00:00:00.000Hello and welcome to Vulgar History. My name is Anne Foster and this is a feminist women's1.00
00:00:15.700history comedy podcast where I just kind of like casually explain some stories to you that are
00:00:21.100like amazing, very gossipy, and they're also, I would say, scandalous. At the end of the episode,
00:00:27.780I'm going to give the story, I'm going to rate it on a Scandalicious scale. So their last episode,
00:00:32.820which was about Carolina Brunswick, she ended up scoring a 20 out of 40 on the Scandalicious scale,
00:00:37.360which I think is a good place to start because it's like exactly halfway. So there's room for0.78
00:00:41.620us to get like more intense, wild stories, but also some that are a bit less like, and it's not
00:00:47.440saying that one person we're looking at is better than another person or that one person matters
00:00:53.300more it's just kind of like just to gauge the story where it where it falls on that scale so
00:00:58.500like depending on what kind of mood you're in you can like seek out a story that's like a more
00:01:02.660just like excessive weirdness to it or ones that are like a bit more calm and today's story i'm
00:01:10.300excited to see where this is going to land on the scale because it well let's let's just get into it
00:01:16.080i guess um today we're looking at the story of a woman named frances howard she was born in 1590
00:01:22.460so this is basically the Stuart era so this is like after there was the Tudors then there was
00:01:29.660the Stuarts so it's like shortly after Queen Elizabeth's whole thing is when this whole
00:01:36.640situation is going on and the thing about Frances Howard is I am so obsessed with her I love her
00:01:43.700whole story I love her whole aesthetic I love everything about her and so I've read about her
00:01:48.800a bunch already and today I was thinking like oh I'm just gonna see like what other podcasts are
00:01:53.460talking about her and maybe I was like not searching well but I feel like I'm good at
00:01:57.340searching and I couldn't find any podcast talking about her which is just like I mean I'm here
00:02:02.620offering the service of just like making us podcasts about her because everybody should
00:02:08.200know her story it is an amazing story when I post this podcast episode I'm gonna put a picture of
00:02:14.360her like a portrait like painted while she's still alive so you can all see what she looked like
00:02:18.700And the thing is, I affectionately have come to think of her and just reminder that this podcast is called Vulgar History. So there might be some vulgar language used and I'm about to say a vulgar word. And that word is tits because she is tits out Frances Howard. If you look at the portraits of her, like there's nothing else anyone could possibly call her. It's not just like, oh, this was an era where women wore like low cut dresses. Like, no.
00:03:02.320but that's just because they're portraits that were painted and not photographs like she her
00:03:06.540entire chest is on display in every portrait you can find of her including when she's an older
00:03:11.560person spoiler she becomes an older person including when she's grieving like spoiler she
00:03:17.320is in mourning at one point she's just like it's just glorious like she just like is into her0.61
00:03:23.540breast area and she is just like tits out francis howard and that is also how she lived her life0.99
00:03:29.660just tits out. And this is like, I can't, there's a lot to this story. There is a lot to the story.0.98
00:03:36.320The scoring is going to be pretty exciting, I think. So, Frances Howard. She was born in 1590.
