Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - More Joy in January

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00:00:45.000 hey all joe here and you are listening to under the influence

00:00:59.280 how's everyone feeling i hope you're feeling a little bit better today than you were at the

00:01:05.620 beginning of the week. Because honestly, every parent I have seen in the past four days has

00:01:11.500 just been walking through the streets with this glazed look on their face, like a zombie who's

00:01:17.900 just been given an enema. My mom friend group texts have been suspiciously quiet. And I think

00:01:24.900 that's just because even though they bring us joy, all of us are like, I can't take one more thing

00:01:31.960 to do or answer or think about right now.

00:01:38.060 But I'm trying to put that feeling behind me.

00:01:40.340 And I'm trying to find the joy in the new year.

00:01:42.660 I know it's here.

00:01:43.860 I know it's here somewhere.

00:01:44.980 As long as I don't scroll my news feed on the Instagram,

00:01:48.360 which is still filled with our dumpster fire of a news cycle.

00:01:51.740 Here today to talk to me about cultivating joy in January

00:01:54.620 is my very best girlfriend in the entire world, Jackie Cascarano.

00:01:59.840 You've heard from her before.

00:02:01.620 Jackie is a career coach and also a student of positive psychology.

00:02:05.560 And she's honestly one of the most joyful people that I know.

00:02:08.640 And I know a lot of people with a lot of joy.

00:02:11.400 So that is truly saying something.

00:02:18.860 Why, hello.

00:02:20.700 Hello, Jo Piaz.

00:02:22.340 Hello, Jackie Cascarano.

00:02:23.960 How are you doing?

00:02:25.420 I'm okay.

00:02:26.720 I'm not great.

00:02:27.580 Well, you know what?

00:02:28.220 Now I'm good.

00:02:29.520 I have been on the struggle bus for the past couple of weeks.

00:02:34.500 Christmas is a vibe.

00:02:36.260 I was just talking to my mom, being like, so like this, I have in my mind this like imaginary woman who is not stressed out during the month of December.

00:02:44.980 And she must have like servants and or like no job, like a panoply of people to serve her so that they can do all the holiday stuff.

00:02:57.260 Like there is not one woman alive. 1.00

00:02:58.960 Or no children. Or I don't know. But even my even my child free friends were still doing all the labor for their extended families. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know any woman that I've talked to, especially this week, that is just like, oh, my God, that was so relaxed.

00:03:20.600 great. I'm so refreshed because then, and I wrote about this earlier, we're also just then

00:03:28.260 immediately thrust into work work, most of which did not end for a lot of us through December

00:03:35.480 anyway. But then we're just supposed to show back up in like full-time work mode after being

00:03:42.180 beaten the F down over the month of December. A thousand percent could not agree with you more.

00:03:48.460 So I, so to answer your question, I got the flu over Christmas, over Christmas break.

00:03:57.220 So basically like right before the kids were out of school, thought I was okay for like

00:04:01.440 two to three days, realized, I'm like, oh great, my lung feels weird.

00:04:07.640 So had a respiratory infection, flew down to Florida to visit family and on like the

00:04:13.980 fifth day of antibiotics began to feel better.

00:04:16.880 so it's I've been running myself ragged and I think that's just sort of like

00:04:21.780 the theme for a lot of women I've been talking to I think that is the theme for a lot of women

00:04:29.080 that I've been talking to I think that January should officially be designated as women's rest

00:04:37.100 and recovery and joy month because it's been this year especially I've got to say I don't

00:04:44.120 know why this year felt like more maybe it's because i have three like very active kids now

00:04:48.420 they're not baby babies um but this year felt like the most difficult and strenuous holiday that i've

00:04:57.000 had yet i believe it yeah yeah with the kids the kids getting older is a is a thing um we got our

00:05:03.720 oldest daughter a car oh wow she is driving that's a crazy milestone she is driving yeah so

00:05:10.280 So, like, it gets, like, Christmas gets, like, not to be a pessimist here, but, like, it only gets harder.

00:05:19.660 Like, it's just going to get more and more complex and more stuff.

