Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - What We Want Less of in 2026

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00:00:52.840 Hey, y'all.

00:00:54.340 Jo here, and you are listening to Under the Influence.

00:00:57.040 So today we are going to talk about one of my favorite and least favorite things, which is it's kind of New Year's resolutions, but I like to frame it as things I don't want in my life in the next year.

00:01:10.240 How do you how do you think about all of this?

00:01:12.660 It's funny because, as you know, I'm not a very sort of like om shanti shanti channeling energy words person.

00:01:21.860 But I know you're not.

00:01:22.880 No, at all.

00:01:23.800 but I do, maybe it's my Virgo. Well, we're both Virgos. I do love a New Year's resolution list.

00:01:29.500 Like I do this week. I always get my, Carol, I will tell people my Incan Volt yearly planner

00:01:37.620 is my favorite. Oh, you do love this planner. It's a beautiful planner. I have so many of them now

00:01:42.720 and it's a little over shanty shanty for me, but I do, I get into it and I like it. And it just, 0.98

00:01:48.080 it makes me think it's like this week, I think gives you a moment, hopefully like to really

00:01:53.600 clarify how you want the year to go and whether or not it goes like that is you know secondary

00:01:59.140 but it just I do like to think through what I would like to happen in the next 12 months or

00:02:05.600 like what the goals are or you know what I'm trying to oh god manifest I hate that word but

00:02:11.760 for lack of a better term sort of like focus on so I'm sort of into it and I don't but I don't

00:02:16.880 make resolutions well my resolution for 2026 is to read more because I don't feel like I read enough

00:02:22.400 in 2025 and it's also um it's to like swim more you know like just like I use it as a reset to do

00:02:31.900 the things that I I'm aware that I'm not doing enough whether that actually happens is I just

00:02:37.280 ate a half a bag of Canadian Smarties so which is the equivalent of like the sugar equivalent of

00:02:43.480 cocaine so we'll see any of this let's see let's see how this goes no I I am with you so I I always

00:02:51.280 love the idea of a reset. I love the idea of a reset, you know, on Sundays, if that's what you

00:02:57.140 want. And the idea of like sitting down and saying, I want this. I don't want this. It's like you just

00:03:03.180 said, all of the words around resolutioning are just lame. It's like I'm manifesting this. I'm

00:03:09.280 starting new habits. But I love the idea of conversations. I love the idea of saying out

00:03:14.380 loud or writing it down in your fancy planner um what you want what you want more of what you want

00:03:21.880 less of yeah i think it's just a moment to take like to sort of assess because i mean on the one

00:03:30.880 hand not having kids i think reduces the need for long-term planning right like i think in

00:03:39.060 shorter increments because that's just how my life works. At the same time, I think that we live

00:03:48.020 in a world of such short-term attention spans that sitting down and sort of like just thinking

00:03:55.580 through, even if you do it by quarters, you know, first quarter, second quarter, I know some people

00:03:59.500 prefer that, just like sort of thinking through, thinking ahead beyond today or beyond this week

00:04:04.940 and thinking like, okay, I have a moment to clear the slate. What am I aiming for in, you know,

00:04:13.500 the next six weeks? What am I aiming for in the next six months? What did I do really well? This

00:04:18.520 is one of the things I like is like, what did you do really well in 2025? What were you most proud

00:04:23.420 of? Like, regardless of whether it was success, like I had a big swing and a miss, as you know,

00:04:29.480 in 2025 but i'm really proud of the way i dealt with it so it's like what what do you want to

00:04:35.680 repeat stuff like that i think it's just a good moment to think through the direction you're going

00:04:40.000 in and whether you want to be going in this direction and like what you would like more of

00:04:45.920 i guess there's a term for that called abundance mindset but i hate that word and i know that as

00:04:51.400 recline has ruined it even more i i don't use it at all i was just gonna say you mean abundance

00:04:56.880 i know as reclined in 2026 i want no resolution that's a really great resolution i want no

00:05:05.640 actually i want to listen to no podcasts with men in 2026 i mean i would like for some men

00:05:14.100 to justify my listening time i guess is how i would phrase it right like i would like to not

00:05:19.100 come out of listening to a podcast with men thinking why have i given you my ears for this

00:05:23.560 amount of time um yeah i don't know the answer to that that's a much bigger problem um that's a

00:05:30.400 bigger problem with the world i do like resolution i guess i just it's less resolutions and like

00:05:35.520 uh thinking thinking a little bit more long term and just thinking about what i want

00:05:41.940 like does my life look the same today as it did a year ago and how is it different and is it

00:05:48.220 different in ways that i could control and that i want or do i want to make it different my

00:05:52.700 resolution for the last few years has been money and i i have achieved that a little bit

00:06:00.340 at the end of 2025 so it's like okay well what now what do i want to do with this

00:06:05.240 just help for listening just help let's turn off your phone and think maybe that's helpful to turn

00:06:11.360 i mean that is one of mine honestly it's like okay less phone less phone um i say that all the

