00:01:50.180Yeah, it's just the price we're all going to have to pay for peace, and he's paying it, really.
00:01:54.360But I'm all about using TV with my children. I know it's the unpopular opinion, but I don't really want to set a time limit on TV. I love TV so much that I work in television. I now podcast about television. And if my kids can watch a show quietly while I cook dinner or finish work or just like have a second to be free, I'm all for it.
00:04:12.260But she's also trying to teach them the importance of being on time and respecting other people.
00:04:16.460And I think that's the delicate balance of like showing your real emotions to your kids, but like having some sort of, you know, restraint and patience with them and trying to do your best every day.
00:04:29.180Yeah. And there's so many examples of that. There's like baby race where she's comparing her baby's development to other babies. And that just made me as a mom feel good. Like, oh, yeah, everyone's thinking that.
00:04:42.960Like, we all have that insecurity, yes.
00:08:12.080Ladies, I want to ask you. So I am aware of big little feeling parenting as kind of like essentially gentle parenting. How would you describe your parenting philosophies?
00:08:24.780Yeah. Well, we don't really love the term gentle parenting. And it's not just for us at Big Little Feelings, but also just in general. I think it puts this like blanket label on parents and moms. And it sort of starts this whole like mommy war thing where you have to do things a certain way. Almost reminds me of the whole attachment thing that got out of control where it's like attachment means like breastfeeding and co-sleeping until 15 and this and that. And if you don't, you ruin them forever.
00:08:54.200So we don't classify ourselves as gentle parenting. We take different approaches that we find to be amazing. We take Dina's experience in her child therapy practice and working with Dan Siegel, who's a pioneer in interpersonal neurobiology. And we mix all that together with the practicality of just being a normal mom. And that's where Big Little Feelings really comes from. It's the neuroscience and then the reality.
00:09:21.160I'll just tell you, that's all we need. That's all we need is lived experience with a little bit of data. A little bit of a foundation of knowledge. And what do you think is the advice that you give parents that you struggle with most as parents?
00:09:36.100I mean, I would say the number one thing is you're not messing this up. Like I think a lot of us and this is what we hear on our page, too. And I know I've struggled with it at the end of a long day. You sit on your couch, you're in the shower and you are just looping on all the things you didn't do, what you didn't get done, the to do list you snapped and you just kind of beat yourself up.
00:09:58.320And I feel like the number one thing we hear is, am I messing my kids up?
00:10:21.140And how, I guess, did that inform the mother that you are to your children?
00:10:25.060Yeah, that's a complex question. We had two different experiences. I came from a more chaotic, unstable home, and it has completely shaped the way that I parent and what I'm devoted to every day in my life in my home, but also in my business.
00:10:49.400And my dad, he died by suicide, which I talked about quite often.
00:10:53.980And that was really the pivotal moment.
00:10:56.420I wasn't even sure if I was going to have kids before that.
00:10:58.740And in that moment, I knew what matters is family and kids and a home and stability.
00:11:05.900And it really that was the moment that sort of I became devoted to like this movement.
00:11:11.720Yeah. And I would say, too, for me, I'm really close to my mom.
00:11:17.700I love her so much. And she is a strong woman who went through a lot of trauma. And when you start
00:11:25.080to look back in the generations of my family, you can start to identify the generational coping
00:11:32.480patterns, the ways that we all dealt with, honestly, just like a ton of trauma down the line
00:11:38.260where no one was talking about research and parenting and how to communicate and coping
00:11:44.060skills and you can just see how it kind of got passed down from generation to generation a lot
00:11:51.260of us just going through hard things and never really having skills that were taught to us and
00:11:58.600so I feel like I'm the first in my family to really feel it heal it and try to change that
00:12:05.280pattern you are thank you every day more pop culture moms after this quick break
00:12:14.060chew on this bold question from dentine gum is it ever okay to compliment a millennial1.00
00:12:22.560on their skinny jeans in 2026 dentine chew bold
00:12:31.280i think it's interesting because you it's like you speak of trauma from growing up in childhood
00:12:51.880and i think that's something that as parents now i know like sabrina and i agree you can understand
00:12:57.160how people can become like a snowplow parent or like a lawnmower parent who wants to like kind of
00:13:01.920clear the way for your kids and make sure that they don't have the traumatic experiences that
00:13:06.520let's say we grew up with. But then it's interesting because that trauma that we might
00:13:11.520be preventing our kids from or that we would want to prevent them from experiencing has probably
00:13:17.360really informed who we become, obviously. And for the two of you, I think it's very evident.
