Vulgar History - So This Asshole： Napoleon Bonaparte

00:00:00.000 Hello, and welcome to Vulgar History, a feminist women's history comedy podcast. My name is

00:00:12.120 Anne Foster. And today I'm sharing with you a previously behind the paywall episode of

00:00:17.440 So This Asshole. Previously, this was only able to be listened to by people who are members

00:00:23.280 of the Patreon at the $5 or more level. But for a variety of reasons, I'm sharing this

00:00:28.460 with everybody today and there's a special guest in this episode and there's a special guest in

00:00:32.800 this intro it's the same person it's Alison Epstein hello it's me so first of all um Alison

00:00:42.780 do you this is your opportunity to address the tits out brigade do you have anything you'd like

00:00:46.780 to say I love the tits out brigade so much I tell Anne this all the time behind the scenes and so I

00:00:51.860 appreciate the chance to tell you all how much I appreciate you I get messages saying that folks 0.80

00:00:58.180 have found my book through vulgar history i get lots of people who said they found my newsletter

00:01:02.680 through vulgar history there's one of you i hope you're listening right now who was going through

00:01:06.240 the entire back catalog of my newsletter one by one which is really delightful for my notifications

00:01:11.440 so just this is a great group of people you're all really funny and really smart and really 0.66

00:01:18.300 lovely and thank you for letting me show up like here regularly to talk about bullshit every so

00:01:24.460 often it's a lot of fun when i get sent messages by people who are really fans of yours i send them

00:01:30.560 to allison like people send me messages saying i love the episodes you do with allison and i'm like

00:01:34.780 why should tell allison you also pick goofiest people for me to come on and talk about which i

00:01:41.140 think helps like do they like me or do they just like whatever lola montez is doing it's very hard 0.96

00:01:45.540 exactly exactly so this episode of so this asshole and allison you're not on every episode 0.99

00:01:51.960 of So This Asshole. But this was a special one where I invited you on. This was like last year 0.98

00:01:56.180 because and you took the leads like you were talking about a person who is really a So This 0.96

00:02:01.000 Asshole all star for you. And that is Napoleon. My nemesis, Napoleon Bonaparte, the man I hate 0.96

00:02:08.440 most of all men in the world. Yes. Yes. And so one of the reasons why this is totally not planned,

00:02:14.560 I was just like, hey, Alison, do you remember we did an episode on Napoleon? I forgot we had.

00:02:18.200 turns out we did um so i don't remember recording this but we did and i'm sure it's hilarious but

00:02:24.000 um your book you don't remember you don't remember recording it at all i thought you

00:02:29.020 didn't remember like wow no i don't no nothing don't take that personally at all i just don't

00:02:36.020 remember what i've recorded when i'm just like have i done an episode of vulgar history on this

00:02:42.240 person i like go to apple podcast and scroll down to be like i did well you've done so many

00:02:48.020 episodes on so many people i guess that makes sense yeah but i mean like prepare yourselves

00:02:53.940 everybody like we're having the 100th episode like celebratory extravaganza that's in a couple

00:02:59.280 weeks and more details to come but no so i was like napole i i post polls on the patreon where

00:03:06.040 i'm like here's some famous men from history and then the people on patreon vote who they want to

00:03:09.000 hear me talk about and i was like napoleon and i was like this voice in the back of my head was

00:03:12.420 like, didn't I do Napoleon? And then I'm like, Alison did Napoleon. Anyway, so we're showing

00:03:20.760 this, but also, comma, the cover was just revealed for your new book, which has a Napoleon element.

00:03:26.640 Can you talk about that? Yes. It is subtle background, Napoleon, because as previously

00:03:31.660 stated five seconds ago, I hate Napoleon with my whole chest. He just sucks so bad. But my second 1.00

00:03:37.780 book which uh historical fiction novel called let the dead bury the dead it's out october 17th in

00:03:43.480 the u.s and canada um it is set uh immediately after the napoleonic wars in saint petersburg

00:03:51.140 russia and so like kind of hovering around the back of the entire plot for my three characters

00:03:56.120 who were trying to rebuild the sort of society after napoleon came through and fucked everything

00:04:01.000 up it's just like a lot of quiet anti-napoleon sentiment which i was not hard for me to sneak 0.97

00:04:07.720 in there because sucks so bad. And I think this is a quick preview for what I talk about in the

00:04:14.380 coming episode. There's a weird contingent of people out there who love Napoleon. Like there's

00:04:20.360 a pro-Napoleon little cabal of people out there. And if any of you are listening, a part of the

00:04:27.620 pro-Napoleon camp, I'm sorry. The coming podcast is not for you. Yeah, I was nervous because the

00:04:34.060 last so this asshole episode that i shared on the main feed was charles dickens and i'm just like i

00:04:39.420 know people love charles dickens so i was like kind of worried i'm just like oh are those people 0.55

00:04:44.060 gonna be mad at me but those people clearly didn't listen because no one was mad at me so

00:04:48.340 again it's like a quality of person who just don't get mad about the stuff we talk about here

00:04:55.180 because they think the same way or if they don't have an opinion on napoleon they'll hear you talk

00:04:59.500 and then they'll be like oh yeah i share that opinion now perfect do i remember correctly

00:05:04.700 does this story involve poisonous wallpaper the napoleon story yes my novel no sadly

00:05:12.980 your napoleon story absolutely okay so this is our little intro please enjoy this episode 0.92

00:05:19.880 of so this asshole uh napoleon led by alison epstein enjoy okay so welcome everybody 0.99

00:05:29.340 to Sew This Asshole. 1.00

00:05:31.300 This is a very special episode 0.99

00:05:32.820 of Sew This Asshole, 0.98

00:05:33.640 a spinoff of Vulgar History. 0.98

00:05:35.280 I've brought back,

00:05:37.020 it's funny,

00:05:37.560 it's not due to the popular demand,

00:05:39.300 but I will say there was popular demand

00:05:41.240 to bring you back,

00:05:41.940 Alison Epstein.

00:05:44.000 There's more demand

00:05:45.040 than I've ever had in my whole life. 1.00

00:05:46.460 So as soon as Tits Out Brigade 0.52

00:05:48.000 says they've had enough of me,

00:05:49.220 I will leave.

00:05:49.840 But until then,

00:05:50.400 I'm going to just keep showing up

00:05:51.660 because this is a lot of fun.

00:05:53.760 Yeah.

00:05:54.300 No, your recent three appearances

00:05:57.080 on the Cutting Taker episode.

00:05:59.340 like people are feeling your vibe so um but that's coincidentally not why you're here for this I mean

00:06:08.260 I'm here for the opposite reason of feeling the vibe I am here because you would like to record

00:06:15.840 an episode about my least favorite historical figure ever yes yeah so um I did a poll I forget

00:06:24.360 a couple months ago there was this like really shitty like time magazine like the hundred most

00:06:28.800 influential people of all time and it was like all men and then like Joan of Arc okay but I was

00:06:34.840 like you could have put this list 100 most like all men and Joan of Arc anyway so I was like I 0.60

00:06:41.340 was trying to think of people first of this asshole just because I started doing these many episodes 0.98

00:06:45.320 because I would just run across men in my research of women where I'm like oh this guy sucks I want 0.99

00:06:49.920 to talk about it but I hadn't come across a guy like that in a while so I did this poll I'm like 0.98

00:06:53.660 let's see what the patrons want to hear about I'm sure some of these people suck but I don't know

00:06:57.020 because I don't I'm not familiar with men's history as much because I've actively like my 0.78

00:07:01.860 brain turns off when I try to read it it's not like I've avoided it it's just like I can't pay

00:07:06.500 attention I respect that I respect that it's like war and politics whenever I read anything British

00:07:11.660 where it's like the Whigs and the Tories I'm like peace out like I don't care anytime someone tries

00:07:17.280 to talk to me about the flank of an army I just like I'm already asleep yeah no exactly so I was

00:07:22.520 just like well who sucks I don't know and so the two main front runners immediately when people

00:07:26.300 started voting or thomas jefferson and napoleon and so last month i did thomas jefferson that was

00:07:32.780 hard for me um because as much as i like blank out when i come across men's history same um with

00:07:39.200 american history i can't i don't know it's like everything i do in history is specifically

00:07:46.240 as a response to how much white men's american history and british history about white men

00:07:52.060 i've been exposed to and i'm just like actively trying to do the opposite so to engage with that

00:07:55.940 just enrages me which is why I spent most of that episode talking about the Hemmings family

00:08:01.000 as you should really yeah which is a way better story or a more interesting story anyway so

00:08:06.400 Napoleon was the next one I was like okay so this whole month I've just been like okay I need to do

00:08:10.620 Napoleon and I'd open the Wikipedia and I'm just like like I would spontaneously just like close

00:08:14.680 that window I'm just like or I couldn't read it like I was just like I can't I can't I can't and

00:08:20.680 then I was like wait so first I thought so Allison you have your newsletter dirt bags through the

00:08:25.280 ages. And I was like, I'm pretty sure Alison did a newsletter about this. I was like, if I read

00:08:30.860 Alison's newsletter, that's how I will learn about Napoleon. And then in reading that, I realized

00:08:35.000 like, oh, Alison has feelings about Napoleon. Oh, she does. And then plus I was like, wait,

00:08:42.220 Alison has done research on Napoleon. So if I bring Alison on the podcast, I won't have to

00:08:46.460 research Napoleon. I will say for your listeners who may have actually done research about Napoleon,

00:08:52.380 i have done research around napoleon and then i have googled him a couple times i am not i'm not

00:08:58.840 a napoleon scholar but i know enough to hate him no and that's what so this is about and that's

00:09:04.560 part of why it's on patreon and not on the main feed because like the rigorousness of the historical

00:09:09.280 research is not there but honestly it doesn't need to be there because you can google napoleon

00:09:13.640 or thomas jefferson and there's so much stuff there versus where i'm just like oh let's learn

00:09:16.880 about like ronnie didda like oh really there's one source and it's in sanskrit great like the

00:09:23.160 information about these men is there so there's so much and people are so passionate about their

00:09:29.120 napoleon facts and i just i don't understand why he is so beloved by like a weird part of the

00:09:38.640 historian community that i like keep coming into contact with there are like napoleon fans out

00:09:43.940 there it reminds me of not to get too much into current events elon musk yeah where it's like

00:09:50.740 someone seems like they seem so successful you assume they're all so smart or interesting but

00:09:58.280 they're not but everyone just assumes because they're so influential you assume that there

00:10:04.500 has to be something there but there's not actually and then when you look underneath the initial 0.96

00:10:09.020 success you're like oh it's just a bunch of garbage propping up an imperialist vision like

