Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Default Parenting and the Mental Load with Renee Reina

00:00:00.000 Renee Rayna worked on her PhD in psychology for 10 years. Then the pandemic happened and she

00:00:11.260 started making TikToks and podcasts about being a mom to her 18 month old. Suddenly, that started

00:00:19.220 making actual real money. And Renee decided to pursue content creation as a career path instead

00:00:26.920 of what she refers to, what she still refers to as a quote-unquote real job. And it makes me think

00:00:35.000 about why don't we consider women creating content online a real job? Why is being a professor 1.00

00:00:42.300 at a university so much, quote, better or more important than that? 1.00

00:00:50.300 Renee tackles things that I think are incredibly important to women's life. 1.00

00:00:56.860 Mom guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, and I would argue that she is using her PhD 1.00

00:01:03.760 every single day to help women. She just isn't using it the way white men have used PhDs for 0.92

00:01:10.400 the past 200 years. Today we're going to get into a lot of things that I like to talk about.

00:01:16.920 How can we enjoy our lives more? Where does our mom guilt come from? And are a lot of the things 0.56

00:01:23.360 that cause us stress actually self-inflicted? So much, so much to discuss today. Let's get into it.

00:01:31.540 So I'm Renee. I started making TikToks in 2020. Actually, before that, I finished my PhD in

00:01:41.580 psychology like three days before quarantine started. So it was like, congratulations on

00:01:48.260 being in grad school for 10 years. Now you're going to be stuck at home with your 18 month olds

00:01:54.980 by yourself because my husband's a physician. So when I was in quarantine, I started making

00:02:00.960 TikToks about motherhood and things that were funny, but also kind of serious and built a

00:02:09.920 following on TikTok then decided to start a podcast in quarantine in my closet by the way

00:02:16.820 like you see I have this like nice studio now but I started the podcast in my closet with a $60

00:02:21.680 microphone from Amazon and once the world started to get back to normal the podcast was doing so

00:02:29.720 well social media was doing so well I was actually making money and my husband and I decided that I

00:02:36.180 would just continue doing that instead of trying to get, I guess, like a real life job. So that's

00:02:42.920 what I do now. I think it's so interesting that we don't consider what happens on social media

00:02:49.100 a real life job for women yet, that we don't consider content creation, you know, at the same

00:02:56.860 level as using your degree outside of the home in a corporation. And I say this all the time, but

00:03:06.180 Social media is media now. And therefore, this is a full-time job for you. This is a job. And

00:03:14.420 I think so many of us discount what we do in content creation as something other because

00:03:22.140 it is not working for some big corporation. Yeah, you're not working for somebody else.

00:03:28.220 I still, to this day, I just put up a question box on my Instagram the other day. I was like,

00:03:32.440 I'm going to do a Q&A. I always get the question, do you feel bad that you're not using your PhD?

00:03:41.780 Because it's, it is interesting. Like you spend so much time, like I was in grad school till I

00:03:48.820 was 34. Yeah. And now I'm not in that field. So it is, it is like unique. Not a lot of people find

00:03:59.140 themselves in that situation. But at the end of the day, I could not be happier than I am doing

00:04:07.180 what I'm doing now. And if I wasn't, then I would be using my PhD, being a professor at a university

00:04:15.360 or something like that. It's impossible to be a professor. I would have to be willing to move

00:04:21.760 wherever a job just popped up, which I can't do with my husband's line of work because he has to

00:04:27.820 work where his job is so it kind of all happened like it was meant to be it's very nice that I

00:04:36.320 have a flexible job we have a small child my husband does not have a flexible job so it all

00:04:43.160 kind of ended up working out I don't know what I was thinking thinking like yeah I'm gonna finish

00:04:47.520 my PhD and get a job downtown Toronto like excuse me like yeah how exactly exactly and

00:04:57.020 And look, the world of work is evolving.

