Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Don't Touch the Earth

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00:00:57.520 Two best friends, both alike in dignity.

00:01:00.060 Nurturing phantoms and courting the muse. 1.00

00:01:02.320 The hag divines when something must die. 1.00

00:01:04.660 Yes, that was Poogh. 0.96

00:01:05.780 But this is huge.

00:01:07.360 The ego loves to seek.

00:01:08.820 But never to find.

00:01:10.200 It was Berlant and Novak the whole time.

00:01:14.660 Oh, hi.

00:01:15.540 I'm back.

00:01:17.600 Hi.

00:01:18.520 I went through the airport in this.

00:01:19.880 Don't you love it?

00:01:20.520 silk bows from a boutique in um brooklyn wow during my last during my christmas eve

00:01:27.400 was a christmas eve a day before can't recall no it was christmas eve a little last minute

00:01:34.320 picked up a little silken bow claw for my mother and my niece like this i have a lot

00:01:41.440 i'm bringing in with a lot i bet you do and um wait first of all wait yeah first of all

00:01:47.800 I know that we're past the Christmas season.

00:01:50.600 I know we're past it, everyone.

00:01:52.480 We're aware.

00:01:53.320 But I just feel the need.

00:01:54.940 No, sorry.

00:01:55.360 We're going to be unpacking Christmas straight through Feb.

00:01:58.760 So get ready, folks.

00:02:00.140 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:00.980 But I just want to say, on Christmas Eve, I went to the viral diner, I would say the

00:02:08.320 hardest table to get right now in Los Angeles, Max and Helen's on Larchmont. 0.99

00:02:12.600 Damn. 0.99

00:02:13.120 Okay. 0.99

00:02:13.940 Well, first of all.

00:02:14.740 Is that kind of near me?

00:02:16.200 Probably not.

00:02:16.880 not really well kind of it's between us it'd be actually a great meeting point for us i like that

00:02:21.900 i was literally securing and this is the whole thing in la oh this is you know eight hour wait

00:02:27.740 seven hour wait i remember when they opened i ran into a friend on archmont who said she arrived at

00:02:32.060 like you mean it's they don't take res is what you're telling me no res 9 a.m at 9 a.m was a

00:02:37.560 four hour wait you know it's like the joke right but i go i want in let's just say that i was

00:02:42.660 literally at a funeral securing the table i was at a funeral some would call this you know

00:02:48.940 sublimation i was like i secure a christmas eve brunch for 4 11 a.m i'm floating i get there the

00:03:00.300 meal was i know you were at brunch on christmas eve you know how that's when i you were out and

00:03:07.980 i texted your lover and said yeah trust it it writes yeah all right thank you you got two

00:03:17.620 twisbees ready for the um for today's notes okay as we go because there's a lot to discuss

00:03:23.280 so twisbee eco pens um i'm just breaking in because it's really important but we'll get

00:03:29.300 to this in a minute yeah i know you were at brunch in the pouring rain yes yes on christmas eve

00:03:34.580 yes because i was wildly plotting a christmas surprise so sweet with your lover going are

00:03:41.840 you guys home pouring rain yeah anyway but we'll get to that in a minute the greatest thing i've

00:03:47.260 ever done oh we will get to that but i'll just say max and helen's you hear this a lot oh these

00:03:52.720 these places that get so much buzz diner nancy silverton listen oh it's nancy silverton you

00:03:58.240 say and the food was worth the hype i'm here to tell you yep yep yep explosive tuna melt best

00:04:03.400 waffle of my life shit remarkable pancake like really cute diner and here are you ready here

00:04:09.240 it comes so christmas eve right they're the four of us i actually i have i have manic videos that 0.95

00:04:14.860 i will post only for the subscribers because they're they're too embarrassing to let the

00:04:19.040 general public see them you mean the unlisted in the newsletter just folks premium gets a special

00:04:23.540 newsletter every week with unlisted video then i was watching myself later and i was like god i'm

00:04:28.940 annoying like i'm so it's like i have this mania like i secured the reservation isn't the food good

00:04:35.360 we're here we made it who took it because katie was filming okay i didn't realize she was telling

00:04:40.500 me like gearing up to take a bite of the waffle i thought she was like no was it because she knew

00:04:44.640 she knew she was catching you being you or was it just normal filming that happened to catch i think

00:04:51.380 it was just like being like yeah it was like a joke because it was like oh this is the place

00:04:55.100 everyone comes to film themselves eat whatever but i was the food was so pleasurable it was the

00:05:01.500 thing of like when it's happened you're there you set the scene it wasn't that i was unable to be

00:05:06.500 present well of course i was unable to be present but it was like i was so outside myself looking

00:05:10.820 down at myself going it's happening it's happening it's happening the brunch is here it's christmas

00:05:14.740 eve and then what and then what happens to me when i'm in this manic state don't i know it i mean i've

00:05:19.060 walked through paris with you i've walked through paris with you so i understand okay what it means

00:05:24.180 to be in the eye of the storm you know me going of the thing you planned it's really worth talking

00:05:29.820 about right no no this is the work you know never are you so absent from paris as as the moment you

00:05:36.880 touch down in paris right so funny i know i know i mean you know say you know the new year's so so

00:05:42.660 it's it's the surrounding it's the it's the it really is a storm right it's an storm storm of

00:05:47.500 obsession at the eye it's still it's my obsession with the wedding day now can you switch can you