00:10:15.320 yeah no that tracks okay yeah there's yeah so i had actually i reached this to um our mutual friend

00:10:21.760 lana what johnson of vulgar peace theater because i was like i'm like maybe she has feelings about

00:10:25.920 napoleon i don't know so i was like gonna see if she wanted to be part of this and she was like

00:10:29.940 and i kind of like get it and kind of agree with her she's like to her it's kind of like napoleon

00:10:34.000 alexander the great and julius caesar are just kind of like these are some guys who like

00:10:37.620 composted some areas I think a lot of the same areas and they just kind of blend together it's

00:10:42.520 just like some guys who just like did some conquering and it's like yeah yeah right she

00:10:47.880 she is where I am with Napoleon which is just kind of like yeah he just sure like I've heard

00:10:54.520 this name although I do have to preface this because this is going to come up I think a few

00:10:58.080 times my main knowledge of Napoleon is from the 1994 musical Napoleon a new musical yeah which

00:11:07.180 i did not know was a musical until approximately two calendar days ago when you told me that there

00:11:12.460 was of course you didn't because it was like only ever played in canada so it was a canadian

00:11:17.160 created musical oh no i think there was a london cast recording they keep i looked it up i'm like

00:11:22.860 what's what's up with the play in the musical these days and they've like there's been a couple

00:11:25.680 of attempts to revive it but kind of like no one cares which i feel like you would appreciate

00:11:29.080 i do yeah it's kind of like there's not really a story there but um anyway so my very specific

00:11:37.160 era where I was just really engaging with all the new musicals I was like I'm going to learn about

00:11:41.220 the new musicals before they're popular and then that way I'll know about it was like 94 to 99

00:11:46.080 and so some of the things from then took off like the Lion King for instance but most of them did

00:11:52.920 not but I got the cast recordings like living in Halifax not seeing the shows but buying the

00:11:57.760 cast recordings like learning the history because there's like often so Napoleon the musical I was

00:12:04.760 like oh have you heard this because I know you like musicals you have a totally different era

00:12:07.700 from my like weirdly specific vision you had not heard of it and no one has of course but then I

00:12:12.520 was like I wonder if there's a cast recording I wonder if it's on Spotify I'm just like do do do

00:12:15.660 so I was listening to the songs this week I'm just like oh these slap like there's good songs

00:12:19.500 in the musical is it on Spotify um no maybe it's on YouTube I don't know it is on Apple Music

00:12:28.140 that's where I got it there's like a album of like four of the songs that are like the only

00:12:32.520 the good songs anyway so napoleon's big act one ballad sweet victory divine is like no it's awful

00:12:40.420 it's it's it's like he's you know like the songs that are like church songs or like in the sister

00:12:46.140 act where they take like a song is about i love this man but you make it be like but the man is

00:12:49.640 god sort of thing yeah you mean like the early 2000s christian emo bands that are like i'm so

00:12:54.760 mad about this girl i'm in love with except the girl i'm in love with jesus yeah yeah so it's

00:12:59.240 like that except that he's singing about um victory as a woman and he he craves and wants

00:13:06.280 this woman who is a victory it's all like she takes me into her arms and whatever and then in

00:13:11.500 my head it keeps mashing up with um that song from the hunchback of notre dame disney animated film

00:13:16.740 the hellfire the one that they both have this sort of like angry chorus of french people singing in

00:13:22.780 Latin behind them like they're very they're both like weirdly and inappropriately sexy 0.95

00:13:29.140 yeah yeah both songs are really kind of of a mood and that really puts you in the mind of where 1.00

00:13:36.200 you're like wait is this musical am I supposed to be cheering for this person because this seems

00:13:39.980 like really dark and kind of awful so anyway I'm when some of the facts you bring up I'll be like

00:13:46.380 there's a song about that that's like when they were singing about marching through the mountains

00:13:49.820 so like just so you know that's gonna come up and uh I'm excited about that that's my my entire

00:13:55.480 existing knowledge base of Napoleon is that musical because I've never encountered him in

00:14:01.360 any history class I took I don't think I don't it's a name you know I'm like yeah it's like you

00:14:07.540 know it's like the hand and the shirt and he's like whatever but okay yeah I took uh I was a

00:14:13.820 French major in college and the French have a very very odd relationship with Napoleon so

00:14:18.900 oh what i do remember because i have read about the french revolution and i know that this comes

00:14:25.100 up at some point like for after when the french revolution happened and then there was that like

00:14:29.960 really weird government where they're like we're going to invent a new calendar yes every week is

00:14:35.500 going to have 10 days or whatever like and like we're going to name all the months so there's i

00:14:40.160 remember studying something in school that was like you know the the letter of the 50th brumaire

00:14:45.740 or something. We're going to get into Brumaire. Yes, we are. Okay. I'm just like, oh, Brumaire.

00:14:52.280 And I remember being so fascinated where they're like, guess what? It's a new world order. Literally

00:14:55.760 months have different lengths. Like, so it's like, when you're studying that time period,

00:15:00.220 you're like, so on the 50th Brumaire, and then you're like, which is actually April 25th.

00:15:03.140 You know, like you have to like translate it because I didn't, they didn't catch on anyway.

00:15:07.880 Okay. Cause it's bonkers. You can just have your own personal French calendar. The rest of the

00:15:13.040 world doesn't use you can't do that no exactly and how is how are you going to communicate that

00:15:17.040 to like the people of your country you know if someone's spreading an invoice they like run an

00:15:20.780 inn or a tavern or whatever like how are they gonna oh i guess what it's called broom air now

00:15:25.500 like someone tried to tell you right now that june is called broom air i'd like flip a table

00:15:31.060 yeah it's like no this is actually day 275 of broom air because every month is 500 days i'd be

00:15:36.860 like, why are you? Okay. So this is a difference. So this asshole episode, because this is my

00:15:43.120 loophole and I think you're engaging with this, um, slash for triggering you in this way. 0.98

00:15:51.880 Paul is happy to yell about Napoleon. Okay. And that's the thing you told me you were happy to

00:15:56.120 yell about Napoleon. And then I was like, have I sent Alison off in some sort of like unhealthy

00:15:59.400 direction? I don't know, but maybe at the end of this, you'll feel catharsis. I think so. I think

00:16:04.800 this is part of my my um evangelical mission to get more people to hate napoleon so it feels like

00:16:10.120 this is the it's the word that has to be okay so this is like the reverse of the catalina de eros

00:16:14.740 episodes and then you will be telling the story and i'll be like what how many llamas that'll be

00:16:20.260 my job sadly no llamas in the story but lots of other garbage okay so napoleon hit me with it

00:16:27.240 first question yes is that his name or did he like take that off his name was originally

00:16:34.500 napoleon bonaparte but spelled funny because he was originally for about two weeks he was italian

00:16:41.940 and that's kind of where the story starts okay because it started out messy right from the

00:16:47.060 beginning uh napoleon napoleon napoleon bonaparte or something like that in 1769 in corsica which

00:16:56.480 is an island in the mediterranean that like two or three weeks after napoleon was born the italian

00:17:03.400 sold to the french so right from the beginning there napoleon was having like this angsty break

00:17:10.420 of identity where he's like am i french am i not french enough do i belong with the french blah

00:17:14.900 blah blah and it's like if you were really trying to psychoanalyze this a lot of it goes back to

00:17:19.400 like oh he was angry as a kid because the french were mean to him as a child but like that's where

00:17:25.680 a lot of the stories start um my favorite fact that i found when i was researching quickly for

00:17:32.800 this podcast is that academic studies quote conclude that up until age two napoleon had a

00:17:39.020 gentle disposition unquote they put that in his biography and i just look at it like what person

00:17:45.280 up until age two did what what did they expect him to get up to before he was like what genocide

00:17:51.080 they think he was going to do before he was two but i don't know so he was sent to france to be

00:17:59.840 educated when he was like nine and they immediately sent him to military school which like in my 0.83

00:18:05.140 opinion is the first mistake like don't send this jackass child to a military academy but he grows 0.91

00:18:11.400 up there he goes like through military elementary school military middle school he is relentlessly 0.96

00:18:17.900 bullied in school because he like has a corsican accent and he spells french things wrong and

00:18:23.320 i assume also because he's a giant weirdo that no one wants to be around

00:18:27.040 and so like he's growing up he's growing up he's getting angrier and more and more violent and then

00:18:33.020 this little thing called the french revolution happens how old was he when that happened he's

00:18:38.360 in early 20s about 23 24 okay perfect perfect fight and age for napoleon so he's like all ready

00:18:46.800 to go signing up into the army he doesn't actually on the french army side like against

00:18:52.680 it's hard to say at first um he gets he's not actually like in the army he gets a band of

00:19:00.960 volunteers like random ass people and they're like we're gonna fight on the side of the

00:19:05.840 revolutionaries because he was mad at france as a yeah like not not a fan of the king so he gets 0.98

00:19:13.440 his band of volunteers they start fighting um he's a terrible commander he keeps like wandering off

00:19:20.960 having like long leaves of absence and forgetting to come back afterward um he led a riot with his

00:19:27.980 soldiers when he was like 24 just like went off and got everybody all all like just burned villages

00:19:35.080 and shit and then he meets um ropes pierre do you know who ropes pierre is no i know i've heard of

00:19:42.500 the name he is like Mr. French Revolution basically he was the leader of the Jacobins 0.99

00:19:49.680 who are like the the ones who did all the guillotining that was like Robespierre's

00:19:54.860 okay and like Napoleon saw this guy who was just guillotining people left right and center and was

00:20:01.660 like I want to be that guy's friend like I like this energy so what what I'm sensing again this

00:20:07.000 is all just vibes for me is he's just like like so many people today just sort of like he's got

00:20:12.160 a lot of feelings yes but he doesn't have a cause he's just kind of like I'm angry at everything

00:20:19.780 but yeah just sort of like free but he didn't really land on like a specific thing he's just

00:20:27.780 kind of like let's burn some villages because I was bullied as a kid I don't like the way this is

00:20:32.700 and so I'm going to light something on fire that's kind of the vibes I pick up from you yeah okay

00:20:37.800 yeah but then he meets rose pierre and does this give him like sort of like okay now i've got like

00:20:42.120 a team i've got like a mission so now it's like let's actually focus on this whole french revolution

00:20:47.300 thing let's like like and this really reveals how much i don't know about how the french

00:20:51.900 revolution is fought because all of napoleon's like revolutionary battles that i fall asleep

00:20:57.840 while trying to read about are in italy so like i'm actually not sure why that is i'm sure one

00:21:03.120 of your listeners may know i don't know i feel it's just like napoleon just like didn't know

00:21:07.000 he was doing is my guess but i don't know anything either yeah he's just like running raids fighting

00:21:12.480 battles blah blah blah uh fun fact that i like to make fun of him for is that during this time

00:21:18.240 napoleon not was not only fighting the french revolution but he was working on his novel

00:21:22.540 as everybody would be he was writing do we know his novel did he finish it he did not

00:21:30.920 he comes back to it later he like put it on the shelf almost like i'm gonna write this novel

00:21:35.460 someday. We know it was called

00:21:37.400 Plisson et Eugenie

00:21:39.260 which translates to just

00:21:41.360 two people's names and it was

00:21:43.200 a romance about

00:21:44.940 a soldier who was totally

00:21:47.340 not Napoleon in love

00:21:49.360 with a girl and how much he wanted to love

00:21:51.440 her but he just had to keep going and

00:21:53.400 fighting things and I just

00:21:55.340 I can't imagine a book I want to

00:21:57.380 read less.