00:03:43.280Her father was called Lord Thomas Howard. And I should say her last name was Howard, as in
00:03:47.860Catherine Howard, as in Henry VIII's fifth wife. Frances and Catherine aren't closely related,
00:03:55.160really, because the Howards were the super powerful, influential family in England at
00:04:00.880around this time. But like everybody in the family had like 17 children and those children
00:04:05.620had 17 children. So basically that's the lineage we're dealing with. It's a similarly powerful
00:04:10.880family. So Thomas Howard was married to a woman who was the Duchess of Norfolk. So Frances was
00:04:17.940royalty, but she was a noble woman. So she was rich. Her parents had titles. And so as per
00:04:25.660in this time and place, what that means is that the whole point of her was to grow up and marry
00:04:31.240somebody that would be beneficial to her family and that would bring money and prosperity and
00:04:37.080hopefully more power to their family. And so in 1604, when Frances was, if you're keeping track,
00:04:44.280she's born in 1590 1604 she is 14 years old and she got married to a 13 year old boy named robert
00:04:52.340devereau so i talked about this briefly in the last episode about carolina brunswick but there's
00:04:58.740this sort of assumption i'm stereotyped that people in places like england in the 1600s got
00:05:05.560married when they were like 12 and then they had you know 17 children and then they like retired
00:05:10.540when they were 20, like the lives are short, et cetera, et cetera. There's a lot of fallacies in
00:05:14.320that, including the fact that people didn't actually die young that much more. It's just the
00:05:19.540average age of death looks low because so many children died. Anyway, getting married at age 14
00:05:26.160is not usual, but also when you're married, when you're that young, it's not like, okay, go off,
00:05:31.660like have a house, be adults now. It's like often people got betrothed when they're that young,
00:05:36.840where they got engaged when they're that young. In this case, she got married when she was that0.98
00:05:40.460young, but no one expected them to like run off and start acting like married people.
00:05:45.500Oh, and I should also mention, so they got married. Robert Devereaux was from also from
00:05:49.300a powerful family. So I was just going to say Robert Devereaux, we need to explain about him
00:05:53.560a little bit. He's one of several men who are going to be included in this story. So Robert
00:06:00.920Devereaux, 13-year-old husband of Francis Howard, is the son of a man who is also named Robert
00:06:09.760Devereaux, who was Queen Elizabeth's favorite towards the end of her life. So Queen Elizabeth
00:06:15.540lived for quite a while, all things considered, and she got older and older and older, but she
00:06:20.860sort of like in a reverse Leonardo DiCaprio situation, the men who she liked kept always
00:06:25.960being sort of younger men. So the older Robert Devereaux was Queen Elizabeth's favorite for a
00:06:31.540while. And then this Robert Devereaux is the son of that person. Just bear in mind as well, in 1601,
00:06:41.980so three years before this teenage wedding happened, the older Robert Devereaux was executed
00:06:47.800for treason because he tried to overthrow the government. So like things are not, it's not like
00:06:52.680a calm time in the world, generally. Francis, Francis Howard, Robert Devereaux got married,
00:07:00.580but they didn't actually consummate the marriage because they were very young children. And also
00:07:06.920everybody knew that it was dangerous for 14 year olds to get pregnant. And they wanted to wait0.99
00:07:11.960until Francis had like grown up and matured a bit. So she was able to do that. Basically,
00:07:16.580they were married, but like a marriage is not official until it is consummated. So they just
00:07:22.500waited a few years while that was happening. Robert Devereaux, 13-year-old boy, just went
00:07:28.180off for a gap year, just touring around Europe. And he was away for two years. And when he came
00:07:35.820back, Frances basically did everything she could to never be alone with him ever. And so you might
00:07:41.960think, well, isn't this the point? Aren't they now? What would they be? 16 and 14 or whatever.
00:07:49.080Anyway, she didn't want to be alone with him partially because he had contracted smallpox
00:07:53.100during his trip and she didn't want to catch smallpox and die.
00:07:56.740And also because while he was away, she had fallen in love with someone else.
00:08:02.040So the person who she had fallen in love with was called also Robert.
00:08:06.820Literally every man in the story is called Robert.
00:08:09.220Basically, it's going to be complicated.
00:08:11.980The other man who she fell in love with is called Robert Carr, the Earl of Somerset.
00:08:16.160So we're just going to call him Somerset.
00:08:18.520to tell him apart from Devereaux, which is what we're going to call him as well.
00:08:23.660So Somerset was around Francis's age, just a few years older, and he wasn't from a noble family.
00:08:31.680I mean, people from noble families didn't tend to hang out with people from not noble families.
