Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Attainable Over Aspirational： How Kate Strickler of Naptime Kitchen Keeps It Real

00:00:00.000 Hey y'all, Jo here, and you are listening to Under the Influence.

00:00:03.900 One of the first things that you learn as a new parent is that nap time isn't really

00:00:10.580 for nap time for you. I'm sorry, it's just not. I will tell you that with my third baby,

00:00:18.540 I did actually sleep a lot more when the baby slept. But with the first one, nap time was the

00:00:26.560 time that I got to do absolutely everything else that I couldn't do because I was holding a baby

00:00:32.340 most of the time. I mean, nap time really is for frantically doing all of the things that you can't

00:00:38.900 do while a small human is demanding every ounce of your body and soul. And that's how my guest

00:00:45.980 today ended up building her entire business and brand. In 2015, Kate Strickler was a new mom who 0.99

00:00:52.560 was cooking during her son's naps. She'd post her recipes on a little Instagram account that

00:00:57.360 she called Naptime Kitchen. At the time, she did not think of this as a brand or a career.

00:01:03.780 It was just a creative outlet during a season that can often feel both mind-numbingly boring

00:01:09.180 and completely overwhelming. Fast forward about a decade, and Naptime Kitchen is a thriving

00:01:15.240 media business. Gaint has one of the most loyal audiences that I've ever seen,

00:01:20.180 and an upcoming nearly sold out book tour for her book called I Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchen.

00:01:25.840 I got to talk to Kate as she's about to embark on that book tour. And we're getting into all

00:01:29.220 the things, all the things. I've learned so much from her account. And I love this episode in

00:01:34.540 particular, because I feel like it reminds us about a lot of things about social media that

00:01:39.620 we think we should know or that we know we know, but that are really easy to forget. Because today

00:01:45.400 we're going to get into the messy truth about social media curation and reframing what it means

00:01:50.640 to share parts of ourselves and also how we can strive for the attainable over the aspirational.

00:01:56.740 And I think that the attainable over the aspirational is one of the most freeing things

00:02:01.580 that I've learned so far this year. I love it. Here's my conversation with Kate.

00:02:08.280 Hello, how you doing today? I'm good. As we are recording this, Joe, I have four children and

00:02:15.240 my big three started school oh my god stop it stop it so picking up the house and you're like

00:02:23.680 whoa no one is messing it up quickly like there's just this you know period of time and i mean jokes

00:02:30.860 on us we still have a three-year-old at home of course until she starts like her little preschool

00:02:35.820 but it makes a huge huge difference i mean all three of mine are still at home we don't start

00:02:43.680 school for another 10 days. But I was talking about this the other day, because when I was

00:02:49.500 on book tour for Everyone is Lying to You, I was alone traveling for a week. And I was like,

00:02:55.420 oh my, oh my God, I have 19 hands. I can do literally anything, anything at all. It seems

00:03:07.700 like such a little thing to be alone and just to get yourself through an airport. But oh my God,

00:03:13.480 It is magic. It is absolute magic.

00:03:16.160 It is. I can totally understand that feeling.

00:03:20.440 I love all of your content. When I first started Under the Influence, the podcast,

00:03:26.040 it was to explore the world of mom influencing, mom blogging, really just, you know, women writing

00:03:34.220 about being women on the internet. And so many women that I talked to said they started creating

00:03:41.400 content. Because when they had their kids, they felt kind of alone. They felt a little bit bored

00:03:47.800 and they wanted to get something out there. Tell me about the origins of Naptime Kitchen.

00:03:54.240 Yeah. I mean, the boredom were definitely hits home for me. It's funny. I don't think I necessarily,

00:04:00.940 I guess I did want to get stuff out there, but it was 2015. So it just was a very different

00:04:06.600 phase of the internet. There was no concept in my mind that it would ever be like a career that I

00:04:15.800 would ever have like a way to monetize it. It was like Instagram. I didn't start as a blog. I started

00:04:21.860 on Instagram and it was like a tiny square four by four. And I would, I basically at the time was

00:04:29.280 making more elaborate recipes because my son napped twice a day. So I was making these recipes,

00:04:36.680 but I was like posting them on my personal feed. And then I was kind of like, you know,

00:04:40.900 I really enjoy this. I think I'm going to post these on a different feed, like just kind of

00:04:45.900 make one that's for meals. And so it was, I called it nap time kitchen because the whole thought was

00:04:51.520 like, while the baby sleeps, I cook like while it's nap time, I'm in the kitchen and just was

00:04:56.640 really getting the hang of like prepping food from like two to four because you can't make

00:05:01.640 dinner at dinnertime because your baby is like screaming in your arms. Oh my gosh. Yes. And so

00:05:06.400 I was just posting there and I would put the recipe like in the caption of the Instagram posts.

00:05:12.400 Like it was feels very archaic now. And it would be like one photo, just a photo of the plate of

00:05:18.600 food, which I kind of long for those days. Like now, whenever I go and just take a picture of my

00:05:23.560 plate. I'm like, wow, it used to be this simple. I used to just, I didn't have to like get out my

00:05:29.500 light and film all the steps and edit it, you know, like just how much Instagram has changed.