00:05:00.500 And I would also argue that a lot of the things you talk about on social media do directly correlate to the kind of academic work that you've been doing.

00:05:12.420 I mean, when I think about therapy these days, when I think about psychology, so much of what I want to talk about has to do with being a mother.

00:05:25.520 my mom shame, my mom guilt. And these are subjects that you tackle on your social media feeds.

00:05:33.240 So I feel like you are still using your PhD. You're just not using it in the way that white 1.00

00:05:40.480 men have been using it for the past 200 years. In a traditional way. But no, I always say I would 0.90

00:05:49.160 not, I wouldn't have anything to talk about on social media if I didn't go through all the

00:05:54.700 training and everything that I did in my PhD. I would not have the thoughts that I have.

00:06:02.080 So it's like you're using it indirectly. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So on TikTok, on social media,

00:06:10.460 what are the things that you post that resonate the most with your audience? What does an audience

00:06:17.360 want to see more of? What do people want to talk about these days?

00:06:22.220 i think the posts that do the best are the ones that are very common like things like

00:06:33.780 not sleeping in the same bed as your husband your wife your partner it's very common but nobody

00:06:41.980 talks about it nobody talks about it in real life like with your friends your family because they're

00:06:46.920 embarrassed by it you're worried that people are going to judge you think like oh there's trouble

00:06:50.460 in their marriage but it's always interesting to me when I put out a post that's just kind of

00:06:56.360 normalizing that like yeah my husband snores why the hell would I want to sleep with him like I

00:07:01.500 want to sleep by myself like but when I put out a post the comments like a ton of comments and

00:07:08.440 people being like oh my god us too I haven't slept with my husband in five years like so on and so

00:07:14.740 forth and you realize how common these things actually are so whether it be you know experiencing

00:07:22.220 mom guilt um only wanting to have one child and being happy with that like that's also something

00:07:29.560 that people struggle with so it's all these things that a lot of people are experiencing but

00:07:35.440 don't necessarily verbalize out loud to anybody and so when you come across a piece of content

00:07:41.640 like that, you're inclined to watch it, to share it, to comment on it. Well, because I think that

00:07:49.960 we're desperate to see ways of being a woman and ways of being a mother in the world that pop

00:07:56.480 culture doesn't show us. We are shown one way of being even a person in the world, and that's not

00:08:04.680 most of our experiences. And so, yes, it resonates when we talk about what life is actually like

00:08:11.900 instead of the way that, you know, motherhood and wifehood has been presented to us by society for

00:08:19.940 so long. Yeah, like the traveling without my child, like I'll take trips to L.A., go record

00:08:30.640 with people you know I'm gone for five six days and my husband I don't have to leave him notes

00:08:38.860 on like what bedtime is I don't have to leave meals in the fridge like he is fully capable of

00:08:46.600 just taking over and I think that is also something because I talk a lot about default

00:08:51.980 parenting and people assume that I'm talking about me and my husband and I'm not like I'm

00:08:58.560 actually looking at our situation and thinking wow like so many moms out there have to do x y

00:09:07.460 and z all on their own they can't just up and leave for 24 hours or even an afternoon um

00:09:14.200 so it's interesting a lot of people look at my content and they'll be like oh me too like that's

00:09:21.720 so relatable but then at the same time I think a lot of people look at my content and they're like

00:09:25.360 oh she's just up and leaving for five days and her husband just like takes over or she has she

00:09:31.360 can voice to her husband that she doesn't want him to make pancakes on Saturday morning that

00:09:36.580 was like a whole thing that like broke the internet a few years ago wait well I missed I

00:09:40.920 think I missed this in the morning this was during quarantine and I talked about it in a podcast

00:09:50.240 episode and I clipped it and I put it on TikTok and it like blew up. People were not happy with me

00:09:57.120 because I said to my husband, like, I didn't want him to make pancakes on Saturday morning.

