There Are No Girls on the Internet - September 14, 2021


Why we’re all burnt out + Our first live show!

Topics
Texas’ abortion law is just another disinfo fueled attack on democracy Nicki Minaj, WTF are you doing?

Episode Stats


Length

59 minutes

Words per minute

180.63

Word count

10,685

Sentence count

503

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Toxicity

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.
00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.
00:00:05.180 Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches,
00:00:08.020 there's a lot of suspense.
00:00:09.440 Will they finally eat the veggies?
00:00:10.940 Will the pesto survive the first bite?
00:00:12.980 Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?
00:00:17.020 And will you finish Episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers?
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00:00:50.080 I survived nine months in captivity,
00:00:53.240 and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.
00:00:58.760 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.
00:01:02.380 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.
00:01:09.920 These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.
00:01:13.740 Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:21.360 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.
00:01:27.100 Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.
00:01:35.740 Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions.
00:01:44.000 Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.
00:01:45.760 Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:51.160 There Are No Girls on the Internet is a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative.
00:02:03.740 I'm Bridget Todd, and this is There Are No Girls on the Internet.
00:02:09.120 Hey, everyone.
00:02:10.620 I am back, and I wanted to share a few quick updates with you.
00:02:13.920 I'm so excited to say that we're going to be back with new weekly episodes for our new season dropping in just a few weeks, and I cannot wait.
00:02:20.440 But in the meantime, I just had to come back in your earbuds because I just finished that new
00:02:25.380 Amazon Prime documentary, Lula Rich, and I am dying to talk about it. So for those of you who
00:02:30.900 don't know, Lula Rich is a documentary all about LuLaRoe, the multi-level marketing scheme that
00:02:36.640 sold leggings and big dreams of successful entrepreneurship to millions of millennial
00:02:41.540 women across the country. But basically, it was too good to be true because it turned out to be
00:02:46.160 a total scam. And truly, there is nothing I love more on this planet than a documentary about a
00:02:52.120 scam. So later this week, we'll have a very special episode featuring Roberta Blevins,
00:02:57.480 the former LuLaRoe mentor turned multi-level marketing awareness advocate featured heavily
00:03:02.540 in the documentary. And hearing Roberta's story and all the other women's stories in the LuLaRoe
00:03:07.640 documentary really got me thinking about the kinds of societal conditions for women that allowed for
00:03:12.940 these women to get scammed by LuLaRoe. You know, we basically live in a world where if you're a
00:03:17.480 working mom, there just is not a lot of support. It's a world of precarity and scarcity. But at
00:03:23.680 the same time, we also live in a world that tells women that we need to do it all. We have to be 0.62
00:03:28.320 hashtag girl bosses, you know, be successful entrepreneurs, raise our families, be good
00:03:33.120 partners, while also being expected to advertise how great of a job we're doing at doing all of
00:03:39.820 that incompatible stuff on a picture-perfect, meticulously curated Instagram feed. It is way
00:03:46.400 too much, and it creates the kind of conditions that can really lead to women being easy prey 1.00
00:03:51.020 for scams like LuLaRoe. Conditions like feeling like you have to be perfect all the time on 1.00
00:03:55.320 social media or advertising or branding yourself all the time on social media. Conditions like
00:03:59.760 feeling like you have to do it all and conditions that lead to burnout. So ahead of our episode
00:04:04.700 this week, breaking down LuLaRoe and the documentary LuLaRich, I wanted to revisit my
00:04:09.680 conversation with Anne Helen Peterson, author of Can't Even, How Millennials Became the Burnout
00:04:14.420 Generation. And if you just can't get enough of Anne and I, you can check us both out at Unfinished
00:04:19.980 Live, where I will be doing my very first ever live taping of There Are No Girls on the Internet.
00:04:25.240 Unfinished Live is a convening of technologists, journalists, artists, and changemakers in person
00:04:30.380 at The Shed in New York City, and happening virtually on September 23rd and 24th.
00:04:35.480 It's going to be two days of talks about how we can all use ethical tech to build a fairer
00:04:39.520 economy and a stronger democracy alongside the leading mind shaping that future.
00:04:44.460 I'll be there alongside other speakers like Anne Helen Peterson, Charlie Worzel of Galaxy
00:04:48.860 Brain, Safiya Noble, author of Algorithms of Oppression, and Glitch CEO Anil Desh.
00:04:53.680 Just go to live.unfinished.com and use promo code TANGOTI for more information.
00:04:58.260 this is going to be a little bit different of an episode than what we usually do
00:05:03.280 because things aren't normal and i don't feel normal and you probably don't feel normal either
00:05:08.760 if you're anything like me a combination of never-ending depressing news irl events and
00:05:15.280 connections being replaced with more time sitting in front of a computer and the overall creeping
00:05:20.360 feeling of mounting instability has left you feeling drained exhausted distracted unmotivated
00:05:26.500 and burnt out. In her viral BuzzFeed essay called How Millennials Became the Burnout
00:05:31.480 Generation, Anne Helen Peterson writes, if exhaustion means going to the point where
00:05:36.160 you can't go any further, burnout means reaching that point and pushing yourself to keep going,
00:05:41.880 whether for days, weeks, or years. Burnout isn't just one thing, it's everything. For weeks,
00:05:49.040 I've had a list of things to do that I just can't seem to get done. They roll over to the next week
00:05:53.540 and I tell myself I'll do them then, but I don't.
00:05:56.340 I've had a package in the corner of my room
00:05:58.280 that I've meant to return for months.
00:06:00.740 My personal email inbox is where correspondence goes to die.
00:06:04.400 I let emails go unreplied,
00:06:05.880 then feel awkward about how long it's been since I've replied,
00:06:08.120 so they just go unanswered.
00:06:10.020 While I'm working on this very episode, there's a chime.
00:06:13.240 An email added to my seemingly unending inbox.
00:06:16.140 A work Slack message knocks for attention in the background.
00:06:19.680 A group text notification from friends
00:06:21.320 wanting to confirm a Zoom party for this weekend.
00:06:24.120 I'm already feeling out of sorts,
00:06:25.760 so I check Instagram to see if anyone left a nice comment
00:06:28.220 on a picture that I posted of myself
00:06:30.160 appearing to look very centered and chill
00:06:32.120 that was ultimately posted to make myself feel better
00:06:34.420 about my life in the first place.
00:06:36.160 And all of it ends up feeling like a lot of distractions.
00:06:39.480 At night, instead of going to sleep,
00:06:41.480 I doom-scroll social media until I pass out,
00:06:44.220 ready to wake up and start the whole thing over in the morning.
