Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - Sunday Nice Things： Committed, Because I Love Ya

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00:01:20.580 Hey all. Happy Sunday. On this episode of Sunday Nice Things, I am dropping a show

00:01:27.120 into your feed that I love very, very, very much. I love it so much that I made hundreds of episodes

00:01:34.640 of it for a long time. Some of you may already be familiar with Committed, the show that really

00:01:40.700 got me started in podcasting, and others of you may have never heard it, which is why I'm dropping

00:01:46.360 this episode in your feed. Committed is a show about relationships, often marriages. But it's

00:01:54.260 not a show about the happily ever after. There's happiness and there's ever afters, but it mostly

00:01:59.860 shows the nitty gritty of real relationships. What does love and commitment take to stay strong?

00:02:08.260 And this episode is one of my very, very favorites. It's called Because I Love Ya.

00:02:14.360 I know our audience loves it too. It is about two men named Levi and Jared. And in this episode,

00:02:21.100 they're about to get engaged, but Levi's been keeping his relationship with Jared a secret from

00:02:26.280 his family. To move forward with their lives, Levi has to be completely and radically honest

00:02:32.160 with himself, his family, his friends, and the love of his life. These two are brave and honest,

00:02:40.660 and I just love their love story.

00:02:51.100 I told myself, if I don't say the words, I'm gay, then I could always like argue against it.

00:03:11.420 People die every day. And what if we get into a car accident? And then I have to be the one to

00:03:16.860 call Mike and be like hi this is Jared your son's live-in lover and he's now passed away

00:03:22.800 if I were to die tomorrow would Jared like Jared would be like a stranger at my funeral

00:03:38.080 and like he's the most important person in my life and like would he feel comfortable coming

00:03:43.580 to my funeral, would he be allowed to, like, mourn my death?

00:03:51.920 Levi Dosh emailed us his story last year.

00:03:55.480 I read that email about 10 times, read it out loud to Nick, read it out loud to Ramsey,

00:04:01.440 and I knew this was a story we had to tell, or rather a story we had to help Levi tell.

00:04:07.720 it's about being honest completely and radically honest with yourself and the people you love

00:04:16.120 before you get married it's also about the things you need to do and the things you need

00:04:21.460 to let go of before you can join your life with another person

00:04:24.320 Levi and Jared have been dating since they were in college

00:04:29.780 they live together now in Columbus Ohio and they're completely committed to each other

00:04:34.520 but Levi's dad Mike has no idea that he lives with Jared

00:04:41.360 doesn't even know Jared exists

00:04:43.740 in fact he has no idea that his son is gay

00:04:47.000 and that's something that both Levi and Jared want to reconcile

00:04:49.940 before they take the next step and get engaged

00:04:52.020 I asked Levi if he was scared

00:04:58.660 scared to tell a story in such a public way right now

00:05:04.060 I asked him if he wanted to use a pseudonym.

00:05:08.380 He didn't.

00:05:12.500 Levi is trying so hard to be brave and to be honest.

00:05:17.300 Levi wants to tell his love story now.

00:05:21.920 All of it.

00:05:25.560 I'm Joe Piazza.

00:05:26.580 This is Committed.

00:05:33.120 I think we tend to maybe have, like,

00:06:01.260 a little bit of a differing versions of the same story of how we met just because I like to poke a

00:06:07.620 little bit of fun at Jared. This is Levi, by the way. And so we met when we were in college. I was

00:06:13.180 a sophomore. So he would have been in your last year, right? I was a junior. Junior. Yeah.

00:06:20.640 Levi likes to give Jared a hard time because Jared had actually gone out with one of Levi's

00:06:24.820 friends before they met. They ran in similar circles, but didn't know each other that well.

00:06:30.120 And then one night Levi got this message.

00:06:34.340 He just like randomly posted like a post on my Facebook wall and it just said, text me.

00:06:42.140 And I was like confused because I was saying to like one of my friends, I was like, I don't know what that means.