00:10:03.360 Reason being, I was home watching Milo all week by myself, looking forward to Saturday morning to

00:10:11.320 be like, finally, like my husband's home. We can like have coffee, chill. I'm not going to have to

00:10:17.620 be glued to Milo like the sole person watching him and then my Saturday morning would roll around

00:10:25.620 and then my husband's in the kitchen making like a full-fledged pancake breakfast and I'm like no

00:10:32.440 like I'm on paper it looks great like yay you're making breakfast for your family but in my mind

00:10:38.420 I'm like I was just looking forward to sitting with you and not having to do the job that I've

00:10:43.820 been doing all week but now you're making pancakes and I'm pissed off and people were just like oh

00:10:49.440 my god this poor man oh god wow yeah wow no I mean you you talk so well and also you're funny

00:10:59.340 and I think it's important to be able to laugh about all of this because being a mother and being

00:11:05.060 a woman in the world is hard and so we have to find the humor in it but you talk so well about

00:11:11.180 changing the narrative around motherhood and showing people different models. And I think

00:11:19.620 that that is one way that you do it. You do show your audience, yes, I get up and I leave to do

00:11:25.040 work. And my husband parents, he's not, you know, babysitting. He's doing what any parent

00:11:32.780 should do. I mean, I just booked a flight. I have to go to Sicily to finish reporting

00:11:37.440 out the sicilian inheritance podcast and i'm leaving for a week and i just plan on on leaving

00:11:44.620 you know much like what my husband is in phoenix for a conference right now and he just left

00:11:49.860 he didn't do anything special he got on a plane and left our house and when he's gone i do pretend

00:11:55.220 he's dead because it's just easier than you know having to hear his his stories about like happy

00:12:00.240 hours with his colleagues and going out to dinners but when i'm like i i just pooped with

00:12:06.560 four kids staring at me. Three kids. There's three of them here. It feels like more. Feels

00:12:10.300 like more. Three kids staring at me because I can't be alone in the bathroom. But we both do

00:12:16.020 that. We both have jobs. We both leave and we both parent. I will say my husband feels no guilt

00:12:23.200 or shame when he leaves. And despite the fact that I am a rational, smart lady, I still get

00:12:30.700 this tug of like oh my god are you a bad mother i don't i don't know if i even really believe it 0.98

00:12:36.560 but my body still internalizes that somehow i'm not doing enough for my children which is so dumb 0.80

00:12:42.520 yeah i struggle with even like never mind going away on a trip i struggle with even the evenings

00:12:51.800 where my husband's like oh i'll do bath time and bedtime like you can just chill read your book

00:12:58.000 like whatever it's hard for me to even relax when I'm in the house knowing that my husband

00:13:06.060 is doing everything alone upstairs like I find that even difficult because it's like I should

00:13:13.800 be up there like I should be helping I should whereas he would have no problem he would be

00:13:18.320 like sweet I'm gonna put on the soccer game like yep yep yep no no problem no problem whatsoever

00:13:24.300 That is one of the things that I am trying to be a lot better at. I'm trying to allow myself to relax. I'm trying to, because you know, the second that I get a free moment, I'm doing work. I'm like, oh my gosh, I have to send this email, I have to schedule this guest, or I should post this Instagram about my book event. And then I'm thrust right back into all of the labor of motherhood.

00:13:48.680 what i'm trying to get better at doing is you have 15 minutes why don't you read a book or 0.78

00:13:55.600 you have an extra half an hour watch a really dumb tv show that you might enjoy because i do

00:14:03.160 struggle with that guilt that i should either be mothering or working for money and that there's 0.51

00:14:08.700 no time for me just to enjoy myself and so that's really it's something that i've been working on

00:14:15.020 lately but it's not easy it's really not I have started I will make myself go take a walk

00:14:22.540 if the weather is decent or I will schedule a yoga class in the evening so like I physically

00:14:31.740 like have to get out of the house and do something for myself like you can't be