00:08:35.960So the thing was he had elevated himself basically. So while Francis was off getting married
00:08:40.800as a young teenager, Somerset was a teenager and he was a page in Edinburgh, which means
00:08:46.860basically, I think, you know, like this sort of person who would like go and get a glass of wine
00:08:51.520for somebody more important, et cetera. While he was doing this, he made friends with a writer
00:08:57.720whose name was Thomas Overbury. And Thomas Overbury was not very important or influential
00:09:03.340himself at the time, but the two of them just kind of hit it off. They became super great friends
00:09:08.920in this sort of like, when there's two people who are friends, there's often the one who's
00:09:13.260sort of like the main one and the one who's sort of the sidekick. And in this situation,
00:09:17.320Somerset was the charismatic, ambitious one. And Overbury was kind of the like behind the scenes,
00:09:24.780sort of quieter sort of person. So Somerset made a great impression on the king,
00:09:31.560who at this point was King James I of England. And we'll get into that in a bit, how,
00:09:37.780what Somerset did and why the two of them hinted off. But basically Overbury supported him. He
00:09:43.120thought this is great. My BFF is friends with the king. Like this is great for everybody.
00:09:49.060Somerset became one of the most influential people at court with Overbury sort of as his
00:09:53.320hype man, like sort of supporting him. So how did he meet the king? So in 1607, which is the same
00:10:01.500year that Devereux left to go in his gap year after the teenage wedding, Somerset was at a
00:10:06.920jousting match. We all know what jousting is. It's this wildly dangerous, quote unquote, sport
00:10:14.160where knights put on their armor and then they race towards another knight, also an armor on a
00:10:18.880horse. And then you like poke at each other with your sticks. Somerset broke his leg during a
00:10:23.700jousting match, which is just like, like in the first hand, like it's 1607 medical care, not
00:10:30.180amazing but also it wasn't so bad there's like okay doctors around and stuff and so the king
00:10:37.020king james was like oh my god this poor extremely handsome young man has just been injured i the
00:10:42.800king i'm just gonna like nurse him back to health because that's just the sort of king i am slash
00:10:49.160king james the first kind of like his aunt queen elizabeth just really liked really young hot
00:10:55.380looking men. So basically they like bonded and sort of like a soap opera-y way where Somerset
00:11:01.180was like convalescing and King James was, I don't think he was like personally tending to him, but
00:11:05.780I'm sure he'd check in on him all the time and they just like got to be quite close. And Somerset
00:11:10.700became James's favorite. The King loved him so much that he knighted him. He made him a knight,
00:11:17.800called him the Viscount Rochester, hired him as a privy counselor. So this is just like
00:11:23.160every good thing happening to him so the thing is that king james was easily swayed by who he liked
00:11:32.820and who he didn't like he wasn't looking at things like very objectively he'd just be like who's my
00:11:37.860favorite person great i'm gonna make that person like the archbishop or whatever and so since that
00:11:42.200was his personality getting back to the francis of it all the howard family um were like okay so
00:11:48.960this is the king's personality. Like if he likes you, he'll do nice things for you. So how can we
00:11:53.740make him like us, the Howard family? And so the thing is that by now, so again, Robert Devereaux
00:12:00.920is off just like getting smallpox on mainland Europe. Somerset is here in England and he and
00:12:08.480Francis have met each other at the court because she's a noble woman and he's the king's favorite
00:12:13.880and they basically totally fell in love. And so Francis's family was like, oh, okay. So our
00:12:20.200little baby Francis is, has fallen in love. She's captured the heart of the King's favorite. So this
00:12:25.920is great. Like, how can we use this relationship between this man and this woman to help bring
00:12:30.820more power to us, the Howard family. And so ideally what they would do is marry Francis to
00:12:37.960Somerset, but they can't do that because she was still married basically to Robert Devereux.
00:12:43.880But the thing is that she and Robert Devereux had never consummated their relationship. And if you haven't consummated your relationship, and I feel like this might even be true now, you've grounds for an annulment. You can say like it was never a real marriage.
