Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - REMIX： Kate's Lies

00:00:00.840 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:00:02.380 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:00:03.480 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:00:08.180 Two untamable intellects.

00:00:09.980 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:00:10.820 This is our hell.

00:00:11.680 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:00:13.980 This is POOG.

00:00:15.560 Hags, eavesdroppers, free feeders, and premium subscribers.

00:00:20.000 This week we have a remix special to our hearts.

00:00:22.980 What's it called?

00:00:24.020 Well, Kate's Lies. 1.00

00:00:26.300 Yep, she has a tendency towards them.

00:00:29.400 And they're what I call always a good time.

00:00:32.680 Enjoy.

00:00:34.940 Do your parents have siblings?

00:00:36.400 Yes.

00:00:37.220 And that's all I'll say.

00:00:39.020 No.

00:00:39.800 Do they both have?

00:00:40.800 My mom has a living sister and my dad has a living brother.

00:00:45.760 What about the ones who are gone?

00:00:47.360 Well, okay, actually.

00:00:48.080 Were those brothers?

00:00:48.900 My dad only has one brother.

00:00:51.140 My mom has a sister and had a brother.

00:00:53.900 Okay.

00:00:54.480 So in the case of your dad, just sort of imagining your dad has a brother, you said?

00:01:00.500 So, like, imagining what your dad's sister may have been like.

00:01:03.580 Oh, my God, incredible.

00:01:04.580 I can't believe I've never thought of that.

00:01:06.140 I know.

00:01:06.600 It's huge.

00:01:07.200 Okay, so my mother has two sisters, you know, very conscious of sort of that generation in that family of these three women and what they're like as a result of coming from these two pairs.

00:01:16.820 And it's like, what if there was a brother?

00:01:19.640 Just imagining a phantom sibling.

00:01:22.420 I actually all of a sudden I'm comforted of like I just had a moment where I was like

00:01:25.920 I could just pretend I have a brother and see how that goes like like uh perform acts of having a

00:01:33.580 brother alone or yourself like oh I should I should call my brother yeah yeah or like I I said this

00:01:37.900 once in my act but talking about like when I had an MRI to look at my my tailbone everything's fine

00:01:43.760 folks although there was a hairline fracture and I was in the MRI and I was feeling anxious and

00:01:48.720 claustrophobic. And I pretended I had a daughter and I was like, I have to be strong. I have to,

00:01:53.420 oh, I have to, after the MRI, I'm going to go pick up my daughter from school.

00:01:56.520 You're obsessed with picking up your daughter.

00:01:57.720 I know I am.

00:01:58.660 As a grounding point.

00:02:00.280 I'm obsessed with my daughter. And like, I think that like, there is a way of like inventing that

00:02:04.720 then forced me to in the moment feel some kind of inner strength or like I have a daughter,

00:02:08.440 like, you know, some presumed like level of responsibility. And so similarly, maybe I can

00:02:14.780 pretend i have an older brother or an older sibling and that will give me some feeling of

00:02:19.440 security in my darkest hours i don't know no no this is interesting almost like can you create

00:02:23.880 the uh like oh what would my brother say about this like could you experiment with that could

00:02:29.200 you like push the archetype outside of yourself as a psychological perspective and go like you

00:02:34.000 know create this brother in your head who may who you're like well my brother tell me about

00:02:37.900 you know blah blah blah or something i don't know it's kind of interesting i think that's really cool

00:02:41.540 but wait wait Jacqueline so the sewer was being worked on at my house

00:02:51.880 and my alarm went off at seven or no I was excited to finally sleep until nine

00:02:57.360 and the alarm and by the way I'm not promising this is a good story but my doorbell is ringing

00:03:03.120 at 7 30 and I pop out of bed destroyed by there's nothing more violating than the violation of sleep

00:03:10.040 and i'm also a particular baby with it i can i cannot suffer having the sleep disturbed 0.97

00:03:16.900 i throw my robe and i go i'm gonna have fun with this because how the fuck by like legally you 0.93

00:03:23.840 cannot ring someone's door before 8 i'm talking about like like city work and by the way and i'm 0.92

00:03:30.520 walking to the door and i go i'm not gonna fucking yell at the guys they're doing their work like 0.80

00:03:33.700 whatever but i open the little there was a knock you mean there was a ring ring ring 7 45 a.m 0.94

00:03:38.620 i go what i come up i go hello and i really it is a desperation i'm like on the verge of tears

00:03:46.480 because i haven't been sleeping well hello and they go oh hi i'm sorry huge details i can't even

00:03:51.600 i don't have access to i don't have access to what they need to access so they're waking me

00:03:55.500 up for no reason that's you know what i'm saying just know that they've woken me up and i can't

00:03:59.080 help them and you already know that i already know that that they're going to try to think

00:04:03.220 They have access.

00:04:04.000 I go, hello?

00:04:05.100 And they go, oh, hi, we need to access the back of the property.

00:04:09.300 And I go, I don't have access to the property.

00:04:11.540 And I go, and I work nights.

00:04:14.580 No, you didn't.

00:04:15.240 No, you didn't.

00:04:16.200 You are unreal. 0.81

00:04:19.380 You are unreal. 0.90

00:04:20.060 We're sorry.

00:04:21.760 And I go, and I have a daughter.

00:04:23.240 And then I go, this is my only time to sleep.

00:04:26.160 No.

00:04:26.900 Because by the way, what if I were a nurse?

00:04:29.480 You see what I'm saying?

00:04:30.360 Well, they don't know.

00:04:31.200 Of course I do.

00:04:32.000 They don't know.

