00:01:24.640But I've recently seen some cracks in the movement.
00:01:27.060something in the culture is shifting and it's shifting for the better we all know that the
00:01:34.260entire trad wife movement has been built on a performance of nostalgia to drive profit but now
00:01:40.520that a lot of these brands are large enough the ambition underneath is starting to show
00:01:44.380i think that is a really good thing i think it's a really good thing for society for culture and
00:01:50.280for feminism i really wanted to talk about it today and i kept racking my brain for the best
00:01:55.220guest, the best expert to have on to talk about it. And then I realized that that expert might be
00:02:01.440me. So to interview America's leading trad wife expert, I'm bringing on the journalist, Nick
00:02:07.740Astor. All right. So you've been talking about this trad wife thing for a while. And recently
00:02:13.580you suggested it's it's evolved. It's almost jumped the shark, if you will. Yeah, I mean,
00:02:20.440And I think I like to call it peak trad wife, to be honest, you know, like peak oil.
00:02:26.140Remember peak oil from the 80s and 90s?
00:02:28.160I've been asked in a lot of interviews when I've been talking about everyone is lying to you if I thought the trad wife phenomenon was already over or near to ending.
00:02:38.840And this summer when the book came out, I honestly thought that it wasn't and that it was completely on the upswing.
00:02:46.000And I thought that leading up to the election because there was just so much more of it on Instagram and more of it being generated by, I mean, I guess what you could call so-called normies, just like regular people and not brands like Ballerina Farm and Nara Smith.
00:03:01.200And then we had the rise of Erica Kirk shortly after Charlie Kirk's death, and that made it feel like Trad Wife was cemented in the canon somehow, even though, I mean, you and I have talked about this before.1.00
00:03:17.140Erica Kirk likes to tell women to submit to their husbands, but in practice, she's actually a highly educated, successful entrepreneurial woman.0.80
00:03:27.240I've always told you that I thought this whole thing was a big piss take from the beginning.0.98
00:03:33.580Yeah, well, and I think that depends on how you're defining Trad Wife.
00:03:38.720And I've always defined it as someone performing domestic labors on social media in order to capitalize on a false nostalgia, in order to make you uncomfortable so that they can sell you things.
00:03:53.500For me, Tradwife has always been a performance. There is a strong group on the right, mostly men, that believes this, that has funded this, that has boosted this. But I think the main players in the Tradwife game, the ones who are performing it on Instagram, have always been doing it to capture an audience, capture attention, and to make money off of it.
00:04:17.280And now we're seeing those brands evolve in a very interesting way where they're outwardly saying, oh no, I'm a mogul. I'm a CEO. I'm a boss babe.
00:04:29.300Yeah. Well, that begs the question. Now, if you're going to use the term trad wife to describe specifically those who perform on social media, I guess the question is, has any damage, if you will, been done to the larger population?
00:04:44.520Are there, in fact, women sitting at home calling themselves trad wives who are not on social media?
00:04:51.440I think a lot. I think a lot of damage has been done to young women, honestly.
00:04:56.220I think a lot of damage has been done in the messaging of wouldn't you be happier if you just checked out?
00:05:04.540If you checked out of the workforce, motherhood and wifedom should be your highest and possibly only ambitions.0.82
00:05:12.920and also your failing as a woman, as a quote-unquote feminine woman, if you're not practicing those0.87
00:05:21.120things to the utmost degree. I think that that messaging was so pervasive over the past couple
00:05:26.640of years that we saw a lot of young women falling for it. I've talked to young women who say things
00:05:32.540to me like, why would I go to college? I just need to find a husband. And so I do think that a lot of1.00
00:05:37.540this messaging permeated the culture, even though the Tradwives themselves were truly0.89
00:05:44.320just trying to build an audience and the Instagram algorithm rewarded the kind of content they0.99
00:06:07.540I do truly believe that a lot of the influencers who took on the mantle of Tradwife, who used it to build their audience, we could call them grifters, we could call them social media geniuses, to be honest.
00:06:20.640I mean, look, everyone is trying to build a brand online these days.
00:06:24.600I mean, not everyone, but 95% of us, it is, even I do it, right?
