Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - ＊＊Water Flows Where Water Goes＊＊

00:00:00.000 two best friends both alike in dignity nurturing phantoms and courting the muse

00:00:07.280 the hag divines when something must die yes that was poog but this is huge the ego loves

00:00:13.300 to seek but never to find it was berlant and novak the whole time

00:00:18.000 here we go now here we go now welcome there's so much here we go now first of all good morning

00:00:27.340 What they don't know is that it's not even 10 a.m.

00:00:29.880 And I took a shower this morning, and I never do morning showers.

00:00:33.840 I did as well.

00:00:34.340 Sometimes, rarely.

00:00:35.960 What was yours like?

00:00:36.840 Because mine was different than usual.

00:00:39.080 Mine was a love affair.

00:00:40.380 Really?

00:00:40.860 Because here's what it was.

00:00:41.760 I go, I'll just – because with the hair, I go, it's too much of a shower.

00:00:46.640 It's going to take forever.

00:00:47.780 And suddenly, I was in the bathroom.

00:00:49.180 I go, let's get in.

00:00:51.000 Okay.

00:00:51.420 Morning shower.

00:00:52.080 Let's do it.

00:00:52.580 And I go, be fast, because normally it's a risk for me to get in the shower, because

00:00:55.460 then I want to take a bath.

00:00:56.260 I want to drop into the warm water and the warm water lulls me in and then I'm late because

00:01:01.720 I don't want to leave the water.

00:01:03.440 It's a problem.

00:01:04.600 And today I went, you're just taking a shower.

00:01:06.600 One of my first pieces of observational humor.

00:01:07.400 I know I say it all the time when I was a child.

00:01:08.880 What was it?

00:01:09.300 Shower.

00:01:09.600 You don't want to get in.

00:01:10.220 You don't want to get out.

00:01:11.540 Oh my God.

00:01:12.200 It's genius.

00:01:12.760 You were a child?

00:01:13.520 Yeah.

00:01:13.840 I think it's also a little bit more ADD.

00:01:15.580 That's like part of it.

00:01:17.060 Yeah.

00:01:17.240 Not everyone agreed.

00:01:18.320 Yeah.

00:01:18.980 Oh, funny.

00:01:19.960 That's amazing.

00:01:20.320 Like leaving your cap off your deodorant.

00:01:22.240 What about it?

00:01:22.880 Is that an issue for you?

00:01:23.900 No.

00:01:24.920 Interesting.

00:01:25.880 For me, it's such an issue that I couldn't imagine why the cap wasn't attached.

00:01:29.940 Because all I care about in the moment is the result.

00:01:32.780 I have no respect for future me.

00:01:34.200 Okay, take me back to your show.

00:01:35.100 I'm so excited right now.

00:01:35.960 I can barely scream.

00:01:38.320 But I just, I went, get in for whatever reason.

00:01:41.120 It just felt manageable.

00:01:42.060 It felt doable.

00:01:43.200 And you know what I never do?

00:01:44.340 Listen to music in the shower.

00:01:46.500 And how did you do it? 0.99

00:01:48.580 Well, it was shit because I just had it on my phone. 0.98

00:01:51.140 So it wasn't like proper speaker. 0.99

00:01:52.820 But even that hearing it did something to me.

00:01:55.620 And I go, music in the shower.

00:01:57.040 This is what people have been doing for centuries.

00:01:58.960 Not all.

00:01:59.860 But the amount of times I've rigged up the Bluetooth speaker in the shower going, this is my life now.

00:02:05.900 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:06.800 And then one day I go, fuck this. 1.00

00:02:08.360 Okay. 1.00

00:02:08.780 I go, this thing's collecting.

00:02:10.040 This thing's getting wet.

00:02:11.520 Or even if it's found the perfect one, it doesn't. 1.00

00:02:14.040 I go, fuck this. 1.00

00:02:14.940 What am I doing? 1.00

00:02:15.500 It's a lie.

00:02:16.060 Get it out.

00:02:17.020 Oh, interesting. 1.00

00:02:17.880 Dump a bunch of shit gets dumped. 1.00

00:02:20.660 Okay. 1.00

00:02:21.440 What was I dumping?

00:02:22.620 Oh, and then this morning, as a result of my cleaning, I'm in the shower, right?

00:02:26.340 And it finally happens where I go, it's always the extremes.

00:02:29.200 I go, cool, so no conditioner in the shower.

00:02:31.400 Why?

00:02:32.240 I decided I don't really use it.

00:02:34.160 Conditioner?

00:02:34.760 Yeah.

00:02:35.100 It's all I use.

00:02:36.180 You see, you're still in the DivaCurl model, aren't you?

00:02:38.800 No.

00:02:39.480 What do you mean?

00:02:40.040 You know, they were very like co-wash, which was like washing your conditioner.

00:02:44.260 I do shampoo once a week or something, maybe twice if I'm like.

00:02:48.120 and are you trying to make sure the curls what don't get dried out or whatever because i actually

00:02:53.640 think that's the biggest lie of the 21st century yeah okay that's why i would go to a hotel use

00:02:59.380 the most vile shampoo i mean in the old yeah like the suave like strip strip or just water me okay

00:03:05.020 okay okay strip me i get out i go why is my why are my curls never as good as they are with

00:03:11.480 non because this this message of moisturizing the curls yeah it's not for all hair types okay

00:03:17.100 That's fair.

00:03:17.480 I have a lot of hair.

00:03:18.140 I have a lot of hair, right?

00:03:20.580 But so I used to think I had thick hair because, oh, you need to, you know, thick, whatever,

00:03:26.040 because I have a lot of hair.

00:03:26.900 It's actually pretty fine.

00:03:28.400 There's just a lot of it.

00:03:29.740 So the moisture weighs it down.

00:03:31.740 Oh.

00:03:32.660 Okay.

00:03:33.140 I mean, it's not fine, truly fine, but it's not thick, thick.

00:03:36.280 That's what I've been experimenting with, not being so obsessed with volume at the crown.

00:03:41.020 Well, actually, some people have noticed.

00:03:44.020 What do you mean?

00:03:44.440 I mean, me too.

00:03:45.380 Someone like emailed or something.

00:03:47.440 Okay, I think producer passed it along.

00:03:49.580 I think they were saying – I don't know if they said I've noticed you girls or in general like a trend like with the curly like flat, you know, flat center part, whatever.

00:03:59.580 Yeah.

00:04:00.040 And there's actually a lot to say about it.

00:04:01.920 Okay, this is huge.

00:04:02.820 I can't believe somebody would have been –

00:04:03.980 And I'm doing volume at the crown at the cost of –

00:04:05.260 Like this to me is not really – would you describe this as volume at the crown?

00:04:09.260 No.

00:04:09.600 No.

00:04:09.960 Like you'd be – oh, I don't quite have – there's a little, right?

00:04:12.680 But you'd go back, if you were, you'd go back here and you'd go like this, if you were going to create it.

00:04:16.880 I used to, I would want, but no, I've just been doing.

00:04:19.300 Well, to me, the crown still is a little back, even though crowns are worn like this.

00:04:23.140 The crown, crowning.

00:04:29.060 I'm stiff, I'm stiff.

00:04:29.980 I got to loosen up.

00:04:30.780 The babies come in like that, right?

00:04:32.380 When they come out head first.

00:04:33.820 Yeah, they don't come out face first.

00:04:35.200 They don't come out chin first.

00:04:36.100 I think some of them probably.

00:04:36.660 I mean, I'm dreadful they do all of it.

00:04:37.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:38.920 Nose first.

00:04:40.100 Hand first.

00:04:41.580 That's.

00:04:42.680 that can't be just a handout that's incredible if anyone if anyone that's happened for anyone

00:04:47.920 i'm sure it's happened oh yeah by the way never forget someone wrote and said they listened to

00:04:52.020 poog while they were giving birth oh yeah while and then or was it no no it was in labor no it

00:04:57.820 was in labor no right but labor can last two days so my friend just gave birth went it's a fiesta

00:05:02.680 it's nothing that's she's like it's fine i mean it's a lot there's a lot of people angry out there

00:05:08.280 hearing that okay different people's experiences are different women's pain is not true okay so

00:05:14.360 first of all say a morning shower something was with me this morning we are going to get more

00:05:18.900 coffee everyone so if you're noticing a dip in energy on yeah i've only i mean i had a double

00:05:22.860 espresso but anyway the point is i've only had a half calf i repeat wow and perfect aminos mocha

00:05:28.460 guess what's in my mug that's all i've had i need that with a little soy because i need the

00:05:33.560 some of us were not tricked okay but by the anti-soy big soy or no big no no yeah or whoever

00:05:42.380 the hell is coming after it fly in the studio you know that's it's the fly good luck and it's

00:05:47.540 the fly in the tequila yeah it's a worm but yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry everyone's going take me back

00:05:54.260 to kate's shower no no there's nothing it just but it really felt i was like oh right the morning

00:05:58.440 the morning shower there's a reason and it works i was whistling i was like oh morning shower well

00:06:07.140 well the real joke is do you need both probably i mean you don't want to have that fresh feeling

00:06:13.700 you don't want to have that you don't want to go into the shower with wet hair from the previous

00:06:17.060 night i don't think no unless are you ready for this wash your hair at night okay because by the

00:06:23.620 way i think sleeping on the curls again for me it can be perfect it's perfect you know there was

00:06:27.380 There was like an old wives' tale.

00:06:29.160 It's like if you sleep on wet hair, you'll get Bell's palsy.

00:06:31.540 Do you know this?

00:06:32.820 Do you tell me this?

00:06:33.900 Definitely did not.

00:06:35.080 For a long time, I was like scared to sleep on wet hair. 1.00

00:06:38.040 That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. 1.00

00:06:39.340 I know. 1.00

00:06:39.660 And I say that knowing that there are all sorts of things neurologically that confuse and surprise us.

00:06:45.020 It's endless, but Bell's is up there.

00:06:47.180 First of all, it's fine.

00:06:49.120 People get it and they come back.

00:06:52.500 Kate?

00:06:53.500 No, they get it and they come back.

00:06:55.140 For sure.

00:06:55.540 I know someone that got it and they came back.

