Culture Study Podcast - What's So Great About a Freaking Hobby？

00:00:00.720 Hi, everyone. In case you missed it, last week we released a subscriber-only episode with our favorite weird things from 2025.

00:00:09.320 We made up our own categories like best practical purchase, book that made you want to bully everyone into reading it,

00:00:16.120 our most played songs versus our favorite songs, the corner of Reddit where we accidentally spent our most time, etc.

00:00:23.500 It was really fun, so head to patreon.com slash culturestudy and become a paid subscriber if you want to hear it.

00:00:29.560 We're also hitting the ground running in the new year with a stacked lineup of recordings,

00:00:33.860 and we need your questions. We're doing an episode about all the ways incel culture pops

00:00:38.700 up in the mainstream, one about how to decide what to keep when family members give us a bunch

00:00:43.280 of stuff, an episode about money and morality, like taxes and how do we feel good about taxes

00:00:49.020 or bad about taxes, that sort of thing. There's another one that we're doing about chain restaurants

00:00:54.040 right now and like, what's the state of chain restaurants? What's a supply chain that feeds

00:00:59.000 chain restaurants? Why do they all vaguely taste the same? And then one on the culture of Puerto

00:01:03.640 Rico. To submit a question for any of these episodes, head to tinyurl.com slash culture

00:01:09.800 study pod. And finally, Melody and I wanted to wish you all a happy new year. Today's episode

00:01:15.380 is very much in line with the kinds of resolutions I hear from readers and listeners. So I hope you

00:01:20.640 enjoy it. This is the Culture Study Podcast, and I'm Anne Helen Peterson. And I'm Dori Shafrier.

00:01:33.820 And I'm Elise Hu. And we are the co-hosts of the Forever 35 Podcast, which is all about how we

00:01:40.180 take care of ourselves. Today's episode is probably the most requested subject in the almost two years

00:01:46.280 that I've been doing the podcast. I write about this subject a lot, and the newsletter has a lot

00:01:51.000 of discussion threads about it, but today we're finally going to get into it in podcast form.

00:01:56.120 The thing that we're talking about is adult hobbies, and we have a ton of great questions

00:02:01.700 from listeners, and we're going to get into specific advice about hobbies because a lot of

00:02:07.300 people want suggestions on hobbies or about how to handle their hobbies. That's going to be in

00:02:13.380 the last part of the show in the ask and anything segment. So if you're not a paid subscriber and

00:02:17.720 you want to be part of that conversation, definitely want to sign up at patreon.com

00:02:21.800 slash culture study. But to kick things off, we're recording this a couple of days after a big

00:02:27.680 hobby related event in Dory's life. So Dory, tell us all about it. I can't wait.

00:02:34.040 Oh my gosh. Okay. So hi, everyone. One of my tennis teams recently went to the USTA League

00:02:45.400 National Championship, where 17 teams at your level from the different sections throughout

00:02:54.020 the country compete for the national championship. And we went representing SoCal. And this is a

00:03:02.720 hobby of mine. This is like my main hobby. This is something that I started doing very casually

00:03:08.840 during COVID because I was going stir crazy and decided to take tennis lessons. I'd played,

00:03:14.940 I'd taken some lessons as a kid, but I never played competitively. It was not like my sport

00:03:21.060 that I was getting back into. I was just like- Yeah, that's what I, I think people assume that

00:03:24.880 you were like maybe a tennis star in high school or something like that. No, I swam in high school.

00:03:29.100 I was a swimmer I I didn't play tennis I couldn't even serve like I I never I'd never played a match

00:03:36.140 in my life um so yeah so this was like very spontaneous and more just like I need to get

00:03:42.740 outside oh there's a public court near my house cool and then you know fast forward

00:03:48.980 three years later and here I am at the league national championships with my team so

00:03:54.600 so we're gonna get so much more into that as we go through this episode but when I first reached

00:04:02.520 out like I knew that I wanted to talk to you specifically Dory about adult hobbies and you're

00:04:07.520 like Elise has a great hobby but it's not what people might imagine or what people might even

00:04:16.100 in this we're gonna talk about like what makes a hobby later in the show but at least what would

00:04:22.460 you say your hobby is? Well, it's so funny, because if you were to ask me on a date or

00:04:26.840 something, I would be like, I don't have any hobbies. Right. And so I either have a lot of

00:04:30.840 them or I have like one consistent one, you know, so I make sure that I have in each week of my life

00:04:36.460 units for reading, which is a hobby and units for exercise and all these things that I consider

00:04:41.820 outside of capitalistic exchange, you know, and that's what I consider a hobby.

00:04:47.020 but I think what I have come to really spend a lot of my energy on over the last couple of years

00:04:54.020 because it gives me meaning and purpose and joy is just sort of kin building or community building

00:04:59.740 and so I spend a lot of energy just like okay what's the next party I'm gonna throw for everybody

00:05:06.960 or what can I do at my house to get more dogs to stop by so like now I'm doing like a treat station

00:05:13.860 at my house. I already have the little free library, like which neighbors can I get to know

00:05:19.780 better? Um, and so that's actually been, Dory phrased it to me as you like meeting people.

