Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Owning Your Own Story with Lauren Sisler

00:00:00.000 Hi, Joe here, and you are listening to Under the Influence. One of the things that I've

00:00:13.680 been talking about a lot lately with my girlfriends, with my husband, really with everybody, is

00:00:20.520 how do we find our purpose in life? It used to be that our purpose really came from our jobs

00:00:30.960 in a lot of ways. Our jobs were very much our identities. They were how we introduced ourselves

00:00:38.320 to people. And now in a world where careers are often precarious, that purpose doesn't feel so

00:00:47.320 purposeful anymore. I mean, at least not for me. I still introduce myself as a storyteller

00:00:55.380 and as an author, but I work for me. I don't work for a company, and Nick hasn't been working

00:01:04.660 for a company since March, and he's still trying to figure out what he's doing next.

00:01:10.920 And while I was working on the Sicilian inheritance, I started thinking about the

00:01:15.960 kinds of purpose and the kinds of meaning that our family stories can give us. And, you know,

00:01:23.340 I dug deep into Lorenza's story, and I dug deep into my parents' stories and the stories of my

00:01:31.580 childhood, some of which were definitely traumatic, but they also served to shape me

00:01:37.700 in really interesting ways. So with that frame of mind, with me being in that place right now,

00:01:45.960 That is how I came across Lauren Sissler's story. Lauren is an incredible sideline reporter for ESPN, and she has a new book called Shatterproof out this week. And her story, I mean, her story is just going to blow you away.

00:02:05.460 Lauren lost both of her parents to opioid addiction. Her mom and her dad died within

00:02:14.320 hours of each other, and they were both victims of a hidden battle with prescription drug addiction.

00:02:23.300 Now, Lauren did not want to talk about this right away, and in fact, it has been years and years in

00:02:31.040 the making for her to get over all of the shame and all of the grief and all of the baggage

00:02:37.100 that came along with this story. But Lauren says that this story has also given her life

00:02:44.520 a purpose, that it has helped her reframe how she sees life, how she sees the world,

00:02:52.020 and her hope is that everyone can learn to fall in love with their own stories.

00:02:57.860 The journey of healing is not linear, and shame can often prevent us from asking important questions about who we are and where we came from.

00:03:12.760 My talk with Lauren today was so inspiring for me.

00:03:18.360 This book is incredible, her journey has been incredible, and I'm just so excited for you to get to hear from her.

00:03:27.860 hi lauren hi joe how are you today oh i'm so good i'm so good i'm excited to be here with you today

00:03:39.320 uh your book is out this week first off like that's a huge deal like let's just celebrate

00:03:43.800 the huge deal it is to have a book out this week how are you feeling you know i'm a reporter right

00:03:51.080 and you and i share a lot of parallels here right so i cover college football and i keep envisioning

00:03:55.840 myself as I'm running down the field and I've been running and I've been running and I've been

00:04:00.460 running and I've just been trying to catch my breath and I'm just like crossing the goal line

00:04:04.680 right now. And it's just, ah, you know, you get to do a shimmy. You get to do a dance right now.

00:04:12.040 Oh, so exciting. And I think this book is so important. It's going to touch so many people.

00:04:18.120 I want to dig into your whole story, but what I really loved was a quote from you where you said,

00:04:23.400 my hope is that everyone falls in love with their own story and that your story is what ultimately

00:04:30.580 helped you find purpose. Tell me a little bit about that. Yeah. Right. So, look, here's the

00:04:38.200 deal. I just said we are journalists. We are storytellers. And we have this opportunity,

00:04:45.180 right, to share stories. And for so many years, I ran from the truth and the battles that I've

00:04:53.660 faced and the shame that I've faced. I ran from the truth of my story because I was so fearful

00:04:58.340 of what people would think, the judgment. And, you know, as a former athlete, it was all about

00:05:02.680 perfection. I was a gymnast my whole life and I wanted to be accepted and I wanted that perfect

00:05:07.160 10. And, you know, everything on the outside visually was like perfect. It was buttoned up

00:05:11.640 and everything was so great. And then underneath it all, like I was struggling with this shame.

00:05:17.260 And ultimately, as I'm a journalist telling other people's stories, seeing the ripple effect,

00:05:22.720 when I would share a young man's story about living homeless or losing a family member,

00:05:27.340 going through this terrible tragedy, and then seeing the ripple effect and the impact it would

00:05:32.200 have on the viewers and the fans and the people watching from at home, I was like, wait a sec.

