Vulgar History - International, part 10： Catalina de Erauso Herds 20,000 Llamas (pt 2⧸2)

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00:00:34.340 hello welcome to vulgar history a feminist women's history comedy podcast my name is 0.98

00:00:56.080 and this is part two of what is going to be a three-part exploration of the life of

00:01:02.720 Catalina de Arauso, the Lieutenant Nun. Just like in part one, I'm joined here by Alison Epstein,

00:01:08.900 author of A Tip for the Hangman and also of The Dirtbags Through the Ages newsletter. And

00:01:14.280 we give a little recap in this recording. So I'm going to dive right in. And I cannot emphasize

00:01:22.040 enough that I think this is maybe the best episode of vulgar history to date. So please enjoy.

00:01:28.760 okay so part one ended with i'm trying to remember what part one ended with so right she was in the

00:01:36.220 lieutenant in the army and then she was so awful even the like colonial spanish army was like too

00:01:42.360 much you've gone too far please stop please stop um but she stayed in the army but just she was 0.87

00:01:49.280 getting half pay and i'm sure that made her even more angry um and killing even worse and then she

00:01:55.160 said this dramatic cliffhanger line but chance toyed with me turning my every scrap of luck

00:02:00.140 into disaster what was this bad luck well was it the consequences of her own actions you might ask

00:02:08.540 repeatedly um and this is where okay when i was writing down the notes summarizing the book like

00:02:14.740 i was just like going i read the book and then i like read it again and i went through just to

00:02:18.500 kind of like summarize for my own notes like this happened then this happened and eventually it's

00:02:22.140 just like this, a sequence of things happen that are so similar. You're like, is this a real story?

00:02:28.420 But then you're like, well, if this was not a real story, you wouldn't put in so many repetitive

00:02:32.800 things happening over and over again. So that means maybe it is a real story because it's the

00:02:38.440 same thing keeps happening. So Catalina, I guess this is like post all of this, her time in the

00:02:46.360 army. Well, she wasn't just like fighting the army all the time. She would spend her time with her

00:02:50.220 chums going to the gambling house etc so she was in a gambling house with another lieutenant when a 0.90

00:02:56.720 misunderstanding came up and she was insulted so as one does she stabbed the person who insulted 0.98

00:03:03.180 her in the chest and a judge came in accusing her of murder like a judge walked into the gambling

00:03:12.000 then be like excuse me i see you currently stabbing a man um but then her brother still 1.00

00:03:21.880 there came in like run for your life so catalina slashed the face of the judge 0.99

00:03:26.340 oh sorry the judge was holding her so i guess the judge was like you're a murderer and grabbed 0.71

00:03:32.040 her and then she slashed the face of the judge until he let her go she just kept slashing she's

00:03:38.160 like one more oh my goodness and then yeah and then she ran to hide out in a nearby church 1.00

00:03:44.020 like trademark the catalina maneuver um and while she's there she's told that both the judge 0.99

00:03:49.540 and the guy she had stabbed were both no dead so the governor was like what the fuck who are you 0.98

00:03:57.300 why you keep stabbing my judges and he offered a reward to whoever caught her alive but she's in 0.99

00:04:03.640 the church and the church is like well we have to protect her for like church-based reasons or girls

00:04:07.340 but then petitions began to circulate supporting her from who 1.00

00:04:12.680 all the other assholes they're like she is our god you would prefer to be able to stab a judge 0.98

00:04:22.460 also please yeah so eventually so she just like in the church just being like everything's cool 0.99

00:04:27.940 i don't know i guess eventually like the heat on her just kind of like wore off a bit

00:04:32.940 and she like was accepting visitors in the church one of her visitors was a guy who needed a second

00:04:37.880 for a duel he was going to fight that night and he's like this looks like the right person to ask

00:04:42.760 for that job i have to assume he's bask gotta be gotta be because um that just seems to be how 1.00

00:04:51.040 this sort of thing goes anyway so she's like i'm on it side note catalina de rasso is the worst 1.00

00:04:58.580 second you could possibly have for any duel because like the berserker of it all so she 1.00

00:05:03.580 headed out even though she's like still in church sanctuary still like wanted for the murder of two 0.97

00:05:08.680 people she's just like i'll just go out be a second in the duel then go back like see the

00:05:12.100 church again i guess i don't know everything is just really lawless in this way that again i keep

00:05:18.720 compared to the wild west but that's just what i know from like popular culture but this is when i

00:05:24.140 picture it like that i'm like okay this makes i can like fit it into that paradigm anyway quote

00:05:29.400 the darkness was so thick you couldn't see your hand in front of your face and noting this i

00:05:34.720 suggested we should tie our handkerchiefs around our arms so that whatever might happen in the

00:05:38.760 next couple of hours we would not mistake one another very smart we love a good costume based

00:05:43.540 scheme exactly yeah and also just thinking about how dark it is in the world before electric lights

00:05:50.720 right like yeah to be like okay i mean it's out at 10 10 p.m for a fight in like 16 25 in lima

00:05:59.000 like it's gonna be dark so okay sorry just laying some more important groundwork she does not she

00:06:06.120 did not learn and was not told the names of who the duel was between like who the other two men

00:06:10.700 were yes so so the the opponents the two men arrived for the duel but it was so dark she

00:06:16.560 couldn't see their faces and the dual dual dual sword fighting her friend was hit and so catalina

00:06:21.520 as the second jumped up to fight out to help out so she was fighting the second so it's like the

00:06:26.040 two duelists were fighting each other and then she was fighting the second of the other duelist

00:06:28.980 she stabbed the opponent in the chest that opponent she quickly realized was her own brother

00:06:35.900 oh my god

00:06:42.820 the shakespearean comedy tragedy of it all is just so much no exactly this is this is like 12th night

00:06:52.220 taking a mercutio is stabbed turn yes it's like what if 12th night was a tragedy what if 12th

00:06:58.560 night blood murder it's wow yeah how did oh my goodness also poor her like geez yeah you know

00:07:05.640 But to her credit, she was sad about this.

00:07:09.280 You know, I wasn't sure she was.

00:07:11.100 I'm glad she was.

00:07:12.520 I think I didn't write this in my notes, but I believe she like attended the funeral, but like lurking backwards in the balcony because she was like wanted for this, for the murder of this person.

00:07:22.660 But I regret it.

00:07:24.140 Yeah.

00:07:24.440 So she felt bad.

00:07:25.840 So he died.

00:07:27.420 The other two died as well. 1.00

00:07:28.860 The dualists. 1.00

00:07:30.320 Catalina was obviously now in even more trouble.

