Unlearn16: Class is in Session - The One Where The Woman Wouldn't Leave

00:00:00.000 class is in session welcome everybody to unlearn 16 classes in session and today i have a full jam

00:00:09.600 packed house i have to my right or to your left i'm not too sure miss anna pack hi homies and over

00:00:15.440 on the other side of the fence there we got everyday trace and melissa laundry talk superstar

00:00:21.200 hi ladies hello hello so we are going to jump into i think we are going to talk about relationships

00:00:31.600 the good the bad and the ugly let's be honest nobody wants to talk about the good because

00:00:35.040 that's boring let's talk about the bad and the ugly shall we all right nobody really wants to

00:00:41.120 hear the good that's boring worst date who has the worst date they've ever been on um worst date 0.80

00:00:51.120 i've ever been on was with um snake girl i call a snake girl stand by no no no you're gonna you're

00:00:58.080 gonna need to back up that story so before you go on with snake girl i'm gonna need to know why and

00:01:04.880 is this an australia thing because there's a lot of snakes there yeah you'd think right you'd think

00:01:10.560 oh of course the australian's got a snake girl story of course she does no this story is set in

00:01:15.920 london actually so i went to a party once with my friends um i was young right i was young

00:01:24.160 it was like a warehouse party everyone was there was so super cool not me i just went with my cool

00:01:28.400 friends uh and there was a girl there and she had a snake around her neck and she was dancing we

00:01:35.280 were giving each other the eyes or whatever and she sort of gestured that i come up to her was

00:01:40.080 it britney spears what's her name it was the girl from wainsville so it could have been either all

00:01:46.720 right she gestures just can i just pause for a minute i'm thinking oh my god a snake girl

00:01:54.160 wants me no just you don't go hmm you think cool snake girl's gesturing you don't think

00:02:01.280 that's psychotic i'm leaving the party i leave the party because there's a snake in the building 0.86

00:02:06.400 but we're gonna have to dig deeper on that later but but carry on okay so she gestures

00:02:12.640 right um okay so we'll see i'm australian so it's a snake and i'm australian like it's

00:02:17.360 if someone had a beaver would you be walking away i probably oh no i wouldn't it's hard

00:02:22.480 it's difficult what are they doing with the beaver anyway sexual i have a great sneak story

00:02:28.640 later but continue i go up and i start there's not a lot of chat between me and snake girl

00:02:35.120 right it's i i hold the snake for a bit she holds the snake we start making out a little bit

00:02:39.600 at the end of this is not a euphemism at all right there is no not a euphemism no no not

00:02:46.240 an euphemism at all this is purely a story about a girl with a snake but not a lot of words get

00:02:51.760 said we don't go into any deep conversation there's none of that we swap numbers leave

00:02:56.880 the party and we organize a date for a week later so you can imagine the anticipation

00:03:01.600 of going on a date with snake girl right i'm thinking she brings a crocodile but go ahead

00:03:06.560 right and i'm thinking oh god if i end up going back to her apartment it's going to be a jungle

00:03:10.240 apartment god knows what else is there right i'm having all these visions all my friends

00:03:14.720 are pumped up about the incoming date with snake girl get there it goes from possibly one of the

00:03:22.880 most exciting dates i've ever had to really not now there's a popular pharmacy in the uk called

00:03:30.240 boots right and they have a advantage card you know like one of those things where you gain points

00:03:34.720 and then you you know get savings a little bit later like air miles like air miles or like your

00:03:39.200 pc optium that kind of card i got you so far the conversation of the date was so boring that i find

00:03:45.920 myself at one point talking about a three for two offer at boots pharmacy so you can imagine at this

00:03:53.680 point it's already quite low if that's the conversation that i'm bringing to the date

00:03:58.160 and yes i'm well aware that that's me so it could have just been me really boring

00:04:04.240 but she goes her reaction to me talking about the boots advantage card

00:04:10.240 went from super calm to quite erratic like in the shorter second her views on rewards cards

00:04:20.640 quite strong quite strong indeed she eventually within about two minutes like slammed her hands

00:04:27.760 on the table got up and she's like i can't believe you use advantage cards if we all

00:04:31.600 didn't use advantage cards everything would be cheaper like that's the sort of person you are

00:04:35.600 i don't want to be with you and then she storms and walks out and from that i had to go around

00:04:40.880 and text all my friends who were like how was date with snake girl i'm like it took a turn

00:04:45.760 it took a very unusual turn yeah that's where was the snake didn't say it again didn't see it again

00:04:56.320 do you think it was in another room maybe no because the date wasn't no it wasn't it wasn't

00:05:00.400 at her house it was at a bar oh okay and i'm just sat there in the book she yelled at you in the

00:05:06.080 middle of a bar about rewards programs about rewards programs yeah but it was anger towards

00:05:11.520 the boots reward card that really got me the really really really got me i fight a lot about

00:05:17.520 a lot of things and i tend to throw it out with a lot of people and i look for it right like i i

00:05:22.080 channel in like i'm like cool that's an aggressive person i want to sit near them so we can fight

00:05:26.960 i've never met anybody with a strong opinion about the rewards card system yeah it does well i mean

00:05:32.880 it does seem quite odd if you think about it i don't mind that she had an opinion on it i don't

00:05:37.760 don't mind it it was a strong opinion but i feel the way it came across and on a first date maybe

00:05:42.000 that's not putting your best foot forward and i think if that's how passionate she are about reward

00:05:46.260 cards maybe i don't want to know her opinions on things that might actually matter more than

00:05:51.140 rewards cards not that i'm saying rewards cards don't matter because obviously to some people

00:05:54.960 they do and i'm going to say right here i'm going to say right here and i'll take the comments

00:06:00.460 that's yeah so that's that's my bad date that's a bad date that's awful yeah um and it was with

00:06:07.680 a woman i was expecting it to be with a boy just because you know uh that's how that rolls no it

00:06:13.200 doesn't matter based on gender anyone can have a problem with rewards cards anyone right it's not

00:06:19.880 it's true yeah that is true but i was young and and and yeah it was young and well that's what

00:06:28.700 you get for coming over to the lady with the snake? I would have ran the other way in every,

00:06:34.060 in a, in a physical sense, in a mental sense, in an emotional sense, any way I could have departed

00:06:39.660 that. And if somebody would have looked me dead in the eye, having a snake and done this,

00:06:42.980 I think I would have passed out. I don't think I would have done anything. I think I would have

00:06:46.960 just hit the ground. Here's an interesting story. You don't know Toronto very well, but my mom used

00:06:51.720 to work at Wellesley hospital. Wellesley hospital was like, let's be honest at the crappiest

00:06:56.460 intersection of Toronto. Historically, it's not there anymore, but very low socioeconomics,

00:07:06.860 high crime, prostitution central, if you will. Very marginalized community, really,

00:07:15.100 really bad. Anyways, I used to go with my mom all the time, but when we drive in and out, 1.00

00:07:19.580 it would be really early in the morning or really late at night because my mom would work shift

00:07:23.660 work and one really early in the morning we were what we were driving in at like 5 30 so a lot of

00:07:29.740 the um sex workers were still out and there was a lady prostitute standing there and i was young i

00:07:37.580 mean i might have been 12 maybe and i saw her and i recognized that she was a prostitute and i just 0.87

00:07:44.540 stared so i was just like right and she caught my eye and again so young and also recognizing a

00:07:52.620 prostitute that um it's pretty woman it's obvious yeah well maybe but it's i mean either i knew what 0.87

00:08:00.620 that she was a prostitute or i knew i also went to the hospital with my mom all the time so i 0.76

00:08:05.260 knew a lot of different demographics like when i was young i met like i met um people who were

00:08:12.220 transgendered and had transsexual operations really really early like like in the 80s when nobody

00:08:19.180 like Wellesley Hospital is the first people that were doing it. So I think I had exposure to a

00:08:23.800 pretty diverse group. But anyway, I stared at her and then she caught my eye and much like I would

00:08:28.040 have assumed the snake lady, I immediately like turned, right? Like I'd been caught doing something

00:08:32.240 bad. And the window was undone. And she shouts out from the corner, let her look, mom, it's real.

