Missing Witches - Lammas 2020： Focus Your Anger and Keep Walking w⧸ Amy and Risa

00:00:00.000 You aren't being a proper woman, therefore you must be a witch. 1.00

00:00:06.560 You must be a witch. 1.00

00:00:08.600 Happy Lamas! 0.98

00:00:10.940 Lamas tide, everyone. We're here.

00:00:13.600 We're at this strange tipping point in the summer.

00:00:16.720 In COVID times.

00:00:20.440 Yeah. 0.76

00:00:21.660 It's one of those halfway between Sabbaths,

00:00:25.100 and we definitely, nobody can really make any future plans.

00:00:30.000 So it does, it does, everything sort of seems like a halfway point for sure.

00:00:35.880 Yeah, that's why we wanted to do one of these episodes where Amy and I just hang out and talk for Lamas.

00:00:42.620 Just because, yeah, I don't know.

00:00:45.180 I feel a bit lost in the drift.

00:00:46.980 Like I have these really high days and these really low days.

00:00:49.760 And I just need to like wrap my virtual arms around you and all of you and just be with you on this strange tipping point, I think.

00:01:00.000 yeah thank you so much the missing reaches coven for joining us today as we love you guys

00:01:06.360 how uh how have you been staying sane this summer risa um you know there's definitely the like

00:01:16.360 enormous gift of the woods and the lake um you know for me like swimming deep down into the lake

00:01:29.700 as far as I can go with my eyes open where it's really cold is like something that draws me out

00:01:36.860 of my fear and anxiety and my computer and my my work week and all my thoughts and so that's been

00:01:45.120 like a big sanity keeper and getting my hands dirty with the kiddo in the garden and her

00:01:51.200 excitement about things growing and all that stuff is like helpful but it's hard man it's

00:01:59.180 hard out there this is hard times i mean i don't think we started this podcast to be like 0.99

00:02:03.200 bullshit gurus with pretending to have answers we don't actually have like this is just fucking 0.68

00:02:08.800 hard this is crazy yeah i think the only answer right now is like just keep going for sure yeah 0.99

00:02:15.640 yeah yeah just keep going how are you doing amy how are you finding calm in this

00:02:23.500 um i guess i don't know about calm but definitely purpose like doing the podcast has really helped

00:02:33.920 me to keep it together you know talking to people who really have something to say right now again

00:02:39.960 like we're super lucky it just so happened that we just happened to be in the woods when

00:02:44.840 you know 2020 came and started its business so for me um just talking to people who are

00:02:54.020 experiencing a different reality than i am is is like definitely helping me to keep it together

00:03:01.340 you know yeah do you have any um strong lammas memories from other years is this like a time

00:03:09.300 for you no yeah I think you're the big llamas girl in the family for sure for me I mean my 0.98

00:03:17.140 my birthday is also in August so for me llamas always gets a little bit overshadowed by 0.97

00:03:22.620 you know me making my own birthday plans or whatever whatever I'm fantasizing about that

00:03:29.000 month it's sort of more about more about uh me turning whatever age and you know having some

00:03:35.440 some self-reflection i was gonna say i just turned 40 i don't think i've even made any space for

00:03:40.200 self-reflection like i just i i i feel a little bit there's a part of me that's maybe like the

00:03:47.120 crab in my chart or whatever that is just fully curled up in the dark in the corner in the rocks

00:03:54.360 like working really hard but but really tunneled in you know yeah and so 40 that i mean that's a

00:04:02.720 big one that's like the big one maybe even right I mean symbolically we all know that everyone

00:04:09.380 grows in their own mysterious ways and on their own mysterious timelines but 40 is kind of I feel

00:04:16.220 like it's like the big one so how how is that well I feel like I put away before before this

00:04:26.080 I put away feelings of like needing to have done things at a certain time so I didn't get hit with

00:04:34.420 that so much this year and also because you know the things that for me had loomed large in previous

00:04:42.160 years like getting to the woods finding a true friend partner and having my daughter like those

00:04:52.080 things happened so now I'm like that panic that was in me before of these things that I knew for

00:04:58.280 me I I was like meeting in my life they were on my my path and my radar and my my wave or whatever

00:05:06.560 like those things have finally all hit so I'm like safer than I've ever been and then also like more