00:05:26.440 Yeah, I do. I do. And, um, I think that there's something like really rich about it too,

00:05:32.580 because you're colliding with people of completely different backgrounds or experiences and who knows

00:05:38.020 what it can lead to later on but it also like mainly it makes me feel like alive and human and

00:05:44.800 I think that we need that in these times at least hosted my birthday party oh yeah like mostly with

00:05:53.540 that she'd never met before she's like just invite your friends it's like okay that's great I was

00:06:00.940 just gonna say at least one thing that you can add to your repertoire of getting people to stop by

00:06:05.180 more um someone that i interviewed for my book whose story i just love so much they're in new

00:06:10.240 york but i think you can do this anywhere uh he put a xylophone on a string on not like a big one

00:06:19.240 like one like you know a couple feet and on a string on his stoop and so every kid in the

00:06:26.180 neighborhood is like that's the xylophone stoop and they all stop by and like you know what i

00:06:31.860 So he's made it not just a beacon for dogs, but also for children.

00:06:35.360 Oh, I like that.

00:06:37.000 I wonder if my own kids would find that so annoying.

00:06:42.600 Don't let your kids interfere with your adult hobbies.

00:06:45.380 Maybe there's a reason to do it.

00:06:48.000 Yeah.

00:06:49.520 They hate it when I play piano.

00:06:51.180 Playing piano is one of my hobbies, but I have to do it alone in the middle of the day.

00:06:55.300 so I feel like people who listen to this podcast know what my hobbies are but I should put them

00:07:02.600 out there because there's going to be other listeners to this podcast other than people

00:07:05.860 who've heard me talk about how I spend a lot of time growing dahlias um that has been my major

00:07:12.000 new post-pandemic hobby but I was into gardening I've been a gardener for a really long time

00:07:19.100 and I actually was a gardener even while I was in grad school and I can actually trace like

00:07:24.840 the times of the most burnout in my life are the times when I didn't have a garden.

00:07:31.080 And I've written about this before, but I only realized in hindsight that like part of curing

00:07:37.240 yourself of burnout is having something to turn away to, right? It's not just like, I can't work

00:07:42.920 as much. Like you have to have something else that can become that other access in your life.

00:07:50.340 And so gardening, I also long distance run.

00:07:53.400 I don't even know if I think about that as a hobby.

00:07:55.360 There's always this fine line for me with exercise, right?

00:07:57.760 Like, is it regimening my body?

00:07:59.880 Is weightlifting?

00:08:00.800 Is doing like a Peloton workout my hobby?

00:08:03.460 You know, the difference for me is if it's social, then I consider it my hobby, right?

00:08:09.720 So like I run with running buddies.

00:08:12.980 And so that, I guess, falls under the general umbrella of just being with others, you know?

00:08:18.720 and yeah it makes it less it makes it feel less like a chore yes exercise can be and I think for

00:08:27.740 everyone it's totally different like and even day-to-day for me how I think about exercise

00:08:32.660 is like is this hobby exercise or is this like trying to be strong to combat osteoporosis in

00:08:39.920 my future you know that sort of thing um do you consider yourself a baker too no no god no I used

00:08:47.740 I can bake one thing. Do you bake? Okay. No, not really. I was just curious because I know a lot

00:08:53.420 of people, I feel like the older we get, the more people get into plants. Suddenly I hear a lot about

00:08:59.680 my plants and I'm like, what happened? What was the shift? But then also take up baking. So I was

00:09:04.560 just curious. Yeah. Okay. Let's hear our first question, which comes from Aileen and Melody is

00:09:09.620 going to read it. I'd love to hear about parents with multiple school-age kids who are involved

00:09:14.380 in competitive activities, high level sports, or building strong college applications. Most

00:09:19.640 evenings are spent shuttling to practices or clubs, rarely home before 9pm, and weekends are

00:09:24.960 filled with tournaments or prepping for the week ahead. And this is often with only one or two

00:09:29.220 activities per kid. At these levels, parents have to be involved too, learning the process,

00:09:34.400 showing up, and helping their kids reach the next stage, especially with sports and college prep.

00:09:39.400 Add in homework, laundry, and cooking, and there is barely a minute left. I'm not complaining,

00:09:43.820 I love being part of the stage for my kids, but there's also pressure to find hobbies and do things

00:09:49.120 for myself, and it is not that straightforward. We already rely on our networks just to make it all

00:09:54.320 work, and honestly, when downtime comes, I just want to read a book on the couch. The kids'

00:09:59.100 activities can start to feel like our hobbies because the friendships, time with other parents,

00:10:03.380 and all the involvement is such a big part of life. Honestly, is it so wrong if that is really

00:10:08.580 my hobby right now? I would love to hear how other parents in this stage think about it and

00:10:13.280 what balance looks like for them i have the same questions well my first comment to eileen is that

00:10:20.000 right now her hobby is intensive parenting and i'm not saying that in a derogatory way just to

00:10:26.420 be clear from the top but like there are a couple things in the question that really point to the

00:10:29.980 fact that like this is a level of involvement in kids hobbies that didn't used to be standard

00:10:35.280 my mom certainly was not involved in any of my high school hobbies or really in my college prep

00:10:41.040 Like, that was not something that she was intimately involved in, or she did not facilitate it. She did not come and watch every time that I cheerleaded, for example. But that's okay, right? Like, I think that's the thing is she's, she feels like there's a pressure to be involved in intensive parenting, but also like cultivate a rich life of the personal mind and all of these other, these other components of her life.

00:11:06.200 And I don't think you have to feel pressure about that, but it's okay to acknowledge that maybe this is your hobby for this season of life. What do you guys think?

00:11:13.980 I was going to say, I feel like we, we have to acknowledge that there's going to be seasons of

00:11:18.720 life. Like I would not have been able to take up tennis when I was doing IVF or had a newborn.