00:08:39.760 And my mom's like, what was that? And we drove away. I felt so nauseous. Mom had to draw. I go,

00:08:45.500 you got to pull over. You got to pull over. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up.

00:08:48.400 And I was so affected by what just happened that I almost puked on the side of the road.

00:08:56.880 So snake lady aside, that's how I would have, that's how I would have answered it. Melissa,

00:09:01.040 I don't know how you're going to top that story. I really don't.

00:09:03.560 I don't, I don't think I can. Um, yeah, that's tricky. I, I had a date, um,

00:09:11.520 sort of what I didn't think was a date because it was with a boy and uh he thought it was a date

00:09:18.720 I just thought we were friends and were you out at that point or were no you were yeah yeah yeah

00:09:24.180 I was out yes yeah but he didn't know we didn't it wasn't something I discussed with him um

00:09:31.300 it just we were just pals like it never really came up anyways he asked me to go to the movies

00:09:37.280 and i said for sure because we wanted to see whatever the movie was i know that it was um a

00:09:42.960 long time ago because of the what was happening in the news and we were driving and sort of

00:09:47.280 listening to that so we weren't talking a lot it was just where he knows it was the cuban missile

00:09:50.960 crisis that's right i think it was the oklahoma city bombing so it's a long time ago

00:09:56.000 all right so yeah it was it was a long time ago so we were driving and i realized that he was

00:10:03.180 thinking it was a date um and i sort of panicked and i thought like how am i gonna get out of this

00:10:11.180 so we went to the movies and i ate the entire time to the point where i was sick because i was so

00:10:16.220 afraid he was going to try to hold my hand i just kept eating and eating and like you know how you

00:10:20.420 buy the popcorn but you can only have like a handful because then you're sick but i ate and

00:10:24.260 ate and ate that's good it's a good goal throwing up on him would have helped yeah well it was crazy

00:10:28.740 because then on the way home i thought oh my god i don't want him to know where i live so i gotta

00:10:32.440 of make some place up. So I said to him, Oh, I live on a church street, which is where my sister

00:10:39.160 live. I thought I'd just get him to drop me off at my sister's and then it'll be fine. So he goes

00:10:45.600 to drop me off there, but she's not home. And then he's like, well, just, I'll walk you to the door.

00:10:51.760 I was like, no, no, no, it's okay. Um, I I'll get it. And then, so I went to go in the front door

00:10:56.200 and it was locked. And then I came back to the car and said to him, Oh, she just wants me to go

00:10:59.900 around the back I'm sure but when I got to the back I couldn't anyways I had to climb up

00:11:04.700 a post to get to the second floor balcony and it was just I think I saw this movie I don't know

00:11:12.980 it was but what was funny is that I hadn't talked to him for so many years and then I realized that

00:11:17.920 he ran for mayor of Toronto um just a couple of years ago and his name is can I guess no he ran

00:11:26.120 he did he ran um yeah you wouldn't know him actually joe because yeah look at joe she's

00:11:32.540 like oh my god i'm into politics this is my tally he is not italian no no and yeah he was uh he was

00:11:41.820 faith-based and uh running as that but when i knew him he certainly was the opposite of faith-based

00:11:48.660 um changes for their political aspirations yeah so that's it i can't really top that but that was

00:11:54.840 and I had to like scale the the deck it was crazy that's impressive yeah um you want to tell your

00:12:02.940 movie story what's my movie story with why you broke up with your boyfriend oh I mean it's not

00:12:09.380 really topping anything he just got but I just hold on because I do think it has weight to maybe

00:12:15.000 our relationship and I want everybody to hear how cutthroat this woman is look I was dating this guy

00:12:23.160 lovely guy and unfortunately he got a haircut that i didn't love and we went to the movie theater 1.00

00:12:29.800 and then i just looked over at him and said i don't think we should be together anymore

00:12:34.200 and i left and how long had you been with him anna when you made that decision

00:12:38.680 oh not long maybe three months three four months three look it sounds bad joe but i gotta say

00:12:47.000 okay well i don't know about that but if somebody that i was dating got something

00:12:57.160 very drastic done at the very beginning i well listen i mean like what you know i don't know

00:13:06.700 if if trace turns around and got a mom talk or something i don't know i mean

00:13:12.840 every time i go to the hair of the barber which is twice a month right i break out in a cold sweat

00:13:22.060 i never know what's gonna happen what if his what if his shears slip and then all of a sudden

00:13:26.300 look i think this is really getting into a sort of a deal breakers kind of zone right and i feel

00:13:33.360 like three months you can definitely be like if you get a haircut like that then that means you're

00:13:38.400 a certain kind of person if you've been with someone for three years and they get a bad haircut

00:13:42.220 you can be like okay yeah whatever but at the three month mark you're still sort of getting

00:13:46.460 to know each other i've broken up with someone because they cut a mango incorrectly you did not

00:13:52.380 let's stop at your line i did how long were you together um maybe about two months and was this a

00:13:59.820 guy or a girl a girl and she we were in bed and she said i'll she i know you love mangoes i'm

00:14:07.420 first of all why is she bringing the mango to bed that's that's sticky it's not okay right

00:14:11.500 so that's my first mistake right there she brought the mango back to the bedroom and i was like

00:14:15.500 i don't know if you've ever eaten the mango but this isn't the room for it right this is not the

00:14:19.900 room for a mango right outside on the grass is the room for a mango but that's by the by

00:14:25.980 anyway she she was english and i was australian we were in australia at the time and she just

00:14:31.900 I'm a big believer in there's one way to cut a mango and that is that you cut the two

00:14:38.620 cheeks off and you score it and you turn it inside out if there's any other way that you

00:14:42.540 know of it is incorrect I've never cut a mango not once in my entire life nor will I be doing it in

00:14:49.540 front of you anytime in the near future and I just I just looked at her in the face and thought

00:14:54.280 you're not for me because if this is a decision that you have made that's not that speaks volumes

00:15:00.200 of other parts of you and i can't okay what did you say though how did you did you say peace i'm 0.95

00:15:06.400 out screw you and you're my god we can't consume this in here if you could just um grab your bag 0.96

