There Are No Girls on the Internet - Is social media ruining the holidays for women？

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00:00:50.020 I survived nine months in captivity,

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00:01:21.320 There Are No Girls on the Internet is a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative.

00:01:33.500 I'm Bridget Todd, and this is There Are No Girls on the Internet.

00:01:39.240 Snow is falling, bells are ringing.

00:01:41.760 Yep, it's the holiday season.

00:01:43.640 And I wanted to do a special holiday-themed episode exploring a thesis that I have had in my head for a while now. 0.98

00:01:49.880 Social media is making the holidays worse for everyone, especially for women.

00:01:54.800 Now, I'm not 100% certain about where I stand on this.

00:01:58.300 So in this episode, we'll be looking at some research and we'll also be hearing from three women about their thoughts about the holiday season.

00:02:05.560 So I first got a bee in my bonnet about social media's impact on the holidays, not about Christmas, but it was actually from last year's Easter season.

00:02:14.580 You know, I don't think of Easter as a holiday where there is a ton of pressure to, like, go big, even if you have kids.

00:02:21.920 It's traditionally, I think, been a fairly straightforward holiday celebration.

00:02:25.820 You know, you get one of those egg kits from the grocery store.

00:02:29.820 Maybe you do an Easter basket.

00:02:31.140 If you're really trying to go all out, maybe somebody dresses like an Easter bunny and surprises the kids.

00:02:37.060 But you wouldn't know any of that from the photos that the Kardashian family posted from their Easter celebration on social media.

00:02:43.160 It was predictably very over the top.

00:02:46.640 I'll link to a photo of it in the show notes because it really needs to be seen to be understood.

00:02:51.380 But the display is beyond opulent.

00:02:54.220 They've got four pink cruiser bikes lined up in a row.

00:02:57.840 Several massive Easter baskets filled to the brim with candy and toys.

00:03:03.020 Personalized chocolate eggs the size of your head as dinner table play settings.

00:03:07.580 Four hot pink, full-size gumball machines.

00:03:11.200 Now, obviously, we're talking about the Kardashians here,

00:03:14.080 and they're a family that I don't really think is known for being understated.

00:03:18.900 And of course, they are fabulously, famously very wealthy.

00:03:22.900 So obviously, they can afford such a lavish display.

00:03:26.420 But when they posted it to social media,

00:03:28.920 I think they were probably expecting the usual oohs and ahs from onlookers.

00:03:33.500 But the response was really more like, eh, eh.

00:03:37.940 One TikToker responded saying, quote,

00:03:40.600 The people and the planet need a cultural shift of the way that we think of consumption.

00:03:44.880 At what point will we not post hyper-consumption?

00:03:48.060 And this TikToker wasn't alone.

00:03:50.680 I actually think the response to the Kardashian Easter video

00:03:53.460 shows that maybe we're at a point where we're asking some questions

00:03:56.760 about these digital displays that just scream, buy, buy, buy.

00:04:00.840 And instead of being impressed by opulent, over-the-top displays for the holidays,

00:04:05.100 I think people are just kind of over them.

00:04:07.640 Or at least, being honest about the way they make us feel.

00:04:11.080 Particularly during a time of economic instability and uncertainty,

00:04:14.580 I think opening up a social media app and seeing opulent displays just hits differently.

00:04:19.940 And so I think when it comes to holidays like Christmas,

00:04:22.200 social media can add pressure to over-consume, over-plan, over-buy. 1.00

00:04:27.460 A burden that falls mostly on women. 0.99

00:04:29.980 Like if you're not planning out and posting a cute picture of your whole family 0.89

00:04:33.640 decked out in matching reindeer pajamas,

00:04:35.960 you're doing the holiday season wrong.

00:04:38.080 Or if you don't have that picture-perfect tree full of gifts, you're doing it wrong.

00:04:42.940 Or if you don't spend the holiday season with family at all, or don't celebrate them at all, you're doing it wrong.

