00:03:10.180but then she looked at her two boys and she was like oh my gosh what about the boys and then she
00:03:16.500was like has any issue really been solved by only working on one side of the coin she was like the
00:03:24.640entire coin is actually broken and so like when we are just focused on one side it actually doesn't
00:03:32.040help the other side and vice versa and i thought that that was such an interesting analogy that
00:03:36.380idea of the coin that it's like obviously women's issues paid family leave all of these things that
00:03:43.600go into family are so important but what does it actually look like to tackle it from both sides
00:03:50.120and there was a collective like hush across the room and then she was like let's dig into this
00:03:57.960it was fascinating well that is fascinating and i mean frankly yes these could be so-called women's
00:04:04.840issues, but they're also family issues. And a dad is a part of a family unit. So a lot of these
00:04:12.320problems should also be men's to solve because they are part of the family unit, but also0.74
00:04:17.840women can't solve these on their own. We just can't. And we are exhausted and we shouldn't be0.96
00:04:22.300meant to. Exactly. And it makes me think about when I first took paid family leave in New York
00:04:28.940State, I was not eligible with my first daughter because the law hadn't been passed. I was eligible
00:04:33.260with my second daughter. And I was one of the first men in New York state. And this was like
00:04:39.120pre tidy dad. So I didn't have any sort of persona. Um, but I had posted something randomly
00:04:48.220on Facebook and this woman in our neighborhood was like, I actually work for governor Cuomo's
00:04:52.580office. I just ran the numbers. You're one of the first men in New York state to take this because
00:04:57.820the law went into effect January 1st and my paternity leave start or my family leave started
00:05:03.500like January 3rd. And she was like, would you film a video for us? And I was like, great. So
00:05:11.500they sent this whole like film crew in. I had to talk about paid family leave. They posted it on
00:05:17.940social media. And that was my first introduction to trolls. Like before I even was deserving of
00:05:25.500them as people think I'm not deserving. Um, but it was fascinating. The number of men who were like
00:05:32.740women, why would you marry a man like this who wants to take leave? He should be out working1.00
00:05:41.180full time, regardless of the benefit that he gets, like be a man, go to work, leave your wife at home
00:05:48.220with the children. And I was like, I just didn't, naively, I was like, I wasn't thinking about this
00:05:55.760as a men's issue or a women's issue. I was like, isn't paid family leave something that is good
00:06:02.020for everyone, including the child and the mother who is like at home recovering? I don't know. It
00:06:09.800was wild. That is wild to me. And also just the reaction of these men, it floors me, okay?
00:06:18.220And the fact that they see paid work outside the home as such the end-all be-all of achievement also makes me sad, okay?
00:06:29.920Like that they think that that is somehow more worthy or more valuable than any work promoting a family or any work being with your children, raising children.0.98
00:06:42.340When we also know that most people fucking hate their jobs, okay?0.99
00:06:44.980Like most people, there have been numerous movies about people sitting in their goddamn cubicles and like being miserable at their corporate jobs.0.99
00:06:54.260And yet that is still somehow something that these men think is the end all be all of being a man.0.99
00:07:01.480I agree. And, you know, when I was on paid family leave, it was it's no walk in the park.
00:07:09.080I mean, it's exhausting, but also I feel like my wife and I learned so much about one another,
00:07:16.440how we parent, how we can trade off that then paid dividends. Like we're still on the receiving
00:07:23.060of the dividends of that time that I was home. And it helped us negotiate like, how does one of
00:07:30.200us work full-time? How does one of us work part-time? What does it look like to hand the
00:07:33.700kids off to one another in the evenings. I mean, we just had an issue last week where our car broke
00:07:40.740down. We were at our cottage in Pennsylvania and on Memorial Day weekend, we were supposed to drive
00:07:45.120back. And that Monday, our car, the antifreeze kept completely emptying and you can't drive a car
00:07:51.500if you don't have coolant in your car. And we had a decision to make, like who goes back with the
00:07:56.600children? It was like the Titanic lifeboat situation that it's like, who goes with the
00:08:00.920children, who stays behind. And so I'm a teacher. My children go to the same school where I go.
