Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Moms Just Want (Deserve) to Have Fun

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00:00:38.700 Hey y'all, Jo here, and you are listening to Under the Influence.

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00:01:21.740 Today I'm talking to a mom who just wanted to have fun. And we're not talking about self-care

00:01:26.660 fun. You know, that kind of, I got to drink my coffee while it was still hot, or ooh, I got one

00:01:32.020 night out with the girls kind of fun. We're talking about real fun. The kind that women often feel is

00:01:37.460 wildly frivolous or unnecessary, but is actually really important. My guest today is Kelly Conroy.

00:01:44.400 She's the creator of Your Mom Races Rally, or what she calls YOMO. And she's living proof that 0.60

00:01:51.880 reclaiming yourself doesn't have to look small, sensible, or socially approved.

00:01:58.460 When she first became a mom, Kelly was completely overwhelmed. The motherhood myths made her believe

00:02:04.820 that being a mom was supposed to make her feel like she had fulfilled all of her wildest dreams.

00:02:10.660 But instead, she kind of felt like a ghost in her own life. So she decided to do something

00:02:17.560 that kind of shocked her. She decided to put herself first, and she decided to inject a 0.50

00:02:24.160 little bit of adventure into her life by learning to race rally cars. Yeah, and this seemingly wild

00:02:31.800 idea has changed pretty much everything about Kelly's life. It's changed how she parents,

00:02:38.540 her relationship with her husband, her relationship with her two kids, and even how she views her

00:02:43.340 community. Today, we're talking about identity, about adventure, about fun, and why having fun

00:02:52.200 might be one of the most radical things that a mom can actually do.

00:03:02.780 Hey, Kelly, how you doing? I'm great. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I want to get right into it.

00:03:08.600 you just decided hey i'm gonna race some rally cars and also tell us what rally cars are

00:03:14.780 yes so yeah i have i have two young kids my kids now are almost eight and four um but you know two

00:03:22.320 years ago they were six and two and i it felt like everything had just kind of blown up and i

00:03:27.800 completely disappeared when i had kids and that's not at all what i expected that's not what i was

00:03:32.840 planning for and so I had spent all those years just you know trying to perform like quote-unquote

00:03:38.960 good motherhood and I just felt really lost and it just got to the point where I was like you know

00:03:46.240 what I need something to make me feel like myself again I need something that's most importantly

00:03:51.660 fun because I wasn't having any fun and rally cars are it's basically a type of racing that's

00:04:01.680 on like mixed surfaces. So usually like loose surfaces like gravel or dirt. And it's a lot of

00:04:07.760 like sliding around corners. It's a lot of the professional rally car drivers like will fly over

00:04:13.920 jumps, like just jump their car like on the trail. And it just is this really wild, fun form of car

00:04:22.460 racing. And I was like, you know what, let's do that. Like, why not at this point? So yeah, I just

00:04:29.680 was like well what would happen if I tried you know what would happen if I just went all in yeah

00:04:34.680 if you just if you just did it did you think that motherhood was gonna be fun more fun than it was

00:04:41.140 in the beginning I well I thought that it would be at least easier than it was the beginning you

00:04:47.000 know like I really fell for the like the myth of mothering instincts you know I really fell for the

00:04:55.740 this sort of like story that's like oh it comes naturally and it fulfills you right it's like

00:05:01.920 it's everything that you need basically it's like just to be a mother it's like magically you'll

00:05:07.420 have a baby and you'll know exactly what to do it'll come so naturally you'll be so happy you'll

00:05:12.840 be so filled with love and my experience was just the absolute opposite of that not that i didn't

00:05:18.700 love my my baby and my children but i was so depressed i was so anxious i had no idea what

00:05:25.360 i was doing and then even when i got out of that like fog of new new motherhood i was bored like

00:05:33.260 i was really bored and i've talked to a lot of women who are like oh my god thank you for saying

00:05:37.660 that because i it did not fulfill every need that i had you know yeah no and i i tell my friends this

00:05:46.560 uh that are having their first time babies a lot babies are boring they're i mean especially

00:05:52.860 newborns, they don't do a whole lot. But I love what you said about falling for the myths around

00:05:58.720 motherhood, because I think there are so many of those myths that all of a sudden it will fulfill

