00:07:42.640There's been interviews with the wardrobe supervisor and all that.
00:07:46.180Oh, she did a lot of vintage stores, right?
00:07:47.980Yes. Yeah. Because they had like no budget. This was a very lean and economical production, which I think makes it so much more interesting because we are so used to media that is built around some major form of IP or is super, super Indian miserable. And this is neither.
00:08:05.360no it's it's actually i love knowing this it's really a happy medium and i will say watching
00:08:12.020heated rivalry is an enjoyable experience and in the introduction i actually compare it it almost0.51
00:08:17.580feels like watching a cw teen drama yeah yeah yeah it's very enjoyable same amount of nipples0.92
00:08:24.900maybe more nipples although not more nipples than gossip girl necessarily uh no no there was there0.98
00:08:30.120was a lot of a lot of chuck bass nipple in gossip girl and but i think about american television a0.98
00:08:37.480lot we're still in the process of developing and pitching so many of my books for tv shows
00:08:42.580which is a terrible process because the american production system is awful you have to attach
00:08:49.580a celebrity at the outset they're always they're always difficult they're difficult and expensive
00:08:54.860and I loved watching Heated Rivalry because I don't need to watch a celebrity to enjoy a show.
00:09:01.800I love a good character actor. I love a good unknown. And American production companies
00:09:06.660never want to take that kind of risk. No. And there's a lot of money behind actors who I think
00:09:13.200are actors playing themselves in that role. Exactly. Right. There's the celebrity of the
00:09:20.220actor comes before the performance. And then there are actors who disappear into the performance
00:09:24.440where you think, wow, I can't believe that was the same guy. That was the same guy? How is that
00:09:27.320the same guy? That is a different type of acting. And I think American media production values the
00:09:33.160former because they want to bank on that celebrity. It also means they have to do less marketing
00:09:36.840because the celebrity is going to bring their audience and they don't have to work too hard.
00:09:40.640Right. But I mean, to be honest, I will say I've seen so many celebrity shows that have had
00:09:46.560massive budgets where the American celebrities have gotten so much money that have just died
00:09:51.280in the water these days and heated rivalry has become i think the most popular show in the world
00:09:58.020right now just through word of mouth yep word of mouth and different groups of people finding it
00:10:04.720and telling everybody in their fandom so like this was originally going to appeal to romance fans
00:10:09.720right and right and i don't even know if they thought in the beginning that it would appeal
00:10:15.480to that many people outside of the queer community i mean it didn't even get picked up by hbo until
00:10:20.820like weeks before the premiere. I think it was like late November that it was announced. And I
00:10:25.100said to one of my, I think it was Amanda who I said this to my frequent co-host, you know, yes,
00:10:30.780it's going to be on Crave in Canada, which is their sort of Hulu. And I said, it's going to
00:10:35.820get picked up in the States. It'll probably be picked up by Hulu because they have Jacob Tierney's
00:10:39.720other shows, but someone will buy this eventually. I did not expect it to be HBO. I don't think HBO
00:10:45.100expected what they got. And I did not expect it to reach so many other fandoms so quickly.
