Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Just a Busy Season and Other Lies We Tell About Motherhood

00:00:00.680 I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said.

00:00:04.060 Rebecca's stomach flipped.

00:00:06.340 This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca,

00:00:09.900 written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst.

00:00:12.360 Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:00:22.880 Hey y'all, Jo here and you are listening to Under the Influence.

00:00:26.680 I gotta say, I am fangirling a little bit over today's guest. I started following Taylor Wolf,

00:00:34.980 aka The Daily Tay, on Instagram when I was deep, deep into the trenches of postpartum,

00:00:42.840 and that was when the algorithm thinks that it makes sense to feed me perfect moms in perfect

00:00:48.860 houses, telling me that if I just gentle parented a little bit better, that my children would love

00:00:54.220 me forever. And you all know how I feel about that. I think it is all BS. And all I wanted

00:01:01.640 was for someone to both be real and also to take the piss out of this parenting thing. 0.99

00:01:08.320 Taylor really delivers. Her content goes down super smooth, like a Diet Coke, and the way 0.99

00:01:14.080 that I frankly feel a Parliament Light would these days, even though I haven't smoked in years.

00:01:20.540 Taylor's got a new book coming out soon called Just a Busy Season, and I loved it so much that

00:01:25.260 when she cold messaged me, I read it in three days and I blurbed it. It's great. It is sharp,

00:01:30.020 honest, and painfully funny about all of the stuff about motherhood that we are thinking,

00:01:35.100 but we are not saying out loud. Today, I feel very lucky to have Taylor,

00:01:41.620 Tay, on the show to talk about all of the things motherhood and social media,

00:01:46.660 misogyny and influencing. And one of the things I've always been fascinated about,

00:01:50.960 the people that just don't get her humor and think that her account, which is a lot of satire,

00:01:57.000 is actually her real life.

00:02:05.980 Hey, Taylor. Hello. So it is actually, it's hard for me to call you Taylor because I see you

00:02:12.220 on that little screen on my phone as Tay. And I want to be like, hey, Day Tay, how you doing?

00:02:20.000 You can say Day Tay if you want. Maybe I will. Maybe I will. We'll see how this goes. We'll see

00:02:24.820 how close we are by the end of this. You have a new book coming out. I just read it. I loved it

00:02:31.260 so much that I blurbed it. I think this should be the baby shower present for all new moms.

00:02:39.620 We're going to get into that a little bit, but I want to start off by talking about how 0.99

00:02:44.240 you even started getting your face on the internet talking about mom shit. 0.99

00:02:50.580 Like, how did this all begin? 0.99

00:02:52.180 How did this all begin?

00:02:53.860 Like, how far do you want me to go back?

00:02:56.260 Like, what?

00:02:56.580 Birth.

00:02:57.420 Birth.

00:02:57.980 No, no, just, just, I mean, when was the day when you were like, oh, I think I'm one

00:03:03.440 of those influencer-y people?

00:03:05.280 there is no like I was in denial for a really long time because I started I was a blogger

00:03:11.720 I was a blogger and when I started that blog I remember thinking blogging is so dead and this

00:03:17.480 was 2009 um and I didn't like read any blogs except for Perez Hilton and mine was just like

00:03:25.900 talking shit about my jobs um I remember like one post I thought was so clever it was called

00:03:31.100 the devil wears purple blazers from tj maxx and i was like i'm so smart i was just like i'm so 0.98

00:03:38.340 funny yeah it is it's amazing to me how many women that are on social media now who are very

00:03:45.320 successful started out as bloggers in the year 2009 specifically yes i know so i started doing

00:03:53.520 that while i had these jobs that i hated just because i needed to have like writing as an

00:03:57.520 outlet. I was a creative writing major. A major people like said, don't do it. What are you going

00:04:04.280 to do with this? And I was like, I don't know. I just like to write. I'm a dreamer. And then I

00:04:08.080 kept getting fired from these jobs because I was really bad at them. And this is when I started to

00:04:14.200 figure out like people made money from blogging. But I was like, how? Like I wear sweats every day.

00:04:18.880 I just want to be with my dog. So it wasn't like super intentional. But then like I remember getting

00:04:23.500 a deal for like gardening soil for two hundred dollars I lived in an apartment I did not have

00:04:28.340 a garden but I was like absolutely and so that was like what opened my eyes like I could make

00:04:33.300 money doing this and so it started off very slow um I had side jobs freelancing stuff along the

00:04:39.420 way to get this to work sold t-shirts all the things um and that just kind of carried me through

00:04:45.080 so I yeah that's why I said I was in denial forever and then when the term influence came

00:04:50.320 out I was like what like I don't like that and so I'm glad I feel like it's kind of evolved to

00:04:55.880 content creator which is whatever you know is what is also whatever I mean also every woman

00:05:02.480 that I know hates the word mommy blogger momfluencer and influencer and I think it's often

00:05:11.920 very condescending because any any man doing this would be called a content creator or frankly an

00:05:17.560 entrepreneur because that's what we're all doing we're all creating and running our own little

00:05:21.900 media empires and so a man could start a blog and they're like well he is just I mean he's a media 0.56