00:22:00.960 But he started it and he

00:22:03.540 bless him kept working.

00:22:04.860 yeah and then the french revolution kind of went on well enough he was successful enough

00:22:13.920 in fighting the french revolution that he became pretty famous in 1795 he like stopped a rebellion

00:22:22.900 that was people who had been supporting the french king were trying to like overthrow the

00:22:27.320 revolutionary government and bring the king back and he was like no we're not doing that

00:22:31.160 and that made him this big revolutionary hero and that's kind of where he got the political

00:22:37.560 um popularity to do all of the crap he did next so like i know you're gonna get to this next which

00:22:45.100 is like his development i presume as a political leader but like so the french revolution there's

00:22:51.400 robesier is robesier like the leader of the french he was he's like people okay so there's like not

00:22:58.440 like a face there was a series of faces the way that the french revolution worked is that some

00:23:04.740 would someone would kind of rise to power and be very be the face of the revolution and then that

00:23:10.140 person would get turned on by their friends and that that person would get guillotined and they

00:23:15.360 get replaced by their friends who would then get guillotined by the people who replaced them so it's

00:23:19.160 kind of like a revolving door situation okay okay but there's so there's sort of like i would say an

00:23:23.920 opening for someone who could be like a strong leader to this yeah there's definitely not it's

00:23:28.980 not like a american revolution george washington scenario where someone comes out of the french

00:23:33.080 revolution like i can leave this country france is coming out of this revolution like oh everything's 0.60

00:23:38.220 on fire yeah okay okay yeah yeah yeah um so on a brief break from military shit and i mentioned 0.92

00:23:47.620 this only because it pisses me off is that this is when uh napoleon met his first wife 0.94

00:23:52.740 uh josephine de beauhomé she was uh a widow six years older than him with two kids and she was

00:24:01.180 too good for him and i just want that in the record sorry in the musical yes um the musical

00:24:08.680 the love story is a big part of the musical i'm sure it is so there's i don't remember you know

00:24:15.640 like all french people she had 12 names or whatever yeah so he meets her and the song she's

00:24:20.780 like she's like my name is marie joseph debba de josephine and he's like josephine i think that

00:24:29.660 suits you better josephine and then he like starts calling her josephine so i don't know if that's

00:24:37.600 true i don't think that's true but it is absolutely true to like what napoleon would have done he's

00:24:43.640 like okay of your 12 names here's the one i choose to call you by and she's like oh that's not the

00:24:47.320 i go by he's like yeah so wait so she's a widow with children she was older right yeah and she

00:24:54.580 was like i kind of love her a little bit like is she problematic yeah but she was also like

00:24:58.940 who's the most powerful person in the country right now i'm gonna make sure he falls in love

00:25:03.660 with me and then like even after their relationship was on the rocks she was still like

00:25:08.100 she was the only one who could like kind of control him and i love that okay okay so yeah

00:25:14.700 and they're making that that's why people are mad there's this new like joaquin phoenix

00:25:18.340 napoleon movie coming out i'm sure you're when you say when people are mad you mean that's why

00:25:22.640 i'm mad personally i don't know i feel like i feel like i see people on twitter are mad but

00:25:27.280 that might just be you um but no that jody colmer was cast as josephine and she's actively

00:25:32.020 i don't know 15 years younger yeah than joaquin phoenix and i think a key part of this dynamic

00:25:37.260 and that part of what is dare i say interesting is that she was older he didn't like fall in

00:25:42.060 love with some sort of like 14 year old he was like oh he was like a woman who like is interesting

00:25:46.320 and like lived a life and like has a personality and who had like good like high society connections

00:25:53.600 like she was more part of that like old society than he was he was just in building from Corsica

00:25:58.640 and he's like oh I want some of that like she was the interest in my in my book okay so he meets her

00:26:05.700 at this point so so he's like this influential or not influential but like well-known military guy

00:26:11.260 he's not yet like the leader of everything not yet okay yeah so he's getting he's getting more

00:26:17.780 famous he's getting more famous and then like the new french government that's replacing the

00:26:23.060 monarchy is like let's send this soldier guy out to do some battles or i don't know if it's because

00:26:31.220 they were like he's a great commander and will have him fight all of our battles maybe it's

00:26:34.740 because he's a little bit too powerful and we don't want him around the seat of government

00:26:37.760 right now i don't know but for a couple of years he was doing a bunch of military things that i

00:26:43.560 don't care about in italy egypt and syria and palestine he's kind of just like bopping around

00:26:50.140 okay fighting wars this is like the first egyptian campaign that i'm supposed to care about

00:26:54.600 but i don't know here's what i know about the egyptian campaign i don't does he go back to

00:26:57.880 egypt later no i don't think this is the one okay okay so what's his name who wrote the kind

00:27:03.900 Imani Christo, Alexandra Dumas. Yes. Hair. His dad was this like six foot seven, like gorgeous

00:27:12.680 military person. And so he, who was like a black man and there's a whole, Oh no, there's a book

00:27:18.500 about, no, there's a book about him, which I mean to read, but I haven't read yet, but I've read

00:27:21.880 about it anyway. So his dad was on this campaign and he like got to Egypt first and the people in

00:27:27.720 Egypt were like, Oh, Whoa, like, you know, you're taking us around that sucks. But like, clearly 0.76

00:27:31.940 like you're this like really impressive person and like, okay, I guess we'll like submit to

00:27:38.060 your control. And he's like, great. And then he's like, but I'm not actually in charge. Like this

00:27:41.580 guy is. And then Napoleon comes in, they're all like, we don't like him. And then Napoleon was

00:27:47.040 so mad that this guy was like so much more beloved than him. Then he like sent him to jail or

00:27:51.480 something. Again, there's a book about this. And then that's why like the Count of Monte Cristo

00:27:56.500 was sort of inspired by his father being wrongfully sent to jail and then coming back for revenge

00:28:01.680 was because Napoleon

00:28:02.620 just didn't like that

00:28:03.240 this guy was like

00:28:03.800 more handsome

00:28:04.300 charismatic at all

00:28:05.380 than him

00:28:06.100 so that's

00:28:06.740 that's

00:28:07.240 that's the thing

00:28:08.240 I know about Napoleon

00:28:08.900 I love that

00:28:10.600 a lot

00:28:11.480 and I love it

00:28:12.500 even more

00:28:12.900 knowing that like 0.58

00:28:13.740 Napoleon's

00:28:15.160 time in Egypt 0.95

00:28:16.160 was like

00:28:16.800 he did a really

00:28:18.060 really bad job

00:28:19.280 of trying to take over

00:28:20.260 Egypt

00:28:20.620 after he was in charge

00:28:21.780 he lost

00:28:22.380 only 25%

00:28:24.000 of his army died

00:28:25.000 and the ones

00:28:26.380 that didn't die

00:28:27.040 mostly got plague

00:28:28.400 and like

00:28:28.960 didn't make it back

00:28:29.980 like it was just

00:28:31.680 real disaster from start to finish so they should have just let duma lead them because he was better

00:28:37.540 looking and probably better at things yeah it sounds like he was like very capable and good

00:28:40.720 at stuff okay so he went off and did these things egypt and other places and then even though that

00:28:46.020 didn't go well somehow he okay so who is doing his um public relations like why is he so popular

00:28:55.620 if he's not good at being a military leader he is very good at it in this next step he's still

00:29:03.720 kind of like learning what he's doing he started out rough started out rough okay okay but right

00:29:08.700 about now like the french government the it's called the directorate it's like also not great

00:29:13.940 like because of what we were talking about with there being no leader of the french revolution

00:29:18.200 it's just like a bunch of white guys sitting in powdered wigs being like how the hell do we run

00:29:22.160 let's rename the month that's that yes that's our priority like we're gonna rename the months

00:29:29.120 but like we also don't really know how to do anything else so maybe we'll just make a pretty

00:29:32.860 calendar and no one will notice that they don't have any rent so that's kind of the situation and

00:29:38.980 and so napoleon coming back from his like shitty trip to egypt comes back to this like oh no

00:29:44.840 everything is on fire so his decision is i'm gonna give you one guess what does napoleon

00:29:51.840 decide to do when he looks at this government and it's on fire i'm gonna guess he wants to take it

00:29:55.860 over yes of course he does he stages a coup uh it's called the coup of the 18th of brumaire

00:30:02.700 so you've got that month in there just for fun yeah yeah and that's when napoleon overthrows

00:30:09.220 the government and names himself uh the first ever emperor of france so who are his allies

00:30:15.860 in this like you can't do a coup with one person so is it like the military the military is on his

00:30:21.040 side i'm not really sure why he's he's he's got some political friends because he like avoided

00:30:27.700 that royalist plot a few years ago so he's like he's like a medium successful politician and he's

00:30:33.620 got the army and mostly people are just tired of the directorate being shitty and i know you hate

00:30:39.780 him and i'm sure i will too but he must have had some sort of charisma about him to get people to

00:30:47.760 like to get people to agree to do the stuff he wanted to do even though he was like unqualified

00:30:52.760 and terrible he would have been persuasive in some way i think napoleon had two things that

00:30:58.720 made people listen to him and one was charisma like he was a powerful dude who like really wanted

00:31:03.960 to be taken seriously and so he was like a force when he came into the room and the second thing

00:31:08.320 was like as soon as he became emperor he just built up his army like crazy okay so he had he

00:31:13.500 had the guns and he had the the the vibe i think okay at least at this point yeah yeah i mean he

00:31:21.740 must have because like he became emperor of france in 1799 which is like 10 years after they just

00:31:28.860 guillotined a king for being a king so like that's one reason why he just pisses me off in general 0.98

00:31:34.760 i'm like the guillotine all those people for nothing napoleon what the fuck and then the 0.99

00:31:40.960 other reason i hate him is that uh right after he said he was going to be emperor he did that shitty 0.99