00:07:32.700 like she was just like i'm just gonna go be in sanctuary again in the church and the like friars

00:07:38.840 of the church tried to protect her why why so she said she continues hanging in the same church for

00:07:45.600 eight months while she was prosecuted on a charge of rebellion not murder not triple murder no

00:07:51.680 rebellion i don't know it's because her brother was the like secretary of i don't know but then

00:07:56.220 a powerful man and again there's so many names in this book i just stopped writing them down

00:08:00.960 I don't think it's a man who appeared before and that's why I stopped bringing them down I'm just

00:08:04.800 like this is just who are all these people stop giving me names so a powerful man I have to assume

00:08:09.700 from the Basque country offered her protection and she accepted taking a horse so he gave her

00:08:15.200 a horse and weapons and she just like slipped out in darkest night leaving that city whoops I've 0.83

00:08:22.320 killed too many people in this city now it's time to go kill people in another city or maybe she won't 0.53

00:08:28.380 house and maybe she's changed her ways uh tell me more surprise me you know what I don't think I 0.94

00:08:36.300 well I will but not because of that way not because of any personal growth she met two other 0.99

00:08:42.080 soldiers along the way and just like hey friends she as much as there's like I frolicked with women

00:08:47.820 or whatever she like really got along well with men like I think she liked being in the army she

00:08:52.180 like going to gambling houses like she was just like i like the company of men this is i like um

00:08:58.580 but not in a romantic way so she met two soldiers along the way and i think it's also just like hey 1.00

00:09:03.740 you're an asshole i'm an asshole here we all are let's go make assholes and kill people yeah let's 1.00

00:09:08.260 go gambling and stab each other like everyone everyone when everyone has your same personality 1.00

00:09:12.960 like of course you get along with everyone no she's living her whole life like it's a bachelor 0.85

00:09:16.020 party and like yeah you know at least she's consistent okay but then we get to this sort

00:09:20.540 of like okay so she met two other soldiers on the way she had her horse and weapons and she's like

00:09:25.000 off i go but this is like as much as she was like in a city and she's been going city to city there's

00:09:29.660 still a lot of like not city in south america at this time a lot of places where there's not a place

00:09:38.060 to go so they were going up into the mountains so if you picture like peru uh mountainous region

00:09:45.300 and so like that's they're like i don't know did they have a map i'm not sure i'm knowing her

00:09:51.040 probably not so they went up into the mountains just like trying to get to the next city and then

00:09:54.880 they wound up like starving to the point they had to kill one of the horses to eat but even that was

00:10:00.400 little more than skin and bones and then they were like oh my god there's two men ahead and they're

00:10:04.960 like oh maybe those guys will help us and they went up but then they approached them they realized

00:10:07.720 those two men were dead now they had frozen to death in the mountains eventually the other two

00:10:14.340 and died leaving only catalina and i think it's happened to her a lot this is the third or fourth

00:10:20.620 time everyone has died but her yeah and that's where it's kind of like is this a true story and

00:10:25.680 i'm like well we know that she didn't die so that's true very hard to kill yeah or maybe that

00:10:32.640 blessing you know the father you know when her father was like all my sons will be soldiers and

00:10:36.620 all my daughters will be nuns she became a soldier too so maybe now she's also under the power of

00:10:41.100 that blessing didn't you say that the statue that the father made the vow to had a mysterious smile

00:10:46.120 yes i bet you that statue was just like hey this is what you said but it's like a slightly different

00:10:51.980 the monkey's boss yes yes yes yeah i don't know because yeah some miguel died but catalina like 0.98

00:10:58.020 seemingly immortal yes cannot be killed cannot give a single fuck for anything the grievous 0.98

00:11:04.640 injuries she has and that she doesn't die at least five or six times and like there's no 0.97

00:11:10.380 sepsis like like anyway she's got a hearty constitution and i have to say assume small

00:11:17.420 pox and other things are like obviously they're also yeah dysentery she's just like 0.99

00:11:23.460 i'm such an asshole like nothing like even disease even god can't kill me yeah yeah so 0.98

00:11:31.800 So the other two people died. So she took their money. Like, you know what? I would too. 1.00

00:11:37.760 Here's a great quote. You can imagine my wretched status, dead, tired, barefoot, my feet in shreds.

00:11:44.200 I propped myself against a tree and wept. And for what I think was the first time in my life,

00:11:48.680 recited the rosary. Then I rested a little, got back on my feet and began to walk again.

00:11:54.540 So that was her lowest point. She was just like, oh, this sucks. Anyway. 0.99

00:12:00.020 way onward we go yeah but you know what imagine this person being a nun for her whole life like 0.99

00:12:09.040 you know someone who with this much like lust for adventure to just be like what if you'd never 0.99

00:12:16.060 leave this building and only ever pray like honestly good for her for getting out because 0.99

00:12:21.340 she would have made those other nuns lives absolutely miserable absolutely poor prioress 1.00

00:12:26.080 would be like i cannot do this anymore no she's just constitutionally like not suited for that 0.99

00:12:30.720 life so she kept going um and then two people found her collapsed on the ground and rescued

00:12:35.200 her bringing her to their mistress's ranch via their horses okay we were talking that's not it

00:12:41.940 wasn't in the podcast but like between episodes allison and i so like could you just say again 0.98

00:12:46.260 allison like catalina sucks she sucks real bad like i was i was telling and to be clear i do not 1.00

00:12:52.800 like catalina as a person i would not want to know her in real life she is an asshole but she has the 1.00

00:13:01.520 kind of unhinged dirt bag takes out energy that i respect in historical people who suck like she 1.00

00:13:09.100 she sucks so hard and so all the way that i just want to know what happens next to her and i love 1.00

00:13:16.440 her energy i don't respect her decisions and she can tell a good story you sure can like 0.99

00:13:22.780 she has me edge of my seat like what terrible thing are you gonna do next how are you going to

00:13:27.640 make a terrible decision today let's find out so we already know that she's just like 0.94

00:13:32.100 like a colonial nightmare genocidal killing the indigenous people to such an extent that even the

00:13:41.060 other genocidal people are like calm down it's bad this podcast does not condone genocide she 0.98

00:13:48.320 sucks right so i'm just reminding you of her racism so they took her to her mistress's ranch 0.97

00:13:54.540 via their horses quote that lady was a half breed the daughter of a spaniard and an indian woman 1.00

00:14:00.520 a widow and a good woman so this woman took good care of catalina gave her a new outfit 1.00

00:14:07.200 been a while yeah well and her feet were shredded up from like walking the mountains barefoot 1.00

00:14:13.820 um everyone else froze to death and she's like i don't need shoes that's yeah so this woman

00:14:18.500 offered her a job managing the ranch as you do so part of me when i was reading this i was just

00:14:25.440 like why do people keep giving her jobs and i'm like well because everyone was like itinerant

00:14:28.640 like everyone was moving on all the time slash being killed and dying so like there was just

00:14:33.300 always jobs right it's not just like well kaylene's amazing everyone gives her jobs it's like

00:14:37.240 no there's like a constant need for people to do jobs because like my last ranch manager froze to