00:08:07.280One daughter had a field trip the next day. I was expected to be at school at eight o'clock
00:08:11.640the next morning to get my children. So last minute, I booked a bus. I took the three girls
00:08:17.660back to New York City. My wife stayed behind with the car. And the number of people I shared about
00:08:24.380on Instagram and the number of people who thought that I was so radical that I would possibly leave
00:08:31.760my wife in Pennsylvania to deal with the car or the people who were like, must be nice for your
00:08:39.560wife. Now she can have that vacation. When she was like, I'm actually dealing with a really1.00
00:08:44.760stressful situation here of figuring out, can I get it to a dealership? Will they fix it? How am
00:08:49.520I going to negotiate with these men? Because men in the auto shops are notorious for upping the0.99
00:08:55.000prices for the women, you know, who are trying to get there. It just, there were so many layers
00:09:03.300to this. And even the, you're a man, how dare you leave your wife to fend for herself alone.
00:09:11.080But I sent my wife a text. I was on the bus with the three girls. And I was like,
00:09:16.360I'm just so glad that we're both capable. Like this was before any of the online noise. I was
00:09:22.680like, can we just both take a moment and say that we are both capable of caring for our children,
00:09:29.640dealing with emergencies that come up, figuring out what's the best problem, what's the best way
00:09:35.460to solve the problem for our family. And just moving on without thinking of, well, what would
00:09:42.840the man do in this situation versus what would the female do? And what are we going to do with
00:09:48.200the children? Can a dad really take his children on a bus across state lines back to New York City?
00:09:55.240And it ended up, my wife was alone for like four days because in Pennsylvania, in the Poconos,
00:10:01.040things move at a snail's pace. So there's no urgency to get the car part. But I was perfectly
00:10:07.540fine with my children for four days and got them to school and got them home from school,
00:10:13.280cooked them dinner, got them to bed, got the homework done. Because sometimes it goes back to
00:10:19.400that paid family leave time. We figured out how do we make this work together? And so I think that
00:10:27.040that's when that policy, it has such a huge impact on families that it lasts far beyond
00:10:32.580your children growing out of diapers. Far beyond. And I love what you said, too. It's
00:10:37.740this somehow human need that we have to ascribe everything to a gender. It's like, oh,
00:10:46.400men deal with car. Women deal with children. It's just so prehistoric to me and crazy.1.00
00:10:54.540The other day when I was talking about what dads do and what moms do with a friend,
00:11:01.420And one of my friends who was in a same sex marriage just starts laughing. And she's like,
00:11:09.140we just do all the things. There's no thought to like, oh, this is yours because of this. It's just
00:11:17.940that we're all doing all of the stuff. And like you said to your wife, thank God we're just
00:11:22.260both capable human beings, right? Exactly. And growing up when I was in
00:11:28.640early high school, my parents divorced. And so in some ways, similar to what you were talking
00:11:33.500about with the same sex couple, my parents were now both single parents dealing with house and
00:11:40.360home and outside work and, you know, co-parenting and dealing with me, my sisters. You know, I saw
00:11:51.160them take on all of the work and there was no question of, oh, dad's house is run one way because
00:11:57.960he's a man. So of course, it's going to be messy. We're never going to have healthy meals. He's
00:12:04.380never going to get us to school on time. He's never going to wash our clothes. But oh, when we go to
00:12:09.200mom's house, everything is going to be perfectly put together. And the cookies are waiting for us
00:12:13.400and our clothes are always going to be clean. And we don't have to lift a finger. Like, that was not
00:12:17.940reality. My parents had to figure it out. And so I think that that's where some of my,
00:12:22.960I don't know my philosophy on what is assigned to one gender or not I'm just like I don't
00:12:32.160understand how these arbitrary definitions of what's masculine what's feminine how it actually
00:12:37.360helps I don't think anyone I don't think I mean I think it served a very highly specific subset of
00:12:45.640men in the past, say, 100 years who did have this corporate job and could not have done
00:12:52.920their big job and could not have gone and had their country club and golf outings and0.71
00:12:56.960their three martini lunches unless they had a woman at home managing the household and0.98
00:13:08.280And then I just think that whether they recognize it or not, it's like, what was the actual cost? What were those men actually giving up? Because I can't, you know, it's relationships with their children, their relationship to self.
00:13:26.300Um, I mean, we just had the study come out that was about women's mental health and the
00:13:33.500impact of motherhood, but there are also all of those studies on masculinity, boys, what's
00:13:39.840happening with this anxious generation.