00:11:27.700 It just, my life was not in a place where that was going to be able to happen. And for this

00:11:33.720 listener too, like I, you know, you're not always going to be the parent of three kids playing

00:11:39.280 competitive sports like your kids will not always be in that phase and you will probably end up

00:11:44.360 having more time um I also think like you know my hobby has become sort of all-consuming

00:11:52.620 but a hobby doesn't have to be all-consuming really good point like if you're you can you

00:12:02.260 can do needlepoint once a month and that can be your hobby I mean you know I don't think it has

00:12:07.160 to be something that you're doing all the time yeah at least what do you think i like that i have

00:12:14.260 a lot of thoughts about being a sport parent because i have recently i have two kids who are

00:12:20.060 now playing club sports or like travel ball and the youngest and you have three years old and i

00:12:24.820 have three kids total the middle one is a dancer and does a bunch of company dance um and there's

00:12:30.880 a i feel as though there's kind of this arms race with the parents too like not only do you need to

00:12:36.120 show up at the game. There's also, I would say a comfortable majority of the parents that sit

00:12:42.180 through entire practices. So they will practice volleyball two hours for three times a week for

00:12:50.160 two hours. And they have parents that just sit there on the sidelines and give over their time

00:12:54.980 to volleyball practice. So not even the games or scrimmages. And so I guess two things. One is

00:13:03.460 totally echoing what the two of y'all are saying and that, you know, our hobbies don't need to be

00:13:08.080 all consuming. They should be a return to ourselves in a way. Obviously, like if you're

00:13:13.280 feeling like your pursuits have gotten too ego driven or competitive, that hobbies are a way

00:13:18.580 to be really soul driven. And I like that as a heuristic. And then secondly, you can also

00:13:25.960 evaluate how much you are spending on the sidelines of things too. So I'm not saying

00:13:32.120 that this caller is necessarily sitting through every single practice but there are many parents

00:13:37.740 that I have observed that are doing that and I choose not to but it just does seem like there's

00:13:42.060 a social pressure to be involved at a level like at the maximal level right no and I will say that

00:13:50.080 like there were a lot of other cheerleaders whose parents would come and watch every single game and

00:13:54.520 there was part of me that was like why isn't my mom coming to watch and then I like in hindsight

00:13:59.500 I'm like first of all I wouldn't have wanted her there it was embarrassing to have my mom like

00:14:03.760 surveilling me right um for me personally uh but then also she had a lot of other things to do

00:14:10.180 and that's okay she showed up and anytime that I said it was important you know she was always

00:14:14.940 there and I think that's like that's an important gauge yeah but yeah it I do think sometimes we

00:14:20.180 get like so wrapped up in the feeling that like there is no other option right everyone else is

00:14:25.240 doing it right this is the only way to be a sports parent and sometimes there are slightly different

00:14:31.120 options but dory i also just want to point out that there are things you can do whilst sitting

00:14:36.000 on the sidelines yeah totally especially if you are going to practices which yeah do not require

00:14:44.460 constant engagement in my personal opinion um you know we we all as i mentioned before i was i was

00:14:52.360 a swimmer as a kid and in high school and my brother and sister also swam and swim meets are

00:14:57.340 very long and very boring and my mom was knitting the whole time yes she's just sitting there

00:15:05.560 knitting okay so our comments are there are ways to fit in hobbies if you want but I think Eileen

00:15:12.180 is looking for permission structure to not have hobbies right now and we are on board oh yeah

00:15:17.300 that's fine too yeah yeah wait can i point something out yeah eileen mentions a hobby

00:15:22.500 in this question what reading is a hobby yeah yeah yeah she reads every day yeah more than a

00:15:29.120 lot of people do if you have downtime and quote-unquote all you want to do is read that is

00:15:33.980 a hobby yeah you're doing it no and i i actually have encountered this a lot in the culture study

00:15:41.000 comments talking about hobbies one person will always pipe up and be like reading is my hobby

00:15:47.220 And then many other people would be like, I never thought about how reading could be a hobby.

00:15:51.940 And I think that's because it's become so, I don't, like, there's just lots of different balances of why you read, who reads, that sort of thing.

00:16:00.300 And it's like, it can only be your hobby if you, like, only read, like, in genre, right?

00:16:06.940 Like, if you're, like, a sci-fi reader, that can be a hobby.

00:16:10.340 But if you're just reading, then that's not hobby-coded.

00:16:14.480 I don't know.

00:16:14.920 This is just how people think of themselves.

00:16:17.140 Like, they need to have a framework that understands that reading is a hobby.

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00:20:26.820 okay next question this comes from kelsey what counts as a hobby i always struggle to answer

00:20:39.900 the question when somebody asks what my hobbies are is there a universal definition and does a

00:20:45.360 hobby have to be working towards improving a skill or can it truly just be something you like

00:20:50.720 wow good job me already answering the question um but i want to hear what do you guys think

00:20:57.040 yeah i talked a little bit about this earlier like usually i consider my hobbies things that

00:21:01.400 aren't transactional like i'm not doing it to make money or to monetize it um like i journal

00:21:07.340 regularly and which is different than writing because i write for pay right but then i journal

00:21:13.700 for myself and i think that can happen with books too we have to read a lot for our work

00:21:18.660 but I read for pleasure which makes that more of a hobby so that's one delineation and then the

00:21:25.540 other I touched on as well which is like is it ego-driven or is it soul-driven and if it's a

00:21:30.960 more soul-driven activity then I classify it as a hobby. Dori what do you think? I think and I think