00:05:36.740 So I feel like I have like grown up in a way with Instagram. Like I remember when Instagram stories

00:05:44.000 came around. I remember when reels became a thing. And so just kind of being like, okay,

00:05:50.020 what are we learning now? What are we doing now? But it really it it was just kind of a

00:05:56.980 just like you said just for me it was a creative outlet in a time where I was just kind of hanging

00:06:03.040 out by myself cooking a bunch of food and needed some creativity in my life. Yeah yeah and I think

00:06:11.520 that so many of us felt that way during the early days of having a newborn. I have I have a

00:06:18.820 girlfriend who i think that she had her baby last night she was being induced last night the last 0.99

00:06:24.480 i know i know the last time that i that i talked to her she's like we're waiting for the room and

00:06:28.700 i'm like all right my phone's on whatever you need so there might be a baby now uh and we're

00:06:32.660 talking about you know what it is like to have a newborn she's a she has a really busy job but

00:06:38.740 she's taken maternity leave from it um as we all deserve but she like she doesn't know what she's

00:06:45.140 gonna do to like she's like well do they sleep a lot and I'm like sometimes and usually not at 0.98

00:06:50.460 night but like during the day actually yeah yeah and she's like am I gonna be bored and I'm like

00:06:54.600 yeah definitely definitely I'm like also exhausted yeah all all of the things it's a time that I find

00:07:01.260 and I didn't realize it till I was trying to vocalize it it's a time that I find impossible

00:07:05.540 to describe yes really it's like a it's like you have a lot of time but it's it goes by so fast

00:07:13.100 because of how you know like the baby you're like oh how much time do i actually have before the

00:07:16.420 baby screams again but it's like the stimulus level is so low yes that you're just i think

00:07:21.920 you're desperate for and that's why i would like binge an entire tv series because i just oh my

00:07:27.660 i need something in my brain for so many so many shows about this baby so so many shows i watched

00:07:36.040 the harry and megan documentary oh yeah last last time with my with my final final baby

00:07:42.800 two and a half years ago. But then I was also super creative. I was in the middle of books

00:07:48.560 during all three of them, actually. And I found myself getting some of my best work done

00:07:54.960 in that newborn period. I couldn't do a lot of it, but my creativity, I was sparking. I really was.

00:08:01.600 Yeah. It's a weird... I know. I can relate to that. It's just a weird... It's like these bursts of

00:08:07.220 creativity that you can't necessarily count on. No, no, no. You don't know. It's kind of like

00:08:12.380 the baby itself. You're like, are you going to be a good baby? Can I count on you to nap right now?

00:08:16.900 And you're like, I don't know. No, no. But it feels similar. It's like, can I, will I have

00:08:21.180 energy tonight? Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'll stay up till 1am and clean the house.

00:08:26.180 Exactly. Or maybe I'll fall asleep at six. Yeah. Or maybe I'm just going to rot. Okay. While you

00:08:30.360 go to sleep, I'm just going to rot in this bed and like, that's it. That's all I can, all I can

00:08:35.160 do right now. So you started posting these and I love what you said about, you know, 2015 was a

00:08:40.760 different world for Instagram. It's only 10 years ago, but like it was, you post a picture, you post

00:08:49.580 a caption, and that was about it. And now when you're on social media, you are running an entire

00:08:55.600 media company, to be honest. You're running Martha Stewart Living is what you're doing.

00:09:00.400 it is it feels like it yeah and you've grown you've grown into that and also had three more

00:09:07.940 children yes since then you had no idea that naptime kitchen was going to take off like this

00:09:13.420 when did you realize that it was something that women were hungry for

00:09:16.300 i after my third child i had like a big increase in following and i think that just kind of felt

00:09:25.660 like, whoa, like people are paying attention to this. Like I went from like around 10,000 to 50,000

00:09:32.060 in kind of a quick span of time, like a very quick, like a couple of weeks. And it was weird

00:09:38.640 because nothing had gone viral. Like there weren't, again, there weren't reels yet when this

00:09:43.720 happened. It was just kind of like my content was being shared enough that a lot of people were

00:09:49.120 coming to me from places I had like, you know, at one point it was like, okay, my aunt and my

00:09:54.940 cousins are following me and cheering me on. But then it became like, oh, like people I don't know

00:10:00.100 are hearing about me from people I don't know. So it kind of just started to grow from there.

00:10:07.880 That still, though, didn't feel it. It really felt like it kind of was this hobby that I really

00:10:14.860 claimed as a hobby until it started to like creep into being like, wait, this actually takes a good

00:10:20.360 amount of time oh wait now I can actually make some money too okay now it's like a side hustle

00:10:27.020 but I really struggled like deep because it wasn't this today I am going to start a new job

00:10:35.340 now I am like working as a mom in this job it was kind of this like slow ramp up I mean like years

00:10:43.180 I really struggled for a while of like am I am I a stay-at-home mom am I a working mom

00:10:49.660 how did like what what what what am I how does like how does this play into my life and I got

00:10:56.280 to control so much of how that worked and I didn't I it was just on me to kind of like create good

00:11:03.120 boundaries with technology that was like new to me and so I struggled a lot with like what role

00:11:09.660 does this have what are my working hours how much should I be working on this just all of that

00:11:14.240 kind of figuring out like my identity and what it meant for me. 0.97

00:11:18.960 Yeah, no, I've heard that from so many women. And I went through the same kind of evolution

00:11:25.820 when I went from being someone who worked in an office and made magazines to someone who writes

00:11:30.920 books full time, right? I'm like, oh, am I a hot? Like, is this a side hustle? Is this my career?

00:11:38.500 who am I from an identity standpoint? And yet I am making good money supporting my family,

00:11:45.580 but because I'm not in an office, what does that mean? And I think so many of us have felt that

00:11:52.040 because we were also told for a long time that it was binary. You're a stay-at-home mom or you're a

00:11:59.320 mom that leaves and goes to an office. And I don't think any of that has to be true anymore,

00:12:04.700 but we have to define what this path is going to look like.

00:12:08.160 Yeah. Yes. Which is hard.

00:12:12.060 It's so freaking hard because no one gives you the roadmap for it, right?

00:12:17.500 And so you're like, I'm working, I'm building a business.