00:14:36.920 dinking around on your phone in a yoga class you can't they don't like it they don't like they don't

00:14:42.440 they definitely have a sign on the door that says no cell phones and i'm like oh perfect 0.98

00:14:47.240 put your damn phone away sometimes you have to force yourself and i agree about the tv 0.78

00:14:55.360 like i this is one of my goals for 2024 which sounds so silly but like to watch tv shows that 0.99

00:15:02.540 i like because otherwise i'm doing work yes this is one of my things too i'm like you need to finish

00:15:10.700 the Gilded Age and not just because the max subscription is now like $23 a month and you 0.98

00:15:16.860 don't want to pay for that shit any longer. Finish it. Finish it. But also because it's nice to space 0.99

00:15:22.960 out and watch TV. And I don't do enough of that because I feel like I should either be providing

00:15:29.220 or mothering all of the time. Yeah. Same. What I started doing a while ago when I started reading

00:15:36.380 again is I will go up to my room early because I want to be alone in my room in the dark reading

00:15:44.660 my Kindle and it's just like something that I look forward to every single day and I have worked

00:15:51.620 through the whole like well you should be hanging out with your husband like this is time you could

00:15:57.360 be spending with him but to be honest I'm sure he loves that I go up early and he gets to watch his

00:16:02.720 basketball by himself without me being like, can you rub my foot? Can you rub my foot?

00:16:08.040 Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I want my head scratched. Totally. Exactly. And men do not experience the

00:16:15.320 guilt in the same way. Like I have a husband who does a lot of labor of parenting. And yet if he

00:16:22.460 didn't, he wouldn't feel guilty about it. He does it. He does it because he doesn't want me to be

00:16:27.400 angry but he would he would not even he would not think twice about it if you weren't doing it

00:16:33.360 i always say guilt robs the enjoyment out of situations so like my husband not experiencing

00:16:43.120 guilt the way i do means that he's able to enjoy so many more moments in life than i am because

00:16:50.440 let's say we put on a movie on a saturday afternoon and god forbid it's like sunny and

00:16:56.560 a nice day i'm like inside dying like oh my god we should be outside like screen time uh and my

00:17:03.980 husband's just enjoying his little afternoon yes yes a hundred percent and i've tried to enjoy

00:17:11.020 those moments more i'm also reminding myself it is winter it may be sunny out there but it is cold

00:17:17.060 and the kids don't really want to be outside and it is okay that we have introduced them to the star

00:17:22.540 wars universe because they're actually really enjoying it and it brings up all of these great 0.96

00:17:29.500 conversations and you know fuck all of those people who make us feel guilty about screen time 0.98

00:17:34.080 i grew up watching cartoons constantly and i'm fine my brain is fine but yes my husband never 0.99

00:17:41.740 thinks about that he's like we're just enjoying our day and i'm like but we haven't planned a

00:17:46.740 rigorous activity for them yeah yeah no no one cares stop trying so hard i know what's wrong with

00:17:55.600 us what's wrong with us what is wrong with us you one of the things that you talk about um

00:18:02.420 that actually oh hold on one second all right you know what i i think it's time to take a break let's

00:18:08.560 take a break on what's wrong with us and when we get back we'll talk about what's wrong with us

00:18:12.840 And I also want to dive into what it means to be the default parent.

00:18:28.020 We are back.

00:18:29.400 And where we left off, we're like, what's wrong with us?

00:18:32.660 Why can't we just enjoy our life?

00:18:33.960 And that is something that I am trying to do a lot more of.

00:18:37.200 I'm like, you need to enjoy your nice life.

00:18:38.880 You objectively have a real nice life.