00:21:38.880 that this is touched on a little bit in another question as well where someone was asking about

00:21:44.520 why she always feels the need to monetize her hobbies um that we've become conditioned to

00:21:52.400 feeling like hobbies must be quote-unquote productive and I think that's really that's a

00:21:59.740 trap um you you don't always have to be improving I mean when I first started playing tennis I was

00:22:07.380 like I'm not gonna play matches like I'm just doing this for fun like this is and then I kind

00:22:12.400 of realized that it becomes more fun the better you get at tennis yeah um and so the way to get

00:22:18.800 better at tennis was to start playing matches and so that just sort of and then I was like oh I

00:22:22.760 actually really enjoy this but you know my husband plays guitar that's that's his hobby he's not in

00:22:28.940 a band he doesn't perform he just plays for his own enjoyment and to me that sort of feels like

00:22:37.460 the definition of a hobby is just right doing something that you're not making money from

00:22:41.900 that you get pleasure out of yeah no and I think like we're going to talk more about this

00:22:48.540 monetization move later like the idea too that sometimes a hobby has to be something that you

00:22:54.580 could like document that has to be instagrammable almost right and I think that's part of what we

00:23:00.400 were talking about earlier about people saying like it's hard to conceive of reading as a hobby

00:23:05.640 because besides like Instagramming your like maison scene of your book and like your coffee

00:23:12.680 or whatever, like there's not a lot of like, or even just like putting the books that you've

00:23:17.440 read on Instagram, which, you know, Melody does this and I love it. And to me that like emphasizes

00:23:22.000 to me, oh, Melody's hobby, one of Melody's hobbies is reading, but you don't have to put

00:23:27.680 it on Instagram for it to be your hobby. Right. I was thinking, Elise, while you were talking about

00:23:32.980 someone earlier this month writing out their morning routine and what it included is writing

00:23:39.920 her morning pages, which is her journaling, and she throws them away when she's done with them.

00:23:45.320 Oh, I love the ephemera of that. Yeah. That's cool. I love the notion that every moment is

00:23:51.920 a cherry blossom. It's gone. Yeah. Because other people, I think sometimes if they're journaling,

00:23:58.780 And they're like, oh, I don't want to ever look at this again.

00:24:02.060 Or I do want to look at it, but like, where do I keep these?

00:24:05.020 Like, just all of that weight of collection.

00:24:08.000 And sometimes you can just do it and throw it away.

00:24:11.140 Dori, when you started getting more like in the competitive aspect, was there any part of you that was like, be careful.

00:24:17.600 Like, don't get too sucked into this.

00:24:19.680 Or like, make sure you still have fun, that part.

00:24:23.580 Um, no.

00:24:28.180 Good.

00:24:28.780 No, I'm so scared of like trying to optimize my hobby that I sometimes I think put the brakes on too hard, if that makes sense.

00:24:38.580 So it's funny because I drove to nationals and back with three of my teammates, like we carpooled. And on the way back, we were like, we were reflecting, oh, our team this season, we're probably going to make it to sectionals. And like, we're really good. And one of my teammates was like, I'm tired of all the winning.

00:24:58.780 And I was like, you know what? I feel that too sometimes. It does create this sort of pressure. And now we're sort of known as a team that wins a lot. And what happens when we lose? And I'm the captain of the team, which is something that I also get a lot of enjoyment out of. It really suits my personality.

00:25:23.300 but there's also pressure to it and I'm captain of multiple teams this season and I was like okay

00:25:31.740 I need to next season I'm just going to captain one team like this is the logistics of it became

00:25:37.520 too much and I was starting to lose some of the enjoyment I was getting out of it

00:25:41.640 and I think that was me sort of pumping the brakes and realizing okay I do really love this

00:25:50.780 But I've kind of like taken it to a level that it did not need to be taken to.

00:25:56.520 And I need to sort of like dial it back.

00:26:00.300 And, you know, I love all the aspects of being a captain and like thinking about the lineups and analyzing other teams.

00:26:07.860 And like that really, you know, that like scratches a real itch for me.

00:26:11.960 But I also love playing and I want to be able to play and not always have to be thinking about like the strategy, the team strategy aspect of it.

00:26:23.160 So I think that's sort of how that has manifested for me to your question.

00:26:30.360 Yeah, gosh, that's so real.

00:26:31.800 i mean for me with the dahlias i love like the collection part of it which is how people get

00:26:38.840 addicted to it is there's just so many that you feel like you can always get more and there's so

00:26:43.420 there's so many beautiful different varietals and so like when a new one is bred which like

00:26:49.060 this is kind of nerdy but the way that the genes and dahlias are they can create basically

00:26:53.880 infinite combinations when you breed them um so like they can be giant they can be bigger than

00:26:59.820 the size of my face they can be like the size of a thumbnail they can be every color except for blue

00:27:05.520 and green um they can be open and closed and big petals and messy mops and all sorts of things

00:27:12.700 and so there's that like the categorization component of like being a kid and wanting to

00:27:19.540 sort things right like that is incredibly pleasurable to me um and then i just love also

00:27:27.060 like the anticipation of you plant them and then you they sprout and then you like you just have

00:27:33.820 to check on them all the time yes that's like my hermit crab yes there's always something to see

00:27:40.580 and that that thing that i'm seeing is never a judgment of like my worth right like i'm never

00:27:49.600 it's not the way that my work like travels on the internet or how well a podcast episode is doing or