00:06:17.040 time i think i've gotten a lot better at it too one of the things i'm going to try is someone sent

00:06:21.720 me an article about um grayscaling your phone oh i saw that i saw that you know what i was like oh

00:06:28.520 i'm here for this i got the brick i haven't used it yeah i have the brick i haven't started it yet

00:06:33.500 though but i also think joe like for someone with small kids turning stepping away from your phone

00:06:40.020 is so complicated and difficult because the whole world runs through a phone and you can't fully

00:06:46.840 separate yourself from it because or it's more difficult to fully separate yourself from it in

00:06:53.400 case oh yeah do you know what i mean like it's a different it's a more complicated conversation

00:06:57.300 the younger the kids you have the more the more you need to be accessible totally well it's

00:07:02.060 bananas and it's not just being accessible because it's when they're around too i'm like oh my gosh 0.82

00:07:05.520 i have to check the girl scout thing it's on a fucking app okay um i have to you know email 0.76

00:07:10.920 their teacher i do it on my phone for me it's less screen and i say this all the time because i let 0.97

00:07:15.900 the kids watch screens we just got charlie and nintendo switch like the baby's watching gabby

00:07:20.380 right now i'm actually totally fine with screens tv shows and now with certain amounts of video

00:07:26.240 games it's just it's really social media yeah oh i really just think it's less screen and more like

00:07:33.820 i just don't want to be on social media it's terrible yeah yeah it's it's terrible

00:07:41.380 we're watching it dismantle the world and with the encroach I think that 2026 for all of us just

00:07:49.740 generally in the culture and for me personally although I'm already quite good at this is

00:07:54.080 more and more real life and we talk about this all the time like we call each other you know

00:07:58.460 more phone calls more in real life stuff less less surveillance of our own lives to the degree

00:08:06.020 that that's possible um and whether or not these things happen again i actually just think

00:08:11.540 resolutions are useful to take stock of the things that you're doing that you would like to

00:08:18.660 do less of whether or not that actually it's like when i'm around my niece and nephews and i

00:08:23.700 tell them how much i hate that they're on their screens i don't think that that's going to remove

00:08:27.440 the amount of time they spend on screen but i want there to be a voice in their head that

00:08:32.260 associate screens with, like, maybe you should be doing something else, you know? Like, I just want

00:08:37.720 that judgment to exist in the way they navigate the world, whether or not it actually results in

00:08:43.860 changed behavior, which it 100% never does. But there should just be a voice saying it,

00:08:50.280 right? I mean, I feel the same way about regulations, about social media. Everyone's

00:08:54.400 going to find a way around the regulation, but it's important for someone to say, hey,

00:08:58.080 this is not good for you right like how we drank underage or anybody that does any type of drugs

00:09:03.620 you it's but I think it's more useful to know that you shouldn't be doing it even as you are

00:09:09.420 doing it and and and that works in the positive too like I actually just think this is a good

00:09:14.960 week to be like what am I doing that I love and how do I keep doing it or how do I do more of it

00:09:20.400 Or like, what's the moment this year that you experienced the most pleasure?

00:09:25.560 And how do I why was it so pleasurable?

00:09:28.700 And then how do I get more of it?

00:09:30.020 And maybe it was just like the massage you got downstairs, which is often the case for

00:09:33.500 me.

00:09:33.700 Or maybe it was swimming in the ocean or maybe it was like something small.

00:09:36.460 But I just like taking stock, I think, is important.

00:09:39.280 And maybe this exists on social media under another title.

00:09:42.760 Like maybe this is what people do with gratitude journals.

00:09:44.960 I have no idea.

00:09:46.620 I don't mind taking stock.

00:09:48.660 That is that is a phrase I don't mind, actually. Exactly. That's sort of how I think about it. And I do believe that writing things down activates a different part of your brain. Like I would never type these things on a computer. I write handwrite them. There's something about that. It's even when I make weekly lists, I handwrite it out because there's something about handwriting that is way more useful to me than just type, type, type. So.

00:10:13.400 oh same same i hand write a list for every day i also think like oh for sure like like ever and

00:10:20.000 the older i get i this maybe is paramenopause related but like i have to start writing before

00:10:24.680 i used to do it just as an exercise because i have used i have always had a very good memory

00:10:28.800 but that is increasingly not true um like i can get up from the desk and walk the 20 feet to my

00:10:35.580 fridge and in those 20 feet i'm like what was i up here to do like ridiculous levels of distraction

00:10:40.620 um but you know going back to like my old journals when I was a teenager and well into my

00:10:47.040 early 30s when I would make the resolutions I was like I resolved to do this I resolved to eat this

00:10:52.780 I resolved to not eat this is like a useful history of self-limitation actually you know

00:11:00.900 what I mean it's a useful history to remember like where my brain was during those years whereas

00:11:05.920 mine right now are like just read more because because it's better because it's good for your

00:11:12.600 brain yeah it's good for your brain read more scroll less yes or like i i i canceled or put

00:11:21.900 on hold almost all of my streaming services except interesting for criterion and i thought okay

00:11:28.880 you're not going to keep yourself from watching something but try and watch something

00:11:35.340 more with more depth and maybe more use for your brain than like the 17th re-watch of Seinfeld

00:11:44.400 this year because it calms your nerves before bed you know I don't actually need to see Seinfeld

00:11:48.960 anymore tonight we are going to watch a documentary about extreme bird watching

00:11:53.460 it's it's very on brand doesn't it doesn't it Charlie's gonna be so into that yeah there's

00:12:00.480 Also, another one that we want to watch about the National Palindrome Competition.