00:05:24.040 And I thought teaching them to ski was hard over the break.

00:05:27.300 Right?

00:05:27.640 That was so cute.

00:05:28.360 I saw those pictures.

00:05:29.420 I know.

00:05:29.840 It was cute.

00:05:30.520 It was cute.

00:05:31.120 Two bigs really took to it.

00:05:33.520 Charlie loved it, loved it, and was very good at it, which is excellent because ball sports are not going to be his forte.

00:05:38.400 uh and b she's littler so it's gonna take more time but she wanted to be as good as charlie

00:05:44.000 so she's like and now we'll go on the chairlift and i'm like you're not ready she's like i could

00:05:47.540 do anything and i'm like yeah i love her chutzpah honestly like i just love it she's like i will do

00:05:52.460 whatever she's like i will do whatever he does um and she did and she got on that chairlift and i

00:05:57.160 got her down the mountain and my butt hurt so bad from like bending and having her hold on my poles

00:06:02.460 but we got her down that mountain and now and now they want to ski again which is awesome so i'm

00:06:06.480 just like i feel like this is an investment in our family future yeah i love that yes and it's

00:06:10.180 a wonderful hobby it's a wonderful really important i'm a big skier and nick's a big skier

00:06:16.060 so just like getting them over this hump so they can ski with us felt like a big deal even though

00:06:22.820 there's still one left i always forget there's still one left yeah there's a third fun i love

00:06:28.180 that yeah so that was great and so that does feel like a family hobby that we can do together so we

00:06:33.920 played mahjong as a family throughout the break which was so fun joe oh my gosh it was so fun

00:06:40.340 everyone is into mahjong now the whole family so it's not just you no everyone knows how to play

00:06:46.620 even and john is really into it and we did crossword puzzles and sudoku we had we had a

00:06:53.920 really kind of analog experience for a good week or so just like doing good old fashion

00:07:00.500 like board games and card games it was awesome it was good we did we did some of that but we also

00:07:06.980 bought a nintendo switch uh which we had never had a video game uh platform console in our house

00:07:14.160 and i gotta say i think that nick and i are now cozy video game people because charlie charlie's

00:07:20.000 actually not as into it as we thought it would be we got it from minecraft and like he can't figure

00:07:23.740 it out and nick and i played oregon trail for like seven hours straight trail oh my gosh dysentery

00:07:29.580 No, that's the thing.

00:07:30.520 Even Charlie on Christmas Day was like, are we just going to stare at screens all day?

00:07:34.520 And I'm like, what?

00:07:36.020 I can't quit.

00:07:36.860 That's amazing. 0.95

00:07:37.260 I can't quit the trail now because Susan has dysentery.

00:07:40.620 And I got to help her.

00:07:42.400 I got to save her and get her this medicine.

00:07:44.340 You got to.

00:07:44.920 When you come over tomorrow, we could play Oregon Trail.

00:07:47.480 I'd love that.

00:07:48.180 I'll bring my Nintendo Switch to whatever fancy restaurant we decide to sign up to.

00:07:52.420 Heck yeah.

00:07:53.520 I'm very into that.

00:07:54.480 I do have thoughts on how to create a January of joy.

00:07:58.440 Oh, my God.

00:07:58.860 Tell me.

00:07:59.320 Tell me.

00:07:59.520 I want to know everything because joy, I did a podcast with Glynis about because I don't

00:08:03.880 like resolutions.

00:08:04.780 And so Glynis told me to choose a word.

00:08:07.300 Yeah, that's what I do as well.

00:08:09.420 Yeah.

00:08:09.660 I chose two words.

00:08:10.560 I chose joy and ease.

00:08:12.980 Like that.

00:08:14.200 Right.

00:08:14.600 What words did you choose?

00:08:16.240 Peace and balance.

00:08:18.800 And balance is important because I've been overdoing it so much, hence the near-death

00:08:24.460 plague I experienced in December.

00:08:26.960 So it's balance and peace.

00:08:29.600 I like those for you.

00:08:30.620 I like those for you.

00:08:31.020 Yeah, it's good.

