Unlearn16: Class is in Session - The One Where I Talk About Catching a Fastball

00:00:00.000 class is in session and welcome to unlearn 16 classes in session now today class really is

00:00:10.080 in session because I have one of my oldest friends really we met in grade 9 1990 something offensive

00:00:19.980 like that but we actually met before school so this is Matty Anderson folks he's an amazing

00:00:24.840 person we're gonna have a pretty in-depth conversation we're gonna start at high school

00:00:28.140 happy to be here fantastic thank you very much for the opportunity so we met in high school but

00:00:33.500 we didn't meet in high school where do we meet we met on the baseball field we met on the baseball

00:00:37.860 field um i was the only girl playing in a house league team in whippy in which they didn't even

00:00:43.440 want me playing because i was a girl there was i remember that there were issues they were parents

00:00:48.080 they were like why is she on the field why is she on the field get this girl and i i had to try out

00:00:54.000 and there was a bit of a process there but one of the coolest things well you guys can't see this

00:00:59.580 right now you might be able to kind of garner it but like Matt's 6'4 and had the fastest fastball

00:01:06.120 in that league I was good you were good you you had it was a it was a hard pitch and uh

00:01:15.200 I caught for him quite a few times actually um but we had a great time and the nicest part was

00:01:21.180 on the nicest part there were some guys that gave me a hard time but you didn't yeah why didn't you

00:01:26.320 you were always just well just because you were good I didn't like I just treated you like you

00:01:30.820 were on the team I didn't I didn't care that you're a girl or not and you could handle my heat

00:01:35.240 so that's not a euphemism no it's no no not whatsoever it was just you I was throwing 70

00:01:41.900 miles an hour at 13 years old and you could handle it and not a lot of I got caught from

00:01:46.240 the rep team that year because I the coach's kid was a catcher and he said I threw too hard in

00:01:52.920 tryouts I don't even understand how is that even possible that's ridiculous I remember I was cut I

00:01:57.740 tried out for Oshawa and I got cut from the Legionnaires because they said they couldn't

00:02:02.240 take me on tour you were never gonna crack that they couldn't take me on tour they said I made

00:02:06.700 it right to the end he goes but I can't take her on the bus I can't take her to hotel rooms I can't

00:02:10.580 taker and my mom back in night that was the like 89 my mom was like okay yeah but like when when

00:02:18.040 we think about 1990 right the most guys gave me a hard time and i'm interested because yes i could

00:02:25.160 play and you saw i could play but lots of guys knew i could play and still were dicks well

00:02:29.540 my thing is this i was always the biggest guy in so i was always the biggest guy i knew 0.55

00:02:35.580 i was always the tallest i was always the biggest guy and if i was a big guy

00:02:39.320 that thought he was a tough guy and pushed people around and had an attitude I would have been

00:02:44.000 considered a bully and if I was a big guy that pushed people around or beat up little guys and

00:02:48.160 or they beat me up I would look like a punk right so it was like take the John Candy approach and

00:02:53.620 be nice to everybody and you were cool and like why would I why would I give you a hard time

00:02:58.720 yeah right like and that's just how I've always been right like if you're good to me I'll be good

00:03:03.000 to you but you were a good player like you belonged so it was like and I believe that to

00:03:09.260 this day like some of the some of the best athletes that I've ever been around are the

00:03:14.440 girls that I've coached or I remember in you guys in high school with your volley like your

00:03:18.960 volleyball team in high school is worldwide right no but you guys were so good like my my best

00:03:24.140 friend Linda Parnsloo she's a teacher as well she's a passionate teacher but I remember we would

00:03:28.980 watch you guys after school play basketball and everything like that and it was just you were you

00:03:33.600 were you were like I just feel like it was a different meant like you I had a lot of guy high

00:03:39.260 you know I was friends with all the guys in high school it wasn't like that that wasn't the case

00:03:42.780 but you had a different mentality still to this day and we've been friends and it's not like we

00:03:49.000 talk all the time like we've gone years and years and years without speaking and then we speak again

00:03:53.700 And it's just like you go back in time.

00:03:55.880 Everything's changed.

00:03:56.960 Nothing has changed.

00:03:57.880 And I'm like that.

00:03:58.860 Like if I totally believe if someone's going to someone's in your life or someone comes in and out of your life, they're there for a reason.

00:04:07.840 And and it's just it's just about what it's about what that person does to you, what that person means to you.

00:04:13.840 And some people drift and some people stay.

00:04:15.960 And you're you and I are just one of those people that are always looked out for each other.

00:04:20.160 Absolutely.

00:04:20.480 and just is has lingered and stayed not lingered lingered's the bad word but um but it has like

00:04:26.560 it's still the test of time like but yeah it started there on the field because and that's

00:04:30.960 where it started because you could handle the heat like that's the honest to god truth well

00:04:35.140 it's interesting because we had very different high school experiences and eventually i want to

00:04:39.780 get into how we've shifted and where we've shifted and what life has thrown at us and what that

00:04:44.480 mentality means but in high school i mean i loved high school i did you know i i did pretty well

00:04:49.120 prom prince over here i'm not too sure the classroom was your focus no it definitely was

00:04:56.240 not no no i was very social very social um very different mentality what would you say like if

00:05:03.120 if you could go back then because i find it a lot of people think that who i am now is who i was then

00:05:08.720 i really wasn't what do you think the biggest difference is and this is what i want to focus

00:05:12.880 on for this you know 45 minutes or so what do you think the biggest sort of representation of who

00:05:19.640 you were then and we're going to get to now but what do you think then like when you think of

00:05:24.820 yourself back then like for good or for bad but how would you describe your high school you

00:05:30.220 um my high school was me was either you either loved me or hated me who right nobody hated you

00:05:37.560 but how would you describe you like your your character all was important john candy so so

00:05:43.840 your importance you would say was being the class clown being the guy everybody laughed at

00:05:48.280 rallying people around like rallying people up like like getting the crowd going like i played

00:05:56.160 sports and everything like that i wasn't a superstar in anything but baseball right but

00:06:00.000 i mean i was i was the guy that would get things going i i did i knew how to get the crowds going

