Vulgar History - Marie Antoinette (part four)： The Escape Plan

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00:00:25.700 The link is also in this episode description. Enjoy!

00:00:30.000 Hello, and welcome to Vulgar History, a feminist women's history comedy podcast.

00:00:43.880 My name is Anne Foster, and this is part four of our Marie Antoinette series.

00:00:49.220 And I have a special guest.

00:00:50.340 The previous Marie Antoinette episodes, just me talking.

00:00:52.640 But this one, I have a special guest, and it will become apparent why soon.

00:00:56.720 Special guest, can you introduce yourself?

00:00:58.360 Hi, it's me, special guest Alison Epstein, who shows up on episodes where Anne has a wild story she wants to talk about.

00:01:05.060 I was going to say, so Alison Epstein, for people, you know, there's probably some people who just started listening just with Marie Antoinette.

00:01:10.060 They may not even know what sorts of episodes you come on.

00:01:12.460 So it's like when Alison is here. 0.99

00:01:14.080 They don't know that I'm I'm a harbinger of the most unhinged bullshit you've ever heard in your life. 0.99

00:01:19.800 Yes. 1.00

00:01:20.340 Yeah. Well, this was a part of the story where I was reading it.

00:01:23.300 I was reading, so, you know, shout out to all my references, but especially for this chapter,

00:01:27.380 Marie Antoinette, The Journey by Antonia Frazier. She's such a good, it's such a good biography.

00:01:31.560 I recommend this to anybody who wants to learn about this, but these chapters, I was just like

00:01:35.620 sitting there, I was just like, can't put down this book. And I was just being like, what, what?

00:01:39.400 Like not throwing the book across the room, but basically, cause I'm just like, no, what? And

00:01:43.720 then afterwards I was like looking up, Oh, what happened to this guy? Did this guy get guillotined?

00:01:47.820 What happened to this guy? It's just like, people come and go just for this chapter. And it's like,

00:01:52.060 Like I need the back and forth of an Alison Epstein episode just to share this story.

00:01:56.360 I'm here to react loudly and in awe and disbelief at any time.

00:02:02.480 I have done no preparation.

00:02:04.460 So I am just here to enjoy myself as Anne tells me a story.

00:02:07.620 Yeah.

00:02:08.080 Yeah.

00:02:08.340 I think the last few times you've been on the podcast, you've been telling me stories.

00:02:10.840 You were here for the Marquis de Lafayette episode.

00:02:13.640 He shows up in this episode.

00:02:15.500 My boy.

00:02:17.040 Doing his best.

00:02:18.800 Oh, he's trying.

00:02:20.220 He's always trying.

00:02:21.120 And then also you're here for the episode that was like, who were the leaders of the

00:02:24.340 French revolution?

00:02:25.220 I think their energy is here, certainly if they aren't in person, but you know, we started

00:02:29.700 this whole journey of season seven.

00:02:31.840 How do you solve a problem?

00:02:32.580 Like Marie Antoinette.

00:02:33.240 And I knew nothing about this time period.

00:02:34.860 And now I am so full of facts.

00:02:37.240 I'm like fact checking other people.

00:02:39.980 Actually, you sent me a text today and I was just like, actually, Alison, that's not true.

00:02:44.820 I was thinking, I said, I said, Anna joke about a topic of this episode.

00:02:48.120 She probably knows more about whatever I just said than I do.

00:02:50.940 Yeah, actually. So I'm, yeah, I know as much as I'm ever going to know about this and I'm excited

00:02:57.080 to share this story. So I just want to shout out the other references I had. So Marie Antoinette,

00:03:00.960 The Journey by Antonia Frazier, a classic of the genre of Marie Antoinette biographies. Also a lot

00:03:06.000 of great information from Queen of Fashion, What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution by Caroline

00:03:09.840 Weber. That's where we get our hat information. There will be hats. And Marie Antoinette,

00:03:14.760 Teen Queen to Guillotine by Melanie Burroughs is another useful book that I've been looking at.

00:03:19.640 so previously on this sequence of episodes just you know we're recording this before

00:03:25.520 these episodes have actually come out so but Allison I'll just let you know what here's what

00:03:29.620 you missed on Glee so the Estates General that happened last time um I learned and we spoke on

00:03:36.580 this podcast a lot about French tax law thrilling thrilling for everybody anyway there's the Estates

00:03:41.620 General and so they met and then the third estate was like what if we become the new the National

00:03:46.420 assembly and are in charge of the country now and what if we march to Versailles with the market

00:03:53.600 ladies and what if we force the royal family to come move to Paris featuring various heads on

00:03:58.940 various pikes beautiful which I will say in uh in the Marie Antoinette movie by Sofia Coppola which 0.58

00:04:05.020 we will be having an episode about at a later date there was a sequence where there was the mob and I 1.00

00:04:09.280 was excited to see the mob they're all sort of off screen but you could see the pikes no heads on 1.00

00:04:14.060 pikes but i'm like those those pikes are gonna have some heads on i know they came prepared so 1.00

00:04:19.340 the royal family is forced to versailles to go to paris um and actually i don't know if you know 0.84

00:04:23.800 this i don't know what anyone knows at this point i know so many facts it was during the march to

00:04:28.460 versailles where the ranch and her family were all being marched along alongside like the heads

00:04:33.060 of their personal bodyguards on pikes being shoved at them and you know the whole sans

00:04:37.480 culotte situation the people wearing the the loose wide-legged pants anyway marie antonette one of 0.95

00:04:45.500 them was like trying to shake the pike at her and she was just like get away from you sans culotte 0.88

00:04:49.280 so in fact she is the one who coined the term she's such an icon all the time i didn't know that 0.99

00:04:56.120 she is the one who said get away from you sans culotte and in the way that often you know with

00:05:00.500 insults it's like well we're gonna own that we're gonna be proud to be sans culotte we're gonna call

00:05:04.820 ourselves that now. Thanks, Brie Antoinette. So she can't stop influencing this time. Here's our

00:05:11.540 episode. I'm not going to say the name of the actual famous event that is in this because a

00:05:16.360 lot of people probably don't know that famous event. But after the fact, we'll say what it's

00:05:19.760 called to people who know the story. But this is so they've been moved to Paris. And part of the

00:05:24.220 reason why the royal family was moved to Paris was just everything is chaos. I just want to emphasize

00:05:29.020 And you know, Alison, and everyone knows at this point, no one's really in charge here.

00:05:35.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:35.660 This is a lot of flailing with pikes and feelings, I think. 1.00

00:05:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:39.340 They're just kind of like, let's just take the royal family to Paris because then they'll

00:05:43.000 be close to us, the people, their subjects and their kingdom.

00:05:46.340 Like, let's just move them to Paris.

00:05:47.560 Like, okay.

00:05:48.600 I actually recently rewatched the opening ceremonies of the Paris Olympics.

00:05:53.320 Oh gosh.

00:05:55.300 Because I was like, I watched them when they came on. 1.00

00:05:58.140 And I was just like, this is the most amazing fucked up French thing I've ever seen. 1.00

00:06:01.900 Your favorite kind of culture is an amazing fucked up French thing. 1.00

00:06:04.800 It is. 0.99

00:06:05.600 And so I was like, but I remember there's lots of palaces.

00:06:07.840 And now that I've read the history, I wanted to see what all this stuff looks like.

00:06:10.500 And everything's really close together, I learned.

00:06:12.920 Like the Louvre and the distance from the Louvre to the Arc de Triomphe and that distance.

00:06:16.460 Like there's the part where they're running with a torch.

00:06:18.520 And I'm like, oh, that's just next to that.

00:06:20.060 Oh, that's so anyway.

00:06:21.220 Once you're in Paris, I feel like all these palaces are close to each other.

00:06:24.300 So the Tuileries Palace is where they're taken to, which is like the way that I was reading about it.

00:06:29.080 It sounded sort of like a gross, abandoned, I don't know, like swamp palace, but it actually is really nice.

00:06:34.960 I was going to say, it's pretty nice.

00:06:36.580 Yeah, it's just no one had lived there for a while.

00:06:38.140 So there wasn't really a lot of furniture.

00:06:39.880 It was totally nice, fine, beautiful, huge palace.

00:06:42.920 This is not Mary Queen of Scots' swamp castle.

00:06:45.420 No, actually Versailles is the swamp castle because that was actually built in a swamp.

00:06:50.140 Anyway, so they're in Tuileries, which is like the French royal family's palace in Paris.

00:06:55.060 And it had not been used in about 50 years other than a few rooms.

00:06:58.400 So like they arrived, shall we say, unexpectedly.

00:07:01.860 There is not time to like do a deep clean.

00:07:04.500 There is not furniture or anything.

00:07:06.500 But furniture was quickly moved in from Versailles, which is like pretty close.

00:07:10.840 Including Marie Antoinette, did you know this about her?

00:07:12.820 She really liked gadgets. 1.00

00:07:14.500 She really liked like furniture with cranks and knobs.

00:07:17.540 She would like a sit stand station. I think like she just like mechanical furniture, a doodad and a what's it. I love that for her. 0.81

00:07:26.020 Yeah. So she, one of the things that was moved was her favorite mechanical dressing table.

00:07:31.020 What, what about it was mechanical? Did it play music?

00:07:36.400 I think there's just kind of like bits that were like, Oh, you know, like there's a lid and then the lid opens and then a thing pops out out of there.

00:07:42.440 and it's like oh here's your toiletries and here's it's kind of like the oldie times not

00:07:47.900 steampunk but just like mechanical furniture version of like sheriff's closet from clueless

00:07:52.440 is kind of what i imagine just some i'm hearing you and i know you're probably right but i'm

00:07:56.800 picturing the opera singing wardrobe from beauty and the beast and you can't stop me that's what

00:08:00.680 this is that's perfect it's perfect it's a yeah it's a dressing table slash opera singer anyway

00:08:05.720 so she got her favorite mechanical dressing table you know what keep this in mind her interest in

00:08:09.540 doodads and what's-its does come up with the main thrust of our episode. So much foreshadowing. I

00:08:15.080 just don't want people to know what's coming who don't know what's coming. Anyway, other new

00:08:18.780 furniture was commissioned because like the Royal family was moved to Paris, but at this point,

00:08:22.760 it's not like, let's get rid of the Royals. Like they were living very similarly to how they're

00:08:28.060 living in Versailles. They still had like their income. They had their allowance. Like they were

00:08:31.320 able to buy new stuff. So new furniture was commissioned. There's some characters who we

00:08:35.840 talked about in the last episode so to recap for people who heard and for allison who didn't hear

00:08:39.780 that so leonard leo was her hairdresser monsieur leonard i love a hairdresser who's plot relevant

00:08:47.920 that's excellent oh he does a lot in this episode actually so leonard was he started in theater

00:08:54.280 hair and costuming and marie internet went to the theater and she's like you know who i want to do

00:08:58.360 my hair the guy who's doing lady gaga's outfits hire me get me chapel rowan stylist and then she

00:09:05.640 And that's how she found him.

00:09:07.780 And so that's Leonard and his business partner is Rose Burton, who maybe you've heard of.

00:09:11.840 She was Marie Internet's like dress costumer lady.

00:09:15.480 So she would, when we're talking about like the poofs and the hats, that's like a Leo

00:09:19.940 slash Rose Burton co-production because Leo does the hair.

00:09:24.000 Rose does the structure. 0.79

00:09:27.340 They're like rotating carousel animals. 0.93

00:09:29.800 The two of them together, that's the glam squad.

00:09:32.480 Gotcha.

00:09:33.060 The hair gadgets, if you will.

00:09:34.980 Yes.

00:09:35.260 And what's notable about them also in the context of everything that's unprecedented about Marie Antoinette and her life is that usually when somebody is like the royal family's hairdresser, the royal family's dressmaker, they were not allowed to have other clients.

00:09:47.240 Like all you do is, but Marie Antoinette was like, no, keep your regular clients because that'll keep me on trend.

00:09:52.400 If you're only serving me, then you won't know the latest cool things happening.

00:09:56.040 And so Rose and Leo were like making bang off of this whole situation because it's like they had their shop.

00:10:01.780 It's like, Oh, do you want to come by and like get your hair done by the woman who like does

00:10:05.000 Kate Middleton's blowouts? Like, yeah, people are going to go to that hairdresser. So again, 0.92

00:10:08.980 like Tuileries is like Versailles is such a thing. We've talked in depth on this podcast before about

00:10:14.220 it, but you know, there was like whatever, every day, 75 people in Marie Antoinette's room helping

00:10:18.860 her get dressed in Tuileries. There's like Rose and Leo, which is like substantially less people,

00:10:23.380 but still to you and me, it's still pretty glamorous situation. And because of the absence

00:10:28.720 of a lot of the other people because marie and johnette's besties princess lambal and the duchess

00:10:34.520 of polignac had fled basically so in terms of who's her confidant like it's leo like her hairdresser

00:10:40.640 becomes her bestie and they become even more close but also he's not seen it suspiciously

00:10:45.780 when he's spending time with her because he's the hairdresser so yeah and in terms of just like

00:10:50.460 things kind of like the this is an example extreme extreme example of kind of when things are it's

00:10:58.160 hard for people to change their habits. It's hard for people to change with, like a guy just came

00:11:02.200 by my house today. He's like, Hey, do you want to change your internet provider? And I was just

00:11:05.260 like, yeah, this is going to save me money, but just like, I can't. That takes too much.

00:11:10.060 You want me to call somebody? No.

00:11:11.600 This is too much energy for me to conceptualize changing internet providers. Like I can't.

00:11:17.660 So in terms of like French society, like eventually at the end of the French revolution,

00:11:21.580 lots has changed, but for now it's like the family, the royal family is in the Tuileries,

00:11:24.940 not in Versailles, which is a change, but like everything else is kind of still the same.

00:11:29.640 Like three days after they showed up in the Tilleries Palace, they hosted. And by they,

00:11:34.160 I mean, oh, sorry, Marie Antoinette's husband, you might know as Louis the 16th. On this podcast,

00:11:40.020 we call him Barry because before he was the Dauphin, he was the Duke of Barry.

00:11:48.300 Oh, and he and all his brothers, they always just call each other. Like his brothers are

00:11:52.840 Provence and Artois. Everyone's just called by their title. And he's just a Barry to me.

00:11:59.560 Oh, Barry. Barry. So anyway, so Marie Antoinette and her husband, Barry, hosted a diplomatic

00:12:04.520 reception three days after they were marched with heads on pikes to the Tilly South.

00:12:10.020 They stay in this room. It's the only one with furniture. But other than that, we're going to

00:12:12.960 carry on. Pretty much. It's just kind of like things are just going on as per usual. It was

00:12:17.120 some visiting English dignitaries. And just like imagine them being like, hello, like we were told

00:12:22.900 there's a change of address for this formal reception. Why would you let us leave this one

00:12:26.760 room? We are the visiting English dignitaries. Hi. So one of them noted Marie Antoinette looked

00:12:35.960 pale and her eyes were always filled with tears. Just so you know her state of mind. She's had a

00:12:41.180 hard week. She's had a hard week and her son died like a month ago. So her of spinal tuberculosis,

00:12:47.500 by the way, tuberculosis of the spine. Yikes. Yeah. So it's interesting. Like some of the

00:12:54.560 people are writing about like, Oh, this is how Marie Antoinette looked like there was,

00:12:57.520 I think it was the opening of the estates general. One of the people, no, you know,

00:12:59.960 who was there? Governor Morris, actually. Notorious American horn dog, Governor Morris.

00:13:05.440 America's number one peg-legged horny founding father and Governor Morris was there and he's 0.96

00:13:14.160 like oh Marie Antoinette she wasn't smiling she looked so stuck up it's like my man her son died 0.73

00:13:21.540 three days ago and you forced her out of mourning to attend this so anyway people are like oh what's

00:13:27.860 wrong with her and I talked about in the earlier episodes Marie Antoinette also has a resting 0.98

00:13:31.340 bitch face and a lot of people hated her but she just does have a resting bitch face and so it's 0.99

00:13:35.700 like why isn't she smiling like well she just was marched from versailles with a decapitated head of 1.00

00:13:44.640 her guard thrust in her face and also she doesn't owe you a smile bitch calm down yeah yeah exactly 0.97

00:13:51.760 so um when these visiting dignitaries were there oh actually no i said so i'm confusing some like 0.98

00:13:57.860 historical changes in the movie from what happened in history so the duchess of polignac she did flee

00:14:02.940 after the women's march princess lamball is still on the scene she's there hanging out she's there

00:14:07.900 supporting marie antoinette so princess lamball is her other bestie she's the blonde one there's

00:14:12.300 the three of them lamball is blonde and polignac has dark hair and marie antoinette i don't know

00:14:17.200 if you know curly red hair there you go like all the best people you have one of each they are the 0.87

00:14:22.980 Powerpuff Girls. We talked about that in a previous episode. Anyway, I'm getting a sneak 0.83

00:14:30.520 preview from the past. It's kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah. So Lynn Bell is still there and she hosted

00:14:34.900 a soiree because her job is she's the superintendent of the household and she's like, well, I guess I'll

00:14:39.160 be superintendent of this abandoned Beauty and the Beast palace. So she hosted a soiree for the

00:14:44.040 English dignitaries and Marie Antoinette attended this soiree until she noticed where this is going

00:14:48.720 to be a recurring thing. And I'm curious to know how much you know about England's past decapitated

00:14:54.180 king, Charles I. I don't know how much you know about him, but you know, he existed.

00:14:58.920 I know he existed and I know he was decapitated and that's, that's sort of the extent of it.

00:15:03.980 That's most of what he did. That's most of what he did. He was the father of my problematic fave,

00:15:09.220 Charles II. So not, not him, his dad. So his dad, so England's,

00:15:18.720 Charles I was forced out of being king and was executed.

00:15:23.460 And then Oliver Cromwell took over briefly.

00:15:26.320 And then Charles II came back, sexy Captain Hook took over again.

00:15:30.000 But one of the people at the English diplomatic reception was wearing a ring

00:15:35.160 containing a lock of hair from Oliver Cromwell.

00:15:40.460 Anyway, the trajectory of English listeners, explain yourselves to me.

00:15:45.560 Do you all have this ring?

00:15:47.060 I don't know.

