If Books Could Kill - October 05, 2026


Why Men Love Bitches

Surrounded By Idiots

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 11 minutes

Words per minute

205.58

Word count

14,723

Sentence count

583

Harmful content

Misogyny

152

sentences flagged

Toxicity

235

sentences flagged

Hate speech

167

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Think of all the possibilities you have, Peter. 1.00
00:00:02.600 What do you know about why men love bitches? 1.00
00:00:05.340 How much time do you need? 1.00
00:00:06.680 The amount of self-censorship I have to do during this episode is fucking Herculean. 0.99
00:00:11.820 The thing is, though, she says more offensive shit than you could ever come up with. 0.99
00:00:15.180 So it's actually perfect. 0.99
00:00:16.040 You could just act shocked and horrified.
00:00:17.600 Yeah, the more problematic the book, the more runway I have.
00:00:20.520 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:00:22.200 Why men love bitches. 1.00
00:00:24.040 Peter. 1.00
00:00:24.520 Michael. 1.00
00:00:25.240 What do you know about why men love bitches? 1.00
00:00:27.260 All I know is that I can't answer that because I've never met one. 1.00
00:00:44.020 So the full title of this book is Why Men Love Bitches, colon, From Dormat to Dream Girl,
00:00:50.260 M-Dash, A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship by Sherry Argov. It was released in 0.96
00:00:58.420 2002. According to the front cover, it has sold more than one million copies. It's crazy to be
00:01:04.600 writing this right after 9-11. The nation needed to heal, Peter. This was the only way.
00:01:09.140 The initial release of the book is not particularly interesting. It was followed up by a sequel,
00:01:13.900 Why Men Marry Bitches in 2004. Okay. It then went dormant for quite a while, but then in 2020, 0.98
00:01:22.640 this book blew up on TikTok and has been like pretty popular ever since. So I checked the
00:01:30.400 Amazon list for like bestselling dating books and this book was number five this week. What?
00:01:36.380 Yes. People are still, if you go on TikTok, there's like hundreds of videos of people
00:01:41.080 talking about this book
00:01:42.080 and like how wise it is
00:01:43.240 and how good it is. 1.00
00:01:43.940 What the fuck? 0.99
00:01:44.440 So we are going to watch 1.00
00:01:47.280 one of the TikToks, Peter.
00:01:49.320 Oh, now we're talking.
00:01:50.360 So this gives you an overview
00:01:51.560 of sort of the premise of the book
00:01:53.260 and I think why it is appealing
00:01:54.640 to contemporary women.
00:01:56.640 This has 146,000 likes on TikTok.
00:02:00.140 Yes.
00:02:00.320 My God. 0.98
00:02:02.960 If you are a woman who is single, 1.00
00:02:05.020 hates men, 1.00
00:02:05.780 can't deal with these dusty crusty musties, 0.98
00:02:07.640 listen up, this is for you.
00:02:08.880 I need you to go grab this book right here. 1.00
00:02:10.500 why men love bitches when i was in my i don't give a fuck about a man era didn't want to talk or 1.00
00:02:15.920 entertain one didn't even want to go on dates because of how dusty some of these men were when 0.99
00:02:20.780 i tell you that this genuinely changed my perspective on dating it changed my perspective
00:02:24.280 on relationships and how i move in relationships i was always miss nice girl okay i was always the
00:02:29.240 girl that would always make excuse oh like he couldn't come to something oh it's okay it was
00:02:33.280 probably because he was tired oh he couldn't show up for me because he had something going on
00:02:37.100 it's okay maybe next time do you know how cringy that sounds i was losing myself trying to make
00:02:41.840 these men happy and that is the last thing i will be doing today this book genuinely taught me that
00:02:46.380 what you tolerate you allow let me say that again so it's drilled in your head what you tolerate you
00:02:51.900 allow if you are not okay with your man doing a certain type of behavior or certain thing and
00:02:56.520 you've already communicated to him one too many times that what you're doing upsets me and instead
00:03:01.400 of him not doing it continues to do it however you don't have a strong backbone and don't put
00:03:05.940 your foot down don't tolerate it anymore he will continue to do the same thing until you decide to
00:03:11.000 break the cycle you can still move with love you can still move with kindness you can still move
00:03:15.520 with your feminine energy but having boundaries in place is the one thing that is going to protect
00:03:19.740 you from low quality people and low quality experiences what do you think peter how are you 0.69
00:03:25.540 how are you defending against the dusty christy musties in your life this makes sense to me this 0.67
00:03:29.320 a girl who is like 24 and she's like when i was 23 i was so stupid the message of it is basically 0.85
00:03:36.640 fine it's hard to know because if you frame it like hey you set some boundaries people actually 0.87
00:03:41.420 respect that sure yeah but if you're like you should be kind of mean because it tricks people
00:03:48.600 psychologically into wanting you more then you're in like weird negging pickup artist territory 0.68
00:03:55.480 right very very conservative worldview you must be warlike because your enemy is also warlike
00:04:01.960 this is the epitome of the right-wing worldview and it's being brought into the dating world
00:04:06.820 or is it peter or is it a message of empowerment for today's young women let's read the book and
00:04:11.260 find out let's go through the content of the book so the opening paragraphs of the book define what 0.96
00:04:18.600 she means by bitches let's get some definitions rolling first of all let's do it so here we go 1.00
00:04:26.660 why men love bitches is a relationship guide for women who are too nice the word bitch in the title 0.99
00:04:32.000 does not take itself too seriously i'm using the word in a tongue-in-cheek way representative of 0.99
00:04:36.560 the humorous tone of this book it's a show don't tell it's a show don't tell kind of book 20 years
00:04:41.520 before chat gpt she's writing like this an important distinction should be made between
00:04:45.820 the pejorative way the word is usually used and the way it is used here. Certainly, I'm not
00:04:50.500 recommending that a woman have an abrasive disposition. The bitch I'm talking about is 1.00
00:04:55.100 not the bitch on wheels or the mean-spirited character that Joan Collins played on Dynasty. 1.00
00:05:01.360 It's a 2002 book. The woman I'm describing is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever 0.95
00:05:06.860 so subtle. She doesn't give up her life and she won't chase a man. She won't let a man think he
00:05:12.440 has a hundred percent hold on her and she'll stand up for herself when he steps over the line
00:05:16.660 she knows what she wants but won't compromise herself to get it but she's feminine like a steel
00:05:21.880 magnolia flowery on the outside and steel on the inside sure i kind of respect the book for in the 1.00
00:05:28.140 opening paragraph being like the title is clickbait when i say bitch i mean a completely 1.00
00:05:33.140 different thing that is nobody else's definition of bitch like a confident woman who's like kind 0.78
00:05:38.700 but also assertive yes one of the weird facts i came across in the research was that apparently 0.98
00:05:42.320 the portuguese translation of this book just translated bitches as competent woman the wokest 0.95
00:05:47.760 language in the world portuguese a mean woman no there's no there's no word for that in portuguese 0.77
00:05:54.160 i had a long period like i read the intro to this book and then i like moved on like i had some
00:05:58.260 editing to do and some other stuff and in my mind this was sort of sitting there as like do we
00:06:02.540 finally have a book that is like fine it's just like hey ignore the title this book is going to
00:06:07.040 be about having more confidence and like moving through the world in a way where you don't let 0.98
00:06:10.520 people treat you like shit? If so, honestly, call your book whatever you want. Well, here's the 0.99
00:06:14.900 thing. I feel like you've done fewer books like this than I have. And the one thing I've learned
00:06:21.700 is that the first chapter will always make you nervous as a podcaster. You're like, oh, is this
00:06:26.360 actually just a totally fine book, right? I know, I know. But no one can keep talking about this
00:06:31.040 for 200 pages without eventually becoming insane. Also, Peter, do you know the etymology of the
00:06:38.280 word bitch like where the word comes from like beyond the female dog i know in this book she 0.56
00:06:42.300 says according to some the word bitch derives from the first letters in the following phrase 0.99
00:06:48.500 babe in total control of herself so when a man calls a woman a bitch he's actually saying 0.98
00:06:54.460 you're a baby total control of yourself early 1900s the rest of the intro just sort of lays 0.96
00:06:58.620 out like the basic concept she also mentions that she interviewed hundreds of men for this book
00:07:03.700 so this is going to be a woman conveying male perspectives on what they like in women so we're
00:07:10.520 getting the best of both worlds yes we then get into chapters one and two chapter one is act like
00:07:18.440 a prize and you'll turn him into a believer which bothered me because it's like the nouns don't match
00:07:24.020 up right if it was like act like a goddess and you'll turn him into a believer like those two
00:07:27.800 things right would be parallel right that would have lined up it's like a little foreshadowing
00:07:31.360 of like this this really feels like a book that she just like typed out and like sent off like
00:07:35.880 there's a lot of weird stuff like this she starts by doing a critique of women's magazines a critique 0.96
00:07:42.820 of traditional female media okay here's this the average fashion magazine gives women ridiculous 0.53
00:07:48.480 relationship advice that makes it easy to understand why women are so eager to overcompensate 0.74
00:07:52.700 play hard to get then cook him a four-course meal bake him valentine's cookies with exotic 1.00
00:07:57.220 sprinkles shipped from malaysia just like martha stewart don't forget the little doilies and the
00:08:01.800 organic strawberries that you drove two hours to get then serve it all to him on the second date
00:08:06.280 wearing a black lace nightie and what is this a recipe for disaster a dream girl on the other hand
00:08:12.800 won't kill herself to impress anyone this is why the woman he really falls in love with doesn't 0.94
00:08:17.640 serve a four course meal and you won't see her breaking out the fancy china either she'll start
00:08:22.420 out cooking him a one course meal popcorn no fancy doilies a tupperware bowl does the trick
00:08:30.700 she simply asks her guest hey do you want the bag or the bowl hell yeah this makes it seem like there 1.00
00:08:36.380 was an epidemic of women cooking their men for course meals i wasn't on the dating scene in like 1.00
00:08:43.120 the 90s but i don't i don't think that was true she then gives a recipe for like what you should 1.00
00:08:50.080 serve him on the first date. She says the appetizer is popcorn. She then says for the
00:08:55.220 main course, you should boil two hot dogs in water and then chop them up and put toothpicks
