Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - July 28, 2024


Sunday Nice Things： Good Advice

Topics
burnt out household dilemma adapt to changes
The Ballerina Farm Master Plan Redefining Ambition and Success with Liz Tenety of Motherly

Episode Stats


Length

20 minutes

Words per minute

156.44

Word count

3,137

Sentence count

348

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
00:00:00.000 Happy Sunday! Hi! How is everyone doing today? How was your week? How are you right now? How
00:00:13.620 are things going? I feel good. I feel good. I feel overwhelmed. I feel burnt out. We here
00:00:21.560 here in the here in the Piazza Astor household, we are having a bit of a childcare dilemma.
00:00:28.160 So it looks like it is just going to be Nick Astor and I on our own for the next three weeks.
00:00:37.000 We have some help from my mom, but we're going to wing this.
00:00:42.440 We're going to wing this, and I'm going to finish a book by August 20th.
00:00:48.840 I'm going to get that done, and we're all going to be fine.
00:00:53.080 We're going to be fine because we can do hard things, friends.
00:00:57.580 to quote the brilliant Glennon Doyle. Today's Sunday Nice Things is slightly different than
00:01:04.860 usual. I don't have another podcast for you because, frankly, I've been too lazy to get one.
00:01:13.380 That's the truth. It really is. But I have been working on something that I'm just going to
00:01:18.700 workshop here because I'm about to turn 44. It's coming up. It's coming up in September.
00:01:26.420 Yes, I'm a Virgo. I'm such a classic Virgo. I really am. And in honor of my birthday,
00:01:32.980 I'm working on a newsletter, 44 things that I've learned in 44 years. I have a lot of them. I did
00:01:42.680 this last year and it was very successful. It did great. I did 43 things that I've learned in 43
00:01:49.080 years. It's wisdom from a lot of fumbling and failing and making a lot of bad decisions,
00:01:56.820 most of which were totally awesome. So now as I approach my my list for for my 44th birthday,
00:02:04.540 I thought I might go back and revisit those 43 things, mostly, mostly to make sure that I'm not
00:02:13.680 repeating them. And also, also just, just to chat, chat about them. I want to hear what kinds of
00:02:19.800 wisdom you've gained in your years on this planet. I also think that it's nice to read our own advice
00:02:27.300 from, from ourself. We, we know ourselves pretty well, even when we think that we don't. And I'm
00:02:35.120 a big believer, a really big believer, uh, more and more as, as I, I age like a fine cheese.
00:02:44.420 Uh, I'm a big believer in trusting our guts. We know things. We know what's best for us. We know
00:02:51.540 what's best for, for the people in our, in our, in our life, in our house, for our kids. And,
00:02:57.900 and I think that we need to trust that. I do. I do. So, okay. So I'm going to read these 43
00:03:04.760 things with a little bit of commentary. And what I'm hoping is that you all will shoot me some
00:03:11.680 notes, slide into my DMs, let me know your little pieces of wisdom as I sit here and reflect and
00:03:19.580 try to come up with 44 new ones. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Number one, no one is paying nearly as
00:03:27.000 much attention to you as you think they are. This is so true. It really is. And it has helped me 1.00
00:03:35.180 gain so much confidence over the years as I've realized it, as I've started to believe it.
00:03:42.180 No one is paying attention to you. You do you. You do your fucking thing. Okay. Okay.
00:03:48.600 Number two, chocolate and cheese are a food group. They just left them off the food pyramid
00:03:53.320 because they would make the other food groups jealous. Indeed. Indeed. In fact, I'm starving
00:03:59.120 right now, and I'm dying, dying for some gooey cheese. Don't work for assholes. If they're an 1.00
00:04:04.980 asshole in the interview, they'll be even worse when you start the job. Run the fuck away. 1.00
00:04:11.080 Similarly, don't date assholes. Mostly every man that I dated in my 20th. I actually had a dream 1.00
00:04:17.620 last night about the worst asshole that I dated in my twenties. And those dreams are so funny 0.99
00:04:23.340 because in them, you don't realize that the person is an asshole. And then you wake up and 1.00
00:04:29.920 you're like, oh my God, I really dodged a bullet there. I did. I did. Your spouse and partner
00:04:35.740 doesn't have to be your soulmate, best friend, knight in shining armor. So true. They are not
00:04:41.480 your everything. Go find, go find yourself a tennis partner. Go find yourself someone to