00:05:26.840 mogul now and when a woman does it it's like she's just influencing other women to do cute things 0.62

00:05:33.320 yeah it felt like it was very minimizing but then once I got more into it I was like wait

00:05:37.480 these are all like really hard-working women a lot of them balancing their household and their

00:05:41.800 kids so then it was this hard thing where it was like my videos when like reels came out they were

00:05:47.000 super snarky i mean i i hope i'm less snarky now just because i was like um it felt like low

00:05:53.140 hanging fruit and then you know about it i was like this is actually very interesting it's so

00:05:58.160 women dominated like i need to kind of change the scope of things um so that's where my i feel like

00:06:04.540 my reels took a different direction but well i've got to tell you that i started following you 0.88

00:06:10.220 While I was just in the muck of being served very perfect mom influencers, the kinds of moms whose houses are all white, whose children are never dirty, and I was in the shit of it in postpartum with my second baby, and I needed a dose of reality that I was not finding on a lot of social media and just a dose of humor. 0.97

00:06:38.880 I'm like, I just want someone to take the piss out of this and also take the piss out of all of the motherhood crap that I was being served. 0.97

00:06:46.220 Like, this is how you gentle parent. 0.98

00:06:48.160 And if you don't do this for your child, you're going to ruin them and they're going to grow up to become Stephen Miller.

00:06:53.120 So I just wanted I just wanted a laugh and I wanted to see more of what my life and experience was like.

00:07:01.180 And I feel like you delivered that. And it felt felt like it was so natural. But was it a hard

00:07:05.940 evolution to get to that point to be comfortable with those kinds of videos? First of all, thank

00:07:11.320 you. Second of all, I'm offended I wasn't in the pretty group here. I was like, yeah, I know. That's

00:07:15.840 how you found me when I asked. No, it really wasn't like a difficult evolution because it's

00:07:20.620 always it's just like this is I'm just sharing what I do, you know, like I don't. I'm not trying

00:07:28.080 to be like relatable or i i'm not trying to be relatable i'm just kind of substantial i'm just

00:07:33.800 you know it's just like i'm just so authentically authentic this comes um i don't know like there

00:07:41.400 was no like thought process in it and that's like with everything i'm sharing share sometimes

00:07:46.320 overshare i'm like this is where my head is today so it's gonna be my page is random as hell because

00:07:51.780 my mind is very random you know i'm just literally sharing like what i'm up to um i do get dressed

00:07:59.260 nicer now you know as opposed to like in my 20s that's just for my overall mental health

00:08:04.320 same yes yeah so that that's been cool i'm like sometimes i brush my hair on like when i'm gonna

00:08:12.800 be on camera not today okay today this is happening but uh yeah sometimes i try to look a little

00:08:20.480 better than a dumpster for you it's right here i was doing it right yeah you look great you look

00:08:26.300 great and you are one of the pretty mom influencers it's just you know your house doesn't always look

00:08:34.120 that nice no you already lied and that's okay and that's okay and that's okay because and you know

00:08:40.960 part of the reason that i wanted to write everyone is lying to you is because i have been covering

00:08:45.600 mom influencing for six years now and I've discovered so much of the smoke and mirrors

00:08:50.760 behind it right of being like oh okay this is just like a movie set or a magazine shoot when

00:08:56.800 I used to do magazines and when everyone is putting on all of these airs all the time well

00:09:02.300 that just felt right for murder for me I just want to talk about everyone is lying to you this

00:09:06.580 whole time that's why I said yes to this because I have so many questions and I'm also like I want

00:09:13.320 to tell everyone like she she gets it like I don't know like so many things about it I was just like

00:09:19.920 yes oh my gosh I loved it so much like how long did that take you to write like tell me about the

00:09:24.540 research did you go on a retreat how many tell me yes okay now it's all about me I love an interview

00:09:30.360 all about me I'm I'm gonna give you one minute of this and then uh I want to talk about you

00:09:34.380 because we are here to talk about your book just a busy just a busy season uh but but but but but

00:09:41.300 But I wrote it in four months.

00:09:43.380 I had the idea and said to my editor, I want to write this book.

00:09:48.400 It is very of the moment.

00:09:50.240 You have to publish it very, very quickly if we're going to do this.

00:09:53.340 And they're like, you have to get it to us quickly.

00:09:54.840 I'm like, how's four months?

00:09:56.100 Great.

00:09:56.580 And I did like 3,000 words a day.

00:09:59.220 I'd already done all the research, though, right?

00:10:00.700 I've been to these mom influencing conferences. 0.96

00:10:03.980 All of these women lived in my head already. 1.00

00:10:06.920 um and so and they just wanted to be written so fucking badly uh and yeah and then they got it

00:10:14.040 published nine months after I turned it in which was amazing uh and yeah I just love it I love it

00:10:20.360 so much but I also love that people that live in this world like you live in this world you see it

00:10:24.340 all the time you're like oh yeah you got it right I'm like oh thank fucking god like yes yes yes and

00:10:29.020 yes um and it was and it was a lot of fun but and I've heard from a lot of influencers that are like

00:10:34.840 well thank you for making my job like not making a mockery of my job too because influencer feels

00:10:41.640 like the new girl friday journalist in every rom-com from the 80s 90s but they always make

00:10:47.360 influencers seem kind of like flighty and like it's not a real job it's a girl job and i'm like

00:10:53.460 no people make real money and deals are like really big and these are brand collaborations 0.99

00:10:58.540 And so I hope the book got that across to be like, no, these women are badass ballers and we have to respect them. 1.00

00:11:08.080 Yeah, it for sure did. And like, I can't tell you how many times like relatives are mine of mine. 0.86

00:11:12.580 Like you had that little deal with an old name of brand. How did that go?