00:10:50.820it's been fast it's been really fast but when when was it released it was not that long ago
00:10:55.340i think it was like two weeks before christmas or like so yeah i mean time means nothing to me
00:11:01.100at this point i'm like you could tell me it was nine months ago but i know that it was right
00:11:05.600before the christmas yeah it was november 28th basically jacob tyranny took care of people
00:11:10.940between thanksgiving and that weird week after christmas gave us all something to do this was
00:11:15.140much better than say any other december gossip like the year we were all talking about how
00:11:20.420Hilaria Baldwin fakes her accent this was a much better holiday obsession I'm very grateful oh yeah
00:11:25.920no I'm so grateful also by the way I and I don't like to talk about other women's faces but I saw
00:11:31.140Hilaria Baldwin on the social media the other day and I don't recognize her she's done something
00:11:35.600something is different to look I mean it's really it's internet face it's like internet face with
00:11:41.440Mar-a-Lago face the thing that we were talking about earlier before we got on the microphone0.61
00:11:45.480that everyone's face is as smooth as a baby seal's butt and yes yeah I didn't even know it was her
00:11:51.140one of my most popular comments on reddit was a post of a celebrity and I was like you can't fool
00:12:00.020me that's this other person mixed with this with this other person with the like this is Heidi
00:12:06.160Montag mixed with Christina Aguilera that's not Lindsay Lohan and yet they all look the same
00:12:10.720everyone looks the same now i'm so bored by it i'm just bored by it i want people to have real
00:12:16.740faces again i also and this is a demand that i have you remember i was listening to your show0.79
00:12:22.060and you were talking about like am i am i the asshole am i the weird one and i spend a lot of0.78
00:12:26.400time in my life like um have you ever seen uh how to train your dragon oh yeah of course i have0.91
00:12:31.100three children it's one of my favorites it was like the movie of my kid's childhood and there's
00:12:35.860a scene where hiccup shoots down a light fury and he's the misfit he's the outcast and he turns
00:12:40.440around. He's like, did anybody see that? And I feel like that with culture all the time. Is anyone
00:12:44.600seeing what I am seeing here? And we need to be able to talk about plastic surgery and what it
00:12:49.560means and what it does without immediately being jumped on for you're criticizing a woman's
00:12:55.060appearance. I don't give a flying crap what you do, but please don't lie to me and tell me something0.94
00:12:59.880wasn't done. Like I had plastic surgery last month. It's fine, y'all. This is your house. Do0.98
00:13:05.600whatever you want to it, but why are you doing it? What's the reason for it? Is this a demonstration
00:13:10.860of conformity and compliance? Because that's what that one face is. It's confirmation and conformity
00:13:17.760to one particular appearance. Okay, why? We need to be able to talk about the why. I don't care
00:13:22.360that you do it, but why? Why are you doing it? Exactly. Exactly. Oh my God. That is a whole
00:13:27.180other episode. And right now we are talking about hockey smut. That is our goal today. Hockey smut.
00:13:31.540So you wanted to ask me, why is it so sexy and why is it so popular? Why is it so popular?
00:13:35.280Why can't we stop watching? It subverts patriarchy left, right and center, full stop.0.81
00:13:39.900Like, that's why. And if you think about it, even the question is informed by patriarchy.
00:13:48.240No one ever asks, OK, but why was Mad Men so popular? Why was The Sopranos so popular?
00:13:53.120Why did everybody love The Wire? But if you Google, and I've done this, there are scores
00:13:57.640of articles about why is heated rivalry so popular? Why is Bridgerton so interesting?
00:14:03.300And why do people love the Great British Bake Off?
00:14:05.460And what do they all have in common?0.93
00:14:32.880yes so we already have desperate housewives we don't need anything else we don't need anything
00:14:36.620else we we already have a woman ensemble show and we don't we don't need everyone is lying to you
00:14:42.620we heard that 10 times with that is embarrassing like i'm embarrassed i'm embarrassed by that
00:14:49.000we should be i mean maybe i should pitch everyone is lying to you to crave crave call me come on i've
00:14:53.200got we've got a show ready for you if you can get in touch with jacob tierney be like my guy
00:14:56.340got a project for you sir i mean now i'm gonna go gentle stalk jacob tierney so thanks for that
00:15:02.140listen don't watch letter kenny or shorzy with your kids around letter kenny i describe as if i
00:15:07.400want as if i can watch heated rivalry with my kids around i listened to a podcaster um do you ever
00:15:12.260listen to vibe check no one of the hosts of vibe check zach stafford was like yeah so i watched it
00:15:17.500on a plane first time someone was next to him and they were just like what and the second time it
00:15:22.980was another gay man and so they just watched it together listening to him talk about this0.76
00:15:26.960i'm turning red right now at the idea of seeing someone watch that on a plane0.68
00:15:30.680wow people on screens have sex on planes on movies many times this is this is different
00:15:36.960thing it's different this is different no it's taken me so long to finish it because it has to
00:15:44.120be done during the day when no one else is home oh yes it is it is a show where you're going to
00:15:49.940either watch it in a bar with people and all be cool with it which i think is incredible are you
00:15:53.680gonna be by yourself in your little pod yes this is this is a very specific type of viewing letter
00:15:59.740Kenny and Shorzy are also like that. Letter Kenny I describe as deeply wholesome and extremely
00:16:03.960profane. Great. I mean, which is, you know, which is a good combo. That is a great, that's, that's
00:16:09.340one of my favorite combos. You know, we talk about this all the time. I'm like, I, I love
00:16:14.140delicious trash. Oh God. Yes. Yes. I consider all of my books delicious trash in the best way.0.97
00:16:20.420I built my whole job on talking about romance novels, which people are already starting to
00:16:25.920take seriously, but 20 years ago, not so much. I know. I said that in my intro to you. I said that
00:16:30.820I've said that you were you were the first girl. You're a pioneer. You're the Oregon trail of this.