00:27:55.280 whether I've sold a book it's like is the flower about to bloom or not um so I love that part and

00:28:01.980 then the components of it you know I do it with two of my my best friends here on the island and

00:28:06.780 there are components sometimes when we're like we got to cut down all these flowers to make these

00:28:11.200 bouquets for tomorrow like oh kind of a slog and I sometimes when I find myself in that moment I

00:28:17.380 try to really like pause like I actually do this I pause and I take a deep breath and I'm like

00:28:23.520 you really like this find the thing that you remember that you really like about doing this

00:28:28.760 because sometimes you got to do the thing that's like sucky like right now we're digging all the 0.85

00:28:32.220 tubers and it fucking sucks but it's part of the seasonality of it my parents are both gardeners 0.94

00:28:39.500 and have green thumbs and my mom was reflecting last time she was over because she helps take 0.98

00:28:44.680 care of my lawn because i love i'm not good at it so she'll come over and be like oh my god when

00:28:49.720 was the last time you watered this. What about fertilizer? And so I'm just like, I don't know. 0.98

00:28:54.180 I do it by feel. And she was like, you know, the beautiful thing about nature is that it speaks to

00:29:00.780 you, you know, and it works in its own time and you can't rush it. And just spending time outside

00:29:06.180 is so valuable for that, just that we cannot impose our will on those flowers. No, for sure.

00:29:12.840 And stuff dies all the time. And you just have to get okay with that, which is a great lesson

00:29:18.860 for me personally. Like there's no perfectionism in gardening. Okay, we're going to hear three

00:29:25.500 questions back to back. They all are kind of in the same line, but we'll be able to take them in

00:29:30.300 many different directions. This first one is from Sarah. With my kids now in high school,

00:29:34.760 I'm ever closer to having time to be able to resume and perhaps even find new hobbies.

00:29:40.340 And I'm so excited. And yet in these mothering years, I think I've forgotten how to do this.

00:29:45.800 Any recommendations on how to reconnect to a sense of exploration and discovery?

00:29:51.780 Not just attitudinally, but operationally?

00:29:54.820 Great question.

00:29:55.880 Next question comes from Rachel.

00:29:57.620 I'm looking for hobbies that don't involve money.

00:30:00.560 I'm already the captain of team walking around and exploring random neighborhoods, which I think is fun.

00:30:05.980 But so many other things end up having a financial commitment.

00:30:09.180 Any thoughts?

00:30:10.600 And then this is from Sarima, and Melody's going to read it.

00:30:14.120 I've been trying to find hobbies, and I'm especially into crafts and gardening,

00:30:17.680 but I find it hard to find something that really hooks me, and I don't want to turn into a business.

00:30:22.600 Any advice on how to find a good hobby and stay on track?

00:30:26.440 Okay, let's start with the finding hobbies question.

00:30:29.520 What recommendations do you have for someone who's trying to just figure out what they like?

00:30:34.340 Operationally. Okay, so this is practical.

00:30:36.840 So in our neighborhoods, I know that there are rec centers and, you know, like community centers that put out those booklets, you know, and they're still in print.

00:30:47.260 They're like in newsprint and they have classes of all kinds.

00:30:50.520 And it can be self-defense.

00:30:52.380 It can be pottery.

00:30:53.300 It can be Korean, you know, or Spanish.

00:30:56.740 It comes in the mail.

00:30:57.680 Yeah.

00:30:58.020 Yeah.

00:30:58.300 Pickleball.

00:30:58.800 I feel like that's a first place to peruse.

00:31:01.500 And those are very affordable.

00:31:03.640 they tend to be like six weeks or eight weeks long. And they're an opportunity to like be

00:31:08.240 introduced to some potential hobbies that you wouldn't have otherwise thought of. That's one

00:31:13.300 thing. That's one place my mind goes in terms of just like searching for things. Also a great way

00:31:18.120 to like make some intergenerational connections, which I think is like one of the best things about

00:31:22.520 hobbies personally. Dori, what are your thoughts? Well, just quickly to the intergenerational

00:31:28.880 point my tennis teams have people in their 20s and people in their 60s like we have grandmothers

00:31:37.740 we have you know single people without kids like it's a really it's racially diverse ethnically

00:31:45.380 diverse we have queer players we have straight like it's it's a real cross-section of people

00:31:53.140 that even in los angeles which is a very diverse place i would not have met these people like

00:32:00.420 because i have a six-year-old most of the new people i meet now are moms and there are moms

00:32:06.660 on the team but there's also a lot of people who are not moms so i think that's one of the really

00:32:11.820 cool things about doing social hobbies um along the lines of like what elise was saying before

00:32:18.680 and then in terms of finding hobbies I think just be open-minded like if someone invites you to do

00:32:26.520 something that you've never done before say yes to it if if you see something that seems interesting

00:32:32.520 check it out you know just try a bunch of things I will say though and I think someone

00:32:39.500 sort of asked about this as well um I do see some of my friends who uh are trying out hobbies and 0.67

00:32:50.720 before like before they even really get into them they're buying a ton of shit yeah and I think

00:32:57.500 there's there's like real sort of like acquisition creep when it comes to hobbies I don't have that

00:33:04.400 personality but my husband does and so one of his other hobbies is golf and back when he was

00:33:11.840 working and had more money like he was buying so much golf stuff all the time like clubs and

00:33:20.040 towels and head covers and like just so much stuff and it is endless it's endless and meanwhile I've

00:33:26.140 been using the same tennis racket for like three years like I just don't care you know I'm not

