Unlearn16: Class is in Session - The One Where I Have Lunch With Mama Tot

00:00:00.000 class is in session hey everybody and welcome to unlearn 16 class is in session guys listen

00:00:09.540 listen i have the nicest southerner i think in the united states of the u.s of a with me today

00:00:17.640 and i'm not i'm not even joking like sometimes people make big deals of others they big people

00:00:24.840 up but i'm truly not being i'm not exaggerating on how beautiful this woman's soul is and most

00:00:33.400 of you know her as mama tot killing it on tick tock how many how many followers do you have now

00:00:39.480 uh it's over 12 million it's like 12.45 yeah i think it's at five 12.5 million it's like a few

00:00:47.000 countries it feels like it it feels like a few countries it feels like it for those who don't

00:00:53.720 like for the four people that are listening to this and they don't know you we're gonna we're

00:00:57.960 gonna speak directly to them for a minute um why did you start social media and where do you get

00:01:05.080 your heart from those are two really big questions got it um i think everybody started like with just

00:01:12.600 you know regular smegular social media myspace and vine and you know all that kind of stuff um

00:01:20.040 Um, I, I really just had like my regular Facebook and Instagram.

00:01:25.000 I barely used Instagram and I kept hearing about Tik TOK at the time from my teenagers.

00:01:31.560 Right.

00:01:32.080 Um, and that I'm a huge comedy fan.

00:01:35.040 I love laughter, comedy, all that stuff.

00:01:38.400 The pranks, I love all of it.

00:01:40.180 Um, and at the time, which was back in 2020, um, you know, everybody got sent home from

00:01:48.260 our jobs.

00:01:48.940 we didn't have anything to do we were just like what is this tiktok thing well my teenagers had

00:01:53.660 had started to send me these tiktoks and i was like what the heck is this this is hilarious you

00:01:59.420 know um so i just created an account to be a watcher like everybody else you know so i i threw

00:02:08.060 a username together shoe lover 99 because i'm a huge shoe fanatic and i just started watching

00:02:14.140 tiktoks like a normal person um i've been in the furniture world uh 15 years loved every second of

00:02:23.320 it what do you mean by the furniture world i was very i was very happy there i loved meeting

00:02:29.800 customers i loved selling furniture i was very i was right underneath the owners i mean i was like

00:02:36.260 their right hand person one of their right hand persons i'm gonna tell you guess what i did for

00:02:41.160 five years what i sold furniture did you guess what i did right underneath the owners of a 65

00:02:48.840 year old business in right near my hometown i loved it i loved talking to them because i liked being

00:02:57.160 social but that was the can i did it all through school like so i would come back and i would do

00:03:02.760 it i can't believe we have that in common i'm sorry they were they were family owned too they

00:03:07.000 They were a household name.

00:03:08.420 They've been in business over 50 years.

00:03:11.000 50 years they've been in business.

00:03:12.320 You might have worked for the same company.

00:03:13.980 But I loved them.

00:03:16.540 When they hired me, I was just a little old secretary at the time.

00:03:20.280 And I don't mean to say it like that, but that's what they were saying.

00:03:23.060 Like, we just need a secretary that could help with this and that.

00:03:26.020 And I was like, sure, I'll do anything.

00:03:28.460 But I had learned and I just kept growing and growing and growing and growing

00:03:31.420 until eventually I just become like one of their people.

00:03:35.060 you know but um i was at work one day and now i had like made like a tick tock or two like

00:03:41.940 showing my dog or showing my cat you know nothing spectacular maybe 25 views um but i sent a video

00:03:50.460 of this girl um that bought a new dress that day and all she wanted to do was show her mom

00:03:57.340 this new dress like look look at this new dress i got you know and the response that she got from 1.00

00:04:03.840 her mama was everything that I used to get that's not for your body type take it back that looks

00:04:10.340 terrible on you that you know I seen that video and I said okay I've got to figure something out

00:04:17.540 I got to figure out at the time I didn't know what a stitch was I called my daughter on break

00:04:23.120 I said you've got to show me how to to do that thing where I can see her video first and then

00:04:28.620 mind she was like mom that's a stitch i said tell me how to stitch quick fast in a hurry

00:04:34.360 in a hurry uh so she did she gave me like a little five minute tiktok course class um i set the phone

00:04:42.460 down in the break room and i opened that video with hey my little tater tot and i basically

00:04:48.520 proceeded to tell her everything that i needed to hear many many moons ago and i told her she

00:04:56.760 looked lovely in her dress because she did because she did and i also touched on the subject that i

00:05:04.860 had a mom like that too you know um and then i just hit the post button and i went on back to

00:05:10.060 my desk and then 30 minutes later i realized what going viral looks like but that that wasn't it for

00:05:20.160 me. It wasn't like the views. It was the people. It was the comments. It was, I feel safe right

00:05:28.020 here. I don't want to leave this spot right here. I wish my mom would have spoke to me like that.

00:05:33.440 Maybe I would be, maybe I would have better self-love today. And I thought, well, that's it.

00:05:39.780 I'll, I'll do just that. I'll use this account right here to help people feel better about

00:05:45.000 themselves i'll share my life the good the bad the ugly i don't want to be a character i i just want

00:05:51.580 to share my life with them and if they find something in that that helps them along the way

00:05:56.280 then dang it i had a good day right and i did and i've just continued to do that so i never

00:06:03.140 thought about being any type of in great creator on any social media um i've always been a huge

00:06:10.660 supporter of everybody else. And I mean that I was always, always, always, and still is a huge

00:06:18.140 supporter of other creators that started small and, and got to the top and are still doing well

00:06:24.320 today. And I love them and I wish I could like hug them today because it feels good to support

00:06:30.600 them. You know what I mean? Um, but that was it. That was all and how it started the entire thing.