00:12:20.520 And the thing that drives me nuts is that if I genuinely believe that in most cases,

00:12:25.880 I'm not going to say all of the cases, but in most cases,

00:12:28.180 if it was a man building this level of business,

00:12:31.280 I mean, you are very successful with Naptime Kitchen.

00:12:34.060 you have built a media business, they would immediately be like, but I'm an entrepreneur.

00:12:37.680 I'm just going to go out to early stage investors right now. And of course, I'm not with my kids

00:12:41.780 during the day because I'm building a media platform. Yeah. Yeah. And I think my struggle

00:12:47.420 too is that like, I just want to do it all. And I want to be like the mom who's always there

00:12:52.300 and available. And my kids would be like, you know, mom was there. And I'm actually now like

00:12:58.240 seeing a counselor to try and help me work through it, which has been super helpful to

00:13:03.420 just kind of realize I can't do it all and just like the the health of my kids seeing me work and

00:13:13.260 say no to things is is a healthier outlook than them having a false view of a mob who's like

00:13:20.740 superwoman who's well and who's also constantly available yeah right I mean that's and that's

00:13:26.140 what I tell myself all the time I'm like what are you and I struggle I struggle with this too and

00:13:31.480 And in fact, today, because we're we're up in the Catskills, but I'm supposed to be, you know, essentially working right now.

00:13:38.120 But I canceled an interview for this afternoon because I'm like, I should take them to the creek.

00:13:41.640 Like, I should I should do that.

00:13:43.660 But I'm like, what am I teaching them when every time they tell me they want they want me to do something right that I'm like, yep, absolutely.

00:13:51.000 You can have whatever you want.

00:13:53.040 Yeah, I don't know.

00:13:54.260 I don't know.

00:13:54.600 And I just try to remind myself, I'm like, maybe that's, maybe the message is I have boundaries and I have a life too.

00:14:02.640 Yeah.

00:14:04.060 But it's hard.

00:14:05.120 I really, I was this, it's kind of like a counselor business coach that's just helping me through my work and my personal life and everything.

00:14:13.100 But one thing that she said was super helpful recently is I actually really like what I do 99% of the time.

00:14:20.160 Yeah.

00:14:20.360 And so I think, though, that I kept using the phrase to my kids, mom has to work right now, which gave my work like a negative tone.

00:14:29.960 And so she was like, if you keep making it sound negative, then your kids kind of want to rescue you.

00:14:34.880 They're going to say like, oh, I wish you didn't have to, mom.

00:14:37.540 Like, I wish you didn't have to do that because I'm making it sound like this bear.

00:14:42.620 And it was just she was like, what if you just reframed it as I don't know if I love mom gets to work necessarily.

00:14:49.340 but like mom's gonna work today like just something that was a little more like

00:14:53.200 I do like it and so kind of quit making it to them sound like oh this bad thing that mom

00:15:00.680 has to go do but rather like it's just part of like the choice in this like balance of

00:15:06.240 work and motherhood one isn't good one isn't bad and then they wouldn't maybe they wouldn't

00:15:13.360 respond as like oh mom I wish you didn't have to because I'm kind of making them think it's

00:15:19.320 a bad thing right just in the language verbalize it and i don't know that has been really helpful

00:15:24.600 because even the kids are in school today like i said and you can go to their lunch at their school

00:15:29.340 if you want to oh and so that's so fun it it sounds fun joe but some parents go often and so

00:15:37.600 then you have these parents that are going often that then like my child is like well why don't

00:15:42.480 you come to lunch very often and in my head i'm like because you're in school because also as much

00:15:48.640 as i just said that sounds awesome it sounds awesome once to me i know okay because i have

00:15:53.760 breakfast and dinner with you so like lunch you have at school but just kind of again being like

00:15:58.520 i hey i'm gonna not come to lunch very often because i am working like and having to kind of

00:16:04.160 own that that is the answer like and i'm not gonna feel guilty about that but it's like that's just

00:16:11.120 the reality um but again because this job is what it is and has the flexibility it's not like i'm

00:16:18.320 a dentist that's like no I literally can't come I am doing I am filling a cavity during it's like

00:16:24.720 well I right I could move around my whole schedule I could try and work it in there but it's like no

00:16:29.320 Kate no you're in school they're in school you're just gonna tell them for a reason I'm not coming

00:16:34.060 you know I'm not coming today that's what I'm working through right now Jo oh my god I love I

00:16:39.400 love I love this mini therapy session that we're having because but but that is also that's very

00:16:44.720 helpful to me because I use that language too it's like oh I have to work even though I love

00:16:48.580 what I 90 90 percent of what I do I love what I do maybe even much more than that I get to write

00:16:54.680 books I get to talk to readers last night I did a I zoomed into a book club at eight o'clock at

00:16:59.600 night and all three kids joined me on my lap and they're like hi and I'm like isn't this cool I get

00:17:05.120 to do this they've been on book tour with me for part of the tour and so they do see that I like

00:17:09.920 my job and I get to do cool things. But when I say I have to work now, they're like, but why? Oh,

00:17:16.500 gross. Don't you want to jump on the trampoline? And actually, I don't want to jump on the 0.99

00:17:20.320 trampoline ever because I'm going to pee. All right. That's just like, that's what's going

00:17:24.880 to happen. But yeah, the reframing of it, I have been trying. It's like, oh, now's my time. I get

00:17:31.820 to write my book. So like really just kind of being granular about it has helped me a little

00:17:36.840 bit. Yes. Yeah. I'm just there with you in everything that you're saying. In all the

00:17:42.960 things. All right, let's take a quick break. And when we get back, I want to talk about your new

00:17:46.280 book. Yeah, I'd love to. Okay, we are back. You have a book coming out this week, right now.

