Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Wretched Valley Beauty Closet Cleanout

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00:00:46.880 become a subscriber so enjoy this episode and please go to berlantnovac.supercast.com

00:00:52.480 and become a subscriber two best friends both alike in dignity nurturing phantoms and courting

00:01:01.660 the muse the hag divines when something must die yes that was poog but this is huge the ego loves 0.63

00:01:08.240 to seek but never to find it was berlant and novak the whole time hi greetings from the wretched

00:01:17.120 valley where i live i'm in a horrible mood and jacqueline and i do think it's true that that 0.97

00:01:25.460 it will lift but i am like i have piss and vinegar running through my veins i'm so fucking yeah and 0.88

00:01:33.760 then by the way and then i i go well whatever i was like i'm fucking hungry there's no food in 0.93

00:01:38.440 the house i go i just throw on clothes i run till i get food okay the food was good but then i got 0.74

00:01:43.660 I was like, I'm actually not going to get a caffeinated beverage because I do think I drink

00:01:47.260 too much caffeine. Okay. Oh, wow. I get the most fucking disgustingly undrinkable chicory latte.

00:01:53.080 By the way, it's poison. You're not feeling good and you decide that's the day to not do caffeine 0.99

00:01:57.940 is bold. I had already had caffeine. Oh, okay. I had had coffee in the morning,

00:02:02.880 but I got one coffee a day. Wait, Boo is like essentially humping the cozy earth. Okay. 0.99

00:02:08.080 I'm trying to get him out of view. This is like a thing some of them do to regulate their nervous

00:02:12.060 system it's not sexual i repeat it's not sexual okay i'm not offended and i think keep it in frame 0.97

00:02:17.600 but listen the chicory latte was so fucking disgusting i drank half of it cost 84 000 0.99

00:02:24.320 i drink half of it wait what kind of latte chicory oh right some bullshit chicory root 0.99

00:02:30.740 yeah with like mushroom powder and things that like it's probably ashwagandha like disgusting 0.99

00:02:35.760 ass powder left with like poison taste in my mouth just with anger ate these drum roll vanilla 0.73

00:02:43.560 glazed protein donuts vegan no I mean yeah sure but this is not I literally needed something in 0.94

00:02:49.580 my mouth I needed a flavor that wasn't right to get rid the boiling poison also I'm literally in

00:02:56.140 a depression yeah from leaving Ojai like only having one night in Ojai it's like I'm forging

00:03:02.400 a new life in oh hi i can't do this anymore yeah yeah i still haven't been oh shout out to el

00:03:07.980 roblar my favorite hotel unbelievable unbelievable beauty visited the turtle conservancy um wow

00:03:15.900 visited the turtle sanctuary unbelievable looking at the tortoises tortoises are land animals

00:03:22.100 conservancy the turtle conservatory where they practice music yeah i know the conservancy

00:03:29.580 Conservance.

00:03:30.160 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:03:31.460 See, this is the kind of shit I don't have in me right now is to, like, be stupid. 1.00

00:03:34.600 You know, you weren't doing anything. 1.00

00:03:35.740 You just said, like, conservance.

00:03:37.060 And it led – you started saying that.

00:03:38.620 And I started thinking – I didn't know what the – like, I was trying to think which word it was.

00:03:41.360 And then I was imagining –

00:03:42.160 Conservation center.

00:03:43.520 Like, a bunch of turtles in a conservatory.

00:03:45.880 I know.

00:03:46.220 That's cute.

00:03:46.760 And how marvelous it would be.

00:03:48.420 Can you imagine them, like, so easily?

00:03:50.980 You know, working a symphony.

00:03:52.560 Strings.

00:03:53.380 Yeah.

00:03:53.660 See, we both want symphony for them.

00:03:55.820 You know?

00:03:57.000 So, you're in a –

00:03:58.740 you're calling in from Wretched Valley. I am buoyed lightly. Great. Why? Hmm. Who knows,

00:04:07.660 right? But perhaps it's the tech. I've been organizing my tech, which gives me a sense of,

00:04:12.180 you know, bounty, right? I have like so many cameras and Zoom H4Ns and Zoom Q2Ns and of course

00:04:20.100 my DJI Osmo, et cetera, et cetera, right? And I've got this thing hanging around my neck that

00:04:25.540 i bought for this podcast right i'll reveal it now lap cam okay okay uh-huh all right so hey you

00:04:35.300 know i want to show you guys something right down here okay boom all right listener she's holding a

00:04:42.460 can of celsius yeah okay now i'm holding get ready for this boom a phone case oh wow a poog phone case

00:04:52.000 i produced years ago it's really nice uh an old iphone i'm thinking about how to i have four old

00:04:57.940 iphones i'm cracked and they have various limitations but i'm thinking of um what's it

00:05:03.100 called repurposing them okay cat monitors etc oh but i was gonna say earlier i did the unthinkable

00:05:09.700 and i actually managed to order new pads for these old earphones can you imagine oh wow that is

00:05:17.580 Finding them, discovering I own the N700, Bose, and going-

00:05:23.800 Speaking of unthinkable-

00:05:24.940 I've found them for years, they're still good.

00:05:26.460 Yeah.

00:05:26.680 A car hit my, my parked car, a car hit my car and didn't leave a note. 1.00

00:05:33.360 My back bumper is fucked. 0.99

00:05:36.020 Like- 1.00

00:05:36.180 Are you serious?

00:05:36.820 It's drivable.

00:05:37.820 Yeah.

00:05:38.240 But like the feeling of violation-

00:05:40.360 When did you discover it?