00:04:32.520 and and maybe they could tell maybe they could tell by the dr loretta resting on the uh 0.94

00:04:39.920 on the welcome mat okay maybe they could tell by your trash being air on base yeah yeah 0.54

00:04:47.180 oh my god you know what i had you know what something i did the other day it was interesting 0.88

00:04:51.940 talking about this fedex delivery a bunch of heavy boxes and the guy and he's like starts

00:04:57.360 to unload them i go oh wait you can actually unload them over here because he was bringing

00:05:00.500 them upstairs i go if you if you just go right around to the side and he was clearly really

00:05:05.340 annoyed at me which i understood but i was like i was like i promise it's gonna you won't have to

00:05:08.520 lift him he was gonna have to move the truck back but i was like i just knew i was like it's gonna 0.99

00:05:11.920 be easier and he literally shakes his head at me like you fucking bitch and it's like just trust 0.99

00:05:17.220 me and then i start going god i was like what would it be like if i had like huge jugs a big 0.99

00:05:24.080 like i was like it's always jugs with you okay yeah i just wonder how it would have been different

00:05:29.120 but listen so so so i go i go which is like you mean and then i find i don't know that it would 0.87

00:05:34.760 different if i were like a stone cold like big jugs fox with like a huge ass tiny waist

00:05:41.160 answered in like heels and like a little skirt and was like i don't know anyway i had that fantasy 0.98

00:05:49.260 so he's and i'm like i feel bad because i'm like oh he thinks i'm this like entitled bitch who's

00:05:56.140 like move it over there for me right yeah but you're gonna see it's actually i'm like he doesn't 0.66

00:06:01.200 know yet he's not going to go upstairs it's gonna be easier anyway he shakes his head at me he starts

00:06:04.900 loading in the boxes and there's a bunch of them they're heavy okay and i'm kind of going oh my

00:06:08.040 god thank you so much sorry you know i almost by my lip see what i said i mean this is much easier

00:06:13.740 right yeah i don't do that oh yeah i find myself pushing out my stomach to make it seem like i'm 0.99

00:06:18.320 pregnant no and then i put one hand fuck you are put one hand just if you lie 0.99

00:06:25.740 like i did do a huge hands on the back oh what if i had jugs if i if there were jugs 1.00

00:06:34.820 sitting next to you you would have thrown him on it and i just wanted to see what it felt like

00:06:39.240 i'm a nurse i was doing it very subtly but just one hand on the stomach and i don't think he

00:06:47.220 even clocked it what's wrong with that not having a little fun with myself no no absolutely nothing

00:06:54.400 is wrong with it it's it's the childlike nature in you that has a little idea and does it

00:07:01.440 yeah i thought it was a fun little thing like well then i almost felt pregnant it's interesting

00:07:06.760 the speed but you are comfortable with the and i i go to the like it could be true thing all the

00:07:13.620 time because it's sort of like you know i don't know you're lucky i i did see that car coming

00:07:20.680 even though i would have been in my rights to walk without looking you know like that kind of

00:07:24.860 thing but like yeah you're like i work nights you you do this this is the thing about you

00:07:31.300 you throw a lie out there in a quick pinch you're scheming sort of like character from like

00:07:40.000 you know what i mean like a dickens like you're quick like you'd be great on a competition show

00:07:48.760 like i mean if i if i had the permission like if i gave myself the permission like okay we're trying

00:07:53.680 to get through a european town quickly to get because we're on the amazing race or something

00:07:58.160 like that so i knew like then like oh my god how we'd soar i'd be like this was like leaping into

00:08:05.380 the lies so happy lie even seems too strong a word the pregnancy stomach i'm sorry i'm sorry

00:08:10.040 i may perhaps i'm too perhaps i'm no but but my story is i work nights how dare you and then

00:08:17.760 and then minutes later and i threw my hand i mean i'm not wrong to like note this as

00:08:22.880 theme of the stories you're telling no i hear that they're both about someone else receiving you and

00:08:28.460 you going but you wouldn't judge me if whatever right right no no totally i mean it's it's something

00:08:34.000 i'm openly impressed by it's interesting i don't doubt that it's odd

00:08:37.820 by the way i'm actually it looks really good this is what arrived see how useful is it that

00:08:49.740 we ordered the same shocking okay it's shocking tell them what's happening so this okay at first

00:08:57.380 glance both me and kate okay listen and i'm gonna i'm gonna want to see take take a high quality

00:09:02.060 photo with your phone. Okay, I'm going to do it right now.

00:09:04.060 By the way, the burger looks delicious. That's not even

00:09:06.120 relevant now. This is a huge moment. This is about data.

00:09:08.360 Oh, my God.

00:09:10.100 These fries are seriously amazing.

00:09:12.380 I'm interested because those fries look

00:09:13.840 dark, kind of.

00:09:15.960 They're like a croissant. Okay, I'm taking a bite.

00:09:18.500 Wow. Wait.

00:09:19.400 Send me a photo. You did?

00:09:21.520 That sounded like a lie.

00:09:24.260 It was a lie, folks.

00:09:26.100 It was a bald-faced lie. 1.00

00:09:28.020 And I don't know what the fuck she thought 1.00

00:09:29.560 she was going to get away with there. 0.95

00:09:30.880 okay send me a high quality photo now

00:09:33.460 we're in the elevator going down and there's um my mom's being very sweet there's a baby in a

00:09:45.820 carriage yeah there's a baby in a carriage couple my mom's going oh let's see how old very sweet

00:09:51.420 the husband's sweet the mom's kind of not having it and then my mom was like very like like lively

00:09:57.320 the restaurant like something comment on just like oh you really have her out at like a booming

00:10:01.980 place and i go you got to get them out early you got to get them you got to get them into the

00:10:07.120 restaurants early oh get them out i wanted to say and i was going to say this but i thought maybe my

00:10:11.740 mom would give me away i wanted to go my daughter two months i had her at i had her out and i wanted

00:10:17.900 to so bad like we're talking about about the lying you're you're you're like you're ready but i

00:10:21.840 suggested the way that i said it was suggesting my kid i wanted to talk to her mother to mother

00:10:29.760 yeah you got it yeah you got it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's funny that's that's

00:10:37.740 that's a fun way to play right where it's safe because it's it's merely an implication to a

00:10:42.860 stranger in a brief moment yeah i don't know that that i could almost implication i think i could do

00:10:48.860 without feeling like a bold-faced lie, is it?

00:10:53.440 I mean, because obviously there's people throwing around.

00:10:55.480 It's a classic case, bold-faced, which feels more true.

00:10:58.640 Bold-faced is just what I get, like, I am nakedly lying kind of.

00:11:05.440 Lying, yeah.

00:11:06.620 It's a bit of a nip it in the bud situation.