00:08:31.620 And they're really unique to the person, you know, I mean, and experience in life.

00:08:34.820 I think joy was mine last year.

00:08:36.700 Yeah, joy is a big one.

00:08:37.960 And ease is a big one.

00:08:38.740 Glynis's was power because she was like, this year I really want to feel like I was working really hard for money last year.

00:08:46.000 And now she says she wants to feel actual power, which is different than earning money.

00:08:51.560 And so I loved that for her.

00:08:52.840 I love choosing a word.

00:08:53.720 I think it's much better than a resolution.

00:08:56.940 Oh, I completely agree.

00:08:58.700 And, you know, you put it on a sticky note.

00:09:01.360 I saw my therapist yesterday and she was like, so what are we going to do to make sure you're remembering to maintain boundaries?

00:09:07.400 And I was like, obviously, put it on a sticky note on my desk so I see it every day.

00:09:11.600 She's like, no, no, no.

00:09:13.760 Let's talk about more specific strategies and tools.

00:09:16.680 I think the sticky note thing is fine.

00:09:18.600 I think a sticky note works really well.

00:09:20.400 Right?

00:09:20.600 So put the word on your desk on a sticky note.

00:09:23.360 And you see it every day, right?

00:09:24.720 Every day.

00:09:25.380 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:09:26.280 That's how I maintain boundaries, ideas, remember to have sex with my husband. 0.96

00:09:31.120 Put it on a sticky note.

00:09:33.120 Thank you to Romy and Michelle.

00:09:34.860 Yeah, exactly.

00:09:35.580 They invented the post-it.

00:09:38.860 So, okay.

00:09:40.260 So one thing that I did last year, which seemed bananas at the time, but was revolutionary, was we took a vacation in mid-January.

00:09:50.600 so after as you just alluded to like you come you you emerge from december women emerge from

00:09:58.360 december and you feel like you've just been like rung through the dryer like you're just kind of

00:10:02.900 tumbling you're you look like you've been through war you feel like you've been through war yes i'm

00:10:07.220 a deflated you know the half deflated helium balloons after a birthday party but they're not

00:10:13.000 totally dead they're just like sad bouncing they're sad bouncing kind of that's how you feel

00:10:16.800 that's me yeah me too exactly so john had a conference last january in hawaii and he's like

00:10:25.240 come with me and i'm like so a couple of months in advance i'm like that sounds great and then

00:10:29.140 as we got closer i'm like why do i want to go on vacation and like in january it's we're starting

00:10:35.660 up it sounds so stressful and i went and it was phenomenal because you don't get rest in december

00:10:44.120 You have two and a half weeks off with your children if you're at the stage of life that we're in.

00:10:48.040 And you don't rest.

00:10:49.400 You don't rest.

00:10:50.340 I mean, you know, you're having really good family time.

00:10:52.240 You know, it's like the distinction between a trip and a vacation.

00:10:55.100 Yes.

00:10:55.680 Yeah.

00:10:56.100 But it's not rest.

00:10:57.220 It's not that deep soul rest that we as women need.

00:11:01.740 And deserve. 0.71

00:11:02.600 And deserve and need to function.

00:11:04.760 So we went.

00:11:05.940 It was just me and John.

00:11:07.420 And he was at the conference.

00:11:09.880 He was doing stuff all day.

00:11:11.960 And I had a couple of days overlooking the ocean pretty much by myself, okay?

00:11:18.020 And that is where the magic lies, okay?

00:11:22.440 That's where it was.

00:11:23.360 I had one or two days with like no one really bugging me to think about what I wanted for

00:11:30.440 the year, to think about my words.

