Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Pregnancy in the Age of Social Media

00:00:00.000 Hey y'all, Jo here, and you are listening to Under the Influence.

00:00:10.360 I recently did an episode of Birth with Baby List that I actually think makes a lot of

00:00:14.220 sense to share with the Under the Influence audience.

00:00:16.600 Social media has changed pregnancy in such a massive way since I first started having

00:00:20.800 my babies.

00:00:22.260 Between picture-perfect bumps, effortless births, and endless advice, it is so easy

00:00:26.880 to feel like you're not measuring up.

00:00:28.780 In fact, I started this podcast because I felt like I wasn't measuring up when I had my second

00:00:33.240 baby. Bea Astor is the entire reason that 395 episodes of Under the Influence exist.

00:00:40.560 Because she didn't sleep at night, all I did was scroll Instagram at night while I rocked her and

00:00:45.560 rocked her in that lovely glider that I'm so upset that we got rid of. I loved that thing.

00:00:50.620 Anywho, because I was being served all these picture-perfect images and because they were

00:00:55.040 making me feel so much shame and guilt. And just like I was failing all the time, that was the

00:01:01.980 reason that I started this reporting. That was the reason that I started Under the Influence

00:01:05.360 in the first place. And I still remember, I still remember calling up my producers at iHeartMedia

00:01:11.460 and trying to explain this idea. And they're both dudes, right? So they're like, oh, we don't get it.

00:01:18.260 And look where we are now, my friends. Look where we are now. In this episode, we are talking with

00:01:24.600 longtime friend of the show, journalist for Tessa Latifi, author of Like, Follow, Subscribe,

00:01:29.400 and Ayla Woodruff, an influencer and mom with millions of followers. We're chatting about all

00:01:34.220 the realities of sharing your pregnancy and motherhood online, from deciding what you

00:01:38.420 actually want to share in your feed to protecting your mental health. This is a good one. And if

00:01:43.940 you love it, you can follow Birth with BabyList wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:47.560 welcome to birth with baby list i'm your host joe piazza living in the age of social media

00:01:59.100 can be confusing and exhausting but being pregnant in the age of social media that is a whole other

00:02:05.720 story it's a lot from feeling shame and guilt when you look at other women's seemingly picture

00:02:11.280 your perfect lives, to being sold something every five minutes as you scroll Instagram

00:02:16.620 or TikTok. And the trickiest part is, it's changing every single day. I've been covering

00:02:23.120 social media, in particular the world of mom influencers, for about six years now. And

00:02:29.280 I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly from the inside. Today we're having a candid

00:02:34.100 conversation with experts and influencers who have been through this themselves. Actually,

00:02:39.320 both of our guests today are currently going through it right now.

00:02:43.740 We're going to talk about what feels normal, what's misleading,

00:02:46.660 and what's really going on behind the scenes of those accounts.

00:02:49.760 My first guest is the journalist for Tessa Latifi.

00:02:53.160 She's been covering the influencer world for the past five years.

00:02:56.260 She's also currently pregnant with her second child.

00:02:58.940 And she's the author of Like, Follow, Subscribe,

00:03:02.340 Influencer Kids, and the Cost of a Childhood Online.

00:03:08.920 Hi, Fortessa. Hi. You are my go-to expert, my go-to journalist. When I want information about what's happening in the world of social media and particularly mom influencers, I think it's really hard to be pregnant right now. You are pregnant right now as an expert in this.

00:03:31.240 Yes. Do you think that it's harder than ever to be a pregnant person in the age of social media?

00:03:37.940 I think so, because we're just bombarded with these perfect images of these glowing women who have like seven toddlers running around them and they have this beautiful, perfect belly and they like feel better than they've ever felt when they're pregnant.

00:03:53.100 And I at least for me, like I am not a person who enjoys pregnancy.

00:03:56.540 I am incredibly bad at being pregnant.

00:03:59.240 And so when I see this content, I'm just like it makes me feel really badly.

00:04:03.580 I actually think that it's very important for people to be able to admit that they might not feel amazing during pregnancy.

00:04:13.160 You might. You absolutely might.

00:04:14.800 I am also a person who did not really enjoy pregnancy.