00:05:41.320 So I like went, drove my car, went on a walk, came back, and then I was walking to the back

00:05:46.840 to get in the car i guess went around the front when i parked it around the back and i go what

00:05:51.200 my god and so yeah someone hit my parked car and dent beyond wow part of the thing like came off

00:05:59.400 not just like a tap how did you react in the moment i just i was silent i just silently took 0.66

00:06:03.620 it in and was like wow are you fucking kidding me i can't believe you took it in silently yeah i 0.72

00:06:08.640 didn't like exclaim my watercolor kit is ready that i got it's a gift you see it oh i have one 0.95

00:06:15.580 of those yeah i'm pretty excited yeah it's your watercolor of candles went out on the on the

00:06:22.460 newsletter oh yeah my first watercolor yeah beautiful the way they're kind of leaning in

00:06:28.040 the wind so i had a fantasy and you're low energy beyond so i'm wondering if this might be ideal

00:06:34.480 yeah you lay down okay i take myself and my technology to the hall closet otherwise known

00:06:43.900 is my vanity sure my beauty closet and we go hard okay we go hard all right in there and um

00:06:55.160 see what happens do it maybe this is a time folks that you can use this this could be a repeat

00:07:01.260 recording you come you sit in front of your closet when you're trying to organize exactly

00:07:07.240 you go do a drawer while we do a drawer i mean i bet that would work i think so time to to

00:07:13.440 to organize so let me just open this up so you know why am I cleaning it out well you know it's

00:07:20.000 sort of like I have so many products right thanks to the podcast and a um mindset of uh I don't know

00:07:27.740 what leads me to not get rid of them and you know it's so dense in there I feel Kate I feel a classic

00:07:36.060 brewing okay i love that girl steiner will help me oh really the only thing that can help me in

00:07:43.620 this moment is planning a trip back to ojai well it sounds like all right i just had to make sure

00:07:48.380 i wasn't connected to anything physically all right i'm taking everything something's dragging

00:07:53.000 behind me oh ring light i can't help me now no the tech folks are going surely there's a better

00:07:59.040 way of course there is all right oh my god someone sent me this thing kate you know the

00:08:05.100 phrase well i'll just i'll give it to you straight it was an add thing okay it was like it doesn't

00:08:10.500 need to be done it just needs to be perfect that was like the add mindset right right i don't even

00:08:15.980 know if that's really your style of add kind of like doesn't sound like you like not really 0.84

00:08:21.780 actually you just do good shit and i don't know you you know what like you i don't really see you 0.73

00:08:27.580 like wrecked with perfectionism i don't know but i don't have the perfectionism thing i don't you'll 0.97

00:08:32.680 have a strong whatever about quality like you'll be like yeah yeah that's not funny enough or

00:08:36.820 whatever like yes it's not good but it's a play on you know the common wisdom which is it doesn't

00:08:43.040 have to be perfect just has to be good and i just thought it was its own genius presentation of 0.99

00:08:49.780 kate i'm looking around yeah i want to throw away books oh yeah you go fuck that i'm not reading it 0.99

00:08:57.120 like i'm looking at books people wrote i go this fucking bullshit well if you see anything on there 1.00

00:09:02.400 When did anyone and their fucking mother become – I'm going to write a book, too. 1.00

00:09:06.580 Everyone and their goddamn cousins have a book now. 1.00

00:09:10.800 I'll write a book, too. 0.99

00:09:11.860 It's called – whoa.

00:09:14.180 It's called Here Goes Another One.

00:09:16.480 The thing, though, I will – I'll push back on, okay?

00:09:19.660 Because it's really easy to say that.

00:09:21.900 Try writing a book.

00:09:23.060 No, I know.

00:09:23.580 And again, I'm in a wretched mood.

00:09:25.220 You know what I mean?

00:09:25.860 Yeah, but you're an amazing writer.

00:09:27.320 No, I just mean like – oh, no, no.

00:09:29.380 I'm with you.

00:09:30.120 I'm with you.

00:09:30.580 It's just, I'm trying not to take your mood personally.

00:09:34.180 It's not personal.

00:09:35.220 No, I know.

00:09:36.020 I mean, like I'm articulating that I'm like, it's kind of interesting, like that I have

00:09:40.540 to say that to myself. 0.99

00:09:43.000 By the way, I'm being a cunt. 0.98

00:09:44.920 It makes sense that you have to say that to yourself because you know, it's not personal. 0.99

00:09:48.720 It has nothing to do with you.

00:09:49.760 All right.

00:09:50.780 So what's really, you know, challenging is that not only am I going to go through this,

00:09:56.160 my beauty closet with you in a rapid fire assessment it's actually good you know why

00:10:01.940 when you're in that wretched mood oh i'll be like get rid of it now you're very good at throwing

00:10:05.960 things out again i'm looking at books right now going i have a thing of like i never throw away

00:10:10.400 books like yes yes i mean who does who recycles books that's like evil but even just like it's 0.90

00:10:15.440 really hard for me to part with a book but right now i'm looking at books going gone gone fucking 1.00

00:10:20.440 idiot yeah trash useless garbage who the hell do you think you are all these books no no you need 1.00

00:10:27.900 to you need you know no it's it's a huge issue and actually you do need to get rid of books you 1.00

00:10:32.760 don't recycle them like paper but you you leave them no you leave them on the street to donate

00:10:38.360 and people take them and i don't think they're burning them for firewood you know what you know

00:10:42.640 what you know what's cute there's actually a little local i bet there is i have a neighborhood

00:10:48.080 i have a neighborhood give one take one and they're all yeah so i'll put a trash book in there 0.99

00:10:53.900 and you don't have to take any yeah i'm gonna put some of these pieces of fucking shit in there all 0.98

00:10:57.680 right so the first element of organization that's gonna happen in here okay and we can see hints of 0.98

00:11:03.300 you know what i did in the past so you see what that is that's a um plastic container full of

00:11:10.560 tampons and um and a pat okay it shoves in next to the lazy susan here we have my travel thing

00:11:18.420 that we both have the same one right okay i'm going on the road in a couple weeks by the way

00:11:24.620 that's from pia that's a pia baroncini what that told you back i got because of pia really that's

00:11:31.080 how you heard about it yes that's how you heard about it not me no pia what do you mean we're

00:11:36.080 going on the road in a couple weeks no i said i'm going on the road in a couple weeks or

00:11:40.180 a couple months news to me just touring but so it becomes the question of what does one want right

00:11:47.560 so here are these things we always talk about these right the new shinkus right yeah i always

00:11:53.400 pack it this is eucalyptus all natural hydrating hand sanitizer with jojoba rose canina argan and

00:12:01.100 australian eucalyptus now i ask i bring it everywhere do i ever use it no but it's too

00:12:07.800 risky not to take it what do you mean you don't use hand sanitizer like i forget i have it with