00:16:35.680Thank you. I appreciate that. I love being able to look at a thing that I love critically as my job,
00:16:41.300but also I will never stop being fascinated by the very specific things that are considered trash
00:16:48.440that people love. Like one of my favorite podcasts is a show called. Oh, they just changed it, but it
00:16:53.780used to be the mess mess world mess world podcast it's two okay you would you oh okay i'm really
00:17:00.420sorry you're gonna lose a lot of time because it's amazing and you're gonna love it it's just
00:17:03.280tofino from the review of beauty or no her show is now her her substack is now flesh world
00:17:08.360patrick who does fashion commentary and they look at fashion and the beauty industry and
00:17:13.500culturally break down what is actually happening it's the same thing that i do with romance fiction
00:17:17.980and i could just i could just hug the show i would hug the mp3s if i could i love them so much
00:17:23.320I'm so here for this. All right. Great. No, I love it. I love it. Yeah. I think that you are correct. I think that we do not have many television shows that tap into what women want.
00:17:37.000nope um what kinds of romance we want what kinds of relationships we want to see yes that you know
00:17:46.760there's a lot of complications in the relationships in heated rivalry but you know what we don't see0.92
00:17:53.520we don't see men being dicks to women never no absolutely not it's just it's it's refreshing
00:18:00.040to to to be in that world and i say this to to friends a lot because i'm pretty liberal with0.89
00:18:05.920what I let my very young children watch on television. I was the same and my kids turned
00:18:11.540out fine. So you're going to be all right. I'm not I'm not at all worried about it. You know,
00:18:15.940they they see I mean, because I have a dinosaur kid there, they've seen all the Jurassic Parks.
00:18:21.260OK, and then I've got a space kid. So they've seen all the Star Wars. They've seen this kind
00:18:24.900of faux fake violence. But something I do not let them ever see is violence against women or
00:18:32.800derogatory content against women. I think that is so much more damaging than any of the dinosaur
00:18:40.380biting the guy's head off. I mean, there is no shortage of movies from the 80s and 90s that you
00:18:46.020could revisit that are ineligible now because of that rule. I mean, there's like all the movies I
00:18:50.740grew up watching. No, that is not part of it. And I think that's really important about heated
00:18:55.060heated rivalry specifically. Because look at the predominant type of masculinity we are seeing in
00:19:03.260the world around us right now. We are watching insecure, fragile bullies that are propped up by
00:19:10.460money and fascism. And then you look at the ways that masculinity are portrayed in the show. And
00:19:17.640I think it's a very large signal that we are culturally starving for tenderness and acceptance.
00:19:25.060And that is what this show is giving us.
00:23:21.440And what's fascinating is this book starts with trips to Bontown.
00:23:26.040The intimacy is not a problem in the physical sense, but the emotional intimacy takes them a really long time to get to.
00:23:33.340Well, and I think that that's also why it's intriguing to a lot of women, particularly, let's say, women of a certain age, because we dealt with so much male emotional intimacy stuntedness.
00:24:08.000I refuse to be the sole, sole, sole person in charge of that job now.1.00
00:24:14.640I don't want any woman to have to deal with that with my own son.0.98
00:24:18.920I think about it all the time. But, you know, when we watch Hollander and Ilya on the screen,
00:24:24.620they are very emotionally immature, but they're also young men. Yes, they are very young. I mean,
00:24:29.000they try to make Shane look real, real young with some real bad bangs in early episodes.
00:24:33.100Those bangs are so rough. It's very those are some tragic youth bangs. And all I had those.
00:24:39.320I had those in my youth as well. I can relate. It's yes, you're watching the emotional maturity
00:24:44.540of two people who do not have, in a rom-com, for example, there would be a woman in the story
00:24:53.480managing their emotions or help. It would be her job to pivot them into emotional maturity.
00:25:00.700Well, she's not there. There's nobody there to do that.