00:06:06.020 in the assemblies i knew how to fire people up i was i i got an award for like citizenship in grade

00:06:12.980 13 that i didn't even know about it the durham board gave it to me i was like really thanks

00:06:17.720 because they called me the gentle giant and i just you are very right no and that was a thing

00:06:23.180 but it was like a lot of people some people like you'd have your your crew that didn't jive with

00:06:29.320 that right that whatever and but it was like my I look back to high school and I'm like it was a

00:06:36.820 great time and I have a lot of memories of it my three best friends in life are all people I met

00:06:45.300 in grade nine right or actually in grade eight high five basketball camp but like eventually

00:06:50.120 it went to grade nine right remember high five camp I do Larry Lloyd it's great real estate

00:06:54.660 agent now but and that wasn't a plug sorry I just see his signs all the time that's a fair plug I

00:06:59.440 remember him coaching basketball but yeah no it's just it's I've remained authentic to those that

00:07:07.640 like I've remained I've had I've maintained authentic relationships with those that have

00:07:12.920 closest to me right over the last 35 years and I think that there you go that if I was to describe

00:07:18.860 you would be authentic I've never felt and this is probably why we're absolutely still friends

00:07:25.980 is because there's very few people in this world that are authentic I don't know where that grows

00:07:32.180 for you I don't know where that comes from for you but having that authenticity I think is why

00:07:38.780 you rallied people around you and I and I really want when I talk about high school and I talk

00:07:43.740 about high school kids that I teach that's what you want from them but it's so hard to come by

00:07:49.020 but the thing okay so and I'll throw this I'll throw this at you is is I said this the other

00:07:53.820 day I was having a conversation and it was it was about leadership because obviously the world's in

00:07:58.760 disarray right now absolutely and our country especially is like starved for leadership

00:08:04.720 and but leadership is I'm you can teach leadership is not taught no it can't be leaders are born

00:08:12.680 so um or maybe things happen to them where they become where they yeah no and they can grow into

00:08:19.920 that i think you can grow into it but true leaders are born and you can't fake leadership and when

00:08:25.920 you and so i look at the world and i and i'm like you know a true leader stays calm in adversity

00:08:34.180 right and any of our leader any of our political leaders or anything like that have not shown

00:08:39.500 anything calm about that you know what i mean you can tell that they're not a leader they're an

00:08:44.640 elected official but they're not leaders right so people are starved for that right so it's i don't

00:08:51.980 i might i don't i kind of no but that skated no that that makes perfect sense so funny that was

00:08:57.340 my last podcast because i really spoke about the fact that in the absence of great leadership

00:09:03.240 we will take we will and and i and i made reference to trump we will make do with people

00:09:10.100 who look like exactly they are authentic and seem even though they say the wrong things or they spell

00:09:16.000 things on twitter poorly um they look authentic and so in a void we'll take that but the guy or

00:09:23.300 the girl that is polished that wears the that's rolled their sleeves up perfectly and wears the

00:09:27.940 right kind of scuff on their shoe we're so tired of that well and that's because it's not it's

00:09:33.100 There's no authenticity.

00:09:34.820 And I mean, I'm not knocking someone who wants to be completely stylish and they like whatsoever.

00:09:40.560 But if there's if they're not genuine.

00:09:44.180 That's it.

00:09:44.660 And there's no genuine nature coming out of their mouth while they're playing this part.

00:09:49.680 Like I'm not playing a part.

00:09:51.120 I just changed my career at 47 years old.

00:09:53.400 Right.

00:09:53.740 Right.

00:09:54.080 I'm not playing a part.

00:09:55.100 This is exactly how I'm going to do my job.

00:09:56.880 This is what I'm going to do.

00:09:57.800 And this is the guy you're going to deal with.

00:09:59.080 Right.

00:09:59.380 so it's everyone can play the role if they want to play the role but it's easy to see through that

00:10:07.820 absolutely it is and and the worst part is i mean what we could talk about the flaws in democracy

00:10:12.180 and and out of the political world for a second it's as though we've created this expectation of

00:10:19.600 what people are supposed to be and then you watch kids and again when we were kids and i don't think

00:10:24.860 either of us did this try to fill something and and the more you try to fill something the less

00:10:30.540 you are who you are well and the but because okay that's the thing too i've struggled with weight my

00:10:36.500 entire life but as a child it didn't bother me because i because i was six foot five right so

00:10:42.960 being 350 pounds at six foot five and the biggest guy in your school and the biggest guy growing up

00:10:48.140 and the biggest guy in town it didn't bother me that i was overweight and i had no confidence

00:10:52.920 issues due to that and everything you know what i mean whereas other people might have internalized

00:10:57.360 it struggled and everything like that i didn't because of my height if i was five foot six

00:11:01.140 we wouldn't be sitting here talking right now right at all i wouldn't have i wouldn't have

00:11:05.480 been the same person right so i used my i used as i was growing up i used my stature

00:11:12.340 to basically control and dear people to me and control my own the room too yeah yeah for sure

00:11:21.000 So, and I mean, because I have a presence when I walk in a room, but I lost that presence

00:11:25.280 for a long time.

00:11:26.200 And so it's like, so now it's funny that, and that's kind of what brought us back together

00:11:31.100 is the fact that I've like, I've got my swagger back and even more.

00:11:36.280 So it's, and it's, and you, same thing.

00:11:38.860 You've gone through some stuff and you've got your swagger back on a hundred.

00:11:41.980 So it's like, okay, let's talk about swagger for an hour.

00:11:44.420 Well, that's what I, yeah, absolutely.

00:11:45.700 But that's, and mentality and your swagger and what you have to bring and your confidence.

00:11:52.120 Everybody looks at people and thinks they know, but really it's so crazy.

00:11:57.840 Because I think about high school and I feel as though I was confident, I was strong, I was, you know, all of those things.

00:12:03.980 The same thing you thought of yourself.

00:12:05.960 We get older, I come out, which was, but I kind of rolled into that.

00:12:10.440 I was perfectly fine with that.

00:12:12.320 All of these things.

00:12:13.660 And you would think that having that upbringing and that foundation would mean I'd never let it go.

00:12:21.140 But, man, Maddie, me and you both, me and you both, I think, had it kind of sucked out of us.