00:06:37.860 But where I get that kindness from, that urge to want to swoop in and help somebody, is my daddy.

00:06:46.420 Man, my daddy was everything good in this world.

00:06:49.400 Every single thing good in this world was my dad.

00:06:53.440 You wanted a lover, you had it.

00:06:55.140 Somebody that would stick up for the underdog, you got it.

00:06:58.020 Somebody that would be there for you, that would never judge you, would never look at you based off of anything other than who you are and how you treated him.

00:07:05.820 he was he was wonderful he was wonderful and he passed when i was 13. that that's an incredibly

00:07:13.640 important moment and i get an announcement right at that moment i'm at school and this is what

00:07:20.560 happens during my school day but he passed when you were 13. yeah wow so were your parents together

00:07:27.300 they weren't yeah they absolutely now my dad had been married twice before my mom had been married

00:07:34.760 once before both of them had children from their previous marriage and then they they got together

00:07:41.420 and then they had me and I was the only one that they had together and they were married

00:07:45.860 until the day he died and I think a total of like um 15 15 years probably I think I don't know how

00:07:54.080 I don't know how my daddy lasted that long but if you ask people on his side of the family a lot of

00:08:01.880 them say it was because of me he didn't want to do that again to a third child you know with the

00:08:07.800 home being broken a third time but he dealt with a lot of stuff yeah he dealt with a lot of mental

00:08:14.700 abuse like weekly sometimes daily um but he stayed and i i'm gonna trust what they say and

00:08:22.540 and say that he stayed for me um but when he passed it was like who's gonna who's gonna stick

00:08:29.880 up for me now you know I'm all alone with this person if that was my mom I

00:08:37.000 couldn't change it it was it was who God gave me you know so but it's a joy to be

00:08:43.380 like him it's a joy to be like it is a joy that when people see me and know

00:08:49.480 that I'm my daddy's daughter and the first thing is they say is is your daddy

00:08:53.940 was so good and I'm like yeah I know I remember everything good about him so my

00:08:59.720 daddy made my childhood the greatest so as you can imagine when he passed it just kind of like

00:09:05.500 plummeted it just got worse but 13 is a is a really incredibly not that every age isn't you

00:09:12.680 know vulnerable but 13 is yeah that's that magical time where things can go really badly very very

00:09:21.660 quickly depending on what's happened how do you think you held on to so you can hear stories like

00:09:27.420 yours. And then you can hear adults that would have followed your mom right down that road

00:09:32.520 because it would have broken them, right? It would have broken them. How at 13 do you think

00:09:38.580 you held so tightly to him? Because I'm going to guess, and whatever you want to share, I would be

00:09:43.740 more than happy to listen to, but I'm going to guess you went through it. You went through it

00:09:48.460 really, really, you know, in a significant way. How did you hold on to him?

00:09:54.060 well so we lived in the in the neighborhood we lived in a really big neighborhood it was on the

00:10:01.260 water uh it's called cypress shores i grew up on the river and when i was in the first grade

00:10:08.360 i met my childhood friend sarah at the bus stop in the first grade and we became inseparable

00:10:15.540 well one of the reasons why we become inseparable is because her mom miss jenny was like

00:10:23.780 so so my family i'm gonna try to explain it like this and i hope it comes out right because

00:10:31.200 sometimes i have trouble explaining things but my family as far as like financially we had

00:10:36.660 everything we wanted or needed because my daddy owned a car dealership he did very well for

00:10:42.080 himself you know we we had the things that we needed you know but miss jenny did not here was

00:10:50.240 miss jenny this single mom with four kids all at home trying to survive off of a waitressing job

00:10:58.620 and barely had much of nothing but would give me the world if i come running down the street 1.00

00:11:07.160 knocking on the door with tears down my eyes and she opened the door she wouldn't ask no questions 1.00

00:11:12.900 she already knew. She already knew. She was a second mom to me. So as I got older and then I 0.64

00:11:20.980 lost my dad, they moved out of the neighborhood. But, you know, I would still be able to go and

00:11:28.360 spend time with Sarah, miss Jenny and them. So they never left me. They would come and get me.

00:11:32.960 They would come and get me to stay the week, the weekend. Like sometimes I'd even stay a month

00:11:37.360 with them you know my mom unfortunately would be so like deep in depression it didn't matter to her

00:11:45.580 that I was gone for a month at 14 years old and 14 and a half you know and I don't fault my mother

00:11:51.220 at all for that I can't imagine losing a spouse you know it's different when you lose a child a

00:11:57.640 grandmother a spouse a father you know it's it's it's a different love right um so I don't fault

00:12:03.220 her on that so I had I had someone meaning Miss Jenny that kind of filled the void and filled the

00:12:11.640 spot for me needing a good mom but also missing her dad at the same time you know she filled a lot

00:12:20.740 and I I believe that because of her I chose to be the person that I am today because she taught me

00:12:30.920 how to be a better mom because I didn't have that role model growing up right and sometimes you can

00:12:39.320 be one of those people that don't break the cycle or sometimes you can be one of those people that

00:12:44.760 do break the cycle well I feel like because Miss Jenny guided me in the way that I needed to