00:13:42.760And I do think that, you know, I can't help, but think of these like 1950s, 1960s men,
00:13:49.260even thinking about my grandpa, like the relationship that he had with my mom and with
00:13:55.000her siblings, even thinking about my dad. My dad was a teacher growing up and his dad,
00:14:00.780when he decided to become a teacher, told him, basically said, why in the world would you choose
00:14:06.000a woman's profession? Like, why are you doing a woman's job? So my dad was like, fine, I'm going0.88
00:14:12.120to quit. He quit college for a day, went and got a factory job, worked in the factory for about two
00:14:18.200hours and was like, I'm not doing this. And then he re-enrolled in school, became a teacher,
00:14:25.280went on to become a principal. He won in the state of Kentucky, this principal of the year award.
00:14:32.700And I was running a couple of weeks ago. And I know that Will Smith is very controversial.
00:14:39.500I don't know if he's still controversial, but- I don't know. I have no idea who's controversial
00:14:42.820anymore. I don't know. No clue. But it really goes to Viola Davis and Viola Davis is not
00:14:46.660controversial, but she was talking about how she was at a party with Will Smith. Yes. And
00:14:51.320Will Smith came up to her and was basically like, you know, which part of your childhood are you
00:14:57.520fighting for? That basically, you know, there's some aspect of our childhood that in adulthood,
00:15:03.840we are like still fighting for that, be it that little six-year-old kid, that eight-year-old
00:15:10.280feeling of insecurity, whatever it may be. And I had to stop myself because, and I wrote in a note
00:15:15.720in my phone. And I was like, am I actually still fighting for my dad? Because back in the eighties,
00:15:25.260when he became a teacher, he was always what we would call an involved dad. He was everywhere.
00:15:30.580I saw my dad cry. My dad would talk to me about things. He still is that relational,
00:15:36.660emotional support, but he's always been called feminine, that there are aspects of him that are
00:15:42.360And I'm like, am I still in 2025, am I somehow fighting for this little boy, myself I'm talking
00:15:50.980about here, that was so proud of his dad. I loved my dad being a teacher when I was a kid. I loved
00:15:55.900that he made me breakfast every morning. I loved that he was off in the summers. I loved when he
00:16:00.080was a principal and he would let my sisters and I run around the school and we would get into all
00:16:04.160sorts of mischief and trouble. But I loved who he was as a dad and still is. And I'm like, am I
00:16:09.940somehow now 2025 Tyler fighting for these causes to somehow honor my dad and say the struggles
00:16:19.720that you went through even with your own dad making fun of you that it was somehow worth it
00:16:25.860because he did change the narrative for what I saw as dads and it has informed who I am and how
00:16:33.160I relate to my daughters so that was that's a lot of therapy work for you on that run
00:16:38.580a lot going on through through viola davis viola davis and will smith and i think the answer the
00:16:46.700short answer is yes um absolutely you i think you are still doing that work and you're doing it
00:16:52.340really well because you have a platform you have a big platform on social media you have a big
00:16:56.120platform on substack and you're you're putting these things out there for people to think about
00:17:02.160for people to ruminate about i want to take a quick break and when we get back i want to talk
00:17:07.100I want to talk a little bit about what you put out on your Substack about how we can change this
00:17:12.160narrative. Okay, we are back. First off, tell the audience where they can find you on Substack so
00:17:24.920they can follow all of your great stuff. Yeah. So on Substack, I'm also Tidy Dad,
00:17:29.520but I have this publication called The Tidy Times. And what I'm trying to do is obviously
00:17:35.820still give the tidying, organizing, sort of cleaning tips, but it's also, what is this
00:17:41.780deeper message beneath this idea of tidying? Because tidying is this idea of bringing order
00:17:48.040to things, but I still have this mental clutter that I feel like just envelops me from time to
00:17:56.060time. And it's like, how do I actually make sense of this idea of self and how I relate to others?
00:18:03.080and especially what is my role as a dad to three little girls who are watching everything that I do.
00:18:10.500Oh my God, they watch everything. They watch everything and they take it all in.
