00:05:04.700Yeah, I think that really should be what we talk about family topic-wise today is the
00:05:10.020fact that we had five christmases to the point where our youngest go termed it the last one
00:05:17.660fifth miss which i love yes and i think that we should endeavor every holiday season to have
00:05:24.580a fifth miss i don't know is that too extreme i i mean was that itself too stressful having
00:05:32.040having to keep track of all that you know like each was lovely and different and different so
00:05:39.120in that way, it was truly beautiful. It was a lot to keep track of. It was a lot to keep
00:05:45.740track of. And I think- It was a lot of eating. It was a lot of eating. The boys definitely just
00:05:52.000got in a mode of like, gifts just always happen. It's just sort of, I don't know. So this is the
00:06:02.560joy of having divorced parents. When we go see Pops' folks, it's very simple because it's just
00:06:10.240one family. But when we go see mine, there's just a lot more people. So we had, it became
00:06:19.740Fifthmas because we had gifts from my best friend and we were scheduled to go over to my mom's for
00:06:27.440Christmas proper. And they were, of course, antsy on Christmas morning. So the first Christmas was
00:06:34.380opening the presents from my best friend before we went to my mom's. Then there was Christmas at
00:06:40.720my mom's. Then we had a separate Christmas with my dad. Then we had a separate Christmas with my
00:06:46.020dad's extended family. And then your parents were awesome and came up after we returned home. And
00:06:52.520we had our fifth miss with your parents at home. And that was a stop tour. Yeah. It was really,
00:07:02.580it was really something and like different traditions at every gathering.
00:07:08.420And that's what I wanted to talk about is the skeptic in me then has to say, okay,
00:07:14.320well, actually this is more utilitarianism, I think is, what was the utility of having five
00:07:21.380christmases and i think the boys having a look at like five different looks at holiday traditions
00:07:27.740gift giving paradigms food paradigms right paces intensity levels it's just it was wonderful like
00:07:37.900like at your aunt's house when we did your dad's extended family we like we got to we got to watch
00:07:47.500like diehard three with your cousin who is who himself is so lovely but it was such like a
00:07:53.880different sort of it was it was a different sort of vibe yeah as it was with your dad
00:08:00.240and as it was with my parents it was just it was it was it was a great opportunity for the boys
00:08:09.080to look at the different traditions none of which were religious they were all like every
00:08:19.140every celebration was was secular even with your your you know jesus-y aunt being at your dad's
00:08:28.480extended family um and so it was interesting because because we see so many similar kinds
00:08:37.460of secular celebrations, but then they can start to see the nuances. Okay, what are the food
00:08:43.860differences? What's the pacing difference? Like my parents do the whole stocking thing.
00:08:47.980It's their only stocking experience this season was only on 5thmas, right?
00:08:56.120You know, from my family, we do the sort of cryptic, Ridley messages on the gifts.
00:09:04.120I was going to bring that up. I love that.
00:09:05.580That extra layer of pizzazz and awesomeness to gift giving. And so I don't know, like having all those different looks lets them help triangulate like what version of the secular side of Christmas they gravitate towards, right?
00:09:28.980Because then they can apply their own skepticism and say, okay, well, this works for me. That doesn't. My version is this. Because they have all this data to pull from now. It's not just one tradition where they get surprised when they see other people's traditions. They have multiple within the same season. I think it's pretty cool.
00:09:55.680Yeah. And I think also just like the outpouring of love from everybody was so touching. And just to see that in so many different environments with so many different types of people, it was really, really special.
00:10:13.580Plus, I started to really connect with one of my favorite holiday movies, which is the 1970 Scrooge musical.