00:12:50.300 was helping me in breaking a lot of those cycles but I knew from the from the second I lost my

00:12:57.200 daddy that i was going to do anything i could to make him proud even though he wasn't here

00:13:01.480 in the physical world i need i needed to make him proud i i felt like i carried his last name

00:13:07.580 i had to do something i i was his baby girl i was everything to him all of his children was

00:13:13.920 everything to him but i i wanted to be like i want it was it was a goal to be just like him

00:13:20.040 you know do you feel like you're like him for 12 million people oh yeah if anybody ever

00:13:26.820 wonders exactly how my dad is or excuse me was funny as i don't know what and his arms are not

00:13:36.760 big enough to love all the people that he did you know it's it's i it's the spitting image of him

00:13:42.760 he was a true comedian like nobody called him by his his name was curtis but nobody called him that

00:13:49.400 his name was junior because he was a junior um you know lord or whatnot everybody called him junior

00:13:56.460 but all the men all the uncles and brothers and all that on my dad's side of the family were true

00:14:02.540 comedians it's like a family full of just laughter is who they were just these good people right um

00:14:10.320 but that was him it was laughter and love and I think that I'm a mix of both of those you know

00:14:16.220 well look I don't know if I can explain it so so I'm gonna guess that a good portion of people

00:14:24.280 listening to this right now do know who you are and do know how you stand up not just for

00:14:31.320 the girl that bought the dress and wants to wear it like obviously you very much saw yourself

00:14:37.700 in that person because I've heard you stand up for everybody and when I say everybody I really

00:14:47.840 do mean every marginalized and oppressed and ignored community, person, family, every place

00:14:58.400 that you've gone. And look, that's not been an easy road for you. No, it's not.

00:15:03.580 Right? You face, and we all face it to some degree, but I feel like you've really faced

00:15:12.380 this sort of onslaught of anger because you have shown love to the wrong group of people

00:15:20.700 i think a lot of it i think that i had kind of shocked let me explain this all right

00:15:30.300 you know when i joined the app in 2020 especially here in the u.s it was during election times

00:15:36.860 and everybody was fussing and fighting and arguing all right fussing and fighting and

00:15:42.240 arguing it was democrats versus republicans and republicans versus democrats and if this and that

00:15:48.800 blah blah blah it had been a minute before people had seen a southern lady born here in as south as

00:15:59.740 alabama as you can go right on the gulf of mexico also someone who you know has faith i you know

00:16:06.740 I believe in God, I'm Christian, but I am also a raging ally for the LGBTQIA community, right?

00:16:14.840 I'm a raging ally for all minorities.

00:16:18.980 It had, I think it had been a minute that they had seen someone like that,

00:16:23.800 but they were also very cautious.

00:16:26.540 They were like, hmm, is she real?

00:16:29.280 Is she authentic?

00:16:30.800 Which is totally understandable.

00:16:33.660 I take no offense to that because I get it.

00:16:36.740 You know what I mean? I get it. And they were a little unsure if, if, if I was sticking up or if

00:16:43.640 I do stick up for people for the right way. Hell yeah, I do. Hell yeah, I do. Um, but I think it

00:16:48.780 had a lot to do with that. You know, Southern people already get a bad rap, uh, especially

00:16:54.540 when it comes to LGBTQIA and, and, you know, people just come on, we've heard it all. Right.

00:17:00.580 but I think a lot of it come from that and it wasn't that I was trying to like change people's

00:17:10.640 mind because you can't do that when people have their minds set on something or if they were

00:17:15.280 raised that way it's very hard for you to compete using a 60 second video putting it out to the

00:17:21.840 world it takes a lot of deconstruction right here and right here with somebody to really change

00:17:28.720 the way that they think and feel and see things. Um, but I wanted them to know that, hey,

00:17:35.860 not everybody from South Alabama or, or is a Christian thinks or feels or says things like

00:17:45.380 that. You know, they get a lot of, they get a lot of bad heat and, um, and I understand,

00:17:50.200 I understand because history is very ugly. It's very ugly. Do we need to know about it? Oh,

00:17:56.620 absolutely all of it but it's very it's very ugly it's not a breeze to open up any type of book or

00:18:03.620 history and figure out what our world has been through but yeah i make it very known i don't

00:18:09.420 care who you are what you do what anything about you is the only thing that i care about is that

00:18:17.440 somebody is happy and healthy you know i get there's a lot of people that say that they're

00:18:25.380 christian they they kind of try to beat me down because they're like how can you be a christian

00:18:30.780 and you support the lgbtqi because my god loves everybody and it's very simple to do

00:18:35.720 very simple to do why don't you try that just give it one try they don't understand whenever

00:18:42.480 you make statements like that you're gonna push and i hate to speak on religion here

00:18:46.760 but you push them away god don't want you to push them away he loves them stop that that makes them

00:18:53.560 afraid and scared and they're like well i guess god hates me why would i want to find a relationship

00:18:59.120 with god that's how they feel because that is what they have been told so i think it just kind

00:19:04.740 of hit them with everything that they thought i was probably gonna be because i remember when i

00:19:10.400 first started making videos i can't tell you how many bad words i had been called just because i

00:19:16.760 was this you know lady from the south and like oh really yeah right off the top right right off the

00:19:23.940 thing right they didn't even give you a minute they didn't even give you they didn't even listen

00:19:28.120 to your video they're just like white i get it i get it and i took no offense i just never you

00:19:36.700 know block i just deleted it whatnot but i knew that i needed to just continue showing up every

00:19:42.500 day and just being me, just being me, which is what I've done. And I think it, it helps to just

00:19:48.840 do that. You know, look, if somebody wants to judge it before they, that's all right. That's

00:19:53.160 okay. That's all right. Let them judge it. Just keep showing up, keep being yourself. And you

00:19:58.580 just never know. They might be like, dang, I really, I really liked you. I didn't think I

00:20:03.020 was going to like you, but I do like you, you know. That's my most favorite thing to happen.

