Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - September 16, 2025


How We Divide Household and Parenting Labor in Our House

Topics
household chores making the bed doctor's appointments school drop-off planning grocery shopping
Can Creativity and Motherhood CoExist？ The Messy Truth About Potty Training

Episode Stats


Length

32 minutes

Words per minute

189.88

Word count

6,217

Sentence count

496

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Toxicity

25

sentences flagged

Hate speech

6

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
00:00:00.000 okay hello nick astor oh hi hi hi hi how you doing fine yeah so i wanted to have you on today
00:00:13.220 because one of the questions that i get a lot of from listeners and from newsletter readers is
00:00:18.420 how we divide labor in our house like who does what and i'm very curious about this about other
00:00:26.180 families too i'm thinking maybe we'll start doing a series where we have other couples on because
00:00:31.840 there's a lot to get done in a household and also when it comes to taking care of kids and now
00:00:38.580 there's the fact that you and i are running a business together we can get into that later
00:00:41.980 but i just i thought maybe it would be helpful for people if we just sat and chatted about what
00:00:48.500 we each do in our house yeah fine yeah yeah do you feel good about this i do my thoughts you
00:00:56.080 your thoughts good good be good all right so so let's start i i am gonna say that um i mean i
00:01:02.340 don't even know where to start it's like how do you divide up the labor labor of a house and it's
00:01:07.180 it's helpful that's this is why eve ronsky's fair play cards are so useful but let's talk about
00:01:13.420 let's talk about household chores okay first okay you do laundry you know i think before we even get
00:01:21.940 into that. I want to point out that we've never sat down and formally outlined anything along
00:01:30.560 these lines. And I don't know if that's good or bad. We have sort of evolved responsibilities
00:01:37.020 that have been pretty consistent, but it's kind of something that evolved over time and it's,
00:01:42.480 it remains largely unspoken. So maybe this is a good conversation to have to kind of,
00:01:47.800 you know, see what is formalized and maybe it matters, maybe it doesn't.
00:01:52.280 Yeah, no, I think that maybe we should have had this conversation before,
00:01:55.180 but now we're doing it in front of thousands of people.
00:01:57.980 So, yeah, let's go. Let's do it.
00:02:00.500 So in terms of, like, household stuff, you do laundry.
00:02:05.300 Right. Usually, yeah.
00:02:07.640 Which really kind of started when I was pregnant,
00:02:10.760 and I've been pregnant three times in eight years
00:02:13.940 because we live on the third floor of the house.
00:02:15.820 The washing machine is in the basement.
00:02:17.800 And me carrying the laundry down our weird old stairs would have been precarious.
00:02:24.200 Right, right.
00:02:24.980 So as it's evolved, I pretty much always do the laundry, get it done, bring it upstairs.
00:02:32.000 But you wind up usually being the laundry putter away person.
00:02:37.680 Putter aware, the putter aware.
00:02:39.100 Putter aware.
00:02:39.940 Yes, indeed.
00:02:40.760 I am the putter aware, which I do sometimes find annoying.
00:02:44.580 And I'll tell you why I find that annoying.
00:02:46.520 Because as the putter-aware, then you don't always know where things are.
00:02:51.980 So then I get a separate task on top of that, which is the tell you where things are-er.
00:02:59.500 Well, okay.
00:03:00.620 Okay.
00:03:01.360 But, you know, good point.
00:03:03.300 It just means that we need to have a mutual putter-aware session.
00:03:08.580 A mutual putter-aware.
00:03:09.660 And make some decisions about what goes where, you know, slightly more formally.
00:03:13.640 Because then it does get annoying.
00:03:15.300 Like, I think a lot of people can relate to this when it's like, where is this?
00:03:17.900 And like, I don't know, freaking find it.
00:03:19.400 It's your thing.
00:03:21.040 But also I have been, I put, I now put my things away and don't put your things away.
00:03:26.500 And then I put them on the chair and you just never put them away.
00:03:29.160 You just act as if that chair is your dresser.
00:03:32.740 I confess.
00:03:33.300 I did leave them a little longer than I should have.
00:03:35.360 Yeah.
00:03:35.680 Well, I watched you last night, take off your jeans, put them on the chair and pick up a
00:03:40.000 pair of pajama pants.
00:03:40.880 Well, it's efficient because I was going to put them on in the morning.
00:03:42.520 Right.
00:03:42.920 Right.
00:03:43.140 I saw you pick up those pajama pants from the chair and put them on.
00:03:47.140 And I was like, oh, my God, this is his new dresser right there.
00:03:51.060 Yeah.
00:03:52.200 All right.
