Unlearn16: Class is in Session - July 11, 2023


The One Where We Reveal 'Love, Lies and Videotape'

The One Where I Prove We Can Do Better Than Affirmative Action The One Where The Terminator Goes On Strike

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 6 minutes

Words per minute

181.25

Word count

12,002

Sentence count

131

Harmful content

Misogyny

10

sentences flagged

Toxicity

39

sentences flagged

Hate speech

28

sentences flagged


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 class is in session
00:00:04.080 listen welcome to unlearn 16 class is in session with vanessa marcel who apparently
00:00:14.560 wait have you ever been on a podcast no it is your first podcast it's my first podcast well the
00:00:21.020 the suzanne and i my best friend um who is no longer with us we did one together but i've never
00:00:28.960 been on someone's podcast oh well and obviously i've been asked a lot and i always said
00:00:35.220 she got like why can't i just say normal things without sounding like an asshole or invites while 0.53
00:00:47.080 we were shopping at the oslo mall all right i'll lie to be more relatable so i've this is the first 0.83
00:00:53.940 time i've been asked so of course i jumped at the chance i have always said no and i know yeah well
00:01:00.560 because um i've taken time off to raise my kids and i just every time i'm asked i always say
00:01:09.980 one i'm taking time off but two i go i would go on something to promote work right and so if i'm
00:01:18.520 not promoting work what am i going on for to just talk about me and i lived quite a not only private
00:01:25.400 but almost very secretive life for you know a decade well that's that that's the part that's
00:01:33.280 interesting well there's two parts that's interesting to that is number one if you're
00:01:38.220 not promoting something new and you're not promoting work then it is just about you
00:01:42.240 and 90 of the time that's just going to be gossip it'll be about you i agree gossip like
00:01:48.020 i agree you dating what were they like what was your co-star like but that kind of show now even
00:01:52.980 with um maurice bernard who is one of my co-stars who i love dearly he has a show called state of
00:02:01.300 mind about mental health now that would be the obvious show that would be something that he he's
00:02:07.060 always begging me to be on it for best friends and so that would be a show that would make sense
00:02:12.100 like oh i can go on and talk about life right and parenting and things i love however um i wouldn't
00:02:17.680 be able to go on and really speak my truth about everything that i've struggled with and so why go
00:02:22.380 on if i can't be authentic and really talk about stuff that matters that might help other people
00:02:28.520 so that's the real reason why if i don't have something to promote i'd have to talk about my
00:02:32.900 real life if i talk about my real life like you said it would either be gossip or if i got to
00:02:37.760 down to meaningful meaningful stuff it affects other people's lives so i've just you know i love
00:02:44.200 the same when you don't know what to do Maya Angelou says said when you don't know what to
00:02:49.380 do do nothing until you know what to do so I've always said I'm gonna do nothing right oh is that
00:02:55.660 your um that's um that well that's my fiance and that's my um cat oh and you're Ripley who likes
00:03:02.960 to be in every single podcast that I do I love it it's a family so he she's purring as loud and
00:03:08.280 trying to hit the she's trying to knock the light over um that's her job i like it yeah okay um
00:03:17.120 like um but that's interesting do you find because i know a lot of people we're going to get into
00:03:23.520 like what we're doing together and why you're on this podcast but yeah do you think that anna do
00:03:28.120 you mind shutting that if you're actually distracting me my bathroom is distracting
00:03:32.360 i mean your house is no no it's uh it's uh i mean your house is something else i do have to say
00:03:42.320 i've never been to a house like this stop it i haven't stop you're just impressed with that
00:03:47.240 closet in the downstairs basement in the downstairs what's interesting is that
00:03:53.760 you don't care to be in the spotlight no so you've been out like you've been out like you've
00:04:00.180 sort of stepped out for how many years um I would say um about 12 years to be fair
00:04:10.220 so you've stepped out for 12 years consciously yeah that like and in that time you don't because
00:04:17.780 I think a lot of people have misconceptions and I think it's different for everybody by the way so
00:04:21.620 I'm not going to say you are every actress that would be ridiculous but I still think it's
00:04:26.800 interesting that as an actress and as somebody who has played roles that are so freaking famous
00:04:33.300 right it's not you're not just an actress who's done a whole bunch of different you're an actress
00:04:37.220 who was Brenda who was Gina who was Sam like yeah that's people will call you that rather than your
00:04:42.660 actual name yes um since you but that's a lot of attention and a lot of like you know people
00:04:49.100 yelling when you see them at the mall or when you go out places did you miss any of that no you
00:04:56.060 I think by nature I've just always been reclusive and my mom would tell you like that was always me
00:05:06.440 if I was something for Halloween it would be something that completely transformed me
00:05:11.360 or you wouldn't know it was me so other little girls would be something cute or sexy or fun 0.65
00:05:17.140 and I would dress up like an old lady with a gray wig and old lady lines all over my face she would
00:05:23.720 and makeup and glasses and my mom said i would not break character all night i would refuse to
00:05:29.120 break character i had a cane she'd have to wait for me to slowly walk across the street i would
00:05:34.220 do the voice i wouldn't break it would you think i was always i've always been weird basically but
00:05:40.380 would you again because we're in the world of you you got to understand why people find celebrities
00:05:45.860 so actors and and people yeah i do celebrity is a bad word actors so fascinating and people want
00:05:53.440 to know so much about you yeah do you i'm a huge fan right i'm fanatical about people well yeah and
00:06:00.320 so so do you think that more people that you know are more like personally or know of personally
00:06:06.760 so more people within the industry that you actually know do you think statistically the
00:06:13.820 majority are more give me attention i like when people call out my name i like signing autographs
00:06:20.000 i like feeling that kind of validation because i'm not gonna i i have people i know i have a baby
00:06:26.040 amount right like but people notice me and i feel nothing but flattered about it so um but i mean i
00:06:32.420 wonder at what maybe there's a breaking point there but do most people you know want to sort
00:06:37.160 of be when they're off camera people can say hi it's amazing nice to meet you yes and that be on
00:06:42.720 okay well we were in new york together all of us right and um you saw the way my son is he's 21
00:06:49.760 he's he just doesn't want to be out around people that much like he but he loves people
00:06:54.760 yep and he's very grateful and um loves the craft of acting truly i mean he told our therapist
00:07:04.120 he said well where do you want to act like do you want to be a movie star do you want to be a tv
00:07:07.740 start and he goes i don't care where i act it can be in a theater with 15 you know seat theater
00:07:14.780 i just need to act and i want the community that i get in the theater but i have you know i don't
00:07:21.020 care where it where it is as long as i can do it and that's the moment when i was like oh okay so he
00:07:28.540 really wants to be an actor right we i've never been happier than when i'm in the middle of a scene
00:07:34.620 and i am completely in the moment and someone else right um and he feels that way too why do
00:07:43.200 you think that is good question i don't know because i would expect everybody probably has
00:07:49.440 a different reason for that but i've never asked you that question yeah it's a great question no
00:07:53.920 one's ever asked me that question um i have no idea but i just know that it i feel magic happen
00:08:01.340 and i don't think it's me so not to get too crazy but i feel like if i can stay out of my own way
00:08:08.280 i'm channeling something that's coming through me okay it's like just like art from somewhere else