00:06:05.760 everything we've ever needed. And I often compare it to the myth of the soulmate when you get

00:06:11.920 married, this idea that your spouse is all of a sudden everything you've ever needed, which we

00:06:18.080 all know is not true um there's just so many myths around how how we should feel fulfilled

00:06:25.680 and purposeful as mothers and none of this is to say that we can't love our kids and we can't

00:06:32.280 love parts of motherhood but it's i mean for me at least it's definitely it's not everything but

00:06:38.820 i think we're told that it should and that that it should be and that if it's not we're less than

00:06:44.300 yes exactly that's I tried so hard for years spending every day just trying to be the mom

00:06:53.740 that was portrayed to me you know sort of like culturally and socially of like what a good mom

00:06:59.660 is like she is completely selfless right she gives everything to her children she has no

00:07:06.560 need like she she doesn't need anything outside of her home and her children or family

00:07:13.640 and i for a long time i was like oh i am the wrong kind of woman like i'm the wrong kind

00:07:21.520 of mom like i'm doing this incorrectly because this isn't working for me um i wasn't feeling

00:07:28.160 the things that everybody said i should feel and yeah i just realized like i need something else

00:07:34.420 because i wasn't showing up as you know i just it turned into like this numbing thing where i was

00:07:40.260 like so depressed because I was like I'm I'm not doing this correctly clearly right because I'm not

00:07:46.980 how I'm quote unquote supposed to be and so then I was like I just checked out or I was super

00:07:53.500 irritable or you know I just kind of felt like a ghost like floating around taking care of

00:07:59.340 everybody else's needs but I had just completely disappeared because I didn't know who I was in

00:08:05.480 my life anymore i didn't know like how i fit anymore um and so yeah that's kind of kind of

00:08:13.060 how yomo i it's the long word is your mom your mom motorsports so we abbreviate it as yomo

00:08:19.580 um but that's how that came about was i was like what if what if i reinvest in myself what if i

00:08:25.380 prioritize me having fun what if i like basically re-center myself in my life um and kind of see

00:08:34.000 what happens and so you made this decision how long ago was that that was early 2024 like january

00:08:44.240 2024 yeah i signed up for a rally school so there are rally schools around the country where you can

00:08:49.880 go and like learn how to race rally cars i mean now i want to learn how to race rally cars i'm

00:08:55.060 gonna immediately google where i can race rally cars outside or in i mean i imagine i can't do it

00:09:00.200 inside Philadelphia. But maybe I can. I don't know. So you signed up. And what did that feel

00:09:10.500 like? You know, that moment where you made the choice, where you said, hey, what if I prioritize

00:09:16.540 my fun, my sense of adventure? Because I will say, I feel like as moms, and especially I also

00:09:23.100 have an eight-year-old, and then I have a six-year-old and a three-year-old. And I think

00:09:28.860 as moms, we're constantly prioritizing the fun of our children. So we're like, OK, I should get

00:09:34.640 them to the playground because that will be fun for them. I should take them on this kind of

00:09:38.620 vacation because that will be fun for them. And this weekend we took our kids skiing for the

00:09:46.460 third time. We've gone three times this season and our big kids and we're just teaching them

00:09:51.260 to ski, which feels like an investment in my future fun, to be honest, such that I can then

00:09:56.880 go on ski vacations with them. There's nothing fun really about skiing with small children and

00:10:02.980 teaching them how to ski. My butt hurts so freaking bad. But, but it does still feel like 0.99

00:10:09.620 prioritizing myself and making that choice being like, you know what, I'm going to teach y'all to

00:10:14.280 ski. How did it feel to make the decision to say, nope, nope, nope, I need to do me right now?