00:05:52.360 switch well as a child i was terrified okay i go i'll never as a child i go i'll never be able to

00:05:58.000 do that okay i go i'll be so stressed out in the same way that i would cry on my birthday the real

00:06:03.320 and it was the release like we talked about maybe it was last episode once you come here boo

00:06:10.460 come here boo boo's first appearance in an episode dare i say boo

00:06:15.100 so cute hearing the meow but wait keep going keep going so so much like last week with the only once

00:06:21.620 you accept that you're disappointed can the light come in okay oh yeah exactly exactly right with the

00:06:28.080 lights I gave your permission yeah I used to like it's really true when am I gonna cry you know on

00:06:32.820 the birthday you know this panic of will it be perfect not even perfect this panic of what if

00:06:39.460 there's something that I'm sad about on my birthday it'd be so horrible and I was like I'll never be

00:06:45.620 able to do a wedding I'll never be able to survive a wedding day I'll be praying for cancellation

00:06:48.640 which is also the only way in a way can you imagine okay you try to make the wedding perfect

00:06:52.900 the whole thing you get there that night okay and it's like a massive sorry snow day okay whatever

00:06:58.320 right dream yeah okay hurricane and they go the tents down no one's going outside we're meeting

00:07:03.720 at the local diner okay and suddenly suddenly the tiger breaks in life gets in yeah yeah exactly

00:07:10.980 that's the tiger breaking in the tiger breaks in muddies up the temple with its paws okay and then

00:07:16.400 you have people going now i want to get the um this is souvenir tiger now i'd like to get the

00:07:21.080 hurricane to the diner wedding please can i get that package then they falsify that for years and

00:07:29.240 then and then someone's left i'd like to get bride trips yeah bride trips down the aisle

00:07:34.940 yeah exactly exactly gets a huge laugh or whatever like well by the way if i were ever walking down

00:07:41.060 an aisle i would literally be screaming like it's happening it's happening here we are like i feel

00:07:45.280 would be like right I mean I mean can you imagine the glances the wild glances I mean it's

00:07:51.560 interesting though oh my manager's here it's interesting yeah hi oh you know but I have seen

00:07:58.180 as of you I imagine you know being at the weddings of thousands of public performers okay no but I

00:08:05.060 have seen people who are very much performers and I've noticed they're present and they're not faking

00:08:09.820 it okay ritual pulls them in have you seen that's exactly it that's exactly humbled vulnerable well

00:08:16.580 by the way that totally and not and not the vulnerability of seeing them um pedal on stage

00:08:23.380 no no no starving for a moment starting for a moment and lapping it up of this a substantial

00:08:29.820 moment unselfconsciously like a dog well i i went to a wedding a very casual like you know everyone

00:08:35.740 says oh a casual wedding i went to a truly casual wedding a couple days after christmas

00:08:39.260 my partner's cousin and I was blown away by the actual relaxed demeanor of the bride

00:08:50.400 the actual like I thought it was a myth like oh you know we'll just she and completely 0.65

00:08:57.700 we're on the way to the wedding okay yeah oh shit I forgot do you have it do you or can't 0.61

00:09:02.840 have any like perfume or anything like ha ha ha oh um you're on the way to the wedding this is 0.93

00:09:08.520 already in thing with the bride yes same car no no no no no sorry no not the same car they're

00:09:13.880 they're the bride's already there but it's like last minute like she's walking on the aisle in

00:09:17.280 an hour and it's like can you bring deodorant or like this i was like the thought of like

00:09:22.340 you know what i mean just that and kind of and then getting there and she's literally smiling

00:09:27.120 whatever it's like whatever vibes and then the way of just the the calm the relaxation the

00:09:33.720 openness to the moment like joyful sweet kind of whatever like i keep on saying whatever not that

00:09:39.200 it was inconsequential but just like oh yeah she actually was relaxed i i couldn't i i know amount

00:09:46.740 of lexapro right it was unbelievable i and i i was just like that's interesting boy i have to go

00:09:53.840 to the moment of the diner so imagine me okay i'm in there i'm flying high i keep going eight

00:09:59.880 hour away i go i'm saying people wait eight hours for this you know i'm going and the food really

00:10:04.820 is good we have a booth it's cozy it's christmas eve jacklyn the rain is pouring outside okay were

00:10:09.500 you were you um were you okay good no they don't they don't have our booth right okay that's got

00:10:13.580 to be our booth no it's fine it's fine even if we're up there it's fine you know walked in seated

00:10:16.580 immediately you knew what you had okay oh yeah well i walk in i go and they go here's the booth

00:10:22.100 of course reservation was 11 we arrive 11 at 1 okay and our guests the two people we were getting

00:10:27.040 we're already there i go this is respect okay respect the reservation i've been saying this

00:10:30.780 for years respect the reservation the 15 minute grace period is only for emergencies you mean if

00:10:35.840 you didn't book it but you're the sort of guest of it both and booking oh respect the restaurant

00:10:42.100 yeah yeah respect the reservation yeah so sure imagine me jacqueline in this moment of mania

00:10:47.600 christmas eve you can imagine it right guess who's in the diner guess who's at the next who's a

00:10:54.620 couple booths over are you sitting down and i want everyone i want every hag to imagine and then here

00:11:01.260 it comes i want to remember because i wonder if i can call it up it felt significant give it to me

00:11:06.520 no let i want to say i want to say yeah leonardo oh right dicaprio no no no i want everyone to

