Breaking the Boy Code - The Strengths of Black and South Asian Boys

00:00:00.000 You guys aren't here to pull on my rope for my mom?

00:00:01.800 Sure.

00:00:02.640 All right.

00:00:03.960 Happy Mother's Day.

00:00:06.120 You have loved me long before you knew my name.

00:00:08.760 And when I took my first breath, your whole life changed.

00:00:11.500 I've caused you a lot of pain, but your love remained. 0.99

00:00:14.240 And the things I obtained is that you never complained, even though you're always gay.

00:00:19.040 You have loved me through every stage, and you have been there at every age.

00:00:23.000 And that has never changed.

00:00:24.620 Now on to the next page.

00:00:27.280 You have loved me with all your heart since the start.

00:00:30.000 And if I'm being honest, nothing will ever tear us apart.

00:00:33.240 My love for you went through the charts.

00:00:35.620 And to me, you are God's beautiful earth.

00:00:38.180 You were always there for me through sunshine and rain.

00:00:41.240 And your love still hasn't changed.

00:00:44.160 I'm proud to be your son, and I'd like to thank you for all the loving things you've done.

00:00:48.620 I love you so much that no one could truly explain it.

00:00:51.500 But today, I'd like for you to just relax and embrace it.

00:00:54.900 Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you.

00:01:00.000 welcome to the podcast my name is jonathan this is breaking the boy code and this is the second

00:01:18.700 half of a conversation revolving around a framework called the umbrella assessments

00:01:22.620 from our friends over at the Umbrella Project.

00:01:25.720 Not the Umbrella Academy, much to the disappointment of Yuel

00:01:31.520 and a couple of the other boys in this group.

00:01:34.880 If you haven't listened to the first half, hit that up first.

00:01:37.800 And to jog your memory, you know, if you have, it's a tool for students,

00:01:41.380 anybody really, to reflect on the skills, strengths, and resources

00:01:44.940 that you have to take care of your own well-being.

00:01:49.420 And then what you do with this assessment sort of

00:01:51.680 is that you piece those skills and resources together in a circle

00:01:55.140 to get a sense of how full your umbrella really is.

00:01:59.780 Because it's always going to rain.

00:02:02.420 That's a fact of life.

00:02:03.720 You're going to face challenging times.

00:02:06.640 And if you're really missing out on some of these strengths or resources,

00:02:09.180 like you don't have growth mindset or self-compassion,

00:02:13.760 your umbrella then could use some further development.

00:02:18.100 The strongest umbrellas are made up of a mix of many well-being skills,

00:02:22.000 and they continue to grow.

00:02:26.480 One of the resources in this assessment is gratitude,

00:02:29.660 and the prompts are like, you know, I'm thankful for many things in life.

00:02:34.460 I recognize and appreciate what others do,

00:02:37.240 and I often express how thankful I am.

00:02:40.940 So it's fitting that we finish our time together

00:02:43.760 in this final sort of recording piece

00:02:46.260 by sharing some of that gratitude

00:02:47.660 for the experiences we had together,

00:02:50.540 for the lessons we taught each other,

00:02:51.860 and most of all, just for the time that we spent.

00:02:56.240 This is going to kind of come a little out of left field,

00:02:58.840 but a quote that, you know, I never forget

00:03:01.440 that goes back to the year that I spent living in France

00:03:03.980 as a teenager is, and forgive my French, but

00:03:07.640 C'est le temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose

00:03:10.160 qui fait ta rose si importante.

00:03:12.460 It's from Antoine de Saint-Exubery.

00:03:14.220 you've probably heard of the story of the little prince. The translation is it's the time that

00:03:19.620 you put into something that you give up for someone that makes them as important as they are.

00:03:27.880 You really have to imagine us, you know, with surgical masks, six feet apart, multiple delays

00:03:34.520 throughout the weeks and the months. You have to imagine the boys giving their hearts, speaking

00:03:40.720 their truth, joking with each other, but also learning from each other and embedding part

00:03:44.940 of their adolescence online in a podcast.

00:03:48.660 You can also imagine the Next Gen Men team painstakingly going through the audio footage,

00:03:54.320 holding it, processing it, sharing it with you.

00:03:58.260 That's a lot of perseverance.

00:04:00.780 And that leaves me with a lot of gratitude.

00:04:06.760 And lastly, I'm just grateful to you for listening.

00:04:11.600 So walk with us one more time back into that library

00:04:14.780 and listen to what the boys have to say.

00:04:29.260 So the next category,

00:04:30.420 are you guys ready?

00:04:33.940 Is gratitude.

00:04:36.160 When I look at my life, I am thankful for many things.