00:11:17.460 Like it went good. Thank you. How's your little blog going?

00:11:21.500 It's always the word little. And I'm just like, OK, yeah.

00:11:26.140 and it's so ironic you say we're like the 90s like the it girl whatever things i'm like that's

00:11:31.320 what i like grew up like you know the movies like how to lose a guy in 10 days i'm like i don't even

00:11:35.120 know what andy does i mean she's like a journalist who drinks a lot i'm like i want that i want that

00:11:39.520 i want that i'm like i'm gonna be jennifer garner in 13 going on 30 yeah i'm carrie bradshaw okay

00:11:45.560 yes yeah like totally exactly exactly uh so yeah i mean it was so much fun to write i hope we get

00:11:51.100 to make it into a TV series all of the networks are kind of a-holes right now about shows centering

00:11:57.640 on women or something that seems a little political we've had our moment yeah we we had our moment

00:12:04.480 and it's over and we should just be okay with that but uh cross your fingers cross all of the

00:12:09.860 all of the things yeah I really like to be in it I want to be the star of it great you're done okay

00:12:15.740 you you are the star I've just I've just granted this to you this is we're we'll just we'll write

00:12:20.520 up a contract when we get off the phone. Okay, when we get back from a quick break, I want to

00:12:26.500 talk about your book. I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said. Rebecca's stomach flipped.

00:12:39.040 This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca,

00:12:42.580 written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst. Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:12:50.520 Hey, my name is Samantha.

00:12:52.500 I work as an assembly technician for Ford of Canada.

00:12:55.660 What I love about working at Ford is knowing I'm part of something I'm proud to stand behind.

00:13:00.760 And when Ford does something like employee pricing, it makes me even prouder to work here.

00:13:06.000 And that means you pay what I pay.

00:13:09.020 Ford employee pricing is on now.

00:13:11.060 On select 2026 Maverick models, get over $2,800 in employee price adjustments.

00:13:16.540 For details, visit your Ontario Ford store or Ford.ca.

00:13:19.360 sorry investing trading that isn't a personality you don't need the voice you don't need the jargon

00:13:27.400 you don't need the podcast you already know how to trade you've done it your whole life

00:13:32.840 and td easy trade taps into that instinct so you can build something real no minimums no monthly

00:13:39.260 fees 24-hour support no investor personality required because you are made to trade and

00:13:46.620 TD Easy Trade is made to help. Download it now.

00:13:53.460 All right, we are back. Your new book. Just a busy season. Just a busy season. I'm a little

00:14:01.580 busy right now. I snort laughed out loud. And this is saying a lot because I am at the point

00:14:10.160 in my mothering journey where I'm not really reading mom things anymore or like newborn things,

00:14:16.780 right? I'm like, I've got a three-year-old. She's practically an adult now. And so going back to

00:14:22.860 that time almost feels like self-harming myself. But like your thoughts about this postpartum

00:14:31.440 period, this transition to being a mom are so funny. And the observations are just so tight

00:14:39.380 and so witty where did you come up with the idea for just a busy season why is this the book that

00:14:45.120 you wanted to write after your other book um thank you for all those nice words you're like

00:14:50.280 one of five people who has read it so you and you like you've been working on this all alone

00:14:55.020 and then you put it out and you're like watch it feels like you're just like getting naked for the

00:14:59.320 first time you know you're getting naked in a shower and everyone can watch you yeah it's like

00:15:05.040 my dream where i'm like going poop and then the doors disappear and everyone's watching me so

00:15:09.440 literally everyone including your seventh grade crush yeah oh my god oh my god okay um where did

00:15:15.360 it come from so how i like how do i answer this without sounding like an annoying writer but like

00:15:22.200 all all of my books all two of them come from a place where i have to get this out it's how i

00:15:28.220 this so the first one birdie and harley you know was about like the death of my dog and becoming a

00:15:32.880 mom and I didn't know if anyone would read it or if it would be a book deal but it's like

00:15:36.780 I got to get this out so I can move on it's like something stirring in me and so with just a busy

00:15:43.960 season I just kept hearing it was on Instagram or like every like people I talked to it's just that

00:15:50.440 we're in a busy season of life right now it's just how we are and so that's where I kind of

00:15:55.720 thought of that title and then I realized like oh shit I think this season lasts forever the busy 0.96

00:16:01.220 season maybe you know yes yes mom is a boomer but she's still very busy she's we're all so busy 0.98

00:16:07.800 um but the idea of like the busy season with the little ones um god i just like it's such a crazy