00:20:07.280 I do a lot of lives. I feel like it's so funny. I want to tell a little story just about meeting you, because when we met, that's the first time we really ever spoke. We maybe spoke a little bit on TikTok. We both followed each other, but we hadn't spoken. I get to the pool party. You're at the pool party. I see you. I point to you. And I got the best hug I've ever had in my life.

00:20:32.700 But there was like an authenticity about you and about our connection. And I think it goes down to, there was somebody in our, obviously it was your dad. It was obviously my mom, probably my grandma.

00:20:46.440 But there's somebody in our lives that we're able to give us a stable sense of identity, a stable sense of love, a stable sense of support, so that when you and I go into public and somebody says horrible things about me because of my haircut and they say horrible things about you because of your religion or whatever, we can take those shots pretty, for the most part, pretty easily.

00:21:15.060 Okay.

00:21:15.740 Okay.

00:21:16.280 And then just keep doing what we're doing because we both know if you listen to us long enough,

00:21:21.300 if you give me the minute, if you give me five minutes, I promise you everything you

00:21:27.460 thought you knew, everything you've been told is true, it'll just start melting away. 0.77

00:21:34.220 And you'll get to a point, just like some of your people, where you're like, oh, wait

00:21:38.880 a minute, you're a pretty good person with good goals and a good heart.

00:21:44.760 and an authenticity but hun we that's a lot of flack i know you've taken some breaks from this

00:21:51.240 app yeah i've had to i've had to take a few not because of like anything that i i did to upset

00:21:59.320 somebody i don't know if i'm just a full-blown target for wild people i i don't know like a

00:22:07.080 of course you are because you're authentic i had to take a break a couple of months ago

00:22:13.000 because one of my mutuals pissed off an entire community on tiktok and because i had showcased

00:22:20.760 my mutual on my platform as being like hey i followed them they came and attacked me for it

00:22:25.720 i was like right right i didn't what i didn't even know that they were pissing y'all off like i what

00:22:31.960 but once i found out what they had done i i understood why they were mad not me but at my

00:22:37.160 mutual and it's like they just they it's like they tried to find a way to hate me

00:22:45.640 they'll there will be no problem but they will make a problem like i've never seen anything like

00:22:51.720 that they they they they're like i actually have people that groups of people that hate me like

00:22:57.960 they they do what I call hate watch and they they watch everything I post and

00:23:03.840 they just look for anything that they can pull and be like you know I explained

00:23:07.720 it in a video one time where I said I could be making a video making a tomato

00:23:12.160 sandwich and I use and no offense with this bread company I use Sara Lee bread

00:23:17.760 and I make the sandwich and you better believe somebody is gonna be like oh my

00:23:22.720 gosh did you see she supports sarah lee bread the nerd do you see what it does like they will they

00:23:30.560 will make a problem where a problem doesn't exist and i can't deal i don't make clap back videos i

00:23:37.880 don't make hate videos about people i literally just show up on my page every day and i'm having

00:23:43.480 lunch with you i'm talking with you i'm outside by the pool i'm so sorry i'm outside on the porch

00:23:49.640 I'm so sorry. Hold on one second.

00:23:53.220 I love, I don't know if anybody, if you're the person right now,

00:23:57.380 but she has the teeniest, tiniest dog who right now is defending the house with the full weight of his chest.

00:24:05.100 That's it. I would hate to be that male man right about now.

00:24:11.200 That's it. Whoever came to her door, they're done.

00:24:17.020 They're done.

00:24:17.540 i am so sorry that's all right i told they're defending you i tried i told papa i said please

00:24:25.900 try to come home like after like 2 30 because jacks is gonna go crazy and sure enough but um

00:24:31.540 but yeah it's they i'm just a full-blown target for like a tax and i don't i'll never understand

00:24:38.680 why that happens because i'm i'm 42 so when i was growing up it was the motto was don't start no

00:24:46.220 mess won't be no mess so don't bother me i'm not bothering you type of thing but and if you and if

00:24:53.160 somebody is bothering you and you make a video and defend yourself then it's her followers are

00:24:58.900 bullying them what do you mean like yeah so i can't i don't i don't engage in it i can do as

00:25:06.040 matter of fact i just did a video today and i said how to ignore someone bothering you online and i

00:25:13.200 just sat there and I ate. That's how you do it. You just ignore. Please ignore. Two things. I want

00:25:20.200 to dig deep. I want to dig a little bit into what you think, because I think it's a super important

00:25:24.620 conversation to actually have. What makes those people? Because I think if we could figure out

00:25:31.220 and articulate parts that make those people, we can solve one hell of a lot of problems in our

00:25:37.640 school system, in our, in our government, in our electoral system, because I think it all funnels

00:25:43.120 down to the same thing. And, and I'm going to, I'm going to say this, and this is what really

00:25:48.880 bothers people. People that haven't been able to figure out who authentically they are, are sad,

00:25:57.740 are angry, are frustrated, are jealous. And they see people walking through this world

00:26:04.280 with their heads up, being beautiful individuals, and it hurts them. I think it physically hurts.