00:04:38.920 I recognize and appreciate what others do for me and I often I am thankful for many things and like

00:04:48.880 the top one is I'm thankful to like even have a life no me too for me my score went up to nine

00:04:57.560 my total I'm thankful for many things you know to have a family to have a roof over my head

00:05:03.260 you know to have the love and support I have right now and I recognize and appreciate what

00:05:08.580 others do for me you know i go off i tell them thank you and things like that and i showed up

00:05:13.820 with like by by expressing myself and yeah for the third one yeah i express how thankful i am i

00:05:19.700 talk to them i i see how thank you i am you know i sometimes i write a poem you know things like

00:05:25.180 that yeah okay let's move right on to the next one which is yeah let's go down we'll do mindfulness

00:05:32.140 mindfulness i tend to think more about what is happening in the moment than in the past or in

00:05:38.840 the future i got a one oh dude one in total for the category yeah because you're right whenever

00:05:45.020 i'm in trouble right i don't think about what's happening i think about how i prevent it and what

00:05:49.540 like if i'm gonna make up a lie to my parents i think of every possible counter so like i can't

00:05:54.100 like it's perfect and it's like yeah like it's actually real that's actually happened like last

00:05:58.140 week so i was out with my friends i spent like a little more money than usual right and then after

00:06:04.320 i had to make up a whole lie on why a lot more money was spent and i i used the extra money to

00:06:09.380 buy a new charger because their old one broke i they never found out and now they are gonna find

00:06:14.960 out no they're not podcast huh they don't watch this they don't watch this they just cut that part

00:06:20.100 out because like and also like when you i did i like i i can identify how i'm feeling

00:06:27.460 like not as well like I've never actually like I have I haven't cried or

00:06:38.280 like any of that for years I haven't like I like I can't do it no way I like

00:06:43.720 if I only I only cry only to the quality onions or like something like that but I

00:06:47.780 won't actually like cry have you experienced like really sad things nope

00:06:53.960 I have but like I don't feel it why do you think that's happening? I don't know

00:07:02.920 Sleep deprivation

00:07:10.480 Me me when I'm here recently I mean like five years six years of all crying me too five years

00:07:17.180 I don't know if you see what's happening like when I was younger I used to 0.97

00:07:21.200 I remember how stupid I looked crying for the dumbest stuff in them like if I did if I didn't 0.89

00:07:27.580 get like the right seat to sit on or like the right bowl to eat with I'll cry for noise and 0.99

00:07:31.780 I'll complain yeah when I was in kindergarten I was crying because I did I didn't want to go to

00:07:35.120 school we're little kids I know that's when I was little little kids and I stopped crying

00:07:39.440 I don't know what happened what about you Sadie in kindergarten I cried when someone like stole

00:07:45.100 my lego piece because that was the only one left and i only something i only cry if like

00:07:51.420 it's like a like a loved one of mine like passes away or if or like if i get angry sometimes i cry

00:07:59.020 but not often i blame my uncle for this but see my mom my dad when i was a kid right i was like

00:08:05.980 an only child for a little bit and they were always busy because they were new to the country

00:08:08.940 when i was i was born like that right and after my uncle also came with them so it was us four

00:08:15.100 so when they were at work he would be home take care of me right he taught me how to fight and

00:08:20.960 basically he's like he told me if anyone tries to put hands on you box him in the face so i remember

00:08:26.280 when i was like um in kindergarten some kid he would try to keep trying to bully me so i knocked

00:08:33.000 him out completely like he was bleeding and he had to leave wow you sound like you're proud of

00:08:38.300 my mom my mom my mom killed me my uncle was like good job he was proud of me

00:08:44.180 How does that connect to you crying or not?

00:08:47.340 Huh?

00:08:48.660 Oh, I just put it out there.

00:08:50.240 Yeah, how does that?

00:08:51.500 That was off topic.

00:08:53.320 Be connected to how you learn about what it means to be a man.

00:08:56.540 Part of it is throwing hands if somebody tries to, like, get at you,

00:09:00.460 but part of it is also not crying for sure.

00:09:05.100 So if mindfulness is the ability to, like, recognize your feelings,

00:09:09.120 identify those feelings, and let them process,

00:09:11.180 it sounds like we're all kind of low

00:09:13.880 I guess my question

00:09:18.140 for you all would be

00:09:20.600 let's say

00:09:22.160 I want you to think of a challenging

00:09:24.280 moment that's happened

00:09:26.000 within the past, I don't know

00:09:27.920 let's say six months

00:09:28.780 are you able to think of something that's really challenging or really difficult

00:09:32.080 that's come up for you?

