00:28:26.020The damage that is done within 18 years can be so catastrophic and so identity forming to the point of serious health issues for the rest of your life.
00:28:42.460You're going to say, well, at least you're not living with your dad who beat the hell out of you because you were trans.
00:28:47.300But now I get to live with the socialized belief that I deserve that for 18 years.
00:28:55.760And I develop things like borderline personality disorder.
00:28:59.640The more that I learn about things like that, the more I recognize that, you know, and I don't mean this even in a facetious way.
00:29:07.480You'd rather get smacked because because being hit there, you the bruise heals.
00:29:13.340Right. And you know that that. But this this incessant and subversive manipulation of who you are and who what what's OK and whose fault is it?
00:29:24.900and how gross and dirty and broken you are, that just doesn't leave ever.0.74
00:29:33.420I've talked to therapists and said, if you have BPD, you don't get rid of it. You're just going0.99
00:29:40.180to have it. You're going to walk into a room and the room's going to be painted blue and you could
00:29:44.900swear on a polygraph that it's red and pass because of how much damage. And people don't
00:29:52.720talk about that there it is yeah right exactly it's something sorry go on no no go ahead i was
00:30:01.760going to say it kind of ties back to the media the conversation that we will eventually get to
00:30:06.160about buffy where it's like you see these characters in media these um lgbtqia characters
00:30:12.980in the media who are largely are largely defined by by pain and struggle that their heterosexual
00:30:21.860counterparts don't experience at all that we i don't know that we i i think it's a very
00:30:29.580interesting conversation to have about like we celebrated this show so much i was the first time
00:30:35.920i ever saw like a representation of a gay character who was in a happy relationship
00:30:40.940um and it wasn't um uh like a uh gay male relationship it was a lesbian relationship
00:30:48.440and i was like overjoyed i was like oh my god oh my god because on the other side of that for me
00:30:53.960my arc at counter at that time was jack mcfee from dawson's creek and he was struggle busing
00:31:00.440the entire way through i feel like he still struggled at the end of that season six
00:31:05.640arc yeah it was like pain after pain exactly it never ended and it was like it was so nice to see
00:31:14.600but again like joss whedon was like i want the rest of the characters to value life so i'm gonna0.98
00:31:20.200kill her and you're like cool okay awesome and now willow is uh so um so hurt so broken that she1.00
00:31:31.160decides to end the world what i've known i've known a lot of lesbians do that might have been1.00
00:31:38.440a little on the nose i'm just i'm just saying i'm just saying if perchance right i had that power
00:31:50.840circa you know 2020 december right i'm singing stew i may have had a few veins that's all i'm
00:31:58.360saying just yeah it makes sense i'm putting it on the table i mean like and i think
00:32:08.440But I think, that's really funny, because I think same.
00:32:18.960I think what's interesting is I think that I believe that, for me at least, my first entrance into kind of like what gay was, outside of the feelings I was feeling internally.0.60
00:32:33.200my first kind of entrance into what gay was was the death of matthew shepard so that was something
00:32:40.760that i because i was what i was in grade six or seven when that happened um 99 98 um so you were
00:32:49.940aware of it in night were you out in 99 98 no no no no i we're gonna i'll tell you really i'll tell
00:32:56.760you a really sad story and then we can kind of launch off of that but basically like i i didn't
00:33:01.820know what was i knew there was something different about me in like by six years old i was like
00:33:06.880there's something not computing like i'm not like the rest of the boys yeah like six or seven i was
00:33:12.660like i am not like the other boys and maybe i'm just and people call it dramatic or emotional or