00:11:14.220 imagine who would be and i go are you kidding me and then and then the the the general manager

00:11:21.320 who's you know kind enough to get me in a shout out um protecting her privacy i don't know why 0.98

00:11:25.520 she goes oh yeah because she's talking about like people are you know coming and of course

00:11:30.060 celebrities constantly are coming and kind of get a table and she's going i'm so sorry like no

00:11:33.860 and she really she was saying she's like i really try oh she used it she used an industry term for

00:11:37.540 me it made me so horny she goes she goes i don't like to move the book oh hell yeah oh honey she

00:11:43.380 said that i go and i said this to her and i meant it can i shadow you can i shadow you yeah i will

00:11:48.340 be my i want to shadow her for an afternoon she goes i don't like to move the book and she name

00:11:53.300 dropped a couple big celebs she goes i didn't move the book for them i go people people local

00:11:57.660 that's a good way members want to come in the diner i'm not going to move the book for for a

00:12:01.720 start that's a way to jargon lever this is a new idea i have okay jargon lever a celebrity okay

00:12:08.420 into saying this isn't your your world right so the second second she says you know i'm sorry i

00:12:16.080 can't move the book for you okay the leonardo the the etc right well no no no little something in

00:12:21.740 there no no she might have moved it for leo i'm just saying little something in the celebrity's

00:12:25.460 heart i argue okay yeah yeah because i'm not i'm not i'm just a person well yes and also sorry no

00:12:33.000 no that's true okay and i want to explore that okay but they go oh i'm not on my ground okay i

00:12:40.560 don't know the jargon here you see i'm saying now they'll learn it quick okay but sorry i want to i

00:12:44.580 want to do a crucial clarification she would never say move the book to the person she was saying

00:12:49.040 that to me like offhanded like i i like i don't like to move oh you're you're you're back oh

00:12:53.020 you're backstage no you don't know that she wouldn't say it she doesn't say how do you know

00:12:56.940 she said it to you i'll ask her she doesn't no no dare i say you're a public personality

00:13:01.860 no no because we're talking shop we're talking shop i was dying i was going i was going who's

00:13:06.540 trying to get in i was going how long the wait i was getting you went into your shop talk but she

00:13:10.040 goes but she said that leo it was a classic thing where leo's i'm just saying she could

00:13:16.000 use a jargon lever in a pinch on them okay okay and the jargon lever yeah okay scoops them up

00:13:22.240 and puts them into a new reality interesting idea never forget the jargon lever because we're going

00:13:26.000 to bring that up again and by we i mean me you'll have forgotten no no i'll push three on the third

00:13:31.340 time knock on the door of the temple of kate's memory by the way i'm doing a new year we're in

00:13:37.300 january what it's changing a new year i'm jumping all over the place but just just the relationship

00:13:42.620 to the phone it's really changing and i found that and i've been reading i repeat i've been reading

00:13:47.500 i repeat i've been reading and a new year's memories are coming back childhood memories

00:13:53.100 jacklyn like my brain is opening it's blooming emerging through the i was driving and i was 0.92

00:13:58.500 literally i was like fucking proust i was like remembering the the florentine cookies i would 0.96

00:14:03.280 eat with my mother after school these memories that that bakery that closed and the way it was 0.97

00:14:08.280 and the wooden bar that would wrap around the s curve of the windows on montana avenue i was like

00:14:13.500 i was going back memories were coming last night we're watching tv or sorry not tv i want to be

00:14:18.820 clear not tv movies movies i'm back on movies i'm watching to die for i i i pause the movie i go

00:14:23.700 murphy i knew a dog named murphy kirby i knew a dog named kirby small and brown memories are coming

00:14:28.860 fighting back with the phone going away and the previous i know who knows is it time to finally

00:14:35.520 have a legitimate past life memory experience this year we had someone reach out to us who

00:14:42.620 does past life regression oh my god and if you're listening now and you're that person please reach

00:14:46.900 out again again knock on the door of this temple as many times as needed never assume no response

00:14:55.100 means no thank you means we haven't read it it's the chaos no so wait leonardo dicaprio

00:15:03.420 call him oh yeah i have a thought about this several i can imagine he's he's a he's a spirit

00:15:10.080 he's a phantom he's a ghost he's a statue an idea it was like what yeah what isn't he what isn't he

00:15:17.520 then he's one of the only stars we have left and by the way i haven't enjoyed seeing him debasing

00:15:22.480 himself doing i have not enjoyed seeing him i don't like to see him in my feed before christmas

00:15:28.100 i was scrolling i see him in the feed the bitter feed i was like get leo no i go i go you're the

00:15:35.840 only one that doesn't do this don't yeah don't touch the earth exactly fire your pr team they're

00:15:41.320 telling you we need you in the feed they go they go social is they go they go leo it's a new world

00:15:46.620 social and uh now i do think i think you know there's also a trust in leo he can do no wrong

00:15:54.160 i couldn't believe it it felt like it felt like watching your parents have sex or something it

00:15:58.000 was like except without the like it was like seeing him speak in the crass like leo don't

00:16:04.380 come here i know we do it we dirty our feet okay in the podcast world is kind of a satirical

00:16:09.480 performance art piece. Okay. Leo, stay away, Leo. Stay away, Leo. Now, also, fair enough,

00:16:18.780 Leo. You know what I always called him? Leo Dio. Have you ever heard this?

00:16:23.240 Oh, I like that. I've never heard that.