00:09:33.460 when it won't get out of my head

00:09:35.840 like when I go to sleep

00:09:37.380 it won't leave me alone, it's just there

00:09:39.880 and i can't sleep like you're out of control like your brain is not functioning yeah yeah

00:09:45.560 when you're angry like it just feels like your body's like taking over you and you can't

00:09:50.200 you just for me when i get angry i don't like calm down automatically i just get like it's

00:09:55.640 like it's like you turned on the switch tantrum like a baby yeah like what were you also when

00:10:00.360 you keep thinking when you constantly think about it okay then you can't let it go right

00:10:06.040 Oh, like, technically, it actually feels like you're, like, like, you're sick, like, you know how you, like, your head is hot, and then your body feels hot, but, like, in general, you're not.

00:10:16.860 It's like you're possessed. Like Sadiq said, he said when he's mad, he, like, his body takes control over him, and he doesn't really calm down right away, so you're basically, like, you know, it's like a, someone's doing, like, a Naruto Jutsu on you, and then you, and you turn, yeah.

00:10:31.780 No, it's like

00:10:33.240 And when something won't leave your head

00:10:35.200 Your stomach always be slurring for no reason

00:10:37.240 Like you always get that feeling

00:10:39.180 Like everyone has that feeling in their stomach

00:10:41.960 Butterflies in your stomach?

00:10:45.020 Not butterflies

00:10:45.880 Like when something's in your head

00:10:47.340 It won't go away, right?

00:10:49.460 It's like the mind transfer jutsu

00:10:51.600 Okay, let's do the next category

00:10:55.380 It's self-efficacy

00:10:57.120 Um, I'm confident

00:11:00.440 So the previous category was emotional self-awareness, and we're all kind of down here.

00:11:10.940 The next category was self-efficacy, which was up here.

00:11:17.720 So is it related to masculinity that your emotional awareness would be low and your

00:11:22.280 confidence would be high?

00:11:23.280 Is that connected to anything?

00:11:25.280 Yes.

00:11:26.280 Yes, a lot.

00:11:27.280 Very much.

00:11:28.280 like we say before like how like uh madden up and all those stuff like don't cry and all that stuff

00:11:34.520 don't be a girl yeah you know what action said like it was like it resonates with um what what

00:11:41.960 people like what we were talking about even beginning when people say madden up or like

00:11:45.720 don't be a girl and things like that adrian's question was for number two which is i can usually

00:11:50.360 handle whatever comes my way what if you can't handle it does that ever happen and how do you

00:11:56.760 know when it's time to ask for help when you really can't when you like you're like like

00:12:04.200 you're getting stomped on you know and then you need help to someone like let's say let's say

00:12:09.880 you're just a miniature let's say let's say you're an ant okay and then you're gonna get stepped on

00:12:16.840 you can't do anything you can't run you can't do anything because he's like right here right at

00:12:21.640 like he's like touching your back basically so technically no no and then so basically you would

00:12:31.520 have to ask your friend to come and help you you know because maybe you never know maybe his back

00:12:37.060 hurts or like because like you know human weight can't go on yeah so like going along with what

00:12:43.340 you talking about

00:12:44.100 What would be an example of a foot coming down on you as being in real and human life?

00:12:51.040 So you're this small creature and there's this thing as big as the sky coming down on top of you.

00:12:57.160 And that's when you need to have school.

00:12:59.080 So what would be an example of stuff that is that big?

00:13:01.880 Homework.

00:13:02.840 School stress?

00:13:04.360 Yeah.

00:13:04.880 Okay.

00:13:05.760 My teacher.

00:13:07.020 What else would be stuff that you need to do?

00:13:08.060 Pressure.

00:13:08.900 Pressure?

00:13:09.600 Like emotional pressure.

00:13:11.000 are there situations that you've experienced that are harder to bounce back from still back

00:13:21.800 no i still i always bounce back so the question is like do you bounce back the same way no matter

00:13:28.160 what happens or are there situations that you've experienced that are harder to bounce back from

00:13:35.700 than others well i would say i always bounce back the same way because i take i take everything as

00:13:43.380 a learning experience so i like see for example i lost i really i don't really take it as a loss

00:13:49.100 i take it as a learning experience and i i could i work on what to improve to win the next time

00:13:54.720 so i bounce back quickly from that you know train harder you know uh motivate myself put on work

00:14:00.780 even harder and persevere even more so I just keep doing that constantly that's

00:14:05.160 why I keep bouncing back and I don't really like get beat up myself or

00:14:09.900 nothing like whenever it happens to me I just like if it's rather like really

00:14:14.460 really bad I still just bounce back and I learn from it like they say learn from

00:14:19.860 your mistakes he's like thank you let's see for example say for example you play

00:14:27.400 basketball like your whole day for your life and after that they say oh you can't play basketball

00:14:34.320 no more if you play basketball you're gonna they're gonna shoot you that would be something