00:14:42.100 death in the winter exactly okay so she's like great i'll be your ranch manager got it i can

00:14:49.220 learn any job oh side note and i didn't mention this but this came up in one of the other podcasts

00:14:53.700 i listened to where it's like so she was raised in a convent from ages four to 15 went off to be

00:14:58.200 a page boy cabin boy when did she learn sword fighting or is she was flashing people's faces

00:15:08.080 from a pretty early age she was i guess and some of those things where it's like i had kept that

00:15:12.800 job for three years like someone would have kicked she's so good at it i feel like it probably was

00:15:19.360 one of the skills you learn while you're on a ship like you're not doing much you're cruising

00:15:23.560 through the atlantic you're too the other guys could could teach her yeah anyways so she's good

00:15:28.700 at it and but just every they're like can you run my shop and she's like great sure i'm like

00:15:32.420 how do you know how to run a shop like anyway she's just like she's a yes and type person yes 0.97

00:15:37.660 anyway so this job didn't last long one week later the woman was like i would like for you

00:15:43.000 to marry my daughter and catalina wrote these are her words not mine bear in mind that the um 0.98

00:15:50.060 ranch owning woman was a mestiza she was you know a child of a indigenous person and a spanish 0.97

00:15:57.040 person the daughter a girl as black and ugly as the devil himself quite the opposite to my taste 1.00

00:16:03.340 which has always run to pretty faces. 1.00

00:16:06.220 Yikes.

00:16:07.240 Yeah. 0.94

00:16:07.800 So she's just like, like, you know, she's not going to marry anyone ever because you

00:16:12.860 can't tie her down. 0.99

00:16:13.780 But also she is incredibly racist. 1.00

00:16:17.300 So she pretended to accept the offer because she wanted to keep the job. 0.80

00:16:20.800 But she just kept being like, oh, what if we get married next week?

00:16:23.880 I'm busy that day.

00:16:24.920 What about next week?

00:16:26.340 Eventually, she ran out of excuses. 1.00

00:16:27.800 So she just stole a mule and ran away.

00:16:30.600 Meanwhile, while she'd been staying there 0.60

00:16:32.660 at the same place, Catalina struck up a friendship

00:16:35.880 with the bishops who, oh God, I have a typo in here.

00:16:40.840 So what is it?

00:16:41.400 The bishops vice general, I don't know.

00:16:45.920 She made a friendship with a powerful religious-based person

00:16:48.640 who wanted to marry Catalina to his niece.

00:16:51.840 Catalina says the girl seemed good enough.

00:16:54.640 This is where I'm just like, lesbian? 0.99

00:16:56.880 or just like doesn't give a shit about anyone romantically lesbian or just racist sometimes 0.99

00:17:05.340 you're not anyway catalina says so she for sure didn't want to marry the ranch owner's daughter 0.99

00:17:11.400 whose like complexion was dark the niece of the like important guy presumably a lighter complexion

00:17:18.100 person and catalina's like okay the niece sent catalina a bunch of gifts like fancy new velvet

00:17:24.420 clothes which were like real expensive um that's a quite a gift and she accepted it's sort of like

00:17:30.200 a dowry down payment i think sort of thing but kelena also ghosted her when she left because 0.94

00:17:35.060 she doesn't give a shit about anybody so this is like is she just what's the word not misogy 0.95

00:17:41.160 misanthropy like just hates people yeah that i mean i don't like to armchair like diagnose people 0.99

00:17:50.880 but she has like she's not a person who understands that other people also have feelings

00:17:55.660 yeah she's stuck in that sort of like whatever you know stage three developmental psychological

00:18:00.920 child yeah she never got past that thing yeah like can you actually have romantic relationships

00:18:07.120 with someone if you're like i am fully using every human being on earth to steal their mules

00:18:10.980 and their clothes i don't think so right and so this is where i'm just like the contortions that

00:18:15.100 it takes to be like lesbian icon where it's like first of all not icon not aspirational my friends

00:18:24.080 secondly like she treats women badly she treats men badly she's just kind of like i'm catalina 1.00

00:18:30.920 fuck everybody you're a bad person yeah yeah so wait until we get to talk about the movies 0.99

00:18:38.680 versions of her life because it's like okay the patreons would have heard but we did on vulgar 1.00

00:18:44.360 piece theater a movie version of the affair of the necklace with jean de lamotte where the movie

00:18:48.420 tried really hard to make her be a sympathetic heroine doing stuff for the right reasons instead 1.00

00:18:55.880 of just like a dirtbag grifter and it did not work so just like imagine if you'll allison trying to

00:19:02.240 turn this story into something palatable that oh boy that would be tough but i i know that people

00:19:10.320 out there have probably done it well imagine taking this story and trying to make it be like

00:19:14.380 you know why she cross-dressed for love um love of what

00:19:19.180 love of murder this is there was a point when i was reading this where i was just like

00:19:25.780 what defines a serial killer isn't there like a number yeah okay so she left right she got a mule

00:19:35.840 and she wound up in Potosi, a city in Bolivia, which is still a city. I'm just in this story.

00:19:41.960 I'm just like really delighted when she lands in a city that's like still a city, because first of

00:19:45.620 all, that means I can start following that city's tag on Instagram and see how beautiful it is and

00:19:49.500 imagine traveling there. But also because then I can learn what country it's in. That helps.

00:19:58.060 Yeah. Catalina uses a lot of place names. And now I'm just like, maybe she made some of them up 0.62

00:20:03.220 um because some of these i'm just like i can't find anything about this the existence of the

00:20:07.260 city ever like maybe it was fake anyway so she landed a job because again again you know i like

00:20:13.440 i just had this epiphany in real time with you because i was like why did people keep giving her

00:20:16.960 jobs and it's like the economy is such that people needed people all the time and they didn't care

00:20:23.340 who you were oh my god allison so she got she got a job working as a steward for the alderman

00:20:29.780 and her job okay that job like seems like it needs qualifications is all i'm saying 0.99

00:20:35.820 okay but did you think that that job would involve her being put in charge of 12 000 llamas what 1.00

00:20:43.260 how do you what does being in charge of a llama consist of what are the management duties okay

00:20:53.480 so her job was sorry 12 000 llamas and 80 indigenous humans okay um and her job was to

00:21:01.640 escort the llamas presumably with the help of the people from town to town so she's like a llama

00:21:07.300 herder i am i'm imagining this you know i think it's in philadelphia it might be in memphis there's

00:21:13.960 like a street where like every day at the same time they take this like troop of ducks and they

00:21:18.940 walk them down the street there's a little tiny duck parade that's what i'm imagining she's doing

00:21:22.980 but with llamas how can you i can't even conceive of 12 000 llamas how do you move them to another

00:21:29.980 place that's entirely too many how do you keep them together there's not roads is that like how

00:21:37.340 many what what kind of dogs do you have to herd a llama and like how many of them do you need 0.96