00:04:46.680 watch TV and movies with. Go find yourself someone to take walks and have long conversations with.
00:04:52.820 Your spouse can't do it all. They're not your everything. You already look amazing. Don't wait
00:04:58.340 10 years to believe it. I'm still working on this, to be honest. And I'm trying hard to love my body.
00:05:07.340 I mean, every day. Every day. Because it's changing. Because it looks different today
00:05:14.000 than it did six months ago. And that's hard. It's hard to watch. It is. So still trying. Maybe that
00:05:21.620 one comes back on the list, comes back on the list, just to remind myself. Okay, number seven.
00:05:27.900 Jobs and companies will not support you. People will. Be kind to the people you work with because
00:05:33.000 they will be around long after the company has been bought by nine other companies and laid you
00:05:38.580 are. Truth. Truth. The world is going to change 19 times today. 19 times. And you have to adapt.
00:05:47.980 Sorry. Sorry. You've got to pivot. I know it sucks, but you do. Make friends with people who have kids
00:05:56.660 the same age as your kids. Lifesaver. Freaking lifesaver. Also make friends who have no kids
00:06:03.200 because they're the best. And you know what's great? Not talking about your kids.
00:06:09.020 Glynnis and I are about to go on a road trip this week to Bethany Beach. Yes, we're going to
00:06:13.560 Delaware. Bethany Beach, Delaware. If you are anywhere in Delaware or within driving distance
00:06:18.620 of Delaware, please come see us. It's going to be a blast. There's going to be a lot of cheese there.
00:06:23.220 You know, cheese, which deserves its own food group. Come see us in Bethany Beach. But you know
00:06:29.240 what we're not going to talk about during our entire two and a half hour drive down there?
00:06:33.000 Kids, it's going to be great. Oh, I like this one. I like this one. Life is too short to finish bad
00:06:39.520 books, TV shows and movies. I DNF all the time. I DNF'd and that stands for, by the way, do not
00:06:46.880 finish. I did not finish three books last week because they sucked. Okay. I'm just going to say 0.97
00:06:53.580 it. I'm not going to say which ones they were because that's not fair or kind, but they sucked 0.99
00:06:58.780 and I didn't finish them, and my time is too valuable. It is. Next up, hold all the grudges.
00:07:06.720 Some people are dicks. I still don't like Julia Roberts. That's okay. Sorry, but you know, I gotta 1.00
00:07:13.960 say, if there is a Best Friends Wedding sequel, I may amend my rule to not watch Julia Roberts
00:07:22.200 It's movies. Because that's self-care, okay? Everyone who tells you that they wake up and
00:07:29.420 journal and meditate and drink green tea is just lying to you. They're dirty liars. Unless they 1.00
00:07:34.380 don't have kids, then maybe they do do that. But if they do, no one's doing that on a daily basis.
00:07:39.600 Dirty liars. I love this one. I love this next one. Be curious as hell about other people 0.97
00:07:46.380 because it is the only way to figure out how to exist in this crazy effing world.
00:07:52.200 if you have kids, move closer to family. It is the only game changer in your success as a woman, 1.00
00:08:01.600 except for being super fucking rich. It is. It is. I interviewed so many women with three kids 1.00
00:08:10.320 before I had my third baby and asked them, how do you do this? How do you do this thing? And most 0.97
00:08:17.180 of them said they moved closer to family. That's how you get it done. Okay, next up, make mistakes
00:08:25.380 and behave badly when you're young. Yeah, be fun, guys. This is for the younger ladies out there.
00:08:33.740 Have a good time because middle age is going to be a much easier ride if you feel like you haven't
00:08:39.080 missed out on anything. Oh, okay, number 17 is a doozy. Anything, anything that you have to drink
00:08:45.980 after midnight will haunt you in the next morning. Switch to water. You know what I'm going to do
00:08:52.000 for 44 things? I'm amending this to 10 p.m., maybe even 9 p.m. Do not drink wine or booze or anything
00:09:00.240 after 9 p.m. Maybe 8 p.m., okay? Okay. I value my sleep. I need to sleep. And I love a day drink,
00:09:07.120 but maybe, maybe just maybe 5 p.m. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Every time you start to open Instagram,
00:09:17.320 ask yourself what you could do for those 10 minutes that would make you happier than scrolling.
00:09:24.840 That's a good one. I like that one. I do. Okay. Okay. We are, I'm actually, we're halfway through.