00:16:24.260 Growing up, Leo Dio, even though his last name is not Dio Rio, but there's something to it.

00:16:31.780 Leo DiCaprio. Been too good for too long. Am I right? It's unbelievable. Too good

00:16:39.380 for too long who's that good from from childhood on god damn yeah leo no no it's unbelievable 0.97

00:16:46.020 but you can imagine the so she goes leo's here oh my she said it oh christ in heaven 0.96

00:16:52.620 yeah the the the manager said it from the back well because i was i was i was like i was like

00:16:59.960 what stars we got what stars we got you know i'm being kind of loud almost where are you

00:17:03.900 no to my face in the booth she's standing next to the booth so she did it on the floor no no and

00:17:09.720 she doesn't do it like this she actually she wasn't like guess what right we were talking

00:17:13.520 about this and moving the books and i go that's amazing and and she goes i don't want the book

00:17:17.460 she goes i mean you know just now we don't have to campfire walked up and i go well i go okay well

00:17:22.160 i go excuse me what huh huh he's here he's right over there did you whip or did you stay calm i

00:17:27.800 immediately go i just want to take you whip i stayed completely calm you kept her gaze going

00:17:32.700 if he's here he's not leaving the next few seconds she was so calm so professional so whatever

00:17:38.020 that i almost like it was like i couldn't believe what she was telling me i was like wait here right

00:17:41.380 now she's like yeah and i was like oh so i go i need a look i'm not gonna here's what i'm gonna

00:17:47.160 do i go give me the exact placement of him in the room got it i get up to do to go to the bathroom

00:17:52.820 he's in i get up to do my big looking oh his girlfriend's there at the table without him

00:17:58.400 He's not there. You go, guess I'm going to find him in line at the bathroom. Holy shit. Two

00:18:03.260 bathrooms. I walk up to the bathroom area. One door opens, a man walks out, not Leo. You go,

00:18:08.940 I hear water in the other bathroom. I go, that's Leo. If you want to finally fix your gut,

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00:19:52.620 Hi, it's us again, breaking in with an ad.

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00:21:28.120 or any of the links in the various places where the links exist.

00:21:32.820 i go that's leo baby and i go i'm gonna wait okay this is this is imagine this imagine

00:21:46.180 because you almost could have started the story matt you know when you're in a hallway

00:21:49.180 okay waiting for the bathroom and you know there's someone in this one and you're waiting for it

00:21:54.160 wait a second though wait sorry i got distracted realizing something are you standing there with an

00:21:58.920 open bathroom that's now empty that you

00:22:01.180 could enter and a closed bathroom

00:22:03.040 that he's in. Yes, and I hear water, yes.

00:22:05.460 This is borderline

00:22:06.860 one of the train thought experiments,

00:22:09.140 okay? Because, you know,

00:22:11.060 I mean, this is like, what do you do?

00:22:13.540 Right? This is

00:22:15.160 what do you do. It is upon you, technically,

00:22:17.640 right, to go straight

00:22:19.280 into the bathroom that you were waiting for.

00:22:21.220 Of course. Now, I'm assuming no one was behind you, obviously.

00:22:23.440 No one was behind me. Because imagine this.

00:22:25.320 Do you go, oh, you go ahead.

00:22:27.060 I'm waiting for somebody.

00:22:28.500 I'm waiting for a friend.

00:22:30.020 No.

00:22:30.440 So here's what I do.

00:22:31.280 This is so embarrassing to admit it.

00:22:32.600 You tie your shoe.

00:22:33.660 I take out my phone and I begin to do a fake phone call.

00:22:36.520 Like, I'm not going to go to the bathroom yet because I'm on a phone call.

00:22:38.960 Because I go, why else?

00:22:40.360 I go, it's raining outside.

00:22:42.340 I got to take this work call.

00:22:43.820 Why else am I in this hallway?

00:22:45.480 Why else would I be waiting here with the open bathroom?

00:22:48.320 So I'm hearing water.

00:22:49.660 I'm hearing something.

00:22:50.420 I go, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:22:52.000 Okay, yeah.

00:22:53.060 Well, you know, if you go to –

00:22:54.300 You know, it's in my email.

00:22:56.140 You heard water and you go, did you go like –

00:22:58.500 were you like what's he doing in there he would wash his hands that long or like were you kind of 0.66

00:23:03.440 like yeah i was just like and then and then i'm kind of like let's fucking go come on so i'll 0.91

00:23:09.400 tell you what happened wait a second wait a second sorry talk about slow it down slow it down okay 0.80

00:23:13.840 because i just want to live in this yeah so many questions along the way right i go i go yeah now

00:23:19.820 you there were two bathrooms in a hall right and he's not at the table that's all you know right

00:23:25.560 it's all i know how did you know it was his table pouring rain outside you know the girlfriend

00:23:30.500 because i see his and you know who she is like okay so she's a famous model yeah yeah i just

00:23:37.440 mean so you go he's here oh there's his girlfriend so you know okay and you go now you didn't do a

00:23:43.140 quick look through the windows okay pouring rain out right there's no business being out there so

00:23:47.320 you're only assuming that he's in there yes exactly now it's a pretty good assumption but

00:23:52.580 technically i don't know technically i don't know we don't know it's and you haven't scanned the

00:23:56.900 whole place in case he was talking to someone looming over another table it's tiny the diner's

00:24:01.200 tiny he was not i mean no you're like he's in there he's in there he's in there all right i've 0.99