00:25:02.900There's nobody there. There's nobody there to do it. Yeah, exactly.
00:25:05.280And they have to do the emotional heavy lifting of figuring out what they're doing
00:25:09.460with themselves. And this is very much a coming of age story. Like one of the major
00:25:13.740storylines that is a source of conflict is that Shane has to, for the first time, say,
00:25:23.560I'm diverging from the path that was laid out for me. And he has so much working against him
00:25:31.400culturally. He is a Canadian hockey star. And he also, when I was recording an episode about this
00:25:40.380with Candy, who is the co-founder of Smart Bitches. And also she's Asian. She said, listen,
00:25:44.820anyone who thinks that it's easy to do that has clearly never had an Asian mom.1.00
00:25:49.740Right. And not only that, even if even if his mother weren't Asian, which in the book she is,0.93
00:25:54.400she is his manager. She is his deal broker. She is the one who is like sees his career
00:25:59.560laid out. And he has to stand up to that and say, I'm going to do something different.
00:26:05.080That's terrifying. And that's a huge thing when people I call it playing the FU card,
00:26:10.040like, F you know, I'm doing it my way. I'm doing it how I want. And I'm no longer taking your
00:26:15.780opinion under advisement at this time. And that's really hard for people to do, especially
00:26:19.800to their parents when their parents are the business. Oh, absolutely. And in fact, it's
00:26:24.900very, very interesting for me because I just kept thinking about influencer children.
00:26:29.320Yes. Yes. Yes. Because it is. It's just it's a different kind of stage mom. Right. So and
00:26:38.640And they're both they're both. I think they've done a really great job on the show of fleshing out all of the pressures that are on these professional sports stars from the outside.
00:26:49.680And I've interviewed a lot of professional players who, you know, they make a lot of money. They make stupid money.1.00
00:26:57.060OK, I'm just going to say that professional sports stars and celebrities do make stupid money.1.00
00:27:02.240we should be paying teachers stupid money but but but like they do have so many family members0.99
00:27:07.760often depending on them that that money goes fast i remember watching a documentary about nfl players0.97
00:27:13.440and there was i remember this so clearly one of the former players was like you know how it used
00:27:18.700to be that you would have a cell phone and that it was cheap to add a phone to your plan and you
00:27:24.340could get like new phones on your account for like five dollars of course it's like i looked at my
00:27:28.160cell phone bill and i was paying for hundreds of cell phones and i didn't know who the hell these
00:27:31.960people were. Hundreds of cell phones on his bill every month. And it took years for him to look at
00:27:36.300it, be like, oh, that where's my money going? Why is it gone? Why is it gone? Exactly. And I think
00:27:41.340we see that see that really well. I will say that I think the storylines are fleshed, fleshed out
00:27:48.240really, really well. In addition to these are some of the steamiest scenes that I've actually ever
00:27:55.000seen on the screen outside of porn. This is one of the reasons why I think this show is so
00:27:59.480extraordinary because we talked about the budget, which was not large. And yet they had so very
00:28:06.080clear intimacy coordinator involvement in all of it. Like you can see how choreographed it was to
00:28:13.500make it clear what is happening and nary a hog is spotted. Yeah, no, no, it's true. It's true. And
00:28:20.220as a straight woman, I find it very sexy. Oh, yeah. Very, very. And I mean, every straight
00:28:26.940woman that I talk to is like, yeah, all of this is hot. Yep, absolutely. And if you look at actual0.99
00:28:33.040statistics about who watches what types of porn, everybody's watching everything. You know,
00:28:40.200there's this sort of idea that, you know, we are meant to be turned on in a very specific
00:28:44.340heteronormative way. That's one of the downsides of the romance genre, in my opinion. We have a lot
00:28:48.980of queer romance now, so much of it, but I don't think it's enough to fully recognize and represent
00:28:54.880the sexuality and the sexual interests of its readership. Humans like lots of different sex.
