Culture Study Podcast - Why Other People's Screen Time Annoys You

00:00:00.540 Hey, it's Anne. Once a month, we pick an episode to make free for everyone. So even if you're not a paid subscriber, you'll get the bonus to ask Anne anything segment at the end of today's show. And if you like what you hear and you want to support the show, paid subscribers get other perks like discussion threads for each episode and an ad free experience.

00:00:19.500 You can join us for just $5 a month at culturestudypod.substack.com, and if you're already a paid

00:00:26.160 subscriber to the newsletter, you get a huge deal.

00:00:29.140 I think it's like 35% off.

00:00:31.160 If you can't figure that out, it's in the show notes, or send me an email, and I'll

00:00:34.820 show you how.

00:00:35.840 Okay, thanks, everyone.

00:00:37.320 Enjoy the show.

00:00:43.660 This is the Culture Study Podcast, and I'm Anne Helen Peterson.

00:00:47.340 Hi, I'm Ash Brandon.

00:00:48.580 I use they, them pronouns, and I am known online as the Gamer Educator.

00:00:52.820 By day, I am a middle school librarian, and I have an upcoming book, Power On, Managing

00:00:57.720 Screen Time to Benefit the Whole Family.

00:01:00.360 Ash, I was telling you before we started recording that we got so many good questions from listeners,

00:01:04.920 but one thing that Melody pointed out as we were sorting through them is that they all

00:01:09.760 are coming to these questions around screen time and family and togetherness from this

00:01:14.340 position of screen time as de facto bad.

00:01:18.580 Right. Like all of them are about how how do we think about managing other people in our family's screen time?

00:01:25.860 And I wonder if we could just start with that positionality.

00:01:30.580 Like, what does that make you think?

00:01:32.740 Yeah. You know, I love nonfiction books.

00:01:34.780 I read a lot of nonfiction books.

00:01:36.480 And I find that every time I start a nonfiction book, I am like a little frustrated when the author is like,

00:01:44.740 before we get to the thing that you bought this book for, let's first spend like 100 pages doing

00:01:50.300 some like foundational history or learning. And I'm always like, No, no, get to the good part.

00:01:56.680 Right. And then I went to write a book. And I was like, Okay, we've got to do a whole foundational

00:02:01.720 thing. I was like, Oh, no, I've become the thing I hated. But you know what, from the other side,

00:02:07.160 I completely get it. Because this is exactly what you're talking about. Like, we can't really talk

00:02:13.200 about how to manage things like technology and screen time if we are always at this this core

00:02:21.680 belief underneath that they're bad and that doesn't mean that i'm saying like actually you

00:02:27.600 should think that they're great like no that's not what i'm saying but there are many things in

00:02:31.860 our lives or other people's lives that we manage and we think of them as what i think of as like

00:02:39.360 morally inert, right? They don't have a sense of morality in and of themselves. Like maybe I have

00:02:46.080 hangups around the morality of certain foods. I make a lot of comparison with foods and technology,

00:02:50.340 but I don't necessarily view like the act of eating, right, as necessarily morally good or

00:02:57.100 bad. I recognize it has to happen. Same thing with like sleep. These are activities or things

00:03:02.340 in the day that don't have a lot of moral value. And the way we spend our time is also that. And

00:03:08.660 I think we can't really get to a place of being able to manage these things effectively and not

00:03:16.660 from a reactionary place if we don't first confront this idea so I mean where does that

00:03:24.500 idea come from like we probably don't have enough time for that and so many places you know I was

00:03:30.260 thinking about there's like a meme that I've seen circling around that's like I need to turn off

00:03:34.940 bad screen so I can look at good screen right like this feeling sometimes that like they're

00:03:39.320 that different screens in our lives have different moral balances so like going to the movies now

00:03:45.040 is generally thought of as like good screen good family time right which even you know

00:03:52.060 if we were in the 1920s like bad like moral disrepute like all sorts of ways that it was

00:03:59.600 corrupting people's minds and bad screen time so it just shifts it's unstable and media i love that

00:04:05.580 you brought up the 1920s i have this editorial like saved somewhere in my phone that was from

00:04:11.260 1921 about the radio and it's someone there was a particular quote that i have a committed to

00:04:17.940 memory and it said man will never again suffer from the vice of thinking right and like this

00:04:25.440 this whole implication that like oh the media is going to take over do all the thinking for us

00:04:29.720 you know we'll never like this this aspect of leisure is inherently bad and we just we keep

00:04:35.780 updating this argument but we don't really escape it right we don't escape it yeah and it permeates

00:04:42.580 so much of what we do in the way that we think about you know our own leisure time because that's

00:04:48.260 essentially what a lot of screen time ends up being not always but a lot of the time and also

00:04:52.980 for other people or for our kids. And then we're, we have this sort of, um, condemnation of it a lot

00:04:57.940 of the time. So you referenced your new book. Let's talk about it. So power on managing screen

00:05:03.080 time to benefit the whole family. Uh, and that's really what it's all about is instead of this

00:05:08.980 feeling of fear, right? We've got a lot of messages around fear. I think we're good on fear,

00:05:14.460 frankly, uh, when it comes to many parts of raising kids, but, uh, I think especially

00:05:19.380 technology we're good on fear we have a sense of what to fear and you know what if fear was enough

00:05:25.380 we'd be done right like and i think the fact that we're not shows that you know there's more going

00:05:33.760 on here yeah and we can't just say hey this is bad because then that puts caregivers in a place

00:05:40.720 of going okay but like what alternative do i have i'm overworked i'm a single parent i live in an

00:05:47.820 apartment I don't have a backyard it's too hot or cold my kid is disabled like I don't have these

00:05:53.900 other supports what am I supposed to do I I guess I can like martyr myself further and then I can 0.89

00:06:00.460 become an enraged like you know parent who's not doing the parenting I want to do what alternative

00:06:08.280 do I have so people are going to still turn to screens they're still going to use technology

00:06:12.260 all it's going to do is make them feel terrible and I know that this doesn't get lost for you

00:06:16.720 because you are a person who loves games and loves screens like sometimes I just think in

00:06:21.140 these conversations we lose sight of how much fun screens can be yes and that's not bad right like

00:06:29.280 or we recognize it but the immediate response is like and that's the reason we should limit it

00:06:34.260 right we get we often hear that around like the word dopamine which has become a four-letter word

00:06:39.120 in relationship to technology a lot of the time and it's like well yeah it's because it's fun that

00:06:43.980 we should not let them do it. It's like, okay, we have a big body of evidence. We have a huge

00:06:51.440 body of evidence around other potential vices, right? We have a big body of evidence that shows

00:06:57.380 us that abstinence-only education isn't effective. Right. Or restriction with food, right? And I know

00:07:03.580 you've talked to Virginia Silsmith about this, right? That restriction doesn't work in the way 0.96

00:07:08.840 we think it does right it does the opposite right it so often does the opposite and um if we're

00:07:16.000 i think many of us recognize like we know that we are in a technologically driven world we don't

00:07:24.080 necessarily like it i don't like it i really have a kind of disdain for the sort of technological

00:07:30.160 ubiquity that's happened in the last few years i wish we could unwing the bell and we can't so like

00:07:36.520 if we recognize that that's probably not going to change and it's probably just going to get

00:07:41.180 more technologically driven okay then what's our goal and a lot of the time i feel like my goal is

00:07:46.620 to prepare my child or children for the world in which they're going to live and preparation

00:07:53.400 is about you know empowerment and skills and fear and restriction and abstinence those things are

00:08:02.540 not empowering those things are not going to equip kids with skills to navigate those things

00:08:07.300 and just as i can educate my kid about the dangers of drinking and driving without letting them drink

00:08:14.620 and drive right i can also educate them about technology without just being like yeah i don't

00:08:21.560 know go figure it out play as much as you want right there is a middle ground and i think that

00:08:26.320 middle ground is where a lot of us have to navigate as adults. So putting our kids in a

00:08:32.460 position where we're just like, oh, we'll just like, not let you have this until a random age.

00:08:38.100 That's not going to give them the skill. It's going to make it harder because we're putting

00:08:41.320 that responsibility on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So I mean, this is actually a great

00:08:47.260 question, especially as you're doing all this book promotion. And I think at times when we're

00:08:50.920 really busy oftentimes our relationship to our screens get complicated so how are you feeling

00:08:56.460 about your own screen time right now you know uh I mean a work in progress always so I um I think

00:09:11.340 it's almost exactly two years ago I started doing this thing where I have I sometimes I say that I

00:09:20.220 am trying to uh use technology against itself like i try to do sort of like malicious compliance

00:09:27.840 with technology like how do i make it work for me and then sometimes that means how do i make it

00:09:33.460 make it less effective so like two years ago for example i started a thing where um i have an

00:09:39.680 iphone so uh i made a customized personal setting like you know you can have the driving setting or

00:09:46.520 the do not disturb setting, etc. The sleep setting. Well, I started making one that happens

00:09:53.020 on the weekend from like Friday evening to Sunday evening. And it basically just hides a lot of my

00:10:00.620 apps. And like, obviously, I know they're still there, but it hides them. It gives me a different

00:10:05.200 lock screen photo. It has a bunch of like the most commonly used things I need, like on the

00:10:13.160 lock screen so there's like a little icon of maps and a little icon of the weather or like my

00:10:20.280 duolingo account or something so i can click that and go straight to it and like not see the rest of

00:10:25.900 my phone and just that uh is really helpful because it's like i think i get very wound up

00:10:34.740 in how productivity and sort of capitalism often overlap in this really tricky way of like

00:10:41.060 there's always a sense of what else should i be doing what else should i be doing right i should