00:15:47.400 So anyway, so one of them had this ring of Oliver Cromwell's hair and that kind of made Marie Antoinette freak out because of the connotations of like a king being beheaded.

00:15:54.180 And that just kind of got her spiraling.

00:15:55.720 And then she just had to leave the reception.

00:15:57.440 She couldn't stay.

00:15:58.420 I mean, there's no way you're accidentally wearing your Oliver Cromwell hair ring to a Marie Antoinette reception.

00:16:05.220 Like you don't do that.

00:16:06.340 Oh, I forgot to take this off.

00:16:07.660 I wear it everywhere.

00:16:08.660 Like I think that was on purpose.

00:16:10.420 Couldn't help notice there's a lock of hair in your ring.

00:16:12.800 Is that your wife's?

00:16:13.980 Is that your child's? 0.88

00:16:14.840 Oh, no, actually, it's.

00:16:15.880 But Oliver Cromwell, everyone's favorite regisital maniac from like 100 years ago.

00:16:21.740 Do you want to hear about his genocides? It's really fun.

00:16:24.840 Yeah. So but side note, re-England's King Charles I.

00:16:28.260 So Barry, a.k.a. Louis XVI, was very interested in English history.

00:16:33.640 He had he has various hyper fixations.

00:16:35.840 He is a person on the spectrum.

00:16:39.560 Barry, he likes forging locks.

00:16:42.840 He likes woodworking.

00:16:44.640 He likes going hunting and tracking how many things he killed.

00:16:47.400 And he likes learning about England's King Charles I.

00:16:50.680 I like him so much more than I did before you said those four things.

00:16:54.960 He's a sympathetic character.

00:16:57.280 Yeah.

00:16:58.060 Anyway, so he was really interested in English history and he had always been really taken by the saga of Charles I versus Cromwell and how Charles I behaved.

00:17:05.380 Bear that in mind, listeners, for this and future episodes.

00:17:08.620 So, yeah, everything kind of went back.

00:17:11.160 Things kind of continued, I guess, in this kind of weird status quo, which to them would

00:17:15.000 be like, this is so different than usual.

00:17:17.500 Instead of 150 people watching me have dinner, there's only 75, where to me, it's just like

00:17:22.620 considering how different it's going to get, this is like not that different.

00:17:26.080 So Barry had two younger brothers.

00:17:28.180 His next younger brother, Provence, his main character trait is being fat, Provence, and 0.99

00:17:34.460 having a lot of sex with his wife. 0.99

00:17:35.980 Good for him. 1.00

00:17:36.940 Yeah.

00:17:37.120 Oh, no, that was a whole like contentious thing where like they were having children,

00:17:40.260 Marie Antoinette and Barry not having children because they didn't know how sex worked for seven

00:17:43.720 years right so like Provence and his wife came by for their usual dinners the National Assembly

00:17:49.480 who had were in charge at this point like the trajectory of them just being like let's have

00:17:54.180 the estates general to pass some tax laws wait the third estate is going rogue oh you're making 0.55

00:17:59.800 the tennis court what the fuck do we do now oh now you're in charge of the country question mark

00:18:04.880 so anyway so they provided Barry with an allowance he still had funds from his estate so they still 0.95

00:18:09.780 had two public dinners every week like the whole Versailles thing of just like people come and watch

00:18:13.980 the royal family eat which is bananas because we're in like the early stages of what will 0.61

00:18:18.160 retroactively be called the French Revolution so you've just like market ladies coming into 0.90

00:18:22.920 Tuileries Palace to like watch Marie Antoinette having supper the market ladies like the people

00:18:28.820 who formerly were carrying heads on pikes are just being there like what are they having oh 1.00

00:18:32.860 strawberries i'm just saying they have to like check the pikes at the door like

00:18:37.180 put that in the closet i'll give you a pikes are allowed heads or not you know what that's 1.00

00:18:44.400 really just good manners yeah or you put the head on because then the pike's less dangerous 1.00

00:18:47.920 less pointy so the head has to wear a hat i think is the is the deal they kept taking in this in

00:18:54.380 this story i forget if it's in the story it's in various of these stories various people with

00:18:58.720 various pikes would stop at hairdressers and get the hairdressers to like style the hair of the

00:19:02.580 heads no really just yeah this happened in the women's march for sure and then that happened 0.99

00:19:08.220 with princess lambal after she was killed which we talked about in a previous episode like

00:19:12.140 just like cutting up heads and then having the hair styled was just like

00:19:15.440 it's very french to me yeah also can you imagine being that poor hairdresser oh my god jesus

00:19:21.280 i don't know do you set certain rates for like decapitated head is that more or less

00:19:28.200 then you charge for a intact person. I don't know. I mean, for me, I'm charging double,

00:19:32.720 but that's, I would charge double. But you know what, actually the people asking you to do that

00:19:35.860 are probably going to murder you if you don't do it. So I might do it. I mean, I'm going to do it,

00:19:40.160 but I would appreciate a really nice tip. Yeah, please. Um, your tip is a cockade, Alison.

00:19:46.840 That's right. Do you like some, some palazzo pants? Sounds cool. Lots only. So, so they're 0.98

00:19:54.340 having these dinners. The family is at this point, and this is like, maybe you can clarify this to

00:19:58.020 me, honestly, preparing some of these episodes, I went back to look at the episode you and I did

00:20:01.880 about Marquis de Lafayette. Cause I was like, how did the national guard and why is he in charge of

00:20:08.120 it again? Oh, I'm sure he asked himself that every single day. Yeah. I think what I recall

00:20:13.780 from like to listeners last week's episode, the storming of the best deal, there was like 50,000

00:20:18.640 people or something. And they're like, we need someone to be in charge Lafayette. And he's like,

00:20:22.540 well, I believe in theoretically the concept of a constitutional monarchy. So I also have been

00:20:28.840 under philosophical reason, but then they were like, we're starting the best deal. And if you

00:20:33.080 don't come with us, we'll kill you. And he's like, well, okay, I guess I'll come and be in 0.99

00:20:37.240 charge of you. Anyway. So the national guard at this point was guarding the family. So they're

00:20:42.720 not against the Royal family, you know, so they're not like in prison. They're just staying in a

00:20:47.900 different palace at this point. Right. American listeners will be familiar with the idea of the

00:20:51.920 National Guard being in your nation's capital, protecting your leaders these days. You know,

00:20:57.720 it's like that. It's like that. So altogether, so there were about 700 people living at the

00:21:03.380 Tuileries between like the Royal family, their entourage, various National Guards who guys

00:21:07.580 live there maybe with their families. So Versailles was, I forget, like 2000 and now it's

00:21:11.320 like 700 people. So it's still like a lot of people, but so it's, it's, they're running a

00:21:15.840 similar household. So there's a person in this story and in previous episodes who you're familiar

00:21:20.200 anyway as philippe what's his real name the duke of orleans later oh yes egalite you know who i

00:21:28.760 mean i do know who you mean on this podcast we call him ryan philippe from cool intentions

00:21:32.840 excellent wonderful so ryan philippe from cool intentions who's stealthily a villain in many

00:21:40.020 episodes because he's always like oh hello fellow chums i too am a working person do you see my

00:21:45.880 plain clothes i am wearing you're my name philip just a normal guy don't worry about me yeah so

00:21:53.200 there's i think at the opening of the of the estates general instead of people saying like

00:21:57.100 long live the king and queen they're like long live ryan philippe like he's got like people

00:22:01.980 love him because he has so in paris he has his like i call it la foo foo versailles it's like

00:22:09.940 he has his like fake Versailles that he runs where he's kind of like totally not the king

00:22:16.420 but don't you want me to be the king I couldn't be the king I'm in the line of succession so we

00:22:20.880 call that his mall so Ryan Phillippe's mall because there's like an opera there there's

00:22:26.400 like a Rose Bertin her store is there I think that's where Leo does his hair so it's their

00:22:31.260 bestseller in the mall at this point still I think is Jean de Lamont's memoirs about like

00:22:35.980 as it should be yeah that's the best seller so marie antoinette used to spend a lot of time at

00:22:42.020 the mall but then she stopped because everyone started hating her more anyway so at this point

00:22:46.300 at the trilleries you know who comes to visit is ryan philippe from cruel intentions where it's

00:22:50.140 just like i don't know if they know how much he is like personally financing the anti-marie

00:22:55.940 antoinette pamphlets but like every anti-marie antoinette pamphlet is being funded by so we

00:23:01.820 call them hater nation there's ryan philippe from cruel tensions who is barry's cousin who wants to

00:23:08.960 be king instead of him and would be king if barry his sons and brothers all died so there's a few

00:23:16.320 steps ryan philippe is kind of like sort of towards the end of the line of succession but

00:23:21.480 he's in line of succession and so what he really wanted earlier on ryan philippe is to like usurp

00:23:26.420 the throne and become like what someone perhaps ham later does become the citizen king um he's

00:23:32.960 just kind of like i'm like the king but i'm not like other kings i'm like a cool king so he was

00:23:36.940 funding these anti-marie internet pamphlets just to try to like ruin her reputation to get them

00:23:40.880 so it's easier to usurp them he was also at one point disguising himself as a peasant lady running 0.50

00:23:45.740 around spreading rumors about marie internet oh that makes me so happy there's there's a lot of 0.82

00:23:51.540 shenanigans coming from ryan filthy other major member of hater nation the ants the aunties yeah

00:23:57.920 played in the movie by molly shannon and that woman who played moaning myrtle perfect casting 1.00

00:24:02.660 honestly but the ants such bitches like on a scale of like people who i've called a cunt on this 1.00

00:24:09.780 podcast like there's queen charlotte and there's martha washington there's the ants the ants are 1.00

00:24:15.980 coming in hot they just are the worst they were tricking marie antonette they were is from the

00:24:20.840 She got there.

00:24:21.720 They just were trying to get rid of her.

00:24:22.840 So they hit her. 0.98

00:24:23.640 Madame Du Barry was part of Hater Nation, but now she's been sent away. 0.98

00:24:27.100 But her allies are still kind of there doing Hater Nation. 0.62

00:24:29.620 But the third main prong of Hater Nation is, I mentioned before, Barry's brother, Provence, 1.00

00:24:33.900 whose hobbies are being fat and fucking his wife. 0.99

00:24:37.580 So he's secretly fun because he knows he actually will be next king. 1.00

00:24:41.460 Right.

00:24:42.260 Because he's the next oldest brother.

00:24:43.480 Do they have any surviving children at this point?

00:24:46.140 Who?

00:24:46.840 Marie Antoinette and Barry?

00:24:48.980 Yeah, at this point they have three.

00:24:49.880 They have three children at this point.

00:24:50.840 so these people are still just wilding hoping they're gonna lots of yeah they're kind of on

00:24:54.900 the death of numerous adults and also young babies cool to make them be kings a cool thing to do

00:25:00.180 yeah i'm like a modern parallel might be england's prince andrew it's like yes prince andrew is in

00:25:07.580 the line of succession but like william all his children harry all his children like there's a

00:25:12.680 lot of people that yeah yeah okay but it's like maybe it's possible anyway so ryan philippe came

00:25:18.540 by for a visit at Tuileries. And Marie Antoinette was just like, oh, hello. Like she knows at this

00:25:22.600 point he's a member of Pater Nation. And he's like directly funding the mobs that ate her.

00:25:28.640 But she's like, yes, hello. So actually shortly after this though, he decided to go hang out

00:25:33.420 in England with his best friend, Prinny, who is... You could have just said that, Anne.

00:25:40.180 I would have known everything there is to know. So there's two of them. So to listeners who may

00:25:45.080 not know, you know, I try to reconsider people who maybe this is the first episode you heard.

00:25:48.540 So Caroline of Brunswick is a person I wrote a book about.

00:25:51.820 Her husband was George IV, who at this point was the Prince of Wales.

00:25:56.540 And because he was the worst, his nickname was Prinny, which is short for prince, but actually is longer.

00:26:02.960 It's actually an extra syllable.

00:26:05.520 Anyway, so Prinny was just like, oh, I wish I could be king.

00:26:08.360 And then Ryan Phillippe came over like, oh, I wish I could be king.

00:26:10.820 And they're both just like, no, we wish we could be king. 1.00

00:26:12.880 Let's just like fuck some whores and like whatever. 1.00

00:26:15.720 Like just here's some opium. 1.00

00:26:17.880 Let's hang out.

00:26:18.540 Anyway, so Ryan Phillippe is gone for the moment.

00:26:20.840 Listeners, he's not gone for good.

00:26:24.300 Anyway.

00:26:24.980 Oh, I just want to mention. 1.00

00:26:26.160 So just like noted cunt, Queen Charlotte. 1.00

00:26:29.480 She even she was just like, oh, this Ryan Phillippe guy sucks. 1.00

00:26:34.840 And she loved Pernie. 0.99

00:26:36.360 So, you know, he must have really sucked. 0.97

00:26:38.380 Yeah. 0.90

00:26:38.660 So she was just like, like Queen Charlotte noted in her, I don't know if it's her diary

00:26:42.460 or whatever, but she recorded Ryan Phillippe was never actually received in a public capacity

00:26:46.620 by the royal family.

00:26:47.960 like he and pretty hung out at like the gentleman's club or whatever,

00:26:50.820 but he was never formally received because that would be like her favoring

00:26:54.740 him over the actual King of actual friends. Anyway.

00:26:58.340 So there are two ways. What's the vibe? The vibe is like, okay, okay.

00:27:02.200 I can get used to this.

00:27:03.540 So Miranda was happy she got to spend time with her children in a way that

00:27:06.920 she didn't at Versailles because they don't have teachers anymore.

00:27:11.980 So she kind of was with them a lot. So she had, I'm just trying to think,

00:27:16.880 no she's two children i'm so sorry she had four two the one that is baby one that has spinal

00:27:22.920 tuberculosis so she has one son and one daughter so her son the dauphin at this point he's like

00:27:28.220 six years old or so and someone asked him like do you prefer living in versailles or living in the

00:27:33.100 tuileries and he's like actually i prefer the tuileries because i get to see my parents all

00:27:36.220 the time and that's kind of sweet yeah and she was like we've talked about this in previous

00:27:41.560 episodes just so you know because again allison has not had a chance to hear these episodes yet

00:27:45.180 because we're recording this in her van.

00:27:46.780 But Marina's not all she ever wanted was to be a mother.

00:27:49.540 Like she loved when she was a teenager,

00:27:51.580 she loved basically babysitting,

00:27:53.080 like hanging out with her little siblings.

00:27:54.260 When she got to Versailles,

00:27:55.360 she loved hanging out with the kids of other people.

00:27:57.000 Like she only ever, she's that sort of person.

00:27:59.400 Like she's very maternal.

00:28:00.580 And so she got to hang out with her kids.

00:28:01.800 So that actually was nice for her,

00:28:03.640 that she actually got to be more involved in their education

00:28:06.520 in a way she hadn't been allowed to in Versailles.

00:28:08.520 And so she was, at this point,

00:28:10.600 she'd been queen for long enough

00:28:13.000 that she knew how to like be calm and pleasant

00:28:15.140 and in public so she like put on a good show but in private her she wrote letters to her confidants

00:28:22.620 saying that she was constantly in a state of agitation like yes understandably because every

00:28:27.460 night like the mob is outside just being like murder them like yeah agitation is fair yeah

00:28:34.360 yeah because that's the thing also i kind of gleaned from the olympics opening ceremonies

00:28:38.780 is how the palaces are so close to just the street like Versailles was so isolated like you could go

00:28:47.040 there but it took a while to get there but you could just be like having a night out with with

00:28:51.060 your pals drink a little too much and just go by the tuileries and just start like throwing rocks

00:28:56.020 at pre-internet's window like it was right there it was not yeah it was right there so basically

00:29:02.240 everyone settled into this kind of weird pretending like everything's fine sort of vibe which again

00:29:06.660 not at all like contemporary life. Everyone's just kind of like, let's just pretend like

00:29:11.420 everything's fine and maybe everything will be fine. And here we go. So at one point the mayor

00:29:17.020 of Paris, there was this official presentation. He presented Marie Antoinette, Barry and the

00:29:21.920 Dauphin with medals that said, basically we live in Paris now and everything is totally fine. Don't

00:29:27.460 worry about it. Like giving him the key to the city. Except you can't use this key to leave the

00:29:34.500 city. No, no, no. Key to your stay inside the city. The key to the city. And so at this point,

00:29:40.860 the national assembly. So this is like the, the States general was just like, I hate, um, members

00:29:48.760 of the patron will know we recently did an episode about the movie, the menace of King George, where

00:29:52.720 there are these scenes in like parliament where it's all just men just being like, so like the

00:30:00.900 national assembly is working on a new constitution and it has been like months and months and months

00:30:04.480 because they're like, oh, we need to put this in.

00:30:07.540 Like, nightmare to me.

00:30:09.200 Nightmare to me.

00:30:10.540 Just these guys.

00:30:11.880 But they were so moved by the American Constitution,

00:30:15.880 which I think also was probably written in a very long time period

00:30:18.820 by a bunch of men being like, oh, I say.

00:30:22.300 So the National Assembly is working on this stuff,

00:30:24.760 and at one point, Barry pops in to give a speech.

00:30:27.560 A wild choice, man.

00:30:30.160 Yeah, and in the speech, he describes his role as being the head of the revolution.