00:11:32.560 So I vowed at that moment, actually, to every few months dedicate a day to planning, rest,

00:11:41.280 whatever you want to call it, whatever you need to look, you know, and a lot of businesswomen are

00:11:46.940 like Q1, Q2, like whatever, whatever you need. If it's a season, if you're looking to the summer or

00:11:51.340 like the end of the year or the spring, right. To have literally a day to yourself. It can be in

00:11:57.340 Hawaii or it can be like blocking your calendar and going somewhere. And it was next level life

00:12:04.600 changing for that particular period. Because think about it. Couldn't you use a day at the beach

00:12:09.300 right now where like no one is like no one's touching you or a hundred a hundred percent

00:12:13.660 a hundred percent and not just that no one's touching me but that i also have permission

00:12:17.880 to not work and do work work because i really like i said i really jumped right back into it

00:12:24.160 yeah i did i i eased on monday i started watching heated rivalry and i curled up in a fuzzy blanket

00:12:31.380 but i was still like everyone was circling back constantly everyone was circling back yeah it was

00:12:36.680 Monday of all Mondays. It was the Monday of all Mondays. And so I like the idea. It could be with

00:12:44.300 your spouse. Could be a vacation with your spouse. Or with your best girlfriend. With your best

00:12:48.260 girlfriend. Yeah. And you and you put it on the calendar every year. Right. Like, yeah, this is

00:12:54.340 my planning day. This is my January. This is or that vacation. This is my January 15th vacation.

00:12:59.620 We should come up with a name for this holiday, which is because then you like you get a little

00:13:04.660 started into the work so you can like get that going but then you get like four days of a reset 0.52

00:13:10.020 some scandinavian country bless them they have a a day in january to celebrate women

00:13:15.420 they do they do i read about this i read about this i forget which one it was because i saw it

00:13:20.060 they're so good bless them they're so good i saw this on the instagram i don't remember

00:13:23.420 i saw the same thing i know it is a thing but i got the same thing on the instagram maybe it's

00:13:29.440 ai slop and i don't care may slop maybe slop i don't know i don't know okay all right let's take

00:13:34.120 a quick break and then think of more ways to cultivate joy this year, this January.

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00:14:30.460 okay we are back joy joy and positivity and positive psychology this is your jam now this

00:14:43.380 is your life talk to me about how else i can start now to cultivate this idea of joy in my life

00:14:51.100 so when you think about happiness right and happiness is defined in a number of ways but

00:14:59.560 I'm defining it as sort of like a momentary barometer of how you're doing, right?

00:15:07.040 You think about all the little things that happen during the day and whether you're having like a bad interaction with somebody or you're annoyed at this or you stub your toe, right?

00:15:18.520 So it's the little things that happen throughout your day that accumulate when you look back on your day and you're like, I had a good day, right?

00:15:25.160 it really is it does take effort to pursue joyful experiences but the joyful experiences can be

00:15:34.920 minimal like they can be an accumulation of little itty bitty things throughout your day

00:15:40.340 for example i really like a good latte so when i'm trying to if i'm if my word for the year or

00:15:48.780 in the morning if i'm thinking about like i really want to cultivate joy today i'm like you know what

00:15:54.260 I'm going to I'm going to go get that extra sugary latte from that lovely coffee shop that I love down the way and treat yourself to that.

00:16:02.980 You.

00:16:04.680 I'm sure.

00:16:06.220 You talk to Glynis about this, eating the food you like.

00:16:10.680 Joy.

00:16:11.500 Joy.

00:16:12.020 Have the croissants.

00:16:13.160 Have the cheese.

00:16:14.380 So basically, yeah, it really is about the little things that you are.

00:16:17.600 Think about accumulating these small little micro experiences of joy.

00:16:23.440 Because at the end of the day, when you're sitting at the table with your kids and your husband, and everyone's like, how was your day?

00:16:28.520 If they ask you, that'd be nice.

00:16:30.460 Do your kids ask you how your day was?

00:16:32.800 Mine still are not there.

00:16:33.860 I'm trying to train them to ask people how their day is.

00:16:37.080 They do.

00:16:37.580 I mean, they're older, but we also force them during family dinners to go.

00:16:41.820 We all go around.

00:16:43.180 That's what we're doing.

00:16:43.920 I mean, we all go around.

00:16:44.720 Our older ones are rolling their eyes, being like, when is this going to be over?

00:16:47.920 But now they know what's socially acceptable and perfectly.

00:16:50.740 Yeah.