00:04:18.060 And then my best friend loved it so much. 0.91

00:04:20.840 She would be pregnant all the time.

00:04:23.320 How much of this do you think is performative and how much of it is reality? 0.87

00:04:28.980 I mean, it's difficult to say, but I think it's all in service of the brand, right?

00:04:32.800 Like the brand of these mom influencers is perfection.

00:04:36.920 And if it's imperfection, then it's kind of that perfect kind of imperfection where you're like, oh, but she's still so beautiful and still so real.

00:04:45.000 We also don't see the behind the scenes. 0.99

00:04:47.980 A lot of these women on social media make it look so easy, right? 1.00

00:04:53.240 As if they can very easily juggle all the things. 0.97

00:04:56.400 Whereas if you're just a regular pregnant woman, you're like, no, I'm tired all of the time. 1.00

00:05:01.820 I don't want to cook dinner, especially not from scratch. 1.00

00:05:05.060 I don't want to clean the house.

00:05:06.360 I can't put away the laundry.

00:05:08.260 What are we not seeing behind the scenes in a lot of these influencers' lives?

00:05:12.580 We're not seeing the scaffolding of all of the help they have, right?

00:05:16.700 Yes, we are not seeing their nannies who are conveniently always out of frame.

00:05:22.020 We are not seeing their house cleaners.

00:05:24.020 We are not seeing their videographers and editors and house managers and assistants.

00:05:30.100 And you also haven't had the easiest pregnancies. So does that make it a little bit harder to watch these women perform, you know, what a so-called normal pregnancy would look like? 0.95

00:05:43.520 Totally. So in both of my pregnancies, I have had hyperemesis gravidarum, which if you've heard of it, you've probably heard of it because Princess Kate had it with her three pregnancies. 0.70

00:05:52.840 That is the only reason I've heard about it.

00:05:55.020 I know.

00:05:55.460 That's what everyone says.

00:05:56.600 But it basically means that I throw up every single day, all day, like five or six times

00:06:01.780 a day, every time I drink, every time I eat.

00:06:04.800 I'm tired.

00:06:05.860 I'm losing weight.

00:06:06.740 I'm exhausted.

00:06:07.540 I'm depressed.

00:06:08.300 And when I go online and I see these women who are like, you know, look so beautiful

00:06:14.720 and they're glowing and they're having these really seemingly very simple and not medically

00:06:20.580 complex pregnancies at all, you do kind of have this feeling where you're like, well, what did I

00:06:25.240 do wrong that this is so hard for me? Like there is a level of shame involved. So how do you protect

00:06:32.060 your mental health? And is it easier the second time around to do it? Because you kind of know

00:06:37.020 how to put the guardrails up. I think it's easier the second time because I know so much more about

00:06:42.540 this industry now and I know that this is their job to create this kind of content. And so I do

00:06:48.420 think it is easier this time, but it still gets you, you know, like I see those pictures and I'm

00:06:53.080 just like, why can't I have like even one day of feeling like that? Yeah, no, totally. You know,

00:06:59.920 the postpartum photos were more difficult for me than the pregnancy photos of mom influencers,

00:07:05.980 because I think I so desperately wanted to have like a quote, perfect birth. And I wanted to have

00:07:12.920 that perfect postpartum period. I wanted to have golden hour or whatever it is. And I would see

00:07:19.560 these photos of these mom influencers and they would have their hair perfectly done and their 0.59

00:07:23.960 makeup was perfectly done. And of course they had a vaginal birth and a lot of them didn't even have 0.96

00:07:29.240 an epidural. And, you know, there was this kind of sense of superiority about that. And then I ended

00:07:35.680 up having a crash c-section and i had to be put under for the c-section and so when i woke up i

00:07:44.120 was totally loopy from anesthesia and it had been like you know a couple of hours and they brought

00:07:50.180 my daughter into me and i just had no clue what was going on and like those photos are not something

00:07:55.040 that i like to look back on because they're i just look so confused and like it was nothing like

00:08:01.420 the mom influencers had kind of promised me it would be like. And so for me, I think those

00:08:07.100 photos were even more difficult to face than the pregnancy photos. Yeah, I can see that because

00:08:16.000 you're in such a vulnerable time postpartum. Your hormones are surging. You're exhausted.