00:12:27.420 And we didn't even see it coming from any direct, or I didn't see it coming anyways.

00:12:32.100 No, it's true.

00:12:34.340 But, like, okay, so we're both, we're one year apart.

00:12:37.980 We've both been divorced.

00:12:39.020 There's similarities there.

00:12:39.660 And divorced in the similar time period.

00:12:41.580 similar manner yeah divorce no kids and everything like that and then no good time of it yeah yeah

00:12:46.200 it wasn't it wasn't a good time but it was you know what being divorced taught me what not to

00:12:50.380 screw up the next time around listen and and it taught me so we're going to get to that part

00:12:55.280 that mentality part but i think it's the i think the important thing is to talk about is what goes

00:13:01.800 from we go to high school and we have all of this kind of you know inner confidence i go off to

00:13:07.940 university you do your thing and as we become adults it's not that i look back and think oh i

00:13:13.680 lost my car somewhere along the way i just lost it but it was like slowly letting air out of a

00:13:18.660 tire well for me it was health like it was just i i for me it was health like i struggled with

00:13:24.440 diabetes since i got diabetes when i was 20 years old i didn't care until something bad happened

00:13:30.260 um and like long story short i had seven surgeries on my foot i got a couple toes gone

00:13:36.340 um I did not take care of my health whatsoever and I was single at the time and I owned a house

00:13:42.700 and I had to work right and so the pressures and everything like that and then it just got

00:13:47.280 to the point where my career that I've worked at for so long and and I was doing pretty well at

00:13:52.540 physically was killing me right so it was like you basically had to make a decision and I went

00:13:59.660 through a lot like I went through a lot of stuff with that and I went through it alone before like

00:14:06.320 Like I wouldn't even go into, I wouldn't even get into a relationship with anyone because I was like, I got health issues.

00:14:11.540 You don't want to deal with me.

00:14:12.760 And then I met my wife and, and she, she had three kids.

00:14:17.340 And like, I was, I jumped without a net.

00:14:20.480 Like nine, nine guys out of 10 aren't going to, aren't going to start dating a girl with three kids and an ex-husband.

00:14:28.160 You know what I mean?

00:14:29.200 And I just did.

00:14:30.040 And like, I was like, oh my gosh, I love this woman.

00:14:32.840 Right.

00:14:33.100 This is going to work.

00:14:33.940 And just, it turned in my, I went to like instant, I went from working instant father, turned into a baseball coach, got sick, had three more surgeries, got cut off of disability, sued an insurance company to, um, I need to do something about my health or I'm not going to last long.

00:14:56.700 I had a doctor say to me, Matt, you're, you're over 500 pounds.

00:15:01.200 We don't give guys like you steel, uh, legs.

00:15:05.140 We give you steel chairs.

00:15:06.420 So do something about your life.

00:15:08.040 Right.

00:15:08.400 And I was like, okay, cool.

00:15:10.240 And that was what I needed.

00:15:11.480 And, and it wasn't for my wife, like basically said, and I basically just said, okay, I need

00:15:16.880 to focus on this solely.

00:15:18.280 Right.

00:15:19.420 If it wasn't for her supporting me on that, like, I don't know where I'd be.

00:15:23.320 Absolutely.

00:15:23.720 And so, and that's just that, and that's how it's been.

00:15:26.680 But, but it going down that road, it's funny because you'll say it's, it's easier to, it's easier to fall down a hill than climb, climb back up it.

00:15:38.060 Right.

00:15:39.000 And, but falling down that hill is years of falling down that hill.

00:15:43.080 That's the thing.

00:15:43.520 Right.

00:15:43.700 Because you fight that hill.

00:15:44.860 You fight it.

00:15:45.380 You're like, okay, I'm fine.

00:15:46.300 I'm fine.

00:15:46.640 I'm fine.

00:15:47.120 And you fight it.

00:15:48.180 But then you're like, you can't fight anymore.

00:15:50.600 and but then you realize yes you like as soon as you start to really fight then you realize what

00:15:56.160 were you doing yeah yeah that's so true when you real yeah you can dwell right you can dwell on it

00:16:02.180 forever like and i i spent a good five years going my life's not going to get better yeah and it took

00:16:09.260 me meeting the right people but that look they're they're you know and this goes back to and i hate

00:16:15.560 it when my mom's right but it really goes back to our parents are always right oh it's annoying

00:16:19.840 yep it is because they are always right on everything as much as they annoyed us and as

00:16:24.420 much as they they're they're pretty much bang on who you surround yourself with matters a thousand

00:16:32.180 percent completely and that is family because there's some family that you shouldn't surround

00:16:36.220 yourself is that is friends right my i used to have these friends i would go out with them when

00:16:40.840 i was a kid and i'd come home i'm like oh i can tell that who you hung out with tonight because 0.98

00:16:44.700 you're a bit of a jerk yeah and who it's your partner yeah right and and it's your partner's 0.99

00:16:51.280 family and all of that it's like because I know that for me obviously going through that marriage 1.00

00:16:57.900 and then going through what I went through there and what I did when you say you were falling down

00:17:01.960 a hill I always explained it like I felt like I was always running up a hill you know yeah I don't

00:17:06.700 know I don't know who well it's tough when one person always does all the work yeah and I was

00:17:11.700 just like I'm gonna prove this I'm gonna prove this I'm gonna prove this and it was this constant

00:17:16.160 and at some point not when it ended because it was probably a bit before that I'm just like I

00:17:21.900 can't I I can't keep running up the hill and and I was taught I was tired all the time yeah like I

00:17:27.880 would go to bed at nine and I was not that I don't go to bed early but I was exhausted I'm in there

00:17:33.100 at 9 30 and but it was an emotional exhaustion that I didn't recognize until I was out until I

00:17:40.140 until and but it wasn't my choice to be out you don't realize until you're fine no and all of a

00:17:45.040 sudden you don't realize how screwed up you were until you you really feel like oh my gosh I've

00:17:50.000 turned a corner right and how crazy is that to think because it Matt I would have been still

00:17:55.440 running up the hill like there's let me if I could just there's a guy that okay so there's a couple

00:18:04.320 dudes there's a dude I went to high school do you ever remember Justin Bruckman yes of course okay

00:18:08.580 So, Justin Bruckman, short story, he's a Canadian MMA pioneer.