00:06:51.240 Like he knows I don't have his number.

00:06:53.680 Like what, what am I supposed to do with that?

00:06:55.920 so I just like did nothing naturally and then maybe like a week later he messaged me like

00:07:04.720 conversationally and was like oh we should get dinner and I kind of legitimized it to myself

00:07:13.080 and my friends I was like yeah like I don't want to be like closed off we could make new friends

00:07:18.860 Like, I have to, like, put myself out there.

00:07:20.740 This is definitely not a date.

00:07:24.480 And then he pays for the dinner, and now I'm sweating because I'm like, oh, this is a date.

00:07:32.280 And then I get back to, like, my friend's apartment afterwards.

00:07:35.180 I was like, I think I just went on a date.

00:07:37.900 And then we started dating.

00:07:41.680 Jared definitely remembers it differently.

00:07:44.840 Levi made an impression on him the first time that he ever saw him.

00:07:48.860 They were at a house party.

00:07:50.940 The theme was Slutty Disney.

00:07:53.180 Here's Jared.

00:07:54.700 So I show up in little black shorts with dots painted all over my body. 0.98

00:07:59.480 And I was a slutty Dalmatian. 0.78

00:08:01.760 And Levi had jeans, a full t-shirt on with a cat on it. 0.95

00:08:05.820 And he's like, well, I'm an Aristocat.

00:08:07.000 And I'm like, that does not count.

00:08:08.500 That's not a slutty Disney costume.

00:08:11.540 So from there, like he said, I messaged him on Facebook the next day.

00:08:15.120 And it kind of snowballed from there.

00:08:17.920 But my first impression of Levi was I just, I'd never seen anybody like him.

00:08:23.120 His energy, his smile just like lights up the room.

00:08:26.480 And I just remember talking to him and, you know, doing shots at this party.

00:08:30.000 And I was like, this is somebody that I need to know.

00:08:31.760 This is somebody that I like need to have in my life.

00:08:34.580 And I can't explain it other than that.

00:08:36.480 It was just like an instant connection for me.

00:08:39.280 Jared was out of the closet already.

00:08:41.660 He'd come out in high school before leaving for college.

00:08:44.800 So I was out to my family and all my friends.

00:08:48.680 I praised my mom and dad because they really educated themselves

00:08:52.140 and really taken upon themselves to, you know, read books

00:08:56.300 and understand the gay community and the gay culture.

00:09:00.680 Levi, on the other hand, wasn't out, and he wasn't comfortable coming out.

00:09:05.160 He'd grown up at a farm in a very conservative family.

00:09:08.500 He didn't have a whole lot of exposure to people who were out of the closet,

00:09:11.760 and then in high school, his best friend came out.

00:09:14.100 and my dad was pretty explicit about how he felt about my best friend coming out,

00:09:22.540 and it was clear that he didn't really want me to be hanging out with him.

00:09:26.860 He didn't really even want me to be, like, talking about him at home

00:09:30.720 or talking about interacting with him at school.

00:09:34.440 And so Levi created these rules in his head about being gay

00:09:37.680 and what constituted actually coming out.

00:09:40.620 I had this weird kind of logic in my mind that I told myself, if I don't say the words, I'm gay, then I could always like argue against it as long as I don't like say it.

00:09:55.200 But at the same time, it was always just known. And I was fine with it being known, but I could always come back and be like, well, I never said that.

00:10:02.340 So if it came to a point where I needed to argue against it, I could.

00:10:07.460 In fact, Levi ran into Jared after that first date.

00:10:10.620 Jared got to see how this logic actually worked in action.

00:10:14.380 So after I took him to dinner the first time, we parted ways.

00:10:18.600 And then I came home and I started, you know, drinking with my friends.

00:10:22.500 And we're like, oh, let's go out.

00:10:23.520 And there's a one gay club in Columbus called Axis.

00:10:26.720 And so we were like, well, let's go to Axis tonight.