00:06:47.200 Is this what my life was meant to be like?
00:06:50.000 Everything from work obligations to leisure activities,
00:06:53.340 feeling like a task vying for my attention that I'll never get done.
00:06:57.240 How did we get here?
00:06:59.840 Anne Helen Peterson writes,
00:07:01.960 Burnout and the behaviors and weight that accompany it
00:07:04.320 aren't, in fact, something we can cure by going on vacation.
00:07:07.820 It's not limited to workers in acutely high-stress environments,
00:07:11.020 and it's not a temporary affliction.
00:07:12.980 It's the millennial condition.
00:07:14.800 It's our base temperature.
00:07:16.480 It's our background music.
00:07:18.300 It's the way things are.
00:07:19.820 It's our lives.
00:07:21.220 And that realization recast my recent struggles.
00:07:24.540 Why can't I get this mundane stuff done?
00:07:26.560 Because I'm burnt out.
00:07:28.020 Why am I burnt out?
00:07:29.380 Because I've internalized the idea that I should be working all the time.
00:07:33.020 Why have I internalized that idea?
00:07:35.060 Because everything and everyone in my life reinforced it,
00:07:38.260 explicitly and implicitly, since I was young.
00:07:41.520 Her essay about millennials and burnout was so impactful,
00:07:44.840 she turned it into a new book called Can't Even,
00:07:47.220 how millennials became the burnout generation.
00:07:50.120 In it, she describes that familiar and exhausting feeling
00:07:52.900 of what she calls errand paralysis.
00:07:55.600 Being so overwhelmed that you're not able to get any of these tasks in life done,
00:07:59.920 so you're left feeling perpetually stuck.
00:08:02.280 But our generation was supposed to have it easier than our parents did.
00:08:06.000 And technology was supposed to make our lives better and more fulfilled, not worse.
00:08:10.520 So why are so many of us burnt out?
00:08:13.680 What's going on?
00:08:14.680 I am Anne Helen Peterson, and I write culture study for Substack.
00:08:21.380 So one of the reasons why I was so excited to speak to you today is because
00:08:24.800 I just really have not been like in a good place, I guess. I've been feeling stuck. I've had a hundred
00:08:32.900 kind of work things to do online, emails to reply to, these kind of social obligations on Zoom that
00:08:39.020 somehow leave me feeling like more drained than when I started. And the main thing is like nothing
00:08:44.160 was getting done. You know, I would write these to-do lists and like they would just carry over,
00:08:48.880 you know, day by day. And when I read your, the excerpt of your book in Wired, which we'll put
00:08:53.360 on the show notes, it really just struck me. You know, you start with this rundown of your digital
00:08:59.220 diet and it was this very familiar and also exhausting mix of, you know, little tasks where
00:09:05.700 you feel like you're kind of never working, but at the same time, always working. And so I guess
00:09:12.100 my question for you is, I know that when you first started writing your BuzzFeed piece that later
00:09:16.920 became the book Can't Even, it was a kind of a way for you to grapple with your own, you know,
00:09:24.340 your own issues around burnout and feeling sort of burnt out all the time. What did that feel like
00:09:29.140 for you? What did that look like for you? You know, a lot like what you just described. I mean,
00:09:34.980 we weren't in the pandemic, but like, I felt like social interactions weren't nourishing. They just
00:09:40.060 felt like another thing on my to-do list and I felt like that to-do list was never ending like
00:09:45.980 there were the things that just gave me so much shame because they kept recycling like one week
00:09:51.340 after another that like onerous task that really isn't probably that hard but like just felt like
00:09:58.500 insurmountable um but then also just like little things like the piddly stuff of life that just
00:10:04.340 kept always being there. And I think, you know, for me, that is the best description of how burnout
00:10:10.180 feels is that everything becomes like a task to complete instead of, you know, your life to live
00:10:16.280 like the there's no highs and no lows. And that's why, you know, there are lots of intersections
00:10:22.200 with like depression and burnout and that sort of thing. But I think that it burnout feels to me at
00:10:28.360 least different in so much as it is so related to your attitude towards work.
00:10:34.920 One of the attitudes about work that you dig into is this idea that our jobs have to be
00:10:38.680 both fulfilling and also, quote, good jobs.
00:10:42.360 You know, the kind of jobs that your parents would be excited to brag about you having.
00:10:45.980 And you say that social media has really had a hand in building up these fantasy jobs that
00:10:50.600 we should be striving to that are simultaneously both really cool and good jobs.
00:10:55.140 yeah I think that younger people have internalized this idea that like jobs should be cool
00:11:01.640 right in some capacity that uh whatever your job is whether it's a passionate job or a job
00:11:08.620 that is like you know on the outside you're like oh I'm just like making deals and like
00:11:13.640 having cool drinks after work I don't know like people have it's hard to describe a cool job you
00:11:19.220 know when you see it. And the way that a job becomes cool is oftentimes through our mediation
00:11:25.400 of it through social media, right? So that's like everything from taking pictures of your equally
00:11:31.060 cool job mates, like in your cool office space to, you know, even just like taking a picture
00:11:37.940 that describes like how meaningful and rewarding and fulfilling your work is. We are always
00:11:43.460 representing our jobs as I think far more fulfilling and cool than they actually are.
00:11:50.480 God, that really resonates with me.
00:11:52.280 Something that you write about in your piece that I didn't even, I did not even really
00:11:56.200 notice I was doing it until I read your piece was the way that, so not only do we have to
00:12:01.460 have our jobs look cool on social media, but we also have to sort of be constantly using
00:12:06.760 social media to brand ourselves in a kind of way.
00:12:09.440 And so even if you are not working, what you're posting on social media, you know, if you're a journalist, you want to show you want to use Twitter to show that you're with it, that you're smart, that you're reading good things and that you're influencing others to read good things and have good takes.
00:12:23.940 But that is actually work. And so it sort of creates this weird thing where your leisure time and your work time are kind of blended because you have to be branding yourself, even though that's not work that you're necessarily being paid for.