00:31:46.260 like dictator thing where they do a vote they're like we're gonna let the people vote and see if

00:31:51.220 they actually want me to become emperor and uh the results came in and napoleon won the emperor

00:31:57.820 election quote unquote with 99.95 percent of the vote which like okay i'm sure you did sir

00:32:07.880 yeah well yeah well it's like well first of all whoever the 0.5 was I'm sure they've tracked down

00:32:15.420 and murdered but also like that's a yeah I don't know nowadays I think a dictator would know you

00:32:23.760 want to win with like 80 percent yeah something like you gotta swing it a little bit yeah you

00:32:30.260 can't yeah yeah he's not he's not good at this particularly he's not good at pretending not to

00:32:35.720 everybody loves me god damn it they do they did not okay so he becomes emperor of france that

00:32:44.020 seems like very sudden to me but i guess such as made it work yeah that's that's that's what

00:32:50.000 coups do sudden change yeah and then this is the part where i'm sure you looked at his wikipedia

00:32:54.980 page and were like i can't do this anymore because this is when napoleon spends 15 years going to

00:33:01.260 war with people does he himself personally go on these missions or is he just sending people

00:33:07.220 he does he's he's the kind of guy who'll like be on his horse with the army he's that military guy

00:33:12.740 went to military school wants to be wants to think of himself as the big tough guy so like yeah he

00:33:17.880 does okay like good for him he like started out kind of close to home because other countries

00:33:25.940 in europe were like oh no that french revolution thing is kind of a mess and we sure hope that

00:33:30.240 doesn't come to us so like politics in europe were like kind of a mess and so for a while he

00:33:37.100 was just like kind of taking fights with england with italy whatever trying to like make sure that

00:33:43.400 they didn't attack france like all of this posturing stuff i don't know i don't really care

00:33:49.160 i'm looking so it's his goal i'm just like looking at a map as well just so i can ascertain

00:33:55.020 what he was doing oh so this is the napoleonic wars yes the napoleonic wars is like 1800 to

00:34:04.600 like 1850 it just keeps going and then napoleonic wars are just napoleon invading the the wars that

00:34:10.540 napoleon launched by himself for fun okay because i'm just looking at um to see so he was doing this

00:34:18.220 i'm just curious how much territory did he actually manage to acquire he got a fair amount

00:34:23.540 by like the high point of the empire france did that like territories in spain and portugal that

00:34:29.800 had taken over like a huge bit of like the center of europe it was moving in toward russia it was

00:34:34.900 like pretty a lot and that was all france technically yeah this is like and that's why

00:34:42.260 the french have like a weird love-hate relationship with napoleon because they're like oh he sure did

00:34:46.820 murder a lot of people but look how big france was yeah and i'm just looking at a map here so

00:34:51.460 it's just kind of like it's funny to see just because i'm so used to seeing a map where it's

00:34:55.160 like this is the size of france and i'm like oh that's that's bigger than usual france but it's

00:35:01.040 kind of like i don't know if you can see him yeah like big france but then it's kind of like little

00:35:06.780 purple bit here little purple bit here like it's not all touching each other yeah yeah he was very

00:35:13.660 determined that any piece of land that he saw with his own eyes could be france and so he um so

00:35:20.000 became emperor france and then first order business is just like let's make france bigger

00:35:23.420 yes and that's kind of his number one order of business for the whole time was he inspired by

00:35:30.260 alexander the great and julius caesar to be like let's make a little empire for myself he very

00:35:36.360 much wanted to be he had like a little a little crush on alexander the great like that's what he

00:35:40.860 wanted to do okay yeah that's another great not a person i know a lot about but i do know that he

00:35:46.140 conquered a lot of places yeah i i don't know anything about him either other than like

00:35:51.020 yeah empire that sounds yeah so he wanted to be okay so he's just kind of like let's bring empires

00:35:57.060 back baby like europe at this point just from what i don't know i haven't read up to this point in

00:36:03.840 history at this season but it seems like countries are kind of starting to solidify as like we're a

00:36:08.520 little country now we're not like 25 kingdoms where it's like we're spain now like this is

00:36:15.460 kind of happening and he's just like no like we're going back to the days of like julius caesar

00:36:19.480 and like i'm gonna stop all of you countries from consolidating it's gonna all be friends

00:36:23.440 yes yeah it was like there was the holy roman empire and the ottoman empire and that was like

00:36:29.840 all you had left in the point was like no no no wait i know we just tried to make a country for

00:36:35.000 the people but now we're gonna make an empire for me right he did that through god there were

00:36:41.300 so many battles and this is where i sympathize with you is that i'm like i don't care there

00:36:45.060 was the war of the first coalition and second coalition and third coalition and fourth coalition

00:36:51.160 and the fifth coalition at this time that was like how they described them and I physically

00:36:56.760 can't care I don't know is it like did he have um other countries who were allies with him or was it

00:37:04.180 him versus everyone it was mostly him versus everybody like other countries would come

00:37:09.640 together to be like do you want to fight together against Napoleon but no one was like yeah sure

00:37:14.140 hope napoleon takes over more of europe that would be good for us but i guess it's sort of like in

00:37:18.620 the um the other wars that i've been reading about what am i reading right now like sweden um but

00:37:25.380 it's just kind of like well this royal family it's like connected like people are relatives of each

00:37:30.060 other when it was all royal family so it made sense it's like well we traditionally always

00:37:33.540 you know whatever the netherlands will always side with spain or whatever like there's all

00:37:38.960 these connections that existed because everyone was related to each other but napoleon's just

00:37:41.680 is back from Corsica he doesn't have any of that background of like well historically you know like

00:37:46.920 we share a grandmother with like this country so they're always on our side so it's just him

00:37:51.700 like he's got an entire system of like intermarriage that has been going on for like

00:37:57.040 2000 years yeah he's got no family connections and he's like not doing any himself any favors

00:38:02.100 to make friends at this okay yeah he's just stomping across Europe he is just stomping

00:38:07.040 around europe and asia and northern africa just throwing a tantrum okay yeah and uh at about it's

00:38:14.940 about now like 1809 1810 and he divorces josephine because she couldn't bear him any kids

00:38:23.580 if she was older than him did she have any children with him or not like she no okay so

00:38:28.360 she had two kids from a previous marriage but they didn't have any kids together okay and so

00:38:34.160 like i think actually this is exactly right because you were just saying he doesn't have

00:38:37.500 any connections with anybody anywhere and so as soon as he divorces josephine he goes and marries

00:38:42.340 some duchess and he's like you gotta start that start making connections gotta start some little

00:38:46.540 dynasty related things yeah yes he's like oh now i understand why historically this is what rulers

00:38:52.640 did yeah let me try that so he marries a woman named marie louise um i think she was the duchess

00:38:59.880 in italy which was like still a bunch of city states at the time so she was in parma and they

00:39:04.500 did have kids i think they had because there's like i just was reading something i forget and

00:39:08.780 it was like napoleon the third or something yeah are you surprised that napoleon named his kid

00:39:13.900 napoleon no one is surprised no yeah so he's stomping around um i would you like to go on a

00:39:22.740 short detail with me and talk about the time that napoleon kidnapped the pope yes yes i love i love

00:39:29.200 the existence of like I still haven't like hasn't come out yet but this is like Catalina de Arraso

00:39:35.080 and now this and then the next story I'm doing like the oh and even in Jenga there's been like

00:39:39.520 a pope per episode it's a new trend and I'm excited about it okay episode I love it yeah

00:39:45.780 and it's all different popes I'm like is this the same pope who did this I'm like damn it it's a

00:39:49.000 different pope okay but I bet this pope anyway okay so he kidnapped the pope um technically twice

00:39:54.960 wait was jillian catholic yes he's an italian slash french person in this yes double catholic

00:40:05.520 yeah but like the relationship between france and the catholic church at this point was like

00:40:12.300 not great because one of the things about the french revolution was like no gods only the

00:40:17.500 people blah blah blah okay yeah like that that made things very tense with the pope and so once

00:40:23.740 napoleon became emperor he's like okay i'm gonna re-establish relationships with the pope we're

00:40:28.520 gonna like france will be a catholic country again but i still want to be more powerful than the pope

00:40:33.340 yeah of course he did and the pope was like i don't love that particularly i feel like if i'm 0.98

00:40:40.720 the representative of god i should maybe be more powerful than this little fucker so they kind of 0.97

00:40:46.260 like bickered for a few years this is pope pius ii i don't know if you've had him i don't know 0.99

00:40:51.520 honestly i can't remember pope they're all the same because they all have the same name but they 0.75

00:40:55.820 do so pope pious eventually gets like fed up with napoleon's bullshit and he excommunicates him from

00:41:02.240 the church which like go pope pious very proud and then napoleon gets pissed off and he sends 0.95

00:41:09.340 his army to rome and they kidnap the pope and they take the pope to genoa and they keep the pope

00:41:17.200 in genoa for five years until he walks back the excommunication

00:41:22.120 i mean well done pope for taking that long to i kind of love this pope because as soon as he

00:41:31.740 signed the act then they like let him go and he immediately like undid all the stuff that he did 0.97

00:41:36.360 he's like jk you're still excommunicated like bless him that little shit and now we're just 0.87

00:41:42.680 gonna take a break for a word from our sponsors the war is over and both sides lost kingdoms were 0.99

00:41:51.220 reduced to cinders and armies scattered like bones in the dust now the survivors claw to what's left

00:41:58.820 of a broken world praying the darkness chooses someone else tonight but in the shadow dark

00:42:04.680 the darkness always wins this is old school adventuring and it's most cruel your torch

00:42:11.840 ticks down in real time, and when that flame dies, something else rises to finish the job.

00:42:17.220 This is a brutal rules-light nightmare with a story that emerges organically

00:42:22.100 based on the decisions that the characters make.

00:42:24.760 This is what it felt like to play RPGs in the 80s, and man, it is so good to be back.

00:42:29.500 Join the Glass Cannon podcast as we plunge into the shadow dark

00:42:32.500 every Thursday night at 8 p.m. Eastern on youtube.com slash the glass cannon

00:42:36.820 with the podcast version dropping the next day.

00:42:40.080 see what everybody's talking about, and join us in the dark.

00:42:47.240 Welcome to the realms of peril and glory.

00:42:52.460 Explore the mechanically magical vistas of Vale,

00:42:56.520 the paranormal mysteries of liminal London,

00:43:00.820 and the cyberpunk chaos of Cyborg.

00:43:05.480 Be awed by our incredible guests from familiar shows,

00:43:10.080 Like Oxventure and No Rolls Barred.

00:43:13.660 Search realms of peril and glory to find out more.