00:06:56.900 of a of an impermanent condition the point is the shower so being on what curls is fine and i agree

00:07:02.640 sometimes it's unbelievable for the hair um but but but you're gonna be excited but i was just

00:07:08.740 gonna say yeah see you are able to hold the thread right am i hardly stronger than me okay

00:07:15.520 because you have a driving desire to tell me about the shower right where i'm i'm like a fly

00:07:19.820 okay i die every two weeks you know what i mean yeah okay i'm just dancing wherever you're going

00:07:23.680 locked in in the moment that's all i have fall out of the air what when they die or do they

00:07:29.700 always die sitting down yeah do they land to die huge question wait so so so they go under the

00:07:37.400 porch curl up in a ball they hide you know like the dogs okay wait wait take me take me back but

00:07:42.380 i just want to say yeah see i feel held by the shower story as a container okay that's why i

00:07:47.020 interrupt because i go i go wait wait let's talk about this because i know you'll pull me back i

00:07:50.960 feel safe okay so i just want to so i just want to add in these little things along the way so

00:07:54.360 much shower so i'm going wash the hair at night okay in the morning quick cold one well i i love

00:08:02.000 a morning bath well i love a midday bath me too i do morning midday and night yeah three baths a

00:08:06.940 day easily three squares a day i wonder if that really does drive up the water bill like crazy

00:08:11.300 i gotta look into that so you're telling me there's a water bill because i looked on water

00:08:15.280 be like oh Jesus because I didn't know you're telling me I'm paying for that that's not true

00:08:24.060 in New York City I want to know how much I want to see I thought no no I'm not saying I was being

00:08:30.940 free with it I am okay but I wasn't saying I was being free with it because of the not paying I

00:08:35.460 thought we were all being you know mindful because of the droughts well by the way no and there is

00:08:41.360 shame attached to bathing to baths but i refuse because i there's other things i don't do serious

00:08:46.480 oh yeah doesn't about like the environmental community but the bath uses less water than

00:08:51.700 the shower no that feels like a fact that's surprising but true i think weirdly it doesn't

00:08:56.520 that's the thing that's crazy and then also but you know i heard it's got a dishwasher uses less

00:09:00.860 water than washing by hand which makes a lot of sense when you think about it yeah because you've

00:09:04.940 got it going and you're yeah even if you didn't have it going i put something on my honeydew list

00:09:11.120 and the water's running i'm gonna add this to my honeydew list dishwasher needs a new motor chuck

00:09:16.020 okay it's honey can you do this what's honey can you do that this is an app no it's a term

00:09:23.780 no since when it's going on my honeydew list wait since when sometimes honeydew's on the list 0.99

00:09:32.140 And that's when Chuck just says, you girl, you're crazy. 0.92

00:09:36.300 When's that from? 0.99

00:09:37.860 Honeydew.

00:09:38.400 Honeydew.

00:09:38.540 It's an oldie thing?

00:09:39.380 It must be. 0.80

00:09:39.920 I don't know.

00:09:40.160 I heard it once.

00:09:40.660 Obviously, you never could forget it.

00:09:42.040 That's pretty cute, actually.

00:09:43.520 Honey.

00:09:44.660 My honeydew list is really long.

00:09:45.580 My honeycannia.

00:09:46.580 What are the things that you're constantly looking for in the home?

00:09:49.320 My honeycannia list.

00:09:50.600 My what?

00:09:52.840 Soften it for my partner.

00:09:54.460 Like, oh, I don't do a honeydew list.

00:09:57.020 Yeah.

00:09:57.640 Can you?

00:09:58.240 He likes it when it's honeycannia.

00:09:59.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:00.160 So I have a honey can you list.

00:10:02.280 Doesn't have the same ring.

00:10:06.080 It doesn't.

00:10:06.820 No, because you need the honeydew.

00:10:09.720 Oh, good golly.

00:10:11.520 I've got the giggles.

00:10:12.360 Good, good.

00:10:13.060 Keep going.

00:10:13.500 Can you believe there's no caffeine running through me except for half, half a shot?

00:10:17.800 No, it's incredible.

00:10:19.140 It's incredible.

00:10:19.900 You're running on something else.

00:10:20.760 You're running on the Lord.

00:10:22.060 I'm running on you.

00:10:22.900 I'm running on Halloween because it's Halloween season.

00:10:24.660 I've already told you you're coming over to my house.

00:10:26.300 We're going to a haunted house.

00:10:27.060 But listen, take me back.

00:10:29.260 Okay.

00:10:30.160 Okay, let me just make a quick note of that because I was yesterday in a little local shop I call Cost Plus World Market.

00:10:40.140 Oh, wow.

00:10:40.780 I think I've only been once.

00:10:43.980 You would go through—well, actually, it's actually one of the only sure—

00:10:49.540 I get hamper crazy.

00:10:51.400 Oh, really?

00:10:52.360 Oh, there was a time I had like four hampers.

00:10:54.820 Oh, well, quantity.

00:10:56.940 I believe hamper in every room.

00:10:58.840 I'm going to have to rethink my hamper strategy.

00:11:00.100 It doesn't hamper a good time.

00:11:01.480 I'll tell you how much.

00:11:03.340 Also, big news, big news.

00:11:04.620 I threw a countdown.

00:11:05.240 Big news, and this is, by the way, Cozy Earth.

00:11:07.640 This is me, literally, this is not an ad.

00:11:09.240 Well, I have a lot to say about Cozy Earth today.

00:11:10.540 I just want to say, let's just say I'm going to need king sheets.

00:11:14.940 Because I formally decided to upgrade to a king.

00:11:17.100 I've been sleeping on a queen my whole life.

00:11:19.320 You can sell off your queen because Cozy Earth sent them, right?

00:11:22.520 Yeah.

00:11:22.900 I think that because we have, right? 0.72

00:11:24.900 Well, no, Cozy Earth sent queen, and now I need king. 0.89

00:11:26.760 No, right. 1.00

00:11:27.160 And I'm saying, off to Poshmark. 1.00

00:11:30.100 Ew. 1.00

00:11:30.680 Because that could be cut up into strips, Kate.

00:11:34.720 By the way, I could see.

00:11:36.980 Kate, this is your sheet.

00:11:39.460 Okay.

00:11:39.960 You ready?

00:11:40.920 This is your sheet that you're going to sell?

00:11:42.520 Yeah.

00:11:43.040 Okay, look.

00:11:43.920 $5 a square.

00:11:45.300 Yeah, exactly.

00:11:45.940 Look, $10.

00:11:48.620 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:11:49.860 That's good.

00:11:50.520 That's good.

00:11:51.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:52.160 Okay, $10, $5. 1.00

00:11:52.860 Under the crown of the head, under the ass. 1.00

00:11:54.920 Okay. 1.00

00:11:55.340 Lord knows I sleep naked. 0.97

00:11:56.260 and then for the sickos 0.77

00:11:57.880 50

00:11:59.240 okay

00:12:01.280 don't you always have

00:12:02.620 do you have the desire

00:12:03.300 to put the dollar sign

00:12:04.140 after the number

00:12:04.680 like 50 dollars

00:12:05.500 I always get that wrong

00:12:06.400 and then have to move it around

00:12:07.380 I always

00:12:07.920 I always go

00:12:08.600 I know where it's supposed to be

00:12:09.860 but

00:12:10.040 hang on

00:12:10.320 I'm forgetting in this moment

00:12:11.320 100

00:12:11.680 yeah it's before

00:12:14.160 okay okay

00:12:15.180 oh yeah yeah

00:12:15.840 I always forget

00:12:16.560 also doesn't assume

00:12:18.860 I'm sorry

00:12:19.080 this is like a

00:12:19.620 this is like

00:12:20.180 not interesting

00:12:20.980 never apologize

00:12:21.680 okay

00:12:22.180 are you joking

00:12:22.760 no I know I'm sorry

00:12:23.680 you're obviously trying to tease me

00:12:25.020 but not interesting

00:12:25.780 I was just going to say, genuinely, I don't think not knowing what year it is is a good sign of like mental.

00:12:32.440 Well, did I tell I had to ask my mother what year it is?

00:12:34.420 And she looked at me like I was being over the top.

00:12:36.440 And she doesn't do that to me, really.

00:12:38.420 She was like, she was like, what did you think?

00:12:43.300 So I had just weird that it's not 2024.

00:12:46.160 See, that's interesting.

00:12:47.180 I think it's 2026.

00:12:48.680 Oh, interesting.

00:12:49.740 Because I'm used to being behind.

00:12:51.560 Yeah.

00:12:52.480 So I go like, what, you're kid five now?

00:12:54.640 because i'm always so behind that like it's like no there's there's still between one and two you

00:12:58.380 see what i'm saying yeah i'm so used to going like how's the baby they're nine you know yeah yeah so

00:13:02.300 it's like similarly because people start saying 2026 a lot in 2025 these people that you know plan

00:13:09.280 ahead right oh well in 25 2026 of course so i go 2026 sounds it's rolling off the tongue it must

00:13:15.440 be here yeah yeah totally makes complete sense makes complete sense um you know what i did or

00:13:20.660 stopped by yesterday and i went this is great i gotta do this more and

00:13:24.580 picnic in the park hanging out in the park serious yeah there is nothing that is something

00:13:31.720 that happens once every freaking two and a half years okay for for someone like me or you yeah

00:13:36.000 we go this is my new life you go and i don't even have to only do it on weekends you go oh

00:13:42.020 they're open all week what was yesterday wednesday wednesday yeah my this is this is a cool friend

00:13:46.300 casual goes send out the i'm having a birthday thing meet up in the park i go oh i can't go

00:13:51.880 because i got this whatever next thing i know i go i'm gonna do a walk do a little walk and i'll

00:13:56.520 go by i went by in my in my spf sun hat yeah and bike shorts and it's unbelievable because you can

00:14:03.640 bring whatever you want laughing you're so gentle did you yeah i did a huge yeah you got it yeah

00:14:09.920 you got it i ran at full speed toward the picnic um anyway that's all we do wait but are you curious

00:14:16.000 cost plus actually i had something i had something kind of philosophical that i wanted to bring to

00:14:20.280 you great which is on my walk i'm just i just making a note about cost plus and hampers those

00:14:24.560 will be returned to and i do need a new hamper culture so that's good okay oh right so so every

00:14:29.740 room there's a walk that i do a lot that i've done for years okay and it's like a meditative

00:14:33.600 thing so i go you know so many things that happened in my life and i was returning the

00:14:36.320 same walk and okay and so you're going i'm going to go on let me guess my walk i'm going to do my

00:14:43.220 walk yeah yeah yeah i call it my stomp oh really see even more bespoke term so this is something

00:14:51.600 that i noticed or that i've done this walk 10 000 times and there's a house that's kind of on a hill

00:14:56.720 and then on the hill there is like an outdoor generator like an ac unit or something it's kind

00:15:02.100 of an eyesore right you better not be talking about the brutalist building remember i said

00:15:06.300 do brutalists live there all right fine but where was that oh oh yeah like the water tower whatever

00:15:10.760 that is no no okay no it's not something smaller yeah all right but they're just like it's in front

00:15:15.040 of a residential house and there's like a yeah like an ac unit something and they put a um like

00:15:21.460 rattan screen in front of it to block it from from from being an eyesore right yeah and i was

00:15:29.580 like this is so interesting there's so much going on here because it's like first i'm honored by i'm

00:15:34.480 like that's so sweet you you mean yeah so it's like the neighborly yeah right so it's like the

00:15:39.040 neighborly impulse to be like, sorry about that generator.

00:15:41.740 We're going to cover it with this fence so that you can enjoy your walk.

00:15:44.200 But I hate rattan.