00:08:13.860 is coming through me and i feel like i'm not responsible for anything it's like the best
00:08:18.940 feeling of pause it's a pause from my head which is why i love our tagline for our show don't let
00:08:29.140 your head get you because i feel like the only time i feel any kind of dis-ease as a human being
00:08:34.980 is when i'm thinking too much yeah that's it it's so funny and it's so um trivial and cliche and all
00:08:44.920 of those things to say you know you got to control your thoughts because blah blah blah or you got
00:08:50.220 you have to control your head or you can't let worry get to you and all those things everything
00:08:55.340 that's stitched on a pillow and um but in actuality it has to be the most difficult thing
00:09:04.700 you know to ever be able to do it has to be to control your thoughts yeah i think so i mean i
00:09:16.200 think we're habitual animals so whatever we were raised doing or whatever we watched
00:09:22.060 our parents doing we copy without even thinking about it it's not conscious um it is very difficult
00:09:30.240 to break habits um that's why even with placebos they can give you a pill and say this is a pill
00:09:36.340 it's going to fix this and we actually convince ourselves yeah and all of a sudden you feel
00:09:39.820 better yeah it's your thought because your your your mind just controls that you're yeah we're
00:09:44.460 such habitual human beings so i uh wait how do you think by the way we're going to be eating
00:09:50.440 through this whole thing and i need to tell you this is the best pie i've ever had i don't know
00:09:55.140 can you tell me what it is i don't like it are you joking no you're broken in your soul that's
00:10:01.600 i think this is like raspberry i'm gonna have a tapatio pickle a ras a ras try the pie and the
00:10:09.320 pickle well i've just tried pie so now i'm gonna have pickle how do you learn i'm a bit of a worrier
00:10:18.160 oh you so i have an experience outside of you i'm a worrier so i'm a fixer yeah right so i worry
00:10:28.060 about now it's a little arrogant right the fixer part wicked arrogant yeah me too so i like being
00:10:33.260 a big shot and not in a down-to-earth spiritual way i like fixing everything i love it i love it
00:10:39.140 100 never feel and it's not the best thing to do especially for our kids well supposed to let them
00:10:44.260 stumble and fall and fail and figure it out on their own disgusting it's just horrible i'm not 0.81
00:10:49.140 doing it i don't give a shit what's better for him so what i do is i i've never claimed to be a good 0.98
00:10:53.440 mom so so what i do is i pop it to your pickle you have to do it is it hot if you're afraid of 0.99
00:11:01.060 something that generally means you need to do it no it smells like ass bite it we're gonna do 0.97
00:11:07.720 everything we're afraid of on this show that's the only reason why i agreed to do this show 0.57
00:11:11.120 and you can't put this out by the way before i do maurice's show
00:11:15.160 my legs are on fire oh no you're like tom green call the ambulance 0.93
00:11:19.600 is it gross oh we should have a backup oh it's disgusting 0.98
00:11:24.120 do you have a backup drink for stuff we don't like i have a pepsi peeps what the hell is this 0.90
00:11:30.220 pepsi with peeps all right where'd you get that did we was at the candy store
00:11:35.520 if if i could drink the sewer oh what am i talking about i have a
00:11:39.840 if i could do red bull sponsor your podcast if i could drink the sewer it would taste like that
00:11:46.600 i take it back this is worse oh that's delicious this my lips are still tingling this is disgusting
00:12:00.380 no this isn't okay you would like this this is does anna and i like similar we like similar
00:12:07.740 stuff oh you can't do spicy this is disgusting i don't even understand this actually you know
00:12:14.280 what it's disgusting but it is quite bang on peeps and pepsi what a peeps and pepsi would be 0.50
00:12:20.980 that that is exactly
00:12:22.520 oh that would be the best you can't pay you can't pay for that you know how much cats cost
00:12:31.500 for the day on set
00:12:34.220 train cats to jump right at the right
00:12:36.640 time up onto our food
00:12:37.720 he will go right into our pie
00:12:39.280 this is filthy
00:12:39.800 52 1.00
00:12:42.700 this is 52% of your daily shit 1.00
00:12:46.000 is it dirty girl filthy 1.00
00:12:47.040 Nathan 1.00
00:12:49.940 unacceptable 0.99
00:12:53.700 I wish I could describe it to you
00:12:57.720 because it almost tastes alcoholic
00:12:59.140 like there's alcohol in it
00:13:00.840 it well what are the ingredients sugar I mean isn't I mean sugar is alcohol if
00:13:07.020 you just fermented I'd like I'd like my pickle cut I was not having to open my
00:13:14.520 mouth this wide when there's a recording device in the room for it to eat this
00:13:18.480 pickle I just feel like I did not decide to be straight well according to this
00:13:25.260 cherry according to that one ex of mine he went around told everybody that I was
00:13:29.220 was not straight not according to the pickle i think this is raspberry i don't think it's cherry
00:13:33.700 though my mom that's cherry my mom doesn't like cherry oh maybe it's blueberry well maybe blueberry
00:13:38.960 and okay i'm gonna take another bite of this but i'm gonna do it this way
00:13:42.560 unacceptable
00:13:48.320 look at look at this happy dance good i hope you know what something so good that you want to do
00:13:57.200 like a happy dance I don't know but I wish the camera could get it so there's
00:14:00.200 like this much of a oh my god my son would love this I'm looking these up
00:14:08.180 I'm never gonna get I'm having them delivered to his house what were oh we
00:14:12.500 are so good here's my question you said we watch people mm-hmm and we learn that
00:14:16.760 and we pattern it my mom's obviously a worrier and she's a fixer but but how
00:14:21.380 do you pattern the worry you don't really pattern the worry because that
00:14:25.220 goes on inside somebody else's head you only pattern how they handle the worry okay so only 0.97
00:14:30.540 we do this bullshit right because animals if you watch them like we talked about how i was raised 0.97
00:14:36.680 with only the mexican side of my family and so um the my mom is white but she moved in with my 0.99
00:14:47.120 father's family at 14 right and slept on a couch in the living room it's like 14 people in the house 1.00
00:14:52.940 and she's pregnant with my brother sleeping on the couch and didn't speak spanish no no i mean
00:14:57.500 like where would she learn spanish before then right you better learn quick now
00:15:04.220 so she um was put if you take you know you've seen like on these animal shows national geographic
00:15:11.980 shows he's plopping our desk um they'll take a baby elephant that's been abandoned
00:15:18.940 by its mother whatever and then and like put it with the tigers and he thinks he's a tiger right
00:15:25.420 so the animals don't really think things through it's very simple for them it's like they look and
00:15:30.700 they go oh i'm supposed to do this right we're the only ones who are like we still copy everything
00:15:35.260 our parents do but we give value to it yeah and then we turn it into all kinds of stuff and we
00:15:41.740 overthink everything and then we still have to do that when we're doing the right thing in my
00:15:47.400 humble opinion which is look at which patterns used to work for us because they were survival
00:15:53.180 techniques when we were kids and they worked for our parents but we don't need them anymore
00:15:57.460 and we still do them so that's the habitual behavior then we have to go back into our psyche
00:16:03.740 and figure out how to unravel all that learning right if we're smart that's what we do but again
00:16:10.980 it involves a lot of thinking and well it's i don't even know it's really practice we don't
00:16:16.600 have to overthink it we just have to start practicing something different
00:16:19.160 every day there you go so yeah but again I'm just like you know because
00:16:24.340 everybody knows it's watching this they know what my grandma's going through
00:16:27.640 they know it's my mom's gone through very recently my mom's got a little bit
00:16:31.400 more news so we're gonna have to go down that road but here I am guessing at this
00:16:34.780 news it's a lot and I'm like I'm like okay it could be this it could be this
00:16:39.080 I'm trying my hardest I haven't even googled anything oh I'm trying so hard