00:10:28.820 We're like, sure.

00:10:29.840 And I get to Axis and I round the corner.

00:10:32.600 And there's Levi, who I just went on a date with two hours ago.

00:10:35.700 And I was like, oh, my God, hi.

00:10:37.980 He had a deer in headlights.

00:10:39.900 he just looked at me i was like hello how are you he turned and ran the other way

00:10:45.060 hello we were at a gay bar i didn't want you to know that i was gay i was like that's the boy i 0.98

00:10:51.220 just went on a date with and my friends are like oh you gotta get rid of him get rid of him now i'm 0.57

00:10:54.420 like no but i really like him they're like he just ignored you after date one so it was definitely a

00:11:00.100 pursuant situation on my part yeah jared definitely did most of the heavy lifting as far as as far as

00:11:07.820 the early time that we were dating yeah there was no give and take it was me giving and giving and

00:11:14.560 trying to get a third fourth fifth date but I pursued and here we are how long ago was that

00:11:21.240 2011 2012 so we were both still in college and going on seven years now

00:11:28.240 Levi isn't great with bold and spontaneous gestures when he knows he wants to say something

00:11:34.920 important he practices it in his head a million times he writes it down tears that up throws it

00:11:40.760 away writes it down again about eight months into their relationship Levi wanted to make a bold

00:11:46.220 gesture I really felt like I wanted to be the person to tell Jared that I loved him

00:11:52.540 and put myself out there because up until this point he had just continually put himself out

00:11:58.240 there and I just felt this visceral feeling about it. He tried to find the right time all day

00:12:07.040 but nothing ever felt perfect. It never happened. We ended up like going to bed. I was like so

00:12:13.740 annoyed at myself. I was like I can't believe I like did this again and it's like pitch black

00:12:18.640 we're just laying there and Jared was like like nothing was happening. Nothing was happening.

00:12:25.360 the room was still I wasn't like tossing and turning I wasn't doing anything and Jared was

00:12:30.520 like are you okay what's wrong and at that moment I was like this person like knows me better than 0.97

00:12:38.180 I know myself like that's like crazy and I was just like I love you and then I about shit the

00:12:45.580 bed because I was like wait what wait what can you repeat that one time for me um because yeah 0.67

00:12:51.220 Like I, I did not, I was like, I'm going to have to be the one to say it first.

00:12:55.260 And, you know, I'm, you know, you just kind of go into the roles of a relationship.

00:13:00.780 So, and then in that moment when he said it first, I was like, oh my God, I love him.

00:13:05.800 Like, this is, this is real.

00:13:08.080 This is going to work.

00:13:09.840 And, you know, it was, it was a beautiful moment that we shared.

00:13:14.640 That moment was a turning point.

00:13:17.520 Soon their relationship moved from college into the real world.

00:13:21.220 And I definitely made the relationship move really, really slow because, again, we went from me not even being out to myself to now I'm dating a boy to now I'm out.

00:13:36.040 And then Jared wanted to move in together after like a couple of like one or two years.

00:13:41.480 And I was we I was just like, no, like we cannot do that this early.

00:13:47.800 I haven't even told my family.

00:13:52.120 They had settled into a life of domesticity.

00:13:55.460 Living in a sweet little Victorian house.

00:13:58.440 To their friends, they looked like the perfect happy couple.

00:14:02.180 But if you were to ask Levi's dad,

00:14:04.300 he'd paint a very different picture about his son's life.

00:14:07.800 They still think.

00:14:10.020 They thought and still think.

00:14:11.480 Thought and still thinks.

00:14:12.880 that I live with one of my college roommates that I lived with that I did live with when I was in

00:14:20.420 college before I moved in with Jared they just think that I still live with one of them yeah

00:14:25.420 um so it's been uh it's been a little bit of roller coaster so um and just to even clarify

00:14:31.360 what you just said like I don't even think they know who I am like they've never seen a picture

00:14:36.200 of me they think like that Levi is living with one of his old college roommates who his dad has met

00:14:40.840 So his dad has a picture in his mind of who Levi's living with.