00:08:22.540 And we've kind of been told that there's a certain way you should be. You should be glowing. You

00:08:28.040 should be the happiest and most in love you've ever been in your entire life and also your your

00:08:32.740 body shouldn't feel like it was hit by a dump truck the truth is most of us feel like our

00:08:37.240 bodies were just hit by a dump truck there is a still a small part of me that hopes that like

00:08:42.720 i'll have those really sweet photos with this second child and whatever but like you know if

00:08:49.100 i don't like it doesn't it doesn't i mean i'm still in love with my daughter we are best friends

00:08:54.300 and we have a great relationship like just because we don't have those photos doesn't mean anything

00:08:58.240 who's to say what the perfect postpartum photo is no totally totally totally so what advice would

00:09:06.320 you give first-time mothers who are going into this to maybe protect themselves a little bit

00:09:12.900 is it limiting screen time is it trying to adjust your algorithm which is absolutely possible right

00:09:18.960 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think the one thing that has really helped me is choosing the kinds of media that I do consume. So like, I will look on Reddit where people are kind of more honest about their pregnancy experiences. I try to tell myself when I do see those perfect images that like this is a production, you know, this is not just like a moment that someone just like took out a camera and snapped it like this is an entire production.

00:09:45.480 And then it is helpful, like you said, to change your algorithm so that you're looking at people who are more honest about the experience of pregnancy, because there are people who are like saying, hey, this isn't always just like sunshine and rainbows.

00:09:59.440 Oh, there absolutely are. And later on in this episode, we are going to talk to one of the most authentic mom influencers that I follow to hear about her experience with both of her pregnancies and putting that online.

00:10:12.560 One of the questions I get asked all the time is, how do I change my algorithm? And honestly, it's how you interact with the app. So if any content is making you feel uncomfortable or guilty or ashamed or feel less than, just mute it. And if you mute that, then the algorithm will indeed mute subsequent posts like that. They won't show you as many posts like that.

00:10:36.720 Also, if you really like something, then save it or share it.

00:10:41.420 I found that the more that I'm saving, the more that I'm getting the things that actually bring me joy on social media, which are honestly not mom influencers.

00:10:49.840 It is vintage shopping, crafting, otters holding hands.

00:10:55.660 Yeah.

00:10:57.080 And really cute men in Norway dancing around in fjords.

00:11:02.140 I mean, that's perfect.

00:11:03.840 It's perfect, right?

00:11:04.560 Oh, and also cheese plates.

00:11:05.760 cheese plates bring me a lot of joy i will say though you know i had this kind of interesting

00:11:10.400 experience like for a while i wasn't saying that i was pregnant online um in my second pregnancy i

00:11:16.920 didn't say it at all in my first pregnancy and part of that was because i'm having such a hard

00:11:21.660 time that it's like i cannot perform it for other people and then it got to the point where i was

00:11:26.880 throwing up so much that i had this terrible black eye and like you know how it is being an author

00:11:31.560 like you have to make content so i was like well i have to make content my book is coming up but i

00:11:35.580 look insane and then I was like okay I was talking to my family and I was like do you think I should

00:11:40.060 say that something else happened or what should I say my mom was like you just have to tell the

00:11:43.880 truth like you don't you don't want to lie and like say that the eye is from something else like

00:11:47.880 whatever so I was like okay fine so I made a video and I was like I have hyperemesis this is what I

00:11:53.080 look like I hate being pregnant and like there were really some great comments but there were also

00:11:58.180 like hundreds of just like brutal comments that were just like they were mostly pointed at my

00:12:04.260 husband like they were like this is his sperm's fault and like blah blah blah you're like yeah

00:12:09.320 which by the way like statistically and scientifically like hyperemesis is a genetic

00:12:15.000 thing with me like it doesn't have to do with his sperm it has to do with like my own sensitivities

00:12:19.880 to hormones produced in pregnancy but that's besides the point like they were just like

00:12:24.320 dragging him and like dragging me and i was like well this is why people aren't vulnerable about

00:12:29.540 like you know anything online but let alone like pregnancy i felt so angry and my husband was like

00:12:36.200 it's fine they're just like random instagram people like you don't have to like defend me