00:18:02.160 Talk to me about it because people are so excited.

00:18:04.440 I actually scheduled this interview because you're doing a book event with my friend Flannery at the first book stop.

00:18:12.580 I was just there, just there in Crozet.

00:18:15.160 She's a delight.

00:18:16.480 I do all of my pre-orders with her, and we had a sold-out packed house.

00:18:20.240 You're going to love it so much.

00:18:22.340 But Flannery was telling me your event sold out in like 10 minutes.

00:18:25.420 People are so hungry for this book.

00:18:27.600 Thanks.

00:18:28.120 I am really excited.

00:18:28.960 first off just a moment for the name flannery every time it has come through my email it just

00:18:34.920 makes me smile and i'm like thank you for having just i just love it i just think it's like a

00:18:39.920 delight it also fits her so well too flannery is the perfect name for flannery yes oh it's i just

00:18:47.780 love it so flannery if you're listening i love your name and i'll see you soon um but yes so

00:18:54.120 I, this book it's called, I just wish I had a bigger kitchen. And I go through 10 areas that

00:19:00.340 I have personally like struggled with discontentment because it's funny because I kind

00:19:05.260 of grew up in my motherhood, uh, in a lot of ways online because it was like 2015. I had my first

00:19:12.900 baby. I, you know, it was on Instagram. And then unfortunately the way Instagram works is if you

00:19:18.140 ever get on to create content, you open it up as a consumer. There's no way around it. And it is

00:19:24.500 awful for anyone with like distraction issues. So it's like, I'll open it up to post something

00:19:30.020 and then 20 minutes go by. And I'm like, I don't even remember what I got on here for.

00:19:33.540 Why am I here? Why am I here? Yep. I'm scrolling. Instagram does it on purpose,

00:19:37.020 but I'm like, man, if there was like a backend where I could just be doing stuff and not having

00:19:41.100 to open the app, um, there probably is something I'm missing there, but there's not, no, there,

00:19:45.460 they're actually, yes. Um, but I just, you know, just kind of denotist a lot of

00:19:53.380 sneaky little ways that I was struggling with discontentment and it wasn't anything like it

00:19:59.080 wasn't this massive, like I hate my life. And so it mattered a lot to me that the title would say

00:20:04.640 the word just, because I feel like that's what we do a lot. It's like, like super happy. I just

00:20:11.220 wish that I could lose 10 pounds. Or I just wish that my husband was a little more thoughtful.

00:20:17.440 And you get online and you see somebody posts a bouquet of flowers from their husband. And you're

00:20:22.200 like, my husband does not do that very often, if at all. And you kind of forget everything else

00:20:28.600 that they do. And I feel like this happens in a lot of areas. So I basically go through 10 areas

00:20:35.780 that I personally really struggle with I say struggle not struggled because it really I hope

00:20:43.960 it reads kind of like a working journal I am not like it's not like and now I never compare myself

00:20:50.180 to you know it's I never I never scroll and I'm just I'm so content and happy you know

00:20:56.180 so happy thanks yeah um but you know I do like I just wish I had a bigger kitchen is

00:21:01.220 like all about the home. And I just wish I had more time. I just wish I had more money. I just

00:21:06.620 wish my life looked more like hers. I just wish I had a better husband. I just wish I looked better.

00:21:11.480 I just wish I had control. So just kind of unpack these a little bit in my own life through my own

00:21:17.440 stories. And then really Naptime Kitchen was kind of built on this back of like deep practicality.

00:21:23.920 I am just like a highly practical person.

00:21:28.820 And so I really wanted the book to have a practical element that isn't just like, and

00:21:33.340 let me leave you with these thoughts.

00:21:34.840 So each chapter ends with like a small, like two sentence, kind of like, if you take anything

00:21:41.200 from this chapter, maybe this is like a two sentence, like mindset you could think about.

00:21:45.400 And then five making it practical points.

00:21:49.140 So it might be something like very practical that I did, like a true here's something I like in the I just wish I looked better.

00:21:57.600 I share this whole backstory, but give me give me a good example.

00:22:01.800 Like one chapter and then like what do we what do we take away from it in?

00:22:05.620 Well, in I just wish I looked better.

00:22:07.700 One of the practicals is to maybe like think about I think that it's funny because I think Instagram was a huge part of this.

00:22:14.860 but i feel like people have a ton of mirrors in their house now like full-length mirrors are kind

00:22:20.500 of like you'll go into someone's living room and there's like a full-length mirror which i don't

00:22:25.700 remember growing up 100 now it's like it's just this trend of like mirrors and i i share this

00:22:32.400 story basically at one point in our lives nate and i were living in dc he was in uh law school and

00:22:38.320 uh in our rental i just realized that there was only one mirror in the house and it was like

00:22:44.160 bolted above the sink in the bathroom. And I only realized it because one day I went to buy a pair

00:22:50.320 of shoes and I wanted to try them on with the outfit. And I was like, I literally can't see

00:22:53.740 myself. There's nowhere for me to see my full body. And I had this realization. I was like,

00:22:58.260 you know what? This has been kind of nice. I'm not constantly passing my body and just

00:23:04.080 critiquing it. Critiquing it. Yes. And so when I got home, I bought one of those full-length

00:23:12.100 mirrors that like hooks onto your closet door so you can close your closet door and like the mirror

00:23:17.900 goes away and got rid of the mirror that was more like every time you pass by you're going to see

00:23:24.860 yourself and so then it became like a choice I was making like I'm getting dressed I'm going to

00:23:31.140 open my closet I'm going to see what I look like in this full-length mirror versus 50 times a day

00:23:37.720 I pass myself and make some sort of decision about whether I look great or don't look great.