00:03:52.780 After this episode, I'm going to go and make sure everything's OK over there.
00:03:57.600 Yeah.
00:03:57.900 Well, so I am generally, this leads us into another thing.
00:04:01.760 I'm generally the putter away-er for the whole house.
00:04:05.540 Well, you know, you've expressed a certain passion for putting away.
00:04:09.520 I don't think I've ever expressed a passion for putting away. 0.90
00:04:12.580 I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever woken up in the morning and said, my passion is to put away crap.
00:04:19.100 Yeah, but you have a knack and a passion for, you know, compartmentalization of items.
00:04:25.840 I've seen you do it.
00:04:26.800 I've seen it come out.
00:04:27.560 I've seen you like glow with a desire to organize things.
00:04:32.900 Is this like saying a woman's highest purpose?
00:04:35.100 I didn't say anything about women. 1.00
00:04:36.200 I'm talking about you.
00:04:37.280 All right.
00:04:37.520 So I will say I do, I do love to organize a space.
00:04:41.260 I do. I do love, love, you know, cleaning out a junk drawer and organizing a closet. What gets annoying is the constant walking through a room and being like, there's a pen on the floor. Pick it freaking up and put it away. And sometimes it feels like I'm the only person that is ever putting away those pens.
00:05:01.100 Well, so, yeah. So, I mean, I do feel like the constant picker upper. Also, for some reason, no one in this house has accepted my stairs, my putting things on the stairs and that that process for things on the bottom of the stairs must go up the stairs.
00:05:18.960 Well, that isn't always obvious, A. And B, it isn't always obvious where the intended destination is other than up. So, you know, that kind of works, but you can't get frustrated if the, you know, intended destination isn't obvious enough for me to go, oh, gee, this belongs in slot B on the third floor.
00:05:43.680 I think I usually just want them to go up one more. Up one more. If you put them up one more, that's good enough for me. Yeah, just the stages. It's like staging. It is. Okay, now let's move on to more things that you do. You do a lot in our house, but I do think this is helpful. You do all of the dishes. I never do dishes, and this is partially because you think that I load the dishwasher like an animal.
00:06:10.680 you know i am kind of shocked by some of the people in this household and their dishwasher
00:06:18.600 loading abilities i mean i just think i'm like if things are in the dishwasher they're in the
00:06:23.940 dishwasher there's a art to you know it's almost like a uh marie condo how you pack the dishwasher
00:06:30.840 in the most efficient manner you know it's very satisfying to do it right if things are just sort
00:06:36.180 thrown in there not only are you wasting space but well you're wasting space right right okay
00:06:44.040 anyway so i don't touch dishes i don't touch dishes i'm sorry that the reason is because
00:06:48.320 i've traumatized you you have i won't i won't touch that dishwasher i'm like i'll just get it wrong
00:06:52.560 so why would i go near that dishwasher anyway i'm happy to do the dishes that that has evolved
00:06:58.600 never a formal conversation but that has evolved as something i'm genuinely happy to do yeah yeah 0.74
00:07:04.840 You also do what is, like, typically considered a man thing, which is the trash. 0.77
00:07:10.300 You take the trash out. 0.89
00:07:11.600 Is that a man thing? 1.00
00:07:12.420 I don't know.
00:07:12.840 I mean, that feels like a traditional, like, man trope, right?
00:07:15.760 Like, I'm a man.
00:07:17.040 I take out the trash.
00:07:19.020 So you do that.
00:07:20.600 Yep.
00:07:21.600 That's true.
00:07:22.560 Oh, you never make the bed.
00:07:23.800 I'm also crap at making the bed, but I do feel better about life when the bed is made 0.70
00:07:28.040 because I can see the bed from where I work. 0.93
00:07:30.860 True.
00:07:31.200 And I will confess, it's very pleasing when I come upstairs and I find a made bed.
00:07:37.300 A made bed is good.
00:07:37.580 And it's also very touching when you do it.
00:07:39.180 So I appreciate that.
00:07:40.500 But part of the reason that I make the bed too is that you get out of bed before I do.
00:07:45.060 Because I'm a crappy sleeper.
00:07:47.920 And so you do typically go downstairs first, do the first round of telling the children to get their butts out of bed, and then you start the coffee and the breakfast.
00:07:57.920 You do the breakfast making.
00:07:58.960 You do a lot of food preparation in this house.
00:08:00.740 We're coming up with a pretty good list here.
00:08:02.620 I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
00:08:04.940 I mean, we've got like seven for me and two for you so far.
00:08:08.380 Yeah, but mine are all encompassing.
00:08:11.700 Are they?
00:08:13.820 Being the master putter-aware is a constant job.
00:08:18.140 It's a constant job.