00:09:00.760 in them and hand them to him. And then for dessert, you should give him a Twinkie jelly
00:09:05.980 roll, like something super, super low effort. 0.99
00:09:08.660 Texting my friends like, hey, I just had the most fucked up date of my life. 0.91
00:09:12.800 So like, it's clear that she's joking with this. Like the whole thing is she's sort of 0.94
00:09:16.820 exaggerating it like a lot of yeah the book has this thing where like officially you can tell
00:09:20.980 like obviously she's joking but on the other hand she's joking the way that like ann coulter is
00:09:25.700 joking right it's officially a joke but also your advice is to not make a huge effort in the early
00:09:31.000 process of dating if this sold a million copies you know that like one woman out there cut up
00:09:36.020 hot dogs yeah yeah there's a weird tension there where it's like okay but like what does it actually
00:09:41.400 look like to be chill and not put in too much effort she also has a lot of tables in the book
00:09:47.180 okay a lot of tables a lot of quizzes yeah a lot of like uh bullet points and stuff you'll never 1.00
00:09:52.220 guess why a lot of the tables are two columns like contrasting the nice girl and the bitch 0.99
00:09:57.300 have you ever injured yourself through violent masturbation so here's this i'll be the nice girl 1.00
00:10:02.940 and you can be the bitch that makes sense okay the nice girl she'll try to sweet talk a man into 1.00
00:10:08.000 giving her what she wants on a regular basis. 1.00
00:10:10.320 If she doesn't get it, she'll cry, get upset, or pout. 1.00
00:10:13.120 The bitch. 1.00
00:10:14.100 She won't sugarcoat anything or use euphemisms. 1.00
00:10:17.040 She is direct about what her preferences are
00:10:18.920 and lets him know what the do's and don'ts are
00:10:20.980 with respect to how he treats her. 0.95
00:10:23.020 The nice girl.
00:10:23.840 If he hurts her in some way, she'll cry.
00:10:25.960 Then she'll make him apologize and promise not to do it again. 1.00
00:10:28.680 The bitch. 1.00
00:10:29.260 She'll back off and let her silence do the talking. 1.00
00:10:31.860 Then she'll communicate when she's ready on her own terms.
00:10:34.880 At this point, she makes it clear it won't happen again
00:10:36.740 because if it does, she won't be around.
00:10:39.260 Mm-hmm.
00:10:39.880 Is that really more direct than crying? 0.98
00:10:41.360 The nice girl.
00:10:42.040 She tells herself he didn't mean that
00:10:43.760 or she makes excuses if he behaves badly. 1.00
00:10:46.280 The bitch. 1.00
00:10:46.860 She notices his disrespect instantly 1.00
00:10:49.060 and without hesitation calls him on it.
00:10:51.540 The nice girl.
00:10:52.180 She forces herself to do something she's uncomfortable with
00:10:54.560 in order to please a man.
00:10:56.000 She also puts on a happy face and pretends that she likes it. 1.00
00:10:59.160 The bitch. 1.00
00:10:59.960 She won't do anything she's not comfortable with 1.00
00:11:02.240 and won't hesitate to let him know
00:11:04.220 she meets him on a level playing field. 0.70
00:11:06.040 Another thing she does a lot in the book is put these little equations in the text. 0.99
00:11:10.600 So the nice girl one says, one equals a docile woman equals loss of respect. 0.97
00:11:16.460 The other equals a desirable woman equals increased respect. 0.99
00:11:21.560 That's math, baby.
00:11:22.640 I don't know if you needed these.
00:11:24.420 This is very generic stuff so far.
00:11:25.980 Also, I refuse to believe that you couldn't find this in a magazine for the ladies.
00:11:31.540 So these are the chapters that cover kind of like the initial stages of dating.
00:11:37.020 Like when you first met somebody, you're sort of feeling out like how often am I going to see him?
00:11:40.700 Like are we going to go to his place?
00:11:41.980 Are we going to meet at a bar?
00:11:42.960 Like these kind of little decisions that you have to make in the early stages of dating.
00:11:46.020 The core advice is basically like you shouldn't change who you are.
00:11:50.200 You should make sure you keep your friends, keep your hobbies.
00:11:52.340 Don't cancel plans to meet some guy you're on like a second or third date with.
00:11:56.220 People are attracted to other people who have hobbies and interests and interesting things to discuss.
00:12:00.880 So you shouldn't compromise any of that.
00:12:02.620 You're never going to get a boyfriend by pretending that he is the center of your world, right?
00:12:07.080 Fundamentally sound advice.
00:12:08.580 She gives some tips on like planning dates, when to accept invitations from the guy, when not to.
00:12:15.080 We're going to read these two.
00:12:17.080 I'll be if he and you should be you should.
00:12:20.520 Okay.
00:12:20.940 If he takes a few hours to return a phone call.
00:12:23.160 You should take a few hours to pick up.
00:12:25.660 Boom.
00:12:26.080 Monkey see, monkey do.
00:12:27.660 If he keeps calling to push back the plans from 5 to 6 to 7,
00:12:31.500 you should agree to the first delay.
00:12:33.600 If he pushes back again, pull the plug politely.
00:12:36.900 Tell him to take care of his business and suggest hooking up later that week.
00:12:40.560 If he calls after 10 or at a time when you would normally be asleep,
00:12:43.920 you should wait until your next date and politely tell him not to call you past 10.
00:12:47.540 Don't do it.
00:12:47.940 That shows you can live without talking to him and you aren't that concerned with where he is at night.
00:12:52.400 If he wants to see you for one or two hours or just enough time to have sex,
00:12:56.040 You should tell him you don't work in little time frames.
00:12:59.320 Suggest another night when you both have more time.
00:13:01.740 If he doesn't call you when he's out of town.
00:13:03.640 He shouldn't be able to get a hold of you when he gets back.
00:13:07.100 Regardless of how many times a week he calls or wants to see you.
00:13:10.520 Don't pick up 100% of the time.
00:13:12.760 So some of these are boundaries and then a couple of them are psychological mind games.
00:13:18.360 This is the funny like duality of this book is that some of the stuff is like totally fine.
00:13:23.340 And yeah, if a guy's clearly just calling you for sex and that's not something you're interested in or he's calling you late at night, like, yeah, just be like, no thanks.
00:13:29.720 Yeah.
00:13:30.020 But then also, no matter what, don't pick up the phone. 0.91
00:13:33.260 One of my favorite things to think about in the context of dating advice of any type is would you accept this from the other gender? 0.95
00:13:41.040 Like if you just like flipped it, right? 0.95
00:13:42.680 Yeah.
00:13:42.820 If it was like the man you're dating is playing weird games by intentionally not picking up the phone sometimes.
00:13:48.620 I will say, I mean, we talked about this for the rules episode, so I'm not going to get super into it.
00:13:52.100 but I did look up like the effectiveness of various dating strategies and obviously very
00:13:56.960 difficult thing to study. But to the extent there's any data on this, it basically doesn't
00:14:02.320 matter that much. If you really like somebody, whether they text back after three hours or one
00:14:07.520 day or whatever, these sorts of little tips don't really do much. And if you don't like somebody,
00:14:12.160 there isn't a lot of strategy they can use to make you interested in them.
00:14:16.400 Right.
00:14:16.640 I also think there's a weird thing where people pretend it doesn't matter. Like obviously,
00:14:20.520 don't come on too strong early in a relationship you know don't make yourself too available to
00:14:24.920 somebody i think people respond to neediness especially with like online dating like is
00:14:29.040 this person way too into this like they shouldn't be taking this too seriously you really can turn
00:14:33.000 somebody off by being like too into them too early i actually think that uh this is my most
00:14:37.940 problematic uh dating thought and this is outdated i haven't dated in a decade but like i feel like
00:14:43.620 playing hard to get does work there is a an actual psychological concept where when something is
00:14:48.580 available to you. Once you know that it's an option, you immediately start thinking,
00:14:52.180 what are my other options? And so when somebody casts themselves as an option,
00:14:55.680 you're going to look around. On the other hand, I mean, I am somebody who just went through this
00:14:59.920 process. Like I met a guy online last November and then we had a couple of months where we were
00:15:04.200 doing this, like we've been on one date and then how much are we going to see each other?
00:15:07.920 During that process, really, he was fun to hang out with and he was cute and nice to be around.
00:15:13.120 And like, if he texted back a little slower or a little faster, I'd know that it mattered that
00:15:18.100 much. Ultimately, I feel like this stuff probably does work at the margins, but it can get you maybe
00:15:23.420 like a third date with somebody who's on the fence about you and would have goes to do after two
00:15:28.480 dates. Like they're probably still going to be on the fence about you after that third date.
00:15:31.940 And if he was willing to look past you being a professional podcaster, then I'm sure that you 0.96
00:15:36.400 could have done all sorts of bullshit when it came to the texting timing. My rule with this was 0.96
00:15:41.620 I will eventually tell him about all this. And so if there's something like, okay, I waited until
00:15:46.180 the next day to text you back yeah yeah you will eventually tell him that and he'll probably think
00:15:49.620 it was cute but if it's like oh yeah when i told you i couldn't hang out because like i had a
00:15:53.220 volleyball game i don't actually play volleyball i lied to make you think i was cool like that would
00:15:57.720 look really bad in a relationship i think generally like low level stuff like this is totally fine but
00:16:03.320 assume that you're going to tell the person about it eventually like my parents didn't really die 0.97
00:16:08.300 yeah exactly like you have to be really careful with this shit when are we gonna get to the 0.97
00:16:12.500 explanation of why i'm attracted to the gone girl lady that's what i'm confused about here so as 1.00
00:16:18.740 usual with these books because they have to fill them up she also gives quite a bit of sort of
00:16:24.240 obvious advice so here are some other tips don't introduce him as your boyfriend right away this
00:16:30.480 suggests to a man that you are setting up for the long haul and you want to preserve the impression
00:16:34.400 you are still undecided let's circle back no lover's gazes to you it's romantic but to him
00:16:41.840 he's being eyed up like prey no different than the way a lion looks at a gazelle don't look at
00:16:47.380 him ladies by the way if there's one thing guys like it's just like a woman looking at him yeah
00:16:52.060 like elevator eyes yeah it feels good there's a reason that like every movie has that one scene
00:16:56.540 it's almost like unrealistic yeah yeah in how hornily the lady gazes at the dude don't give
00:17:02.720 him framed pictures of you for his home and office okay careful ladies careful are we still talking 1.00
00:17:07.960 like the first couple of days. Imagine you show up to like the third day. You're like, Hey, 0.95
00:17:12.480 this is a picture. This is just a picture of me, a full body picture of me. Not even a picture of