00:43:20.540 I'm Anne Foster, and I have never watched the show Spartacus, Blood and Sand.

00:43:24.820 And I'm Gina Berry, and I've watched this show numerous times.

00:43:28.840 On our new podcast, NeferTV, we discuss TV shows and movies set in ancient history.

00:43:33.480 This season, we are discussing Spartacus, Blood and Sand.

00:43:36.180 Follow NeferTV, that's N-E-F-E-R-T-V, wherever you get your podcasts.

00:44:06.180 action-packed adventure will take them across the world fighting for every

00:44:11.060 quill they can fight it's one heck of a tale which is good because this story

00:44:17.680 might be the only thing that can save their lives well if that's all I can

00:44:24.900 just dispose of you wait what all will be revealed in Sonic the Hedgehog presents

00:44:34.700 the chaotix case files listen now wherever you get your podcasts

00:44:39.940 and we're back i miss the days when the popes were petty like we don't get that anymore we

00:44:53.080 don't get pope drama and that's one of my favorite things coming up and not this next

00:44:58.980 anyway there's gonna be all of the pope drama in the next story i've been learning

00:45:04.060 well not learning but i've been reading a lot about popes dealing with drama and it's fun to

00:45:11.340 think about outstanding outstanding so honestly the way i'm going through the story is just

00:45:17.100 cherry picking the parts of the napoleonic wars that are interesting to me because they are so

00:45:20.740 they go on forever and exactly and that's why that's why you're here you've gone through this

00:45:24.780 and you found the interesting parts like i couldn't even bear to read any of it so the next

00:45:30.740 thing that i found interesting is the haitian revolution which like who is the biggest who 0.79

00:45:36.420 big granddaddy example of why napoleon is a piece of shit so let's get into it so like haiti 0.81

00:45:43.460 guadeloupe and a couple of other islands in the caribbean were french colonies at this time and 0.98

00:45:49.100 like back in 1794 which is like 10 12 years before we're talking about right now france had gotten

00:45:57.600 rid of slavery in the colonies it said nope if you're a french colony slavery is illegal we're 0.90

00:46:01.660 not going to do it anymore and so in 1802 napoleon like the dick he is was like no let's bring back 0.92

00:46:08.000 slavery let's make that happen again you know what i miss slavery and the best part of the story is 0.99

00:46:15.580 that the uh black caribbean population in haiti was like absolutely the fuck not we will not be 0.98

00:46:21.700 having that happen here so uh under the revolutionary leader named Toussaint Louverture 0.99

00:46:27.280 they led an entire revolution where they basically kicked Napoleon's ass for a year and a half 0.99

00:46:32.900 and they won and I'm just makes me happy every time the Napoleon got his ass handed to him 0.99

00:46:40.000 by like black rebels in Haiti yes and so Haiti became an independent nation and Napoleon lost 0.98

00:46:47.520 in the caribbean so bad that he pulled france out of the americas completely wait is this the 0.99

00:46:54.540 louisiana purchase this is the louisiana purchase it's because he got his ass kicked in haiti and 0.99

00:46:58.940 he's like i'm leaving thomas jefferson can have this fucking land i don't care little connection 0.98

00:47:04.240 to the last of this asshole episode i glossed over that real hard but yeah and they don't like 0.98

00:47:11.080 they really go on and on about the louisiana purchase in like american elementary schools 0.93

00:47:16.260 they're like this was this great deal that america did to be wonderful and they never

00:47:20.080 mentioned that it's because like napoleon got beat by the the black haitian army which i wish

00:47:26.800 they did because then i would have cared a little i'm going to make some assumptions here which is

00:47:30.640 that the black haitian army who had comprised largely people who had been enslaved until

00:47:38.180 recently probably didn't all go to military school for 15 years probably not that sounds

00:47:44.580 so napoleon's like book learning of like military strategy like i like i like that he was beat by

00:47:51.080 people who didn't you know like people like figured it out themselves like what they teach

00:47:57.140 you at military school is like how do you direct an army of 75 000 people across a giant open field

00:48:03.500 with a bunch of horses they're not going to teach you like how do you fight on a tiny island against

00:48:08.700 3 000 people who hate you that is a different fight yeah well and it's sort of like i don't

00:48:13.420 know like i feel like the the war stuff that napoleon learned is like oh let's do the like

00:48:18.560 blah blah blah maneuver you know and then the people you're fighting against know that maneuver

00:48:22.780 and they're like let's counter it with this thing but if you're fighting against people who don't

00:48:26.080 know what those maneuvers are like of course they could win because they don't know like

00:48:30.140 the rules no one's you're pulling one page out of the playbook after the other and these people 0.95

00:48:36.300 are like i don't care about your fucking playbook let's just let's dance napoleon and yeah i love 0.86

00:48:41.700 that that's beautiful i love that i love i love hearing about people who defeat napoleon so do i 0.98

00:48:48.060 yeah so the next person who defeated napoleon was the concept of russia and so let's get into

00:48:56.280 napoleonic russia so like after things went to shit in the caribbean he focused on fighting in

00:49:02.860 europe again like with all of the old maneuvers and the way that you fight a whole battle he then

00:49:08.640 decided it would be a cool time to invade Russia for the second time he did it once and like it

00:49:13.920 didn't go great so he quit but now he's coming back for a second he's marching all over this

00:49:19.440 this is like I'm pretty sure this is a song from the musical because it's about does it get does

00:49:25.740 winter have yes it does yeah there's a whole thing where it's like the men are marching it's very much

00:49:31.860 kind of like that song in the land where they're like um anyway just different soldiers they're all

00:49:37.860 like five days of marching there's not a part of me that doesn't ache anyway and then eventually

00:49:43.060 the song slows down they're like 12 days of marching it's just going worse and worse for

00:49:48.820 them i feel like this was a right yeah okay it was a bad time he's like let's invade russia

00:49:54.380 comma in winter let's invade russia he makes it to moscow in like september or october which is

00:50:02.580 like a bad time to be in moscow if you're gonna be there for a little while yeah and what i love

00:50:07.580 is that the people of Moscow were like,

00:50:09.560 oh, Napoleon's coming.

00:50:10.840 He can probably take over the city with his giant army.

00:50:14.320 So what we're going to do instead

00:50:15.800 is light the entire city of Moscow on fire 0.80

00:50:17.820 so he can't have it.

00:50:19.160 And they just burned the city basically to the ground. 0.69

00:50:22.080 And so now Napoleon is standing alone in Russia

00:50:25.540 with winter coming and there's no city. 0.99

00:50:28.480 And he's like, well, shit, 1.00

00:50:30.080 I can't take over this country. 1.00

00:50:31.680 It's too big.

00:50:32.320 They just lit the city I was going to live in

00:50:34.220 for the winter on fire. 0.99

00:50:35.580 What the fuck am I supposed to do? 0.99

00:50:37.580 so he turns around and tries to go home and everyone freezes to death on the way because 1.00

00:50:44.700 he's a shit who did yeah yeah well and also this is sort of like him not thinking that the people 0.99

00:50:51.960 of Moscow had free will yes you know he's just like I'm gonna go there and I'll take over like 0.99

00:50:56.600 with an assumption that there will be buildings that I can then live in not thinking like what

00:51:02.060 but that wasn't in page 35 like how people might react when you take over their city playbook

00:51:07.800 yeah but people just like choosing chaos yes seems to be that just mystifies him he's like

00:51:14.480 he does not understand i know the rules and that's yeah that's not even in a footnote okay

00:51:20.260 no one cares about your rules napoleon but he doesn't freeze he does not he he uh escapes in

00:51:26.380 a sled it makes it home oh my god like vibes of the like ski ski revolution think about that

00:51:32.840 revolution every day and it's my favorite one yeah yeah i a snow-based escape okay so he escapes

00:51:40.360 i feel like there's like one fur coat among the army and it was the one that he was wearing

00:51:44.140 probably yeah that sounds right yeah also i forgot to mention this earlier but i i love what

00:51:49.940 napoleon named his army um it's called the grand armée which translates as you know in french to

00:51:55.840 big army which I really love for him because he's very creative and I'm sure I mean his novel was

00:52:02.780 great that's like me jokingly turning an English word into French it's like what did he call his

00:52:10.440 army I don't know like the grand armée actually yes why yes and back so he makes it back like 0.51

00:52:19.640 with the petite armée the petite armée and like the russians are kind of just like chasing him 0.99

00:52:28.860 back like you fucker don't stop until you get to paris and so like it's all very humiliating for 0.99

00:52:34.360 him and i love it um and then basically once he makes it to paris the czar at this time is just 0.99

00:52:41.720 like hey by the way we don't have anything at all against france as a country we just really hate

00:52:47.800 napoleon personally so if you could just get rid of napoleon the army that i brought with me to

00:52:54.140 paris will not fight you we will just go back home please just depose napoleon i said yeah that

00:53:01.620 sounds like a good thing so they just said no okay we don't really want to go to war with russia

00:53:08.840 we've seen that's bad let's exile napoleon somewhere away from france and this is exile

00:53:14.800 number one yes yes i remember from your newsletter you had a picture of like how close the place was

00:53:21.080 from the actual mainland which is like yeah far enough they sent him to the island of elba which

00:53:27.180 is six miles away from italy i uh googled how far away my apartment is from my office just for

00:53:34.180 curiosity's sake and it's seven miles so less than my daily commute that's how far they sent

00:53:39.640 napoleon away yeah um while he was in exile on this island which lasted for like two months

00:53:45.980 because of course it did this is when josephine died and napoleon was very sad about it still

00:53:50.780 even though he had divorced her he's married to the duchess yeah i don't think he ever particularly

00:53:55.820 cared about her he was still pining over josephine and like sources say that he likes locked himself

00:54:01.540 in his bedroom for two days and refused to come out after josephine died and i'm like well you

00:54:05.880 could have not divorced her that might have been a nice thing for you but the duchess that's where

00:54:10.740 his like i mean we're gonna get to this but like the fact that i know there was later on a person

00:54:15.520 called like napoleon the second like he had a son who inherited things and that's for the that

00:54:21.080 duchess would be the mother of those yeah the duchess is where the son came from josephine is

00:54:24.800 where the pine came from oh here sorry i just like have this open napoleon and marie louise

00:54:29.480 remained married until his death so she did not join him in exile in elba and thereafter never

00:54:34.240 saw her husband again but good for her i was gonna say good for her that's what you want 0.96

00:54:39.040 it's like absolutely not i don't want to go to this shitty island with you i don't even like you 0.79

00:54:44.000 they had one child napoleon francis joseph charles known from birth as the king of rome 0.77

00:54:50.160 which i'm sure pope loved i'm sure the pope was like that's cool he became napoleon the second