00:14:38.220 hard to bounce back from because you love this so much and that was like your passion that's

00:14:42.600 something you love to see every day like when you come home I love to see my family I love to say

00:14:47.420 hi to them you know I just like to see their faces again you know and then just knowing that

00:14:51.820 the next day you come they're not there no more they're gone it'll be really hard to bounce back

00:14:57.060 from and then you have to adapt to that so yeah that's what you have to

00:15:00.900 and start to bounce back from but you'll still move on it'll take time to bounce

00:15:05.800 back I know something like let's say imagine I love basketball I made the

00:15:10.180 NBA a week later a month later maybe someone I made the NBA my mom died right

00:15:15.940 like I would feel sad she never got like she was there with me the whole journey

00:15:20.640 she was never there with me during my success

00:15:22.740 didn't michael jordan have that issue like when he won the championship he had three he had three

00:15:28.420 he had three and after that after when they celebrated because he already spent time with

00:15:32.980 that throughout his whole because he'd been in the nba i think he won it like after six years

00:15:37.460 i think it was the first one he no no no it was the third one and after they went to go celebrate

00:15:43.220 then michael jordan's dad was in the road right he was driving with his car he started about to go

00:15:48.100 sleep and people came they shot him then he died after and then michael jordan that's why michael

00:15:53.860 jordan wanted to retire because he retired after his third and he came back he went to he went to

00:16:00.180 a baseball thing yeah he went to baseball for his took to carry on his dad's legacy because his dad

00:16:04.820 was a baseball player and he loved that yeah okay next category is culture my cultural identity

00:16:13.140 has a positive impact on my life i have easy access to books movies music about people who

00:16:20.900 look like me who wants to go first me okay so for the first one i put a three you know my cultural

00:16:32.500 like makes up who i am like so i'm hinduism you know people like people have to identify

00:16:39.700 me as an as a Hindu person from Sri Lanka speaks Tamil like yeah so it has a positive impact on me

00:16:49.860 and then for the second one I have easy access to books movies and music about people who look

00:16:56.660 like me I'd say one because like when you put aside like Bollywood and all those stuff

00:17:03.500 but from South Asia you just take that side and you focus on Hollywood there's

00:17:09.500 nothing like there's no books about like some like like Sri Lankan there's no

00:17:15.420 like there's no mute music about Sri Lankan like music Sri Lankan music like

00:17:21.460 well there is but like like I don't like to access yeah yeah and then movies

00:17:30.940 and books so music is like like it's a 50-50 like sometimes you can get the

00:17:39.100 movie the music you want to hear like most of the times like you don't act you

00:17:45.180 don't access it and then what about the last category the last one I have

00:17:50.580 cultural traditions or practices that I am a part I am a part of that that helps

00:17:57.000 sustain my mental health after three because i because i because i like doing those what's the

00:18:02.960 thing called the thing the the thing that takes out the negativity dream catcher dream chase

00:18:10.360 something do you there's like this thing we we stated it before but like i forgot oh the staging

00:18:16.900 or something yes so yeah that one i like doing that you know around the house so like he just

00:18:22.320 Oh, to take off bad energy.

00:18:24.180 Yeah.

00:18:25.460 That's staging?

00:18:26.300 That's smudging?

00:18:27.000 Miss KW, what is it called, the staging thing?

00:18:29.160 Is it called staging?

00:18:30.500 When was this the smoke and then you walk around?

00:18:32.700 Staging, yeah.

00:18:33.360 Yeah, it's called staging, yeah.

00:18:34.760 Staging.

00:18:35.120 So you take off the bad.

00:18:35.880 Staging.

00:18:36.280 Staging, staging, staging.

00:18:37.600 Staging.

00:18:38.240 Yeah, you didn't even know what it was.

00:18:39.980 Okay.

00:18:40.740 Staging.

00:18:41.320 It's called staging.

00:18:42.540 And yeah, it's like, it clears the air and it takes off all the bad energy or things

00:18:48.540 like that.

00:18:49.160 Yeah.

00:18:50.860 I like doing that.

00:18:52.320 So, like, it, like, makes me calm, you know, makes me, like, cool, you know, makes me,

00:18:57.580 like, awesome.

00:18:58.640 Right.

00:18:59.640 Yeah.

00:19:00.640 I feel like I'm old, like, old as in, like, a strong boy, you know, doing that.

00:19:09.600 For a thing I take—oh, no, never mind.

00:19:12.560 My cultural identity has a positive impact on my life.

00:19:16.320 Yeah, it does.

00:19:18.200 I don't really know how to explain it, but I have a lot for the second one.

00:19:21.400 I have easy access to books, movies, and music about people who look like me.