00:17:17.340 you like together. It's like a, just a picture of me. Don't drop the L bomb within the first
00:17:22.260 couple of months. You don't love him. You don't love the sex. You like the sport coat. Good
00:17:27.640 enough. Jesus Christ. Don't use new age words like we, us, ours, destiny, soulmate, or anything
00:17:36.900 with a togetherness feeling.
00:17:41.760 Don't say like,
00:17:42.740 we should see a movie next week.
00:17:44.060 No, no, no, that's we. 0.99
00:17:44.940 Don't use hippie dippy bullshit words like we. 0.99
00:17:49.060 Don't use catchphrases like it was meant to be 1.00
00:17:51.920 or the universe brought you to me. 1.00
00:17:54.220 Ladies.
00:17:54.920 Don't tell him about your therapy sessions,
00:17:57.220 antidepressant drugs or childhood issues
00:18:00.100 and leave out the one
00:18:01.780 about the bladder control support group.
00:18:04.040 Well, yeah.
00:18:04.920 I made a mistake recently
00:18:05.900 of telling my boyfriend that I thought about committing a school shooting, but then decided
00:18:09.940 not to at the last minute. And it caused a lot of drama. Don't try to rearrange his furniture
00:18:14.500 to make your visits more tolerable. He'll think you are moving in. Don't try to feng shui his
00:18:21.080 place. Leave it the way you found it. Ghetto shui. There's some good 90s slang in this book. 1.00
00:18:28.400 She also talks about how he's using his Mac daddy moves on you and how you shouldn't act too sprung.
00:18:33.780 ladies never act too sprung not her fault not her fault but it was fun to look back instead 1.00
00:18:38.900 think like a bitch leave it nice and miserable at his place so that when he visits your place 1.00
00:18:43.840 it will feel like he's moving on up like george and wheezy jefferson now a reference from like 1.00
00:18:48.400 the 70s foe shizzle if he introduces you as his girlfriend don't gleefully do a victory dance
00:18:55.880 like you just won the mother load give him a saucy look and say is that so my god there is
00:19:02.840 this has gotten weird very fast first of all the whole like don't introduce like am i crazy i don't
00:19:10.060 think i've ever introduced someone as my girlfriend or been introduced as a boyfriend
00:19:15.660 unless there was like a discussion well of course it's like a problem i also love that she starts
00:19:20.600 with don't introduce him as your boyfriend and ends with if he introduces you as his girlfriend
00:19:24.920 right don't act weird about it like is this normal behavior or not don't drop the album within the
00:19:30.020 first couple of months i don't know that's like anyone need to be told this we've talked about
00:19:33.680 the fact that she thinks we and us are new age words togetherness words yes don't do it words
00:19:39.820 don't use pronouns use his name at all times would jeff like to go to the movies with me
00:19:43.660 don't talk about your childhood issues i think is wrong i think you want to make yourself seem 0.74
00:19:47.340 a little bit fucked up early on i think that's another one where people pretend that this isn't 0.72
00:19:53.700 a real rule but like yeah there's some stuff you don't want to tell a person you don't know very 0.99
00:19:58.200 well very early in the dating process frankly if your bladder control issues are so serious that
00:20:03.200 you have to go to a support group you probably do need to tell them like relatively fast the problem
00:20:08.000 with all of these books is that during this period there's not that much advice that you can really
00:20:12.040 give like yeah don't see him more than you know once a week or like don't call back immediately
00:20:15.960 kind of standard advice for this stage of the relationship but you can tell she's just like
00:20:19.660 out of steam immediately right and she just has to throw in like don't give him framed photos like 0.99
00:20:23.920 yeah she then fills this out with an example a girlfriend of mine named samantha went on a
00:20:30.960 first date with a man who took her to a local boxing match jesus christ greg would not be 0.99
00:20:36.280 having this shit greg would be like ladies it's just not that into you in between rounds as always 1.00
00:20:42.540 there was a sexy barely dressed stripper who came she's not a stripper all right 1.00
00:20:46.420 in between rounds a whore came out come on in between rounds as always there was a sexy 1.00
00:20:55.160 barely dressed stripper who came out holding the round number her date looked at the woman and then 1.00
00:21:01.380 in an effort to be a gentleman turned to look at samantha she acted as though she was oblivious 0.99
00:21:06.860 as to why he had turned to look at her when the woman came out again in the following round in
00:21:11.980 a see-through lace nightie my friend leaned down under the seat nonchalantly sorry when
00:21:18.380 insane when the woman came out again in the following round in a see-through lace nightie 0.99
00:21:24.940 my friend leaned down under the seat and nonchalantly asked her date if she could drink 0.99
00:21:28.960 some of the water in his water bottle he said sure at no time did she behave as if she was
00:21:34.580 threatened how nonchalantly was she reaching for the water though instead she remained very composed
00:21:39.480 as though the other woman didn't even exist by the end of the third round he no longer noticed
00:21:45.600 the woman in the boxing ring the end result was that he was completely enamored with samantha
00:21:51.000 and while driving home he kept saying how incredibly beautiful he thought she was the
00:21:55.360 proof was in the pudding he continued to pursue her not the stripper who overcompensated
00:22:00.400 what is she compensating for she's not pursuing this man she's like a random woman i mean first 1.00
00:22:07.660 of all this man who took you to a boxing match for the first date you're like i've got to impress
00:22:13.560 him i've got to impress him you now believe that you are in competition with like the 20 year old
00:22:19.480 ring girl who's getting paid a hundred dollars to put on something skimpy and hold up a sign
00:22:24.760 and also as soon as she comes out you're like frantically pawing through his backpack like
00:22:28.440 where's my water but like do it nonchalantly yeah like that also seems like you're bothered
00:22:32.680 Try very consciously to play it cool, a tactic that always works.
00:22:37.500 I would say in this situation, lean over and whisper, she's overcompensating.
00:22:41.500 So here's her quite reasonable advice based on this example.
00:22:45.440 It should not go unnoticed that a man is willing to take you somewhere unromantic on the first date.
00:22:50.560 If a man takes you to a boxing match, a strip joint, or a place you might typically hang out with a bunch of guys,
00:22:56.280 he's telling you by the choices he is making that he doesn't plan to have you around that long.
00:23:00.780 If this is where he takes you on a first date, don't go out with him a second time.
00:23:05.700 You know what? 1.00
00:23:06.440 Ladies. 1.00
00:23:07.040 When she's right, she's right, ladies. 1.00
00:23:08.520 If he takes you to a strip club. 1.00
00:23:10.460 On the first date.
00:23:11.420 On the first date. 1.00
00:23:12.620 I got to say, there's got to be a gal out there who's chill with that. 1.00
00:23:16.880 Sure. 1.00
00:23:17.120 And like, she's not reading books.
00:23:19.040 Yeah. 1.00
00:23:20.320 That girl is committing crimes right now. 1.00
00:23:22.940 We then get to chapter three, the candy store.
00:23:26.900 Do you want to guess what this is about, Peter?
00:23:28.940 Yes.
00:23:29.520 The candy store.
00:23:30.060 I do believe, well, I didn't realize 50 Cent stole this, but I believe, I'm going to guess
00:23:34.680 that the candy store is when we start doing hand stuff.
00:23:37.460 She calls it the candy store theory.
00:23:39.500 Don't give up the candy store at once. 0.61
00:23:41.800 Give it one jujube at a time. 1.00
00:23:44.020 Okay, for a second, I thought the candy store was the vagina, but it's sort of the whole 1.00
00:23:48.160 suite of sexual experiences. 0.99
00:23:49.720 She says if he wants a serious relationship with a woman, he'd rather see less skin in
00:23:54.500 public and keep the freak show private for his eyes only. 0.50
00:23:57.720 he'd rather see a form-fitting blouse than a plunging neckline this is before ludicrous said 0.72
00:24:03.760 it this is before anyone knew about lady in the streets freaking the bed right so here is an 0.77
00:24:10.300 example she has for this chapter ladies listen to lock in worth the sex part evan is a classic
00:24:16.780 example of how quickly men categorize women he met blair at work and asked her if she'd like to
00:24:22.100 have drinks that evening she was wearing a silk blouse that showed a little but not too much
00:24:27.180 then she ran home to freshen up thinking she was going to wow him she put on a cropped t-shirt
00:24:32.700 that showed tons of cleavage and a belly ring with large lettering across her chest that read 0.99
00:24:38.620 not everything is flat in kansas he recalls i knew it wasn't going anywhere from day one ladies 1.00
00:24:44.620 first of all evan grow up brother uh this girl's cool as hell yeah also if you even have that shirt
00:24:52.240 right surely evan is not is not game right so she says you should wait at least a month before you
00:24:59.060 put on your shirt but she also says you should wait as long as you can didn't steve harvey say
00:25:03.220 like 90 days yeah exactly so this is actually a more rapid timeline yeah she also has this thing
00:25:08.580 where she says like once you get to the body count conversation you're gonna tell him you've only
00:25:14.180 slept with three guys because that's what every woman says and i was like is that a thing yeah
00:25:18.780 Every woman says three, no matter what.
00:25:20.580 I've like never even heard this as like a trope. 0.57
00:25:22.360 It is. 1.00
00:25:22.920 Women are liars. 1.00
00:25:24.760 I feel like this is like a different cultural thing. 1.00
00:25:27.400 Like if you're in like the dating scene in New York City and you're like sleeping with
00:25:32.480 someone after a few weeks, statistically they've had sex with more than three people.
00:25:37.180 I got curious about this.
00:25:38.120 Do you want to guess, Peter, the average body count of the average American?
00:25:41.680 There's an actual survey about this.
00:25:42.960 I love that.
00:25:43.380 You can't just do a bullshitty book. 0.98
00:25:45.520 you're like how many let me let me get some statistics in here i'm so fucking speed blind 1.00
00:25:50.840 from gay men that i like genuinely have no idea what like a quote-unquote normal body count is 0.95
00:25:55.480 for a straight person you're like i don't know 1200 yeah i have like no idea you're like how 0.57
00:25:59.940 many no loads refuse parties has the average person been to that's right i know about that
00:26:06.940 stuff michael there is something called the national survey of family growth that does
00:26:11.860 actually ask people like how many sex partners have you had in your lifetime this is a survey
00:26:16.200 of people aged 25 to 49 okay so some of these people you know they will have more sex partners
00:26:20.800 later in their life i feel like you need to ask everyone at the age of 50 because at that point
00:26:24.520 it's like there's no more the data is from between 2015 and 2019 so relatively contemporaneous