00:12:06.400 You know who loved palindromes I just read was Leonard Bernstein.

00:12:11.620 Oh, I know.

00:12:12.800 He's in the documentary. 0.98

00:12:14.720 And Weird Al Yankovic also really loves palindromes. 0.83

00:12:18.920 Yeah.

00:12:19.420 It also tracks.

00:12:20.800 Also tracks.

00:12:21.200 I watched, somebody put a clip on Instagram and then I ended up watching the whole concert of Leonard Bernstein.

00:12:30.480 directing uh conducting the 1989 beethoven's ninth symphony in berlin six weeks after the

00:12:38.840 wall came down and he changed the word joy in german to freedom which sounds sort of similar

00:12:44.140 in german as far as i understand it and it's just glorious but it's all these like it's also amazing

00:12:49.740 to see faces before everybody's had work done you're just like wow everybody looks so interesting

00:12:54.300 and weird everyone's face faces look so fun faces look so much fun before they were just all

00:13:00.380 smooth like a seal's butt yeah have you seen this is off topic from resolutions but have you seen

00:13:05.860 marty supreme no not yet it's uh we could have a different conversation about that but uh just

00:13:13.520 josh stafftee and whoever the casting director is i believe a woman whose name i should know but

00:13:18.760 don't uh really made an effort like so many interesting faces and it's so you don't realize 0.85

00:13:24.420 how much of our viewing has been overtaken by distorted filled faces uninteresting faces yeah

00:13:33.300 i know that's a whole other podcast that's a whole other sorry my resolution is to continue to

00:13:39.220 only put seven or eight moisturizers on my face every day totally totally all right let's take

00:13:46.600 a quick break and when we get back i want to talk about what we want less of in our life

00:13:50.480 you matched on hinge you're vibing then her energy completely changes what do you do i'm

00:14:02.060 raven smith and i wrote and read a real love story about this exact sitch listen to the free audio

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00:14:26.580 with no minimums, no monthly fees, and 100 free trades. You already got this because you

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00:14:38.320 okay we are back and i'm going to tell you that i actually really liked last year i had a great

00:14:49.040 year last year like there were so many things that brought me joy there were a lot of things

00:14:53.640 that didn't and i think that i did a good job of learning how to say no to the things that didn't

00:15:00.580 bring me joy and there's two big things and these are things that i want to take stock of and then 0.88

00:15:05.740 that i then want to carry over into 2026 one is no more fucking toxic people okay i'm so done

00:15:15.000 with toxic energy with people that just are emotional vampires and with all of that drainage 0.94

00:15:23.580 and this year i finally got good at being like no i do not accept this in my life

00:15:28.620 we did get good at it proud of you yeah yeah and so going forward like that's a big thing for me

00:15:34.920 I'm like, if this is making me feel bad or if I like I feel trepidation every time I open my phone, worrying if this person texted me or if I have to get on the phone with them, then then I'm we're going to end that relationship and we will end it kindly.

00:15:50.380 But we are going to end it. So that is one. And then the other one is what we just talked about, which is less of a social media scroll.

00:15:57.300 i get on i get off because i and i actually i do have to do more social media i know that in the

00:16:03.900 new year because i've got a book coming out and i still have these books that i'm selling

00:16:06.760 i want to get better at going on making something that is engaging and interesting and useful for

00:16:12.760 people and just getting off it's almost the uh i mean i have my instagram is on a timer but so

00:16:21.220 often they're like you're you're done with the time you've allotted today and i'm like yeah i'm

00:16:24.820 not done I'm not done I'm not done because because because and I believe this is true I haven't asked

00:16:29.680 Instagram yet but I believe that it always interrupts you when you're in the middle of

00:16:33.800 something so you always say no more time like you're about to you're like in typing something

00:16:38.880 so you're not going to ignore a limit or you're going to ignore a limit right now yeah that's

00:16:43.700 exactly what happens um yeah I think I think I think thinking of it it's almost like remember

00:16:54.640 that brief period of time before we all had internet in our homes and you had to go to like

00:16:59.880 an internet cafe to get online yes you had to go do something to get to the online world and then

00:17:07.480 you had to pay for it so it's like you had to go to the cafe so I would go to the internet cafe

00:17:11.540 this is before Williamsburg was wired with internet which is funny to think of um Brooklyn