00:16:51.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:16:52.140 Although the baby's the one that's all in.

00:16:55.240 The baby's the one that's like, how's your day?

00:16:57.360 It's not a bad opinion of you.

00:16:59.220 Yeah, yes. 0.99

00:17:00.020 Oh, no, but even though she's awful right now, by the way, she is, she's firmly in the terrible threes. 0.99

00:17:05.700 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:17:06.260 Where it's just like, literally, I mean, she is a terrorist of a toddler. 0.82

00:17:11.820 Nothing is right. 0.94

00:17:12.960 Nothing is right.

00:17:13.720 There's either too much ketchup on the plate or not enough ketchup or someone touched the chicken nugget or she doesn't want to wear a pink dress or she does want to.

00:17:22.000 wear a pink dress she's pissed all the time yeah you're not the boss of her joe i'm not the boss 0.66

00:17:27.120 of her oh my god yeah i think and i think she hates us all i mean she's like really cute when 0.98

00:17:33.040 she does it but we made her hang out with other babies in the catskills uh she hung out with baby 0.80

00:17:38.980 june and baby aggie and she decided she doesn't like babies because she's like i'm not a baby

00:17:42.440 but they're not they're two years old right and so they're walking and starting to talk but she's

00:17:46.220 like i'm not a baby i don't like the babies and then she's like run away from them or she'd like

00:17:51.760 lead them to danger. She's like, here, try to climb these stairs. And I'm like, no, no, no. 0.90

00:17:58.780 So cute. Yeah. So cute. And so terrible. Which is probably why this was my worst,

00:18:04.140 most exhausting holiday of all time. Yeah. I mean, you're squarely in the toddler.

00:18:10.400 Yeah. Yeah. Toddler. And then also like tween almost. And so, yeah, no, I'm bridging it. But

00:18:17.420 I like this idea of micro experiences that it's not one big thing, right? Because we're like,

00:18:21.760 Oh, my gosh, if I want to be happy, it's joy, joy, joy all the time.

00:18:25.620 Yeah. And also, we all know about hedonic adaptation, which is the experience of, you know, depreciation of joy and elation after a big thing.

00:18:40.640 Right. So you get your promotion. You're like, when I get the promotion, it's my life's going to be so great.

00:18:44.860 You get the promotion and then like within a couple of weeks, you're like back to baseline.

00:18:48.660 so every once in a while when you get those really big good things those really big joyful things

00:18:55.320 it seems like those are the really big things that kind of um make your life joyful but actually

00:19:01.820 it's it's more of a little things it's more of daily choices to interact with the janitor at

00:19:08.980 work who's like so lovely and it's so lovely to talk to that guy like it's the small choices

00:19:13.840 to add the extra dollop of olive oil on my avocado toast or to use the good olive oil i'm telling

00:19:21.940 myself because i have all this olive oil remember remember how much olive oil i brought back from

00:19:25.620 sicily when we went yes i do actually i still have some of that olive oil so i'm like give it to me

00:19:30.600 i'll give you some i'll give you some tomorrow um but i'm like you i mean i passed like a suitcase

00:19:34.860 of olive oil uh that we bought at the gas station at the gas station at the gas station the gas

00:19:39.100 station olive oil press but i i'm like use the good olive oil burn the good candles use use all

00:19:46.360 of the like all of the good lotion that's my that's my that's where i keep it the joe malone

00:19:51.520 lotion perfume and i'm like and then it's four years have gone by and i'm like i think it went

00:19:56.100 bad it smells it went bad it smells it smells weird right because i just didn't use why didn't

00:20:00.560 i use this every day exactly it's like simple treats simple pleasures and also i've discovered

00:20:07.440 We just this week had on Tyler Moore, Tidy Dad, on the show. 0.99

00:20:12.460 Getting rid of shit. 1.00

00:20:14.620 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:20:15.580 Throwing stuff away or donating stuff that I don't want to look at in my house anymore.

00:20:22.140 Like, I'm sad that the Christmas tree is gone, but also happy that it's gone because the house felt very full.