00:19:25.120 Do you? 1.00

00:19:25.380 Yeah, there's, like, lots of singers, actors, and, like, people who are, like, BIPOC Muslims

00:19:32.600 that have the, they're light-skinned kind of like me, and I do see all of them around.

00:19:39.020 I see lots of people on YouTube who, and I see, I have easy access to books, thing,

00:19:44.480 with, like, my culture.

00:19:45.540 not really my culture like my like at least my continent and where i'm from and like my religion

00:19:51.980 oh i've seen them like a lot everywhere i can't name it i can i can name a few i have easy access

00:19:59.720 to i have culture i don't wait what's what's for the last one last one is like how like your

00:20:07.060 cultural like like your culture like affects you and it makes you like it helps you with your

00:20:14.800 mental health oh it's like it makes me feel good because when we fast it's like 0.97

00:20:20.740 it's for us experiencing how people who don't have lots of food to eat and we're

00:20:26.320 saying we're like feeling how they feel and like that's why I think that's why

00:20:30.580 we do it because a lot of people they don't they don't really like people in

00:20:35.080 the streets sometimes they don't have lots of money they don't have lots of

00:20:37.720 food to eat and we're just feeling how they feel and so that we can like know

00:20:43.560 what they're going through and so that it's not easy for them make me feel and

00:20:50.100 make me feel more more worthy not worthy it makes me feel more more like I need

00:20:58.980 to I need to like if I need to be appreciated it makes me feel more

00:21:03.480 appreciated of other people more okay i kind of like worthy as an adjective i think that's an

00:21:12.080 important thing to feel well um my culture has a positive impact on my life you know i'm congolese

00:21:21.820 i'm a christian i'm african-canadian you know that has a positive impact on my life i have easy

00:21:27.740 access to books movies and music about people who look like me yes um i put i put i put three for

00:21:33.620 that uh well my total result is nine so i put three for for like i have like i have access to

00:21:39.420 people who look more like me because like there's tons of african canadians like basketball players

00:21:44.860 movie stars there's books like authors are writing like so much you know people who look like me

00:21:51.480 Yeah, I go look there, there's probably, yeah.

00:21:53.840 Right there, yeah, right there, anywhere you look.

00:21:56.180 And then for the last one, I put it to you as well.

00:21:58.860 I have a cultural tradition or practices that I am part of that helps sustain my mental health, yeah.

00:22:04.720 So for me, it's praying, you know, because it gives me, like, a sense of relief.

00:22:09.860 Yeah.

00:22:10.060 You know, that God is that, that God has my back, and, like, he's listening to my prayer, you know.

00:22:15.360 And, like, he's always there for me.

00:22:17.100 So, yeah, for me, it gives me a sense of relief.

00:22:18.860 And yeah, it makes me like feel like more calm, like if I had a stress day, I would just pray, talk to God, and yeah.

00:22:29.760 So for me, my total score was nine.

00:22:32.640 Mom's was seven.

00:22:34.040 My college identity has a good impact on me because like I'm a Christian, I'm Christian as well.

00:22:39.700 So I go to church every Sunday.

00:22:42.480 And like, yeah.

00:22:43.740 and after I have like easy my mom she always got a lot of DVDs and stuff like

00:22:49.740 that so every time she puts like some air chain music or like movies on the TV

00:22:55.080 I would watch with her sometimes they're so they're actually so funny I was

00:22:59.400 watching on my siblings yesterday I was actually dying with laughter and then I

00:23:03.120 have cultural practices and traditions that I'm part of and they help me

00:23:07.260 sustain my mental health I don't know how to say it but like yeah it's like

00:23:12.120 Hey, yeah, like, no, how'd I say it? It's like, yeah, but like, no, a little bit. Yeah.

00:23:20.280 Okay.

00:23:22.320 You need to go through each of the categories and color in the circle the amount of squares

00:23:27.900 that your number is. So if you have a nine, you go right to the far end. If you have a three,

00:23:33.620 you just go one, two, three. Oh, like a bar graph. So you're just going for each category and drawing

00:23:37.760 as far as you also everything we did yeah so you're visually showing your

00:23:44.240 scores you can use a marker if you want to go faster

00:23:49.940 gotta go fast growth mindset that's a nine yes sir okay empathy let's start

00:23:58.100 with them don't get distracted city

00:24:01.520 Culture, huh? Growth mindset. I'll say growth culture.

00:24:07.100 Okay, the last thing to share about this umbrella thing is if you look at your visual, I want each person to identify which one you identify as your strongest strength and which one do you identify as your weakest weakness.

00:24:22.780 Do I say everything that's the highest or just one thing that you think?