00:23:43.880 So it just like gave me the control in that area. So that's like a very practical thing I ask is

00:23:50.540 like, if this is something that you're like noticing about yourself, consider like turning

00:23:56.280 mirrors around or like, do you need a mirror, a full length mirror by your front door? Could you

00:24:01.360 instead have like a small circle mirror that allows you to, you know, make sure you don't

00:24:06.460 have pepper in your teeth. It just isn't this like thing that you're constantly looking at

00:24:12.460 yourself in. So that's like a super practical story from my life and kind of how it played out.

00:24:20.260 Which I love. I will say, we also, we have limited mirrors in our house to the extent that I have to

00:24:26.160 go into my kid's room when I need to check how an outfit looks sometimes because I don't have a

00:24:30.060 in my in my bedroom but I've noticed myself critiquing how I look much more because of

00:24:36.960 social media yes because I put my face on a screen right or I have to I have to do this 0.95

00:24:43.580 reel to promote my book and then I'm like god damn it you need Botox and and I hate that have 0.95

00:24:52.580 you noticed that too that like the more you have to put your face out there the more you're like oh 0.98

00:24:56.820 I 100% because whenever I've had seasons where I take time off of social media, I noticed that like, I will go hours without like feeling any need to be presentable. But if you like are hopping on stories at 9am, you're like, Oh, gosh, like, let me put a brush through my hair and put on some concealer or whatever.

00:25:18.940 yeah um and i think i i definitely it's funny because i i do get botox and it's something i

00:25:25.300 talk about in the book because i really i really grappled with it because i didn't like people

00:25:31.360 that got botox for a long time because i felt like they were cheating the system oh yeah i was

00:25:35.680 like no stop it it's so funny too because the age of a book is so funny that like i even wrote this

00:25:41.980 book before glp ones were like really oh right of course now the book is already like dated like

00:25:48.800 it that's not even the language that's in there but um you know so it was something that i but

00:25:53.980 then i'm like but i i also really like botox i love how nice my forehead looks when i get on

00:26:00.420 camera look at this forehead i know when i shared it on social media somebody asked me and i thought

00:26:05.140 it was they were like do you think that it's harder for you because you see your face so

00:26:10.440 much more and i was like a thousand percent thousand percent look i am the opportunities

00:26:15.720 to look at my face are so much higher are and are endless really they're endless and for other

00:26:22.440 people to look at my face I also think that that's another thing that women have been trained on 0.71

00:26:28.280 through women's media magazines to be like oh it should be a struggle our looks should be a struggle

00:26:35.560 our weight should be a struggle um and if you're like these are shortcuts and now I'm just like

00:26:42.440 no they're not i'm like i freaking love my glp1 and i love my botox and celebrities have been

00:26:47.420 paying for this forever because they're very rich and they can pay for all of it so if you're a

00:26:51.540 person that has to look at your face you do whatever it takes to like looking at your face

00:26:56.000 and i'm like this it's not for everyone but like i am a judgment-free zone of like you do you you

00:27:02.480 do all of the things that make you feel good about your body because there's a there's plenty

00:27:06.860 stuff that's hard out there yeah and it's it's just so much more nuanced than you could ever

00:27:13.140 it's like kind of what you're saying of just like you just never know what someone is dealing with

00:27:20.700 or going through and it's just really not i think social media can in a good way like teach you

00:27:28.640 like you just don't know what's on the other side especially when you see an influencer come out and

00:27:33.960 say something like, my marriage is blowing up, or I've had three miscarriages in the last year,

00:27:41.740 you know, something where you're like, wow, I just had no idea that all of that was going on.

00:27:45.420 It kind of teaches you like, to really fight to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're

00:27:49.920 like, doing the best they can for themselves. It really shouldn't affect you to the level it

00:27:55.760 probably does. Well, and I think that that's an interesting thing about social media, too. I mean,

00:28:01.720 this is what I try to dive into in the podcast, and it's kind of the premise of Everyone is Lying

00:28:06.560 to You. It's that social media is media. We're not looking at someone's whole life. We're looking

00:28:12.620 at the part they want to put out, whether that's your neighbor who is also curating their feed,

00:28:17.360 or it is someone who is posting recipes, who is creating a book, who is building a brand.

00:28:24.640 It's all curated. But I don't think we look, because we get trapped in the endless scroll,

00:28:29.760 and because of just the way the platform is we don't always see it that way yeah and i will say

00:28:34.940 like as somebody who i am i am really trying to show up in an authentic way online totally same

00:28:43.720 it is still so curated because you just it's like if i put up 10 15 second clips it just cannot

00:28:53.440 encompass my day and I'm not and there's just certain clips like if I do have a argument with

00:29:01.180 Nate or one of my kids is having an utter meltdown that is just for their privacy I'm not going to

00:29:07.360 put that online and so it's just it's so hard to you know it's like you really have to fight to

00:29:13.900 train yourself to believe like this is curated and so the book actually the book was kind of a

00:29:20.800 great opportunity to get to like unpack something in a bigger way than I get to do online.

00:29:29.440 Right. Exactly. Because because 15 second snippets are never going to be a whole life.

