying and also make so much money off of selling frequent flyer tickets to

00:33:51.500 banks is by having this tiered status. So that like screws everything up. So basically, there

00:33:58.000 is a way to make it somewhat more sophisticated. Melody found a great article that we'll put in

00:34:02.360 the show notes from Scientific American about how there's a method that if you do windows in

00:34:08.320 while accounting for some they call them cliques like people who are traveling as families

00:34:14.400 essentially uh that that is better but i don't think that it's going to work i think that we

00:34:19.760 are just doomed to take a long time to board planes and my advice here my strong opinion

00:34:26.000 is that sometimes it's okay to wait and we've gotten really bad at waiting so look i'm flipping

00:34:30.760 the question that maybe it's okay to wait a while to get onto planes. I love that. I've

00:34:38.480 literally never thought of that. And also, I have sat in a plane seat after a very bad

00:34:47.160 boarding experience that just was ridiculous and tried myself to, with a napkin, tried to think

00:34:55.380 how we could be like make boarding better and i couldn't do it so i do get that it's a problem

00:35:00.780 like because there's too many variables i think maybe you're right maybe we just have to be like

00:35:05.940 you know what it's gonna take a while and everybody just be very zen yep you know some

00:35:12.720 people just if you're not if you're not putting a bag in the overhead container

00:35:16.480 why not be last on the plane who cares yeah like there's no reason why do you want to be on the

00:35:21.840 plane already i do think that needing to store your overhead bag and not wanting to check is

00:35:27.800 the the root of many problems in terms of wanting to board earlier solid agree i don't remember this

00:35:34.420 when i was much younger when before bringing an overhead bag cost money or yeah i don't remember

00:35:41.280 there being this level of animosity towards boarding and i think that's the that's what's

00:35:45.740 behind it okay so this next question we thought about saving for our episode on tiktok trends but

00:35:51.360 I thought that you would be the perfect person to ask for this specific one.

00:35:55.000 This comes from Jacqueline. 1.00

00:35:56.640 What's going on on lesbian TikTok? 1.00

00:35:59.440 There's lesbian social media famous couples performing their relationships for viewers. 0.98

00:36:05.880 Late in life lesbians claiming the algorithm knew they were gay before they did. 0.98

00:36:11.680 Hey mamas posting thirst traps of them lip syncing and dancing seductively. 1.00

00:36:17.300 It's a lot. 1.00

00:36:18.440 I need someone to break this all down for me through a cultural studies lens.

00:36:23.660 Thank you. 0.55

00:36:25.320 Okay, so first, for people who aren't on TikTok or who don't have the lesbian algorithm on TikTok,

00:36:31.280 can you explain a few of these references? 0.76

00:36:33.480 Like, what are hey mamas? 1.00

00:36:35.020 Okay, hey mamas are like somebody looking directly at the camera and like jutting their

00:36:44.180 chin forward a little bit and be like hey mama have you ever like thought about like dividing 0.97

00:36:49.500 the household chores equally or you know or hey mom you know like or not even like domestically

00:36:54.480 related just hey mama I'm gonna look at you in a sexual-ish kind of way and then uh like say

00:37:01.160 something to you it's like hitting on you but you are a person behind a screen instead of someone

00:37:07.040 in real life is it addressed to people who who think they're straight

00:37:11.780 it has to be um okay so i think when you say hey mama videos i think of them as thirst traps which

00:37:23.080 encompasses like a huge you know what can we can we take down this entire question one by one

00:37:29.940 yeah yeah i'll tell you what i think okay yeah okay let's do it okay so the the question is

00:37:36.180 like social media famous couples performing their relationship okay in general what's going on with

00:37:41.900 lesbian tiktok is first of all it's it's it's not as visible as maybe you think it is depending on

00:37:50.680 your algorithm it's more noticeable because there are there are straight couples performing their

00:37:55.680 relationships constantly um it's just that this is a this is a subculture that you're seeing and so

00:38:02.400 it seems noticeable to you even though everybody else is performing their relationship uh like

00:38:09.580 not everybody but you know those couples okay so those couples that being said the couples that

00:38:17.140 are openly like doing that make me cringe just as hard as the as the straight couples that are

00:38:24.440 doing that. Like it feels very weird. It feels very cringy. I don't know. Like I, the comments

00:38:33.300 from people who are very invested in these couples seem odd to me. Why are you so invested in the

00:38:41.440 status of this couple? What is your interest level? Why do you care as much? Like, is it that

00:38:48.120 we don't have an example of a real life role model couple that you think of yeah is it yeah 1.00

00:38:54.300 so there's the performing the relationships one um the next one like the late in life lesbians