00:16:44.540 because i understand authentically i understand intellectually that first of all the worry does
00:16:53.280 nothing second of all there's no way for me to actually adequately worry because i'm not a doctor
00:16:59.880 i'm not this specialist i can't do you know ultrasounds and all of those tests so what
00:17:04.980 there's no also you can't think clearly when you are emotionally triggered and scared so you just
00:17:13.240 found out more news and so you need to sit with it for a minute before you start googling and
00:17:18.500 doing all of that right yeah and you need to work through the emotion like this is perfect you're
00:17:23.420 going to talk about it yeah you're around friends people who love you you can process some of it out
00:17:28.020 loud and then we'll start asking people who are smarter than us questions about right about what
00:17:33.260 to do and how to do it i don't know if we should ever google it no i don't probably no no we
00:17:38.440 probably should google is not a good idea but what is in my ridiculous head that thinks okay i'll fix
00:17:44.840 it yeah me too oh me too we've been friends a year and i'm here and i feel like i must go down
00:17:51.800 and be with your mother and i'm gonna figure this out figure it out not even appropriate well no
00:17:57.800 that's not true i mean of course it is it's appropriate for anybody who connects with
00:18:01.480 anybody to be a support system no but you and i need to are similar in certain ways like
00:18:08.440 if someone asks for your help then it's appropriate yeah but we want to dive in
00:18:13.840 and just save everybody now the funny part about this I'm gonna do my mom
00:18:17.680 doesn't watch my podcast I'm gonna do whatever I want I'm gonna do this because
00:18:23.220 okay go ahead that would have been funny if they flew everywhere I wish they
00:18:27.200 would have here's what we're trying that um these are live wire these smell
00:18:31.940 fantastic these are my favorite the licorice to have cream in the middle
00:18:36.960 yum the thing about you like these yeah it's so rarely happens when you like
00:18:45.020 something um I think that so when I when I think about how I'm gonna handle
00:18:52.740 things or what I'm gonna do and how I'm gonna fix it yeah what I do with my mom
00:18:57.740 and again I know she doesn't work all of the upset I feel mm-hmm all of the
00:19:02.520 emotion I feel like the instantaneous emotion when I'm looking at my mom's face I'm like
00:19:07.760 packed it away within I can see that 20 seconds and I look at her and I think what does she need
00:19:15.680 me to say to feel better what do I need to say it is for her to feel better so I'm like okay well
00:19:22.960 and I say real things it's not like I'm not lying I don't manufacture anything but I'll definitely
00:19:29.380 push narratives and come up with plausible very plausible reasonable so like possibilities and
00:19:37.420 solutions and whatever to sort of bring her from the worst case scenario down to okay well maybe
00:19:44.200 it's just this or maybe it's just that yeah and my mom thinks my mom looks at me and you said you
00:19:50.060 know she was she cried a bit but yeah my mom's not crying about her my mom's doing the exact same
00:19:55.360 thing with me so she's looking at me trying to figure out what does she have to do to make sure
00:20:01.480 i don't feel scared in this particular moment you know because she also knows i just came from
00:20:06.520 seeing my grandma and whatever um but yeah real quick but i don't i don't think in two years
00:20:13.640 how long has mom had cancer two years two years two and a half years i don't think there's been
00:20:19.880 a moment i have never allowed myself to feel fear or sadness or panic no no no just when i'm with
00:20:29.420 her oh okay got it right i found out what when i found out two years ago or whatever
00:20:34.840 i handled it i remember and it was in the car like i handled it i listened and i was like
00:20:41.360 you know everything was like kind of frozen and i'm like okay but we're gonna do this and you're
00:20:47.280 gonna get it taken out and it's gonna be fine and yada yada right and then she drove away and i was
00:20:52.140 like a pot like everybody at my job had to pick me up i still stayed at school which was so they
00:20:57.040 had to pick me up and take me back to my that's really good though well that's when i fall apart
00:21:00.980 yeah but that's um you know that's very healthy well but it's also very healthy that you even let
00:21:05.500 yourself do that oh yeah i have no problem yeah and what you did in front of her you know is so
00:21:10.000 you're trying to be there for her and the roles have reversed we start to take care of our parents
00:21:13.720 you were strong for her but is that what we're supposed to be well i think we all only know
00:21:21.040 what's right for us and for our families right nothing bugs me more than unsolicited advice
00:21:25.540 or people who tell other people how to raise their kids thank god i don't have unsolicited advice who
00:21:31.280 oh you're i mean i give it a lot you're gonna learn from but i'm just trying to fix things i
00:21:36.080 know you have good intentions i'm not trying to be mean with unsolicited advice i want to i love
00:21:40.780 So I'm really happy you like these.
00:21:45.100 So these are one of my favorites.
00:21:46.660 I find them very waxy.
00:21:48.120 Any kind of red licorice?
00:21:50.400 You find licorice waxy?
00:21:51.800 Well, this kind, yeah.
00:21:52.600 Yeah, it's licorice waxy.
00:21:54.860 This is a side note.
00:21:56.660 Oh, this has 91% of your daily fasting.
00:22:05.800 91%?
00:22:06.080 That's a big yes for me.
00:22:08.620 I love it so much.
00:22:09.820 oh my problem is i don't have a drink now my option is this for my rebel no why that's even
00:22:16.380 worse why i don't drink red bull it was like poison to me artificial i have water in there
00:22:26.060 yeah why don't you have your water bottle hot fiancee go get you water i'll have some thank
00:22:30.380 you um okay i'm a big fan of the bugle but again 91 of your fat intake um
00:22:39.820 what are we supposed to okay so let's let's take what just you know whatever
00:23:01.600 hear a bit of bad news yeah your head's racing what are we supposed to do so you
00:23:08.200 know one of the many interesting things that has happened since we've become
00:23:11.880 friends other than I don't get to sleep anymore apparently at all now that we're
00:23:18.200 friends but you had a great night sleeps at my house that first night um so my
00:23:25.520 mom was just diagnosed with cancer too kidney cancer so we're going through this
00:23:29.380 at the same time I do think that many things happen for a reason right so
00:23:33.360 work going through this and I just lost my best friend to cancer a couple years ago Cassius's
00:23:39.760 godmother and so I do feel like when I look back on when she was sick I feel like I wish I would
00:23:49.640 have spent more time with her it was hard for me sometimes to spend time with her and I was
00:23:54.280 genuinely busy right working and stuff but I was very busy of course um thanks Anna thanks Beth
00:24:02.260 but if I could go back I would have I would have hung with her more doing nothing right you know
00:24:08.440 and uh with time spent sure well but but the reasons were logical but if I could go back
00:24:17.320 is all I'm saying if you're asking what's the right thing to do no I mean what I don't think
00:24:21.960 there needs to be a right way to handle our emotions that's what I just think that physically
00:24:25.660 for me i would have just gone and done nothing more with her not fixed it not done something
00:24:33.020 yeah does it matter if i cried or didn't cry but i would have just gone and sat more right
00:24:39.660 with her on the bed sometimes i feel like we're an apple i am really glad my mom doesn't watch
00:24:47.280 this no sometimes i feel that if i do that because my mom and i spent look my mom lives
00:24:53.440 with me like we spend for a mother-daughter relationship my mom and i have always been
00:24:59.000 very very close spent a lot of time whatever but for me being here i just want to clarify that
00:25:03.440 she is in what people would call a guest house oh yeah she has her own kitchen yeah yeah like
00:25:09.060 like i saw her once yeah and she's in the same house so yeah it's it's not it's different but
00:25:14.380 but you're not passing you're not passing in the kitchen and i feel like if i were to change
00:25:21.080 our regular interactions like we're gonna go see she wants to see indiana jones so we're gonna go