00:10:46.400 do this now so that later i don't have to and uh technology is really good at taking advantage of

00:10:51.720 that and uh it's a sense of giving myself permission like no you have permission to like

00:10:57.380 not do that right now and it's fine and it'll be there when you get back and that's been very

00:11:02.380 helpful for me uh also the simple act of modeling like scripting out loud uh we do that as parents

00:11:11.480 when our when kids are like born and babies and we know that we need to do that for language

00:11:15.640 development and then i think we think we just never have to do it again because they've learned

00:11:20.520 to talk and the the thing with that is that it makes a lot of the invisible executive functioning

00:11:27.380 skill completely I mean truly invisible to them so all they see is an adult like looking at a

00:11:34.660 phone and looking at a computer and then like robotically putting them away right as if we've

00:11:40.100 been like commanded to do so right and it's that sense of like you know we I think we say to kids

00:11:46.780 a lot like well nobody has to tell me to do this it's like right because we have it we have

00:11:50.960 executive functioning right or sometimes we do uh and if we want that to happen for kids it's like

00:11:56.960 okay, model that. So my kid the other day said something about not wanting to see me on my phone

00:12:01.880 at certain times. I was like, okay, I've tried to make a habit of saying exactly what I'm doing

00:12:06.100 and how long it will take and why. Because there's so much labor that happens on phones too,

00:12:12.180 that now I've tried to make a point of being like, hey, you just mentioned that we're out

00:12:16.300 of granola bars. If I don't do this right now, I'm never going to remember. I am putting granola

00:12:20.300 bars in our pickup order. Then I am putting my phone away. Or like, I just got an email. It's

00:12:26.120 really urgent I need to write it it'll take me three minutes and then I'm going to continue

00:12:31.020 listening to whatever we were doing before yeah no I sometimes do that too I find myself doing

00:12:35.500 that when I'm around the kids in my life of like narrating why I'm picking up my phone because I do

00:12:40.940 try to be present with them whenever I'm with them I'm like I'm gonna look this up right now

00:12:44.180 for you or like let's look at a picture of this or I need to text your mom um the other thing that

00:12:50.780 this made me think of is like how much time when we were kids we spent with like our moms on the

00:12:57.020 phone oh my god like like we had a next door we had a next door neighbor across the street

00:13:04.720 who read i mean this is extremely sad he read the newspaper as he drove to work

00:13:11.140 like put it over his steering wheel and it was sort of like oh there goes kevin it's like

00:13:18.060 oh my god like i can't even imagine like now we're like wow that's a horrible idea even if the even

00:13:24.620 if the newspaper is in your phone but yes yes and like if we saw moms at the park the playground

00:13:31.620 soccer swim lessons what have you right pickup line whatever if we saw them in the 90s

00:13:38.240 reading a book or you know writing down a grocery list or what have you we would not have condemned

00:13:46.360 them for how dare you not be watching everything your child's doing but I also think about like

00:13:52.320 when I was a kid how annoyed I would be that my mom was on the phone right oh like because

00:13:57.840 sometimes she was chatting yes my mom's chatting and you know like or sometimes she was like doing

00:14:05.160 I don't know like making an appointment like coordinating something and I was just like

00:14:09.540 mom get off the phone right like there were and those things now are mostly done non-verbally

00:14:16.140 all on this one device yes and and we're going to get to the we have questions that are about like

00:14:21.400 the black box function of these devices and how people don't know so i want to save some of that

00:14:27.500 this is actually we need to tee up our first question because we're gonna this is going to

00:14:30.200 be a fantastic discussion okay so we're going to talk about screen time not just for kids but for

00:14:36.460 ourselves grandparents friends etc etc and then we're going to keep the conversation going in

00:14:41.000 our special segment at the end with two questions about how to talk to someone you love whose phone

00:14:45.260 usage is bothering you. So first up, let's hear from Willie. Is part of the problem with screens

00:14:51.360 that they are so opaque? If my husband is sitting there reading a book, I don't have a problem.

00:14:57.320 It's obvious what he's doing and what he's reading. But if he's immersed in his phone,

00:15:02.700 I don't know. Is he playing a game, answering email, watching Ice Road Truckers? Why do I care

00:15:10.280 if he's engaged with his phone, but I don't if he's into a book. And why does it feel so different?

00:15:17.240 I feel like this gets to the heart of some of our discomfort with screen time. Where does it take

00:15:23.440 you? Yeah, I think it really does. And honestly, where it takes me is in this particular case,

00:15:30.080 because this is more about like a relationship between adults, right? Which is definitely

00:15:34.200 different than the dynamics of kids but i think the similarity is that because i think i think a

00:15:40.940 parent could have written in and said almost the exact same thing right if they're sitting there

00:15:45.380 reading a book it's fine if they were using an e-reader with e-ink it's fine if they're but if

00:15:49.900 they're looking at the tablet then all of a sudden i'm like no stop right so very similar thing and

00:15:55.200 I think in both cases I I wonder if we are feeling about how this reflects on us or like

00:16:07.600 how this reflects on our perceived value depending on what that person is doing so if it's a if we're

00:16:16.020 a parent to that person and they're reading a book then it's like oh well books are good check

00:16:22.640 and therefore because my child is reading a book i the parent am good check right and i'm obviously

00:16:30.060 vastly oversimplifying but i do think that's something we do because we'll hear when people

00:16:34.680 are like oh screens are a tool just ask what they're replacing again if you think screens are

00:16:39.340 bad you're gonna fill every single thing you can think of into what they're replacing right well

00:16:44.520 they're replacing reading and sitting and staring into space and reorganizing the shoe closet like

00:16:48.940 everything right um so i think there's also being with me that's the other thing i think

00:16:55.400 with with couples in particular and i think this is also at the heart of parenting too is like

00:17:00.920 whatever they're doing it's not being present with me but they're not present with you when

00:17:05.960 they read a book right but it's somehow different right like it's like if you're reading a book or

00:17:13.260 if you're doing i think like what sometimes people call like parallel play as adults yes

00:17:18.320 two people are tinkering on something at the same time doing their hobbies it still feels more

00:17:24.820 present book not as much right but or like we're listening to music together we're having the same

00:17:30.840 experience of this music sure we're watching the same tv show and maybe one person likes it more

00:17:35.380 than the other person but we are together in doing this and we compromise to figure out what we're

00:17:40.220 going to do and there's something about screens to me that makes it into this like hyper

00:17:46.260 individualization nightmare and you don't even know because like at least with a book you know

00:17:50.960 what the cover is right you're like or if it's an e-reader you're like you're reading i know

00:17:55.820 what task you're doing and with the black box it's just unknowable like that's why i wonder

00:18:02.160 about the reflection on us because let's say it's my partner right then then what i start wondering

00:18:07.540 is do i have less value to you than whatever's on your phone yes exactly yeah totally right and

00:18:15.040 And I mean, sometimes I probably would feel that way about a book, right?

00:18:19.920 Like, it depends.

00:18:22.200 But I think you're right.

00:18:23.520 Like, I think it's the mystery.

00:18:25.300 I think it sometimes might be a feeling of maybe hypocrisy of like, if this were reversed,

00:18:33.020 would you be okay with me being on my phone?

00:18:36.160 Or like, I try not to do this and know you're doing this.

00:18:39.560 And so it feels sort of unfair.

00:18:42.320 Yep.

00:18:42.480 but i i i definitely i mean at least for me personally i can imagine feeling like

00:18:48.480 well like do you even know i'm here kind of feeling like am i being sort of ignored or is

00:18:54.300 it like i'm not as valuable like my presence isn't being maybe valued and i think that this

00:19:00.600 also is like people's frustration with others using phones like when you're out to eat i'm

00:19:06.780 Like, we made time together to spend together.

00:19:09.820 Like, we are spending more money to be eating in a place that is not our home.

00:19:14.460 Like, talk to me, right?

00:19:17.000 And part of that, I think, is the worst part of, like, the ease of phones specifically,

00:19:24.520 is that it's always there to pick up that blank space in your mind.

00:19:27.840 Yeah.

00:19:28.360 And going back to the idea of talking about modeling, that's something I tried to do also

00:19:33.660 with around my kid that I found really helpful and effective is that I would try to actually name

00:19:40.780 like not the not the utility of why I'm doing a thing on a technology technological device but like

00:19:47.180 what need like internal need am I trying to meet with it like an emotional need for example so

00:19:55.300 like there was a day where I was like I was sad I think and I just named like I'm sad like this

00:20:03.360 thing happened i'm sad and i'm gonna be sad right and i kind of don't want to feel sad right now

00:20:11.260 but i know i can't just flip a switch and not be sad so i'm going to i was playing a lot of zelda

00:20:18.120 it's like i'm gonna play some zelda because i think it's going to distract me from being sad

00:20:23.980 and like try to actually name like it's not gonna make me happy right it's not going to fix my

00:20:28.840 problem it's not going to make me happy it's going to distract me but you know what sometimes

00:20:34.500 that's okay i don't want to do it all the time right like i don't want to only distract from

00:20:39.220 my emotions but if the option is like i can't be functional or i get a temporary reprieve because

00:20:46.260 i'm in a really difficult place then okay yeah i'm gonna distract so i did that and then after

00:20:53.620 like 20 or 25 minutes I even said like you know I feel a little better and I also know that as soon

00:21:00.960 as I stop I'm gonna feel that way again and that makes it hard to stop and I think I would actually

00:21:06.960 feel better if I got up and took a walk so I'm gonna try that now I'm gonna take up I'm gonna

00:21:12.280 get up and take a walk while you go with me and just the labeling of again there's not good or