00:24:05.560 got him i'm cornered i got him cornered so fucking mosquito bitch okay um sorry me flying in she's 0.99

00:24:11.500 not a freak she's emmy nominated okay so you call me get me on the phone on facetime she's not a 1.00

00:24:18.040 freak. She's Emmy nominated. She's not some freak. I get you on FaceTime. What year were you

00:24:22.420 nominated for an Emmy? Was that the same year as the critics choice? I am on the phone. I'm on the

00:24:27.940 fake phone. He's taken time. I go, I'm waiting. Sorry, I'm waiting. And then I go, Kate. And are

00:24:33.420 you doing talking or only listening on the fake phone at this point? Talking, both. I'm talking

00:24:37.200 too. I'm talking too. And how are you afraid the screen's going to light up? What are you doing

00:24:40.760 about that? A little bit. I have it concealed. I mean, again, it's a small hallway. I feel like

00:24:44.700 I'm good. And then I go, Kate, I go, you got to give it up. I'm not waiting this long. I go,

00:24:50.080 it's too much. So I go, okay, well, talk to you later. Bye. And I go into the bathroom.

00:24:55.800 I pee. I go, you're funny. And then I come out and this was hard to swallow. I go, Kate,

00:25:03.120 you're going to get a look when you go back to the table. Relax. He's gone. She's gone.

00:25:08.340 Go back. So this was a classic case of going to use the restroom before we leave.

00:25:12.660 The point is, I come out, they're fucking gone, and I am crestfallen. 0.97

00:25:17.900 But then I sit down and I go, you know what? 0.99

00:25:19.760 This is the greater poetry of the story, you know.

00:25:23.900 By the way, I've seen him in the flesh before, okay?

00:25:28.100 We were in the same film, for Christ's sake, okay?

00:25:31.700 Sure were.

00:25:32.580 But there's very few people, there's very few people that hold that power.

00:25:37.620 And I would say, I mean, I'd be very excited to see Nicole Kidman.

00:25:44.900 Like, there's a, like, but those celebs, but even, but she's, it's Leo, you know, it's,

00:25:51.320 anyway, the point is he's gone.

00:25:53.600 I'm fine.

00:25:54.180 We have the meal.

00:25:55.320 Unbelievable generosity.

00:25:56.540 They give us four Max and Helen hats.

00:25:59.880 Wow.

00:26:00.920 We'll have the picture for the subscribers slash I might post it to my personal gram.

00:26:05.300 and um i get a mug i get a max and helen's mug it was it was a fabulous breakfast we're in and

00:26:12.220 by the way they're fast they're the food's coming out fast point is we go next door to the bookstore

00:26:17.460 naomi says to me he's here no what he was in the bookstore next door yeah so i got my look

00:26:25.400 what bookstore he's got the classic he needs a new hat um just right next to max and oh dark hat

00:26:32.480 I'm not sure what it's called.

00:26:33.560 Classic.

00:26:34.620 And the COVID mask.

00:26:35.920 Poor thing.

00:26:37.320 Breathe, Leo.

00:26:37.940 We need you to breathe.

00:26:39.420 Well, it's working.

00:26:40.220 He's working.

00:26:41.020 He's working.

00:26:41.540 He's got to protect.

00:26:42.380 No, he's not.

00:26:44.120 Oh.

00:26:45.820 You mean because he can't get a movie made in his town?

00:26:48.280 No, it's the COVID.

00:26:48.980 And I understand the mask was really protective in a lot of circumstances.

00:26:52.840 I go, Christmas Eve, you're out.

00:26:54.640 Honey, it's quiet here.

00:26:56.380 Come on, take your mask off, Leo.

00:26:58.100 See, that's funny, though, Kate, because who are you telling?

00:27:00.940 You're telling yourself.

00:27:02.040 What?

00:27:02.420 Am I right?

00:27:03.600 Telling myself what?

00:27:04.500 You had decided in your rules, magic rules, magical thinking, okay?

00:27:09.620 Yeah.

00:27:09.820 Okay, Christmas Eve, lunch month, I'm not wearing a mask out there.

00:27:12.760 Okay, Kate, because you're afraid of sickness a lot, you might wear a mask in other settings.

00:27:16.220 No, no, no, no.

00:27:16.360 He's not wearing it for sickness.

00:27:17.440 He's wearing it for anonymity.

00:27:19.020 You can't be serious.

00:27:20.240 Oh, 100%, sweetheart.

00:27:21.320 He's always wearing that thing.

00:27:22.420 It's anonymity.

00:27:23.200 And I understand.

00:27:23.840 He doesn't want COVID mask for anonymity? 1.00

00:27:26.160 Yes, bitch. 1.00

00:27:26.180 He doesn't want people to take us pictures. 1.00

00:27:27.220 He's doing it constantly as paparazzi protection.

00:27:29.640 Mask and COVID.

00:27:30.320 but I mean, everyone, this is what the stars are doing.

00:27:32.880 No, this is hysterical because at this point,

00:27:37.320 is it not a flag like the hat used to be,

00:27:40.060 the hat and glasses?

00:27:40.520 Totally, something's up.

00:27:41.780 Yeah, totally, totally.

00:27:44.740 Okay, wait, hold on.

00:27:45.980 The status symbol.

00:27:47.340 I don't want to push this agenda.

00:27:49.180 What agenda?

00:27:50.080 I want to tell the story of what you just sent.