00:29:00.180And we are taught, especially women, a very heteronormative definition of what is supposed
00:29:06.380to turn us on. And it's everything that that is not on that list. Well, exactly. Exactly. And I
00:29:14.080will say so much of porn, I mean, I've talked to a lot of women about this, is made for the male0.99
00:29:20.480gaze yes so that heterosexual porn is almost disgusting for women oh yeah yeah she's an
00:29:27.300accessory a lot of the time almost always an accessory yes not a protagonist not a protagonist0.99
00:29:33.960and so I mean look watching two very well-built men and also the foreplay is very good oh it's
00:29:42.840just it's just sexy and it's it's intimate in a way that is very visceral and raw like the the
00:29:52.240way that the actors embodied the sex scenes i i wrote a whole book about romance called beyond
00:29:57.600heaving bosoms and i did a really interesting series of interviews one was was with lisa
00:30:02.980who said that a good sex scene has to cause as many problems as it solves otherwise it's going
00:30:09.980to end your tension. You're going to have no narrative tension after that. There's like so
00:30:13.940many TV shows that jumped the shark when they finally banged. In a romance, if there's a sex1.00
00:30:18.400scene, it has to move the plot and cause problems as much as it solves any tension that led the
00:30:25.080characters there. And that's what these sex scenes do. You can't take them out because they are part1.00
00:30:31.720of driving the story forward. And yes, they may have achieved climax and had a very satisfactory
00:30:37.160experience. And that's very great because they, you know, they're very clearly attracted to each
00:30:41.740other, but it still causes more problems. There's still a plot there. There's still a plot there.
00:30:47.460Exactly. Exactly. Okay. Let's take one more quick break. And when we get back, I want to talk about
00:30:55.060how we think this might actually push forward, you know, different kinds of romance media and
00:31:02.780romance productions in both the queer and straight spaces. Oh, I hope so.0.87
00:31:14.880Saying how you feel out loud is terrifying, but that's what Hinge's new free audiobook,
00:31:20.240No Ordinary Love, is all about. It's a collection of real love stories about five couples that met
00:31:27.980on Hinge. The stories are written and read by Tembi Dinton Hurst, Nicola Dinan, Curtis Garner,
00:31:33.740Raven Smith, and Rufy Thorpe. I, Hunter Harris, wrote and read the foreword. The audiobook's out
00:31:40.000now. Give it a listen. Okay, we're back. What kind of impact do you think that heated rivalry
00:31:51.060is going to have on the media and also maybe the real world? Because I've seen interviews
00:31:55.900with the stars of the show saying that they have gotten messages from closeted professional sports
00:32:02.280stars. I, of course, I'm sure everyone has been Googling, who are the out professional sports
00:32:07.480stars? And there are pretty much none. You can count them on one hand, depending on how wide
00:32:13.240you go in terms of sports. Depending on how wide you go in terms of sports and the definition of
00:32:19.540professional. Yep. I would like to say the women have this in the bag. They've been marrying each
00:32:25.460other for decades. And it's great. I mean, women, women, women who marry each other have have known
00:32:32.080a lot. Yes. Very long time. OK, all the time, all the time. If if for some reason something tragic
00:32:38.600were to happen to my beloved husband, who I adore, I'm never marrying another man. That's gross.
00:32:45.980I have heard about so many women who are divorced and decide to invest in properties together and1.00
00:32:51.020live together because they know how to run a household. And it's good to have a partner,1.00
00:32:54.340but they're not missing anything by not being married anymore no and definitely definitely
00:32:59.440by not being married to a man anymore i like i said i love my husband and i love my family but
00:33:05.060i would never do that again there's a wonderful romance author named alicia rye who's also a
00:33:10.360friend of mine and she um is now married with a beautiful little kid but a long time of you know
00:33:15.920her social media was discussing dating and how much it sucks and at one point she said0.98
00:33:19.660i need people to understand that dick is plentiful and of low value and someone actually cross-stitched1.00
00:33:26.260that and gave it to her i would like that pillow do you want do you wish to receive sex from a man0.99
00:33:34.120this is not a hard difficult problem just not a hard problem that's hard uh no it's not it's not0.99
00:33:40.480a hard problem to solve it truly isn't i mean i would like to preface that with i would like sex
00:33:46.280with a good man okay just give me give me some good men i want more good men in the world and
00:33:52.300that is a one of my overarching goals at this point like how can we breed more good men to
00:33:59.660replace like you were saying these these i mean the men running the world right now are so
00:34:06.060emotionally insecure and vapid and i i don't even i don't have enough terrible adjectives for it but
00:34:14.680good men can exist. I want good sex with good men. That sounds great. Let's cross-stitch that.0.95
00:34:20.220Good sex with good men, please. So what other impacts do you think that the success of Heated0.59
00:34:29.320Rivalry will have on the media and maybe even the cultural landscape? Well, Hollywood follows money,
00:34:37.440right? And one of the things that I love, love, love about this show is that so much of what
00:34:44.040heated rivalry represents is anathema to this entire administration. It's like bingo of people
00:34:49.780they hate. We got immigrants. We got biracial people. We got mixed marriages. We got queerness.