00:11:09.620 so i was walking and because of my eyesight it's really happening where i'm not recognizing people

00:11:20.720 or i see them and i'm like looking at them like they're strangers and they're looking at me and

00:11:23.740 i go huh and i go oh it's my friend or someone i know so i was walking and i thought i saw someone

00:11:27.900 walking toward me i did not want to run into not dramatic like and that's what's funny not like

00:11:33.420 someone there's no one on earth i need to like actively avoid there's no one that i'm like oh 0.50

00:11:37.520 fuck we're about to get into it like of course we all know that we're not dying to run into 0.80

00:11:41.040 but I don't have anyone that would make me like cross the street but you know what I mean yes 0.98

00:11:46.980 um actually actually I crossed the street to avoid a good friend who I just wasn't well that's

00:11:50.540 that's yeah I mean if that's what you're talking about then yeah like no no no but somebody's

00:11:55.480 walking toward me I think I know who it is and there's a bakery I just gently and I very

00:12:00.900 realistically act as though oh yeah I'm going to the bakery I go into the bakery and then I start

00:12:06.460 to pretend to look at a cake of course and i and i have i have a full put in an order i have a full

00:12:13.760 act out about buying a pie to avoid someone it might not have been them and i go that's gorgeous

00:12:18.620 i go how um how much is that and she goes oh it's this much oh actually it's this much okay

00:12:22.860 god it's great yeah okay um if i were going to order that like how much lead time i go into a

00:12:28.000 full i take a picture of it of course i go i'm gonna send this to the birthday girl

00:12:32.120 i do a full and then i leave some people really like to me that makes total sense right yeah and

00:12:42.360 even like although i probably with that level of engagement feel like psychically like i had to buy

00:12:48.000 something almost like i know no one was in there it was very empty i wasn't like crowding no no no

00:12:55.740 i don't mean like i almost just mean like like you were part of this drama with them like now

00:13:01.760 you do know more about their pies now would you maybe consider buying a pie from this person a

00:13:05.760 hundred percent so so i see like so i see it as like you know to take in information of a business

00:13:10.980 has value to that business and so i still i think there's you stand on moral grounds here

00:13:16.180 is all i'm trying to say it's a it's a transaction that that is meaningful even though it was built

00:13:22.260 on a lie you're still doing good business you're still doing good i'll tell you this if i had to 0.74

00:13:27.680 buy a cake next week guess where i'd fucking go okay exactly some people do no act outs i have 0.84

00:13:35.420 to believe some people it's crazy no some people that story makes sense tool right like that's just 0.87

00:13:41.300 a that's a tool that is right there at any time it's i've acted my way into yeah it's all yeah

00:13:48.440 it's almost eerie when you realize what you can act your way into i do it with like with a

00:13:52.660 meaningless transaction that's out of time i don't usually invent other like i don't invent

00:13:59.600 other specificity like characters for some reason like there's like i wouldn't have the courage

00:14:05.460 almost to go birthday girl right yeah yeah it's like it's like there's something like i think it's

00:14:09.820 all gonna fall apart if i involve like another character it's like it's like totally it's like

00:14:14.460 i believe like there's some it has to almost be um like an illusion that blows past and can go

00:14:19.760 up in the dust it's like yeah don't anchor it to another yeah even though why not it's just

00:14:25.620 interesting I was going down in my car tiny hill you know these hills in Los Angeles where

00:14:36.740 no two cars in the mountains yes in the hills I go down a car is coming up oh I hate those 0.99

00:14:42.640 and I start to go fuck fuck fuck I go I go right it becomes this whole thing this car next to me 0.99

00:14:47.880 the point is just get by each other you mean yeah yeah just get by so one person but i came down 1.00

00:14:52.140 there was a car here the point is it was a gridlock health situation and i couldn't figure 0.99

00:14:56.980 out how to maneuver it and this car this there's a woman in this car and she's kind of looking at

00:15:02.140 me going like i can see her exclaiming like go that way she's not like oh it's not really angry 0.99

00:15:06.380 but she's clearly frustrated with me you know and i'm seeing a lot of like this no and like

00:15:11.880 and no but I you can see the I'm shadow of a cheek out yeah because I don't know I'm like

00:15:17.260 and by the way I get so close there's a car here windows down there's a man in there I didn't even

00:15:21.120 know I thought it was a parked car but it was a moving car and he goes they giving you a hard

00:15:24.460 time it was actually kind of hot he was like they giving you a hard time I was like yeah like I

00:15:28.580 don't even know I was like so this whole thing finally I maneuver the car I do this whole thing

00:15:34.540 I still think I think I mostly could have been better at the situation but it wasn't like I was

00:15:39.460 fucking the situation yeah but I finally get down to her I roll down the window I go sorry I'm from

00:15:45.080 New York this isn't my car always sorry I work nights okay I go this isn't even my car but it 0.97

00:15:51.080 was your car right yes I go this isn't my car I was in my neighborhood I go I go I go this isn't

00:15:55.920 my car I'm from New York this is like my second day driving you didn't or something like it's not 0.95

00:16:01.080 my car I think I said I barely have a license because you're and the woman the woman literally

00:16:04.620 goes you're an actor and you grew up here her face softened she goes totally cool i go well

00:16:10.420 who cares if i had to tell a little lie to make her relax no but it's not what is it really make

00:16:15.980 her relax you'd already gotten through it right it was over i had to apologize i couldn't apologize

00:16:21.240 i go sorry i'm so bad at that born and raised in los angeles this is my car no sorry i was so bad

00:16:26.820 at that this isn't my car i'm from new york no i mean i know why it's better but for whom both

00:16:31.620 do you like how i hit that m at the end yeah that was good okay here's a really quick parking

00:16:36.440 story tell me if i'm not done with your lie i'm not done with your lie let me think about this

00:16:39.420 lie is a strong word i don't mean it negatively fabrication i don't mean it i don't mean it

00:16:44.620 negatively i mean it neutrally someone called me a little liar the other day i'll tell you about 0.62

00:16:49.440 this lie so this is a lie i mean you're a but this is a lie tell me about this lie this was

00:16:53.480 interesting what would you do if you're me okay me it's okay basically the point is how long how

00:16:59.880 How early, Annette, before you actually talked to that woman, were you concocting the story?

00:17:04.120 Oh, moments before.