00:06:29.280So, yes, I would say that they were very much performing for the algorithm in order to build those brands.
00:06:40.960All right. So what made you think about this summit peak, if you will?
00:06:45.700This so-called Chadwife peak, or maybe it's a false summit.
00:06:48.940You and I encounter false summits when we're hiking all the time.
00:06:52.460At which point I'm usually like, can't we just stop?
00:06:56.200Aren't we done? Are we done yet? I don't want to hike anymore.
00:06:59.000you reach the true summit oh god i never want to reach the true summit is the thing like i like i
00:07:03.820like a nice false summit with a good view oh no false summits are so unsatisfying not not for me
00:07:10.100not for not for your lazy wife view i guess it's okay if it has a i mean look i just i i hike for
00:07:15.000the views i do i don't understand how you how you hike just to get to the top of something when you
00:07:19.720can't see anything from the top it's a fundamental human compulsion but i digress it's a fundamental
00:07:26.340male compulsion is what i would tell you could be anywho we do digress so i've been thinking
00:07:34.880about this a lot lately mostly due to a couple of things one we saw the ballerina farm brand which
00:07:42.020is helmed by hannah nailman we saw it start to pivot into some really strange things uh including
00:07:49.320a hydration powder. I mean, essentially, it's liquid. It's fancy ass liquid IV. And they were
00:07:57.960just shameless, shameless about promoting this. They've also been truly growing that Ballerina
00:08:04.960Farm brand and empire. And Hannah has come out a lot more than she did before as the brains and
00:08:12.820the power behind this brand. Whereas in the beginning, she really posited, oh, I'm just a
00:08:19.060wife. I'm just a mother. And that just was always there as an amplifier. But now she does seem to
00:08:27.060truly be stepping into the spotlight as the leader of this brand and this family, which is not,
00:08:33.840it's not the messaging that we saw before. And then last week, there was a massive New York
00:08:39.660times profile on nara smith she's a model and a mother of four she's the influencer who's best1.00
00:08:46.380known for making a lot of everyday things from scratch like cinnamon toast crunch and bagels
00:08:53.580and ketchup remember i tried to make her cinnamon toast crunch from scratch not easy we could try0.93
00:08:58.880it again i think we'd do better nothing wrong that's it was complete crap okay it it tasted0.94
00:09:05.160lit crap charlie spit that cinnamon toast crunch out on the floor and it was burnt if i recall0.96
00:09:10.540i burnt the cinnamon toast crunch that was made from scratch i did it was okay whatever i'm i'm0.99
00:09:16.980a shitty trad wife as you as you well as you well know i'm a what i am thank you i like hearing that
00:09:23.400because i think that i am a wonderful wife and you're you're a wonderful husband you really are0.98
00:09:28.260you are you're taking you're you're with all the kids right now while i'm up in new york
00:09:32.600on this work trip uh you took charlie to go see a christmas story last night hey carry on you don't
00:09:38.400take praise that well anywho this is a massive new york times profile of nara smith talking about
00:09:46.120her the expansion of her business empire and they truly they call her a mogul in this she admits0.75
00:09:53.680that she left her baby with a nanny during all of these meetings which to me is actually wildly
00:10:00.200refreshing because I hate profiles of anyone, not just influencers and not just0.63
00:10:08.480traddy adjacent influencers, but any woman that doesn't say how they are dealing with child care.0.79
00:10:16.160I think it is a massive erasure of the labor of child care. I mean, like I just said,0.98
00:10:21.640I'm taking meetings in New York. You're with our kids right now. In addition to a babysitter last
00:10:26.500night, in addition to them being in school all day long. We have to talk about those things.
00:10:31.680And so the fact that the New York Times got her to say that her baby was with a nanny
00:10:37.480was really big because a lot of these women in the past when they've been interviewed
00:10:42.480claim to do it all themselves. And I find that a very toxic message.0.66
00:10:49.300And not only is it not true, but it makes the woman who is paying out the nose for child care or who may feel like they're flailing because they don't have child care, it makes them feel really insecure about not being able to do it all without child care.
00:11:09.240Well, yeah, it's just one of these acts.