00:15:45.140 No, I know.

00:15:46.720 You leave a note in the thing.

00:15:49.760 I prefer it.

00:15:50.360 I prefer human.

00:15:51.500 Yeah, totally.

00:15:53.000 So I was moved by them being like, you know, being a good neighbor for the community.

00:15:58.480 A lot of people do this walk.

00:16:00.000 Oh, look at the generator.

00:16:01.980 Yeah.

00:16:02.360 I was like, that's really sweet.

00:16:03.500 But then you can see the generator poking out from behind it.

00:16:06.940 See, here we go.

00:16:07.620 It actually calls almost more attention to the generator.

00:16:10.480 And then, of course, I was on the walk.

00:16:12.120 I know.

00:16:12.620 That which is obscured.

00:16:13.740 It's like if the generator where you were trying to sexualize the generator, it's exactly what you'd do.

00:16:18.200 You'd have a little peeking out.

00:16:19.680 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:16:21.020 No, I was like, this is really interesting.

00:16:22.600 So it pronounces the generator.

00:16:24.580 And then it's like, cover the generator, cover the generator.

00:16:28.700 And then.

00:16:29.520 All we're thinking about is what.

00:16:31.560 Is it the generator?

00:16:32.840 Whereas.

00:16:33.960 If it were just raw out there.

00:16:35.500 If it were raw.

00:16:35.600 I mean, it's a classic hide right out in the open.

00:16:38.760 I remember they did this game once in the woods as a child.

00:16:43.920 Okay, no, it was on like a school trip where there were these woods activities.

00:16:48.620 Like, you know, we all have to stand on a little piece of wood.

00:16:50.980 The whole class has to get on a little piece of wood.

00:16:53.300 Like, how many can you fit on there?

00:16:54.620 All these team exercises in the woods. 1.00

00:16:57.140 Shit kind of perverted. 1.00

00:16:58.460 I can't believe you had so much time in the woods. 1.00

00:17:00.700 Yeah, totally.

00:17:01.120 Well, this was separate.

00:17:01.640 This was like a school trip, like two hours to like a nature thing or something.

00:17:05.240 Okay.

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00:18:23.900 so we played this like camouflage game where you know half the kids or whatever i forget how it

00:18:36.040 goes maybe it starts with one kid sits there and then everyone else hides in the woods and they

00:18:41.120 can hide as far as let's say 100 feet out or something and you have to spot them it's like

00:18:46.140 you're trying to do camouflage okay and if you find someone and go i see you johnny okay johnny

00:18:51.520 comes and joins you and now the two of you are looking for it now but you have to get closer and

00:18:55.540 closer basically the the camouflage people it gets harder and harder because they have to

00:18:59.640 camouflage themselves closer and closer to the people watching okay it's okay if you're not

00:19:03.320 following i know the listener is okay okay so so you know it's okay you see me working overtime

00:19:08.040 okay so so all to say you have to get closer and closer and still hide just think of that

00:19:15.480 And the people have to be able to spot you.

00:19:17.880 It's scary.

00:19:18.100 Okay.

00:19:18.780 So one kid in an act of literal genius, and no, it wasn't me.

00:19:23.240 Okay.

00:19:23.560 Lay it on the ground?

00:19:28.080 They subtly joined the group that was watching.

00:19:33.320 That's amazing.

00:19:34.640 I know.

00:19:35.180 That's a team leader.

00:19:36.680 That's genius.

00:19:37.220 Is that not, they're like, they pretended they were out.

00:19:44.020 That's amazing.

00:19:45.120 I know.

00:19:45.480 I knew you'd die.

00:19:46.980 I was, because I, no one recognizes genius, okay?

00:19:51.460 And honors genius.

00:19:51.860 You was only a child.

00:19:53.100 You saw it, yeah.

00:19:54.920 I go, my God, that's good.

00:19:56.880 Story with the recognition of original thought.

00:19:58.420 I've told you about this.

00:19:59.280 This is a friend's story.

00:20:00.900 We can shout him out in captions, you know, because I need to check whose it was.

00:20:04.840 But this is getting caught cheating by a teacher.

00:20:08.760 Some kind of like real cheat, like, you know, they're supposed to be working on this long-term project.

00:20:14.360 they don't get it done

00:20:15.320 or they hand in some

00:20:16.180 I forget what it was

00:20:17.140 or no

00:20:17.540 maybe it just didn't have the work

00:20:18.420 doesn't matter

00:20:18.780 I think

00:20:19.440 I've told the story

00:20:20.300 about obviously the teacher

00:20:21.100 bringing me in

00:20:21.720 accusing me of plagiarism

00:20:22.760 this very morning

00:20:23.660 I think we might have the BTS

00:20:24.900 when I go

00:20:26.220 you lie

00:20:27.060 remember I go 0.98

00:20:28.140 you're lying

00:20:29.340 that's what that was

00:20:32.460 a reference to

00:20:33.120 yes

00:20:33.480 oh my god

00:20:35.420 I didn't even

00:20:35.980 I didn't even know

00:20:36.520 what you were referencing

00:20:37.080 I thought you were just saying that

00:20:37.980 and we probably have it on record

00:20:38.760 we can cut to that moment

00:20:40.300 earlier

00:20:40.560 I thought you were just

00:20:41.020 see it's on Kate, Chris, Parents, Lou

00:20:43.240 just so you know

00:20:44.140 No, I believe you.

00:20:45.320 I don't think you're lying.

00:20:48.660 You're lying.

00:20:51.560 I thought you were just saying that.

00:20:53.080 You're chuckling to myself?

00:20:54.060 So again, just for people just joining us, I'm not going to go into it deeply. 0.73

00:20:57.000 But I had a cruel math teacher.

00:20:58.240 I couldn't do math.

00:20:59.020 I was really struggling in math always due to the various learning disabilities.

00:21:04.120 But I was a good student.

00:21:05.520 Otherwise, math teacher, there was a project that didn't really – and there was a writing component.

00:21:10.320 It was about cars.

00:21:10.900 and my written component was unbelievably florid and poetic about a car and then the math was all 1.00

00:21:16.360 wrong right and so she thought well i know that she isn't this girl's an idiot she couldn't write 0.95

00:21:20.740 this so she lied about having found it on the internet brought me in said say after class this 0.99

00:21:28.200 isn't your writing i start crying and she goes i found on the internet and i said you you lie

00:21:33.800 you lie and um and then they had to bring in my english teacher my english teacher was like

00:21:38.880 I love this.

00:21:39.520 Kate can write this.

00:21:40.780 Yeah, Kate can write this, sweetie.

00:21:42.400 She may not be able to do math due to the various learning disabilities, but she can write.

00:21:46.980 And I never got an apology.

00:21:49.020 I never got anything.

00:21:50.740 I'm silent.

00:21:51.420 Can you imagine?

00:21:52.060 With sickness and injustice.

00:21:52.740 Every time.

00:21:53.540 I remember the head of the high school coming in.

00:21:55.880 I go, ugh.

00:21:57.120 They never.

00:21:58.400 It almost seems like.

00:21:59.340 Lying about a second source.

00:22:02.180 Framing a child?

00:22:03.280 Framing a child.

00:22:04.040 Framing a child.

00:22:05.020 With false primary source evidence.

00:22:08.740 I mean secondary source point is

00:22:11.140 Hello? Okay wait

00:22:12.360 Oh wait I just checked the monitor

00:22:14.580 The puff is real

00:22:16.080 No it's not

00:22:17.400 I need to put rubber bands around my ears

00:22:19.360 Yes but I have been doing this more

00:22:22.200 This morning opening the terminy

00:22:24.720 Oh yeah that's here

00:22:25.660 Okay in the shower opening the terminy

00:22:27.700 That's the termination point

00:22:30.920 Yeah but that's the termination point

00:22:33.440 They go

00:22:34.020 You're gonna go do this week

00:22:36.340 If it has nowhere to exit

00:22:38.080 it where do you think it's gonna go back to the face which by the way guess what there's a lymph 0.80

00:22:43.560 massage place i want to go with you i already dm'd wait which one the one you sent me which one 0.97

00:22:50.680 the place that you go or is it a woman well that wand the place where actually i can't remember 0.94

00:22:56.600 like a package there's one there's one where there's an there's a we'll shout that out for

00:23:02.100 free it has to be what i said i reached out to the korean spa okay not not our usual the one that

00:23:06.680 You sent me that has a voiceover of a woman going like, she did this thing that I've never had done to me in my life. 0.76

00:23:10.980 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:12.020 Yeah, it hurt.

00:23:12.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it hurt, yeah.

00:23:13.880 Okay, but the results were unmatched, right?

00:23:15.620 The lymph place is in Beverly Hills.

00:23:18.200 And the prices weren't bad.

00:23:19.560 Wait, well, I've been to, I did one, I went to one Beverly Hills.

00:23:22.980 Is it, I went to a Beverly Hills lymph place.

00:23:26.720 At least my phone's right there.

00:23:28.100 I didn't let it go.

00:23:28.540 Remember I went to it where you wear the sock?

00:23:30.760 Oh, your body.

00:23:31.520 The full body sock?

00:23:32.440 I don't think that's this place.

00:23:34.280 You wear a single ruffled sock because the doctor likes that.

00:23:37.940 One lace sock.

00:23:38.960 You put your rod into the sock and then they. 0.91

00:23:41.700 Yeah.

00:23:42.560 Wow.

00:23:43.440 Oh, the Termini, though.

00:23:44.500 Oh, yeah.

00:23:44.800 I never said the cheating story.

00:23:47.080 I mean, I never finished it.

00:23:48.220 Okay, that's good.

00:23:48.940 Threads.

00:23:50.340 But the Termini, you got to pump, pump, pump, open it up.

00:23:55.520 But again, I just want to be clear.

00:23:56.900 My life is not about.

00:23:59.280 It's about.

00:24:00.300 It's about.

00:24:01.440 Process.

00:24:03.080 Okay.