00:15:11.780 uh and sleep no i didn't i didn't kick her out that day but that day i knew that this is it i 0.99

00:15:20.220 will not be seeing you again enjoy your life um no thank you yeah um my worst date wasn't even a

00:15:28.740 date. I didn't know it was a date. And I wasn't out. I was still dating guys. But I went to Simon

00:15:37.760 Fraser University and I was playing volleyball there. And I was in sciences, which is a whole

00:15:43.600 other horrible phenomenon. And I was taking chemistry and I was doing very badly. So my coach

00:15:48.640 says, we're going to get you a tutor. I said, okay. So off he goes. And they send this tutor

00:15:54.620 guy. I don't know what year of chemistry he was in, but he was also a volleyball guy. So he kind

00:16:00.080 of knew everybody. And he came in into my, I had a single room. And for those who are listening,

00:16:06.560 a single room in Canada, it's kind of like a prison. So it's like you'd have a bed and then

00:16:11.960 maybe two feet away, you'd have a desk and that's how close they would be on opposite side of the

00:16:18.060 rooms. And then you have like a wardrobe that fit like four sweaters at the end of your bed.

00:16:22.060 and that's the whole room. Right. So when he came in, I didn't think anything of it. I said,

00:16:27.400 Hey, I knew he was a volleyball guy. I knew his name. It was totally fine. And I sat down at my

00:16:31.440 table and he pulled it. Oh, he had another chair from the hall. He pulled in. So I sat down and I

00:16:36.380 was open my chemistry book that still had the cellophane on it. And he was teaching me chemistry

00:16:41.940 and it was just horrible until I'm sitting there literally learning chemistry. And he was thinking,

00:16:50.360 do we have over my shoulder and he pulls one of these. Oh, and I don't stop him. But instead,

00:16:57.200 I lean back on my chair. So I'm now tipping back on my chair. The chair falls out from underneath

00:17:03.860 me. I smack the back of my head on the bed frame that is so close to me. A concussion. I had to go

00:17:12.720 to the school whatever he he didn't do him again no and i can't remember what his name is anymore

00:17:20.880 i multiple guessed honest to god my way to a 60. wow hey nice job with a head injury as well

00:17:31.660 i made pretty pictures on the scantron sheet and i watched during that exam i watched somebody get

00:17:38.720 caught for cheating. And I thought that was hilarious. I'm just like, dude, how do you cheat

00:17:43.120 in chemistry? You just write everything down in hopes that you can pull it out. But I saw the

00:17:48.020 proctors walking around. I saw them getting closer to him and he didn't know. And this stupid moron

00:17:52.640 had the cheat sheet in his calculator. Like who does that? And by the time he saw them and he 1.00

00:18:00.980 saw them and then just sweat. And I put my pen down, I sat back in my chair and this is what

00:18:06.800 i was watching i'm like i'll fill that stuff out later i gotta see you he got taken away never to

00:18:11.680 be seen of again what happened to you i was at a some high school party and i guess i was bored

00:18:16.660 and everybody was down in the basement and i just came upstairs to like get a drink of water i'm

00:18:20.460 just sitting on the couch and then this guy comes over and he sits on on the couch with me and then

00:18:25.020 we started talking and then all of a sudden just let me just oh it's the lane straight armed him

00:18:31.600 that's a rugby move that is yeah those listening she just palmed my face and pushed me away that's

00:18:37.700 how she rejected I find it so interesting the idea of um being out with someone and halfway through

00:18:44.320 it realizing that they think it's a date it's just when it wasn't it's hard it wasn't in the

00:18:52.140 beginning yeah so I used to work in tourism in Sydney and um often tourism companies want you

00:18:58.780 to do their experience and you do theirs so you're familiar so then when people come and do

00:19:03.160 your experience you can say oh you know what you should try you should try this and it's just a

00:19:07.440 little sort of way that tourism operates a lot of the time and there was a guy in Sydney who owned

00:19:11.520 this water bike company and if you don't know anything about water bikes imagine a bike

00:19:15.160 and now put it on two canoes right and you pedal it around the harbour he contacted me and said

00:19:24.560 listen I I know you do this I'd like you to come and experience water bikes and I said I would love

00:19:29.200 to that would be great now he followed me on Instagram so he knew that I was a Taylor Swift

00:19:34.420 fan as well and then we're on the water bikes in the middle of the harbour we're about 40 minute

00:19:40.000 cycle away from land any land and the backdrop is beautiful and all of a sudden he said I've made a

00:19:47.280 I've made a playlist that we can listen to out here on the harbour just to enjoy the experience

00:19:51.980 and as soon as i found out that every single song on that playlist was taylor swift i thought

00:19:59.980 oh shivers this is a date and i'm in the middle of the harbor on a water bike which no one has

00:20:08.060 ever heard of and i'm like great but you have a girlfriend at the time i had a girlfriend at the

00:20:11.900 time as well so i remember as soon as the taylor swift was playing i was like oh this reminds me

00:20:16.300 with my girlfriend what was his response like oh damn it i think the response was very similar to

00:20:23.420 my response of oh my god i'm on a date and i'm in a water bike in the middle of the harbor he's like 0.96

00:20:27.740 oh great i'm on a date with a lesbian in the middle of the harbor so that's a mixed tape

00:20:32.700 of taylor swift yeah all right what are your deal breakers we've been i mean what's your longest

00:20:39.260 so what's trace what's your longest relationship um about five years okay and and melissa you and

00:20:46.940 i are what up around 12 yeah 12 ish yep probably this one a little under fair

00:20:56.300 so in that relationship in that bit like let let's not think of the well we'll do this we'll do the

00:21:02.380 early two month three month deal breaker when you have no feelings by the way but in the early two

00:21:09.020 months you should be like super attracted so if you weren't attracted enough to ignore the haircut

00:21:13.500 i mean that's probably time i don't think time matters i think a big relationship is a big

00:21:18.320 relationship like i've got like a two year or one and a half year that i'd consider like

00:21:22.260 big relationships you know what i mean so i feel like when you're in a committed relationship why

00:21:26.880 don't we go yeah yeah instead of like a two month thing where you're trying to find it out like when

00:21:31.140 you're with someone and you think hang on could we be lifers like that or when you just talk to

00:21:37.280 somebody over tiktok and decide that very same thing okay so wow um anybody's understanding

00:21:43.360 that joke please go see tracy and melissa's tiktoks so what are your deal breakers in the

00:21:49.020 beginning what are your deal breakers like like would you say van go no mango mango cutting

00:21:57.200 well yes that's obvious but what what else like if somebody sacked obviously strong feelings about

00:22:03.100 discount cards but what else anything else yeah for me i think it's uh like drinking and drugs and

00:22:10.140 yeah so any sort of yeah so if you a hundred percent yeah if you so any drinking or any

00:22:17.860 drugs or you mean like they're getting up in the morning and no i i would say like you know if

00:22:24.220 somebody can has a drink here and there or or i would say not every day right um i could be okay

00:22:34.200 with that but right anything more zero tolerance for that breaker you have any mango such cutoffs