00:27:52.000 Okay, great.

00:27:52.460 Because it was occurring while you were at brunch

00:27:54.180 on Christmas Eve.

00:27:55.740 Yeah, yeah, okay, go, go.

00:27:57.020 Okay, now you don't know.

00:27:58.300 I mean, you might think this isn't a story,

00:28:00.320 okay but i think it's cozy to hear about okay somebody's pull up my texting behind you know

00:28:06.000 unbeknownst to you right the time yeah i think yeah totally so it's wednesday 12 15 p.m christmas

00:28:15.560 eve christmas eve okay and i've already texted you leo's here leo's here i was texting you

00:28:20.820 right oh yeah i think so oh yeah i had like i find it quite exciting so i go i want to surprise kate

00:28:30.320 I'm in New York City. I get on my phone. So cute. Okay. I'm searching. I'm looking. Okay.

00:28:38.440 And I go, here's me on Facebook marketplace to someone named Jackson. Okay. Greetings.

00:28:45.220 I'm curious if this is available. If I wanted to Venmo or Zelle and have an Uber messenger,

00:28:50.300 pick it up. Wow. Unbelievable. Jackson, just let me know when you're ready to call the Uber and I

00:28:58.480 can have my assistant christmas eve folks meet them at the storage unit aka him yeah okay okay

00:29:05.460 yeah meet them at the storage unit to put it in the back of the car okay i go okay great the uber

00:29:12.120 usually comes moments after i call so maybe they should go there now the assistant wow i go i'm

00:29:17.620 ready to venmo you if you give me your venmo name and yeah i'm going for it venmoing up front with

00:29:23.140 no guarantees. Okay. You said that? No, I'm telling you that this is like,

00:29:28.700 this is the Christmas risk. Okay. Cause I'm like, fuck it. I don't need him doubting me.

00:29:33.620 He's like, don't call the Uber until my assistant's there with, with the decoration.

00:29:38.040 Okay, fine. I'll tell you guys. The decoration. It's a blow mold.

00:29:43.560 It's a vintage. Okay. Blow mold. And I thought about it. Okay. I thought about a few things.

00:29:51.480 One, this is my thing. Am I pushing it on Kate? Well, it's cute. That's sort of some of the fun

00:29:58.960 of it is like she's not getting this for herself. Yeah, totally. You know what I mean? Whatever,

00:30:02.540 right? The whole thing. Then she also would have a snowman. However, I was concerned because let

00:30:08.420 me see. I think there was an earlier check-in in elf mode where I sent to Naomi. Are you ready?

00:30:16.960 Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. So this was previous, previous to my searching because I had

00:30:20.800 to search, right? Okay. Damn, this is the day before. Okay. Are you with Kate? I'm going to

00:30:26.400 ask an elf cue. Naomi says, please proceed elfishly. I'm with her, but you can't see my phone.

00:30:34.460 This is so cute. Okay. I go, I noticed a snowman out front, meaning of your house, right?

00:30:41.100 Is it a plastic, quote, blow mold? I was going to get you guys.

00:30:45.560 By the way, it's a John Darien for Target.

00:30:47.380 and it seems like it's more like a ceramic or something or it's very small it's very small

00:30:52.620 yeah yeah yeah i go i was gonna get you guys a vintage blow mold like mine as a gag first of

00:30:58.180 all me soft playing it as a gag like oh okay oh god i could cry just might all right so cute

00:31:09.680 as a gag it's like so sweet it's it's like oh god not another peabody i can't take it okay

00:31:18.220 no what is it what's what is it's it's seeing the word gag this is the same as the halloween

00:31:22.880 costume thing it's seeing the word gag okay it's a lesson like my desire to please you

00:31:28.120 you know what i mean like like yeah it's so cute okay so anyway i go even though it's not her style

00:31:35.520 etc i go but i saw a snowman lit up out there so now i'm questioning it okay yeah yeah totally

00:31:42.360 naomi omg ha ha ha um it's not exactly a blow mold i'll try to find out where she got it it's

00:31:49.440 kind of rough to the touch i'm like oh yeah i go i think it's i'm still safe to get her my style

00:31:53.640 of course naomi yes you probably are i go because it's just a whole different thing

00:31:57.980 it is like hardly rf i'm like it's a whole different thing yeah okay so then um

00:32:04.260 and then uh yeah i know exactly the rough touch i go i know exactly the rough touch

00:32:10.440 laughing about hardly rf but no it's literally hardly rf okay

00:32:14.240 i go all right i'm sticking with it are you ready no this is this is derangement of like

00:32:21.380 like this is like you okay ready i go this is to naomi okay okay all right i'm sticking with it

00:32:27.840 and i don't care if you guys all caps don't display it next year so sweet oh my god so

00:32:33.860 It's fine.

00:32:34.780 You know what I mean?

00:32:35.320 Like, you don't like it. 0.56

00:32:37.100 Naomi.

00:32:37.500 Oh, it'll be displayed.

00:32:38.420 I'm sure of it.

00:32:39.200 Okay.

00:32:39.360 Then come some pictures of you locking in peppermint.

00:32:41.680 Okay?

00:32:42.480 Yeah.

00:32:42.940 Locked in peppermint mocha.

00:32:44.320 Okay.

00:32:44.920 Anyway, the next day, 1215.