00:12:35.860 it kind of we've kind of just blurred these lines of what is and isn't work and that we're always
00:12:41.540 sort of working and it's fucking exhausting yes well the way i think of it is that like work
00:12:47.080 the contemporary like feeling of work like it just seeps into every corner of your life 0.87
00:12:52.820 and when we don't have very good boundaries about like the space between work and non-work
00:12:58.260 that makes it easier for it to slip into like oh i just woke up in the morning i'm gonna roll over
00:13:04.320 and open up my phone and check my email right now at 6 a.m. Right. Or I'm like feeding my kids and
00:13:12.140 I'm just going to like casually scroll through my Slack messages. It just slips into all of those
00:13:17.360 places. And of course, the pandemic has has made that slipperiness even more so. Yeah. How do you
00:13:25.140 think the pandemic has really made this worse? I know I was reading a piece earlier that said that
00:13:29.900 the time that we have saved by commuting by people who, you know, work at home now,
00:13:35.680 we've just filled that with more work. We haven't filled that with leisure time or rest or something
00:13:39.660 else. We've just used that time, however much that time that would have been that we would
00:13:43.500 be commuting to an office. That's just more work time now. Yes, absolutely. Like everyone I know
00:13:49.140 who has recuperated a commute time by having to be at home, they are not like using it to,
00:13:57.620 oh, I'm just like having some quiet reading time or I'm meditating or I'm trying to be really
00:14:03.100 present with my kids, you know, any of those things that like our best selves would want to
00:14:07.520 devote that time to. Instead, we're just pushing more work into it. And this certainly happened to
00:14:13.820 me when I moved to Montana in 2017. You know, I was like, oh, I'm going to have so much more time
00:14:21.440 to be outside. Beautiful Montana. Like it's going to be amazing. I'm not going to be on the train
00:14:26.860 all the time, like work from home, going to be great. And instead I just worked more than I had
00:14:31.720 worked in years. So being in beautiful, big sky Montana didn't make you feel less burnt out?
00:14:38.080 I mean, in some ways, right? Like I, for me, one of the hard things, the like daily hard things
00:14:44.380 about living in the city was that like, just from the way that I grew up, I grew up in rural Idaho,
00:14:49.480 like being out of the city and in outdoor spaces is like very nourishing and replenishing to me.
00:14:56.220 And it was so hard to find that like, I mean, I love the parks in New York. They're great. I love parks just in general. Fantastic. They are not the same as like being in the middle of nowhere. And it was just, you know, I didn't have a car. It was just so hard to get into those spaces from New York.
00:15:13.200 So I did have that like available, you know, to me in Montana on a daily basis and especially
00:15:19.820 on the weekends.
00:15:21.000 But at the same time, like I think the pictures that I was taking on social media of like
00:15:26.460 all of this beauty were a way of trying to tell myself a story of how much more balanced
00:15:32.640 my life was, right?
00:15:34.060 Like you're telling the world, but you're also telling yourself a story with your social
00:15:37.200 media.
00:15:38.000 When in truth, like I was just, I was just working all the time.
00:15:42.700 I was traveling constantly for, for my job and also for like, go speak at colleges and that sort
00:15:48.500 of thing. And, and oftentimes I think people who do travel a ton, it's easy to frame that traveling
00:15:55.300 as like glamorous life, right? Like here I am in the, in first class. And you're like, the only
00:16:01.460 reason you're in first class is because you travel so much that you get upgraded. And like the only
00:16:05.180 difference in first class is that like your legs don't hurt by the end of the flight. But again,
00:16:11.060 And you tell yourself a story in order to, like, not feel like crap about what the daily existence of your life is like.
00:16:21.580 Let's take a quick break.
00:16:29.200 Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense.
00:16:33.440 Will they finally eat the veggies?
00:16:34.920 Will the pesto survive the first bite?
00:16:36.740 Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?
00:16:40.840 And will you finish Episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers?
00:16:44.960 Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus
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00:16:58.620 Run a business and not thinking about podcasting?
00:17:01.420 Think again.
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00:17:08.940 iHeart's twice as large as the next two combined.
00:17:11.440 So whatever your customers listen to, they'll hear your message.
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00:17:20.800 Think iHeart.
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00:17:28.580 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,
00:17:33.380 welcome home.
00:17:35.200 This is Prose Society,
00:17:36.640 The weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.
00:17:47.380 I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.
00:17:54.500 I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.
00:17:58.040 From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.
00:18:04.020 It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.
00:18:11.960 Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.
00:18:21.100 Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:18:27.020 See you between the pages.
00:18:28.220 When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.
00:18:35.000 I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.
00:18:41.360 I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.
00:18:45.060 I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, 0.99
00:18:50.480 Shut up. Don't say anything. 0.99
00:18:53.080 Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.
00:18:56.220 unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling
00:19:03.520 that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted,
00:19:11.060 stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.
00:19:17.120 They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with
00:19:22.660 Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:19:32.060 And we're back. So yeah, you say part of the problem is that these digital technologies from
00:19:38.280 cell phones to Apple Watches, from Instagram to Slack, encourage our worst habits. They stymie
00:19:42.680 our best laid plans for self-preservation. They ransack our free time. They make it increasingly
00:19:47.340 impossible to do things that actually ground us. They turn our run in the woods into an opportunity
00:19:51.980 for self-optimization.
00:19:54.340 They're the neediest and most selfish entity
00:19:56.140 in every interaction I have with others.
00:19:58.020 They compel us to frame experiences
00:19:59.820 as we are experiencing them with future captions
00:20:02.800 and to conceive of travel as worthwhile
00:20:04.540 only when documented for public consumption.
00:20:07.820 And my God, that really, I mean, it's true.
00:20:12.720 Sometimes I feel like I cannot have an experience
00:20:16.100 if it is not filtered through social media 0.98
00:20:18.300 and that this sounds really fucked up, 0.71
00:20:20.400 But that at times it's almost as if if it's not on social media, did it even really happen? 0.96
00:20:26.040 Like if I have a lovely experience in the woods or a lovely experience while camping or hiking and I'm the only person who knows that it happened, did it even really happen?
00:20:36.500 Yeah, absolutely. Right. And of course it happened because what actually matters is how it made you feel.
00:20:43.320 but I think we've gotten so distanced from that like the only way to know how it made us feel is
00:20:50.240 how we're able to present it and if you're like oh I didn't get any good photos of that you know
00:20:54.880 that's such a like it doesn't matter right what actually matters is the time that you spent with
00:20:59.200 other people the time you spent by yourself in like a beautiful space but somehow for it to
00:21:05.700 to seem important to seem like it was worth our time not working we have to make frame it in a
00:21:12.740 certain way for public consumption. Right. And another thing that you write about that I really
00:21:17.260 like is the way that we've kind of, our hobbies now need to be framed through that kind of
00:21:22.740 framework. Like you write about how, you know, when you started gardening as a hobby, if you
00:21:27.680 couldn't make your garden look nice enough, quote unquote, nice enough for social media, it's a
00:21:31.800 little, it feels like you didn't really do it. And, you know, I'm a podcaster. I mostly do it
00:21:36.040 because that's a medium that I love, but I feel this pressure to sort of, you know, be using the
00:21:41.640 podcast to, or using the medium to sort of like pitch myself as a product instead of just like
00:21:47.080 exploring a medium that I love. And I feel like we've gotten to a place where even the things
00:21:52.780 that we're meant to be doing for leisure are kind of viewed through this lens of either A,
00:21:57.940 having them be some sort of side hustle because you can't just, you know, do something to do it.