00:22:41.240 i mean let's be honest drinking and heavy drug use is a that's a healthy maybe i mean but the

00:22:48.280 mango any mango cutoffs haircuts i have tons i have a million i have i have so many i have

00:22:55.040 loud chewing i would say uh cleanliness and not i mean certainly on their person that goes without

00:23:08.340 saying but if they are a messy person if they are they don't if they're not clean if they don't

00:23:14.280 clean their home. I don't care where they live, but if it's not clean and tidy, I would say more

00:23:20.940 clean than tidy bothers me. That would be an absolute no. I get very upset when somebody

00:23:29.360 can't tell me their favorite movie. Right. Okay. I don't care what movie it is. I do. Havana Knight's

00:23:36.360 embarrassing but you know it's so good i don't know why you're you like she's very hot because 0.72

00:23:43.040 when you like hot to like dirty dancing havana nights ratio you know if you're this hot then i

00:23:50.240 can i can swallow the but look it's got everything in it i don't know why they've never seen it

00:23:56.820 they've never seen it or anna in the movie choice i think you guys should go watch it and then have

00:24:02.740 your own opinion on it and then come back and tell us how amazing it was i know and i have said that

00:24:07.480 for quite a while anna i do i have not seen it and i do need to see it because i i feel badly

00:24:12.480 that you're getting all this flack for liking something oh but i think like jokes aside i think

00:24:20.880 values are a big a big deal for me just values on the big things that matter like i don't want

00:24:30.120 anyone to be um racist or transphobic or any of those sorts of things right but i would also

00:24:38.200 coming down from that i would like someone to have um similar views to me in certain respects

00:24:46.680 like i've dated a lot of girls um who are what i would consider to be very gay right and who live

00:24:55.720 in a predominantly gay community like they don't have any straight friends and all that kind of

00:25:00.720 stuff and and they would say things to me like oh you don't look very gay or blah blah or are

00:25:05.620 you going out with your straight friends tonight like things like that bother me a little bit

00:25:10.080 because I'm like aren't they just my friends in the same way I don't want to be referred to as

00:25:13.620 someone's gay friend I don't want my friends to be referred to as my straight friends so

00:25:18.020 things like that um uh like values like that I'd like them to be some more aligned yeah for sure 1.00

00:25:27.100 quite early on I find it an unattractive quality if someone's um very particular about something

00:25:35.400 like that that's an example but very particular about something like that where they can't really

00:25:38.900 change they're not open to things they're not I don't know if we're going for a quality I feel

00:25:43.500 we should be going there. And I think that's a sign. I mean, when I ask somebody their favorite

00:25:47.980 movie and the reason why I ask it isn't really about their favorite movie. I want to see the

00:25:51.320 passion with which they say it, which is also why I love her because she, it's a ridiculous movie, 0.93

00:25:56.560 but passionate about it. Passion, like she, she is going to ride or die by this movie. And that, 0.84

00:26:03.400 what I like about it is this, I want somebody to be authentic. And it's taken me a very long time

00:26:10.520 to figure out what the hell that looks like because people can fake it really really really

00:26:14.300 well and when I say your movie choice I want you to like I don't care what it is it could be the

00:26:19.560 rookie it could be it doesn't matter what it is just like you have something I know everybody has

00:26:23.800 something on the tip of their head really unless they hate movies in which case we can't speak

00:26:27.220 well I was going to say some people aren't like move like I've probably seen maybe 10 movies in

00:26:31.880 my whole life it's not like I have this whole plethora of movies to choose from so some people

00:26:37.060 just don't watch movies but then but i shouldn't be dating them oh okay like our this was almost

00:26:41.860 a chasm in and of itself but i like somebody to be authentic and true so going back to what you 0.97

00:26:46.760 were saying i would expect that people like that people that are very quick to what your gay 0.98

00:26:52.460 friends oh your black friends oh are those the like those people are so inauthentic because they 1.00

00:26:58.820 have no idea who they are yeah at all and all they can do is categorize yeah there we go you know 1.00

00:27:05.760 all they can do is categorize to make themselves the only identity they have are by the people in

00:27:11.280 which they are standing in a room with and that's terrifying to me because i think when people say

00:27:17.600 they say all the time like what's important a relationship and my very first thing is has

00:27:22.000 nothing to do with the other person figure out how to be authentically you and i'm 46 and i think

00:27:28.080 i've just kind of somewhat gotten there like it takes a heartbeat right and i think a lot of other 0.99

00:27:35.280 we were in our 20s and we thought we knew who we were oh bless what an ass i was she really 0.89

00:27:42.000 because people kept telling me i was mature in my 20s and i was like yeah i mean i definitely know 0.97

00:27:46.240 where i'm going people say it happens in their 30s but no i i know who i am right now and i look back 0.99

00:27:50.640 on that little trace and i think you eat you absolutely you're moron well and it's and it's 0.98

00:27:55.920 like all of these experiences are really what you know good and bad and mostly bad actually really do 0.99

00:28:03.840 build upon the character you develop and then and which road you decide to take am i going

00:28:09.520 to be more me or i'm going to be more am i going to fit more into this because i think a lot of

00:28:13.840 people a lot of people go down that other road of i'm just going to be who i need to be i'm going to

00:28:21.280 be who i need to be to make lots of money i'm going to be who i need to be to stay in this

00:28:25.040 marriage i'm going to be need to be to be a parent to be a whatever the case may be and that must be

00:28:31.040 exhausting um and horribly destructive eventually but i think it's it's a very hard thing you know

00:28:38.400 to get to what would be your deal breaker i mean outside of the hair obviously i will never cut it

00:28:43.040 well mine is respect like you have to have a huge level of respect for the person that you're with

00:28:49.680 so and what does that mean because you said that to me and i'm just like did i said because i'm

00:28:53.760 sarcastic as a get out so i'm just like well no there's some there's something like me cracking

00:28:58.480 a joke or being sarcastic that's totally fine but once you cross the line of being disrespectful

00:29:03.280 that's what's that line can you give me example i'd like a list actually the disrespect that he

00:29:10.120 didn't think about how his haircut affected that well what's what's an example i don't know if i

00:29:19.200 have an example just like off the top of my head but just i think i think one of your examples would

00:29:25.020 be if I, you're very independent. And if I, if you said, I'm going to handle this and I'm the

00:29:32.380 kind of person that'd be like, I'll handle this. And if I ignored her saying I've got this Joanna

00:29:37.580 and I did, I kind of, even if it was a nice thing, it's not a bad thing. And I went around her and

00:29:43.300 did it my way or whatever. I think, yeah, I think you'd have an issue with that. I think she can do

00:29:50.240 any, like, if you want to do things for me, that's fine. Okay. So on the bad date. Okay.