00:04:48.860 Now, none of this is really all that new.

00:04:51.960 When I was a kid, folks would take Christmas family pictures down at the JCPenney

00:04:55.820 and maybe do a holiday family update letter or Christmas card.

00:04:59.500 And just like on social media today, it was meant to be a highlight reel of the family,

00:05:04.100 not really a warts-and-all accurate accounting of the year everyone actually had.

00:05:09.040 And while those cards and letters would go to a hand-selected batch of friends and family,

00:05:13.360 the addition of social media means that now it's algorithms and platforms

00:05:17.080 deciding how and to whom that content is served up to.

00:05:20.840 And because we're talking about social media here,

00:05:23.180 that means that the more excessive and over-the-top the content,

00:05:26.240 the better that content performs.

00:05:28.800 Dr. Steve Rathjay is a psychology researcher at NYU.

00:05:32.600 He wanted to answer the question,

00:05:34.400 why do influencers who show themselves making iced coffee on social media

00:05:38.100 always use so much coffee,

00:05:40.840 like more iced coffee than you would ever want to drink in one sitting?

00:05:44.640 What his research found is really telling.

00:05:46.960 He found that on social media platforms,

00:05:48.660 content that is, quote, excessive, extreme, or intense

00:05:51.340 is most likely to go viral.

00:05:53.340 And that even though most people are aware

00:05:55.340 that this is the kind of content that goes viral on social media platforms,

00:05:59.180 we don't actually want that to be the case.

00:06:01.320 In other words, as Dr. Rathje puts it, we might not actually want to watch people making

00:06:06.860 elaborate, excessive iced coffees, but we find that when they do, we can't look away.

00:06:11.840 And this leads social media companies to prioritize content that might be good at capturing our

00:06:16.380 attention, but that we don't actually want to see and doesn't always leave us feeling

00:06:20.260 so good about ourselves.

00:06:21.660 So now, apply all of this to the holiday content that we see on social media.

00:06:26.600 Algorithms and platforms amplify excessive displays of holiday cheer.

00:06:30.740 That massive, perfectly decorated tree overflowing with gifts.

00:06:35.000 The ornate tablescape that looks like it's something out of a magazine that probably took hours to set up.

00:06:40.220 And also, is it just me or are some of the holiday displays not just getting more over the top, but also just getting weirder?

00:06:47.800 I saw a holiday display themed around the movie Elf.

00:06:50.580 If you've seen Elf, you know that Will Ferrell is half-Elf and that his favorite Elf meal is spaghetti topped with syrup and candy rather than spaghetti sauce.

00:07:00.220 So in this social media photo, someone took a photo of different colored spaghetti oozing out of these three big pots all over their stove and onto the floor, decorated with marshmallows and candy.

00:07:11.260 Again, I'll link to the photo in the show notes because it needs to be seen to be understood.

00:07:15.900 And honestly, it seems like the only reason someone would do something like this

00:07:19.220 is because the excessive nature of the photo pretty much guarantees that it'll get traction on social media.

00:07:25.080 But would anyone actually ever do that in real life, if not simply to take a viral photo for the gram?

00:07:31.720 Platforms prioritize this content, so we see more of it.

00:07:34.300 And I think it creates a cycle where these excessive displays are normalized,

00:07:38.760 and then they become the normal way to do the holidays.

00:07:42.060 I don't feel like I need to tell y'all, social media makes it so easy to compare our holidays

00:07:46.620 with the holidays of other people.

00:07:48.960 Here's how Megan, a mom of two in Washington, D.C., explains it.

00:07:52.820 Hi, I'm Megan, and I live in Washington, D.C. with my husband and our two young children,

00:07:58.600 ages five and two.

00:08:00.220 Of course, social media invites comparisons.

00:08:02.580 That's why we're all on it, right?

00:08:04.140 That's why we post on it, is so that other people will like it and that we will feel

00:08:08.380 good when other people like and comment on our posts.