00:30:34.480 he's like well if my country's in a revolution and i'm the king i guess i'm the head of the

00:30:40.240 revolution tally ho and onwards my friends that is real tally ho energy yeah yeah the thing with

00:30:48.340 barry i mentioned he likes lock building locks he likes hunting and recording how many things he

00:30:55.280 hunts um like not reading the room real well he yeah from from a young age he's just like people

00:31:03.420 would be like oh you're weird like you do this stuff strange and he writes in his diary like

00:31:06.660 i'm working on doing these things less weirdly so that people will be kinder to me like he tries so

00:31:12.420 hard barry is the thing and the thing that he's most dedicated to is just like being the king and

00:31:17.440 he knows how important that is and wanting to be like the father of the nation anyway he also

00:31:23.040 doesn't have any good ministers around him anymore because various reasons he needed a really good

00:31:29.100 minister with him he needed someone who knew what they were doing foreshadowing for this whole

00:31:34.160 episode and he he doesn't have that so royals and every other country were like what is he doing did

00:31:40.480 he just side with the anti-monarchist revolution area so like this is making royals and other

00:31:48.300 countries not want to help him yeah i mean in his defense he was left unsupervised what was he

00:31:52.320 supposed to do like no one was giving advice he's also not good at making decisions so the decision

00:31:58.820 that he always winds up making is just the one that is the least amount of effort for him to make

00:32:03.200 kind of same. So deeply relatable. No, exactly. Exactly. Like when they were at Versailles and

00:32:10.780 they're like, Oh, sir, did you know that the market ladies and the national guard are coming

00:32:15.160 walking very slowly and they'll be here in eight hours and they're like, should we flee? And he's

00:32:21.240 like, should we flee? I don't know. Should we flee? I don't know. And Marie Antoinette is like

00:32:24.460 packing her stuff. She's like, so are we fleeing? Are we not fleeing? And Barry's like, should we

00:32:28.460 flee i don't know and then he's like well i waited this long and we didn't flee so i guess we're

00:32:31.780 staying like this is how a lot of events happened if we're keeping some sort of mental tally of like

00:32:37.700 how did the french revolution happen a big part of it is just barry being like what should i do

00:32:43.000 if i wait long enough i don't have to decide because something will just happen great and

00:32:46.960 in every circumstance that's what he does which is not i don't know you know a different king

00:32:51.660 the same effect might have ultimately happened but with him there it's so frustrating

00:32:56.920 anyway so meanwhile so he's just like okay let's just like act like everything's fine and maybe

00:33:03.500 everything will be fine behind the scenes marie antoinette so in the previous episode her maria 0.99

00:33:07.480 theresa jeans had like activated like a sleeper cell like the manchurian candidate suddenly her

00:33:14.060 like any part of her mother's dna she had in her like activated and she's like oh i need to like 1.00

00:33:20.760 no one's in charge and i'm gonna be goddamn in charge like let's do this so she was scheming

00:33:25.780 nonstop how to get her family out of the situation because she understood in a fundamental way that 0.92

00:33:30.840 Barry did not, that this was not going to end well. This could not continue on indefinitely

00:33:36.980 and they were in danger, but she would never leave Barry. She would never leave her children.

00:33:43.160 So as much as people are like Marie Antoinette, like here's, um, here's one plan. Like what if

00:33:47.740 like you and the Dauphin escape just together, disguise him as a girl. No one's going to look 0.98

00:33:51.980 at like a woman and a girl and Marie Antoinette's like, no, I have to stay. I could never leave my

00:33:56.200 husband. I have to bring my children. We have to move as a unit. So for keeping a tally of like

00:34:00.760 how things are not going to go well, that's part of the tally, but it's like, I understand. And I,

00:34:06.340 yeah, she's just like, no, all of us together or nothing. So her plan was to get to someplace

00:34:10.920 nearby where her Habsburg relatives were in power to once like, which is like how many brothers is

00:34:16.120 15 one of her like she has a sibling in every country who is the king and or queen of that

00:34:21.880 country so the plan is like to go to those places amass some troops and then return with those

00:34:26.080 troops to take france over again is her i think reasonable understandable goal so her brother at

00:34:35.080 this point is joseph the holy roman emperor well actually side note so joseph the holy roman 0.95

00:34:39.960 emperor played by noted pedophile. What's his face from Ferris Bueller in the movie. Yeah.

00:34:46.440 Played in the Marie Antoinette movie by Danny Houston, brother of Angelica Houston. Oh,

00:34:51.460 anyway. So her brother, Joseph was, had been the Holy Roman emperor for a while ever since Maria

00:34:55.680 Teresa died, but he, he himself had just died. So now the new Holy Roman emperor was her other

00:35:00.840 brother, Leopold, who she didn't know as well. And who wasn't as close to her. And so who probably

00:35:04.880 wasn't going to look out for her quite as much. So it's just kind of like, Oh, is the Holy Roman 0.52

00:35:09.140 empire going to help out how complicated is this going to be but honestly that was not as big of

00:35:13.500 an obstacle to her and escaping as barry's pathological inability to make a decision

00:35:18.940 but luckily she had an actual useful person on her side which is a character played in the movie by

00:35:26.520 jamie dornan sexy swedish count axel von fursen what what a sentence that was you just said to

00:35:32.720 me. I love it. The hottest man alive, Swedish count Axel von Fersen, who was with a big Lafayette

00:35:41.980 sort of energy. I don't know how much you know about him. I've never heard his name before this

00:35:46.080 moment. So tell me everything. Okay. So he, we talked to him last time, but like to recap for

00:35:50.380 you and for everybody. So he was in Sweden and he's just like, I am so moved by the American

00:35:55.980 Patriots fight. I want to go and fight for America. He's the Swedish Lafayette, but not. Yeah.

00:36:01.560 uh-huh yeah he's also really hot and he has potentially been Marie Antoinette's lover

00:36:07.040 now for a hot minute good he's one of the people allowed into petite tree and on like

00:36:11.920 so he's a hot switch count and he gets it like he has two brain cells firing and working and he's

00:36:19.500 like in this whole story in this I'm gonna guess two and a half hour long episode he's the only 0.58

00:36:24.740 person who gets it but you gotta have one and if it's a it's if it's an incredibly hot Swedish

00:36:31.720 count then that's all the better it's true in the movie so he's played by Jamie Dornan but in real

00:36:36.680 life I think he is um Alexander Skarsgård is who I'm picturing okay because he's hot and Swedish

00:36:42.760 and I imagine tall anyway so he the way the Lafayette was a wife guy to his wife like Axel

00:36:48.220 Von Fersen is so devoted to Marie Antoinette in a genuine way that she always needed in her life

00:36:53.900 like she needed somebody who actually was her friend and was actually looking out for her and

00:36:57.220 he actually was i think we need to put him on a watch for potential awards at the end of this

00:37:03.080 episode for excellence in being a friend and potentially love her anyway so he came to visit

00:37:08.660 the tuileries a lot so often in fact the lafayette threatened to have her divorce for adultery

00:37:13.720 because axel von fursen was coming by so often so axel von fursen actually side note i just saw

00:37:19.920 recently there's going to be i presume a swedish television show i mean i presume it's swedish i

00:37:25.820 know it's going to be a television show called the von fursons that's about axel von furson and his

00:37:29.960 sister who i guess is interesting too i don't know interesting anyways axel von furson wrote to his

00:37:35.560 father here's a quote from axel nothing but a civil or foreign war can restore france and the

00:37:41.800 royal authority but how is that to be brought about with a king a prisoner in paris it was a

00:37:46.220 false step to allow himself to be brought there now it becomes necessary to get him out of it

00:37:50.340 once out of paris the king ought to be able to give birth to a new order of things so like he

00:37:55.600 and marie antoinette are just like we need to get the royal family out of here and barry is like

00:38:02.720 look they gave me a cockade i'm a revolutionary now too so he's not helping but marie antoinette

00:38:11.560 is the only person he listens to so this is where she's working anyway so there's also a guy named

00:38:16.060 the Marquis de Favreau. Don't know who he was, but here's what he did. He came up with a plan.

00:38:21.240 So Provence is Barry's brother who likes being fat, fucking his wife. Also a member of Hater 1.00

00:38:28.240 Nation. Anyway, but Provence, he's like everyone, except for the aunts, no one is like all hater

00:38:34.740 in this story. Like Provence is like, he wants to be King and he's like acting against Barry

00:38:38.960 in some circumstances, but he also knows like his life is in danger. So like, maybe we should

00:38:42.800 escape. So Provence was working with this guy, the Marquis de Favre, and they have a plan.

00:38:47.500 They're like, okay, Barry is never going to actually leave because he like hero worships

00:38:52.120 Charles the first of England. And he thinks it's noble to stay. So what we need to do is kidnap him.

00:39:01.040 Fantastic. Um, anyway, the plot was discovered and the Marquis de Favre was executed.

00:39:06.240 Oh, so sorry. Um, and Provence was just kind of like, didn't know about this plan. No one told me

00:39:12.600 do, do, do. I'm just going to go fuck my wife. Beep, beep, beep. So he was fine. 1.00

00:39:16.580 Another man named Inestal had a similar plot. And instead of just like planning to kidnap Barry,

00:39:21.560 he's like, I'm going to tell Barry. It's like, okay, we're going to make it look like we're

00:39:24.820 kidnapping you, but we're not really kidnapping you. And Barry's like, I will never consent to

00:39:29.300 being kidnapped. We all know people like this, or we've seen people like this in movies and stuff.

00:39:36.280 And this is where I just see like Barry and where he is on like the neurodivergency spectrum

00:39:41.120 is that he likes things like every single day he did the same things in the same order that's how

00:39:47.200 he's most happy there's not a lot of nuance to his thinking so they're like we'll pretend we're

00:39:51.880 kidnapping you but we're not really kidnapping you and he's like no I would not consent to be

00:39:55.360 kidnapped it's like no but we're not kidnapping you yeah like anyway but honestly Barry could

00:40:01.700 have taken off by himself if he wanted to that first spring and summer that they were at

00:40:05.880 Tulare's Palace he was allowed to go out to do his favorite thing horseback riding go hunting he was

00:40:10.560 allowed out unaccompanied to go riding his horse through the fields like you would have ridden your

00:40:16.260 horse all the way out of France my guy just yeah going but he never did but like they didn't even

00:40:22.900 have to pretend to kidnap him so usually in June the family went to escape the Paris heat Marie

00:40:28.540 Antoinette's home in Saint-Claude I thought it was called Saint-Cloud but in the movie they said

00:40:32.980 Saint-Claude anyway their summer home and so they were allowed to go to their summer home

00:40:38.700 And they probably could have also taken off from there because in St.

00:40:42.180 Cloude, which is even further from Paris,

00:40:43.740 he was allowed to go five hours a day, buried by himself,

00:40:47.200 horseback riding slash hunting.

00:40:49.000 Wow.

00:40:49.600 Okay.

00:40:50.520 Yeah.

00:40:50.960 But he was like, no, I'm just going to stay here.

00:40:53.440 And yeah.

00:40:54.700 In fact, Marie Antoinette had suggested,

00:40:56.900 allegedly suggested to him a plan that he just ride off and Gina

00:41:00.420 children would come join him later.

00:41:02.100 But he was like, I can never leave my aunts.

00:41:05.060 And she's like, no, I wish you could leave your aunts. 1.00

00:41:07.700 fucking bitches like really so now it's just like okay we can only leave as a like the von 1.00

00:41:13.740 trap family but all adults it's like okay so seven at all four bitchy ants careening over 1.00

00:41:21.500 the mountains then a governess for the children like this is going to be my hairdresser and my 0.99

00:41:26.940 hair mechanic i need to bring my mechanical dressing table like these things are all

00:41:31.680 non-negotiable i'm joking but i'm not joking but you're not joking so it was coming up the

00:41:37.520 one year anniversary of them being in Tuileries. And Paris was, um, it's not the terror or as I

00:41:43.640 call it the purge, but it's kind of like the purge, the prequel where the whole French revolution,

00:41:51.240 as we talked about in a previous episode, like it was kind of like guys, lawyers telling speeches

00:41:56.780 about like hypothetical, the rights of man and stuff that part was kind of over. And now it's

00:42:04.640 kind of like the dirtbag murder era where it's just kind of heads on pikes is not what was

00:42:11.740 intended by the people who started this all yeah now it's hot outside and we're murdering people

00:42:15.760 that's where we're at the hot hangry ness you and i talked about this the other day yeah because it

00:42:20.980 gets it was so hot this summer and that was making everybody just like sweaty gross angry

00:42:26.160 but also they're so hungry they're so hungry and also hot and that's just making everyone even

00:42:30.980 more murdery i think i'm like yeah i would overthrow a king if it was 95 degrees outside

00:42:35.800 and i haven't had lunch i did yeah no exactly exactly so it's like the hangriness is happening

00:42:40.780 so there was in the first part before it was the purge prequel one of the french revolution leaders

00:42:47.360 who we did not talk about was a guy called mirabeau do you know anything about him i know

00:42:51.800 he has a bridge named after him that's the only fact i know about that man nice for him so mirabeau

00:42:58.240 had been like a revolutionary leader. And then by this time, a year, and he was like, this is,

00:43:03.180 I'm not fond of this purge scenario. And then he's like, uh, maybe I should help the Royal

00:43:08.860 family escape. They are like the Royal family are the only people powerful enough to make all

00:43:12.460 this murdering stop. So now I switch, I support the Royal family. So he had a plan. So his plan,

00:43:20.480 this is a plan of a person who's never actually met Barry. So his plan was to get Barry to sneak

00:43:26.460 off to normandy first of all barry never would secondly once in normandy the plan was that barry

00:43:31.600 would deliver such moving speeches that it would inspire his loyal countrymen to rise up against

00:43:38.000 the paris mob yeah okay so barry has we've seen him grow in a lovely way from the early like

00:43:46.380 marie internet episode part one until now there's one time where i forget how long into their

00:43:50.940 marriage like a year and a half marie internet convinced him to come with her to a ball where

00:43:54.700 he said, thank you for inviting me. And everyone was like, Oh my God, look at her influence on him.

00:43:59.380 He said words in public. And he's now moved on to giving like prepared speeches from a piece of

00:44:04.620 paper. Like when he went to the national assembly to be like, I am the head of the revolution.

00:44:08.620 He's okay with a written out speech, but like, he's not a charismatic speaker.

00:44:14.960 So anyway, so Mirabeau was like, yeah, this is my plan. And so he took the plan to Provence

00:44:19.000 and Provence was like, that will never work because the linchpin of this is Barry doing

00:44:23.560 anything let alone motivating the countrymen here's a quote from provence he said the king's

00:44:31.160 weakness and indecision are beyond all description to give you an idea of his character imagine

00:44:36.340 oiled ivory balls which you vainly endeavor to hold together if my brother said that about me 0.98

00:44:42.500 punch him in the nose that's fucking rude the way the berry is he'd be like you know what fair and 0.99

00:44:48.780 I'll try to work on that. Thank you for that. 1.00

00:44:50.960 Write that down in my notebook? Great.

00:44:53.060 Be less like oiled ivory balls.

00:44:56.300 Anyway, Mirabeau 0.94

00:44:57.180 persisted. So he

00:44:58.900 knew that the only person who would maybe be

00:45:00.920 able to persuade Barry to do this was Marie Antoinette

00:45:03.000 because Marie Antoinette was

00:45:04.940 kind of the only person Barry trusted at this point

00:45:06.640 with his lack of ministers. But also

00:45:08.940 Barry and Marie Antoinette had like a real

00:45:10.960 trauma bond of having been like

00:45:12.920 14-year-old married people

00:45:15.120 in Versailles who everybody hated.

00:45:16.720 like they were so devoted to each other anyway so mirabeau was like great i just need to get 0.54

00:45:21.360 marie antoinette on board with this plan marie antoinette hated mirabeau because he was a leader

00:45:27.100 of the french revolution you know it is hard to suddenly say i changed my mind about all that

00:45:33.320 yeah like he was one of the people who had like helped convince the populace to march on versailles

00:45:38.340 and the march to versailles just to reiterate to everybody was yeah they were going up there

00:45:44.560 to just kind of like ask for bread or whatever,

00:45:46.760 but they also were going there to assassinate Marie Antoinette.

00:45:49.800 Like that was what a lot of people were going there to do.

00:45:52.780 So Marie Antoinette reasonably correctly held Mirabeau

00:45:56.500 and Ryan Phillippe equally responsible

00:45:59.060 for her almost being assassinated.

00:46:01.540 So Mirabeau was like, okay,

00:46:03.080 so there's like a friend of a friend.

00:46:04.980 So he tried to contact her to be like,

00:46:07.100 like, let's try to join forces

00:46:08.240 to try and get Barry out of here.

00:46:10.180 She laughed when she was sent this proposal.

00:46:13.480 Good for her.

00:46:14.560 She said, quote, we shall scarcely be so unfortunate, I think, as to be driven to the painful extremity of having recourse to Mirabeau.

00:46:22.380 But it was coming up July, which is like the one year anniversary of the fall of the Bastille.

00:46:27.640 And everybody was like, I presume this will be celebrated with mass murder.

00:46:32.520 And perhaps as a one year of tradition, now that the royal family is in Paris, like probably they will be attacked.

00:46:40.520 And so Marie Internet was getting kind of desperate.

00:46:41.960 She's like, OK, I'll meet with Mirabeau.

00:46:43.460 so they met at St. Claude and like so many people when they actually met her he was like oh you know

00:46:49.820 what she's kind of chill and I like her like yeah yeah yeah she's fine yeah it's she has a resting 0.56

00:46:57.000 bitch face but actually she's nice anyway so he wrote Mirabeau later wrote his nephew she's very 0.92

00:47:02.560 great very noble and very unhappy but I will save her sorry that's that came from my soul 0.97

00:47:09.200 no exactly and so his she was like okay like let's go with mirabeau's escape plan

00:47:15.580 and kind of it was like an open secret among the family the children didn't know about this 0.98

00:47:19.380 because the children were blabbermouths and whatever barry's sister was one of the people 0.74

00:47:25.900 who's there as well uh madame elizabeth she's like late teens early 20s at this point she's

00:47:30.860 like basically a nun but not a nun is what she's like okay and so she was just really impatient

00:47:37.760 for this all to end she wrote to a friend this kind of vague way um i still have torpor in my

00:47:45.460 legs still i fancy the cure is at hand which is basically being like we are going to escape soon

00:47:51.520 but barry was like great okay so this is our plan but could you detail your recommendations to me

00:47:58.080 in writing please no no don't do that so mirabeau was like okay so he wrote it but it

00:48:07.620 was like, he wrote it in a frank and honest way. And Barry was used to things being coached in a

00:48:12.440 very like, okay, I know it's hard for you to make decisions and you're a great King. And here's what

00:48:17.540 you should do. Okay. But he was just like, here's, here's a sample of what he wrote.

00:48:22.340 Four enemies are approaching with rapid strides, taxation, bankruptcy, the army winter. We must

00:48:28.220 prepare ourselves for events by directing them. Civil war is certain and perhaps necessary. 0.99

00:48:33.440 So this was just shocking to them.