00:29:59.020 Uh, I don't want to say date, but let's say what was the, have you had a scary lesson learned with

00:30:06.280 a, yeah, I did. What was your scary lesson? Well, there's, I had like, probably everybody should

00:30:13.500 have a thing with like drinking and driving. And so there was this guy who I was going to go on a

00:30:19.060 date with and um it started off at um I think it was his friend's place or whatever it was like at

00:30:24.960 someone's house before we went to the other place and they were I think they were older than me and

00:30:30.520 they were all I guess drinking and whatever and I respectfully I said respectfully respectfully I

00:30:36.800 said look I'm gonna get in the car with you to go to the next place that we were supposed to go to

00:30:41.660 and so I said um I would appreciate it if you didn't drink before we got in the car to go to

00:30:48.000 the the place that we were going to go I think we were going to go watch a game or something and

00:30:52.960 and he looks at me like rolling his eyes at me as if I had just asked him to I don't know get me the

00:30:58.640 moon or something and and so anyways he like reluctantly says like fine or whatever and so he

00:31:04.540 like really wasn't happy about it and then we ended up going to the the other place and then

00:31:10.080 he just starts like hammering it down and I'm like well how am I supposed to get home like I'm not

00:31:15.920 getting in the car with you and there was this whole like situation about him just constantly

00:31:20.660 drinking and so how'd you get home i called my mom that's right called her mom the way she should

00:31:27.920 good okay what do you guys got scariest i think i'm gonna win this category by the way scariest

00:31:33.040 like it could be somebody you were dating or a spot you got into where you're like oh well okay

00:31:40.300 uh it wasn't a date but i was at a party and uh i needed to get home so i took a ride with someone

00:31:53.260 and he was uh a little bit he was a lot creepy um and it was you remember the pickup trucks with

00:32:03.660 the bench oh so it wasn't two seats and it was stick shift and uh anyways he uh very shortly

00:32:15.820 after that murdered uh someone i thought i had a very funny feeling in the car i it was a terrible

00:32:24.540 feeling and i thought i made a mistake i knew i had made a mistake the second i got in the car

00:32:30.060 because i thought is he gonna take me home and then very very shortly after that uh he murdered

00:32:38.100 someone and actually yet we participated in in the search for her body but um it was the most

00:32:44.500 peculiar thing ever and that is what i escaped there you go there's my story oh well you win

00:32:52.180 yeah that's i wasn't expecting murder and a yeah person's oh okay trace what do you what do you got

00:33:00.180 what can you follow that up with i've got a scary date experience i mean i probably do isn't snake

00:33:04.960 girl enough like there's a snake involved in that here's the problem trace um the snake girl wasn't

00:33:11.660 surprisingly creepy you walked up to the creepy yeah that's true exactly i don't think you know

00:33:17.420 it's not like the scary part a version yeah you've never been in a situation where you're like oh i

00:33:25.100 really put myself in it now oh probably a million but are any of them coming to mind now no i mean

00:33:31.820 i can look back at dates and think i should have known then because that was scary but like i don't

00:33:37.420 know if i have a story i don't know if i've got a scary story no one that's the best i'm not sure

00:33:42.460 I did tell Melissa a story the other day there was a guy he's a friend of my cousin's and he

00:33:49.260 slept with my sister once and um he was living in London and I was living in London at the time and

00:33:55.880 often as you do they're like oh my god you guys come from the same area you should meet up so

00:34:00.480 we went out for a drink and at the end of it and he he tried to get it on with me where I had to

00:34:06.800 forcefully push him off and I'm like not only do you know I'm a lesbian but you're also friends

00:34:12.820 with my cousin but like furthermore to this you slept with my sister like what are you doing here

00:34:18.500 like on so many levels I had to forcefully push him off and I was just like um because I think he

00:34:24.640 also thought that was a date as well because he was very much like oh I know you're into girls

00:34:28.280 but like you know it's as a one-off and I'm like oh the old as a one-off yeah yeah guys you're so

00:34:34.020 funny once we're into girls there's no one-offs honey what's yours joe because you thought before

00:34:39.860 murder was mentioned you thought oh listen so let's go back to it because i'm not gonna lie

00:34:44.660 if you here's the funny part i'm gonna tell my story but if i had the choice of being in my

00:34:51.500 position and being in melissa's i choose melissa's because i think i could commando roll out of that

00:34:56.160 thing but this okay so and i'm gonna try to be as relatively pg as i can i got out of a bad 0.99

00:35:03.900 relationship whatever was dating met this girl we were dating for a bit she comes to my house

00:35:10.320 she stays over and she won't leave and by by she won't leave um i i get up the next morning and i

00:35:21.080 have to go tutor so i say you know i gotta go tutor so and she's like if it's okay i'm just

00:35:27.420 gonna hang out here for a little bit i'll watch tv you won't be too long and you get back and i'm

00:35:32.220 like uh okay sure sure what are you gonna say you're gonna say get the hell I mean I should 1.00

00:35:40.420 have obviously basically she was you hauling but just forgot to tell you about it she just 0.99

00:35:46.560 hauled without the you so I went to and I tutored and I did whatever and I came back a few hours

00:35:52.700 later and she was there and you know we ate or whatever and I said you know I was thinking she

00:35:59.840 was going to go. And so at this point, again, bad relationship. I really, I let, we can't spend all

00:36:07.780 the time together. I need a minute. Right. And so she says, you know, is it okay if I stay one more

00:36:14.340 night? And I'm like, Oh, okay. What am I going to do here? Okay. So she stays another night and

00:36:24.440 The next day, I'm getting increasingly more agitated.

00:36:28.600 I'm a very nice person in general, but at this point, again, bad relationship.

00:36:34.300 My empathetic tolerance is pretty minimal.

00:36:39.200 I say, I got to go. 0.97

00:36:41.160 Today, I'm making crap up. 0.97

00:36:43.060 I got to go somewhere. 0.90

00:36:44.400 You're going to have to leave.

00:36:47.160 She goes, well, I don't understand.

00:36:49.860 What's wrong with your tone?

00:36:50.980 And I said, my tone?

00:36:56.100 Nothing's wrong with my tone.

00:36:57.560 I just, you'll call me when you get home.

00:37:00.400 We'll make another plan.

00:37:01.620 Wait a minute, Jo.

00:37:02.320 Wait a minute.

00:37:02.920 Let me interject.

00:37:04.440 Are we talking about Anna?

00:37:08.100 And she's still here.

00:37:11.360 Yeah, the end of the story is we got engaged.

00:37:14.540 We're still here. 0.66

00:37:15.460 And she starts to tear.

00:37:20.980 Oh, no. And I'm like, see, this part can't be because I don't cry.

00:37:26.040 Right. OK. I'm looking at her. I'm like, what? But but my again, my empathy level isn't as significant.

00:37:34.480 And I'm like, what are we doing here? Well, I don't understand what this is happening.

00:37:38.600 And she goes, I'm just really connected to you. And I feel like I'm going to leave and you're never going to talk to me again.

00:37:44.100 I'm like, well, now I'm not talking to you again. That wasn't happening if you just left like a normal person.