00:24:03.340 ideas yeah it's about experimentation of ideas it's like it's the same this is where i'll get

00:24:09.220 into my restoration of furniture okay and my whole cfr patio yep okay cfr patio it's going

00:24:17.420 on the hag shop i'm i've for i've spoken about this but i formed a relationship with colin the

00:24:21.860 son father and son business and i'm going to restore my my vintage brown jordan kailua

00:24:26.740 in colors i'm thinking of a pale pastel kind of periwinkle and white i'm even thinking of a blush

00:24:32.660 pink awning okay because i go what are the colors a soft gray green because i think what are the

00:24:37.220 colors that i actually love to lay on and relax anyway cfr patio who cares we'll talk about it

00:24:41.660 later okay the point is and then i think you might get what i was going to say they also have

00:24:46.980 and i don't know if this is in the style you're going to be looking for but a kind of mid mod

00:24:51.400 okay sun shade any color you want big disc tilted oh yeah i like kind of a classic i know it's not

00:24:58.940 really right for your backyard probably but there might be a secondary location anything's possible

00:25:04.240 someone get it get it in poog blue okay take me back wait point is lymph who cares right lymph

00:25:10.300 yeah but i want it i want to go to that one place i want to go with you oh god you see the vocal

00:25:15.560 tonality i'm trapped in the throat with with rabid green convince me i shouldn't get my phone

00:25:19.060 out and find out what it's called why to shout them out and beg for a discount basically do it

00:25:24.360 my phone's right here do it because honestly i want to go okay i just remember when someone

00:25:31.980 commented these you girls don't know how to riff once no it on like just like two years ago

00:25:37.920 whatever i was just laughing about it and it's like we have no subject matter off topic okay

00:25:41.640 here's what it's called yeah magic body spheres yeah magic body spheres lymphatic drainage beverly

00:25:49.220 hills baby this is our call this is our bay this is our plea to you magic spheres magic spheres

00:25:56.240 interesting because there's a couple of bags coming out and this is a classic how many dogs

00:25:59.920 are in the race gun goes off now what was it magic sphere because yesterday look oh wow 0.99

00:26:07.720 that's gonna be my ass in about two weeks now i don't know that pulling lymph out of an ass 0.99

00:26:16.620 creates and asks that 1.00

00:26:18.420 round and juicy.

00:26:20.300 They go all over the body.

00:26:23.360 Me trying to find

00:26:24.600 the business. Look, Magic Sphere.

00:26:27.920 100%

00:26:28.720 non-invasive. No downtime.

00:26:31.240 Noticeable improvements in skin tone,

00:26:32.760 muscle tone. Enhances

00:26:34.660 skin elasticity.

00:26:36.920 Kate and I took an actual

00:26:38.460 tour of Artha and I wanted

00:26:40.600 to beg for a membership, a classic membership.

00:26:42.940 Remember Artha? We went and we looked at the

00:26:44.580 facilities. Wait, you went to the red light bed?

00:26:46.380 Yes.

00:26:46.860 Tell me about it right now.

00:26:48.080 So I've been wanting to go into a red bed to deal with my TMJ.

00:26:51.860 By the way, I just want the listener to know, because I have this list, at the end of the app, I will go back to Cos Plus.

00:26:57.100 I will tell the cheating story.

00:26:58.840 Of course.

00:26:59.380 Of course.

00:26:59.600 Isn't that genius?

00:27:00.020 Of course.

00:27:00.560 All right.

00:27:01.000 And guess what's genius?

00:27:01.800 Writing something down.

00:27:02.820 I know.

00:27:03.880 Notes.

00:27:04.420 Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:27:05.620 Okay, no more phones.

00:27:06.740 I introduced the devil by bringing our phones out.

00:27:09.480 But ear rune aesthetic, I want to shout out.

00:27:11.660 This is the thing.

00:27:12.300 Greetings.

00:27:12.680 Kate Berlant and I are eager.

00:27:14.120 Oh, I thought I thought it was them.

00:27:14.960 berlant i go at cape berlant i go click through you'll see she's got influence folks and are eager

00:27:19.500 to feature your spa and treatment on our podcast podcast our fans would go nuts for this well it's

00:27:26.300 we're eager to come in three exclamation points me me like like a total okay so anyway that's

00:27:32.820 skin and then we're getting we're getting the um my e skin um me texting you what color do you want

00:27:39.940 nickel. Again, my e-skin. We're getting new shower filters to experiment. Supposedly the

00:27:45.040 pressure is better. It's not going to be handheld. That just came out.

00:27:47.920 That's fine. I don't have handheld. Okay, wait, wait.

00:27:51.500 You were rabid and hungry for my red light bed story.

00:27:55.520 Yes.

00:27:56.380 I know you're hungry.

00:27:57.340 So tell me about it.

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00:29:12.580 Well, for the first day in a week, my recovery has soared the day after.

00:29:19.580 No, yes, okay?

00:29:20.780 Because you rested.

00:29:21.160 I slept nine and a half hours, okay?

00:29:22.560 Which is amazing.

00:29:23.500 I always think like a sign of the devil, okay?

00:29:27.000 When a fly is around me, I'm like, I'm like, like I'm a corpse and I don't know it yet.

00:29:32.420 Yeah, yeah, totally.

00:29:32.840 You're not.

00:29:33.840 Not really.

00:29:34.340 i don't really think it but it's sort of fun to think it so my whoop i've got news this is a

00:29:39.420 formal call out this is the 4.0 early adopter i think so yeah i think i wore pink for like nine

00:29:45.160 months straight early adopter okay what do you mean this is a 4.0 you got a new one no i'm about 0.88

00:29:51.520 to beg for us to get now kate famously was a fool gave her away cried i know she's ready now she's 0.89

00:29:57.180 into wearables this shirt is looking administrative as hell no no keep going keep going keep going 0.99

00:30:02.120 all right you know does that help boys okay um give us a little something give us a little

00:30:10.220 all right so the new whoop 5.0 i wait i want to try the 5.0 there's a new model send them okay

00:30:19.120 so we're waiting i've also started literally and we'll put this in a highlight how about that

00:30:22.940 we'll put in the newsletter what i've started a hag group on on the whoop app oh yeah okay where

00:30:27.760 where we can commune over our stats and there's a little chat in there anyway that's pretty big

00:30:32.780 deal but i want to hear about the red light you would okay so you're in there now you're gonna

00:30:36.940 15 minutes i already thought about yes i already thought about so this is a red light bed yes that

00:30:41.500 i mean dear god i hope it was the vital brand inside there i always like to look at the machine

00:30:45.360 so i can look it up later yeah i just looked up and thought annie was me oh i've thought anywhere

00:30:50.980 No, no, it's – so those listening, our producer looks so much like – it's like as if you and I ran into each other at top speed.

00:31:02.140 Like it's that thing.

00:31:03.360 Yes.

00:31:03.760 Like she looks like if there were a third member of Pooh.

00:31:06.320 Yes.

00:31:06.720 Oh, you mean like she's like our daughter? 0.56

00:31:08.240 She looks like – yeah.

00:31:09.160 She looks – and her hair is identical to yours specifically and color. 0.68

00:31:13.720 Yeah.

00:31:14.800 My hair is a little darker.

00:31:15.620 But maybe a little browner in terms of – like mine can go towards like blonde – and maybe her – 0.93

00:31:19.860 I'm basically trying to force the cross. 1.00

00:31:23.680 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:24.140 But it's actually a fun game also, like actor.

00:31:27.980 Okay, we're in a movie playing sisters.

00:31:29.920 And yes, I'm writing it.

00:31:30.960 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:31.640 Of course.

00:31:32.120 Imagine.

00:31:33.200 Well, of course.

00:31:34.720 Look, we could play sisters tomorrow.

00:31:36.340 And then who is our mother, actor-wise?

00:31:40.900 Who is our father?

00:31:42.320 Who are our siblings?

00:31:44.340 We'll kick that to the listeners.

00:31:45.860 And by the way, actually, I don't know if I want to hear.

00:31:48.760 okay because there's nothing worse than someone else's perspective of who you look like of course

00:31:53.040 i mean you know it varies you know my theory this is worth it we'll get back to the bed okay the bed

00:31:57.580 is safe the bed the red light bed okay yeah okay see you okay okay you know my theory that if you

00:32:05.160 ask someone who they think is the most beautiful actor or celebrity or whatever yeah it'll look

00:32:10.660 like them yep it looks like the most attractive version of them now a lot of people like not me

00:32:16.200 Okay, my favorite is whatever.

00:32:17.540 This is not a perfect system.

00:32:19.840 However, I've noticed some people, I guess I remember, maybe it's just when I was a teen, okay?

00:32:24.960 But it was like, it was like my friends, it was like, they literally named like the ones that if you had to like find, you know, it's just kind of interesting.

00:32:37.040 Wait, tell me about the red light that I really want to know.

00:32:39.680 So I'm already thinking about, well, Kate's going to be desperate to hear about this.

00:32:43.780 Is Kate going to want to come in and do this?

00:32:45.300 What am I telling Kate?

00:32:46.240 What's the info I'm giving Kate?

00:32:47.540 And I know what the info is.

00:32:49.000 Okay.

00:32:49.840 You're going to be freaked out by.

00:32:52.280 No, it's okay.

00:32:54.080 I did the highest level because the girl that we met at the front desk.

00:32:57.840 She was like, just do it.

00:32:59.060 She's like, this is the one I do.

00:33:00.480 Okay.

00:33:01.100 And I want highest level because I always want highest level.

00:33:03.160 And to be clear, she talked about dissolving and not in her back. 0.53

00:33:04.960 Yeah.

00:33:05.220 In a few sessions.

00:33:06.340 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:07.760 I mean, and her and the other woman in there goes, I upgraded them from girl to woman. 1.00

00:33:13.600 Because they do have jobs. 1.00

00:33:14.800 What about EMFs? 1.00

00:33:19.720 We don't care. 0.94

00:33:21.440 For a couple of pops on the phone all day.

00:33:24.440 No, no, you're fine, you're fine, yeah.

00:33:26.440 The generator, the rattan, okay.

00:33:29.660 How about the Wi-Fi behind my bed for six years?

00:33:32.840 That is.

00:33:33.660 I think that's fine.

00:33:34.700 I wonder you're getting sucked into Instagram.

00:33:36.380 That scares you?

00:33:37.340 Because you're aligned with an Instagram energy.

00:33:38.360 Would you not sleep with the Wi-Fi writer behind your head?

00:33:40.460 I mean, literally?

00:33:41.440 Yeah.

00:33:43.620 I wouldn't like that.

00:33:44.800 it's the only place in the house you have contractors now they can put it elsewhere

00:33:50.660 it's running a wire you think it's already too late i don't think it's too late behind the

00:33:54.840 headboard but i think okay i just think it might be affecting your dreams dreams are amazing

00:34:02.120 bringing that bringing in a signal okay remote signal look i drew a pair of lips oh thank you

00:34:07.980 so much beautiful java's here homemade java so completely you heard me push that

00:34:16.840 you can really see the red in my hair right now it's so interesting

00:34:22.800 my hair color is so interesting to me okay so so guzzle that down girl

00:34:31.340 what about when you text me something and i go good girl i know do you love it i love it i don't

00:34:37.440 I do it all the time.

00:34:38.380 By the way, I have a huge announcement that you're going to love.

00:34:40.160 You added lentils?

00:34:41.480 Well, listen, you're going to love this.

00:34:44.340 I'm scared.

00:34:46.140 I'm caring a lot less about protein.

00:34:48.940 Good girl.

00:34:50.700 Okay.

00:34:51.500 Because, no, guys, I know you're all freaking out in the comments.

00:34:54.700 Here's what's so sad.

00:34:55.580 I just realized something about myself.

00:34:57.600 This is algorithmic in the sense that I am noticing this stuff being fed to me.

00:35:02.000 So it's not an original thought.