00:08:11.240 And I'll be the first to admit that I really enjoy the validation that I get when I post a cute craft that my kids do on social media or a really nice picture of my family.

00:08:20.880 I like that affirmation. And I think that everyone does.

00:08:25.600 I feel really lucky in some ways that I'm not Christian and my family doesn't celebrate Christmas because I do feel like Christmas is a very pressure cooker kind of situation for a lot of families and moms in particular.

00:08:38.960 And by virtue of the fact that we don't celebrate Christmas, I am a little bit absolved of that.

00:08:46.200 And I very much feel like it allows me to enjoy the holidays that I do celebrate in the wintertime or fall and winter a little bit more because I'm not sort of anxious about what does my Christmas posting going to look like.

00:09:00.400 This is also a gender issue because if you're a parent and you're a woman raising a child with a man, all of this excessive holiday cheer is really just mom work.

00:09:11.240 So the normalization of this need to create excessive holiday displays aren't created by elves or pixies or don't just appear via the power of Christmas magic.

00:09:20.920 It really just falls on moms and makes additional labor for them.

00:09:24.660 Christmas cheer is really the labor of a probably very tired mom. 0.66

00:09:29.020 Here's Megan again.

00:09:30.400 I don't want to speak universally for all moms, but I will say that personally, as a mom, or in my role as mom, I definitely feel like I take on more of the burden of making holiday times special and fulfilling traditions or following through on different ideas to make the holiday time special that I've either seen on social media or that I've seen friends and family do that I want to emulate.

00:09:57.740 I guess you could call it a burden, except that it's something that I feel like I'm choosing to do and choosing to take the lead on.

00:10:05.420 But it absolutely is, I think, something more unique to women and just the nature of the conversations that they're having that, you know, it does kind of become more that invisible mental load for women. 0.52

00:10:24.540 Because, you know, it's like at Thanksgiving, a lot of the moms are sitting around talking about what toys their kids are playing with, what size clothes the kids are in now.

00:10:35.320 You know, oh, this is what their friends are into.

00:10:37.820 And I just don't know that the dads are having that same kind of conversation.

00:10:42.220 So then when it comes to gift giving, you know, moms are in more of the position to, you know, be seeking out those gifts because they know what the kids in the family are into.

00:10:53.720 where they, you know, they've been paying attention and it's sort of just part of the

00:10:57.600 discourse among moms, I think, to talk about their kids in different ways. And, and of course,

00:11:05.280 those traditional gender roles are there too, where mom is the person that gets included on the,

00:11:14.420 you know, cousin gift swap, or mom is the only one whose email address is getting the, you know,

00:11:21.600 class list from the school about what we're supposed to do for teacher gifts, or they're

00:11:27.840 the ones being reached out to by aftercare about X, Y, Z. It doesn't matter if you put both parents'

00:11:34.440 names on it. More often than not, mom is the only one who gets emailed or is the one who gets

00:11:39.240 called. And so it sort of defaults to that position of putting mom in the driver's seat around a lot

00:11:45.520 of child-rearing decision-making

00:11:47.760 and that invisible mental load around your kids.

00:11:51.820 And that's even more true, I think, around the holidays.

00:11:54.220 There is a fascinating article that breaks all of this down

00:11:57.140 called The Gendering of Holiday Labor.

00:11:59.440 Basically, they found that in heterosexual relationships, 0.81

00:12:02.740 women still do the bulk of the domestic labor, 0.84

00:12:04.960 and that labor multiplies during the holidays.

00:12:07.560 And that even if tasks and labor are split between parents, 0.99

00:12:11.040 women still take on the role of the worrier 0.91

00:12:13.260 or the person who really feels the emotional burden and weight 0.79

00:12:16.400 of whether or not tasks are getting done around the house.

00:12:19.300 When it comes to what's known as kinkeeping or the social role 1.00

00:12:22.540 that women usually take on of promoting and protecting relationships between family members, 1.00

00:12:27.480 women are basically doing it all.