00:16:15.160 time and like how how do you get to other how i process is writing it down as i said so it's just

00:16:22.820 like i start writing down these different like ideas of the whole breastfeeding stuff like that

00:16:28.720 was a really important part for me to get out um and I would kind of share some of these tidbits

00:16:33.740 some of the ideas um on Instagram and when I would get like a big response from people

00:16:39.380 where it was something I felt was super like vulnerable maybe specific to me um and then I was

00:16:45.480 like oh wait so there's a lot of us who went through this and that's where I would decide

00:16:49.420 okay maybe I can expand this more um for instance like one thing um like when I stopped breastfeeding

00:16:56.980 after like seven days and i got like really depressed and weird about it when i did not

00:17:02.040 even want to do it and i was like the is going on like i got blue about it and like tried to

00:17:09.060 find my pump and like and then i realized like oh there's like a real depression attached to this

00:17:15.140 that is not talked about it when like your oxytocin drops all these you know i'm not a

00:17:20.200 doctor but yeah and when i saw these things i know they are being talked about a little bit

00:17:24.580 but talked about more because there's a reason why we are all like postpartum's crazy there's

00:17:30.700 like literally a reason for it's all these like chemicals and hormones going crazy and then

00:17:34.680 you feel a little less crazy when you know more people are in it with you totally totally and

00:17:40.500 your writing about breastfeeding both on social media and in the book is and it really it just

00:17:49.200 resonated with me so much i'm a crappy breastfeeder i like i have these big nipples my kids like never

00:17:55.700 liked them and actually i think they're normal nipples but my husband's always like it's because 0.96

00:17:59.420 they're so big and i'm like stop talking about my nipples like this you're like really making 0.93

00:18:02.600 them feel terrible and so i quit i quit after six months with with all of them i powered through it 0.81

00:18:09.820 i hated it and also pumped and formulaed and did all of the other things and then just kept trying

00:18:16.060 to throw them on my boob when I could because I felt freaking guilty because the world makes us

00:18:21.180 feel guilty and what resonated with me was when you shared that you got comments you know people

00:18:28.280 attacking you online about not breastfeeding or not being able to breastfeed and plenty of them

00:18:37.060 were women and it's women attacking other women which I think is constantly happening online and

00:18:42.940 talk to me a little bit about those that really caught me off guard which now like I feel like

00:18:48.240 I'm naive for thinking that but I went into this like breastfeeding was one of the things like I

00:18:53.060 was like I'm gonna get this like I've heard it's hard that I'm able to do it you know like I remember

00:18:57.160 like printing off something like okay just I was gonna get it like it's gonna be fine um and then

00:19:02.640 I thought the only controversy about breastfeeding was like they shouldn't do it in public I'd heard

00:19:07.720 that was a problem for someone but that was it um but then like when i couldn't breastfeed i had 1.00

00:19:15.360 like enormous jugs full of milk but for whatever reason like birdie wasn't gaining weight and even

00:19:21.960 like our physician told me to like continue while also noticing she wasn't gaining weight while i 0.74

00:19:29.620 said to her she's like well if breastfeeding is important to you you should just try longer and i

00:19:33.980 go it's not i'm like i want her to gain weight that's what's important but you know when you're

00:19:39.400 a new mom you're still like asking for permission all the time all the time is it okay is it okay

00:19:43.540 if i do this yes can we do this and then um it was my husband who's like when we left that

00:19:49.580 appointment he's like wait if she's not gaining and we don't even know how much she's taking

00:19:52.580 why don't we just switch to the bottle now and i was like whoa what a good idea thank you thank

00:19:59.660 you permission granted we still even had to like go to children's hospital because she wasn't

00:20:04.500 gaining but then after we anyway so um i hesitantly spoke about this on instagram mentioned like we

00:20:12.720 had to go to the hospital um she wasn't gaining but now we're switching to formula and one of

00:20:17.320 the messages i got like i remember where i got it where i was standing in the street in denver

00:20:21.520 and it said um no wonder you couldn't breastfeed only selfless mothers can breastfeed and i was

00:20:28.100 just like it knocked the wind out of me and like because i already felt bad about it like this 0.80

00:20:33.420 internalized things about feeling bad and then i was like oh oh shit so that and it's like i didn't

00:20:39.980 think it was true but also a part of me obviously did you know because of what we're fed forever 0.80

00:20:44.300 like even if you don't want to believe it if you've got all this you know inside of you so

00:20:49.060 it's like yeah a huge part of me did believe it and that just like gutted me like i still feel

00:20:54.360 ashamed thinking about it but then um that's how i turned into like one of the care one of my

00:21:01.100 characters that like i hold dearly she was called mom troll and it was just like i put on a wig and

00:21:06.320 i just you know got into character of like who this person is sending these messages to like 0.99

00:21:11.560 other women like and then do you ever think of a comeback way yeah but only like three months later 0.96

00:21:19.300 years I always wish I would have said well how how were you fed because I don't want to feed my

00:21:26.780 baby how you were you know and even saying it out loud it's it's probably fine I did not say it but

00:21:32.000 um I was just so put off by this and then even like with my second child and I was like okay