00:12:39.600 and i was like but that's not fair like you take care of me and you're like the best partner and

00:12:44.360 like i can't just have random people being like this is your husband's fault exactly exactly and

00:12:50.440 i think that is a big danger in the age of of social media and being pregnant because people

00:12:56.780 do feel like they can comment on your body they feel like they can comment on your pregnancy

00:13:00.700 and that does put you in a really vulnerable place and how do you protect yourself from that

00:13:05.960 you know i don't know because after i posted that video like there was like a sense of relief that

00:13:11.760 i was like okay i'm being honest about what i look like and what i feel like right now but then just

00:13:16.360 like all the the like cruel comments were just like so hard and i was like i and i just started

00:13:22.220 thinking, like, I really don't blame these mom influencers for presenting the best parts of their

00:13:27.280 lives if this is how people react when you're, like, the tiniest bit vulnerable. Well, yeah,

00:13:32.700 exactly. And so, I mean, I do think it's a double-edged sword. We have mom influencers who,

00:13:37.500 and I always think it's a lot easier to think about them as a brand, right? They're just like

00:13:41.860 a magazine or a media company that is trying to get you to watch their content, to share their

00:13:48.040 content and to buy things that they're selling you so of course this is a media production right

00:13:53.360 but then at the same time you have all of all of these insane commenters and and conversation 0.99

00:14:02.480 happening which is why i do think i i've talked to a lot of women who have muted comments during

00:14:09.800 pregnancy and that has made them feel better you can mute comments from anyone who's not a close

00:14:14.240 friend. Right. So that if any of your posts did go like, quote unquote, viral, strangers can't

00:14:20.320 comment on you. I think that that is really helpful. And then also I've I've recently been

00:14:25.220 using the brick to limit my screen time because we know that it's very addicting. Right. And the

00:14:30.600 brick is just that it's this little device. You can use it for your whole family and all their

00:14:34.580 devices. And it just mutes all of your social media apps until you go find it again. I love

00:14:40.740 the brick and I started out using it for like just a few hours a day and now I'm at the point

00:14:46.020 where I only have my phone unbricked for like three or four hours a day and I just don't look

00:14:51.280 and it is so nice it's so nice it frees it honestly frees up so much headspace and yeah

00:14:59.340 so just reminding ourselves that a this is a business for a lot of people that b it is hard

00:15:04.260 to be vulnerable and be real online because then you might get attacked so that is another reason

00:15:09.860 that a lot of these influencers aren't posting the harder parts of pregnancy.

00:15:14.760 Yeah. And I don't blame them. Like, I really felt so upset. And I'm like, I don't even have

00:15:19.980 the amount of influence or followers that they have. So I can't imagine what they get told,

00:15:25.240 you know? Well, we're going to find out in the second half of this episode.

00:15:29.660 Amazing. Thank you so much for being here for Kessa. I appreciate you so much.

00:15:33.920 Thank you for having me.

00:15:35.040 next up we have one of my favorite follows on social media 1.00

00:15:42.040 ayla woodruff is one of the og lifestyle influencers and since having her first baby

00:15:47.880 she's also been a mom influencer and frankly i've got to say i think that she is one of the most

00:15:53.240 authentic mom influencers out there these days her first baby is two and a half years old right now

00:15:59.060 and she was really candid about sharing that pregnancy and birth now she's expecting baby

00:16:04.140 number two with her fiancé. Ayla is a wonderfully open book when it comes to creating content,

00:16:09.000 but she's also really candid about how she consumes content as a pregnant person.

00:16:14.100 Let's take a really quick break, and then we'll get into our conversation with Ayla.

00:16:24.620 I'm so excited to bring you my chat with Ayla. Let's get into it.

00:16:28.380 Do you think social media has changed since your first pregnancy?

00:16:35.540 I would say it's always changing.

00:16:38.020 Complement.

00:16:39.320 Always.

00:16:40.300 I feel like it's a little bit harder.

00:16:45.080 It gets harder every year to kind of be more authentic because people have so much to say.

00:16:50.660 And I think that especially, you know, I feel like it's cancel culture is what they call it, is such a big issue in social media that people can just cancel you.

00:17:04.580 It can happen in like a day, in less than 24 hours, you know.