00:48:36.680 Marie Antoinette and Barry were just like, oh yeah.

00:48:39.420 Oh, that's right.

00:48:40.040 This guy is a dangerous radical and we shouldn't trust him.

00:48:43.060 And so Marie Antoinette distanced herself from the proposal and without her support,

00:48:47.980 Barry, there's zero chance he was going to do this at all.

00:48:51.020 And then, so throughout this whole thing, there's been this guy on the scene whose

00:48:55.860 ambassador Mercy is his name.

00:48:57.880 And that's Marie Antoinette's mother's ambassador from Austria.

00:49:02.680 And he's been there this whole time, sort of like a surrogate father figure, helpful, gets it, useful to be around.

00:49:10.740 One of like three people in this story.

00:49:12.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:13.580 So, but then he was recalled to Austria. 0.52

00:49:15.860 So now the only person who gets it in all of Tullery's palace is Axel von Fersen, sexy Swedish, count.

00:49:23.080 But also with Mercy being gone, that meant the Marie Antoinette was more cut off from like more direct communication to and from Austria,

00:49:28.180 which is not great in this point where she might want to escape to Austria but happily the

00:49:34.700 anniversary of the Bastille came and went without too much murder I would say probably just the

00:49:39.140 normal amount of murder you have sure there was no mob violence basically there was a little church

00:49:45.120 ceremony held Ryan Phillippe came back from England to attend along with his son about whom

00:49:51.400 more later. I'm making a dramatic look with Alison. Anyway, so Marie Antoinette attended

00:49:59.860 this event and she was wearing for the first time, I believe a tricolor outfit. She had never,

00:50:05.900 like when they started wearing the red, white, and blue, she didn't do that because she was just

00:50:09.200 like, I am not going to support this. But now she's like, yes, I too support the revolution.

00:50:14.780 mm-hmm or sure absolutely everything went nicely um the night ended with people yelling long live

00:50:22.660 the king at the tuileries they're just like oh maybe the king's okay and so then there was some

00:50:28.160 army stuff happened so there's a place called nancy is there a french way to say nancy nancy

00:50:34.260 nancy probably anyway so there was a mutiny happening in nancy which like people were like 0.99

00:50:42.760 pro-revolution people or just being like, fuck being in the army. But then this guy called Bouyer 0.98

00:50:48.320 stopped the mutiny. And Marie Antoinette and Barry were like, oh, that guy seems cool. Bouyer. Let's

00:50:53.600 keep him in mind. And they do. So remember that name. It looks like Bouillon, but it's Bouyer.

00:51:00.240 I will keep it in mind. That's a wonderful name.

00:51:02.160 Yeah. But this made, so the fact that there was a revolutionary attempt by this army and

00:51:08.160 that it was quashed by this military guy made the mob the revolutionaries think like oh wait

00:51:13.960 barry might turn the army against us people are just like giving him way too much credit i would

00:51:19.760 say yes it's again it's like the mob is really acting in a way that people would when they had

00:51:25.780 no familiarity with how barry operated whatsoever but effectively the timing of this happened that

00:51:30.520 so the family returned from the summer vacation and s'include it's october and they had less

00:51:35.100 freedom than they did before because the mob was like more worried about them that they might

00:51:39.720 they're always worried that barry is going to like enforce martial law which is like again like you

00:51:45.820 just said it's like they're like that assumes barry would do anything which is not what he does

00:51:51.840 so at this point oh my god okay the national assembly announces this new rule that all members

00:51:58.980 of the clergy had to pledge allegiance to france instead of to the pope barry was like okay dear

00:52:06.340 the pope can you please be okay with this the pope famously extremely chill about people taking

00:52:13.940 liberties with catholicism yeah what i wrote was the pope was not okay with this yeah so what this

00:52:20.120 meant was that like they're called i don't know why the people who follow the pope were called

00:52:24.780 non-juror priests like juror like a jury in a court yeah so non-juror priests were following

00:52:32.240 the pope priests that were pledged allegiance to france were called juror priests and this is like

00:52:38.160 very important to very catholic people like barry because easter was coming up and he was like but

00:52:42.640 i can't take communion from a juror priest heaven forbid you do that like herman my pills like this

00:52:50.820 is not happening. Herman, my papacy, what are you doing? But because he was the king, he had to

00:52:57.160 publicly attend Easter mass and take communion. And so he just started freaking out because he's

00:53:01.080 like, these are the rules of how things work. I have to go to church on Easter. I have to take

00:53:06.400 communion. And it has to be from a priest who is loyal to the Pope. Like, again, like the,

00:53:10.860 the nuance thing, like he can't handle anything, not being the way that it's supposed to be. 1.00

00:53:15.960 even more upset about this priest business was the aunts who were just like these bitches. So 0.99

00:53:23.260 at this point in the Tuileries situation, so the governess of the children was a woman called

00:53:29.320 Madame Tourzel, who was like cool and good and helpful and loyal. And she had brought along her

00:53:35.940 like 18 year old daughter, Pauline Tourzel, because where else is she going to go? Both of

00:53:40.320 them later wrote memoirs. So like spoiler, they survived, but they were all together. And so

00:53:45.340 marina net was like okay like let's all have supper together and the answer like we can't

00:53:49.700 have supper with somebody who's not been officially presented at versailles where do you think you are

00:53:56.220 what year do you think it is how like okay but like pauline needs to eat and there's one table

00:54:03.900 in this castle with no furniture so like the ants just like in terms of like people who get it like

00:54:09.920 barry tries to get it the ants are just like exactly exactly they're living like it is 75

00:54:14.980 years ago yeah and anyway so they were just like we cannot go and get eastern mass held by a juror 0.99

00:54:22.620 priest like fuck everybody we're running away to rome oh i love a dramatic flight to rome to bitch 0.96

00:54:34.240 to the pope i do love that it's like you know where we're going to take eastern mass from the 1.00

00:54:37.820 goddamn pope and it's like on the pantheon or just a scale of like who has common sense and 0.97

00:54:43.020 who does not? The aunts are on like one end, like everyone else is on the other end. And they're 1.00

00:54:48.020 like, you know, if you like escape, that's going to probably make people like put the royal family

00:54:53.060 in even more prison like circumstances, because that's proof that you want to escape.

00:54:57.200 You missed your chance six months ago when you could have just ridden off into the sunset. It

00:55:00.720 is too late for that. So Marie Antoinette wrote to her brother, Leopold, the Holy Roman emperor,

00:55:04.900 you know that my aunts are going, we do not believe that we can prevent them. Like these

00:55:09.360 two old bitches are just, and it's true. Like, I think we all know people like this, just old 1.00

00:55:13.680 bitches who just like, whatever it is. It's just like, I'm not going to use how to use an ATM card. 1.00

00:55:19.360 I will never use an ATM machine. I'm only going to go into the bank in person. Like this is their

00:55:24.380 vibe anyway. And so in fact, the ants took off their carriage was held up by the angry mob.

00:55:31.940 Um, at first. Sure. And I'm sure they were like mob, but you haven't been presented at Versailles.

00:55:39.360 do you have your mob license i think not um and then midway so they eventually that mob let them

00:55:47.740 go but like midway along the journey to rome i'm not sure if they're still in france or not but

00:55:52.000 they were held up for 11 days by other mob members who were like i feel like we probably shouldn't

00:55:56.000 let these royal people leave and so the ants appeal to the national assembly to enforce the

00:56:01.700 rule that all citizens could travel as they pleased like they're the answer appealing to

00:56:05.960 the national assembly. It's just like a real, like, I'm going to call the cops on this person

00:56:09.560 for walking the dog type. And it's a Karen energy. Yeah. But it's like, if you have spent your whole

00:56:14.600 life saying, I hate these cops, they have no right to be cops. And then as soon as something

00:56:18.780 doesn't go your way, you're like, yeah, then I'm going to call the cops.

00:56:21.760 Yeah, exactly. So they appealed to the national assembly and the national assembly were like,

00:56:24.840 and after four hours, the national assembly is like, fuck these bitches. Who cares? Like they're 1.00

00:56:30.340 old. And so they're allowed to go to Rome to get their precious communion from a precious

00:56:34.940 juror or priest. And this did in fact, fuck everything up for everybody, but also Barry

00:56:40.180 at this point got sick, um, probably tuberculosis. Everyone in this story gets either smallpox or

00:56:45.580 tuberculosis and everyone in his family's had tuberculosis. Anyway, he was at some points

00:56:50.860 coughing up blood, which is tuberculosis. Not great. Yeah. He was also emotionally not thriving.

00:56:56.700 Um, as I've described a person who likes a really organized regimented life that follows rules that

00:57:02.040 he believes are true and he's the king in the middle of the frontier of the ocean yeah

00:57:07.340 unprecedented times not his thing no so here's a little quote from him how can i have these

00:57:14.000 enemies when i have only ever desired the good of all that's how i feel every day how dare people

00:57:20.220 hate me i only want good for the world please exactly every every anecdote you tell me about

00:57:27.400 him I'm just like this is my this is my baby this kid I love him I really I truly the Antonio

00:57:34.200 Frazier biography really explained really explained him in a way where I was like oh I get this guy

00:57:40.000 what a terrible situation for anybody but like especially this guy a real classic would have

00:57:46.480 been fine if not king yeah yeah if he was just some sort of if he loved locks if he was just

00:57:51.360 a locksmith god he'd be the happiest locksmith in the world never happier so Marie Antoinette

00:57:56.220 this whole, every episode up until now, her whole life up until now, she's, I don't know, 0.95

00:57:59.980 in her thirties ish. Like she'd been in France when she was 14 and she had to give up all of

00:58:04.520 her Austrian stuff. And people were always being like, she's an Austrian spy. She's an Austrian

00:58:07.560 spy. And she'd only ever supported France. She was like, I love France. This is my country.

00:58:12.100 She's now just like, fuck France. Like, yeah, I get it. Yeah. She's just like, 1.00

00:58:17.740 fuck the French people who've always hated me. Fuck the emigres, the French people who I thought 1.00

00:58:22.460 are my friends, but they all just like peaced out and left. Um, she's like, the only thing that 1.00

00:58:26.400 matters is restoring the monarchy. So my son, the Dauphin won't have to go through all this shit 0.99

00:58:30.680 and he can grow up and be a good King, but otherwise fuck you France. So she wanted to 1.00

00:58:36.240 like the main, she just wants to protect the crown of France, which happens to also be her son.

00:58:41.240 And so they had hired, remember Bouyer. Um, so they'd hired him on. They're like, this guy gets

00:58:46.080 it. Like, let's get this guy on our team. And he was like, okay, I have a suggestion. And that is

00:58:50.680 like what if we escape not in a big group but what if we escape small has anyone mentioned to

00:58:56.960 you the idea that maybe escaping just Marie Antoinette and the Dauphin perhaps would be a

00:59:01.660 good idea but Marie Antoinette had promised that she would never leave Barry's side and she would

00:59:07.000 not waver on that like she knew as much as he was struggling if she wasn't there she knew that he

00:59:11.120 would not be able to function at all so this is why she commissioned what is called a Berlin

00:59:17.900 but what I'm going to call a party bus, which I was just recently on holiday. I was in Toronto

00:59:27.060 and I saw this vehicle come turning around the corner and I was just like, what is that? And

00:59:33.580 it was like a stretch Hummer limo. It was the longest, widest, dumbest looking thing I've ever 0.99

00:59:43.200 seen. And I said to my friend I was with, I was like, that's like what Marie Antoinette was 0.98

00:59:47.320 escaping it you must be a joy on vacation to all of your friends and family the world's most

00:59:55.720 conspicuous vehicle so she commissioned this berlin so technically a berlin is a vehicle that

01:00:02.260 would be used if you had a large group of people who are taking a long trip in olden times so it's

01:00:07.700 called a berlin de voyage so it ordinarily would seat six adults and had sort of like a hot plate

01:00:14.140 kitchen area and also sort of like onboard bathrooms. She's escaping in an RV. Yeah. Yes. 0.98

01:00:22.460 So it's like you and your group can just like take a long trip, but you don't have to take

01:00:25.960 out lots of stops. You've got your little hot plate. You've got your little toilets. Like you

01:00:29.940 can just go. So it's, and this is like, if this is the amount of people we need to travel with,

01:00:35.020 this is the vehicle that will fit all of them in. And nobody knew it was her who had commissioned

01:00:40.440 this. Axel von Fursen got a friend of a friend to actually order it saying like, oh yes, I'm a

01:00:47.420 person who's taking a trip to Russia. Don't worry about it. I just need this party bus camper van,

01:00:52.300 please. Yeah. For this family trip to Russia, but because it was a big vehicle and it was also a

01:00:58.780 strong vehicle, it was slow. So it's not the thing you really want to go on. One might say,

01:01:04.960 perhaps it's not the thing that the royal family wants to escape the mob in perhaps you want a

01:01:10.780 vehicle that goes faster than the mob can walk but your mileage may vary yeah so marie intimate was

01:01:16.780 just like great so she got her like camper van accessories she had a thing a new nécessaire 1.00

01:01:21.820 it's called it's basically a very fancy mechanical picnic basket with little trays that move in and

01:01:28.400 out yes so it's like a portable version of her beloved dressing table i love this also this is

01:01:34.540 putting me profoundly in mind of like the barbie camper van i had when i was about seven or eight

01:01:38.720 years old that's exactly what's going on it's exactly that i too had that yeah no exactly

01:01:45.380 so how did this plan come about to travel in a party bus stretch hummer

01:01:51.460 so the plan like exil von first is like a clutch person in this obviously slash also the only 0.98

01:01:58.260 person in this with any common sense but marie antonette is like up there as well at this point 0.68

01:02:02.860 Like she knows that she's like, I need to escape.

01:02:05.840 The people I'm with won't leave each other.

01:02:08.360 So we need to escape.

01:02:09.800 What's a vehicle that fits six adults.

01:02:11.340 Great party bus. 0.96

01:02:12.920 So the plan depended on the goodwill of Marie Internet's family and the Holy Roman Empire.

01:02:16.740 Like the plan initially, asterisk, was that they would take the party bus over to maybe Austria.

01:02:23.520 And the whole plan, amass some troops, come back to France, like take it all over.

01:02:27.980 But they had to sort of wait because the whole thing with like Joseph, the emperor had died.

01:02:31.760 It's her new brother, Leopold.

01:02:33.000 They had to like stabilize the new monarchy and stuff.

01:02:36.560 So the conspirators are kind of the head honchos of this quasi heist.

01:02:40.860 Axel von Fersen, Bouyer is involved because he like is loyal to the royal family and also

01:02:47.780 seems to have common sense.

01:02:49.500 He's also the commander of the French fortress of Metz, which is a place they're going to

01:02:53.760 go to.

01:02:54.180 It's near the border of France and one of the other countries.

01:02:57.480 Um, another guy who's involved in planning is the Baron de Britois, who was, he had fled with the Duchess of Polignac, Marie Antoinette's friend, but he was now kind of discreetly representing Marie Antoinette's best interests at the, in the Holy Roman empire.

01:03:14.080 And then also another conspirator friendly face, Mercy, the ambassador who was Marie Antoinette's like kind of father figure who is now in the Hague and he like is loyal to her and wants to help.

01:03:26.260 So the group was like, we're going to basically do what Mirabeau said, but we're not going to explain it like Mirabeau did.

01:03:33.060 So what they want to do is have the royal family retreat to a safe location where the king would, again, summon his loyal countrymen and raise an army.

01:03:41.620 We'll worry about that when we get there.

01:03:44.220 TBD, how that part's going to go.

01:03:46.560 But then get like a bunch of loyal countrymen to use force to return Barry to be the king.

01:03:53.880 So Mirabeau's plan had been to do this in Normandy,

01:03:56.600 but they're like, no, let's go instead to this town called Montmédi,

01:03:59.680 which is on the border with Germany and near Metz.

01:04:02.260 So Metz is where Bouyer has the fortress.

01:04:05.700 So they're like this way from the corner, like the border of Germany.

01:04:08.460 So in case Barry's speech doesn't inspire the countrymen,

01:04:14.300 perhaps these forces could be augmented with like paid German soldiers

01:04:18.360 from just across the border in Germany.

01:04:20.460 Yeah, which is smart.

01:04:20.860 instead of going to normandy where you can look out at the ocean and wish someone was coming to

01:04:25.560 help you we'll call upon the lobsters um whatever army they had in the little mermaid like conch 0.96

01:04:31.960 shells oh my gosh just little king triton with his pike three heads on his trident

01:04:39.160 fabulous hairstyling on all heavy heads so barry was like this is a great plan can you get it to

01:04:47.880 me in writing. And they're like, we know that this is how you operate. So yes. So Axel von

01:04:53.120 Fursen, like again, like linchpin of everything. He like wrote it all up and he's like, if you do

01:05:00.220 this, it'll be a heroic feat of valor by a benevolent King, much like Charles I would

01:05:06.260 have done had he been able to in England. And that's called knowing your audience.

01:05:12.840 Exactly. So he delivered this document to Barry. So this is like four months after Maria

01:05:17.800 Antoinette had agreed like, yes, let's do this. But they spent four months, I think, writing this

01:05:21.320 document in such a way that Barry would actually agree to it. Like she ordered the party bus in

01:05:26.240 December and Barry got this document the subsequent March is the amount of time that it took for them

01:05:31.840 to just like really get him used to this. That feels like trying to get a PowerPoint

01:05:36.060 approved in like a corporate job. You're like, I know what we have to do. And it's very straightforward,

01:05:40.500 but it's going to take three months to get everybody who needs to sign off on it to sign

01:05:43.800 off on it exactly exactly it's like a relatable situation and then when we go back to my favorite

01:05:50.080 topic in yours non-juror priests this actually helps out so remember the ants had left to go 0.95

01:05:58.300 to rome they're just like fuck you guys we're gone so barry was like okay he's still stressing 0.58

01:06:04.420 they're like how are we gonna escape the purge is happening and barry's like but where will i 0.99

01:06:08.920 take communion publicly at Easter service with a juror priest. This is his spiral. And he's like,

01:06:15.220 well, what if I go and take communion at St. Claude? Because there's a non-juror priest working

01:06:20.300 in that area. So he's like, great. I'm going to go in a carriage and take a little trip to our

01:06:24.280 summer home of St. Claude. But when word leaked out that he was leaving, especially in the wake

01:06:28.840 of the aunts having fled to Rome, people heard he was leaving. And so the mob understandably

01:06:34.240 assumed that the royal family was trying to escape because they were but at this point barry was just

01:06:40.960 like really hyper fixated on like a pope-based priest give him public communion for easter

01:06:46.980 that's his biggest concern at the moment anyway so the mob converged on his carriage that he was

01:06:52.520 trying to take to go take communion lafayette on the scene the most tired man in france the head

01:07:00.440 of the national guard which still perplexes me because the national guard is peasant mob bike

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01:10:35.280 Anyway, so despite Lafayette's best efforts,

01:10:39.400 the National Guardsmen assigned to protect the monarch sided with the crowd.