00:21:17.820 bad like could I have done other things then yes sometimes those things are more effective

00:21:22.300 um and sometimes i'll talk about that and we'll talk about hey we were angry and we did this or

00:21:28.820 we were bored and we did that and like which felt better which had more of a lasting impact similar

00:21:35.500 again to food there's no morality to food there's no good or bad food and there still is different

00:21:40.820 nutrient density right so i might say like okay yes cheetos are morally neutral to broccoli and

00:21:48.480 they also are going to give me different things and what do I notice about those things and I

00:21:53.380 think that noticing is really really important especially for kids when we're talking about

00:21:58.620 sort of digital literacy and the things we want them to notice but I think for ourselves too

00:22:03.360 so that we might be able to identify I don't know some of these patterns that can kind of come up

00:22:08.340 yeah I just I think back on some conversations I've had with my partner about like times when

00:22:14.820 we've gotten become miffed with one another for being on phones instead of with one another

00:22:19.460 and they have led to like good conversations about like why are you reacting this way like

00:22:26.280 why why do you feel the need to do this like or like sometimes if you're like why are you picking

00:22:32.620 up your phone while we're driving you know and it's like okay but why are you what surveilling

00:22:37.960 me picking up my phone while we're driving and what's going on with that surveillance of it you

00:22:42.880 know it's just like the noticing leads you to more interesting places if you're willing to go

00:22:47.380 down those ruts right and um even naming like my spouse and i will sometimes in the evening we will

00:22:54.100 like absolutely name to each other like i just i feel like half watching something like that's the

00:23:01.080 mood i'm in i want to half watch something yeah or if i have something i've left to the evening

00:23:05.620 and i'm like i need i need to stare at a screen because i have to i have to finish whatever i was

00:23:10.700 not doing earlier then at least it's out there and we know or maybe it's hey i need 15 20 minutes

00:23:19.100 of this because sometimes it's i'm finally not being talked to etc for the first time all day

00:23:25.240 long maybe this is decompression because it's sort of the fastest easiest way to get it it's like

00:23:31.200 okay cool and can we decompress for 20 minutes right yeah like and instead of like punitive

00:23:38.860 can feel more like an invitation of like hey I'd still really like to watch this show with you

00:23:44.880 do you still want to do that tonight can we do that yeah you know done etc yeah yeah sometimes

00:23:51.860 Charlie says I need to watch like 72 talks and then fall asleep like it like tick tocks

00:23:58.180 I'm like yeah I get it like it's like after a really long day he's like my I just need 72

00:24:04.500 mindless TikToks. Today's episode is brought to you by ZBiotics Sugar to Fiber. Okay, so you've

00:24:16.620 heard us rave about ZBiotics pre-alcohol probiotic. I love it. But their team has another product and

00:24:23.820 it helps you get more fiber into your diet without changing what you eat. Personally, I need this

00:24:29.000 right now because I'm just coming back from vacation and everyone knows when you come back

00:24:32.400 from vacation you need more fiber in your diet fiber diversity supports a balanced gut microbiome

00:24:38.280 yet only five percent of americans get enough fiber in their diet and if you're like me and

00:24:43.360 you just came back from vacation it's probably because it's so hard to do even though the first

00:24:47.480 thing that charlie and i made was like a giant we call it like mash of vegetables and quinoa

00:24:53.860 because when you are on vacation you are not getting especially when you're in spain where

00:24:57.560 everything is just meat and more cured meat and cheese, you've come home and you're like,

00:25:02.540 just give me a giant pile of broccoli and Brussels sprouts. But here's the thing. I also craved

00:25:09.720 starburst jelly beans, which I always crave. And the really wonderful thing about sugar to fiber

00:25:15.960 is it takes all the sugar that you're eating, like starburst jelly beans, and it turns it into

00:25:20.880 a prebiotic fiber called leave-in fiber. It's really hard to get leave-in from a typical diet,

00:25:25.600 even with a lot of broccoli, and it helps to improve the amount and diversity of fiber my

00:25:29.940 body receives. So I'm drinking sugar to fiber every day because I like having a way to get

00:25:35.360 closer to my daily recommended dose of fiber without having to drastically change my diet.

00:25:40.840 And I really like knowing that this fiber was coming from the sugar in the starburst

00:25:44.100 jelly beans I was already eating. So you can go to zbiotics.com slash culture study and use

00:25:50.440 Culture Study at checkout for 15% off any first-time orders of Z-Biotics probiotics.

00:25:56.480 Z-Biotics has a 100% money-back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason,

00:26:01.080 they will refund your money, no questions asked. Thank you, Z-Biotics, for sponsoring this episode.

00:26:07.020 Today's episode is brought to you by Blissie. Melody, do you have any problems with hair

00:26:12.200 breakage? Yes, I have one little bald spot on my hairline because I wear a CPAP mask,

00:26:19.480 And I sleep on my right side and it's just constant breakage in this one little spot.

00:26:25.800 I have some right now because I was on a cycling vacation and wearing this cycling helmet, obviously.

00:26:33.920 Like just, I don't know.

00:26:35.440 I just, I feel like I have all of this frizz.

00:26:37.480 I don't want to make it worse.

00:26:39.060 You know what makes it worse?

00:26:41.300 Let me guess.

00:26:42.620 Your cotton pillowcase. 0.89

00:26:44.780 My crappy cotton pillowcase.

00:26:47.580 I this is why I came home and I was like oh I'm so excited to sleep on my Blissey pillowcase again

00:26:54.100 Blissey is silk it's cold to the touch it's like incredible for sleep and it makes it so that you

00:27:01.000 don't get even more hair breakage than people get for all sorts of different reasons you can also

00:27:06.320 see healthier skin it doesn't hold dirt and bacteria the same way that my filthy cotton

00:27:12.480 pillowcase does. And it's dermatologist tested and recommended. It's antibacterial. It's

00:27:17.960 hypoallergenic. And it's easy to care for. You can just put it in the washing machine.

00:27:22.380 I was folding laundry the other day and pulled out the Blissey pillowcase. And at first I was

00:27:27.860 really confused because I thought it was like a slip, like a silk slip. And I was like, what is

00:27:33.000 this? Who owns a slip? What is this beautiful piece of fabric I'm pulling out of my laundry?

00:27:38.300 And then I was like, oh, it's my Blissy.

00:27:40.000 Like, I forgot I owned something so nice.

00:27:42.360 Am I going to church in 1989?

00:27:45.220 Oh, no, it's my Blissy. 0.99

00:27:47.180 But like, that's the quality.

00:27:49.820 It's confusing.

00:27:51.360 It's so nice.

00:27:52.820 There are over 99 colors available, so you can make it go with any sort of bedroom configuration.

00:28:00.120 And because you're a listener, Blissy is offering 60 nights risk-free, plus an additional 30% off

00:28:06.440 when you shop at blissey.com slash culture pod.

00:28:10.000 That's B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash culture pod

00:28:15.500 and use code culture pod to get an additional 30% off.

00:28:19.660 Your skin and your hair will thank you.

00:28:27.840 Our next question is kind of adjacent to this,

00:28:30.320 so I think it'll be a good segue.

00:28:32.360 It's about the constant intake of information.

00:28:34.600 it comes from Natalie and Melody's going to read it. I listen to several podcasts a day on my phone

00:28:40.080 to help me get through mundane tasks like laundry dishes etc to have some background noise while I'm

00:28:45.560 working at home alone to keep me company on walks and sometimes even to help me sleep. Does this

00:28:50.500 daily stream of info slash content have a similar effect as phone scrolling? Like does it have the

00:28:56.700 potential to affect my attention span, focus, recall, social relationships etc the way chronic 0.96

00:29:02.240 scrolling can should i cut back or am i overthinking this first of all i feel bad that natalie is just

00:29:08.580 like pathologizing something that like makes them feel really i don't know like it seems to keep

00:29:15.460 them company right right and it also reminds me like the soap opera like the narrative structure

00:29:21.180 of the soap opera in radio and in television was meant to be there as like a very easy to follow

00:29:28.180 along structure that could keep you company while you're doing endless amounts of housework

00:29:33.660 right like this is the talk show all of it right yes all of it um yes and i think about even like

00:29:43.120 to a degree books or like audiobooks where uh where i'll be like oh okay now we're at the point

00:29:48.100 where like they're vaguely recapping everything that's happened in case you like have been paying

00:29:51.700 no attention right now we're back in it yeah i mean i you know i am not in medicine or psychology

00:29:59.280 so like i can't really speak to if it's doing the same thing right to our brains in terms of like

00:30:05.660 the neurology of it um and i think you bring up a good point uh there's a fitness influencer i

00:30:13.640 follow and he talks about um he tries to get like a certain amount of protein in his diet because

00:30:19.200 he's trying to build muscle mass and he is not someone who is like oh my gosh only eat chicken

00:30:25.780 and greek yogurt right he's trying to have the things he enjoys in his life so he has this

00:30:30.760 framing where he says pair what you want with what you need so in his case he like takes greek

00:30:36.320 yogurt and then he like crumbles double stuffed oreos into it so i'm like okay i get that it's

00:30:41.320 like okay if my need is i have to clean the house right yeah okay well what's the other option that

00:30:47.760 we're just like silently stoically cleaning the house right would it would it would it like would

00:30:53.720 the person be asking the same question if it was music yes yes seriously no no one's like oh yeah

00:31:01.040 like oh could you believe you listen to music to fall asleep but you know we read our kids to sleep

00:31:07.380 bedtime stories are fantastic podcast yeah not different right sometimes like that nothingness

00:31:14.960 is useful I think I would be more worried about the content like if you're listening to like