00:05:37.020 like why why am I not owning my own story and that was just that aha moment right and and it

00:05:44.260 didn't come I mean when I say moment let's say let's stream together a lot of moments here a

00:05:48.580 lot of moments right yes right that you know and that's the one thing to to to reiterate here is

00:05:55.260 that this is a long journey and it's not linear right right right not linear at all and I think

00:06:03.220 And that's what people don't realize is that, you know, when you're going through certain

00:06:06.760 things, when you're going through challenges, when you're dealing with things in life, like

00:06:11.280 you kind of just put this like whole, you know, timeline on things, you know, like,

00:06:18.240 oh, well, they did it in this timeline.

00:06:20.300 They did it in this time.

00:06:21.180 You start putting, oh, I should be over it by now.

00:06:23.620 Right.

00:06:24.000 And then it's like, wait a sec.

00:06:25.300 Oh, like, this is my timeline.

00:06:26.700 This is my story.

00:06:28.000 So like, let's own it.

00:06:29.280 Let's own it.

00:06:29.900 Every single chapter.

00:06:31.540 Every, every single chapter.

00:06:32.680 And not cherry pick which chapters, you know, might sound pretty or might fit a certain mold.

00:06:41.360 Let's back up a little bit for because the book is so brand new that a lot of our listeners haven't haven't gotten it yet.

00:06:47.880 And we're not going to do any spoilers.

00:06:50.540 But tell folks who aren't familiar with your story just just a little bit, a little bit about your backstory.

00:06:58.760 Yeah.

00:06:59.280 Yeah. Well, the book is called Shatterproof. And so this this will help you as as to not give it away.

00:07:05.500 But, you know, a good old Google search will tell you a lot. But the book is called Shatterproof.

00:07:10.820 And the subtitle is how I overcame the shame of losing my parents to opioid addiction and found my sideline shimmy.

00:07:18.720 And so really that encapsulates so much because when you think of shatterproof, to me, it's like someone literally took a baseball bat to my life,

00:07:27.180 shattered it into a million pieces and now I'm left to pick it up right but as I picked up the

00:07:32.260 pieces and put them back together I've realized in this process like I am shatterproof that I

00:07:38.020 have been able to build this resilience and kind of grow through this situation

00:07:41.840 but look it's taken a lot of time as I mentioned and so um really the backstory on it as uh you

00:07:48.220 know I I uh mentioned I was a gymnast I grew up being an aspiring uh collegiate gymnast wanted a

00:07:54.980 college scholarship, loved the sport of gymnastics. And my family was so dedicated, right? Myself,

00:08:00.900 my mom, my dad, my brother, you know, just traveling to gymnastics competitions, invested

00:08:05.480 in my career. And so I saw myself being a collegiate gymnast and I put my head down,

00:08:10.920 worked towards it, got the scholarship for Rutgers, went to Rutgers on scholarship and

00:08:15.840 was living the dream. And then I get a phone call from my dad one night, just hours after talking

00:08:22.200 to both of my parents on the phone to let me know that my mom died. And I was just like, what? Like,

00:08:28.640 what do you mean mom died? I just talked to mom. She's 45 years old. He says, I can't explain it

00:08:34.200 now. Get on the next plane. You can, and I'll be at the airport to pick you up. And unfortunately,

00:08:37.840 he never showed up that day to the airport. And within five hours, he too lost his life to

00:08:44.560 overdose. Wow. Wow. And so, so this was, this was fentanyl. And also I've got to say like this

00:08:51.420 story is going to touch so many people um that have have have you know gone through this and it

00:08:58.380 is an epidemic our country is going through it right now and i'm just i'm i'm so proud of you

00:09:04.680 for writing a book like this for for sharing your story did you did you know what was going on

00:09:11.560 that is the million dollar question and it's wild because look hindsight's 2020

00:09:18.640 March 24th of 2003 was when they passed.

00:09:22.200 So we have eclipsed the 21-year anniversary, right?

00:09:25.360 And so you look back and let's be real.

00:09:27.600 You know, when you're a teenager going through-

00:09:29.440 You were also a child.

00:09:30.400 Yes, you were a child.

00:09:32.500 When their addiction started,

00:09:33.960 so they were going to a pain management doctor.

00:09:36.620 They were seeking help for the chronic pain

00:09:39.540 they were experiencing.

00:09:40.900 And in that time, like, you know,

00:09:43.480 it's being prescribed.

00:09:44.760 Mom and dad are in pain.

00:09:46.020 Like, you don't look at it that way

00:09:47.740 when you're a teenager living in the house.

00:09:49.620 And not to mention,

00:09:50.240 my parents were darn good at hiding it, right?