00:21:43.200 what is this operation right so is she just on a horse and llamas famously assholes yeah that's 0.96

00:21:52.400 probably why they gave her 12 000 of them here and your your emotional support llamas they remind 1.00

00:21:58.160 me of you they're jerks you know what i can see the llamas would spit in her face she'd like 1.00

00:22:02.280 slash their face back and they'd be like mutual respect your respect you are you are a llama in 1.00

00:22:07.100 human form yeah so i'm not sure so it's like 12 000 llamas and 80 indigenous people so i don't

00:22:12.720 know if the people were like helping with the llama herding or if it was kind of like the people were

00:22:17.040 being taken from place to place like for like slavery reasons yeah anyway guess what she's

00:22:23.060 great at this job because she is good at every job oh boy this is the like i am always in the

00:22:29.820 camp of believe everything that's ridiculous in a person's memoir but i feel like the part that

00:22:34.060 she might be lying most about is that she was good at all of these jobs i'm sure she had this

00:22:38.580 job and then 12 000 llamas ran away to argentina how could you how could you have 12 000 llamas

00:22:44.240 together in the first place i don't know i need to look up facts about llamas i didn't know they

00:22:49.540 heard it that much if any of your listeners know about like the movement patterns of llamas you

00:22:56.220 know who would the people in peru i hope they know because this is blowing my mind yeah okay so 0.98

00:23:02.660 llama hurting job she's like great so she did that but i think her job seems to be like take 0.99

00:23:05.980 these llamas from place a to place b she did that they're like great job done goodbye and then she 1.00

00:23:10.700 got caught up in an uprising um caught up in i'm sure she was just an innocent bystander oh no an

00:23:17.180 uprising oh heavens and so the uprising was obviously indigenous people fighting against

00:23:23.720 the spanish colonial forces um she fought on the spanish side obviously when i say caught up i would

00:23:29.460 i guess i mean she i believe that was her term um but i would say she joined the spanish forces

00:23:34.620 she fought so nobly against the rebels that she was given the position of attache to the

00:23:40.580 sergeant major all these job titles are like assistant to the district manager where it's

00:23:45.020 just like what do these jobs mean so anyway she stayed in that job for two years like time is

00:23:50.960 passing by i feel like she must be like 30 years old by now i was gonna say i'm wondering how old 0.96

00:23:54.740 she is at this point yeah i know that when she goes back well spoiler she goes back to spain at

00:23:59.480 one point and she's like around 30 at that point so she's in her 20s now what's funny though is

00:24:04.500 that that portrait and it's i said it to you a while ago but also like the listeners obviously

00:24:09.620 it's on instagram you can see it there um vulgar history pod on instagram not vulgar history on

00:24:14.280 instagram that is somebody's very sexual account vulgar history pod um shout out to vulgar history

00:24:22.320 anyway so the portrait the picture of her like she just like it looks like a person who's lived a

00:24:28.020 life yeah i just read a book where a character was described as being like it looks like he

00:24:32.440 washed his face with coffee grounds oh my gosh and that's kind of the effect that she has as well

00:24:38.460 she just kind of was just like what now and so have you watched the the pirate show our flag

00:24:43.880 means death no and i did want to hear your take on this because isn't there a non-binary character

00:24:49.320 in that who's like raised by men it's jim and they're awesome but the reason i bring it up

00:24:52.980 now is because there's one of the characters who's like being played by a 45 50 year old

00:24:56.560 weathered looking man and at one point he's like i'm 16 years old that's how hard my life has been

00:25:01.760 and that's what this reminds me of no it's very much that so like the portrait of her i forget

00:25:06.060 somebody she was like 38 years old in this portrait and she looks conservatively 52 a lot

00:25:12.820 has happened just the injuries alone yeah i mean she has been shot three times in a day before so

00:25:20.260 yeah yeah okay so atashi is a sergeant major and then here's the thing she just like the book like

00:25:27.000 once you go into the rhythm of it every chapter it's like this adventure in this city the next

00:25:30.180 chapter is like this adventure in this city and it's like she liked moving around she wasn't just

00:25:35.940 like if only i could find a place to call home for myself no like she can't live that way if 0.59

00:25:40.540 you're murdering somebody every six months you have to stay on the road exactly and she wanted

00:25:44.660 to keep murdering people so um technically oh no well i guess technically yeah she is still wanted 0.60

00:25:50.320 for all the previous murders just fyi so then she got she signed up with another army campaign like

00:25:56.740 again like the people just come into these towns just picturing like coming into this town full of 0.99

00:26:02.340 just like assholes in big hats with swords 1.00

00:26:04.680 who are like eager to stab each other. 1.00

00:26:06.560 Just be like, hey, who wants to like join a campaign?

00:26:09.140 I was like, huzzah!

00:26:10.280 Like, so anyway, she just joined another campaign.

00:26:12.500 It wasn't like a formal process.

00:26:14.320 Let's see, along the way, 0.96

00:26:15.280 she participated in brutal battles 0.83

00:26:16.800 against the local indigenous people 0.98

00:26:18.260 and stole their valuables.

00:26:20.400 After that, she went bankrupt.

00:26:22.520 So there's numerous times where she was like given money, 0.98

00:26:25.200 she steals money. 0.99

00:26:26.740 You know, every time she like ran away from somebody, 0.90

00:26:28.520 she's like, she stole 500 pesos or whatever.

00:26:30.380 but she constantly she's living it's like it's not paycheck to paycheck it's like

00:26:35.740 she's living grift to grift basically yeah no she's like constantly going bankrupt because 0.86

00:26:40.820 she spends all her money on i have to assume gambling or i don't know buying hats like i 0.54

00:26:46.960 don't know i was gonna say she definitely has a passion for clothes so like my suspicion is

00:26:51.140 half gambling half big hats yeah yeah so then she went to the city of la plata which i think

00:26:56.860 is argentina there is a place called la plata in argentina um again her memoir just gives city

00:27:02.620 names i google those city names and i'm just like that one seems close to where she was before

00:27:07.060 okay so she lived in the house of the widow doña catalina was that confusing for her that could be

00:27:13.720 that could be in like a movie a funny moment sounds like catalina and she's like yes i mean

00:27:19.900 no that's not me that's not my name although she has at this point been francisco for like

00:27:24.940 20 years or whatever um anyway so katalina de chavis the highest born most important lady

00:27:31.820 and she was just like renting out a room for her i guess and then a whole thing happened um

00:27:37.020 that should have been the subtitle of her memoir honestly yeah so so maybe an indigenous man or

00:27:44.100 maybe catalina in disguise as an indigenous man slashed another woman's face i think you're

00:27:50.080 thinking what i'm thinking which is like that's catalina's signature move who else whom's else

00:27:54.600 has been slashing faces for the last two hours yeah so catalina wound up sentences to 10 years