00:31:20.600 manosphere podcasts all day yes well yeah I think the content is I think it's more about the content

00:31:28.160 like I um there's certain podcasts or whatever where I sometimes will notice I'm about to put

00:31:34.040 it on and it will be one of these things where it's kind of filling in the space and then I'll

00:31:39.520 stop myself and go like wait no i like this one like i i want to actually listen to this in a

00:31:45.200 time where i'm going to really pay attention and not be kind of half doing something so maybe i put

00:31:51.320 on something i am okay with you know missing half of or i can come in and are out of it so like for

00:31:56.800 me the tv show call the midwife that's the old that's the show i've been on whenever i'm like

00:32:00.900 i'm cleaning the house it's maybe on maybe i'll watch it maybe not um so yeah i think if it's

00:32:08.320 making the activity more enjoyable i i mean unless i can't imagine a scenario which it's like

00:32:14.460 taking you out of we're not talking about family dinner you know we're talking about this kind of

00:32:20.380 mundane parts of our lives it's left to get done and i think about if it were our kids i think

00:32:25.880 about like with my kid i'd be saying like yeah you want to put music on we'll be clean of course

00:32:30.280 right i'd be encouraging that as finding a way to figure out what works for them um so yeah i

00:32:37.900 know sometimes i have to tell myself we're not going to listen to anything because it'll like

00:32:41.180 slow me down if i'm like oh i have 10 minutes we have to power clean then maybe not but yeah i think

00:32:49.160 the one place where this is difficult is like if you only listen to it on on headphones right

00:32:54.720 like i've noticed this and others have noticed this in public spaces in um cities or on the

00:33:02.000 subway uh just walking your dog like if you're always listening to something you really aren't

00:33:06.600 open you aren't receptive to the things that the world is throwing at you and in some cases i

00:33:12.700 understand that that is that actually makes life a lot better because it's sensory overload and

00:33:17.800 like it's really hard to deal with that but in some cases it's just like i don't want to have

00:33:23.640 to deal with someone talking to me while i'm walking my dog right or like so it's always like

00:33:29.240 that and i think like that's difficult right if we're always inward if we're always focused inward

00:33:35.920 on like the stuff that we have chosen specifically to listen to when when do we have those moments

00:33:43.980 for like outward exposure yeah that's interesting uh i i don't live in a city um so for me more

00:33:54.320 often if i'm like leaving or going on a walk often it's like well i listen to something or

00:33:58.120 nothing and it's just sort of like silence and uh i think i wonder if this is true for this

00:34:03.620 person who wrote in but one of the difficulties for me with that is that sometimes i'm like

00:34:07.420 tired of thinking yeah and i'm like i would like someone else to tell me what to think about and

00:34:13.560 just like listen to them so i can stop thinking thank you very much uh and sometimes i have to

00:34:19.360 force myself not to do that because i i will actually have a better like more impactful like

00:34:26.480 for my own like emotional health experience if i am not flooding my senses with constant input

00:34:32.240 but yeah sometimes i'll tell myself like how about we do it for five minutes

00:34:36.560 we don't have to commit fully like okay we're walking the dog i'm worried someone's gonna

00:34:42.500 talk to me okay how about we like can we make it to the end of the block right or maybe it's like

00:34:47.740 oh my god but it's always that one neighbor okay wear your headphones till the end of the block and

00:34:51.200 then take them out right and well but that's the thing is that the neighbors that one neighbor is

00:34:55.020 still gonna talk to you they're just gonna make you pause so that you can still talk to them

00:34:58.660 um that's the realest uh the like people in my life who have anxiety sometimes tell me that like

00:35:05.240 I don't want to be in my anxiety brain like when I go on a run I have to have something to take me

00:35:10.420 out of anxiety brain and I don't have anxiety so I like that's not something that I like empathize

00:35:18.140 with but I do understand that feeling of like wanting to be outside your own head for me like

00:35:23.820 from my creative work i need times when i have no inputs yeah where like i say i call it hanging

00:35:31.280 out with my own head or my own thoughts right like letting like thoughts just like ricochet around

00:35:37.060 but not in like a like i'm gonna go on a run and come up with six newsletter ideas like stuff just

00:35:43.160 kind of comes and flows but it only happens if i make like a lot of space for it and i sometimes

00:35:48.980 I think that that comes across as like morally superior and I'm like no it's just I mean part

00:35:55.640 of it is that like I had stuff doesn't fit in my ears very well but part of it too is like I don't

00:36:02.080 want to over determine which podcast I'm gonna listen to or whatever you know yeah it's a mix

00:36:07.280 of things absolutely well there's just also so much curiosity there of of just figuring out

00:36:13.800 what works for you and i think again that's like again why i'm always coming back to the neutrality

00:36:19.360 piece is that like well if we're if we're seeing them as morally neutral then we're allowed to

00:36:24.660 figure out what works yeah and that's why going away from like oh well if it's this it's good if

00:36:30.620 it's this it's bad and this is the right number of minutes and this is too many right because then

00:36:34.960 we're trying to make it simpler i understand the urge to make it simpler but then we're taking out

00:36:40.660 the piece of like every human is different we all have our different needs and it's okay to

00:36:46.160 prioritize and figure out what works for you um and especially with like kids and raising kids

00:36:53.480 it's like no i i mean i do want i don't want my kid thinking like oh okay well if i so long as

00:36:58.880 i'm using a screen for under an hour then it's fine doesn't matter what i'm watching or what

00:37:02.520 i'm doing or who i'm ignoring or what right because minutes are what's important right

00:37:06.800 because that's what we hear a lot of the time, or how fast paced it is or whatever,

00:37:10.860 instead of like, what purpose is it serving? What need is it meeting? What is it allowing?

00:37:16.200 And how do I feel? How is it impacting me? And those are much harder things, right? That's

00:37:21.400 nuanced and complicated. And it's not a soundbite. And it's probably a lot more sustainable long term.

00:37:29.380 Yeah, I think I would tell Natalie, you're asking questions about it, like,

00:37:32.880 be interested in the answers your own answers to these questions yes right try it like experiment

00:37:38.160 try one day not listening while you do something notice what's different maybe it was better in

00:37:45.460 some ways and not in others and then use that information try it again but you don't have to

00:37:51.040 pathologize either way no totally totally so this next question gets back to your primary wheelhouse

00:37:58.080 of kids and screens. This is from Ashley, and Melody's going to read it. I have two children

00:38:02.660 who are now 14, a girl, and 12, a boy. We have always had limitations on their screen time with

00:38:08.020 the exception of summer. Our daughter is very good at regulating herself. She will be on her 0.98

00:38:12.720 iPad and then go do art after a while. However, with our son, he has always been much harder to

00:38:17.960 self-regulate his screen time. I especially noticed this when we let him play video games.

00:38:22.700 I swear he would play all day if we weren't there to redirect him. During school, we even limit

00:38:27.740 video games to only on the weekend, or I feel like as a family, we would barely have time to

00:38:32.100 interact. He also plays a lot of sports. Anyway, my question is twofold. Are video games, quote

00:38:37.660 unquote, worse screen time than, say, scrolling Pinterest? Are there any studies on the differences

00:38:43.080 between how boys and girls regulate screen time? And is there anything you could do to help your

00:38:47.800 kids who don't learn to better regulate? I don't think my son is any better than he was when he

00:38:52.040 was four oh there's so much going on it's like five questions so the few things that pop into

00:39:00.140 my head right away is reminds me of a couple other conversations we've had about parenting

00:39:04.500 contemporary parenting intensive parenting which is like this desire to know studies

00:39:09.780 yeah tell me all the info right yeah yeah give me all of the info um this also like is one kind

00:39:17.160 of screen time better or worse because then i can feel better if it's that screen time instead of

00:39:21.760 the screen time right like trying to get to that and then something I see a ton when I talk to

00:39:27.760 friends too is like well one of my kids is totally self-regulated they've got it figured out right

00:39:34.860 and then another one plays would play video games all day Melody put a little note and was like

00:39:41.080 I have and I will continue to do so or whatever right or whatever or you you would hike you would

00:39:51.380 crochet you would totally go rock climb you would watch Netflix all day right yeah I was um my kid

00:39:58.880 and I were on a road trip for like most of the month of June and it was mostly just the two of

00:40:03.500 us my spouse was not there it was wonderful it was incredible and there were also like I was also on

00:40:09.260 all like continually and there were a lot of moments where I found myself kind of looking

00:40:14.960 around because I'd been asked like yet another question right like the thousandth question of

00:40:19.780 the day and I found myself looking around being like where's the adult right like oh my god who

00:40:24.640 is who is making this decision and then with horror realizing that it is still in fact me

00:40:30.320 right and uh there's that aspect which stinks like this is not fun right and I say this with

00:40:38.180 my full chest it's not fun for me either if we are giving someone the option to do a thing

00:40:44.460 and then they choose to do the thing the only other choice we have is to not let them do the

00:40:52.940 thing right like if we're implicitly or explicitly saying hey right now you can do whatever you want

00:41:00.540 and they choose to go to the thing that is sort of the lowest hanging fruit

00:41:05.440 then like well we gave them that choice and the alternative is that we don't give them that choice

00:41:12.780 And I think that goes into the other part of what they were talking about with like the regulation piece.

00:41:17.920 So I think it's so interesting and I'm so glad this person mentioned that they don't think that they're there.

00:41:25.040 I think they're 12. I don't think they don't think they're 12 year old is any better at regulating than when they were four.

00:41:31.240 So something I say a lot is if you are struggling with something with relation to screens, take the screens out of it.