00:33:20.260like he's a very like he feels a lot of feelings yes exactly so then it kind of went in and it was
00:33:29.880interesting because i didn't actually assign any like name to myself it was the kids in my class
00:33:36.920who started saying like queer and the f-slur and all of these things at me and it was me being like
00:33:42.920what does that mean so i went to the library and like i am so i am so happy that nowadays
00:33:50.680there is a wide variety of information to to kind of and then stories from queer voices to
00:33:57.080to kind of like lessen um because when i went to the library it was basically a very small
00:34:03.640section and if i was to go off of what that information gave me and the access i had to it
00:34:09.400it would say that i would um contract um an sti aids hiv and i would be addicted to drugs
00:34:16.840and i would die alone and miserable um and it was a very hard thing so like at 12 years old
00:34:23.640i remember reading all of this i was a very shy very introverted kid so like i knew that i couldn't
00:34:29.880tell anyone i knew that it was so terrible and so horrible because of all of the reactions from
00:34:35.320the people in my class who were also children um but i gave so much power to yeah that i was like
00:34:41.800well i guess i can't beat this but i could beat cancer so like i would pray to god i don't believe
00:34:47.720in to be like um can you we'll just switch you give me cancer i will fight that because i can0.67
00:34:55.340fight that and people will support me on that but i can't fight gay there's nothing in these books0.66
00:35:00.980that tells me that i can win over this oh jesus but it's it's interesting because like when i
00:35:08.360when i finally came out it was actually i came out at 20 um and it was it was something that
00:35:17.640was so so i think you probably felt this feeling as well i think everyone every queer kid does
00:35:23.300at some point is that all of these all of this media all of this um these stories are told and
00:35:29.820we watch them and we're like i i feel somewhat broken inside um like i don't feel like something's
00:35:35.240connecting so all of my yeah so then you have your first so i went on a date with a guy he's
00:35:41.560wonder he was wonderful and it was like I was so scared to do it and I was like and he kissed me
00:35:48.700for the first time and it was like everything in my brain connected and I just had that moment and
00:35:54.400it was a weird thing because you don't usually assign this much power to a kiss but it was like
00:35:58.740oh oh this is what I wanted this is this I'm not broken I just wanted to feel connected to this
00:36:07.800person. And it's like this really weird shift in your brain. And you are still scared of being
00:36:14.580rejected by your family and friends, but you realize that there's other people that are
00:36:20.700experiencing that as well. And at least you have that. And I think that's so powerful about the
00:36:25.200community that we've built or that have been built for us. And we kind of add to is that
00:36:29.660there is, we're so protective now that people in my generation, people from your generation
00:36:36.740have written stories, these beautiful fiction, these TV shows, these characters to show people
00:36:42.180in Wyoming, in rural Massachusetts and rural Texas that being gay is not terrible. You don't
00:36:51.100need to pray for cancer. There are success stories here. That's insane. And that's how I describe it.
00:36:58.740It's so funny because I dated guys until I was 24 or whatever. And I dated great guys. I love
00:37:04.880people are like, I haven't dated the right guy. I'm like, listen, I dated some good guys. Some
00:37:08.500really, really lovely, lovely boys. And then, you know, men ish. Um, and I said, uh, I go and,
00:37:18.280but I always felt that there, yeah, there, there's an emptiness that they were amazing.
00:37:25.640Not that even I wasn't even attracted. It was like a vapidity that you would feel almost in
00:37:31.640your stomach and you'd be like, I'm just broken. Yeah. I'm broken. And I, and I, and I resigned
00:37:39.180myself to thinking that's just, it's just, that's just who I am. Yes. I don't feel things deeply.