00:17:17.340 I would have to go into Manhattan to the internet cafe and pay for the time allotted and then I

00:17:23.080 would have a list of things to get done and then I would leave and I think often of like I would

00:17:27.920 like to apply that to my social media time where I only have like a very small allotted period of

00:17:33.680 time that I can get on there and do whatever it needs to be done and then I can't get back on

00:17:38.900 you know what I mean like that seems like it would be a much more or a much healthier and more useful

00:17:45.360 way to to uh interface with it I really like that idea and I like the idea of making a list like

00:17:51.660 this is what i need to get done and i i do put my social media tasks on my to-do list i'm like you

00:17:57.280 have to do a reel you should probably try to do a tiktok but like alas i don't want to do a tiktok

00:18:01.980 although i'm going to do some for the bookstore for the book trailer like i have ideas around

00:18:06.120 the book trailer that i think could i mean who knows i don't know what works on tiktok

00:18:10.060 i'm 45 years old um i've given up on the idea i've like i just do the thing that i know how

00:18:16.500 to do and then i stop doing then i don't even i i have never figured tiktok out and i don't think

00:18:21.240 i'm going to yeah i don't think i'm going to either and maybe that is maybe that is something

00:18:25.900 i'm taking stock of which is just give up on tiktok okay it's never gonna it's like fetch

00:18:29.940 is never gonna happen for me tiktok is never gonna happen for me it's like um well you need

00:18:36.380 someone i also think if you don't enjoy what you're doing or you're not good at it don't do

00:18:40.860 it like i don't people who are good at tiktok enjoy it right like there's an enjoyment factor

00:18:46.260 there. It's not punishment. I mean, there might be punishing aspects to it, but anyway, that's

00:18:51.960 neither here nor there. But yeah, if I do like the toxic people thing or creating boundaries,

00:18:58.260 I do believe strongly that if you're struggling with your relationship for someone, the question

00:19:05.180 is, can I, you know, you either love the person for who they are and accept all of the complications

00:19:12.680 are bringing into your life or you don't have them in your life right like those are those are two

00:19:18.100 ways the only two ways i think to deal with it because this idea of constantly being in friction

00:19:24.860 with someone is like they're not going to change you can't change them if it's too much they

00:19:31.540 shouldn't be in your life or you just accept this is how they are and somehow in that acceptance i

00:19:35.960 think it makes it a little easier hopefully it's not always yes yes and there's some people that

00:19:40.720 you're not going to change, but you love anyway. And that's fine. I think that's different. That's

00:19:44.660 different than very toxic people. Also toxic workplaces for me. I've gotten much better at

00:19:52.360 when I'm talking to someone about a potential project, really judging. Do I want to be with

00:19:57.320 this person? Do I want to spend time with this person in real life and virtually? And do I

00:20:04.040 actually want to do this thing? And that's a very privileged place to get to be in, but

00:20:09.120 it's it's what i'm trying to do going forward i mean i thought about it a lot last year when nick

00:20:14.560 and i started the business together and i said we'll give ourselves a year and if i hate it if

00:20:18.760 i hate working with my husband we're going to stop i don't want to i don't want to put myself

00:20:22.080 through that but now it's working really well and i really like it yeah i do think putting time

00:20:27.080 limits on something too is like it there's when i do something or even when i start a project or i

00:20:33.400 sign up a freelance project there's always a time this all goes back to boundaries there's always a

00:20:37.300 time limit on everything i will try this for a specific amount of time i will give it this amount

00:20:41.680 of time to see if i like it or hate it and then the end or i will work with you for a specific

00:20:45.740 amount of time and then we'll reassess i guess this is the idea behind the six month review by

00:20:51.400 your boss but i've never really worked for a company so i've not really i give myself six

00:20:55.960 month reviews we should give each other we should be trying to give ourselves we should set up like

00:21:01.120 a six-month self-review schedule oh yeah or we have to tell each other or like you say your

00:21:07.120 review of yourself in front of another person i think we should do that with each other yeah

00:21:11.380 six months from now let's just check in and be like okay what is six months we should be on 30th

00:21:16.080 yeah oh it's charlie's birthday you'll be you'll probably come down for it

00:21:19.480 yeah okay people who complain about how long and cold january is i always love january because it

00:21:26.260 does feel slow and then once you get to like i feel like after mid-february it's august you know

00:21:32.480 like it just everything speeds up to 100 miles an hour and at the end of summer oh totally totally

00:21:37.900 exactly exactly i mean kind of like the fall i mean everyone was complaining about the fall they're

00:21:41.840 like it's this is the longest craziest fall of all time that's great though i mean it did feel

00:21:46.620 like it was sort of an endless i i think that we are all socializing i think the fall holiday party

00:21:53.320 schedule was off the charts this year because nobody wants to think about life not life but

00:21:59.200 you know the world well you know i do want to think about i i put myself and this is another

00:22:07.540 good boundary thing right i put myself on a really good news diet this year i don't consume news on

00:22:12.380 social media anymore pretty much like i stopped following a lot of the news organizations so i