00:54:57.300 in 1814 and reigned for only two weeks before he died of tuberculosis with no children well

00:55:04.800 then who came after him i'm just curious because i swear i've seen napoleon the third

00:55:08.780 they could have two sons someone else could just name their son napoleon you know let me see so

00:55:15.600 he succeeded by napoleon the third who was

00:55:19.080 hmm the first president oh he was a nephew of napoleon nephew okay yeah so napoleon did

00:55:27.240 establish his new like king-like dynasty of hereditary rulers not to be mistaken for the

00:55:35.060 previous french kings i mean it lasted like one and a half generations until they were like

00:55:41.640 we're not doing this anymore yeah yeah napoleon the third was the last monarch to rule over

00:55:46.780 friends yes okay didn't end well for anybody okay so okay so napoleon is in exile as far away as you

00:55:56.240 are right now from your office he was like hey guess what i'm back he just like grabs a boat

00:56:01.520 and comes back yep he comes back and he says hey i'd like to be emperor again yeah and the people

00:56:07.060 in the army who were fans of him said yeah okay i guess and so he declares himself emperor for a

00:56:12.400 second time I think he's someone who like again I'm not at all a fan but I think he does best

00:56:21.440 against a proper challenge and like once he became emperor there wasn't he just like started

00:56:27.360 creating challenges for himself because it's like he had attained his goal but there wasn't like

00:56:32.920 like I feel like he he does well when he's like in an underdog situation but when he's more powerful

00:56:39.300 he's just like well what do i do now i don't know yeah i can see him coming back from this being

00:56:44.320 like with a second wind of like yeah i'm napoleon and now like have actually like an actual thing i

00:56:49.480 can do i mean it wasn't a very long second wind to be fair they call his second emperorship the

00:56:56.480 100 days because it lasted for 100 days okay so he came back to go over the emperor for okay

00:57:01.760 and what happened on day 101 uh the it all fell apart when like okay he made it back was emperor

00:57:09.840 again and as soon as he was emperor again he went to war against both england and prussia because

00:57:14.740 of course he did okay here's the thing bad idea like you want to be emperor again and just kind

00:57:20.380 of like sit with that for a while before you start like actively invading oh waterloo yeah

00:57:27.980 i've heard of that that's what that is from the abba song from the abba song yep

00:57:33.640 yeah so yeah so everyone who knows the abba song knows that like waterloo was where 0.96

00:57:40.940 he fucked up and like got defeated by the british and then he came home and he's like oh shit i just 0.65

00:57:47.060 lost my army everyone's mad at me i have no power i probably shouldn't have tried to challenge the 1.00

00:57:52.340 entire british army right now fuck wait so is waterloo in england 0.94

00:57:57.980 i don't know where it is it was against the british okay it sounds like an english name 0.96

00:58:03.300 i'm just curious because i don't think he went to england and it's like previous era he had tried

00:58:08.960 to attack england before he they had had like skirmishes before but this is like the big one

00:58:16.160 where the british are all like remember the battle of waterloo yeah yeah that's their like george

00:58:21.220 washington moment i think like yes but this is wait there's something else he said oh like the

00:58:25.520 louisiana purchase the british are like yeah we did this great thing it's like watching napoleon

00:58:29.080 was like not at his strongest and like was like you won but like how hard was it yeah um waterloo

00:58:36.000 oh sorry in the united kingdom of the netherlands now in belgium

00:58:40.460 okay so i guess i just picked a country sure let's meet halfway between our countries 0.99

00:58:47.400 and then live right in this third third place okay i love it yeah so he got he got his ass kicked 0.98

00:58:54.360 and then he was forced to abdicate again for a second time wait this was the seventh coalition 0.99

00:59:00.160 there's so many coalitions and i don't know how to keep them straight so many fucking coalitions 0.70

00:59:06.780 i just want to tell you this because um so the french army of napoleon was defeated by 0.90

00:59:11.960 um so the british-led coalition consisting of units just in terms of like how many people

00:59:17.040 hated napoleon i just want to know who was fighting against him so units from the united

00:59:22.280 kingdom the netherlands hanover brunswick and nassau under the command of the duke of wellington

00:59:27.760 and then the other group was a larger prussian army so just kind of like all the countries he'd

00:59:34.120 ever invaded teamed up to be like what if we're like a super team and then i love that they sent

00:59:38.600 someone from nassau which is in the caribbean they're just like would you like another chance

00:59:42.380 we still hate him please let us go that's so great oh this battle is contemporaneously known

00:59:52.660 as la belle alliance in prussia they called it the beautiful alliance a beautiful day when we 0.86

01:00:00.820 made napoleon eat shit such a good okay so he tried to i don't know so he faced up against 0.79

01:00:05.700 these people and he lost but he didn't die himself there he didn't die they made him abdicate and he 0.96

01:00:13.680 tried to run away but they captured him and sent him to exile or further away much further away

01:00:20.780 the second exile was in saint helena which is 1200 miles away from the coast of angola in uh

01:00:29.020 western africa so like considerably farther than the first time harder for him to get back are you

01:00:35.400 going to get into the wallpaper yes okay if you're not i was just going to quickly google the

01:00:40.340 wallpaper because lana is really the the green poison wallpaper i have considered doing an

01:00:47.380 episode of builder history and at the end i can score green dye and delicious it kills so many

01:00:53.500 people green dye yeah okay good so you're gonna get to that because that's like that's another

01:00:58.160 detail i just remembered that i know okay that's pretty much the the end of the story is that

01:01:02.640 Napoleon dies in St. Helena a handful of years later.

01:01:06.300 He doesn't really do anything in St. Helena

01:01:09.120 except for complain and, like, work on his novel a little bit.

01:01:11.740 I was going to say, this is a great opportunity

01:01:13.460 for him to, like, finish that novel.

01:01:14.940 He does. He brings it back out.

01:01:16.260 He never finishes it, which, good,

01:01:18.600 because otherwise people would have read it

01:01:19.960 and I would have to know things about it.

01:01:21.600 But, like, ugh.

01:01:23.040 And he does, like, sources say that he, like, 0.96

01:01:25.920 really fucking hated the wallpaper in that house. 0.94

01:01:27.960 Like, irrespective of it killing him, 1.00

01:01:30.000 he just thought it was ugly as shit. 0.98

01:01:31.420 so that makes me happy so it was arsenic wallpaper yes we're not sure exactly how 0.96

01:01:38.700 napoleon died he died in 1821 and like you know i love a mysterious death so i love my favorite

01:01:46.580 kind yeah yes i like when he dies and i get to give options that's always fun okay so the least

01:01:53.600 exciting option is stomach cancer like okay more exciting option is someone in his he was exiled

01:02:02.460 with like a group of french people like like a staff or whatever like his his court in exile 0.52

01:02:08.840 whatever yeah and there's a rumor that one of those people was like slowly feeding him little

01:02:13.600 bits of poison day by day like like small enough doses that he wouldn't notice but that would like

01:02:18.300 kill him over a long period of time and you know i love a stealthy poison i love a stealthy poison

01:02:23.220 too yes i love someone with a long a plan that like slowly unfurls yes i mean you've got nothing 0.99

01:02:32.400 but time so like stretch it out as long as you can well and i mean surely there's a lot of people

01:02:36.960 in france who hated him for lots of very understandable reasons if i had been able

01:02:42.440 to sneak away to exile with him and poison him over seven years you know i would have done it

01:02:46.300 yeah absolutely and the most exciting option which is the one we've been talking about is maybe

01:02:51.200 died from being near wallpaper that had arsenic in it in the room where he was laying in his

01:02:57.380 sickbed which is my favorite because why would you not want someone to die from wallpaper that's

01:03:02.640 great yeah so that's the famous um the green dye it was like bright bright green that was like

01:03:08.600 really trendy at the time this is me vaguely remembering what I read about it so it was like

01:03:13.040 what did they do something just happened with lights indoor lighting and so people wanted

01:03:17.940 things that would like really catch the light and then this green dye so like women had it on

01:03:22.080 dresses in front of wallpaper because it just like really caught the light in this beautiful way

01:03:26.280 because of the arsenic or the poison yes required to create this color yeah so people were just like

01:03:36.740 catching poison from their clothes and dying at this point is this the same thing where like

01:03:42.760 where the mad hatter idea came from was that also arsenic or was that something else i'm not sure

01:03:47.720 but that was oh i'm gonna look that up too but here just i'm looking at this article that's

01:03:52.900 talking about it's an article called was napoleon poison um so but here's what they say here so

01:04:02.340 napoleon himself feels suspicion writing in his will three weeks before his death at age 51

01:04:07.360 quote i die before my time murdered by the english oligarchy and its assassin

01:04:12.520 like okay bro he didn't say brackets wallpaper and it's assassination by wallpaper

01:04:20.720 it's deadly wallpaper um okay chief among the theories for his death by his arsenic poisoning

01:04:27.260 because of the remarkable condition of his body when it was exhumed in 1840 for reburiel in paris

01:04:32.880 because it is toxic to microorganisms arsenic slows down the decomposition of human tissue

01:04:38.660 a phenomenon described as arsenic mummification um subsequent 20th century tests of preserved

01:04:45.700 locks of his hair tested positive for arsenic so it's like but he could have also had stomach

01:04:52.640 cancer it could have been a lot of things could have been wallpaper combo with stomach cancer

01:04:58.140 combo with british assassin who's okay a sample of the wallpaper was secured by a visitor to the

01:05:04.920 site in 1820s and tucked into a family scrapbook like hey i visited napoleon's exile and i managed

01:05:10.660 to steal this wallpaper anyway so then it was tested the wallpaper was found to contain arsenic

01:05:17.800 it was in a hot and damp room the wallpaper would give off arsenic vapors enough to account for what

01:05:24.080 was found his hair though perhaps not enough to kill him but it's like i don't know he just had

01:05:28.400 chronic exposure potentially due to habits involving food and therapeutics arsenic was

01:05:35.800 also so the wallpaper itself like the color was based on arsenic but you hung wallpaper at that

01:05:40.520 point using arsenic laced paste jesus christ

01:05:43.500 a double whammy that perhaps lends new meaning to oscar wilde's rumored deathbed joke

01:05:51.820 either the wallpaper goes or I do you love a good wallpaper pun I like a mysterious death

01:05:58.860 I like that it's a non-dignified potentially death I love that he was just there you just

01:06:05.880 picture him just being like being mad like oh the English oligarchy or whatever just I imagine him

01:06:12.120 standing on the beach shaking his fist a lot yeah so there's the thing of and I believe that this

01:06:17.900 is wrong but there's a thing about the napoleon napoleonic complex which is like short people

01:06:24.480 who like are assholes because they want to be taller but napoleon himself was not actually