00:41:39.500 and it will illuminate the skill that needs addressing

00:41:43.800 because it isn't about technology almost any of the time.

00:41:48.780 Sometimes it's playing in.

00:41:50.580 But in this case, I mean, they said it.

00:41:53.240 It was like he's not able to regulate now any better than he was at four.

00:41:58.480 So is the issue the screen or is the issue regulation?

00:42:01.520 And I don't know this family, but look at other areas of this person's life.

00:42:06.280 Can they regulate in those other areas?

00:42:08.240 If they can't, okay, then it really is a regulation issue.

00:42:12.300 And that's really helpful because if we're treating screens neutrally, again, it's all

00:42:16.740 interconnected.

00:42:17.460 If we're treating them neutrally, then it's like, okay, we have to work on regulation.

00:42:22.060 What does regulation look like when you're playing baseball?

00:42:26.620 What does it look like when you're reading a book?

00:42:30.700 When you are trying to figure out if you're hungry?

00:42:32.420 When you're frustrated with a math problem?

00:42:34.320 What does it look like when you're playing video games, right?

00:42:36.880 how do we decide to step away from something? And we can make it clear to them that those are

00:42:42.520 skills that apply across these activities. And if we notice that it is something that's more unique

00:42:49.260 to the screen, I have a section of my book that I call the Screen Time ABCs.

00:42:55.240 Yeah, I was just going to mention that. Yeah. Because most of the time, most of we think the

00:43:00.180 issue is like the technology or their behavior, but a lot of the time it's actually the access

00:43:06.040 to the screen, like how they get it or how long, the behavior in relationship to it,

00:43:11.920 or the content.

00:43:14.340 And when we're trying to isolate and figure out like, okay, well, what's the pain point?

00:43:19.080 What is the issue?

00:43:20.540 If it's regulation, that could be turning it off.

00:43:23.980 If it's turning it off, then, okay, that could be access.

00:43:28.740 So how do we make it easier to turn it off?

00:43:31.440 And I give examples, but that could be like reminders.

00:43:34.180 it could be parental controls it could be a whole host of things and maybe it's the content because

00:43:39.940 the structure of the game is hard to stop right like if i'm playing mario kart and the level ends

00:43:45.160 it's like okay i'm done and if i'm playing something that's like a giant open sandbox

00:43:50.580 it's very hard to step away from that but that's not unique to screens it's hard if i'm in the

00:43:55.880 middle of a project it's hard if i'm in the middle of playing on the playground then we're getting

00:43:59.800 to the skill of how do I stop in the middle of something so that curiosity of looking at okay

00:44:06.740 is this actually unique to the technology or is there an underlying skill here that we can try to

00:44:13.780 address and then we're making it clear to our kids that hey the stuff you do on devices is still

00:44:20.920 relevant in the rest of your life right like these things cross over they can help support each other

00:44:25.700 so one thing i was just looking at this question written on the page and i was like

00:44:30.220 you could put me in that scenario at age 12 but replace lucky charms with screens

00:44:36.400 right like i only got them on the weekend like i was so much worse at regulating myself than my

00:44:42.000 brother i like i would i would eat them all day if i could like those things were all true of my

00:44:48.980 access to lucky charms like and it was because of how and i actually couldn't get them out i got

00:44:54.920 them at like birthday parties and i was like i will eat the entire box of lucky charms so that's

00:45:00.500 just as a note on restriction and how we approach these things the other thing and like again ashley

00:45:06.320 we don't know all of your family dynamics but the one thing i see coming through in this question is

00:45:10.420 that he seems to be doing a lot and depending on his personality i when i got home from school and

00:45:18.060 i was working hard to be perfect all day at school and i would come home and the first thing i needed

00:45:23.680 were some bagel bites and to watch star trek the next generation oh my god by myself yes by myself

00:45:30.260 yes yes uh the other thing is mentioning that this kid is doing a lot is especially during

00:45:37.940 the school year and i say this as an educator um kids have very little autonomy in their day-to-day

00:45:44.540 life almost none and we think they do because it feels like students are like often running the

00:45:50.540 show, but they have no autonomy. They're being told where to go, what to do, what to put your

00:45:57.420 name on, how to get this sort of grade. Their lives are very out of their hands. And even in

00:46:05.120 things like sports, which yes, they're often getting to connect, but they're getting constant

00:46:11.240 correction, constant feedback of like, do this differently next time. They're being expected to

00:46:18.080 kind of take all that in and synthesize it and immediately do something different that is

00:46:21.920 extremely demanding yes and if it were me in that situation i would be craving a sense of autonomy

00:46:31.200 meaning that like i just want to be in control and not be to being told that what i'm doing

00:46:38.040 is not right or needs to be different and video games are a very dense and immediate way

00:46:46.720 of feeling that autonomy because a game a game might enforce a rule like it might be like no

00:46:53.380 you can't go over there no you can't do that but it's not going to yell at you and it's not going

00:46:57.400 to admonish you and it's not going to be like how many times did i tell you to stop trying to do

00:47:01.140 that right if you want to it'll let you if you want to just go you know mine or for an hour it'll

00:47:08.880 let you um and that lets kids really feel in control without without punishment you know

00:47:18.680 without that sense of correction and so if that is something that maybe this kid is seeking

00:47:25.820 then we don't want video games to be the only way that they're getting that we don't want that

00:47:32.240 right so if that seems to be what they're craving how can we give that to them in other ways

00:47:38.140 and that might be other activities but if you're like full and you're like no we have no time

00:47:44.220 okay how can i make parts of our life maybe less managed by me maybe more from them what can i back

00:47:52.080 off of to give them that sense of you can have control here that way they that way he doesn't

00:48:00.260 think if i want to feel in control i should play video games right then he has more ways of feeling

00:48:05.040 that way yeah that's such a great answer gosh and i think like it's only going to ramp up from here

00:48:10.660 for the boy and the girl right for any kid like from age 12 and 14 like that that sort of control

00:48:17.220 over your time with the professionalization of like of sports but like kids sports and also

00:48:24.120 just like how being a student yeah we have to figure out ways that you can like find those

00:48:30.180 places of liberation for lack of a better word right like and and video games can be part of it

00:48:36.300 but then other things too i love the suggestion to like okay what can we do as a family that is

00:48:41.860 actually not led by us as adults yeah absolutely and you know what i know some adults are gonna be

00:48:49.260 like oh my god don't suggest that but it could actually be video games i know i hate i hate to

00:48:55.620 tell you this but like it could be um and you don't have to like it but it will at least show

00:49:01.580 your kid like my adult values this because they value me right and i think that goes a long way

00:49:09.400 if we're also trying to especially with kids this age because we're getting into the area of digital

00:49:15.620 safety a lot more than just like yeah yeah yeah balance right if we want kids to come to us when

00:49:22.620 something is unsafe online they first have to be able to come to us when something is safe and

00:49:28.020 exciting and celebratory and again with the neutrality if we're coming at it from like oh

00:49:34.120 minecraft again oh my god but you could have been drawing right then we're not gonna see

00:49:39.420 and celebrate the thing and then they're gonna go oh right i shouldn't i shouldn't mention this

00:49:45.500 but you know it's interesting all the kids in my life who like minecraft who love minecraft and

00:49:49.560 love to show me their creations on minecraft also love to draw and show me their drawings and like

00:49:54.680 yes because yeah because it's a giant open-ended thing right so like i am i am not a minecraft

00:50:01.360 person hey really really do not care for it and it's because i don't like i don't like an open-ended

00:50:06.680 thing i find it i find it overwhelming yeah but i love like kind of a rigidly like objective driven

00:50:14.360 thing like i like baking very similar it's like here's your recipe do these things be very exact

00:50:20.200 follow this to the t you'll get cake right i like hiking but i don't like i don't like backcountry

00:50:25.900 exploration right and to me i'm in i feel very in control because it's like okay like a lot of that

00:50:32.800 labor's been done for me i just follow this so it doesn't surprise me at all that a kid who likes

00:50:38.060 minecraft is gonna like you know dumping all the lego on the floor and figuring out what to create

00:50:43.400 but being able to tap into that and go why do they like this even ask your kid what is it you enjoy

00:50:49.620 about this so so when I first started my newsletter so almost five years ago one of the features that

00:50:55.400 I did was I had readers interview a kid in their lives about why they love video games and we had

00:51:01.900 responses from kids who were five to kids who were 18 and it was them like they they answered

00:51:08.440 questions and then we put it together into these answers and like sometimes i just it's so

00:51:13.060 frustrating to me that like when kids like something and we panic about it we never think

00:51:19.100 like to ask them why they like it if you can can get past that initial like i don't know i just do

00:51:25.400 which you can oftentimes if you just keep asking questions and showing that you are interested in 0.72

00:51:30.000 them and what they have to say okay we've got one last question before the triple a and it's going

00:51:35.900 to add even more nuance to the conversation. And I know that it's something that you've thought 0.99

00:51:40.300 about a lot. Let's hear from Caitlin. How can I reconcile screen time for family members with

00:51:45.740 disabilities who teeter between using their screens as a coping mechanism, but also are

00:51:50.800 moving through the looking glass into misinformation? For context, this is an older

00:51:55.540 family member who doesn't wish to acknowledge the impact hearing loss is having with how they

00:51:59.740 engage in the world. So I was speaking more about like the how people with disabilities

00:52:05.460 use screens differently. And if we that's part of why we can't apply this like blanket moral lens

00:52:10.700 to to all screen use in any capacity. Absolutely. But so maybe we could talk about that a little

00:52:17.900 bit first. And then maybe we could talk a little bit about the misinformation part.