00:28:00.660 without pay because they said that it was her and she's like why wasn't me it's like okay okay

00:28:06.240 even if it wasn't her this time it was you the previous 24 times so but also her son is just 10

00:28:13.480 years without pay which although it's not like she wasn't sentenced to like jail or like but

00:28:17.600 she's bankrupt. She needs money. She needs her pay. Anyway, I don't know. She appealed one day 1.00

00:28:21.680 and then was free to go. I have to say my Basque person was involved or, oh no, the widow, the 0.99

00:28:27.960 widow, I think, like vouched for her because I think it was like the woman whose face was slashed 0.88

00:28:33.480 was like the widow's enemy or something, which makes it sound even more like she got Catalina

00:28:38.320 to do that for her. Anyway, so the widow, I think, sent her some help. And then Catalina says,

00:28:43.940 quote it just goes to show that persistence and hard work can perform miracles and it happens

00:28:49.540 regularly especially in the indies i'm sorry that was that that awful cackle of my laugh

00:28:58.140 it's going to start with your listeners but it just goes to show that persistence

00:29:01.900 is an incredible lesson to take from this story

00:29:08.160 what what on what minute has your primary virtues been persistence and hard work

00:29:19.240 what work have you done except for slashing and llama herding this is like an arthur the tv show

00:29:28.480 like saying actually i feel like could this be the t-shirt

00:29:33.460 i'll get one for myself it'd be like that with like a hat like a fancy like 0.52

00:29:40.480 yeah um you might be the biggest dirtbag i've ever encountered in my life yeah no see again

00:29:51.980 and this is why like i had to have you on this episode this is incredible show-stopping

00:29:57.740 spectacular yeah no it's well well also she's like it just goes to show that persistence and 0.77

00:30:02.440 hard work can perform miracles but like you were sitting in jail she didn't do persistent like 0.96

00:30:07.200 catalina didn't like if the widow is the one who like went around bribing people or whatever

00:30:12.120 you just also deep respect to that widow for being like i've had this grudge for 20 years and

00:30:18.040 suddenly there's this mysterious face slasher in my house and i have a plan yeah that's great

00:30:23.440 maneuvering on her part you know what yeah i i feel i i appreciate her her name again was donia

00:30:29.020 Catalina de Chavez she gets a seven for scheminess yeah definitely I give my notes little headings

00:30:37.140 when I get to a new and so this one is just called another town another drama so she peaced out of 0.99

00:30:42.600 there and met up with I'm gonna say I don't know if it's the same llama guy again or another man 0.66

00:30:48.900 who gave her 10,000 llamas to escort I have to feel like it's the same guy and the last time

00:30:55.200 she lost 2000 llamas but you know how she gets these jobs like did she just walk down the street

00:31:02.400 and she's just like a guy with like 10 000 llamas i couldn't help but notice you

00:31:06.400 thousands of llamas i mean to her credit this time she does have relevant prior experience

00:31:13.900 she has heard multiple thousands of llamas before so yeah yeah yeah so she did okay and

00:31:20.540 end because she lives for drama honestly like she cannot she can't not this is where i'm just like

00:31:28.340 the common denominator in this is you am i the drama yes yes you are okay so she went to play

00:31:38.140 cards at some guy's house and he insulted her which is like i always think of back to future

00:31:44.980 part two and three are you familiar with those films i can't assume tangentially okay so there's

00:31:50.220 a thing where i've talked about this on the podcast a hundred percent i'm sure because i

00:31:53.980 think about this a lot but like marty mcfly in the second back to the future movie they established

00:31:57.860 this thing where like if anyone calls him a chicken he will do anything he's like how dare

00:32:02.140 you call me a chicken he's like i will do the most dangerous road race i will do anything he's

00:32:05.100 just like you can't go it's like a real psychological trigger for him so catalina

00:32:10.760 anyone insulting her she just like pavlovian it's just like draws her dagger but for someone who

00:32:16.880 like clearly loves herself a lot insulting her is the biggest like the worst that you can do

00:32:22.020 to her because there's nothing she loves more than herself so she drew her dagger he drew his dagger

00:32:27.560 and the other players were like calm down they're like okay but then later that night the two met

00:32:33.540 outside with swords quote we parried but before long i ran him through and down he went down he

00:32:40.700 went casually how did that happen i don't know um okay here's the other thing she might be

00:32:47.520 spending her money on which is swords because or just sword sharpening because to be in this

00:32:52.860 many sword fights like your sword is gonna get damaged yeah i don't know very much about sword

00:32:57.720 maintenance but like swords weren't cheap i know a lot about sword maintenance because

00:33:01.280 i have only been watching the reality competition show forged in fire for the last year that when

00:33:08.820 you ask like did i watch the pirate show it's like no allison all i watch is reruns of fortune

00:33:12.640 fire well it comes up it comes in handy when i ask you questions about sword maintenance

00:33:16.980 and that's the thing so i don't know anyone out there who's not familiar with the show so it's

00:33:21.880 three bladesmiths and they have to it's like project run where they're like you have to make

00:33:25.180 swords out of a broken down car you have to make swords but you can't use electricity like whatever

00:33:31.040 so then they test the swords by doing these things that real swords would never have to face like in

00:33:35.720 the last episode there was like there's some sort of giant it was like a skull or something it's

00:33:39.960 like a giant bone like an actual bone of an animal and then he took the sword and then he had a second

00:33:44.660 bone and he was like hammering the sword into the bone with the other bone just to see if it could

00:33:49.420 sustain like what how much damage it would sustain and like any show like the tests have gotten

00:33:54.000 wilder as the show goes on because the people competing have gotten more skilled right so and

00:33:59.760 then another one of the challenges they put it they put the sword straight up in sort of like

00:34:03.960 a giant clock and then they kind of like pull it to one direction to see how far it'll go

00:34:09.260 and then does it go back straight after you do that and you pull it to the other side

00:34:13.280 so from this i've learned that swords can take damage and sometimes it's irreparable like the

00:34:21.340 more you use a sword the more you hit a sword against another thing like the so i think she's

00:34:25.740 gonna need to be like yeah and in her case the other thing she's hitting it against is someone

00:34:30.620 else's face repeatedly yes true or their torso and that's where i also learned from fortune fire 0.92

00:34:35.700 sometimes i get a ballistics torso or sometimes i use like an actual like pig carcass and so i've

00:34:41.360 learned that like hitting a blade against bone like bone is one of the hardest things you can

00:34:45.100 hit against so if she's killing people it's gonna need replacement swords you know what this i'm

00:34:50.500 really glad to be able to bring one percent of my current knowledge about bladesmithing onto this 0.91

00:34:55.860 podcast it's literally the only thing i watch that and murder she wrote let's see so i ran him

00:35:02.160 through down he went the police tried to arrest her but she fought them off and retreated to

00:35:07.920 the cathedral in a move that i now call the catalina special where she's just like this is