00:25:27.660 see indiana jones like we'll go do those things right or if she wants to we'll do dinners and
00:25:32.220 stuff like that but like i feel like if all of a sudden i went downstairs and said you know mom
00:25:38.220 let's watch an elvis movie it would be too she would be like what is going on it would be like
00:25:44.260 it would be like i have now my mom too i will have now like succumbed to the fact that you know
00:25:50.540 this is this we're we're on a clock like oh i really better worry we're on a clock happening
00:25:55.640 that's what i'm saying so i feel like i would have or my mom would be like this we should
00:25:59.360 both do this what do you want yeah what do you i feel like why are you down here what do you want
00:26:04.880 not only do i change the her head i not only do i change my headspace i change her headspace
00:26:10.980 Yeah.
00:26:11.360 And so rather than doing that, I refuse to.
00:26:14.500 Hold on. 0.93
00:26:14.900 We got to put the microphone right up to it.
00:26:17.080 Okay.
00:26:17.400 So these are minor cotton candy pop rocks.
00:26:20.140 Minor blue raspberry.
00:26:21.500 Okay.
00:26:21.880 Ready?
00:26:21.960 Here we go.
00:26:32.180 Anna doesn't know what's going on because she never had pop rocks. 1.00
00:26:36.620 You spit it all over the day. 1.00
00:26:40.780 oh my god they're better than i even remember them but she spit it all over the fuzzy i don't
00:26:48.200 know if you guys can see how cute these are they're so cute that's enjoyable so stuck in my teeth
00:26:57.300 we got a laugh out of anna that's a rarity anna likes this bit definitely not laughing with us
00:27:02.980 though i feel like she is so i feel like if i do what we just said yeah my mentality changes
00:27:12.020 gonna alarm her and you're you're accepting and i'm accepting it that's it so you feel like so
00:27:16.740 you believe in in manifestation like you think that that kind of behavior is going to manifest
00:27:20.500 i don't know obviously i do yeah but the funny part is you know the funny part about people
00:27:25.140 i'm not talking yeah i know okay go ahead okay
00:27:31.680 all stuck it is now a fluff of pop rock um i don't like that pie you know what i think
00:27:43.000 it's funny because i think that people naturally believe that negative thought and negative
00:27:49.460 whatever will make that come to pass uh-huh but we don't naturally think that positive thought
00:27:57.560 will make it come to pass i do but i mean i know you do and so does anna but you understand that
00:28:03.780 that's that's maybe it's not a common unnatural for a lot of people i think a lot of people
00:28:08.720 well it is i think a lot of people are more negative oh my god oh remember you're supposed
00:28:15.060 go into a dark room why with all the lights i mean a dark bathroom with all the lights off
00:28:20.580 i don't remember that and you chew it in the mirror and it'll uh spark like uh fireworks out
00:28:26.260 of your mouth i'm trying to get a stomach ache can we do that later i'll do it as a tickle remember
00:28:32.900 bloody mary bloody mary oh yeah that's so scary do you remember that so i might call it on 0.97
00:28:37.940 everything you're saying i just think that you have to like bite the bullet and spend more time 0.67
00:28:41.460 you're not going to manifest something being wrong with your mom one way or the other i just think
00:28:45.540 that it's so unfathomable for me and you to imagine a life without our mothers there because
00:28:52.100 i feel the same way about my mom and that uh only do i did i believe this after suzanne
00:28:59.940 i i'm just like i just wish i would have done like a little more it didn't have to be so over
00:29:03.380 the top a little more like i'm gonna go sit on her bed and be like hey mom look at this whatever
00:29:08.660 you want to see my tiktok from today or i don't know you know i got called me on it in about 37
00:29:13.180 seconds but yes no i get it i get it but even like no she didn't i went down there and talked
00:29:18.480 to her you came down there and sat on the stairs she's gotten better we sat and talked to her she
00:29:22.340 didn't think anything about it no of course not she thinks i'm weird so she's like oh joe's down
00:29:26.600 here because her friend's weird exactly i'm trying to protect her joe can you make sure
00:29:32.420 friend vanessa who i've met twice doesn't come down here some laffy taffy oh i think that's a
00:29:40.600 good idea but i think and the only reason i'm saying that as i and this is going to go into
00:29:45.700 our show so i want to be able to talk about that i think that um we go to the negative very very
00:29:53.440 easily period that's the most habitual thing comfortable and it's so easy and we think it's
00:29:59.100 So, and, and then, and then we think it really does magnify and manifest and all of those
00:30:04.840 things.
00:30:05.280 And we don't think the same about positive.
00:30:08.340 I'm just saying, I know you guys do because that's right.
00:30:11.660 So when you're saying, you've done the work to think that, but I think the rest of us
00:30:15.860 are that bad on some sort of a leg.
00:30:18.080 Why is this so stuck?
00:30:20.240 You have to go like this.
00:30:21.620 Oh my God.
00:30:22.780 You have to go, look, you have to go.
00:30:23.940 Oh my God.
00:30:26.340 And then we'll go to the dentist later. 0.99
00:30:29.100 your tooth is stuck out is fucking delicious that's what you have is me 0.96
00:30:34.220 yeah wow wow he had banana they had a whole bunch of different flavors I've 0.96
00:30:40.380 never had this um with that you know what this gives me what joy joy but
00:30:50.520 that's why we want to do the show joy yeah because we really do the world needs
00:30:54.500 more joy because this is where my head like okay because negativity gossip bullying all the mean 0.76
00:31:06.040 shit that we do to each other and the really really really dark stuff that people do to each 0.67
00:31:09.720 other it all stems from insecurity and shame so if we could all normalize finding things that bring 0.99
00:31:15.680 us joy it's different for everybody then we would not feel the need to go around and bitch and
00:31:23.060 complain about everything all day long rather than going oh look at all the five the great five
00:31:27.200 things that happened today rather than the one thing yeah but we're so used to being like oh
00:31:32.140 we're just gonna go on and on about the one thing that one guy said to us and then even online right
00:31:37.280 it's like one person says one thing and we like spiral and we get defensive and we're so mad and
00:31:43.260 then 80 people are saying these really nice things like oh thank you okay great so when i'm feeling
00:31:49.900 insecure i say mean things about other people i think mean things about other people and i gossip
00:31:55.980 and i'm totally aware because i feel like shit afterwards and then i go okay vanessa what are 0.61
00:32:01.940 you feeling insecure about let's just fix that so then you won't think mean things about other 0.83
00:32:07.440 people and complain i hate people who complain all the time so i don't know why i like you so much
00:32:12.480 i was just gonna i was just gonna say i was gonna give you my dad again of how i do that
00:32:22.600 sometime yeah and then try like because i have a big problem i don't think i can i think i can do
00:32:29.360 one bite of everything and then okay fair enough um so i'm trying to think of like gossip and what
00:32:36.540 we do and and what our driving force is because again our show is gonna you know it's called love
00:32:41.680 lies and videotape the videotape for posterity but love we all need love we all want lies are
00:32:47.440 usually the the most damaging lies are the lies we tell ourselves right so and and and then i think
00:32:54.020 about what you just said about gossip and i think about like that kind of bitching and complaining 0.65
00:32:58.500 so let's make practical right i mean the gossip about celebrity goes the gossip about you know
00:33:06.000 all of that that's i'm gonna put that over there i hate it all let's just talk about it like in
00:33:09.720 your in your immediate world okay so like i'm at work and there's a co-worker who i don't think is
00:33:16.380 very good at their job and i sit down with another co-worker at lunch and i'm like oh my god this
00:33:21.740 person doesn't know how to whatever yeah insert don't do it right but unless you are unless you're
00:33:29.480 you've already unless you have already or are going to directly tell the person who you take
00:33:35.460 issue with i do love doing that too then you can tell the person but what my question is this if