00:22:02.520 It has to be a business entity or B, that we're doing it only to be consumed by others on social
00:22:09.680 media. And it really, it kind of robs us of this opportunity for actual reflective leisure time.
00:22:17.740 Yeah, totally. I think for reflective leisure time, which, you know, I oftentimes, there's
00:22:22.820 like different kinds of leisure and everyone has to know what is nourishing for them. And some of
00:22:27.440 us, like we've forgotten, right? Like we've spent so much time mediating it that you're like,
00:22:33.300 what do I actually like right like if you if you're only doing it for yourself what what do
00:22:39.840 you want to do and that's that's hard to recover I think um and then it also it robs you of
00:22:47.680 you know reflection just in terms of like change you know I've thought a lot about
00:22:52.740 some of the frustration that people have about what to post about Black Lives Matter right like 0.85
00:22:59.680 do I like okay so the black the black square is wrong but what should I post is this being too
00:23:06.220 much is this not being enough like if if I'm a black person do people look to me to like
00:23:11.380 figure out what I'm posting and are they like weirded out if I'm not posting there's just so
00:23:16.480 much compulsion instead of people actually trying to figure out what would it actually look like to
00:23:21.000 be an ally right yeah it's funny that you mentioned this I felt so much I don't want to say anxiety I
00:23:28.420 felt so much something let's just use the word tension even though that doesn't even feel like
00:23:32.820 the right word in the moment that we had around Black Lives Matter and racial reckoning a with
00:23:39.120 people asking me like oh I posted this do you think it's right and then be the feeling of being
00:23:45.720 sort of like like looked to for you know a model of what people should or shouldn't be posting
00:23:53.420 I felt so much sort of tension and anxiety around that, that opening, opening Instagram or opening my social media, just it added this, you know, for an already fraught moment for me as a black woman, it added this, this extra level of just tension and, and anxiety that I really couldn't navigate to the point where I was just like, I'm not going to engage with this online.
00:24:16.680 Like I will, I will use the platforms that I feel comfortable using, but I can't, I can't, this is, I can't show up like this online. It's just too draining.
00:24:24.860 Yes. Yes. Like you're trying to deal with like what's actually happening in the world. And then you have to drain, deal with like the secondary annoyances.
00:24:33.480 Like even if you're not intending to like sign on and be annoyed, like there is just things that people are going to be doing that are like going to be, like you said, tension.
00:24:43.580 Like it's going to create this tension that you don't actually need.
00:24:46.400 Did you feel like not signing?
00:24:48.820 Did you feel like you were missing something or did it feel good?
00:24:51.840 That's a great question.
00:24:52.900 It felt good only when I told myself that I wasn't going to care what people thought
00:24:58.380 on social media.
00:24:59.280 Like I knew what I was doing. 1.00
00:25:01.040 Like I, in my day job, I work for a feminist organization that was very much involved in,
00:25:06.960 you know, a lot of the movement for Black Lives stuff.
00:25:08.660 So I know, I know that I was like doing the work there.
00:25:10.820 I know that I was showing up at protests and like helping where I could. I also going out physically
00:25:16.960 in protest for protests was a little bit tough for me because I'm immunocompromised. And so that
00:25:20.560 was the whole thing. And so once I told myself, you know, I know in my real life where I stand
00:25:27.140 and what I'm doing. And if anybody thinks anything good or bad about what I have or have not posted
00:25:33.920 on social media, that is their problem. Reminding myself of that constantly and constantly and
00:25:38.820 constantly, like, that was the only way that I could show up in a way that felt not shitty.
00:25:44.820 Yeah. Well, and that's the thing, right? Like, you were figuring it out.
00:25:48.540 Like, you were actually figuring it out for yourself, instead of figuring it out,
00:25:52.800 like, vis-a-vis your reactions to other people's social media accounts, right? Like, that to me
00:25:57.860 is really difficult for a lot of people to arrive at. They're so out of practice at, like,
00:26:03.960 authentically figuring out their stance and how they want to position themselves. Does that make
00:26:08.660 sense it makes so much sense and i think like like you said right now because of the pandemic
00:26:14.200 and because of the difficulty that some people have who would want to show up in person for
00:26:20.400 for a march or a demonstration or something like and then they just physically cannot
00:26:24.400 um i that a lot of those messages get mixed and so you feel a compulsion like i need to somehow
00:26:31.620 signal that i want to be there and so how do you signal it without overly signaling it
00:26:37.680 so I mean I think like being especially like people who are how do I put this um
00:26:47.340 I think spending some time with yourself to actually figure out you know do how do I perform
00:26:54.620 in a way that actually expresses my allyhood instead of or like my devotion to this cause
00:27:01.440 instead of thinking about how do I signal my devotion to this cause does that make sense
00:27:06.720 Definitely. Yeah, it's funny. I mean, you put that so well. I was just reading the part of your essay that's about Slack and how so much of Slack is like signaling that we are working and not actually doing the work.
00:27:20.880 So it's like, oh, I'm thumbs up being my co-workers comment or I'm dropping in a link.
00:27:25.880 Social media has and all of these different technologies have given us ways to signal that we care about the cause or signal that we're paying attention and checked in without actually be like doing the thing.
00:27:40.320 Yeah, exactly.
00:27:41.380 Well, and that's it just if you take up all this time signaling instead of actually doing like that, it evacuates like it evacuates your actions of any sort of intent or power, I think.
00:27:55.280 And so whether that's Slack, like you don't have time to work because you're so busy trying to show that you're working on Slack.
00:28:01.880 I cannot tell you how great it is not to be on Slack.
00:28:06.360 Like, obviously, I miss like chatting with my co workers. But when I left BuzzFeed in August, like suddenly there wasn't that thing that made me feel like, oh, I guess I should like I haven't said anything for like half an hour. I guess I should like say something. It's just compulsory. And that is, I think, what's oftentimes frustrating. Is that like, oh, yes, I was working. I didn't need to do a thumbs up, like you said.