00:26:29.240 do you want to guess peter the average woman and the average man this is tricky i come from a
00:26:34.880 slutty culture i was doing this like what can a banana cost michael ten dollars yeah what's 0.69
00:26:39.500 What's a real number?
00:26:40.700 This is the most out of touch we've ever been.
00:26:43.660 I am going to say that it is men, five, women, four.
00:26:47.340 Oh, close. 1.00
00:26:47.880 You got women right.
00:26:48.920 So for women, it is 4.3 sexual partners in their lifetime.
00:26:53.140 And for men, it is 6.3.
00:26:55.080 Okay.
00:26:55.460 So not that far off from each other.
00:26:57.100 Also, are the boys lying?
00:26:58.840 Yeah, exactly. 0.96
00:26:59.600 I mean, also, are the women lying? 1.00
00:27:00.940 I mean, it's hard to do self-report stuff with this. 1.00
00:27:02.940 Maybe, yeah.
00:27:03.440 But an interesting data point.
00:27:04.920 Well, I'm going to be honest.
00:27:05.780 I kind of nailed that.
00:27:07.260 I feel like I kind of nailed that.
00:27:08.520 my finger on the pulse. She also has a weird thing, which tell me if this was discourse at
00:27:14.480 the time. She has a thing about how, you know, obviously you shouldn't put out, you should wait,
00:27:18.800 but in the meantime, you shouldn't be a tease. So she says this. It's important to keep the
00:27:26.680 signals very clear. Red means no. Green means go. Yellow means you're a tease, which will piss him
00:27:32.260 off. For example, perhaps your top comes off or there's a little bit of grinding action while
00:27:37.840 you're kissing on the couch. A few minutes later, he'll think you're ready to roll. This is not the
00:27:42.780 time to say, no, I'm just not ready. Telling him this is like taking candy away from a child after
00:27:48.560 you've already let him taste it. She compares him to a child many times throughout the course of
00:27:52.960 this book. You can't titillate him to the point of no return and then say, no, I just don't feel
00:27:57.540 right about it. He'll be thinking, how do you not feel right about it when you're topless, you've
00:28:01.420 been grinding me for an hour and your pants are unbuttoned. This is where we get the term hot and 0.96
00:28:07.440 bothered after he's no longer hot he will be pissed off and bothered i don't think that's
00:28:13.240 where it comes from origin he'll have far less desire to engage in the game because you've taken
00:28:18.580 all the fun out of it he no longer thinks you're playing fair and his feelings will change from
00:28:23.640 lust to resentment if he feels he's being teased he may stop pursuing you altogether
00:28:28.300 yeah i'm gonna be honest this feels like the worst advice this is insane even for one of these books 1.00
00:28:35.500 First of all, this is like, if you go to second base, you've got to fuck. 1.00
00:28:38.760 You're letting him look at your boobs. 1.00
00:28:40.740 She describes it as the point of no return.
00:28:43.060 Like, no, it literally is not the point of no return. 1.00
00:28:45.820 Also, I thought men loved bitches. 1.00
00:28:47.260 Now it's like, don't be. 1.00
00:28:48.480 No, I know.
00:28:49.120 Don't tease him.
00:28:49.980 If you're like, hey, do you mind if we slow down? 1.00
00:28:51.760 And he's a fucking asshole about it. 1.00
00:28:53.680 That is like the reddest of red flags. 1.00
00:28:56.020 But your top's off.
00:28:57.540 When your pants are unbuttoned.
00:28:59.680 I don't think so. 1.00
00:29:00.800 Because any man who's going to be a fucking asshole about this is going to be so much worse down the line. 1.00
00:29:04.720 Like, that's the actual advice here. 1.00
00:29:06.320 Right, right, right.
00:29:06.940 But she's like, just don't create this situation. 0.97
00:29:08.580 That's pretty wild stuff.
00:29:09.740 And again, it doesn't feel to me like this aligns with the overall arc of the book.
00:29:16.300 I know. 1.00
00:29:16.980 Why men love bitches. 1.00
00:29:17.860 It should be like, yeah, fuck his whole life up. 1.00
00:29:19.740 Like, you know, take off your shirt and then tell him you got to go. 1.00
00:29:23.100 So in her second book, Why Men Marry Bitches, which I also read, she gives actual specific tips for having sex. 0.95
00:29:32.320 I'm extremely listening. 0.94
00:29:33.260 She says, the first time you have sex, don't recycle previously worn hoochie gear.
00:29:37.840 What? 0.98
00:29:38.100 Don't dress sexy when you're having sex.
00:29:40.480 Never open a drawer where you keep your exotic novelties like a battery-operated turbo toy.
00:29:45.920 Bigger than a baseball bat and comes with a clutch and a gear shift, it will ruin the
00:29:50.360 warm and fuzzy ambiance.
00:29:51.740 Sure.
00:29:52.100 Let him suggest the sexual positions the first couple times.
00:29:55.600 If you break out sexual acrobatics that have him saying ouch and commence to steady riding 1.00
00:30:00.320 him like a cowboy he'll think this one has been to a few rodeos yeah guys hate it when a woman is 1.00
00:30:05.840 good at sex yeah just lie there and be confused let him supply the condom and whatever you do 1.00
00:30:11.960 don't do any tricks where you put the condom in your mouth and then seductively put it on his 0.99
00:30:16.180 private parts look at me mom no hands he'll think you enrolled and got your hoe certificate i do 0.93
00:30:21.680 agree with that i've first of all i've never seen that in my life i mean either all men are very 0.77
00:30:29.000 insecure about their size. If he's not gifted, you can't look at it and blurt out, is that all?
00:30:34.540 Everyone wants to be a bitch until it's time to be a bitch. 1.00
00:30:39.540 It's in the fine print of your contract. You are required to say, oh boy, I just can't handle all 1.00
00:30:45.160 that. Easy, easy. You're going to knock my back out of alignment. And then the next, the very next
00:30:50.380 bullet point is don't ask for constant reassurance. Instead of, am I doing this right? Ask, do you
00:30:56.040 like that okay so flatter his ego but also don't ask him to flatter your ego this is like a guide 1.00
00:31:01.720 to bad sex right yeah like do not communicate your needs that'll make you look like a slut 0.99
00:31:07.100 she also has some specific ones martin said in the middle of giving a bj never look up with a 1.00
00:31:15.040 cross-eyed look and ask dumb questions are we close how much longer is this going to take 0.92
00:31:20.620 What are you thinking? 0.99
00:31:22.560 It's like building a fire and then throwing cold water on it.
00:31:26.320 Paul said, don't try to buy time, stall, hold it, or have a meaningful conversation with it.
00:31:32.420 It's not one of the Muppets or an Oompa Loompa.
00:31:36.220 Don't use words like cute or adorable to describe it or give it a pet name like Little Skippy.
00:31:42.200 I think a pet name involving the word literal is probably not a great idea.
00:31:44.920 It's not anything that I've ever heard of a human being doing, 0.99
00:31:47.620 but it would be off-putting if someone acted like your penis was an oompa loompa. 0.99
00:31:52.140 Whatever that means, by the way. 0.99
00:31:53.780 I also love how obvious it is that she is writing these
00:31:56.180 because it has these like annoying little pop culture references.
00:31:59.240 It's not an oompa loompa.
00:32:00.720 It's like, okay, you're writing these, fine.
00:32:02.620 Like they're clearly fake, whatever.
00:32:04.200 Alan said, look happy.
00:32:05.900 Don't look as if you wanted to complain but couldn't because your mouth was full.
00:32:10.120 At the very least, try to look a little happier than a cat choking on a hairball. 0.99
00:32:15.060 Smile, ladies. 1.00
00:32:16.560 Doing smile ladies, but your dick is in her mouth is fucking crazy, dude. 1.00
00:32:22.100 That is insane. 1.00
00:32:22.340 Like, what are the mechanics? 1.00
00:32:23.840 He's like, she's sucking your dick, bro. 1.00
00:32:25.360 Like, what do you want? 1.00
00:32:27.540 Oh, don't look sad.
00:32:28.780 Don't look sad.
00:32:30.120 So this was the point of the book where I was like, okay, who is this person?
00:32:34.140 Because it's weirdly conservative advice.
00:32:36.660 Yeah.
00:32:36.960 She says that she interviewed hundreds of men.
00:32:40.120 Clearly didn't.
00:32:40.720 But she doesn't say in what capacity.
00:32:43.040 Was she a journalist?
00:32:43.880 Was she an academic?
00:32:45.340 Yeah.
00:32:45.600 who are these men? Like, how is she speaking to hundreds of men? You know, how is she reaching
00:32:48.880 out to them? This is one of the weirdest author situations we've ever had on the show. So the book
00:32:55.320 includes zero biographical information. Not even like a, I grew up in Philadelphia, or I was born
00:33:01.480 in this place, or my first job out of college was da-da-da. She doesn't use any examples from her 0.96
00:33:07.020 own life of the men. There's nothing like, I once went on a date with a guy who did this.
00:33:10.940 literally nothing. I went to her website, which has now been taken offline, but I got the archive.org
00:33:17.040 link. It doesn't have an about section. It's just like selling the book. In the bio that is included
00:33:23.780 on the, I believe, Simon & Schuster website, it says, Argov's work has appeared in over 100
00:33:29.460 magazines worldwide, including Vanity Fair, Cosmopolitan, Self, Glamour, and People magazine.
00:33:34.340 Sherry's work has been featured on national television shows such as The Today Show, The View,
00:33:38.760 and Fox News channels, The O'Reilly Factor.
00:33:41.720 Okay, so she's a journalist?
00:33:44.140 Maybe like her work has appeared in all of these places.
00:33:46.920 So like, okay, she was a journalist first
00:33:48.220 and then she wrote the book, fine.
00:33:49.920 I then went to her LinkedIn page.
00:33:52.700 Wow, you're deep in it.
00:33:53.840 I'm gonna send this to you.
00:33:55.380 This is the only information on her LinkedIn page.
00:33:57.980 Los Angeles, California.
00:34:00.080 So that's something.
00:34:01.280 No posts.
00:34:02.160 No posts.
00:34:02.860 And there's nothing about education,
00:34:04.620 nothing about where she grew up, anything.
00:34:05.900 Her experience section is basically gibberish.
00:34:08.760 It says New York Times bestselling author, October 2006 to present.
00:34:14.780 Then there's another New York Times bestselling author, November 2006 to present.
00:34:20.180 A month later, yeah.
00:34:20.900 The next one says want to get in touch?
00:34:23.380 Email me at sherryargovcontact at gmail.com, January 2021 to present.
00:34:30.100 And then finally, New York Times bestselling author, January 2022 to present.
00:34:36.160 It's so weird.
00:34:37.160 why are there four entries that all say the same thing boomer trying to like paste a picture into
00:34:43.520 facebook right level of competence here and usually when people are freelancers like they'll
00:34:48.280 have a a line that is like freelancer and they'll have some links to their work you know or at least
00:34:52.520 have like something that says freelance author published in esquire self cosmopolitan etc
00:34:56.420 nothing like that here there's no kind of normal job listed it's also a little weird that she 0.96
00:35:02.820 published why men love bitches in 2002 why men marry bitches in 2004 and then literally nothing 0.98
00:35:09.260 else yeah her website advertises something called why men love bitches uncensored and it's like 0.98
00:35:13.980 things you can't get in the normal book and it's an audiobook with her narrating it and it says 0.94