00:12:12.000 me it doesn't really happen it's sort of like people think you shouldn't even use it i use it

00:12:16.280 constantly but where do you keep this the noshinku i have my purse i never have a purse without a

00:12:21.380 noshinku basically but at the airport if you're traveling tom bin no airport tom bin i have a

00:12:27.040 dr bronner's peppermint bigger um hand sanitizer because it has a more spray the shinku is a little

00:12:33.820 discreet in your purse, spritz, spritz. Yeah. The Dr. Bronner's is my favorite hand sanitizer for

00:12:38.460 covering more territory. Okay. Here we go. All right. So I'm going to leave this in here for

00:12:42.820 right now. Dirty makeup sponges. Ew. I hate makeup sponges. I mean, I don't wear foundation. So

00:12:49.600 throw them away. Boom. Okay. This is my only Pat McGrath lip liner. Now it happens to not

00:12:56.220 fundamentally be a great shade for me. I can't see the shade. Oh, sorry. So sheer panic, right?

00:13:00.960 Ew, that's hideous color.

00:13:02.240 Get rid of it.

00:13:03.500 No, not break it off, you know, for someone who-

00:13:06.040 Hideous, get rid of it.

00:13:07.200 No, for someone else, I mean.

00:13:08.620 Yeah, sure.

00:13:09.300 Yeah, well, I can't handle that.

00:13:10.240 Right now, it's going in the same trash pile.

00:13:12.460 Throw it away.

00:13:13.320 Okay?

00:13:14.040 Yeah.

00:13:15.160 I need them.

00:13:15.780 I mean, I need hair bands on the road, and they tend to get tangly and then trashed,

00:13:20.100 so I'm going to have a package in there that's going to go.

00:13:22.300 You literally need to own 50 hair bands.

00:13:25.700 Yeah.

00:13:25.940 You need to own 50 hair bands to have one, because they're never anywhere.

00:13:29.920 they're gone forever i even think that's too small they're always everywhere so you need like

00:13:34.800 160 except with a cat by the way they can like eat them and it can cause problems so you really 0.94

00:13:40.140 gotta lock that shit down oh no a bunch of makeup brushes maybe dump so this is about a fantasy that 0.93

00:13:48.720 that i'm gonna get serious about my makeup and be sitting there backstage and really doing it 0.99

00:13:53.140 before the show what do i do you and i are so different in that way put it with the tampons

00:13:58.320 well I do it I mean I do it fast fast and quick and dirty but I kind of I like love putting on

00:14:04.720 makeup and like I mean I used to before the depression took it away in high school okay

00:14:11.040 I was like you know the whole thing I mean not every time but I still believe so should I put

00:14:17.080 these in a pile to wash them again can't see I think a good idea would just be to stick them

00:14:21.340 up on that shelf wash them get a big bowl with some nice just some soap and just wash them

00:14:27.700 this ADD thing where you like handcuff yourself to whatever you're doing and you can't walk away

00:14:34.680 and you just finish cleaning the counter you know I feel like that's what's happening now

00:14:39.300 because I kind of can't move because of the way I'm wired to the situation just throw it all we're

00:14:43.360 doing right now all we're doing right now is keep throw away keep throw away really yes all right

00:14:47.680 but I really feel strongly the other camera has to go it makes no sense just hold it up to the

00:14:52.760 main camera all right hold on it's just it's unusable yeah oh i see what you're saying

00:14:59.280 okay is it is it unusable or is it providing interesting information

00:15:07.640 listeners might be curious to know that i'm now giving giving the finger to kate in the um

00:15:18.200 in the secondary. All right, hold on. You are like bitch of saying things are unusable.

00:15:25.920 It's like, and it's funny because I can't hear you. Let me take this off. 0.99

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00:18:40.480 go with that but go to berlantnovak.supercast.com or any of the links in the various places where

00:18:48.860 the links exist i need magic body spheres i haven't had in weeks it would be really good

00:19:01.060 all right all right all right are you ready i'm booking magic i'm like oh my god i haven't had

00:19:06.580 magic body spheres wait how soon can you get in that's why i'm also so stressed because i was

00:19:11.940 thinking of going you could get in immediately i was thinking of going to because i have an event

00:19:16.700 tomorrow night she books up she kind of books but you could no it's not like that it's not like

00:19:21.280 there'll be nothing the day of oh maybe that's not true tomorrow i don't i mean you could try

00:19:26.460 but i don't think so it's usually like at least a week in advance i think it'll have to be home

00:19:32.180 efforts all right so next up i have found 3m medical tape why because someone said it was

00:19:39.660 the best for mouth taping now i forgot i had it it was one of these things where when packing for

00:19:44.460 the road i thought i would try it you see i don't didn't we get sent a mouth tape i feel like i lost

00:19:51.380 it immediately like it was sent and i immediately lost it i know i um i keep seeing it and then and

00:19:56.480 then losing it again so i don't i'm not sure i'm gonna throw this down in medical i have a medical

00:20:01.600 area i wanted my pullout alpha shelves also per my mood or whatever my aura ring did something

00:20:07.440 that's never even done before this morning it was like yeah let's go into rest mode we're gonna turn

00:20:12.820 off your activity scores and everything wow just focus on rest it's never done that wow it's like

00:20:19.260 your resting heart rate was elevated or whatever? Yeah. Like your heart rate was up all night. I

00:20:25.040 go, I bet. Yeah. Well, you'll be pleased to know that in addition to my whoop, I am adding an aura

00:20:32.600 because I got bullied into it. So remember years ago, we got auras for free. Well, I just decided

00:20:38.880 to re-up this year to tack it on, just have another wearable. And I pay for a subscription

00:20:46.420 for the year like 350 or something right for what for the subscription to the aura wait what the

00:20:52.740 hell i use the aura what subscription i mean it's subscription based so am i paying well you either

00:20:59.560 paid at the top or you finally activated the free year they gave us see i'm saying but it's

00:21:07.680 subscription based you're kidding i mean it's like yearly you'll have to check but i'm being

00:21:13.280 billed in k every two weeks and i have no idea well some of the things i'm being billed for right

00:21:18.040 now that i can't i wake in the night going oh god i signed up for that app i signed up for so much

00:21:23.620 software okay it's exhausting so much software to organize my life i can't find it it's like 0.51

00:21:29.500 and by the way like now i feel like i'm getting fucked by rocket money like rocket money is just 0.77

00:21:34.020 charging my ass non-stop you know what i mean oh my god am i still on rocket money like i know it's 0.97

00:21:40.060 Like, yeah, like, have you been, like, checking in with your Rocket money? 0.99

00:21:42.840 No, it's been a year.