00:28:30.120 yeah and I think as as like creative professionals it can be so fraught because you know nobody just
00:28:37.620 sits down in front of their computer and like a perfect draft just spills out of you in the you
00:28:43.160 know in 20 minutes or something but I do feel like the time that you spend thinking and sitting in
00:28:48.060 front of your computer and like ideating or whatever that's all part of it but it can feel
00:28:51.860 kind of fraught it gives me this like anxiety where it's like oh I have to like overperform
00:28:56.520 to show that I work, that I was actually working that and not just goofing off.
00:28:59.860 And it is kind of a part of me like telling myself that I'm not goofing off,
00:29:03.840 even though somewhere deep down I know it.
00:29:05.580 It's like this constant thing that's such an added distraction 0.99
00:29:08.700 from just getting my fucking work done. 0.98
00:29:11.500 Well, and I think we oftentimes told ourselves stories about 0.99
00:29:15.940 work has to look like a certain sort of thing, right?
00:29:20.340 Like instead of work can also look like staring into space.
00:29:24.480 Work can look like taking a walk.
00:29:26.520 work can work like not working. And that has been really hard to, especially those of us who work
00:29:33.120 in creative fields, that's really hard to understand. Because to us, work is you are
00:29:38.900 sitting in front of the computer and you are doing something on that computer screen.
00:29:44.480 And it doesn't have to be that way. So I want to talk a little bit about how did we get to this
00:29:49.200 place? You know, when I read your piece, it really resonated with me. And I think the fact
00:29:55.540 that your BuzzFeed piece went mega viral shows that we're not alone in having these tasks that
00:30:02.260 pile up, feeling this errand paralysis where you can't get anything done. How did millennials get 0.68
00:30:08.520 to this place where we're all so burnt out? Well, I think the way that I try to position
00:30:14.180 the book is so much of it has to do with instability, with precarity. And so that's what
00:30:20.640 bonds, people who are working three different gig jobs right now, and people who are ostensibly
00:30:28.780 middle class, but are super over indebted, both in terms of student debt and consumer debt,
00:30:34.120 and still really struggling to figure out like, how am I going to cover rent next month? Or how
00:30:39.240 am I going to find childcare next month? And the difference, of course, is that middle class people 1.00
00:30:43.440 can oftentimes throw money at a problem and do have some sort of a safety net, either in terms
00:30:49.980 of family bonds, like they can, you know, you could always move back into that basement and
00:30:54.980 not everyone has that. But still what we're trying to do is keep treading water. And so the energy
00:31:00.980 required to keep treading water, oftentimes that means like feeling like you have to work all the
00:31:05.820 time. That means taking your leisure time and optimizing it or monetizing it in some way.
00:31:11.680 And that also means throwing a lot of time at parenting because you're trying to reproduce
00:31:17.120 your own semblance of stability for the next generation.
00:31:23.480 Yeah, it's funny.
00:31:24.600 I know that you've written about the ways that parenting has a lot to do with millennial
00:31:28.260 burnout.
00:31:28.680 And something I found so interesting is how this cuts across race and class lines.
00:31:33.100 It just looks differently for different people, depending on their background and situations.
00:31:36.380 I know for me, you know, we grew up pretty comfortably, but my mom was the first person
00:31:42.120 in her family to go to college.
00:31:43.120 We grew up in a Black Southern family. And for them, they were like, you know, we want our kids to not, you know, quote unquote, become statistics. And the way to achieve that is through college and a stable job.
00:31:58.100 And so the same way that upper middle class white parent who was interested in their kid going to an Ivy League college, it's sort of the same, even though the cultural and racial, you know, reasonings for getting there are different, it's sort of the same thing where this parenting then sets kids up for this idea that like the most important thing is getting a stable job, going to college, that pathway.
00:32:21.780 And it really can lead to kids being raised almost as little adults.
00:32:28.200 Yeah, totally.
00:32:29.360 And a lot of that is motivated.
00:32:31.060 And I try to do this a bit in the book.
00:32:33.120 It's it is, as you said, like it's motivated by not wanting your kids to take a step back
00:32:38.080 from where you've gone.
00:32:39.700 Right.
00:32:40.460 And our parents generation, you know, a lot of them had reached that that middle class
00:32:47.020 stability, some semblance of that middle class stability, sometimes for the first time in
00:32:51.640 their family's history and sometimes that was through going to college and getting a job after
00:32:56.780 that and sometimes it was through like getting a good union job um and and having stability that
00:33:01.820 way and so the the goal is okay well I don't want my kids to fall back from where I've come
00:33:07.320 and so you try to imprint all of these strategies for success instability and and you know sometimes 0.98
00:33:15.380 too and this I found this in my interviews like sometimes people's parents didn't give a shit 0.97
00:33:20.900 Right. Like they were like, whatever, you'll figure it out. But the kids themselves really picked up through osmosis, you know, from their kids, their peers, from their peers, parents, from their teachers, that that was the only way that they had to turn themselves into a walking resume, even if their parents didn't care. 0.91
00:33:38.420 Yeah, I definitely feel that this is like reinforced both explicitly and implicitly. Like we're just told that this is how you're meant to live life. Like you're meant to, your job is meant to be your everything. Your identity should be this job and you should be working 24-7.
00:33:56.300 And when you're not working, you should be feeling guilty about not working or, you know, turn whatever, you know, if you if you're a baker, if you like enjoy cooking on the weekends, that should be a business or an Instagram page or something that you can never just not be.
00:34:09.800 You can never be not optimized for working or something that looks like working.
00:34:15.320 Yeah. And well, and think about that, though.
00:34:17.240 Like, what was it, you know, my, uh, like my mom would make bread on the weekends, but
00:34:22.960 she wasn't like, oh, I need to try to like hustle on the side to like make a couple extra 0.99
00:34:28.060 dollars. 0.78
00:34:28.820 And what it was is that like, they were able to, you know, pay off my dad's student loans.
00:34:34.140 Like they were able to buy a house in North Idaho.
00:34:36.400 Like they weren't struggling constantly to cover the costs of raising a family.
00:34:43.080 Whereas because of incredible increases in the cost of living, the cost of child care, the cost of health care, so many families that have like dual income streams are still struggling and are like, OK, I got to make an extra fifty dollars every weekend by making bread.
00:34:59.860 Yeah, that's something that I think you do a nice job of illustrating is how in our generation, millennials and older millennials, like a lot of us graduated into the Great Recession, you know, the dot com burst.
00:35:13.060 Now the instability of covid. I feel like so many of us, we have never had the luxury of making choices about our life based on security.