01:06:28.380 short or something like he was like 5'8 5'9 like yeah which is like taller than me yeah no that's 0.99

01:06:34.060 like a decent night for men in that era not as tall as the taller more handsome guy i would argue 0.60

01:06:38.900 if he had a napoleonic complex it was like because he was the little nobody from corsica

01:06:43.860 like socially yeah it was not I don't think it was physical yeah I think it could be like the 0.95

01:06:49.700 the the bullying at school and I think that would probably imprint on him but there's this

01:06:54.900 like the Napoleon at comic books so he's now famously often depicted as being very short

01:06:59.440 right which I think would bother him so you know I'm always like that's not accurate but it would

01:07:05.020 make him mad and so I'm okay with it yeah because all the portraits of him are like him like on a

01:07:09.940 horse and the horse is like trying to get away from him practically the horse is like on back

01:07:14.620 legs and he's just like like his portraits are so much like ancient greek inspired just being like

01:07:20.740 i am basically a god he had a hell of a propaganda machine while he was emperor he was like let's get

01:07:26.340 these portraits where i look incredible yeah i guess there's like there's certainly an element

01:07:31.980 of like military prowess so that's how he won some of the battles but also just like not being good

01:07:38.560 at it at the same time so it's like was it just luck was was he surrounded by like capable

01:07:43.280 lieutenants or like the fact that he i guess nobody can have like all good military successes

01:07:49.580 but it's like he's known as this like legendary person to like the napoleon fans who you've

01:07:54.560 encountered but he had some like gigantically catastrophic failures i feel like what he was

01:08:01.700 good at was tactics he was really good at like once you get into a battle here's how you win

01:08:06.420 the battle that you're in and what he was not good at was should i have this battle yeah literally

01:08:13.300 pick your battle like maybe don't do that right now it's not a good time he was not good at that

01:08:18.540 yeah and then also not good at battling against people who hadn't read that same book of

01:08:22.480 plays yeah like the the haitian revolution and then also like in moscow with bringing down the

01:08:28.380 city he's like oh but this this wasn't any of my coursework from military middle school yeah

01:08:35.080 exactly so on these episodes we do score people but it's a minus scale so just a sec I'm bringing

01:08:46.760 up my little document or is that Napoleon might call it my Le Grand Documenté

01:08:52.320 yeah so and so this asshole it's just like yeah so it's minus scores or I guess you could give 0.95

01:09:00.580 them a plus four if something was like actually good so like okay so for instance scandaliciousness 0.98

01:09:08.020 what did he do i would say anyone who like does a coup that's like pretty scandalicious

01:09:15.720 yeah he technically do two coups he like he made himself emperor twice

01:09:22.380 was the second one the vote or was the second was when he came back from elbow and was like 0.53

01:09:27.780 no suck it i'm emperor again no and then kidnapping the pope i feel is also pretty 0.50

01:09:32.040 scandalous yes but his i don't know well this is the thing like nothing we're going to give him 0.98

01:09:37.320 is a compliment right like and hmm i don't know i think like falling in love with a woman who is 0.99

01:09:47.220 arguably inappropriate for who he needed to be as his partner yeah then divorcing her like jerk 0.95

01:09:55.620 yeah it's kind of like shitty i don't know for scandalousness i'm gonna give him i don't know 0.97

01:10:02.840 like a minus three these scores are really just about pettiness and how much we hate him and i

01:10:08.380 feel like it would bother napoleon to get a low score scheminess i feel like i feel like we're

01:10:14.720 gonna give him negative points this is where he'd get points because of all of his battle schemes

01:10:19.400 yeah like didn't stop scheming for 20 years no and then stop yes yeah exactly exactly like he

01:10:26.320 was just like you know what like you conquer all these ends like let's just be emperor of this big

01:10:29.800 france he's like no let's also invade russia like he was like incapable of stopping scheming and

01:10:35.020 then he was in exile it's like maybe that's a moment to like pause and reflect like no i'm

01:10:38.680 gonna scheme my way to be emperor again and then i'm gonna scheme like let's go against the english

01:10:43.600 like he's just non-stop non-stop schemes non-stop schemes I think his he's yeah I think that's like

01:10:49.880 a high slash low score I think honestly I give him a minus 10 for schemes that sounds right

01:10:55.500 because he's schemed like he breathed and they were not all good but they sure were there yeah

01:11:02.120 significance okay Allison so aside from the the scale that we're doing how like in terms of okay

01:11:10.780 if you can for a moment like divorce yourself from your personal hatred of Napoleon was

01:11:17.640 this a significant thing or was it just kind of a blip like the French Revolution happened and

01:11:23.500 inevitably France just started having a president and not a king like he took over these lands but

01:11:28.440 then they lost those lands like does any of this matter I would say yes I think like obviously it

01:11:39.500 matters to the people that he colonized and took over and killed like this is a big period of

01:11:45.800 murder through europe but i think it also like this is kind of pre like the heyday of the british

01:11:52.000 empire like this is this is france's last gasp at it but i i do feel like napoleon napoleonic

01:11:59.800 france and like victorian england are kind of like one's learning from the other one 0.69

01:12:04.480 in a way and like while Napoleon was like a jackass he also did like a bunch of like he

01:12:13.020 reformed like the educational system and like kind of liberalized taxes and stuff and a lot 0.76

01:12:18.680 of that kind of how Europe still works in the places that he took over so like I'd give him

01:12:23.700 some I'd give him not as much as he thinks he had because a lot of it was undone almost as soon as

01:12:29.500 did it yeah well and then i was thinking too about like the um like what happened in haiti

01:12:34.340 and how that led to the louisiana purchase and what that's led to the united states of america

01:12:40.660 and like which has led to like where we are now in the world with like the united states becoming

01:12:46.700 as powerful as it became so it's sort of like his significance but it's it's not like him

01:12:51.840 but i mean not that it's not significant but it's not i think he would be like i napoleon did this

01:12:56.840 this and this and then like the new king there is like napoleon the 17th and like everything's

01:13:01.680 great but it's sort of like the trickle down effect i think he said a lot of stuff in motion

01:13:06.400 yeah but he didn't specifically yeah but again these are minus points they're not positive

01:13:12.360 points so i can give him a minus 10 for significance as well i think like his life

01:13:17.820 lows as i may be to admit it was quite significant in world it's why there's so much about him and

01:13:25.960 why like we can't escape the freaking napoleon legend is like yeah it it did a lot yeah he did

01:13:32.060 a lot but it's sort of like there's this stuff he wanted to do is the sense i have and then there's

01:13:37.840 this stuff that actually ended up mattering which wasn't like what he did on purpose like i don't

01:13:43.420 think what he wanted was like eternal french empire from sea to sea and like that's not what

01:13:48.040 god but no like in fact he like lost like the entire western hemisphere yeah i think he i don't

01:13:56.980 know but then that's the thing it's like this is the elon musk of it like he does come up it's like

01:14:01.900 julius caesar like alexander the great napoleon like he's seen as this great conquering hero but

01:14:07.920 like what julius caesar did like rome was like took over so much of europe for like centuries

01:14:15.980 like that lasted longer than 15 years yeah yeah yeah like napoleon did this but it was just kind

01:14:21.460 of like it was a petite empire the petite empire okay so then there's this sexism anti-bonus how

01:14:29.840 shitty was he to women i feel like napoleon lived his life just mostly trying to pretend that women

01:14:35.280 didn't exist i don't know which is interesting about the josephine like yeah i it doesn't

01:14:43.740 surprised me that he later like married a duchess just long enough to have a child and then never

01:14:48.660 saw her again i'm like yeah that tracks like what he wanted to do is just be like fighting like a

01:14:52.720 soldier but the fact that he like loved this woman to potentially the detriment of his career

01:14:58.140 not that doesn't mean he's not sexist but it's just it's an interesting level and the fact that

01:15:02.840 his novel was like a love story yeah i get like weird nice guy vibes from napoleon when he's just

01:15:11.460 like i can't possibly hate women because i love this one woman yeah i'm like yeah like is that

01:15:17.480 really a systemic answer no it's very much it's like well no i can't be a racist i have a black

01:15:22.860 friend you know right i can't i can't be a sexist i love josephine like okay i just assume he was

01:15:30.720 he's not like famously famously sexist he's more famously like colonialist and genocidal so like

01:15:38.560 yeah that's not like the main thing you know about him i do think that the napoleon josephine

01:15:42.480 like the fact that a musical was written about like their love story it's like that's

01:15:46.720 it sort of softens his legend in a way which is neither good nor bad but just kind of 0.76

01:15:51.000 fucked up but he's not there's nothing that comes to mind to you immediately he didn't like 0.80

01:15:56.680 implement rules that were like women we're gonna have you have less rights or like he just kind of 0.96

01:16:02.760 didn't care he just it was not something that was interesting to him yeah yeah so i think of

01:16:08.180 just give him like a minus five that sounds fair which is just kind of like the general

01:16:12.700 sexism that was just for your general shitty treatment of marie louise yeah well and also

01:16:18.320 for dumping josephine yes so that's a minus 20 minus 28 the other thing is i don't record these 0.98

01:16:26.040 scores i can't tell you how he compares to anyone else i'm so this asshole because as soon as these 0.87

01:16:31.580 episodes are done i'm just like done never have to think about that person again that sounds healthy 0.93

01:16:37.180 yeah yeah it was oh my god that was I'm gonna say thank you more interesting than I thought

01:16:46.320 it would have been because you pulled out the interesting the only existent interesting things

01:16:53.100 and you took out all the boring bits there that Wikipedia page I tell you and I looked at it this

01:16:58.760 morning just to make sure and it's probably 30,000 words and 25,000 of those words I do not care

01:17:03.840 about yeah it's just like describing the exact military formations or whatever it's like when

01:17:09.460 like the last last month i did thomas jefferson got and his wikipedia page is like 30 000 words

01:17:15.840 about just like and then he wrote this treatise like it's just like so much about like and then

01:17:22.520 he wrote this legal opinion and it's just like kill me i don't care yeah so the like i feel the

01:17:29.580 same way about like political men things as i do like the only battles that have ever interested

01:17:34.840 me that i've read about were like when fredigan disguised her army as trees yeah legend yeah and

01:17:41.040 then basically everything and jenga did because also legend tits out you know it's like that's

01:17:47.280 interesting to me it wasn't like well let's just like read through this like book of like how

01:17:50.820 gentlemen do war and then let's just like choose you know let's do a soup song of like chapter five

01:17:57.240 mixes chapter two it's like playing chess and it's just like i don't care about the specific

01:18:02.540 but not to say other people don't care about that that's the whole issue lots of people care about