00:22:17.720 have to go to them they can't come to me and i think that that is a really big thing like like

00:22:22.900 you said you have to go to an internet cafe right like i then have to actively go to the new york

00:22:27.500 times although i did cancel my new york times subscription because i think that they've gone

00:22:30.960 way too far in so many crazy directions but i have to go to the ap i have to go to npr i have

00:22:37.880 to go to reuters it's not constantly in my inbox when i just want to see a video of an otter holding

00:22:43.960 hands with another otter it's just that's what i want to see or i want to see cheese plates um like

00:22:49.160 i've gotten much better at curating that instagram algorithm where i'm like all right great i love

00:22:53.480 like i've gotten so many great cheese plate inspirations i was really enjoying your fondue

00:22:59.120 newsletter the other day having experienced your fondue i was like this sounds delightful

00:23:04.040 it was really great and what again another thing to take stock of more in real life gatherings and

00:23:10.480 i feel like i had a lot of them this year and also more travel yeah more travel with i got so much

00:23:15.440 joy out of traveling this year um that I just I want more and more and more of it this was like

00:23:21.820 you know it's funny you say you had a I had a good year too I think because the last the end of it

00:23:25.420 sort of uh felt like a bit of a gut punch career wise but when I went back this is another thing

00:23:35.200 for sort of like assessing the whole year when I went back and looked at the year I was like man

00:23:39.020 you had a lot you know I started a lot of the things and I executed them really well like it

00:23:43.640 And I had a really enjoyable time this year.

00:23:45.740 It was great.

00:23:46.180 And I went so many.

00:23:46.960 I was like, it's so easy to lose track because we're so distracted and you get caught up in the thing that's happened most recently.

00:23:53.520 But I was like, what a big, great year, you know, which is also hard to remember against a backdrop of such terrible news so relentlessly happening.

00:24:02.380 But it doesn't mean it's not true.

00:24:04.700 It doesn't mean it's not true.

00:24:06.080 And I think that is like another great perspective shift, especially recently. 0.98

00:24:09.640 Like the year for the world was massive crap. 0.99

00:24:13.140 OK, like all of this sucked. And yet you could still have a good personal year. And that is OK. 0.99

00:24:18.220 Yeah. Two things can be true at the same time. It's really hard to. I mean, it really did suck

00:24:22.700 globally. And then at the same time, I'm always a little not skeptical, I guess, but I always am like. 0.93

00:24:29.880 Do we think it's worse than it is because social media makes it so much worse than it is because,

00:24:34.980 you know, 1941 was a terrible like we've had there's been just a relentless amount of terrible

00:24:42.280 years in the past but we don't we didn't experience them in the same way because it

00:24:46.360 we weren't being battered by it 12 you know every minute of every day and so it's hard to keep it in

00:24:51.200 context it is bad but is it really really bad i don't know i don't i don't actually want the

00:24:56.620 answer to that question because it's bad but no i think globally it's always been bad you want to

00:25:02.420 talk globally just the world is always terrible for most people like generally definitely women

00:25:08.340 and definitely women and uh I was actually thinking about this because you know what

00:25:13.460 you can play on Nintendo Switch that I think you're really gonna like when you come down

00:25:17.220 to the house Oregon Trail you know I never played it oh I think you're really gonna enjoy it I'm a

00:25:24.660 few years older than you I know there's the whole Oregon Trail generation um conversation

00:25:29.860 I don't know if I didn't play it because I'm a few years older or if I didn't play it because

00:25:35.180 i'm canadian that's always that question i was talking about the wilder podcast with somebody

00:25:39.560 uh recently which which we know the wilder podcast is ours that's an exciting thing i'm so excited

00:25:45.620 about this for the new year melissa lee gilbert and melissa sue anderson melissa gilbert and

00:25:50.020 melissa sue anderson like saw each other at some performance and you know we're reconnecting after

00:25:54.920 years of being separate i did i did indeed so yeah we're gonna start our wilder little house

00:26:00.300 on the Prairie rewatch show this year which is going to be that's on the to-do list this year

00:26:05.100 it's on the to-do list yeah yeah oh god you know what i wouldn't mind watching that's a show that

00:26:09.460 would just make us feel better it would it would but it would also remind us that the world was

00:26:13.700 hard then as well because when you're playing organ trail you're like well suzy got dysentery

00:26:21.100 oh she's dead she's dead and when we had i was thinking about it too because i i did the chelsea

00:26:28.040 fagin's financial diet podcast oh i love that podcast so much i did a live podcast recording

00:26:34.140 just before christmas and i didn't read the comments of the youtube because i know better

00:26:41.580 but i'm guessing that i've got a lot of briefer about talk about retirement savings but i've

00:26:46.220 really been thinking a lot about the retirement savings of relationships and how in an unstable

00:26:53.760 world that is equally, if not more important than financial savings. And I was just thinking of all

00:27:00.700 the episodes of Little House on the Prairie when the only thing that saved the Ingalls is that

00:27:04.420 Pa is beloved or the beloved in the town. Do you know what I mean? Like that whole,

00:27:08.940 the mentality of relationships as a survival tactic is the thing that's kept people

00:27:16.060 safe and alive for most of history until somewhat recently. And really thinking through what that

00:27:23.140 means and what that means in my life and in our lives and in our Bolden Girls future lives.