00:05:13.780 scared than I've ever been because there's so much more to lose and everything is so much more

00:05:18.560 dangerous so yeah I don't think I really processed 40 in the sense of like an age in the way that I

00:05:24.920 have before where I was like oh no 35 oh no 30 I gotta do the things but Lamas is definitely one

00:05:31.560 for me I mean we've talked about it before and and it's in the the book that we've told you guys

00:05:38.320 is coming a little bit more of that story for me of like one of the big moments of magic in my life

00:05:45.800 was that lammas bonfire and the sort of unleashing that came after um but I remember that like uh 0.57

00:05:55.160 like two years later after sort of escaping a con man and lighting some of his shit on fire and 0.77

00:06:00.880 all of that ritual um two years later I was like you know I had taken 0.96

00:06:07.200 maize like the placenta that I had frozen after I gave birth to her out of the freezer and buried

00:06:14.560 it in the garden a lama's tide like two or three years after that like moment of being 0.90

00:06:20.760 so destroyed and making a fire that I really feel like set me free so

00:06:25.880 it's funny that those moments on my life are both at this moment yeah

00:06:30.340 and so what's your plan for this llamas I'm gonna just sort of ride out panic attacks I think

00:06:38.940 I don't know. In terms of like, you know, it's huge for me. Like I, I have been so high and, you know, creative and, and, and, and plugged into my work and my life and then so low and so terrified.

00:06:57.180 Like, and I've been thinking about Lamas in that context, like, because on the one hand here, you know, we're very much in the midst of harvesting what we planted in the early spring and like what we were preparing in the dark of the winter.

00:07:16.700 So it's like this ripeness and this harvest time of like seeing that what you did before has effect.

00:07:25.220 like so it's like seeing that you can change your your reality like you're in the midst of seeing

00:07:30.740 the fruit of that literally but you're also at this tipping point where like you realize

00:07:35.320 everything will die and you you know everything will disappear again and everything will slip

00:07:40.700 out of your hands like that the nights get cold there's like one or two red leaves on the

00:07:47.340 mountain ash that goes down to the lake and it's so startling to see it there because it's

00:07:52.380 it's the summer, but, but yeah, I think this is, it's the in-between time, you know, and these 1.00

00:07:58.460 Sabbaths are always, always that in a way, like, it's always this, like, you're just forced into

00:08:05.480 this emotional space between things, and that's what's so powerful, is how uncomfortable it is.

00:08:12.500 yeah definitely for me the using the sabbats as a as a marker um has been really useful for me

00:08:23.200 for sure you know like setting setting goals not necessarily by month but like maybe by season

00:08:29.460 or or again like what you recognize um when you're planting things by season that what you did

00:08:36.740 what you did in the spring is now bearing literal or figurative fruit in the

00:08:41.720 summer and sometimes into the fall.

00:08:44.900 And I think it's good to like take that out of the context of like farming

00:08:49.460 and gardening too,

00:08:50.940 and bring that into our own lives of just taking these,

00:08:54.440 these Sabbaths to like really check in with ourselves and,

00:08:57.280 and do something or,

00:08:59.380 or rearrange your thoughts on something or take some kind of action,

00:09:04.620 you know,

00:09:04.900 whether it be internal or external.

00:09:06.740 yeah even just i mean today i i sat down i have like a room bag that i got when i was like 19

00:09:16.380 and you know uh a small like many people probably have this edition of the ralph bloom book of

00:09:24.820 runes book it's like you know a small pocket size hardcover navy blue kind of fabric cover

00:09:31.700 with the gold and it just feels a little bit old and magical even though it's totally not and

00:09:36.080 like I pulled one rune today that was just about you know a question about a change and

00:09:45.440 the rune was just about you know fertility and growth and like if you're humble this will lead

00:09:52.160 you to good places and I that I just need that at this time of year whether it means that that

00:09:57.220 decision is something I should do or not it means for me like pursuing this and being in this place

00:10:03.100 of questioning and opening if I stay humble and do the work I'm going to be okay and things will

00:10:09.100 grow you know like I think yeah it's a time for for getting into your old your old you know tarot

00:10:19.100 decks and your and your your rune piles from when you were 16 and like to play again with this stuff