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00:17:27.420 but i was hung over today and guess what i actually hear it in my voice the gravel

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00:18:06.860 being added to Element. I stopped in my tracks. Kate, you realize that caffeine doesn't actually

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00:20:09.060 will take care of you i'm in a parking lot i'm in a grocery store parking lot it's quite crowded

00:20:17.900 why plenty of room for two cars to go you know how it is people are pulling out sometimes you

00:20:22.680 have to wait plenty of room cars pulling out here i'm about to pull in okay the point is i can't

00:20:29.220 remember the exact configuration this was a couple months ago yeah the point is i wasn't in anyone's

00:20:34.300 way and that i will and i was really yeah i just wasn't yeah so i'm waiting for this car to pull

00:20:41.360 out this car here can easily get by right but i see this woman her car kind of doing this thing 1.00

00:20:47.200 oh yeah kind of doing one of these what are you doing kind of doing one of these at me 1.00

00:20:52.260 and then i go i was like and then she starts she starts literally going

00:20:56.460 no motion like go and by the way which is almost comical because go where like this car is like

00:21:03.840 there was nowhere to go and i really and i and i and by the way i was really aware of the fact

00:21:08.060 i'm like fed i had i had protein like i wasn't angry yeah i wasn't starting to like i was just

00:21:14.140 You were fed.

00:21:15.100 And I was fed.

00:21:16.100 Yeah.

00:21:16.780 You threw that out like a vampire?

00:21:18.620 No, what?

00:21:19.480 You're just like, well, I was fed, so da-da-da.

00:21:21.220 I was like, what?

00:21:22.700 I mean, I wasn't like in a moment of agitation.

00:21:26.820 I was just like, leave, almost.

00:21:29.340 But I was calmly looking around going, am I in someone's way?

00:21:32.000 Let me really pull back here. 0.99

00:21:33.940 Am I fucking? 0.99

00:21:34.720 And I was like, I'm fucking not. 0.99

00:21:36.420 I'm fine in this parking lot where I am. 0.98

00:21:38.820 Well, this is a classic traffic drama, right?

00:21:41.160 And I go, she's not fed. 1.00

00:21:42.720 She's not fed.

00:21:43.480 i can't go so i see her start going like this really like yelling in her car go kind of are 0.98

00:21:50.900 you stupid kind of thing go not one and so i go like this she doesn't go like that but she's like 0.98

00:21:55.360 there you go she's going i go like this i literally go like this 1.00

00:21:59.260 give her the peace sign no no she's facing me i go peace like this like i'm not fighting with 1.00

00:22:06.480 you bitch yeah like because by the way you see how quick go why don't you have lunch i had lunch 1.00

00:22:10.960 so i'm fine you need lunch okay you're getting angry i was fed so keep it going so anyway so 0.99

00:22:19.040 wait this happens right yeah she finally goes by it's so weird oh she drives by me i purposely

00:22:23.820 don't look into her car because i'm like i don't want to fight and by the way i was like i'm not

00:22:28.460 looking it's over it's over i'm like yeah and i think maybe she i don't know what was going on

00:22:32.680 but i was like she was on one something i don't know yeah and then i realized we're both parking

00:22:37.380 and we're going to go into the supermarket.

00:22:39.440 Oh, wow.

00:22:40.240 And I didn't see exactly.

00:22:41.860 I knew who she was, but I was like, I mean, like I recognize.

00:22:44.860 I was like, so whatever.

00:22:45.940 So I get in there.

00:22:46.980 I start doing my shopping.

00:22:48.820 I see her.

00:22:49.980 So you knew each other enough.

00:22:51.980 No, no, no.

00:22:52.460 Like I saw like glasses.

00:22:54.140 I saw just like where I was like, I would know her head.

00:22:56.440 Yeah.

00:22:57.480 But I go in there. 1.00

00:23:00.820 That's the girl.

00:23:02.960 We know each other.

00:23:05.020 Yeah, here we go.

00:23:05.720 here acquaintances we go vague acquaint acquaintance might be too even strong enough that worker social

00:23:13.160 work like kind of but not we've never worked together but i just mean like enough where i was

00:23:19.380 like and by the way i started to go well i didn't i gave her a peace sign yeah and smiled bit kind

00:23:27.440 of bitchy like like like i know you're trying to fight with me but so like she must be embarrassed 0.89

00:23:33.760 yeah because she was the one that had you're going do i stand by this yes who had the fit 0.98

00:23:37.300 yeah and this is a bigger risk because she could see this what is what's the bigger show she could 0.90

00:23:43.880 see the show oh shit she could be watching this right now yeah so i just want to say also i'm not 0.89

00:23:48.380 mad and it's fine and maybe i should have so here's what was interesting though i panicked 0.95

00:23:53.040 i felt scared are you getting more on the record in case like are you like filling in the story

00:23:58.180 like okay i did leave something out like in case no no no no no i don't think i've left anything

00:24:04.060 out and this can go in our in our law office we can do this in our with our law offices we can

00:24:09.120 litigate this case oh yeah but like i was like but but but she enters my my my my aisle cortisol

00:24:16.240 levels reaching 4 000 i mean i was like yeah this is terrifying hey no no i didn't no i took a fake

00:24:24.040 phone call no you didn't yeah no here's a huge question about that because there's a risk

00:24:28.860 she sees the black phone she sees that it's just a black screen or not even or like it pops on

00:24:35.880 boy i have to go to the moment of the diner so imagine me okay i'm in there i'm flying high

00:24:49.160 i keep going eight hour away i go i'm saying people wait eight hours for this you know i'm

00:24:53.260 going and the food really is good we have a booth it's cozy it's christmas eve jacqueline the rain

00:24:58.480 is pouring outside okay were you were you um were you okay good no they don't they don't have our

00:25:02.700 booth right okay that's got to be over there that's fine it's fine even if we're up there it's

00:25:05.540 fine walked in seated immediately wild you knew what you had okay oh yeah well i walk in i go and

00:25:11.560 they go here's the booth of course reservation was 11 we arrive 11 at one okay and our guests

00:25:16.360 the two people we were getting were already there i go this is respect okay respect the reservation

00:25:20.360 I've been saying this for years. Respect the reservation. The 15-minute grace period is only

00:25:24.680 for emergencies. You mean if you didn't book it, but you're the sort of guest of it?