00:21:38.800 I'm ready for the comments I tried to breastfeed again and she still wasn't gaining and so I shared

00:21:45.500 that trying to be like okay I'm stronger now I can be like more more pro formula if that's what

00:21:50.680 you need and I shared a video of like my girls at like a McDonald's playground like saying like

00:21:58.280 something about eating fries off the floor and then someone messaged me and they're like why

00:22:02.480 are you even worried about them eating fries off the floor if you didn't breastfeed like they're

00:22:06.180 already gonna have trouble staying healthy or something where it's like now what in the hell

00:22:11.420 is the logic there like if you don't breastfeed like why even use a car seat you're gonna be

00:22:15.340 doomed. Why bother? Why not just give them some crack? Just give them some crack. Yeah. And then

00:22:21.340 like, I don't know. Those messages still exist. Like people are still thinking like that. And

00:22:28.220 I'm just so. So, yeah. And they're hard to forget. I think people can say nice things about me all

00:22:40.040 day long, right? Like I get very nice reviews for my books and things like that. But like one nasty

00:22:45.920 review or one person online telling me that I'm a terrible mother because my kids take their shoes

00:22:52.640 off at the playground or also sometimes a dirty rest stop. I think about it all the time. It just

00:22:59.320 haunts me. It haunts me before I go to bed. It haunts me, you know, when anytime I do something

00:23:04.960 that I'm like, oh, you're being a good mom. I'm like, well, what about that time with the shoes?

00:23:08.460 what about that yeah i wonder if like other people that's where their own negative comments 0.99

00:23:15.940 come from towards other people like because why else are they saying that shit it's something 0.95

00:23:19.920 within them and like normal people just don't no normal people would never i mean in the same way 0.91

00:23:25.520 that like no normal people that i know even leave a bad review on a book to be honest they're just

00:23:32.120 like they're like you know what not for me maybe for you not for me um and so i feel like when

00:23:37.000 people feel like they have to spew something hateful online. It is because of something that

00:23:43.300 is truly going on and truly wrong with them. It's not about you. It is something they're working

00:23:50.420 through. And so then I'm like, what did these people do 20 years ago or before the internet?

00:23:55.780 However long ago that was, I don't remember. They egged people's houses. They egged people's

00:24:00.500 houses. I think they were letters to the editor only because I know my parents did that. They

00:24:04.260 or the original trolls yes them off they'd be like i write a letter to the editor of our newspaper

00:24:08.900 yeah exactly exactly they sent they sent letters they sent letters they egged people's houses and

00:24:13.860 they quietly seethed yeah and they drank a lot they drank a lot of bartles and james and chain

00:24:19.480 smoked yeah yeah yeah um but i think that's why the stories the true honest stories are so important 0.80

00:24:30.840 because I know that when I'm feeling like shit because someone has called me out for being a

00:24:36.580 quote-unquote bad mom and I got called out in a mom Facebook group um yeah yeah it was amazing 0.86

00:24:43.440 it was amazing someone uh in a mom Facebook group that I'm not even in so like other mothers in our

00:24:49.460 town are like messaging me they're like do you know this person who was saying that my kids were

00:24:54.100 at the playground with our nanny always disheveled and messy and they must always be hungry because

00:24:59.880 they're always asking other mothers for food and i'm like are you kidding you crack open a bag of

00:25:05.080 pirate's booty on a playground you think they're not all gonna flock to you like pigeons yeah they

00:25:10.100 do yeah they do yeah they do that's what they do that's what they do um anyway yeah i mean because 0.98

00:25:15.420 i'm a massive asshole i then responded on the facebook group and i was like you want to come

00:25:19.780 over and talk to me let's go wouldn't i say your name like they said my name does it was like does 0.96

00:25:25.280 anyone and they they made it like they were trying to be helpful they're like does anyone know

00:25:29.160 joe piazza's nanny because i see the kids like this all the time um she was looking out for you

00:25:36.400 she was looking she was trying to help she was trying to help yeah yeah god bless her still

00:25:40.840 even though you know i rehashed all of this i talked to my wonderful caregiver who lived with

00:25:46.660 us for four years and is part of our family i still think about it i still feel the guilt and 0.89

00:25:50.760 shame i'm like but was i a bad mom in should i be better it's so dumb it's so dumb yeah that's hard 0.91

00:25:58.860 i'm just going to stand in solidarity with you because like i don't have advice it's just like 0.97

00:26:03.220 i don't it sucks i'm just trying to like lean more into my confidence as a mom because it's

00:26:07.860 the only way to outweigh that and be like they're safe they're happy like we are fine like i'm a

00:26:13.700 good mom i'm trying i tell myself i'm like you know what you're good you're you're good at this

00:26:17.940 like you've got this um and if you were if you're even questioning it and i say this to other moms

00:26:23.020 all the time i'm like if you are wondering if you're a good mom you're already a good mom

00:26:25.900 because bad moms don't ask themselves.

00:26:27.520 Bad moms are like, I'm the best. 0.94

00:26:29.900 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:30.520 Yeah.

00:26:31.380 Okay, let's take one more quick break.

00:26:33.260 And when we get back,

00:26:33.960 I want to talk a little bit about your mom.