00:52:21.960 Yeah, I think, especially with kids, I think that's a huge reason why, again,

00:52:28.160 And I think it's so important to not focus on these random objective metrics that we've decided are extremely important, like the number of minutes that someone's on a device or what age they are.

00:52:41.560 Like, I get a ton of questions of, like, my kid is six.

00:52:43.840 What should they be playing or watching?

00:52:45.840 Right, like it ratchets up like an amusement park ride.

00:52:49.680 Right, like it's height on a roller coaster, right?

00:52:54.720 But I think also we see this too with like, with going a little older kids with like smartphones

00:52:58.960 where there's this whole campaign of like, wait, wait until eighth.

00:53:01.700 And it's like, okay, when they're 14, they're magically going to sudden, they don't have

00:53:07.100 readiness.

00:53:07.960 Like what we're actually talking about is readiness.

00:53:10.520 And that's a whole different thing because readiness is about skills, right?

00:53:15.720 It's like asking what age should my kid ride a bike?

00:53:18.740 It's like, no, when are they ready to ride a bike?

00:53:21.740 Right, right.

00:53:22.600 And I really like going back to the readiness because then it's talking about what are the

00:53:26.980 skills?

00:53:27.600 What are the skills you have?

00:53:28.980 What are the skills you need?

00:53:30.720 And while you're building those skills, what do I need to protect you from?

00:53:35.040 So like when my kid is not a very great biker yet, they might, you know, have training wheels.

00:53:42.820 They might stay on flat ground.

00:53:44.520 They might wear knee pads.

00:53:46.920 You know, when my kid is building up the ability to manage their own screen time,

00:53:51.640 they might have a timer they might have me right available to them um but then we're we're still

00:53:59.480 protecting them from the danger they can't protect themselves from and they're building the skill

00:54:06.160 and when it comes to aspects of disability then you know that some of those things might not ever

00:54:14.040 be things that we can fully hand over the responsibility of to our child or a family

00:54:21.160 member because it's not within their capabilities or it would be inappropriate right like if someone

00:54:27.080 is using a screen as an assistive device the goal is not necessarily to not need it anymore

00:54:33.460 right we are accommodating and if that's an accommodation then they're going to need it all

00:54:39.460 the time. And I think, again, when we are able to recognize the neutrality there, it makes us

00:54:48.840 better at confronting some of the ableism that can so frequently come up in these conversations

00:54:54.440 of like, why is somebody on a device? Because you know what? It's meeting the need for that family

00:55:01.560 right now is often what is true. And that might be true because of a disability. And it might be

00:55:08.680 true because a parent is disabled and cannot do certain things for their kids that someone else

00:55:14.660 can or they have no capacity or they are dealing with chronic illness or what have you um so yeah

00:55:23.080 it's just all this interconnected stuff and i just don't think that focusing on those metrics

00:55:28.660 like who feels empowered by that you know who is like okay 30 minutes well if i need 32 minutes

00:55:36.200 then what does that mean right and if and if it's under 30 minutes then does it not matter what

00:55:41.920 they're doing on a screen of course it does right so getting away from the seemingly important like

00:55:48.660 kind of binary clear-cut metrics and instead looking at what is the purpose this is serving

00:55:53.760 right is it filling a need what need is it filling and yeah do i want that to change or

00:56:01.760 could it change? Sometimes it can, right? Sometimes my kid is eight and a half. So it

00:56:08.980 used to be like, no, I need screen time so I can make dinner so that my kid is safe. I'm safe. I'm

00:56:15.000 making a meal. It's different now. We can be more flexible now because our needs have changed. Who

00:56:20.580 we are has changed. And if my kid is using a device to communicate, that's not ever going to

00:56:26.140 change. And recognizing that need is also really important. Yeah. I see in this question from

00:56:32.940 Caitlin, and again, we don't know the full of the story, but just extrapolating for other situations,

00:56:40.200 this person and her family is, I think, probably feeling lonely in some capacity, right? Because

00:56:48.320 they're not able to engage with the world in the same way that they were able to before.

00:56:53.220 and there are so many things that can make that happen yeah and in their case probably the phone

00:57:00.080 is the thing that is making them feel or is distracting them from that feeling is replacing

00:57:05.060 that connection whatever it is but like the conversation isn't you're on your screen too

00:57:10.740 much yes the conversation is i've noticed that you felt really that you like have you been feeling

00:57:16.940 lonely right right or if this is not about the screen exactly it's not about the screen a lot

00:57:22.880 the time or if it's like if it were i imagine like an older relative who's maybe losing their

00:57:29.560 hearing right like something's changing over time this isn't something that's always been the case

00:57:33.720 then it might be um yeah just recognizing like you said exactly that and speaking to the like

00:57:44.080 hey this must be hard like yeah is this hard how is this going maybe suggesting or offering the

00:57:51.640 support of you know what you have in mind or at least letting them maybe say what supports might

00:57:58.420 be needed and i think also i i think especially for older people in families i think also just

00:58:05.600 naming like hey this is different and we still want to be with you yeah yeah yeah right because

00:58:13.440 like i can get very in my head i'm very convinced myself like when i am like in a bad place my brain

00:58:19.820 is like you should just not tell anyone and go like be by yourself and i'm like i know that's

00:58:24.840 not right but like you're really convincing brain you know and i think there's i think with older

00:58:30.040 family i think that really happens with this feeling like i don't want to be a burden

00:58:33.640 i don't want to be in the way uh so just making it clear that like we we want you in our lives

00:58:41.220 we want to make sure that this is accessible to you we want to include you right how can we

00:58:47.080 include you as opposed to kind of saying nothing and then they might confirm for themselves like

00:58:54.580 oh yeah it's just best that I'm in my screen. Yeah and I think it also brings us back to like

00:59:01.040 the very beginning of our conversation about like if we take our moral feelings about

00:59:05.820 the disinformation that this person might be getting from Facebook away and the fact that

00:59:11.740 they're on their screens all the time like if you love this person like how do you communicate

00:59:16.980 that to them and that you want to like that part not the you're on your screen too much and i think

00:59:24.580 you're believing bad memes you know like that's the harder part i mean believe me i could like i

00:59:30.340 i have my my whole like soapbox i could drag out about you know the kind of elder population and

00:59:37.960 boomer and like digital literacy because they often didn't get it when they were younger because

00:59:42.780 They were already kind of too old for it. And I get that that is like a major risk and a major consideration. And exactly as you're saying, exactly like with kids, right? Like if we're condemning the medium, right, that's not going to increase connection. It's not going to tell them that they can come to us about this thing.

01:00:04.720 And like, believe me, I do not want to hear about some AI generated Facebook posts that

01:00:10.640 everyone's interacting with.

01:00:11.780 That's the last thing that I want to hear about.

01:00:13.600 And if this is somebody that I care about, I'm probably still going to suck it up and

01:00:18.840 be like, let's talk about that thing.

01:00:21.440 Tell me about that thing, right?

01:00:23.120 As opposed to just like, please stop sharing this.

01:00:25.860 it's today's episode is brought to you by article so I was just talking to a friend of mine about

01:00:39.140 how she had to find a sofa for her apartment in New York and she wanted something that was

01:00:46.640 like chic but also affordable and also would stand up to wear and we were going back and

01:00:53.820 forth about like how she like what she was looking for and then she said and i'm not even making this

01:00:58.720 up i was like where'd you get it article duh article makes it effortless to create a stylish

01:01:05.340 long-lasting home or apartment at an unbeatable price they have every style if your vibe is more

01:01:11.480 mid-century modern or coastal or scandy inspired you can find that there and they pair seamlessly

01:01:17.880 with nearly any other article product this is really true i have like lots of different article

01:01:22.720 stuff that really works together in my home and they're not all from like the same line so it

01:01:27.000 doesn't feel like i got like matching stuff like i'm buying furniture in 1955 article focuses solely

01:01:34.820 on high quality meaningful pieces that will stand the test of time there's no filler and every item

01:01:40.600 is chosen for its craftsmanship design and lasting value all the stuff in my home right now we've had

01:01:46.840 for going on six years and it looks amazing still. Article also has fast affordable shipping and

01:01:53.280 assembly across the United States and Canada with options for professional assembly if you prefer a

01:01:58.760 hands-off experience like they came and assembled my bar cart which didn't require that much assembly

01:02:04.020 but they still assembled it for me which was fantastic. They also have support when you need

01:02:09.200 it so if you have a question or need help with your design choices their customer care team is

01:02:13.940 available seven days a week offering knowledgeable support and even free interior design services i

01:02:19.640 know someone who did this and they loved it to help you get your home just right with article's

01:02:24.340 30-day satisfaction guarantee you can shop with confidence knowing that if you're not completely

01:02:28.740 in love with your new furniture you can easily return it the peace of mind ensures you can vest

01:02:33.780 in your home without hesitation so if you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa a dining table

01:02:39.500 or a bed, or Melody's favorite lamp. What? No, I'm just going on five lamps from Article now.

01:02:46.260 Or one of the five lamps that Melody owns from Article. I think I own like four.

01:02:52.060 Head over to article.com slash culture. You can get $50 off your first order of $100 or more.

01:02:58.060 You'll see the discount automatically apply to checkout. That's article.com slash culture.

01:03:04.180 Today's episode is brought to you by Remy.

01:03:06.840 Melody, you know what I say a lot?

01:03:10.040 What? 0.85

01:03:10.940 That teeth are luxury bones. 0.99

01:03:14.180 That's so gross. 0.60

01:03:15.980 But you're right. 0.61

01:03:18.320 Because they're bones.

01:03:19.480 They're part of our bodies, but they're like luxury.

01:03:22.220 And in that, you have to have like a lot of privilege to take care of them well in most scenarios.