00:14:44.460 And it's not me.

00:14:45.900 Levi was under such deep cover that social media was severely limited.

00:14:50.420 We are not on Facebook.

00:14:51.760 We don't do the Twitter.

00:14:52.820 We don't do any of that.

00:14:54.180 No, no, no, no.

00:14:56.180 We do have an Instagram, but keep it private.

00:15:00.440 I don't think yours is private, but I like go through it and like block particular people

00:15:05.600 to like prevent them from seeing Jared's Instagram.

00:15:07.600 But mine's private.

00:15:08.860 So I don't like worry about anyone seeing mine.

00:15:10.840 yeah, we're a little hidden.

00:15:15.140 We're going to take a quick break here.

00:15:17.540 Be right back.

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00:16:04.820 So Levi and Jared are living together after college,

00:16:07.540 and they're really, really happy.

00:16:09.840 But Levi still hasn't told his father he's gay,

00:16:12.660 and obviously his dad has no idea that he's living with his boyfriend.

00:16:16.440 His mom was a different story.

00:16:18.400 His parents divorced when he was five, and his dad raised him.

00:16:21.160 So his mom was more of the cool mom, more of a friend.

00:16:24.440 Telling his mom was easy.

00:16:25.940 Telling his sister was more difficult.

00:16:28.540 My dad has, like, always given us everything we ever needed,

00:16:31.960 but my sister was always that.

00:16:34.340 Support you need as a child, like, growing up,

00:16:36.900 I feel like I always still to this day like come to her for advice tell her everything we're like

00:16:43.300 always on the phone together she's my best friend so coming out to my sister was definitely hard

00:16:48.000 I remember sitting in her chubby malibu in my mom's driveway and kind of told her that I told

00:16:57.680 our mom and that I was gay and when she gets a little in like uncomfortable situation she just

00:17:04.380 kind of has like little to say. She's just kind of like, okay. And I was like, well, I kind of

00:17:10.400 probably wouldn't be telling you if there really weren't a reason. And she was a little bit more

00:17:20.360 interested maybe in that. And I was like, well, I'm kind of seeing someone who's like pretty

00:17:26.840 important to me. She comes from the same family. It's the same, you know, mindset. It's the same

00:17:31.420 kind of Ohio

00:17:33.540 rural area.

00:17:35.080 It's really hard for anyone

00:17:36.980 to really even use

00:17:39.560 the word boyfriend when it's

00:17:41.280 in reference to my relationship

00:17:43.580 with Jared. I think now

00:17:45.340 it's amazing

00:17:47.340 between us. It was never bad, but

00:17:49.380 I think there was a struggle there, which I

00:17:51.440 think is, it kind of goes to show

00:17:53.360 I think

00:17:54.000 how much harder

00:17:57.620 and how much more

00:17:58.920 work maybe it takes for

00:18:01.580 LGBTQ couples

00:18:03.520 to really be acknowledged

00:18:05.120 as a couple

00:18:07.360 like a committed couple

00:18:08.880 like just because we're not a man and a woman

00:18:11.440 doesn't mean that we are less

00:18:13.480 committed than

00:18:14.780 a straight couple

00:18:16.620 that's also a stigmatism

00:18:19.140 that people are just like oh you're gay you must be

00:18:21.340 in an open relationship no

00:18:22.380 we are committed and want to be only

00:18:25.280 with each other and I think people

00:18:26.640 well, it's hard for them to wrap their minds around it, 1.00

00:18:28.680 which is stupid to us, 0.98

00:18:29.760 but I don't know, maybe it makes sense to other people. 0.98

00:18:32.440 So yeah, she's been like really good about it.

00:18:33.980 She loves Jared.

00:18:35.060 We have like a really good relationship

00:18:37.200 with my sister and my brother-in-law.