00:09:52.920 Of course.

00:09:53.420 But, you know, there were signs.

00:09:55.100 There were things that I look back at,

00:09:56.360 like dad falling asleep at the drop of a hat.

00:09:58.520 You know, we'd watch a movie 20 times over

00:10:00.560 and he'd still never get to the end of it.

00:10:01.940 I just always thought,

00:10:02.760 well, he commutes over an hour each way to work.

00:10:04.540 He's tired, like whatever.

00:10:07.100 But what we were coming, you know,

00:10:09.280 later found out is that, you know,

00:10:10.840 both of my parents were medicating

00:10:12.400 and literally getting 90 days supply

00:10:15.120 of Oxycontin in the mail, right?

00:10:16.880 Oh my gosh.

00:10:17.280 It's unheard of now, right? Like, yeah, I mean, you give someone 90 days. I mean, that's that's that's giving candy to a child. And, you know, I think that my mom especially was by the book. My dad was a little renegade. He loved to spend money. You know, my dad did struggle with alcoholism. So I was aware that, you know, I was aware that there was an issue there, but I didn't know what alcoholism was. And I think that's the thing.

00:10:40.900 you know, when you're in it with a loved one dealing with addiction, you don't necessarily

00:10:46.080 understand it and know it because a lot of times you're blinded by it. Right. And so you kind of

00:10:50.920 have these blinders on and you don't see it when you're like in it. You almost have to zoom out

00:10:55.600 to like truly understand what's going on and like understand that this is a major issue. And

00:11:02.960 gosh, looking back, you know, I think this is the hard part, Joe, and I think you can relate to this.

00:11:07.500 And I don't, I don't, I think there was a time in my life where I had like regret and like, oh, you know, why didn't I do this and that, the why me's and the why didn't I do this good stuff.

00:11:17.080 But we as journalists ask questions, right?

00:11:19.140 You and I are having a great conversation here and you were asking great questions.

00:11:23.180 I look back and I'm like, why the heck did I not ask more questions?

00:11:27.460 And I think I just, you know, I kind of beat myself up over it a little bit.

00:11:30.780 And I think, you know, looking at it now as a almost 40-year-old, about to literally turn 40 on October 10th, y'all, about to hit the fourth floor.

00:11:40.260 Oh, my gosh.

00:11:40.900 Keeping the elevator on up.

00:11:42.400 Let me tell you, though, it's nice on this side of it.

00:11:45.340 I turned 44 last week.

00:11:47.400 And it's nice over here.

00:11:50.240 It is.

00:11:50.800 Like, the fact that we've been taught to kind of fear our 40s and 50s as women for so long as a culture, I'm like, oh, no, I feel good.

00:11:58.960 I feel good in my body.

00:12:00.080 I feel good. I'm confident. I love it. Yeah. Well, let me tell you, and Botox is a beautiful

00:12:07.960 thing. Okay. So nice. So nice. I love me some Botox so much. And also all of the things,

00:12:15.040 my vanity at this age knows no balance and I have no shame. Yeah. When you, I used to be anti all

00:12:21.280 the things I was like, I'm never getting Botox. And then I was like, I'm never telling people I

00:12:25.700 get Botox. Then I'm like, screw it. Like this is better about yourself. Go after it. Lean in, 0.59

00:12:32.580 you know, after it. Yes. You do what makes you feel amazing. I love this. You know, everything

00:12:38.000 in moderation. Right. You know, you got to be realistic at times. And of course, the pocket

00:12:42.260 book, you know, takes a hit sometimes. But all that to say is, you know, back to the question

00:12:47.600 piece of it. Right. I love this sideline. I love this sideline. This is what we do. Yeah. I mean,

00:12:53.700 it's like, this is what it would sound like if we were like sitting, shooting the shit and having 0.99

00:12:56.600 coffee or a muffin. I know. I'm literally like, oh my gosh, Joe and I are like best friends already. 0.99

00:13:00.940 We are. We literally talked for like, I felt like an hour before we even started this podcast

00:13:04.960 because I had like a thousand questions for you and BFFs. BFFs done. But yeah. So, you know,

00:13:11.960 I think that's the part that's, that I struggle with Joe is that like, you know, looking back,

00:13:16.880 but also when I was 15 years old, 16 years old, like, you know, you're kind of, you're kind of

00:13:22.780 conditioned as a kid not to ask questions, right? A hundred percent. You know, your parents tell

00:13:27.260 you, you don't ask people what kind of money they make and you don't do this and you don't do that.