01:03:27.820 I just got a letter in the mail that my dentist is no longer accepting my insurance.

01:03:33.340 This is like the 10th time this has happened to me.

01:03:36.080 Like, the whole system is broken.

01:03:38.620 And I think a lot of people are really frustrated with trying to find care from dentists in the office with insurance.

01:03:46.480 This is where Remy comes in.

01:03:48.400 A lot of people I know have a lot of problems with involuntary teeth clenching and grinding.

01:03:54.020 It gives them headaches.

01:03:55.020 It makes their lives miserable.

01:03:57.080 30% of Americans grind their teeth and are looking for ways to help protect them at night.

01:04:01.740 And there's no better solution than Remy's custom fit night guard.

01:04:05.580 Both dentists and teeth grinders recommend Remy because a custom fit night guard is the

01:04:10.180 best way to protect your teeth.

01:04:12.100 And Remy is 80% less than the dentist and way easier.

01:04:16.040 So if you're in a position like me, where you no longer have dental coverage through

01:04:19.780 your dentist, this is an option to consider.

01:04:22.520 You receive your impression kit straight to your door.

01:04:25.220 Remy gives you step-by-step instructions to get your perfect impression.

01:04:28.740 And then they ship you your custom fit night guard.

01:04:31.040 The best part is Remy is so confident that you'll get a perfect fit that they offer a 45-night perfect fit guarantee or your money back.

01:04:39.680 So no waiting rooms, no overpriced bills, no dealing with your dentist, no longer accepting your insurance.

01:04:45.400 Just a better way to protect your teeth while you sleep.

01:04:48.780 Try Remy risk-free at shopremi.com slash culture and use code culture to get up to 50% off your nightguard at checkout.

01:04:56.380 out. That's 50% off shopremi.com slash culture with code culture. Thank you, Remy, for sponsoring

01:05:05.460 this episode. So I love that you teed up the larger conversation about media literacy because

01:05:18.320 we're going to, in the Ask An Anything segment, we're going to get to two special questions that

01:05:23.740 are about talking to people about their screen time usage and how it can potentially hurt the

01:05:29.560 relationship. So this includes Boomer parents. Let's play these questions back to back and we 0.85

01:05:35.220 will answer them together as best as we can. First up is from B. My best friend and former roommate

01:05:41.300 is an inveterate second screener. He will often be playing a simple game like Block Blast while

01:05:45.540 we talk, both when we live together and now when we talk on the phone. He has ADHD and is often

01:05:50.060 doing two things at once in other contexts, like doing a crossword puzzle in class or a craft while

01:05:53.980 he watches TV. And he says that these games are like fidget toys to help him focus. I love him

01:05:58.820 and have broadly accepted that this behavior is not a problem for our relationship, but generally

01:06:02.200 I do find it rude when other people go on their phones during a conversation. Is it hypocritical

01:06:06.560 of me to both abhor the proliferation of single-user screens in moments of connection and

01:06:10.380 completely accept my friend's habits? Is the only way to actually change the way we use screens in

01:06:15.180 social life to take a stand with those closest to us? Or should the fact that I've accepted this

01:06:18.980 behavior already suggest that maybe it is in fact acceptable. Next question along these lines comes

01:06:24.320 from Hannah. How are we talking about screen time usage with our boomer parents? My parents come to

01:06:30.460 visit me and my children. They are on their iPad way more than my kids are. And of course, these

01:06:35.400 are the same parents who told me that TV would rob my brain when I was a kid. There's so much

01:06:43.520 going on in both of these questions i we also got a we got a ton about dealing with our own

01:06:49.400 boomer parents so i think that this is something that has come up a ton and we don't know how to

01:06:54.720 address it and many of these other questions also mentioned the notification sounds which

01:07:01.500 oh like do you know about this uh i don't know well just maybe the boomers in your life

01:07:08.040 The general noisiness of- 0.88

01:07:10.060 Yes, oh my God, what is it?

01:07:11.480 It's a play.

01:07:11.680 All of them on all the time.

01:07:13.460 My mother does listen to things I do,

01:07:15.800 but she's not a subscriber to your podcast.

01:07:17.140 So mom, I love you, but oh my God.

01:07:21.440 Oh my God.

01:07:22.340 And it's like on the phone, on the computer, on the iPad,

01:07:26.740 because they have all three oftentimes.

01:07:28.480 Yes, yes, yes.

01:07:30.560 And it's like, chirp, boop, noop.

01:07:32.600 Yes, that is, it really is fascinating because I-

01:07:35.840 It's really interesting.

01:07:36.660 it is interesting because i also like in my own personal life with my own parents i am like

01:07:40.600 you don't seem to be responding to it so like is it serving a purpose and also just like

01:07:47.100 notifications on for like sports scores you know what i mean and like um yeah i mean

01:07:53.620 this gets to a whole thing of like i again the digital literacy i i think a huge amount of it

01:08:00.040 is like people just do not do not know like don't know that they have control over that don't know

01:08:04.320 how don't know that that a lot of that like it's turned on by default which i don't get me started

01:08:10.660 i have oh yeah yeah my feelings but yeah just like difficulty and i think one thing that is

01:08:15.980 always important for us like millennials gen x like younger people to acknowledge is that we

01:08:23.040 have spent a lot of time thinking about our own digital hygiene we have thought about like our

01:08:27.980 the way that our devices and the way that we email the way that we text like how that would work like

01:08:34.200 how to be professional in it right like how to create space away from it like those are things

01:08:39.920 that a lot of boomers did not have a ton of integration of these devices into their professional

01:08:44.700 they are far closer to our kids or below frankly yeah in some ways and that's not meant to be

01:08:51.220 infantilizing it's just a reality of the amount of education and experience that they have had

01:08:55.620 with them and i feel like people uh kind of i assume kind of our age sort of elder millennial

01:09:01.600 maybe cusper uh to gen x i feel like we are in some some ways the hardest position because

01:09:11.280 we are kind of the most technologically literate of anybody in our lives right of the people younger

01:09:19.140 than us and older than us and a lot of us like our kids oh yeah yes not like not like not 22

01:09:26.560 year olds they're more technological oh no absolutely more than 22 year olds no no no

01:09:30.840 definitely remorse you think so oh my god have you ever asked somebody born like since 2000 like

01:09:37.660 what is a save icon oh okay okay okay right like we have all of that like we have the pal

01:09:43.880 the palimpsest of like all of our technical technological experience not just like the

01:09:49.180 semiotics right but like the but the like yes but like not knowing like that uh the difference

01:09:57.140 between like how do you use emails right like cloud-based versus like it's saved locally on a

01:10:02.260 device oh yeah a lot of that literacy is gone okay i just look at the ability to make a reel

01:10:08.000 which you know how to do very well and i'm like that person knows how to internet

01:10:12.620 but i think that like people of our age really had it tough because we got to a certain age

01:10:20.000 maybe around when we had kids and we turned around and reflected back on our own lives and went holy

01:10:25.040 holy crap yeah yeah yeah oh my god my parents never should have been letting me do that i was

01:10:30.600 in the wild west of the internet in chat rooms asking rando's asl and like talking to all these 0.94

01:10:36.680 strangers and holy crap it is a miracle that i like made it through that and thank god the internet

01:10:44.780 was not forever and thank god i didn't have a computer in my pocket right and we look at that

01:10:49.720 and go oh my god i had to protect my kid from that and we also look at that and go oh my gosh

01:10:54.740 my parents had no idea which isn't like they really couldn't because it was like built being

01:10:59.160 built while we were flying the plane right but then our parents never really had to because they

01:11:05.200 were kind of just unaware of that and then they got thrust into that internet much like our kids

01:11:11.640 without any of that kind of knowledge and so we we saw the danger or we see it in our rear view

01:11:17.000 mirror and we're very aware of it and so we feel this like i think increased standard on ourselves

01:11:23.300 because it's like well we do know better so therefore i really can't get it wrong

01:11:27.820 yeah and it's but then we come across as condescending to everyone in our lives when we

01:11:35.140 talk about it like yeah condescending to our parents condescending to the kids in our lives

01:11:42.980 like yes condescending to gen z they're like shut up about how you didn't have facebook in college

01:11:48.460 and you're like but it was better right i mean yeah i mean well and so like for the parents you

01:11:53.880 know the the boomers on devices yeah i mean yeah so much of it too is like again take the screen

01:12:00.280 out of it they're sitting there reading a book they're sitting there being a conversation they're

01:12:04.560 doing something you don't like they're doing something you don't like okay yes and and i can't

01:12:10.760 tell someone else at what point you decide that that's worthy of saying to somebody like whether

01:12:18.860 that is your friends in the case of b and their friend who's like doing these things because he's

01:12:25.380 probably unmedicated is what i'm hearing with his adhd um or it's your parents or what have you you

01:12:32.760 know like certain things like my kid uh my parents uh basically functioned as child care for us on

01:12:40.000 certain days of the week where my kid got out of school early and I know I know the tv was on

01:12:44.560 there in ways that it wouldn't be at home I know that they were watching things that I probably

01:12:49.320 wouldn't have allowed in the total amount and I was okay with it because I knew certain things

01:12:55.620 were absolutely okay like I knew they were in the room I am I had told them generally speaking

01:13:01.200 like these are the things we're okay with we're not okay with content like this or with this

01:13:06.420 language or this kind of depiction like i put the guardrails on enough and i then recognize like

01:13:12.720 okay and this is kind of the cost of the free child care like yeah and is this something i'm

01:13:17.900 okay with being a habit and sometimes that's yes and sometimes it's no and if it's no well again