00:26:13.700 I'm not excusing behavior. I'm saying I think it physically hurts them to see that. And I think

00:26:21.180 the only way they're trying to derive how they can feel better is by pulling at as many threads

00:26:28.020 as they can possibly pull at. And when everybody backs them up, at least they, you know, and when

00:26:35.840 I think about that, my childhood, your childhood, and I think about the people, your friend's mom

00:26:42.760 and your dad and my mom. And I think about the people that were in our corners. And then I think

00:26:47.680 how many people have had no one? Oh yeah. How many people have had nobody sit down and have

00:26:57.580 lunch with them how many people have had nobody that says you look good in that dress which i 0.97

00:27:01.900 think is the power of tick tock right and it's a beautiful damn thing like everybody talks about 0.70

00:27:09.660 tick tock who's not on it like they know it which is hysterical but i have seen more beauty and

00:27:15.580 empathy and community on that app than anything else. Literally anything else anywhere. And so

00:27:28.460 as much as the people can get up and do what they're going to do and say what they're going to

00:27:33.220 say, funnily enough, I mean, I'm not as mature as you. I'll occasionally clap back. Listen,

00:27:42.720 I'm taught I'm just trying to fix their grammar if you're gonna come at me just use the right

00:27:48.780 your that's it okay and I'm just trying to help you out resubmit but you know I've been very

00:27:56.780 careful not to get well very rarely if ever to get angry never you know not that I don't swear

00:28:04.460 in real life but I'm not gonna swear on this I'm not gonna I'm not gonna use this app in order to

00:28:09.800 get frustration out because I think there's a lot of that in this world yes it is so I think

00:28:15.580 standing in that place no matter what is such an incredibly powerful thing to do and your

00:28:23.700 authenticity is what draws people like you've shared I don't know if you want to talk about

00:28:29.200 it but you've shared your story about your son like to be able to do that authentically do you

00:28:36.760 do you understand you understand how how brave and powerful and like

00:28:42.280 and just how transformative that is i didn't i didn't at the moment but it i've got dog hair

00:28:52.120 all of my makeup i did it at the moment but when i started the account like i had already

00:28:58.660 i already known that i was just going to be myself you know like there's so many different

00:29:03.540 types of creators out there that are playing a character like we know they're playing a character

00:29:08.200 it's for content but i i hadn't i like already said i don't want to do that i just want to be

00:29:13.700 me you know just want to share my life and and do it that way but i have to be honest with that so

00:29:19.340 that meant that i had to share everything and i wanted to be able to show people this is what

00:29:27.400 happened to me and my family this is what happened to my baby child this could happen to anybody

00:29:33.640 okay anything could happen you you could walk out the door tomorrow and not be here okay

00:29:39.700 they they need to be able to see real life stuff not you know me on social media showing that i

00:29:49.220 have a perfect marriage and i drive a brand new car and i did no no no no i drive a 2015 f-150

00:29:56.000 Okay. My house was built in 1973. It's an old country home. I even took the camera around my

00:30:07.000 house and showed that I haven't dusted in six months. And I wanted to share a normal life

00:30:14.080 of a real content creator. I am not showing anything to make you think that anything is

00:30:21.120 perfectly clean and put together and everything is peachy rainbows and butterfly no not at all

00:30:27.320 i'm going to show you everything so that you can feel like everything in your life is okay

00:30:31.540 because if i can go through this so can you it makes no sense at all to try to

00:30:38.580 hide real life things away from real life people you do if that makes sense like i i was not

00:30:46.700 gonna not share it i was gonna share it all and i meant that

00:30:50.660 i just happened to lose my baby child in the midst of all of this you know

00:30:54.940 i don't i don't know how you did that i i don't know how you stood up i don't know how you

00:31:08.280 continued to make meaningful, open content. I don't know how you didn't get angry to the point

00:31:16.780 of not being the person you are. I think it's the most impressive, beautiful, painful thing that

00:31:24.920 I've ever watched. Because something like that, if that was your villain origin story,

00:31:33.460 everybody would understand. Do you know what I mean? Everybody would understand

00:31:38.760 where that would come, how that would feed such rage and animosity and anger and all of those

00:31:47.060 things. And somehow, if this is even freaking possible, you got more authentic, more beautiful,

00:31:54.520 more soft. And I still don't get it. I still don't understand how you were able to do that

00:32:02.260 while going through it all i made a video just yesterday and whenever you get time whenever you

00:32:09.060 get home you know relax go go look at it because i speak on what i'm about to say um about two weeks

00:32:17.360 after i lost my baby child i for one this you know the entire tiktok rallied together to to be there

00:32:25.680 from my family and lift us up and like I could never repay them back. But I remember a comment

00:32:32.700 that I come across that will stay here for the rest of my life. And the comment said it was a

00:32:39.760 lady and she said, my husband said, mama tight will never be the same after this. And how I read

00:32:48.360 that was she felt my heart was going to be hardened for people, that I would be angry at

00:32:56.460 the world, that I would lose who I was, that I would no longer be this loving and accepting

00:33:01.840 kind individual that loved people, that I would just lose myself because my son lost his life.