00:13:30.780 You like, you almost feel like there's just sort of this like barrier, right? Like, you know enough,

00:13:34.640 but you don't know it all. And it's not really up to you to know what the finances are and what

00:13:38.760 this is and what that is. Right. So I think, you know, I could beat myself up all day long.

00:13:45.680 But I do think, and that's what I would encourage people, you know, if, if there are concerns or if

00:13:51.620 they're you know and i think that's the thing there's so many resources out there now so much

00:13:55.760 more education so much more now like you know you're like they're on prescription drugs that's

00:14:00.260 what they're doing what their doctor says doing what they're told and my mom like i said was so

00:14:04.680 by the book like i never just i never thought anything was off kilter right um you know and

00:14:11.100 the finances were in absolute disarray and so the book really dives into that i mean it teaches you

00:14:15.900 this timeline and i will say this you know um what's what's really crazy and cool is like

00:14:21.420 i knew parts of the story and of course it took me years because i live with the shame

00:14:26.760 to accept what happened and then ultimately to come out and like talk about it um because

00:14:32.340 overdose and addiction like my parents weren't addicts like there's just no way you can't put

00:14:37.280 that label on them but it's like okay and i think we create a society right a label for people um

00:14:45.080 You know, you put a label on someone and, you know, you're almost forced to live with that label.

00:14:51.400 And you start to conform to like the societal norm.

00:14:54.980 So in my mind, it was like, that's shameful.

00:14:56.940 That's, you know, my parents were bad people and people are going to think they were, you know, bad people.

00:15:03.000 When in reality, they were loving, caring, charismatic, funny, humorous, literally would do anything for my brother and I.

00:15:11.720 and did everything they could while literally stroking $10 checks to the power company to keep

00:15:18.760 a roof over a head. And little did we know we're living in our quote unquote dream home that my

00:15:24.740 parents had built out in the country. And I mean, it just was a disaster. But all that to say is-

00:15:31.780 Parents are good at keeping things from their kids, right? I mean, they build a life for their

00:15:37.820 children. And, you know, who are we to question? Because we also don't see our parents as fully

00:15:42.780 formed human beings yet. We're going to take a quick break here. Be right back.

00:15:57.960 You were a college athlete. You were trying to build your own life, find your purpose,

00:16:03.360 find your story and you buried this story I mean how did you talk about this to other people for a

00:16:08.840 long time yeah I buried it so deep and it's so crazy because I actually was just at Rutgers I

00:16:15.160 went and spoke to the athletes there oh my gosh it was so awesome being back home and just like

00:16:18.960 a full circle moment right and being like in the the rack which is like the basketball facility

00:16:24.500 there and like just talking to the athlete but I'll tell you I was with my athletic trainer she

00:16:30.060 was she was with me all four years when I was at Rutgers. So, of course, she's got a medical

00:16:33.360 background. Yeah. And she knows like, OK, Lauren comes back to Rutgers and people want to know

00:16:41.020 what happened. And I'm just the sugarcoated story. And even her as a medical professional

00:16:47.500 was like, who am I to question her story? Who am I to question what she's telling people?

00:16:53.700 and so I literally latched on to the word respiratory failure okay yeah like that was

00:16:59.840 the word I don't know where I learned it I heard it somewhere and so I told people mom died of

00:17:04.600 respiratory failure dad died of a heart attack because in theory like dad died several hours

00:17:10.040 later and I think that the the whole concept of like well was it suicide right so his both of

00:17:15.620 their deaths were ruled accidental but there's so many questions and and there's there's a lot

00:17:20.720 of like investigation and get investigative pieces that go into that. But even she didn't

00:17:26.800 question what I was saying. And it's funny because if nobody's questioning my story,

00:17:31.220 then I'm just going to run with it. Right. Like nobody's trying to like plug the gaps and like

00:17:35.540 the loopholes and say, well, wait, what does this mean? And like, that doesn't make sense. Right.

00:17:39.880 Nobody's asking. Nobody's saying anything. So respiratory failure sounds a lot better than

00:17:44.020 overdose yeah and you know um with my dad you know it's just like oh well they both died of

00:17:50.700 respiratory that sounds a little fishy so like heart attack well he just couldn't survive without

00:17:55.080 my mom because she was the glue of the family and he just died of heartbreak right but in my mind I

00:18:00.780 you know I just validated like and I and I it's funny when I sit here thinking back to those days

00:18:06.100 21 years ago right and you know processing that thought processing that thought process

00:18:11.740 I'm just like so did I like how did I in my brain like make sense of all that like I look back

00:18:18.840 because everyone's asking well how did you it was in the newspaper like how did you just ignore it

00:18:23.240 and I'm like ah but it's amazing how like we're able we're capable of doing those things right

00:18:30.620 absolutely well and it's because self-protection self-preservation and the power of storytelling

00:18:39.520 is so intense. You know, the ability to tell ourselves certain narratives, to invent certain

00:18:48.500 narratives, because that's how we live. We live and die by the stories that we tell ourselves.