00:37:47.060Oh, yes. That's a part of saying it. You don't feel it deeply. I don't feel it deeply. You know,
00:37:52.600all those girls crying at their lockers in high school. I didn't understand them. I'm like,
00:37:56.020what's the matter with you move on go to class and then i kissed my first girlfriend and it all went
00:38:02.260to yeah and then you're like oh i get it i just went back to the locker in high school i'm gonna
00:38:07.620i'm just gonna have a cry here because i feel like i should have the moment i should have been
00:38:12.580afforded in grade 12. right um but yeah and then you're like a kid again and then at 24 i felt like
00:38:21.140i was 16. right and you're feeling all of your like 31 flavors of feelings all at once all at
00:38:27.060the same time it's the most your first relationship my first relationship was the most dramatic
00:38:32.020most overall relationship ever i felt everything i was a crazy person i look back on myself and
00:38:37.940i'm like who was that because i'm a very like medium tempered like middle ground calm person
00:38:44.740not then psychotic like like why are you asking me back it's been it's been 38 seconds
00:38:52.900but that's how it goes you know it's interesting because you know again we go back to how do we get
00:39:00.980at the midwife the midwestern straight white woman or or the guy that works on his truck
00:39:07.940these aren't bad people no no no leave they're horrible people i just think they have zero
00:39:13.540access but how in the hell do we explain that feeling because i think if they understood that0.97
00:39:18.200feeling they would understand why in grade one we should be allowed to say gay they would understand
00:39:26.100they would get it they'd go oh because not all it's just not about it's not about sex it's not
00:39:34.640about partners it's about feeling disconnected and that feeling of disconnection is you know
00:39:42.140while it winds itself up is terrifying and can lead to some pretty horrible things for me i just
00:39:48.400thought oh well i'll just date a new person every month month and a half i get bored i feel
00:39:52.600disconnected i move on that's it yeah that's how it's gonna be that's it or it's like for me what
00:39:57.980i ended up doing was retreating so far into myself that i was like books are my only friends
00:40:04.200i don't want to and i became a very now they look back and i'm a very sad and lonely person
00:40:12.460because i had accepted early on that like there was something just wrong with me
00:40:16.100and that i didn't feel things the same way other people did i didn't want the same things and maybe
00:40:23.320i was just destined to be alone and that was okay as long as i could fill it with all of these other
00:40:28.660characters that i love and it was but i think the the thing that what the most important thing you
00:40:34.500just said is like how do we get at that person i think we get at them through media we through like
00:40:39.300tv through movies but i think we have to stop telling stories of like i think you tell the
00:40:46.180stories about coming out but like have you seen heart stopper have you watched it no okay it's
00:40:51.860on netflix and i think it's i'm not going to ruin it for you this is a beautiful story
00:40:55.540but it's written by i'm not going to ruin it for you because it's absolutely okay i like cry over
00:41:01.540it it was released uh last friday i've watched it a total of six times um it's eight episodes
00:41:08.740anyway but it tells a story about two um two boys who just fall in love or like fall into like heavy
00:41:17.620like and it doesn't tell it's also coming out story but what it does it focuses on is that it
00:42:47.260So it's like having those stories told
00:42:49.500healthy positive way where it's like you don't have to focus and build the story around that
00:42:54.700person being gay you just have to tell a story take meg ryan out of sleep business seattle
00:42:59.980put a guy in there it's the same story nothing changes about it take you've got mail apparently0.69
00:43:05.900on meg ryan roll take out you've got mail take out tom hanks put a woman in it's the same story
00:43:11.500it doesn't have to change it i'll do it i'll do it i volunteers tribute
00:43:21.740i think also going back to your original it's interesting because you receded you knew something
00:43:27.660was different you knew something was whatever you know what's interesting and that nobody again we
00:43:32.780don't talk about this a lot within the community i don't feel like or outside of the community
00:43:37.340but what's interesting is who i was allowed to be as a youth who i was allowed to be in high school