00:33:40.660 you say it's driven by insecurity yep what is the what am i doing when i complain about somebody to
00:33:48.180 the you know the third person or whatever what is the insecurity there okay i'm gonna tell you
00:33:53.380 i'm gonna tell you so if you're not feeling insecure and you're working with someone who in
00:33:59.100 fact is doing something that's driving you crazy which is fair enough right you in a in your highest
00:34:04.840 self would feel compassion possibly empathetic towards them right help them come up with a
00:34:11.460 solution go oh I wonder if they're going through something ask them if they're okay they're not
00:34:15.760 good at something maybe go like hey did you want to try to let you write like that's that's
00:34:21.140 sure solution-based way to deal with someone who's driving you crazy
00:34:24.800 um if you go and talk to me about them that's venting because you know I'm not going to go
00:34:32.460 tell anyone else that you said right okay okay okay so because you may be wish between venting
00:34:36.900 and gossiping correct okay now but be very careful because i don't know many people who you can vent
00:34:42.780 to especially in a work scenario or a group scenario of any kind right so be real clear
00:34:48.540 i think it should usually be a therapist because you know they're just going to listen right okay
00:34:53.220 but if you're lucky enough enough um to find a friend in life that's as fantastic as me
00:34:59.120 then you can come and say
00:35:02.060 I need to vent
00:35:02.760 and then I'll go
00:35:03.620 okay
00:35:04.080 and then I'll just listen
00:35:05.500 when you're done
00:35:06.780 you'll say
00:35:07.700 I actually want your advice
00:35:11.080 or
00:35:12.040 you'll say
00:35:12.980 thanks for letting me vent
00:35:14.060 and I won't give you
00:35:15.560 unsolicited advice
00:35:16.620 I'll just sit and listen to you
00:35:18.360 I might
00:35:18.720 well you absolutely
00:35:20.100 you might
00:35:20.860 are we lying now
00:35:22.220 on your podcast?
00:35:22.840 it's so hard for me
00:35:24.000 not to
00:35:24.200 yeah so that's a habit
00:35:25.260 if you wanted to
00:35:26.180 you could break
00:35:26.700 it's up to you
00:35:27.380 but
00:35:29.120 giving unsolicited advice is always about our ego not really what's best for
00:35:34.700 the other person right so if if I need to vent what if my advice is really good
00:35:39.520 it may be really good for you how do you know it's really good for them well but
00:35:43.740 they should try it out and if they try it out it might be good for them true so
00:35:46.620 they may know that about you and go Joe now that I've vented I feel better I
00:35:50.560 actually respect your advice so what do you what do you what's your opinion what
00:35:53.780 do you think I should do then if they're smart and not codependent they'll ask
00:35:58.400 your opinion and go around and ask all the people who they respect who have
00:36:03.020 lives that they would like to have or that they admire weigh all of the
00:36:07.520 opinions carefully and then at the end of the day trust their own gut right now
00:36:14.020 you're assuming an awful lot of elevated souls existing on the same place no I'm
00:36:20.960 not I'm talking about like if we're gonna talk about let's try to come up
00:36:24.900 with hows for people like oh i would like to have something that looks like that in my life how could
00:36:29.280 i try that i'm trying that too i'm not i don't so you you would say for somebody like me who loves
00:36:34.980 to give unsolicited advice yeah what a very well a very good way to do that would be do you need to
00:36:43.660 vent or do you want solutions no solutions they're like i'm right do you want solutions
00:36:51.840 You're so, you so deeply in your heart believe you're right.
00:36:56.060 And you know it's best for everybody.
00:36:57.580 Everyone should do what you say.
00:36:59.000 It's just so funny.
00:37:00.480 Now, you're not wrong.
00:37:02.180 You are one of the smartest, most intuitive people I've ever met.
00:37:05.860 Wait, what? 0.99
00:37:06.520 So you've gotten away with such bullshit with so many people around you. 1.00
00:37:09.920 And everyone agrees that you should shut the fuck up a little bit more often and listen. 1.00
00:37:14.760 So if, okay, if I vent or? 0.99
00:37:17.820 So can I vent, right?
00:37:20.240 No.
00:37:20.640 so you come to me and i say do you need to vent or or would you want my advice you want my not my
00:37:26.320 not the solution not the solution the solution my advice do you want my advice right yeah you
00:37:32.880 want to vent or do you want my advice see that's something see i'm a very like i need sort of a
00:37:38.160 template i need i need i need a way but that's that's actually i think of an incredibly important
00:37:44.720 thing to have at work at whatever in a relationship i think that's true because i i know for a fact
00:37:51.200 that anybody comes to me with a problem anybody yes and i i immediately i'm just like okay what
00:37:57.900 can i do how can i fix it is it a money problem is it a you know is it a practical problem it's
00:38:04.060 an emotional problem like that's just what i do me too now i don't think i do that i do think that
00:38:09.380 I'm right often but I also do that I do think but I also do it that was straight delivery I
00:38:19.800 do think that I'm right often but but I'm should I give you examples just from knowing you for
00:38:27.460 only a year of all the ways in which you clearly were not right often okay you can give me that
00:38:32.100 in a second but if I but because I look at somebody that's in pain or I look at somebody
00:38:38.080 upset and I'm just like it's that's I'm not talking about the work scenario now
00:38:41.860 that's not I wasn't talking about work either yeah like I'm looking at like
00:38:45.340 when people are hurting or emotional or upset and you just want to be like okay
00:38:50.680 I'll figure this out for you yeah so we'll talk it so my problem is my
00:38:56.300 talking it through which some people like which I love it it's what I need
00:39:01.960 right so if I have a problem I'll talk until I have I fall over asleep because
00:39:08.060 i just need i tip talk i'll talk i'll talk i'll talk right until i feel better but yeah i heard
00:39:13.740 you do that the other night like you had made your point in 20 minutes and you talked for two hours
00:39:17.600 yeah yeah but you said you felt better afterwards so that's about you not really helping the
00:39:22.100 situation right so if i yeah i think that if i the more that i talk through it it's kind of like
00:39:29.260 love languages right yeah we give what we would like right so rather than me i would love people
00:39:37.720 to tell me oh this is such a little known fact about me i you know what you want to know what
00:39:42.720 my love language is i bet you couldn't even guess and you're pretty in like you're pretty
00:39:48.380 instinctual with me not out of girls no i do not like not presents no what's the other one
00:39:54.720 um so will you want me to just tell you no i want to guess because oh okay there's three more what
00:40:00.000 you mean what are the others what are the other love languages there's five isn't there oh oh yeah
00:40:04.580 okay but are you gonna pick one of those five or you invented an eighth okay well no no i haven't
00:40:10.520 invented an eighth but it is an unusual one okay tell me i love to be told what to do that is it
00:40:16.840 that's kind of like an act of service though that's how i would do it because i'm giving you
00:40:26.000 solutions well this is well that's an act of service this is one of the reasons why i actually
00:40:31.400 like you but most people don't like you um no but a lot of people don't love that like a lot of
00:40:42.920 people don't love like a lot of people like joe don't tell me what to do i love it yeah um why
00:40:49.000 do you think you like that because i only hang out with people who are smarter than me funnier
00:40:56.140 than me more successful than me more talented than me more beautiful than me um more evolved
00:41:02.000 than me more everything than me I will not hang out with lower companions right I did it you know
00:41:08.600 when I was young it never turns out well in my humble opinion I only hang out with people who
00:41:14.200 have something that I want in their life emotionally spiritually right um and so and
00:41:20.000 then I just am like soaking in the I'm just soaking in the knowledge I get excited every
00:41:25.020 day to be with them yeah because i just want to hear what they have to say and and these are the