00:25:29.220 Both. And booking. Oh, respect the restaurant. Yeah, yeah. Respect the reservation. Yeah. So

00:25:34.980 imagine me, Jacqueline, in this moment of mania, Christmas Eve, you can imagine it, right?

00:25:40.040 Guess who's in the diner? Guess who's at the next, who's a couple booths over?

00:25:45.620 are you sitting down and I want everyone I want every hag to imagine and then here it comes I 0.99

00:25:51.940 want to remember because I wonder if I can call it up it felt significant give it to me no I want 0.99

00:25:57.500 to say I want to say yeah Leonardo DiCaprio no no no I want everyone to imagine who would be

00:26:06.620 and I go are you kidding me and then and then the the the general manager who's you know kind

00:26:12.460 enough to get me in a shout out um protecting her privacy i don't know why she goes oh yeah 0.85

00:26:17.960 because she's talking about like people are you know coming and of course celebrities constantly 0.99

00:26:21.400 are coming and kind of get a table and she's going i'm so sorry like no and she really she

00:26:24.880 was saying she's like i really tried oh she used it she used an industry term for me it made me so

00:26:28.400 horny she goes she goes i don't like to move the book oh hell yeah oh she said that i go and i said

00:26:34.960 this turn i meant it can i shadow you can i shadow you yeah i would be my i want to shadow her for an

00:26:40.380 afternoon she goes i don't like to move the book and she name dropped a couple big celebs she goes

00:26:44.660 i didn't move the book for them so you can imagine so she goes leo's here oh my she said it oh christ

00:26:51.200 in heaven yeah the the the manager said it from the back well because i was i was i was like i was

00:26:58.700 like what stars we got what stars we got you know i'm being kind of loud almost where are you no to

00:27:03.440 my face in the booth she's standing next to the booth so she did it on the floor no no and she

00:27:08.760 doesn't do it like this. She actually, she wasn't like, guess what? We were talking about this and 0.99

00:27:12.920 moving the books. And I go, that's amazing. And she goes, I don't want the books. She goes, I mean,

00:27:17.180 you know, just now, Dr. Campion walked up. And I go, well, I go, okay, well, I go, excuse me,

00:27:22.480 what? Huh? Huh? He's here. He's right over there. Did you whip or did you stay calm?

00:27:26.540 I immediately go, I just want to take, did you whip? I stayed completely calm.

00:27:30.060 You kept her gaze going. If he's here, he's not leaving the next two seconds.

00:27:33.820 she was so calm so professional so whatever that i almost like it was like i couldn't believe what

00:27:39.160 she was telling me i was like wait here right now she's like yeah and i was like oh so i go

00:27:44.060 i need a look i'm not gonna here's what i'm gonna do i go give me the exact placement of him in the

00:27:48.220 room got it i get up to do to go to the bathroom he's in i get up to do my big looking oh his

00:27:56.000 girlfriends are at the table without him he's not there you go guess i'm gonna find him in line at 0.96

00:28:00.280 the bathroom holy shit two bathrooms i walk up to the bathroom area one door opens a man walks out 0.96

00:28:06.640 not leo you go i hear water in the other bathroom i go that's leo i go that's leo baby and i go i'm 0.98

00:28:14.520 gonna wait okay this is this is imagine this imagine because you almost could have started

00:28:19.860 the story matt you know when you're in a hallway okay waiting for the bathroom and you know there's

00:28:25.280 someone in this one and you're waiting for it wait a second though wait sorry i got distracted

00:28:28.760 realizing something are you standing there with an open bathroom that's now empty that you could

00:28:33.940 enter and a closed bathroom that he's in yes no no no this is this is borderline stock one of the

00:28:40.140 train thought experiments okay because you know i mean this is like what do you do right this is

00:28:47.720 what do you do it is upon you technically right to go straight into the bathroom that you were

00:28:53.420 waiting for of course i'm assuming no one was behind you obviously no one was behind because

00:28:56.860 imagine this do you go oh you go ahead I'm uh waiting for somebody I'm waiting for a friend no

00:29:02.680 so here's what I do this is so embarrassing to admit it you tie your shoe I take out my phone

00:29:07.120 and I begin to do a fake phone call like I'm not gonna go to the bathroom yet because I'm on a

00:29:11.040 phone call because I go why else I go I go it's raining outside I gotta take this work call why

00:29:16.560 else am I in this hallway why else would I be waiting here with the open bathroom so I'm hearing

00:29:21.620 water i'm hearing something i go uh-huh okay yeah well you know if you go if you you know it's in my

00:29:28.380 email but you heard water and you go did you go like were you like what's he doing in there he

00:29:33.900 would wash his hands that long or like were you kind of like yeah yeah i was just like and then 0.79

00:29:38.660 i'm kind of like let's fucking go come on so i'll tell you what happened wait a second wait a second 0.82

00:29:43.460 sorry talk about slow it down slow it down okay because i just want to live in this yeah so many 0.94

00:29:48.780 questions along the way right i go i go yeah now you there were two bathrooms in a hall right

00:29:54.380 and he's not at the table that's all you know right it's all i know how did you know it was

00:30:00.760 his table pouring rain outside you know the girlfriend because i see his and you know who

00:30:04.740 she is like okay so she's a famous model yeah yeah i just mean so you go he's here oh there's

00:30:12.320 his girlfriends you know okay and you go now you didn't do a quick look through the windows

00:30:16.800 okay it's pouring rain out right there's no business being out there so you're only assuming

00:30:21.120 that he's in there yes exactly now it's a pretty good assumption but technically i don't know

00:30:26.900 technically i don't know we don't know it's it's an assumption the whole place in case he was

00:30:30.440 talking to someone looming over another table it's tiny the diner's tiny he was not i mean

00:30:35.080 no you're like he's in there he's in there he's in there all right i've got him i'm cornered i 0.99

00:30:39.040 got him cornered so fucking mosquito bitch okay um sorry me flying in she's not a freak she's 1.00

00:30:44.860 Emmy nominated. Okay. So you call me and get me on the phone and FaceTime. She's not a freak. 1.00

00:30:51.020 She's Emmy nominated. She's not some freak. I get you on FaceTime. What year were you nominated

00:30:55.180 for an Emmy? Was that the same year as the critics choice? I am on the phone. I'm on the fake phone.