00:43:44.980and what i was allowed to experiment with which is probably why it took i was i was fine kind of
00:43:52.380right because i i mean if you're listening to me right now i'm wearing a football jersey and a hat
00:43:57.800um i was allowed to be that person because girls were allowed to be more masculine i was allowed
00:44:03.420to play baseball I was allowed for the most part there's limitations right as soon as I cut my hair0.91
00:44:09.080it all went to shit but like I was allowed that that diversity and so nobody questioned it so
00:44:16.320when you receded yourself into books it was because people questioned your emotionality0.98
00:44:21.420people questioned your your more let's say and I hate to use the dichotomous but feminine right
00:44:28.000sort of persona and and that wasn't okay it wasn't okay everybody started i wasn't called
00:44:33.680gay because i played baseball because girls were allowed that that diversity right and we've been
00:44:40.000allowed that for quite some time like yeah i mean i look around my classroom i say this to my kids
00:44:44.800all the time how many girls are wearing skirts oh no not a one okay we're all wearing pants all right
00:44:50.480how many guys are wearing skirts dudes why haven't you switched over i'll tell you why you haven't
00:44:55.600switched over because when women become more masculine we're moving up the chain
00:44:59.620and when guys become more feminine they're moving down they're becoming less yes and all of that
00:45:07.660implied sexism and all of that that means that young men which is why young men horribly enough
00:45:14.480are so much more prone to take their own life or to self like you know to some degree because of
00:45:21.300this because they're never they're not allowed to they're not allowed to go down that barbie aisle
00:45:26.780you've seen the tiktok where the kid picks the barbie and it has like 18 million views because
00:45:30.900it's so unique yeah you know i was allowed to go in the gi joe nobody gave a crap i bought lego
00:45:37.960nobody cared nobody cared so i feel like that's why i kind of made it through i think a little
00:45:45.760less feeling a little less weight even though i was missing something i was missing that
00:45:51.000connection. You know, I still got to do a lot. But it was funny, it meant that I was very
00:45:58.200disconnected from my, you were very connected to your emotionality, I was very disconnected. So
00:46:02.840when I came out, and some of my closest friends, after hanging out with me a little bit after,
00:46:08.320they're like, Joanna, it's like a whole new person. I'm like, what? She's like, you, you never talked
00:46:15.200about your emotion you it was like we only got a piece of you we got happy we got the athlete we
00:46:21.340you were smart you were sarcastic but that was it you know and I didn't understand that until
00:46:28.060but I feel again like women are given a bit more space I think that's a really what you just said0.56
00:46:34.740about the um men are like devaluing themselves by wearing skirts in the society I think that's
00:46:40.760a powerful statement because it's something that is so it's so rigid especially when i was uh going
00:46:48.360through high school and and the same as you and now i think it's it's it's still it's a horrible
00:46:55.720um sort of like rigid framework we live within but there are men and kind of teenage boys pushing
00:47:04.200against it and i really really value that but even myself sometimes like i don't know if you
00:47:08.920you get this but it's like when you wear certain things in certain places like if i were in rural
00:47:14.680wyoming i don't necessarily know if i would be dressing as comfortably as i dress here in toronto
00:47:21.400in a place that i'm comfortable with i think i for lack of a better term code switch
00:47:27.000versus where i am like i will drop my voice an octave um and like i will speak a little bit
00:47:32.680slower I'll stop I'll like really focus on my hands being like either in my pockets or like in0.79
00:47:39.560front of me to make sure like I don't come across as too it was funny to come across as too gay0.88
00:47:45.380when I got a job I was a writer when I first left university and um I met this guy and he had
00:47:53.100everything all together he insurance he worked in insurance it was the most boring topic to talk
00:47:57.160about with him and he wanted to talk about endlessly he was like today at the office and
00:48:01.040i would just be pouring myself a large glass of wine being like tell me more about it if i fall