00:34:54.580I'm sorry. We have happy queer people, happy queer people being happy and queer. And we have people0.98
00:34:59.300having sex for pleasure and for self-actualization and people growing up and choosing their own lives
00:35:05.320and being divergent from the heteronormative patriarchal expectations. Like this is everything
00:35:10.320the administration hates. So if there's money in it, and I mean, let's be real, HBO has made
00:35:15.820bank on its investment here. I signed back up and now I'm going to binge both
00:35:22.640heated rivalry again and the pit. Yeah. I mean, you got subscribers. Listen,
00:35:27.620one of the major mistakes that I think Disney made was forcing people to look at their
00:35:31.760subscriptions after they fired Jimmy Kimmel. People were looking at their subscriptions that
00:35:36.840The whole goal is for people not to look and see how much they're paying.
00:35:40.600And so many people canceled it, terrified them.
00:35:45.060And what that meant was people were like, oh, I'm actually paying for Disney Plus.
00:38:30.840One of the things that I also find very interesting is that the leads, who were pretty unknown in the States, have not openly discussed their own sexuality, right?
00:38:42.140Yes. Yes. And I have a lot to say about that. But I want to be I want to be clear that like Jacob Tierney has gone on the record and been like, it's legal for me to ask them that when I'm doing an audition. It is illegal for me to ask them that. So, no, that's not going to be a consideration because it's against the law.
00:39:02.940And, you know, when you said earlier, what does this mean for media? It's still important that this is Canadian and had no American influence in it. That's what makes it unique. I don't even know if American media could approach what this show did because of like all of the things you've said about the priorities of American media right now.
00:39:20.280But in terms of the actors and their sexuality, I've seen some folks arguing that, you know, it's important that queer characters be played by queer actors. And yes, absolutely. More representation is great. And I say double yes to more marginalized actors getting jobs because one of the other great things about this show is it's not the same five people I've been seeing for the last six years.
00:39:40.620oh my god if i saw if i had to see who i like reese witherspoon in another thing or nicole
00:39:45.860kidman's you know baby seal butt forehead i would just die okay i mean there's a point where all the
00:39:54.560actors start looking the same well they all they do all look the same i mean i have a hard time
00:40:00.360sometimes telling them apart and i don't think it's me i don't think it's not you it's not you
00:40:04.740but going back to the characters and i want to be very clear that i am not commenting
00:40:09.700on their sexuality because it is none of my business and I do not care. It is still important
00:40:14.900to have cishet actors playing gay characters because it still matters that they did. And that
00:40:21.900sucks, but it matters that a cishet straight actor who is building a celebrity as a celebrity0.99
00:40:28.400version of masculinity is playing a gay character as an honest endeavor, not as a joke, not as a0.99
00:40:34.200sidekick, not as a, you know, a farce. It still matters that straight actors do that, which sucks.0.99
00:40:41.600But that's why I'm not really interested in the conversation about their sexuality, because I feel0.98
00:40:46.900like that's crossing a line into me being out of line and demanding too much information.
00:40:52.380Yeah. I mean, I never feel out of line. I want all the information, but I do.