00:33:31.960 what about outfit story what about um I you know I found like some very specific types of clothing

00:33:40.100 that I like to wear and I have those and that's that's like kind of it I I did an interview with

00:33:48.680 the strategist a few months ago where I described my tennis style as beekeeper because I like to be

00:33:54.480 like fully covered up um so i can attest to this i don't i like unfortunately there's just not that

00:34:02.460 much like cute tennis wear that is also very sun protective so yeah that aspect is also like not

00:34:11.900 really a thing for me i'm someone who would rather spend money on like a clinic or a lesson than

00:34:19.540 buying stuff but I have seen this happen with friends who are like I'm getting into x and like

00:34:27.880 they turn around and they've spent like hundreds of dollars on equipment or you know whatever and

00:34:34.200 then you know a month later they're like oh yeah I'm not that into that anymore so I would say if

00:34:38.960 you know you have these tendencies just like try to be mindful of it and for most hobbies you don't

00:34:45.660 need to go all in right away and buy like all the stuff no i i see this all the time actually

00:34:53.300 in the dahlia groups where someone like grows one dahlia and then the next year they grow 80

00:34:57.760 and to be fair i went i went from like 12 to like 300 but i was working with another person

00:35:05.040 but i feel like this is like a complete this is a really younger gen x millennial habit of like

00:35:14.300 here's a thing I want to do I don't have the time to learn how to do it or to like you know like

00:35:20.820 they can't it's really hard to carve out the space to like go to the class and rent the stuff

00:35:25.980 yeah and like return the stuff yeah so the easiest thing even though it costs money

00:35:31.320 the easiest thing is to press a button and to buy the stuff I think that's such a good point yeah

00:35:37.520 and then you feel bad it makes you feel shame it's really it's really hard and I think it's

00:35:42.600 really hard to like realize that it's happening because yeah you're kind of buying like one thing

00:35:48.440 at a time and then you turn around and you're like oh like my whole living room is now filled

00:35:53.760 with like all my garage is full of hockey yeah what am I gonna do you know my yeah and my husband

00:36:00.240 also has ADHD and is you know gets hyper fixated on stuff and so I think that that is also just

00:36:08.080 like it's just again it's just like something to be aware of if you're like I'm gonna get into

00:36:13.360 knitting and you turn around and you're ordering you know hundred dollar skeins of yarn and

00:36:22.040 it's just like what is happening um so when I say like try out a bunch of things I think just like

00:36:30.640 you you can dabble without going all in right away well and I'm glad that you may you brought

00:36:37.360 up the ADHD component, because this is something I see a lot from readers is either people who

00:36:42.480 have come to terms with it and been like, I'm a dabbler and I love it. And I feel no shame about

00:36:47.820 it. And I go from thing to thing. I try not to buy as much, but like, I like being really into

00:36:53.620 something for one month and then not being into that thing anymore. But just like, see it in

00:36:59.180 yourself and know that like, you can put up some guardrails around it. Like I should take that

00:37:04.040 class and borrow some stuff and the other thing is that hobbyists love to share stuff yes yes they

00:37:11.160 do like they want to share information they want someone to just like talk about it with all the

00:37:16.360 time and they like oh yeah i have an extra tennis racket or like i have an extra hoary hoary if you

00:37:22.940 want to garden with me like come over let's do it you know if you want to get into something

00:37:27.960 and you see someone in your life who does it, chances are so high that they want to talk to

00:37:34.080 you about it and show you how to do it, but have been like, have tried to like dampen their,

00:37:42.220 their light so that they're not annoying other people about talking about that thing all the

00:37:46.720 time. So we talked about dabbling. What about free hobbies? A lot of free hobbies you can kind

00:37:53.200 of just pick up and do for yourselves right like if cooking is a hobby um I mean I guess you have

00:37:59.420 to get this is not completely free of shopping a little bit but there's things that you know you

00:38:04.760 don't have to take a class for or attend a group for um where does your mind go on this one well

00:38:11.740 I was just thinking this person who said like they love exploring new neighborhoods

00:38:15.560 that sounds like someone who is like super curious about like finding new things like

00:38:22.820 there are probably like city tours. If you go to the historical society, they're constantly doing

00:38:29.200 walking tours of different places. And you're going to meet weirdos there who are your same

00:38:35.280 strain of weirdo, and they're going to like that sort of thing. Yeah, the historical society just

00:38:40.540 generally is a trove of amazing hobbyists. The Audubon, they do free tours or free hikes,

00:38:47.880 especially for birders, but not necessarily. You don't have to be a birder to go on any of

00:38:52.160 the free Audubon walk. Yeah, exactly. Like anything that's observational, I think is a 0.97

00:38:57.880 great way to get started. And then you can get like further down that route in terms of like,

00:39:06.300 oh, I want to learn a lot more about it. I'm going to check out this book from the library.

00:39:10.280 Or like if you have like a quilters guild or a crafters guild, they often have stuff that you

00:39:16.460 can rent, right? Or you can come into them and use it. Like Melody, didn't you just go in and

00:39:21.100 use like the big arm quilting thing. Tell me about that. Yeah, I did operator training for the long 1.00

00:39:27.260 arm quilting machine at this place in Kansas City. And so now I can finish my own quilts.