00:10:26.680 like with a spirit of play you know yeah i'm a big believer in play

00:10:34.140 i know

00:10:37.240 this i know yeah i miss playing music with you amy yeah i miss doing a lot of things

00:10:48.720 it's uh it's very very strange uh you know you and i were talking about this like on the phone

00:10:56.100 the other day how I feel like especially um you know wronged by the by the current of events in

00:11:05.980 2020 because like as our listeners as our coven we remember you know um my father died last year

00:11:13.060 and in the spring so I spent the summer of 2019 like you know completely reorganizing my entire

00:11:21.240 life. You know, it was the first time in 10 years that I had to apply for a job, you know, and then

00:11:26.600 I got that job. And so, and, and the whole time I was like, you know, next summer is going to be

00:11:31.660 the summer of freedom. It's going to, I'm going to travel and I'm going to do this and I'm going

00:11:36.120 to have, because you remember Risa, like Jimmy made it hard. Jimmy made it hard to leave and

00:11:42.460 to have people over so bless the soul and god rest it but yeah I was like you know and and I'm

00:11:52.100 sure a lot of people had big plans for 2020 and that's that's the real kicker for me like my mom

00:11:58.300 used to say plans are free you know and what she meant by that it's like you can you can fantasize

00:12:03.600 it doesn't cost anything to like you know fantasize about like things that you might do or places you

00:12:10.180 might go or you know people you might be someday and so but now it's it's it it's not even so much

00:12:18.920 that I can't do anything it's that I can't plan anything because I don't know the parameters of

00:12:24.960 the future you know you never really do you so you have faith that the sun is going to rise and

00:12:29.820 and set and these things that we definitely take for granted but at this point it's like

00:12:35.820 you know air travel i'm not sure i don't know a vaccine no idea yeah going like to the east coast

00:12:46.200 to see my folks i don't know i don't know how i don't know how safe it is so yeah that's been

00:12:53.620 the biggest drag for me and i'm sure for a lot of people who are are are well who aren't who

00:12:59.040 aren't sick with this but are suffering in other ways um by you know having to cancel their wedding

00:13:05.100 or whatever big amazing things y'all were planning to do for the summer of 2020 you know and and not

00:13:12.680 being able to like officially just say like well we'll do it next spring because we know that

00:13:17.280 everything's going to be cool by then yeah it's bizarre it's a very bizarre

00:13:22.200 place to be as a person who loves to plan whether it's like realistic planning or fantasy planning

00:13:29.480 It's weird to not have that place to go, the imagination, you know?

00:13:37.620 Yeah, completely.

00:13:39.580 I think that's a really big part of it for me that I, you know,

00:13:45.660 I imagine I have so much control over my life, you know?

00:13:51.480 Like I've been so like consciously moving towards this life,

00:13:58.140 like in you know like you guys in the woods building our house like claiming a little

00:14:04.180 another little piece of land thinking about the plants that we move around in the forest to bring

00:14:09.900 in there to bring food like imagining you know and with my my day job and like how I

00:14:16.260 how I believe in like how we can build community like all of that stuff is just a huge question

00:14:25.940 mark and I have to really try to sit with the knowledge that it's always been like this like

00:14:34.360 just because I felt like I had control before doesn't mean I did you know that like I have to

00:14:41.760 sit with this like what's it called in sports when someone hits you really hard

00:14:48.060 when you get sacked i think i want to say yeah

00:14:56.240 yeah i have to sit with like being winded from being sacked and shot over to the sidelines or

00:15:07.300 whatever and be like right i don't drive this bus i can shape things but this is a big bus

00:15:14.700 yeah it's a really big bus

00:15:19.620 what are you thinking about for lammas is there anything you're going to do

00:15:28.560 ritual wise to try to process this time well i think i'm sort of like

00:15:35.240 moving myself like my my concept of myself as witch to like a more like

00:15:45.660 like a more prehistoric kind of definition um where i just like want to like

00:15:56.760 grow my own food and like be there to help people who need help you know not like super

00:16:05.160 super old definition of which just like person in the woods who like grows stuff and and is there

00:16:12.300 to listen to you and maybe help you if they can so for llamas and I've already done all of like

00:16:18.520 my pre-research I'm ordering my my fruit trees for my fall planting so I'm really excited about