00:18:53.960 And so, you know, it makes so much sense to me. It makes so much sense to me. I mean, I feel like I

00:19:00.120 went through so many personal processes of reinventing my own story. Both of my parents

00:19:06.580 were, were alcoholics when I was growing up, both of whom got treatment when I was, when I was in

00:19:12.360 my teens, you know, relapse on and off. I didn't talk about it for so long. I was so ashamed. You

00:19:17.980 know, I just assumed that all of my friends that I met in college had these like perfect, wonderful

00:19:23.280 families. And like, I, I could never reveal what it was like to grow up with, with my parents,

00:19:28.780 which was amazing how we're able to do that because we literally think like we're the only

00:19:34.660 ones. Our families are so dysfunctional. I mean, my best friend growing up, like I just literally

00:19:39.940 had to, you can't come to my house. Like when my dad would relapse, like he would artery would

00:19:44.520 just kind of act different. And I would be like, you, you know, let's go play at your house. Let's

00:19:47.760 go to the pool, you know, come to find out, you know, her father was battling it and, um, you

00:19:53.840 know, he's in recovery and he's doing so well, but like, and he was the epitome of health running

00:19:59.180 through the neighborhood, literally this, the string bean, like healthy man. And I never like

00:20:04.060 in a million years knew that he had a problem. Right. And it's crazy to me because I'm sitting

00:20:08.160 here like, holy crap, like this whole time, like I'm thinking it's just us. It's just me.

00:20:14.920 Yes. Yes, exactly. And it's never just you. I mean, every family, actually every family except

00:20:20.560 my husband's family. I married this person who just like had this like idyllic upbringing in

00:20:26.200 the Midwest with like these two perfect parents. And I'm just like, this is why you're kind of

00:20:32.920 boring, Nick Caster. I'm like, I love

00:20:34.860 you, but you've got no

00:20:36.720 edge, my friend. No

00:20:38.540 edge. I'm like, and I've got

00:20:40.740 all of the edge, but thankfully, you

00:20:42.860 know, you can't have both in a marriage, but

00:20:45.080 um, well, you know,

00:20:46.460 you urge the two together with your

00:20:48.780 kiddos, right? And so, like,

00:20:50.700 you have some moments

00:20:52.940 of not boring, and then you have some

00:20:54.520 hopefully some sanity

00:20:56.100 that your husband brings into the

00:20:58.180 fold, right? Totally. Totally.

00:21:00.420 That's my husband's the same way. I'm just like,

00:21:02.920 you know, you know, and the thing is when you start to get to know people, you do start to

00:21:07.320 see things and you're like, oh, well, you know, there's things that start coming out, uh, about

00:21:12.280 family members and other family members. And we, this whole lifetime, we didn't know about this,

00:21:16.100 but it's just crazy because, um, you know, I think, I think that we all put up this facade,

00:21:22.140 you know, we want to be accepted. We want to be perfect. And you know what I'm going to tell you

00:21:25.300 is I would do anything, Joe, to bring my parents back today. Absolutely anything. But what I will

00:21:31.500 say is, A, that's not possible. But what I've learned in all of that, I guess, A and B, I got

00:21:38.680 to go to ABC, right? But what I've learned in all this, you know, where I'm at now, I'm so grateful

00:21:45.680 that I at least have been able to create a unique lens through what has transpired. Because I do

00:21:55.100 think that sometimes, you know, we, and that's why we're here. We want to encourage people, right?

00:22:01.500 Because I do think it's easy to unpack your bags right where you're at and live in your

00:22:05.320 misery and your sorrow and your grief and your shame and all the things.

00:22:08.340 Because it's easy.

00:22:09.180 It's easier sometimes to just stay there instead of pack your bags and literally get up and

00:22:13.980 move forward.

00:22:15.180 And so I just, you know, I think that I am so grateful that having gone through that

00:22:20.760 circumstance, that at least now I've gotten a perspective that I don't think I ever would

00:22:26.300 have had.

00:22:26.880 And now I feel like I'm almost, you know, and you talk about the purpose piece, right?