00:08:19.300 It is.
00:08:19.940 It is.
00:08:20.840 Yeah, so you do.
00:08:22.040 You get up.
00:08:23.160 You tell the children to get out of bed.
00:08:24.640 They don't get out of bed.
00:08:26.020 You go downstairs and do breakfast and coffee.
00:08:29.000 and then I slowly emerge from the bed
00:08:31.900 and then I am the one that really coaxes them out of bed,
00:08:37.840 makes sure that they put on clothes.
00:08:39.320 They're getting better and better at putting on their own clothes.
00:08:42.620 For a very long time,
00:08:45.300 Charlie put on all of his clothes backwards and had no idea.
00:08:48.420 I mean, he's the smartest child I know.
00:08:50.420 He can name any country on the globe
00:08:53.240 except for the Pacific Islands because they're hard
00:08:55.220 and yet cannot put a shirt on for words.
00:08:58.200 Yeah.
00:08:58.780 Nor does he care, which is always kind of amusing.
00:09:01.700 Yeah, well, I love, I'm like, your pants are on backwards.
00:09:04.060 He's like, yep, so, whatever.
00:09:08.180 Although I've seen you put your pants on backwards a couple times. 0.82
00:09:10.680 Oh, baloney.
00:09:11.620 Not your pants, but a shirt.
00:09:12.800 You put a shirt on backwards.
00:09:13.840 Yeah, maybe.
00:09:14.460 Yeah, once you're twice.
00:09:15.780 So anyway, I think that job is also sometimes a little bit harder 0.98
00:09:18.340 because they can be a pain in the butt to get dressed. 0.99
00:09:23.160 No, they're always a pain in the butt. 0.99
00:09:25.360 They are. 0.99
00:09:26.020 It's hit or miss, though.
00:09:26.820 i mean as you as you know they've gotten a little bit better some days they actually get out of bed
00:09:32.580 you know i get yelled at too by the way oh it's true it's true they well they abuse you when you
00:09:37.700 when you go into the room they're like daddy how dare you wake me up charlie gets furious
00:09:43.460 yeah yeah and then i leave him alone and he eventually comes down sometimes of his own
00:09:47.700 accord sometimes after you're coaxing yeah that's true that's true but then and then you do
00:09:53.780 to make the breakfast, and then I'm usually the one who puts away the breakfast
00:09:58.940 and kind of straightens the downstairs, because somehow, within 10 minutes of everyone being
00:10:05.660 downstairs, the kitchen and the living room are a hot mess. Yeah, it doesn't take long. If the
00:10:13.860 magnet tiles come out, or if they discover something in a box, you know, you turn your
00:10:18.100 back, you're trying to make some eggs, and boom, it's done. Yeah, yeah. Okay, all right,
00:10:23.380 let's take a quick break. And when we get back, we'll finish up the household labor
00:10:27.420 and then maybe get into more of the labor of running a family.
00:10:41.800 Okay, we're back. Have we done all the household stuff?
00:10:45.340 I feel like we must be missing a few things, you know, but we can carry on and we can come
00:10:52.740 back to it right i mean there are other things there are physical labor right for example and
00:10:57.480 i'll throw you a few here you are particularly skilled at managing the activities as in finding
00:11:04.640 out what activities the kids you know could do which ones they should do getting them signed up
00:11:11.480 once we sort of know then i sort of handle the you know the emails and the paying for it and
00:11:19.680 Right. But that is new. That is actually new. And that that moves us more into like the labor of running the family. Right. But that is something you've taken on in the past year because I was like, I can't do all of this. And so you have I have I do usually find the activities and figure out logistics. But then I completely hand it over to you and I'm like, sign them up, pay for it, put it on the calendar. And that is that is new.
00:11:46.860 You were not handling that before last year.
00:11:49.420 And so that's kind of a new task for you.
00:11:51.880 Yeah, I suppose so.
00:11:53.240 Yeah, yeah.
00:11:54.180 And that's great.
00:11:55.240 That's actually really helpful for me to pass it off because I do like finding things for them to do.
00:12:00.520 I like talking to other parents about what they do.
00:12:03.240 But then the logistics of organizing it, I just kind of want to wash my hands.
00:12:08.220 So thank you.
00:12:08.920 I like that you do that.
00:12:09.920 Cool.
00:12:10.380 And again, though, this is one of those things that just sort of evolved.
00:12:13.940 And like, I don't know if, you know.
00:12:15.420 No, I think this was more intentional. 0.92
00:12:17.460 I mean, when we decided when we were going to start this company together and I was like, I cannot be doing all of the child planning because for a long time, I think it did all fall on me because it often does all fall on mothers. 0.79
00:12:30.860 We were pretty intentional about me being like, you're going to start doing this. 0.94
00:12:35.700 I think so.