00:41:30.960 kind of people who i want to tell me what to do i'm it's like i don't want to handle everything
00:41:34.560 for everyone right is that why then like i like solutions listen i love solutions as much as i
00:41:40.500 you know i get i get people don't love solutions i love solutions and i don't know what you mean
00:41:46.580 what do you mean people don't love solutions well you're saying when they're caught up in the cycle
00:41:50.200 of that complaining is what they're used to and they want to complain they don't want to find a
00:41:54.340 solution no but like when what you said when you're like you know somebody's venting and they
00:41:59.180 have a problem i'm like here here's your five-step process to fix it yeah people don't want that but
00:42:04.460 it's really but i'm giving it because that's what i want so if i say got it i got it my you know my
00:42:10.720 mom's going through what she's going to do we have to go figure out what lymph node blah blah blah
00:42:15.180 means yeah i want somebody with all the freaking knowledge in the world to sit down and go here's
00:42:22.200 a little bit I want to know what's going to happen so I want a little magic in
00:42:26.520 there yeah I mean I want somebody to say everything's gonna be fine we're gonna
00:42:30.240 do this this it but I do also really want somebody to be to just to have a
00:42:35.260 plan and my mom is the same way because no matter what step we've been you know
00:42:40.020 she's gone through with all of this no matter how bad of a prognosis she's been
00:42:44.960 dealing with and then overcoming yeah the plan is amazingly powerful for both
00:42:50.960 her and i i'm literally getting like excited and turned on in a very appropriate way of course by
00:42:58.240 just the by just the verbiage of a plan i a plan to me is my my head will explode my mom and i
00:43:08.880 will get together and go let's do our calendars like a plan what day are we doing this what time
00:43:13.920 are we doing that we schedule everything a plan i mean oh now we can bear off the plan i'm not i'm
00:43:20.640 not fanatical about things have to go a certain way, but just to know it's there. So I love
00:43:26.200 solutions. I love solution oriented people. Um, I do believe there are so many people who are
00:43:35.380 addicted to passive aggressive people are very addicted to complaining, being a victim. And
00:43:42.220 they absolutely, like you said, they do not want a solution because then what will they do with
00:43:47.760 their time if you gave them a solution if they if they couldn't complain what are they going to do
00:43:51.540 with themselves and that's way more common as we know well i guess but that's why i do what i do
00:43:58.980 because that's what i want from other people i just tend to be that person more often do you
00:44:04.360 know what i mean like um brian who you'll meet who i work with at metro i've worked with him for 20
00:44:10.520 years look how pretty anna looks anna always looks so pretty he's a he's a solution person
00:44:15.660 yeah solution he's like here we go and he brings me from up here right down here and I'm like
00:44:22.220 okay you know when that sort of whatever's happening well I could tell in moments when
00:44:28.200 we were becoming friends that we felt such a relief when the other person just gave us a
00:44:36.420 light bulb moment yes it's like just the most spectacular feeling ever yes and you just go
00:44:43.420 oh my gosh my life just changed right now because of what you said it's the most exciting thing to
00:44:49.300 me in in life but i think that's what that's what gives me balance i think it gives me balance when
00:44:55.220 i try to do it for other people again i don't think i'm trying to be do you remember this popcorn
00:44:59.680 when you were a kid i've never i've never even seen that popcorn it must be a rich people thing
00:45:04.320 it's actually not it's probably the opposite so we like we didn't buy popcorn from the store
00:45:11.520 there's a free prize inside the only time we ever um even got to go to the movies was when my aunt
00:45:18.120 worked there and she snuck us in and we brought popcorn in with us that my mom made at the house
00:45:23.040 in a in like a piece of foil we didn't sign i'm just being honest ask my mom we'll do a podcast
00:45:31.640 with her guys i don't know if this this is the saddest prize i've ever seen they're stickers
00:45:38.160 Oh, I love stickers.
00:45:39.080 Plants and friends.
00:45:40.260 But they're stickers.
00:45:41.160 Oh, my mom will love those.
00:45:42.660 We should send them home.
00:45:43.740 Yeah, I'll take them.
00:45:44.860 There's cacti.
00:45:45.800 So this is not only.
00:45:48.560 They're all succubus.
00:45:50.500 It's not only chili, which is, this is what I grew up on,
00:45:56.600 chili powder and mint from the garden and lemons with salt.
00:46:00.920 This is my favorite, which is licorice, rope licorice.
00:46:05.800 Yeah.
00:46:06.320 Salt.
00:46:06.760 that you can like make into little bracelets and chokers yeah and then it has the chili salt on it
00:46:12.040 and then it has the wet chili sauce that you pour the fact that you just said wet chili sauce and
00:46:18.160 you're eating it i'm excited can i say one thing about this popcorn though yeah this popcorn when
00:46:24.280 i was a kid do you guys see that it's candy coated but when i was a kid when i was a kid it wasn't
00:46:30.340 like that it was like this apparently wasn't in there either when you were a kid because you seem
00:46:34.200 outraged by these stickers well i'm outraged the fact that they're giving i'm like mostly kids buy 0.83
00:46:39.240 this you're giving them suck you buy stickers no can you get no old ladies like us are buying this 0.76
00:46:44.580 and going do you remember these when we were a kid and so they're going give them some planting 0.98
00:46:48.600 stickers because that's what old ladies do they plant and they play with cat cacti and cats still
00:46:55.160 enjoyable but it used to be a powdered covering oh my gosh i love it it's pink yeah it used to be a 1.00
00:47:00.180 powdered covering though yum almost like um i approve of that almost like a cheese like that
00:47:05.560 kind of powder but it was pink wow i really like that a little bit different i always bring my mom
00:47:12.800 a little gift anytime i'm all right i'm gonna pour the chili sauce on two of my three of my
00:47:20.080 favorite things salt chili sauce and red licorice why would those things ever go together it's wet
00:47:27.320 And it's tagine.
00:47:29.560 Oh, so good.
00:47:31.260 No, it's so good.
00:47:32.020 It looks like cat vomit. 1.00
00:47:35.140 Well, do you want to respect Latina culture or no? 1.00
00:47:39.220 I just need a small piece. 0.99
00:47:44.760 Oh, yum.
00:47:45.820 I'm just going to do this.
00:47:46.620 Oh, you're spilling it all over the place.
00:47:48.840 Mmm.
00:47:49.980 Yum.
00:47:51.200 It's disgusting.
00:47:52.720 That's so good.
00:47:53.360 Okay, I'm taking this tiny little piece.
00:47:57.320 Let's food down.
00:47:58.040 It's good.
00:48:01.000 Mmm.
00:48:01.620 It's good.
00:48:04.280 I'm going to be open.
00:48:05.660 Don't lie.
00:48:08.800 Oh, it's not.
00:48:10.040 It's not bad.
00:48:11.720 It's a little late, like hot after.
00:48:14.720 But not too hot.
00:48:15.500 But that's not the primary taste.
00:48:17.100 What's the primary taste of that dip?
00:48:19.680 It's tahini.
00:48:21.240 It's like tahini. 0.86
00:48:22.860 It's something not.
00:48:25.220 Oh, don't lick my fingers, Joe.
00:48:26.540 Why would I lick my fingers?
00:48:27.140 why it's not too much uh that's such a odd combination but pink popcorn i'm trying to
00:48:36.520 think there's something else that's the combination of all of that that tastes like something else
00:48:41.000 have you ever on the side of the road had like a little mexican guy cut up fruit for you and then
00:48:47.280 pour hot sauce over or chili sauce over it oh you've never heard that happen you guys don't 0.99
00:48:52.540 have that oh you guys don't have that i feel like that just happens you guys have mexican people here
00:48:56.640 yeah well it is it's we Mexican people have the fruit stands and they put they
00:49:03.960 put that on there yeah you never where have you got that outside of like
00:49:07.200 Southern California yeah no not here okay so it's not here like Southern
00:49:11.820 California okay well like when you're in Mexico or if you have you have you guys
00:49:15.480 been to Mexico okay well in a resort so no it doesn't matter have you ever had