00:22:31.180 finding purpose and like using that to share with others, um, I think is so important. And that's

00:22:35.840 what I want to encourage people, like meeting you where you're at, whatever it is you're going

00:22:39.260 through, right. Whatever circumstances and enough with the comparisons. Cause I think a lot of times

00:22:43.580 people are like, well, you know, I, I lost this or this happened, but it's not nearly as bad as

00:22:48.040 like you and what you did. I said, no, your experiences are your experiences, right? Oh,

00:22:52.920 yes. What you go through is what you go through, whether that is losing a, you know, a gerbil

00:22:57.940 or, you know, or, you know, something, something, you know, very tragic on the other end of the

00:23:05.420 spectrum. It's all the same. Right. And I think that that's where, you know, people get caught

00:23:09.200 up in the why I shouldn't feel sadness because this really isn't as bad as this. I think it's

00:23:13.940 good to have. Yeah. But yeah, but there there should not be grief measuring contests or,

00:23:20.780 you know, your grief is bigger than mine. I think, you know, we can hold space for everyone's

00:23:24.760 great. And, and everyone's trauma. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that's just, I want to meet

00:23:32.200 people where they're at because I think to shame is such a universal issue. And whether it is

00:23:38.440 addiction and let's be real, like addiction doesn't have to be substance, you know, like,

00:23:42.960 no, it can be so many things, so many things we can be addicted to. Right. You know, um,

00:23:48.440 but that shame piece will literally just attack you right um and i love what you said too about

00:23:55.020 like okay you know you're like living up your 40s and i think that a lot of times we are like you

00:24:00.260 said society tells us well like your 40s like the fear the fearful 40s and 50s like you know

00:24:06.000 you think like i'm i'm entering into the back half of my life right but also like how cool is it

00:24:12.620 because joe you said like i'm i'm living my best life right now and you know why that part of that

00:24:17.960 is, is because you've had all these experiences and everything that you've used, you put it in

00:24:22.780 this flower pot, you water it and you watch it grow. Right. Exactly. And like you're when you're

00:24:28.200 a little little seedling, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And so, you know, I think

00:24:33.920 that that's like the perspective that you can either look at life and look back at all those

00:24:38.420 chapters behind you and be like, oh, you know, or you can look at it as like, dude, this has shaped

00:24:43.860 me. This has made me stronger, made me wiser, made me, you know, more vibrant. This has made me the

00:24:50.040 person that I am and all the scars that I have. I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to own them

00:24:54.240 and I'm going to wear them with pride. But those scars are ultimately, you know, those are battle

00:24:59.660 wounds. But if you don't walk through battle, it's so hard to to find purpose. And it's fine.

00:25:04.540 It's hard to find joy and gratitude, because if you just live this life of just perfection all

00:25:08.800 the time and everything's just so perfect, then you don't know gratitude and you don't know

00:25:13.380 what it's like to walk through hell. Through hell. Through hell. Yeah. I mean, and I wouldn't go

00:25:19.380 through that growing pains period again for anything. I'm like, all right, I did it. I did

00:25:24.500 it in my teens. I did it in my 20s and my 30s. And now I've done that work. And I think that's

00:25:30.060 why the 40s can be so enjoyable. I love that. Good perspective heading into literally hitting

00:25:38.060 the elevator button right now, getting ready to go up to the fourth floor. I'm ready for it.

00:25:42.620 Get ready. I know. It's so exciting. It's so exciting. All right. We're going to take a quick

00:25:46.060 break. And when we get back, I want to talk about, you know, going back, revisiting your story to

00:25:52.200 find your purpose and how you got there. Okay, we're back. Like I said earlier, I love how you

00:26:07.320 talk about allowing your story to give you purpose. And you also mentioned that you were

00:26:13.580 a journalist for so long, you're still a journalist, but that you would interview

00:26:17.920 a lot of these young athletes about their own stories that were often very traumatic. And you

00:26:25.540 saw how those stories gave them purpose and how the speaking out loud of those stories gave them

00:26:31.280 purpose. Was there any story in particular that you're like, oh my gosh, if this person can talk

00:26:36.520 about this, then why can't I talk about my own shame? Yeah. I mean, there were a couple of

00:26:42.500 stories that have really resonated and I do share those, uh, in my book, which is pretty cool. Um,

00:26:48.520 but I'll give you a, would you like a specific example? Give me a little one. Give me a little

00:26:52.840 specific example. Um, so this particular one was a young man. Um, his name's Timothy Alexander. So

00:27:00.940 I met him in Birmingham and I was working at a local CBS station.

00:27:04.920 I was going to film a baseball game and he is he's paralyzed and in a wheelchair and

00:27:10.840 he was at the ticket counter taking tickets.