00:12:37.380 And I think it's working.
00:12:38.540 I think it's working.
00:12:39.360 This brings me to doctor's appointments.
00:12:41.900 Oh, yes.
00:12:42.600 This is really where you shine.
00:12:45.240 Oh, really?
00:12:46.680 I shine here.
00:12:48.020 I shine with dealing with doctor's appointments.
00:12:51.320 Although I've been handling the dentist.
00:12:53.420 You have been handling it.
00:12:54.220 So I think we have sort of, you know, put that one pretty good.
00:12:57.300 You actually have been handling the dentist.
00:12:59.800 Yeah.
00:13:00.140 I think we're basically 50-50 on that one.
00:13:02.460 That feels 50-50.
00:13:03.620 Yeah.
00:13:04.100 Yeah, it does.
00:13:04.640 Well, the dentist is easier because don't you just email them or call them and say,
00:13:09.120 when can they come in?
00:13:10.540 Basically.
00:13:11.380 Yeah.
00:13:11.780 But then they have to actually do it.
00:13:13.280 Well, and you do take them to the dentist. And you take all three of them at the same time, which is very efficient. I love the dentist because you can take all three of them at the same time. I wish that there were more ways to combine the kids at the doctor's visits. Our doctor's office makes that very difficult.
00:13:32.820 Our doctor's office app sucks. It's the worst thing ever. It's not user friendly. Making an appointment is a pain in the butt. Asking them questions is a pain in the butt. Each child has their own login as opposed to a family login. Everything is different. And so, yes, like things like you're like, I need a medical form for for Eliza. Like I'm the one that has to navigate that totally crappy app and get that. 0.99
00:13:56.840 it is terrible it is terrible however in my defense my primary reason was because i didn't 0.95
00:14:01.700 have the right cookie or the right login saved on my laptop well it's a stupid thing to work it is
00:14:07.060 in our supreme family document god it doesn't work believe your phone number and then it sends 0.63
00:14:12.420 the confirmation and you're not around and you know it's one of those rabbit holes yeah not if
00:14:17.340 you have the password which is in the supreme family even if the password is you have to get
00:14:21.520 you don't have text message confirmation we can try it later you really lock it in we'll lock it
00:14:26.300 You really actually don't. But you have gotten a lot better at going to the doctor's appointments.
00:14:33.860 Yeah, that's true. You know.
00:14:36.120 Yeah, you do take them. Well, our doctor's office is honestly in terms of our like very like our life is very contained in our neighborhood.
00:14:45.280 And our doctor's office is one of the things that is far ish. I mean, it's not far, but it's a bike ride.
00:14:51.200 In retrospect, it's actually not that far, but for our, because we're such, you know, we don't believe in going more than five blocks.
00:14:59.460 It's distant.
00:14:59.880 I really like staying within, there's a lot of awesome things within five blocks of our house.
00:15:04.900 We'll go up to 10.
00:15:06.900 10 blocks.
00:15:07.680 Yeah, but the doctor's office is a mile and a half away.
00:15:10.040 Yeah.
00:15:10.420 And we don't drive.
00:15:11.660 That's the thing.
00:15:12.500 We don't drive in the city.
00:15:14.100 That's easy.
00:15:14.840 It's not a big deal.
00:15:15.820 It's not a big deal.
00:15:16.400 But like in the middle of the winter, I'm like, I don't want to ride that bike over to the doctor's office.
00:15:21.020 We could switch.
00:15:23.680 At some point, maybe we will.
00:15:25.200 But they're very nice, despite the fact that their app is dreadful.
00:15:28.620 They are very nice, but their app is just the worst thing.
00:15:31.560 And it's because I think they were bought by private equity, and that just ruins everything.
00:15:35.440 It's exactly what happened.
00:15:36.820 That's exactly what happened.
00:15:37.840 Yeah, it was a lot easier before that happened.
00:15:39.740 Yeah.
00:15:39.960 Yeah, so screw private equity. 0.99
00:15:42.140 They're the worst.
00:15:45.180 School pick up and drop off.
00:15:47.300 Ah, yeah.
00:15:48.140 Yeah.
00:15:48.340 Now, that's a funny one because, you know, I think we're both more or less happy to do it if we have the time.
00:15:55.760 But they get very picky and demanding.
00:15:59.140 They do. They do.
00:15:59.800 Our school drop-off, though, has just gotten exponentially easier because, again, the farness.
00:16:08.160 Yes.
00:16:08.460 The school was slightly further away. 0.95
00:16:11.400 Well, we did have three kids at three different schools, which was a pain in the butt. 0.63
00:16:14.620 Challenge.
00:16:14.940 Well, and even though we have had child care for the past five years, although starting in two weeks, we will no longer have child care.
00:16:24.640 We're doing this all on our own.
00:16:26.560 It's going to be fine.
00:16:27.800 It's going to be fine.
00:16:28.740 But we've always done drop off ourselves.