00:10:20.120 yeah it felt like a really strong mixture of thank god you know it was like like me acknowledging a

00:10:30.940 part of myself that had been just like ignored and shoved to the bottom for so long but then also

00:10:36.060 it felt immediately sort of like confrontational against the world that i had been living in you

00:10:44.100 against like these beliefs that i had internalized about like i have to earn my leisure or my hobbies

00:10:51.100 like i'm i can't spend big money on myself i have to save that for the kids i can only spend money

00:10:56.680 on the kids like um things like you know good the whole good moms are selfless thing and so i really

00:11:03.580 had to confront those internal beliefs in order to actually move forward because there's the one

00:11:10.420 thing where you make the decision right you're like yeah great idea i'm gonna do this super wild

00:11:15.980 thing but then actually taking action on it when at every step it was like my fear just got so

00:11:23.000 loud and it was telling me like if you do this you're a bad mom if you do this you're taking

00:11:28.900 time away from your kids you're taking resources and money away from your kids like that's not what

00:11:33.660 good do um and i really had to confront that and be like do i actually believe those things

00:11:39.520 Or do I actually believe that my happiness matters? Do I actually believe that me being a full person is going to be better for my kids in the long run, you know, than me being there for one more weekend or whatever, you know? Yeah. So I love that you are like investing in your kid's scheme because what a beautiful thing to model for them. Like, this is important to me. We're going to learn this as a family. And then you, you know, you reap the benefits for so many years afterwards.

00:12:06.840 I think so, too. And I want to get into something you just said that I think is so true for mothers everywhere. I do not believe it is true for fathers. And it is something I still believe after it's something I still believe after doing this for for nine years that I have to earn my leisure time, that I have to put in a certain amount of momming time in order to deserve doing something for myself. It's so messed up, right?

00:12:36.840 it's so messed up it's so messed up and yeah there I do in I I think a lot about the differences

00:12:45.100 between moms and dads um and yeah for me personally it's like I don't I don't know if

00:12:53.020 it's like a social conditioning thing or you know everybody experiences things at different levels

00:12:57.760 but yeah I really believed like oh I don't they're just with like this deep unworthiness

00:13:03.520 like I'm less important than you know the the well-being of everybody else around me like I

00:13:11.480 need to make sure that everybody else is good before I can even consider myself you know I

00:13:16.360 felt like I have to prove either that I have been productive enough to rest or I have to prove that

00:13:25.160 there's like ROI you know like that was another big one oh my god same same same yeah like I have

00:13:31.700 to justify like if i make this choice what's yeah what's the return like i had to justify

00:13:37.260 the fun which is like the complete opposite like fun is supposed to be you know you look at kids

00:13:43.200 and like they play like it's not for any reason not to be productive not to earn money not to

00:13:49.220 you know earn a title or whatever it's like they play because it's enjoyable and it's how they

00:13:53.300 learn and it's how they interact with each other and it's how they experience the world

00:13:56.440 and so like as adults why are we not allowed to play you know like why are we not allowed to have

00:14:01.480 fun without justifying it first. Right, right. Or measuring our productivity, measuring our ROI,

00:14:09.220 being like, oh, I did I did enough of these other things. I was very productive today.

00:14:12.460 I was productive today, so I deserve something. And I really think it's also such it's a mom thing

00:14:18.380 and it's an American thing that we fall into this trap of measuring our self-worth and what we

00:14:23.100 deserve by some abstract idea of productivity. Yes, it's definitely an American thing.

00:14:31.480 uh our culture is like so just toxically individualistic you know it's like we're

00:14:38.400 the whole like pull yourself up by the bootstraps country you know um and it it makes anybody who's

00:14:45.720 not succeeding it like puts that i mean quote unquote succeeding right it makes success like

00:14:51.880 it ties a moral value to it and it just demonizes rest and relaxation right because if we're resting

00:14:59.760 if we're actually feeling worthy enough to rest and to enjoy our lives, then we're not like

00:15:06.780 grinding away trying to make money for, you know, essentially other people who own our

00:15:12.160 companies that we work for and things like that. Usually other people. That is, that is the truth.

00:15:18.140 It really is. It really is. Okay, let's, let's take a quick break. And when we get back,

00:15:22.600 I want to get into the experience of rally car racing.

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00:16:08.040 Okay, we're back. We just talked a little bit about how freeing it is to put yourself first.

00:16:12.820 Now talk to me about the actual experience of doing it, of doing rally car racing, and

00:16:19.100 what kind of changes that brought about in your mental health, in your body,

00:16:25.400 in your relationship with your family, all of the things.