00:16:28.940 that yeah i'm just getting a few like i i don't even there are a lot of old trees um on my space

00:16:35.420 already um yeah and it's very lovely so there's not a lot of space but i'm like you know i need

00:16:42.140 i need something and and again you know i i'm i'm getting some like rather mature

00:16:48.880 it's a local place and they do everything like totally green so i'm super excited to have found

00:16:56.900 this place and uh yeah so i'm just i'm getting three uh plum trees

00:17:04.820 oh lovely that's so exciting i'll i'll have to ask you who they are maybe we can give them a

00:17:13.760 little love too in the podcast or something might we want to put um we want to build up one of the

00:17:20.960 sort of woods barriers on the side of the house with apple trees and sugar maples so we've been

00:17:28.500 sort of dreaming dreaming about that fall planting over here and it's been so lovely actually because

00:17:35.560 when when I got this place the the front hill that goes down to the house on one side that goes down

00:17:43.120 to the and then goes down to the lake had all been dug up so that they could do some work on

00:17:48.900 the foundation of the house and it was just like kind of sandpit on that side and Mark and I over

00:17:56.260 years now have like brought in soil and made kind of layers with rocks and you know got all of these

00:18:03.880 pollinators local pollinators from seed and they were tiny little guys and now this bank is wild

00:18:12.060 with flowers like you're really starting to see and the bushes are like you know at my chest height

00:18:18.220 the ones that are these flowering bushes along the top and like you're really the blueberry

00:18:22.260 gave like six blueberries this year you know like you're starting to see the the work

00:18:28.140 flourish yeah it was really lovely yeah I just like I you know and part of it is because you

00:18:37.100 know that I'm like a barefoot type I like to get dirt under my fingernails um but the opposite 0.98

00:18:43.120 it part of it is that um I'm I'm a cynical bitch who grew up in the 80s and I don't fucking trust 0.96

00:18:51.280 nobody so at this point I'm like I have to grow my own food like I don't I don't trust that yeah 0.98

00:18:59.360 that the system that the the wretched disgusting system that that I use to support my life is

00:19:06.760 it's going to hold out like i pray that it falls apart in many ways but i i want to be ready you

00:19:14.480 know not just because i'm like full of love and hope but because i'm like terrified that the whole

00:19:19.160 the whole food system that's going to fall apart you know like there's a there's a rather radical

00:19:27.800 group that i follow called black hammer and one of them was saying like the revolution is like

00:19:35.660 don't get sick and grow your own food um and that that really resonated with me

00:19:43.640 like because they were talking about people sending their kids back to school because

00:19:48.540 financially they didn't have any choice um and so you know schools schools opening literally just

00:19:55.680 so parents can don't have an excuse to not go back to work to just keep that like capitalist

00:20:01.520 meat wheel grinding out the sausages of our existential dread how did I get here

00:20:10.160 happy llamas once I say once I say sausages of existential dread it's time

00:20:20.900 to cut me off that's when you stop me okay no I was with you I was on that ride with you from like

00:20:33.080 plum trees just

00:20:34.320 the whole way that's what that's what it is right now yeah it's so funny that you started this

00:20:44.880 episode like clapping and being and saying something about like we're on the waves or

00:20:49.440 something now because that is what I feel like my life is now more than ever it's like very extreme

00:20:55.840 waves from like minute to minute of of hope and terror like hands in the dirt giggling with the

00:21:05.820 kid swimming in the lake to like just crumpled crying like scared that any decision I make is

00:21:14.780 gonna kill my grandmother who's living with me or you know just I mean and that's everyone like I

00:21:22.340 feel all of our listeners like present with this degrees of this feeling of of like maybe there's

00:21:31.400 something to be hopeful for in moments of like incredible kindness and beauty and then like

00:21:36.960 what the fuck terror sausages of dread yeah i mean i've been i've been pretty open about my like 0.58

00:21:45.320 you know struggles with mental health um throughout this whole endeavor so our listeners 0.98

00:21:52.900 probably know that like that is that is like my my baseline of operation so now i've like

00:22:01.780 i've gone into this like other other place that i haven't been in before i was telling you the

00:22:09.100 other day risa though that it's manifested in cleaning which has never really been like