00:18:14.340And so how do I somehow change things for them? Because I know that in a few short years,
00:18:19.840they're going to be out in the world and there are things that they're going to see as normal
00:18:24.240because they saw it at home. There are other things that people are going to start to question
00:18:28.600or question, why was your family that way? Why did your dad
00:18:33.080do those things. But I'm trying to let them know that all families look different, that
00:18:40.920there shouldn't be expectations placed on them just because they are girls. There's nothing
00:18:46.840that drives me nuts more than just the work that is placed on people simply because0.98
00:18:54.240of their gender, just because they're a woman. And this idea that they need to be the ones who0.99
00:19:00.240are scrubbing the toilets because women scrub the toilets. I do not scrub the toilets in my house.1.00
00:19:08.540My wife doesn't either. She's capable. Totally. Good. Good. Don't do it. No. No. But could. Yes,1.00
00:19:17.380exactly. Yeah. So yes, talk to me about some of these things, some of these things on this list
00:19:23.120that you wrote down. Yeah. So I wrote this subsec about 10 things that I'm normalizing for the sake
00:19:29.200of myself and my daughters. And there are things that I was just sort of doing on social media and
00:19:35.800in my life that I didn't really recognize. I don't know that it's resonated with people or just
00:19:41.980triggered conversation. So one is like skincare. So when I wake up in the morning, I always put
00:19:49.940on these like gold under eye patches or one with snail serum. And the number of women who just1.00
00:19:56.560started saying either, Hey, it's actually nice to see you wearing those. Or would you recommend0.99
00:20:02.560those for my husband? Or would you recommend those for me? I had this little like eye stick
00:20:07.820that I was putting underneath my eyes because everyone of a certain age, we like now wake up
00:20:13.440with wrinkle creases on our face. Oh my God, we so do. Also, can I tell you,
00:20:17.940cause I'm looking at you right now, you look great. And I want to know, will you send me
00:20:21.600a link to the ones that you're using because I could use them too. I will. But it's like,
00:20:26.880I didn't know that skincare was something that caused sort of this ruckus and storm.0.72
00:20:34.720You know, trad wives are always on the mind lately. I wore pink gloves to clean because0.99
00:20:40.740newsflash, most stores only sell pink gloves. And I had this big campaign that the brand needed to
00:20:47.860send me gloves. They sent me medium, which did not fit my hands. And I was like, I really need
00:20:53.140an extra large. They struggled to find them. They then found some that would fit my hands,
00:20:58.140but that sort of set off this firestorm. But then it related to this idea of cleaning that I'm like,
00:21:04.900how it's so wild that in 2025, you know, it still comes across as controversial to see a man
00:21:12.600scrubbing the house and still this conversation around, because I get this comment all the time.
00:21:19.800It's so nice that you're helping your wife. It's so nice that you're helping out around the house.
00:21:26.900And I'm like, even those phrases, it is time to move beyond this because even implying that I am
00:21:33.280helping somehow means that it is like not my responsibility or I shouldn't shoulder any of
00:21:39.780the burdens that come with it. And so this idea of helping, I'm like, no, like, it's my
00:21:46.940responsibility. And there are things that my wife does the things that I do, there are things that
00:21:50.780my children do. But that it just pushes this like larger narrative, which is fascinating.
00:21:59.640It is, I've tried to stop using the word help, especially in front of the kids where I'm like,
00:22:04.100oh, can you help me clean up this thing? Or can you help me do this? Because it's also
00:22:10.020my husband's responsibility. It's his house as well.
00:22:14.980And even the question of, can you help me? It invites a yes or no. That I feel like with our
00:22:21.520children, it's like, I need you too. Or bring this over. Or in our house, we're working on
00:22:29.580clearing the table until it's completely clear because what we're currently battling is this
00:22:36.560well it's not mine like same you know and I'm like you know I was also in a room yesterday
00:22:44.680with Dr. Becky you know who's like our new like parenting whisperer and I don't sometimes I'm like
00:22:50.220I don't care I don't care that it's not yours like it's not all mine either oh that's what I
00:22:56.660say all the time like we work together until it's done and it can either take a long time
00:23:01.660or it can take a little bit of time like you choose whether you want to fight or not like
00:23:05.300i'm still gonna win um my response is always it's your house too and also do you see me clean up
00:23:13.960your thing sometimes if you see something do something correct because there is this like
00:23:21.880with-it-ness that I do think there's this stereotype that's placed on men and dads of
00:23:28.580lacking this with-it-ness. But as a teacher of both boys and girls, you know, with-it-ness is
00:23:36.900not something that comes naturally to many people. I always have that like one helpful favorite
00:23:42.740student who is just naturally like, what else do you want, Mr. Moore? But it is something that we
00:23:49.160have to instill. And I try to, even in the classroom, be very, I don't ask the girls to0.94
00:23:54.980just sweep up that it's like, boys have to pick up too. I expect boys and girls to have a neat
00:24:00.740and tidy desk to care for their things. Like there are little lessons that are taught, but again,
00:24:06.200this is still sort of pushing back on that narrative that we're still fed in 2025.