00:16:17.660So I was listening to Under the Influence by Joe Piazza, which is a great podcast about
00:16:27.140mom influencers and how kind of that influencer economy affects us. And she had an episode about
00:16:37.280parenting advice and all of the sort of parenting advice influencers out there. And basically in
00:16:44.420that episode, the take was, well, first, and I agree with this, so just sort of laying this down,
00:16:51.540Like there's small amounts of parenting advice that are just like, this is important to keep
00:16:57.560your kids alive. And that's very important. So that's like car seats you have to get right
00:17:03.140and safe sleep habits when they're babies to avoid as much as possible sits. And like those
00:17:11.700two things are really important. And all the science says, like, do it that way. It's much
00:17:17.940better for your kids. It's a way to avoid disaster. So that's important. But that basically
00:17:23.180the rest of parenting advice can kind of go fuck itself, that so much of it is just about0.95
00:17:31.240making parents feel bad about themselves and is also, except for a very few number of people,0.98
00:17:40.800not particularly scientifically accurate. And then right after that, she posted an article
00:17:48.420with her advice for new parents. I think she sort of admits that there are issues with parenting
00:17:55.920advice, but she posted her article with her advice for new parents. And I thought that was
00:18:01.280great. And I thought, and the advice was really good. So I think there is a weird world of
00:18:09.580parenting advice, where I feel both of those things. And I really think this plays into the
00:18:17.700concept of being skeptical parents, because we talk a lot about looking at the reality of things
00:18:23.460and question what we do and like, trying to look for what's real. And so I think parenting advice
00:18:31.760plays into that and doesn't. And I am very curious how you feel about the kind of parenting
00:18:41.520advice economy. Oh, man, that is such an interesting question, moms. I think that
00:18:50.300all advice... Okay, I'm going to back up. I like to view advice from two lenses. One,
00:18:59.820The same lens that I would use if I'm reading like biography, a historical document, whatever, like I would look for the context, right? I'd look for the person's bias, right? I'd look for the cues that would lead them to that advice through their upbringing, their parenting, the whole nature and nurture thing.
00:19:23.060where are they in their lives right now that would motivate them to give that advice or to
00:19:27.840think that advice is valid and the other lens that i would view it from would be the lens of
00:19:37.740how to term this like the the bs detector lens right um that
00:19:47.400that you want to look at why the person is giving you this advice. But then you also
00:19:56.500obviously need to take a look at what the advice is, right? And sometimes those play off of each
00:20:05.220other. Like sometimes the what drives the person to share it. Like it could be something they
00:20:11.880didn't come up with, but because they respect another influencer, celebrity, whatever, yada,
00:20:16.900yada, that they're compelled to share it because they also trust that person's opinion on all
00:20:22.840these other things, right? That maybe they're in some sort of information silo when it comes
00:20:30.260to parenting as like we saw with all the trad wife stuff, that it can be a very sort of insular
00:20:38.040set of information that they draw from to come to their conclusions and that can lead them to have
00:20:43.680similar opinions about things. And they're not alone in that. Everybody is prone to this sort
00:20:52.480of thing, myself, yourself included. It's just the way that we operate, especially now in this day of
00:20:58.580online interaction where people will more rapidly coalesce around ideas, form ideological groups.
00:21:09.940And so when it comes to parenting advice, I would look at it from that skeptical side of why are they telling this to me? And then is it valuable? Does it work? Does it work for me? Could it work for somebody else?
00:21:27.240again, what is my context, right? Like if somebody gives me advice about how to make your kids
00:21:34.780eat more healthy food, I mean, I'll listen. If it's in person, I'll listen out of courtesy or
00:21:43.140if it's an article, I might skim it to see if there's anything I'm missing. But since our kids
00:21:48.020already eat fruits and vegetables and protein sources that also include plant-based protein
00:21:54.040sources and all sorts of different animal-based sources and they drink a lot of water, I am less
00:22:01.660concerned about hearing advice like that because they already are, in my humble opinion, kind of
00:22:10.100ticking that box, right? But if it's something else that I think that they might need more help
00:22:14.320with, like managing expectations for screen time or managing stress with sibling interactions,
00:22:24.040You know, that sort of stuff, like I would read that – I would take that under more heavy consideration because that's something that I view them as needing maybe more help with or us as needing more help with helping them with.