00:29:35.160 Yeah. Right. It's just it's not it's not possible. Yeah. Nor if you're a person again who is building

00:29:42.360 a brand online nor is it possible to share all of these kinds of things and still do well with

00:29:48.400 the algorithm in order to get the things you want out there in front of the people who you want to

00:29:52.820 see it it's just it's just the nature of the business yeah it's so true it's like that you

00:29:58.360 would i'm gonna post a reel of like this morning i made sheet pancakes for my kids which is like

00:30:03.720 they love and i put sprinkles on them and but i also want to be like but also like one of my kids

00:30:11.080 was weeping before school and i snapped at one of them it's like i want to be like there was so much

00:30:16.020 more going on than this like sheet pancake moment also sheet pancakes yeah but also i just want you

00:30:21.760 to have the sheet pancake recipe so like this is what i'm choosing to show you but if you read it

00:30:26.080 you're like kate made sheet pancakes and i bet that she also is just the most patient and the

00:30:31.180 most incredible i kind of joke that i kate strickler sometimes wish i was more like nap time

00:30:40.860 kitchen because nap time kitchen is is great you know like nap time kitchen is showing you these

00:30:49.480 great recipes and it's like but kate has a lot of ish going on in her life and you know to the

00:30:56.700 extent that i feel comfortable and able i'm going to share what that is online but it it is the

00:31:03.920 curated version of me yeah which just kind of sucks to say because you're like oh but i i'm

00:31:10.020 I'm trying. I'm trying to show you the real me, but it's just it can't it cannot be the real me.

00:31:14.100 It cannot be the real you. It can never be the real you. And I think that once we realize that

00:31:18.200 about everyone, then we all do feel a little bit better. I mean, one of my goals here is I don't

00:31:22.720 I never want women to feel guilt or shame when scrolling social media. I want us to take from

00:31:27.440 it what we can get, which is awesome, because now you just inspired me to make sheet pan pancakes

00:31:32.660 with sprinkles for the kids tomorrow. I'm very excited about this reel.

00:31:36.000 very excited but also realize okay that's not kate's whole life okay like maybe her kid had a

00:31:42.020 meltdown right afterwards my getting my kids out the door for this interview because the cabin is

00:31:47.340 small right and like we are lucky too because for like the next two days our au pair is here

00:31:53.160 and helping us out because i scheduled all my interviews for today and my husband's here and

00:31:57.360 i was still like get the hell out of the house everyone i can freaking hear you i can hear you

00:32:02.980 breathe and then i turn on the microphone i'm like hello yes everything we're in a peaceful

00:32:09.340 environment we're in a peaceful beautiful cabin in the woods and i can still hear them breathe

00:32:13.420 outside and this is with all of the child care right it's still a struggle it's still tough

00:32:21.920 um and so we never really know what people are going through on the back end yeah yeah um all

00:32:28.980 right let's take one one last break and then i want to talk about some of my favorite content

00:32:33.100 of yours that like some of my favorite takeaways okay we are back you inspired me to shower in the

00:32:46.940 dark joe that makes me so happy right like i mean like sometimes like when when someone tells you

00:32:53.980 oh you inspired me to do this one little thing that makes me feel good like i love hearing that

00:32:58.100 personally so I really want to tell you showering in the dark is wonderful will you explain it to

00:33:02.400 my listeners because I don't think I'll do it justice yeah honestly shower in the dark it's

00:33:06.980 like every so often you'll just see me post a story frame and it's kind of like you can barely

00:33:11.640 see it but it's a dark shower and it's like it was a shower in the dark day which basically

00:33:16.200 it's almost like a spiritual like it's I just get into a dark shower as dark as you feel

00:33:25.880 comfortable. So a lot of times it's like so light right now that if I just turn off all the lights,

00:33:29.960 there's still natural light. You could light a candle. You could just dim the lights. Whatever

00:33:34.560 you need to do to make it as dark as possible while still feeling safe in the shower. And then

00:33:40.860 you can play music if you want to. You could play anything you like. You could play like actual spa

00:33:46.420 music or you could play your favorite Christian playlist. You could play soft rock. I don't care.

00:33:53.160 It's whatever you enjoy. And then you just take a shower in the dark. And it just is so what's the it's like really, really disarms your senses like it.

00:34:08.540 Yes, because we're so overwhelmed all the time.

00:34:12.500 It is very like that. Is it re-regulating? Would I say like regulating?

00:34:17.300 It's re-regulating. I would say re-regulating. Re-regulating. Totally.

00:34:20.780 Yeah. Like if you've had a day where you're like, I lost it on one of my kids. I felt completely overstimulated. We spilled a giant bowl of spaghetti at dinner, whatever it is. And then you just go like take a shower in the dark. It is so afterward. You just are like, oh, my gosh. It just you feel like you wash away every day. And really, there is just something about not having the light stimulus. That is very, very nice.

00:34:48.040 it is very nice that is very magical i have to i mean this is like again i love a practical tip

00:34:53.880 i really do i love a recipe too but i'm gonna make like one out of every 30 recipes that i see

00:34:59.980 yeah practical tip i'm like a shower in the dark once a week now yeah and it's like the only thing

00:35:05.020 you have to do is flip the light switch like that's all i'm asking of you everything else

00:35:08.600 should hopefully just be normal but if you just turn off that light switch it's amazing

00:35:13.700 what it can and if you have an overhead light in your shower which we do which it's so funny

00:35:20.040 my husband in the shower in the actual shower yeah and it's funny because i've been to a lot

00:35:24.740 i've i noticed it now because i cannot shower with the overhead light on like i will it it's

00:35:30.640 like you look up to shampoo your hair and it's like the sun it's like this but my husband showers

00:35:35.980 with my we have like a funny my husband just is an overhead light person so he showers with the

00:35:41.020 overhead light on and I even if I have on like the other lights in the bathroom I can never have

00:35:45.600 that overhead light on in the shower it just it's like the opposite of the shower it's like so

00:35:49.720 stimulating for me I'm I'm more sensitive to shower light than ever before so thank you thank

00:35:56.220 you Kate for that yeah well it is funny because one of the things that I've been pushing for

00:36:03.400 at the cabin is I'm desperate for us to have an outdoor shower oh yes right like I just but then

00:36:10.240 to keep forgetting about it until i'm here and then we are we're gonna go to the hardware store

