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00:00:53.680I think this episode might need a trigger warning
00:00:55.960i'm going to do a cancer generalized cancer trigger warning just in case i don't know if
00:01:01.800that's something you're supposed to do but i feel like that might be something i'm going to
00:01:04.780slap that at the top okay so this is not part of the uh episode yeah it is no i mean what what you
00:01:12.500just said yeah what i just what i just said was the trigger warning oh okay so here we are
00:01:17.680that was it warning it's cancer it's cancer trigger warning it's cancer is the name of
00:01:24.940this episode um hi amy hi risa yeah so we're gonna keep this episode relatively short we'll try
00:01:37.820and you'll hear that my my brain is a little bit fuzzy for those of you who've been listening
00:01:42.940to the podcast you've heard maybe tests and tired and i was not expecting it but i have stage three
00:01:53.200breast cancer. I just found out. And I guess I found out a week and a half ago now or something
00:02:02.460like that. And so we dropped the RX last week and just trying to figure out how what we're going to
00:02:09.700do next and what's going to happen. So my brain has been largely taken up with like, so many a
00:02:17.100barrage of tests and scheduling surgery and wrapping my head around what the fuck that even0.97
00:02:22.160is. Prescriptions take on a whole new light when you're trying to figure out what the fuck chemo0.99
00:02:26.800is. Did you know that there are kinds of chemo that were derived from a yew tree and kinds of0.98
00:02:32.220chemo that were derived from anthrax? No, I did not. These are things I'm learning.
00:02:40.660Did you know that the cancer I have moves through your body like dandelion clocks? It's like being
00:02:46.520blown through your system it's kind of beautiful in a terrifying way yes we've heard dandelion
00:02:53.080metaphor and spider web metaphor which are like metaphors that we've been using throughout the
00:02:59.280course of this whole missing witches project to describe certain things we never thought
00:03:04.000never thought but this that it would come to this no you know i i wrote about lymph nodes
00:03:10.580in new moon magic and that's how they found this cancer the biopsy and the breast node was taken
00:03:17.260from the wrong spot so it came back negative for cancer and it was only because the doctor
00:03:24.380who was doing the ultrasound was being very very very very meticulous that he found something tiny
00:03:30.580in a lymph node and was like i think we should test this too just to keep an eye on it that's
00:03:34.640the reason they found this very advanced aggressive cancer if he hadn't done that they both would have
00:03:41.120come back negative and we wouldn't have known it was there like the lymph node was this little
00:03:45.040sentinel message you know so we caught it because of this thing that i've written about the word
00:03:50.180comes from lymph you know it's the spirit that comes from a word for water spirits i don't know
00:03:55.860what any of it means and listen this is all i really want to say on this podcast today and then
00:04:02.000I want any song prescriptions Amy has this is kind of a fucked up one guys we love you so much
00:04:09.360we just want you to be with us in this but I want to say this there's a thing that happens where
00:04:15.900and I think it happens in all different kinds of life but it happens with this diagnosis where like
00:04:21.900part of your brain just kind of constantly spirals into like what did I do wrong where
00:04:28.420did it come from was it that was it the deodorant was it that weird fungus smell I got that one time
00:04:35.960in the woods you know like you really just spiral was it living near an airport was it did I take
00:04:41.000too many transatlantic flights I mean your brain just constantly goes and then you can also start
00:04:48.060looking for like did I miss signs did I you know did I do bad magic did I and we can really like
00:04:54.640conspiracy theory turn to our lives and use magical thinking in a really detrimental way
00:05:04.500um a way that's like really unhealthy for finding like conjuring joy or strength it's like that way
00:05:13.100of using magic or craft or any kind of new age tool that makes you think like you know feel
00:05:21.840somehow disempowered or like out of out of your own power and I just want to like loudly reiterate
00:05:30.100and I think I'm paraphrasing one of our coven mates Julian they were in a coven course where
00:05:37.400we kind of all teach each other about astrology and they said something to the effect of
00:05:41.900i'm not here for any tools that disempower me so if i look at astrology and i and and they were
00:05:52.920putting it in the context of some ocd that's been a result of some brain trauma but they were saying
00:05:58.940you know if i if i look at astrology and i begin to feel oh i can't do this on this day
00:06:24.060because that message has been really powerful for me.