00:17:08.500 and it just takes someone it just takes like the right audience to jump on that post or jump on

00:17:15.200 whatever you did to kind of I don't know like tear you down so it's a little scarier I would say

00:17:24.020 I remember when I first started social media I never even I don't even know what I was posting

00:17:29.160 I was posting anything and everything like from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed

00:17:34.080 and I just I didn't even look at it I just was like oh this is my life this is what I'm doing

00:17:37.900 And I think that everyone appreciated that.

00:17:41.360 But as I got older, I'm a little, especially as a mom too, I'm a little more cautious of

00:17:46.700 some of the things that I show just because I also like to keep a bit of privacy.

00:17:51.580 It's, you know, it's my family.

00:17:52.740 I don't need everyone to know everything.

00:17:55.980 Right.

00:17:56.100 When you first found out that you were pregnant again, was your first instinct, okay, I want

00:18:01.100 to share this or I want to hold this a little bit closer for a while?

00:18:06.000 I would say a little bit of both.

00:18:07.500 I get so excited to share things.

00:18:09.880 I feel like I'm kind of an over-sharer.

00:18:12.920 Same.

00:18:13.380 Same girl.

00:18:13.940 So I really wanted to tell everybody immediately.

00:18:17.520 But me and my fiance, we always make a rule, no matter what, that we have to wait till

00:18:23.220 we hit that, I think it's like 13 or 14 week safe zone before we share with anybody, just

00:18:30.700 because so much can go wrong.

00:18:32.260 And I don't know if I'm ready to talk about that yet.

00:18:35.980 if something did go wrong so we always wait till we're in the safe zone before we let like i guess

00:18:42.460 our viewers know but our close friends and family we let we let them know pretty soon pretty quickly

00:18:48.880 yeah i am also an overshare and i remember you know all of those rules you're not supposed to

00:18:54.940 tell anyone until like x week and so i would just tell strangers i would i would tell the

00:19:00.380 joker drivers or like the checkout course at trader joe's because i just wait that's actually

00:19:06.300 great because you could still get it out that you're pregnant yeah i love that

00:19:10.220 just like i would only tell people that i knew i wasn't going to see again

00:19:14.300 i love that so what is you i mean you share so much and you're so open and authentic and honest

00:19:23.740 online do you get any kind of invasive or strange comments from your audience uh particularly when

00:19:31.380 you're pregnant i think if you are social media influencer there's just you're bound to get

00:19:38.860 comments that don't sit right with you whether it's people thinking that they know you and they

00:19:45.360 know what's best for you and your children versus like maybe what you're doing um or people who think

00:19:53.020 they like have you and your relationship figured out or maybe they feel that you're doing the wrong

00:20:01.900 like I don't know you know if you're like sleep training or if you're feeding your

00:20:06.640 your toddler something or you're giving them sugars or there's gonna be people out there

00:20:10.860 that like you shouldn't give your child any sugar or anything until one year or at least past one

00:20:18.160 or past two where you should breastfeed a full year you shouldn't give up and all these things

00:20:21.960 And I think that I like to take all my comments with a grain of salt.

00:20:26.400 I appreciate people coming in and giving me constructive criticism.

00:20:30.800 But again, I know who I am.

00:20:32.940 I know who my son is.

00:20:33.940 I know who my fiance is.

00:20:35.040 And I like to make sure that I stick to what feels best for me and my family and not what

00:20:41.140 everyone else thinks I should do.

00:20:44.120 Yeah.

00:20:44.600 And I think that that's great advice for women who aren't necessarily influencers either 0.97

00:20:50.780 on social media.

00:20:51.960 everyone is going to be coming at you with their thoughts and their feelings and their

00:20:56.500 recommendations. And it's really important to take everything with a grain of salt because I think

00:21:01.920 that exactly what you said is so right. You know your body best, you know your baby best and your

00:21:07.440 family best. And, you know, constructive comments are great, but it's also, you know, you have to

00:21:16.680 decide what's best for you. I think that a lot of people, when you're kind of going through something

00:21:21.840 personally you project that emotions and attitudes on other people and maybe you don't really mean

00:21:28.480 it you're just kind of going through something yourself so I always look at people who are kind

00:21:32.960 of saying mean comments as not like getting mad at them but just you know hoping that they're okay

00:21:41.620 because there's times that I know that some people are just struggling too and they just kind of want

00:21:46.480 someone else to feel that struggle. Yeah, yeah, exactly. How do you and your fiancé navigate

00:21:52.580 what gets shared and what doesn't? Like, are you guys always aligned or do you ever disagree?