00:35:15.080 the like that's so catalina um i feel like it's so part of her thing like when she's like they

00:35:22.160 just need to have like a guard outside of every church all the time to stop her before she gets

00:35:25.340 inside like she's just i mean she's gonna flash a face and run into a church that is that is her

00:35:30.580 one-two punch that's that's what she does yeah if you picture it's sort of like a wanted poster

00:35:35.320 it would be like that picture of her looking like lord farquaad and it would just be like

00:35:39.960 catalina wanted for face slashing like she runs into churches after like dear churches don't let 1.00

00:35:45.500 her in please stop she's wanted for murder in every city in new spain south america she has 1.00

00:35:52.940 yeah yeah okay so then anyway she went to the church and then you know slipped away under 0.94

00:35:58.920 darkest night which is part three of her the catalina special really yeah so another city 1.00

00:36:04.440 another fucking card game turns into a sword fight in the streets she kills another man but 0.95

00:36:11.980 nobody saw it so she went on to her friend's house and didn't tell anyone but she wrote it 1.00

00:36:17.080 in her memoirs like you could have just gotten away with it but she wants oh no oh no no someone

00:36:22.900 found out about it like the body was like the next morning but i love that she just like got 0.92

00:36:27.600 in a fight killed a man she's like no one saw it okay i'll just go through my like let's go hang

00:36:31.780 with my friend miguel okay um that's like in every true crime thing where you're like you know

00:36:39.040 like his wife went missing but then he went to the daughter's birthday party and he seemed like

00:36:42.360 he was acting normal anyway so the sheriff found her i like to picture it's just one sheriff i know

00:36:48.040 it's not but because i took so many names out and it's sort of like a jean valjean javert thing

00:36:52.600 where there's just that would be the movie there's just one sheriff who's just like i will get her if

00:36:58.400 it's the last thing i do she's like evil jean valjean in that way right because he went town 1.00

00:37:04.920 to town doing good kind things she went town to town slashing faces and murder oh right which

00:37:10.380 brings me to the littlest hobo, which I need to explain to you. Yes, you do, because that was 0.78

00:37:16.060 quite a non sequitur for me. Okay. So, well, this is something I did not realize. So growing up in

00:37:22.880 Canada, you get a lot of American television. And so I don't always know what is an American show

00:37:27.760 that we're watching and what was a Canadian show that just we're watching. So I asked on Twitter

00:37:33.420 a bit ago when I realized when I made the littlest hobo connection, I was like, wait,

00:37:37.340 do people know this? And the consensus on Twitter was like, what are you talking about?

00:37:40.380 We do not, but the Canadians out there are singing the theme song in their head.

00:37:45.380 I promise. So the littlest hobo was a Canadian show in the nineties.

00:37:48.740 It was about a dog, the littlest hobo who would every episode,

00:37:54.900 he would go to a new town and there'd be people that are having trouble.

00:37:57.920 And somehow the dog would like bring the people together and solve the problem.

00:38:01.680 And then he would move on to the next town. And so every episode was just this dog.

00:38:05.380 It wasn't a talking dog. The dog didn't have a companion.

00:38:07.560 it was just a dog would show up and it's usually like a child would befriend the dog and then like

00:38:12.480 somehow just the dog being there would like help rectify like a you know a schism in a family or

00:38:17.700 maybe you know like evil developers are going to buy the like small town but somehow the dog being

00:38:21.240 there like the dog would just come to town help out and then move along and the opening credits

00:38:25.920 are like the dog hopping in the back of the pickup truck and just like sitting there

00:38:28.960 anyway she is very much the opposite of that she comes into a town she makes it worse and

00:38:37.440 she leaves right so that's right i was reading a story and i was just like this is just like

00:38:40.520 the littlest hobo but murder yes anyway the littlest hobo is pretty iconic show in canada

00:38:49.820 i think they should reboot it get on that i would be happy to be the executive producer of such a

00:38:54.780 show or you could do littlest hobo but oldie timey and you could have the littlest hobo go around

00:39:00.560 south america in the 1600s helping out i don't know cleaning up after catalina as she comes in

00:39:08.440 yeah so i think um it's like the book is so much like you're gonna read it you've already said

00:39:15.080 but every chapter it's like then i went to this town this happened i stabbed this person then i

00:39:18.540 ran away the next chapter is like then i went to this town i stabbed this person then so i'm just

00:39:21.320 like this is me just being like on google maps i'm like where is that what country is that where

00:39:25.100 are you? Cause it's just like city, city, city, city. Like she's always on the move, but that's

00:39:30.360 like the littlest hobo. That's how she's, that's how she's happiest. That's what life calls her

00:39:35.900 for. Maybe tomorrow I'll have to settle down. Um, yeah, if I had skills, I would do a little

00:39:47.180 extraordinarily niche Tik TOK. That would be the littlest hobo theme song, but just pictures of

00:39:51.480 Catalina that would appeal to Canadian fans of this podcast who are on TikTok which is I don't

00:39:59.220 even know maybe two people they would enjoy it everyone else just be like what is happening so

00:40:05.860 any oh my god okay so right so she stabbed somebody went to her friends afterwards because

00:40:11.460 she's like there's no witnesses great um but guess what the sheriff found her the next morning and

00:40:15.400 took her to jail where she was tortured but did not confess and this is where I want to mention

00:40:20.660 she's put in jail a lot i don't know if there's other times where she's tortured but the whole 0.61

00:40:24.920 like my breasts aren't big because of italian poultice like physiologically i have to assume 1.00

00:40:35.620 her shirt would have been removed for some of this torture like that's like the basic thing

00:40:40.540 you would do to whip somebody to like whatever right i would yeah you've been in prison this 1.00

00:40:46.140 many times yeah like you're not keeping a secret if it's a secret anyway she's tortured she did

00:40:52.020 not confess this is where i'm just thinking like physiologically there's lots of different body 0.71

00:40:55.900 shapes so she's just someone who's just like small chested maybe a bit rotund they're just 0.87

00:41:02.960 like okay that's just like a man with like the fleshy torso anyway of course she didn't give

00:41:09.160 into torture because she i think doesn't feel emotion or maybe pain so she was indicted i can't 0.78

00:41:16.980 believe this for for a murder but no one saw it when there's so many murders that got her this is

00:41:22.540 the murder that she got indicted for well there's so many where everyone saw it anyway not the one

00:41:27.580 where she murdered the judge in a tavern full of people i forgot about the judge the judge

00:41:34.260 right in like you just murdered him and she's just like and you too okay so she's indicted

00:41:41.380 and in a trial witnesses she'd never seen before testified against her

00:41:45.620 or killed their family at some point yeah or were they like anyway again like you said it's like

00:41:54.540 yeah like well hey she did do this one yeah like if she's describing this in her memoir is like oh

00:42:00.480 oh, these people I've never seen came and accused me falsely of a murder that you did do.