00:18:15.000 He was the first Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt in all of Canada.

00:18:18.080 I had no idea.

00:18:18.800 Fought George St. Pierre.

00:18:20.160 Doesn't mean anything to me, but fantastic.

00:18:21.880 In the MMA world, he's...

00:18:23.840 I can't watch MMA.

00:18:24.980 It makes me want to pass out.

00:18:25.840 I'm not an MMA fan either, but...

00:18:27.640 It scares the heck out of me.

00:18:28.720 So, he had an MMA school, and I sent him a message one day, and I was like, he was selling

00:18:37.980 t-shirts and I was like I'll buy one of your t-shirts off your bud I'll fly your flag for you

00:18:42.040 just because I'll support small businesses and local businesses fair enough help them out and

00:18:46.940 he was just like great sure and I asked him for the size he didn't have my size because it was too

00:18:51.160 big and he offered me help he's like and Justin and I were in grade nine drama class there you go

00:18:58.540 and that but when we go back to high school and we talk about that grade nine drama class I looked

00:19:03.580 him I called him short he called me fat and we never liked each other ever right ever yeah yeah

00:19:09.620 and so here we are 44 years old and he throws me an olive branch because health and wellness is his

00:19:16.240 job that's his thing and it's his thing and jujitsu is about a mindset and it's about how you

00:19:23.480 how you follow your path and and like I didn't start taking jujitsu he just offered me help

00:19:29.260 right this is a guy i didn't know didn't get along with didn't get along like we didn't not

00:19:34.040 get along but we were just we're like yeah whatever had this minor connection in high school

00:19:38.120 and like he basically he offered his hand to me and i was like he that one thing just changed my

00:19:45.140 complete opinion of that guy who i never knew but you know matt you're saying this and i want to

00:19:50.620 point this out because you understand you offered your hand first just something as simple as wait

00:19:56.820 but something as simple as buying that t-shirt to a guy you hadn't spoken to in years this is

00:20:01.520 what i'm talking about these tiny little things well there was a conversation yeah no and that

00:20:05.620 but there was a conversation about weight loss and stuff like that and everything but yeah

00:20:09.520 you reached out first you said sure small business i know you you're a good guy i'm

00:20:15.300 gonna do this for you and all of a sudden you that that tiny little thing inspired you

00:20:21.320 inspired him and i'm assuming that's what started you on this path well it took it took three years

00:20:27.980 from that message for me to start but every six months every six months he checked in hey how are

00:20:35.140 you making out how's things going and i was like i couldn't start i couldn't start because i had

00:20:40.300 another surgery i couldn't start because i was laid up for six months i couldn't start because

00:20:44.360 i had an infection i couldn't start and then one day boom right i started but he checked in and he

00:20:50.680 checked in but the and it's also so he he pushed me along with another guy who owns a gym in Oshawa

00:20:57.660 are you game Gord McPhail who I used to work with when I was a security guard at illusions and all

00:21:03.900 those places I know anybody from the Oshawa area remembers me the front door the bald head and no

00:21:10.280 beard oh man I remember the old ages nights that's how old that place is when I wasn't even 19

00:21:16.660 Sunday nights, Sunday nights.

00:21:18.160 That was my, I got it, yeah.

00:21:19.580 Oh, man.

00:21:20.600 So I met Gord, and Gord is like literally,

00:21:23.580 and I mean his wife owns it too, Gord and Kim McPhail.

00:21:26.360 They're just, they're literally the, like, they're not,

00:21:31.980 they're like unicorns.

00:21:33.100 They're not from this earth.

00:21:35.080 I call Gord Michael Landon.

00:21:37.080 Like, remember Highway to Heaven?

00:21:38.080 I do.

00:21:38.780 Gord is Michael Landon.

00:21:40.100 Okay, swoops in.

00:21:41.240 Gord is Michael Landon who is made of stone,

00:21:44.160 who's made of stone fully tattooed bald-headed guy tough as nails but he is the him and his family

00:21:51.000 and the community that is in this gym that i've belonged to for the last like 18 months

00:21:57.400 is something i've never experienced before in my life like i i've i've struggled with weight since

00:22:03.580 my entire life and my friends have been my friends for my entire life but never once have one of my

00:22:08.940 closest friends said hey come on we really gotta do they just love me because they love me yeah

00:22:13.900 right but here i am with these people who are like you know what you're broken we're gonna fix you

00:22:18.760 and we're gonna rally around and we're gonna we're not gonna let you fall right and like my trainer

00:22:24.840 jenny brewer like she's unreal like she's five foot two and i listened to her and i and that's

00:22:30.480 what i had to do when i when i finally made the decision to say because it took a phone call from

00:22:36.140 another friend to say hey you haven't gone to the gym yet why haven't you gone right and i had to

00:22:41.200 get called out by another man like like and to say dude poking you a little what's your problem

00:22:47.320 yeah yeah yeah and if it wasn't for him i wouldn't have gone there you go but now that i've now that

00:22:52.860 i'm gone it's it's it's the the changes that i've seen in myself that i've seen in my family and my

00:23:01.200 environment all around me it all comes it all comes down to the people that i've surrounded

00:23:05.580 myself with absolutely it all comes down to the mindset i've adopted from them yeah because i

00:23:12.940 didn't have the mindset of like i always had the mindset of okay all i need to do is lose 150 pounds

00:23:19.760 and my life will be fine right right right which is bull absolutely which is bull because it just

00:23:25.760 won't happen that way well and our whole society is based on like you everybody looks at me and

00:23:31.040 goes oh my god Joanna you eat McDonald's so much you do this you do that and I don't obviously I

00:23:35.900 don't put on weight the same way well you have a fast metabolism but that's gonna look I have a

00:23:41.020 bad knee I have you know and I realize and I'm trying to eat healthy and I'm trying to do I'm

00:23:46.360 not giving up McDonald's so if McDonald's would like to sponsor me please um but I'm not giving

00:23:51.340 that up I'm not I can't give that but but I think that like I have the treadmill downstairs and you