00:35:19.320 coming out next year but that was from like 2007 and it's never come out wow she has a podcast on 1.00
00:35:27.080 spotify what which also says like coming soon why men love bitches it's supposed to be like 0.94
00:35:31.560 interviews with men but again there's like three episodes they're all like two minutes long and 0.89
00:35:36.220 they're like previews like coming soon nothing ever came of that this is kind of bitchy i like this
00:35:41.820 yeah she says like uh keep an air of mystery about you yeah this is making me more interested
00:35:46.960 in her this is working she has like all of her any of these kind of generic bios she says like
00:35:51.740 her work has appeared over 100 magazines that list the magazines i couldn't find any evidence
00:35:55.220 of this either so when i went to like people magazine and esquire they have articles about
00:36:00.420 her book yeah they're like this book is like on the charts but she didn't write for them right
00:36:04.480 she didn't write for them the today show does list like she was recently on a guest on her show so
00:36:08.700 that appears to be true i couldn't find anything from the view i couldn't find anything from the
00:36:12.380 o'reilly factor i don't think she's like lying about those things i would love to see her getting
00:36:16.060 grilled by bill o'reilly in 2004 there's just something really fucking weird about it there's
00:36:21.800 one offhand sentence in this book where i forget what she's talking about but she says
00:36:26.480 this conversation came up recently on my radio show. So I guess she was a radio call-in host,
00:36:33.660 but I could not find any information about that. Nothing like an offhand reference in an old
00:36:38.060 news article. I will say this, sort of a relic of like the early 2000s, but there were a lot of
00:36:43.920 internet radio shows, right? Maybe it's that. And also it sort of makes the quote unquote
00:36:49.080 interviews with men make more sense because I'm assuming it's like a call-in radio show.
00:36:53.880 and these are men who've called in to talk about their relationship issues or women calling in or 0.99
00:36:58.680 something i'm again completely making this up because all i have is like this one fucking 0.97
00:37:01.820 sentence to go on what does she sound like does she sound cool she sounds normal she sounds 0.94
00:37:05.680 normal because originally i was like is this person fake like is this like a pseudonym that
00:37:09.280 like a man came up with but like there are like radio interviews like you can find interviews with
00:37:13.740 her and she appears to be a real person damn how cool would it have been if it was if it turned out 0.98
00:37:17.200 it was a guy and he was like he was writing a whole chapter like do not call his penis small 0.96
00:37:20.920 i really thought i was odd to something but it does appear that she's a real person i assume
00:37:27.460 it's a pseudonym and that's why there's like no other information about it right right she's a
00:37:31.640 normal person with a normal job and she like did this on the side however she has sued her 0.99
00:37:35.880 publisher twice it's the only other pieces of information i can find about her she sued her
00:37:40.620 publisher for not paying her for the spanish language translation she did that in 2010 and
00:37:46.460 then she sued them in 2020 for giving her book to libraries yes she says that she's entitled to
00:37:54.600 revenue and that it's like them cutting into her profits by like making the book searchable on like
00:38:00.160 online databases that can be used by like college students and stuff that rocks i couldn't find
00:38:03.820 anything about like the resolution to those cases so i don't know if any you know money changed hands
00:38:08.180 or whatever but like that's literally it in 2022 and during like during covid you're like no 0.99
00:38:14.640 Fuck these kids. 1.00
00:38:15.660 Fuck those libraries. 1.00
00:38:16.560 That rocks. 1.00
00:38:17.500 So we're going to move on now.
00:38:18.940 Like this is literally all of the information I could find on this woman on the internet
00:38:22.380 at large.
00:38:22.940 I'm so fascinated by this.
00:38:24.720 She keeps popping up to be like, any minute now I'll release a podcast and then just doesn't 0.66
00:38:28.460 do it.
00:38:29.080 Like disappears again.
00:38:30.660 In terms of ethics, that's more ethical than putting the podcast out. 0.98
00:38:34.200 So the next section of the book, chapter four, dumb like a fox. 0.93
00:38:39.140 How to convince him he's in control while you run the show. 0.92
00:38:41.880 I love that it was like chapter three.
00:38:43.280 can we figure out who she is no chapter four what do we do with this information you're trying to
00:38:49.200 michael hobbs it so bad but nothing nothing can happen she's not letting you i had like an 0.80
00:38:54.280 existential fucking breakdown reading this book i'm like i want to make this interesting i want 0.84
00:38:58.040 to like learn something from doing this episode and i failed like i was able to find nothing i 0.96
00:39:03.660 pulled on so many threads and just got nowhere damn it's cool that she's a mystery that's why
00:39:07.760 i'm so turned on this whole episode uh this is where the book gets significantly dicier because
00:39:12.460 she starts talking about you're in an ongoing relationship, right? I think a lot of this
00:39:17.220 strategy stuff kind of makes sense in the first couple of months. But once you know somebody
00:39:21.620 and you're potentially living with them. There's something to be said for a little bit of
00:39:25.880 psychology early on, right? But once you're in a relationship with someone, the games probably
00:39:31.920 need to stop if you want it to be healthy, right? This chapter is all about how like women have 1.00
00:39:36.840 less power in relationships. So you want to make him think he's in control because that's what men 1.00
00:39:41.300 need while you are actually running the show behind the scenes so she says the three words
00:39:46.420 guaranteed to turn any man on you are right you'll never convince him otherwise so don't bother 0.99
00:39:51.380 trying let him be right you be smart this is precisely the reason the dumb fox lets a man 0.97
00:39:57.520 think he's in control when you appeal to his feelings of power you charge up his batteries 0.98
00:40:01.940 then you're giving him what he needs and he doesn't even know it the way that they're allowed 0.95
00:40:06.080 to talk about us is so rude it's fucking crazy dude how dare you this doesn't happen often on 0.95
00:40:10.700 the show but i was like i was i'm offended on behalf of men i'm like i don't think we're like 0.96
00:40:14.600 this this is insane you know what we let's just say it it's unfair the way that the world treats
00:40:19.960 us is unfair uh here is her opening example of this my friend annette learned this the hard way
00:40:27.440 she made the mistake of telling her new boyfriend about how she had killed a snake in her backyard
00:40:31.780 he asked her how in the world did you kill it she went on in detail about how she used a very large
00:40:37.700 shovel to do battle a look of complete and utter horror came over his face as she gave him a graphic 0.96
00:40:43.640 play-by-play of the brutal massacre later that night he couldn't get an erection 1.00
00:40:48.680 i was dying when i got to that sentence oh shit he couldn't get an erection because she killed 0.99
00:40:57.840 the snake that's crazy uh turns out you actually killed my snake annette the metaphor is like a 0.99
00:41:02.420 little too on the nose here i would have gone in a different direction if i were her it's crazy how
00:41:07.240 little i relate to this no dude totally if a woman was like i did this badass thing i'm not like i'm 0.99
00:41:14.840 less of a man my wife handled a problem and now like my dick doesn't work like what kind of a 0.99
00:41:20.320 loser are you married to my wife like killed a spider now like i've i'm like 10 softer or 1.00
00:41:26.560 whatever like what are you talking about this is so weird so this whole kind of section of the book 1.00
00:41:32.380 is about how to make a man think that he's in control so she says women need to understand
00:41:38.120 that men love the thrill of the chase and are highly competitive they like racing cars engaging
00:41:43.320 in athletics and hunting they like to fix things to figure things out chipper still learning about
00:41:48.120 boys for the first time you're like raising your eyebrows looking at a man right like racing cars
00:41:53.420 so this one is for you peter it's a way to manipulate your man into getting what you want
00:42:00.320 How much of this stuff are you using on me?
00:42:02.520 Because you told me last week that you were using strategies from this book on me in our business.
00:42:08.320 And it did work.
00:42:09.340 And it did work.
00:42:10.460 And I need to know.
00:42:12.960 I was like, I need this from you.
00:42:14.400 Here's how I'm going to trick Peter.
00:42:16.660 Whenever he does something handy around the house, like putting up a shelf, praise him.
00:42:20.920 Michael, we agreed not to talk about this.
00:42:24.220 I was going to do a whole bit where I call Lee and I'm like, okay, what stuff have you done with Peter?
00:42:28.300 Like what works?
00:42:29.300 but then I don't have her number.
00:42:30.780 The only thing stopping me from doing that
00:42:32.300 is that I don't have her number, Peter.
00:42:33.560 It would have been so fun.
00:42:34.820 Do not call my wife.
00:42:37.480 Do not email my wife.
00:42:39.460 It doesn't matter if the shelf hangs at a 45 degree angle 0.92
00:42:42.240 and the stuff keeps sliding off the other end.
00:42:44.280 Clap like the happiest seal at the zoo
00:42:46.480 and then have a handyman come over to fix it
00:42:48.860 when he isn't around.
00:42:49.820 He'll never notice.
00:42:51.180 The minute you say it's crooked, it's all over.
00:42:54.160 He'll never do anything handy around the house again.
00:42:56.600 So don't criticize him for his incompetence. 0.80
00:42:58.280 competence that's right ladies when he fucks up the show don't say anything this is why i don't
00:43:06.140 this is why i never hung it it's so funny she started with that contrast between like nice 1.00
00:43:10.360 girls and bitches right it's like a nice girl puts his needs before hers and it's like a bitch 1.00
00:43:16.020 just doesn't say anything and passive aggressively fixes his work a bitch lets the snake run free in 1.00
00:43:22.140 the garden so that her man can perform sexually all right here's this one when there's a problem 0.99
00:43:28.240 men love to fix it by nagging you make it seem as though the problem lies with you a perfect example
00:43:34.080 is diana who started nagging her husband to fix a latch in the laundry room after the third time
00:43:38.900 she asked he became so irritated that no force on earth could get him to fix that latch one evening
00:43:45.320 some friends came over while her husband was within earshot diana asked her friend's husband
00:43:50.140 to fix the latch in the laundry room 0.91
00:43:51.700 in that sweet damsel in distress tone of voice 0.65
00:43:54.340 that men eat up. 0.95
00:43:55.620 Then she started looking for a screwdriver.
00:43:57.700 Before he could even turn around,
00:43:58.960 her husband ran up the stairs like Speedy Gonzalez
00:44:00.860 and fixed the latch in two minutes flat.