00:18:40.920 and how about you enjoy it more how about you enjoy like the little wins and the little successes

00:18:47.440 and the fact that you know the kids are freaking monsters part of the time but they're healthy and

00:18:52.860 they're cute they're cute little little monkeys i want to talk a little bit about being the default

00:19:01.820 parent though because i think being the default parent makes it harder for me to enjoy life and

00:19:07.640 you put up a lot of content about being the default parent, which I don't think is a phrase

00:19:14.080 we have enough of or enough vocabulary around in our society. And I want to unpack that a little

00:19:21.420 bit more. I feel like the topic of default parent and I might speak about being a default parent

00:19:29.560 differently than somebody else might because I always get rebuttals of moms being like

00:19:39.080 well I'm the default parent but he's the default provider and I'm like you're not getting it like

00:19:46.420 you're not getting it like for me being if being the default parent is something that you would

00:19:53.320 notice when both parents are home. So you might consider yourself the default parent just because

00:20:01.700 you're doing the majority of the caretaking or child care because your partner works out of the

00:20:07.000 home and you're home with little kids. That's not default parent. What happens when your partner

00:20:13.120 comes home? Can you leave the house for 24 hours, three days, and your partner can take over?

00:20:20.180 because a lot of the time people are like yeah well I do most of the child care and my husband

00:20:28.040 takes care of the the lawn he makes sure the cars are good he does all that stuff and it's like

00:20:34.680 yeah but if your husband were to up and leave for a month you could easily step into that role 0.95

00:20:40.660 and mow the goddamn grass but yes could your husband take over your role that is the difference 0.98

00:20:49.240 it's like what happens when both partners are home are you the one that's constantly doing 1.00

00:20:54.380 bath time bedtime the kids schedules the what they eat like knowing how to cut up their food

00:21:01.500 there's so many that's why i have a series of default parent things because the list is endless

00:21:07.740 it's non-stop but it's all like invisible labor that just goes unnoticed like making sure their

00:21:16.840 mitts are dry for the next day their snow pants are clean unpacking their lunch cleaning all the 1.00

00:21:22.020 stupid little containers in the lunch box like it is stupid containers yeah they're so filthy 1.00

00:21:27.980 they're gross they're gross i don't do it yes i don't clean those containers nick cleans those 1.00

00:21:32.320 containers um that is something that i'm just like i don't even want to see i don't want to 0.57

00:21:36.620 see them i don't want to look at those ugly ugly little little things um yeah but yeah or you know

00:21:42.840 I posted one the other day, swapping out seasonal clothes, right?

00:21:49.280 Or culling all the clothes that it's time to pack up for the next child or to go to Goodwill.

00:21:56.680 Yep.

00:21:57.680 Oh, that's like a part-time job.

00:21:59.720 That's a part-time job.

00:22:00.740 That is a part-time job.

00:22:01.800 Because I also get, you know, climate change guilt. 0.94

00:22:05.540 That's a whole other form of guilt where I'm like, oh, well, you know, we have to be donating and recycling and making sure that we're not buying cheap new shit in addition to all of my other labor as a mother. 0.99

00:22:20.640 Climate change guilt, the intersection of climate change guilt and mom guilt is a real bitch. 0.98

00:22:26.360 Yeah, because it's almost like they collide. 0.97

00:22:29.180 They do.

00:22:29.760 They actually collide.

00:22:30.540 if you're if you want your life to be easier then you're probably fucking up the climate

00:22:37.300 exactly everything everything that would make my life easier destroys the planet to be honest so

00:22:44.340 yeah everything that would actually make my life easier has a very negative carbon footprint and

00:22:50.480 so we're just a lot of the a lot of the things that drive us insane are self-inflicted to be

00:22:55.880 honest and i know that that's an unpopular opinion but it's true no i 100 agree and i think it takes

00:23:03.740 work and it takes practice to move through it and to not be affected by certain things anymore

00:23:11.240 um like i'm trying to deal like when i lived by myself my condo was so beautiful and clean and

00:23:19.700 everything was organized and now it's like i just need to accept that until milo is whatever age

00:23:26.480 our house is just a disaster yeah it's disgusting it's disgusting to live with children and it's