00:24:26.420 For me, it's growth mindset, same, cause like, you know, growth mindset, you like, that's

00:24:33.100 like sort of Michael Jordan's characteristic, like you learn from your mistakes, you like

00:24:37.340 try to get better, like next time, so say for example, like, success or legends are

00:24:46.300 not based off of their success, they're based on how they handle their failure, cause you

00:24:50.860 like, you could leave their space and, you know, and things like that, I would have put

00:24:54.760 nine but your guys's questions like i tend to think more about what is happening in the

00:24:59.400 in the moment in the past and in the future things like that but that was like my lowest

00:25:05.800 mindfulness was my lowest yeah mine was the same thing because like the words we use like the like

00:25:12.680 the the statements for mindfulness isn't like what we expected because yeah because for me

00:25:19.560 because for mindfulness because what the first question that you guys put like i tend to think

00:25:24.360 more about um what is happening in the moment than the past and the future like i think about

00:25:29.640 what like i plan like what's going to head like ahead like i plan like i said i want to go prep

00:25:36.280 school then after i probably go to and then and then go to i'll gather as much offers as i can

00:25:41.880 from university then after that from there i i could either enter the nba draft or go to um while

00:25:47.640 maintaining my college eligibility or go to um university or g league then there's many more

00:25:53.160 option so I think about that and I also think about the past because you know

00:25:57.060 like how that's a growth mindset like you learn from your mistakes because that

00:26:00.120 happened in the past and you try to fix that on going forward in the future I

00:26:03.900 don't just think about the moment I think about all three of them that's why I put

00:26:08.040 zero on that question okay who else can say what their strongest strength is and

00:26:13.740 their weakest weakness my strongest strength is gratitude when I look at my

00:26:18.880 life I'm thankful for many things. I'm thankful for lots of things. I'm thankful for for having

00:26:25.120 a life. I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful for my siblings. I'm thankful for my friends. I'm

00:26:29.840 thankful for myself because lots of people they're not really they don't have much money. They don't

00:26:35.480 have much food to eat. They don't have a roof over their head. They don't have much family and I'm

00:26:39.700 thankful that I do. So I recognize and appreciate what others do for me. Yes I appreciate what

00:26:48.200 others do for me. I really do. I express myself a lot of how thankful I am because it's like

00:26:58.860 a good thing to feel. When you feel loved, when you feel appreciated, you feel like you're worthy,

00:27:04.180 you feel like you belong here, you feel like you're just yourself. My weakest

00:27:11.100 I am good at understanding the way other people feel kind of I I feel like some some of the people

00:27:26.600 they go through like many stuff that I don't really know what what they're going through I

00:27:30.660 don't know what they're going through and it might might like they're going through some

00:27:34.980 emotional problems physical problems and I just I can't imagine how that feels I can't

00:27:40.960 the pain they're going through.

00:27:46.960 Before getting upset with somebody, I tried to imagine how I would feel if I were...

00:27:51.960 I don't know, not really. I don't really think about...

00:27:54.960 If I'm getting really upset or angry, I don't really think about them.

00:27:58.960 I don't think about anything.

00:28:00.960 I just go all out. My body takes control of me.

00:28:06.960 If I feel I'm right about something...

00:28:09.960 if I feel I'm right about something I still take time to listen to other

00:28:13.780 people's arguments. Not at all because if I if I feel like I'm right about

00:28:17.460 something then there's no point of listening to other people's stuff

00:28:20.080 because probably like they're not right and stuff and I feel like I have

00:28:25.200 the advantage for it and I'm winning the argument. So yeah that's what it that's

00:28:29.340 my strengths and weaknesses.

00:28:32.120 for me my strongest strength it's growth mindset and gratitude because like gratitude i'm grateful

00:28:43.400 for myself i'm grateful that i'm alive i'm grateful that i'm a part of this world well

00:28:48.240 part as in like i'm in the world and yeah and then growth mindset like i learn from my mistakes

00:28:54.680 all the time there's not even a situation where i haven't and yeah and then the lowest one

00:29:02.080 is mindfulness because like the statements that were like on like the mindfulness thing

00:29:11.000 was like different from what I expected so like mindfulness is like where you like being

00:29:16.520 mindful of others and all that stuff yeah my strongest strength was lifestyle because I feel

00:29:24.420 like I'm naturally athletic and like I eat a lot of food right so when you put those two together

00:29:31.020 So they kind of already feel question one.

00:29:33.260 Yeah.

00:29:34.260 And my lowest was mindfulness.

00:29:37.460 And what would you say about that?

00:29:39.680 I put a one. 0.99

00:29:41.600 Damn. 0.99

00:29:43.440 Yeah, that's how much mindfulness is not bad. 0.99

00:29:46.800 If you work with young people, you know,

00:29:48.620 you're an educator or a coach or a volunteer,

00:29:51.780 I just want to say two things.