00:09:32.580 We're halfway through. This is kind of fun. This is kind of fun. I'm so excited to hear all of your
00:09:36.160 advice. We're going to take a quick break here, and we will be right back with the second half of
00:09:41.660 the list. Here we go with the second half of my list of 43 pieces of advice that I learned in 43
00:09:56.860 years. These are fun. These are fun to read, and I hope that you're listening right now while doing
00:10:04.020 something fun. Take a walk, watch the Olympics, because we also know that we do not need to
00:10:10.660 listen to the Olympics. We can watch them while doing 15 other things, which is why I adore the
00:10:17.320 Olympics. I do. I do. Okay, here's a good one. Call your friends more often. Just cold call them.
00:10:25.480 They might not answer, but if they do answer, then you will have five to ten minutes of added joy
00:10:32.000 in your day, you're never going to regret a catch up with a friend. And if you're worried that you
00:10:37.040 don't have time, set a limit. Get on the phone and be like, hey, I've got a hot five minutes
00:10:41.320 and I just want to hear about your life right now. It's awesome. It is. I promise.
00:10:48.160 Buy yourself the engagement ring. I did this. I bought myself an engagement ring about two months
00:10:53.520 before I met Nick Astor because at 34, which seems like such a baby right now,
00:10:59.020 I thought no one else was going to buy me an engagement ring and I bought my own.
00:11:03.400 So for all of you ladies out there who are dating and want to get married or don't want to get 0.98
00:11:10.280 married, buy yourself a nice ring. Do it. You can also buy your spouse one. I also bought 0.99
00:11:15.380 Nick Astor an engagement ring because why not? Why should a man be the only one who buys someone
00:11:24.180 a piece of jewelry to identify them as taken. I decided to put my mark on him. It was like a dog,
00:11:31.340 you know, peeing, peeing on their territory. Like, here's the ring. Here's this ring. You're
00:11:36.060 engaged too, mister. Oh, this is good. Every time that bad shit happens to you, bad shit,
00:11:43.520 I mean, it happens all the time. Remind yourself that it's going to be a good story later. 1.00
00:11:47.340 everything is content everything is copy I was talking to someone the other day about traveling
00:11:54.440 to Sicily and she's from Sicily and she leads trips over there and she was saying that she
00:12:00.920 she tells people to let go of all of their expectations that traveling in Sicily will be
00:12:06.800 wonderful and beautiful and also hard and you will encounter things that that might not be
00:12:12.700 comfortable. But at the end of the day, it's real travel and you'll get such a good story out of it.
00:12:19.000 And no one ever got a good story by just staying at the all-inclusive Hilton and not leaving the
00:12:24.760 hotel. It's true. It is. Okay, this is a good one. Ask for help. Ask. You cannot do everything
00:12:33.400 on your own. Ask for all of the help. Ask for what you need. And my next one is ask for even
00:12:39.620 more help. Do it. Do it. Next up, the person you marry will be your glass ceiling. I am asked
00:12:47.640 almost every night at a book event for the Sicilian inheritance how I do what I do.
00:12:54.520 And I do it because I'm married to a supportive man who takes on an equal burden of child care
00:13:03.480 and planning. And that doesn't mean that our marriage is smooth sailing. We fight as much
00:13:08.560 as anyone fights. We bicker. We have the same roadblocks and problems, but we're working
00:13:14.300 towards equity, which I think is the best any of us can do, is work towards equity.
00:13:21.780 I want everyone to remember that your partner, be it a man or a woman or a puppy,
00:13:31.760 I say that as, you know, this is a reminder, you know, if you're really busy and you want
00:13:38.300 to travel, maybe don't get that dog. That's going to be on my list of 44. If you want to travel,
00:13:42.960 don't get that dog. Don't get that dog. I had the dog for so long. Couldn't go anywhere. Okay.
00:13:47.640 Anyway, the person that you choose to yoke your life to is going to be your glass ceiling friends.
00:13:53.680 They are. They are. Okay. This is a, this is a good one. You are the real influencer of your
00:14:00.120 life. Sure are. Make your own decisions, friends. Make your own decisions. Sleep is a requirement
00:14:08.280 People ask me all the time if I don't sleep and I actually sleep so much. I'm a person who needs
00:14:15.080 a shit ton of sleep. I usually sleep like nine hours a night because if I don't,
00:14:20.780 I'm a basket case dumpster fire of a human. This is, I forgot this one, this next one.