00:23:33.820 never stuff everywhere there's stuff everywhere and that's a lot of things piss me off about social

00:23:39.640 media on a regular basis right clean houses piss me off the most i'm sorry they do sure maybe there

00:23:47.780 are some people who are just like robo cleaners organizers i don't think that's true i think that

00:23:54.780 you are either making one section of your house look nice to film it in or you have a lot of help

00:24:00.160 coming in to organize your house all the time and so this is smoke and mirrors and a lie and it's a

00:24:05.560 lie that makes women who have normal looking messy houses feel bad about ourselves when we look at

00:24:12.600 these other houses and we just assume that's how things should look and we're not doing the things

00:24:19.380 to make our homes look that way when in actuality mess is mess and like any house any house with

00:24:27.520 children is going to be a mess because we I mean I have I have help we have we have people that

00:24:34.840 come in to to help me straighten up and organize twice a month it is a massive luxury and it is

00:24:41.860 awesome and i'm so grateful for it and the house looks so good for about seven hours

00:24:49.340 seven hours okay and and i and i announce it all the time very loudly to everyone in the house and

00:25:00.180 i'm like guys you know everyone was like working really hard to make the house clean and organized

00:25:05.140 today we're gonna try to keep it like this like this this is the week this is the week where where

00:25:09.980 we keep the house this organized now i hopes every time i see my husband picking up toys and

00:25:17.200 putting stuff away on saturday afternoon i'm like what are you doing because like

00:25:21.300 until milo goes to bed whatever you're picking up right now like there's going to be something

00:25:26.680 else in its place or it's going to be back out again like don't bother like back out yeah yeah

00:25:32.700 you're wasting time yeah you're wasting time and energy a clean house is a waste of time and energy

00:25:38.900 But but my mental health, I do so much better when things are organized and put away and everything is in its place.

00:25:48.640 And yet that's just not going to be my reality.

00:25:52.100 And also, there's so much there's so much yelling that goes on in my house where I'm like, did I just ask you 15 times to put these things away?

00:25:59.880 Why are you taking them back out of their basket?

00:26:02.360 Why, why, why?

00:26:04.300 What is the point?

00:26:05.420 What is the point of it?

00:26:06.300 yeah I totally agree this is something that I'm currently realizing that I need to work on because

00:26:12.520 I spend too much mental energy being annoyed at the state of the house like it's it's too much

00:26:24.360 and it'll it will it will affect me I'll be like oh my god and then you spend all this time getting

00:26:30.160 it in order. And then two days later, it's back to chaos. Not even two days. It is an hour. It is

00:26:37.920 an hour later that it is back to chaos. And that is just the reality. But again, us just talking

00:26:46.220 about it and us talking about how this is the reality, I think is helpful. It's helpful for

00:26:51.760 people to hear after they have been scrolling Instagram and seeing, you know, everyone's

00:26:56.800 beautifully organized bookshelves my kids bookshelves look like the leaning tower of 0.86

00:27:02.500 pisa okay like it is just haphazard shit is sticking out of them like it is not a rainbow

00:27:09.860 of joy it is a disaster uh but we oh yeah my son's my son's bookshelves are still sitting 0.96

00:27:18.420 in the ikea boxes that they were delivered in and all his books are just in a massive amazon box

00:27:24.360 on his floor. Great. Does he care? Does that bother him? No. No, it does not. Not even a

00:27:35.020 little bit. And one thing about the clean houses, you also have to remember, like, we work during

00:27:40.620 the week. My husband works during the week. When it's the weekend, how much time do you want to

00:27:46.500 allocate towards doing house stuff that, again, within a day is going to be like it never happened

00:27:53.180 versus doing something fun like going to watch a sports game going for a walk going to a restaurant

00:28:00.100 going to the movies like milo's obsessed with trick shots right now so there's freaking ping 0.80