00:37:50.980 it gets so much worse than that. So I, I, it, it escalates. So she's getting more and she's

00:37:57.760 almost hyperventilating when I'm saying she has to go. And I'm like, hon, hon, but you gotta,

00:38:03.740 you gotta go. I mean, I can't, you're not moving it. Right. I just, just give me a minute and

00:38:07.900 whatever. And she's getting more and more frantic. And finally she gets mad, throws some stuff, 1.00

00:38:14.360 says, fine, I'm leaving, packs up everything, whatever she'd already unpacked. I don't know

00:38:20.200 there was a toothbrush and an extra bed she'd moved in when I was at tutoring. And she goes 0.97

00:38:26.100 out to a car and leaves. And then within 10 minutes, calls me panicked saying, I pulled my

00:38:32.020 car over. I just threw up. I'm really sick. Is it? And she lived, I don't know, 45. I need to come

00:38:39.880 back. And I said, and then I'm balancing. What do I do? Cause I let her come back.

00:38:47.400 she comes back and i say listen i have a spare room i think we just you can stay there i'm gonna 0.99

00:38:59.920 stay in my you stay in that room so she's in i had a two-floor condo she's in the upstairs bedroom

00:39:06.980 and i can hear her crying like she must have purposely been crying at like a 10 you know like 0.99

00:39:12.860 fake crying at a 10. So like I could hear, but what she didn't understand by that, that wasn't

00:39:18.140 going to entice me to come up and say, are you okay? That was just at this point, I was texting

00:39:23.380 my friends going, I don't know what to do at this particular point. Maybe you're going to have to

00:39:27.320 come over. I don't think she's ever going to leave. If she doesn't leave by tomorrow, do I call the

00:39:31.080 police? What do I do? Right? So she sleeps and in the morning she wakes up and I'm like, glad you

00:39:37.880 stayed over your everything's and I tried to now fashion that everything was fine right because I'm

00:39:44.060 like this woman if I have the wrong tone she's never gonna leave she she's never gonna there's

00:39:48.840 something bad's gonna happen I mean I I'm not a big kid so I don't know what I don't know if I was

00:39:56.200 gonna win in that battle so she eventually leaves and I pretend that everything's fine

00:40:02.060 she gets out of the house locks it now at this point guys all I'm thinking is

00:40:06.980 she knows where I live. Like I'm thinking, how many times is she going to come back after I

00:40:14.760 never talk to her again? So I'm trying to figure out how to slowly retreat from that. Right.

00:40:20.900 You move. And then I have to go back to school. Here's where it gets crazier. So she's sending

00:40:25.680 me paragraphs and paragraphs on Facebook saying all sorts of crazy stuff. And I'm saying,

00:40:32.700 you're going to have to give me time. And so I get to school and I go about my morning

00:40:37.060 and about three days later of these onslaught. And as sometimes she says, I'm fine. I'm not

00:40:42.880 going to message you anymore. I understand. I'm like, and then I get Joanna Johnson. Can

00:40:49.760 you come down to the office, please? Oh no. So I go down to the office. Are you working

00:40:55.220 at a school that you're teaching at this point? I'm at Metro. Yep. And I come down to the office

00:41:01.000 and there's flowers and candy and presents.

00:41:07.040 And I look at it, I go, are you guys taking a piss?

00:41:09.600 Like I thought, cause they knew,

00:41:10.840 I'm like, what's going on here?

00:41:12.240 Are you guys are being funny or whatever?

00:41:13.600 They're like, no, this just came for you.

00:41:17.700 The flowers are crazy.

00:41:19.560 Fine, the candy, heaven forbid,

00:41:21.160 I'm never eating any food that you've sent me.

00:41:23.200 But here's the scarier part.

00:41:24.920 I told her my favorite book was Great Expectations.

00:41:29.360 No.

00:41:29.720 She had bought a copy

00:41:31.000 great expectations within three days she had gone through the i wish i kept it but i just could

00:41:37.400 she'd gone through the book guys she'd highlighted parts that she thinks pertains to our epic love

00:41:44.200 story and made notes in the margins and put inserts of paper throughout it is this someone

00:41:52.600 that you met and brought home one night it was this leading up yeah we we we talked for quite a

00:42:00.440 while we went out a few times you know what i mean like but i met her i met her online like

00:42:05.880 i met her through facebook she's very very intelligent we had these great conversations

00:42:10.920 and i never recognized as a young idiot that there are places where i could put myself in

00:42:17.880 danger especially with women right like we think for me it's always like well be careful with guys 0.97

00:42:24.360 right like be careful because they can overpower you whatever and i just became very starkly aware 0.99

00:42:28.840 and it's still to right now I'm sweating a little bit because it made me starkly aware of how stupid 0.97

00:42:34.920 I was and how much that could have gone way worse. Like that was it. I don't know why that was it. 0.99

00:42:42.340 I don't know what about her decided that's when I'm going to stop. I was afraid for months she

00:42:47.600 was going to show up at my school. But the gifts were the last? That was it. That was it. I never

00:42:54.920 responded to any of that and then and then somehow she sent me a couple of other things

00:43:00.280 saying how sick she was and that she was going to the hospital and i oh i never i never thought

00:43:07.160 about that i wonder if everything's okay maybe follow you on tiktok she just said that she wrote

00:43:14.620 her a message she wrote saying she was so sick she had to go to the hospital she's not never heard

00:43:18.840 from her again right luckily just ended this may not be the happy ending that we're all thinking

00:43:24.540 about that's probably how we're connected joe that's probably how i know you i probably dated

00:43:27.980 her too look i will say that mango um mango cutter did the same thing like after mango was done i got

00:43:35.980 flowers i got like an eight page letter of why we're supposed to be together i i got that whole

00:43:42.220 thing too and then and then eventually it did it did cut off eventually but she'd wait for me

00:43:47.740 outside my work and just wait there on the chance that i would be working she'd call my work like 0.99

00:43:53.100 really scary things like that and i just thought sweetheart no look at how you hacked the fruit

00:43:59.580 absolutely not no so we both now both of us met through tick tock you you guys met through tick

00:44:07.660 tock we met through tick tock now your story's a little bit different but what do you think

00:44:13.500 so we've been around the block a few times what is the number one let's say not deal breaker but

00:44:19.740 But the number one, like, what is that thing that clicks in your head and goes, no, this

00:44:25.460 is it?

00:44:26.360 Because we've all been through craziness, stalkers, putting toothbrushes, I had somebody

00:44:31.900 make me a mixtape after knowing me one night.

00:44:33.920 I said, no, thank you.

00:44:35.920 Like, what is the thing where you're like, I know we talked about authenticity and stuff,

00:44:41.260 but you're like, values, but hold that aside.

00:44:44.680 What is that gut thing for you?