00:33:11.420 And that comment stuck with me. And I'm going to tell you why it stuck with me. Because

00:33:16.000 my baby child because he was the youngest you know he was he was killed the day before his

00:33:21.980 19th birthday so he was almost 19 but he thought this whole social media thing was like the coolest

00:33:28.780 thing in the world you know the young the young ones do right right and I got to 1 million and

00:33:35.080 he was like mom when are they gonna verify you and I got to two and three and four I got to five 0.94

00:33:42.400 i got to six mil and he was like mom i don't think they like you i don't think tic tac likes you you

00:33:48.500 know you're at six million and they still ain't very funny we i just kind of laughed and i was 0.67

00:33:53.060 like i don't know they probably don't you know we would laugh about it but he was he was the one

00:33:59.080 that told me all the time mom i'm so proud of you like i love you i'm so proud of you you're helping

00:34:05.660 people my friend called me the other day and said that she hadn't eaten anything in three days and

00:34:11.320 your video popped up and she did mom like you're really doing good that that's what he would tell

00:34:16.340 me and when I read that comment that day I said man I can't I can't let this happen to me I can't

00:34:25.080 I can't hate the world I can't be angry at this I can't give up on the people that need me the most

00:34:31.460 like myself my family my father like every I can't give up for my baby child I still have to have

00:34:39.860 this big heart open honestly and faithfully for everybody i cannot let him down i can't i can't

00:34:48.080 but it was that comment that just sealed it for me and i made it a mission that when i wake up

00:34:55.400 every morning that's what i'm doing today when i go to bed at night time i know that i made the

00:35:00.680 right decision to fight back but it's right i i can't harden my heart for strangers that need me

00:35:09.160 just because another one destroyed my heart.

00:35:14.280 It's hard to explain, but not hard to explain.

00:35:16.700 I can't.

00:35:17.980 I can't.

00:35:18.980 I know what happened to me.

00:35:22.340 I basically just got left to the wayside when my daddy passed away.

00:35:26.940 My mama went into this deep, dark depression in her room,

00:35:30.840 and I didn't see her for weeks and sometimes months at a time.

00:35:34.860 She didn't check on me to see if I went to school that morning.

00:35:38.340 like she she couldn't mentally she couldn't she could i will never fault her for this yeah but

00:35:44.900 because i know what got done to me in her grief i couldn't do it to my children i couldn't do it

00:35:52.980 to my husband papa todd i couldn't do it to everybody because man i felt like a nobody i

00:35:58.980 felt like i wasn't good enough or i wasn't loved enough for my mama to get up and realize that i

00:36:05.940 was still here he was gone but i was still here yeah and man it just i couldn't do that i just

00:36:15.700 couldn't i couldn't so it was really that comment i immediately got into grief therapy because of

00:36:23.940 that i got into grief therapy i love it actually i love every bit of it actually um but i was

00:36:30.420 advocating for my own mental health and I needed to do it the way that I thought was going to be

00:36:36.200 the right way. And I think that I did a good dadgum job of it, you know, and let's not forget

00:36:42.220 this app and the people in it. I agree. They heal me. They, they, it, whether if they're checking

00:36:49.840 on me or making me laugh, the comedy, the, the, the, just the open stories of hardships and

00:36:56.920 struggles from everybody else. And you just open up the comment section and people are just

00:37:02.480 very open and honest. And I think more people are open with things today than they would have been

00:37:08.660 20 years ago. I think that's lovely to see, but it's taken other voices to be heard

00:37:14.940 for other people to speak theirs, which is really cool to see.

00:37:20.220 And I think it's always been the key. And again, that's what's incredibly beautiful,

00:37:24.160 that you give a little bit of anonymity, a little bit of, I know anonymity can go a bad way too, 0.98

00:37:30.300 because people can say dumb, dumb stuff that they would never say to your face. But if you can give

00:37:34.180 people a little bit of anonymity in order for them to say the truth, and then all of a sudden,

00:37:39.540 like the honest truth, not a hateful one. And then all of a sudden they see, well, that happened to

00:37:45.380 me, or this is how I'm dealing with it, or you got this. And you see that, that is a wave,

00:37:53.560 a powerful, unstoppable force that shows me, and I've always said this, the loud sometimes

00:38:04.080 aren't necessarily the best of voices, but holy crap, is there a wave of empathy and goodness

00:38:11.360 and heart? And we cracked it open with this app, with the comment section, with lives and people

00:38:18.260 building communities that enables people to say what they feel for the first time probably in

00:38:25.640 their entire life and then to see 20 people, 100 people, 1,000 people echo it or just support them

00:38:34.540 and just say, go have it. This is for you to feel. And I don't think that could have happened

00:38:41.660 in real life mama taught i think people will be too scared yeah too scared to put it all like not

00:38:48.400 everybody had your mom and my mom you know i mean your dad and my mom not everybody can put it all

00:38:53.480 on the table like this and like see where it all falls but everybody can make that comment

00:38:58.760 and all it takes is that like i'll do a live where somebody's just feeling bad just like not having a

00:39:05.880 great day and literally i don't even say anything there's 500 people sending them hearts and

00:39:11.580 birthday cakes or whatever it seems it seems silly seems minimal but that kind of energy

00:39:18.580 that you can help steer and sort of focus is world changing right yeah it's absolutely world changing

00:39:28.800 i think i think i think the tiktok app

00:39:34.800 really brought a lot of healing together it is it's opened up a lot of doors for a lot of people

00:39:44.420 as far as like what they were really needing you know they were there were a lot of people

00:39:50.640 going through a lot of things in 2020 we had covid people lost their family members their

00:39:55.400 friends their jobs their like mental health was at an all-time high and i truly believe

00:40:03.320 i really believe this that tick tock had a huge part and helping everybody through the pandemic