01:13:26.680 it's not really about the screen it's i don't like that i don't like this behavior that this

01:13:31.620 person's doing and i think it goes back to we were talking about with the person um losing their

01:13:36.400 hearing where it's like okay how do we make it clear that we want you in our lives like you're

01:13:43.320 here i'm visiting you i'm talking to you i'm visiting your apartment you're at our house

01:13:47.000 i want to talk to you i want to connect with you um and i think there's varying ways to do that i

01:13:52.940 think even something as simple as like uh what can we all do together that we'll all enjoy right

01:13:57.380 especially with kids and grandparents right oh yeah well and i think you know this reminds me

01:14:03.880 of a lot of questions that like virginia soul smith gets about how do i talk to my mom about

01:14:09.960 or my dad or elders in my life about the comments that they make about food and bodies around my

01:14:16.260 kids yes right some of it is modeling and you're like well i'm doing all of this work to try to

01:14:21.140 parent uh-huh navigate a really tricky thing and i just need a little bit of your help on this one

01:14:28.440 right so like you're as a parent doing all this work to model a certain way to engage with and

01:14:36.220 be present with screens and then grandma constant has like 17 notifications or msnbc is on the

01:14:43.040 television constantly all day all day constantly all the time right never off i think just having

01:14:49.460 like a larger like saying like an awareness like hey mom sometimes it's difficult for me to feel

01:14:56.660 like we are like engaging with one another when the television's on all the time or like i have

01:15:02.080 to deal with the news a lot in my job so it'd be kind of nice to not have it on in the background

01:15:06.720 i think we could talk about that not shaming it because i think sometimes the impulse is to be

01:15:11.320 like cool notification dad like do you want me to you know what i mean like just kind of like

01:15:17.200 like tease them right well yeah i think there's a couple approaches one could be like genuine

01:15:23.280 curiosity mixed with like genuine sort of ignorance of like oh what does that notification

01:15:28.820 mean like I don't have that one like truly I could say that like I don't I don't hear that

01:15:32.880 sound what does that one mean like mom have you ever like do you know how to turn exactly exactly

01:15:36.820 do you like it do you like it yeah like yes oh wow I had to turn my notifications off because I

01:15:41.860 find them so annoying do you like them like do you know how to change that is that something you want

01:15:46.140 help with and if they're like no it's fine like okay fine back off right but it could be that

01:15:51.020 they have no idea which is like i think often the case i learned this trick that i think about all

01:15:56.440 the time from um the the gottman's john and julie gottman that uh talk about like relationships um

01:16:02.480 and like you know fighting and conflict and i remember them talking once about um

01:16:07.500 if you're getting a sense or what you're if what you want to say to someone is like

01:16:12.960 you're being defensive that obviously that's not going to generally go very well uh in the middle

01:16:18.900 of a conflict but they said to instead turn it around and say you know what I feel like I'm

01:16:24.760 gonna get really defensive in this conversation right now and I think about something like that

01:16:30.180 where it's like if I were in my parents house and there's like things buzzing and MSNBC is on and

01:16:35.380 I I would I would be I would be able to say like I am gonna have a really hard time focusing in

01:16:41.680 this conversation or like you know what if there's a tv on I'm just gonna end up watching the tv and

01:16:47.140 i really want to be here with you do you mind if i turn that off like don't make it about them

01:16:51.860 make it about you like make yourself the bad guy be you can be the bad guy you like you could be

01:16:57.740 the bad guy and not in like a we have a no screens rule right not in this like i'm micromanaging you

01:17:04.100 and putting you under my thumb but more of like letting them be generous with the kindness does

01:17:11.500 that make sense yeah of like yeah yeah yeah this is just what i need would it be okay if we just

01:17:15.680 turn this off right and then and then it's like oh my gosh thank you so much and move on with our

01:17:21.080 lives and then the other thing I would say is that there are some things that I think we just

01:17:25.280 have to understand that not everyone is going to engage with technology exactly the way that you

01:17:29.320 are so like one thing my mom does is she keeps her phone ringer on her phone because she doesn't

01:17:35.180 keep her phone on her person at all times you know what I mean like that's just not something

01:17:40.660 that she ever learned to do and I this is true for a lot of people who are around her age like

01:17:44.760 they just that's not their practice well and they're used to a house phone that is loud

01:17:48.360 yeah yes and so i'm like you know what that's okay and like she has like doctor's appointments

01:17:54.900 so like they're calling to check in on something like she can't ignore the phone the way that i

01:17:58.840 can ignore the phone right so i just have to be like sometimes my mom's phone is going to ring

01:18:02.780 and it's going to be annoying to me yeah that's okay yes and i think that's also a good thing

01:18:06.600 too to show to kids like if it's grandparents or what have you of like there is no one right way

01:18:11.860 to do things and um there are things that grandma does differently because they work for her and

01:18:19.200 like all my doctor's appointments are through an app grandma doesn't want to deal with the app

01:18:23.640 she her phone rings i can't pick up my phone any time of day i do everything this way we're both

01:18:29.800 getting those things done right and sometimes it might be differences of like yeah it feels

01:18:35.360 different around people that are using their devices in this way and it's okay to notice that

01:18:41.880 and it's okay not to like it that's also good to know it's good to figure out what's important to

01:18:46.800 you totally and i think to wrap us back to b's question briefly before we wrap up the whole

01:18:52.980 episode i think you know part of what they asked was is it hypocritical of me to both abhor the

01:19:00.820 proliferation of single user screens and moments of connection and completely accept my friends

01:19:05.200 habits no that's like you're meeting your friend where they are i think to me it seems like b wants

01:19:12.240 to wants and needs to have more conversation with this person about how they're connecting

01:19:18.700 yeah absolutely because it's still it's still prickly to them right yeah it doesn't seem like

01:19:24.360 it's working for them so i think that's another thing too is if you're in i mean essentially

01:19:29.240 they're in a relationship with this person it's not a romantic relationship but like it is a is

01:19:33.700 an important relationship in their life and if if that is true i think that to really go full circle

01:19:43.220 to talk about like the person getting ignored by their partner on the phone earlier versus a book

01:19:47.880 it's the feeling of i want to value our time together and i don't feel the same value when

01:19:58.680 you're looking at a screen I know you might still be present and I have this hang up right again

01:20:05.100 it's sort of like same thing with like the boomer parent of like this is hard for me how can we

01:20:11.400 accommodate this like you're accommodating yourself in this way yeah this isn't quite working for me

01:20:17.840 it works for you and now we're in a relationship right now we're in a partnership I talk about this

01:20:22.680 with kids and students all the time like things like fidgets it's like okay some fidgets are loud

01:20:28.560 some are annoying some are wet some are sticky some are whatever it's like okay what is the best

01:20:34.780 tool for the job right now that is going to not impede on anyone else's enjoyment of this experience

01:20:41.840 right and so if this is detracting from their experience then that's worth naming right and

01:20:49.960 and surely this person in their life has found other ways like they can't play phone games in

01:20:56.220 the movie theater i hope right like they're gonna find other ways of accommodating this in other

01:21:02.360 parts of their life hopefully uh and if not that would be a good thing for them to do um and i

01:21:08.800 think it's okay to find a way of valuing not feeling like you're valuing yourself over your

01:21:15.100 friend but valuing the relationship yeah that's a great place for us to end ash if people want to

01:21:21.740 find you on the internet where can they find you thank you so much what a wonderful conversation

01:21:27.380 um you can find me all right you can find me mostly on instagram at the gamer educator i

01:21:33.420 cross post all my instagram posts to sub stack um so if you're trying to avoid social media in your

01:21:38.560 life or you just want to be able to like search your email inbox to always find a post because

01:21:43.320 it's hard to find things on social media my sub stack is also at the gamer educator and my book

01:21:50.060 power on managing screen time to benefit the whole family came out on august 26th and is

01:21:54.440 available wherever you get books and if you um feel particularly about the tone of my voice i

01:21:59.840 read my audiobook so maybe that will sway you one way or the other if you're choosing to get it

01:22:03.780 and if you're not entirely sure i always encourage people get it from your library request your

01:22:07.960 library to get it then everybody wins in that situation and your instagram is very aesthetically

01:22:13.300 pleasing to me so you should follow if only for that reason well i appreciate that

01:22:20.060 thanks for listening to the culture study podcast if you want to support the show

01:22:26.240 become a paid subscriber at culturestudypod.substack.com it's just five bucks a month

01:22:31.760 or fifty dollars a year and you'll get ad-free episodes the ask and anything segment and weekly

01:22:37.520 discussion threads for each episode and be sure to subscribe to the culture study podcast wherever

01:22:42.560 you get your podcasts we have so many great episodes in the works and i promise you don't

01:22:47.660 want to miss any of them any url.com slash culture study pod or check the show notes for a link and

01:22:54.500 if you're a paid subscriber head over to the discussion thread and keep the conversation going

01:22:58.620 for discussion today how did this make you think about your current relationship with screens as

01:23:05.680 pertains to your relationships with others like did it make you reconsider some of the behaviors

01:23:11.400 that you practice or that others practice what's one thing that you kind of want to change or that

01:23:16.240 you want to start thinking about differently. I think we're going to have a really great discussion.

01:23:19.840 The Culture Study Podcast is produced by me, Anne Helen Peterson, and Melody Rowell. Our music is

01:23:24.960 by Pontington Bear. You can find me on Instagram at Anne Helen Peterson, Melody at Melodious47,

01:23:30.520 and the show at Culture Study Pod.

01:23:46.240 You

Culture Study Podcast - October 01, 2025

Why Other People's Screen Time Annoys You

Episode Stats

Transcript