00:12:29.860 In a 2017 study on kinkeepers, Dr. Don O. Braithwaite,

00:12:34.320 who studies personal and family relationships at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln,

00:12:39.080 91% of self-identified family kinkeepers are women.

00:12:43.260 Dr. Braithweiss writes, quote, for women who are already stretched thin during the holidays, as so many of these activities converge at once, kinkeepers would likely to be stretched even more.

00:12:55.620 And think about it, like moms have already had a pretty tough go of it.

00:12:59.700 A lot of the consequences that we're still dealing with from the pandemic were just meant to be absorbed by moms picking up the slack with very little institutional help or support.

00:13:08.660 And when you layer on the pressures of social media, the work of kinkeepers can become even more fraught. 0.50

00:13:17.640 Let's take a quick break.

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00:13:49.300 call 844-844-iheart to get started that's 844-844-iheart if your bookshelf and your for

00:13:56.620 you page are equally important to your personality welcome home this is prose society the weekly

00:14:03.640 podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives

00:14:08.600 and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island

00:14:11.160 deserve the same level of discourse.

00:14:13.480 I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots

00:14:16.040 between books, the internet, and the conversations

00:14:18.600 everyone can't stop having.

00:14:20.600 I'm going to have to look up this story.

00:14:22.500 I'm obsessed, so obsessed.

00:14:24.180 From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators

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00:14:47.200 Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:14:53.140 See you between the pages.

00:14:55.220 When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

00:15:01.020 I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

00:15:07.560 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

00:15:11.180 I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, 0.96

00:15:16.600 shut up, don't say anything.

00:15:19.260 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. 0.98

00:15:23.460 I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

00:15:28.260 I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

00:15:35.320 They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

00:15:39.780 But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

00:15:43.240 They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

00:15:46.840 Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:16:00.700 And we're back.

00:16:02.320 We feel extra pressure to share our families and homes during the holiday season,

00:16:06.200 which can just kind of be a bummer if you're already feeling burdened by,

00:16:09.820 I don't know, everything else happening around us.

00:16:13.840 Michelle Janning, a sociologist and professor at Whitman College,

00:16:17.040 studies how contemporary families define themselves through domestic objects.

00:16:20.740 And she said that this stress can add to women feeling even more burnt out,

00:16:25.360 burdened, and stressed emotionally.

00:16:27.200 Quote, if you add that the holidays are a difficult time emotionally for many people,

00:16:31.380 It makes a lot of sense for me to believe that the difficulty of this season emotionally is heightened.

00:16:36.480 And if you have groups with different stress levels, it's heightened for women.

00:16:40.420 The piece is fascinating. We'll link to it in the show notes.

00:16:42.920 But it goes on to say that even if you enjoy holiday merrymaking, like decorating and buying gifts and cooking,

00:16:49.540 the enjoyment or gratification that you get from it can end up being combined with stress.

00:16:54.340 But that because we really might genuinely enjoy doing this work for our families because it can give us a sense of accomplishment

00:17:00.480 or be an act of service or care, a way to show our family that we love them.

00:17:04.960 But that can get all mixed up with these social and societal obligations,

00:17:08.600 which, again, are often gendered.

00:17:10.440 Stephanie Kuntz, director of research in public education

00:17:12.940 for the nonprofit group Council on Contemporary Families, adds,

00:17:16.560 quote,

00:17:17.120 It is real emotional work, and the pleasure is accompanied by much more stress than men feel.

00:17:22.200 There's a pressure, she explains, that comes with the tremendous weight of 150 years

00:17:26.680 of being told that this is our special skill as women.

00:17:29.960 our special contribution to family life and community life,

00:17:33.120 which can be very gratifying.

00:17:35.160 And it's also why women hold on to it very often.

00:17:37.940 So I want to be clear.

00:17:39.120 I don't want to suggest that no mom out there

00:17:41.600 is doing holiday domestic labor

00:17:43.720 purely because she genuinely loves and enjoys it.