00:22:14.740 one of my symptoms before so i'm really i'm really happy and feeling really good

00:22:20.080 to be in a clean house that feels that is an incredible gift yeah yeah a gift that you're

00:22:29.740 giving yourself yeah through through anxiety

00:22:33.460 great job but like i i i saw my mother-in-law for the first time in i don't know six months or

00:22:45.940 whatever um and and she and i are like good friends she's like it in total opposite land

00:22:53.360 of every mother-in-law stereotype i feel like my mother-in-law judges me less than anyone else in 0.87

00:22:59.160 the entire world for some reason she just like thinks I'm the coolest she's a beautiful angel

00:23:09.140 it'll it'll never be erased in my mind seeing at when we did our live show in the church and

00:23:17.640 we closed with that sort of adapted ritual from Anna Halperin where I was asking people to like

00:23:24.760 get consent from the person next to them to feel their heartbeat and then tap each other's heartbeat

00:23:30.180 and your husband and his mother like arms wrapped around each other eyes closed smiling like tapping

00:23:38.760 their heartbeat on each other's shoulder but also just like so I don't know she was just so pleasant

00:23:44.520 in that moment I don't know yeah she's a good she's a good sport and you can't you have to

00:23:52.040 have a sense of humor if you're gonna welcome me into your family for sure but she's also like 0.94

00:23:57.660 she's also definitely a closeted witch like I think I've talked about this before maybe where 1.00

00:24:03.380 where like we'll leave her to dog sit and I'll come home and she will have like collected a pile 1.00

00:24:08.620 of acorns and like put them in a goblet or like you know a bundle of like this particular kind 0.82

00:24:14.780 of reed and like made them into like a very witchy bundle and like lean them against the shed

00:24:19.240 so i feel like she's always leaving me these little like these and and she of course and i 0.99

00:24:24.940 say you're a you're a little bitch and then she giggles you know she's a good christian woman 0.98

00:24:30.200 but yeah i feel strongly that the two are not mutually exclusive absolutely right good christian 1.00

00:24:41.100 yeah i feel like so i mean all this to say that like the desire to see my my good friend slash

00:24:49.820 mother-in-law slash family member versus like the idea that exposure to me could somehow make her

00:24:57.660 sick and like and we're all just like weighing this balance of like wanting to celebrate and

00:25:05.100 also like feeling that celebrating might be i don't know wrong somehow you know and and again

00:25:14.300 like you're saying like it's not it's a seesaw like i think we're all on on the seesaw slash

00:25:19.420 roller coaster slash whatever you know like i don't think any of us have chosen like

00:25:26.380 like one or the other to say it or to like you know go into the basement and never come out

00:25:33.260 um i don't know listeners have gone into the basement yeah tell us about it thanks for

00:25:42.220 listening how are you if you've chosen a side tell us what that side is like maybe more of us

00:25:49.800 should go there with you yeah yeah and i mean when i really i like the in between yeah but when i

00:25:58.980 feel my most impotent i i i take a look in my bank account and i make a small financial donation

00:26:05.260 and again like it could be like five dollars or ten dollars or twenty dollars but i just like find

00:26:10.840 myself doing that as often as i can um because it just again like we we know that we don't really

00:26:17.820 have any control over the universe but like it helps to pretend sometimes and and for me you

00:26:24.440 know, the voting with your wallet thing is a big one. So I'm just trying to like refocus on all the

00:26:29.060 things that I don't need to buy. And when I don't buy something that I don't need, then I can give

00:26:34.140 that 10 bucks or contribute that 10 bucks to something that, you know, needs it more for

00:26:40.360 someone or a situation. Yeah. And to be clear, I feel like, you know, it's a big bus, as I said

00:26:47.620 before. It's painful and good to be reminded of, you know, the fact that the earth is going to make

00:26:56.240 decisions that are way the fuck out of my hands. But I also simultaneously, and I think it's okay

00:27:03.280 to believe contradictory things, believe that we shape reality every day. Like, I mean, and we have

00:27:10.780 tons of evidence to that effect people wrote books or agitated or came together to form unions or 0.96

00:27:18.500 learned science enough to heal each other from childbirth or whatever like we we fucking changed

00:27:24.540 the world so I have no doubt about that even though it's a contradiction of what I said two 0.93