00:21:59.180 I feel like we're always aligned. You know, there's been some times when he's debated

00:22:04.140 showing our son's face. Like, earlier on, he was like, I don't know if I want to do that.

00:22:11.500 Just because there's always people out there that, you know, like, are weirdos and you're unsure about, like, sharing your children's face, especially if they're going to go out into public and go to school.

00:22:25.800 But we were, like, even if we weren't social media influencers, we would be showing him all the time, like, to just—we love him so much.

00:22:37.100 Like, he's a part of our life.

00:22:38.340 and um and he even lets us know now like if we pull out our phone we start filming something

00:22:44.200 he's like no mama and I'm like oh okay like he doesn't he knows if he doesn't want something

00:22:48.500 filmed or he doesn't want to take a picture and I don't force him at all I mean I you don't want

00:22:53.960 to be in something that's fine and I hope that when he gets older he feels that he has he can

00:22:58.800 navigate this world to how he likes if he wants to be in it or out completely up to him yeah I

00:23:05.300 I think that that's a question a lot of parents have, right?

00:23:08.240 Like, do I want to show my kids?

00:23:09.780 And if I want to show them, how do I want to show them?

00:23:13.040 It is something that is so incredibly personal, too, to the family and to the kid.

00:23:19.900 I still show my kids sometimes, less on my grid and more in stories.

00:23:26.220 And I ask myself before I post every time, would I show this picture, this particular picture, to the creepiest person in Starbucks?

00:23:35.300 good good thing to ask and if i wouldn't then i'm like don't post that and that's been a helpful

00:23:41.900 guideline for me but i do think it's something that everyone has to come to on their own it is

00:23:47.020 hard sometimes like there's times i mean he's a boy like sometimes he's just wearing shorts you

00:23:52.160 know because he's outside in the sun and him and his dad are just outside in their shorts t-shirt

00:23:57.120 off and sometimes i think about him like do i want to post that like he's just you know in his

00:24:04.540 bathing suit and stuff like that so it is such a hard it's so hard to navigate because in general

00:24:09.700 if I wasn't thinking I'd be yeah sure whatever he's he's out there with his dad he's in the pool

00:24:14.640 like let's just I want to showcase it to my friends and family but you do have to think about

00:24:19.140 those other people and I I think there's no right or wrong answer in navigating that world it's

00:24:24.880 whatever you feel comfortable with um and I really dislike the people that kind of harp on the mothers

00:24:31.720 who don't show their kids faces it's like that's completely their right to hide their children's

00:24:36.320 faces and i i'm stand by that it's totally their choice i mean again like like we were saying

00:24:41.640 earlier like every family is different every person is different so yeah but i think i think

00:24:47.500 it's a hard hard thing to navigate i really do yeah do you think that social media has changed

00:24:55.240 the way that we expect pregnancy to look either either in good ways or bad ways I feel like um

00:25:04.240 I actually feel like in the beginning I only saw pregnancy as

00:25:10.300 like a lot of moms didn't talk about certain things I felt that it kind of looked like everyone

00:25:18.960 was going through this wonderful time being a mother it's just like taking photos in the hospital

00:25:26.360 after giving birth and just like coming home and loving your children so much and just having this

00:25:31.740 like abundance of joy and happiness and I think it was a little like misleading like back in the

00:25:38.320 day I feel as though now I'm really appreciative of all the mothers who have been opening up and

00:25:44.980 coming out about like it wasn't that great for me. I had a really bad birth story or I looked

00:25:52.680 horrible and didn't want to take photos in the hospital or I didn't feel a connection with my

00:25:59.720 child when my child was born. And it's really I think that, you know, I'm glad that people feel

00:26:05.960 that comfort to be able to explain that it's not all rainbows and butterflies. And everyone who's

00:26:13.160 a mother knows there's so many ups and downs I think some some women obviously you know depending