00:44:46.140 look I don't know if if I can't even put my finger on it because it wasn't it was a feeling

00:44:55.640 and it was it was instant with with Trace like I just I saw one of her videos and I just thought

00:45:01.900 she was cute and funny and I don't but I but I don't think that was it and I don't even know

00:45:06.480 what it was it was just I need I need to know her you know that was it yes it was like it was almost

00:45:13.760 like a magnetic that's it i don't i have no other cause i have no other reason nobody can but i'm

00:45:20.240 just gonna that's it i have to be drawn when i saw melissa's video the first video that i saw

00:45:25.760 of hers i instantly sent it to my best friend straight away with a message saying oh my god i

00:45:32.560 want to marry this girl like i didn't know anything i watched the 42nd video or whatever

00:45:36.640 it was and i sent it to her i'm like i think i'm gonna marry this girl and he wrote back um

00:45:42.000 um he wrote back oh where's she from and i said oh i think she's in canada or something he's like

00:45:47.640 and i was like yeah yeah yeah and i i didn't really think much of it you know like i i duetted that

00:45:53.180 video and but i didn't really think much of it but i don't know did subconscious trace know

00:46:00.440 something conscious trace did it i don't know yeah it was well it's it's so hard to explain

00:46:06.200 because i have not felt that i think that normally you see somebody you think they're cute you talk

00:46:12.680 and then you decide if you like them but with her yeah i just knew it was just and it sounds

00:46:18.120 kind of hokey but i just knew instantly because within four days of talking we're discussing

00:46:24.280 moving to canada right melissa's like move to canada and i was like yeah i'll move to canada

00:46:28.760 we say four but it was three so because i love four to make it sound acceptable

00:46:34.520 but the thing is like I it wasn't crazy to us even though we knew it's so crazy but

00:46:42.920 when Melissa said move to Canada and I said yeah it was casual you look back through the text it

00:46:48.560 was casual but we both meant it because we both knew and I can't really describe that yes all the

00:46:56.120 other things were there attraction and yeah you know lust all that other stuff but I just thought

00:47:03.020 no this this person is there was something that you said to me at the very beginning and i said

00:47:09.420 oh no like i will be meeting you like we are going to see each other in person it wasn't like

00:47:14.840 she said something like oh it's the pandemic and you know too bad we we don't live closely who

00:47:20.200 knows whatever it was something like that and i was like oh no like it doesn't matter how long

00:47:23.920 we i know that we're going to actually meet each other yeah you know yeah because i knew it it's

00:47:30.360 the strangest thing I've never felt like that with anybody else there's I've never felt that 0.98

00:47:34.920 instant and I hate I hate people who are like when you know you know like what loses yeah losers

00:47:41.400 and now I'm one of them and I'm such a proud member like not even I'm a proud member like I'm 0.82

00:47:47.820 secretary of the board like I'm I'm there you know so I don't know what about for you guys

00:47:54.560 i don't know i think it was the same thing because it was the like i also only saw the one

00:48:01.900 when it showed up on my for you page and like 10 seconds later i was already messaging because she

00:48:08.440 looks like justin bieber yeah yeah no and i know that and that's what i think is sort of similar

00:48:13.620 because i do know the story like she wrote something like a mess uh comment on yours

00:48:18.000 but it was it was right away it was just who is it was instantaneous and the interesting part is

00:48:24.480 Now, I didn't see the message for quite some time because I didn't know on Instagram there

00:48:29.560 was like that separate, you know, where you got messages from people that you didn't follow.

00:48:33.420 Yeah.

00:48:34.360 So I didn't know that existed.

00:48:35.320 So I looked at it and I normally just discount those because they make, I don't know, it

00:48:39.420 was very early on in TikTok and I wasn't necessarily, I didn't understand all of that.

00:48:47.120 And then as soon as I saw it, I responded to her.

00:48:50.040 i mean i looked at her obviously at her pictures and um but we talked here here's the difference

00:48:59.080 it was an instantaneous banter from the moment we talked until we met and then we were together and

00:49:10.440 it was just like it was almost i don't know we it was the whole night i we we messaged each other

00:49:17.880 the whole night and i had to wake up that next morning at five to do a video conference with a

00:49:25.380 student who's having problems his family is from china no we weren't messaging we were on the phone

00:49:30.040 at that oh we were on the phone at that time so we were talking all night and i said i gotta go

00:49:34.960 because i gotta look presentable and it's all right like we let's say we started talking at

00:49:40.220 like i don't know in the afternoon yes we never got off the phone we didn't get off the phone

00:49:45.380 phone until two o'clock in the morning when she had to go make that call and then five o'clock in

00:49:50.780 the morning and then I said I'll call you back what is wrong with me I'll call you back how about

00:49:55.340 just let her sleep I slept for like an hour which was like the time that her meeting rang and then

00:50:00.640 she called me back an hour later yeah we were exactly the same we did we did we didn't we

00:50:08.020 didn't video chat right off the bat no we were texting for a long time i've never even video

00:50:16.140 chatted anybody so for me it was weird i've done a couple of facetimes with my sister where we

00:50:20.640 laughed about how ugly we were on facetime and that was really the end of it we just texted like

00:50:26.320 we were messaging and then she said video chat and i was like okay i guess but and then it was

00:50:33.120 it was always video chatting but it was texting and and once we started video chatting it was

00:50:38.660 we people think we're joking but it's no it was like six to eight hours every single day for 10

00:50:44.540 months yeah and i like i exaggerate everything right like you name it i exaggerate it but i

00:50:52.060 don't exaggerate the six to eight hours i think one time we did like nine hours video chat and

00:50:56.920 we were like straight yeah we screenshot it because we were like it's a record yay but like

00:51:01.660 yeah we just we never we had times to call each other that were very specific we didn't miss it

00:51:08.480 ever and yeah it was instant we just always had stuff to talk about and it's very odd behavior

00:51:15.160 for me so going back to the first video that I saw of Melissa I'd never done a duet before

00:51:18.940 she was my first my first little duet um and at the time I was going through that everyone was

00:51:25.260 going through the mini mic phase so I had my mini mic with me which I never plugged in the sounds

00:51:29.300 rubbish but I had my little mini mic and I thought I'll do it with some you got yours because of me

00:51:35.720 no I did not yes you did she did she'd like to think it's her own thing but you know

00:51:40.620 creator here had it first um but I can't claim it everyone had it at the time so I had my little

00:51:47.480 mic and I was duetting her but in the video I'm not even I'm not wearing pants I'm just sitting

00:51:52.060 there in like knickers and a t-shirt and I'm just like who is this lady she is the funniest person

00:51:57.480 on TikTok like this and then I do a mic drop it's like so embarrassing if I genuinely thought that 0.50

00:52:04.680 this could be a relationship prospect to me sitting there in a pair of knickers going

00:52:09.140 wasn't putting my best foot forward but this one here was already following me and I didn't

00:52:16.600 I didn't realize that's so funny eh and it's funny because I don't talk like if you know me

00:52:21.620 you know that i don't say a word but the fact that we talked was like i don't i'm i don't

00:52:29.540 everything was outside of what i would normally do all of it so it it was just

00:52:36.180 it was different it was different than anything else that i'd ever experienced or different than

00:52:40.740 anybody else i'd ever met so and it's interesting and it goes back down to you know when people say

00:52:47.540 well how do you know and and and i still say the first part has to happen where you have to become

00:52:54.020 as much of a whole person as you possibly can can become and then this kind of random

00:53:02.100 fate-like serendipitous connection gets to happen and you don't need to question it you don't need

00:53:08.180 to be like nah no not you know there's all sorts of reasons you guys should have said this is insane

00:53:13.780 for me where i was in my life uh we have a bit of an age gap i mean i should have been like no this

00:53:20.580 is insane like rationally i should have just been like well that doesn't make a lot of sense

00:53:25.540 um but all of those things just cease to have any significant meaning at the time well yeah i mean