00:40:56.920And I've actually like, I mean, much as, you know, I apologize earlier. I'm like,
00:41:01.500we're not supposed to comment on women's faces i'm like no i actually want to back away from
00:41:05.740from apologizing for that especially as a journalist i'm a curious person but i do think
00:41:12.040that is important i do think that it's important for straight actors to feel comfortable playing
00:41:18.360gay characters absolutely and for audiences to embrace gay actors playing straight characters
00:41:27.960like anthony bridgerton i mean jonathan bailey i'll watch jonathan bailey do anything okay how
00:41:35.140how how how does that happen genetically i like he he's so pretty how like i just look at him and
00:41:43.600i'm like i don't usually get celebrity crushes but i'm just like i could just how how how are you
00:41:49.020this beautiful what how he puts on glasses joe he wears i know i know can't handle it i love a man
00:41:57.200in glasses my husband just got glasses and i think that we're having 70 more sex you know i don't i
00:42:03.400don't find that surprising in the least but i also want to point out i mean i love discussing things
00:42:08.660that are none of my business to be clear when it comes to the sexuality of the actors i remember
00:42:12.780after heart stoppers on netflix became super duper duper popular and that became a scandal
00:42:17.340that the actors playing the characters weren't were straight and weren't weren't queer and one
00:42:23.040of them who was eight, he's 18 at the time, felt that he had to come out because of the level of
00:42:28.480vitriol that he was experiencing. And that's terrible. Like, I feel awful about that. And it
00:42:34.600wasn't like I wasn't even something I was thinking about. And I just knowing that that happened makes
00:42:38.080me feel terrible. And, you know, makes me want to protect these people who are who are doing their
00:42:42.380jobs and doing such a good job because look what they made that I love so much. Look what they made
00:42:46.620that I love so much. And also so much of this is just people tearing other people down online and
00:42:55.740on social media. And again, I mean, I don't want to get too political, but also the left eating the
00:43:01.840left. Yes. This is something that I think about a lot. And one of the questions I see asked
00:43:07.300frequently about this show is why is it so popular with women? And there are a lot of reasons,0.58
00:43:12.240but I think that one of the major ones is that we are trained from very young ages to judge each
00:43:19.280other and ourselves to really harsh standards. Even if we consciously try, it's really hard to
00:43:23.920undo that program that, you know, other women are the enemy and they are our competition for a1.00
00:43:28.900scarce resource. And we police each other and we police ourselves. And even in romance, like1.00
00:43:33.740heroines are judged much more harshly than heroes. And moreover, romance almost always includes the
00:43:40.460heroine's point of view. Like sometimes it's a single point of view and it's mostly her and
00:43:43.720sometimes it's alternating, but she's usually there. In this case, there is no room for any
00:43:49.280kind of misogynist critique. There's no woman to judge. There's no woman narrator. There are two0.99
00:43:56.480important women of the show, but they're not the protagonists. And I think that one of the reasons
00:44:00.980why women find that so compelling is that it erases and avoids all of the judgment that we
00:44:07.040are used to dispensing even if we don't want to it's still part of our trained perspective do you
00:44:13.060understand what i mean absolutely absolutely and i will say i also think that women enjoy this show
00:44:19.240because we don't see any of our labor no screen no like it's like oh oh okay i just enjoy everyone
00:44:28.260else doing all of the work yeah all of the all of the emotional heavy lifting done by someone
00:44:32.480Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. You know, and this brings me to the last thing that I want to talk about before my kids run in here naked and screaming and sticky.
00:44:45.680I am very curious, and I know you are, too, about someone becoming this famous and this much of a cultural phenomenon so quickly as the folks in this show have become.
00:44:56.980And like we said, people dissecting everything about their lives and the toxicity of that.
00:45:26.800And she's now in The Wall Street Journal getting praises for it. And, you know, there are already obsessed fans with rumors about Adam Driver and Beyonce. And the level of parasocial relationship I find very alarming. And, for example, like, I would love to have two drinks and an appetizer with Ayoa Debrey. I would love this. I would just love to talk to her.
00:45:49.260I don't think this is a possibility, and I'm certainly not entitled to her time and attention, but I like her as a person because her interviews are so charming and she seems really fun.
00:45:56.640But as a person, I'm not entitled to her time.
00:45:59.200I think the trick here is that, you know, you have a lot of people talking about book boyfriends and people talking about their book boyfriends, the characters that they love and, you know, the jokes about their reading.
00:46:08.420It's a different thing when there's people in those roles.
00:46:11.120A book boyfriend does not have to worry about security and whether his family and his parents are safe.