00:16:29.280 it was I sometimes I still have a hard time saying out loud how impactful and meaningful

00:16:38.540 racing rally cars is in my life because I you know I think of I don't know I just like was

00:16:45.440 not a car person I'm not you know I don't like follow racing or anything and so I thought it

00:16:51.160 was just going to be this kind of silly thing that I did once and I could say I did it if not

00:16:57.140 so cool but honestly i was having a full panic attack like getting ready to to go to rally school

00:17:04.920 i was really really scared because i didn't believe that i could do it because it felt like

00:17:09.620 such an extreme thing to do um and i just again i was like in a place where i was really down on

00:17:16.180 myself i didn't believe in myself really and so it was this huge leap of faith to go in the first

00:17:22.200 place and so I remember I was like in the rally car that the instructor and the instructor was

00:17:28.200 driving and she was like I'm gonna just take you through it to show you you know kind of how it

00:17:33.620 feels like what the exercise that you're gonna do I was like okay totally and she drives through the

00:17:39.540 course and speeds towards this curve and slams on the brakes you know it doesn't slam on the brakes

00:17:44.440 but it slows down and like slides us the whole car back end slides out and we like go off spraying

00:17:50.540 mud everywhere and continue on and I was like whoa that was really cool like that was so fun

00:17:57.320 and there's no way I can do that and so in my head I just resigned myself to like leaving I was like

00:18:04.440 thank you for the opportunity like I'm gonna leave now but thankfully there just wasn't time

00:18:09.760 you know she just was like okay now it's your turn you get in the driver's seat you go and

00:18:13.160 and she talked me through the whole thing I was having a panic attack the entire time

00:18:16.920 and then when I did it you know it was like she we have like intercoms so she's in my ear

00:18:22.880 saying like push on the gas harder harder harder harder like go faster faster faster faster than

00:18:29.240 I've ever been comfortable driving a car she like and now like lift and turn and I did it I just like

00:18:35.820 turned the wheel and I spun the car you know I like the back end slid out and I went around the

00:18:41.880 corner and I corrected and I kept going straight and I literally yelled like I did it I'm so proud

00:18:49.280 of myself um something that I thought I genuinely could not accomplish and I I did it even though I

00:18:56.280 was scared and I did it with the help of a person who was coaching me through it very lovingly you

00:19:01.180 know and it just was so empowering and I was hooked just hooked from that moment on and for

00:19:08.560 rest of the day it's like uh i describe rally as almost like meditative where you are so focused

00:19:16.680 because you're really really you're going very fast and you're going on terrain that's not you

00:19:22.640 know it's loose surfaces so it's not um as predictable as driving just like a regular car

00:19:28.500 on a road and so you have to be really like aware of what's going on in your body what's going on

00:19:34.640 in the car, what's going on in the road. And so it honestly is just the sense of deep, deep presence

00:19:41.040 that I have never felt doing any, you know, any like yoga or meditating or anything else. Like

00:19:48.560 I was zeroed in. I was fully in my body. I was completely aware of what I was doing and what

00:19:54.760 was going on. It was really amazing. And from there, like racing is one of my favorite things

00:20:02.060 because it really snaps me out of just whatever other noise is going on in my head it just gets

00:20:08.660 quiet like even just for a few minutes while I'm going around the track um and it's just like a

00:20:16.060 beautiful way for me to like get to a place of focus and and presence and and just joy because

00:20:24.260 it so much fun. I love that. And I know there's there's so much talk right now about hobbies and

00:20:32.860 how important it is for us to have hobbies. And, you know, my feed on Instagram is filled with

00:20:38.440 granny hobbies. It's filled with a lot of needlepoint and crocheting. And I've tried the 1.00

00:20:44.200 needlepoint. I'm not very good at it. I've tried the crocheting. I get bored very easily. Your

00:20:50.220 hobby is not a granny hobby as far as I know there's not that many grannies rally racing so

00:20:56.740 it's not just about having fun again but it it is about cultivating this sense of adventure again

00:21:02.380 were you adventurous before you had kids I was and I think that's the part like you were talking

00:21:09.120 about earlier you know you plan the vacation that's going to be fun for the kids you plan

00:21:12.680 the outings that are going to be fun for the kids and the things that I did before I had kids was

00:21:17.300 like I went rock climbing I went backpacking I you know volunteered at um elephant sanctuaries