00:40:11.000 and can still continues to do that um and it's it's it's wild because you could have like a

00:40:18.760 passion for something so small like um um squishy toys your love for squishy you can make a video

00:40:28.040 about your squishy toy and your people will find you oh yeah boom there's your community and

00:40:34.040 overnight you've done found all the people that enjoy the same thing as you do and now they're

00:40:39.240 coming to check on your page every day it's communities on top of communities on top of

00:40:44.200 of communities. And a lot of those are built off of love and just really being very open and

00:40:50.560 vulnerable about themselves. But yeah, I made it a point. That's how I was going to be. I didn't

00:40:57.560 want to hide nothing. I just wanted to share who I was. And I've continued to do that. There's not

00:41:03.120 much that I keep private other than the back of my house that we're remodeling. But I would like

00:41:09.180 to keep that area private, you know, but that's about it. But I usually share everything else

00:41:14.560 because I got to have a little bit of privacy. Oh yeah. Well, yeah. My, my wife tells me that

00:41:19.680 all the time. She's like, Joe, can you stop showing the front of our house? I mean, like,

00:41:24.140 you know, our neighbor's not that big. People are just going to show, nobody's showing up,

00:41:27.980 but whatever. I mean, I'm not, I don't ever think I'm definitely a, an optimist to a fault. I don't

00:41:34.640 ever see anything bad like i'll see nothing bad i have zero common sense in that capacity you know

00:41:39.840 walking down a blind alley okay i i'm sure it'll be fine yeah she's a little bit more okay what

00:41:48.660 what do you want to do next when people ask me this joe i i don't really have no like let me

00:41:58.180 let me re let me reshape forget what what you want to do you're right that's like asking if

00:42:03.500 you want to do this as a job that's not what i want if you could magnify or or could i mean 12

00:42:12.260 million 12.5 million is is already magnified but if you could take this like let's heaven help us

00:42:18.460 tick tock it's banned and if you could just put a stop to that i mean you are in the state so just

00:42:23.580 figure it out mama tot put it into work come on now um it what what's the one thing you would

00:42:32.700 want to change, which community, if you could only pick one, I said, listen, I'm going to give

00:42:39.060 you a superpower. What community, what group, what do you want to focus on? Or what would you focus

00:42:45.460 on? Have I give you all of the power to do so? What would it be? Where would you go with that?

00:42:53.600 I think I would, it would, it would have to take the hurt away from any community. I couldn't pick

00:43:00.880 one if i could do anything in the world it would be to take the hurt away from you i say you as in

00:43:08.120 the person watching this that that that's been through hell and back and walked out holding the

00:43:13.000 flames people if they would just realize that every single one of us have so much in common

00:43:21.760 we may be very very different but we have so much in common and we all hurt the same and breathe the

00:43:29.280 same and bleed the same and love the same we already have four things in common and if you

00:43:36.700 dig a little deeper you can probably find more than that you know um but that's what i wish that

00:43:42.620 i could do for everybody because i feel like if somebody was able to take everybody's hurt away

00:43:49.060 there would be no more hurt being created because nobody would have a reason to you know they say

00:43:55.880 that hurt people do hurtful things that might be the case but but i was hurt too i was a broken

00:44:04.080 little bird too and i still didn't seek out to deliberately hurt someone to make me feel better

00:44:09.300 you know but that's just me but i feel like if nobody in the world was hurting then nobody else

00:44:16.080 would be getting fresh hurt you know that that's what i would do all i'm trying to figure out like

00:44:22.880 I'm sitting here trying to figure out how that very, very beautiful, authentic, relatively

00:44:32.000 simplistic sentiment can be, I don't want to say packaged isn't even the right word,

00:44:38.960 but can be personified, can be spread even more so than you already have.

00:44:46.900 And because I'm an educator, I mean, I'm always in the schools, right?

00:44:52.880 but maybe because i i just think that maybe that's where possibly we start right you yeah you start

00:45:03.920 with the kid that's in grade three and you make sure you make sure i'm sorry what was your friend's

00:45:11.360 mom's name miss miss jenny you make sure somehow they all have a miss jenny yeah

00:45:18.720 doesn't that just change the world that huge possibility yeah doesn't that doesn't that

00:45:26.680 change everything if you know we're constantly whining about where money and taxes are going

00:45:31.540 and blah blah blah and we do it just as bad as you all do it down there but if we if we could

00:45:36.360 figure out how that kid because honestly all i believe you just need one oh yeah you need one

00:45:45.740 person that you know you know will come out swinging for you need one person one person you

00:45:51.980 call it doesn't need to be blood it doesn't need to be blood i've seen it time and time again if

00:45:57.500 you have one person that that kid knows they got my back they they they love me unconditionally

00:46:05.500 they they will stand up for me with me beside me right that's it and then that person doesn't grow

00:46:14.380 up thinking the world is broken and dark that's that's how it works making a difference if if

00:46:23.100 everybody can kind of like just set out in their own way to make a difference like that i'm telling

00:46:28.860 you things would be so much better there'd be so less hurt in the world and although we can't stop

00:46:35.180 you know natural things from occurring you know but we can certainly make somebody's day better

00:46:41.660 We can certainly make somebody feel and understand that they are important.

00:46:48.760 Their life is worth it.

00:46:50.300 They are somebody, despite if somebody ever told them that they weren't.

00:46:54.600 They are somebody.

00:46:56.760 And I don't know.

00:46:59.800 I just, I think I'm secretly trying to change the world.