00:48:05.740asleep i'm still interested yeah but um i was getting a job yeah exactly like lull me to sleep
00:48:13.920um insomnia was not a problem i dealt with in that relationship um but um it was interesting
00:48:22.800so i was getting a job but he had his whole life together and i was like you know what maybe i also
00:48:26.300need a corporate job so i went and got one at this manufacturing firm to fill a maternity leave
00:48:32.540position and before i left and i'm 24 when this happened he turns to me another 24 year old goes
00:48:39.260hey just make sure that you're not too gay or they like in the interview protect yourself and just0.58
00:48:46.940tone it down and i was like am i super gay he was like no you're not but you're super gay to anyone0.70
00:48:52.540who's straight so just tone it down so i went there and like something that was so uncomfortable
00:48:59.660to me um and i barely made a joke i barely talked normally and with everything was a very like rigid
00:49:08.220structured conversation with no affectation or anything and i got the job but it took me years
00:49:14.220to stop like to to everywhere i went to kind of like change that do you do that too out of curiosity
00:49:21.340do you like change yourself a little bit
00:49:26.700i don't and here's why i i think and i'll be very honest i think if i would have come up against
00:49:35.180any violence i think i would have been more aware but i hear i also think this when i came out
00:49:42.300i was 24 years old i did my master's i went to teacher's college i got my job i got a job
00:49:48.220i was terrified of people finding out i'm also a teacher is a very different dynamic i got a job
00:49:53.660at a private school heaven forbid and i'm just like i'm never telling them i'm gay right because
00:49:59.340in my head i thought kids are gonna call me a dyke kids are gonna that's what's gonna come out
00:50:05.100that's how they're gonna when i give them a bad mark like that's all of these things like by the
00:50:09.100way it never has happened like not even one time but all of these things are the parents are gonna
00:50:13.420gonna have issues so I'm never I'm never coming out well that lasted my first year and then when
00:50:18.660I finally like verbalized it everybody's sitting around me going okay yeah of course of course we
00:50:24.400knew that that's not who did you who are you hot now my hair wasn't this short and I didn't have
00:50:30.920tattoos when I started teaching so but the funny part was and again I think this is the difference0.90
00:50:38.200between women and men gay women and gay men for the most part and i know we're leaving out whole0.70
00:50:43.880parts of the community so for the love of god no yeah don't come at me with what about i get it
00:50:49.480but for me i had short hair but it was longer like it was still covering you know it was longer it
00:50:54.760was a little bit more kind of scruffy looking and i for years sue had parents trying to set me up
00:51:02.120with their sons for years and i think that straight people especially when it comes to women
00:51:10.600who are just a little more masculine because i know that right now i look masculine because
00:51:14.440i'm wearing the jersey and the hat but for to be honest unless i'm talking like i have a lot of
00:51:20.360feminine i talk with my hands i have a lot of feminine energy people just don't think i have
00:51:24.520it because of the way i dress the way i cut my hair but back then for at least i don't for a0.80
00:51:29.880a long time even when I had a picture of my partner on my desk getting married they'd still
00:51:35.280try to they'd be like my son my son just graduated med school and I'm like oh that's sweet but I'm
00:51:42.400taken I wouldn't even say I'm just taken oh that's too if anything happens you let us know and I'm
00:51:47.800like really yeah with men you guys can't step out of that lane no you guys can't and as soon as you0.97
00:51:57.760do society and the world even if you're not gay tries to slap you back so hard right you're an0.99
00:52:04.460elementary teacher gay you're a hygienist gay you put on a figure skate gay like you you guys really0.99
00:52:11.200have a narrow lane yes so i think that that's also so i've never felt that right i joke with my my a0.97
00:52:19.840lot of the people on tiktok because they ask me what my favorite state is and i constantly say
00:52:23.700Tennessee. And they laughed. They're like, really? Like, listen, my mom loved Elvis. I went there
00:52:28.920every year. I went there as a little kid. I went there as a teen. I went there as an adult. I went
00:52:34.060there looking like the way that I look. And I haven't met. I haven't been confronted with.