00:21:44.300 Wait, Jacqueline, I don't see anywhere on the Aura app anything about a membership or money that I'm spending fucking anywhere.

00:21:50.800 Well, maybe you're not somehow.

00:21:52.860 Oh, manage membership?

00:21:55.160 I'm so scared.

00:21:57.080 What membership?

00:21:58.480 Here we go. 1.00

00:21:59.880 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:22:01.120 Oh, no. 1.00

00:22:01.820 What does it say?

00:22:02.340 Oh, my God.

00:22:04.520 This is so...

00:22:05.520 Wait, what does it say? 0.98

00:22:06.260 I had no fucking idea. 0.98

00:22:10.060 here we are starting the new year now january to me is his cashmere okay it's post christmas 0.99

00:22:19.580 it's oh my mother she blessed me with a cashmere sweater my god do i have it good

00:22:23.580 and you won't believe me when i say my mother paid out a pocket for a snow white quince cashmere

00:22:32.520 sweater for me literally okay you'll see me wearing it on an episode soon i'll send a photo

00:22:38.820 in it. It's glorious. Who else got a quince cashmere? My father. Why? I got him one years

00:22:43.700 ago. He loved it. He begged for more. My mother got him one. So I'm just saying cashmere affordable

00:22:48.880 from quince. It's real. It's here to stay. I gifted a quince soft Mongolian cashmere sweater

00:22:54.840 to my partner's mother for Christmas. She loves it. Yeah. Yep. Are you freaking serious? So two

00:23:01.340 parents have received quince sweaters. Okay. Okay. This is a big deal. And my own mother

00:23:07.700 loves quince really i told her she goes oh i love quince i go please use my code she didn't even

00:23:14.700 know i know use the code hags guys so so the cashmere i'll bring it up again and again i wear

00:23:20.100 it again and again i've been wearing their cashmere for years i was an early adopter and

00:23:24.180 i continue now quince did point out something which i have not tried yet and i am curious to

00:23:29.380 try and i'm hoping they'll send one okay the italian wool coat oh yeah a lot of people are

00:23:34.620 talking about the Italian wool coat is a real quince standout. Beautifully tailored, soft to

00:23:39.880 the touch, built to carry you through years of wear, not just one season. Quality is going to

00:23:44.960 show in every detail, stitching, fit, fabric, every piece thoughtfully designed to be your new

00:23:51.060 wardrobe essential. And like everything from quince, each piece is made with premium materials

00:23:55.420 and ethical trusted factories, and then priced below luxury brands. By the way, guess what?

00:24:01.660 are you sitting down? I purchased from Quince a beautiful 100% Italian leather passport holder

00:24:08.020 for myself and my partner. No. Yeah. I had no idea. You did it on your own. So yeah,

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00:24:19.600 quince.com slash hags for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Yeah. Talk to you in

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00:24:33.600 but you won't want to. Now available, everyone, in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash hags

00:24:41.860 to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash hags.

00:24:52.300 Wait, are you fucking... Oh my God. Are you paying monthly? 1.00

00:24:55.720 Wait, how much? Yes.

00:24:57.200 Like you're not even on the yearly where you save.

00:24:59.220 I had no idea.

00:25:00.680 My God.

00:25:01.540 Okay, six bucks a month.

00:25:03.060 Okay, that's not bad.

00:25:03.840 That's not bad.

00:25:04.780 Okay.

00:25:05.080 Six bucks a month I can handle.

00:25:06.600 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:07.140 But when you, you know, obsessively sign up for a lot of shit like me. 1.00

00:25:11.600 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:25:11.960 Six bucks add up to hundreds.

00:25:14.360 No, no, I hear you.

00:25:15.560 I hear you.

00:25:16.100 It's wild.

00:25:16.640 I will never stop being shocked by how numbers add up.

00:25:19.760 They add up like crazy.

00:25:21.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:21.680 It's wild.

00:25:23.960 So, my aura, right?

00:25:25.520 So, we got a free one years ago.

00:25:26.900 they gave us a year whatever i decide a couple months ago you know i have this aura sitting here 0.98

00:25:31.320 i might as well use it fuck it let's pay for the prescription there was something that attaches or 0.99

00:25:35.800 maybe it was because it attached to a glucose monitor i was like that's interesting or i'll 1.00

00:25:39.500 get into it so oh god okay so i pay whatever the fuck it is yearly in my mind it's like three

00:25:45.740 hundred dollars but maybe it's not the aura is charging it's on the charger it gets to 100 i

00:25:51.700 take it off and it's like registers 1% okay and I'm like oh no I look it up gen 3 they're like

00:25:57.620 they have this problem okay because it's years old mine hasn't had that problem yeah I just some

00:26:02.440 some do right and I go hello right and then they go into a whole thing and they go we'll give you

00:26:09.460 a $200 gift card now the thing costs like 400 or something okay so oh so you're out 200 yeah 0.98

00:26:20.360 just don't do it you have your whoop fuck it no i just did it because i'd already signed up for 0.98

00:26:24.820 the subscription and i'm a few months in okay and i'm a few months in and now i did get into the 0.99

00:26:31.180 chat so so multiple times i've gone into the chat with with aura help bought okay escalated to a

00:26:38.060 real person okay trying to get four months back me going i don't remember but i know i've been

00:26:42.960 paying and i haven't been using it i'm like can't you look you know what i mean can't you see it

00:26:48.660 hasn't turned on in years right and they did finally go yes you know we'll credit you three 0.71

00:26:55.460 months whatever i just go the only way out is to buy the goddamn new aura and so i did it 0.58

00:27:00.620 to end this madness so i've now paid a couple hundred or whatever it was but plus a brand new

00:27:08.660 aura well i you know and i got the months off so it's like yeah so i don't know what's happening

00:27:14.440 point is but the months are like five dollars maybe i signed up for something like heavy duty

00:27:19.020 i don't know kate because like i don't think it was five dollars what i looked at is five dollars

00:27:23.580 a month 5.99 but it had to end and so i i had to anyway the sizing kit's coming next week

00:27:31.420 oh but the thing is i went through this process with the help thing multiple times okay i'd be

00:27:37.180 in the app with them they go hold on a minute we're gonna get you your discount code you know

00:27:40.640 I'd leave the app for a second, space, come back.