00:22:36.200So, again, it would come down to our context. Also, then the utility and then do I trust that this advice is coming from them in a robustly honest, intellectually honest way?
00:22:55.500So I would say when the boys were young, I searched out a lot of parenting advice.
00:23:02.460You really did. It was commendable how much you researched the whole process.
00:23:07.480And it was definitely my gateway into all of the parenting media that I now follow. And I feel like you did not have that urge at all.
00:23:24.480No. And I'm curious about that because as a skeptic and somebody who puts a lot of faith in.
00:25:24.420I trusted you to like to go through as you seem to be really bent on doing all of this
00:25:32.560parenting media. And if you found something that, that you thought that I should check out,
00:25:39.740that I also felt that I also felt compelled to check out that I would. And I, some things I did
00:25:45.700and some things I didn't honestly, like some, there are some books you recommended that I read
00:25:50.260that I didn't read. There are some resources that you suggested I check out that I totally
00:25:55.240like poured over. And so again, just like with everybody else, I looked at where you were coming
00:26:02.760from and what my own personal context was, and I filtered your advice through that. And I thought
00:26:10.680to myself, this will work until it doesn't. And when it doesn't, I'll change what I'm doing.
00:26:17.300And it continued to work. The boys are doing great. Are there things that I could have done
00:26:22.680better. I suppose, but there are always going to be things that you can do better. And I ultimately
00:26:28.900think that the outcome of our kids speaks for itself. They're doing great and they are themselves.
00:26:38.340I don't assume you remember, but just out of pure curiosity, can you think of anything
00:26:43.060I suggested you look at that you did really find helpful?
00:26:47.020Oh my gosh. I mean, you sent me a lot of like articles and stuff and I would like that, that was easy to digest. So I would click through and I, sometimes I would scan and sometimes I would pour over.
00:26:59.320Um, I, I seem to remember you sent me a really good one about, um, differences in educational
00:27:09.020approaches when we were looking at, um, different when, when I was actually going around and
00:27:15.480interviewing different schools for reader, um, and based on what you recommended and
00:27:24.400And then in conjunction with my own direct experience in visiting some of these schools
00:27:32.420and talking to the administrators that were giving the tours, I realized what would work.
00:27:40.380And we found a great school as a result of it.
00:27:48.960They had – and because of that, they were able – I credit that school with equipping them with the tools necessary to transition to going to a totally different country and going to a totally different school and at no point ever having separation anxiety.
00:28:48.720I, I, you are. And, and I like, I like hearing your thoughts. I ask for your help and your
00:28:53.900advice on all sorts of things daily. But when it came to this one thing, I was bound and determined
00:29:00.840to trust my instincts a bit. I don't know that that's, that's kind of the easiest way for me
00:29:09.040to put it. No, that makes a lot of sense. I think I felt differently because I had had
00:29:13.840no experience with kids. I totally got it. I had done a tiny bit of babysitting for the most part,
00:29:21.460very badly. I wasn't very good at it. And I did not feel comfortable with babies.
00:29:28.900There were some sort of kid situations where I would jump in, but didn't feel super comfortable
00:29:37.920jumping in with kids. And yeah, so I was very uncertain of myself. And Reeder was an interesting
00:29:48.040first child because he wasn't, I don't think Reeder was particularly difficult, but he was,
00:29:57.460I feel like he was just a hard read. Like a lot of the first couple of months with him,
00:30:03.740I just felt like we were sort of staring at each other like, I don't know, what do you think we
00:30:10.680should do? It was, it was, it was, yeah, it was interesting. I don't know. When I think about
00:30:18.840parenting advice, I always think about the book, Oh Crap Potty Training as like the perfect
00:30:26.280distillation of the issues with parenting advice. Because as you mentioned, the boys were both at a
00:30:34.840preschool. When Reeder went into the classroom before the classroom where he would have to be
00:30:41.440potty trained, which I think was, we can never remember, a three or four-year-old? They had to
00:30:47.900be, we think it was three, right? For the three-year-old room? Just keep talking. Okay, whatever.