00:24:12.960five yeah it's i mean it really is amazing uh what did dr becky have to say about all of this
00:24:24.040my i think you know i i can i can leave a lot of the things dr becky says because it's a little
00:24:28.140too gentle parenting for me and i like to say i'm like i would gentle parent if i had gentle kids
00:24:32.180but i don't i've got yeah i've got some feral kids who like if i if i'm like oh my gosh like
00:24:37.340tell me how you feel about that they'll like laugh in my face what was cool was you know I've read
00:24:43.560her book but I'd never seen her speak in person and she's actually very like quietly dynamic
00:24:50.380in person but I feel like the biggest thing to me my takeaway from yesterday was her idea of
00:24:58.120repair and this idea that no one gets it right all of the time and even when we were talking
00:25:03.400about just this, like, you can either do it now and it can be a fight or it won't be a fight.
00:25:08.400There are times when I lose it on my children, you know, the end of last week, it's like my wife
00:25:15.500had come back in. We were about to host her sister. I had been at school all week. It has been busy
00:25:20.760with like field trips and, and I was exhausted. And I had this moment where no one was picking
00:25:26.500up in the house and it was the classic, like, fine, I will do it all myself. I started throwing
00:25:31.740stuff to the different corners. It's like, everybody just go to bed. I just had this
00:25:35.820explosion of being exhausted. But then going back to Dr. Becky, her power of repair,
00:25:45.720like I felt really bad at the end of the night. And I was like, what model did I just show to my
00:25:49.940girls? I just showed them once again, that men just have this feeling of being angry. Like that's
00:25:56.020what it's like, that is the feeling that dads have and men have. It's like, we know that they're
00:26:00.260angry or they're just like completely passive and sort of go with the flow and don't care
00:26:04.360and the next morning I was like girls we got to have a family meeting it was like over breakfast
00:26:10.260and I was like raise your hand if you've ever like acted really bad like not even bad you really
00:26:18.300acted out of character you were like yelling and screaming or you threw a little temper tantrum or
00:26:21.900a little hissy fit and the girls were like yeah and I was like yeah that's what happened to me
00:26:28.280yesterday. And I'm really sorry. Like, I was exhausted. And hearing her yesterday, I was like,
00:26:35.800that's actually how we start to change the narrative of dads and men and masculinity is
00:26:43.660when we can just take accountability and be a little bit vulnerable and admit that we do not
00:26:50.080have our stuff together, because no one has it together. But I don't think that men,
00:26:56.000I think that men sort of hold it all together and act as if they aren't multifaceted and
00:27:03.060nuanced and layered in their emotions. But look at where that's gotten us. Like we have
00:27:09.620right now Trump and Elon Musk having little hissy fits at one another, but yet women are too
00:27:19.640emotional to lead we're too emotional to lead we really are oh my god all right let's take a quick
00:27:28.440break let's take a quick break and then we're and then we're gonna we're gonna then we're gonna fix
00:27:32.020this situation once and for all we're gonna fix the narrative around gender in this country
00:27:38.280okay we are back i can't even think about this elon musk trump thing without just cracking up
00:27:54.420because the fact that it is even playing out in the public sphere the way that it is
00:28:00.760A woman would, a female leader would never, because we have been trained to know that we're being watched and judged about every single thing we do, and we are careful as hell.
00:28:15.440Mm hmm. And, you know, with what we're seeing, it's like, what are the actual consequences for this behavior? Because I don't think that men often hold other men accountable for actions in the same way that women hold women accountable or even men try to hold women accountable.0.94
00:28:34.560Like it is, it's very strange. And I obviously can't get into Trump's mind at all. But I can't
00:28:44.520help it. It's like, is there this little boy inside of Trump who's like, but Elon, I thought
00:28:50.860that we were like pals. I thought that you like liked hanging out with me and liked my ideas.
00:28:55.720But then you like turned on me. And now you're taking the secrets that I told you on the
00:28:59.820playground. And like, you're using them against me on the little social media platform that you
00:29:04.900own. But like, I have a social media platform that I own too. And it's just like, this is classic,
00:29:11.240like, in some ways, little kid playground stuff. But yet, I don't know, it's playing out on this
00:29:20.920national stage, and it is just wild. Just wild to me. Okay, just like absolutely crazy bananas to me.
00:29:32.120But alas, I mean, by the time this episode airs, it all may have changed. They may be besties again.