00:39:33.380 And but I mean, I still have to pay money to rent the machine. Right. But also don't ask me how much

00:39:38.780 money I've spent on this new quilting hobby. But it's sustainable. You're going to quote for the

00:39:43.820 rest of your life melody yeah I also I also just want to encourage people to look into what their

00:39:51.900 city um recreation department parks and rec departments offer um I know you know in LA

00:39:59.220 there's a ton of classes that are really inexpensive that you can take um and try things

00:40:07.040 out whether it's like sports or knitting or you know various other things yeah and if you're if

00:40:14.400 you're a senior there's even more stuff and a lot of it is free but yeah I think that that that is

00:40:21.560 one avenue to explore the other you were talking about craft guilds but I know at least in LA the

00:40:29.560 Public Library has a lot of like tools and other things you can check out that are often very

00:40:38.600 expensive. I saw someone post on TikTok that they let you at the LA Public Library, you can print

00:40:44.580 out on their like very high quality printer. They allow you to print out a poster size print

00:40:51.640 one a week. You can do that for free. So like there's all this sort of weird stuff that you

00:40:58.700 can just kind of look into and a lot of it is very low cost or free yeah also if again bringing up

00:41:08.920 if someone in your life is really into a hobby like they have gear they have stuff yeah they

00:41:14.720 would like let you also use today's episode is brought to you by honey love i'm not one of those

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00:41:54.560 tops underneath their sweaters which is disgusting raw dog their sweaters no it's so weird but here's 0.94

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00:43:25.560 so before we started recording these i i said to melody oh i'm freezing i gotta get my my best

00:43:30.880 blanket which is the lola blanket i'm actually wrapped in it right now as i'm recording and

00:43:35.520 melody says i was snuggled under my lola blanket this morning as i am every morning polly ate her

00:43:41.920 breakfast. Polly is my dog. Polly hopped up into my lap to snuggle and promptly threw up all over

00:43:49.180 my Lola blanket. I have not washed mine yet, but Anne has washed hers several times. Yes. And she 0.93

00:43:55.680 is going to be fine. Mine is in the washer right now. Is it going to be fine? It's going to be

00:44:01.800 totally fine. I was very nervous because I have had other soft blankies that are only soft up

00:44:10.080 until the first time that you wash them that's what i was so scared of like the second time it

00:44:13.560 comes out and you're like this is crap blanket it's all like pilled and rough yeah totally yeah 0.96

00:44:19.080 it turns into like the bad fleece blanket that becomes like your dog's blanket in the bottom of 0.94

00:44:24.820 their kennel or something right um but no i've had to wash mine several times because it is also my

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00:45:52.800 and our fangirling about these blankets and tell them that we sent you.

00:45:59.740 next question we've touched on this a little bit with like making something instagramable but i

00:46:11.460 want to talk more about the larger scheme so this comes from kristin how do you balance participating

00:46:16.360 in your hobby and wanting to share it without being too online about it i wish my instagram

00:46:22.000 was purely friends joys and hobbies along with accounts related to my own that i found

00:46:26.240 because I love seeing other folks hobby it never annoys me or is too much and I want to share my

00:46:32.080 own and also staying present to do the hobby requires not being on my phone oh so much here

00:46:39.740 what's your first thoughts my first thought is don't feel inhibited about posting constantly

00:46:45.680 about your hobby dory started a newsletter about it yeah I mean I just sort of feel like

00:46:52.660 if if you are enjoying it and it feels like something you want to share not everyone wants

00:46:57.520 to share it if you want to share it go ahead I think it's a really good way to find community

00:47:01.400 I've had so many people message me and be like oh my god I'm also on this journey like people I

00:47:05.380 never would have known and that just felt really cool and I will also say I've had people ask if

00:47:11.320 I'm going to monetize my tennis newsletter and I have just been like I know like you know I just

00:47:19.220 I can't that sort of feels like taking it to a place that I I don't know and maybe I a few years

00:47:28.100 down the road I will be like yes I will do this but right now that just feels like adding a layer

00:47:32.640 of stress to it that will ultimately not be worth it and and really I think intersects with a lot of

00:47:39.620 the conversations we're having about that need to monetize I mean before like BuzzFeed where

00:47:46.020 Dory and I used to work together before BuzzFeed started falling apart.

00:47:49.680 I really resisted monetizing my newsletter because it was a place where I felt like I

00:47:54.260 could write if I felt like it and I didn't have to write.

00:47:57.260 It was a place where I could write without obligation.

00:48:00.160 And I eventually had to find like a different place where I could have a full time job and

00:48:06.560 had to monetize it.

00:48:07.600 But for years I resisted that poll precisely because it changed the character of my relationship

00:48:13.500 to it.

00:48:14.140 If that makes sense.

00:48:15.280 I love the point about being a beacon like if you want to post about it post about it people

00:48:20.980 cannot watch your stories as much and then like they won't show up for them whatever who cares

00:48:25.280 totally totally and if a few people decide to mute you because of that then like okay

00:48:30.680 yeah like that aspect of the question I just sort of feel like post as much as you want about it

00:48:38.020 the aspect of like feeling like you're not present because you're always on your phone

00:48:44.760 i get that too you know it's interesting there's there's like a few women um in la who aren't on

00:48:52.380 my team but i know them just through like the league here and they're very active on social

00:48:58.140 media especially instagram about tennis um they post you know every time they play they post their

00:49:05.280 outfits and i think they do it because that brings them joy um you know they really do enjoy posting

00:49:13.580 about it constantly and to me I like I don't know I just I'm not like always taking pictures

00:49:21.140 of our practices or our matches like I posted a little bit from nationals but not like a ton

00:49:27.480 it's just like for me that's that's just not why I'm like playing tennis yeah but for other and I