00:12:57.540So basically, Francis is like, this is great. I'm just going to get my marriage to Robert Devereux annulled. And then I can marry my true love, Somerset, a man who is himself in the midst of like, a love triangle with potentially Thomas Overbury and the king. So that's a little love triangle, those three men, Somerset, the king and Overbury. But then Somerset is in love with Francis. And then Francis is still married to Devereux.
00:13:25.140This is like a five-person, like, love quintangle.
00:13:31.740I'm not sure what the word would be when there's five people.
00:19:11.220Kingdoms were reduced to cinders, and armies scattered like bones in the dust.
00:19:16.860Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world, praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight.
00:19:24.340But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins.
00:19:28.620This is old school adventuring at its most cruel.
00:19:32.120Your torch ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job.
00:19:37.940This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically based on the decisions that the characters make.
00:19:45.600This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back.
00:19:50.240Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com slash the glass cannon with the podcast version dropping the next day.
00:20:01.040See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark.
00:23:48.900so basically overbury had been tricked into committing treason by refusing to become the
00:23:55.600ambassador to russia and so he was arrested and put into jail in the tower of london and after
00:24:02.440five months he died of quote-unquote natural causes so with overbury out of the way francis
00:24:11.300finally was able to get on with the whole annulment scenario the way that this worked
00:24:15.960in this time for this married sort of couple was that, um, Francis and Devereaux both sort of went
00:24:24.420into a courtroom. And so Francis testified that she had done her best to have sex with, with
00:24:30.040Devereaux. And she says that like, she, you know, she tried to have sex with him, but he was just0.60
00:24:34.320like not able to have sex with her. He was impotent, she alleged. Um, and so the proof of this0.97
00:24:42.000is that I just want to clarify because I think I got a bit mixed up, which means you're probably
00:24:46.600a bit mixed up as well. So they got married when they were 13 or 14 years old. Deborah went away
00:24:52.560on a trip for two years. Then he came back. While he was away, Frances had fallen in love with
00:24:58.740Somerset. And then once he was back, she basically, even though they were husband and wife, she just
00:25:03.220like never went to bed with him ever is what she did. And so she alleges that he was impotent,
00:25:10.080so they couldn't have sex, which means the marriage was invalid, which means that
00:25:14.540she should be able to get an annulment. So the main evidence in a trial where you're trying to
00:25:19.180prove that your husband, when you're Francis and you're in this time and place and she's trying to
00:25:24.940prove that her husband was impotent, the main evidence is her virginity. Basically, was her
00:25:31.560hymen intact or not? Because this is a culture and a time and place where a young woman was1.00
00:25:38.380sort of expected to just never have sex until she was married. And so Francis is saying like
00:25:44.540that she never had sex with her husband, even though she was married. So technically she should0.71
00:25:50.120be intact. In order to investigate this, super fun. So she was examined by 10 matrons and two
00:25:58.100midwives who just did a little gynecological exploration to see whether her hymen was intact.
00:26:04.900and in so doing they found that yes she was still a virgin but um plot twist it wasn't really
00:26:12.340francis who they were examining so francis was like i am happy for you guys to investigate my
00:26:20.560hymen's intactness but i'm also so shy i'm so shy can we just do it in a room with a veil covering
00:26:29.560my face and can i just like go in the room for a minute first put a veil over my face and then
00:26:33.980you'll come in and they're like that's totally reasonable we've seen portraits of you and have
00:26:38.700no reason to think that you're not a shy person so basically she allegedly rumor has it switched
00:26:46.880places with somebody who was a virgin for this inspection it's entirely possible frances herself
00:26:56.140did not ever have sex to this point if you're looking for the occam's razor of it all like
00:27:03.220And then the investigation was actually of her. But that's just like, I'm guessing that she switched places with somebody. So this is all happening. The midwives examined her and they found they're like, yep, she's totally virgin. That means her husband must have been impotent. But Devereaux, who was guess what, the worst. So he got up on the stand and he was like, actually, I am super virile. I've had sex with so many people before. And it's actually Francis's fault that we never had sex.