01:10:43.200 so lafayette is in charge of the national guard and the national guards side with the mob and

01:10:49.000 he's like all right i give up it's only one of me lafayette is just like this was a lot like

01:10:56.280 this would never happen to george washington except it absolutely did

01:11:01.380 just once i'm sure he would have been like i'd like to be in charge of an army that is an army

01:11:06.340 i think one time that would be cool yeah an army that actually does what they say and doesn't

01:11:11.760 Blackmail me into leading market ladies on marches or whatever.

01:11:17.080 Anyway, so the mob just like refused to open the gates to let the carriage pass.

01:11:20.680 Standoff ensues.

01:11:21.960 The soldiers insulted the king, saying he should be deposed.

01:11:25.460 Ryan Phillippe should be king instead of you.

01:11:28.100 It took two and a quarter hours.

01:11:31.280 Here's a quote.

01:11:32.060 After two hours of vain attempts and useless efforts by Lafayette,

01:11:37.280 barry ordered the carriage to be turned around oh i think vain attempts and useless efforts by

01:11:45.560 lafayette could have been his memoir for the four-year period he's in france right now

01:11:49.780 yeah but also took two hours for barry to be like oh wow maybe maybe i should turn around

01:11:56.000 maybe staying here isn't a good idea so i mean for him two hours seems pretty quick

01:12:02.460 Yeah, true. Maybe Lafayette was like, please, please, I want to go to bed.

01:12:10.080 Anyway, so, but this whole situation like made Barry clue into the fact that like, oh, maybe the royal family should escape. And then he signed off on the party best plan after this situation. So part of the plan, this is, God, I don't even know how long this episode is going to be. Enjoy everybody because we're just getting to really the meat, the meat of it all.

01:12:29.360 so party best plan so part of the plan is that they're going to travel with their his like fancy

01:12:38.740 king robes their crowns their fancy outfits all of her glam and her jewels because they're going

01:12:45.500 to leave in disguise as i'll tell you who in a minute because they all have fake disguisey names

01:12:49.940 yes but what they're going to do is when they arrive in triumph amongst their adoring subjects

01:12:55.900 so Barry can give these motivational speeches,

01:12:57.720 they will emerge from the party bus in full drag.

01:13:01.500 Listeners cannot see me nodding violently

01:13:03.800 for the dramatic costume change in the party bus,

01:13:06.640 which I'm thrilled to hear about.

01:13:08.920 Right.

01:13:09.260 It's like when you hear about people

01:13:10.500 who are like going to the Oscars

01:13:12.360 and like to not wrinkle the dresses, 1.00

01:13:15.100 these women are like lying horizontally in various vans. 1.00

01:13:18.760 Like, yeah. 1.00

01:13:20.220 So the party bus is not,

01:13:21.400 well, I'll tell you who is in the party bus,

01:13:22.860 but it fits six adults

01:13:23.820 and now they're bringing like his coronation robes or whatever like crowns four adults and a

01:13:29.220 giant pile of crown jewels well marie internet has her necessary two adults

01:13:35.260 it's a bit of a clown car situation yes so the whole plan like originally mirabeau and everybody 0.71

01:13:47.740 was like we're gonna get you to the holy roman empire and then you can like amass troops there

01:13:51.520 But the new, the plan, what the plan is now is they're not going to leave France itself.

01:13:55.640 They're just going to get to the outer reaches of France, remember near the border with Germany.

01:13:58.800 And he will emerge after this outfit change, looking amazingly like, I'm your king, like

01:14:05.200 raise up your pikes on my side now, like let's take France back over again. 0.84

01:14:09.360 So they're staying within France. 0.88

01:14:10.860 And this is like, I think, astute in a way.

01:14:15.800 Barry didn't want to be seen as fleeing France because he thought if he fled, he would not

01:14:19.920 be welcome back.

01:14:20.600 he wanted to show no like i france is more than just paris like there's other parts of france and

01:14:25.160 i'm the king of france i'm not going to leave france so this is important to him this is where

01:14:30.160 i remind you that he's spent a lot of his life hyper fixating on charles the first and what

01:14:35.580 does it mean to be a noble king of a country so there's various troops who are going to be like

01:14:42.580 kind of in various places just waiting for the party best to roll up so they can like support

01:14:47.120 them so leopold holy roman emperor is going to send some of his german troops up near metz this

01:14:52.440 place that's near the border so there's like plans on half of plans and half of plans but a lot of

01:14:58.180 these plans are being made by like military guys who i think know what they're doing so i think

01:15:03.220 this is a good part at one point i was like should i get allison to make a tally sheet of like things

01:15:08.080 that go wrong or things that go right which will be a shorter list yeah but this so basically the

01:15:15.780 Leopold is going to send some German troops near Metz and they're going to just be there and

01:15:19.280 ultimately to help Marie Antoinette. But the excuse was that this gives an excuse for Bouyer

01:15:24.240 to assemble his French troops because they'd be like, oh, it looks like there's some German

01:15:27.340 troops assembling. Better assemble some French troops to defend France. That's actually pretty

01:15:31.820 smart. Yeah, exactly. I think that's a pretty, okay. Because otherwise it's like, why are the

01:15:35.660 French troops assembling? On the German border.

01:15:39.760 As though waiting for something to happen. So they had to clear all this, like part of what

01:15:44.840 takes long planning things in the 1700s is how long it takes to get messages back and forth from

01:15:51.540 various places. And they also have to do it all in secrecy. And like, I'm sure ciphers are involved.

01:15:56.360 So I had to get these letters to Leopold, who's Marie Antoinette's brother who doesn't really know

01:15:59.900 her and doesn't care for her as much as her previous emperor brother Joseph or her mother

01:16:04.580 would have. So Leopold was like, it costs money to move troops. So who's going to pay for these

01:16:09.960 troops? It's like, dude, it's your sister slash the French monarchy. And he's like, yes, but

01:16:14.560 who's gonna pay for this so who pays for it is axelon furson his mistress eleanor and her

01:16:22.000 sugar daddy i love them this is my ot3 i'm in for this yeah no this is the this is the triad

01:16:30.920 who is gonna yes financially support everything so barry signed off on the plan in march it took

01:16:37.160 until the first week of june to get the funding together to pay for the troops so so far six

01:16:41.180 months since the bus was ordered yeah good thing she ordered it early well because they had to like

01:16:45.440 i think build it because perhaps the best of these specifications did not already exist i'm not sure

01:16:51.300 so anyway and then bouillet refused to act until leopold's soldiers were deployed which makes sense

01:16:57.920 because he's like i'm not going to marshal my french troops until the german troops are there

01:17:01.420 to look like a threat otherwise this looks dumb and like i just put down if you remember bouillet's

01:17:06.580 whole thing was he put down like a near mutiny he's like people are not cool with troops just

01:17:12.420 doing rando things yeah meanwhile just for some context for you a person who knows about these

01:17:17.900 things mirabeau died um he died being like i failed her and then the national assembly elected

01:17:24.400 a leader whose name was robespierre oh there he is the purge is like ever so close inching up

01:17:34.260 inching up so this is the climate meanwhile in ran philippi's mall effigies of the pope were

01:17:41.320 being burned because of the whole like juror priest non-juror priest things people took that

01:17:46.840 as seriously and i'm sure people could look at our timeline and just be like why are people

01:17:51.400 taking this so seriously but people took cockades the like how much flour you have for your bread

01:17:57.260 and juror priests like they took that more seriously than i can truly comprehend honestly

01:18:03.540 you could sum up probably 50 percent of world history conflict into people having strong

01:18:09.400 feelings about communion and making it someone else's problem like that is one of the most

01:18:13.120 contentious things that's ever happened ever true so yeah yeah so just everything was kind of like

01:18:18.880 they had to wait for all these things to get into place for the escape plan to happen but then also

01:18:23.120 just like paris is just kind of like the purge will like purge countdown clock is like activate

01:18:29.520 it. Like if you're going to escape basically now or literally never. So Marie Antoinette wrote in

01:18:36.020 a letter to her friend, Mercy, our situation here is frightful in a way that those who do not have

01:18:40.340 to endure it, cannot hope to understand. Yeah. I'm sure she believed. And part of this too,

01:18:48.480 I keep thinking like comparing things nowadays to then a days, and it's not actually that different

01:18:53.400 really. But one thing that is different is that she and Barry and a lot of people thought that

01:18:59.980 the people outside of Paris supported the Royal family to an extent that they did not,

01:19:05.500 but they had no way of knowing what people outside of Paris were thinking. Now,

01:19:09.820 like even with algorithms and people are in your, like, you only see a certain point of view. It's

01:19:14.120 like, we know that people have different thoughts in different parts of countries. Like we can do

01:19:21.580 polls we can like look at the who's watching what youtube videos like we know what people are

01:19:27.160 thinking but they were just like they just truly believed that when they got to the french

01:19:31.160 countryside it would be no problem at all for people to be on their side right yeah feudalism

01:19:37.000 will last a long time out there it'll be fine it's similar to how when they called the estates

01:19:42.140 general they were like what if we have five times as many third estate because you know who's going

01:19:47.440 to support the royal family to everyday people. Yeah. Okay. Historically always supported us

01:19:54.640 because feudalism. Yeah. So in terms of like things that are not great about this plan,

01:20:01.800 like I get why they are staying in France because they want to not be seen as

01:20:05.800 deserting France, but also so much of it is predicated on an assumption that people in

01:20:11.620 France are going to innately support the royal family, which is just like not necessarily 0.62

01:20:16.980 have you seen the mobs yeah yeah so marie internet believed a berry like we all have to believe in 0.79

01:20:27.560 something live in hope but she's just like yes this outfit change rolling up in the party bus

01:20:32.760 with our crowns on like we're gonna draw all the people to us who hate like and not everyone in

01:20:38.980 paris is like part on board with a purge mob you know she's like i think there's more people

01:20:44.180 anti-purge than pro-purge and if we can get those people all together we will take the country back

01:20:49.700 this is our hope this is our plan but then also anyone who's gone on a road trip could understand

01:20:57.620 that there was a lot of argument about the route sure part of the route was like to get from place

01:21:04.000 a to place b is the quickest way would be to like dip out of france and then back into france

01:21:09.340 but Barry was hardline he's like I will not leave France so they're like okay so we'll take this

01:21:14.520 long more circuitous route that's like longer and more treacherous and has less paved roads

01:21:19.400 so we can stay technically in France and Barry's like yes yes that's what I want to hear this is

01:21:26.560 what matters to me so having him be the king in this situation versus people like Axel von Fersen

01:21:34.200 Bouyer, like people who've been on military trips through these areas and like know what the good

01:21:40.200 roots are. It's like, but they, yeah, but we have to listen to Barry's plan. He was like,

01:21:45.820 the only places Barry has ever traveled is, so he was born in Versailles and then he had his

01:21:52.040 coronation in Rheims and then he's been to Paris to like go to the opera. That is his cosmopolitan

01:21:58.300 world life traveling experience. And I'm sure he travels like a normal person when he does that.

01:22:03.340 Yeah, and I'm sure he made his own plans and chose the roads, obviously.

01:22:06.460 And he drove, yeah.

01:22:07.920 So, yeah, so in my notes I say, Bouye and Axel von Fursten, experienced soldiers and travelers, suggested going on a direct route.

01:22:18.460 People with more than one brain cell suggested going on a direct route.

01:22:23.200 One of Barry's other concerns besides not wanting to leave France and come back into France was he was worried that if they went to Rims, one of three cities he's ever been to,

01:22:32.360 he that's where his coronation was 16 years ago and he was like people might recognize me it's

01:22:36.860 like dude like people you're the king of France you're on the currency you're on the money if

01:22:43.340 like look up to an image search he is like a wildly distinctive looking person he's gonna

01:22:49.360 be traveling in a giant bus full of crowds who are they gonna think he is yeah yeah so you might

01:22:57.060 think like well Barry what if when you get to REMS what if you just stay in the party bus and

01:23:00.580 They're like, lean your head out like a dog on the highway, but we're going to learn he's,

01:23:04.700 he's not able to not do that. So anyway, so part of the route that they had to do because of

01:23:11.720 Barry's strongly held beliefs included this weird unpaved road into a town called Varenne.

01:23:20.280 I'm just saying that significantly wiggling my eyebrows. Anyway. So then Barry was also worried

01:23:27.740 that understandably there's a lot of cooks in the kitchen in this plan and parts of the plan are

01:23:33.300 good and parts of the plan are not good. So I don't want to like cast aspersions on every single

01:23:36.920 thing that Barry said. He wanted to have small parties of soldiers along the road just in case

01:23:42.840 they're needed to like protect and guard the party bus, which I think makes sense to someone

01:23:47.500 who's been like almost assassinated constantly for like two years. But also that makes the whole

01:23:53.060 thing, even less subtle and more possible that someone's going to notice soldiers lurking.

01:24:01.060 Sorry. Crucial to the enterprise was who was going to go where, who got a seat in the party

01:24:05.480 bus, which soldiers were going to be where. So in a key role, now this was exciting to me when I was

01:24:11.340 watching the Marie Antoinette movie, which again, we're going to discuss on a later episode. I think

01:24:15.680 it's like next week or two weeks or something on Patreon. Stay tuned. Anyway, in the Sofia Coppola

01:24:20.780 movie, there's a guy in the movie called Choazel. I was looking at the character list to be like,

01:24:25.000 which of my friends are in this movie? Which characters? I'm like, Choazel? But this is not

01:24:29.740 the one from the movie. Choazel in the movie is like Louis the 15th, like right-hand man helper

01:24:34.440 guy. This guy is Choazel, his son. So the Duke de Choazel was chosen. He is the Colonel of the

01:24:42.080 Royal Dragoons. And I don't know what dragoons are, but I love that word. I love a Royal Dragoon.

01:24:47.440 absolutely they always have good outfits too they have like feathers in their hat they usually have 0.98

01:24:51.580 like epaulettes and hats it's good so this chauzel was a nepo baby basically he was related perhaps

01:24:59.800 not the sun he was related in some way to chauzel from the movie ran out by sofia coppola he was

01:25:04.540 young enthusiast enthusiastic he had proven loyalty to the king because he he was rich but

01:25:09.840 stayed in france instead of fleeing so like that bodes well he was i i want to emphasize rich um

01:25:15.860 because they needed money.

01:25:18.120 And so Axel von Fersen,

01:25:21.220 experienced military person,

01:25:23.900 was like,

01:25:24.860 Schwizel is, quote,

01:25:26.280 inclined to be chaotic. 1.00

01:25:30.700 That's a fabulous description

01:25:32.320 of a human being.

01:25:33.600 You could describe me that way as well.

01:25:35.580 You could.

01:25:37.060 And that's why you don't put me

01:25:37.820 in a clutch position

01:25:38.700 in the royal family's escape.

01:25:40.500 I think you would have done

01:25:41.300 a better job, though.

01:25:42.000 I would have,

01:25:43.600 but we'll wait and see

01:25:44.280 how Schwizel does.

01:25:46.700 Crucially, so when you're going on a long trip on a party bus or any sort of carriage,

01:25:51.100 if you're going on a long trip in olden times, your horses can't, the same horses can't take you

01:25:54.980 all the way. Like you ride your horse to a certain place and then there's like a spot where you like

01:25:58.540 switch up your horses and you go to the next place and you switch up your horses. And like,

01:26:02.740 if it's sort of a place a lot of people go, then you can just casually show up and there's horses

01:26:06.320 to switch and you like pay somebody. If you're going to a smaller place like the Wren, down a

01:26:12.780 random dirt road through the woods you need to pre-arrange to have horses there because there's

01:26:16.580 not usually just horses there but someone had to pay for these horses and choazel was rich and so

01:26:23.100 that's what he was gonna do so in the party bus who gets a seat in the party bus at least the

01:26:29.040 ants are gone like they would just fuck everything up even more that'd be such an unpleasant road

01:26:32.600 trip oh god so i'm honestly like it sucks the way they left and they made everything worse but i'm 0.94

01:26:38.100 glad they're not in this story anymore because i hate them so so party bus six adults can fit in

01:26:47.080 it right so we've got marie antonette we've got barry they're two children so the daughter marie

01:26:51.820 therese is like 12 or so and then the dauphin is like six so it's like two smallish kids

01:26:56.760 um barry's sister madame elizabeth who's like a nun but not a nun she's also like an adult she

01:27:01.780 had sworn to never leave her brother's side so she was coming at first in this story yeah yeah

01:27:07.380 Yeah, like Barry inspires a lot of loyalty, which is sweet.

01:27:11.760 But I think Madame Elizabeth is somebody who initially they thought,

01:27:15.320 because his brother Provence was going to leave also,

01:27:18.200 but he was just going to leave one guy and one servant,

01:27:21.340 like the way that you can escape properly. 1.00

01:27:23.000 And then his wife is going to leave one lady and one lady servant. 0.96

01:27:26.060 And Provence, I mentioned before, I just want to mention he is fat.

01:27:29.640 And I mentioned that because he had not been able to ride a horse because of his size,

01:27:34.480 but he had like, it took so long to get this plan together.

01:27:37.480 He just started horseback riding and training and like losing weight.

01:27:40.140 And so he was able to do it. So I just want to mention that.

01:27:43.300 Good for him.

01:27:44.420 Yeah. So Madame Elizabeth, I thought, Oh, maybe she could leave with someone else, 1.00

01:27:47.840 but she's like, I will not leave my brother's side.

01:27:49.360 So this leaves one spot left if you're counting in the six person party bus.