00:16:32.280 We're just like, well, we can.
00:16:34.260 We like it.
00:16:35.220 Why not?
00:16:35.920 Yeah, exactly.
00:16:36.800 And save our. 0.85
00:16:39.480 Save our child care hours for later.
00:16:42.240 But now we get to walk Bea and Charlie to school.
00:16:47.520 It's close.
00:16:48.740 It's easy.
00:16:49.840 I like to see my friends at drop-off.
00:16:52.640 So I think we split up drop-off pretty easy.
00:16:55.320 You do more of it in the winter because I don't like to leave the house when it's cold.
00:16:58.800 Yeah, this is a piece of cake.
00:17:00.340 And by the way, living in this neighborhood, we've got dozens and dozens of kids walking by the house every morning.
00:17:07.040 And you can pretty much open the door and say, hey, go walk with Jimmy.
00:17:10.860 And, you know, some parent will say, no problem if it's one of those days where, you know, we couldn't do it for some reason.
00:17:17.220 And vice versa.
00:17:18.020 And vice versa.
00:17:18.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:19.340 No, it's true.
00:17:20.320 It's true.
00:17:20.640 And then pick up gets a little trickier because it is at 3 o'clock.
00:17:27.560 And I'm trying to stop organizing meetings around 3, but it's not always possible.
00:17:33.380 So for a long time, that is a thing that we've had caregivers do.
00:17:37.340 And I'll tell you what, this is an opportunity.
00:17:39.320 I'm glad we're having this conversation because for the first time, we're going to need a little bit of formality on it.
00:17:44.100 Yeah.
00:17:44.360 Right?
00:17:44.680 Like, we're going to have to have a thing on our calendar that says, boom, 3 o'clock.
00:17:48.820 We've got three kids to deal with every day.
00:17:51.860 So, you know, both of us are going to have to take note of that and we'll plan it out.
00:17:56.060 Like, every week we'll say, I'm doing it.
00:17:58.480 You know, you're doing it that day.
00:18:00.720 This reason, that reason.
00:18:02.320 So, this will require a little bit of formal planning.
00:18:05.840 It will.
00:18:06.240 It will.
00:18:06.600 And, you know, mom is here, so, like, we can take the kids to mom's house sometimes.
00:18:11.160 She can come over.
00:18:11.600 There has to be a plan every day.
00:18:12.980 Like, we actually have to.
00:18:14.040 I think we have to sit down.
00:18:14.920 Every week we've got to say, okay, here's the plan.
00:18:17.080 Yeah, exactly.
00:18:17.780 I think we have to sit down every week and be like, okay, great.
00:18:20.220 There's a plan for the next week.
00:18:22.460 And a lot of couples do that.
00:18:23.520 A lot of couples have, like, a standing meeting where they do these things.
00:18:27.000 Well, I think it'll be fun.
00:18:27.820 Let's have a standing meeting.
00:18:29.400 Can there be wine?
00:18:30.860 Yeah, why not?
00:18:31.640 All right.
00:18:32.100 Can we just do it at a restaurant?
00:18:33.600 Can we just pull out a laptop at, like, the bar at Friday, Saturday, Sunday?
00:18:37.880 Of course.
00:18:38.360 Actually, Paul would not like that.
00:18:39.660 Paul would be like, no, no laptops on our bar.
00:18:42.020 Yeah, I've never seen a laptop there.
00:18:43.780 I think they'd frown upon it.
00:18:44.720 No, they would really not like that.
00:18:46.160 But we could talk.
00:18:47.580 We could talk about it.
00:18:48.480 We could physically write out.
00:18:49.680 We could use a piece of paper.
00:18:50.720 We could use a piece of paper.
00:18:52.260 We should use more pieces of paper.
00:18:53.520 Sure. So, yeah, I mean, I do think that the shuttling them to and fro activities is going to be it's going to be a lot this fall.
00:19:05.120 It's going to be a thing. We've got activities. These gymnastics is a fair ways across town.
00:19:11.480 It's still closer than the doctor's office.
00:19:13.740 Is it?
00:19:14.600 I don't know if there's a few words.
00:19:15.900 It's a pen.
00:19:16.820 It's not. It's yeah. But anyway, it's a thing. It's a journey.
00:19:20.000 Yeah, it's a journey. It's a journey.
00:19:22.760 And so, yeah, I mean, I think those are the main.
00:19:25.900 Oh, cooking, cooking.
00:19:27.440 I you handle a lot of the breakfasts and the dinners, like the basic cooking or cooking.
00:19:36.500 Which you're the gourmet chef.
00:19:38.240 I'm not a gourmet chef, but like if we're making something bigger, I usually do it.
00:19:43.240 I mean, I think you occasionally get inspired, which is lovely.
00:19:46.160 I do.
00:19:47.040 But I would say I'm generally doing most of the cooking.
00:19:49.820 You are. You are doing most of the cooking. But I will say, like a lot of our cooking, especially for the kids, is very basic because we have two massively picky eaters who only eat beige food.
00:19:59.520 It's nuggets and pizza.
00:20:00.500 It's nuggets and pizza.
00:20:02.040 Whatever. They grow. They are growing. They continue to get larger.
00:20:07.240 They are. They are in taking calories.