00:29:37.500It's also mercurial. We have no idea what is going to happen next. I want to keep going through a
00:29:44.300little bit more of your list about how we change this narrative. What are some other things that
00:29:49.020men should be focusing on. So one thing that I, I mean, I've been open with my daughters right now
00:29:55.860about this idea of like body and image and self, you know, how I talk about my body, my physical
00:30:04.600appearance, even my like diet, you know, after, and it's one of the things that I've loved reading
00:30:10.900about your own sub stack is that it's interesting because I feel like there are parallels to our
00:30:16.460journeys, that I came out of a super intense book launch season, and you're ramping up for a really
00:30:24.700intense book launch season, which is going to take the summer by storm. It's going to be wonderful.
00:30:31.240Thank you. We should tell everyone our news. We should tell everyone the big news right here,
00:30:35.160right now. I'm so excited. Yes, because on July 15th, it's the ultimate Trad Wives takedown that
00:30:41.100you it's the ultimate person to take down trad wives as a little tidy dad but we're going to be0.90
00:30:46.480doing a book event together at the strand which is going to be it's going to be magical so great
00:30:50.600yeah thank you so much for for being my conversation partner and yes we're going to
00:30:55.360be judging the trad with the trad wife costume contest and oh my gosh it will be bring your own
00:31:00.900pie everyone is going to eat a lot of pie and it's just going to be a bananas fun night and
00:31:05.580because i do think that in some ways you are public enemy number one to trad wives because1.00
00:31:10.380you are breaking down all of these stereotypes that their livelihood depends on.1.00
00:31:15.880And it is a livelihood that, as you and I both know, it's carefully curated and cultivated.
00:31:23.980And there's so much work that goes behind putting together this picture-perfect life.
00:31:31.780I mean, I tried to keep a sourdough starter alive pre-children, and there was no way that
00:31:40.020I made like two loaves, not to mention, you know, having seven children plus raising chickens, plus just pressing these like beautiful dresses, not to mention you have to hand sew the dress, you know, and make your own fabric like it's all just too much.
00:31:56.940It's just not realistic. And so, yes, I'm so excited to dive into it together because there's nothing like a man who just threatens all of these narratives that even, you know, I was talking just a minute ago about body and self, because I'm like, I want my daughters to see me exercising at the playground.
00:32:20.120And it was a little thing. Like I've been taking my like exercise bands and doing my core workouts
00:32:25.140because I hired this personal trainer because I just felt so bad about myself. And especially
00:32:32.120after the book launch, like I was just sitting all of the time. There's so much sitting involved
00:32:37.120in writing. There's so much sitting involved in writing. I mean, just so much. I just needed
00:32:42.620help. And so I had this trainer that I've been working with virtually, but I remember my daughters,
00:32:47.680they came up and they were like, Daddy, no other parents are working out at the playground.
00:32:53.020And I was like, well, that kind of stinks for them. I'm like, you're playing and moving your
00:32:57.200body. Why can't I play and move my body? We had all these ice creams in the freezer because I
00:33:04.760used to have all of my secret stashes of snacks at night. And they were like, Daddy, do you not
00:33:11.540like sweets anymore? And I was like, no, actually, I really do love sweets. I was like, but the more
00:33:17.180I thought about it, it just didn't make me feel that great, like after I would eat them. So now
00:33:21.440I really like my like, Greek yogurt and protein. And it's pretty yummy. And I'm going to put it
00:33:25.960into like Ninja Creamy over the summertime. And it'll sort of taste like ice cream.
00:33:31.920You know, talking about clothes, there are just so many messages that I feel like little girls
00:33:36.780and women are fed. And as I put in the piece, dad bods are celebrated. They are totally acceptable.
00:33:45.700but yet as we've talked about there are you know it looks like men are expecting
00:33:52.920baby that it's like seven months nine months how many how many dad bods like the old school dad
00:34:00.220bods right like they they physically look pregnant at like and not just pregnant but like but they
00:34:05.560are gonna pop this baby out any second like their water is about to break any minute meanwhile i had
00:34:10.400the tiniest little tummy like pooch after having my kids and people are constantly like are you
00:34:16.060pregnant are you pregnant are you pregnant so there are it's what is socially acceptable for0.99
00:34:21.080men versus women and even the you know that you can have this very overweight man but the wife
00:34:28.040has to be like skinny and put together i didn't put this in the piece but i was thinking about
00:34:32.300george clooney right now there's all in the news about him dying his hair for that broadway play
00:34:38.280that he's in all the headlines about how old he looks, how it ages him. And I'm like, but yet
00:34:44.680women at the first sign of gray, there's immediately the question of, Oh, you're going to let it go0.79
00:34:51.420natural. You're not going to start. You're not going to start dying that you're, you're not1.00
00:34:56.160going to get the touch up. You're not going to put chemicals in your hair for the next like 40
00:35:00.320years until you decide, you know, to completely cut it off and go natural gray. I just think that
00:35:06.440it is wild. Um, and it's little subtle things that I'm like, wow, can I start to push this
00:35:16.560narrative for my daughters and how I talk about myself and my body because they're fed so many
00:35:23.060things, but can I step in and like, talk about this in a healthy way? So it's been interesting.