00:28:04.900 pong balls all over the damn house like there's water bottles he does like the water bottle flips 0.64

00:28:09.580 like the kids on youtube yeah like i'm like how do i want to spend my weekend like this is my time 0.99

00:28:16.060 to be with my husband and my son what do i want to do laundry and clean all day saturday like so

00:28:22.720 when you start to think about it in that way I'm like okay yeah let's go for a walk and I'll deal

00:28:27.960 with the house stuff later later later and I yeah I but I that is another thing I have to remind

00:28:33.780 myself of all of the time because then it's Sunday and like we should really get organized for the

00:28:38.620 week or maybe we could just watch another Star Wars which makes them happy and make some right

00:28:44.420 and make some Rice Krispie treats which I was just reminded that I volunteered to bring in

00:28:49.120 pink and red Rice Krispie treats. We're recording this right before Valentine's Day

00:28:53.900 for Charlie's first grade class. So I've got to get on that tonight. Yeah. Yeah. The pink and red

00:29:00.740 Rice Krispie treats. They're not going to be gluten-free, guys. There's going to be sugar in

00:29:07.980 them and there's going to be gluten in them. They will be nut-free. Extra gluten. There's actually

00:29:13.900 extra gluten in there. Yeah. A lot of gluten. I don't think we're allowed to bring treats to

00:29:18.480 schools anymore in where I live. Yeah. No, you're probably not. Which is so sad. It's so sad. I

00:29:25.040 mean, I know. I mean, allergies are rampant. At the very fancy preschool that the kids used to go

00:29:30.860 to, there was no treats. It was a full no treat policy. And now we're at a public school, which

00:29:37.560 is a wonderful public school, and we're very lucky. But it's like, yeah, they can have all

00:29:41.980 the sugar they want like that's amazing wow okay great those were the good old days the good old

00:29:48.720 days the good old days well i just i'm very appreciative of the work that you do because

00:29:53.560 i think we just need more women talking about the realities of motherhood parenting and marriage 0.99

00:30:01.280 after we have kids and as you say that this shit is hard this shit is hard and 0.99

00:30:08.600 And there's too many images of picture-perfect motherhood that there has to be an antidote. 0.99

00:30:15.660 And I think that you offer an antidote that also, it's different than the wine mom antidote or the hot mess mom antidote, which I don't love those either because social media loves extremes.

00:30:28.980 so we've kind of created these two two extremes of you're either so put together and perfect 0.79

00:30:36.520 or you're a hot fucking mess and i think most of us are just in the middle 0.78

00:30:40.380 yeah just doing our best and doing our best and i feel like either end of the spectrum is 0.99

00:30:49.240 unhealthy and not helpful you know both both both of those things are unhealthy and not helpful and

00:30:56.780 also, you know, some criticism that I hear sometimes is people saying, why do you why do you

00:31:03.500 act like you hate your kids? I'm like, I don't. I actually like my life a lot. I like my life. I

00:31:07.680 like my kids. I like my husband. All of it is fine. I just don't want to act like it's perfect

00:31:13.040 all the time. Yeah, I get that all the time. Why are you so angry all the time? Do you ever

00:31:18.240 not complain about something? I'm like, no, I don't. And I'm not angry. I'm just I'm just

00:31:24.760 passionate about these topics okay like yeah god forbid a woman talk not in a vulnerable state 0.97

00:31:31.900 people don't like that like people do not like to see a woman go online and be like here's how it 0.52

00:31:39.040 is you know and not have any question about what she's saying just kind of being like this is what

00:31:45.260 i'm saying and you can take it or leave it people are like you're so angry it's like yeah i'm a

00:31:51.700 human like i'm a human i'm a human and it's not anger it's just reality and i genuinely believe

00:31:57.620 that there are people out there who don't want to see any images of of motherhood that don't have

00:32:03.500 the hashtag blessed attached to it no that's that i i hate the hashtag blessed and if i could

00:32:12.700 eradicate it from all of social media for the rest of time i would i always use hashtag blessed

00:32:20.100 Like, whenever I'm talking, I'll, like, say hashtag blessed, like, as, like, a sarcastic.