00:21:24.220 I you know I really tried to live as fully as I could and then that gets a lot harder when you

00:21:34.260 have you know babies and little kids and it also gets so much more expensive and so I felt like I

00:21:39.120 lost access to those adventures. And I also felt like I lost access to the piece of me that loved

00:21:47.560 adventure because I couldn't like satiate it. You know, I couldn't satiate that desire. So I just

00:21:52.760 kind of pushed it down. And yeah, being able to race a rally car around a dirt track is very

00:22:01.340 adventurous. And it turns out very family friendly. Like my kids love coming and watching the races

00:22:06.980 and it's just big open space like out in nature with other friendly people and it's honestly a

00:22:12.820 great family activity well talk to me a little bit about how it's changed your experience with

00:22:19.840 your family do you come back to your your kids feeling more fulfilled feeling happier and is it

00:22:26.960 important to you to be modeling this sense of adventure to them it is it honestly like i was

00:22:33.500 saying, I felt like I was wandering around just like a ghost for a long time where it was like

00:22:38.820 just going through the motions and doing all the things that everybody else needed from me.

00:22:43.800 And now that I have this hobby and it's, you know, it's a big hobby. Like it takes up space

00:22:51.000 in our garage. It takes up space in our bank account. It takes up space on our weekends.

00:22:55.860 it has made me feel like a person again and being able to model for my kids not only like a love of

00:23:04.940 adventure and a love of trying new things and learning new things um but just like a love for

00:23:11.080 yourself and honoring yourself and and creating space for yourself and your own joy is so important

00:23:16.380 and i i realized that kind of like you know my kids are looking to me and they're they're saying

00:23:22.380 like oh that's you know that's how you be a person that's how you be a mom you know so everything

00:23:30.300 that I do they're watching and they're taking it in as like a blueprint essentially right for how

00:23:36.740 to live their lives and what to expect from other people and the roles that they're in

00:23:40.120 so yeah it's it's really important to me to model that for them so that they know that I am a whole

00:23:45.280 person and that I am just as important in our family as they are and so that when they grow up

00:23:51.900 they can hold on to that as well but truly like knowing that I get to take up that space knowing

00:23:59.120 that I get that outlet and get to connect with myself in that way it has given me so much more

00:24:05.620 patience so much more perspective I think and just generally it has like leaked into the rest

00:24:13.560 of my life right like when I have this fun thing that I can do and have access to and it lights up

00:24:19.080 a part of myself um that that of course that comes into my parenting comes into the rest of

00:24:25.520 our home um you know i think mom being happy makes makes it like just life happier i mean i i could

00:24:35.300 not agree i like i i honestly cannot agree with that anymore i'm just i'm giving giving you all

00:24:41.680 the snaps right now i want to jump up and dance in my chair it is so true and that is the messaging

00:24:47.380 that we should start to put out there to replace these ridiculous motherhood myths that say moms

00:24:53.880 deserve happiness, moms deserve fun, moms deserve adventure. You're not a bad mom if you're actively

00:25:00.740 seeking these things, if you're actively prioritizing these things. Do you ever get

00:25:05.380 negative messages on your social media from people that are saying you're a bad mom or this isn't

00:25:13.160 how you should do parenthood you know i am actually really surprised i don't know like

00:25:19.160 knock on wood yeah knock on the wood because internet trolls are real they're so real and

00:25:24.620 i've definitely experienced them for sure like i on social media i am a woman in like the car

00:25:32.120 space in the motorsport space which is like we are a minority um like a large part like the

00:25:39.600 majority of my audience is men and I've honestly been so pleasantly surprised that the feedback

00:25:48.520 that I get is just overwhelmingly positive and supportive and it has helped a lot because it's

00:25:55.120 scary it's scary to put yourself out there and it's hard to show up authentically when it goes

00:26:00.340 like so like deeply against those cultural norms and those social expectations and to have that

00:26:08.460 be positively received is is very wonderful and i'm so grateful for that obviously there are people

00:26:14.860 who just come across my content like when they're scrolling and they're not invested in the story

00:26:19.440 they don't know who i am or what i'm doing and they have you know rude things to say or whatever

00:26:25.620 in passing but um it has helped me a lot honestly to build boundaries because that's not something