00:20:29.140 Clutter, there's a huge correlation for, I think, most people, but for me with clutter and anxiety.

00:20:35.080 Like, I just need, like, there's a joke in my house with, like, get things off the kitchen counter or mom will go crazy.

00:20:40.260 And I will.

00:20:41.200 Just get things off the counter.

00:20:42.560 If it's not food, like, it needs to be off the counter.

00:20:44.600 Toys don't belong on the counter.

00:20:46.080 So for Christmas, it's just so much clutter.

00:20:50.360 So much clutter.

00:20:51.140 I love January purging.

00:20:52.500 There's so much stuff.

00:20:52.920 I've been purging.

00:20:53.680 I've been purging.

00:20:54.340 I'm doing the apartment therapy January cure, which I do every year.

00:20:59.120 And that one is starting with cleaning out one drawer.

00:21:01.720 and I got rid of a ton, a ton of cosmetics that were expired and just like, why do you live in

00:21:06.940 there? I don't like it. Get out of there. Get out, get out, get out of my life. Get out. Um,

00:21:15.860 so yeah. So, I mean, I do, I like, I like this like build up of, of little things. I also like

00:21:22.080 that you mentioned your analog life over the holidays because we did not have an analog life.

00:21:25.960 There was a lot of movie watching. There was a lot of, cause it was also deadly cold in the

00:21:30.760 Catskills yeah so you know what you know what though I think that movie watching is okay like

00:21:36.980 I think that shared experience is really good and we know that from you know Jonathan Haidt's

00:21:44.180 The Anxious Generation where really the problem for our kids are the little mini videos where

00:21:50.860 they're scrolling and it's oh the social media I think it's yeah yeah I don't even consider

00:21:54.400 even like even like just YouTube right which they have access to when I think I'm being such a good

00:21:59.540 mom like you don't have social media and yet my 12 year olds still have youtube right so yeah so

00:22:05.280 exactly the the longer movies even if we did movie marathons but i still kind of considered it

00:22:10.460 analog because we're cozy well that is and that is kind of analog so it's like cozy and family

00:22:15.680 yeah we watched indiana jones in the last crusade i love that we haven't gone into indiana jones

00:22:21.820 we had it you know i was worried it was going to be there's certain things that with my kids

00:22:26.720 for like pg-13 movies that i'm not worried about at all um there's like a little bit of language

00:22:32.180 like my kids are pretty good about language um and we were worried it was gonna be scary the part

00:22:35.920 where the guy takes the wrong cup at the end oh my gosh yeah which is scared right he's actually

00:22:43.240 no scarier than literally any scene with voldemort in harry potter because voldemort never has a face

00:22:49.680 and so it's always scary so scary harry potter is really scary so anything that we thought

00:22:56.160 um was scary in indiana jones is not and it was actually just delightful no what i have to worry

00:23:03.140 about for 80s and 90s movies is the sexy stuff because there was just so much of it there was

00:23:09.360 so much sexy stuff and so many movies have been rolled out in our house for sexy stuff

00:23:14.900 or we've had so many conversations where i'm like are boobs funny guys are boobs funny okay

00:23:21.820 because they're not they're they're just boobs in the 90s in the 80s and 90s they were in the

00:23:26.540 80s and 90s boobs were a constant punchline so there's just like there's a lot of feminist talk 0.62

00:23:32.140 around all 80s and 90s movies i'm like is that how we treat women is that and they're like no

00:23:38.120 they're like that thank you boy moms of the world thank you yes this this is what this is what we're

00:23:43.500 This is what we're we're dealing with.

00:23:45.220 But I will say my thing with 80s and 90s movies is if you can if you can talk through all of that, it does make your kids funnier.

00:23:51.700 My kids are so funny because they watch those 80s and 90s movies like really like they actually have really good senses of humor now.

00:23:59.320 Of course, I have no doubt about this.

00:24:02.460 OK, let's take one more quick break.

00:24:04.640 And when we get back, I want to get back to your hobbies because we did a huge episode about your hobbies.

00:24:09.420 I want to know what is sticking for you.