00:17:47.360 But the added pressure of societal or social obligation,

00:17:50.720 which I think social media amplifies,

00:17:52.920 can really take the fun out of a task

00:17:55.040 that would otherwise be enjoyable.

00:17:56.460 And people just want to provide fulfilling, happy holidays for their families.

00:18:02.260 Here's how another mom explained it to me.

00:18:04.480 My name's Michelle. I'm married with two young kids, a six-year-old boy and a two-and-a-half-year-old girl.

00:18:10.840 We celebrate Christmas.

00:18:12.740 The holiday season and the preparation entails seems to change every year with young children

00:18:18.380 because you pass through various phases of them having no idea what's going on,

00:18:24.820 and then they start to get really into it and start asking questions about Santa and all that's

00:18:30.640 involved in that and you're trying to do it right and not be flat out lying to your kids but also

00:18:36.540 still allowing it to be exciting. I don't think that social media has too much of an effect on

00:18:42.240 the expectations that I'm setting for myself around the holidays. The pressure I feel comes

00:18:48.020 I think more from trying to keep up certain family traditions and make it all as magical

00:18:53.080 and exciting for my kids as my parents made it for myself and my brother. I do think that moms

00:18:59.140 really bear the brunt of the holiday work. And speaking for my own family, both growing up and

00:19:05.840 the family I have created, mom is definitely the one doing the vast majority of it. And I can

00:19:12.540 certainly see how moms could see the things that others are posting on social media about their

00:19:18.500 holiday celebrations and feel like they are not doing enough in comparison. 1.00

00:19:24.620 According to the authors of the article, The Gendering of Holiday Labor, basically, even 0.86

00:19:28.760 if this labor is sometimes stressful, women can still feel the need to do it because of

00:19:32.780 this gatekeeper role that we sometimes adopt.

00:19:35.200 You know, even if the work is stressful or anxiety-inducing, we may still want to be

00:19:39.940 recognized as the person who is in charge of giving people a good Christmas.

00:19:44.180 And this tension can really be heightened around the holidays.

00:19:47.360 What's also kind of interesting is that the article goes on to say that things are different when it comes to same-sex couples,

00:19:52.480 who generally tend to carry out housework and domestic labor more evenly.

00:19:56.540 The real unevenness is in heterosexual couples, Stephanie Kuhn says.

00:20:01.180 So add in social media pressure to what is supposed to be a fun holiday season,

00:20:05.380 and I think it can just kind of end up feeling like extra work, stress, and obligations for moms in particular.

00:20:11.000 And honestly, it's not just moms.

00:20:12.860 I also think that social media can create a lot of pressure for people who are not married and don't have kids or people who have nontraditional holidays celebrations or don't celebrate the holidays at all.

00:20:26.380 More after a quick break.

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00:21:01.920 That's 844-844-iHeart.

00:21:04.140 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

00:21:09.380 This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

00:21:22.780 I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

00:21:29.760 I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

00:21:33.020 from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments

00:21:37.920 nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters

00:21:45.120 and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture

00:21:50.280 conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

00:21:55.440 place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

00:22:02.420 See you between the pages.

00:22:04.460 When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

00:22:10.380 I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

00:22:16.780 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

00:22:20.460 I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, 0.99

00:22:25.600 Shut up. Don't say anything. 0.99

00:22:28.540 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

00:22:33.080 I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

00:22:37.660 I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

00:22:45.080 They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

00:22:49.040 But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

00:22:52.480 They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

00:22:55.620 Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:23:10.260 Let's get right back into it.

00:23:12.820 Social media tricks us into thinking that there is one right way to do the holiday season, when in reality, there are so many valid ways to celebrate or not celebrate.

00:23:22.320 In my own holiday experience, you know, my family doesn't really celebrate Christmas in a traditional sense.

00:23:28.180 We used to when I was a kid, we did the tree and the presents and all of that.