00:29:54.420 First of all, I appreciate you.

00:29:56.420 To be spending your free time listening to boys' voices

00:30:00.240 and thinking about how to support their wellbeing

00:30:02.220 and positive development, and also to show up for them.

00:30:05.560 Day in and day out, that's huge.

00:30:08.640 Second of all, I know you're probably hungry

00:30:11.460 for training, for resources.

00:30:13.300 I mean, that's where the most passionate

00:30:15.360 and committed educators I know are at.

00:30:17.100 So listen, we've been developing this for years now,

00:30:20.080 a series of professional development sessions

00:30:22.780 on positive masculinity, mental health and wellbeing,

00:30:26.460 anti-feminist influences like Andrew Tate,

00:30:29.000 and consent education with boys.

00:30:31.860 All tied to the Next Gen Manual Program Guide.

00:30:34.700 This past school year, 100% of participating educators

00:30:38.420 said they learned something new

00:30:39.780 and that it was relevant to their work with students.

00:30:41.860 92% of them said that they felt like

00:30:43.980 they had a clear actionable next step

00:30:45.940 to put something into action.

00:30:47.520 And 70% of them actually did be the one

00:30:51.480 to make a difference for the boys in your school.

00:30:53.240 Become a champion of the next generation of men

00:30:56.680 at nextgenmen.ca slash mentors.

00:31:06.320 Last thing in the last 15 minutes is similar.

00:31:10.800 There's two questions.

00:31:11.580 Each person's going to ask both questions.

00:31:13.180 I'm going to record this one on video.

00:31:14.980 And it's a reflection question about all the time we've spent together,

00:31:20.480 which is almost six months.

00:31:23.760 Yeah, it was a lot longer than I thought it would be.

00:31:25.800 Yeah, I don't care.

00:31:26.820 We were finished like in February, right?

00:31:29.540 Yeah, oh yeah.

00:31:30.760 But yeah, I think that's over 12 months, or not 12 months, six months of the different

00:31:34.820 conversations that we had.

00:31:37.260 The two questions are a rock and a stick.

00:31:42.460 So the rock is something that rocked, that you really enjoyed, that you'll remember with

00:31:47.320 funness, that you're like, that was really fun or enjoyable or special.

00:31:51.720 So something that rocked, and then something that will stick with you.

00:31:55.120 something that you found particularly meaningful that you learned or you realized or you shared

00:32:01.100 that is going to stick with you as you as you finish up school and I guess go into the next

00:32:06.900 grade. So something that rocked, something that will stick with you, and Betza put his hand up

00:32:14.760 first, so we'll go with Betza first. Yeah, so something that rocked was how was I think it

00:32:23.280 was the first the first time when we did our podcast it was a great experience that was our

00:32:27.460 first time we're all excited and after that when we're done we're all clapping it up and after that

00:32:32.700 we find out that we're gonna get some food and we could get anything we want that was a rock

00:32:38.940 and after that yeah that was a rock I really enjoyed that time it was really fun and I we all

00:32:44.400 had fun that day and then a stick a stick um like one of the like stick one of the um conversations

00:32:52.620 we had i think that will really stick with me was when we're talking about how when we're talking

00:32:58.960 about like i think systemic racism or how like the world like views um like black boys from a

00:33:06.140 different perspective and how like they judge you and they like they treat us unfairly and things

00:33:11.360 like that that's something i really i'll really stick with because like it's like this how the

00:33:16.300 world is you know it's a cruel world but at the same time it's also a good one too but like that

00:33:22.480 That conversation would really stick with me

00:33:24.920 So yeah

00:33:25.980 That was Betts' opinion

00:33:27.620 Who?

00:33:30.120 Okay who's next?

00:33:32.440 I'll go next

00:33:33.280 So a rock and a stick

00:33:34.900 A rock is how I got to be in this

00:33:38.320 Cool podcast experience

00:33:40.980 It was very fun

00:33:42.460 It felt like

00:33:44.980 I was actually in a

00:33:45.940 I was like professional podcast

00:33:48.540 It was like good

00:33:50.020 It was awesome

00:33:51.000 And a stick would probably be the lessons you guys taught us during this podcast experience.

00:34:03.160 Like, everything that you guys, like, taught us, it has, like, I'll use it towards my future, and it'll probably help me.

00:34:15.420 Yeah.

00:34:15.680 Okay, thank you.

00:34:16.360 That's a stick.

00:34:16.820 Something that rocked is that every time before we started our podcast,

00:34:21.080 we'd play like a small mini game to get warmed up like that.

00:34:24.420 What was that game called with the volleyball?