00:23:58.140 start to have a shift of what healthy is and what i didn't realize is well i did realize it is the

00:24:06.140 whole world just judges your aesthetic nobody judges your health no exactly but right and i

00:24:12.440 always looked at it like that i was like okay i'll look a lot better if i look a lot better i'll feel

00:24:16.660 a lot better right and but but but feeling better as you feeling better as you age age is far better

00:24:24.840 than looking far better than looking better as you age yeah so with for me though it's like

00:24:30.980 i've never been i've see that's the thing like you've got your phd your master's you're smart

00:24:37.920 as a whip no phd okay well you might as well the way you talk the way it is the way you talk you

00:24:43.000 might as well but i went like i said earlier downstairs i went to the university of who you

00:24:47.580 know i graduated with honors i'm i do you know what i mean that's the what were your school

00:24:52.780 colors uh go ahead sorry blue jeans blue jeans yes but so it's for for for you and i coming from

00:25:04.160 a different different perspective but we're still we're still angling the same way through our ups

00:25:10.280 and our downs absolutely it's been weirdly paralleled yeah absolutely and it's funny because

00:25:15.160 I think for a very long time, I, I, I very much relied on my intelligence. I always could,

00:25:22.620 you know, talk in any room and I felt very confident with that. So that's what I led with

00:25:26.460 what I forgot. And I, and I, and it did, it took me getting knocked down really hard for me to even

00:25:33.660 care about it, which is what you're getting to. And, and even when you're talking about your

00:25:38.800 physicality is an emotional intelligence. And if I was in high school, as we're going back to high

00:25:44.240 school i could have cared less i would have told i would have how was your day fine i'm good

00:25:50.020 everything's golden nothing ever bothered me rolled off my back of course it didn't

00:25:54.640 and it would slowly chip away and and the awareness of what emotional intelligence is

00:26:00.740 and then that slides into mental health here's our foundational problems we don't ever talk about

00:26:06.440 that i got good grades great you were the life of the party great people loved both of us fantastic

00:26:12.700 That's all we had to care about it.

00:26:13.960 Nobody knows what goes on behind anyone's closed doors, right?

00:26:17.740 Nobody knows what people struggle with.

00:26:19.860 And because we do that, we do that as humans.

00:26:25.400 I'm sorry, social media has done that to everybody.

00:26:27.540 Hey, look at me, right?

00:26:29.080 But we were around before social media.

00:26:31.340 You and I were both, hey, look at me in high school.

00:26:33.440 And everybody loved us because that's what we could wheel, right?

00:26:37.280 I could wheel that in class.

00:26:39.020 You could wheel that on the baseball diamond.

00:26:40.940 and we did great and we'd come home not that I came home don't get me wrong I didn't sound like

00:26:46.540 I came home and thought about it but those are a lot of wasted years I didn't think about it I

00:26:51.540 didn't I didn't have that emotional intelligence but you didn't how do you expect to have emotional

00:26:56.260 intelligence when you're not even an adult I think we need to talk about it more I mean I mean

00:27:00.880 obviously I'm a teacher now you're raising kids now this is the thing when when kids talk about

00:27:06.560 you know mental health a lot of people think they're just being you know especially our 0.99

00:27:10.920 generation like ah fuck up what's wrong with you like suck it up but i think what they're speaking 0.90

00:27:15.340 to and nobody's really naming it is the idea of emotional intelligence emotional health being 1.00

00:27:22.800 aware of who you are what drives you what gets you down what gets you up that's all but i think

00:27:28.200 there's a i think there's a problem for kids nowadays because they're asking kids to at 12

00:27:32.540 years old what you want to be for the rest of your life what's ridiculous with the testing and

00:27:36.120 everything like that and they're saying oh like my daughter my daughter my daughter wants to be 0.76

00:27:40.880 a doctor okay okay and i hope to heck she works her butt off and becomes a doctor but she did 1.00

00:27:48.400 one of those tests and because she mentioned like i like to do stuff outdoors and right her job came

00:27:55.340 back as you should be a good you should be a crossing guard she was like devastated i swear

00:28:00.880 she was devastated about it was in grade six or seven she had to do this she came home and she's

00:28:06.040 like they said my job would be a forest ranger or a crossing guard and i'm like are you kidding me

00:28:11.780 so what's wrong with that everything oh right because you've taken a 12 year old kid and said

00:28:18.000 based on this test you're going to be a crossing guard or a park ranger

00:28:22.300 look a park ranger fine how are you going to have emotional intelligence but how are you going to

00:28:28.280 have emotional intelligence when you're being told from the time when you're not even emotionally

00:28:32.800 intelligent as it is that's but that's the point there's the failure of the system completely a

00:28:37.760 hundred percent there's the failure of the system henceforth why my children live in my house

00:28:42.740 henceforth until i'm 30 until they're 30 that's fine but that's the point right like we've come

00:28:49.420 to all of this why because we had to go through you went through health stuff i went through the

00:28:54.600 marriage and you went through divorce and we had to really roll into it like my dad passed when i

00:28:59.920 was younger i had to deal with that but i kind of packed that away and moved on with my day i'm only

00:29:05.220 19 like i'm same thing and we just roll past it like it's no like it don't get me wrong yeah but

00:29:13.100 roll past it in the sense that i didn't see a therapist no i didn't really talk to anybody

00:29:18.440 about it like i i saw oddly an anglican minister this is so weird i was in university when he

00:29:24.720 passed and i was doing a report and an anglican minister this amazing woman sat me down and knew

00:29:30.840 i was upset and gave me this one thing to do which was write a letter with my left hand whatever and

00:29:35.880 i felt like that changed my world and but when i look back on it it was great for the time

00:29:40.380 but holy crap joanna like i should have been i could should have gone back and really really

00:29:46.320 dug into some of those things i think that it would have it would have made me a little bit 0.76

00:29:53.240 more aware of who I am because you know a lot of people talk about relationships and you're not

00:29:57.360 with the right person no screw it the number one thing wrong with all relationships has nothing to

00:30:02.200 do with the other person it's got everything to do with you you yeah you don't know you no it's

00:30:07.500 we don't take 10 minutes to know us exactly right and that's what I mean by emotional intelligence

00:30:12.480 No, I totally agree with you, but it's, kids nowadays, like.