00:35:22.660 Like every every professional choice I've made has been based on scarcity. It's been based on my back is against the wall. Some calamity is happening that's completely out of my control. And I have to make my professional choices based on this scarcity. And we have no idea sort of what it looks like to be making a life at a time of stability. I don't even really I can't even know like grasp that.
00:35:45.380 No, you're so true. And I think like, especially people who work in more creative fields, like
00:35:52.400 there's this expectation to the like, the company you work for is going to fold. Like, you know,
00:35:58.440 you're not going to have any sort of stable job. Like, you can't expect a job to endure
00:36:03.660 in the way that a lot of our parents like, started one job and stayed at that job for
00:36:08.820 many decades. Or like my grandfather worked at one company his entire life, right? And I think
00:36:15.360 And I think that that overarching precarity, so much of it, you know, it comes from entering into the economy as adults during the first great recession. And then also just like expecting the other shoe to drop. Like most millennials I know are not surprised by the pandemic. They're like, we're just waiting for everything to collapse.
00:36:35.500 And to me, that shows a psychology that is conditioned towards precarity, right, is conditioned towards never feeling like you have a stability.
00:36:43.820 And what that does, I think, over the course of, you know, many millions of people over the course of a generation, and I think it's going to affect Gen Z as well, is it makes it hard to to be confident, to experiment, to take risks.
00:36:58.560 You know, like when people talk about what having a universal basic income does or even having health insurance that's not tied to employment is what it does is it allows you to make decisions that make life easier for you, right?
00:37:12.700 That make it so that you can find a job that doesn't feel shitty and exploitative.
00:37:19.040 It allows you to go back to school if you want to.
00:37:22.600 You know, there are all sorts of things that having even just that modicum of stability permits for people.
00:37:28.560 And we are so deeply unfamiliar with that.
00:37:31.300 So how do we get to a place where instability is not the internalized norm for an entire
00:37:37.300 generation?
00:37:38.340 I mean, create a lot more social safety nets.
00:37:41.600 So the big thing that's changed between our parents and grandparents generation and now
00:37:46.840 is that so many of those social safety nets have been eroded.
00:37:50.480 And I'm talking about like, you know, pretty basic things like the fact that we have legislators have just largely defunded so much funding for public education.
00:38:02.520 And so like because you have so much student debt, that makes it harder to, you know, if you lose a job, you're like, well, going to default on these loans. Right.
00:38:10.700 But then also just thinking about things like funding for some funding that has never existed, but funding for things like universal pre-K or even before pre-K, mandatory paternity leave, universal health care, like things that are not alien to most developed countries across the world.
00:38:35.380 These are things that actually make life feel like you're not conditioned to precarity.
00:38:40.360 But I think that we are so obsessed with this myth of the individual.
00:38:44.300 And somehow, if the individual can work harder, then you'll get out of precarity.
00:38:49.380 But this is why millennials are having these sort of existential crises, certainly myself included, is you get to this point of your late 30s, right?
00:38:56.840 Like the oldest millennials are 39 and 40.
00:38:59.500 And you're like, wait, I thought by this point, I would have found some stability.
00:39:05.380 And you're like, wait a second. Like, I have kids or I have been, you know, been in the workforce for almost 20 years. Like, where's that stability? Why isn't it here yet? And becoming deeply disillusioned and saying like, well, this is just broken. We need to fix this entirely.
00:39:24.480 oh my gosh it's like i i go back and watch these movies that i loved in the 90s when i watched
00:39:30.980 them when i was young and all of the main characters they'd be like 25 and having some
00:39:35.740 like fantastic job or like having a lot of existential dread the fact by the fact that
00:39:39.780 they're not you know that they're turning 28 and they don't have their life together and here i am
00:39:44.500 in my like mid-30s thinking like like oh we thought we were gonna have stable jobs stable
00:39:50.400 partners own houses by the time we were like 25 like that like that was the the framework we were
00:39:56.440 working with what is the what isn't it like my best friend's wedding she's weird they're like
00:40:00.940 they're like in their 20s yes
00:40:03.040 oh so funny so funny oh goodness more after a quick break
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00:41:18.380 if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality
00:41:22.180 welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat
00:41:29.680 for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and
00:41:33.940 love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting
00:41:38.920 the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.
00:41:43.900 I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.
00:41:47.480 From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,
00:41:52.360 nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling
00:41:58.480 characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives,
00:42:03.200 smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,
00:42:08.500 you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever
00:42:14.980 you get your podcasts see you between the pages when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held
00:42:22.360 captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what
00:42:28.840 should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember
00:42:35.180 this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with
00:42:44.040 survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt
00:42:51.320 i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they
00:42:59.280 are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's
00:43:05.060 taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the
00:43:10.900 Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
00:43:16.940 get your podcasts. Let's get right back to it. The millennial generation is one of the first
00:43:25.780 generations where it's not a given that we'll have things better than our parents had it. 0.98
00:43:30.160 And yet there was this attitude where millennials were all lazy or entitled little brats who were 0.98
00:43:35.720 all whiners. How do we combat those attitudes? Well, I do think that the messaging has kind of 0.99
00:43:41.120 shifted. And part of that is, of course, that millennials are now like at the helm at a lot of 0.96
00:43:47.080 different publications. But just the idea that like millennials have kind of been screwed is
00:43:52.460 becoming more uh popular i think but then at the same time i think a lot of it has to do
00:43:59.120 or the way that we can change minds about this is actually having conversations
00:44:03.460 with people who are you know our relatives who are our peer like people who are older than us
00:44:10.440 that we actually feel like we can have a real conversation with about like here's tell me
00:44:15.920 about what it was like when you had worked your way through college which is always the common
00:44:20.300 refrain right which is like I don't know why you took out all the student debt I managed to work
00:44:24.860 my way through college and you're like okay so how much did you make a semester how many hours
00:44:29.140 did you work and then you're like and here's how many hours someone would have to work in order to
00:44:33.560 work their way through a state college today right and those things don't add up but sometimes you
00:44:39.200 need to sit someone down and be like here's how things have substantively changed and like you
00:44:45.680 can do it without turning it into like a math lecture but you can be like here's how the cost
00:44:50.020 of living hasn't changed right like or like the our races haven't um been accompanied by changes
00:44:57.260 for cost of living or even inflation that sort of thing but you know one of the things that i 0.67
00:45:03.260 tried to do a little bit was create a little bit of empathy by being like you know boomers were
00:45:09.680 burnt out in some capacity too, because they had grown up in this time of unprecedented
00:45:15.540 economic stability. And then as they entered the job market in the 1970s, they experienced those
00:45:23.420 first waves of precarity and were responding to them. And so like, if anything, you know,
00:45:29.200 part of the reason boomers and millennials have such a difficult relationship is because I think
00:45:34.600 we are pretty similar in a lot of foundational ways. I think that's a good point. I think
00:45:39.980 having it come down to empathy and having real conversations about what things looked like,
00:45:47.040 because I don't know, I think about folks who are, you know, the generation below, you know,
00:45:51.720 after me, and I want them to know we had a hard time. I don't want them to feel as if,
00:45:58.700 I want them to know that if they are struggling to figure it out, that we also struggled to
00:46:03.600 figure it out i don't want them to feel like they're alone or that they're a whiner or that
00:46:07.820 they're you know they're make their they have some sort of individual failing if they can't
00:46:12.240 figure it out because i do think every generation has has their issues with that totally well and
00:46:18.100 i'm seeing you know two different kind of discourses come out of gen z and one of them
00:46:23.540 is like you guys were sold a false bill of goods we are going to reject that bill of goods
00:46:29.600 right that's like we actually think you can like have a different sort of life that college maybe
00:46:36.760 isn't the most important thing in the world that we can do something about climate change that
00:46:41.640 you know everything isn't intractable so and I'm always heartened by it by that posture but then I
00:46:47.060 also see some some like stuff that's like oh my gosh why are millennials such whiners right like
00:46:54.180 they just need to work harder. And I'm like, don't you dare. So I think hopefully by creating 0.65
00:47:02.800 not just empathy, but actual solidarity, right? Being like, it doesn't have to be this way for
00:47:06.920 us. It doesn't have to be this way for you either. How can we work together to change it?