00:23:31.980 But as we got older, we just kind of stopped.

00:23:34.360 My dad is disabled and my mom dedicates a lot of her time to his care on top of working.

00:23:39.100 And it just became too much.

00:23:40.980 And if I'm being honest, I used to kind of resent it and feel a little bit left out when I would be scrolling social media

00:23:47.180 and seeing all my friends with their families in matching holiday pajamas

00:23:51.780 or with their parents doing special holiday traditions.

00:23:54.780 But as an adult, I can really understand why taking on the extra labor of holiday magic making

00:24:00.040 for their adult children is just no longer on the table for my parents.

00:24:04.600 Also, like a lot of queer people, I too really value my chosen family and friends

00:24:09.400 and people who are not my actual family but that feel like family, you know,

00:24:13.880 hold the role of family in my life.

00:24:16.500 And sometimes scrolling social media during the holidays can make it feel like that doesn't really count.

00:24:21.820 Like the holidays are somehow less special if they're not spent with actual family.

00:24:26.140 I am not alone in this.

00:24:28.060 Here's Allison, a queer woman living in Chicago who's in her 30s.

00:24:32.260 I also see lots of photos on Instagram of people I used to go out with in matching pajamas with their new significant other.

00:24:42.340 And when I see this, it's like, OK, I get it.

00:24:45.820 you've officially moved on, and the pajamas are communicating what you want them to.

00:24:52.500 Separately, I love how people, myself included, are celebrating with friends or doing something

00:24:59.740 more low-key on the holidays. And it's interesting how, as that gets normalized,

00:25:06.880 now I see advertisements glorifying the anti-traditional celebrations as well.

00:25:13.860 The bottom line is that everyone deserves to feel good during the holidays,

00:25:17.200 whether you're a mom, single, in a relationship, whatever. 0.97

00:25:20.560 And I hate that social media platforms are profiting off of us feeling like crap, 0.90

00:25:24.900 comparing our holidays to each other,

00:25:26.480 or stressing ourselves out to create the most perfect holiday season,

00:25:29.680 even if we don't really have it in us to do.

00:25:31.960 It just feels like yet another way that our negative feelings

00:25:34.920 are stoked and then monetized by tech billionaires,

00:25:38.120 many of whom, let's be real, already belong on Santa's naughty list.

00:25:43.020 So what do we do? How do we combat this?

00:25:45.860 Megan, our mom in D.C., says that she actually curates her social media feed to reinforce the kind of mom that she wants to be.

00:25:53.180 And that social media can actually be a help to her this time of year.

00:25:56.560 I think holidays are a very stressful time for parents in lots of different ways, partly because you're trying to create a sort of magical experience for your kids and you want them to be having fun and you want to be having fun as a parent.

00:26:09.600 and also because there's all these extra stressors like your kids being out of school for extended

00:26:16.060 stretches of time or off their normal routine there's lots of different food you know not their

00:26:24.240 normal meal schedule or their things that they normally eat they're seeing lots of different

00:26:28.600 people that they don't see as often and that might you know cause lots of emotions and different

00:26:34.060 feelings for both you and your kids. And so there's just a lot of stress coming from lots

00:26:40.040 of different angles. It's a very expensive time of year. There's lots of activities going on. So

00:26:45.900 to be honest, I actually find social media to be a really, really valuable resource

00:26:53.820 during the holidays and year round, partly because I follow, I choose to follow a lot of

00:27:02.820 social media accounts, particularly on Instagram, who are, I guess, parent influencers,

00:27:10.380 whose parenting philosophy aligns with my own, and who present a lot of different activities

00:27:18.560 and ideas, tips and scripts and ways that you can, you know, prep your kids and engage with

00:27:24.500 your kids and talk to your extended family and set boundaries with, you know, for yourself and

00:27:30.340 for your kids and teach them to set boundaries and be grateful and be gracious. And all those

00:27:37.140 things, um, like I find really, really valuable. And I choose not to follow people on social media

00:27:43.760 who don't reinforce the kind of parent that I want to be, or the kind of parenting that I want

00:27:51.900 to implement, um, in my own family, whether that's people that I know, friends or family

00:27:56.480 or professionals, like professional influencers, whoever it is, I choose to only follow people

00:28:02.020 that support and endorse and reinforce the kind of parent that I want to be or that I aspire to be.