00:27:44.560 I see a message.

00:27:45.260 Are you still there?

00:27:46.060 Okay, I guess we'll just end this chat.

00:27:48.980 No discount code.

00:27:49.760 That happened like four times.

00:27:51.380 The strength it took a couple nights ago, I sat there with nothing.

00:27:55.640 I go, I'm staying in Aura.

00:27:56.580 I'm staying in Aura.

00:27:57.780 I'm staying in the bot.

00:27:59.380 And I got in and I got out.

00:28:01.120 I mean, that was a huge win for the family.

00:28:04.580 All right.

00:28:04.740 I think because I'm feeling so stressed out, it's really imperative.

00:28:07.920 I don't know the answer, but I like to ask this question.

00:28:09.940 Yeah.

00:28:10.120 that it's imperative I get out my PEMF mat

00:28:12.740 and lay on it later.

00:28:14.680 Yes, finally, Kate.

00:28:16.400 It's so heavy.

00:28:17.720 I have to get it down out of the garage.

00:28:20.000 I literally wrote PEMF mat.

00:28:21.760 The mat's not that heavy.

00:28:23.560 I think the blanket is heavier.

00:28:24.960 Oh, yeah.

00:28:25.760 Oh, yeah.

00:28:26.260 And once it's there,

00:28:27.020 it folds in three like a letter in an envelope, okay?

00:28:30.520 Yeah.

00:28:31.180 Okay.

00:28:31.500 And I really believe you should leave it on your floor

00:28:33.660 except for when you have company over.

00:28:35.340 Yeah.

00:28:36.700 Okay.

00:28:37.260 Are you getting it?

00:28:38.440 Are you going to get it?

00:28:39.040 Dropper?

00:28:39.780 Yeah.

00:28:39.960 All right. So, so, so have you tried this? Because I tried it twice. So this is the

00:28:45.160 Abbey Royale. I never got that. Advanced Oui en Neau Jeuneuse Youth Watery Oil.

00:28:51.560 I never got that scent. Really? I never got that scent.

00:28:54.800 Oh my God, that scared me. Jesus fucking Christ. God, my adrenals are shot. You see that? That 1.00

00:28:59.560 was like that reaction. I know. I'm, I'm, I'm shocked. Like I'm shockable too. Like.

00:29:04.280 Oh, it's Guerlain. Oh wait, we were sent that. I gave it away.

00:29:09.580 Who did I give that shit to? 0.99

00:29:11.060 Now, how did you instantly know? 1.00

00:29:13.960 I just knew.

00:29:14.660 How did you know to give it away?

00:29:16.060 I just knew I wasn't going to use it. 0.97

00:29:17.320 To integrate a product, you have to fucking commit to it for three months. 0.95

00:29:20.380 You have to go hard or else there's absolutely no point. 0.98

00:29:22.240 And I go, I'm not committing.

00:29:23.960 So when I opened this, so it's youth watery oil.

00:29:26.240 It was hard too because it was expensive.

00:29:27.860 It was expensive.

00:29:29.340 $150. 0.99

00:29:30.460 Damn. 1.00

00:29:31.460 Age-defying face serum. 1.00

00:29:33.100 I can't, but I've used it twice.

00:29:34.420 So what am I going to do?

00:29:35.340 Leave it in the laundry room?

00:29:37.440 You know, like, is anyone going to want it?

00:29:38.620 maybe they will because it's been open yeah i think i think it's got to go in the trash right

00:29:43.320 let me see how much is there also because it's been open for like two years so throw it away 0.98

00:29:48.160 oh it's barely used ah fuck i don't know are all the actives destroyed now i don't know if there's 0.96

00:29:54.680 a lot of actives but you know what i'll tell you isn't destroyed and i i hate to say it but i think 0.98

00:29:59.760 we got to be real with the listener you open it up i take a whiff i almost fainted it's like it's

00:30:05.020 a bottle of perfume. Ew. In the trash it goes. It's as scented as you could possibly get. Maybe

00:30:10.700 that's why I threw it away. I looked at the ingredients probably. Well, that's what I was

00:30:14.120 thinking. Yeah. That's why she got tossed. All right. Definage. Remember this? This is two

00:30:18.420 minute reveal. Now that brand is supposed to be really good. And really expensive. Now I've

00:30:24.320 forgotten to use this product. So hold on to that. However, dry fingertips, massage in circular

00:30:29.500 in motion for 20 seconds so to wash so you know this is like a classic you know exfoliant it says

00:30:37.220 mask but it's not saying to leave it on yes it is two minutes should i move it into my new medicine 0.98

00:30:43.560 cabinet try my empty medicine cabinet and give it a fucking shot i would say try it all right here 0.97

00:30:48.320 we go loretta dr loretta brand we love here we go tightening eye gel tetrapeptide 5 i focus i 0.99

00:30:55.080 need hydration around my eyes are you using this no so you use it keep it no i don't oh because

00:31:02.860 it's tightening not not hydrating yeah i don't know tightening i just i don't know what that

00:31:07.080 means right now but it feels very like it's clear and that's nice it feels pretty hydrating

00:31:12.840 i wonder great i'm sure it is hydrating maybe it is hydrating as well i would try it all right i'm

00:31:17.500 gonna put this i'm gonna allow one eye product in the mix and we'll make it that for now and

00:31:21.400 then decide what's next all right here's another oh remember this so jane iridale okay hydration

00:31:26.560 spray we know i i love a hydration spray love now love a hydration spray now i have continuously

00:31:32.960 not used this because something about the container makes me think it's a hair product