00:13:23.680Yeah, your trauma, your early life experiences literally shape how your brain develops. It shapes your whole nervous system. And I think that's the tricky part is to get too into the science. But when you're a little kid, it shapes how you view the world. It shapes how you view yourself and it shapes how you deal with tough situations.
00:13:46.160There's a difference between trauma and there's a difference between hard things like life is going to be full of hard things.
00:13:52.780And we want to teach our kids how to be resilient, how to navigate those hard situations in a constructive way.
00:13:59.300You know, Kristen and I had to work really hard to get there.
00:14:02.720I was going to say, I think also like we're a work in progress and you're not going to see every, although we do share a lot of difficult moments, which is nice.
00:14:09.860You know, it means we're all together.
00:14:10.980But there's a lot of work behind the scenes and there's a lot of kind of stepping backwards and then being like, oh, wow, my anxiety is very triggered right now.
00:14:21.820You know, I'm falling into sort of old thoughts or old patterns.
00:14:24.960Got to get back into the weekly therapy.
00:14:26.720You know, we're both really hyper vigilant with our mental health.
00:14:30.520Yeah, bless therapy that this is an ongoing.
00:24:29.640I wanted to ask you, what do you think, like, the biggest advice you would give to parents struggling with, you know, handling their kids' tantrums and big feelings?
00:24:40.560I think my number one, my number one, I don't know about yours, but mine would be to give yourself a little bit of grace.
00:24:45.640Like, we are not going to get it 100% of the time.
00:24:48.980And I think that parenting is the one job in the entire world where we are so hypercritical when we make one mistake or just, God, we just shame ourselves when we when we are short.
00:25:00.740We have to buffer in 70 percent like, OK, 70 percent of the time, 60 percent of the time we're holding it together.
00:25:08.040We're responding in a pretty good way. Still doesn't need to be perfect.
00:25:10.620And like really allowing ourselves to mess up because it's going to happen anyways.
00:25:15.460So if you can just give yourself that grace to begin with, I think you can just show up a better parent the next day anyways.
00:25:22.500And by the way, another tip right up behind it is probably then repair and apologizing is like the best tip because you're doing something good in the end.
00:25:30.920You're apologizing and showing your kid that you're showing up for them.
00:26:08.800And the story is like, I was bad. My mom yelled or my dad yelled. And when you swoop in and you calmly just give it 10 seconds, apologize and take that story away from I'm bad and I'm shame by giving them that power of like, oh, it wasn't me.
00:26:27.280mommy's saying that it was her and she's gonna work on it and it was her big feelings awesome
00:26:31.720you just literally reprogrammed their brain and how they remember that moment and how they're
00:26:36.180thinking of themselves over and over and over again like it's the best do this the other day
00:26:41.060yeah i was like listen it wasn't you i'm having a hard day and that was not your fault and i'm
00:26:47.080sorry i never yeah i never can remember being apologized to and i think i apologize to my
00:26:54.380children i i don't know daily for something i'm like i should have been a little more calm
00:27:00.160that's great advice that's great you're doing great yeah you know i've learned so much from
00:27:05.260you guys and i'm so glad that you took the time to talk to us today oh my god we were so happy
00:27:09.800to be here this is so fun yeah thank you ladies thank you and enjoy your time in new york city
00:27:15.880thank you i'm gonna eat a bagel and take a nap yeah more coffee yeah yes more coffee always more
00:27:24.120coffee. That was our conversation with Dina Margolin and Kristen Gallen, the parenting experts
00:27:30.280behind Big Little Feelings. This episode touched on the difficult subject of self-harm. If you
00:27:35.760are struggling with thoughts of suicide or worried about a friend or loved one, call or text the
00:27:40.820Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 for free confidential emotional support, 24 hours a day,