00:27:12.840 Right.

00:27:13.180 Well, I go in.

00:27:14.120 Hey, you're the local news girl.

00:27:15.740 I want to take a picture.

00:27:16.700 So we take a picture and I just didn't think anything of it.

00:27:20.380 You know, young man, sweet, whatever.

00:27:23.120 Well, a year later, I'm over on the football field at practice for the UAB Blazers.

00:27:28.180 All of a sudden I hear someone yell my name.

00:27:29.600 Hey, Lauren.

00:27:30.180 and I turn around and it's Timothy Alexander and he's sitting there in a jersey on the field

00:27:35.540 and he goes hey I'm on the football team now and I'm like what like um just like what and so then

00:27:44.160 he then he starts sharing a little bit of his story and um I was just like whoa here's the story

00:27:50.740 right so then I get this opportunity to share his story so you know we'll dig into that like you

00:27:56.600 know just how you know he gets on the football team and sort of where he went and how he got

00:28:02.700 how he became paralyzed in the first place he was one of the best tight ends in the state of

00:28:06.400 Alabama and it's just this tragic situation gets in a car accident you know loses his ability to

00:28:10.960 walk but this young man is literally like fighting and I'm telling you when I say like the most

00:28:16.000 uplifting man of faith just literally like he speaks and you just literally you rise up every

00:28:23.600 time because you're like, this man, like just, it's amazing. Right. And he has so found his

00:28:27.800 purpose. But what I love about it is that when I met him, um, and we started sharing, you know,

00:28:33.520 uh, kind of talking about our story and sharing things. I think the really cool part was, um,

00:28:39.060 and, and I'll never forget this. And this is where it touched me. We were at a pep rally.

00:28:43.340 His mom was there. His mom didn't know we had done the story. So she wasn't like, this wasn't

00:28:47.080 kind of a surprise for her. And she just knew I was a local reporter. So we're taking pictures.

00:28:51.180 and I remember just like hugging on him and you know we're we're celebrating doing all the things

00:28:55.760 the story hadn't come out yet and I got back to the tv station that day and he said um uh he goes

00:29:03.240 I love you sis we're family now and I was just like oh oh and that's when it hit me right um

00:29:11.540 uh he said we're family now I love you sis that's exactly what he said and I and I just like it hit

00:29:17.920 me. And I was like, whoa. And then we put a story out. And this young man has literally been on some

00:29:24.780 of the biggest stages in the country. I'm talking your Netflix, your your Nikes, your Google. Like

00:29:29.860 he's been everywhere as a motivational speaker. And it's funny because he'll use the terminology

00:29:35.900 that started with you. And of course, I don't take I don't take the credit for that because

00:29:39.560 his story is his story. Yeah. But it literally took him just taking that chance that day and

00:29:45.080 saying, hey, Lauren, I'm on the football team now. Oh, I'm getting chills right now just talking

00:29:51.120 about it. I'm going to cry. It just took that one ounce of courage for him to say that for someone

00:29:58.840 to listen. Someone to listen. Yeah. Yeah. And then now it's that ripple effect, right? So his story

00:30:04.860 gets out there. It ends up on the local CBS platform. National CBS picks it up. Well, then

00:30:09.520 he resurrects a football program that's completely dead, right? UAB shuts its doors, closes its

00:30:14.760 football program devastating if you're an athlete and you know like you're literally you're you

00:30:19.260 your lifelong dream of being a collegiate football player and now it's gone yeah this man was like

00:30:25.500 the forefront timothy was at the forefront of like merging up the program and and fundraising money

00:30:31.320 to bring it back and now you know they're thriving um it's just you know and i think about that and

00:30:37.980 it's the ripple effect joe because like look it was me sharing his story and i and again i'm not

00:30:43.820 I'm not taking credit for that. But what I what I love is that I put him on a platform that then his story has now impacted, you know, not only on that little local CBS interview, then the CBS and now every stage that he gets on.

00:30:57.200 And every time you see him on social media, just speaking, speaking word, the word of the day, he's always got something.

00:31:02.360 I mean, it just amazes me. And I'm like, what am I? And that's when I realized that's when that that that switch in my head started to flip.

00:31:09.280 like whoa this is amazing like our stories have so much power and like so much power and hey joe

00:31:17.860 you know like if someone comes to you right as a journalist like you've got to have integrity you

00:31:22.400 got to have trust right people want to trust you well if they're coming to me and saying hey i would

00:31:28.640 love for you to share my story but i'm over here like falsifying my own story like how trustworthy

00:31:33.460 Or can I really be, you know, like, you know, I'm not I'm not really, you know, I'm not really who I say I am.