00:27:28.740 I love that idea of relational retirement economics like that. I've never heard it

00:27:33.940 put that way. I want to explore that a little bit when we get back from our last break.

00:27:42.960 I didn't like what you said, Odin pauses, about the future. This is the love story of real hinge

00:27:50.480 couple Odin and Edward. Written and read by me, Curtis Garner. Listen to the free audiobook now.

00:28:03.420 Okay, we are back. So yeah, so talk to me a little bit more about that, because I

00:28:07.580 like the idea of putting deposits into your relationship bank in the same way that you put

00:28:14.800 deposits into a savings account to care, to care for you and to, you know, make your life better

00:28:21.340 later on in life. I think you can do the same thing with friendships and relationships, right?

00:28:27.940 I mean, absolutely. I, I, I'm probably more sensitive to this because I don't exist in a

00:28:37.160 quote unquote traditional infrastructure where, you know, you partner with someone and build a

00:28:42.600 family and it's somewhat insular and all your focus is on the family unit and i as you know

00:28:47.340 uh have like a wide variety of family units and as always i think the narrative of like

00:28:55.900 single women as as solitary figures versus the most social and the most socially supported figures

00:29:02.940 is um is wrong but um i really was thinking when i got back to new york and i was really

00:29:11.320 like how my my plans for career had sort of been upended and I was like how am I going to support

00:29:17.620 myself and what's going on and I really tapped into a long history of relationships in New York

00:29:23.760 City and capitalized on them and you know and received an enormous amount of help and support

00:29:30.560 and I has really had me thinking like people who are like well what's your retirement plan and I'm

00:29:37.660 like this idea, especially in America, that finances are secure retirement plan is sort of

00:29:42.400 a joke. And a retirement plan can be as much relationship based and that you invest in a

00:29:47.700 wide variety of relationships. And I'm able to invest in a much wider variety of relationships

00:29:52.460 because I move around a lot more and I have a lot more access to different places and different

00:29:59.100 families. But it really and then I was thinking about the house in the period. I'm like, this is

00:30:02.580 how people have operated for a long period of time. And it aligns, in my mind, with this real

00:30:09.140 desire to get back to real life and human connection versus the increasingly isolated

00:30:14.020 existence that social media and AI is forcing us into. And that it is a long-term investment.

00:30:21.120 All of your relationships are long-term investments. The fact that we're only starting

00:30:25.600 to shift this, but the fact that we only prioritize sort of long-term romantic marriage

00:30:30.560 investment or, you know, parent-child investments is so contradictory to how we operate in the world

00:30:37.040 and I think is pretty limiting, actually. Like, all of these things can be true at the same time.

00:30:44.300 I do have one physical resolution, and it's that I have to drink more water. And I mock people that

00:30:49.260 overhydrate all the time, but I really think that, like, I am, I think that I'm constantly dehydrated.

00:30:53.920 I ordered last year, maybe the year before, one of these ridiculous water bottles off of the

00:30:58.480 internet where it's like at 8am let's do this 10am great start I didn't even know this was on here

00:31:04.580 until after I got it but I have to say having an enormous however many this is a 56 liter container

00:31:11.020 of water in my apartment like available to me makes it allows me to drink as much water as I

00:31:19.660 need to drink yeah I mean I think that like just headaches skin like all of the things would just

00:31:25.360 be better if I drink more water but yeah we'll see we'll see we'll see if I can pull that off

00:31:30.800 I don't know I don't really I mean I feel like I'm pretty good about like the working out and

00:31:35.040 I'm like eat some more protein maybe maybe maybe drink less when you're outside and excited and

00:31:40.420 having fun at a party but other than that I'm like pretty I feel pretty good I feel pretty good going

00:31:45.720 into this year I feel I mean not to be paranoid touch with but uh I'm excited about this year

00:31:53.300 I'm a Scorpio rising too. And apparently Scorpio risings are going to have a big year.

00:31:57.080 What's your word for this year? Do you, did you think this is what my ink and volt planner is

00:32:01.800 like here? I'll tell you what it says. What was my word for last year? Probably money.