00:31:36.380 every time i oh my god that's so funny i remember that i use that all up that's really old jacqueline

00:31:41.560 that's like original poo that's like covid oh no toxic that's poop that's literally covid that's

00:31:47.060 from covid so throw it away now you think uh i just sprayed it on you think it's oh you mean

00:31:53.220 throw it out throw it out it's from covid all right anything that's from covid has to go

00:31:56.900 immediately really yeah okay what about if it's open i just all the actives have disintegrated

00:32:06.120 time revolution essence i'm keeping yep it's great that might even go in the medicine cabinet

00:32:12.340 because some people would say you shouldn't need a full closet of beauty all right they certainly

00:32:18.580 would here's an interesting question so this is naked sunday's hydrating glow mist spf 50 hyaluronic

00:32:24.560 acid and cockadoo something let me see it it's a worn away watermelon yeah it's worn away

00:32:31.280 watermelon okay the word i don't know what the hell that is i want it gone just throw it away

00:32:36.520 really yeah you bought that on your own volition no ew all right so i'm sorry to say it's deeply

00:32:44.220 like intensely scented i'm sorry guys can't do it can't do it i actually sprayed that aggressively

00:32:49.960 on the other day going into the sun spf 50 finally a spray right yeah and it was like

00:32:55.240 really bothering me all right so this is a dr loretta one of our favorite products in the

00:33:00.940 hang shop right the replenishing serum now we've had a few of these i'm gonna assume it's good i'm

00:33:06.360 going to assume this isn't a covid era okay this is what i think you'll have an easy answer for

00:33:11.220 it's tough though in a weird other way miracle oh no it's hydrochloric acid miracle mist but but

00:33:16.560 it's like it's like a jet blue we were in mint and like it came in a little sack get that away

00:33:23.380 throw it away get it away because it's like a freebie just you you have mists my hand just went

00:33:29.980 and it and it fell back it came back well do you want it to keep it in your purse like i see it's

00:33:35.100 I go, maybe this is perfect for cleaning my new ear piercing.

00:33:39.620 Ew.

00:33:40.480 I don't think they should be cleaning anything with that.

00:33:43.060 Well, it's hydrochloric acid. 1.00

00:33:45.320 That shit you love. 1.00

00:33:46.480 Oh, hypochloric. 1.00

00:33:48.300 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:33:49.040 Sorry.

00:33:49.660 Oh, well, then in that case, yeah, keep it.

00:33:52.020 See, I thought that, yeah, I thought you were going to be.

00:33:54.340 All right, I'm going to put it in as potential road.

00:33:57.260 Hypochlorous acid you keep, you hold on to.

00:34:00.320 Do you remember this?

00:34:01.500 Baobab, toning essence.

00:34:03.320 I need to see it.

00:34:04.140 the name means nothing remember this volition sorry volition jesus that is covid that is covid

00:34:09.740 that is 2019 2020 i'm not kidding you it's like taking me down memory like seeing that i'm like

00:34:16.420 remembering the past i just can't help but think it would be good for the bottom of my feet you

00:34:22.320 know why not all right in the trash it goes all right now let's try to pick up the pace right

00:34:25.900 okay an uncapped lip and eye makeup remover gone because it's uncapped okay savor beauty

00:34:33.660 tone lavender. This feels a little old, right? I don't even remember that. This feels like

00:34:37.880 maybe from a different era. I'm so afraid because I just, I love mists. All right,

00:34:43.540 here we go. Youthphoria pregame skin moisturizing setting spray. They're a canceled beauty brand

00:34:50.420 that foreclosed. So get rid of it because I'll never be able to replace it maybe without even

00:34:55.200 worrying about it. It's uncapped. Get it out. Well, I like to leave my mists uncapped because

00:35:00.320 the cap isn't actually protecting anything soft services clearing mist medicated breakout time

00:35:06.680 keep that's a good product that's a keep that's a good product i don't really have much body acne

00:35:11.220 but i guess i mean prone to breakouts i'm trying to think i really don't have that should i just

00:35:18.240 dump it i'm dumping it that you should give away you mean what you want it it's all worn away no

00:35:23.980 I have one.

00:35:25.300 Then throw it away.

00:35:26.200 Okay.

00:35:26.680 Jasmine Garden.

00:35:27.740 We love.

00:35:28.400 Now, we love this.

00:35:30.100 This is one of our faves.

00:35:31.620 Probably one of our biggest hits in the hag shop. 1.00

00:35:34.320 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:35:35.420 Enjoy within 12 months of opening? 1.00

00:35:37.180 Yeah, her shit is real. 1.00

00:35:39.360 It's not like it's going to hurt you. 1.00

00:35:40.600 This is older than a year. 0.93

00:35:41.740 Dead.

00:35:42.440 She's telling us to use it within a year.

00:35:44.200 I think it's got to go.

00:35:45.220 Yeah, but how does it smell?

00:35:46.720 Because it's so alive.

00:35:47.540 Her products are so alive.

00:35:48.760 I know, but that's, I think, why she's telling us we got to get rid of it.

00:35:51.460 Yeah, but you know how it is.

00:35:52.580 I bet there's some.

00:35:53.780 I'm thinking it's time for a re-up.

00:35:55.320 If it still smells good, I wouldn't throw it away.

00:35:57.560 It smells pretty good.

00:35:59.040 All right.

00:36:00.160 Now, the Say, they've been really good to us, and they send us a lot of lip gloss.

00:36:05.560 But is it too much?

00:36:07.200 They send us so many lip glosses.

00:36:10.180 I use a lot of the Say lip gloss.

00:36:12.460 There were some shades that I gave to Cousins.

00:36:14.300 Yeah.

00:36:14.840 Yeah.

00:36:15.320 Yeah.

00:36:15.500 Now, you do it immediately, right?

00:36:17.240 I didn't agree with me.

00:36:18.340 You get it out quick.

00:36:20.100 See, that's really impressive.

00:36:21.800 I mean, not always.