00:27:28.900 minutes ago yeah I mean I guess the thing is like no I mean and you know and it sounds ridiculous 0.92

00:27:36.660 and stupid and so juvenile but like i've had my moments where i like it was many several moments

00:27:43.380 where i've literally like just burst into tears because i'm like looking at some horrible injustice 0.97

00:27:49.640 and i know that i can't fix this particular injustice and it just like breaks me um but i

00:27:56.340 think the thing is that and that's like yeah that's daily under regular circumstances yeah

00:28:02.500 yeah no it's even shot to the stomach yeah yeah but i i think that maybe the thing is to to

00:28:10.880 remember is that like you know we no no one person can that's correct you know no one person is going

00:28:19.200 to fix everything but if everybody you know it's so hard to say everybody because everybody's

00:28:26.780 everything is so polarized right now.

00:28:29.580 Like you want to be able to say everybody wants to da, da, da.

00:28:33.540 And it's like, I'm like, not everybody does.

00:28:35.860 It seems like everybody wants to live in peace and harmony with all,

00:28:42.800 all races, creeds, colors, genders. No, not everybody wants to.

00:28:47.700 And that's the real,

00:28:48.700 the real mind blowers that we can't even just say like everybody wants

00:28:53.100 everybody to be happy. 0.96

00:28:56.780 That's the real kick in the dick is that we can't even say everybody just wants everybody else to be happy. We can't even say that in this moment because so much evidence to the contrary, you know, capitalism has like reached its breaking point and we have all this evidence right now, but it's like people are just digging in. 0.95

00:29:16.560 like yeah i do think it's useful to look for those things that we could say like i've

00:29:29.840 that are that are points of commonality and to try to have faith in those and to use those as

00:29:35.680 as points for trying to have some sort of hope you know like i wonder if we can say

00:29:43.440 everybody wants to live free from fear or you know i i love i love it

00:29:54.800 yeah

00:29:57.680 yeah so let let that let that be maybe this this little llamas blessing is uh may may everyone

00:30:07.240 live free from fear because for sure we can definitely you and i i don't know about that

00:30:11.760 everybody but you and i can agree that a lot of rage that that's that's where it comes from

00:30:17.200 the real root of the root of the root is just is is fear and fear often manifests this way

00:30:25.360 yeah so listeners if you could maybe help us out and make your lama's blessing

00:30:33.020 may may everyone live without fear

00:30:36.820 yeah may we be freed from fear

00:30:41.600 and free each other from fear and and and behave in such a way as to not invoke fear

00:30:52.160 or elicit fear from other people to be mindful that what we do

00:30:57.440 um is absorbed by the people around us you know yeah and to be so

00:31:06.600 so gentle and loving to the places in us where fear rules

00:31:11.960 yeah yeah definitely like those places this is again this is one of those those halfway between

00:31:21.180 sabbats and this is what we keep coming back to over and it wasn't the theme that we planned but

00:31:25.680 it's the theme that shows us this sort of like these in between spaces of of back and forth and

00:31:31.500 back and forth where i'm like literally weeping um in like a post-capitalist rage um one minute

00:31:38.900 and then like you know planning on on getting some plum trees and really getting into like

00:31:45.500 how to work plum trees and then spending a half hour on that you know i think again like it might

00:31:54.200 sound, it might sound contrary, but I really think that these are, maybe, maybe we've been

00:32:02.960 given the luxury of, of a shake up. You know, I think complacency is real and it's very real. And

00:32:16.560 I don't think it's, I don't think it's worth it. I mean, this is me in my personal life too. And

00:32:22.860 those of you who know me know this that like i i need a deadline and if not a deadline a kick in 0.99

00:32:30.640 the ass i won't make a change until i get my ass kicked like literally i won't i won't get my 1.00

00:32:37.120 fucking shit together until it's like you know if you don't do this then your life is fucked 1.00

00:32:43.100 that's kind of so true that's that's you know that's how i operate like 1.00

00:32:54.820 that that's how and i don't know if it's because my you know my brain is like has weird like you 0.76

00:33:01.160 know add executive dysfunction or if i'm just like so dumb that i don't hear lessons when 0.90

00:33:08.060 they're approaching from miles and miles and miles away but I or you're just like sitting 0.96