00:39:02.080 claiming the algorithm knew they were gay um that i believe um you are gonna say more about

00:39:12.420 how for people who don't understand how that algorithm can like tell you things that you

00:39:16.900 didn't realize you were interested in how does that work sure yeah okay so the algorithm the

00:39:23.220 instagram algorithm the tiktok algorithm the algorithm knew that i had adhd years before i

00:39:33.620 was diagnosed years and was constantly sending me funny videos jokes practical tips for dealing

00:39:40.160 with ADHD and I was always like why am I getting these I'll tell you why well and so part of it is

00:39:49.700 like like my algorithm will give me lots of like horse shooing basically like a guy who

00:39:57.700 oh I get that guy I love that cleans the horseshoe I love it right me too but I get a lot of it

00:40:03.240 because the algorithm knows that I watch it right so even if I would never list like if

00:40:09.540 tiktok said to me what are your top three interests right I wouldn't list like hoof

00:40:14.700 cleaning but it knows because it actually like the algorithm tells the truth in terms of what

00:40:20.720 you actually watch yes it knows how you're captivated like it knows maybe you identify

00:40:27.700 is straight but maybe there is a lesbian who lives in the woods and has a flannel cut off shirt big 0.85

00:40:34.040 muscles and you like to watch her chop wood and you would watch her chop wood anytime she popped 0.82

00:40:40.320 up on your algorithm and so the algorithm senses that you love to watch this and they're like 1.00

00:40:43.980 you know what here's three videos of the axe chopping lesbian here's another one from someone 0.52

00:40:48.800 who is slightly different but similar eventually your whole feed is lesbian tiktok all it takes 0.60

00:40:55.160 is just you engaging with like a video several times or liking it or saving it and I do want to

00:41:03.100 say that if you are getting an enormous amount of lesbian tiktok I invite you to sit with that 0.59

00:41:09.540 like listen this is a callback to like journey I invite you to sit with that because I say that

00:41:16.800 sometimes too when people are like why do people say that and I'm like that it's a great way of

00:41:22.460 just saying just think about it just you know give it a thought it worked on my sister

00:41:29.100 uh so i think that we got a lot of these right hey mama's lip syncing and dancing seductively i 0.94

00:41:36.380 mean like part of this is that there just hasn't been a ton of that gaze available for public

00:41:42.540 consumption right yes gaze as in g-a-z-e yeah i do specifically want to say that hey mama slash

00:41:52.040 thirst trap videos um and this is coming from someone who is a certified hater with a capital

00:41:58.380 h on things like that are cringy and cringy can be fun but cringy can also make you break out in

00:42:06.400 like goosebumps of embarrassment like when i see a hey mama video and someone is like licking their

00:42:12.960 lips and rubbing their hands together and being like hey mama and i want to expire i cannot handle

00:42:20.340 it i have a blanket on my couch called the shame blanket i just have to i have to put it over my

00:42:24.660 head it's like when i watch the bachelor and i am screaming because something unbelievable is 1.00

00:42:31.780 happening and it's so embarrassing and it's like someone has never heard about feminism before in

00:42:37.660 their entire life and i am just covered with the shame blanket and that's how i feel about hey mama

00:42:43.120 videos and they are very um is it that it's too sexy okay it's like sometimes they aren't like

00:42:51.300 the people who make hey mama videos are sometimes very cute objectively cute yeah anyone would think

00:42:57.620 so but number one this sort of thing never happens in real life this has never yeah and number two

00:43:04.300 it's just i i feel like this is the person if if someone did do this to you in real life you would

00:43:11.360 want to run in the other direction this is yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd be like gross yeah yeah and

00:43:17.700 also the comments on those types of videos are so thirsty that like go ahead thirst yes this person 0.80

00:43:27.840 is hot all right i there's a lesbian on tiktok who dresses up like a priest i will watch those 0.94

00:43:32.120 videos until my eyes bleed okay i get it but holy shit all right let's do our last question it's 0.99

00:43:41.020 something I can think both of us can offer some insight on for different reasons. Here's Katie. 0.67

00:43:46.360 It seems like everyone at work now refers to the person with whom they are in a romantic

00:43:50.680 relationship as their partner. I am married and I've always referred to my husband as my husband

00:43:55.940 at work. But for some reason, using a term that also announces that I'm married feels outdated.

00:44:01.280 We only got married for visa purposes. And I'm worried that I should be using a more gender

00:44:06.280 neutral term to be inclusive. Referring to my spouse feels old-fashioned for some reason.

00:44:11.960 Can I call him my partner even though we're married? Or did I miss an update and his partner

00:44:16.180 now a catch-all phrase that includes spouses? Or is that a misuse of the term? Okay. You're married.