00:06:27.540And I hope that it's something that other people can use too.
00:06:32.300if you start to feel like your way of practicing magic or your interest in witchcraft
00:06:38.380is making you more anxious is making you feel less powerful less like rooted in your strength
00:06:46.800then do away with that way of practicing that's that's not what we're gonna do that's not what
00:06:54.680I'm gonna do while I while I do the cancer dance as I'm saying instead of fight cancer
00:07:00.180But like, I'm here for the rituals that like ground me in my power and make me feel surrounded by ancestors and spirits. And then I feel like I can do it. And I do my own fucking transfer request and find a fax number on the internet and send it with an app and get myself into the best fucking breast cancer hospital in the province.
00:07:25.940that felt like it was me and it felt like it came from deep inside of me that I called up a strength0.96
00:07:34.740to do it and that feels like the kind of magic that I want to write about and amplify and surround
00:07:41.420myself in and I want to reject things that make us feel disempowered and more anxious that's like0.94
00:07:48.560like we're here for things that give us our will that's what witchcraft fucking is that's the
00:07:54.780prescription for me right now and I hope it's useful to you too yes and it really is like we0.79
00:08:02.280start with the mundane we start with the practical and then we infuse our magic into those things
00:08:07.060Risa may be holding crystals but she's also going to have surgery and chemo so while we welcome
00:08:14.440crystals and magic we also going to trust science because that's what we do we love science we're
00:08:21.160science-loving witches. And I also want to say that, you know, this project, this whole Missing
00:08:25.960Witches project that Risa and I have been doing for like five, six years now, it started because
00:08:31.720of witchcraft, but it also started because of anti-capitalism. And we have never been looking
00:08:38.300to just recreate those systems that have oppressed us in this project. So if there's not an episode,
00:08:46.640if there is if we miss a week if we miss something um like sorry about it but no we're
00:08:55.380not going to pressure Risa into taking on a pile of work like the pile of work that she's doing
00:09:00.620right now is treatment and recovery and without sounding bitchy like if you don't get that if1.00
00:09:08.700you're pissed off that you missed a 20 minute podcast episode because our fucking dear friend0.98
00:09:14.740has cancer then like you're just gonna have to eat that anger because we're not taking it we're0.96
00:09:20.820not taking it on and to that end I brought you a song Risa and it's a song that was actually
00:09:29.940written by Bob Dylan but first recorded by the birds and everybody who knows me loves I love
00:09:35.040birds and the birds with a y I brought them before the song is called nothing was delivered
00:09:40.820and on the surface it's like about like the drug dealer got paid and never brought us the drugs
00:09:48.080and nothing was delivered some people think it's about god or politicians i think it's like
00:09:55.580a song about the drugs never came and it's funny because this is a song from um sweetheart of the
00:10:03.460rodeo which is like a country album that the birds put out and this much like cowboy carter
00:10:11.780resulted in like resistance and hostility from the conservative nashville crowd who were like
00:10:19.120these hippies aren't allowed to make country music what do they think they're doing which0.97
00:10:23.580again is fucking hilarious and ridiculous but here's my point y'all i'm i'm always trying to0.99
00:10:30.220get to a point and now i have arrived the chorus of this song is nothing is better nothing is best0.98
00:10:38.820and again if we're thinking about drugs they're probably like maybe it's best that the cocaine
00:10:42.420didn't arrive today you know maybe it's better for our bodies right like maybe that's for the best0.98
00:10:47.200but in terms of the shit you gotta do nothing is better nothing is best and then they sing0.97
00:10:57.660take care of your health and get plenty of rest.0.99
00:11:02.360So Risa, Coven, if you've got a to-do list