00:14:26.680 Get haircuts in foreign countries. It will either be amazing or terrible, but it will always be a 1.00
00:14:31.400 good story. Back to the good story thing. I once got bangs in Italy because I asked them for bangs
00:14:39.480 and they were like, fringe? And I was like, yeah, sure, fringe. I had these baby, baby bangs that
00:14:45.680 were halfway up my forehead. I looked like a freak three-year-old. And you know what? So fun to look
00:14:52.420 at those pictures. So fun. Never go on the all-you-can-drink four-hour boat ride. You're
00:14:59.080 going to want to get off that boat in two hours, and then you're stuck. You're stuck on a boat.
00:15:03.340 Same goes for all-you-can-eat sushi. Just say no. You don't need that much sushi. Pay a la carte.
00:15:10.340 I like this one. Be kind. It's going to get you further in your career than being competitive,
00:15:15.920 jealous, or mean. Be kind. Be the nice girl. You are the author of your own story. Don't ever
00:15:23.120 fucking forget it. I also want to say you're the main character of your own movie. 0.98
00:15:26.600 oh I like this one have sex before you go out on date night this one comes from my friend Casey 0.99
00:15:33.020 because you're going to be too tired too full of cheese and too tipsy to do it afterwards 0.98
00:15:37.640 so like I don't want to say get it out of the way but like get it did have the babysitter take the
00:15:43.300 kids out of the house do it and then go on your date also you'll feel like sexy and hot and like
00:15:48.880 be like oh yeah we just we just did that and now we're here sipping our martinis and eating our
00:15:53.900 cheese plate. Medication isn't a cop-out, it's a necessity. Guys, I love my Zoloft. I don't think
00:16:01.580 I could function without my Zoloft, and I'm just going to shout that from the rooftops.
00:16:05.780 Oh, I like this one too. Turning into our parents is not inevitable.
00:16:10.380 I am not my mother. I sure am not. Being a parent is hard and wonderful and infuriating and joyous
00:16:18.960 and heartbreaking and amazing. And all of these things can be true at once. Accepting apologies
00:16:25.060 is as important as giving them. Stretch. Just stretch. You're going to be happy. You're going
00:16:33.220 to be happy 10 minutes from now. You're going to be happy 10 years from now. Stretch your body.
00:16:39.380 Ooh, the 90s were the best decade for music and for karaoke songs. Never forget that. Never
00:16:44.920 for. Get it. Most of my karaoke anthems are from Sir Bon Jovi and also the Backstreet Boys.
00:16:55.400 I got no shame. No shame. The best conversation starter is what's the best thing you ate this
00:17:06.160 year. Try asking people that at a cocktail party, at a networking event. Go up, shake someone's hand,
00:17:12.860 and instead of being like, hey, I'm so-and-so, what do you do? Be like, hey, what's the best
00:17:19.840 thing you ate this year? The best thing that I ate this year was a squid ink linguine with lemon
00:17:27.780 garlic pan seared scallops that I had in Sicily while finishing up Sicilian inheritance last
00:17:34.440 summer. And it was amazing. Try it. You're going to make new friends and you're going to have a
00:17:41.920 better conversation. Because I don't really care what anyone does to make money anymore. I don't.
00:17:48.060 I just want to know what you ate. Okay, all right, we did it. That is that's the list. That's my
00:17:54.120 my 43 pieces of advice. When I turned 43. Reading that was actually really inspiring. I feel
00:18:01.920 prepared. I'm like, Oh, no, I've got more wisdom. I've got more more inside me. And I'm gonna amend
00:18:06.520 some of those things, too. I am. I am very ready for my my list of 44 things that I've learned by
00:18:14.020 age 44. This is going to be fun. Send me all of your advice, too. I want to hear it. And I'll be
00:18:20.760 putting this out on on the sub stack, the over the influence sub stack on September 12th on my
00:18:27.160 birthday and on September 13th. I'm going to the Weezer Flaming Lips concert. Yeah, I sure am.
00:18:33.160 That's my present from Nick Astor. He already blew the surprise because he can't keep a secret.
00:18:38.560 But as I said, 90s music, early 2000s music actually, is the best music. And yeah, we're
00:18:47.660 going to be wheezing it up, wheezing it up here in Philly, if anyone wants to join me. All right,
00:18:52.900 guys, happy Sunday. Go have a great day. I'm going to play mini golf with the kids,
00:18:58.220 which is going to be wonderful and also terrible. All the things.
00:19:03.160 Thank you.
00:19:33.160 Thank you.