00:27:31.960So he confirms the fact that they never had sex, but he's saying it was her fault because she was so gross and ugly. He got some of his friends to come up and testify for things like I've seen him with an erection, which means he's capable of being aroused. So like he clearly could have sex just for some reason. With Frances, he wasn't able to. So Devereux was like, Frances was mean to me. She's sexually unappealing. So I was just unable to have sex with her, but it's her fault.0.98
00:28:01.960And basically, this was all happening in court.0.99
00:28:04.760Lots of witnesses there hearing all this talk about sex and hymens and erections.0.79
00:28:10.380And it got really, everyone was kind of talking.
00:28:13.600If you've seen, like, The Favorite, the movie that was from, like, just a few decades later.
00:28:19.020People around the court, they like a good little piece of gossip.
00:32:34.360But Somerset was just like, no, I'm not going to plead guilty, which is where I feel like
00:32:38.120it could be that he's innocent but also if he pled guilty yeah the king could pardon him
00:32:42.580but what if that didn't happen what if he's feeling guilty and then got to be executed
00:32:47.260anyway um fun fact so there was a jury of all men because it was a time of all men juries and do
00:32:54.620you know who one of the jurors was this might be part of why somerset didn't want the jury to
00:32:59.520decide his fate because one of the jurors was robert devereau francis howard's ex-husband the
00:33:06.700who was proven in a court to be impotent, who had smallpox as a teenager, etc. So basically,
00:33:14.320Devereaux was eager to sentence both of them to death because they had crossed him. They had0.82
00:33:19.120forced him to stand up in front of everybody in England and be like, yes, I can have erections.0.63
00:33:24.480This is just like, I can't even. So the verdict was decided upon. So what happened was that they
00:33:31.420were not sentenced to death, but to life in prison. Francis and Somerset were because they were rich
00:33:37.100and also James, you know, liked them. But the other four who were not wealthy were all hanged
00:33:44.320for the role in the death. So that means Gervais Helwis, Richard Weston, Anne Turner, and Simon
00:33:49.100Franklin were all executed for the role in this whole situation. Francis and Somerset both found
00:33:54.940guilty, sentenced to life in jail, but Francis was pardoned almost immediately. Somerset was also
00:34:00.680soon after so they weren't even in jail for that long basically they spent about two years in the
00:34:05.760tower of london which again as rich people it wasn't like shackled to the wall it was sort of
00:34:10.020just like an okay hotel situation clearly they got to visit each other sometimes because francis got
00:34:15.220pregnant and gave birth to a child while they were living there it was a daughter who they called
00:34:19.720ann nice name and basically they they left prison and just like kept kept going they lived the rest
00:34:27.800of their lives out of the public eye basically they stayed away from royal court they were just
00:34:32.560sort of notorious people that everybody would sort of be like oh my god do you know who that is when
00:34:37.000they went out anywhere the whole thing was so dramatic that a number of plays and poems and
00:34:41.460other writings came out over the next few years inspired both by the events of francis's annulment
00:34:47.480trial and the whole like virgin switcheroo as well as the whole murder thing um posthumously
00:34:55.440Thomas Overbury's poem, A Wife, became a best-selling poem because of his connection
00:35:01.420to the crime in that he was murdered. And because the poem, A Wife, everybody knew is a subtweet of
00:35:07.680Francis Howard, who is like the most notorious woman in the world. Basically, the poem was not
00:35:13.500out of print for the next 60 years. And if you're wondering what happened to Robert Devereaux,
00:35:18.560he did get married again, but he never fathered any children, legitimate or illegitimate. So
00:35:24.140maybe he was impotent? Who's to say? Francis Howard passed away in 1632, aged 42 years old.