00:35:30.520It's interesting. And also, you know, taking care of yourself. I mean, I think just showing,
00:35:34.320taking care of yourself respecting your body and both parents doing that equally and nick and i
00:35:42.700try to work out together uh we do like a workout class a couple times a week at noon and today my
00:35:49.780son was off school so he came to meet us for lunch afterwards i think i like that he sees us do these
00:35:54.600things together i like that he sees us getting healthy together and you know both of us just
00:35:59.760respecting our bodies um you know in a really great way and i don't think any of that has to
00:36:05.840be gender-based and it doesn't and also caring about your appearance is not gender-based i just
00:36:11.360did a whole episode that'll probably come out after this one talking about being on the weight
00:36:17.320loss drugs with another friend who was on them and we're just really honest about it and for so long
00:36:22.440people were calling women that were doing it vain. And I'm like, I just want to feel and look
00:36:29.560my best self. Okay. Like this is not about being a size, whatever. I'm like, I don't care. I want
00:36:35.200to fit into my old clothes and I want to feel confident. And like no man has ever been judged
00:36:39.560for that. No. And it's funny because I'm writing a piece next week that it's called, I put an
00:36:47.880ozempic knockoff in my cart because I did, I was, I was getting fed all of these targeted ads from
00:36:54.700hymns. Oh yeah. My husband's been targeted those things from hymns right now too. He's like,
00:36:58.780should I go on this? And I'm like, yeah, sure. If you want. So I was like, you know, I put it all
00:37:03.840in my cart. I had done it sort of secretly for weeks. And then my wife was like, what are you
00:37:10.160doing? Um, and then my dad called me and he was, he told me that he had just been diagnosed with
00:37:16.840Parkinson's. And that's actually what prompted my whole health journey that immediately I shifted
00:37:24.580from, do I take weight loss drugs to, oh my goodness, my dad now has this degenerative
00:37:31.880condition that is completely going to wreck his body. But yet I heard from my dad that he was
00:37:40.920like, and he was like, yeah, the doctor's like, I don't need to get on medication right now.
00:37:45.860there are all of these other things that I can do. I'm going to try boxing. I'm going to go to
00:37:49.640a PT. I'm going to see what are some of these other remedies that I can sort of take. He was
00:37:55.160like, because I think that if I can get stronger, that that will help with the Parkinson's. And
00:38:01.540I was like, oh my goodness, what a, it's when I just came back to health is such a precious
00:38:09.120gift that we have that is so fleeting. But yet I was like, if my dad can get out there and take
00:38:15.840the boxing classes and bravely confront Parkinson's, I can also take on some of these
00:38:23.940other issues that I'm battling because I realized that for me, it was just routines off. I was
00:38:30.040making really bad choices. I've realized that I was emotionally binge eating. I sort of wrestled
00:38:38.920with that. And it's not to say that weight loss drugs are good or bad. I think it's such an
00:38:44.900individual sort of battle. But what I don't hear is a lot of men talking about the battle,
00:38:52.480talking about how do they feel when they look in the mirror? How do they feel when they're
00:38:56.880out playing with their kids? What does it feel like to know consciously that you're about to
00:39:02.360go in for your physical and your doctor is going to say again, you've gained 10 pounds since last
00:39:07.860summer or since the last visit. You're now, you know, borderline at risk for your heart pressure,
00:39:14.700for your blood pressure, heart disease, whatever it may be. I just think men often avoid going to
00:39:20.300the doctor because they don't want anyone to tell them anything. And I don't know, I just resolved
00:39:25.960not to, I couldn't do this. I hear you. And I'm so proud of you for doing this and for talking
00:39:33.060about it in an open way, because I just, I also think so many men just don't have the outlet to
00:39:37.720talk about it. They don't hear other men talk about it. And so they're not socialized for it.