01:27:54.940 And this final spot went to the little governess, Madame de Tourzelle,

01:27:58.080 who had sworn to never leave the Dauphin side.

01:28:00.500 so what the party bus was missing was anyone with common sense travel experience decisiveness 0.60

01:28:10.780 um yeah so before elizabeth madame elizabeth decided that she had to be in the bus too the 0.97

01:28:18.280 six spot was going to be held for a senior courtier who barry could trust to make decisions

01:28:23.060 but then she came in and that was that so they had along with them two equerries and a courier

01:28:29.900 so the courier would be like would ride with them and then go ahead to the next spot to make sure

01:28:33.540 the horses were there and to like communicate like hey they're coming and whatever three waiting 0.87

01:28:37.780 women would follow in a smaller carriage i picture the waiting women is like one of those trailers 0.97

01:28:42.100 like that you have behind a camper van yeah so axel von fersen would drive the party bus for the

01:28:48.480 first crucial part of the journey like getting out of paris because that's kind of that's the hard

01:28:53.760 part yeah yeah that's kind of the most fraught part you need somebody who's like experienced

01:28:58.140 that sort of stuff. But he would separate once they got outside of Paris. He wanted to drive

01:29:02.020 the whole way because he was loyal to Marie Antoinette and he knew he was useful. And if

01:29:07.080 only he had, but Barry didn't, he forbade it, not because he was allegedly Marie Antoinette's lover, 0.94

01:29:13.420 but because he was Swedish and Barry didn't want any taint of foreigners on this whole thing. He 0.84

01:29:18.040 wanted to be like, I'm the French King. I'm staying in France. I'm traveling with French people. Like

01:29:21.920 this was important to him. Okay. Finally, they received a letter from Leopold saying like,

01:29:28.140 okay i've ordered i paid for the troops they're gonna amass in this place we need to have the

01:29:33.040 troops to be finally so the date of their departure was set for the evening of june the 12th but this

01:29:38.620 was there was a church thing happening it was the eve of pentecost there'd be more than usual

01:29:42.760 amounts of people on the street so they're like let's not go when the mob everyone's outside

01:29:48.380 talking about their favorite priests give it a minute on that day i want to say so leo remember

01:29:54.260 leo the hairdresser yes he wrote a book i mean spoiler he survives all of this he wrote a book

01:30:01.020 that's called the recollections of leonard yes get it like the memoir of marie internet's hairdresser

01:30:08.260 and i just love honestly the story of marie internet's hairdresser is a historical fiction

01:30:13.840 novel that would sell a million copies today yeah i'm so happy leo is in the sophie coppola movie

01:30:19.820 by the way when he was there i was just like oh it's my guy anyway so at this point so because

01:30:24.860 he like he was allowed in and out of toileries because he's like the hairdresser and whatever

01:30:28.420 so he was he's part of the plan now as well just so you know so he uh snuck in the toileries at

01:30:34.120 one point and he was given a baton of a marshal of france which he was going to entrusted to give

01:30:40.460 to bouillet once they met up in that place he's also entrusted with a bunch of marie antoine's

01:30:46.620 jewels, which she wanted him to take ahead to Brussels so that they would be there for when

01:30:50.640 she arrived. So publicly Marie Antoinette and Barry continued on as per usual. They attended

01:30:56.020 the opera, they had their dinners. Um, they didn't tell any, obviously they didn't tell anybody what

01:31:01.880 they were doing tomorrow. Over like the week leading up to it, they told some trusted servants,

01:31:08.060 like maybe you might want to go take a little holiday. Oh, you look a little sick. Maybe you

01:31:12.540 should go take the waters in a city that is not here. Casual things. She did not warn her best

01:31:18.520 friend, um, the princess de Lambelle, not because she didn't trust her, but because princess de

01:31:23.100 Lambelle was the sister-in-law of Ryan Phillippe. And she was just like, I can't risk Ryan Phillippe

01:31:28.020 finding out about this. So they set a new date, June 19th, but Barry was like, we can't do that.

01:31:33.960 That's a Sunday. You know, you can't travel to party bus on a Sunday. That's one of my rules of

01:31:39.860 life. So they're like, okay. So the date was set to the next day, Monday, June 20th. We're getting

01:31:46.300 to the most exciting part. They're leaving under cover of darkness. So during the day, they're all

01:31:51.140 just acting as normal as possible. Maria internet took her children out for a walk in a public

01:31:54.720 garden. So everyone saw it. And afterwards she told the guards like, this was nice. Can you bring

01:31:58.660 me here tomorrow to walk the children here again? So they went to everyone had supper and they went

01:32:08.700 to bed as per usual so provence at this point um he took off in disguise as an english merchant

01:32:15.520 i want to know how deep the backstories rolled for these guys i'm really excited to when we get

01:32:21.900 to the pseudonyms so the thing about i said like everything was as per usual they went to bed but

01:32:27.120 like part of the king going to bed like as it was in versailles it's like a million people came over

01:32:32.240 to like watch him do it and then they tuck him behind these curtains and it's like a party

01:32:36.680 so also i do want to mention that one of the ways they're able to escape from the building is there

01:32:43.240 was a series of secret passageways linking all the royal family's rooms so they're able to use

01:32:48.460 you know like you cut through you can't even tell there's a door like they had secretly

01:32:53.240 just arranged so that they knew where all the hydro like all the passageways were and i feel

01:32:57.740 like axel van fursen figured this out for them he probably made them he's like we're gonna need

01:33:01.900 secret passageways in a year and a half nobody come in the west wing yeah yeah so i'm gonna tell

01:33:08.100 this in a bit reverse order but to add suspense so everyone went to bed in the morning servants

01:33:13.780 went to go wake up marie antonette and barry and they found they were not there but barry had left

01:33:20.520 a note um dear people of france is what it said it was like it is i the father of the kingdom

01:33:29.320 And he was basically saying, here's why I did everything I did.

01:33:34.100 Here's why I came to Paris.

01:33:35.180 Here's why I said I supported the revolutionaries.

01:33:36.880 I had no choice.

01:33:37.500 I don't really believe that.

01:33:38.880 And he closed off the letter by saying, I will always be father and best friend to all

01:33:42.480 Frenchmen.

01:33:43.380 This letter was read out loud and everybody freaked out, obviously.

01:33:47.380 Meanwhile, so as people were discovering that they were gone in the morning, the party bus

01:33:52.000 occupants were already on the road.

01:33:54.840 So these are their pseudonyms.

01:33:56.600 So Madame de Terzal, the governess, took the lead role of Madame Korf, a Russian baroness.

01:34:03.280 Yes! I'm already so enthusiastic. None of this is necessary.

01:34:10.020 Madame Elizabeth was Madame Korf's highborn companion, Madame Rocher.

01:34:15.800 The Dauphin was disguised as a little girl and his sister was also there.

01:34:20.020 And I don't know why it says Marie Therese was wearing calico.

01:34:23.340 I guess that is like, okay, they were playing the Baroness's children, Amelie and Aglaie.

01:34:33.980 Aglaie. It's a name with so many accents on it. Oh, I can only imagine how many accents. Also,

01:34:39.440 are they not Russian? Are they? What shall we call these children? Like, it's like you ask

01:34:44.400 the children, what do you want to be called? I'll be called Spider-Man.

01:34:46.940 so these are the little children amelie and agliet marie intonet her face and hair hidden

01:34:55.240 under a drab hat and wearing a severe black cape was rosalie the governess fabulous fabulous

01:35:01.880 and barry in a wig and plain brown coat was the baroness's manservant monsieur durand

01:35:07.960 that's giving like mitt romney's fake french pseudonym for like 2011 i love this i love

01:35:16.760 It's just reminding me of Anthony Wiener, Carlos Danger.

01:35:20.500 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:21.520 Mitroni was Pierre Delecto, which is the most flight to Miranda I've ever heard.

01:35:26.540 Pierre Delecto, yeah.

01:35:28.000 Yeah.

01:35:28.780 So their escape was, it was kind of, it was modeled on the Duchess of Polignac,

01:35:34.380 who had, like, after the Women's March, like, there had been,

01:35:37.720 they had escaped, and they had escaped successfully under cover of darkness

01:35:41.020 with assumed identities.

01:35:43.360 And so they were kind of just being like, that worked for her, let's do that too.

01:35:46.760 But also when you'd like six months to plan this thing, you're like, here's my backstory.

01:35:51.040 I was, I was a Russian countess.

01:35:56.180 I never knew my father.

01:35:58.120 And then one day, like, what do you have to do except just make up more details?

01:36:03.780 Okay.

01:36:04.100 So now I'm going to backtrack.

01:36:05.520 How did they get out?

01:36:07.280 So at 10 30 PM, Torzell, the governess woke up the dolphin and remember they hadn't told

01:36:13.540 the kids they were doing this because especially the dolphin, he's like six.

01:36:16.760 Like you can't tell the kid you're going to Disney world.

01:36:19.280 He's going to tell everybody you got to get them up and go.

01:36:22.140 But she was like, but she knew that the defense, and this is kind of like cute.

01:36:24.420 It's like, you know, this is the son of Barry.

01:36:26.180 It's like, this guy really likes soldiers and like army things.

01:36:29.500 It's like, Hey, guess what?

01:36:30.600 Here's our mission.

01:36:31.300 Little guy.

01:36:33.320 I can't tell you details, but you're an important soldier.

01:36:35.200 And this is our soldier mission.

01:36:36.580 And he's like, I got it. 0.99

01:36:37.800 He's like, okay, you need to put on this girl's clothing. 0.97

01:36:39.320 Your name is now Agla. 0.99

01:36:40.840 Yay.

01:36:44.320 10-4.

01:36:45.320 Yeah.

01:36:45.600 Got it.

01:36:45.960 so the governess and the kids went through this unguarded ground floor door which is like someone

01:36:52.560 was staying in this apartment but now they're not staying in this apartment anymore and so no one's

01:36:55.840 guarding it anyway axel von fursen was waiting outside this is under a cover of darkness um in

01:37:00.500 like after bedtime so axel von fursen is waiting in this unmarked carriage he's not in the party

01:37:05.000 bus yet they're going to drive to a second location to change well it would be wild if

01:37:09.860 the party bus pulled up outside the Tuileries. It's just like, it's flashing lights. I was

01:37:15.040 picking the flashing lights as well. Just like, yeah, Lady Gaga top volume.

01:37:22.340 So he was waiting. He had been driving around the block a few times to not look suspicious

01:37:28.460 waiting. Um, and actually as he was like driving in and out of Tuileries, he passed by Lafayette's

01:37:33.600 carriage as it entered Tuileries. Cause Lafayette was coming to attend the King's like going to

01:37:37.360 bed night night party you know he was just like totally just a baron von corf driving like

01:37:45.440 like reclining his seat all the way back so elizabeth came out as well barry couldn't get

01:37:54.700 out until they finished his like bedtime ritual because he's like in his bed they pull the

01:37:58.500 curtains around his bed everyone's having a party in his bedroom there's not like a secret door

01:38:02.480 behind his bed so he has to wait for all the people to leave but then he had a clever ruse

01:38:06.400 and i like this for him so there was a guy who kind of looked like him who visited the palace

01:38:10.440 regularly called the chevalier de coigny and he usually left around this time of night

01:38:15.020 so barry just pretended that it was him oh so he i'm the chevalier de coigny don't worry about

01:38:23.100 me my hobbies include not lock making and other things he puts on his chevalier hat and then as

01:38:30.540 soon as he gets into the bus he puts on his manservant hat and he was very proud of himself

01:38:34.980 He said like at one point, like his shoe came unbuckled and he stopped and buckled the shoe.

01:38:38.540 And then he's like, and nobody suspected it was me.

01:38:41.980 Marie Antoinette waited until like everyone else is there first. 0.99

01:38:44.840 Cause she, if she wasn't able to get, she's like, maybe they could all go and she could leave. 0.99

01:38:48.840 And that would give them some time if she wasn't able to get it.

01:38:51.300 So they left at 1.30 AM.

01:38:53.420 This is already behind schedule for the record because the bedtime party took longer.

01:38:57.460 They know exactly how long the bedtime party takes.

01:38:59.560 I don't know why they didn't.

01:39:00.300 Anyway, why am I talking like this is a good plan.

01:39:02.560 It is not a good plan.

01:39:03.360 So Barry told Axel von Fursten, like at the, they got the outskirts of Paris,

01:39:09.540 Axel von Fursten got them out there.

01:39:10.660 They switched the party bus and Barry told him, whatever may happen to me,

01:39:13.980 I shall never forget what you have done.

01:39:15.960 So Axel von Fursten and Marie Antoinette made their farewell in code because

01:39:19.660 they were, if they're not sexually lovers,

01:39:23.120 they're certainly extremely close friends and they had like a secret language.

01:39:26.420 And so they had this farewell.

01:39:28.840 And then he, he wrote off into the night.

01:39:31.600 I think he's going, we're going to see him again.

01:39:33.360 excellent first. He's going ahead to meet them in Brussels or something. So the party bus continued

01:39:38.920 on. They only, because they had like a hot plate, they had the onboard toilets. Like they didn't

01:39:43.360 really have to stop just at some points they did so the children could get fresh air and also had

01:39:47.780 to switch and change horses at every, every various place, but that was all arranged for

01:39:51.320 them. Everything's going amazing. At one stop, Barry got out of the carriage and made an effort

01:39:56.460 to engage with his subjects like hello hello other french peasants don't you like the king

01:40:05.140 isn't he nice and knows about locks what he said actually no what i said is he was talking to the

01:40:13.760 passers-by about crops of course he was lovely weather we're having very good for the soybeans

01:40:20.840 i am a peasant the coachman intervened imploring him to stay hidden

01:40:26.760 sire get in the bus the completely inconspicuous party camper van and barry was surprised and said

01:40:36.660 i do not think that is necessary any longer my journey seems to me now to be safe from all

01:40:41.260 accidents like he really thought as soon as he's outside of paris everybody loves them and it's

01:40:45.040 fine that's not true so at around 2 a.m so we've been on the road for like a half hour

01:40:49.560 The horses stumbled and fell, requiring the broken harness to be mended, which is just like a thing that happens when you're traveling in a carriage in olden times.

01:40:57.440 So at this point, they were two hours behind schedule because they left late because of like Lafayette came for the bedtime party and the bedtime party went long and they couldn't leave until after that.

01:41:06.820 So here's what I wrote. They were behind schedule, but in fairness, this was olden times. So come on.

01:41:12.240 One would think you would have some wiggle room.

01:41:15.460 No one's like tracking the GPS. You're supposed to be here in five minutes.

01:41:18.620 and yet someone is psychologically tracked on gps and that is schwazel so schwazel is further along

01:41:25.780 the route and he lost his mind he had been waiting for two hours with his dragoons honestly i would

01:41:32.060 be panicking too i was like they got caught they're dead i'm dead everyone's dead yeah yeah

01:41:37.480 so he'd been waiting for two hours with his dragoons like as one of the like groups of

01:41:41.080 soldiers along the road to like protect them but he was like it's been two hours clearly the mission

01:41:46.660 has been aborted they've been caught they didn't get away so he was supposed to wait for marie

01:41:50.420 internet's courier to ride up to be like hey here's how it's going but he just decided to

01:41:55.180 call it a day he's just like he was what did it say he he proned to chaos this guy it's like this

01:42:01.640 is not the guy you have at like meeting point a no this is the guy you give a four-hour window

01:42:08.320 on either side just like yeah so he was just waiting and he's like you know what it's been

01:42:13.700 two hours. They're clearly not coming and peace out. So he had another like assistant or like

01:42:19.360 companion there with him. And so the companion was like, okay. And so the companion went ahead

01:42:23.240 to tell the soldiers on the next step on the route, like, Hey, guess what? The plan's not

01:42:26.560 happening. They didn't escape. No. At this point, interestingly, also with Shazelle

01:42:32.780 was Leo, the hairdresser. So Leo, the hairdresser was like, okay, plans off. I guess I'll just go

01:42:38.540 to Brussels with Marie Antoinette's casket of jewels and let them know like she didn't make

01:42:44.040 it out, but here's her jewels, I guess. But he, Leo, again, like I'm sure there's so many

01:42:49.460 hairdressers who would be great in this situation. Leo, not one of them because he handed over the

01:42:54.580 treasure chest of jewels to a soldier. The soldier was found the next day murdered and empty-ended.

01:42:59.080 Yeah. Surprise, buddy. That's the most robbable thing you could do.

01:43:05.700 Yeah. So this is what, so at this point, the whole plan has fallen apart, but the party bus doesn't know that yet. They're just going through being like, Barry's like, hello, fellow farmers.

01:43:19.260 Have you heard about my, the Russian countess I'm driving with? And your whimsically named children?

01:43:25.960 so they reached a city called chantry which is about 90 miles east of paris so at this point

01:43:34.460 it's 2 30 in the afternoon so it's been like 12 hours of like party bus going so some people say

01:43:40.200 like oh my god how could they have stopped the party bus to like go to stop and have a picnic

01:43:45.240 or whatever it's like well it's a 12 hour trip and like do you want to be in a party bus for 12

01:43:50.740 hours with like two little kids and like port-a-potties on board like that was the least

01:43:56.260 of their problems frankly as to why this plan is not a good plan i would propose the pro why this

01:44:01.480 plan is not a good plan is that they refuse to leave france or that they didn't leave a year

01:44:06.360 and a half ago and it would have been so easy when they could have just left on horses there's a lot

01:44:11.340 of things wrong with this plan stopping to take a picnic lunch is not one of those things maybe

01:44:15.600 it's one of those things but it's not the number one of those things it's it's long if we've got a

01:44:21.560 list of 200 things that's like towards the bottom yeah anyway so it's 2 30 afternoon the exact time

01:44:27.060 that Axel von Fursten had told Bouyer that they would be about 35 miles away from there where

01:44:32.220 Bouyer and his soldiers were waiting to escort them so anyway Barry again got out of the carriage

01:44:36.000 to mingle with the townspeople and was recognized it wasn't necessarily by somebody looking at a

01:44:41.720 coin in their hand, looking at his face, looking at the coin in his face, but like, it was basically

01:44:46.160 that. But to his credit, um, rather than being, you know, it wasn't like an angry mob attacking

01:44:53.640 him. Like they would have in Paris. Instead, people were like, Oh my God, it's the King.