00:18:39.820 Again, it's just like another catch 22

00:18:41.620 because as much as that's important to me,

00:18:43.740 I feel like now I have involved now my sister in this.

00:18:52.500 And so now I feel like coming out

00:18:55.200 is now, like, putting my sister's relationship with my dad

00:18:59.920 potentially at some sort of risk also.

00:19:04.020 All of this hiding and lying

00:19:05.680 has just been a rollercoaster of emotions for Jared.

00:19:08.600 And he's been so incredibly patient through all of it.

00:19:12.540 Like, I get it.

00:19:13.360 You know, I've had to come out to my family.

00:19:15.440 I've seen friends come out.

00:19:16.660 I've been through that process.

00:19:17.900 And it is not easy.

00:19:19.620 It is hard, especially when you come from, you know,

00:19:23.240 a Christian household.

00:19:25.200 So I really was not pushing the envelope. Levi's like, I want to tell my family. I'm like, well,

00:19:29.800 take your time. It's fine. It's all good. But now as we're getting older and our siblings are

00:19:34.600 getting older and time goes on, it's getting a little more difficult from Christmases. You know,

00:19:42.100 we have to drive two separate cars because after we go to his sister's house, then he's got to

00:19:47.680 sneak away to his dad's for a couple of days and I have to drive home by myself. Or the hardest time

00:19:52.560 for me was his sister got married and I have a really close relationship with her and I was not

00:19:59.280 allowed to come to the wedding which like broke my heart and I think it broke Levi's heart all

00:20:04.540 because this one man doesn't know about me. He was so involved in planning the wedding. My sister

00:20:11.640 always like ran things by us. Jared made a bunch of things for the reception. Jared and I kind of

00:20:19.860 like put the playlist together and like my sister like tried her wedding dress on for the first time

00:20:28.840 like in our apartment and that was that was the only time that Jared saw her in it and then I get

00:20:33.800 to the wedding and I'm like I see like Jared's fingerprints all over everything but he's not

00:20:40.020 there but a few months after Levi's sister's wedding Jared's sister got married too

00:20:45.820 And Levi was able to attend that wedding.

00:20:48.500 The contrast was night and day.

00:20:50.980 I just remember they were, like, getting family pictures after her wedding.

00:20:54.020 They were like, Levi, get in.

00:20:54.940 And I was like, oh, I'll get in the next.

00:20:56.460 Like, you guys, like, get a picture of the Rileys.

00:20:58.560 And they're like, Levi, like, get in.

00:21:00.120 We're, like, not taking a lot of photos.

00:21:01.380 Like, this is, like, the only family photo.

00:21:04.180 And it made me, like, upset because, again, I was just, like, inside my head about it.

00:21:08.640 And it kind of got to the point where Jared was like, I understand how you're feeling.

00:21:14.040 but like this is my sister's wedding I wasn't at your sister's wedding and we're at my sister's

00:21:18.580 wedding now so can we just like leave that at the door and I was like yeah like that you're right

00:21:26.160 like I'm sorry it's not me complaining or me throwing in his face like oh your dad doesn't

00:21:30.420 know about me like you know but it is it's just like look this is my family we have all the love

00:21:35.460 in the world to give and we want to give it to you like you're worthy you can't accept the love

00:21:40.480 So take it. I think now we're starting to continue to deal with that now that Levi's sister, Leanne, is pregnant.

00:21:47.000 And I'm like, well, that's, you know, Levi and I are not married, but we're definitely committed and love each other.

00:21:52.960 And I would consider that little boy my nephew.

00:21:55.780 And I want to be there for him and I want to go to the hospital when he's born.

00:21:59.880 And so navigating those logistics now are putting up some questions that Levi and I need to figure out, I think.

00:22:10.480 We're going to take a quick break here. Be right back.

00:22:23.240 Sometimes, in darker moments, Jared thinks about what would happen if the worst happened.