00:47:14.140 You make this point a lot in your work that I love, that sometimes when we feel like we don't
00:47:18.420 have a lot of power, leaning into the collective, whether it's joining a union, which I know more
00:47:22.940 and more young people are supportive of or just sharing honest experiences with each other can
00:47:27.500 really be the antidote to some of the problems that you lay out you know the collective you know
00:47:32.000 feeling like you're part of a united collective can really make you feel a lot more powerful and
00:47:36.920 less alone totally and it doesn't fix everything but it does make you feel like i mean this is the
00:47:43.280 word right it makes you feel a little less alone like it makes it feel like you're not just fighting
00:47:47.040 this problem on your own. So much of the writing and content that I see around burnout, particularly
00:47:54.180 geared toward women, will always have some sort of individual little thing that like, oh, this is 0.64
00:47:59.980 going to be the silver bullet or the magic bullet that helps you figure it out. So whether it's
00:48:05.280 using your meditation app or, you know, doing your self-care manicure or, you know, quit your nine
00:48:12.400 to five and be your own girl boss. And I am my own boss and I can tell you that my boss sucks. 1.00
00:48:17.040 working for her is not great all the time, you know, and I think, you know, it's, it's not these 0.98
00:48:23.380 individual choices or actions that are going to save us from something that is systemic, that is,
00:48:30.560 that is bigger than us. And, you know, I think the real issue is capitalism, you know?
00:48:35.720 Yep. And I guess my question is how, A, how do we get to a place where we unlearn that it's an,
00:48:42.780 like we are doing something wrong individually if we are feeling burnt out? And B, how can we go
00:48:49.380 forward knowing that the real issue is so much bigger than us? You know, it's funny. So there
00:48:55.340 was a critique of the book that was like, this book doesn't talk enough about therapy, right?
00:49:00.360 And I get it because I do think that a lot of the neuroses that millennials have developed,
00:49:05.820 a lot of them are things that like we need to work through on the personal level through therapy,
00:49:11.180 if possible, even though therapy is not accessible to so many people. But I also think that like,
00:49:19.060 we've been taught oftentimes that like, oh, if you have a problem with this workplace scenario,
00:49:23.200 that's a personal problem. Instead of thinking about like, oh, well, everyone I work with has
00:49:28.920 this problem with this workplace. So maybe it's a workplace problem, right? Like, or all of these
00:49:35.880 people feel the same way in society right now, instead of that being a personal problem, it's
00:49:41.080 societal problem. It's not something that you can just work through on your own. And also almost
00:49:46.340 every millennial I know who burnt out, who is burnt out, is either going to therapy or has
00:49:51.520 been going to therapy, right? Like it's not like therapy is going to solve those larger issues as
00:49:59.200 well. And so what we have to think about is what are these systems that are, that are making
00:50:03.920 everything so sucky, right? Like what are the systems that make the scenario that leads us to
00:50:11.400 burnout? And I'm heartened actually by even just like the willingness for us to say things like
00:50:18.040 capitalism aloud. Like even 10 years ago, it was kind of like a like third rail, like, oh,
00:50:24.720 are you a socialist? Like, oh, are you part of the Occupy movement to like talk about capitalism as
00:50:29.780 this problem. Whereas now, like, I mean, in part of it, I think is the success of memes and even
00:50:35.160 just like all over TikTok and Twitter, like you see a very clear indictment of capitalism as the
00:50:41.280 source of a lot of our ills. And I think that like, you know, regardless of my personal politics,
00:50:47.860 which are like much more radical than anything that I can see us implementing in the United
00:50:51.700 States in our lifetime, I do think that there are ways to make capitalism work for the worker
00:50:56.340 and that that is possible
00:50:58.720 and that there are plans,
00:51:00.240 there are policy suggestions
00:51:01.360 that can make that possible
00:51:03.000 and we can do it.
00:51:04.760 The big first step is regime change.
00:51:07.340 So even though it's hokey to say like we have to vote,
00:51:10.240 like we have to regime change
00:51:11.480 and then we have to make some big changes
00:51:13.340 and be willing to make ourselves amenable
00:51:17.000 to those changes,
00:51:18.060 not just incremental ones,
00:51:19.240 but things that might feel scary
00:51:21.500 because they're going to reorganize our lives
00:51:24.200 and I think for the better.
00:51:25.100 so I have to ask you know in your in the excerpts that I read you talked about feeling so burnt out
00:51:32.380 and how writing that BuzzFeed piece was a in a in a way trying to kind of come to terms with that
00:51:37.180 how is that how has that looked like for your personal journey are you still feeling that way
00:51:41.320 or where are you at give me give me a check-in well I'm pretty burnt out in the moment I think
00:51:47.360 because I'm trying to like wrestle starting like this newsletter that I'm doing is basically like
00:51:52.980 becoming my own shitty boss like you said uh but then also uh let it getting this book out into
00:51:58.700 the world which requires a lot of talking about the book which i find incredibly gratifying but 0.68
00:52:03.580 it also is time right um and and then trying to think to the future about other big projects like
00:52:11.320 whether that's books or whatever but and it was all really uh amplified for me a couple weeks ago
00:52:17.920 when the smoke got so bad out here in the West.