00:39:41.720Okay. No. And even, you know, it was funny because there's this whole, like, what do I do
00:39:48.300with the before and after photos that I didn't send them to my family. I only sent them to them
00:39:54.060like three weeks ago. And they were like, I was like, I started with, this is really embarrassing,
00:40:00.200but I'm about to show you my before and after pictures. And I sent them. And then my sweet mom
00:40:07.120was like I don't think you should be embarrassed I think you should be proud like look at what
00:40:12.040you've done and I was like oh thanks mom and I was I was like proud of myself but it's a journey
00:40:19.380that I did not take followers on on social media because I don't know I I didn't for one I didn't
00:40:28.880know if I could do it two it felt like especially after writing the book everything had been so
00:40:34.740personal. I think, you know, that it's like you put everything into this book and it's this one
00:40:39.200way relationship. Like you are, you can identify with so many of the, your characters and just the
00:40:46.800struggle to get all of those ideas out. It's so much vulnerability, but you never get vulnerability
00:40:52.640back from the reader. And so it feels like you have completely depleted something. It's almost
00:41:26.420work to do, Tyler, but we're doing it.
00:41:28.360We're just doing the work and we're going to do the work at the strand on July 15th where we host the book event for the book that the internet cannot stop talking about.
00:41:47.920But I just feel like it's the perfect book that's coming out because there are so many, like when you started it, it was a completely different sort of, I don't know, just social, it's just the perfect time for it to come out because everyone is starting to fight one another.
00:42:07.280Everyone is questioning all of these big, larger issues.
00:42:11.900But as I've shared with anyone that I will talk to about your book, you somehow single-handedly poke a little fun, address some of the stereotypes around trad wives influencing while also validating the business women that these people are,
00:42:34.780and men, because there is a dead influencer in the mix, you know, while you just can't help but
00:42:41.340get to the end and root for all of these characters, even though someone does die, but
00:42:47.740someone does die. Look, there's also a body. Okay. And that's fine. We need a body. Everyone
00:42:51.980wants a body in a summer read. Okay. But it is, but it's so good. And I think that,
00:42:56.580I don't know. I think it's going to be so interesting to people and it's going to open
00:43:02.120the door someday for i mean i don't want to have a dad influencer murder someone because we have
00:43:09.660enough bad we have enough bad bad men out there no but there are so many spinoffs and then when
00:43:15.800it gets adopted when it gets put into this like multi-part series there are so many you're having
00:43:22.860a cameo you're gonna be right i i have to be you have to be you don't have a choice yes and then
00:43:29.240i'm like oh my gosh like we could cast i mean there's so many great people but even now because
00:43:34.980i just got my tickets for bravo con which that would be a whole other episode oh my god when is
00:43:39.580that should i come to that with you well it's the tickets are gone oh really they sold out in an
00:43:46.940hour oh my gosh it's been years so it's in las vegas it's in november but i set my i set my phone
00:43:53.500and they texted why Andy Cohen did this two minutes before 12 yesterday they were like
00:44:00.180tickets are going to go on sale today a day early and so I snagged my tickets and I went but there's
00:44:04.980so many you know all right you're gonna be my correspondent on the ground there then
00:44:09.560yes but you know even that I'm like you know a dad who yes I enjoy a little bit of the bravo verse
00:44:17.980All this to say, as we've discussed, there are so many subtle ways that we can push back against the patriarchy. And it just takes a little bit of vulnerability, a little bit of willingness to say that you don't have it all together.
00:44:35.560a willingness to show how you're doing work inside of the house, how you're doing work
00:44:42.220outside of the house, being vulnerable with your kids, with your colleagues, even just saying to
00:44:47.000your boss at work, it's been really hard right now, balancing work and family and this feeling
00:44:52.920of self. I feel like the more that we talk about these things, that's when we actually break
00:44:58.200through some of the noise. You're amazing. Tell everyone where they can find you on the internet.
00:45:03.640Yes. So on Instagram, I'm Tidy Dad. On Substack, I'm at Tidy Dad and the Tidy Times. I also have
00:45:11.080a website, thetidydad.com. And then my book, Tidy Up Your Life. So just Google Tidy and you'll see
00:45:18.740Marie Kondo and then me. And you're better. You're better. I could just say it. Thank you for being
00:45:24.580on today, Tyler. You're the best. Thanks for having me. Thanks.