00:49:19.800 them bring you mango and then it has some chili salt on it I find that taste
00:49:25.380 very it was not spicy it wasn't what i was expecting you've never had mango of course
00:49:30.660 with tahini on it with like whenever you say tahini all i think of i'm trying to say it in a
00:49:36.660 way our jaw was from star trek yeah because every time they yell they yell okay that's what they
00:49:43.380 don't like this you teeny i don't dislike it like it was not the way it's not like that pickle
00:49:49.620 that was disgusting 0.87
00:49:51.740 I still can't put place the flavor
00:49:55.540 the flavor reminds me of something
00:49:56.980 I would never purchase it
00:49:58.320 and purposefully eat it
00:49:59.940 but it's not the worst
00:50:00.980 I just stopped liking
00:50:01.880 I don't think I can eat this pickle again
00:50:06.160 I don't think I can
00:50:07.460 before
00:50:09.640 we log off
00:50:13.200 we have to talk a little bit about our show
00:50:15.640 please
00:50:16.060 it's the most excited I've been in a very long time
00:50:19.460 about a project which is just we met how many a year ago i guess are you gonna try like i've
00:50:26.820 known you forever yeah i do i want to bite that okay um i also want to bite the rainbow this is
00:50:32.560 supposed to be this is supposed to be a warhead sour dill pickle right up my alley i'm gonna try
00:50:42.960 first name you can have the rest because i don't want any you don't want any cold sores i don't
00:50:48.420 want a cold sore and I don't smell your fingers it's such a weird thing to do who smells their
00:50:56.920 fingers and goes oh yeah let's eat it you have to just go you have to like
00:51:03.480 here I'll bite the other side oh my god
00:51:08.120 do you like anything that's disgusting and we spelt it everywhere what do you like
00:51:16.340 oh that's not i mean no that's not even allowed absolutely not no it's not even that sour it
00:51:26.940 tastes like dish water is there any sweetness in it because i don't like any sweetness in my pickle
00:51:31.880 no okay so only sour only dish water you've grossed me out i'm not eating it try it you
00:51:37.160 have to bite it okay so part of our show is we believe that joy comes from doing the things
00:51:42.360 that you are afraid of so madonna has a great quote she once said if i'm afraid of something
00:51:47.900 that generally means i need to do it okay and in our house when we get nervous we go yes and we
00:51:56.020 get all excited and we celebrate it instead of going oh i'm nervous or pretend i'm not nervous
00:52:00.260 whatever so nervous means you care right so do things that scare the shit out of you and for me
00:52:07.160 who has experienced a lot of different ups and downs in life but i feel like mostly ups yeah
00:52:12.540 because i tend to be positive to a fault mc says these are the bad things i just learned from um
00:52:19.440 but it i have only truly felt joy like just pure joy where my head's not going but or what just
00:52:29.780 like when you're crying or laughing so hard and you're just in that moment where you only feel
00:52:35.400 joy is when I was scared of something, didn't do it, went back and did it. And after I did it,
00:52:44.440 felt like a superhero, felt like untouchable, just joyful, so proud of myself. And then all
00:52:56.020 of a sudden it would seem like the possibilities are endless in the world because I really thought
00:53:01.540 couldn't do it if i was super afraid and now i realize oh i did it actually did it so our show
00:53:08.420 we decided let's go out and on purpose put ourselves in scenarios that scare the crap out
00:53:13.300 of us and then when we get to the other side of doing something that's scary let's talk about how
00:53:19.140 we're feeling in that moment because you know you forget it quick pretty quickly so you can't talk
00:53:23.540 about it an hour after you you have to do it and then when we talk to other people we're going to
00:53:27.540 to learn what they're what they're scared of so we are kind of going to go and do things that scare
00:53:35.220 us and then we're gonna celebrate and and have fun when we get to the other side of them you know
00:53:44.840 that i've i think i've only ever done one thing that's really scared me i believe that my whole
00:53:50.020 life no i believe that you're very really scared me because yeah i feel like everything i've done
00:53:55.440 it's like i've made a plan because i'm pretty sure i can do it yeah do you know what i mean
00:54:00.340 like i've been good at it in the beginning or i'm pretty sure i can do it or whatever the case may
00:54:05.380 be yeah and then i do it's not like i've never been nervous or anything like that but the one
00:54:10.900 thing that i was terrified and i was terrified the entire time i did it was be in that play
00:54:15.680 okay so this i love that because i think you're an actor right oh no i'm not an actor i could
00:54:20.500 still sweat now you are a teacher which is way more important than being an actor but art is so
00:54:26.040 important in learning and in unlearning things that don't serve us anymore from our past
00:54:30.840 so i i think you're an actor just from hanging out with you because you're a storyteller and a
00:54:36.520 great storyteller and you're funny and you have good instincts and you are authentic that all
00:54:42.620 those things are what an actor is so that's the only thing that really scared the shit out of
00:54:48.460 you you're saying that's a travesty first of all because yeah so i love that story so much even
00:54:54.460 ianya vanzant another you know connection i got through oprah she says if you are not doing things 0.97
00:55:03.580 that scare you so much you have a little bit of pee running down your leg inside of your
00:55:11.260 skirt or your pants or your whatever like that scared right where you can't even you're just
00:55:15.900 like i think i'm doing it if you're not doing stuff that scares you to that extent you are not
00:55:23.260 truly living you're not experiencing joy right and i think that that is where now i can't speak
00:55:30.940 to mental illness it's about chemical imbalances and all of those things because i don't want to
00:55:34.380 minimize any any mental illness that i don't understand what is a lot of it but i think just
00:55:40.620 the normal kind of um depression anxiety unhappiness am i good enough why isn't my life
00:55:48.540 like this or the biggest one when i get this much money then or when i get that house then
00:55:54.300 or when i meet this person then or when my body's this shape then i'm gonna feel this or when i'm
00:55:59.580 whatever right all those things we tell ourselves right all i know that part for sure
00:56:05.500 so the only time that we truly aren't in that get out of your head don't let your head get you
00:56:16.320 right that's our tagline for our show don't let your head get you um i'm trying to learn to wink
00:56:22.460 but it's not working yet but practice makes perfect right and i'm scared to wink so
00:56:27.140 so um the uh the only way that i have found to actually just feel content right now not when i'm
00:56:39.960 gonna get the thing gonna have the thing gonna do the thing is to just do things that are either
00:56:47.600 of service to other people because other people are in pain too so then we feel a community and
00:56:53.500 then we realize the greatest joy other people are also in pain and many times in more pain than we
00:56:59.380 are or doing stuff that I am terrified to do and then getting to the other side right and I literally
00:57:07.860 get up and just try to do one of those two things every day and I find that life kind of falls into
00:57:11.780 place logistically otherwise so that's a little bit of I think what we decide to try to do together
00:57:18.960 and that's i mean it really excites me because i think scared being scared of intimacy is way
00:57:25.660 more terrifying well there we go because i we're going to do a lot of physical stuff in the show
00:57:29.640 which is going to be sure but that's that the physical the the petting a snake and jumping out
00:57:36.740 of a plane is is this scary the intimacy the standing on that stage the like those kind of
00:57:45.440 things that's a different level of fear um and and the intimacy part that we're really going to
00:57:53.520 i think we're going to end up focusing on quite a bit that's yeah that's the real focus it's there
00:57:58.120 has to be the real focus because it's all of our it's all it's who we are period that and and and
00:58:04.240 lying to ourselves in order to understand oh i don't need it i don't need it like that or i don't