00:20:09.820 They are taking in calories. Speaking of, you do have to go to CVS to get some vitamins today.
00:20:15.340 Oh, yes. It's on my list.
00:20:16.620 yeah um you you often do the cvs run i always do the cvs you always do this we're really racking
00:20:24.580 him up and i'm like yeah yeah i think we're about 15 to 6 now that's not true i do most of the
00:20:31.060 grocery shopping incorrect i almost always do the good that's not true that is untrue i'm gonna
00:20:37.680 argue with you about that one no you do the grocery shopping if like in emergencies and
00:20:42.680 And when I give you a very hyper-specific list, you are not as good at just going to the grocery store and winging it.
00:20:48.360 Or winging it, true.
00:20:49.740 Yeah, you can't wing it.
00:20:50.280 I do tend to take the list.
00:20:52.400 I'm not spontaneous with me.
00:20:54.060 You are not a spontaneous grocery shopper.
00:20:56.360 I'll give you that.
00:20:57.380 But that doesn't mean I don't go.
00:20:58.860 Yeah, that's true.
00:20:59.760 That's true.
00:21:00.420 You've also gotten a lot better at managing their friends and our friends now that we put each other on group texts all the time.
00:21:09.100 So you're now on most of the group texts for playdates and things like that.
00:21:12.980 So I don't have to be the sole person communicating with our kids, friends, parents.
00:21:17.580 No, that's true.
00:21:19.280 But I must point out that I am on those texts by my insistence because you like to leave me off these things sometimes.
00:21:29.120 Perhaps not intentionally.
00:21:30.240 I don't.
00:21:30.420 It's not intentional.
00:21:31.560 I'm not like being like, oh, my God, get off the group tag.
00:21:34.100 Sometimes you like to have control over things.
00:21:37.260 So not true.
00:21:38.080 and so not true i don't want control over anything it's baloney it's not true all right
00:21:43.260 let's take it let's take one last quick break and and then we'll we'll wrap this up
00:21:46.320 okay so i mean this has just been a therapy session that we've been recording for everyone
00:21:57.820 and i was nice actually this was nice this was nice and i will say it is a saturday morning
00:22:02.660 and our kids are all downstairs watching tv and i'm okay with that oh my god once in a while oh
00:22:09.480 shut up i'm so fine with it we my girlfriends and i were talking about this we had a potluck
00:22:13.920 for the first week of school last week and i'd like to point out that we have no idea what 0.59
00:22:18.240 they're watching either i'm sure it's fine anyway we we know what they watch mostly and i gotta say
00:22:24.980 them watching tv has made them funnier i mean they're just like they're like like they watch
00:22:30.040 they watch some like sitcoms and stuff and like they're just like kind of funnier and like normal
00:22:35.800 kids who live in the world i don't mind them watching tv i don't want them glued to screens
00:22:39.000 but they're watching the actual tv right now yeah but it's almost the same as a screen because it's
00:22:43.620 all on demand now there's no tv like i guess but also like i woke up on saturday mornings and i
00:22:48.320 watched cartoons for like four hours yeah like that is normal and at least they're not watching
00:22:53.120 a ton of commercials again we have no idea if they're watching down there i'll go take a look
00:22:58.940 We go down and they're watching Terminator.
00:23:01.660 That's unlikely. 1.00
00:23:02.700 But they could be watching stupid YouTube stuff. 1.00
00:23:07.240 I don't think so. 1.00
00:23:07.940 They don't usually go on YouTube.
00:23:09.640 That's true.
00:23:09.960 Not really.
00:23:10.960 No. 1.00
00:23:11.220 And they're very well trained to know that YouTube is crap. 0.99
00:23:13.980 I mean, they feel the appropriate amount of guilt and shame when I've caught them on YouTube. 0.98
00:23:19.520 And the thing is, they're not watching anything bad on YouTube.
00:23:22.060 They're just watching, like, spam.
00:23:24.280 This guy playing Minecraft.
00:23:25.620 This guy playing Minecraft.
00:23:26.320 They're watching a guy, watching a guy play Minecraft.
00:23:29.960 Yeah, and talking about it, which is, there's worse things to watch.
00:23:34.060 There's worse things to watch.
00:23:35.080 It's not exactly productive, but anyway, it's okay.
00:23:38.120 It's fine.
00:23:38.620 It's Saturday morning.
00:23:39.380 It's okay.
00:23:39.700 It's Saturday morning.
00:23:40.580 Well, I.
00:23:40.820 I just got a bunch of work done.
00:23:42.500 We're recording this podcast.
00:23:43.520 I drank my coffee on the porch and scrolled through some substacks.
00:23:48.340 That was really nice.
00:23:49.760 Well, and I will say, our kids did specifically ask for a weekend of nothing.
00:23:53.440 Because we've been doing so much.
00:23:55.080 We have.
00:23:55.520 All summer.
00:23:56.320 I'm like, what do you want to do this weekend?