00:36:22.820 yeah but i feel like your system works because you move so quick all right the say pressed powder

00:36:29.560 that dropped out of the container when chris opened it and became just loose powder away now

00:36:35.220 throw away it's sad but you just have to throw it away all right have you been utilizing these

00:36:39.620 star glow say those are nice yeah and one of the things i am really big on before taking the stage 0.96

00:36:46.520 or whatever if i really care i really believe in like highlighter glowing stick that kind of shit 0.95

00:36:52.460 But I think that shit works like really good in effect. 0.99

00:36:55.940 Wow. 0.99

00:36:56.460 Different spots on the brow or whatever.

00:36:58.440 So I'm going to say keep.

00:36:59.680 Now, I don't know if it's an old one.

00:37:01.560 They sent a new one.

00:37:02.380 It's a good product.

00:37:04.020 You think I should dump it because I think I have a new one in the other closet?

00:37:08.300 No, do not dump it.

00:37:09.980 All right.

00:37:10.400 This is tough.

00:37:11.840 Oh, my God.

00:37:12.320 I have two toning mists from F. Miller.

00:37:15.800 And one of them looks sort of yellowed and one of them looks perfectly clear.

00:37:20.960 Do you think we have our answer?

00:37:22.460 so i'll keep the clear one great you know it seems obvious when you're doing it out loud but

00:37:28.440 i mean i would have just been like i don't know what to do and not okay remember this ion

00:37:33.540 by dr g oh my god i used all that me too i used all the ion this should probably be empty how is

00:37:41.080 there some left i use this aggressively because i had an interesting concept about like hormones

00:37:45.740 in the skin or something smells fine all right I think it's it's ready to go but you know why

00:37:52.400 I use so much of it the um pumping feature yeah the one hand pump that you press down on it and

00:37:58.940 the stuff squirts up right into your hand very good okay this pigment of say gave it to a cousin

00:38:07.060 I don't think it's right for me because I appreciate that say is so generous in terms of

00:38:11.900 like you figure it out what color you are okay this is a tower 68 i think tower 28 tower 28

00:38:19.400 mascara tower 28 mascara no recollection of buying it i like that i used that they sent it i used it

00:38:26.680 i liked it but they always say to replace mascara 30 days get rid of it you've had it too long 0.50

00:38:32.760 la roche posse really old spf for the eye do you think it's fucked no or you think it works i bet

00:38:40.440 it's fine i'll keep it in as a travel okay rms mascara do you think maybe i need to do a mascara 0.92

00:38:50.080 bankruptcy just get rid of them all and then start fresh throw them all away yes they've been open

00:38:54.440 for like 16 years okay that because that could be huge all right here's a huge question the old zip 0.98

00:39:01.780 which is cracked oh shit yours is cracked yeah the old one throw that away right now what are you 0.96

00:39:06.320 even talking about? Well, it still works. I would not touch that, Jacqueline. Throw it away right 0.99

00:39:10.300 now. You're hysterical. Why? That's scary. It's like technology. You shouldn't be using a broken

00:39:15.080 microcurrent. See, I think the plastic casing is not doing any, like... I just wouldn't. I just

00:39:20.480 wouldn't. Like, I bet the zip works without the plastic casing safely because it would just the

00:39:25.940 plastic casing, that wouldn't almost be enough. I bet they would tell you if it cracked to not use

00:39:29.540 it. But my question is the new zip, is there the problems? I like the problem solver thing for

00:39:35.460 acne does the new zip not do that because that really pisses me off hello hello a live break-in

00:39:41.660 it's just like ocd-esque i hear a sound and like what if it's chris has just fallen down there and

00:39:49.940 is banging the floor to try to get my attention because he can't speak or something you know

00:39:54.780 and then because i've had the thought now i go well if i have the thought and then don't go check

00:40:00.300 go check hello all right fine thank you i'm in suspense what was it your cat

00:40:07.200 everyone seems to be fine so so squalane that i used while i was in london in i use it on my feet

00:40:16.360 and call it a day right all right a freaking this brand right by mario you know some kind of like 0.91

00:40:24.580 contour stick comes with a brush on the other side see this thoughts oh that's good shit i know 0.93

00:40:30.500 should i keep it even though i'll always be too afraid to contour then give it to me and i'll try

00:40:35.480 it interesting all right i'll put that over here in a separate container that might become okay

00:40:42.000 this is the jones road jones road cool gloss that you gave me on new year's eve from the stash oh

00:40:48.440 yeah that's good that's just a true gloss right unidentified oh i think i know what this is i

00:40:53.680 think it's travel shampoo for me okay all right the ordinary nearly empty i mean the fact that

00:40:59.260 i travel with apparently um like eight whitening strips that i do not use do you use them ever i

00:41:06.760 use whitening strips yeah i use the um couldn't tell you the brand you don't worry about dumping

00:41:12.280 an entire makeup brush in a bowl with all the soap and then it drying and then but deep inside it

00:41:17.420 between the brush and the base that water is in there not drying and molding or something

00:41:23.240 sure but you just have to really dry you just have to really let it dry i think you're fine

00:41:28.840 right it's the fear that it never will what do you do when you when you clean your brushes

00:41:33.080 how do you clean your brushes then well you don't necessarily submerge the body it would be like

00:41:39.240 i would have the brush face down in the bowl and doing the swirl and whatever i don't know

00:41:45.600 whereas like the soak just feels to me like it's gonna land deeper i think i think people do it

00:41:51.820 professional makeup artists do it all right i've got a bunch of loose um ear swabs i'm gonna say

00:41:58.340 that if those have been loose in the makeup bag i don't want to stick them deep in my ear right

00:42:03.520 correct all right now i reached out to this brand a while back you may recall mz skin because they

00:42:09.900 had a product that was very similar to ingredients wise to a product that was like the most expensive

00:42:16.040 thing ever and incredible that i used oh this is one of these things you thought was some cheap

00:42:19.960 thing and then i had to tell you like was like expensive and from australia show me remember

00:42:24.200 this brand mz skin oh yeah i gave some of that away i think i'm gonna try to use it all right

00:42:29.700 oh my god i just found completely unopened say glow warm glow let's see what this one is

00:42:36.980 there's a couple nice shades so i think i'm gonna have to let these

00:42:40.460 be the new one and absolutely get rid of the old one that i don't know how old it is

00:42:45.260 see what i'm thinking is i throw these things in the trash i leave them in the trash