00:35:33.160Her husband, Robert Carr, passed away 12 years later. Their daughter, Anne, lived a long and
00:35:38.460healthy life. And the king, King James, stayed king for a while, but this is just like one of
00:35:45.140many examples of why he kind of got a reputation of being like not a squeaky clean sort of guy,
00:35:51.540sort of like a morally questionable type person if you want to read more about this there's uh
00:35:59.980so as i said there's the novel the poison bed by easy freemantle and there's also two non-fiction
00:36:05.540books that i read to consult to write this um there's the overbury affair by miriam allen
00:36:10.600defond as well as unnatural murder poison in the court of james the first by anne somerset
00:36:15.600who is an author who seems to be a descendant of Francis Howard and her daughter, Anne.
00:36:21.680And now it is time to score this on the Scandaliciousness score scale.
00:36:26.260And this is like, okay, there's four categories.
00:36:31.220And this is just like, first we're going to go, we're going to start with Scandaliciousness.
00:36:36.920So this is like the quality, like how juicy and gossipy and like messed up is this story.
00:36:44.120and this is like like this has got murder the francis howard admitted to that she was sent to
00:36:53.040jail for we've got the scandalous neckline of literally every bodice of every dress she ever
00:37:00.360wore we've got the whole was she a virgin or not trial like i i can't not give this a 10 this is a
00:37:08.62010 out of, I can't think of anything she could have done. Like the scandalousness of the fact
00:37:14.540that Somerset was in his own gay love triangle with the king. Like this whole story, if I could0.95
00:37:21.380give it more than 10, I would for scandalousness. In terms of scheminess, again, I feel like
00:37:27.200Frances Howard, she had the scheminess, like with the support of her family. I guess the question
00:37:32.360is like, how much was her and how much was her family sort of helping figure all these plans
00:37:37.920out for her but basically a lot of this rested on her and she was able to pull off a lot of stuff
00:37:42.980she's able to pull off getting the annulment the virginity switcheroo like conscripting five other1.00
00:37:50.420people to murder somebody with her like her scheminess i'm gonna give her an eight an eight
00:37:57.140for scheminess the next category is significance which is interesting because like so the
00:38:04.560significance category that would be like did Francis Howard invent algebra did she I don't
00:38:10.300know you know like did one of her descendants end up becoming the next queen or whatever like
00:38:16.060basically in terms of the like it was a huge scandal at the time I mean 10 out of 10 for
00:38:20.620scandalousness the significance was a factor in the reputation of James the first which sort of
00:38:27.480tarnished the reputation of his son Charles the first who was kicked off the throne by
00:38:32.500revolution. So it was like, there's some significance to this, but it's like one
00:38:37.040part of a bigger thing that affected British history. So I love her. Francis Howard is my girl,
00:38:44.240but I'm just going to give her, I think, a three for significance. And the final category is sexism.
00:38:50.700This is like giving more points dependent on how much did being a woman in a patriarchal society0.92
00:38:57.620affect what happened to her. And this is an interesting one to think about because Francis
00:39:03.580Howard kind of saw the card she was dealt being the daughter of this wealthy family,
00:39:09.380being married off to this guy. And she kind of didn't, she found ways to work with that
00:39:14.380and to make it work for her. Like I don't, obviously sexism, basically everybody's going0.85
00:39:20.560to always at least get a five in sexism because that was just always a part of everyone's life.
00:39:25.440I mean, the fact that she had to prove her virginity in the trial, like that's pretty, that's pretty shitty where she had to prove that she wanted to have sex, but couldn't like, other than that, though, like people didn't like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stick with a five, like a five, five in the category of sexism.
00:39:45.220So that gives her 18, 26, 26 out of 40 in the Scandaliciousness scale, which is like a really good score.
00:39:58.540I mean, we just went through literally everything that she got up to.
00:40:02.520I mean, this is the highest score so far.
00:40:04.480I know it's just the second episode, but I'm interested to see where other people are going to score.