00:24:11.260 And then I'll tell you where I'm at with my hobbies.

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00:25:35.080 Okay, we're back.

00:25:36.700 Mahjong is really sticking for you,

00:25:38.560 but you've tried a lot of other things.

00:25:39.880 Are any other hobbies sticking for you this year?

00:25:43.220 mahjong is amazing love it i tried watercolor i tried a watercolor class and i loved it but it's

00:25:51.960 not sticky it's not too sticky for me it's sticky for my older daughter she's good at it so that's

00:25:59.620 that's interesting so when i you know and here i am a high achiever so i'm i'm observing that

00:26:05.980 the thing i'm not particularly good at i'm like not doing too much of it is really um cathartic

00:26:12.120 and relaxing and i've written a little bit about this but the watercolor you really have to let go

00:26:19.420 like you really change you know you really have to you're you're choosing there's there's not too

00:26:25.080 much control especially when it comes to watercolor as opposed to other um art media

00:26:30.680 mediums mediums mediums and so watercolor is not sticking too much even though it probably 0.53

00:26:38.220 would be really good for me given how fucking high strong i am yeah it really would you really 0.58

00:26:42.520 would and i'm learning french did i tell you this no you didn't tell me this this is new this is 0.69

00:26:48.820 new for the new year yeah so i'm i would like to learn french i know how are you doing duolingo

00:26:54.040 i'm doing babble so i paid money for babble and i'm i'm interested perhaps later in the spring or

00:27:00.220 summer um in some sort of like asynchronous i would pay for an asynchronous online class

00:27:05.880 perhaps i would do that i'll learn french with you i would love that and then we of course need

00:27:11.620 to go to paris well then or leon or there's lots of other french-speaking places we could go to

00:27:17.440 um all right yeah i'll learn so should i get babble i'll get babble yeah babble's pretty good

00:27:22.040 okay all right how often are you doing it i'm doing it every day and it's like 10 to 15 minutes

00:27:26.880 max because that's what i would used to do with duolingo with italian but um i'll do french too

00:27:31.980 because I actually, Italian, I'm at a point,

00:27:34.920 I would love to be fluent,

00:27:35.800 but that's not going to happen right now.

00:27:37.220 But I'm at a point where I can speak Italian in Italy

00:27:39.700 and I don't understand any French when I'm in Paris

00:27:42.980 and I would really like to just be proficient.

00:27:46.880 Yep.

00:27:47.740 Yep.

00:27:48.440 Yep.

00:27:49.440 Especially with the world going to hell in a handbasket.

00:27:52.580 I'm like, are we going to live in Europe?

00:27:54.400 Are we going to flee?

00:27:56.020 Are we going to live on the moon?

00:27:57.280 I don't know.

00:27:58.320 Nowhere safe.

00:27:58.860 We can't go to Greenland now.

00:28:00.180 No.

00:28:01.980 yeah um okay all right so i'm gonna i have to download babble i'm gonna work on that

00:28:07.820 love it um so i will tell you my update none i've done no hobby work no hobby work because

00:28:13.540 well it is no it's january what it's early january so this makes sense but i said i was

00:28:18.660 gonna do it in december and i didn't do it because december ate my face off it's funny

00:28:23.600 because i'm trying to think about why i'm choosing the hobbies that i'm choosing

00:28:29.420 One that's on my list is horseback riding.

00:28:31.720 Did I tell you about this yet?

00:28:33.440 No, but then just come to the ranch with me this summer.

00:28:36.540 Yeah, well, yes, I would love that.

00:28:38.600 So when we were in Montana last summer, we went on a horseback trail.

00:28:43.720 It was really low-key, and I loved it.

00:28:47.280 I just thought it was phenomenal.

00:28:49.220 It was so lovely.

00:28:50.760 I felt a real connection to the horse, and it was just crazy.

00:28:55.340 Yeah, you know, and you're with the reins and the 14th.

00:28:58.080 I literally just wrote a scene about human connection with horses in my new Dude Ranch Murder Mystery this morning.

00:29:05.180 I love that.