00:32:08.780 My word for many years was money. It says when you wake up every morning, what will be your

00:32:14.300 mantra? Declare a theme that will motivate and empower you through the year, which is as a little

00:32:18.060 bit soft language, but what is your theme for this year? What word encompasses your theme for

00:32:22.740 this year? Can I have two words? Of course. I like the idea of ease and joy. Oh, these are good

00:32:32.900 ones for you because they are, you're so, you have such a intense work ethic. No, I know, I know. And

00:32:42.600 we have a lot of projects lined up for this year already, but nothing that I think is just gonna,

00:32:47.600 you know destroy my destroy me destroy my soul and so i want more ease like i'm trying to check

00:32:55.380 out more i'm scheduling all of my podcasts on a single day and like just trying to set better

00:33:00.980 boundaries around life um and give myself a break a little more i mean maybe maybe that's a phrase

00:33:07.860 to take stock of um it's like give yourself grace give yourself a break don't be i i tend to beat

00:33:15.340 myself up i mean it's like the monkey the monkey might at night where i'm like did i do enough 0.99

00:33:19.420 today like almost every day if i were being a rational human being be like you did a fucking 0.88

00:33:23.380 lot girl like right um although i will tell you i was dropping the off at school or i wasn't 0.91

00:33:28.860 dropping the off at school that's what was happening um she was going to school with nick

00:33:32.420 and she's like you never take me to school and i was like oh i know and i'm like coming up with

00:33:36.940 all these reasons and then i felt like crap and i'm like what does that voice sound like it sounds

00:33:39.820 like the voice where i beat myself up at night where i'm like you didn't do enough things it 0.98

00:33:43.020 sounds exactly like b's voice whereas i'm like i'm like but then i did come to your goddamn school 0.78

00:33:48.400 and did the holiday party and i picked you up from school and then we played bingo and

00:33:52.960 all these things like i need to i think maybe another word is like or phrase it's like you're

00:33:59.420 enough you're doing enough it's okay doing a lot yeah yeah i didn't like you didn't take me to

00:34:06.740 school you didn't why aren't you taking me to school and i can't feel like i can't be like

00:34:10.800 the real reason is that when I take you to school and not daddy is that everyone wants to talk to

00:34:16.380 me and hang out and I'm not I don't want to put on a face in the morning yeah I just want to like

00:34:21.580 get going with my day also I just think and it's easier for me to see it because it's so rarely

00:34:28.140 aimed at me and when it is I have a higher tolerance to it but the kids are just so good

00:34:36.640 it's sticking the knife in oh my god so good so good and they i think that they'll stick the knife

00:34:42.640 in even if it's just for a piece of chocolate right like it could be devastating even for the

00:34:46.660 smallest smallest thing my i have a number of 14 year olds in my life right now and they are 0.97

00:34:53.060 fucking relentless like it is it is so non-stop abuse that i'm just like i wish my mother was 0.91

00:35:01.180 alive i mean i'm sure everyone says that at some point when like i wish i could apologize to my 0.98

00:35:04.400 other but i'm like it is so relentless and it's just as i think so rarely to do with you it's just

00:35:12.800 they're very very good at knowing that they can get a reaction and somehow that's giving them a

00:35:17.360 sense of control when they probably don't feel it otherwise oh my god they're so good they're just

00:35:21.480 so good yeah they're so good i used to be good i mean i used to be great at it totally i was the

00:35:27.500 master okay i shouldn't be so i shouldn't be surprised that my children are also the masters

00:35:31.980 Yeah, no, no, no.

00:35:33.980 But it's brutal to be on the other side of it.

00:35:35.620 It's awful.

00:35:36.180 It's terrible.

00:35:36.680 And they're so little and they're still good at it.

00:35:38.620 What is your word?

00:35:40.500 Power.

00:35:41.720 Oh, I like power.

00:35:43.360 Yeah.

00:35:44.100 Power's a good one.

00:35:45.720 It's Scorpio.

00:35:46.780 I'm not, I'm a, well, you know I'm a Virgo because we're both Virgos, but I, we did your

00:35:50.720 chart.

00:35:51.040 I forget.

00:35:51.560 It's like Libra.

00:35:52.100 You've done my chart like 19 times.

00:35:53.600 Every time you go on a road trip, you do my chart.

00:35:55.540 I know, but you have a completely understandable ones.

00:35:56.700 It's either that you're a Virgo, like Libra rising, Taurus moon, or like you're all like it's a lot of like home building and security, security, security.

00:36:10.140 Yeah. I'm a Scorpio rising in an Aries moon, which is not about any of those things.

00:36:16.300 I'm a Virgo, so the bills get paid.

00:36:18.140 No, I literally came. I feel I feel powerful heading into this year and I'm determined to capitalize on the opportunities that that presents. So, yeah, I mean, that is a very New York word, too, which I'm sensitive to. But, you know, I've had a lot of years of enjoyment and pleasure and power is pleasurable. And then some money. And so now I'm like power. What does that mean? I guess we'll find out.

00:36:44.240 I guess we'll find out. I like that. I mean, I want money and power too, but then I also want

00:36:49.100 ease and joy. So you've had a lot of years of money. You've had a lot of years of

00:36:54.440 powerful and financially powerful results. I think it's not the worst for you to have

00:37:01.480 like some ease and joy. We're both doing a 180 from our usual places of operation.