00:44:23.560 What do you call the person you're married to? It really depends. So I'm married to a trans guy

00:44:29.960 and he's completely out and he's completely fine with me uh saying that he's trans and

00:44:36.800 when we meet new people that we don't know if i am in like a business setting or somewhere

00:44:44.300 where i don't know the makeup of the group at all i will refer to him as my husband 1.00

00:44:48.720 if i am in a setting full of queers or meeting new queers i will frequently just say partner 0.97

00:44:58.040 um because i'm i want to like and later yeah we're married like later it's like i want to 0.66

00:45:08.180 signal to queer people that this is we're gay married does that make sense yeah yeah yeah yeah

00:45:14.100 yeah he's not my husband he is my husband but we are gay married yeah yeah and i think you know but

00:45:20.920 it's so complicated because sometimes like there remember when like the whole fights about legalizing

00:45:27.160 gay marriage that people were like I'm fine with gay people getting married but like there should 0.89

00:45:31.920 be a different name for it but it was like in a bad way right like it is second-class citizen 1.00

00:45:37.760 sort of way they're like marriage is for straight people but I like you know the person is asking

00:45:43.260 is there like is there a more gender-inclusive name word that I should be using I think like

00:45:49.640 people decide what feels right for them in lots of different ways right and I think that like

00:45:55.700 if husband has always felt right to you or being called wife if it doesn't have baggage for you

00:46:01.860 then that makes sense um I see a lot of people use spouse and sometimes I think it's because

00:46:07.500 the person they're married to is is non-binary and sometimes it's not and maybe they don't like

00:46:13.500 how husband sounds I'm not married and like saying boyfriend to describe a 10-year relationship

00:46:21.580 where we own a house right and like two dogs like that's that's also insufficient um

00:46:28.020 and sometimes both of us in shorthand will use husband or wife just to like communicate who

00:46:35.340 we're talking about because depending on the context still I find some people are like oh

00:46:40.820 you mean your business partner which is weird yes at the firm the firm of our house I'm like

00:46:50.260 uh but I really like when I was in academia I think it's much more common to use partner to

00:46:58.600 describe who you're married to and I think some of that started as a way to like just as a catch-all

00:47:04.620 like just talking about partner instead of um whatever other phrase you could use what

00:47:09.520 do you have a strong opinion on other people using the word partner

00:47:12.960 i do and i don't like i do in that okay it's not it's not super strong i want to preface that with

00:47:21.400 this i just i wish that it and it's pure it's purely because i am lazy this is laziness speaking

00:47:30.840 i would love it if partner was queer exclusive because then i can know immediately it right like

00:47:37.060 if i'm dealing with someone who's like talking about a queer relationship but that's just laziness 0.97

00:47:41.460 In practical life, in reality, do whatever you want. 0.99

00:47:46.000 Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

00:47:47.800 Like, I love that partner is very ungendered and it can mean a whole range of things.

00:47:56.020 Just like queer can mean a whole range of things.

00:47:58.060 Partner is another word that can mean whatever you want it to mean.

00:48:01.160 And it is more serious, it sounds like, to me and to my ears than boyfriend or, you know.

00:48:07.080 Yeah.

00:48:07.420 It sounds partner.

00:48:08.880 This is my partner.

00:48:09.600 and so and also like descriptive right like this is the person that I partner with to do life right

00:48:16.760 yeah yeah exactly so no I think the question writer is right on target with um you can you

00:48:26.360 can do it you can do whatever you want yeah and also don't feel though that like somehow using

00:48:32.580 husband means that like you're not attentive to I don't like you're not being exclusionary

00:48:38.440 by using the word husband all right so kind of feels like this whole episode has been like a

00:48:45.040 version of what we usually call the ask and anything only it's ask us anything but we're

00:48:50.260 going to do a segment now with a couple of questions specifically seeking advice

00:48:53.800 and they're both related to etiquette one at work and one with parents so listeners if you

00:48:59.340 want to hear advice on how colleagues behave on teams, and how to deal with older generations

00:49:04.640 diet culture references, head over to culturestudypod.substack.com and become a paid

00:49:09.780 subscriber. Krista, this has been an absolute delight. Where can people find you if they want

00:49:16.020 to hear more from you? You can find me on Substack. I write a Substack called Oh Kaftin My Kaftin.

00:49:22.240 it's the o is just like an o um and captain's with a c uh you can also find me it's the exact

00:49:30.440 same instagram handle if you want to follow me there i am those are the only two platforms i'm

00:49:35.320 active on great same love to be here on the two the two platform activation with you um all right

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Culture Study Podcast - October 09, 2024

Strong Opinions About Trivial Sh＊t

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