00:30:56.280So, whatever classroom was before the classroom where they had to be potty trained, when he entered it, the teacher had taken us aside and said, you know, for the next classroom, they're going to need to be potty trained, but don't worry.
00:31:09.660We work on it a ton in this classroom and kind of we got it.
00:32:18.280But what happened in that classroom is that there was some turnover, which happens in preschools and daycares, and different teachers came in.
00:32:45.740But here's the thing. And I can't remember if I, like, I don't know how, I can't remember if I read that book, like, in a mad rush, realizing it, or if I had sort of read it before when I was just thinking about potty training. I don't know. I don't know how it happened.
00:33:07.140But I either read it in that moment or I had read it when I was thinking about it before.
00:33:13.920But that book is so interesting because what's great about it is that it worked for us.
00:33:20.120And I fully understand that there are probably lots of kids that it wouldn't work for.
00:33:24.780But they have this system where you just have your kids be naked from the waist down.
00:33:29.220For three days, you keep them in an area where there's not carpeting.
00:33:33.840So if there's an accident, it's not terrible.
00:33:37.060And I got to say, it worked with both boys.
00:33:40.720In that mad rush, we did it with Reader and it totally worked.
00:33:45.400And then because it worked so well, we did the same thing with Go and it worked again.
00:34:12.580The other thing about that book is it is so judgy.0.99
00:34:17.100And if you are having problems potty training, it would make you feel like crap.0.98
00:34:23.100It would be the other meaning of the title.
00:34:25.180It has so much awful advice about how, like, if you don't potty train by this point, your kid is going to have troubles like way into adulthood.
00:34:34.320It is such a fear mongering book, but its system saved our assets.
00:34:40.940So to me, it's like both sides. And I think as a skeptic, like one of the issues is with all of this behavioral stuff, there's advice, but it's not like other things where like if you look at enough kids, you can find something that's going to work for everybody.
00:35:03.240At best, if you've done really good research, you can make suggestions about what works for a larger percentage of kids.
00:35:12.460But when it comes from behavioral stuff, like the thing that works for the majority of kids might not work with your child.
00:35:21.000So it's always going to be a little bit difficult on that level.
00:35:26.620But on the other hand, I do think there are things that come up where like, you just need to hear how other people have handled it. Because sometimes there's situations you're like, I don't know what to do with this. Like it didn't happen to me as a kid. I remember when Reeder is such a good sleeper now. He's just like, dead to the world the second he goes out.
00:35:53.960but when he was nice if he was like that for the first year of his life oh my god it was
00:35:58.600impossible and it there were parts of it
00:36:01.460that's i hear that sound in my nightmares you think he's asleep then you stop patting and
00:36:08.220walking him and then the weakest little cry it's so sad which means also you have another hour of
00:36:17.620work left to do. Yeah. It took us sometimes upwards of three hours. I think I'm still tired
00:36:23.860from that. I think that's why I'm tired all the time because he sucked my life out in that first
00:36:28.240year. But he was so hard to put to sleep. He was so hard to put down for a nap. I was just like,
00:36:34.500I could not figure out what to do with my days. And at the time I was, I had been working in
00:36:41.740entertainment and I was still doing sort of like a side gig with this lovely documentary producer.
00:36:47.620who had kids. And she's like, oh, I read this thing that gives you this like schedule.
00:36:52.960And it was, what was nice about it is it wasn't so much like at this time, at this time, at this
00:37:00.280time, do something. But it was like, you have to do your day in this order. So like you have to
00:37:05.640feed and then play and then nap. And it wasn't perfect. And it's not like his sleep ever got
00:37:11.340great, but at least it gave me a way to kind of focus our days. And that was really helpful.