00:22:29.600 People die every day. And what if we get into a car accident? And then I have to be the one to

00:22:35.500 call mike and be like hi this is jared your son's live-in lover and um he's now passed away if i

00:22:42.360 were to die tomorrow would jared like jared would be like a stranger at my funeral and like he's the

00:22:49.520 most important person in my life and like would he feel comfortable coming to my funeral would

00:22:54.620 he be allowed to like mourn my death like yeah that sounds morbid and like heaven forbid that

00:23:00.940 happen but like if it happened tomorrow that would be our reality so yeah I kind of do live

00:23:10.080 with anxiety sometimes um and it it it's frustrating but I I try to remember that

00:23:16.880 I think it is temporary I don't think we'll be in this situation forever and again I've been there

00:23:22.540 I know what it is like to come out to a family member and it is not easy Levi what's your

00:23:28.620 relationship like with jared's family like really good which is like hard because

00:23:37.360 you just like you know like when you're doing like a shitty thing and like

00:23:42.260 like good people like know that it's like shitty also but they're just like still just like

00:23:49.340 nice to you when you feel like why are you being nice to me

00:23:54.260 I remember this one time we had only been dating maybe a year like not even that long

00:24:03.840 Jared's grandma this like 80 year old woman we were like leaving it was just like so casual

00:24:08.580 and she just like gave me the sweetest hug and she's like in my ear she was like I love you

00:24:15.120 and like I was just like so taken aback by that and like

00:24:19.220 so i like inside my head about it and jared could tell something was wrong

00:24:26.200 like he always does he like can read my mind it's crazy it's psychic and we're like driving home and

00:24:33.240 he's like what's wrong and i like told him and he was like oh my gosh like i'm sorry like did that

00:24:38.460 like upset you that she said that i was like no like i love her too but it's just hard

00:24:43.980 and, like, having this, like, matriarch of his family,

00:24:48.440 a woman that's her age and, like, grew up

00:24:50.700 probably the way my grandparents did

00:24:52.960 and, like, knowing that, like,

00:24:57.200 I, like, couldn't reciprocate that from my family.

00:25:03.720 Levi can't help but be emotional about that moment.

00:25:07.520 This moment where he'd really been seen

00:25:09.760 and accepted by a family for exactly who he was.

00:25:13.160 It was the opposite of his relationship with his father,

00:25:15.440 where he had to pretend all the time that he was someone else.

00:25:18.640 When Levi was in high school, he says that his dad insinuated that he might be gay.

00:25:23.300 He doesn't do that anymore.

00:25:25.640 Now they just don't talk about it.

00:25:27.820 And that's both a good thing and a bad thing.

00:25:30.500 It's a good thing because it's made communicating with his dad a lot easier for Levi.

00:25:34.680 It's a bad thing because Levi feels a lot less urgency to actually come out to him.

00:25:38.940 And it's kind of like a don't ask, don't tell kind of policy with him, I think, where there really aren't any logistics because he just doesn't really ask anymore, which is kind of a catch-22 because I think that in my mind it's like, oh, that's a good thing.

00:26:06.700 because I haven't wanted to tell him but it also I think has like caught me now on this plateau

00:26:15.160 where I've lost that sense of urgency to need to tell him and things keep happening and things

00:26:23.400 keep coming up that like our Jared and I's relationship suffers from because I feel like

00:26:31.960 I've now lost that sense of urgency because my dad has lost interest.

00:26:39.580 Not that he's lost interest, but just I think that he's a smart guy and he knows what he

00:26:47.180 wants to know and he knows how to know only what he wants to know, if that makes sense.

00:26:53.580 What are some of the landmarks that you've set for yourself where you've said, OK, I'll

00:26:57.100 tell my dad and then he didn't end up doing it?

00:27:01.960 And it was, I'm going to come out to him once I graduate college.

00:27:07.220 I'm going to come out to him once I, like, get my own insurance.

00:27:12.420 I'm going to come out to him once I finish nursing school.