00:52:40.180Now, the funny part is I usually hang out in more of the black dominated Memphis and the white0.89
00:52:46.900dominated memphis so that might be a that might be a cause but i think a lot of people don't care
00:52:54.740about women as much and a lot of people will just miss make mistake me for a dude if they're so
00:53:01.300tunnel visioned right they just go guy don't worry he's a guy he's a guy so what's a big deal
00:53:10.180it's holding a girl's hand because it's a guy yeah so i again i think that i've kind of existed in
00:53:17.240that um you know and so yeah i've again very very lucky but i think that luck also has to do with
00:53:28.360where i've grown up and and the fact that i'm a woman we just don't face the same degree i haven't
00:53:37.500faced I know there's going to be some people on here it's like of course I faced it I haven't
00:53:41.660faced the same degree of verbal or physical violence because when I came out at work
00:53:48.020and all of a sudden I am who I am I mean and I've also been there for 20 years
00:53:53.480right so I haven't stepped into another school I've I as I've gotten more vocal as I've gotten
00:54:01.240stronger as i've gotten you know tattoos and i cut my hair shorter and more comfortable saying
00:54:09.380things like you know my girlfriend or my wife or whatever the case may be my school's kind of
00:54:15.620grown with me and guess what society's grown with me right um so i've been very lucky in that
00:54:22.300dynamic as well you know like i have a boss who he's still an old white dude christian
00:54:28.800um and i'll have a boss to say joanna why aren't you wearing let me take you shopping you can get
00:54:36.440a dress i say wayne i'll get that dress when you get something that matches right and he laughs
00:54:42.960we laugh yeah and i'm also the person some people would take that as such an insult and such a and
00:54:50.160i'm like you know what but the only way wayne that that person that 75 year old guy who has grown up
00:54:57.320with money and all of this. And in this bubble, he doesn't get it. So by me existing with him for
00:55:04.12020 years and by me pushing him every five seconds, that's the only way he's going to get it. What am
00:55:10.980I going to shut him down and quit my job? That doesn't make any sense to me. No. And that's
00:55:16.580something that I think it's such an important thing to just exist, but also to be able to
00:55:23.860have those conversations. I am a huge believer that it is not a minority's responsibility to
00:55:31.800educate, to take on the full burden of educating other people. But I do think that if people have
00:55:40.120done some work, that you have the responsibility to help them along with that, to give them
00:55:47.320a perspective, to help them walk through these kind of like and tear down these walls they have.
00:55:53.860Because I think when people can relate a cause to a person that they know, that it's easier for them to contextualize it and to understand the ramifications of these things.
00:56:05.540And I think that's the part that we lack sometimes is because in these small rural places, I feel like we have to chill in Wyoming, but like Wyoming is that there isn't.
00:56:22.000But I think it's like having these people have access to someone that they know that is part of that, of the LGBTQIA community is rare.
00:56:34.340Or that person doesn't feel safe enough to be as strong a voice as they maybe need to, to have that impact.
00:56:43.660And I think it's up to the rest of us who have the safety of a metropolis to be that voice.
00:56:52.000Because people on the internet, it's interesting, people on the internet, and it's a weird thing for me, that people think they know me, like are friends with me, that we are as close as this kind of parasocial relationship gives them.
00:57:05.540But that gives me some power to be like, hey, you like me, you see me on the internet. This affects me in a certain way. This is me living my authentic life in a wig.
00:57:19.680um but it's like i think we as as content creators have that ability at least to give um context and
00:57:29.880and a sample for them to be like that person i know i know joanna yeah yeah yeah because that
00:57:38.460was what i looked at i looked at youtubers like og youtubers when they were coming out i watched
00:57:42.760so many coming out stories before i came out um it was amazing to me that i could reach out and
00:57:47.700something that you didn't have but i was able to go on the internet and be like oh my god there's
00:57:52.260so many people coming out they're my age because you must have felt so alone in that process
00:57:57.940whereas i could look out and be like oh there's other people in the world
00:58:02.900i think from yeah i mean absolutely and to give people context like when i graduated high school
00:58:09.780the internet was it was barely a thing so forget phones and all of that kind of stuff the internet
00:58:16.660was barely a thing when i went to university my first year i didn't even i didn't want to get an
00:58:20.740email i didn't see the point nobody's going to do this that that's quite my literally my thought
00:58:26.340but the interesting part so but and that's how i went to school because i didn't come out then
00:58:30.580right i didn't come out until i went to york university and here's the difference i went to
00:58:35.220york university everybody used that we went on strike so it's interesting i don't know if we
00:58:40.420didn't go on strike if i would have if this would have happened in the same way and we were i was
00:58:45.060walking these picket lines with all these PhD candidates and master's candidates and professors
00:58:50.660and we're this political struggle right and everybody kept saying partner and I would go
00:58:54.820home every night going everybody's gay everybody's gay that went there and all of a sudden I started
00:59:02.260just cracks would open right so I would talk to somebody I met my first trans man um in that
00:59:09.220process I met him as Dan like as a trans man he already had top surgery but he was still married
00:59:17.140to his partner Brian and they were from Nova Scotia and they were still still married and Dan
00:59:24.140came to this I got to hear that story and that story in whatever that was 2001 that was beyond
00:59:33.300anything I'd ever sort of come in contact with before right and then I met my first girlfriend
00:59:38.660But then I was immersed in that. And I was then I was immersed in a community in Toronto, which I started playing rugby on a team with a whole bunch of gay girls. I started like I was immersed in these communities, which made me feel safe. So, you know, and a little crazy. But I think if I didn't have that, I don't know.