01:44:57.060 This is so great. Like, isn't this cool? The King's in our town. This is exciting.

01:45:00.780 He's like, I told you they love me. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, so he's feeling confident in them.

01:45:06.180 And so at this point he got back into the party bus and he said to Marie Antoinette,

01:45:10.280 Monsieur de Lafayette at this moment does not know what to do with himself.

01:45:13.640 Ha ha ha.

01:45:15.460 Untrue.

01:45:16.560 Meanwhile, back in Paris.

01:45:17.280 Meanwhile, Monsieur de Lafayette.

01:45:19.100 Meanwhile, Monsieur de Lafayette mobilized a squadron of people, of couriers.

01:45:24.600 So he made a proclamation and then he sent the proclamation with these couriers to distribute it all around all of France.

01:45:30.140 That said, the king having been removed by the enemies of the revolution,

01:45:33.580 the bearer is instructed to impart the fact to all good citizens who are commanded in the name of their endangered country

01:45:39.100 to take him out of their hands and to bring him back to the keeping of the National Assembly.

01:45:43.120 This order extends to all the royal family.

01:45:45.220 So basically, couriers just moved a lot more quickly than the party bus

01:45:48.460 because it's a guy on a horse to all corners of the kingdom just to be like,

01:45:52.000 be on alert, the royal family has escaped.

01:45:54.480 Have you seen this king? Let me know.

01:45:55.960 Yeah. Have you seen this king?

01:45:59.040 There's not a reward, but the reward is we won't kill you.

01:46:02.240 So messengers and fast horses carry this all around.

01:46:05.460 And then also members of the National Assembly.

01:46:07.640 So this is like the National Guard. Lafayette is sending these couriers.

01:46:10.920 The National Assembly, they're like, politician guys.

01:46:13.760 Also sent emissaries to track down the king.

01:46:16.120 And Ward, like, chantry.

01:46:18.140 So like, you know, he stopped to be like, hello, fellow peasants.

01:46:21.720 Ward traveled there into nearby villages.

01:46:24.100 Like, oh my God, the king is nearby.

01:46:25.500 And around the same time, there was a report that a sighting of German soldiers were loitering suspiciously.

01:46:31.000 um and so the people in the countryside did not need a proclamation from lafayette to understand

01:46:37.780 these phenomena were related but it was it was feared axel von first and when he had been like

01:46:44.440 we need to maybe not have soldiers everywhere was like the foreign troops people are going to think

01:46:49.320 that this is the wave like the first wave of an invasion like the germans are coming to invade to

01:46:53.800 take over france they're coming here to overthrow the revolution blah blah so by the time the royal

01:46:59.200 family rolled into their next stop, Chalons, the mood of the local, local population had darkened

01:47:04.140 because I guess they'd gotten the couriers or like word had spread. So they arrived to pull

01:47:07.980 up in the party bus and Barry's like, Hey, bonjour. Um, people were just kind of like

01:47:13.400 whispering and looking at them and kind of not greeting them very happily. So the Royal family

01:47:16.700 was like, well, let's like speed things up on the party bus a little bit. They're now eight hours

01:47:21.080 behind schedule, which again, I think the schedule really should have had more wiggle room to it

01:47:25.940 in this day and age and know like did no one know the speed of a party bus yeah and like they

01:47:31.040 couldn't have taken a six-hour picnic like something else no yeah yeah so by the time

01:47:36.360 this is at the point where they got to the the meeting spot where schwazel was supposed to have

01:47:40.220 been and he was long gone the troops were all like asleep in beds or had left or whatever

01:47:45.280 or had been murdered with a casket full of jewels various things so the party bus was just like

01:47:50.480 wait where's everybody like what's going on and they weren't sure what they

01:47:53.460 what do we do the soldiers aren't here and there was not a decision maker in the party bus yeah

01:47:59.640 so they like berry they just did a berry style they're like well i guess we just keep going

01:48:04.840 i guess we just make no decision and just carry on i mean i don't know what else they would have

01:48:08.940 done though like you can't turn around and go back i don't exactly like i don't send a courier

01:48:13.440 to where and to who i don't know so then they had now after they've been traveling for 18 hours

01:48:17.620 they reached a place called St. Menhol

01:48:20.180 where 40 of Choiselle's dragoons were there

01:48:23.440 but they had taken the saddle

01:48:24.700 left their horses

01:48:25.280 and they were like sleeping

01:48:26.380 when the commander of these dragoons

01:48:31.960 not Choiselle

01:48:32.640 but somebody else

01:48:33.500 realized the royals were passing 1.00

01:48:34.920 they were like oh shit 1.00

01:48:35.800 but they kept their distance 1.00

01:48:36.880 to avoid suspicion

01:48:37.760 because they're like

01:48:38.220 if we soldiers like start running after them

01:48:40.280 that'll bring attention to them

01:48:41.440 and we don't want attention to them

01:48:42.580 at this point

01:48:43.620 Barry was literally

01:48:44.960 hanging his head out of the party bus

01:48:46.580 like a dog on the highway

01:48:47.440 you know in moulin rouge when he's like everything's going so well of course very

01:48:56.020 vibe yeah yeah anyway so at this point along the highway this slow-moving party bus with

01:49:02.280 barry sticking his head out um he was recognized by a local revolutionary named drouet drouet

01:49:08.800 claimed that he recognized barry from a coin he had in his pocket with barry's face on it

01:49:13.300 but perhaps it was just like, oh look, a party bus. Oh look, a party bus. Oh look, the king.

01:49:20.360 Oh look, dragoons lurking nearby. Oh look, like a message from Lafayette that the king.

01:49:27.880 Anyway, so he left and Drouet was like, I'm pretty sure that was a king. Don't know what to do about

01:49:31.980 it. Um, but he went to whoever's in charge of the municipality and that person was like, uh,

01:49:36.840 maybe you should go and chase after the party bus Drouet. And he's like on it for sure. There's

01:49:41.100 like a plaque at this part where it's like this is where a patriot called drouet saw the king like

01:49:45.680 you could go on some sort of really interesting road trip following the route of the party bus

01:49:49.720 probably oh my gosh you could take such a good picnic but you would have to you'd have to get

01:49:53.680 five of your closest friends and you would all have to get assumed identities and you'd have to

01:49:58.080 get like some sort of like fancy picnic basket with like mechanical levers as well oh that's

01:50:03.180 non-negotiable yeah exactly exactly so you me lana two others yeah perfect okay um sorry the

01:50:10.540 party bus kept going it's just like in its wake just like so many people chasing the party bus

01:50:16.980 and the party bus is just like the mob is gaining pikes as it goes so they went the next up was at

01:50:24.340 clermont like they're switching with the horse that clermont and leo the hairdresser had already

01:50:28.000 come this is before he gave the jewels and was and the guy with jewels is murdered but leo had

01:50:32.620 come and gone to tell the local dragoons like the plan is off so these soldiers also asleep so

01:50:38.540 anyway drouet and his companion came in like after the party bus and some people they were

01:50:44.640 like hey drouet like here i heard somebody on the party bus say as they swap their horses take the

01:50:49.820 road to varenne so this is where i'm going to reveal to everybody that this whole situation

01:50:54.360 is known to history as the flight to varenne that is the name of all of this so just you know

01:51:00.660 we're getting to the climax of this slow motion disaster this is the slowest car chase in history

01:51:07.720 fast and the furious but it's not fast and it's not furious the slow and the

01:51:15.000 gentle i don't know so the ponderous and the lackadaisical

01:51:21.400 so the ponderous and the chaotic i think works so it was around 11 p.m they reach varenne which

01:51:29.140 is a town of like 100 people which this is a place where when it was on their route they're

01:51:33.220 like okay well you have to go down this dirt path it's like not even a road and there's not usually

01:51:37.040 horses are to switch out. So we'll have to call ahead to like get the horses there. And by call

01:51:40.860 ahead, I mean, say in words, cause there's not phones. Anyway. So they arrived at Viren at 11

01:51:45.620 PM, which is, I don't know if there's still eight hours behind, but they were not supposed to arrive

01:51:49.700 there at 11 PM. They're supposed to arrive there in daytime, but they were in urgent need of fresh

01:51:54.400 horses and they had pre-arranged to pick up the horses here, but nobody on the party bus knew

01:52:00.120 where the horses were because what part of the town are the horses even kept in and it's nighttime

01:52:05.080 and it's the middle of the woods.

01:52:08.000 And do you know who was supposed to have passed on word

01:52:09.820 about where the horses were so that they would know?

01:52:12.160 Who was it?

01:52:13.100 Oh, it was Chazelle.

01:52:14.540 Um.

01:52:16.520 Your clutch guy.

01:52:17.480 Because remember, he was in charge of paying for the horses.

01:52:19.680 Yeah, because he was so good at every single responsibility

01:52:22.120 he had at this job.

01:52:24.060 Yeah, it's not at all.

01:52:24.960 Like, he's the single reason why it all fell apart.

01:52:28.620 So we'll get to Chazelle later.

01:52:31.040 But he was, when I finished reading this part of the book,

01:52:33.320 I was just like, let me just quickly look on a Wikipedia and just be like,

01:52:36.640 and when was he guillotined?

01:52:38.040 Let's just like, because I need some schadenfreude.

01:52:42.020 So anyway, so the party bus inhabitants wandered around looking for their horses.

01:52:48.060 Eventually they were going door to door knocking.

01:52:50.540 Excuse me, are you a horse?

01:52:53.760 It is I, Madame Korf, a Baroness from Russia.

01:52:58.140 Excuse me, I am the Russian Countess.

01:53:00.260 I am looking for the horses.

01:53:01.640 i don't know what accent that was probably better than theirs so meanwhile so they're going door

01:53:07.120 door knocking looking for horses meanwhile on the other side of town two soldiers were waiting with

01:53:12.300 the horses along with a troop of a troop of german soldiers also waiting but it's dark

01:53:18.200 right there's not two lights it's olden times they're in the woods anyway so the army guys

01:53:24.080 but also the army guys in the woods are also lost in the woods they don't know how to get

01:53:29.400 out of the woods. So Drouet, this revolutionary guy, um, who at this point he's giving me a

01:53:34.420 feeling of just like intent, obsessive, not stopping this. So he reached Varenne and he

01:53:41.000 rang the toxin, the toxin. It's like the like alarm bell, a small village has to be like,

01:53:46.000 something is happening. So that, that woke up everybody. Um, and they have their own

01:53:51.060 in this town of a hundred people. They have some amount of national guards. I don't know,

01:53:55.380 like two anyway so then the other revolutionary so the people woke up and they set up a barricade

01:54:01.700 yes trademark claimants on the one road in town they did that's what they did they upended a

01:54:10.780 cart and piled boxes and now they're like the entire road is closed so so now nobody can get

01:54:17.740 into varen because they're like this way nobody can get into help the royal family because

01:54:21.180 we lay missed

01:54:22.820 we lay missed the only street we have

01:54:25.920 yeah

01:54:26.720 so anyway so the troops were stuck in the woods

01:54:29.600 and now they couldn't anyway they couldn't get him

01:54:31.380 so Drouet and his new squad

01:54:33.520 set up an ambush for the party bus

01:54:35.080 which was going to come down the main street at some point

01:54:37.460 when the party bus drove right into the ambush

01:54:39.860 and so these guys the National Guards

01:54:41.900 were surrounded the bus screaming

01:54:43.640 I don't know heads on pikes 0.98

01:54:45.220 heads on pikes vibes for sure 0.98

01:54:47.460 who could help them now Allison

01:54:49.120 who could help them now

01:54:51.180 Who could help them?

01:54:52.520 Well, the mayor was not in town.

01:54:55.260 So you know who is in charge of the town this night?

01:54:57.860 Who is in charge of the town?

01:54:59.120 The local grocer, Monsieur Sauce.

01:55:07.140 No.

01:55:09.780 Please.

01:55:11.900 The way you paused, I thought it was going to be someone I could guess.

01:55:16.440 and not in a million years

01:55:19.140 I have said anything

01:55:20.960 at half as good as that.

01:55:22.340 So the grocer, Monsieur Sauce

01:55:24.260 in charge of Varenne this night.

01:55:27.420 Oh man, I'm going to wake up

01:55:29.020 in the middle of the night

01:55:29.960 in like eight hours

01:55:31.000 still laughing about Monsieur Sauce.

01:55:32.860 Thank you for that.

01:55:33.920 We'll wait to see

01:55:34.700 what Monsieur Sauce does.

01:55:36.060 So Monsieur Sauce was just like,

01:55:37.700 okay, I'm in charge for the next,

01:55:38.860 like I'm not sure what to do.

01:55:40.060 We've got this like missive

01:55:41.080 from Lafayette.

01:55:41.940 So Monsieur Sauce is like,

01:55:42.960 just come into my house.

01:55:44.260 I assume Chez Sauce.

01:55:46.440 to keep them safe

01:55:48.780 while he waited for instructions

01:55:50.700 from Paris on what to do.

01:55:54.420 So just in Sauce's house

01:55:56.840 slash grocery store.

01:55:58.160 Come into my living room.

01:55:58.800 Can I offer you a baguette

01:56:00.660 and some cheese?

01:56:01.880 Perhaps with some sauce.

01:56:04.440 Maybe he's who invented sauce,

01:56:06.080 the concept.

01:56:07.480 So yeah, so Chez Sauce

01:56:09.040 is now, it's like the middle

01:56:10.440 of the night.

01:56:10.900 It's like midnight.

01:56:11.980 And like sauce,

01:56:13.140 I'm going to keep calling it

01:56:13.860 Chez Sauce,

01:56:14.560 just like sauce as grocery

01:56:16.020 like what's it called um bodega so um so the peasant the peasants of the town so like 100

01:56:25.400 citizens i guess 99 because sauce is the 100th person he's busy he's on duty everybody else

01:56:30.780 surrounded the house it's described as hissing the mom who's hissing around shay sauce um and

01:56:40.700 just being like a mob and just being like the royal family's in there and like whatever so

01:56:45.240 Marie Antoinette and Barry were just kind of like, I hope that like any of the soldiers

01:56:48.500 like throughout France are going to show up now to save us, but they can't because of

01:56:52.640 the barricade.

01:56:53.520 There's, there's a cart in the road.

01:56:55.780 You know who arrived?

01:56:56.700 This is someone who you actually will recognize her name of, is shockingly, Choiseul.

01:57:01.860 Really?

01:57:02.880 He somehow eventually arrived with his dragoons.

01:57:05.800 He's like, surely I haven't missed anything.

01:57:09.760 Dragoons, could you move those boxes off that road?

01:57:13.340 Oh, no one thought of that.

01:57:14.340 Thanks, Choiseul.

01:57:15.240 So he came in and he was allowed to see Barry for some reason.

01:57:19.440 He offered him his sword because as king,

01:57:21.880 Barry could take charge of the dragoons.

01:57:23.780 But Barry was like, no, thanks.

01:57:25.300 That's not appropriate.

01:57:26.100 It's far too late for that.

01:57:27.320 My guy.

01:57:28.340 Yeah.

01:57:29.020 Barry did give a little speech,

01:57:30.980 perhaps a speech he'd been preparing to get the citizens on his side.

01:57:35.920 Anyway, he said, I will not leave France.

01:57:37.960 And after I leave and get an army,

01:57:40.180 I'll come back to Varenne because I will remember you fondly for how you

01:57:43.960 supported me.

01:57:44.460 all these people hissing at him from the windows i'm imagining it's like sinners when the vampires

01:57:51.200 are all around the tavern i'm picturing it's like sinners crossed with like the people from

01:57:56.220 the opening song of beauty and the beast just oh no it's like the gaston mob it's it's the

01:58:00.980 gaston mob it is the gaston mob someone needs six eggs and they're pissed they go to that too

01:58:07.380 monsieur sauce is the grocer there goes monsieur sauce with his tray like always

01:58:13.080 put him in that song honestly so early in the morning everyone's just right

01:58:19.040 no he really is a funny girl choisele it's right there

01:58:22.520 so um lafayette's men arrive early in the morning um two of them with orders demanding the return

01:58:30.040 of the king to paris because remember sauce has just been waiting to be like i i'm gonna wait for

01:58:34.040 instructions i'm a grocer and this is above my pay grade i said i could be temporary mayor for

01:58:39.940 one night and this happened he i want him to get some kind of award this season i don't care what

01:58:48.400 kind of award it is sauce is just like yeah i love him if you'd had sauce instead of chazelle 0.99

01:58:56.440 i think everything would have gone differently because sauce can handle his shit he can't he's 0.99

01:59:00.380 I'm a grocer. However, now I am a jailer of the king and I will do exactly what I have to do. 0.99

01:59:06.340 Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So Lafayette's men arrive and they're like, OK, we're here to I understand the king of France is here return the king to Paris.

01:59:16.400 And Barry is just like, this is the most upset I've ever seen him be. He's like, there is no longer a king of France.

01:59:24.560 Oh, it took him this point to realize that.

01:59:26.980 and this is so they had this document being like these are the orders saying that we have to return 0.91

01:59:31.220 you marie internet took the orders threw them on the ground stomped on them i assume and she said

01:59:36.880 what audacity what cruelty subjects having the temerity to pretend to give orders to their king 0.98

01:59:41.780 and the daughter of the caesars who remember her family is descended from the caesars like her mom

01:59:48.000 like the habs i think anyway she says i will not allow my children to be defiled by such a

01:59:53.240 preposterous document yes beautiful which is a beautiful quote a beautiful quote but the mob

02:00:01.200 they move from hissing to chanting apparently um they're saying we will drag them by the feet to

02:00:09.480 the carriage okay which just sounds like yeah so their last hope they're just kind of killing time

02:00:15.840 just waiting like maybe bouye is gonna come here and find us because bouye was waiting god knows

02:00:20.600 wherever he was and he eventually word had gone to him and so he tried to get varenne but he was

02:00:25.500 so far away like he was just too far away to get there barry was trying to stall but eventually

02:00:30.600 they were forced back into the party bus to go back to paris chazelle um at this point he helped

02:00:36.020 barry back into the party bus but i don't know just like helping him step up or whatever here

02:00:40.700 you go sir chazelle um like he oh i'll tell you i have like after i have like a breakfast club

02:00:47.300 thing at the end of like, what happened to everybody? Where are they now?