00:58:08.460 need that or i'm going to just change a little bit to be this or to be that that has to be the
00:58:14.440 most debilitating thing and if we can fix that i feel like everything else gets maybe not easier
00:58:22.840 but just like you've said you're ready to jump because you know what's on the other side well
00:58:28.100 i think we don't have as much time to get in our own way and i think we mostly get in our own way
00:58:33.220 more than life actually causes problems for us so that's why our tagline became don't let your head
00:58:38.360 get you because i self-sabotage way more than the world uh rejects me right like i'll self-sabotage
00:58:45.840 myself before you get a chance to reject me well i i like your friendship became so meaningful to me
00:58:52.000 so we always laugh because we'll be on the phone and it's like if you if you if you say you have
00:58:57.480 to go i'm like oh my god she doesn't love me anymore so i you can't go first so i'm always
00:59:02.220 like if i feel you're gonna go i don't want to be rejected so i'll be like i have to go
00:59:05.680 but i think that's it all it's so funny because i think that before covid and a lot of people know
00:59:13.420 before you know um all of those big turning points in my life and the first thing i i i said
00:59:19.900 after i started something as insignificant in the moment as tiktok and doing little baby things
00:59:27.060 that scared me and then and then said i'm going to start saying yes to everything and then heaven
00:59:30.820 helped me to play and then this and then um i think in those moments before that yeah i always
00:59:38.040 made sure the bar was attainable because i never wanted to be disappointed smart yeah yeah right
00:59:43.840 oh yeah i know how to be very crafty i know how to be a teacher look it's a what if you failed
00:59:49.060 at something what would happen i don't i never even right that is an opportunity but i mean being
00:59:55.420 a teacher or being a lot of things sometimes has a very clear delineated plan yeah right so if i
01:00:03.180 have a good plan and you tell me i got to go to school for six years and then i'm going i can
01:00:08.140 apply here and i can get this pay and i'm allowed to buy this house and my life can look like this
01:00:13.040 i'm like i'm in yeah same and so when i've had people along the way and there have been people
01:00:19.500 with some genuine and some maybe not so genuine pushes for me to do more than teaching or something
01:00:26.500 I don't want to say more something other than teaching because there is nothing more important
01:00:29.960 there's no more important job in the world than being a teacher you know but they've said things
01:00:34.040 like this maybe these the limits of what you're doing shouldn't exist like you should be able to
01:00:39.460 do something bigger I'm like yeah but what well the more important question is what is it actually
01:00:43.980 your dream or did it make sense because it was a good plan well there was no your wildest dream
01:00:48.680 yeah that's the question if it's not then there's other things you should be able to tell you i don't
01:00:54.280 think before let's say three years ago i had it wildest dreams yeah i don't think i had enough
01:01:02.600 i don't think i don't think i could contemplate them i don't think i could imagine them i don't
01:01:07.960 think i could you know even even somehow devise a partial plan in order to see right yeah that's
01:01:17.080 all new to me since i turned 45 okay so we have to be able to see people who look like us or who
01:01:26.800 we know or who seem relatable to us doing things that seem incredible and out of touch for us to
01:01:33.500 think like oh did i do that so you may have just never stumbled upon until tiktok and i am interested
01:01:39.120 in why you said something as insignificant as tiktok because well i don't know i know i know
01:01:43.820 I know what you meant, but what I'm more interested in is that if you look at the top five things
01:01:51.300 that are most terrifying to people, they aren't the actual dangerous things.
01:01:55.960 They're all associated with fear of intimacy.
01:01:59.960 And one of them is public speaking.
01:02:01.420 And another one is to express yourself honestly.
01:02:07.200 Do you like to sing?
01:02:08.620 Sing.
01:02:09.340 Do you like to dance?
01:02:10.260 Dance.
01:02:11.160 Like no one's watching is the line, right?
01:02:13.820 love who you want to love openly do exactly what you want to do not what you want not what you
01:02:18.860 want your not what you think your parents want you to do so you can get their approval all the
01:02:22.540 things right so in the top five is public fear public speaking divorce so that's being rejected
01:02:30.140 heartbroken right somebody dying heartbroken losing someone you love probably because maybe
01:02:35.740 you didn't hang out with them enough or do say everything you wanted to say to them before they
01:02:39.740 they left because you were afraid of being hurt and being rejected it all comes back to this same
01:02:44.400 fear what will happen if my heart's broken what will happen if I fail if you fail your heart will
01:02:49.160 be broken whatever so in reality you're you deciding in your little room at home to go I'm
01:03:00.040 going to go on social media platform and just like so you know bold and like winking at people
01:03:10.620 and sticking your tongue out and dancing and trying all these things that weren't even actually
01:03:17.420 your thing yet you were willing to try stuff yeah and now you look back and you're like
01:03:21.540 when you found your thing on it right then you exploded and now you are this girl who comes from
01:03:33.100 a family where nobody ever went and did something that they were terrified of they mostly play safe
01:03:37.760 from what i see like most of our families and now you're sitting here with 2.6 million followers
01:03:42.940 you cannot even walk through a public space without being recognized it's like walking around
01:03:49.960 j-lo so seriously i mean everything's relative i don't have her oh she's gonna well you don't 0.99
01:03:57.720 not have her ass you don't have a flat ass i didn't know that's what i got here but so um 0.99
01:04:05.160 i almost spit out my water yeah that's it don't do that so i think we're trying to normalize 0.99
01:04:12.440 something that is really important has been really important to two women who came from small towns
01:04:21.960 who came from humble beginnings mine much more humble than yours but nonetheless humble compared
01:04:27.400 to the the world that we're stepping that i've stepped into and that you're stepping into and
01:04:32.760 we i think are doing it for actually a very beautiful reason because we you teach kids you
01:04:37.800 You know, I'm obsessed with parenting and child psychology and breaking patterns.
01:04:42.700 And I gave up everything to change my son's life, to not pass down family things that
01:04:48.020 I didn't want to pass down.
01:04:49.240 So we actually really want to do it to show kids, like, you can do this too.
01:04:58.160 A girl who looks like you, a girl who dresses like you, a girl who acts like you can go
01:05:03.860 be a superstar.
01:05:05.420 And I told you that.
01:05:06.280 I'm like, you're a superstar.
01:05:07.800 I saw one TikTok of yours, and I was like, she's a superstar.
01:05:10.780 And the same thing with me, a little Latina girl from a small town like India,
01:05:15.760 where we didn't even have a mall, so small, that, like, you know,
01:05:20.660 you could go do this.
01:05:22.060 It's not impossible.
01:05:23.740 And I think that's what the show is about.
01:05:26.040 Yeah.
01:05:26.340 That's what the show is about.
01:05:27.500 Yeah.
01:05:28.780 And on that note.
01:05:30.800 So fun.
01:05:32.260 We are going to put up Love Lies and Videotape.
01:05:35.700 You're going to be able to go find us on, you're going to be able to find it, the show
01:05:39.180 on YouTube.
01:05:40.080 There's going to be 15 episodes that you can find us on TikTok, Love Lies and Videotape
01:05:45.120 and Love Lies and Videotape 1, where we're going to put some bloopers, blooper reels.
01:05:49.500 And that's all coming out.
01:05:50.600 We're going to tape all summer.
01:05:51.740 We'll give you tiny little caveats on my TikTok, on Vanessa's TikTok, on here.
01:05:58.080 And I will see you guys next week.
01:06:00.680 Same bat time, same bat station.
01:06:03.140 I'm going to get the Alka-Seltzer. 0.98
01:06:04.340 and we're gonna have positive gossip throwing that in there there's such a
01:06:08.240 thing dismissed 0.97