00:30:21.200 You sound so old.

00:30:22.400 I know, I do.

00:30:23.280 I said, yeah, hey, okay, boomer.

00:30:25.200 That's what we're going to say.

00:30:25.900 Kids nowadays.

00:30:26.620 Okay, boomer, right?

00:30:27.880 I have to correct my nieces and nephews and tell them that, like, I'm not a baby boomer.

00:30:32.720 That would have been your grandparents.

00:30:34.560 Take care.

00:30:35.160 I'm Gen X.

00:30:36.140 Take care.

00:30:36.240 Right?

00:30:36.500 Like.

00:30:36.980 I'm Gen X.

00:30:37.620 I still dress like I did 30 years ago.

00:30:38.500 I'll tell you to shove your emotions. 0.68

00:30:39.800 And I am going to wear these jeans the day I die.

00:30:41.980 But the thing, that's one thing I don't tell my kids to do.

00:30:45.460 I try and get my kids to express their emotions.

00:30:51.420 Oh, sure.

00:30:52.100 All the time.

00:30:52.980 100%.

00:30:53.380 I'll even try to fire my kids up to get some emotion out of them.

00:30:56.920 Right.

00:30:57.540 Right?

00:30:59.520 Like, my daughter's a pleaser.

00:31:01.460 Right?

00:31:02.020 I don't want her to be a pleaser.

00:31:03.380 Me too.

00:31:03.820 Whatsoever.

00:31:04.600 Absolutely.

00:31:04.880 Don't be a pleaser.

00:31:05.900 Stop saying sorry to everybody.

00:31:07.360 Yeah.

00:31:07.700 Right?

00:31:08.140 My son's a gamer.

00:31:09.240 Right.

00:31:09.420 I hate video games.

00:31:10.880 Right?

00:31:11.120 i don't want him to waste his life playing video games but he started working out yeah since he

00:31:15.060 started seeing me working there you go and it was like okay good you're giving her now and like his

00:31:19.700 his 150 pound arms turned into 155 pound arms after three months without working out right

00:31:25.360 and it's good because he's he's got a goal that he's going towards but it's it's i like you

00:31:32.900 your message like i admire the fact that you're a teacher because i always wanted to be a teacher

00:31:38.440 right you would have been no i would have been i would have been a fantastic teacher but that was

00:31:42.740 the thing my mom died my mom died in in my last year of high school so i took a victory lap to

00:31:47.920 play baseball grade 14 and it was like no i always sees were not in my thing so i didn't i didn't end

00:31:53.720 up going on to be a teacher um but and so that's how that derailed my mom dying derailed what i

00:32:00.460 really wanted to do in life um so because like i was a super my supervisor in automotive for 20

00:32:07.060 years like i didn't know anything about car parts right right right and i wasn't really interested

00:32:11.380 in the car parts but it doesn't matter but i did it right like yeah yeah but i was a leader of

00:32:16.220 people and i was and that's what i mean so it worked but yeah like it's it's it's hard right

00:32:22.160 now because you can't teach emotional intelligence when you're already telling people they can't be

00:32:29.260 what they want to be well that's but therein lies the flow and that's why i look at kids a lot of

00:32:34.260 people would say you know kids today you know they they don't know this they don't I hope you

00:32:38.220 know what if you take a minute and you stop telling them who they are or giving them those

00:32:42.840 ridiculous tests that should be illegal yeah or letting them drop math because they're not good

00:32:47.740 at it or letting them as soon as we step back like I have this grade eight class and I'm in 0.60

00:32:53.820 and it's sort of a I've I've made it up because I work at a private school so this is extra of

00:32:59.460 curriculum and it's global issues or whatever and the kids are the only thing i'm trying to

00:33:04.420 inundate is the fact that you're brilliant you're critical thinkers you're capable show me i don't

00:33:10.660 need you to memorize anything and they're like what do you mean i'm like i don't need you to

00:33:13.860 write a test i don't need you to memorize but what i need you to do is research listen debate argue

00:33:20.980 and you know what grade seven and eight they are on fire for that and we kill that in our kids

00:33:26.900 And then we wonder why they aren't critical thinkers or why they don't have a sense of self. 0.96

00:33:31.480 Well, we killed it. 0.99

00:33:32.540 We killed it in grade five. 0.99

00:33:33.900 We killed it in grade seven, whatever year we killed it in.

00:33:37.340 And I realized that you and I coming from the generation we did, it just wasn't emotional.

00:33:43.360 All that stuff just wasn't on the, we didn't talk about that in that way.

00:33:47.540 And even opening up the conversation, I think says everything.

00:33:51.080 But like we were the first latchkey kids, right?

00:33:53.500 Like, I'm sure your mom didn't get home from work until 5 o'clock every night.

00:33:57.560 You were home for an hour and a half to two hours every night after school.

00:34:00.140 Well, my mom worked nights.

00:34:01.000 My mom was a nurse, right?

00:34:02.600 So there you go, right?

00:34:03.640 My parents, like, I mean, in our household growing up, my parents got home from work at 5 and 5.30 and dinner was on the table and ready for them because we had already done everything.

00:34:13.160 Right.

00:34:13.640 So we were, like, I mean, we grew up and we were self-sufficient.

00:34:16.760 Yeah.

00:34:17.260 So it was basically sink or swim, be home at this time.