01:18:08.280 that they do the people who care about that are much more influential in the history sphere

01:18:13.100 than the people who don't and that's why so many people think history is boring because it's just

01:18:18.240 tactical maneuvers by napoleon not the time he kidnapped the pope that's so great i'm excited

01:18:24.980 for you to hear what's coming up in a couple weeks on vulgar history both about kidnapping

01:18:30.200 and about popes i am very excited

01:18:34.040 um okay thank you that thank you so much um and so this special episode so oh tell people about

01:18:44.080 your newsletter yes if you want to read about me yelling about napoleon and other historical

01:18:49.340 assholes i write a sub stack newsletter called dirtbags through the ages it's one historical 0.96

01:18:54.160 dirtbag every two weeks. You can subscribe at rapscallison.substack.com. And how do you find 0.98

01:19:01.220 your dirtbags? Sometimes the best times are when people suggest them. I'm always open for

01:19:07.160 submissions. Sometimes it's just a grudge I've carried for years. Very often it's someone who

01:19:11.740 comes up in my research that I hate. So have you done Rasputin? Yes, I have. Okay. I do not hate

01:19:19.080 Rasputin. I have lots of opinions about Rasputin. Oh no, dirtbags. Well, and then you just did,

01:19:22.960 you just just did Catalina de Arraso oh yes I did because I had to yeah know that so I really like

01:19:28.860 how like your newsletter and vulgar history kind of are like very parallel or they they like pair

01:19:34.620 well I tell you my unofficial audio companion yeah it's kind of like a wine and cheese where

01:19:40.600 it's just like you know each is good on its own but like together that's the ideal pairing yeah

01:19:46.760 no I get so many I just well I was doing these Q&A episodes of vulgar history and someone I was

01:19:52.040 like, how do you find these women when they're so obscure? I'm like, it's really hard. And that's

01:19:56.120 why I started like openly begging on the podcast. I'm like, please tell me if there's someone from

01:19:59.880 your country, like, please let me. And that's where I'm finding. And that's where I'm learning

01:20:02.520 about so many interesting people, you know, because I would imagine this is saying, well,

01:20:06.780 when you're looking for dirtbags of history, you're just like, who are some famous men who 0.97

01:20:09.600 are shitty? It's like, you're going to get the same ones over and over the same way when I'm 0.96

01:20:13.660 like, who are some like badass women from history? And it's like Anne Boleyn. I'm like, yeah. And 0.97

01:20:17.520 it's like Marie Antoinette, Joan of Arc. I'm like, yes, thank you. Times list of a hundred people.

01:20:22.040 but yeah when you want to get into the weirder more obscure things it's more common the one

01:20:27.020 that's coming out next week is about uh queen victoria's unofficial rat catcher and what a

01:20:32.420 weirdo what how did you come across that i heard about him on another podcast and a brief mention

01:20:38.880 floating by and i was like no no no tell me more so i'm so excited about that that's what i think

01:20:44.020 so people can say that again so where do people subscribe to your newsletter it is at rapscallison

01:20:48.920 dot substack dot com or you can just google dirtbags through the ages and it should pop up for

01:20:53.660 you yeah and i'll put a link to that in the little description thing here on patreon as well so thank

01:20:59.860 you thank you patreons for being my patreons and thank you allison for saving me from having to do

01:21:06.680 incredibly boring research anytime so i hope you enjoyed that episode of so this asshole about 0.83

01:21:15.120 Napoleon just really a chance for Alison Epstein to just really vent all of your feelings I think

01:21:21.980 I do remember see now that I'm remembering I remember when I think I invited you to do this

01:21:26.740 you were just like I'm ready at a moment's notice to just like scream about how much I hate Napoleon

01:21:31.080 and you were that and still are that I assume never change I appreciate the catharsis I hope

01:21:38.140 the brigade also feels cleansed in some way so remind everybody about your book

01:21:45.000 Yes.

01:21:45.680 Your book, which, of course, does not have Napoleon in it.

01:21:48.780 Does not. 0.99

01:21:49.540 Has Napoleon shit-talking adjacent. 0.95

01:21:52.480 Let the Dead Bury the Dead by Doubleday Books is coming out October 17th in the U.S. and Canada. 0.98

01:21:58.640 Where it hits out Brigade International.

01:22:00.640 I hope I will have fun foreign rights news to announce to you so you can read it also.

01:22:05.080 But for now, October 17th for North America.

01:22:08.640 Pre-orders are open and cover's beautiful.

01:22:11.360 The cover is beautiful.

01:22:12.420 There's an owl on the cover. 0.53

01:22:14.360 owl is done with everyone's bullshit on the cover i love her so much the owl is great it's the i was

01:22:20.420 giving like almost can i say llama-esque vibes yes catalina de araso had the llamas i have this 0.96

01:22:30.300 bitch-ass owl and i love her yeah and so if people um if they follow you on very social media like 0.63

01:22:38.040 you'll be announcing stuff about like pre-order campaigns and like things like that like if they 0.91

01:22:41.700 follow you they can get all that info absolutely i'll be talking about almost nothing else for the

01:22:46.780 next nine months on twitter on instagram and on my sub stack yeah and i'll put all those links in

01:22:53.120 the show notes but yeah so your sub stack your newsletter is dirtbags but i could say it wrong

01:22:57.260 so you should say it it's dirtbags through the ages i feel like you're gonna be right and you 0.62

01:23:01.020 should have confidence in yourself i think i was gonna be right yeah dirtbags through the ages

01:23:05.080 is your newsletter and so i'll put the link there to that as well because yeah clearly as we've seen

01:23:10.860 there's overlap of people who like this podcast also like your newsletter and vice versa i refer

01:23:15.620 to it as the companion newsletter to this podcast so if you want more head on over we'd love to have

01:23:20.920 you that's all there and if um i'll just say my things i always say which is if you're listening

01:23:25.380 to this podcast for the first time or if you just like reminders of things um you can follow vulgar

01:23:30.660 history on instagram at vulgar history pod again don't look up instagram vulgar history that is

01:23:36.120 some sort of erotic account that is not run by me.

01:23:40.800 Or do, if that's a thing you're interested in.

01:23:42.700 Or do, you know what, or do.

01:23:45.100 But like, you're not going to find stuff

01:23:46.220 about this podcast on that account.

01:23:48.320 And then also I am vaguely on TikTok at Vulgar History.

01:23:53.560 Here's what I'm going to say.

01:23:54.600 I posted some TikToks and some people

01:23:56.480 who were not listeners said some mean things.

01:23:58.980 So I was like, do I want to be on TikTok?

01:24:01.060 I don't know.

01:24:02.360 So I'm going to be on TikTok,

01:24:03.980 but please say nice comments to my things.

01:24:06.120 and drown out the weird, mean men who are like,

01:24:08.800 she says like too much, which we've been over this.

01:24:12.800 You say like an appropriate amount of times.

01:24:16.260 And that's how I talk.

01:24:18.280 So if you don't like how I talk,

01:24:19.540 then just like scroll past my TikTok.

01:24:21.440 Don't watch it.

01:24:22.280 And then say like, oh,

01:24:24.320 what's the state of schooling nowadays or whatever?

01:24:28.040 Like, I don't know.

01:24:29.620 This like showed up for some people

01:24:30.640 who it should not have showed up for.

01:24:31.620 Anyway, I'm in TikTok at Vulgar History.

01:24:32.980 and you can join the patreon to hear more episodes like this one where i talk about

01:24:37.020 gross men from history go to patreon.com and foster writer and then if you join at the one

01:24:42.780 dollar a month you get early ad-free episodes of vulgar history and if you join at five dollars 0.95

01:24:46.880 or more a month then you get the so this asshole episodes and also vulgar peace theater which is

01:24:51.240 where i allison and our colleague lana wood johnson talk about costume dramas most recently 0.75

01:24:58.120 tombstone oh i have lots of thoughts on tombstone for the patreons just come

01:25:03.920 i mean behind the scenes alice and i are about to record that so

01:25:09.080 in about 35 seconds we're going to record that episode and i can already tell you it will be a

01:25:14.300 time it'll be a time but yeah so you can yeah patreon.com and foster writer anyway thank you

01:25:19.300 all for listening thank you all for supporting alice and you should all pre-order her book

01:25:23.060 or you just look at the cover and admire the owl 0.92

01:25:27.600 who is just like a shady ass owl 1.00

01:25:29.440 who's just like seen some shit and I'm excited about it. 0.99

01:25:32.780 Thank you for joining me, Allison. 0.97

01:25:34.460 Thank you for having me.

01:25:37.920 Folker History is hosted, written, and researched by Anne Foster

01:25:41.360 and edited by Christina Lumagi.

01:25:43.740 The Paranormal Mysteries of Liminal London

01:26:13.740 and the cyberpunk chaos of Cyborg.

01:26:20.940 Fall in love with our core cast,

01:26:24.000 or be awed by our incredible guests

01:26:26.640 from familiar shows like Oxventure,

01:26:29.960 Three Black Halflings,

01:26:31.540 and No Rolls Barred. 1.00

01:26:34.720 Ignite your imagination

01:26:36.480 and discover the realms of peril and glory today.

01:26:40.500 Go to RealmsPod.com

01:26:42.240 or search Realms of Peril and Glory wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:26:50.540 Reality TV is messy.

01:26:53.020 Pop culture is louder than ever.

01:26:54.900 And the internet completely unhinged.

01:26:57.540 Welcome to Roxanne and Chantel,

01:26:59.840 the podcast where cousins Roxanne and Chantel break down reality TV,

01:27:03.660 celebrity drama, and the stories everyone's texting about.

01:27:06.540 We recap the shows, spill the headlines, and sit down with the stars themselves.

01:27:11.660 No filter, no boring takes, just the tea.

01:27:15.600 New episodes every week.

01:27:17.300 If it's trending, we're talking about it.

01:27:19.880 This is Roxanne.

01:27:21.100 And Chanteau.

01:27:22.180 Let's get into it.

01:27:23.960 Goodbye, Kyle.

01:27:25.320 Did the sound of those words call to you like Pavlov's dog?

01:27:28.200 Then you might enjoy our podcast, Turtle Time.

01:27:31.100 Every week, you can join me, Riley Hamilton, and my co-host, Amy Scarlotta,

01:27:35.440 as we cover the most pressing Bravo news and dig into the new episodes

01:27:39.240 to answer important questions like,

01:27:41.260 who the hell is Adrienne Maloof in this world?

01:27:43.920 Listen to Turtle Time on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

01:27:47.060 or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:27:49.060 New episodes every Wednesday and Friday.

Vulgar History - February 08, 2023

So This Asshole： Napoleon Bonaparte

Episode Stats

Transcript