00:53:34.100 look at us yeah i always said to melissa on paper this is the worst this is the worst thing we've

00:53:44.420 ever done we we are on paper if i was to write us down the worst yeah yeah when we met how like

00:53:53.460 what i was going through like where like everything it's just like nothing nothing really

00:53:59.380 it's not just i mean we have a tiny bit of an age gap but between that and i have three kids i live

00:54:05.780 on the actual other side of the world yeah yeah you know um she didn't have kids like it would

00:54:13.060 i'd have to leave everything leaving everything she knew to come on a whim we had like visa 0.93

00:54:18.980 barriers to overcome and exemptions to get out of australia and lawyers to hire and

00:54:24.100 it was during covid we couldn't do this meet up see how it went kind of thing yeah we yeah we

00:54:32.300 missed that it was like all or nothing and people always say on tiktok so we get a lot of really

00:54:38.060 beautiful comments um which i'm super grateful for but a lot of people say i love your story

00:54:42.840 you're the best thing to come out of there's one there's one lady that always writes you the best

00:54:47.080 thing to come out of and she does the panda emoji and then she says you're the best thing to come

00:54:51.640 out of the pandemic every video post and i think thank you thanks very sweet anyway we get a lot

00:54:57.760 of comments like that and i think to myself because we're not great on paper because this

00:55:02.640 origin story isn't great on paper are those people writing those comments just as crazy as we are or

00:55:08.920 do they know that um taking a chance on love is a really beautiful thing no matter how crazy it

00:55:15.300 looks on paper like i i think that i'm like are you just mad as well because we know we're mad

00:55:19.720 but i see that you're also mad well done and i i think it's also because yeah i don't think this

00:55:26.740 this idea about being good on paper um you know is is also if you're a whole person you don't need

00:55:36.080 somebody to be you you know that the notion that i need to be every psych oh well you got to have

00:55:41.980 shared interest you really got to be the same person because if you're not it'll never we have

00:55:46.320 nothing we have nothing and it's literally but it's the best part because i am a whole person

00:55:52.260 she is a whole person and together we bring exactly what i don't have to the table right

00:55:58.900 i mean barring any red flags right you don't want you know different you don't have to have

00:56:05.560 all of the same interests no you know not at all i i'm a firm believer in that i do think

00:56:12.540 opposites attract though yeah and i think that's why i think it's very much for all the things i

00:56:19.960 can't i don't carry or i don't see as being vital or important for me is that she brings it up and

00:56:25.820 go oh no but it absolutely is vital i just don't carry it and so now i get to walk through this

00:56:31.120 world with somebody who does could you i feel i feel a lot of people are like you know think about

00:56:36.840 what you like in a in a partner and what you want like you know they must have a good job they must

00:56:41.580 to have this and i think people then sort of start to narrow their criteria and i think dating apps

00:56:45.940 play a huge part in that because they're you know like i don't want this i don't want this or must

00:56:50.360 love hiking or things like this i feel that it's really closed down to things which is what i think

00:56:55.260 we should be concentrating on more so than the narrowing down of a certain type of person should

00:57:00.980 be just saying i don't want these these things my deal breakers i don't want that but anything else

00:57:08.240 I'm open to right like yeah I really love stuff that Melissa doesn't like I'm a huge animal lover

00:57:16.180 and I want to have like 20 cows like a small hobby farm and Melissa's like oh maybe we can

00:57:22.020 get a dog you know right but like if I closed myself off to that and I was like no must be a

00:57:27.880 huge animal lover then I'd miss out but I feel like the most important thing is like no I don't

00:57:34.140 want melissa to be um a huge drinker i don't want to be with someone that drinks every day right so

00:57:39.380 i i think we're focusing on other things whereas you should just be opening it up to

00:57:45.680 but i think that there's a couple of core things i mean obviously to me as long as you can laugh

00:57:52.840 together and yes like there has to be that has to be there yeah which i think one of the initial

00:58:00.200 things that attracted me though was because she was funny and i could see it in the videos

00:58:04.840 but more important is um all the other dating apps is just picked it's like tracy said it's

00:58:13.000 pictures and lists of what you want but when you're on tick tock you actually see the person

00:58:18.280 you see their their videos you see who they are so you're like do i like this person because they

00:58:22.840 may not even be who they are but it might be just the the choices they make and what they post

00:58:29.880 right because they could be you know doing a whole shtick of something but maybe just the content

00:58:37.320 that they're posting and the choices they make in in that and having their name and face attached to

00:58:42.840 it that that makes a difference too like i don't know i mean but i have to have someone to laugh

00:58:48.200 with and we instantly sort of that was that was our bond was humor and that was absolutely enough

00:58:55.880 right and then the rest of it is kind of learning about each other i already know about myself i

00:59:01.320 don't need to learn about myself i don't want to date myself but there it is right i think so many

00:59:07.320 people are looking to date themselves yeah yeah and they don't even and the funnier part is they

00:59:12.280 don't even know themselves that's right that's the hilarious part it's like i'm looking for

00:59:16.040 somebody subconsciously what they're saying when they're like oh you know like i just want to

00:59:20.040 date someone like myself it's kind of like well maybe maybe you should get to know yourself first

00:59:24.520 like maybe maybe that's lacking right now if you feel that there's that because i know why i'm

00:59:29.000 dating tracy taylor thanks well but that's i think that that's the biggest it has to be the biggest

00:59:34.920 roadblock and i don't think you get there by shutting yourself off i don't think you get there

00:59:40.280 by not having a scary dating story or two i don't think you get there by not taking asinine risks

00:59:47.800 that don't make sense to anybody else but somehow put you in that uncomfortable space where you

00:59:54.440 get to open that perspective right and i feel very lucky ironically that that i've been shoved

01:00:02.600 into those uncomfortable because sometimes we get shoved i didn't want to go yeah i just want to see

01:00:07.160 home watch tv i never wanted to be shoved yeah but if i was never shoved i would live a very limited

01:00:15.160 very boring very unfulfilled life and so you know that's what it does shoves us yeah um all right

01:00:25.160 well you guys have been amazing if anybody wants us to do a part two of this you guys can put a

01:00:30.120 bunch of questions below and uh and we'll come back will you guys come back yeah yeah we'd love

01:00:36.760 to come back we'll come back maybe we'll be back joe when they invite you back it's like we'd love

01:00:42.760 to be back well that's what they say until they text me after screw you johnson um but we will

01:00:49.560 you guys write down your list of questions any questions below and we can go through them one

01:00:53.880 by one by one and go through all of that and uh that'll be amazing well thank you guys so much

01:01:01.480 at a very long day you didn't get to go tree truck trekking no planting

01:01:05.560 planting trekking it's topping we're getting maple syrup the maple it sounds sexual okay

01:01:13.240 well you guys have a good time doing that um careful of the stickiness and uh i will see

01:01:19.060 all of my listeners or all of my viewers next tuesday same bat time same bat station

01:01:24.600 have a good day guys bye bye guys dismissed

Unlearn16: Class is in Session - April 12, 2022

The One Where The Woman Wouldn't Leave

Episode Stats

Transcript