00:42:05.940 Yeah. She's just like, well, that's mistrial. She was sentenced to death

00:42:10.160 and she appealed, but she lost the appeal. Quote, now I was getting worried.

00:42:20.240 I mean, valid response. Yeah. One of the only times in this book that she mentions feeling

00:42:26.340 a human emotion but never fear so the basque underground railroad strikes again so a priest

00:42:37.560 arrived for her confession because in this the situation and she will be sentenced to death

00:42:43.900 again later you get a last confession before you are killed so they're like he came for the

00:42:50.180 confession and she was like pass which is like honestly like as like someone raised catholic

00:42:57.360 i'm like ballard move like what do you have to confess not a thing nope never done anything

00:43:04.000 wrong in my life oh my god um we haven't gotten there were ways off but like when she meets the

00:43:10.700 pope just like wait for that so so they're like okay so they took her to like the hanging

00:43:16.940 area i don't know but then at the last minute a messenger arrives saying a powerful basque person

00:43:23.140 again sorry i check out so many names there was a lot of names was here to call for a stay of

00:43:27.700 execution and so she was spared death and then freed 24 days later because of the basque basque

00:43:34.580 looks out for basque you know and i presume in a bribery type way because you have to be like hey 0.56

00:43:40.880 i vouch for her this like obvious murderer can you not kill her like oh cool yeah no i think 0.75

00:43:45.960 totally totally i think it would have been like i'll give you 10 000 llamas and they're like okay 1.00

00:43:49.760 okay that's why all the moms keep disappearing to every time take off a death row we lose 2 000 0.99

00:43:55.320 llamas okay so then she moves to like god knows somewhere um she's in a new town and she happened 1.00

00:44:01.980 this is how she phrases it i just happened upon some people fighting a woman named doña maria 0.74

00:44:09.220 davalos stuck her head out of a window so people were fighting like in and around a house so she 0.97

00:44:14.180 stuck her head out of a window and she said to Catalina, take me with you, senor Capitan. My 0.99

00:44:18.060 husband is trying to kill me. And then the woman jumped out of the window and didn't die. It was 0.92

00:44:22.280 like not a high window, I guess. She sits like, help me. You're my only hope. Catalina was like,

00:44:28.240 what is happening? And then some friars nearby who like always have her back as well, felt her

00:44:33.280 and Maria had been caught by her husband, allegedly with another man. And she was, she'd

00:44:37.560 been locked up in the room by her husband who like literally was probably going to kill her

00:44:40.720 um and like an honor killing type thing and Catalina was like I'll help you and so they

00:44:45.200 headed off together this could also be the start of an interesting movie she and Maria they're

00:44:50.960 chased um and then the people chasing them caught up by them there's a river and Catalina it's all

00:44:55.280 like in the book she's all like and I got to a river and I'm like what do we do it's a river

00:44:57.960 she's like well we'll just go through the river and then they did and okay they kept heading

00:45:02.700 towards so where they were going was to La Plata which is a place where there was a convent where

00:45:08.140 maria's mother was and if she could get maria there then maria would be safe so that's their

00:45:13.440 goal this is like strangely altruistic of her yeah there's nothing in this for her no she's

00:45:19.760 just like messing with those guys which like i guess is a motivation but i don't know this is

00:45:24.280 like why are you being nice to her it's this is as much as the story is kind of like repetitive

00:45:29.520 this is like well this is different so um anyway so chasing chasing it's like a car chase but

00:45:35.940 horses so the maria's husband and like other people were gaining on them so like they went

00:45:41.560 overnight then the next morning the husband fired at them from the rifle the billet whizzing by so

00:45:47.180 close to our ears we could hear it sing but they they kept going they ran away and they finally

00:45:53.600 reached the convent where maria's mother lived maria was handed over but then the husband showed

00:45:57.660 up what if i told you there was a sword fight i would believe you yeah it's a sword fight

00:46:05.620 they fought in the church um but nobody now we can fight in churches we've spent all of this time

00:46:11.360 saying you can't fight in the church and she's just like i don't care i don't know so nobody

00:46:15.520 died in the sword fight this is like a real palatine service story yeah um catalina was

00:46:20.940 injured and so she's taken into the monastery to convalesce for five months eventually maria

00:46:26.320 and her husband each took vows like maria became a nun and the husband became like a friar slash

00:46:31.060 monk. Um, and Catalina was not, I don't know. It's just like Catalina was cleared. So I guess

00:46:39.820 she was charged, I guess for abducting Maria maybe, but she's cleared because she was just

00:46:43.700 in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's the one story that I have to tell you where no one

00:46:50.640 dies. No one dies. Hooray. But then so, so then she needed a job because, you know, she's has no

00:47:00.460 money etc um and a kind woman set her up as kind of a detective slash bounty hunter incredible

00:47:07.300 amazing so the job she's given is quote to investigate and punish certain crimes that

00:47:13.540 had been committed in the area they set me up with a court clerk and a constable and we set

00:47:17.720 off together oh my gosh she gets she gets her own constable oh my gosh so the nerve it takes to be

00:47:26.600 like you're my constable me who has murdered 38 people definitely get to start hanging out with

00:47:32.300 the cops now well and here's the thing so she's like detective kailena de arousa you're like okay

00:47:36.780 what's she gonna be like it's like literally like judge jury executioner like oh she'll be all those

00:47:41.240 things and so she tracked on a guy in charge that he had robbed two indigenous people and murdered

00:47:46.240 them in a most cowardly fashion and then buried them under his house which is quite a bold thing

00:47:51.700 for her to be investigating this right um but guess what so she's just like hmm sherlock catalina

00:47:57.500 she went with her constable like she put her csi giant hat they looked around they found the

00:48:03.680 bodies she found the evidence and in fact um i think this is a quote it has to be in fact it

00:48:09.240 was she who tracked down every last detail of the case and when she was done she called this guy in

00:48:13.520 front of her and sentenced him to death so she's just like i'm just gonna single-handedly solve

00:48:18.600 this case boom boom you're guilty despite how many times she's been sentenced to death and

00:48:23.980 escape she's just like but that guy you you're right she doesn't think other people have lives

00:48:29.420 or yeah our people but she doesn't that was just it she's just hired for this one bounty hunter job 0.99

00:48:34.700 i guess okay um because then she moved along a la the littlest hobo to la paz bolivia where she

00:48:40.600 rested for a little while uneventfully quote until one day without a care in the world

00:48:47.280 that her words not mine she stopped by the sheriff's house to chat with one of his servants

00:48:52.640 why why are you going to hang out with this sheriff friend of all the people to not go chat with

00:49:00.320 okay quote and i tell you the devil must have been stirring the coals because it ended with

00:49:06.300 a fellow calling me a liar and slapping me across the face with his cap what did you think was going

00:49:11.780 to happen without a care on the world so obviously she retaliated via dagger stabbed the guy and she 0.92