00:26:31.300 I was great at before and now I'm like oh your opinion doesn't need to affect my life in any way

00:26:39.400 so that's been nice and and keep that attitude that is the attitude that you're going to

00:26:46.120 want to have because the haters are awful online they truly truly are okay let's take one more

00:26:53.220 quick break and when we get back I want to talk a little bit about what this new adventure has

00:26:58.000 taught you about learning to balance everything in your family life i don't think i can be your

00:27:09.220 friend isabella said rebecca's stomach flipped this is the love story of real hinge couple

00:27:15.760 isabella and rebecca written and read by me temi denton hearst listen to the free audiobook now

00:27:28.000 Okay, we are back. Talk to me a little bit about balance. How do you do this balancing? And again,

00:27:34.420 this is a question we don't ask men. No one has ever asked a man, how do you balance golf

00:27:38.940 with being a dad? How do you do that? In fact, I'd like to start asking men that. When I see

00:27:45.300 men heading out to go golf on Sundays, I want to be like, how do you balance this with being a dad,

00:27:50.960 with being away from the house for seven hours on a Sunday, dude? So talk to me a little bit

00:27:55.760 about balance uh because i do think we have to say these things out loud as women we don't have

00:27:59.840 a choice absolutely yeah i balance is a tricky thing because i think that for a long time i

00:28:08.220 thought that balance was like executing everything perfectly at all times and i think what i've

00:28:14.260 learned is like there are some times where the balance tips more towards me doing rally and

00:28:22.160 there are sometimes when the balance tips more towards my kids doing an activity or you know our

00:28:28.600 family doing something together and so it has helped me kind of zoom out and get more perspective

00:28:34.920 on balance being just like a broader feeling and less of a like um focusing on exactly what you've

00:28:46.660 done each day you know instead of it being like a checkbox and making sure that everyone's everyone's

00:28:51.940 bucket is exactly the same every day it's like an overall functioning for our family of like are we

00:28:58.520 balanced are we out of balance is this this season is going to tip more in this direction

00:29:02.660 this season is going to tip back in the other direction and just like learning to trust myself

00:29:08.680 and each other like as a family unit we can kind of have that flexibility and that give and take

00:29:15.240 and know that we are all going to be equally taken care of and like invested in yeah i mean again

00:29:21.800 because it's not a zero-sum game.

00:29:24.280 It's not, if I do this,

00:29:25.640 this takes away from you necessarily.

00:29:28.860 Again, that feels like mom accounting to me.

00:29:32.080 I don't really know anyone else

00:29:34.520 who does accounting like this in their worlds.

00:29:37.640 How much time does Rally take up in your life now?

00:29:41.040 It really kind of ebbs and flows.

00:29:43.260 There is a Rally season.

00:29:45.540 There's an off-season.

00:29:46.600 There's a short off-season generally.

00:29:49.140 And I'm doing, for the most part right now,

00:29:51.080 I'm still you know doing like local races so it'll be you know like a week gearing up for the race

00:29:57.960 and then the weekend race and things like that for those first two years like 2024 when I was

00:30:03.940 learning and then and then my husband and I built out a rally car it took most of our free time

00:30:11.260 like we didn't go off on vacation we didn't go on weekend trips my kids didn't play any sports like

00:30:17.420 that was what we did on our free time because we had this end goal of getting me set up so that i

00:30:23.260 i could more easily just kind of like pop into a race and and out of a race um and so yeah now

00:30:29.540 we're at the point where like we weigh it against the family calendar you know um it's not that one

00:30:34.640 person is more important than the other it's like okay we have this going on which one is the actual

00:30:39.020 like priority for our family where we may be feeling like somebody is in a deficit and need

00:30:44.860 you know, to do an activity focus on then. But honestly, we do kind of build our annual

00:30:51.660 calendar around like, are there specific races that I want to attend and that we want to go to

00:30:56.780 as a family? And we make sure that those are on the calendar well in advance and prioritized.