00:35:04.100 But I'm trying to focus more on fiber.

00:35:07.440 Well, we need to get, remember how fabulous, remember my favorite guy, Plantiversity, Earth Worship, as you called it, okay?

00:35:16.800 I don't remember.

00:35:17.320 Now I'm forgetting the name of the book, but he wrote us the sweetest email, Dr. B, I think?

00:35:22.640 Did he give us the, yeah, and I haven't used it yet.

00:35:25.120 Me neither.

00:35:26.080 He's unreal if you go on Rich Roll, okay?

00:35:29.680 I can't believe you haven't, like, watched Rich Roll.

00:35:32.620 He's actually in a, he's actually in a black backdrop, like, setting.

00:35:36.100 It's kind of funny.

00:35:36.840 Yeah, yeah.

00:35:37.040 but but he really gets into it but um wait is he like the gorgeous guy who was an alcoholic

00:35:41.600 ew i don't know about alcoholic where are you gonna i don't know what that is there's some guy

00:35:47.900 who's like i ran 16 marathons and i used to be an alcoholic oh well he is no no he is the i don't

00:35:53.840 know about that he's like kind of yeah no no he is the marathoner guy congrats okay okay i i wasn't

00:36:01.580 But to be clear, I was actually saying ew at you saying, like, gorgeous because there's a way that you dole out the hand of justice the other day.

00:36:13.640 Who's hot? 0.96

00:36:14.080 The hot one.

00:36:15.160 Okay, Kate.

00:36:16.120 Okay.

00:36:16.920 What do you mean the hot one?

00:36:18.360 I'm like, ew, Kate.

00:36:20.020 Ew.

00:36:20.780 Okay.

00:36:22.160 Remember when there was a hot one? 0.92

00:36:24.000 or like like like like there's no under Kate believes beauty is in the eye of Kate's okay

00:36:31.700 of Kate's beholder okay like like there is it is dead certain okay you can be like you

00:36:40.180 can like Simon Cowell of hotness okay you're like out I'm sort of joking but am I wait hold

00:36:49.780 on what are we looking for there must have been something I needed for me to come down

00:36:52.900 here fiber oh yeah it was see this is this is crazy something in me wanted to look up his name

00:36:58.480 okay maybe annie can find it the point is i've been i really do think going off the electrolytes

00:37:03.940 making me go i think i've been having too much protein powder too many protein bars you know i

00:37:08.880 gotta get back to the to the whole foods guys hi yeah that's not my guy that's must be that's a

00:37:15.780 weird picture of him the guy that i saw is definitely like like recovering alcoholic

00:37:21.000 I know he's in slaw.

00:37:23.360 What is that? 0.99

00:37:24.780 Sex and Lomatics. 0.99

00:37:26.200 How dare you? 0.98

00:37:27.340 We all are.

00:37:28.020 We all need slaw.

00:37:29.140 I had a friend.

00:37:30.760 I don't care.

00:37:31.600 Okay, people can come for me for this.

00:37:33.020 Yeah.

00:37:33.400 That's him. 1.00

00:37:34.200 Oh, look at his wife. 1.00

00:37:35.560 Congrats, bitch. 1.00

00:37:38.660 I'm getting. 1.00

00:37:39.720 My friend used to live behind a parking lot where they had the slaw.

00:37:43.460 I don't know that he's in slaw.

00:37:44.420 Now I'm self-conscious.

00:37:45.960 You're actually disrespectfully calling him hot.

00:37:48.520 It's a common show, folks.

00:37:49.400 No, no, no. 0.97

00:37:50.080 i'm i'm just saying he fucks i mean he should be in slot yeah well definitely because i go i go 0.99

00:37:55.860 if he's like that you know he's laying pipe or that he had a pipe laying problem 0.98

00:38:01.100 this could actually we need we need you know you know we we need his audience um he he he he um

00:38:12.200 i would watch his show on youtube okay and go and go we should advertise this thing 0.97

00:38:17.020 And he would do his AG1 ads with real, like, power, where I was like, oh, shit. 0.90

00:38:24.380 Like, I was like, should we be doing that? 0.99

00:38:26.980 Yeah.

00:38:27.300 You know, sometimes I catch myself in the air, right?

00:38:30.620 Well, after, you know.

00:38:32.760 After Jacqueline wanted to get on with their CEO to talk about some issues and then canceled the call.

00:38:37.440 If you have that many things, if you have that many ingredients in your thing and your scoop is that small, how much tart cherry do you think you're getting?

00:38:44.580 you're not getting you're not getting clinical doses folks that matter

00:38:48.760 you know what i'm feeling like i need i need a seed mix okay anyway we all need a seed mix

00:38:56.420 stop i'm not done with ritual okay go okay actually no i was yes is he dr bolsewitz

00:39:04.060 okay i just i need this remember he's the one that was like hey girls we loved it because he

00:39:10.900 oh no he left us a voice he left us a voice message which is prebiotic yes prebiotic

00:39:16.300 and probiotic powder we had a call he was like yeah girls like i don't know if you called us

00:39:21.700 girls but it had that energy yeah yeah finally finally not someone not you know yelling man or

00:39:28.920 whatever um i feel like i just happened somebody called me like sweetheart was like sorry i was

00:39:34.140 Hey, you never had to apologize if I could always do that.

00:39:36.780 Yeah.

00:39:37.120 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:39.360 Yeah, and Merry Christmas to you this holiday season.

00:39:43.680 Okay?

00:39:44.840 Oh, but I was in Cost Plus Market, okay?

00:39:48.300 Or World Market.

00:39:49.380 I remain confused about whether those are too—

00:39:51.880 But by the way, as you can say, sometimes I catch myself in a video,

00:39:54.280 and I go, the eyes look a little—I think so.

00:39:56.340 I feel so sharp.

00:39:57.280 And then I go, are the eyes a little—not crossed, but—

00:39:59.240 Your eyes?

00:39:59.820 Are they a little dead and dull?

00:40:02.740 Talking to people? 0.63

00:40:03.420 What do you mean?

00:40:04.140 Are you looking around?

00:40:05.020 Yeah.

00:40:05.420 Because I feel like piercing.

00:40:07.200 You have princess eyes, as I've always told you.

00:40:09.120 You have Disney princess eyes.

00:40:12.240 Yeah.

00:40:12.400 Thanks.

00:40:12.880 I just had a huge flash, Jacqueline.

00:40:14.740 Christmas time.

00:40:15.520 You and me at the mall.

00:40:16.140 I knew Christmas was going to pull you into plans, okay?

00:40:18.940 Okay, okay.

00:40:19.680 And I don't mind.

00:40:20.180 You know you can't say Christmas around me.

00:40:22.480 How dare you?

00:40:23.100 You can't say Christmas around me either.

00:40:24.360 I started, oh, you know, I was in Cosmos Market.

00:40:26.620 I was in Cosmos Market.

00:40:27.520 I started to think, maybe I could do a Christmas party this year.

00:40:29.400 Yeah, totally.

00:40:30.000 And I had a huge idea for the cutest feature.

00:40:33.400 I'm not even going to talk about it now because I don't want to make any promises.

00:40:36.000 Anyway, I'm just dreaming.

00:40:37.960 We love Christmas.

00:40:39.620 I also started thinking about what I would bring to you, okay, for Christmas.

00:40:42.780 Guess what?

00:40:43.360 Are you sitting down?

00:40:44.120 I got you a present.

00:40:45.180 Already?

00:40:45.640 Yeah.

00:40:46.140 No.

00:40:46.620 Yeah.

00:40:46.980 This early?

00:40:47.760 Yeah.

00:40:48.680 Oh, my God.

00:40:49.160 I think the only way to really do gifts is if you come across something.

00:40:52.860 Well, that is genius.

00:40:54.440 It's a come across.

00:40:55.460 No, I just pictured like—

00:40:56.460 That's a good idea for a gift.

00:40:57.600 It's a come across.

00:40:58.180 You give someone a gift out of anywhere.

00:40:59.680 It's a come across.

00:41:00.420 I found it in February.

00:41:01.900 Yeah.

00:41:02.600 There was always a genius thing like Dave Sedaris.

00:41:05.620 Sorry, David Sedaris to you guys.

00:41:08.220 Oh, my God.

00:41:08.620 I don't think anyone calls him Dave.

00:41:09.820 It's just literally, I dropped a syllable.

00:41:11.460 It slipped.

00:41:12.060 Okay.

00:41:13.680 Huge thing.

00:41:14.240 Dave Sedaris.

00:41:15.360 I was talking to Dave.

00:41:16.260 Yeah.

00:41:17.300 Huge thing is like acting like, you know, a celebrity by doing the nickname, but it's

00:41:21.280 not the one they actually go by.

00:41:23.040 Oh, yeah.

00:41:23.540 It could be effective.

00:41:25.320 Tommy or Tom Cruise or something.

00:41:27.220 Oh, my God.

00:41:27.880 Again, it just happened.

00:41:29.000 We transferred.

00:41:29.200 You got the cake?

00:41:29.700 I was just saying Tommy, but I was saying it for Tom Hanks.

00:41:32.520 And you said Tommy at the same time.

00:41:34.020 What?

00:41:34.340 We had an actual.

00:41:35.020 Really?

00:41:35.220 That was, yeah.

00:41:36.460 Serious?

00:41:36.920 Yeah.

00:41:38.040 It's happening again.

00:41:39.280 Just like clang, clang, clang.

00:41:40.200 You know what's crazy?

00:41:41.180 I know.

00:41:42.420 Yeah.

00:41:42.860 It was the trolley.

00:41:44.060 Okay, okay.

00:41:44.580 Okay.

00:41:45.120 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:41:45.920 I'm soaring though.

00:41:47.420 I thought I was thinking it was supposed to be.

00:41:48.720 But you just said something.

00:41:49.840 I'm so excited.

00:41:50.500 Oh, the road to Christmas begins.

00:41:51.940 We got to get our begging together now and try to corner.

00:41:54.520 My jaw just snapped.

00:41:55.640 Did you hear it?

00:41:56.180 No.

00:41:56.380 With excitement for Christmas.

00:41:57.060 Oh, my God.

00:41:57.700 We're going to have major, major – we've got to start talking about our wish list.

00:42:02.100 Santa baby.

00:42:02.980 I know, no, Santa baby.

00:42:05.100 Get me down the chimney with you.

00:42:08.380 Is that how it goes?

00:42:09.200 No.

00:42:09.680 Oh, okay.

00:42:10.160 No, no, no.

00:42:10.660 I was just trying to keep it fresh, you know, for copyright.

00:42:13.340 Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:42:16.040 A couple things.

00:42:16.640 What got left for you because – oh, I know what it is, the come across.

00:42:20.140 Okay.

00:42:20.800 So the come across – here it is.

00:42:22.680 Okay, I knew it was something good linking in my past.

00:42:24.940 It was Dave Sedaris.

00:42:26.080 Okay.