00:26:39.620 I want to date with Rawls, Carti says.

00:26:42.820 Rawls? Raka asks.

00:26:44.860 This is the love story of real hinge couple Carti and Raka.

00:26:48.920 Written and read by me, Nicola Dynan.

00:26:51.680 Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:26:55.900 Before you knew what a stock was, you traded snacks, cards, turns.

00:27:01.300 That instinct to trade didn't disappear.

00:27:03.660 It just grew up.

00:27:04.740 With no minimums, no monthly fees, and 100 free trades,

00:27:08.160 TD Easy Trade taps into that instinct.

00:27:10.180 Because you are made to trade.

00:27:12.600 And TD Easy Trade is made to help.

00:27:18.800 Okay, we are back.

00:27:21.480 Your mom cracks me up. 0.53

00:27:23.180 She reminds me a lot of my boomer mom.

00:27:24.860 how did you even start getting her involved in your videos uh well I often call her my momager

00:27:33.080 which is like not a unique term I know that but she she has wanted she was like always wanted us

00:27:41.360 to be child stars I think but like we didn't have enough talent you know and so like I feel like

00:27:46.920 maybe I'm starting to fulfill that for her a little bit um she was in like the first video

00:27:53.600 back when I lived in Denver and I was like um just on a whim I needed someone to like say some

00:27:59.320 lines and I was like do you want to do this and she was like yeah sure like she is she's a yes

00:28:04.100 girl like she's always like she's in for almost anything and then it like went over pretty well

00:28:10.280 after a lot of like guidance and directing um she she took notes well and then that video did good

00:28:17.020 and so then like we kind of just started doing a few other things um and then it was the our first

00:28:23.180 like showing my boomer mom gentle parenting that video bananas yes yes and i love that one i had

00:28:31.300 so many moms sent me uh the gentle the gentle parenting one in fact the most videos that i get

00:28:36.780 sent of yours are are the ones with your mom um and just because i think that so many i'm a very

00:28:43.700 elder millennial slash almost gen x i'm an 80 baby uh so it's like some days i'm winona rider

00:28:50.160 in reality bites and other days i'm hillary duff okay like i don't know which is which but i think

00:28:57.380 we parent so differently than our parents did that it just hits it just hits so hard and what i like

00:29:05.800 say is like we meet in the middle like there's a reason we can make these videos and laugh about it

00:29:10.880 because neither of us are that extreme um but yeah there is a lot of like truth in them and the

00:29:18.540 things that like the way like I try not to gaslight feelings and like when you learn about

00:29:24.260 the way boomers like gaslit us like in a good way but like you know I feel sad about this no 0.74

00:29:30.680 you don't feel sad it's like oh that's that's gaslighting it just little things you know that 0.99

00:29:36.260 you learn in therapy um but yeah so my mom uh started appearing some in that first one like

00:29:41.520 I remember looking at it after posting it like 10 minutes later and it had like 5 million views 0.97

00:29:47.380 and i got the oh shit feeling yeah yeah what is it what is describe that oh shit feeling because i 0.99

00:29:53.660 think it especially if you are a sensitive tender soul uh to then realize that so many eyeballs 1.00

00:29:59.740 have just consumed something you made like what does that feel like it's definitely oh shit for 0.83

00:30:05.140 me um luckily i've had some like practice in it because we did have a video like the christmas 0.64

00:30:10.780 before that did pretty well it probably got like 10 million total so it was a little slower so i

00:30:16.100 time to build up um but a lot of the comments in the Christmas video we did where I like talk about

00:30:22.000 like mom get rid of your spices the comments were like this is such an entitled daughter like

00:30:27.380 really like mean things and even though like I wrote our lines we're playing characters

00:30:32.600 some of the things they said really hurt me and when something really hurts I'm like why is that

00:30:39.300 bothering me so much and that's when I was like there's some truth in a lot of this like when I 0.96

00:30:44.120 would go to my parents house I would turn into a teenager and I would just like be a little bitch 0.87

00:30:50.240 and it's like hearing like other people notice that I called my mom and I was like hey mom have 0.92

00:30:56.520 you seen some of these comments and then she's like no and then I was like I'm really sorry

00:31:01.760 that I've been a dick when I come home and that's like the first time I apologize and she was like 1.00

00:31:06.340 oh don't listen to those idiots like she just gave me like such like a that's such shit like 1.00

00:31:11.340 she couldn't even accept it but i feel like there was like a good learning experience where we like 1.00

00:31:15.360 i i like to think i changed my attitude a little bit um because if a comment bothers me that that

00:31:21.240 i think there's some truth to it when i reflect so that was like a good like intro to the big one

00:31:28.000 because then the oh shit feeling is okay i'm not going to read another comment i'm not going there 0.94

00:31:33.220 because they get really unhinged after about 100 or 200 comments and it's like yeah i do you is 0.98

00:31:39.200 right they're gonna pick apart every part of you and i will waste too much time like responding

00:31:46.220 and trying to defend and sometimes i'm like i know it's a sketch i wrote it like i wrote us

00:31:53.020 as characters and if people are like really mad at the characters i did a pretty good job