00:37:07.640 It is true. It is true. And in fact, I'm doing a buy nothing January just to just

00:37:12.560 be like okay maybe i'm gonna do a buy nothing january i would actually like this is too extreme

00:37:17.500 and i never do well with extreme i mean i love extremes but i'm really good at executing them

00:37:23.580 to this extent i would i want to cut down on my shopping like in a very significant way so i'm

00:37:29.260 going to start out doing a buy no january and maybe see if i can extend that monthly because i

00:37:34.720 really I there's no I don't need anything right I don't need anything yeah when you shop when you

00:37:43.200 don't need anything I kind of want to be like what is it you're satisfying like what is it you're

00:37:48.180 trying to satisfy I mean I love clothes I love clothing they do bring me pleasure and I put them

00:37:54.400 to good use but I own a lot of them because it's clothes that are the end the end for me yeah yeah

00:38:00.400 No, I mean, I do know. And I also, you know, it reminds me that I need nothing every time I go through the closets and switch the clothes for the season, which I just did because we got up here and I had to pull out all of the like ski clothes and snow clothes.

00:38:13.740 And we just took a ton of stuff to the free store. But then the free store always delivers as well because then we got kids ski goggles and a Lego set from 1978 that is a space center on the moon.

00:38:23.780 um i make myself go into my closet and try things on now before um before i'm allowed to buy anything

00:38:38.440 new i think that's fair because then you realize i mean i make myself um i make myself wear things

00:38:45.080 like wear like wear like i'd like try to wear it in an outfit during the day yes yes where i'm like

00:38:51.400 And also I, I forget because I don't have, I'm in such a small apartment. I do not have extensive

00:39:01.020 closet space. So I forget what I own. And I'm like, go in here and see all the things that

00:39:06.340 look nearly identical to the thing you desperately think you desperately need. And then be reminded

00:39:11.120 that you already own it. That's just, I'm, I'm instead of just being like, don't do this because

00:39:14.800 it's bad. I'm like, what are the ways in which you can support not constantly shopping? You know,

00:39:20.980 for someone who hates this language i am applying it quite extensively at the moment so i know i

00:39:26.380 know me too and i don't hate i don't even hate it i don't even hate it a little bit i love it i'm

00:39:31.160 actually loving it i'm really enjoying this whole situation except i do have to go downstairs and

00:39:37.220 deal with my children now but you know what you are on school break that's gonna bring me joy

00:39:42.920 parts parts of this trip are bringing me lots of joy and parts of this trip are not bringing

00:39:47.900 me lots of joy. We took them skiing for the first time, like professional proper skiing,

00:39:53.920 not just here's some fake skis in our backyard. And they both did really well. So like that brought

00:39:59.960 me a ton of joy. And also saying, hey, I don't want to ski today and telling Nick to go and I'd

00:40:04.400 meet him at the mountain. That was amazing. Boundaries. Boundaries are amazing. My theory

00:40:09.840 of enjoyment is if you are enjoying something 70% of the time, that is

00:40:16.560 generally speaking, like the height of enjoyment. Do you know what I mean? Like that's the most you

00:40:23.640 can expect. That is really good decision-making. That is like good life-making that there's always

00:40:30.100 going to be like, if 30% of your life is like the sort of the grind, that's like, that's the ideal,

00:40:35.980 Right. Like you're hitting the ideal. I think it's when you are only enjoying like 20 percent of your life for extended period, because we all go through these phases where you're just like, well, I took on this project and things are going to suck for the next six months.

00:40:48.620 But I can get through the next six months for whatever the result is. But like if you are chronically only enjoying 20 percent of your life, that I think requires some assessment.

00:40:58.140 Totally. Totally. I think I'm at 80.

00:40:59.620 yeah well this when you're at 80 those moments when you hit that are just like lean into in my

00:41:05.720 in my thinking is like you lean into it fully because that's not that's very hard to maintain

00:41:12.140 permanently it's hard to maintain permanently and i agree but i'm i think i'm trying to do a

00:41:16.460 good job of recognizing it and being like lean into this and enjoy this part of it yeah yeah

00:41:21.440 i love this i'm excited for our six-month check-in and i'm also excited to see your

00:41:25.420 face next week i have to decide what day i'm coming up my face will be here and it will um

00:41:30.560 maybe look not like i've just had you know 15 lines of sugar cocaine i think your face looks

00:41:39.260 beautiful even after you've had 15 lines of sugar cocaine canadian smarties as your canadian

00:41:43.360 listeners will well know are the superior m&ms and predate them and are so much better but the

00:41:49.700 whatever they make the shells the sugar they make the shells out of is literally like the purest

00:41:54.780 form of sugar. So it makes you crazy. And I just ate half a bag of some. So you should really get

00:42:00.440 out of the house then. I'm going to let you go. I think I can't sit here anymore. Good decision.

00:42:07.760 There we go. Good job. Goodbye. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Here we come. Joy and ease and

00:42:16.520 power, babies. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. These are great words. These are great words. Okay.

00:42:24.780 Thank you.

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Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - January 01, 2026

What We Want Less of in 2026

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