00:28:08.320 So I think that social media for me is really, really helpful. It gives me a lot of great

00:28:13.880 ideas about different things to do and ways to engage. And I'm very grateful for the parent

00:28:19.920 influencers who make up that sort of community of people that I find to be role models. And

00:28:27.860 I think that a lot of other people who follow them also feel that way.

00:28:35.440 So don't let algorithms decide what kind of content you want to see this time of year.

00:28:39.700 Instead, curate your social media feed to feel like it reinforces the kind of parent that you're

00:28:44.280 actually interested in being. I would also add, be gentle with yourself. You know, if you didn't

00:28:49.520 have it in you to go all out this holiday, that is a-okay. Whether it was too stressful, too

00:28:54.640 expensive, it's okay to play it a little smaller, even if platforms are only rewarding and amplifying

00:29:00.100 and showing you the opulent and the excessive. It doesn't have to be opulent and excessive to be

00:29:05.240 good or meaningful. I would also question and resist the need to overconsume. Especially given

00:29:11.480 that we're in this place of economic uncertainty, having a lower-key Christmas is just fine. Giving

00:29:16.960 heartfelt gifts over buying the newest flashy item is a-okay. Your kids can still have a

00:29:22.520 meaningful Christmas, even if the tree is not overflowing with gifts. And remember, whatever

00:29:28.460 you do this holiday season is valid. So if you're staying home alone and watching Lifetime movies

00:29:33.740 with your cats in your apartment, good for you. If you're going camping with your friends, good for

00:29:38.640 you. If you're feeling sad or emotional because you've lost your parents or maybe don't even have

00:29:43.640 a relationship with your living parents. If you're feeling sad or emotional or grieving the fact that

00:29:48.600 you've lost your parents, or maybe that you don't really have a relationship with your family in the

00:29:52.580 first place, don't make social media make you feel like your experience is only valid if it looks a

00:29:57.260 certain way. And one last tip, if you're a parent doing the holidays this season, work toward a

00:30:02.040 balanced division of labor. According to Daniel L. Carson, an assistant professor in the Department

00:30:06.900 of Family and Consumer Studies at the University of Utah, couples are happier when the perceived

00:30:11.460 breakdown is viewed as more equitable. And another reason to make sure the division of labor is

00:30:16.720 equitable in your family is that his research also shows that couples have more satisfying sex lives

00:30:22.620 when the division of labor is more equitable. So this might even help you get your ho-ho-ho on

00:30:27.920 this holiday season as well. Sorry, y'all. I had to. Anyway, I want to hear from you all. Are you a

00:30:35.340 parent who is so stressed out doing the holidays for your kid this season? Are you a parent who

00:30:39.980 loves doing the holidays and gets nothing but fulfillment and joy out of it. Are you someone

00:30:45.260 who is not really that excited about the holidays? Are you doing something non-traditional? I want

00:30:49.300 to hear about it. Hit me up at hello at tangody.com and let us know if you're making this holiday

00:30:53.860 season merry and bright. Got a story about an interesting thing in tech or just want to say

00:31:07.500 hi you can reach us at hello at tangody.com you can also find transcripts for today's episode at

00:31:12.520 tangody.com there are no girls on the internet was created by me Bridget Todd it's a production

00:31:17.200 of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative Jonathan Strickland is our executive producer Tari Harrison

00:31:21.940 is our producer and sound engineer Michael Amato is our contributing producer I'm your host Bridget

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There Are No Girls on the Internet - December 13, 2022

Is social media ruining the holidays for women？

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