00:31:01.880 He's taken time. I go, I'm waiting. Sorry. I'm waiting. And then I go, Kate. And are you doing

00:31:06.240 talking or only listening on the fake phone at this time? Talking both. I'm talking too. I'm

00:31:10.460 talking too. And how are you afraid the screen's going to light up? What are you doing about that?

00:31:13.720 a little bit. I have it concealed. I mean, again, it's a small hallway. I feel like I'm good.

00:31:18.000 And then I go, Kate, I go, you got to give it up. I'm not waiting this long. I go, it's too much.

00:31:23.320 So I go, okay, well, talk to you later. Bye. And I go into the bathroom. I pee. I go,

00:31:30.900 you're funny. And then I come out and this was hard to swallow. I go, Kate, you're going to

00:31:35.880 get a look when you go back to the table. Relax. He's gone. She's gone. Go back. So this was a

00:31:42.200 classic case of going to use the restroom before we leave the point is i come out they're fucking 0.94

00:31:46.880 gone and i am crestfallen but then i sit down i go you know what this is the greater poetry of 0.80

00:31:54.160 the story you know by the way i've seen him in the flesh before okay um we were in the same film for

00:32:02.320 christ's sake okay but but there's very few people there's very few people that hold that power and i

00:32:10.820 would say I mean I I'd be very excited to see Nicole Kidman like there's a like but those celebs

00:32:20.380 but even but she's it's Leo you know it's it's anyway the point is he's gone I'm fine we have

00:32:26.940 the meal unbelievable generosity they give us four Max and Helen hats wow we'll have the picture for

00:32:34.440 the subscribers slash i might post it to my personal gram and um i get a mug i get a max

00:32:41.560 and helen's mug it was it was a fabulous breakfast we're in and out by the way they're fast they're

00:32:46.180 the food's coming out fast point is we go next door to the bookstore naomi says to me he's here

00:32:53.060 no what he was in the bookstore next door yeah so i got my look

00:32:57.940 also what do you do what do you do about this i had a thing happened where someone came up to me

00:33:10.300 and said hi this is at a at an event the person comes up to me hi i think it's someone they're

00:33:17.420 not and i say to them i'm covering details here i don't really know i go i thought they were the

00:33:22.960 owner of a restaurant that closed and i said oh my god hi i miss name of the restaurant so much

00:33:30.600 and the person looks at me and they do the perfect thing where they don't say anything

00:33:35.400 and they kind of go like well it's really good to see you and they walk away i instantly realize

00:33:39.880 it's the wrong person damn what do i do so i go what do i do but did you realize who it was or

00:33:47.140 merely who it was not so then they walk away i go wait it's not that person you still you still 0.94

00:33:51.420 don't know who they are i go it's not that person i go i think it's this and i was correct i was

00:33:54.980 like this is the association i think i know them from here i was correct i later learned so i go

00:33:59.120 what do i do do i go up to them and go hey sorry that so i i do tell me if you think this is a

00:34:05.140 weird fib i don't want to call it a lie but i declare it's a fib i go up to them and i go maybe

00:34:10.640 that's the name thing i miss blank so much maybe that's the name of a friend that moved away i go

00:34:16.800 friend died i go let's not go death let's go they moved away i go you mean the lie you're quickly

00:34:20.660 creating yeah so let's just say i don't i'm right right so let's say the restaurant was called i'm

00:34:25.200 jumping i know yeah it's just called tana okay i go so again i said to the person oh my god hi i 0.88

00:34:31.800 miss tana so much blank stare smile good to see you they walk away i go fuck so then i go what do 0.91

00:34:39.960 i do do i go oh my god i thought so so then i say to them i thought this would be the bravest thing 0.95

00:34:44.880 i know you're not going to give the name of the restaurant right yeah but although actually the

00:34:49.500 name of the restaurant doesn't fuck anything no does it not no so actually maybe can we work with

00:34:54.300 the real name of the restaurant but not the friend because because it really does affect matters

00:34:58.180 right so if do you want to give the name of the restaurant okay okay jewel the name of the

00:35:02.200 restaurant exactly so that's where you go because because you were launching in on name of the

00:35:05.660 restaurant that could be a friend who died and i'm going well yeah it's the restaurant if the

00:35:09.300 restaurant was called you know pasta pasta pasta okay it could be an issue so so i'm going okay

00:35:15.020 it's jewel so well i miss jewel so much right so so so you're going now now here's my question

00:35:21.400 is jewel in your opinion known enough that this person knows no well could be could be 0.76

00:35:31.480 good fucking let me just play with it for a moment before we get to what you did i just 0.82

00:35:34.820 want to play with it for it could be it actually really could be everyone can join in thinking how 0.97

00:35:38.480 would they get out of this right so i go i go i miss jewel so much okay and also i have an

00:35:43.040 you could play it off. Like you said, y'all look, look at this. The person does bear a resemblance

00:35:50.100 to like, they look similar. Okay. Look, but look at this. No, I hear you. Yeah. No, you know,

00:35:57.400 Joel, right? Joel McAbee. So, so I said, I go, wouldn't it be brave if I went, if I went up to

00:36:05.100 this person, I said, you know what? I'm so mortified. I'm so sorry. I cannot place where

00:36:10.340 I know you from wouldn't that be so brave wouldn't that be so and there I am too scared so here's

00:36:15.540 what I do the person's still kind of near me so I go up to them I smile I go I'm so sorry I thought

00:36:21.400 you knew my friend Jewel but I realized that I don't think you do know my friend Jewel right

00:36:27.320 but I know exactly who you are but you don't know my friend Jewel right waiting for them to tell you

00:36:33.480 and then the person and then the person goes no I know you from and I was correct says where I

00:36:38.400 know them and i go oh my god and again in my defense i haven't seen the person in 10 years

00:36:43.860 so it's like it's not egregious and we were never closer and the point is was the lie strange was

00:36:50.520 it weird that i went up and i said you don't know my friend jewel i made it not i could have just

00:36:55.240 said god you look just like the person who owns this restaurant but it's not you

00:36:58.220 oh but i never said my trick are you ready oh yeah it's not a big trick but it's something