00:27:16.500 Now it's, I'm going to come out to him when my sister has this baby.

00:27:21.440 Well, the baby is, yeah, that's next month.

00:27:24.500 That's next month, so.

00:27:25.440 And the baby's, like, not going to really communicate for maybe another year.

00:27:31.260 So maybe I have until his first birthday and I get lost in these scenarios that, like I said, I lose this sense of urgency.

00:27:42.680 I feel like subconsciously, I kind of almost think that maybe if I'm like caught, that would almost be easier.

00:27:54.700 I don't have to say anything.

00:27:55.860 Yeah, maybe if he finds out, obviously that's not what I want to happen, but I think that like something is like, maybe if he just like catches me being gay, that would just bite the bullet and it would just be over with.

00:28:13.320 And whatever happens, happens.

00:28:16.620 Like I said, I don't want that to happen.

00:28:18.260 But, like, even this podcast, it's like,

00:28:21.040 I don't want to not celebrate my relationship with Jared

00:28:27.320 because of my own hindrances.

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00:29:36.760 So if you were talking to your dad right now and just being radically honest,

00:29:40.460 what would you want him to know about your relationship with Jared?

00:29:42.940 I think that outside of being my partner,

00:29:46.460 I think that as a person, my dad would actually like Jared.

00:29:50.680 And I don't want the fact that I have chosen to lie about Jared

00:29:55.760 to taint how he views Jared as a person.

00:30:01.100 I think I would just want him to know, like, how much Jared honestly takes care of me, like, all of the time, emotionally, financially.

00:30:11.520 I mean, I'm back in school. I work two days a week.

00:30:14.680 I don't really know how my dad, like, thinks that I'm able to make ends meet.

00:30:20.960 And I would be like, like, Jared is the connection that makes those ends meet.

00:30:27.580 Like I would be like unraveled if Jared didn't make the ends meet because I think my dad cares about me and my well-being.

00:30:33.840 And I just think my well-being is attributed to Jared.

00:30:37.040 It's attributed to our relationship.

00:30:39.400 It's funny as an outsider because Levi and his dad will talk on the phone and like the love is there.

00:30:45.680 Like his dad is head over heels obsessed with Levi.

00:30:48.840 They make each other, you know, laugh and the joy and the love is there.

00:30:53.520 And he is concerned, you know, you know, he'll call and he'll say, Levi, you know, what are you up to?

00:30:57.160 have you you know are you eating good like the the conversation and the love is there

00:31:02.060 it's just the fear of will they say never speak to me again so I remember when I was gonna come

00:31:09.640 out to my family I'm like oh they're gonna kick me out you know they're gonna take away all my

00:31:13.120 money they're my dad's gonna punch me you know you just you run through every scenario in your head 0.90

00:31:17.940 and there is a scenario out there that has happened with some lgbtq individual and it's

00:31:25.400 real those things have happened and those things will continue to happen and i just think the bottom

00:31:30.400 line is fear and the yearning for acceptance by his dad and that side of the family mike may just

00:31:39.760 come out and say yay you guys are gay we love that but it makes us nervous now about the lie

00:31:46.680 that we've you know had for seven years it's one thing to be gay but now it's another to be like

00:31:52.760 oh by the way we've been living together and we're thinking about getting engaged and oh

00:31:58.040 so you know where have I been this whole time so that it adds another layer of the hole that

00:32:04.620 we've kind of dug ourselves into it's not necessarily about coming out it's about the

00:32:10.100 lie at this point because me being gay is out of my control but what I do about it has been in my

00:32:19.640 control and I feel like I can't take back those choices that I've made that are like now going to

00:32:27.100 affect not me I mean they will affect me but not only me at this point but affect Jared affect my

00:32:34.340 sister affect my brother-in-law affect my friends essentially affect now like my nephew affect my

00:32:40.800 dad um it's just kind of like spun out of control and i like lose perspective of that not about me

00:32:50.040 being gay but about me lying all of the time it's no longer about coming out for levi it's more about

00:32:58.180 the lie more about the fear that his dad is not only going to reject him but also reject this

00:33:03.900 entire life that he's built with jared levi and jared have been together seven years now

00:33:10.800 They live together, they talk about getting a dog, getting engaged, but neither of them wants to take that next step, the engagement or the dog, without telling Mike.