00:31:58.260 pretty good job acting it and like writing it so i have to just remind myself of that it just

00:32:03.320 gets blurred online you know people i'm like do you think this is reality tv which also isn't

00:32:08.720 real do you think this is like yes the answer is yes that a lot of people do think that this is

00:32:14.600 real they have a difficult time I genuinely believe because social media is just media now

00:32:20.980 and I say this all the time I'm like this is just media this is what we consume yeah that probably

00:32:25.760 at least two-thirds of viewers often have a difficult time telling if it's satire telling

00:32:31.100 if it's someone's real life telling if things are staged I mean that's why influencing generally

00:32:36.760 is fascinating to me because when I first started reporting on the ballerina farm brand

00:32:43.700 people genuinely thought this was just their what their life was like just with no cameras nothing

00:32:50.460 no filters no staff nothing they've been showing behind the scenes now and they're finally like oh

00:32:57.320 my gosh look at this massive crew that it takes to put this all together yeah but I do not think

00:33:03.860 that there is any media literacy around social media so people are just like look at that terrible

00:33:07.640 person that's how that this is not a skit this is not a bit i know so then i'm like someone just

00:33:14.420 like following us around with a camera and we're like well you know because sometimes like it feel

00:33:19.580 it feels even cheesy to me sometimes you know like my my favorite videos never do that well

00:33:24.080 and sometimes i write things i know do well a lot of the boomer mom stuff i enjoy like a lot of lines

00:33:29.540 but sometimes i'm like cringing because it feels so like tongue-in-cheek but then people are like

00:33:35.180 this isn't a good relationship or something right exactly and you're like it's a joke

00:33:40.300 you crazy sob yeah and that's where it's like you can't go there because

00:33:46.380 you're not going to get through to someone who doesn't understand that this isn't real 0.96

00:33:51.140 no issues no exactly and in the same way i never want you to read your goodreads reviews

00:33:57.280 oh i you know what i do i go in and i read only five star i read only the newest five star

00:34:03.940 one way to live life like i just filter out read only the good things

00:34:08.500 that one the hard way too i read my uh good read reviews my first week birdie and harlow came out

00:34:15.760 i was just reading them all they were all great and then i got to one about like what a terrible

00:34:20.140 dog owner i was i didn't take him to the vet fast enough i let him die and this was the night before

00:34:26.340 like one of my big release like events oh yeah i was like oh dear god what have i done what have

00:34:32.860 i done yeah and i i panicked and i've never read one star you went two cents because i'm like i

00:34:39.060 don't care i like my book i like my book i like my life i will not know i won't read anything less

00:34:44.540 than a five star because again it's just so subjective people being like i don't want to

00:34:48.140 read books about women and i'm like it was very clear who was the star of this book friend very

00:34:53.420 clear i'm sorry that you are disappointed

00:34:57.000 so were there any stories in just a busy season that were harder to get on the page than others

00:35:08.600 the marriage the marriage chapters um i think it's really hard to talk about marriage um

00:35:21.160 and that's all i'm gonna say next question no i'm kidding um it's such a weird thing though

00:35:26.260 because you got to respect your partner and um it's also like marriage is really hard

00:35:33.540 marriage is really hard i think i say all the time that i think marriage is harder than being a mom

00:35:38.100 to be honest um yeah uh and hard to be honest about because again it's everything is subjective

00:35:46.540 if there's two people in this and that's something where like i chris like read through everything

00:35:53.580 not like for approval but if he didn't like anything so maybe that is called approval but

00:35:59.460 i wrote everything first and i was like this is me like yeah i think it's good he's like i'm

00:36:03.880 he like thought it was like he was like thought it was really good and i was like really you're

00:36:08.320 not like like he thought i was like owning up to stuff but i was like i thought it's funny

00:36:13.880 just you know see two sides um but i remember seeing those i think it was like big little

00:36:20.980 feelings or like one of the parenting accounts yeah they talked about like all the therapy

00:36:25.540 they'd been in and how hard their marriage was and i was like you were you know but it's right 0.97

00:36:31.640 right right he talks about it no he talks about it no he talks about it you know it's fucking so 0.99

00:36:36.420 hard because it's so hard yeah yeah i think about when my friend like talks shit about her husband 0.98

00:36:41.240 all the time and then when i see your husband it's hard for me to be like hey greg like i know

00:36:46.680 too much about you now way too much about greg yeah how to just like go on liking greg because

00:36:52.080 we don't see all the good things greg does and so like when we were like we had a lot of like

00:36:58.940 you know hard moments in marriage and i couldn't i felt like i couldn't talk to like anybody

00:37:04.680 because you're keeping it in because it's like i don't want to again like i didn't want to

00:37:08.260 disrespect Chris and like and so that was a hard chapter to write but I'm like I gotta write this

00:37:14.640 like it's been hard like the puppy I brought in didn't go over well while I was pregnant and then

00:37:20.760 we had to move and like so many things um and like I even I want to write an entire book about

00:37:28.880 marriage because it's just like whenever someone like shares a tidbit I'm like yes it's not just

00:37:34.020 me just like so it's crazy how so much of the shit we do is all like we're all going through