00:23:57.520 And Charlie's like, nothing.
00:23:59.640 Great.
00:24:00.400 I'm cool with that.
00:24:01.100 I'm totally cool with that.
00:24:02.280 I'm fine with that.
00:24:03.080 I am going to try to fix that screen door.
00:24:05.160 I don't think you should do it today, but you're not listening to me.
00:24:09.100 I'm just going to look and diagnose it.
00:24:11.820 All right.
00:24:12.000 I'm going to go to Pilates at 11.
00:24:13.700 So you do you.
00:24:15.120 Okay.
00:24:15.420 And I would like to go to the farmer's market at some point and get some flowers.
00:24:19.580 That's a good idea.
00:24:20.060 I forgot.
00:24:20.520 I'd like to go to the Rittenhouse one.
00:24:21.900 Oh, that's ambitious.
00:24:23.720 Let me see what kind of flowers they have at the one across the street.
00:24:26.880 I know it's ambitious, but sometimes they don't have flowers across the street.
00:24:30.720 Yeah.
00:24:31.800 So, yeah, I can't really, I'm trying to think of other, oh, bedtime.
00:24:36.760 Bedtime's a good one to talk about.
00:24:38.820 Bedtime with three kids.
00:24:39.600 We have three kids and three different bedtimes and three different processes for bed,
00:24:44.560 which I think depend a lot on birth order because third baby, we just put her in.
00:24:50.440 We're just like, bye.
00:24:51.720 We put her in the crib.
00:24:53.020 and walk away which is a godsend we remember how it was it took hours it still takes hours to put
00:24:59.740 charlie to bed i have an idea this is a this is a takeaway from this episode okay you know i think
00:25:06.120 that perhaps bedtime bedtime is the most time consuming it's the most time consuming thing
00:25:10.420 stressful yeah time of the day for us and i'll bet you if we had a little formal conversation
00:25:15.820 and sort of tried to stick with it it might not work but it might be worth trying where there's
00:25:20.200 a little bit more formality where we're like okay this is you know i don't know this might fall apart
00:25:25.160 this isn't gonna work claim that time but at least like you know who does what so that they
00:25:30.520 have consistency no that doesn't work though because nighttime schedules are so different
00:25:35.640 like i have i do book clubs at night i have meetings at night uh and the problem is truly
00:25:42.400 that the older two were given such intense bedtimes like because well charlie charlie
00:25:49.720 is honestly like he still gets an opera at bedtime he still gets whatever he wants at bedtime it's
00:25:56.200 like we and he's eight and it's like we will read books now he wants to record a podcast with me
00:26:02.260 before we before we got bad which is adorable but but you know maybe doesn't have to have you also
00:26:07.060 indulge him. I do. And I attempt to
00:26:09.280 whenever I attempt to put a stop
00:26:11.380 to it, he'll come to you and then you indulge
00:26:13.460 him. So, you know. We indulge
00:26:15.480 him the most because he's the first one
00:26:17.080 and we just, we set
00:26:19.400 the bar too freaking high is the problem.
00:26:21.400 Maybe. We did. We did. Like when
00:26:23.180 oh my gosh, when he was a baby
00:26:25.140 it was like five books
00:26:27.300 and we'd say goodnight to all of his stuffies and sing
00:26:29.380 to all of his stuffies and then we'd name
00:26:31.380 all of the animals and all the pictures on his
00:26:33.240 walls and like so much.
00:26:35.480 Good night, wild jacana. Good night, bush dog.
00:26:38.720 Good night, tomato frog.
00:26:40.480 And so, yeah, that's fully our fault because now he still wants the reading, some sort of activity.
00:26:48.060 So it's not just the podcast, but then he was like, what's our activity for tonight?
00:26:51.100 We're going to build a Lego thing or we're going to do this.
00:26:54.100 And then also cuddle time, which I don't want to cut out cuddle time because, I mean, I know that one day he won't want to cuddle anymore and then I'll be so sad.
00:27:01.900 But, like, bedtime's really long.
00:27:03.820 And Bea's bedtime is pretty much equally as long.
00:27:07.320 I mean, she went through that phase where she wanted to watch Beastie Boys videos before bed.
00:27:12.820 And yes, exactly.
00:27:14.840 And then it's two books, which is great.
00:27:17.600 Easy peasy.
00:27:18.620 And then all, but then also cuddle talking time.
00:27:21.780 So for each of those bigs, it's about an hour per big.
00:27:25.440 And we usually split it up, except the problem is they both want me to do it.
00:27:29.260 I know.
00:27:29.940 You got to be firm.
00:27:31.180 I can't.
00:27:31.640 Last night, right?
00:27:33.580 We had a long episode.
00:27:35.600 Then he doesn't want to go downstairs by himself.
00:27:38.140 So I said, okay, I'll take you down.
00:27:40.180 And that's it.
00:27:40.860 Good night.
00:27:41.340 And then he whined and he howled because he wanted me to sleep on the couch.
00:27:45.380 They all want us to lay on the couch while they lay there.