00:31:02.140 So what I love is that your entire family is now involved in rally. You guys built a rally car

00:31:07.040 together tell me about that yeah we bought a 1985 bmw 325e which didn't mean anything to me at the

00:31:16.660 time and now i know that there is like this huge subculture of people who are really into this type

00:31:21.380 of like vintage car um and we just started we had never worked on a car my husband russ um and i had

00:31:27.640 never worked on cars before we had no idea what we were doing um he's like a tinkerer he likes to

00:31:33.920 figure things out so i trusted that he could you know get us there and then we just kind of started

00:31:39.260 ripping the car apart honestly we've put in like a roll bar we've put in racing seats and harnesses

00:31:43.900 um we've done all kinds of crazy things that i never expected to want to do or to be able to do

00:31:50.620 and honestly working on cars is super empowering like i did not think i would be interested in it

00:31:56.580 at all and i still like oh god we have to work on the car you know um because it's it's a big

00:32:02.540 endeavor but when you're finished with a project you're like oh my god i took that machine apart

00:32:07.180 and i put it back together and it's it i've built a lot of confidence a lot of skills um and i've

00:32:12.980 honestly made a lot of friends that i never would have made before um because now i can kind of

00:32:17.680 tinker with my car that is super fun and what i'm finding so interesting about this is that you know

00:32:23.580 in choosing to prioritize yourself and prioritize your sense of adventure your sense of fun you found

00:32:29.840 a shared project with your husband. You built more community. You made more friends. I feel

00:32:36.740 like it's that ridiculous old adage, put your oxygen mask on first, because if you just do that,

00:32:44.200 if that is just the first step, then I do think there is a domino effect of other really

00:32:49.400 advantageous things that happen after that, right? Yes, I completely agree. I never expected that,

00:32:58.660 like i said that it would be this meaningful but it has brought my husband and i closer we have

00:33:03.380 this shared experience we're learning together it has brought my kids like they've become more

00:33:08.400 interested in mechanical things it you know we have this shared experience together where

00:33:12.740 they cheer for me which is so nice um yeah and i've built this entire community of people who

00:33:18.120 are so caring and kind and and just also want to have fun and they want other people to have fun

00:33:24.040 like fun is so contagious you know like when you meet someone and they're excited about something

00:33:28.620 they want to share it with you and that's exactly how the rally community is because it's so fun

00:33:33.560 like we just want everybody to be out there having fun and it's it's been really amazing and and

00:33:40.900 impactful what has been the most surprising thing about this experiment i think the most surprising

00:33:49.360 thing has been how important fun is I think it's really easy to like let fun fall by the wayside

00:34:00.900 you know think of it as not really useful not really important not really meaningful

00:34:05.440 but I was so surprised to to realize like I had this very profound realization where I was like

00:34:13.300 oh nobody else is going to make sure that I'm enjoying my life you know like there's nobody's

00:34:18.960 coming around like checking my son homework to make sure that i'm happy that i'm you know enjoying

00:34:26.760 and having fun and so i was like oh that's my like responsibility to myself um and to my kids

00:34:34.160 to show them that like it takes effort it takes you know you have to really decide to prioritize

00:34:40.460 yourself and to prioritize just enjoying your life and like fun isn't the other thing i realized is

00:34:47.600 like fun isn't were you just about to say fun isn't fun all the time yeah yeah yeah i was gonna

00:34:52.520 say like fun isn't fun a hundred percent of the time like rally is is brutal sometimes and like

00:34:58.620 working on the car is hard and i've gotten hurt and it's dirty and messy and you know sometimes

00:35:05.780 it's frustrating if you have this goal of fun in mind like it's called i learned this term it's

00:35:11.980 called type two fun where it's like the fun is what you get afterwards it's like the journey to

00:35:19.160 it isn't always fun it's kind of like um you know people who like hike up mountains where it's like

00:35:24.720 it's kind of grueling and it's hard and um you get blisters on your feet and and you're hungry

00:35:31.620 and tired um but then you get to the top of the mountain and you're like oh my god this is amazing

00:35:36.820 I'm so glad I did this like this was such a fun outing um and that's kind of how rally is too

00:35:42.540 right like you have to to put in work to get the fun sometimes um and that doesn't make it any less

00:35:48.700 worth it you know it just means sometimes there's some effort that has to go into it I think there's

00:35:54.860 effort that has to go into most fun I mean to be to be honest and I mean I so hear that about

00:36:01.100 about the hiking it's it's awful when you're doing it to be honest uh what is type one fun