00:34:26.440 I think we should call it the ball game.

00:34:27.800 Yeah, the ball game.

00:34:28.540 We invented a new game.

00:34:29.780 And Squirt, that was a really fun game.

00:34:32.820 That's what rocked.

00:34:34.100 The thing that stuck with me is that how we like expressed our feelings,

00:34:38.540 I guess, about masculinity and what we think should change about it.

00:34:43.520 Yeah.

00:34:44.660 Thank you.

00:34:45.360 And lastly, a rock and a stick. A rock is like, so basically, like, the whole journey, the whole five, six months, four months, it's been, it's been really, it's been really cool.

00:35:03.900 Okay, I get it. It's been really cool. I like how we've been talking about masculinity because, like, you know, a lot of men have been, like, they've, like, lots of people have been saying, they've, like, taught men to be big and aggressive and stuff, but some people don't know that men can be, like, men are not always what they're supposed to be.

00:35:26.120 and like we've been learning about masculinity and what makes us yours and yeah for a stick

00:35:32.320 like I've we've been learning about like I think this this experience is gonna like

00:35:40.920 kind of like best of the experience is gonna like make me more more intelligent like it'll

00:35:46.980 gave me more access to like how i think and stuff about gender equality and stuff and

00:35:54.520 i don't know i just feel like it was a good experience i like i like how you and uh adrian

00:36:01.900 were like we were talking all together we were like when we were walking we were talking about

00:36:06.580 fun stuff like animes and stuff and i'm gonna miss like not being able to like see you guys

00:36:12.580 You guys can probably come visit to the school and stuff, but, yeah, other than that, the whole experience was amazing, and I like talking about masculinity.

00:36:24.760 Okay, this is Jonathan saying goodbye for now. Thank you. Saying goodbye for now? Yeah, I guess I should go to the microphone.

00:36:34.380 I guess I'm sitting right down. Something that rocked for me.

00:36:37.000 That you will spend time with us.

00:36:38.680 yeah just like being able to hang out and get to know you all i feel like i've known you a lot

00:36:43.840 longer than six months and so to get the opportunity to just come here every week or

00:36:48.880 every couple of weeks and yeah and play together and talk together was really special and especially

00:36:54.360 through like the pandemic and omicron where like constantly things were changing that was really

00:36:59.480 special um and something that will stick with me is i think this is probably going to sound dumb

00:37:06.860 but the differentiation between like yeah i don't know forgive me if this sounds dumb but like the

00:37:15.360 differentiation but the difference between being a black boy and being congolese or ritrian or

00:37:20.200 sri lankan or um sudanese like that that's more specific and to like actually know somebody and

00:37:27.480 to like understand that part of them beyond just yeah you have a different skin color like that

00:37:31.400 level of, I guess, like, cultural

00:37:33.460 awareness was something that I

00:37:35.260 experienced more so in this group than I had

00:37:37.460 previously. Yeah, that probably sounds

00:37:39.500 kind of dumb, but I'll leave it at that. Thank you so much.

00:37:41.520 This is Jonathan. You guys have to come say goodbye.

00:37:43.600 Jonathan signing out.

00:37:45.380 So you're well signing out, like, 0.93

00:37:47.400 Betsa, the man over here, who thinks he's the goat, which he is

00:37:49.500 not. I am.

00:37:50.980 I am.

00:37:51.840 This is

00:37:52.960 Betsa, the goat, you know, from the

00:37:57.520 first episode. I've been the

00:37:59.500 goat, you know, still rocking. 0.61

00:38:01.400 Like the goat, I'm the king, I'm the goat.

00:38:03.880 Rock and wet, Mr. O, King Van, T-R-E-O.

00:38:08.880 This was Breaking the Boy Code Season 4.

00:38:12.680 Now that this is off my shoulders,

00:38:14.320 we'll be regularly updating and sustaining the podcast

00:38:16.660 so that the voices of boys are never left out of the conversation.

00:38:22.040 Stay tuned for more.

00:38:24.480 Before I sign off, I just want to again return to that gratitude

00:38:27.320 specifically for this group of boys.

00:38:29.160 Tariq, Betsa, Akshayin, Yowal, and Kamari,

00:38:32.840 you taught me and Adrian so much.

00:38:35.800 You gave us your time and attention,

00:38:38.200 your thoughts and your feelings,

00:38:41.000 and you trusted us to take care of what you shared.

00:38:45.240 It took us two and a half years,

00:38:46.840 but we brought it to the rest of the world.

00:38:49.640 I hope I did you justice.

00:38:52.040 You truly are the greatest of all time.

00:38:59.160 We'll be right back.

Breaking the Boy Code - December 18, 2024

The Strengths of Black and South Asian Boys

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