00:42:26.200 Okay, right.

00:42:26.880 David.

00:42:27.480 Okay, so genius in one of his books, this idea of, you know, he talks about Hugh, his partner, husband, or I hope this don't go.

00:42:39.380 Okay, whatever, you get it.

00:42:41.380 So where do you have that pen?

00:42:42.560 I love that pen.

00:42:42.700 Whatever, you get it.

00:42:43.580 Okay.

00:42:43.780 You get it.

00:42:44.980 Sorry, what happened?

00:42:46.200 You know, say you get it now?

00:42:48.260 All right.

00:42:48.480 I can't remember if it was him to Hugh or Hugh to him, but it was the idea that in the sweltering hell of July, getting an air conditioner, wrapping it up for Christmas for the partner.

00:43:04.340 Like an early present?

00:43:05.640 No.

00:43:06.380 No, like the insanity of, like, they're desperate for an air conditioner.

00:43:11.700 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:12.420 Okay, they're dying.

00:43:13.280 Yeah.

00:43:13.740 And one of them is like, okay, like, you know what we really need?

00:43:18.000 An air conditioner.

00:43:18.700 Yeah.

00:43:19.160 I can't want to wrap it up for a Christmas gift for this year.

00:43:21.220 They've got an air conditioner hidden, wrapped in a closet when they're dying of heat in

00:43:25.120 July.

00:43:25.480 Do you understand?

00:43:26.080 Buys it in July, wraps it up for Christmas.

00:43:27.920 To have it in December.

00:43:29.500 Essentially, yeah.

00:43:30.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:30.780 The fixation on the Christmas gift and the perfect Christmas gift.

00:43:33.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:34.220 Taking over to a point.

00:43:35.300 No, it's hysterical.

00:43:35.740 It's hysterical.

00:43:36.280 Sorry, it took me a second due to not being smart anymore because it's my phone.

00:43:38.900 Well, something tells me it's funnier the way Davey wrote it probably.

00:43:43.120 we did yeah nothing like laughing out loud while you're reading a book oh it's unbelievable laughing

00:43:47.940 out loud laughing i mean we all remember your friend to laugh at freud

00:43:51.280 showing off my references to laugh at freud for everyone that's a reference to me being 16 years

00:43:58.500 old and and and reading freud the joke and its relationship to the unconscious but of course not

00:44:04.600 really understanding and i was reading it you know kind of performatively laughed in my friend

00:44:11.840 Wait, weren't you on an airplane?

00:44:12.780 I was on an airplane.

00:44:14.660 One seat ahead, right?

00:44:15.500 Eighth grade trip to D.C.

00:44:17.380 One seat ahead.

00:44:17.900 I was in a seat ahead.

00:44:19.360 And then I was, I guess, being like a little bit of a pouty 15-year-old or whatever.

00:44:24.440 And I laughed into my book.

00:44:26.800 And then shout out to Danielle, my friend.

00:44:28.460 I would have laughed.

00:44:28.480 Sorry, let this come out.

00:44:29.100 Let it be interesting for a little while.

00:44:30.320 Absolutely.

00:44:30.900 The chill came around?

00:44:31.740 She said, she laughed.

00:44:33.020 And she said, to laugh at Freud.

00:44:34.900 And that's such a genius.

00:44:36.240 And I was too, in the moment, I felt defensive.

00:44:38.680 She's calling me out, right?

00:44:39.760 She's making fun of me.

00:44:41.840 But, I mean, I do tend to laugh at, like, academia because they are being so serious when they identify something, like, human.

00:44:51.800 Yeah.

00:44:52.400 Or, like, any of those people we read, those, like, you know, behaviorist types, right?

00:44:57.800 Like, they're, like, laugh out loud because they're, like, a man will take off his hat, da-da-da, and I'm screaming.

00:45:03.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:04.420 Reached out to a professor.

00:45:05.780 Oh, I told you.

00:45:06.780 Huh?

00:45:06.980 We'll talk about it later.

00:45:07.840 Oh. 0.78

00:45:08.200 Souvenir Tigers.

00:45:08.860 I mean, I brought it up before.

00:45:09.960 All right, take me back.

00:45:11.720 The red light bed.

00:45:12.640 Why are you scared?

00:45:13.440 There she is.

00:45:13.980 Okay.

00:45:14.780 That's probably what's lurking for you.

00:45:15.480 So why do you think I was going to be scared of the red light bed?

00:45:18.280 Because I went ultra.

00:45:18.960 Went to maximum.

00:45:19.920 And she goes, it can get a bit tender in there.

00:45:21.640 I go, what does she mean?

00:45:22.900 Right?

00:45:23.720 And then she goes, hot.

00:45:25.000 Okay. 0.81

00:45:25.700 And then she's like, so you can flip over.

00:45:27.920 Okay. 0.93

00:45:28.720 Like a pancake.

00:45:29.480 Do you have eye protectors on?

00:45:30.720 Yes.

00:45:31.160 Yeah.

00:45:31.340 Okay.

00:45:31.860 So is it jet black, like eye protectors?

00:45:33.900 Or is it like the warm red glow?

00:45:36.220 No, no.

00:45:36.620 It's hard plastic or whatever they're made of.

00:45:39.120 You know what I mean?

00:45:39.820 Okay.

00:45:40.760 melting into the sockets okay no but she's she's saying like she likes to go on the ultra whatever

00:45:45.760 um and 15 minutes and she's gonna get hot you can turn over whatever you can go on your side if you

00:45:53.120 need to so you are by going hot you mean the the actual it just gets hot because you've got those

00:45:58.300 lights blasting and you're laying on them yeah of course now i'm wondering if it was designed it

00:46:02.440 seems a little weird that it would be designed that way unless you're only because it gets hot

00:46:06.980 and you're like you are kind of burning on the table like my skin where i was starting to go

00:46:11.560 if i'm not jumping off the table then i'm probably not damaging the skin and like i had to like turn

00:46:16.560 frog being boiled slowly right i don't like that that would freak me out however you could go on

00:46:24.100 the more gentle setting and it won't okay is my understanding but talking about the height so

00:46:27.920 but never so hot you're like i gotta get out of here no it was hot to the skin it wasn't the

00:46:33.020 no i know i'm saying but never so imagine being like laying on your stomach okay and you lift

00:46:37.860 the entire your torso and your center of your body through muscle alone off the plates so that

00:46:43.960 the only thing holding you is the top of your feet and the bottom and your forehead at the top

00:46:49.340 okay so i was like that you were convex okay i was convex on the table through like like i was

00:46:57.860 doing a reverse

00:46:59.000 Pilates thing.

00:46:59.540 Because it was too much

00:47:00.440 for the abdomen?

00:47:01.940 Yeah, I had to cool it off

00:47:03.440 before I replaced it.

00:47:05.420 Okay?

00:47:05.880 I was like,

00:47:06.760 I was,

00:47:07.580 you know,

00:47:07.960 yeah,

00:47:08.400 it was burning.

00:47:09.100 So do you think

00:47:09.540 it would be good for the jaw?

00:47:10.640 I would get benefits.

00:47:12.280 Well, I got news for you.

00:47:13.400 Yeah.

00:47:13.820 Our red light,

00:47:14.800 I mean, 1.00

00:47:15.300 it's the same shit. 1.00

00:47:16.020 It's the near infrared, 1.00

00:47:17.400 whatever,

00:47:17.860 the 560 to the 780

00:47:19.580 and the 880.

00:47:20.760 You can have the panel

00:47:21.540 yourself at home.

00:47:22.460 Yeah.

00:47:22.920 So,

00:47:23.960 light path to wellness.

00:47:25.360 We have a solid desktop unit

00:47:27.860 that's even more i mean yesterday so i yesterday laid my face sideways when i was on my stomach

00:47:32.640 and the other way okay just to to for a little bit of that but i was like cake you're naked

00:47:38.720 because i think yeah yeah i mean unless you want like you could have a tiny towel like if for some

00:47:44.300 reason but i mean i was i was thinking about i'm like i'm naked and she didn't tell me not to be

00:47:48.120 naked okay yeah and i'm like because i assume you'd be naked but there's something about like

00:47:52.540 i was thinking like we get in a plunge pool naked yeah right why surf it like in which technically

00:47:58.660 the water of a plunge pool is going up up your seat yeah i know i know okay it's it's it's is 0.91

00:48:06.320 it not touching i mean it's cock water yeah it's cock water it's okay it's all of it bass water 0.72

00:48:13.240 no no it's everything and so you and that's really getting into the into the corners because 0.94

00:48:18.100 Water flows where water goes.

00:48:19.520 No, trust me.

00:48:19.840 The last time I went into one of these bath spa situations, I was down there.

00:48:24.780 It was co-ed, too.

00:48:26.440 Not naked, though.

00:48:27.220 Yeah.

00:48:27.800 So everyone's in the swimsuit.

00:48:28.860 But the last couple times I've been going, am I getting too, like, germaphobic or something? 0.99

00:48:32.440 I'm like, this is fucking disgusting. 0.97

00:48:34.380 I'm just, like, getting grossed out by the pools. 0.99

00:48:36.600 Well, here's my question.

00:48:37.340 Like, the float tank?

00:48:38.640 They're like, that's our float tank.

00:48:39.860 And I'm just like, is that a—

00:48:41.220 Is it being drained every four hours?

00:48:42.500 Yeah, is it being drained every four hours and refilled?

00:48:44.940 Like, sanitized?

00:48:45.520 Or is that just, like, and something tells me it's not.

00:48:49.500 And I also feel like it's not chlorinated because.

00:48:52.280 It smells a little something.

00:48:54.240 Well, you know, I'm not going to say this again.

00:48:56.220 I am, okay, but.

00:48:57.120 Because it's such a core metaphor.

00:48:58.820 It's so interesting.

00:48:59.700 You know, if it smells aggressively like chlorine, it means there's not enough chlorine.

00:49:03.940 Would it stop?

00:49:05.060 Yeah, it's not the over-chlorinated in the pool.

00:49:07.120 It's like the scent of chlorine.

00:49:08.320 It's the chlorine screaming that I need more.

00:49:10.740 Or is the chlorine, like, working his ass off or something?

00:49:14.060 it's something like that 1.00

00:49:15.820 and that's the kind of shit 1.00

00:49:18.000 that my mind loves 1.00

00:49:19.500 I just want to remind everyone

00:49:21.380 we don't have guests right 0.86

00:49:23.340 do you know how fucking cool and hard that is 0.91

00:49:26.200 yes we will get some 0.94

00:49:28.060 wow that's a huge announcement

00:49:29.640 we'll see but it will be a secondary feature

00:49:32.120 is my point

00:49:32.620 the point is

00:49:34.440 I can't shut up

00:49:36.540 the point is nothing

00:49:39.940 well I have a question

00:49:41.360 so something that I want

00:49:43.000 And this is like, here I am asking for this.

00:49:47.360 Did we ever get Bader?