00:47:02.480 And I've been trying to do that for a very, very long time.

00:47:06.380 It's not a secret.

00:47:07.580 A very, very long time.

00:47:08.720 It's not a secret.

00:47:09.640 But you understand you are, right?

00:47:13.120 I'm doing my best.

00:47:14.780 I'm doing my best.

00:47:15.660 From reading the messages that I get, you know, like on a daily basis, there are a lot of people that are doing better because they found this little lady from South Alabama right here on the Gulf Coast.

00:47:31.940 You know, they're doing better.

00:47:33.180 And I can't tell you what that does for me.

00:47:35.160 I cannot tell you what that means when somebody messages me or when someone meets me I just met

00:47:42.020 somebody on Walmart I had to go you know grab some deodorant and stuff like that and I'm I'm

00:47:47.820 have a little bit of a cold or either my allergies right now and I'm down the medicine aisle and I

00:47:52.240 hear mama Todd can I please come hug you and you know of course and then here right here we are

00:47:57.820 talking and she proceeds to tell me that you know 16 months ago it was because one of my videos

00:48:04.080 one of my last time videos that they're now in eating in eating disorder recovery

00:48:11.460 16 months now 16 months now stop it because of that that's wow that's just one that's just one

00:48:21.380 person and it is it's thousands it's thousands it's a good feeling and i'm thankful and i'm

00:48:29.540 grateful for them for just sitting with me too and watching my videos and laughing at mine or

00:48:37.660 pop-a-tots behind the scenes or anything like that where they think that they think that I've

00:48:43.380 changed their life and maybe I have but they've changed mine they've they brought so much love

00:48:51.520 and laughter after my loss of my baby child like I feel like I could never repay them but they do

00:48:58.540 a lot for me just as much as I think I do for them. That is beautiful. That is, and, and like

00:49:05.660 I said, I meet a lot of people, your authenticity as well as your heart, but your authenticity

00:49:14.160 is so bright and so powerful that it absolutely has changed lives. It absolutely is changing the

00:49:25.160 world and uh whatever however i can be anywhere in that a part of that emulating that i'll steal

00:49:34.320 all your content because i just want to be you magnified and if more people just went oh well

00:49:42.120 if i do that one good thing that one good thing a day one good thing you carry somebody's groceries

00:49:47.980 their car do one good thing everything changes tomorrow everything yeah right well i want to

00:49:56.380 thank you so much for spending your time i know how busy you are i had to get you in before you

00:50:01.980 go off so what are you going to you're going to going to greece going to greece leaving the

00:50:08.700 country for the first time in my entire life i'm nervous very nervous where are you going in greece

00:50:15.820 Mykonos, Athens, Santorini, my favorite place. The black beaches, beautiful. You take some water

00:50:33.220 shoes because you won't be able to walk on the sand. Okay. Thank you for telling me that.

00:50:37.500 Your feet will be burned off. You need those water shoes or whatever. It is the most beautiful

00:50:44.540 place i think i've ever been to is the water really beautiful perfect okay perfection athens

00:50:53.000 is going to be busy it's going to be very like rome it's it's a lot go see you know you want to

00:50:59.080 see the parthenon and all that stuff but um the islands they have the siesta in the afternoon you

00:51:05.860 go have a nap you wake up you go walk the streets of mykonos until 11 12 at night shops are open

00:51:13.180 music's playing it is the most welcoming of culture and beautiful people um i couldn't speak

00:51:22.280 any greek though i really wish i knew how um if you can learn some that's that's a i think that

00:51:28.660 that helps the connectivity of it all um but it is transformative perfect thank you for telling me

00:51:37.560 we're so excited so we're we're gonna have a good time all right when you get back i've heard

00:51:42.960 that you have a bit of an okra thing. I don't know what okra is. It's pickled okra. You ain't

00:51:50.300 never had pickled okra. It's like you're speaking French to me, love. I don't know what you're

00:51:55.340 saying. I'm going to, listen, I'm not messing around. This summer, when you have time, I'm

00:52:01.220 driving down or I'm flying down and you and I are going to have lunch on your porch or in your car,

00:52:06.960 whatever you see fit, and I'm going to have some pickled okra and we're going to come sit with

00:52:11.680 some people that'll work that'll work um it's hot thank you so much for being with me if you want

00:52:18.180 to tell everybody where to find you all your social media all your your big world um so i'm

00:52:24.840 on everything under my name ophelia nichols ophelia nichols except for tiktok on tiktok

00:52:31.480 it's shoelover99 um they can find me there and the rest is ophelia nichols amazing it's really

00:52:38.540 You can't miss me.

00:52:40.620 I'll put all that in the comments section.

00:52:42.340 Thank you so much, love, and have a great trip.

00:52:45.400 Thank you for having me.

00:52:47.100 This dog has stolen the whole show. 0.87

00:52:49.620 Well, she's a pain in the butt, but she appreciates you too, Jojo. 0.95

00:52:55.500 Who knows? 0.98

00:52:56.080 Look, she's like, I'm the star.

00:52:57.620 Please watch me.

00:53:00.700 Thank you so much, love.

00:53:01.860 Have a great trip, and I will see you and your okra on your porch,

00:53:06.180 let's say July-ish.

00:53:08.000 There you go. Fantastic. And to everybody listening, have a great week and I will see you

00:53:13.320 next Tuesday. Same bat time, same bat channel. Dismissed.

Unlearn16: Class is in Session - April 23, 2024

The One Where I Have Lunch With Mama Tot

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