00:37:40.200 it just with the when chris like did you bring a diaper bag did you bring a diaper bag did you 0.93

00:37:45.940 like why and then things that he'll be like well you didn't get me up in the night like who got me

00:37:51.500 up who got me up you know you're sleep deprived and oh my god yeah i think talking about marriage

00:37:58.100 is hard i wrote a whole book about marriage called how to be married where i did i did i'll send you

00:38:04.400 a copy uh but it was i did it before we were married we traveled around the world and interviewed

00:38:10.280 people about what like how you're married in different cultures and like got their advice

00:38:15.780 and it was so awesome and i loved it so much uh and we reread it on our 10th anniversary and it

00:38:20.600 holds up but we're also like we're such different people now like those people loved each other in

00:38:25.400 a whole different way than we like and love and respect each other now. Will you tell everyone

00:38:32.340 how they can pre-order your book right now? Because we know that pre-ordering is so important

00:38:36.300 for authors. And again, this is a book that you're going to want to gift to every

00:38:40.680 female person and also dads in your life. Honestly, I want dads to read more books

00:38:45.780 about what it takes to do this. And because I just think that would make the world a better place.

00:38:52.480 I'm going to say something a little bit radical here. I think that if more men were reading books by women about women, we could solve at least like 50 percent of the world's problems.

00:39:04.940 Can you imagine? I feel like you could be even more radical and be like 90 percent.

00:39:10.640 90 percent, right? The male loneliness crisis, the child care crisis, the care crisis generally, the empathy crisis, all of those things.

00:39:20.080 so i think our call to action here is buy this book for a man even a man you don't know yeah

00:39:27.540 hand them out to strangers strange men strange men go go go go to your local protest and hand

00:39:34.320 maybe don't do that not right now uh but and hand them out and just hand them out to

00:39:39.580 the next guy you see on the street doesn't have to be my book doesn't have to be taylor's book

00:39:44.720 but it's nice we're just talking about my book sorry no i just want my book handed out but okay

00:39:49.000 Well, I'm also I'm going to extend it to any book written by women, any book written by

00:39:52.720 women about the women's experience.

00:39:55.020 Taylor just wants it to be her book.

00:39:56.680 I think that's great, too. 1.00

00:39:58.000 But just give men more women's stories. 1.00

00:40:01.040 It will change fucking everything. 1.00

00:40:03.900 You need that perspective. 1.00

00:40:05.380 Like they need that perspective.

00:40:07.380 All right.

00:40:07.560 We're going to change the world, girl.

00:40:08.800 Like we've got this.

00:40:09.640 We've got a plan.

00:40:11.280 Order the books in bulk.

00:40:12.640 Hand them out like Girl Scout cookies on the checks.

00:40:15.800 Girl Scout cookies are really expensive now.

00:40:17.440 I just did all of the Girl Scout cookie mom training for the first time and it should be a

00:40:22.480 This American Life episode. These things are six or seven dollars and our troop just ordered 23,000

00:40:28.860 of them. Wow. No. Oh, that's an impressive troop. And that's that. Yeah, it's my first year. So like

00:40:35.820 I don't I I have nothing to do with it. But like, yeah, it's it's pretty intense. And it's the time

00:40:41.740 they go on sale in like February. Right. Right. So, you know, if you're selling Girl Scout cookies,

00:40:45.880 here's another idea sell the girl scout cookies buy a bunch of books by women and give out a book 0.51

00:40:50.940 by a woman every time you sell a box of cookies that's a very realistic very realistic goal and

00:40:58.200 you know if they're books by taylor and i even better and we'll we'll like you more and i will

00:41:05.460 share your girl scout cookie link on my page yep same same who wants to sell more cookies

00:41:10.840 yes all the cookies okay taylor will you tell everyone where they can find you on the social

00:41:17.620 medias absolutely you can find me at the daily tay you can search insufferable millennial mom

00:41:24.860 i come up for that which is just so exciting you can find my book where books are sold um i always

00:41:31.520 love it if you purchase through a small bookstore your local store indie store great to help them

00:41:36.680 out right now and always um was that your two questions did i answer those we did all the

00:41:43.320 things did all things thank you so much for being on today thank you for having me this was a joy i

00:41:47.780 loved it i loved it too

00:42:06.680 You want to impress them on a first date, but also play it cool.

00:42:29.120 So what do you do?

00:42:30.840 I'm Rufy Thorpe and I wrote and read 0.90

00:42:33.540 a real love story about a hinged couple 0.60

00:42:35.420 that navigated exactly that

00:42:37.260 listen to the free audiobook now

00:42:39.420 before you knew what a stock was

00:42:41.280 you traded snacks, cards

00:42:43.340 turns, that instinct to trade

00:42:45.760 didn't disappear, it just grew up

00:42:47.880 with no minimums, no monthly fees

00:42:50.000 and a hundred free trades

00:42:51.320 TD Easy Trade taps into that instinct

00:42:53.600 because you are made to trade

00:42:55.760 and TD Easy Trade is made to help

00:43:00.840 You

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - January 15, 2026

Just a Busy Season and Other Lies We Tell About Motherhood

Episode Stats

Transcript