00:32:24.220 Yeah.

00:32:24.620 Hashtag grateful. 1.00

00:32:25.840 Shut up. 1.00

00:32:26.440 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:26.720 Just shut up, everyone. 1.00

00:32:28.720 That's a new book for you. 0.99

00:32:30.040 A new book idea or, like, a podcast, like, hashtag blessed.

00:32:33.380 Hashtag blessed.

00:32:34.360 Well, I've been working on a trad wife murder mystery. 0.98

00:32:38.960 Oh, my God. 0.57

00:32:40.760 Like a fiction?

00:32:41.920 It's fiction.

00:32:42.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:43.480 It is a trad wife murder mystery where this trad husband is found murdered and the wife is missing.

00:32:53.820 And this other woman who used to be friends with her from college has to unravel the mystery and goes deep into the world of influencers generally.

00:33:03.840 I just I've banged out 50 pages in the past six days.

00:33:08.260 And I just want to publish it like fast because the trad moment is now.

00:33:11.980 Right.

00:33:12.340 yeah so but the the title hashtag blessed could be better than i was gonna do hashtag trad

00:33:20.500 but i think hashtag blessed a trad wife murder mystery is like really really where we need to

00:33:26.720 go with this there you go right yeah i will read it oh i mean i think everyone's gonna want to read

00:33:33.620 it it is just i mean it's quick and dirty and fun and i just i i just want to read things that are

00:33:40.740 fun again right no that'll be a good one it's gonna be good it's writing it's really writing

00:33:45.940 itself I'm supposed to be working on another very on another novel like a big novel but this just

00:33:52.240 kind of took over my brain so sorry agents we're gonna have to do something with this because I

00:33:58.260 can't stop I can't stop it at this point the train has left the station yeah well you can't when you

00:34:03.460 have the creative juices going you can't just be like oh let me put this on hold like you got to

00:34:07.900 just do what you want to do in the moment the world the world is telling me that it wants a

00:34:13.100 trad wife murder mystery and i'm just i have to give it to them because i am i am i am a benevolent

00:34:18.680 person oh it has been wonderful to have you here i would like i'm happy that i got to be in your

00:34:25.800 mom room tell everyone where they can find you yes on tiktok and on instagram at the renee rena

00:34:33.660 and then the podcast has an instagram account at the mom room podcast which now is even with my

00:34:40.940 personal account i was like offended i'm like what is going on it's going to surpass my personal

00:34:45.540 account but anyways um and then the podcast called the mom room and you can listen to it

00:34:50.300 anywhere on youtube as well and that is all we have for today that was a delight and you know

00:34:56.720 what? It makes me feel so much better about my messy ass house. It really does. And I'm not going 0.93

00:35:03.680 to clean it. I'm not. I'm going to go for a walk. And then I'm going to finish watching the Gilded

00:35:08.320 Age. And then I'm hopping on a zoom call with a book club in Cincinnati, who is currently reading

00:35:15.180 the hot Sicilian. And I'm going to make them my sexy version of a Sicilian Negroni, which is just 0.97

00:35:20.920 like a regular Negroni, but a little bit spicier and a little bit stronger, just like our women. 1.00

00:35:27.080 So get your orders in, let me know if your book club is reading it, tell your book club to read 0.99

00:35:31.180 it because who doesn't want to day drink with me or night drink or just, you know, hang out with me.

00:35:37.240 Thank you all for being here. If you love us, recommend us on all the recommending places

00:35:41.400 and then go do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

00:35:56.720 Transcription by CastingWords

00:36:26.720 You

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - April 18, 2024

Default Parenting and the Mental Load with Renee Reina

Episode Stats

Transcript