00:37:09.740 and you know what when you're in line at tsa security i think anything else anyway here it is 0.87

00:37:15.520 so you know the long metal table okay that you haul your shit up on like your the bins yeah so

00:37:22.100 you know you get your bins you throw them up there and then you throw your bags and then begins the

00:37:25.700 long push right push push push okay so my trick everyone throws their suitcase on on the table

00:37:34.340 at the very top beginning of the table no need keep rolling it all the way till you're at basically

00:37:42.480 the cutoff okay and then you throw it on why push a suitcase on a table when you could simply right

00:37:49.500 roll until the last bit of the bin is more intuitive is it because people are all doing

00:37:55.160 that so i fear there won't be enough room for my bag if i wait yeah and you just have to remember

00:37:59.900 that generally the shoving isn't that violent like you just simply you stop it like they're

00:38:05.860 like and people see what's going on it's um something like your move like yeah let's hear 0.96

00:38:12.020 it oh i also throw my shit in the in a bin before i've removed it from the thing i throw my shit in 0.93

00:38:17.480 the bin and then i lift the bin up onto the table the bin is in a pile i throw my shit into that 0.87

00:38:21.980 then i lift it up and place it on the table it's not extra labor it's less labor i feel 0.53

00:38:28.340 i feel like in an embarrassing way yeah i feel like oh look at me you know i really know how

00:38:34.480 to travel i pride myself on traveling well of course and um so sometimes i find myself and 0.99

00:38:39.940 this is really disgusting i find myself locking eyes with the tsa people and running my hands 0.99

00:38:47.720 over my pockets to show them like i've got you think i'm ever going to go through there with 0.73

00:38:51.980 something in my pocket okay and it's just this little thing i do i'm not like the rest of them

00:38:58.840 yeah i'm not like the rest and i do it and i pretend that it's absent-minded so i lock i

00:39:04.420 pretend to accidentally lock eyes with them even though i know i'm searching for their gaze the

00:39:08.660 whole time okay this is i pretend to lock eyes and then i as though it's muscle memory run my

00:39:14.140 hands over the front of the pockets the back of the pockets and then i enter 0.99

00:39:18.460 what do you do with a barista who seems to have a personal fucking grudge against you 0.97

00:39:30.020 and you haven't done shit i mean i'm hesitant to go public there's this barista but 0.99

00:39:35.500 my local coffee shop oh and i'm chatting friendly with everyone neighborhood spot everyone's 1.00

00:39:41.000 she fucking hates my ass i go what happened here i go i fuck your wife yeah why are you mad at me 1.00

00:39:49.440 sweetie it's almost made has made me almost laugh a couple times and i've seen her and i go maybe 1.00

00:39:55.440 that's her i've seen her face drop she's like yeah see you next week not an exaggeration oh can i

00:40:02.160 have of this no thank you okay no no i know i almost have to come see that i think i want you

00:40:09.860 to come see it live no i wonder it's so crazy techniques i go in first i sit alone with

00:40:15.960 sunglasses okay okay wait okay i watch you come in now here's here's three stages okay of observation

00:40:23.700 of control we'll actually come in you don't clock her you try not to clock her yet so in other words

00:40:29.340 i'm gonna watch you roll i would love this and see if she registers oh she's coming in right

00:40:35.500 i need you i'd see her i need someone to really observe this because i've almost because it's

00:40:40.880 like it can't be personal here's here's what i know not to be presumptuous i know like i wasn't 0.86

00:40:46.220 rude it's not like i fucking did something weird where i'm an asshole it's just so it has to be 0.97

00:40:51.340 personal but what could it be it's almost like she's performing how much she hates me 0.98

00:40:57.400 it hurts my feelings now what what could and by the way i go careful because if you catch you on

00:41:03.740 a bad day i'm gonna go what of course what is it sweetheart i go you want to fight let's fight

00:41:09.640 do you want to fight with me i don't understand i need to know face drops do you think and i say

00:41:16.120 and i do i do the standard of course i'm saying honda i think a couple times i've even tried like

00:41:20.240 yeah or something just a little yeah it's like she does this to me literally what do you want 0.78

00:41:26.940 bitch is what she's saying to me and then do you watch with others after and she's normal i saw i 1.00

00:41:31.980 saw like a i saw a guy like a normal guy like a man and i saw her say to him like yeah like they're 0.99

00:41:37.600 having a little chat like yeah and then literally i walk up watch the drop in such a way i go now

00:41:42.560 you're not a dummy okay but i still have to pose a possible question i want you to come see is there

00:41:47.360 some chance that she's so starstruck no okay then the only thing i love that read i love that read

00:41:54.440 is panic i love and become rude to lock something down she's so mean to me like a little hustle

00:42:01.880 grind i know lipstick on the celsius okay she's so like that it actually blocks the possibility 1.00

00:42:08.380 like maybe i need to try right ow oh my god look see look at this like skin peeling

00:42:13.060 something's wrong and no one cares my doctors i i need i need 9-11 i mean 9-11 i need to call

00:42:19.460 okay anyway well i haven't picked up remember i went last year last week rosacea whatever

00:42:24.520 they put in the scripts i haven't even gone to pick them up aren't i wild they got me like

00:42:29.700 three scripts for my rosacea and i'm like i'm like oh yeah rosacea's everywhere okay but wait

00:42:36.120 wait i thought you'd be impressed i can't even say to her like she has such a thing going on

00:42:41.660 that i can't even really be like what's your name like i almost want to go i come in here a lot you

00:42:47.040 know i've never really introduced myself huh i'm kidding like it's like i don't know what how to

00:42:52.240 break through and i would go just ignore it's not about you i know it's not about me you know that's

00:42:56.460 that's her she's on her journey with me i'm stimming again i'm sorry i'm stimming i just

00:43:00.440 want to ask a quick question which is can you hear yes they can hear okay cute so they're gonna

00:43:05.400 love that that's gonna be a cute new thing on the podcast okay so here's what i'm thinking what

00:43:08.860 about observe i need you to come observe let me just think of let me just think of what could i 0.92

00:43:12.360 do hi how are you and then i but then i sound like a fake bitch hi how are you today i don't need 0.99