00:49:50.200 Augustus Bader.

00:49:51.760 Did they ever send?

00:49:52.540 I knew exactly.

00:49:53.660 You think I didn't know who you meant?

00:49:54.360 I'm back to being interested in that.

00:49:55.760 I'm back to being interested in that.

00:49:56.720 You think I didn't know who you meant when you said Bader?

00:49:58.000 Well, I know that.

00:49:58.580 You know, I'm saying it for the listener.

00:49:59.840 I know.

00:50:00.240 I'm being funny.

00:50:00.920 Okay.

00:50:02.080 Okay, but Augustinus.

00:50:04.180 Okay. 1.00

00:50:05.020 Fuck. 1.00

00:50:05.580 Okay, you expect to be gifted? 1.00

00:50:06.680 I thought it was Augustinus, but I was saying Augustus.

00:50:09.800 You know what I mean?

00:50:10.500 Yes, the opposite.

00:50:11.060 I thought, well, it can't be Augustinus. 0.73

00:50:11.960 That'd be ridiculous.

00:50:13.000 i thought augustinus jedediah badafio what's that it's nothing okay it's just augustinus

00:50:22.100 like the loudest syllables like the name jedediah has always interested me it's like really fun to

00:50:27.840 say like jeremiah easy jedediah i was trying to augustinus augustus across his whole name so i

00:50:41.760 I was going, you know, he's not Augustus Bader.

00:50:45.840 He's Augustinus Jedediah Banofrio or whatever.

00:50:50.800 It needs to end in an offer.

00:50:52.120 Banofrio cream.

00:50:54.000 Wait, what's that?

00:50:54.980 That's a product?

00:50:56.260 Or it already exists?

00:50:57.500 No, no, no, no.

00:50:57.980 It's our product.

00:50:58.520 Wait, what about this?

00:50:59.180 A new beauty brand, Jedediah.

00:51:04.420 I don't know.

00:51:05.480 It's just, yeah, any word that-

00:51:07.140 Jedediah sounds like a nice-

00:51:08.740 I know.

00:51:09.420 The caffeine is cranking.

00:51:10.560 I need some water.

00:51:11.500 Any word, any word, okay, that sounds close to another word and that other word is famous, right?

00:51:18.380 Yeah.

00:51:19.180 There's a comedy to me, okay?

00:51:22.640 Get the specter of the other word, probably. 1.00

00:51:27.020 Fuck, okay. 1.00

00:51:27.900 Okay, okay. 1.00

00:51:28.820 Is it?

00:51:29.540 Yeah, because I think you said I'll have what Novak has.

00:51:31.460 I know, but I thought you were on your—

00:51:32.620 I know, I'm off it, but I didn't have time to calibrate.

00:51:35.940 I'm like, it's too much caffeine.

00:51:37.440 I'm like starting to trip.

00:51:38.420 But Gustinus Bader, someone I know, was like, God, I'm sorry, but I really like it.

00:51:44.740 And I was like, something about, that's all I needed to hear.

00:51:47.240 Because the idea with it, right?

00:51:48.400 I've heard that too.

00:51:48.960 Is it like, you don't use serum, right?

00:51:50.600 Isn't it like, it replaces all of it.

00:51:52.260 And yet, guess who has six items in their line now?

00:51:55.380 Who?

00:51:55.680 Including a serum. 0.99

00:51:56.260 Augustinus fucking Bader. 0.99

00:51:57.200 Yeah, Augustinus. 0.99

00:51:58.100 So which one is it?

00:51:59.000 Diabonofrio.

00:51:59.760 Okay.

00:52:01.100 So yeah, which is it?

00:52:02.160 Well, here's what it is.

00:52:03.000 It's the TCM complex or whatever.

00:52:05.280 I always get it wrong.

00:52:06.300 The Chinese medicine?

00:52:06.820 They can get it across the thing.

00:52:08.420 No, no, no, no, no.

00:52:09.420 I mean, whatever his thing is proprietary,

00:52:12.780 original formula, the burn victim unit.

00:52:15.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:16.160 Okay?

00:52:18.820 What?

00:52:19.400 Okay, so it's that.

00:52:22.700 Remember, this is why I didn't get the rich cream.

00:52:24.680 I got the thin cream because I think I did math.

00:52:27.060 The rich cream is just Nivea.

00:52:28.340 And go, there's more TCM in the other one.

00:52:30.500 Oh, TCM is the thing.

00:52:31.660 Yeah, whatever.

00:52:32.180 It's not the word.

00:52:32.720 I always get it wrong.

00:52:33.220 But I remember looking it up on Skin School with a K and a K, right?

00:52:38.420 And sort of getting into it and going like, the complex was really like a patented combo of a series of ingredients that he found useful.

00:52:47.600 It's not like, as far as I remember, and look, earth worship.

00:52:52.620 Okay, yes.

00:52:53.940 But it wasn't like some serious tech or new, you know what I mean?

00:53:01.540 So the point is, yeah, I'd like it too.

00:53:04.460 And yeah, Chris has been on the serum.

00:53:06.100 I mean, the spray.

00:53:06.940 What spray?

00:53:08.200 Bader Spray?

00:53:08.800 Sure has.

00:53:09.580 Because I got it for him for Christmas last year when we were staying at the, not the

00:53:13.140 Bowery, but the one on the east side, right near Bigelow's Pharmacy.

00:53:17.160 And I went in and I got him a Bader Spritz there, subtly, because I was getting it, I

00:53:22.240 think, for my mom and sister.

00:53:23.760 Oh.

00:53:23.920 And I just had three there.

00:53:25.180 Oh, yeah.

00:53:26.180 And then they're wrapping them up in the front.

00:53:27.540 They go, this one you want to say C on it?

00:53:29.220 I go, Chris.

00:53:31.140 Anyway.

00:53:31.820 Cute.

00:53:32.460 That's really cute.

00:53:33.380 Christmas in New York.

00:53:35.440 All right.

00:53:36.140 Wait, take me back. 0.89

00:53:36.920 We're going to have to move to product corner and beg me for Christmas soon.

00:53:39.840 Should I?

00:53:40.600 We should.

00:53:41.360 It's okay if it's a little long.

00:53:42.780 We should wrap up with the things that, the threads.

00:53:45.280 So check your list carefully.

00:53:46.380 I don't have any.

00:53:47.140 All right.

00:53:47.560 I am going to, I'm going to post.

00:53:49.140 Oh, no.

00:53:49.720 Hang on.

00:53:50.160 For once and for all. 1.00

00:53:51.680 The red light, cock sucking bed. 1.00

00:53:53.200 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:54.260 How did you feel after?

00:53:56.580 Same as usual.

00:53:58.840 However, do I expect it to, wait a second.

00:54:01.660 What?

00:54:02.600 Less pain?

00:54:03.940 Oh my God.

00:54:04.260 Less pain.

00:54:04.800 No, stop.

00:54:05.480 Stop.

00:54:05.840 Like a full spray, like a chair.

00:54:08.480 Wait, really?

00:54:09.640 Do it.

00:54:12.180 It's less.

00:54:13.720 The knot in my lower back.

00:54:14.840 Oh, by the way, I found a body worker.

00:54:16.420 Okay, I'm pretty excited about.

00:54:17.420 We'll wait before I promote him.

00:54:19.520 Okay.

00:54:21.060 It's freezing in here now.

00:54:22.660 I'm hot.

00:54:23.940 I want lymph massage.

00:54:26.020 Okay, so.

00:54:26.960 I texted my lymphatic girl. 0.52

00:54:28.540 She didn't get back. 0.99

00:54:29.580 Really?

00:54:30.380 What's going on there? 0.91

00:54:31.700 Maybe she's heard you talk about begging for it all over town. 0.88

00:54:34.840 no she's i've had her a couple times so the red light i'm gonna do like four in a row pain already

00:54:42.200 and i want to be clear artha you're getting a shout out and yeah i want next month free

00:54:45.700 wait jacqueline but jacqueline here's my question are you do are you working out and then going

00:54:49.860 that seems intense you're just going just out of the blue yesterday just go for fun nice before

00:54:54.040 optimize whoa what when can we go oh the little i'm scared of it being too hot for me i'm scared

00:55:02.080 if wearing something's wrong you're not gonna do ultra your skin didn't burn though you came out

00:55:05.160 so i went home and i i i strip off my clothes okay and i go oh are those burns okay and on the

00:55:14.380 torso and and breast okay and then i go or then i put my t-shirt back on and what do i see in those

00:55:21.180 same areas purple on my t-shirt okay and then i go so i still have not yet had a chance to deduce

00:55:27.960 whether that was blueberries staining my skin through my shirt or proper burns and the final

00:55:34.900 option is one was a burn one was a blueberry so so anyway here's the thing so i go to studio city

00:55:40.860 right and we're gonna talk about whoop maybe next week okay see you back here same time same same

00:55:46.220 place okay okay oh and my whoop i had the recovery of the century anyway anyway wow post post red

00:55:51.760 light so and did you sleep really well the night after told me i mean i got my best sleep i guess

00:55:56.520 No, I didn't.

00:55:56.960 I woke up in the middle of the night.

00:55:57.600 Who cares?

00:55:58.180 Okay.

00:55:58.900 Point is, I'm not even looking for that.

00:56:00.540 I'm looking for long-term.

00:56:02.260 I believe in your friend.

00:56:04.780 So I'm just looking for long-term.

00:56:05.720 I'm not looking for how I feel after.

00:56:06.720 Yeah, no, no.

00:56:07.160 Of course.

00:56:07.620 By the way, of course. 0.99

00:56:08.400 You think I'm a jackass over here? 0.99

00:56:10.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:56:11.340 I thought you were maybe trending towards jackass right through my eyes.

00:56:15.420 How much is it for a 15-minute session? 0.82

00:56:17.420 $25?

00:56:17.960 Here we go.

00:56:18.940 Here we go.

00:56:19.400 If you become a member, first of all, you get one treatment free each month.

00:56:24.120 So I think that's my treatment.

00:56:25.940 Free.