00:33:23.000 I think that it would almost be like starting our marriage off on the wrong foot by like not closing that door before we like walk into another.

00:33:33.940 and I want you know an engagement is such a special occasion and definitely something in

00:33:40.680 our future and I want Levi's dad and that side of the family to meet my family um my parents you

00:33:47.380 know have been married over 30 years and they are what makes me want to be in a committed

00:33:51.760 relationship and makes me want to love for a long time and you know I can remember at Levi's um

00:33:59.040 college graduation Levi was like my dad's sitting in section you know CA so you guys gotta sit on 0.98

00:34:03.860 the other side of the arena and we're like, well, damn. But going into a commitment, like an 0.96

00:34:09.060 engagement, I want Mike to see that, you know, I'm not just this slutty gay boy running around town 1.00

00:34:15.040 without a home to call. You know, I have a family. I have people that love me and support me and 1.00

00:34:20.380 support Levi and want us married and want us to be committed and, you know, have kids and love each

00:34:26.200 other till death do us part. And I want Mike to see that. I want him, you know, to experience my

00:34:31.620 family just as much as levi does and as crazy as it sounds like uh i think i would like want my dad

00:34:40.680 to be there at the wedding so i guess i would need to tell him i think he would need to know

00:34:50.440 beforehand at some point i'll just invite him to a party yeah we're having a barbecue come over

00:34:56.020 I think the perspective that's lost

00:35:24.080 is the amount of emotional labor and patience that is required from Jared's perspective.

00:35:35.600 It's overshadowed by the crazy fact that we're dating and I'm not up to my dad.

00:35:41.580 But honestly, a lot of that burden falls on Jared because that's not really his choice.

00:35:47.980 He doesn't really have control over that, but yet he still chooses to be the partner to me that he is.

00:35:54.080 because i love you that's why i choose it it's funny i can go back to every tiff that levi and

00:36:03.960 i have had about this situation or an argument that we've you know shared in and we've never

00:36:08.820 used the word breakup or i don't want to be with you those conversations or tactics when we've

00:36:15.640 argued or fought have never been on the table because we are committed to win each other and

00:36:19.800 and we love each other through thick and thin,

00:36:21.920 and I think that's what's kept us together for so long

00:36:24.380 and will keep us together.

00:36:41.520 This episode was hosted and reported by Joe Piazza,

00:36:44.580 with special thanks to Levi Dosh and Jared Riley.

00:36:47.480 It was produced and edited by Ramsey Yont,

00:36:49.360 with live sound recording by Chris Siegel

00:36:51.380 and mixing by Tristan McNeil.

00:36:53.280 The executive producers are Joe Piazza,

00:36:55.240 Tyler Klang, and Julie Douglas.

00:36:56.960 Theme song and music by Tristan McNeil.

00:36:58.800 For comments, suggestions, or to be part of the show,

00:37:01.120 give us a call at 404-996-1173.

00:37:05.540 That's 404-996-1173.

00:37:09.980 Or send us an email at joe at committedpodcast.com.

00:37:14.200 That's joe at committedpodcast.com.

00:37:18.240 You can grab a copy of Joe's book, How to Be Married, on Amazon or wherever books are sold.

00:37:23.100 Committed is a production of iHeartRadio and produced in our studios located in Atlanta, Georgia.

00:37:27.080 For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

00:37:48.240 exact sitch. Listen to the free audio book now.

Under the Influence (with Jo Piazza) - July 07, 2024

Sunday Nice Things： Committed, Because I Love Ya

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