00:34:21.240 we were we grew up in a world where our parents just said okay we trust you don't get in trouble

00:34:27.020 yeah and if you got in trouble you got in trouble and like i got grounded a lot back in the day but

00:34:31.980 i mean i did not i i was grounded you remember the parties i used to have i got grounded like

00:34:37.380 i was a home bed at 9 30 i was 45 when i was 16 well i had some big shakers back in the day

00:34:43.400 but that's my point is that i think there could be a happy balance between the some of the

00:34:48.920 helicopter parents maybe we see nowadays to what our parents were there's a middle ground there it

00:34:54.320 doesn't have to be all or nothing well the problem is the problem with the helicopter parents is the

00:34:58.620 helicopter parents and i mean i hope i don't get judged for this but oh it's the internet you

00:35:04.460 absolutely okay fair enough whatever bring it on but helicopter parents they fly that helicopter

00:35:10.160 everywhere for those kids oh yeah so that helicopter goes to their sports games that

00:35:14.420 helicopter goes to their recital that helicopter goes everywhere and if that child doesn't get the

00:35:21.060 same praise that they get at their address where they live that's problems for the volunteers

00:35:26.020 helping out their children right right so it's it's that's why it can't be there needs it's all

00:35:31.940 about but you have 50 50 of the parents are out there are helicopter parents and 50 of the parents

00:35:37.860 are like see ya sink or swim yeah like you need to you need the life world is not easy the world

00:35:43.780 does not revolve on the internet right right you still have to get up and go out and and make

00:35:49.540 something of yourself absolutely but i think yeah and i'm but i think finding that balance is

00:35:54.500 incredibly important i think finding that emotional intelligence i mean i just don't want people

00:35:58.620 the awareness i've got in the last i don't know about you but i would say it's been in the last

00:36:03.980 i mean covid really did kick me in the butt in order to push and facilitate that because i didn't

00:36:08.760 have a choice i was trapped in here by myself nothing else to do but sit in my head and figure 0.96

00:36:16.680 it out figure out what went wrong over here figure out why it went wrong and then heaven forbid

00:36:21.560 actually think about just me not about what they did not about what i did what i could have done

00:36:28.040 what i should have done this whatever but just think about me and i'm like you did a lot of

00:36:32.400 tiktoks at that time i did three a day i'm not gonna lie it was like therapy i made fun of her

00:36:37.100 he made fun of me for it but he saw i understood until he understood yeah there was a catharsis

00:36:44.180 there i'm telling you it's crazy when you started to do that though i was like what is my friend

00:36:48.380 doing it's true like she's 45 or however old and you're like what are you lip-syncing to what

00:36:54.640 and sure you like the backstreet boys whatever but a it's new kids on the blog okay fair enough

00:37:02.080 heck is going on i'm not back but you know what's funny you know and i and i tell you and i know

00:37:07.000 we've had this conversation but when i started tiktok first of all that's what i thought it was

00:37:11.800 little did i know how a mate like truly amazing everything could be but the interesting part was

00:37:19.460 the reason why i started lip syncing because it was a form of acting but maddie it that scared

00:37:26.800 the heck out of me. I, if somebody said, Joanna, you're going to be in a, I'm a teacher, but if

00:37:31.980 somebody said you're going to be in a play, I didn't even like you. I didn't use to like dressing

00:37:35.080 up for Halloween. I didn't like the pretense. I didn't like, I didn't like pretending. I didn't

00:37:39.480 like putting on something. And the reason why I did it is because it scared me. I did some stupid

00:37:45.380 dances. I was God awful. Please don't go back to those TikToks. But the lip syncing, like it made 1.00

00:37:52.940 me do something i was terrified of that i knew old friends was going to be like what the heck

00:37:59.560 and then this community on tiktok well part of me was like part of me was like part of me i like

00:38:04.780 and that was the thing we talked about how the fact we've known each other forever and we've

00:38:08.040 been friends since we met but we didn't there was like you know what i mean we're not we don't hang

00:38:12.700 out and have cheese every saturday night but my wife's a big cheese fan oh charcuterie don't get

00:38:19.880 the charcuterie going there's more than cheese you don't just say oh you can do a full cheese

00:38:24.760 charcuterie that's it that's all you eat there's no crackers on that plate i think we're gonna

00:38:28.420 take a detour there'll be crackers and bread and jams and stuff is it a charcuterie board

00:38:32.500 are you saying at the heart ch i don't i don't i don't say char i say char i think you might be

00:38:37.900 mistaken but anyways i don't know my wife makes the nicest charcuterie board i'm coming over next

00:38:41.580 sunday okay you can have one she will definitely make you a board so you saw my tiktoks and you're

00:38:48.000 like what the heck but i was i was like i was like part of me was like am i good like would she

00:38:53.820 would she get upset if i asked her if she was all right no and i and i'm not that and that came from

00:39:00.000 a place and then he texted me are you okay that came but that came from a place of concern right

00:39:05.440 because like i've never seen you do stuff like that and that's total and it was total like that's

00:39:12.840 that was not your true and it was funny i'm like oh really i have i have high school friends i have

00:39:19.500 like new friends that were like they saw me go on tiktok and they're like who who is this joanna

00:39:25.420 but what i realized matt high school i would have been too scared to do anything out there right i

00:39:30.100 would have been too scared to put myself in the line and then after that that's funny because in

00:39:34.160 high school i would have done anything you asked as long as i could get a laugh there you go as i

00:39:38.120 became an adult i went inward because of my health issues and my weight and because of the fact that

00:39:43.260 i was like kind of a little bit disabled with my foot right and so i just i turned into a hermit

00:39:49.280 and like kind of i was like okay this is my this is what's going to happen but then in watching you

00:39:54.520 like when covet hit when covet hit you started doing your tiktoks when covet hit

00:40:01.020 march 14th or whatever like i'd only been working out for six weeks with my trainer right and i'd

00:40:06.780 lost 40 pounds right off the hop yeah and then the gym closed and i panicked right like you would

00:40:12.000 not believe sure right and so then i was like okay fair enough and yeah um anyways but yeah so i

00:40:21.580 panicked and i was like oh my gosh i need to do something what am i going to do so i i took a page

00:40:27.900 from your book and i sat my ass down in my basement and i recorded my workout and i posted

00:40:34.500 online and i posted that workout and the feedback i got from it this is it and the positivity that 0.50

00:40:40.200 i got back from it was like oh my gosh i'm really going to do it this time yeah right despite the

00:40:45.460 fact the gym being closed for four months despite the fact my trainer yeah not having access to her

00:40:50.100 despite the fact not having access to these new group of people that had opened my eyes up to

00:40:55.040 what i could totally turn this into and these are perfect strangers right i got pretty much

00:41:00.300 100% every once in a while yeah yeah yeah but perfect strangers and then you felt and that's

00:41:06.340 how I felt like it's funny because you know you you had to deal with your health health issues

00:41:10.680 for me like I kind of I was married to somebody who who needed a lot of light Sean I never would

00:41:18.500 have done this because I would have been taking that from her yeah and so all I did was feed this

00:41:23.260 energy over here and when I finally started doing it for myself and my friends and my family are

00:41:28.580 like what are you doing and i'm like no i i think this is me this is me it's just that i was too

00:41:34.180 scared when i was little because i was insecure and as i grew with security i started giving

00:41:39.120 everything i had to somebody else and not doing it right and when i started doing it i'm like oh

00:41:45.700 i did the same thing though i did the exact same thing with like because like i said i inherited

00:41:51.320 my kids and i was all concerned about being a good dad and a good husband and good to the kids and

00:41:57.160 And being the baseball coach and being this.