00:49:37.200 post about it sometimes obviously but like it's not all the time but for some people it is and

00:49:42.500 that's okay and I actually enjoy looking at their content like yeah I like looking at their tennis

00:49:46.940 content I'm like oh this is like this is cool oh I'm glad you won your match like you know I'm just

00:49:51.960 like okay this is fun but like not what I'm doing and I do think they are a little bit more on their

00:49:58.320 phones like I've played matches against them and I've noticed immediately after they're like

00:50:03.260 gathering the team for the team photo and like one of them has a tripod and like it's very like

00:50:08.840 okay this is what we're doing um and that's just not my vibe but it's it's it can be other people's

00:50:17.180 i feel like it offers us some some time for self-reflection too on how we want our

00:50:24.720 relationship to presentation self-presentation like all those things it's just like an interesting

00:50:31.520 reflection the same way that posting your kids on on instagram is right or posting pictures of you

00:50:37.800 and your partner or whatever um i feel like i've reached an age where like as you said dory i can

00:50:44.960 see someone living their life and posting in a way that makes them happy and it doesn't make me feel

00:50:51.220 like i need to do that too 100 everyone has their own sweet spot on this but i think the fact that

00:50:59.680 the questioner is asking the question is great because you're reflecting on what your own values

00:51:06.900 are what your comfort level is how performative you want to be how present you want to be

00:51:12.640 those are all valuable questions to ask yeah i will say i created a second account on instagram

00:51:20.740 for the dahlias because first of all it's like a company now we're self-incorporated that is

00:51:27.820 involves two other people so like it needed to also involve these other people and it's also

00:51:32.580 like a business, our goal is to make enough money so that we can go on vacation together.

00:51:38.600 I love that. But I know it's not like none of us are, we all have other jobs. Like it's not,

00:51:45.760 you know, this is not our money making scheme. But sometimes people say to me,

00:51:51.380 I wish that you had posted dahlias more in the main field. I don't like it when people

00:51:55.240 bifurcate that part of like their lives into like another i don't want to have to like follow five

00:52:03.680 different accounts just like i don't want you know what i mean and that made me think for a

00:52:07.840 little bit i was like i will post more dahlia content to the main feed i thought i was annoying

00:52:11.920 people but like you said they can just not watch that that's fine yeah you're an integrated human

00:52:16.820 live your life great so we're gonna keep this conversation going for asking anything with some

00:52:25.440 questions seeking specific advice about hobbies this part of the show is just for paid subscribers

00:52:30.920 so if you want our thoughts on sticking with a new hobby how to deal with all the stuff you

00:52:35.360 accumulate during hobbies or how to stop feeling guilty about taking time away from a hobby head

00:52:40.820 over to patreon.com slash culture study and sign up today for us to wrap up what is something like

00:52:47.600 what is your favorite kind of delight like little moment of one of your hobbies that like keeps you

00:52:56.680 coming back to it it's the same thing that i want on my tombstone which is all her friends became

00:53:03.440 friends yeah that's really good yeah dory what about you i think i think it is like realizing

00:53:15.340 that i've gotten better you know like there's no real goal um but my original thought of like oh

00:53:26.600 this would actually be more fun if i were just like a little bit better and then being like oh

00:53:31.300 i got a little better yeah that's really satisfying yeah totally i that's me and running

00:53:40.280 for sure and like i've written about this a little bit but also having that feeling around something

00:53:46.200 to do with like athleticism and your body when you're in your 40s like that feels

00:53:51.420 awesome yeah it's really good for staving off dementia too

00:53:56.420 no like I just I was never an athlete like I never thought of myself as an athlete and like to

00:54:03.500 to have something that like that component in your life is really awesome yeah totally sometimes

00:54:08.760 when I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't fall asleep like the way that I

00:54:12.900 self-soothe myself back as I think about like my favorite dahlia just like a row of them like I

00:54:20.300 just think about the bloom and that's so cheesy but like there's something I'm like okay I'm

00:54:25.840 my mind is fixating on something that feels like purely calming to me that is very away from my

00:54:33.720 work and that allows me to like escape from those intrusive thoughts which are usually like about

00:54:40.480 work stuff right right for a moment so that's one of my favorite things that's falling asleep

00:54:46.220 to the image of my favorite you have a visualization yeah thank you so much for

00:54:51.960 joining me if people want to find more from forever 35 where can they find you on the internet

00:54:56.800 you can find us everywhere you listen to podcasts and on our website at forever35podcast.com

00:55:04.980 and wait dory i would be remiss if we didn't also mention your tennis sub stack because

00:55:11.940 is an opportunity yeah um my tennis sub stack is courtdate.substack.com it is published you know

00:55:21.100 intermittently when the when the mood strikes me but um a great hobby newsletter right great

00:55:26.820 hobby newsletter exactly you're gonna get it when you get it yeah you'll get it when you get it okay

00:55:33.180 thanks for listening to the culture study podcast be sure to subscribe wherever you

00:55:44.420 get your podcasts because we have so many great episodes in the works and i promise you don't

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00:55:53.560 surrounds you or submit a question for our subscriber only advice time segment go to our

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00:56:16.120 segment and weekly discussion threads for each episode the culture study podcast is produced by

00:56:21.380 me ann helen peterson and melody raul our music is by podington bear you can find me on instagram

00:56:27.180 at Anne Helen Peterson, Melody at Melodias 47, and the show at Culture Study Pod.

Culture Study Podcast - December 31, 2025

What's So Great About a Freaking Hobby？

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