01:00:00.880like if i just would have come to terms with it in whitby on a friday night i don't know how that
01:00:06.720would have how that would have played out you know what i mean exactly um it was funny that like the
01:00:12.720first trans men that i and it's something that i don't even know this person in real life um it
01:00:17.680was someone that i followed on youtube out of looking for coming out videos this person had
01:00:23.600done a coming out video um to their parents about being trans and i followed their entire journey
01:00:29.760and it was interesting because it felt like a breakup at the end of it all because they said
01:00:34.320like this was my journey this was it it's over now i'm now going to live my life there's nothing else
01:00:39.680i'm going to be able to give you all and they ended it and i was like what am i going to do
01:00:45.440my friend like uh jay is gone but like it was interesting to have that because in my life i
01:00:52.400didn't have that access and i think it's really interesting because i have friends now who grew
01:00:56.640up in very small rural areas of ontario and newfoundland and um and uh different provinces
01:01:04.640and they're like you must have had the full spectrum in toronto i'm like no no i didn't
01:01:13.200i think also like it's so interesting because i think i mean we we've gone through stages right
01:01:20.000we've gone through stages what is and isn't okay people have fights okay you can be gay okay you
01:01:24.960you can be this, but you can't be bi yet. Okay. Now you can be bi. Okay. You can be bi,
01:01:28.700but you can't be this. And now, now trans it's the trans thing. Right. But I think at the heart1.00
01:01:33.800of it, Stu, if I was a betting woman, it's always been the trans thing, but on a different level,0.88
01:01:39.700right? Your wig and my backwards baseball hat made people feel uncomfortable. I don't know0.69
01:01:47.500if it was simply about who we slept with, I think it was about the aesthetic that we challenged,
01:01:57.500and it doesn't make people feel, because the first binary we're taught, the very first piece
01:02:03.080of socialization, and it's not in malice, it's not in hate, it is, it's a little girl, talk to her
01:02:09.660quietly, hold her close, put her in pink, tell her she's beautiful. Oh, it's a little boy, hold
01:02:14.660him out here, jostle him around, tell him he's strong, he's going to be a great football player
01:02:18.480and break a lot of hearts. That's it. That's our ground zero. And I'm going to argue it's ground
01:02:26.000zero in the majority of countries across religious bases, racial lines, ethnic lines.
01:02:32.720It's our ground zero. And I think the gay population, by virtue of my supposed masculinity,
01:02:42.440your supposed femininity challenge that yeah it makes people on they don't know how to deal they1.00
01:02:51.000don't know how to handle they don't know how to put you in that box and it's the first box we ever
01:02:54.200learned and then the trans community in the in the sense of wanting to be in a different body
01:02:59.800which i to me when i say trans people say are you a lot of people assume i'm trans and i say
01:03:05.720I'm not, but I am because if we're saying gender's a binary, I'm going to say everybody is.
01:03:14.540Right. Yeah. Who lives in each body? There's no 100% masculine dudes, no 100% feminine women.