00:44:03.240 Okay, this is the first spot on advice I've heard. 0.96
00:44:06.340 This would fuck me up. 1.00
00:44:07.580 I mean, I would be mad at my wife 0.99
00:44:09.100 for asking a random guy.
00:44:11.420 It's also insane.
00:44:12.300 It's also insane, to be clear.
00:44:13.640 It is insane, but like psychologically,
00:44:15.620 you have to fix it. 1.00
00:44:17.000 You can't let another man do handiwork
00:44:19.940 in your home like that i guess it slipped through the cracks with peter steve do you mind just like
00:44:23.280 running up the stairs and getting it it's like so good my wife's friends husbands are all like
00:44:30.180 substantially handier than i am i'm not handy but i'm not like totally useless around the house
00:44:35.900 but like one of them's a professional contractor you know yeah it's just different levels i will
00:44:41.460 say with them i would absolutely let them run wild in my house i'd be like yeah if you could
00:44:45.520 I've got other stuff you could fix too.
00:44:47.460 But yeah, I think realistically, this is killer advice.
00:44:50.900 To be clear, this will destroy your relationship. 0.99
00:44:52.840 And he also won't be able to get an erection, but it will work. 0.92
00:44:55.040 You'll fix the latch. 0.55
00:44:57.260 So here, she also has a lot of tips for like making him feel handy around the house.
00:45:01.800 This is, there's a lot of like reward and punishment stuff.
00:45:04.420 So these are his little rewards.
00:45:05.480 So many of these books end up being like, here's how to trick a man into feeling special.
00:45:11.600 she says men have big egos and they need to have them stroked here are a few more tips on how to
00:45:18.860 make him feel studly if you're walking your dog at dusk ask him to come with you because you want
00:45:24.400 him to keep you safe if you hear a noise at night like a bird pooping on the roof
00:45:29.940 act really scared tell him to check check to see what that noise is about yeah that's that's what
00:45:36.880 I love when my wife makes me get up in the middle of the night because she heard the slightest sound 1.00
00:45:42.840 in the world. Real bitch behavior, real boss ass bitch. Oh my God, sweetie, I'm scared. The whole 1.00
00:45:47.380 thing is like, you're a cool, competent, assertive lady. And now it's like, pretend you heard a noise.
00:45:54.360 Ask him to open a jar that you can't open, even if you can, or unzip your dress, even if you can
00:45:59.560 reach it. By the way, guys don't feel masculine when they unzip your dress. Zipping up a dress,
00:46:04.240 you just can't reach the middle of your back that easily
00:46:07.060 it's not like 0.57
00:46:08.000 yeah I help her with the dress sometimes
00:46:12.420 I help out around the house
00:46:14.200 it's like a 50-50 thing
00:46:15.380 or you can ask him to lift a small box for you
00:46:18.060 I love the implication that there
00:46:20.200 there will never be a
00:46:21.020 he can't lift a large box
00:46:22.680 so don't waste your time
00:46:24.860 at a scary movie hang on to him tightly
00:46:27.480 if there's violence cover your eyes
00:46:29.520 and let him tell you when it's over
00:46:31.040 let him parallel park your car
00:46:33.500 or back it out of a tight spot if you tell him he's a much better driver than you are he'll 1.00
00:46:38.440 really be eating out of your hand dude oh yeah this sounds like a woman who's firmly in control
00:46:44.800 yeah definitely in control yeah you're running things around the house yeah this is just the
00:46:48.620 john ham 30 rock character yes yes yes i know and also imagine finding out that someone is doing
00:46:55.560 this to you if she's like oh yeah remember when like i told you to lift that box the other day
00:46:59.120 that would just like to stoke your ego. I set up a spoof website that has our finances in it. 1.00
00:47:04.740 The real one. The real one is accessible only to me. She then says, she has a story. She says,
00:47:10.820 Barbara told a funny story of how she engaged her husband in helping out one lazy Sunday afternoon.
00:47:16.940 And then she tells the story of this woman who like, she can't get her husband to help around
00:47:20.700 the house. So she goes to the garage and flips a switch in the breaker and then comes back in
00:47:26.340 the living room and it's like sweetie the power's out i don't know what's going on and then he goes
00:47:31.000 into the garage and like opens the little thing and it's like oh my god there's a flip switched
00:47:35.460 and then he flips it back on and like that's the whole story yes it starts out by saying how she
00:47:42.120 engaged her husband in helping out there's no story like he then started helping out more like
00:47:47.280 once he did one little task right he literally just solved the problem that you created there's
00:47:52.180 nothing else going on it didn't improve barbara's life at all this is gaslighting right like you are
00:47:57.900 just like gaslighting your husband into thinking he's useful or something yeah also the switch
00:48:02.820 looks different when you flip it as opposed to when it trips oh does it see i don't know that 0.52
00:48:07.380 because i'm gay and you're a man that's right you don't know that because your boyfriend has never
00:48:11.580 gone up to another man at a party and asked him to flip the switch in the breaker box so this stuff
00:48:19.900 I mean, it's bad, but it could be worse.
00:48:22.080 It could be worse in the sense that like, if you did this once or twice to make your
00:48:26.520 significant other feel better, I would be like, oh, that's weird.
00:48:29.640 But if you're doing it a lot, it's insane.
00:48:32.260 I'm just saying that to transition us to the next section. 0.88
00:48:34.040 So she also...
00:48:35.000 It gets worse is what you're saying.
00:48:36.060 Yes, exactly.
00:48:37.000 She recommends this approach for resolving conflict.
00:48:40.400 So here is something about that.
00:48:44.520 A happily married woman of 35 years old told me a story about her husband.
00:48:48.140 when they were newlyweds her husband would leave sopping wet towels everywhere on the bed
00:48:52.980 on the floor over the doors you name it there was a towel on it when asking him to pick up 1.00
00:49:00.000 his towels didn't work she started throwing them out the second floor window onto the towel tree
00:49:04.880 before every shower he would go outside and pick a towel off his tree summer turned to winter and
00:49:12.160 the towels were losing their effervescent smell and that's when he decided to comply with the
00:49:17.440 un household resolutions if it isn't in the hamper it does not get washed this was an insane 0.98
00:49:22.820 passive-aggressive shit i've ever heard in my life you throw them out the window also i love 0.94
00:49:27.680 the idea that there was no conflict in the summer months then it gets cold and he's like 0.99
00:49:33.740 this also just doesn't make sense the towels were losing their effervescent smell because
00:49:38.360 they're outside in the winter it's very weird to uh turn the your husband is leaving wet towels on 0.90
00:49:43.720 the bed scenario into one where you're clearly in the wrong like a complete psycho yes i have a
00:49:49.200 feeling you're about to send something even weirder at me and i am starting to get unnerved she also
00:49:54.260 we're not going to read this one but she also has one where if you're sick of doing laundry and your
00:49:58.300 husband doesn't chip in around the house you put one of your like red sweatshirts in with all of
00:50:03.500 his underwear so that his white underwear gets dyed pink and she says like when no man would
00:50:08.640 want to wear a pink underwear he did the laundry every time after that which i just don't think
00:50:13.500 is true any man who like refused to do the laundry if you just like ruined his clothes i would assume
00:50:20.420 that that man would just get mad at you for ruining his clothes he's not gonna be like fair 0.97
00:50:24.560 enough i'll do the laundry now no he thinks the laundry is your job because you're a woman right 1.00
00:50:30.120 and then you dye his clothes pink my guess is his reaction is gonna be hey laundry lady you fucked 0.98
00:50:37.860 it up okay here's the worst one in the book a perfect example is thomas who was used to getting 0.96
00:50:42.140 a reaction from faith after staying out late drinking with the boys faith asked him numerous
00:50:47.020 times to call when he was out late he didn't this went on for a year one friday night he tiptoed in
00:50:53.800 at 4 a.m went to the refrigerator and poured a couple of beers down the sink so it would look
00:50:58.880 like he had come home earlier after which by the way this is like advice you would see in like a
00:51:05.400 bizarro world version of this for men right it's also not necessary to the story i don't know why
00:51:09.540 in there. After staging the crime scene with the empty bottles, he crashed on the couch.
00:51:14.320 When he awoke Saturday morning, Faith was gone. A girlfriend who was a flight attendant called
00:51:19.240 Faith and asked her if she'd like to hop a flight to Hawaii for the weekend. Thomas didn't know,
00:51:25.260 and for the rest of the weekend, he freaked out, panicked, and called her friends and family
00:51:29.280 to locate Faith. Fast forward a day and a half. Sunday night, Faith comes bouncing in with a tan,
00:51:35.700 the smell of coconut oil and a gorgeous lay around her neck aloha 0.97
00:51:39.940 this is working on me i love faith suddenly there was a complete role reversal why didn't you call
00:51:48.920 i was worried sick then came a lecture about being more considerate faith listened while
00:51:53.920 munching on hawaiian mount aloha nuts sure then she responded i don't understand why you gave me
00:52:00.460 such a hard time didn't i bring you back some nuts besides if you total up the hours you've
00:52:05.320 stayed out late drinking in the past year, it wouldn't even be a fraction of the hours I was
00:52:09.600 gone. I've heard enough. You two get married. Then she pranced upstairs to unpack. Thomas never
00:52:17.300 forgot to call Faith again. He went out half as often, came in at a decent hour, and even bought
00:52:22.440 her a fancy cell phone so they could always reach each other. The idea that this is the end of
00:52:26.760 conflict for these people. Yeah. Well, yeah, that'll solve it. That, yeah, definitely not a
00:52:31.840 toxic environment that we're creating in this house yeah escalate to a point that is almost
00:52:36.780 impossible to comprehend yes and see if he surrenders right that's like the that's the
00:52:42.220 advice right the solution to toxic behavior is to up the toxicity yeah this is this is like not
00:52:47.740 spiritually far from just like next time he comes home late fire a gun near his head right exactly 0.98
00:52:52.660 or like uh be fucking his brother in the bed when he gets there your partner disappearing for 48 0.99
00:52:57.620 hours with no contact. Yeah. You'd be like filing a missing persons report. None of her friends and 1.00
00:53:02.840 family know, by the way. So this is obviously completely deranged. What I didn't know when I
00:53:09.460 started this episode is that this form of conflict resolution is like very well documented in the
00:53:15.720 marital conflict literature. There's something called demand withdraw conflict in marital
00:53:22.160 relationships that is extremely common. And according to a meta-analysis that I found,