00:37:19.960And I just wouldn't have known, I was just like flailing. I did not know how to handle the
00:37:25.020situation. And I'm sure there are tons of people that that did not work for. And if somebody gave
00:37:29.780it to them and was like, oh, this is a solution. And then it didn't work. That would feel like
00:37:34.140incredibly demoralizing. But I just needed some framework to make our days manageable. And I was
00:37:42.320so happy to have it. I'm so torn in retrospect because, again, speaking as a neurodivergent
00:37:54.040person, as you know, as you saw today when I got stressed out, start at the beginning of the day,
00:38:00.240knowing everything that I had to do. Knowing that I had actually a schedule, but even the
00:38:06.480schedule wasn't necessarily enough because I didn't know if I would be able to actually fit
00:38:11.900everything in. That generated a lot of anxiety because I need the schedule and woe betide a
00:38:19.360schedule that gets broken. And so I like that structure. I have sought out as an adult various
00:38:30.660developmental programs for writing and all sorts of things that give me sort of like an algorithmic
00:38:38.740sense of how to improve. And I found that I operate well under those circumstances, but it is
00:38:45.800it is a lot more structure than a lot of other people would probably seek out, but that's just
00:38:50.880the way my brain works. And also I, I have to constantly fight the urge to judge myself and
00:39:00.760punish myself and have a negative impression of myself. And so both of those together,
00:39:06.780I guess it's good that I sidestepped a lot of parenting advice because I would have been
00:39:12.840attracted to the algorithmic nature of, oh, here's this thing, plug it into your life and you will
00:39:18.340have a success. But then also, oh, the algorithm didn't work. You should kill yourself now or
00:39:27.280whatever. You know what I mean? Like, obviously it's not that extreme, but, but that's like,1.00
00:39:32.120I would have felt very bad and demoralized. I think it would have negatively impacted me as
00:39:37.760a parent. I think I'm a good parent. I think that I've succeeded to a large extent. I guess in
00:39:46.660retrospect, it's good that I didn't fall down a rabbit hole like you did. But for you, it was
00:39:54.420good. It worked. But for me, it wouldn't necessarily have had that positive outcome
00:39:59.740that it did with you, even digesting the same material. I didn't even think about that until
00:40:06.560now. That's like, wow, mind blown. That's super interesting.
00:40:10.540But again, that's not something that I would have actually probably come to had I not
00:40:15.080come to grips with my own neurodivergence. And fun fact, I'm actually getting tested for autism
00:40:22.840in March and I could not be more excited one way or the other. I'm very happy that we have an
00:40:30.460opportunity to do that now where we live now the country i love it otherwise in so many ways
00:40:36.580but oh my gosh the issues with psychiatric care where we live are just i mean it i i would i mean
00:40:46.860i feel bad saying it's criminal because the psychiatrists who are working where we live now
00:40:52.300are so slammed like the caseload is is crushing and there's just an absolute shortage of trained
00:41:02.040psychiatrists therapists and psychologists like that that can't like how that like incentivize
00:41:09.820and you incentivize that as a local government or provincial government or national government
00:41:14.840you you make it so that people are drawn to the profession so you don't have this
00:41:19.220like complete lack of caregivers because for me, it isn't a necessity as much as it might be for
00:41:29.820somebody else. But we still are waiting. I submitted a formal request in April. We are
00:41:38.380closing in on a year since I made that request. And while it's not the screaming urgency,
00:41:45.680If I do have this diagnosis, then I actually become eligible for care, for services that could potentially help me with my interpersonal relationships, with my anxiety, with, you know, sort of resources that would help me be more professionally, let's say, adequate when it comes to people skills.
00:42:12.500like things that would actually help me cope better as a parent like that's that's stuff
00:42:18.280that directly impacts my life and my livelihood and that matters to me and to us and so to not
00:42:24.960have that be good enough for the government to to look you know like lightly upon us for
00:42:35.580is demoralizing and so it was very nice that when we're back in the states in march
00:42:39.880We were able to set up this virtual thing. And so I'm very excited that we'll be able to,
00:42:47.120one way or another, start to winnow down possibilities for what is actually going
00:42:53.780on in my head. That would be very useful. Side note.