00:43:18.820 someone to there i understand you're fucking you're at work you're like i don't need you i'm 0.99

00:43:23.880 not expecting some you know what i mean i'm just trying to think but but why would she so actively 0.98

00:43:29.460 want you to see her disdain for you which is what it sounds like right no it is what it sounds like

00:43:33.960 so when someone is like that i've seen her a little it's not like with everyone could she be

00:43:37.580 confusing you with a public figure who has like you know you know what's really ugly uh sentiments

00:43:43.320 when i was in where was i london i was in a certain area of london few people thought i was

00:43:48.060 someone else like i went to a restaurant they go we said we saw how you vote like we saw how you

00:43:52.800 voted on the latest i know whatever like they think you're like you know i'm saying like no i

00:43:56.460 know well no we don't like what you've done to our community and we're not afraid to say it's not me 0.53

00:44:01.440 they think you are i don't know what the fuck is going on but it actually today it really i kind 0.70

00:44:07.500 i was like anyway i'm like please come observe no i'm so curious that i'm like i want to go 0.93

00:44:14.380 right now what's today we got to make sure that we're there when when she's in you know her days

00:44:18.620 what day of the week is it lulu and georgia these are my kids lulu and georgia and serena and lulu

00:44:23.420 and my fourth my fifth son nordic knots yeah that's cute nordic nordica what about nordica

00:44:33.860 yeah um uh wait wait wait so anyway that was hard today and i'm gonna get to the bottom of it i don't

00:44:42.440 know how and i think i have to go in there i was fantasizing i go do i have to fake a heart attack

00:44:46.520 do i have to go in there and have some kind of medical save you so she'll save me and then i'll

00:44:50.380 go now we're connected interesting you go victim you sometimes go go victim damsel i think i have

00:44:56.180 to go, hi, can I get a...

00:44:57.860 Sorry, I don't think I was going to help you.

00:44:59.820 Oh, boy.

00:45:03.420 I need to...

00:45:06.220 No, no, I don't think it's victim.

00:45:07.740 So interesting, you think that'll work.

00:45:09.040 I go, hey, can I get a...

00:45:09.800 Oh, you have an eyelash.

00:45:11.260 Make a wish.

00:45:11.860 No.

00:45:19.580 I've told a story about obviously the teacher bringing me in.

00:45:21.840 Of course, I referenced it this very morning.

00:45:24.020 I think we might have the BTS.

00:45:25.000 No, no, stop, stop.

00:45:25.580 when I go, you lie.

00:45:27.760 Remember I go, you're lying.

00:45:31.840 That's what that was a reference to.

00:45:34.020 Oh my God.

00:45:35.660 I didn't even know what you were referencing.

00:45:37.340 I thought you were just saying that.

00:45:38.320 We probably have it on record.

00:45:39.320 We can cut to that moment earlier.

00:45:41.580 It's on Kate, Chris, Parents, Lou.

00:45:43.480 Just so you know.

00:45:44.460 I believe you.

00:45:45.420 I don't think you're lying.

00:45:48.780 You're lying.

00:45:51.660 I thought you were just saying that.

00:45:53.200 You're chuckling to myself. 0.61

00:45:53.940 So again, just for people just joining us, I'm not going to go into it deeply, but I had a cruel math teacher.

00:45:58.360 I couldn't do math.

00:45:59.120 I was in, you know, I was really struggling in math always due to the various learning disabilities, but was a good student.

00:46:05.700 Otherwise, math teacher, there was a project that didn't really, and there was a writing component.

00:46:10.420 It was about cars, and my written component was unbelievably florid and poetic about a car, and then the math was all wrong, right? 1.00

00:46:17.180 And so she thought, well, I know that this girl's an idiot. 1.00

00:46:20.320 She couldn't write this. 1.00

00:46:21.200 so she lied about having found it on the internet brought me in said say after class this isn't your

00:46:28.640 writing i start crying and she goes i found on the internet and i said you you lie and um and

00:46:36.800 then they had to bring in my english teacher my english teacher was like oh yeah kate can write

00:46:40.060 this yeah kate can write this sweetie she may not be able to do math due to the various learning 0.99

00:46:44.740 disabilities, but she can write. And I never got an apology. I never got anything. I'm silent.

00:46:58.300 Can we work on how, how we talk to performers? Okay. If you are in a position to DM or speak

00:47:05.580 to a performer after they get off stage or within days, or dare I say, years of a performance,

00:47:11.640 i want to make this very clear raves only only anything other you think we can't see through

00:47:19.080 it i mean i've talked about this but someone from high school coming and going how do you feel about

00:47:24.440 it oh i've gotten that too of course oh that's a classic nerd how to feel for you how to feel for 1.00

00:47:30.620 you you know that was a classic feel for me when you were fucking my ass how do you think 1.00

00:47:37.260 no no you people think i think oh you know we need the praise that's why we're up there we're 1.00

00:47:43.900 up there literally screaming crying begging for you to love us please tell us that you love us

00:47:48.760 i can't have this i actually got what do you think about this i got an email i did a show so i was

00:47:53.780 like hey i saw your show last night let me know if you ever want to do it in x town like did you

00:47:59.100 like the show did you do you know what i mean is that me being overly sensitive like a venue person

00:48:05.360 being like let me know if everyone's not even like not even yeah exactly not even like loved

00:48:09.920 yeah so even though it's somewhat implied if they have a venue yeah i still i kind of but i do kind

00:48:15.620 of agree i think um you know i'm trying to think sensitive have i aired you know surely we all are

00:48:23.440 human right have i ever in an attempt to and this is what i think it can come from in an attempt to

00:48:29.720 not make it weird show that you're that you've really heard the work okay you do something

00:48:36.500 other than just like what you fear will be empty praise and so you just try to try to say something 0.99

00:48:43.580 that's like you know i just thought it was so interesting and then whatever the fuck you say 0.93

00:48:49.040 like you go like like where i just feel like i was i don't know i forget but but folks 0.97

00:48:59.660 folks yeah you got to um lay it on folks you know what you know what you see this is this

00:49:07.700 is the lie to me baby that was poog if you enjoyed poog please subscribe rate and review

00:49:16.600 if not we will press charges

00:49:29.660 You

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - June 23, 2026

REMIX： Kate's Lies

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