00:26:19.140 on your child's personality get maybe lucky that their child is a little calmer and like they had

00:26:25.760 a wonderful birth story they just push that baby out but you know for most mothers I think there's

00:26:31.860 a lot that we get scared to be open about because we're not sure if other people are going to accept

00:26:37.880 that because maybe it's not considered the norm or I guess a motherly feeling or I don't know how

00:26:45.520 to explain it in a correct way but I'm I'm very happy with how media is changing into being more

00:26:51.540 honest yeah no I I agree and I I mean it's it's changed so much from the first time that I had

00:26:58.460 my first baby which was yeah almost nine years ago and I remember being terrified to admit you

00:27:07.660 know that i had a hard pregnancy that i didn't like being pregnant but i didn't actually really

00:27:12.960 love the newborn phase that much and i'm obsessed with my kid right but i do think social media

00:27:19.880 has made it a little bit easier to share different kinds of experiences which i really like i i had a

00:27:28.320 pretty difficult transition from giving birth to coming home with the baby um you know my whole

00:27:36.720 life like ever since I was younger I everyone was like Ayla is meant to be a mom I felt like I was

00:27:43.120 meant to be a mom that's all I wanted in my life if anyone was like what could you what could your

00:27:48.100 biggest accomplishment be in life when you get older I'm like becoming a mom like that's what I

00:27:51.780 want and I got pregnant it was you know I had a few ups and downs in my pregnancy but for the most

00:27:58.780 part especially second trimester it was good third trimester was good until I had to be induced

00:28:06.420 early and then I wound up having a pretty traumatic birth and this could be a reason of

00:28:14.200 why I felt this way but when I gave birth to my son I did not feel connected to him like when they

00:28:21.160 put him in my arms and I remember the telling the doctor I was like please take him off me

00:28:27.160 and give him to his father like I can't like I was really depleted at that point I couldn't

00:28:32.520 physically I felt like I was going to drop him I was like I can't even hold him right now I just

00:28:35.460 need a couple like hours to like regain like my brain. I would say for the first week I kept

00:28:44.380 wondering like where is this feeling that all mothers talk about where you're just like

00:28:48.960 this wave of love comes over you and you're just obsessed with your baby and you know you've never

00:28:55.880 felt this feeling before. I'm like why am I not feeling this? I knew I cared about this baby

00:29:01.300 and I like I loved him but I didn't feel that overwhelming love and I was kind of scared to

00:29:09.500 talk about it because I was like is something wrong with me and it just took it took I would

00:29:15.860 say like a week maybe a week and a half and then it hit me out of nowhere and I think that maybe 1.00

00:29:21.220 it has to do with my traumatic birth or maybe it has to do with you know you just some women they

00:29:26.680 just don't get like you have to build it up you have to get to know your child and get to know

00:29:32.280 that this baby needs you and grow that attachment and so and now I'm like scary over obsessed with

00:29:40.400 like I it genuinely like hurts my heart to think about how much I love my son it's it's really

00:29:46.880 scary um and to think that I didn't even feel that in the beginning was it's kind of crazy to know

00:29:51.980 but it makes it easier for me knowing especially with this baby like if I don't feel something

00:29:56.580 right away that's okay like it will come and it will come strong yeah yeah exactly when you shared

00:30:04.640 that what was the response like I don't know if I shared it I think I might have shared it maybe

00:30:11.680 like I think my I don't even know if I looked at the responses because sometimes I just post things

00:30:19.020 and I just move on with my day you know we just let it go me yeah and for me if I always look at

00:30:25.560 my responses i get in my head and so sometimes i like to just put it out there and then everyone

00:30:30.620 take it as you please so i don't really know i'm assuming that there's probably some others who

00:30:35.320 really appreciated it i'm assuming there's probably ones that had questions and were like

00:30:39.240 what do you think the reason was but um i also don't really care like how people perceived it

00:30:47.740 that's just my story and i just wanted to be open about it yeah and and i love that and i think it

00:30:53.920 is just so important because i am sure that so many women were like okay raise this hand i see

00:31:00.540 myself in this yeah absolutely yeah yeah because it's a scary feeling at first you know if you

00:31:06.700 don't feel that connection you're like am i something wrong with me like do i not am i did

00:31:12.040 i not get the mother gene that people talk about and then totally you know totally but it happens

00:31:16.920 just takes time time and i think what's really important to remember is how exhausted you are

00:31:23.700 And not just from that labor, but from 10 months of carrying this child.