02:00:49.860 Chazelle did later write memoirs.

02:00:51.740 So, um, he recalled

02:00:53.260 feeling an inexpressible anguish

02:00:55.020 as if he was seeing King Charles I of

02:00:57.220 England handed over to the executioners.

02:00:59.960 You know that

02:01:01.260 Barry was just like, yes!

02:01:03.680 That's the vibe I was going for!

02:01:07.180 Barry did later describe this escape

02:01:09.220 attempt as one of the most virtuous acts

02:01:11.120 of his life. Okay.

02:01:13.240 Anyway, Marie Antoinette, I like this, she says

02:01:15.480 she wrote or said later

02:01:17.600 Evidently, we have been deceived as to the real state of public sentiment in France.

02:01:22.420 Yeah, girl, you have. 0.99

02:01:24.620 Correct.

02:01:25.820 You are not popular.

02:01:28.540 So anyway, then it's like the world's worst.

02:01:30.400 Then they had to retread their whole party bus trip, but this time 10 times slower.

02:01:35.400 The walk of shame.

02:01:36.780 The mob is walking with them and they have to go at a walking pace.

02:01:40.440 Jesus, that's awful.

02:01:42.740 And it's like Paris or it's France in summer.

02:01:45.240 It's like, what is it, June?

02:01:46.580 And so it was, it was unseasonably hot, even for France in June.

02:01:51.840 And so the roads were so dusty.

02:01:53.640 Everyone was just like covered in sweat.

02:01:54.900 And then the dirt came up and then sticks to the sweat.

02:01:57.300 So everyone's just like, they look like in Mad Max.

02:01:59.880 They weren't allowed to close the party bus windows.

02:02:02.780 So their clothes, which they've been wearing now for like three days or something like the clothes, just imagine the gross, the sweat, the dirt, horrific.

02:02:10.120 So they had gotten, it took them 22 hours initially to get from Paris to Varenne.

02:02:15.400 And it took them four days to make their return job.

02:02:20.520 Because, yeah, again, people are walking next to them.

02:02:23.860 People armed with scythes, muskets, pikes, pitchforks, and sabers.

02:02:28.560 And as they passed various cities, people were lined up on the roads,

02:02:33.200 heckling and throwing things at them.

02:02:35.420 But they didn't, it wasn't like a 24-hour thing.

02:02:38.280 Like at night, they would go to sleep in inns.

02:02:40.440 And sometimes, and in like at least two of the inns, the people there were like,

02:02:43.520 do you want us to help you secretly escape but marie antona is like not unless we can all go as

02:02:48.640 a group and so because the escape options they were presented with was like one person going

02:02:52.880 down a flight of stairs it's like no we are a party of six hence the bus yeah so anyway so the

02:03:02.120 weather was the hottest days anyone had ever felt this is like the time of like climate chaos it's

02:03:08.500 like the weird it's whatever there's been like we've talked about in various episodes you know

02:03:12.400 Like there was a blizzard in August and like all this weird stuff is why the crops are so bad.

02:03:16.880 So a Scottish woman named Grace Dalrymple Elliott, who was in France for reasons we

02:03:21.840 will discuss in a future episode, um, recorded, it was the hottest weather that she had ever

02:03:27.500 experienced. Um, and the mob was getting meaner as I got closer to Paris. So people were swearing

02:03:32.840 and threatening them. Um, this part, I think you're gonna enjoy him. It's not like a sauce

02:03:38.160 level, but it's a good level. So when they got to Paris, Lafayette had instructed everyone,

02:03:43.280 like usually when the carriage with the Royal family passed by, everyone had to take off their

02:03:46.960 hats. But Lafayette had said like, no, keep your hats on. I want this to be a hats on procession

02:03:52.600 of shame for the Royal family. Hats on procession of shame. But not everyone had a hat. What about

02:03:58.000 the poor people? What about the poor people with who, whose job was to whatever, like clean wheels 0.98

02:04:05.380 of carriages with grease rags.

02:04:07.460 All of a sudden, they put the grease rags on their heads.

02:04:09.840 Yes!

02:04:11.780 So everyone just had something on their head.

02:04:14.420 It's a man just holding a fish on his head. 1.00

02:04:16.560 It's like, this is all I had, but fuck you. 1.00

02:04:19.340 Piece of bread. 1.00

02:04:22.040 So everyone just put something on your head.

02:04:26.020 I just like the grease rags on the heads.

02:04:27.980 It's a stunning image.

02:04:30.980 So anyway, Lafayette had also posted instructions.

02:04:33.860 i don't know where but everyone seemingly understood the instructions like put something

02:04:37.480 on your head ideally a hat grease rag if that's all there is maybe your hand so but he'd also

02:04:43.560 said nobody should applaud the king but also you shouldn't insult the king it was like if anyone

02:04:48.120 insults the king you'll be thrown in jail and if you applaud the king you'll be executed so everyone

02:04:54.140 was just like heads covered silent which is really creepy that's actually really spooky

02:04:59.040 yeah yeah

02:05:01.060 Marianne Tannett's 1.00

02:05:02.820 so all throughout her whole life she

02:05:05.240 people noticed that she had this perfect

02:05:07.440 posture she had this like 0.99

02:05:09.240 way about her but just an 0.91

02:05:11.440 aura of sort of like poise

02:05:13.220 and so even in this situation

02:05:15.380 covered in sweat and dust in the party

02:05:17.420 bus somehow her 0.64

02:05:19.460 proud and noble air still made an impression

02:05:21.440 on some of the people who saw her like she still

02:05:23.320 had this like air of like queenliness

02:05:25.340 around her which is

02:05:26.480 notable. So they pulled up to Tullery's 8 PM on day four of the worst road trip of all time.

02:05:33.840 Um, there was about 30,000 people walking with them, just mob types. Barry was so exhausted at

02:05:42.440 this point. He could barely get out of the coach out of the party bus. And he had also, by this

02:05:46.480 time, we know very well what he's like at this point, but I think anyone could be like this.

02:05:52.180 he just shut down completely emotionally. Like he wasn't talking. He was just like,

02:05:56.700 yeah, he was not all there. Not doing well. Yeah. One of the deputies who was riding with him

02:06:02.500 noted that he was as unmoved and composed as if nothing unusual were happening. He acted as if

02:06:07.640 he were returning from a hunting expedition. Yeah. He was in enormous emotional distress and

02:06:13.980 was dissociating clearly. So Marie Antoinette's hair had recently suddenly turned white from

02:06:20.920 stress. And so I, this is interesting. She, at this point, she cut off a lock of her hair to

02:06:26.920 send to her friend, Princess Lambelle. And Princess Lambelle got the hair and put it in a ring

02:06:32.300 inscribed with a phrase, whitened by misfortune. So there's a lot of people with a lot of hair in

02:06:37.860 rings at this time.

02:06:38.800 Because they started the story with a ring, a hair ring and we're ending it with a hair ring too.

02:06:43.280 Yeah.

02:06:44.200 I mean, it has been a hair ring expedition. I'm sorry.

02:06:48.200 No, thank you. Thank you. That's why you're here.

02:06:50.920 So there were various servants on the party bus, in and around the party bus.

02:06:55.360 And so those people were taken to prison, mostly for their own protection, because the mob likes to rip people apart.

02:07:02.100 The mob is just like a high level of mobbing.

02:07:05.180 Marie Antoinette had just enough strength left when they returned to Tilleries to write a single letter before she just collapsed in grief and exhaustion.

02:07:13.520 The letter was to Axel Von Persson.

02:07:16.340 She wrote, I can tell you I love you, and I don't even have time for that.

02:07:19.420 I am well. Do not worry about me. Adieu, most loved and loving of men. I kiss you with all

02:07:24.820 my heart. Is what she wrote. So Barry, we said in a previous episode, he, when he was a young

02:07:32.720 boy or I guess a teen, his mother was like, maybe it'll help you if you keep a diary of events and

02:07:38.200 you can look back at what you did and how you behaved. And maybe that can help you figure out

02:07:41.200 how to behave in the same situation later. But what he mostly did in his diary, he would just

02:07:45.340 write down how many things he shot that day when he was hunting. So it'd be like 17 deer or like

02:07:50.860 rien is the thing that he writes when he didn't shoot anything. Like the day of the women's 0.94

02:07:55.120 March, he wrote rien. That's famously, that's all he recorded. What Barry wrote in his diary

02:08:00.920 this day was departure at midnight from Paris arrived and stopped in Varennes at 11 o'clock

02:08:05.140 in the evening. Technically correct. Factually true. And at the end of the year, so at the end

02:08:10.200 of every year, he always recorded like the journeys he'd made that year. And for this year,

02:08:13.900 he wrote five nights spent outside Paris in 1791. Again, correct. Actually true. Okay. I just want

02:08:21.200 to quickly like breakfast club this, like what happened to everybody. So like we're leaving

02:08:25.840 Marie Antoinette and her family back into the palace next week. We'll talk about what happens

02:08:30.400 next to them, but everybody else. So actually one person, like he switched them into the party bus,

02:08:35.880 said adieu and then headed off. He went to the Austrian Netherlands and he rode hard through

02:08:40.880 the night and got there super quickly. Like you can, when you're one person on a horse,

02:08:45.200 he didn't hear that they had been captured until they were already en route back to Paris.

02:08:49.260 And so he, his anguish was palpable. He wrote to his father, all is lost. My dear father,

02:08:55.380 I'm in despair. Barry's brother Provence and Provence's wife, Josephine had both escaped

02:09:00.700 individually with one servant East and reached Belgium. Like you can, when you escape individually

02:09:05.900 with once over in East each um so Provence was now the most senior French royal not currently

02:09:12.900 in house arrest was one step closer to his goal of becoming king of France and in fact uh Bouyer

02:09:20.620 met up with him in Belgium and said about Provence there wasn't a trace of tears in those eyes as dry

02:09:26.960 as his heart he seemed he seemed almost satisfied or pleased that he was like maybe one step closer

02:09:33.440 to being king leo hairstylist so leo's brother jean francois had uh been with choisele as well

02:09:42.820 i assume that's how i don't know one brother's a hairstylist one is a like soldier and they were

02:09:48.740 both there together anyway the brother ended up being put in prison and guillotined for his part

02:09:53.420 in the flight to varenne leo fled to luxembourg and russia and he didn't return to france until

02:10:00.260 1814 so post napoleon he just rock on man correctly peace out for all of that yep um so

02:10:08.200 he returned when the monarchy was restored under a king who will tell everybody who that is later

02:10:13.200 he wrote his memoirs recollections of leonard

02:10:16.300 which also sounds like a perfume that he could sell too doesn't recollections by leonard yeah

02:10:23.960 exactly you can find that pretty easily if you just like do an internet search recollections

02:10:27.760 of leonard choisele who i and also antonio fraser who wrote this biography put kind of the linchpin

02:10:36.240 of the failure of the plan was him piecing out after two hours and telling everybody else the

02:10:43.120 plan was off how would you tell everybody else the plan was like just shut up and go home it's still

02:10:49.520 so it could have gone wrong in so many ways but it went wrong in the ways it did because of him

02:10:54.240 Yes.

02:10:55.060 Tragically, because I told you when I was reading the story, I was just like, I need

02:10:58.520 to look up Choiseul and like feel satisfaction and how I'm sure he was guillotined.

02:11:02.380 He was not.

02:11:03.980 He, of all the people to not be guillotined, this guy.

02:11:08.140 So he was put in prison where he wrote his version of events where he said, totally wasn't

02:11:13.020 my fault.

02:11:15.300 It was the fault of Bouye, who was in charge of the troops that got lost in the forests

02:11:19.800 around Varenne.

02:11:21.020 actually that things went wrong so far before that so he was liberated from prison in 1792

02:11:28.700 which is one year later not sure why but lots of things weird things happen and then he fled

02:11:34.380 France to fight in the emigre army of Louis-Joseph de Bourbon prince de Condé against the French

02:11:40.800 Republic then he was captured confined at Dunkirk escaped set sail for India was shipwrecked on the

02:11:48.380 french coast and condemned to death by the decree of the french directory but then napoleon bonaparte

02:11:54.840 allowed him to return to france in 1801 not for a single second did i know what your next sentence

02:12:00.500 was gonna be well it's like who would have thought that the fight to fran was like the least

02:12:04.500 interesting thing that happened to this man yeah when you said shipwreck i was like oh 0.86

02:12:09.260 fuck i don't know well when i said india i was like wait what anyway so he was allowed to turn 0.91

02:12:16.420 France by Napoleon. Um, and then when Napoleon fell in 1815, well, up until Napoleon's empire 0.98

02:12:24.140 ended in 1815, Choiselle just kind of, we don't know what he was doing. He was minding his own

02:12:28.820 business, which I think is a good choice for a chaotic person like this. Anyway, eventually.

02:12:33.680 So then there was the restoration of the monarchy. He was called to the new house of peers.

02:12:38.460 And so he became whatever the French version of a Lord is. Then you and I have done various

02:12:44.740 episodes about like all the weird government things that happened in france where it's like

02:12:48.460 nonsense of the 1820s yeah anyway during the revolution of 1830 chauzel was nominated a

02:12:55.480 member of the provisional government um he afterwards received the post of aide-de-camp

02:13:00.740 to the king and governor of the louvre palace okay he died in paris eight years later this guy

02:13:07.680 lived a life yeah she was all which you know i appreciate an interesting twisty life story but

02:13:15.340 i also am mad that he fucked everything up and he's like the one person that didn't get guillotine 0.82

02:13:19.800 the one person like him and the ants i would have been okay with them being torn up by them 0.96

02:13:28.060 imagine the ants getting guillotines and should be like you haven't polished the guillotine enough

02:13:32.500 how dare you cut my hair you haven't been introduced at Versailles 1.00

02:13:38.960 oh god those bitches they lived a long life too anyway um Allison I just have some end of episode 1.00

02:13:46.820 notes to say but first can you tell everybody about where they can find your excellent sub 1.00

02:13:52.400 stack and also your books you've written for people who don't know these things about you

02:13:55.540 For sure. You can find my passion project, which is my Substack. I write in every other week newsletter called Dirtbags Through the Ages, which is a profile of a person from history who sucks and who I think is fun, told with a lot of swears and a lot of 90s pop culture references.

02:14:16.720 it's a fun time. And a lot of puns. I cannot help myself. So you can find that, um, on Substack and

02:14:23.800 then you can find all of my other stuff at my website, which is alisonepstein.com. Um, I also

02:14:30.380 write books and you can find those books there. Um, my latest novel is called Fagin' the Thief

02:14:35.960 and it came out in February. And if you haven't picked it up, um, I would love it if you thought

02:14:41.200 about it. I want to mention too, that your book Fagin' the Thief has an excellent audio book with

02:14:44.880 a really good narrator voice. Yes. Excellent for listening. If somehow you've listened to two hours

02:14:50.820 and 20 minutes of me and Anne and are like, I would like to listen to more things. That's what

02:14:54.620 I was thinking. People who've listened to all of this are probably like people who like listening.

02:14:58.100 And I think your book is a good listen. It's a great listen. I wanted to mention, so also Alison

02:15:03.300 and I and our other friend, Lana Wood Johnson, we do a Patreon special podcast called Vulgar Peace

02:15:08.280 Theater, where we talk about costume dramas. We recently covered The Manus of King George and

02:15:13.780 coming up soon we i'll have news about when you can listen to our discussion of sofia coppola's

02:15:18.440 marie antoinette movie which features i just want to remind you because we've been through a lot in

02:15:22.960 the last two plus hours it does not feature this choisele but it features his older relative who

02:15:29.540 was like the finance minister dicking lou the 15th or something at first i was like choisele

02:15:33.420 is in the movie that guy not that choisele axel von furssen is in the movie though so great looking

02:15:39.980 very hunky and i want to mention i also wrote a book it comes out in february it's called rebel

02:15:44.780 of the regency the scandalous saga of carolina brunswick britain's uncrowned queen and you can

02:15:49.300 get it pre-order you can pre-order it if you're in canada or the united states and at basically

02:15:54.680 any bookstore you can get information about that at rebel of the regency.com and if you do pre-order

02:15:59.960 it then there's a little form also at rebel of the regency.com you can fill out or if you send

02:16:04.480 me like a picture of your receipt then you get some treats you can get a carolina brunswick paper

02:16:09.220 doll. You can get a free membership to my sub stack and a free membership to my Patreon. And

02:16:14.540 also if you want to read the book, you can add it on Goodreads and Storygraph. And if you're on

02:16:18.400 Neck Ellie, you can request it from there. So just like, that's my book. It's coming. I'm excited

02:16:22.600 about it. And I'm just trying to think, is there any, did, did Prinny come up at some point? It

02:16:28.940 did. Cause Prinny was friends with Ryan Phillippe. Yeah. I am astonished at how many overlaps there

02:16:36.860 are between the Carolina Brunswick book that I wrote, which takes place after the French

02:16:41.200 revolution and these French revolution episodes, there's a lot of people who, you know, people

02:16:45.320 just bopping back and forth, England and France.

02:16:47.620 Which seems like a bad time to be doing that, but what do I know?

02:16:50.480 Yeah.

02:16:51.000 Well, anytime anyone went back to France, I'm just like, girl, no, why would you, no,

02:16:55.680 stay in England.

02:16:57.340 But anyway, um, I think that that's all my updates.

02:17:01.140 I have to say, Alison, thank you so much for this.

02:17:03.140 Like you understand now, like why I had to share this story with you.

02:17:05.920 oh you could not have told the story of monsieur sauce without me thank you

02:17:10.600 i mean that's what i think this whole sequence of events is known as a flight to varen but i

02:17:17.700 would call it the saga of monsieur sauce as well like the most exciting night of monsieur sauce's

02:17:24.520 life monsieur sauce's excellent adventure that's what this is called now that's what i'll call it

02:17:29.920 patreon for sure i'll give him more fancy title for real people but for patreon miss your sauce

02:17:36.700 is excellent adventure featuring elison epstein thank you so much thank you

02:17:59.920 Thank you.

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Vulgar History - September 26, 2025

Marie Antoinette (part four)： The Escape Plan

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