00:11:11.060This is you could do this with any topic and somebody claims that they lose weight, but
00:11:16.460never diet or they are in terrific shape, but they never go to the gym or they, you
00:11:37.360My favorite one from back when I was in magazines was that literally every female celebrity profile had that female celebrity just, like, gobbling down a burger and fries.
00:11:48.460And the journalist is inevitably like, how do you stay so fit and thin?
00:15:14.020OK, but yes, I mean, I'm taking this influencer playbook, and I'll fully admit it, where you create products and sell products to the massive audience that you've built by hoodwinking them into believing that they're doing womanhood and motherhood wrong.
00:16:23.380Again, unfact checked, but it is something that I think about all the time.
00:16:26.480And it just makes so much sense for marketing.
00:16:29.500I mean, we're constantly being told that we should feel guilty and ashamed and we're doing something wrong.
00:16:34.640But if we just buy this thing, we're going to be better.
00:16:37.060We're going to be better moms, better parents.
00:16:39.820And I think what you and I have realized in nine years of parenting is that nothing makes you a better parent except for time and experience.
00:19:37.760And it's it's well, he does it frequently, but his piece on the Ten Commandments mentions that coveting their neighbor's goods is a silly commandment because fundamentally that is what keeps the economy moving.
00:19:56.920I believe that I'm here. I'm here for that.
00:19:58.920Well, you know, that is a central tenet of Instagram marketing.
00:20:03.600We talk about this in the original series of Under the Influence, that it's aspirational
00:20:10.900marketing to the core that you believe the person you're looking at on the screen is
00:20:16.060perhaps a class higher than you are, and you should aspire to what they are doing and being.
00:20:22.740The whole thing is very tenuous, if you ask me.
00:21:26.040And at least in this New York Times profile, and at least in the recent coverage of Ballerina Farm, what we are seeing is them saying, I'm putting in this work.
00:22:51.920Trade taps into that instinct. Because you are made to trade. And TD Easy Trade is made to help.
00:23:02.360Okay, we are back. What I am hoping. Here's my hope and my dream. And I'm saying this very
00:23:09.440carefully and a little nervously. Because anytime I talk about feminism, and I just wrote about it
00:23:14.100on my sub stack, I get attacked by all of these people out there who are like, you don't understand
00:23:19.060feminism. And that is the problem with feminism, okay? One of the problems. One of the problems1.00
00:23:24.400is that there are so many people who believe they have the answer or who believe they know more
00:23:29.960that you can't have an open discussion about what you want feminism to look like in 2025
00:23:35.040or the future. And so what I'm hoping is that we can reach a new place for feminism where we're0.54
00:23:44.280broadening the tent, where it is not just applied to women who are hustling in the corporate world1.00
00:23:49.820outside the home. And I know that technically, academically, feminism wasn't supposed to be that,1.00
00:23:55.500but that's what a lot of people felt it was, okay? And there are a lot of stay-at-home moms1.00
00:23:59.900who are working their butts off in their houses, running their families, who felt excluded from1.00
00:24:06.020feminism. And I'm hoping that one, we could acknowledge the labor, and two, we can try to0.98
00:24:11.460fight for more systemic change to make all of this, to make pursuing your purpose and your
00:24:17.160ambitions easier for everyone. And I think step one of that is showing the work that goes into
00:24:25.080building a brand and also showing the work that goes into caring for children and caring for a
00:24:30.740family, whether that's a mother doing it, a father doing it, or a caregiver doing it.
00:24:36.180Nice. So given that we've had this conversation within the context of this social media phenomenon, is anybody doing what you're describing on social media today? And if not, what's stopping them?
00:24:50.020There's so many people doing it on social media. I don't think the algorithm rewards them as much as it does these slow living videos of picking heirloom tomatoes. I do think that the algorithm rewards classically beautiful domestic bliss in the same way that that is what was featured in glossy magazines for a long time, right?
00:25:18.440Do you think that that's a problem with the algorithm or a problem with human nature?
00:25:25.200I think that it is also human nature as well as a social media algorithm designed primarily by men to continue capturing attention for people who feel like their life isn't enough.