00:36:06.380 and is there a type three fun oh great question i have no idea i would well let's make it up

00:36:12.020 ourselves i would assume that type one fun is just like effortless you know it's like sitting

00:36:17.380 with a friend and just laughing about stupid stuff you know um but yeah type two fun is is

00:36:23.500 the like okay this isn't up front like what i thought fun would be but afterwards you're really

00:36:31.560 glad you did it and you look up at it like very fun and it was a lot of fun you know as you look

00:36:37.520 back kind of as you look back much much like raising children to be honest when everyone's

00:36:43.180 like oh my gosh you're gonna miss this so essentially motherhood is also type two fun

00:36:47.360 yeah maybe i've been expecting parenthood to be too much type one fun maybe i need to think of

00:36:54.280 it more as type two fun more as type two fun you've posted a lot about how it can be hard to

00:37:01.200 get started we can be nervous about getting started we can keep putting it off because

00:37:04.680 we're like it's too much work what advice do you have for someone who wants to get started

00:37:09.320 injecting more fun and more adventure into their life i would say honestly just start small like

00:37:16.260 i didn't right like i did not take that advice but if you are overwhelmed by it just do like a

00:37:23.680 small ask yourself in a like a day-to-day situation be like um if i have a choice between these two

00:37:29.700 things which one is more fun like you can inject it into everyday life just by kind of asking

00:37:35.580 yourself like given my even what I view maybe limited options which one's the more fun one

00:37:41.500 and just start kind of letting yourself move in that direction like it takes practice honestly

00:37:46.220 it's a muscle that I had to build up because I was so used to like denying myself any sort of

00:37:54.960 fun or pleasure or desire because that's like you know good moms that's what we're told that's what

00:38:00.680 we're told good moms do girl exactly exactly and so I was very practiced at that I was very

00:38:06.360 practiced at like withholding those things from myself um and so it just took a lot of effort to

00:38:12.580 be and for me my personality was like it had to be big I knew I needed something really big that

00:38:18.260 would hold me accountable um and so i went for like this really huge fun explosion um but yeah

00:38:26.220 there are easy ways to just kind of like step by step like okay does this sound more fun or does

00:38:31.120 this sound more fun i love that will you tell everyone where they can find more about you and

00:38:36.120 your story and all of this absolutely i am on instagram my handle is your mom races rally

00:38:43.040 um because i think it's a whole i love a your mom joke that was a fun handle and so i picked it so

00:38:49.080 your mom races rally on instagram i just started a sub stack called wildly frivolous because that's

00:38:55.880 kind of i realized like the kind of life i want to chase is just like having somebody who's so

00:39:01.620 still stuck in those social expectations having their reaction be like oh that is wildly frivolous

00:39:07.000 I'm like, yes, that's what I want, Ben.

00:39:09.860 I love that.

00:39:11.040 I actually want a sweatshirt that says wildly frivolous.

00:39:14.700 Oh, great.

00:39:15.540 I'll put that on my list.

00:39:16.560 I'll make one and send it to you.

00:39:17.800 Perfect.

00:39:18.280 That's what I want.

00:39:19.520 And then I just wrote a book, which is also titled Your Mom Race's Rally.

00:39:24.160 That subtitle is Motherhood, Motorsports, and the Revolution of Fun.

00:39:28.040 And those are really the three topics that I dive into, which I talk more about my story

00:39:32.180 and more about the people that I've met and the meaning behind motorsports that I've

00:39:35.640 found um and how having fun can change our lives and the world and that is available um on it's

00:39:42.600 called carrara books is my publisher they are a wonderful like boots week publishing company

00:39:47.500 and so you can pre-order on their website carrara books.com um and it'll be available for pre-order

00:39:53.300 in all the other places soon too wonderful thanks so much for coming on today kelly

00:39:57.920 thank you so much for having me i really loved it

00:40:05.640 We'll see you next time.

00:40:35.640 you matched on hinge you're vibing then her energy completely changes what do you do

00:40:48.980 i'm raven smith and i wrote and read a real love story about this exact

00:40:53.500 sitch listen to the free audiobook now

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - January 27, 2026

Moms Just Want (Deserve) to Have Fun

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