00:49:18.860 was carted off to get another jail but this time just wait so she was sentenced to death as per

00:49:24.720 ever and was given final confession in jail and then was taken to church for final mass and

00:49:29.720 communion from a priest but when she was given the communion host do you know what a communion host

00:49:34.940 is yeah like the little bread thing right so like in the mass the priest like does the thing

00:49:40.460 i was gonna say a magic spell no a prayer where he's where it like turns the the bread and the

00:49:47.320 wine into like literally the body and blood of christ so it's like after that has happened

00:49:51.580 every piece of it is important and valuable so like even like if a bit of wine spills in the

00:49:56.420 tablecloth it has to be handled in like a certain way because it's like holy right so she was given

00:50:02.380 the community host she spat it out in her hand and yelled i call in the church i call in the church

00:50:07.620 what so now the consecrated host was now in her hand she's holding a handful of jesus yeah what

00:50:14.520 is she doing okay quote complete bedlam ensued the brothers were scandalized they kept shouting

00:50:19.960 heretic heretic so the priests circled around her with a great number of townspeople who lit

00:50:27.540 candles they unfurled a canopy over her head and carried her in procession to the sacristy which

00:50:33.340 is like behind the scenes area of the church everyone got down on their knees and a priest

00:50:38.480 pried the wafer from her hand they scraped out her hand washing it again and again and wiped it off 0.95

00:50:42.900 so you're thinking to yourself i assume what the fuck is yes catalina tells a story in like an 0.94

00:50:53.960 ocean's 11 style which is how i'm telling it as well so like this happens it's like so you know 0.96

00:50:58.580 how they're like well here's what was really happening she reveals at this point in the

00:51:02.460 memoir that this scheme was suggested to her by the guy who had taken her confession in jail who

00:51:07.160 was a pal of hers i assume from the basque country because he told her like if you do this like they

00:51:12.700 can't kill you because you you'll have little bits of jesus still on your hand wouldn't she in her

00:51:17.980 digestive system yeah like okay so she was then kept inside the church for a month under guard 0.99

00:51:26.720 why until her like skin cells replicated she didn't wash her hands for a month i don't 0.95

00:51:32.280 but then a helpful local priest gave her a mule and a little cash and she slipped out of town 0.97

00:51:37.680 under darkest night what the fuck was that allison i don't know i mean that that is truly the most 0.79

00:51:45.280 incomprehensible escape i've ever heard yeah and she really tells the story just kind of like this 0.98

00:51:49.160 happened this happened i spit it out of my hand and then they couldn't kill me i guess like

00:51:52.420 is that the loophole i mean i've read a lot of weird loopholes about how you get out of a death

00:51:59.000 sentence but never one that involved spitting a consecrated host out on your own hand that one's

00:52:04.440 new to me yeah no this one she really doesn't explain it very well well i mean she explains it 0.89

00:52:08.180 to the extent that the spanish people reading it they'd be like oh shit the classic spit out

00:52:13.040 the host maneuver never thought about that i hate to leave you in such a cliffhanger but this is a

00:52:21.100 really long story and i need to give us all a week to sort of just like decompress take in all of the

00:52:27.160 iconic things that we all just heard in this episode next week will be part three the conclusion

00:52:32.260 of the story of catalina de arouseo including her highly anticipated scoring on the fredigan

00:52:38.180 memorial scandalousness scale and i do have to just confirm with everyone listening right now

00:52:43.160 don't worry if you go to vulgarhistory.store there is merch with the iconic phrase it just goes to

00:52:50.240 show that persistence and hard work can perform miracles so if you want to just really take

00:52:55.780 catalina's or throw the tv show style motto with you uh take a look there at vulgar history.store

00:53:02.780 and remember when you go there you can use code tits out for free u.s shipping or tits out 10 for

00:53:07.440 10 off in the not the u.s and you can also find we're discussing these episodes in the instagram

00:53:17.520 stories instagram vulgar history pod we're also on twitter at vulgar history and you can always

00:53:23.540 send me a message my dms are open on twitter and on instagram but also if you go to vulgarhistory.com

00:53:30.300 there's a little thing there where you can send me messages and yeah patreon.com and foster writer

00:53:36.800 is where you can pledge money to help support the podcast and for as little as a dollar a month you

00:53:44.220 get um early access to all the episodes so if you're just like i can't wait a week to see what

00:53:50.200 part three of catalina's story is gonna include um that should be posted there um in a few days

00:53:57.060 actually so if you pledge some money at patreon.com and foster writer you can get early access to that

00:54:02.180 and also other podcasts and things as well but honestly i'm just like i said at the beginning

00:54:07.680 and i do feel like this is maybe my favorite episode i've ever done the story of catalina

00:54:12.880 de arousal is non-stop and you'll never believe what happens in part three that's next week 0.99

00:54:19.380 until then keep your mask on and your tits out talk to you then 0.99

00:54:23.860 The war is over and both sides lost. 1.00

00:54:43.440 Kingdoms were reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust.

00:54:48.660 Now the survivors claw to what's left of a broken world,

00:54:53.300 praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight.

00:54:56.560 But in the shadow dark, the darkness always wins.

00:55:00.880 This is old school adventuring at its most cruel.

00:55:04.340 Your torch ticks down in real time.

00:55:06.700 And when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job.

00:55:10.260 This is a brutal rules light nightmare with a story that emerges organically

00:55:15.140 based on the decisions that the characters make.

00:55:17.740 This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back.

00:55:22.560 Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark

00:55:25.540 every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com slash the glass cannon

00:55:29.880 with the podcast version dropping the next day.

00:55:33.260 See what everybody's talking about and join us in the dark.

00:55:40.100 Goodbye, Kyle.

00:55:41.580 Did the sound of those words call to you like Pavlov's dog?

00:55:44.660 Then you might enjoy our podcast Turtle Time.

00:55:46.980 Every week, you can join me, Riley Hamilton, and my co-host, Amy Scarlotta, as we cover the most pressing Bravo news and dig into the new episodes to answer important questions like, who the hell is Adrienne Maloof in this world?

00:56:00.160 Listen to Turtle Time on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday and Friday.

00:56:07.520 Hi, I'm Whitney. And I'm Katie. And we're the hosts of True Crime Campfire. We set out to make

00:56:14.100 a true crime podcast we'd want to listen to. We get right to the story. We don't do a lot of extra

00:56:19.380 talking, and when we do, it's usually to roast the short hairs off of some loser, murderer, 0.99

00:56:23.820 or scammer. You'll laugh, but only at the people who deserve it. Like, which serial killer would 0.99

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00:56:40.260 Patty James, a killer catfish before the internet was even a thing. Or Howard Walmsley, a sentient

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Vulgar History - May 04, 2022

International, part 10： Catalina de Erauso Herds 20,000 Llamas (pt 2⧸2)

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