00:36:14.940 today um to see if we could cobble together outdoor shower parts so i don't have to order it

00:36:20.020 but uh this is getting to my next point i promise tonight is the persid's uh meteor shower oh and

00:36:27.200 i'm like wouldn't it be so nice if i could outdoor shower and watch the persids and this brings me to

00:36:32.740 another favorite post of yours which is attainable over aspirational yes because the persids shower

00:36:40.220 we're outdoors is the aspirational version of this. And the attainable is I'm going to set up

00:36:45.620 a tent outside and let the kids sleep out there until they see some meteors. Yes. And you're

00:36:49.820 going to take a shower inside before. And I'm going to shower. I'm going to shower. I'm going

00:36:53.100 to shower in the dark inside beforehand. Yes. But I love the attainable over aspirational because I

00:36:57.900 think, again, social media gives us so much of the aspirational that then we forget that there

00:37:03.740 is an attainable that is going to make us just as happy. Yeah. And it's I think it's harder.

00:37:08.720 it feels it's like it feels easier but also harder to give people attainable content because

00:37:15.100 there's so much sexy content that is like goes viral it's shared it's like all the things and

00:37:22.200 attainable it's just a little more like cool but you're not like wow let me share that with all of

00:37:28.420 my friends yeah it is it is like but this is what you're actually gonna do you know like let's let's

00:37:36.920 be real let's be very real about making a balloon arch for the first morning of school no you're

00:37:42.800 not somebody is out there and you're loving seeing it but i was like sure you might make

00:37:46.460 sheet pancakes you know with sprinkles with sprinkles exactly exactly so it's like what

00:37:52.460 can we and i think actually a lot of the attainable over aspirational honestly was just for me uh

00:37:57.600 like that was me accepting my limitations of like i actually can't show you aspirational

00:38:03.540 content because I physically can't be aspirated. I can't film it. My home is not like super

00:38:11.040 aspirational. Like my children don't dress in a way that you think, I wish my kids dressed that

00:38:17.280 way. Like so much of my life, it's just like, it just has to be attainable because that's like,

00:38:21.520 that's our, that's our standard. That's your standard. But I will tell you that this is one

00:38:27.740 of the reasons that I love your content so much, because even though, as we, as we said earlier,

00:38:32.860 we're all curating right you're curating this is a brand but at the same time your life looks like

00:38:38.440 my life your life looks like a normal human being life and that's actually where i want my content

00:38:44.140 to be at this point i don't want to constantly be looking at a glossy magazine i want to see a house

00:38:50.940 that's you know a little bit messy like my house yeah yeah i know it's it's uh being able to

00:38:58.960 to see like that you if you see somebody in a messy house making dinner and you have a messy

00:39:06.080 house it's like okay they made this meal in their messy house or in their small kitchen and you can

00:39:10.780 kind of be like i think i could do that too i think i can do this too it's the jest in the title

00:39:15.700 of your book where like you know what my life's actually not going to change if i just had a

00:39:20.720 bigger kitchen yeah i can i can i can do attainable in the space i have with the money i have yeah

00:39:27.480 And like some things, it would be nicer if we had had more of.

00:39:31.360 That's fine.

00:39:32.400 But like the constant chasing of the more I think has gotten way worse in the Instagram age.

00:39:37.840 Yeah.

00:39:38.520 It's funny.

00:39:39.380 This summer, we rented a house with my whole family.

00:39:42.180 So there's 21 of us.

00:39:43.260 So we rented this big, big beach house in like near Myrtle Beach in Debedue, South Carolina.

00:39:50.220 And it was so funny because it was beautiful and so large.

00:39:54.080 and it was so funny how because the kitchen and where we slept were on like different floors

00:40:00.300 my kids started to complain about like having to go up and down the stairs like hey can you

00:40:06.860 go grab that and they're like oh and like the kitchen was on the third floor meaning like their

00:40:11.440 water shoes might be on the first floor and then you know so the amount of like stairs that they

00:40:17.280 had to walk it was so funny to hear them be like oh i have to go like back down stairs and i was

00:40:22.120 like see you like our rancho don't you do like yes you do like we had this taste of this like

00:40:29.480 huge house living and like i was like and my kids are still complaining so complaining about having

00:40:36.140 to go upstairs like yeah something that they've always dreamed of was having us with stairs

00:40:41.780 now they're like actually stairs aren't that great anyways it's so funny how you

00:40:46.060 you taste something and it's still like it's not what you you know I just wish I had a house with

00:40:52.980 stairs and it's like actually we did it and now my kids are complaining about the stairs they have

00:40:57.840 to walk up yeah exactly exactly and some things when you get them are great I mean one thing I

00:41:03.280 was reflecting on with one of my girlfriends the other day is that you know the fact that I do have

00:41:07.520 this very flexible job in life and again I've grappled with like what does it look like how

00:41:11.920 often do I work? How do I build this schedule? I've gotten good at it now. Like I'm in a happy

00:41:16.220 place with it. But I was saying to my girlfriend, I'm like, oh, this is one thing that I actually

00:41:20.620 think is great. I love this. We can travel like my and my husband is now running this company with

00:41:26.120 me. He came on book tour with me with the kids. I'm like, this is the this is the life that I

00:41:30.420 actually really want right now. This is such a great thing. And I think realizing that and being

00:41:36.820 in the moment and appreciating it has made me actually stop longing for a lot of the other

00:41:41.860 things. It was just really nice to say it out loud to someone and be like, oh my gosh, like

00:41:45.200 I'm actually liking this part of my life. Yes. Oh, I love that. And just like, yeah,

00:41:51.380 it's like, I think so often we can get caught up in what we don't have. And when you can pause and

00:41:56.460 be like, no, this is it. This is it. This is what I used for. It is such, it is such a gift to