00:53:26.600 one of the best predictors of marriage failure. No. I know. Faith and Thomas don't make it?
00:53:32.560 This is like widely identified as like one of the great cancers of bad relationships,
00:53:38.380 not discussing things and just withdrawing the minute you see a conflict. And this is precisely
00:53:43.600 what she's recommending in this book. I'm shocked that she didn't check the literature first.
00:53:47.720 the next phase of the book is there's a weird thing where like it almost starts to become
00:53:55.080 advice on like how to bring the spark back to older relationships like somebody you've been
00:54:00.480 dating a long time yeah you've if you followed our my advice to this point you've ruined your
00:54:05.640 relationship it's time to win them back so i'm going to send you a podcast interview with sherry
00:54:12.780 Argov from 2021. 1.00
00:54:15.480 Hell yeah.
00:54:15.960 One thing that really clicked with me when I was reading the conflict literature was
00:54:19.760 how much this is a product of insecurity.
00:54:23.020 You know, we always talk about how these advice books are accidental autobiographies.
00:54:26.660 What Argov is really describing here is her own like anxious avoidance strategy and her
00:54:31.760 own like insecurity.
00:54:33.040 Do we know if she's married?
00:54:33.800 In the acknowledgments of her first book, she says, I thank like my boyfriend, my rock.
00:54:38.560 And in her acknowledgments for the second book, she says, fiance.
00:54:41.100 say that's like all we know but again she doesn't mention him in the book at all it's not like this
00:54:45.740 reminds me of my boyfriend nothing yeah yeah so here's this these are like uh rapid fire questions
00:54:51.780 from a uh relationship podcast host is it unfair or is it fair to want your new partner to delete
00:55:01.540 their instagram photos or let's say facebook photos with their ex i i think it's fair and i
00:55:07.620 think you should do it without you asking right but if you have to ask is it a red flag or is it
00:55:12.560 okay yes it would be a red flag to me that someone had enough time on their schedule to be on
00:55:17.120 instagram all the time okay but what if they weren't on it all the time they just happen to
00:55:23.420 have those old photos with their ex do you know what i mean like they're just sitting there
00:55:27.600 but they didn't think to delete them i i would believe that that's probably not an ex
00:55:32.660 interesting because they have some sort of sentimental attachment to the photos which
00:55:38.740 is why they're not deleted yeah my feeling is if i even have to ask the question that i already have
00:55:45.460 my answer you know when you when somebody really likes you and you really like them
00:55:51.080 all of those insecurities go away i love her i love her do you believe couples therapy
00:55:56.300 is a good thing or a red flag i don't know too many people where it's worked out usually by the
00:56:03.500 time they get to couples therapy things have devolved the extent that they're no longer
00:56:11.460 able to be repaired right that's why i feel like preventative couples therapy
00:56:16.600 if you're having communication issues is probably way better than than once it's too late
00:56:22.100 yeah i think if a grown man hasn't learned how to communicate by the time he's a grown man
00:56:28.080 more than likely an hour a week in a therapy session isn't gonna help him but i'm not an
00:56:36.440 expert in that area admittedly so i say whatever works for people i don't judge good for you 1.00
00:56:41.280 jesus christ dude holy shit the whole interview she's so unpleasant she has a whole thing about 1.00
00:56:48.780 how like you should never sext a man and how like women are giving it away too easily now like 0.97
00:56:54.140 there's a bunch of weird stuff about technology in the interview too yeah sherry is almost i mean
00:56:58.120 just dripping with disdain yeah for like an imaginary man who's disrespecting you or something
00:57:04.680 it's he should delete his ex from years ago on instagram without you asking shouldn't have to
00:57:12.120 ask why the first part of that exchange where the host is like should he delete old pictures of the
00:57:18.200 ex and then she's like i don't know why he's wasting like yeah he should even be on instagram
00:57:21.580 spending all their time on instagram and then the host is like well i never said that uh you 0.52
00:57:27.460 literally just did like you made up a personality trait for a fictional man yeah that you hate you
00:57:33.540 just like created a personality trait you don't like and then assigned it to him right off the 0.99
00:57:37.640 bat and that was the first thing you brought up like holy shit dude this is wild she's like 0.98
00:57:42.320 fucked up my instagram account is like almost all my exes because you post you're like vacation 0.98
00:57:47.080 photos and stuff and like your exes in a lot of them and like you're with that person for years 0.95
00:57:51.440 and you liked them and like i'm i like all of my exes i i have no like it doesn't mean you're hung 0.92
00:57:56.280 up on somebody just because you're like oh yeah in 2017 i was in rome with my ex like who fucking 0.52
00:58:02.000 cares damn dude i would not see this as like even a slightly yellow flag if somebody has like some 0.79
00:58:07.560 of their exes in their instagram it's like grown-ass adults i feel like the man of fear gets 0.99
00:58:12.760 so much attention especially from the left and like this is how they talk about shit right we're 0.90
00:58:17.800 like yeah doing an unbelievably unhealthy amount of inference in every single scenario where you're 0.94
00:58:26.200 like this must mean something there must be yeah yeah yeah some massive you know sort of relationship
00:58:32.020 defining thing i can infer from this really minor occurrence right someone doesn't delete
00:58:37.660 their ex's photos from Instagram. Well, what can I infer from that? Surely that, uh, I'm not being
00:58:43.680 respected. It's like, calm down. Yeah. It's such a perfect example of how these little advice book
00:58:47.560 listicles are such a great cover for your own insecurities. Like someone who demands you delete
00:58:52.680 your ex from Instagram is a way bigger red flag than someone who just has pictures of their ex
00:58:58.340 online. She's fucked up, man. She's like, well, she was like, well, what about couples therapy? 1.00
00:59:03.820 And then Sherry's like, look, the man is not going to benefit from talking for an hour.
00:59:07.660 It's like, no, it's for the couple, hon.
00:59:09.840 You have to calm down.
00:59:12.480 You're literally talking about a fictional man in a fictional relationship and you already
00:59:16.560 hate him.
00:59:17.200 So the last kind of theme of the book, it's of course, thuddingly repetitive.
00:59:21.020 So we're not going to go through all of the late chapters.
00:59:23.060 But the biggest theme that really sticks out is this idea that female empowerment requires 0.98
00:59:30.480 you to not state your needs. 0.99
00:59:32.780 Yeah. Right. It's like she has a whole chapter about nagging how you're nagging too much because you upset the equilibrium of the man. Right. This is something that even like Steve Harvey said, too, in a weirdly knowing way. Yeah. Right. Where it's like the man is this like sensitive baby. Right. If you want your life to be easy, the simplest way to go about it is by like tiptoeing around him. Yeah. Rather than trying to solve the problem of the baby man.
00:59:58.860 And so here's a perfect example of this, which is actually very similar to the Steve Harvey example.
01:00:03.820 If you want to go scuba diving.
01:00:07.200 She's actually Steve Harvey's wife.
01:00:08.840 We're just getting the other perspective.
01:00:10.620 It's like wicked.
01:00:11.740 My friend Lucy noticed that when she asked her husband for help in various ways, he was less attentive.
01:00:16.600 For example, she often asked him to help bring in the groceries when she came back from the market.
01:00:21.420 He was always in the middle of something, so he said, give me a minute.
01:00:24.340 A minute later, she said, the food is going to spoil.
01:00:26.700 And she kept repeating herself.
01:00:28.420 The food is going to go bad.
01:00:30.560 If you're going to do it, please do it now.
01:00:32.880 Every time she went to the market, it became a power struggle.
01:00:36.460 Then she stopped asking for his help, and she noticed a change.
01:00:39.620 When she brought in the groceries and he asked if she wanted a hand,
01:00:42.380 she said, no thanks, sweetie, I've got it.
01:00:44.800 Suddenly, he was out there insisting on bringing in the groceries.
01:00:48.080 Why is this in every book, dude?
01:00:49.780 No thanks, sweetie, I'm asking my friend's husband to put the groceries away.
01:00:54.840 Steve's on his way over.
01:00:55.980 He's shirtless for some reason.
01:00:57.140 now this is um was it men are from mars yes the reason he won't help out around the house is
01:01:02.460 because you're asking wrong i wonder how many women over the years have been like i'm gonna
01:01:06.740 employ the strategy of no longer asking my husband to do stuff and then like two weeks later she's
01:01:12.240 just drowning in chores and he's like yeah my life has gotten mysteriously sweet over the last
01:01:16.860 couple of weeks he's not gonna be like oh i should do all the stuff that she was asking me for he's 0.97
01:01:20.640 gonna be like this whips like i don't have to do shit this is great look i'm a procrastinator and 0.92
01:01:25.280 like so is my wife you know we both have like identical problems which is why we can't ever 0.98
01:01:29.880 get too mad at each other i sort of relate to like that yeah i'll do it in a minute right
01:01:35.320 but if you have like this perpetual problem where your husband is just like not participating in
01:01:42.820 the household you're not going to solve it with little psychology tricks because what's amazing
01:01:47.440 to me is she is in some ways understanding this demand withdraw dynamic as toxic right it's really
01:01:55.040 bad when you're asking him stuff and he's like we'll do it later and he doesn't do it however
01:01:58.520 she's saying that you should stop demanding things right and it sort of aligns in part at
01:02:04.520 least with her other implied fix from the hawaii example of like utilize the framework that he's
01:02:10.140 utilizing and escalate to infinity last thing we're gonna read from her this is from why men 0.97
01:02:16.320 marry bitches because of course the first book is about allegedly about dating and the second 0.98
01:02:20.860 book is about like committed relationships and marriages that's not true they're both 1.00
01:02:24.040 fucking mixed because she can't stick to one goddamn theme for a single chapter but this is 0.77
01:02:28.660 the idea so she has a couple of tips on getting commitment from men so here's this if it's been 0.99
01:02:33.920 a year and you want him to propose the first conversation should be one where you are very
01:02:39.540 matter of fact say something like we've been going out for a year i love you and think you
01:02:43.440 are wonderful and i accept things as they are but i'd like a little bit more from a relationship
01:02:47.520 than what we have right now and this doesn't really seem to be progressing then be silent