00:27:47.440 And I said, no, dude, you're a big boy.
00:27:49.860 I'll give you a kiss.
00:27:50.720 Good night.
00:27:51.140 And that's it.
00:27:51.860 And I closed the door.
00:27:53.200 And he puttered about it for a while, but then he went to sleep.
00:27:56.380 Can't.
00:27:56.820 There's a limit to the indulgence.
00:28:00.920 Yeah.
00:28:01.200 You're better at walking away, though, because I just think that you have less emotion around the walking away.
00:28:08.760 You know, you can phrase it however you want, but it still remains a necessity.
00:28:15.160 No, you're not wrong, because bedtime, I will say, is the most exhausting time in our house.
00:28:20.580 One of my friends asked if I wanted to get a drink last night, and I was like, no, we said we would do movie night, and we watched a movie.
00:28:27.280 I didn't like that. I thought that movie was kind of dumb. 0.96
00:28:28.960 it was it was fine it was a little bit slow it was so slow i wasn't i mean it was very i actually 0.88
00:28:35.020 liked it i wouldn't necessarily watch it again but it was uh um we watched the penguin we watched
00:28:41.520 the pangolin documentary on netflix and like pangolins are so cute they're very interesting
00:28:47.140 they're so fascinating but that could have been 45 minutes and not two hours man true it was they
00:28:53.520 they had to put some time in to build a story or there was and it was too much about that dude
00:28:58.520 who's like i you know that the pangolin showed me how to get in touch with my emotions and i guess
00:29:04.100 like i'm here for anything that shows men having emotions and men crying maybe some sad lonely man
00:29:08.540 will watch this and then you know i thought i liked it it's worth a watch but just bear in mind
00:29:14.420 it's slow and it's a bit long it's slow and it's long uh but anyway then my friend was like oh do
00:29:20.120 you want to meet me after bedtime and i'm like no because i'm decimated after bedtime i'm not a
00:29:26.540 freaking human being after bedtime there's no no going out after that but you know i must say it
00:29:32.940 really is draining because every once in a while if we have your mom here or somebody else who puts
00:29:37.460 the kids to bed you know we get home at nine or ten i'm like wow i'm ready to stay up late i can
00:29:43.520 stay up all night it just it just gives you energy yeah amazing well no because well the big kids
00:29:47.520 sleep at mom's a lot right and so even when we just have the baby because we literally do nothing
00:29:51.920 for her bedtime except put her in the crib yeah uh and she's the happiest one of all of them uh
00:29:57.440 we're like oh my god we have so much energy why do we have so much energy tonight we could do we 0.96
00:30:01.660 could rearrange the whole house and it's because bedtime kicks my butt every single night no
00:30:06.100 question about it that is that's the takeaway let's take away thinking about bedtime and how
00:30:12.120 we can do it more efficiently or at least more uh you know for our own personal
00:30:16.780 adjective adjective sanity yeah sanity yeah yeah yeah no well because our bedtime routine is
00:30:26.520 exhausting but i think i mean i do think that that is something that is more universal and at the same
00:30:30.620 time like i don't want to not read to them like i don't there's things i don't want to not cuddle
00:30:34.640 them i just don't want it to take an hour each because they're also separate so i mean if we
00:30:41.500 could do it i i think it might be easier once they have separate bedrooms because you could do one and
00:30:45.800 i could do the other at the same time maybe let's talk about it yeah well we could we should
00:30:52.720 practice that and i think it's walking away i think it's you guys go to bed good night cool
00:30:58.780 let's see if that works it's gonna be a disaster it's gonna be a disaster maybe i don't know
00:31:04.660 no it's gonna be a disaster all right that was wonderful that is the division of labor
00:31:09.320 in our household part one ask us any questions there's more i don't know i don't know i think
00:31:14.660 we'll think of things later i mean we could talk about who constantly puts away the summer clothes
00:31:19.380 and the winter clothes oh but again my love this is your passion project it's my passion oh yes i
00:31:24.860 love it so much i i i not only do i i would happily help but i don't think i can that is
00:31:31.440 your vision and i just i stand back i'm happy to carry the we call them tub thumpers the um the
00:31:37.560 plastic bins plastic bins the tub thumpers yeah i'm you know i'm happy to carry them but it is
00:31:42.500 your vision how those get organized and i'm proud and honored to uh allow you the privilege thanks
00:31:50.180 so much my purpose my purpose all right have a great day everyone thank you for being here
00:32:12.500 Thank you.
00:32:42.500 You