00:32:46.700 By the way, by the way, shout out, shout out, shout out to Canyon Coffee on Echo Park for 0.98

00:32:50.900 having a fucking unblued peppermint mocha. 0.98

00:32:53.960 Unbluedable. 1.00

00:32:54.760 Continue.

00:32:55.820 Wednesday, 1215.

00:32:57.080 You guys home or elsewhere?

00:32:58.840 Right now, I mean.

00:33:00.660 I'm having, quote.

00:33:02.180 No, I'm having Star.

00:33:03.340 something dropped off okay literally after the previous day asking you about the blow mold but

00:33:08.940 now yes it's turned into gift mode so it's like now i'm retracting it's happening yeah okay i hear

00:33:14.180 oh my god we're at max and helen's on larchmont we'll grab it later there is a safe place to put

00:33:20.680 it and then you know just made eye contact with leonardo decaffoli so okay somebody in the

00:33:27.520 household Naomi got it so the blessings will rain forth yes you know I'm going so I'm saying

00:33:33.620 there's a safe place by the shoe rack if possible to avoid pouring rain I'm like oh my god it's

00:33:37.740 raining because I'm in I'm in New York I forgot all about this okay I'm giving like responses to

00:33:43.100 the Leo stuff but I'm also like so locked in because I'm talking to Jackson over on a marketplace

00:33:48.220 okay and I hear heading home now we'll be right back in 15 thank god that was a little bit later

00:33:52.180 so he said so then back Jackson he said he can be there in 20 minutes I'll text you when he gets

00:33:56.940 there. And you can call the Uber then. I go, great. It asks for the last four digits of your

00:34:00.740 phone to confirm on Venmo. Oh, I can pay without. Nevermind. Paid. Okay. And he goes, you can put

00:34:06.120 in this address. I go, great. And then I go, woohoo, it's a merry blow mold Christmas. Okay.

00:34:12.860 To Jackson. Unbelievable. And what did he say? Woohoo, it's a merry blow mold Christmas. Okay.

00:34:17.680 I wanted him in on the joy. He said, okay, he's there, but it's going to take him a few minutes

00:34:23.800 to get it out so wait until i give you the green light to call the uber okay and then i also have

00:34:29.600 a teddy bear blow mold and a christmas candle blow mold if you're interested in either of those

00:34:33.200 okay now i'm thinking i am interested in the candle christmas candle but i don't well jacqueline

00:34:38.520 jacqueline here's what's crazy i don't yeah the big one i had a dream i had a dream that i was a

00:34:43.040 candle dressed as a candle and you and i were late for a poog live recording no i was dressed

00:34:50.200 as a candle. I want to dress as a candle. That would be amazing for us.

00:34:55.220 Two candles? So yes, that's us. I have to break in with something. I have to break in with

00:35:00.160 something. I know what you're going to break in with. About the candles. I have to break in with

00:35:02.340 something. No, no, you don't know. The candle. So listen, the dream in which I was dressed as a

00:35:07.720 candle came from the fact that, and this will be subscriber only. So as you know, I'm trying to

00:35:13.940 change my life. No phone, whatever, reading. I did some quick, gentle watercoloring the other day

00:35:19.100 as a way to just do anything 1.00

00:35:20.880 except be on my fucking phone 1.00

00:35:22.040 and be a loser. 1.00

00:35:23.620 And what did I freaking watercolor? 0.99

00:35:26.180 I'm looking around.

00:35:27.180 There on my table are two candlesticks.

00:35:28.880 I watercolored these candlesticks.

00:35:31.680 And then two nights later,

00:35:33.360 dreamt I was dressed as a candlestick.

00:35:34.840 The third mention has just occurred.

00:35:36.460 You've been visited now

00:35:37.460 by the ghosts of candle

00:35:39.320 past, present, and future.

00:35:41.680 And?

00:35:42.340 Notably, I was gifted

00:35:43.480 a small watercolor set

00:35:45.000 and small watercolor journal

00:35:46.320 by my brother's family.

00:35:48.400 this christmas oh probably the same this was on is it watercolor january sitting down christmas

00:35:56.260 day was when i was watercoloring no no no no christmas the day after christmas i was

00:36:02.560 watercoloring that's pretty wild i think so too did you get a picture of the candlestick blow

00:36:07.620 mold just curious well i have it it's somewhere in his feed i'd actually already seen it i didn't

00:36:13.060 want to say to him i saw it and i already said no to my yeah i've seen that i passed over it

00:36:17.720 No, but I was trying to remember and I didn't want to back out because I was in the message with him, like back out of the, find his listing again. I didn't want to say, does it say Noel on it? Because I don't really understand what Noel means.

00:36:32.060 okay no hell yeah i mean i love it i know it in the songs i love it i i something about it just

00:36:40.220 saying noel on it without me really understanding the reference feels odd i feels off to me okay

00:36:45.940 maybe one year i'll go for it but yeah it feels false so i'm like i didn't want to go does it

00:36:51.140 have noel and he'd go yeah and me go well then i won't be getting it you know what i mean so

00:36:55.060 I go tempting but I think just the one this year okay so so courteous like I might be back next

00:37:02.980 year okay I go I'm not in town so sorry to the assistant that it's raining like I didn't realize

00:37:08.720 what I was getting you know and then he goes he goes sorry it's going to take a couple minutes

00:37:11.980 somebody blocked the storage unit of the car and we're having to maneuver around it in the rain to

00:37:16.520 get stuff out of the unit unbelievable and I go not wanting this to happen but try to keep a you