00:42:01.880 yourself like such a joy to get to like have those like very tangible like moments where you

00:42:08.120 where you get to say like i am living what i really wanted i'm living what i really wanted

00:42:12.720 the struggle was real and there's other struggles but now i'm like oh no this is this is great this

00:42:17.680 is great even though i can still hear them breathing outside so you're about to go on

00:42:23.740 book tour what is your book tour gonna look like um so i am doing 10 stops which is a lot it's a

00:42:30.840 lot of stocks yes it does you know i think we had 10 we were kind of like and we're we're kind of

00:42:36.480 concentrating it to the southeast it just was like just was like what can i do we have you know four

00:42:42.800 young kids so this is going to be like a big load on my husband on him it's a lot just a lot

00:42:49.960 um so i'm really really excited it was a beast to plan um fun fact i don't this could be totally

00:42:56.700 different for you but like my publishing house was like we think it's great that you want to do

00:43:01.180 a book tour if you want to do that you run with it but like we don't help with that yes they do

00:43:07.540 not they do not help with that with this book at this point they were like we'll do I think five

00:43:12.760 stops five or six stops and they helped a little bit with it but then I did the next the other 15

00:43:18.460 on my own and yeah and I was but I was very lucky to get those five stops yeah I can't believe you

00:43:23.880 did 20 that's insane but so it's kind of like planning these like mini weddings it's like

00:43:29.940 because you know each stop is like a different place it's going to have a little bit different

00:43:33.980 food the ticket price is slightly different like the entire the moderator is different and so

00:43:39.720 luckily I have two people on my team that are really like one of them is kind of the big big

00:43:47.920 thinking planner the other one is the detail oriented and between them they are making the

00:43:54.120 book tour would not happen without them yeah so i am really really excited about it i'm nervous for

00:44:01.260 just my mental capacity i'd love to hear from you know just like talking to people and like having

00:44:07.220 these like longer time frames of like well i how will i do it's like someone being like could you

00:44:12.740 run six miles and being like, could I? I don't know. The truth is, yes, you'll you'll you'll do

00:44:19.580 it. And I like I will say I love your analogy that each one is like planning a little wedding

00:44:25.100 because that's what it's been like. Everything is a little bit different. There's so many

00:44:28.000 different logistics. And I have to say, for me, at least going into each of these, you know,

00:44:35.180 you go on a stage or you go in the front of a store and you do the talking. It goes by so quick.

00:44:40.420 it honestly does because also you know what you know what the book is about and you know how to

00:44:43.900 do this and then it's very energizing to meet with readers in a signing line it really really

00:44:49.320 really is because we do so much of this solo and we don't get the feedback and we don't get to hear

00:44:55.940 how things have changed people's lives and so I love it but then at the end of the night I have

00:45:01.520 so much adrenaline I have to be alone I like sit in a hotel room and I watch like a bad movie and

00:45:06.540 i order a sundae and i like really need alone time in between each of the events for a few hours and

00:45:12.920 i don't i didn't have that for half of it because my kids were with me and then that was that was

00:45:17.020 the harder part not like being able to decompress and come down okay okay sunday trashy movie that's

00:45:24.200 what i gleaned from that sunday trashy movie well and also my my biggest takeaway especially from

00:45:29.680 this book tour is i take care of myself so well on the road even when i have the kids so i'm like

00:45:35.720 you're still going to manage to get in a 20 minute, like at least workout, right? Because

00:45:41.640 that will like change everything for you. It will fix the anxiety and you're going to try your

00:45:45.680 damnedest to get all of the sleep. And so like really putting myself first, this was the first

00:45:51.080 time I did that on book tour and it made a world of difference. I came off of it. I mean, I'm good.

00:45:55.520 I just finished and I'm like, I'm not, I'm great. I'm not burnt out, but I worked out almost every

00:45:59.580 day yeah okay good yeah because as a woman of a certain age it changes my whole thing right it

00:46:07.960 gets rid of the anxiety it does all the stuff yeah yeah at this point it's like muscle memory

00:46:14.140 so hopefully yeah it's like taking that with me okay taking that with you like yeah yeah and that's

00:46:18.500 it and that's it and you're gonna do great and everyone is so excited for this book i can't wait

00:46:22.280 to get a copy of this book um tell everyone where they can find how to see you if they're if they're

00:46:27.720 in a certain part of the country yes so i am um nap time kitchen on instagram nap time kitchen

00:46:34.300 dot com is my blog the book is called i just wish i had a bigger kitchen um and it is available

00:46:41.100 everywhere books are sold um i hope you pre-order it um my audience knows very well that pre-ordering

00:46:48.600 matters they're like yeah obviously also just because this is coming out before the book right

00:46:53.480 it's coming out right before the book yeah okay yeah if you do yeah if you do pre-order it something

00:46:58.560 cool we did was we created a miniature podcast series where i interviewed different people

00:47:05.460 one for each chapter of the book so i talk with people that i like really love and respect on each

00:47:11.860 of these different topics so like i talk with kendra adachi who wrote the book the plan about

00:47:17.440 time i took with her on the chapter i just wish i had more time of just like what that looks like

00:47:23.200 for her what struggles she's had what wisdom she would give and so it's like a private podcast and

00:47:29.680 you get access to listening to those if you pre-order the book so it is a really i that's

00:47:36.360 something that would like expand on the book and i feel like these really deliver so that's a great

00:47:42.420 that's a great bonus everyone order this book you're gonna love it it gives you all the little

00:47:45.800 things, like showering in the dark. Yes, yes.

00:48:15.800 Thank you.

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - August 19, 2025

Attainable Over Aspirational： How Kate Strickler of Naptime Kitchen Keeps It Real

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