00:46:16.920you know an actor is creating emotions based on the work assigned to them and they're doing that
00:46:27.320in an environment where there's ample information about them if you don't want to go spelunking in
00:46:32.360their online history because we've all been online for so long and they're young they've been online
00:46:35.900the whole time this is a problem outside of of of the show as well like uh earlier last year
00:46:42.620alex wenberg from the seattle kraken hockey team was being sexually harassed by a book talk creator
00:46:48.520and the kraken were engaging with her online which did not help and his wife had to make a statement
00:46:53.280and say basically i'm paraphrasing but like i don't like going to a hockey game and wondering
00:46:57.620if someone um someone's going to come up to me and they're a hockey fan or if they want to tell
00:47:01.640me about how they masturbate wearing my husband's jersey and i'm like you know what fair very fair
00:47:06.380thing to worry. Fair point. Fair point. The fixation and the fetishization is a word I never0.97
00:47:14.900say. Well, that is happening to the actors genuinely worries me because this is the power
00:47:21.040of romance, right? It traffics directly in emotions. It wants you to feel things and sometimes
00:47:25.520even wants you to have pants feelings like romance sometimes wants to turn you on. And that's really
00:47:29.740powerful. But I think there are a lot of people for whom the emotional experience of having those
00:47:35.500feelings gets attached to the creator that they see as the creator. Sometimes it's the author who
00:47:41.720gets the stalking and sometimes it's the it's the actor. And unfortunately, and I know you've
00:47:46.720talked about this, there are still people who believe that feminism means it's our turn to
00:47:53.200sexually harass people and behave in predatory fashion. And that's really not the case.0.72
00:47:59.140And it's deeply uncomfortable. That's not how that works. But I genuinely worry about them
00:48:04.960becoming target famous like they're not gonna be able to go to target for a while no they can't no
00:48:09.820they can't go to target for a long time i don't think yeah and i mean runner story needs lip balm
00:48:14.900for those lips bless his heart you know i hope he gets bless his little heart i know i know i know
00:48:19.900yeah no i mean it's fascinating and i mean also as someone who has watched the toxic aspects of
00:48:24.700what happens to young people and young adults when they become extraordinarily famous who's
00:48:30.520written about this for a long time i just i do hope they're careful with themselves and also
00:48:35.880i will say this as as a middle-aged woman who i'm old enough to be both of their mothers uh i mean
00:48:42.600i would have been a teen uh teen mom but still um they're also really hot and i hope they take
00:48:49.620care of themselves because i can't stop the emotional labor here no i i hope that i mean
00:48:54.380both of them signed with it i think they both signed with caa i don't know i think so i think
00:48:59.300so yeah yeah which is an agency creative creative artists artists agency yeah exactly when i saw
00:49:04.420that i went oh good because i don't know if they or anyone involved in the production expected this
00:49:09.560level of attention and spotlight and all of the negative things that come with that and i'm like
00:49:15.020okay if you sign with an agency i'm hoping that they are helping you uh protect yourself and set
00:49:19.640up boundaries so that you don't feel like this fame is entirely extractive and i also i want to
00:49:26.260point something out the people who engage in this behavior of stalking celebrities and going to
00:49:32.740games and you know building a whole social media presence out of stalking and commenting on
00:49:37.240celebrity these are women who are our age these are not teenagers these are women who are adults
00:49:42.680i find that deeply disturbing so disturbing so they have disposable income and this is this is
00:49:50.320the hobby and that makes me very sad yeah yeah and i don't know how to fix it either i wish i
00:49:55.760had the answer of how to fix it and I and I don't I really don't girl you can't you can't fix it
00:50:00.180sorry I'm sorry I know yeah yeah can I say just one delicious thing that I love thinking please do
00:50:07.160please do last year the NHL would not let players wear pride jerseys to practice not even the game
00:50:16.440just practice go out there and do those cool stretches they were forbidding teams were saying
00:50:21.320no, we're not doing pride jerseys. And now they have new fans out the wazoo because of this like
00:50:27.880incredible, tender, sexy love story between hockey players. And I just, I don't know if I can
00:50:33.260communicate how badly I want to be in the meeting where all of the people who made the decision
00:50:37.160about the pride jerseys are all now sitting at a table looking at each other. We're like, okay,
00:50:41.200well, so what are we going to do? What do we do now? What are we going to do? And I just want to
00:50:46.860see their discomfort. I would like to bottle it actually. I could make a candle. I could do a
00:50:51.020whole line you know we have my new trad wife tears candle which is magical um i want to make a candle0.64
00:50:56.580a candle called male discomfort yes and and you know the men who are fragile interpret that
00:51:03.480discomfort as injustice towards them and i'm like yeah every time every time and i'm like what do
00:51:10.040you look at what you look how look at you are just one big empty net look at your empty net