00:42:58.640And I think the thing I always think about with this type of care is that when you're dealing
00:43:05.240with those issues it's like doubly hard to sort through what you have to sort through to get care
00:43:12.300like finding a good therapist is so hard and you know when you're in the midst of something
00:43:19.860that process of like trying somebody out and if it doesn't work finding somebody else like it's
00:43:24.960all just you know that's hard when you're like coping well and so I just think about what that
00:43:32.880must be like when people aren't. It really makes me step back and say, I mean, what do some families
00:43:45.100do? And I mean, I've taught kids on spectrum. I've taught kids with special needs. I've taught
00:43:52.780adults with special needs. I've taught adults with special needs who have kids who don't have
00:43:57.920special needs. I've taught like so many angles of this situation. And then to find myself doing
00:44:07.820these, you know, like finding myself having done a bunch of these, you know, are you autistic
00:44:15.460questionnaires on a lark? And then all of them basically coming back positive. It's just such
00:44:23.000an interesting situation to find myself in but yeah moms you're right like for us it's not a
00:44:28.240screaming urgency but what if it was what if it what it like for what if you need it and you don't
00:44:34.840and you can't get it what if you need it quickly and you might have been able to get it but the
00:44:39.840gears of the medical government did not turn quickly enough for you it's it just it's wild
00:44:49.940thinking about how hard it can be for some people to actually get the medical care and the psychiatric
00:44:55.560care that they absolutely need. And from a humanist standpoint, like, I mean, if I could
00:45:01.540snap my fingers about anything in society, like the efficacy and availability and ease of use
00:45:11.800of medical and psychiatric care might be at the top of the list because think about everything
00:45:20.040that would be solved if the majority of people could address their situations that simply.
00:45:30.440financial crime, overall well-being, productivity in the workplace, how much art could be generated
00:45:46.820further by people who learn how to manage their demons instead of necessarily succumbing
00:45:53.060to them because they don't have the support they need. I know it's not perfect even if
00:45:59.680somebody has all those resources, but how many more lives could be saved and how many more
00:46:04.400families could be enriched. Yeah. I want Star Trek to be real.
00:46:11.660Oh, I know. And just coming back, you sort of said it, but just coming back to the topic of
00:46:18.640parenting advice, trying to think about any one piece of advice or the only other thing I was
00:46:26.000going to say about it is I think these sort of like one-off books about a certain thing like
00:46:32.120sleep training or not sleep training or potty training like those can be very judgy the ones
00:46:40.500that I worry about even more are the like whole systems of parenting you know like some people
00:46:47.380get very involved in kind of a whole philosophy of training and I never could remember if it's
00:46:53.980RIE or RIE parenting. But that's one of them. And again, I think it has a lot of beautiful elements
00:47:02.480and things that can be taken from it. Well, you get sucked in, right? You're like,
00:47:08.180this is working, so this other thing has to work. And if it doesn't work for me,
00:47:11.940then I'm the broken person. Well, like you said, when we were looking at
00:47:15.840preschools, when we looked at that had really lovely things about it, they fully used that
00:47:23.120parenting style. And there were other reasons it didn't work, but I was like, we just can't
00:47:27.740do this. Cause I, I'm sure there are a few things that we're going to want to do differently. And
00:47:31.420I don't know if it's going to be so. And that administrator gave me a weird vibe.
00:47:35.320Yeah. Well, like you had to do parenting courses with them. And I don't even mind that,
00:47:40.480but just because of the system, it just felt like it could get weird if we disagreed about things.
00:47:45.480It feels almost like, like cultish. I think if you like put all of your eggs in that basket,
00:47:51.940But just thinking about any of them, to think about any system or any advice that could really meet the needs of every kind of family, like it probably doesn't exist.