00:52:20.640 And I realized that like the one release valve
00:52:24.320 that I had cultivated over the course of,
00:52:27.280 you know, just general work stress,
00:52:29.380 but also like COVID and quarantine stress
00:52:31.460 was being able to go outside.
00:52:33.020 And when that was taken away from me for a week,
00:52:35.440 I was just like, I have nothing.
00:52:37.920 Like I'm collapsing under the weight
00:52:39.600 of this house of cards that I've built for myself.
00:52:44.040 And I think that drove home to me,
00:52:45.480 like just how fragile things were like I've the balance was in my life of trying to to keep work
00:52:54.380 and some sort of release at the same time but I mean the thing for myself like no of course I'm
00:53:02.460 not cured of burnout but what I can do is I can recognize burnout behaviors more easily
00:53:06.600 I can try to like see them for what they are and just kind of not judge them but be like okay how
00:53:12.940 can I maybe shift a couple of things just quietly in my life to, to try to change that?
00:53:17.800 And, you know, talking about it definitely makes it feel better.
00:53:22.540 I agree.
00:53:23.300 I have to tell you, your, your writing on burnout made me feel, you know, we talked about
00:53:27.880 the collective and feeling less alone, just knowing that I'm not the only person who feels
00:53:33.640 such incredible shame around my atrocious inbox or my inability to just like get simple
00:53:39.540 shit done or the package that's been in the back of my car for six months just knowing that it's
00:53:45.080 not just me really gave me the power to just start thinking about it and talking about it honestly
00:53:52.040 like I really do feel like you opened up that space for so many people myself included to do
00:53:56.560 that so I'm so grateful for your work yeah I think it was something that a lot of us were ashamed of
00:54:01.340 for a long time it's like we there was this idea that you had to somehow be like doing all the
00:54:08.300 shit right like that you had to like keeping it all be keeping it all together at all times
00:54:13.200 and uh you know even the people who are like oh I'm so authentic on Instagram or whatever like 0.93
00:54:18.820 that is such a performance of like messiness like it's not actual messiness uh or vulnerability and
00:54:26.380 so I just hope that we can continue to have this conversation in all of the different directions
00:54:31.560 it takes us and also continue to be really pissed off about it because I want to use that anger
00:54:36.640 and use it to like push us towards change.
00:54:43.040 Nothing we're dealing with right now is normal.
00:54:46.100 So if you're feeling burnt out
00:54:47.800 or like you can't get anything done
00:54:49.560 or you can't find any motivation, that's okay.
00:54:52.920 None of us are operating under normal circumstances
00:54:55.220 and you shouldn't expect yourself to perform like we are.
00:54:59.100 How have you been dealing with burnout?
00:55:01.340 Hit us up at hello at tingoti.com and let us know.
00:55:06.640 If you're interested in issues like culture and tech and media, and you probably are if you're listening to this podcast, don't miss Unfinished Live.
00:55:13.200 You can hear Anne Helen Peterson in conversation with Charlie Worzel on the future of work.
00:55:17.280 Sophia Noble, author of Algorithms of Oppression on Equity in Tech.
00:55:20.940 Casey Newton on the Creator Academy.
00:55:23.100 And Neil Dash with a rallying cry for a free digital future, all at Unfinished Live on September 23rd and 24th.
00:55:29.820 Happening live at The Shed in New York.
00:55:32.080 And for those of you who can't attend in person, don't worry, we got you.
00:55:35.240 The talks and live podcasts, including our very first ever live Tango detaping, will be available to stream virtually as well.
00:55:42.600 It's a great opportunity to learn about how we can all use ethical tech to build a fairer economy and a stronger democracy, alongside the leading mind shaping that future.
00:55:50.840 The in-person experience includes two days of talks by leading thinkers, live podcast recordings like my own, an interactive audio experiment, clubhouse conversations, an immersive art installation, networking opportunities, and more.
00:56:02.220 Just go to live.unfinished.com and use promo code TANGOTI.
00:56:05.780 That's T-A-N-G-O-T-I, and I cannot wait to see y'all there.
00:56:14.280 Got a story about an interesting thing in tech or just want to say hi?
00:56:17.640 You can reach us at hello at tangoti.com.
00:56:20.060 You can also find transcripts for today's episode at tangoti.com.
00:56:23.500 There Are No Girls on the Internet was created by me, Bridget Todd.
00:56:26.240 It's a production of iHeartRadio and Unbossed Creative.
00:56:28.960 Jonathan Strickland is our executive producer.
00:56:31.020 Tari Harrison is our producer and sound engineer.
00:56:33.640 Michael Amato is our contributing producer.
00:56:35.640 I'm your host, Bridget Todd.
00:56:37.460 If you want to help us grow, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts.
00:56:41.040 For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, check out the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:56:46.020 i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what
00:57:06.180 should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm
00:57:12.660 with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.
00:57:19.160 These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with
00:57:24.920 Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:57:30.620 If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,
00:57:35.120 welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for
00:57:40.660 anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.
00:57:45.000 Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your
00:57:49.200 favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Listen to Pro Society
00:57:56.160 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:58:02.820 Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook.
00:58:08.080 Every episode, we're trying to help our guests improve their careers
00:58:10.460 by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers.
00:58:13.660 The show's famously super accessible,
00:58:15.700 so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes
00:58:18.560 and understand what's going on.
00:58:20.140 We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller,
00:58:22.580 Danny McBride, Riz Ahmed, and Mary Steenburgen.
00:58:25.080 Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app,
00:58:27.860 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:58:31.160 I'm Nick Turturro.
00:58:32.180 You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard,
00:58:35.420 or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.
00:58:36.960 And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest.
00:58:42.220 I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins.
00:58:45.000 What are you doing with my belt?
00:58:46.100 To Bill Burr.
00:58:47.000 I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.
00:58:52.100 And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro.
00:58:56.760 Let's go with happiness.
00:58:57.820 Delivering happiness.
00:58:58.880 And many, many more.
00:59:00.360 Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now.
00:59:05.640 This is an iHeart Podcast.
00:59:08.160 Guaranteed human.