00:41:59.280 And I totally wasn't taking care of any care of myself. 1.00

00:42:03.160 But my wife was like, my wife's going to get, I look at it like this.

00:42:07.460 This is a completely selfish endeavor what I'm doing.

00:42:09.820 I spend a ton of time at the gym.

00:42:12.040 Absolutely not, but go ahead.

00:42:12.900 No, no, no, but it has to be selfish.

00:42:15.740 You have to be selfish in order to get to the point where you are.

00:42:18.400 Because the person that I'm turning into for my family is, even though my family loved me either way,

00:42:27.160 But the person I'm turning into for them is just going to be so much better for that, right?

00:42:34.140 You know what, we've got to try to use a different word than selfish because I get what you're saying.

00:42:37.780 Because sometimes, like, you know, I met Anna and she just supports me.

00:42:42.360 I can't compare it.

00:42:44.320 I have nothing to compare it to.

00:42:46.160 And sometimes I feel selfish because I'm here and I'm doing lives.

00:42:48.740 But that's what I mean.

00:42:49.880 It's the same thing.

00:42:51.120 My wife supports me.

00:42:52.040 Okay, hey, you've got to.

00:42:53.820 But don't you support her?

00:42:55.200 Oh, I support her.

00:42:56.000 then that's not selfish. That's empowering. We got to think of another word because selfish

00:43:02.220 makes it sound like I am doing this for me and to hell with everybody else, but that's not what it

00:43:06.120 is. But for me to do this and to focus completely on it, it's my complete focus. I'm selling cars

00:43:14.100 now, but my focus, I'm not selling a car until I've done my workout. And if I've got a slow day,

00:43:19.920 I'm going back to the gym because that's my priority. Who knows? In five years, I may not

00:43:25.120 be selling cars you know what i mean like my my my main focus is my health right and it's it's it's

00:43:33.460 if if so okay selfish isn't the word yeah but you can you could okay there has to be another word

00:43:40.620 isn't going to be even better but sometimes you can be a little narcissistic narcissistic

00:43:44.320 no because no but it's a very solitary environment where you're like there's a better this is about

00:43:50.360 me whoever's listening to this in the comments i want you writing the better word we need a better

00:43:54.640 word sorry i don't i don't know what the better it's but you understand what i'm saying it's not

00:43:59.040 selfish because i'm i'm i it's not selfish because i need to do it yeah right in that sense however

00:44:05.000 but i don't know i just sometimes maybe that's just my own yeah no but i get what you're saying

00:44:12.320 and i am like i do this look at this room like obviously this room is dedicated to to a something

00:44:18.040 very specific but this makes me what i'm doing here what i hope to be doing in the future

00:44:22.760 is making me more of who i am and who i always should have been and i think you're on that same

00:44:28.920 path but it's not should have been no it's that's where you're wrong it's not always who you should

00:44:33.780 have been it's who you've evolved to be yeah right because like you know it's not yeah everyone has a

00:44:39.780 oh this it's always maybe what you wanted to be yeah but it's not what like you've you've

00:44:45.280 you've always should have been a teacher right because we like just like i say about my about

00:44:51.680 linda yeah like she is one of the most fantastic she's the most like passionate teacher i've ever

00:44:56.980 met in my life she loves her job she's dedicated to teaching and like that's education needs people

00:45:03.500 like that like yourself and everything like that you are but this this is just basically

00:45:07.940 this is your platform so that your word that's it your message figure can broaden hopefully yes and

00:45:15.960 So it's not about what you should have been.

00:45:19.340 This is what you've always meant to be, sort of.

00:45:23.060 And to think, thinking about this for a second,

00:45:25.540 because I think your story, that new path that you took a step on,

00:45:30.980 was you buying one shirt. 0.99

00:45:32.920 And me, I decided to lip sync one stupid song and not feel so scared. 0.99

00:45:37.460 And I think, and as we wrap this up, I think that's it. 0.96

00:45:41.760 i think trying to do things that may be 100 scare us number one if it scares you jump in with both

00:45:49.960 feet and to see what that path is is so incredibly empowering well the thing with me is i've no one's

00:45:58.020 ever been able to tell me what to do and i basically gave up control right and said i will

00:46:04.240 listen yeah and yeah that's what you have to do you have to be and i talk far too much like you

00:46:10.700 can tell i'm a talker right what but you're talking to right now but it's once like if

00:46:17.020 you have to give up control in order to move forward if you don't like but i think the key

00:46:23.940 is surround yourself with the right people to give that control up to exactly but if you don't

00:46:29.340 have the right people around you yeah you i'm not going to say you're going to fail but it's it's

00:46:34.180 it's a big key to success to pad your circle with like-minded people that fly the same flag

00:46:41.600 i like it right fly the same flag and on that note maddie thank you so much for being here

00:46:48.560 this is fantastic i think we can do a lovely little friday night lovely little friday night

00:46:52.640 and i think um i want please in the comments wherever it is you post stuff we need a better

00:46:57.700 word. We need a better word for people coming into their own, becoming self-aware, driving for who

00:47:04.540 they are and what they want. We need a good word for that. I'm going to put it on a t-shirt, I swear

00:47:08.880 to God. Make it a big one so I can fly your flag. There you go. Fantastic. All right. Thank you very

00:47:15.220 much. Come see me next Tuesday. Class is in session. Dismissed.

Unlearn16: Class is in Session - October 05, 2021

The One Where I Talk About Catching a Fastball

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