00:31:29.280 And then, you know, sometimes as much as 24, 36 hours of labor.

00:31:34.860 Yeah, you're just you're done.

00:31:36.720 Like you need a break.

00:31:37.900 Right.

00:31:38.820 Yeah, I needed a break.

00:31:40.540 Do you have plans for what you want to share about the birth this time?

00:31:45.560 I plan on sharing everything that happens.

00:31:48.460 um I'm not really someone who is going to probably share like within that moment what's happening

00:31:54.880 because I also need time to process things that go on so I usually take a day or maybe a couple

00:32:01.880 days to kind of just process what I had gone through before I share it but again I plan on

00:32:07.220 holding nothing back you know I really want people to know how it's gone and this this time I plan on

00:32:12.920 doing it differently if everything goes right. I had an emergency C-section with Coast, and I plan

00:32:19.000 on doing a VBAC with this one. So two different types of births, and I'm hoping that I'm able to

00:32:25.880 have a successful VBAC with this boy. And hopefully I'll have a good story to talk about,

00:32:31.620 but whatever story comes, I will share. That is the story. That is the story you will share.

00:32:36.220 Do you think that we're creating unrealistic standards for what pregnancy should feel like or should look like?

00:32:45.200 Or do you think that we're finally getting more to the truth of the matter?

00:32:49.920 I think we're finally getting more to the truth.

00:32:52.020 And I think that there are going to be women out there that really do have a perfect pregnancy.

00:32:56.740 And I think instead of getting mad at those women being like, that's an unrealistic standard.

00:33:01.000 It's like we have to accept all types of pregnancies, the perfect ones and the unperfect ones.

00:33:06.420 So I think that we are getting to a point where a lot of women are being, like I said, very opened and vulnerable with their stories.

00:33:13.220 And I think it's really, really comforting to know that that's out there.

00:33:17.980 And then there are also the women who are still being vulnerable, but it's all positive and it all looks great.

00:33:26.140 And that's OK, too.

00:33:28.020 Not everyone has to struggle.

00:33:29.620 You do know what I mean?

00:33:30.440 I think as humans, we're searching for others to kind of struggle with us. And so when someone's not, they must be not doing it right or they must not be authentic. And it's like we have to accept everybody if that's what we're going for.

00:33:48.100 Yeah. And I think we also have to remember that everyone struggles in different ways. You may see someone and be like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, you you do look like you you have that like perfect baby bump and like you have it all together. And maybe they're struggling with something that you cannot see.

00:34:04.980 exactly 100 there's times when i'm literally take a picture and i maybe i look great in this

00:34:12.280 outfit or like i love my bump looks cute or whatever but that morning i was cramping and i'm

00:34:17.440 you know feeling just i don't know like not myself like i'm swollen in my face and my toddler

00:34:25.320 just is begging me to run around with his on his bike with him and i have no energy and so there's

00:34:30.660 just you know there's things going on behind the scenes people don't know exactly exactly and it

00:34:34.760 changes minute by minute i just hope that every mother just takes every day like as its own just

00:34:42.740 try not to overthink things yeah i love it i love it thank you so much for being here with us i just

00:34:48.860 i loved our talk oh yeah i did too thank you so much for having me on i appreciate it that's all

00:34:55.600 we have for today i love all of this advice so much and i wish that i'd had it when i was pregnant

00:35:00.920 I found both these interviews so empowering

00:35:02.480 because ultimately you have so much agency here.

00:35:05.780 You get to decide what you consume

00:35:07.560 and how you consume it.

00:35:09.600 You also get to decide what you want to post

00:35:11.400 and who gets to see it.

00:35:13.300 As always, if you have any questions

00:35:14.660 or stories you want to share with us,

00:35:16.200 you can DM us on Instagram or TikTok at BabyList.

00:35:20.180 Thanks so much for being here today.

00:35:21.780 You've got this.

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - May 14, 2026

Pregnancy in the Age of Social Media

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