01:03:20.680So we're all trans. We're all trans. It's just a matter of degree at this point. And women have
01:03:26.340been given purview to be a little bit more trans than everybody else. And then the trans community
01:03:30.940is getting more and more vocal about their identity and how they perceive and how what
01:03:36.900they want to be called and how that pronoun matters and all of those things. But it's
01:03:41.320interesting because at my school, you know, I've had a few kids that are non-binary. We've had
01:03:45.680kids that are trans. And for the most part, it's accepted. And, you know, but every once in a while
01:03:52.280you get some kids saying something stupid and you get the older staff, like Wayne, saying,0.98
01:03:58.100God, it was never like this. Why is it like this now? And he kind of gets anxious at all of this,1.00
01:04:04.120right? Because everybody has a say. I go, Wayne, here's the key. And I need you to hear me.
01:04:09.620I said, 15 years ago, when I was at this school, and we had gay kids,
01:04:15.600you didn't hear about it. Because even in this school, which I love to death,
01:04:19.980they didn't feel safe enough to yell at the kid who used the F word. So you think it didn't happen,
01:04:25.840but it happened constantly but the kids didn't have the power to say anything now those same
01:04:32.880kids and their allies don't stand for a minute of it so you hear it about it 24 7 not because it
01:04:39.440never happened before but because now they have the power to tell people to shut up yes and that's0.93
01:04:45.040the only difference and that's the difference florida you know with every trans is so new this0.83
01:04:49.600is no it's not no it's not they just have the power and that's why i see it as a positive in0.94
01:04:56.720some ways they right now have the power to say screw you exactly a hundred percent you know a
01:05:03.520hundred percent and i think that is exactly what it is is like when people say that to me because
01:05:08.560i have people in in my life and my work who say the same thing it wasn't this difficult when i
01:05:13.360was when we were growing up or it wasn't this difficult back in these days and they reference
01:05:18.240some obscure decade um and i'm like no it was always there but these people didn't have the
01:05:25.120comfortability or the freedom or the platform or the backing to be able to say f you i won't take
01:05:32.560this anymore i deserve to have full um license over my happiness my freedom and my life
01:05:40.800um so it's something that i think it's i really really love that that is happening now and i
01:05:47.760think it's an uphill battle because I think a lot of people at the top are going to feel
01:05:53.700they need to push that back down because they're uncomfortable with the conversation exactly
01:05:59.200that's what you're feeling it's all of a sudden so different it's all of a sudden so much more
01:06:03.940no it's not it's not all of a sudden anything um that's and that that's the pushback but I'm
01:06:09.640telling you right now that that's as painful and horrible and hard as it is to be a trans kid in
01:06:16.400Texas or be a gay kid in Florida or anywhere in the United States right now. I have that feeling
01:06:20.980and I hate, you know, we're going to go back to your, it gets better. I'm not going to say it's
01:06:26.880going to, you're going to make it better right now is right now is, is a, is a big, big, big
01:06:34.880final push, right? Right now is a moment. And the reason why they're pushing against women is
01:06:40.180because it's, it's not against women, it's against femininity. And the reason why it's against
01:06:44.080femininity is because that's the way i get at gay men who are too feminine it's all intersected0.79
01:06:50.240right it's all connected stew we've been on here for an hour and six minutes oh my god i enjoy this0.95
01:06:57.200i want to say listen are you down we have to do a part two i mean we're gonna because i don't know
01:07:02.400who's gonna listen to me for two hours but i'm gonna close this session are you we'll stick
01:07:06.800around you'll do a part two we'll do a part two yeah oh yes yes only buffy okay guys coming up
01:07:14.400part two only buffy we're only talking about so if you don't like buffy first of all go watch it
01:07:20.800drop me as a as a fall i don't know what you're gonna do please go watch it um it's on disney
01:07:26.640if you don't and you should like disney right now and um go watch it and then stew and i are
01:07:31.360going to talk about all things buffy coming up stew you've been amazing i'm going to put all
01:07:35.440of stew's taglines right in the comment section you can't see what i'm doing right now if you're
01:07:39.760just listening but i'm going to put them all there so you can you can go check him out on
01:07:43.040tick tock and all of his platforms thank you so much stew i really enjoyed this comfortable go
01:07:48.800get a coffee and we'll see you guys same time next tuesday same bat time same bat station