00:42:49.620 and then I like I can reach in there still and use the squalene on my feet basically like oh

00:42:54.920 it's about to go to the trash forces me to use it in the next couple days yeah just soak your feet

00:42:59.700 in it I just feel like old La Roche-Posay SPF I have to believe is like is dead shelf stable oh

00:43:07.420 okay I've got decanted ebb look at this not only did I decant it I took the top off the ebb

00:43:15.440 detangler because it sprays big big amounts and put it on a tiny bottle okay hey marvis for the

00:43:22.240 road love low loretta basically empty universal daily glow defense yeah it's a good one beloved

00:43:30.760 would really like to get that back in the mix that is one of the few spfs when i have it around

00:43:35.840 i i actually will put it on daily and i don't know why the smell is comforting to me so that

00:43:40.500 means it's a good product yeah and it's nothing it's just clean scent it's not fragrance it's

00:43:45.780 just clean yeah now what is this oh no is this a lip color from jones that you gave me

00:43:49.600 this lip tint yes and you like this product you just the color wasn't right for you or yeah

00:43:55.120 that's nice yeah pink rose okay yeah all right another empty dr loretta it's the blue one the

00:44:01.700 true moisturizer a quartz crystal brought on the road for uh you know oh oh my god i found my other

00:44:11.700 whoop charger it's a miracle i found my other whoop charger that's gonna go in my pocket right

00:44:16.720 now and i'm gonna find it my pocket later and charge it okay we are getting through a lot of

00:44:22.160 products though oh wait have you started using the estura ato barrier 365 cream mist that i gave you

00:44:28.400 yes i've been using it every day have you been loving it because i'm really into it i like it

00:44:32.340 i like it sometimes cream mists require you to rub them in unlike other mists not this one this

00:44:38.100 one doesn't yeah i like it oh do you remember this aesop lucent facial concentrate aesop sent

00:44:44.500 us a bunch of stuff a while ago no let me smell it because their use of essential oils i've never

00:44:50.200 used anything i like their i like the blue whatever the fuck oh yeah the hair mask thing 0.67

00:44:56.700 of from theirs no that but also the blue mask i've never used a serum from them okay say sent 0.58

00:45:02.440 us this um lightweight setting spray have you tried it yet oh we tried it on new year's yeah

00:45:06.960 i love that it's not an aerosol can all right that's a huge win all right so i'm gonna let

00:45:11.880 that be the um the winner there i mean deliverance trinity serum definitely it's mostly used up and

00:45:19.100 from uh dew yeah skincare and it's probably quite old what do you think i mean it's over like over

00:45:26.200 what a year and a half old and mostly used up yeah get rid of it marvis with no cap eyelash

00:45:32.340 curler niacinamide by the ordinary so i've been open for 16 years but i used it on the road and

00:45:37.840 so i just feel like the dropper like has seen some things throw it away i might reach for it

00:45:42.580 tonight in one massive product use all right mz skin retinol skin booster half half used and from

00:45:48.560 three years ago the retinol's gone right yeah get rid oh look it's the um cheap uh surreal 0.57

00:45:55.900 maybelline called the falsies surreal that someone said holy shit and my eyelashes and said are those 0.96

00:46:02.800 real when i was wearing what's that maybelline yeah damn fancy packaging maybelline i remember 0.96

00:46:08.900 hearing this thing that great lash you know the classic pink and green yeah mascara one was sold 0.57

00:46:15.140 every two seconds in the united states or whatever and um that was like i heard that in like like

00:46:20.840 99 i feel like love it maybe 2005 no i think it was like 99 now i found another travel container

00:46:29.940 of the exact same kind oh jesus help us all look no jacqueline oh my god oh i bought this and i've

00:46:37.680 never used it i'm gonna use this tonight my bath nugget my hinoki japanese cypress aromatic bath

00:46:42.560 block i'm gonna take a bath tonight okay i need to relax tonight oh look a healthy cell and i

00:46:48.640 forgot to take mine today this is my healthy sale and i forgot to take it you do it every day

00:46:53.100 you know my supplement i've done it i bought a few how many do you do every day what do you mean

00:46:58.220 one you do it every day but you do it every day yeah because it's um the um daily multi for

00:47:05.100 vegans no i kind of want i don't know i did a couple random ones okay unopened covid mask

00:47:11.760 good for travel tiny tom tom bin not sure what i want to put in this but cannot get rid of that

00:47:18.580 healthy cell has a focus and recall really one for concentration and alertness oh i was looking

00:47:24.760 dr amen he said tyrosine he said ashwagandha and roseola or something rhodiola and uh i'm kind of

00:47:32.180 curious about healthy cell for focus and recall slug boost future wise and calm mood list the

00:47:36.980 ingredients i need all of it i need calm mood oh my god grooms remember my grooms obsession

00:47:41.700 yeah again they never sent and i never took it teasing brush for high ponies on the road 0.99

00:47:47.700 yeah where the where the hell are the ingredients noticeable impact within 30 minutes yeah fucking 0.95

00:47:53.200 right well ingredients taurine l-theanine okay apparently tyrosine for focus add brain 0.98

00:48:04.460 dr amen was talking about it all right i see the ld cell has an anti-aging damn they have

00:48:11.540 everything here's something so this slugging cream from future wise it's good but they've 0.97

00:48:15.960 got us by the cunt really like what do they have everything when you use the the unseen bottom of 0.93

00:48:22.060 this thing to i'm going to scrape off the top layer of this slugging cream assuming that anything 0.99

00:48:27.220 below it is fresh because great it's a pretty good sleep you know last last layer okay the lip tint

00:48:33.640 is here okay that one's empty except for a tampon a mask and a healthy cell all right we got it we

00:48:40.080 got to wrap it up now i guess i didn't finish but once i get the tech down i bet i bet i could do

00:48:45.660 this even better rapid fire okay hands free by the way one skin where are you we've been begging

00:48:53.060 for the last six months for a re-up am i right or did you get it no i still have some uh i have

00:48:57.960 my old someone steal it off my porch no we haven't gotten a new one okay love you love you

00:49:15.660 Transcription by CastingWords

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - January 20, 2026

Wretched Valley Beauty Closet Cleanout

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