00:56:26.400 the first time and then it's a reduced rate for more and it's like i forget red lights like 19

00:56:32.800 five dollars is whatever but but but what i did was i i headed to where i go to work out in studio

00:56:39.520 city okay and a few doors down from tracy because my whoop i'm keeping the routine that i drive to

00:56:46.140 studio city okay for my right effort because that keeps me yeah because these are things that like

00:56:51.320 i get fall out of the routine and it's whatever yeah so i go and it's like it's as if i'm going

00:56:56.020 in the studio. Oops, I'm going a few doors down. Yeah, yeah. For a spa treatment. My

00:57:01.020 whoop essentially says still in recovery. I do some research. I decide I need two days

00:57:04.780 of recovery. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I go in there and we'll talk about whoop more next

00:57:11.080 week. Okay. Cause I'll have more data, but I felt really good about it. I'm ready to

00:57:16.500 tell you about my patio. Okay. So, so I know we've been going long. Who cares? Okay. Point

00:57:21.600 is here's what i gotta gotta tell you cost plus i went in i saw the giant gumballs in a huge gumball

00:57:27.000 container that were one of the things that last year when i was thinking about my halloween

00:57:30.760 costume for you i was gonna be my i was gonna be a candy dispenser oh she's here again okay

00:57:35.560 um then i saw there was a mix-up with my cozy earth and rinse.com i am by the way multiple

00:57:43.660 sessions into rinse i do have a membership i'm looking for sponsorship from rinse they pick up

00:57:47.180 my laundry they figure it out it's it's it's casual they go oh actually you want some dry

00:57:51.640 cleaning sure the customer service is good i'm looking to do ads for rinse.com life changing

00:57:56.460 great okay um cheating story guy goes he's a good student he's been a great student okay and he

00:58:04.020 doesn't cheat or he doesn't have the work when it's when it's due and he and he comes oh no he

00:58:08.000 cheated i think he comes up the next part of the story reminded me okay okay because he goes he

00:58:15.760 He goes, he goes to the teacher.

00:58:17.520 Pull me back.

00:58:18.040 What grade?

00:58:18.720 What's going on?

00:58:19.920 Where are we?

00:58:21.680 My friend's friend, when he was in high school.

00:58:25.660 Okay, okay.

00:58:26.360 Okay, high school, he's a really good student, and he hasn't done the work, slash cheated,

00:58:31.840 and he goes, he goes in and he goes, and I think, no, no, I think the teacher caught

00:58:36.800 him.

00:58:37.680 So this was a response.

00:58:38.120 Has he been cheating like classic?

00:58:39.500 No, no, like big project.

00:58:40.180 That's old school.

00:58:40.900 No one's actually doing this anymore.

00:58:42.220 Huh?

00:58:43.140 Reading off my friend's paper?

00:58:44.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.55

00:58:45.760 uh i know in the 1950s maybe right yeah totally it became so ridiculous yeah so

00:58:52.400 okay yeah but i just i have a question what's the joke of this imagine a photograph you mean

00:59:01.560 what's funny about what i'm about to say no listen i know that wasn't what you mean me like this

00:59:05.220 you us treating off each other's papers yeah okay thank you what's the joke of that why is it funny

00:59:10.320 to us no no why is that what is okay so let's just say picture this an illustration little 50s

00:59:15.620 school desks yeah you you and me cheating so if i'm cheating on you and you're cheating on me

00:59:20.060 oh that's the joke you're talking about yeah so what is that no no but

00:59:23.760 this is kind of like it's like ai art kind of yeah so if it's like so if we're both cheating

00:59:31.340 off why is that funny yeah why funny okay and then who's doing the work we need to talk about

00:59:36.600 freud okay and what is that there's something there joke okay okay okay so why is it funny

00:59:41.500 it's funny i mean in a classic i know i know but why i don't know why but i know it's funny i know

00:59:46.820 why but what's interesting there no i'll tell you what's what it is what's it saying what's it say

00:59:50.500 i'll tell you okay i got it okay okay okay so i'm dumb now it's crazy okay yeah well i mean i i

00:59:56.040 propose a thought i submit okay i want to explore it live with you right so traditionally the sort

01:00:03.160 of norman rockwell would be something like one kid's cheating off another kid okay the joke is

01:00:10.000 little rascal right yeah yeah and the other one so for both and maybe the other one is yeah and

01:00:16.220 maybe the other one is okay yeah but the comedy of the human condition the paradox right yeah

01:00:22.480 no one knows right yeah exactly we're both trying to treat up cheat off there's my girl

01:00:27.720 it is it is and obviously cover of our next album i know okay berlant novak do school

01:00:48.300 like nichols and may do doctors oh by the way there we go all right so i think i still want

01:00:53.640 to do a whole podcast of us reading Moby Dick

01:00:55.560 and it might be three years

01:00:56.960 Is this the introduction? Is this where we drop it?

01:00:59.520 Call me Ishmael

01:01:00.360 The only way we're going to read Moby Dick is if we read it

01:01:03.640 Who gets the first line?

01:01:04.980 No, it's both of us together

01:01:05.880 Call me Ishmael

01:01:08.980 And we're actually going to prepare

01:01:10.100 Ishmael?

01:01:13.060 Okay

01:01:13.260 Imagine, call me Ishmael

01:01:16.340 Call me Ishmael

01:01:17.700 Call me Ishmael

01:01:20.420 That's merch

01:01:22.620 Go on with the wire like this.

01:01:24.060 No, no. 1.00

01:01:24.320 And it's a girl like this being sexy.

01:01:25.860 Call me, Ishmael.

01:01:27.120 No, and also, also, no, you know what also is?

01:01:29.380 Take my wife, please.

01:01:30.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:31.240 You see what I mean?

01:01:32.120 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:32.760 You mean like... 0.98

01:01:33.780 You know, take my wife, for example.

01:01:34.880 Of course, of course.

01:01:35.640 I mean, you're familiar with the old joke.

01:01:37.460 I mean, of course.

01:01:38.620 Okay, yeah.

01:01:39.300 Okay, but anyway, call me, Ishmael.

01:01:41.080 Yeah.

01:01:42.060 Call me, Ishmael.

01:01:42.660 So this is real.

01:01:43.760 Kate and I have talked about this for the last two years, okay?

01:01:46.240 And yeah, we've looked for buyers and none are interested, okay?

01:01:49.720 We haven't.

01:01:50.160 We haven't.

01:01:50.940 Of course they'd be interested.

01:01:53.800 Supplemental.

01:01:54.540 Us.

01:01:55.940 Is it an independent venture?

01:01:57.220 We'll see.

01:01:58.160 We read Moby Dick once and for all together.

01:02:00.780 Yeah.

01:02:01.840 And the listener, to be clear, I mean, it's an audio book.

01:02:04.660 It's us reading it out loud.

01:02:06.340 So you, the listener, will read Moby Dick with us.

01:02:09.440 Oh, you will read Moby Dick.

01:02:10.380 And it might take like 10 years.

01:02:11.780 Because guess what?

01:02:12.500 It'll take maybe four years.

01:02:13.600 Maybe we get down to two.

01:02:14.620 Well, I'm sure there is an audio book of Moby Dick that we can find out how long that one is.

01:02:19.280 But are you ready?

01:02:19.840 You're a genius.

01:02:20.100 let's find that out now

01:02:21.080 guess what that's not how long it's going to be

01:02:24.540 oh it's going to be double

01:02:25.520 it's going to be probably

01:02:27.320 min because

01:02:29.580 Moby Dick's the container for the conversation

01:02:32.140 god this is unbelievable

01:02:33.480 so that's the beginning 1.00

01:02:36.840 easy bitch 0.99

01:02:37.720 so basically we're looking at 100 hours 1.00

01:02:40.940 100 hours min

01:02:42.120 that's like

01:02:43.740 52

01:02:45.200 weeks in the year

01:02:48.200 I think

01:02:49.340 4.3 in a month.

01:02:51.640 I told Kate that the other day.

01:02:52.920 I can't believe that.

01:02:53.460 Trying to do the-

01:02:54.040 My whole life, I thought there were four weeks in a month.

01:02:56.140 Trying to do the-

01:02:56.780 If we get red light this many times a month,

01:02:58.620 does a measurement work out?

01:02:59.900 Yeah.

01:03:00.120 I go, well, there's 4.3, Kate.

01:03:01.760 So actually-

01:03:02.180 I still can't believe that.

01:03:04.220 Okay.

01:03:04.820 Sorry.

01:03:05.260 We're almost done.

01:03:06.120 It's fine.

01:03:06.740 Are you ready?

01:03:07.300 Mm-hmm.

01:03:08.820 The cheater.

01:03:09.940 Okay.

01:03:10.400 So he catches him cheating, okay?

01:03:12.460 Okay.

01:03:12.580 And he goes, what do I do in this moment

01:03:13.940 where the teacher just caught me, right?

01:03:15.900 Okay.

01:03:16.680 Okay.

01:03:16.960 And he goes, he goes, he goes.

01:03:18.380 he goes

01:03:21.600 he goes

01:03:25.100 let's get it right

01:03:26.740 yeah

01:03:29.640 okay

01:03:30.680 there's more okay

01:03:34.240 why are you laughing already

01:03:40.780 it's amazing

01:03:43.040 just keep going it's amazing

01:03:44.260 yeah

01:03:45.800 no good yeah okay no it's the first one i had to write the first one okay he goes yeah he goes

01:03:53.320 i cheated okay he goes do you know how hard it is

01:04:00.720 for someone like me a student like me to ask for help 0.95

01:04:07.800 shit so he's saying yeah yeah he's going like i had no choice i couldn't ask for help yeah 0.98

01:04:18.900 because you all teachers etc you think you like the pressure yeah so he he he victimized himself 1.00

01:04:27.960 it's genius okay so imagine imagine you're caught yeah you go oh fuck okay then you go 0.99

01:04:33.740 Yeah, it's true. 0.99

01:04:34.540 The only way.

01:04:35.220 Okay, you go.

01:04:37.120 Yeah.

01:04:39.480 Do you know how hard it is for me to ask for help?

01:04:42.220 Okay.

01:04:42.880 Yeah, you're forcing my hand.

01:04:45.380 Oh, L.

01:04:46.080 It's amazing.

01:04:46.320 Okay, and then, one in every room, that's all I have to say, because you need to wing

01:04:52.880 it wherever you are, not on the floor.

01:04:56.300 I've started picking things up when I see them instead of, I mean, picking things up

01:04:59.560 off the floor when I drop them.

01:05:00.520 Well, we'll close with this. 0.96

01:05:01.620 the genius thing that you said which i haven't done but i'm like goddamn is the paper paper towel 0.98

01:05:06.520 holder for underwear did i say that yeah i'm a fucking god i think you read it in a book to be 0.98

01:05:12.040 honest that's just you i'm not underwear on the paper towel holder and you take them off 0.98

01:05:18.140 i mean obviously yeah oh no i think i was doing napkin dispenser you know paper oh no paper towel

01:05:24.240 dispenser vertical yeah that that that was me okay wow but but but now i have a basket for my

01:05:29.980 underwear and then but also paper towel you know spine yeah yeah totally under the bathroom cabinet

01:05:38.780 i don't mean hidden i mean above the toilet yeah under the hanging cabinet so at any time in the

01:05:43.700 bathroom i could tear off a whole full paper towel clean something up yeah what are we doing in there

01:05:49.360 okay well by the way this i want to say i shied away from buying this for a while and this you

01:05:55.500 to call this product corner but i shied away from buying this because i found it wasteful

01:06:00.040 oh wait environmental pivot to product corner guys we got to say goodbye love you

01:06:03.440 love over to product corner we go

01:06:25.500 Transcription by CastingWords

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - October 21, 2025

＊＊Water Flows Where Water Goes＊＊

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