00:37:23.760 know keep things i go i'm sorry if it becomes impossible and you want to back out i understand

00:37:28.880 okay he's ready you can call the uber then i send him the info of the uber me panicking what year

00:37:35.280 do you think the snowman is from or decade okay what'd he say obviously it's coming he goes 70s

00:37:42.860 or 80s or something i go hey from my knowledge i think it's 60s sweetie but we'll talk about that

00:37:48.540 later okay not 80s because back in the day they did these they did snowmen with cheeks with

00:37:55.000 cheekbones that has completely fallen away and I've always been confused by it okay so when your

00:38:03.000 driver says you drive thumbs up we never speak again okay and then I get the coziest video from

00:38:09.540 Kate you can't hear that right kind of but anyway it's like I'm so pumped this is what I'm good at

00:38:19.120 okay like when I got Chris the tux within and me that gown within an hour do you remember that was

00:38:24.800 amazing Jacqueline Novak day of the of the Emmys no day the Oscars shows up fully decked yeah I'm

00:38:31.720 really good like that right who isn't you know speed um wait what is that new rug that's come

00:38:37.700 through that i sent you is that nordic no honey it's not nordic that was a crazy it was a lulu

00:38:43.600 and it was um yeah bedroom rug my my bed is being delivered today weeks after the fact so is this

00:38:50.360 this the lulu that we we talked about it was in last week's email to premium subscribers was it

00:38:56.280 lulu yeah it's an action too to be kidding oh look the coal rug from cb2 is on is on marketplace my

00:39:03.200 my addiction to marketplace the point is the blow mold and subscribers will get access to

00:39:09.700 the video that i sent jacqueline upon arriving with the blow mold it's very very sweet anyway

00:39:14.160 it was very special and you gave me a book that not that this was some we're not in some you know

00:39:21.480 gift oh what did i get you this your thing but it just so no no that you thought of me can i show

00:39:28.160 the book of course please it's a perfect book for you look at this look at that look at that

00:39:34.680 thickness look how huge it is this is a really primo how do you say it again fight and fade in

00:39:40.700 you know you know these books yeah anyway patented an unprecedented history as well as the central

00:39:47.580 field guide to more than a century of fascinating product and industrial design told through 1000

00:39:53.720 and design patents god god it electrifies me i mean if that's not a jacqueline novak

00:40:01.440 it i opened any page i'm electrified god i have so many so many ideas wait i'm forgetting about

00:40:09.260 your old nickname not speedy jack um wait my dad called me action jackson and then action jackson 0.96

00:40:17.080 yeah action and then action you just call me action it's really cozy action is so fucking 0.82

00:40:22.340 cool that's i gotta get into calling you action i gotta get into that because like it'd be like 0.77

00:40:27.520 i'd do something and my dad's like action you know like i love it go action go or something

00:40:32.020 i love it so much and then i have um i just want to say this to the listener to everyone

00:40:37.340 get your snow boots on early because i know it's january but jacqueline and i are going to

00:40:44.360 break open the doors. This Christmas, 2026 is going to be crazy for the hags.

00:40:51.480 The road, okay? Your road may begin later in the year. Ours begins now. We're paving the road so 0.95

00:40:57.180 you can walk in. I need everyone to set aside a hag fund now for tickets to the show and just

00:41:04.080 start planning now is all I can say. Start checking in. Start warning family, 0.94

00:41:10.160 hey i might not be coming to town as early because i'm you know gonna book it to chicago for

00:41:16.300 whatever but anyway get ready for that this is gonna be a uh yeah we're planning christmas now

00:41:23.480 there's just a lot there's a lot god this year is gonna be big for the for the podcast and

00:41:29.180 it's gonna be huge you're just saying that no it's actually unspeakable

00:41:34.500 and and just just stay the course folks stay the course stay the course like to say

00:41:42.220 and by the way by stay the course some of you you know i said to kate recently go kate kate

00:41:47.820 i'll tell the listener i'll beg them right i'll go upgrade

00:41:52.660 okay okay yeah okay guys guys guys guys i know okay just do it for me

00:42:03.520 okay yeah no no we're gonna we're gonna be making and subscribers are gonna get more and more this

00:42:09.200 year again we are we've already teased private videos things that i'm too embarrassed to

00:42:14.020 that i'm i looked at once and go i can't even look at this again it's so embarrassing you're

00:42:18.520 gonna have access to that material okay keep watching the space of the newsletter because

00:42:22.960 this is where there's going to be these tiers where your premium right now premium gets the

00:42:27.300 newsletter every week with the unlisted video etc etc there might be a wider newsletter okay 0.88

00:42:31.980 for the non-premium but what are they going to get not the same shit do you understand whatever 0.84

00:42:35.900 the point is there's going to be liquid code unfolding there's going to be wildness the

00:42:39.700 people are going to go just just premium we we thank you we honor you and by the way premium

00:42:44.700 you're going to get product corner which you're about to go to where i'm going to talk about a

00:42:47.720 couple things that i'm really fucking into right now i i want to tease a new product ritual that

00:42:53.840 i'm really into and a new lipstick a new brand new to trying this brand serious obsessed with 0.90

00:42:59.580 the lipsticks paid out of pocket. See you in product corner. See you because I've got a

00:43:03.480 bucket of things here. Okay. Love you. All right. Love you.

00:43:29.580 Thank you.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - January 06, 2026

Don't Touch the Earth

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