00:29:06.180 I mean, at first, like, the horse was sassy, and then we became one.

00:29:09.700 It was incredible.

00:29:10.780 It's a thing.

00:29:11.560 It's a thing.

00:29:11.920 I'll send you the article that I wrote years ago, 15 years ago, about therapy mustangs.

00:29:19.000 This is a ranch of, like, mustangs that help people calm their nervous disorders.

00:29:25.020 I believe that.

00:29:25.720 I do.

00:29:26.500 Yeah.

00:29:26.660 So that's on the horizon for me.

00:29:29.220 But I think, honestly, when you're considering what hobbies you might want to pursue, think back to childhood.

00:29:34.400 Think back to things you enjoyed in childhood.

00:29:37.040 You and I had similar childhoods where we didn't have too much card playing or, like, family game nights and stuff.

00:29:44.100 So think back to things you enjoyed.

00:29:47.200 And, like, I remember, like, dancing in my, you know, all, like, 11-year-olds, like, dance in their bedroom.

00:29:52.280 But, like, I always dreamed about, like, being a dancer or something.

00:29:57.220 And I'm like, you know, maybe I'll take a dancing class at some point.

00:29:59.980 Like, that sounds phenomenal.

00:30:00.720 That sounds phenomenal.

00:30:01.540 Why not?

00:30:02.260 Why not?

00:30:03.080 Why not?

00:30:03.700 Yeah, exactly.

00:30:04.700 I love that for you.

00:30:06.800 All right.

00:30:07.020 I think French is a good step for me.

00:30:08.440 I'm still going to learn mahjong because mom is actually taking a mahjong class in her

00:30:11.480 building.

00:30:12.040 You can talk to her about it tomorrow if you want.

00:30:14.060 So I'll take a mahjong class.

00:30:16.900 We played a ton of games at the cabin.

00:30:19.300 We played a ton of Monopoly.

00:30:20.320 um like i said i'm now clearly becoming a cozy gamer which love it which feels like a hobby

00:30:26.120 because i'm not i'm not i can't ever try to monetize my cozy gaming playing oregon trail

00:30:32.060 or there's a there's a switch game called um little bookshop where you literally just run

00:30:37.880 a bookshop that looks exactly like my book trailer amazing how is that going it's great

00:30:42.720 it's great we um you know bookcase.books we um we got i saw the trailer i spent time with the

00:30:50.040 trailer, but we were snowed in in the Catskills for most of the time. And so we did book pop-ups,

00:30:55.800 but without the trailer. And we did one at Scribner's, the great hotel that I love up there.

00:31:00.680 We're doing another one next weekend at Van Dusen's, our bar slash grocery store. We have

00:31:05.480 one coming up here in Philly with Love City Brewing. I mean, honestly, the bookstore kind

00:31:09.740 of is a hobby because it's never going to make real money. I love that. I think I can just say

00:31:14.820 the bookstore is a hobby like i'm a hobby hobby bookstore owner hobby book trailer owner i get

00:31:21.380 great joy from decorating it and from thinking about how to how to decorate it i love this

00:31:25.960 and from ordering books and figuring out what to stock and recommend that goes to the all that goes

00:31:31.800 to the intrinsic motivation right like you you would do it even if you didn't make money or if

00:31:36.340 you didn't have to i don't think it's right i don't think it's i mean nick handles the finances

00:31:40.320 for the bookcase and i don't think it's doing i mean i give a lot of books away to be honest

00:31:46.520 so yeah i mean i think it's gonna be a fun little break even endeavor but i love it i love it and

00:31:53.040 it's so much fun um so all right cool cool i love i love that we're like that we're back on track

00:31:58.840 for our adventure year for our hobbies um and i'm gonna see you tomorrow night i'm real real

00:32:04.500 excited excited really excited wait to hug you yeah because joy part of joy is more time with

00:32:08.740 friends this year. Yes, relationships. More in-person relationships. Exactly. Well, I love you and I'll see you soon.

00:32:38.740 I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said.

00:32:52.500 Rebecca's stomach flipped.

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Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - January 08, 2026

More Joy in January

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