01:02:52.240 the less you say after that the more power you will have the objective is to create a
01:02:57.440 non-threatening opening for him in a very casual way your job is to keep a poker face and show no
01:03:02.180 emotion why you want to get the truth you don't want lip service or to be told what he thinks you
01:03:08.080 want to hear you want to get his real answer he may tell you he's madly in love with you and he's
01:03:12.040 been planning a surprise then he might hint about going away for the weekend or he might ask if you
01:03:17.680 want to shop for a ring. If he doesn't give you the answer you want to hear and you get a vibe
01:03:22.280 that he's avoiding the subject at all costs, that's your cue to become scarce. Whatever time
01:03:27.580 you normally spend with him, cut that back 60 to 70 percent. See him once or twice in a two-week
01:03:35.760 period, then plan a weekend getaway with the girls. That always petrifies them because they
01:03:39.940 don't know what your friends might tell you. Again, unbelievably toxic behavior for men.
01:03:43.460 if he asks you whom you are seeing assure him you aren't seeing anyone else just keep yourself busy 1.00
01:03:50.220 and outside his reach but don't explain why he will know will he oh my god dude what the fuck 0.99
01:03:58.440 i would much rather someone just be like marry me or dump me yeah you have a week to decide 1.00
01:04:03.840 then do with this this is this is wild she's telling you to be too chicken shit to state 0.99
01:04:08.500 what you actually need and they're like oh he'll know what you need it's crazy that she's just 0.98
01:04:13.260 like in every scenario locate the most toxic behavior and do that you know and then quietly
01:04:19.340 disappear if he doesn't respond the way you want but don't tell him this sort of like you know
01:04:23.800 every man is a giant baby is obviously disparaging to men but on the other hand it is interesting
01:04:31.500 that so many women or people in general have like tried to solve the lazy husband problem i know and
01:04:39.600 have just landed on like okay there's no solution uh like you know his his laziness is unsolvable
01:04:46.360 so what we're gonna do is think of little ways to trick him well what i couldn't get over was
01:04:50.860 the entire book aims to provide this binary between a doormat and a dream girl right like 0.99
01:04:57.960 in the little table that we started with yeah she says like the bitch she won't sugarcoat anything 0.98
01:05:03.740 or use euphemisms right she notices his disrespect instantly and calls him on it and the entire book 0.99
01:05:09.580 is like about being passive aggressive. 1.00
01:05:11.280 Being a fucking doormat. 1.00
01:05:12.600 I mean, you're basically a doormat 1.00
01:05:14.120 in all of these anecdotes. 0.71
01:05:15.740 Like, don't ask for what you want.
01:05:17.400 If he doesn't give you what you want,
01:05:19.000 don't express your needs.
01:05:20.460 Just like quietly take it.
01:05:22.340 This thing of like,
01:05:23.220 I asked him to bring in 0.99
01:05:24.800 the fucking groceries from the car. 1.00
01:05:26.480 He finds some dumb excuse. 1.00
01:05:27.820 And so I just stopped asking him about it. 0.95
01:05:30.180 Right.
01:05:30.400 That's doormat behavior.
01:05:31.480 That's like... 1.00
01:05:31.860 No, but she,
01:05:32.720 by putting him in touch
01:05:34.400 with his masculine nature,
01:05:36.080 which doesn't want to be nagged,
01:05:37.980 Right.
01:05:38.320 caused him to do it. 1.00
01:05:39.180 not that that has ever worked because she has to lie to you and say being a doormat works and 0.96
01:05:44.440 that's why you have to be a doormat right which is totally false but like ultimately that is what
01:05:48.540 she's telling you to do is put his needs before yours and she's doing it under the guise of like
01:05:53.980 female empowerment right and i think this is one of the reasons i think this book like blew up so
01:05:59.000 much on tiktok it's like the chapter one gang we always talk about how people don't keep reading
01:06:03.600 in these books yes yes i was gonna say i mean i have some thematic stuff about why this is
01:06:08.280 resonating now but i do think the actual reason is that nobody reads past the first chapter i watched 0.64
01:06:13.440 so many fucking tiktoks about this book and like i could find no evidence that anybody got to like 0.70
01:06:19.080 the towels in the tree or like any of the other stuff further in the book it's like first couple 0.98
01:06:24.060 pages the back of the book and the title is like what every fucking video is about right and 0.72
01:06:29.060 honestly great like if what they're saying is like yeah be yourself be demanding expect more 0.95
01:06:34.660 for men. Don't date somebody you don't like. Honestly, if that's what they're taking away
01:06:38.300 for the book, great. Nobody should be reading this fucking book. I mean, the way that TikToker 1.00
01:06:42.900 talked about it was like, be assertive, set boundaries. You get to the actual advice. It's
01:06:48.500 like your husband needs like advanced psychological management. Another thing I find interesting
01:06:53.920 about that TikToker specifically is she is a conservative. So I went to her profile. She mostly 0.95
01:07:00.460 does like wellness stuff. Like she lost a bunch of weight. So she does like before and after 1.00
01:07:03.620 photos and like what I eat in a day type of stuff. But she also says like, you will know when God
01:07:08.580 brings you the man that is right for you. She's a conservative. And so I think a lot of this stuff
01:07:13.320 comes in the packaging of like, ooh, this wellness influencer is like telling me about this amazing
01:07:17.860 book. But a lot of people on TikTok are just straight up conservatives. And this is conservative
01:07:21.640 dating advice. And they too want to repackage this as like, ooh, what women in the modern world need 0.98
01:07:26.460 to hear. But no, it's just like 1950s dating advice basically, right? A lot of conservative
01:07:30.680 women have the same complaints about their relationships and men as liberal women. 1.00
01:07:37.340 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:07:37.700 But it's just framed differently.
01:07:39.820 It's generally framed as something that A, that the men cannot help, B, that you just
01:07:46.400 deal with, and C, that you complain about with your female friends.
01:07:50.260 The other thing that I read for this was The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward, 1.00
01:07:56.120 who has an entire chapter about why men love bitches. 1.00
01:07:59.060 he's just not that into you and think like a woman act like a man she basically does like 0.97
01:08:04.260 our entire show and so i'm going to send you a chapter of this would have loved to have read
01:08:10.920 this before doing the other two episodes i think it came out recently oh so it's ripping us off 0.77
01:08:15.240 she also has a chapter about like pickup artists and stuff it's pretty good if she has a freakonomics 0.97
01:08:18.280 chapter let's call our lawyers a telling feature of the plucky catch a man and keep him books
01:08:23.840 written by women in the early 21st century is that they advise women to relate to men in the
01:08:27.640 most predictably sexist ways and yet framed this advice as a new form of empowerment or as an
01:08:32.560 innovative set of weapons that a smart woman could use to manipulate men. In these texts, 0.66
01:08:37.620 written as if centuries of patriarchy never occurred, women's submission to men was presented
01:08:42.480 as a hot new idea. At first glance, books such as Cara King's 2014 The Power of the Pussy, 0.99
01:08:49.000 How to Get What You Want from Men, would appear to take a fundamentally different approach 0.97
01:08:53.120 from Laura Schlesinger's 2009, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The former centered
01:08:59.380 women's needs and empowerment, and the latter warned women to focus on their husbands for the
01:09:03.500 sake of their marriages. But both books followed in the same well-worn tradition of encouraging
01:09:07.740 straight women to closely study men's psychology, suppress female behaviors that men naturally
01:09:12.660 dislike, such as being too emotional, carefully tend to men's emotional needs, and manipulate men 1.00
01:09:18.360 into a committed relationship. By the way, just because you take our podcast thesis and articulate
01:09:23.300 it better than us doesn't mean you're not still stealing it. And like Jane Ward has some interesting
01:09:27.900 stuff about this narrative where it seems like the man is in control, but you're secretly pulling
01:09:34.240 the strings behind the scenes. That's something she says over and over again in the book in the
01:09:38.240 abstract, but then every single one of her examples is not that at all. Right. You're tiptoeing around
01:09:44.120 him but you sort of reframe it as like yeah because you know you're doing that right it's
01:09:49.700 fine that is also a narrative that is like i think very conservative like it shows up in a lot of
01:09:53.940 like it's in like country songs and stuff like you're secretly in control here and like republican
01:09:58.100 politicians are always being like oh my wife is the real brains of the operation these are like
01:10:02.120 very common tropes right on some level it's a narrative that people tell themselves that just
01:10:06.540 is not true it's a way of coping with a patriarchal society and a fundamentally just unequal
01:10:11.200 relationship right you know and this book is basically telling you like yeah yeah no you can
01:10:15.020 do it this is like what you should aspire to yeah i noticed when i was reading through it it's not
01:10:18.880 until chapter 10 of 11 chapters chapter 10 where she mentions oh some men just aren't worth dating
01:10:25.020 and you should break up with them that needs to be like chapter two right it needs to be like crazy
01:10:29.040 you can't advance in every single relationship you need to be able to like think about what your red
01:10:35.040 flags are think about what your like threshold boundaries are and then enforce them right and
01:10:39.820 then you can like move on to chapter three where it's like so he's not picking up his laundry
01:10:44.340 because the whole thing is about giving the impression that you can walk away at any time
01:10:49.140 to get him to like you but she doesn't actually talk about actually walking away until chapter 10
01:10:53.640 and i also found out from a podcast about this that i listened to that chapter 10 was added to
01:10:57.620 the book after it was published it's like the q a like frequently asked questions chapter and it
01:11:01.960 wasn't in the first edition of the book so it's only as like an add-on like dumbledore was gay 0.88
01:11:06.860 btw that she added like oh yeah some men are trash and you should actually walk away from men right
01:11:11.120 so again it's just like everything is about being subservient and like tricking a man into dating 0.99
01:11:16.800 you regardless of the quality of the fucking man right the like subpar quality of the guy 0.99
01:11:21.820 is like built into the equation yeah yeah the guy's a loser his apartment sucks don't upset 1.00
01:11:27.080 him by rearranging the furniture he doesn't know how to fuck and he is a small dick don't tell him 1.00
01:11:32.420 Yeah, it's not why men love bitches. 1.00
01:11:34.180 It's why advice books love dusty, crusty musties. 1.00