00:48:03.260Well, you know, it really is like they package it like a religion in that they first convince you that they are the resource that you need to follow above all others.
00:48:18.800And that when you go to buy resources regarding your child, you go to them first and you give them your money. And, you know, if their lessons were more universally applicable, I would say, okay, maybe.
00:48:37.520But they aren't – like something like parenting is so necessarily dynamic and so necessarily varied that you can't – like if you don't pick and choose and you don't try out stuff, try out different approaches, then I think that that is the sign of a parent who needs to work more.
00:49:04.360is you have to have that skeptical lens. And you have to turn that most fiercely upon
00:49:16.620your own behavior. And there are things that I've done, right? Most recently, here's a great
00:49:23.800example, the validation method. Reader has a therapist who's really great. And she completely
00:49:30.700reformed how I am handling readers' big emotional moments. Totally. And I thought that was something
00:49:41.120in our relationship that I had totally covered my experience teaching kids for so long,
00:49:47.540completely insulated me from needing to worry about it. I could do that thing.
00:49:53.820But then she showed us this thing that works better. And now that's what I do.
00:49:57.580Simple. And it's exact. And it's what I have learned that I need to do to myself. And it's
00:50:02.980what I've told you to do with me, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's profound. And it's just the validation
00:50:09.660method where you just validate, validate, validate, and then shut up and walk away and let
00:50:14.280the person work through that potential solution, that unwinding of the emotional state, that
00:50:21.020resolution, let them work it out themselves. After you validate their feelings, you give
00:50:29.740them that space where they feel comfortable crafting their solutions, processing it on
00:50:36.260their own, becoming more emotionally resilient as a result. And is it perfect? No, nothing
00:50:41.840is, but it works better than what I was doing. And what I was doing was working okay, but
00:50:46.980I had a blind spot. And the moment that she said it, I was like, I have not been skeptical enough
00:50:53.300with my own stuff. And so I'm going to be more skeptical with that. And I tried it and it worked
00:50:58.900better than anything that I had ever done. So there you go. Pops did the thing that he tells
00:51:05.960other people to do more often than not, or not tells. I don't tell anybody to do it. Who am I?
00:51:11.900but it's, it's a, it's a good nudge to be skeptical in yourself, um, more often than
00:51:19.140anybody else. And I did that and there you go. Worked for me. Definitely works. If it works for
00:51:23.920me, it works for anybody. Cause I'm, I, I get locked in my ways and my methods and my routines
00:51:30.720and that can be a good thing, but it also is itself a blind spot.
00:51:41.900I want to date with Rawls, Carty says.
00:52:07.240And also, guys, the whole thing with like setting this appointment to do the autism diagnosis, the ASD diagnosis, just filling out the intake and the diagnostic questionnaires, just speaking those things, my truths out there into the world where a professional would read them.
00:52:36.360and start to work out how to talk to me about these things felt like such a burden off of my
00:52:43.720shoulders. So if you have even an inkling or if somebody has suggested that you should perhaps
00:52:52.960talk to somebody about something that's bothering you, big or small, something you're having a hard
00:53:00.800time reconciling, coping with, you suspect that you experienced a trauma that you're just now
00:53:08.240coming to grips with existing in your past. Because sometimes that takes years just to accept
00:53:15.700that it happened or even could have happened. You go and talk to somebody about it because it is a
00:53:23.600very liberating thing, even though it requires facing something that is painful, stressful,
00:53:31.080unknown, potentially completely upending to how you view yourself as a person.
00:53:37.200Maybe requiring that you recategorize yourself, perhaps, or that you join a new demographic of
00:53:45.700people who are that person. Now, that's okay. And talking to somebody about it is perhaps the
00:53:55.780best thing you could ever do for yourself and your children. That's it. There you are. You were
00:54:00.200saying about this topic going along. I just made it longer. You're welcome.
00:54:03.420Okay. But I have a little mini five-minute second topic.