00:31:41.320 And I think that is, you know, the whole full circle piece of all this is like, oh, here we are.

00:31:48.320 Like, here we are.

00:31:50.000 Time to own it.

00:31:51.680 Time to share it.

00:31:52.980 And do you feel like bringing this story into the world, fully embracing it, has given you a new kind of purpose?

00:32:01.620 oh my gosh and on so many levels and so many different layers right because i think that as

00:32:08.240 i started sharing my story i found my purpose and i would say like you know we were kind of coming

00:32:12.540 up on 2018 2019 is when i really kind of like started creating like a business around it right

00:32:18.840 and i say a business as in you know hey you're gonna go speak hey like instead of just being

00:32:23.600 so immersed in being a college footballer or uh at this time i was at the local cbs affiliate

00:32:27.620 But just, I was so immersed in being, I was actually at AL.com then, but being immersed

00:32:33.660 in being like a reporter, it's like, okay, maybe I can take my career in a different

00:32:37.940 direction and do both.

00:32:39.980 Okay.

00:32:40.700 Yeah.

00:32:41.240 So that was like 2018, 2019. 0.55

00:32:44.180 And then obviously COVID hits and, you know, all the shit, the stages shut down and we're 0.78

00:32:48.520 doing some virtual events and stuff like that.

00:32:50.100 And then things start picking back up in 2022.

00:32:51.940 too. And it's just wild because in every, you know, you think you're done healing. You think

00:32:59.280 you're done. Like that process is done. How can I possibly do anything? So these are, these are

00:33:04.480 the two main things that have even just writing this book, y'all. And I'm just like shook by this.

00:33:09.760 And so, uh, so number one is the fact that the healing process, like there were so many black

00:33:16.580 holes about the story that I never knew. And I just have so much peace and closure and while

00:33:21.620 I'll never know everything that happened that day. When you read this book, there are so many

00:33:25.680 intricate details that now I can actually like envision. And even though I don't necessarily

00:33:29.400 want to envision the maybe morbid details of what happened in the house that night,

00:33:33.460 but I have a little bit of peace about it and closure. So that's the first piece of this.

00:33:39.540 The second piece of this is my parents have been gone for 21 years, Joe, 21 years. And you think

00:33:46.020 like you love your parents, like your parents, like they are my everything. I loved my parents

00:33:50.680 more than anything. And they were my best friends by all means. I didn't realize that now 21 years

00:33:56.000 later that I could still love them and love them even more with their absence. And I think that's

00:34:04.960 the beauty of this process is like, I love my parents so exponentially. It's such a profound

00:34:09.980 love. And I don't know, you know, maybe it's absent makes the heart grow fonder. I don't know

00:34:15.100 what it is, but really it's, I think it's just because I've now had this opportunity to carry

00:34:20.660 their light, right? Carry that torch. Yeah. And I think to me, that's what I see as being like the,

00:34:27.620 the silver lining in all this. And, and again, I mean, I've said this before,

00:34:34.280 but like this book is going to touch so many people. It is because, you know, people that

00:34:39.140 have been impacted by overdose, by fentanyl, by shame, by guilt, all of the things. And so,

00:34:47.680 yeah, this is going to be a very exciting time for you. That plus the 4-0. I'm very excited for

00:34:52.320 your next month. I'm so excited. Well, I'm taking all the advice from you. I'm literally, I would

00:34:57.560 be texting you as this book tourney continues, because I'm going to need all the advice from

00:35:03.600 the author extraordinaire over there who's been there done that yeah um i'm a newbie y'all i'm

00:35:10.940 the rookie here okay you're a rookie um but shatterproof everyone should order it asap it is

00:35:16.280 out today and it is wonderful and i'm just i'm so excited i'm so excited for the world to read this

00:35:23.120 story i am so grateful for you thank you joe and thank you for thank you for all that you do

00:35:27.540 as well and just encouraging and inspiring others. Thank you.

00:35:32.940 And that is all we have for today. I love Lauren's story. Make sure to grab Shatterproof wherever you

00:35:39.180 buy books. It's incredible. Lauren's incredible. If you love this show, please share it with a

00:35:45.020 friend. Leave us a review in all of the review places. Do all the things. It really does help.

00:35:51.200 And as always, you're more than welcome to buy nine copies of The Sicilian Inheritance.

00:35:57.540 Can't stop talking about it. I loved being here with you today.

00:36:01.460 Now go do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.

00:36:27.540 You

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - October 03, 2024

Owning Your Own Story with Lauren Sisler

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