00:33:15.160 sitting like a mountain like you're just gonna summon your strength and summon your strength 0.64

00:33:19.480 until you fucking have to right that could be isn't there like some kind of like street fighter

00:33:26.860 thing where you like you know you have to like charge up your glass I think yeah I'm just 0.92

00:33:33.900 charging at my blasts I like that way of looking at it but I think but but I mean 2020 has definitely

00:33:44.340 been this this ass kicking of reality and I think a lot of a lot of us needed it but I think like

00:33:52.180 way back in you know February March when it was like rumors and questions and then it really like 0.95

00:33:58.900 march april when it really became evident that this was very very fucking serious um you know

00:34:05.740 we i think we all were saying you know maybe this is the catalyst for change that we've been looking

00:34:11.700 for where like you know people will understand that socialized medicine is you know a benefit

00:34:16.860 to everyone um that it that you know keeping people healthy keeps that you know things running

00:34:24.140 smoothly even if you still buy it buy into the meat wheel of like you know the economy being

00:34:30.680 this and that and whatever and you know people have to keep working so that like there's no

00:34:36.640 I was thinking like you know even those even the most dreaded of capitalists will at least now

00:34:42.120 understand that like universal health health care will like keep their workforce healthy even like

00:34:47.080 even if you're so selfish that all you care about is like your workforce's ability to work then

00:34:52.700 but I mean it's like we're blowing it

00:34:55.420 are we blowing it or is it just

00:34:57.480 that I'm in a rush

00:34:59.580 and these things take a lot

00:35:01.560 more time than one year

00:35:03.280 which do you think it is

00:35:05.420 Lisa

00:35:05.880 oh I think as usual

00:35:09.800 it's both

00:35:10.940 yeah

00:35:11.560 yeah

00:35:14.360 I do

00:35:17.000 I do think it's both

00:35:18.560 I think it'll be slower than we want 0.74

00:35:20.900 and we'll fuck it up on the way but it will also still always be coming 0.53

00:35:25.700 but may we but i'm wired like that you know i'm i'm wired for hope that's i you know i do

00:35:35.380 personality tests and stuff and i know that that's just part of in my in my wiring that i really

00:35:41.260 believe that it is always coming that the the peace and the flourishing and the joyful chaos

00:35:49.800 of equality is coming I just that's that's I have to have that it's in my soup yeah so I offer that

00:36:00.260 to you that bit of my unextinguishable soup yeah because you know my my soup tastes a bit more

00:36:07.460 cynical than yours so my my method is usually just like I you know exercising my great capacity for

00:36:16.580 joy in every possible moment you know and those like moments where i'm like it doesn't matter

00:36:23.100 you know i'm gonna whatever worst case scenario in whatever given situation but like if there's

00:36:30.020 like i can hear a bird singing then like it's fine you know see this is this is the loudest

00:36:39.140 message that we didn't know was there is what's what's in your unextinguishable soup

00:36:45.380 that you can use right now

00:36:47.520 because it's already in you.

00:36:49.820 Yeah, Reese's is hope.

00:36:51.140 Mine is a capacity for joy.

00:36:54.220 What's yours?

00:36:55.860 I love that question.

00:36:58.620 Yeah, tell us.

00:36:59.680 We want to know.

00:37:00.900 Yeah, because these are our superpowers.

00:37:03.020 These are our magical powers, you know?

00:37:07.020 Some people, like, make people feel really comfortable

00:37:10.480 and some people are, like, disruptive

00:37:12.660 and both of those things are amazing.

00:37:15.380 yeah let's do that listeners like for llamas you know in addition to living without fear

00:37:27.740 let's ask ourselves like what what's our superpower you know but what is it that

00:37:34.540 makes us like so amazing and special and like maybe it's your banana maybe it's your banana

00:37:40.820 of bread or something you know like maybe yeah like what's a part of your makeup that's getting

00:37:48.840 you through right now like there's something fundamental to you that you're leaning on

00:37:53.240 and I think we're often inclined to criticize that part of ourselves because we are so intimate

00:37:58.320 with it but like what is that thing it might not always be something you're proud of but there's

00:38:03.660 something that is you are very capable of that you are doing now to survive let's give that some love

00:38:09.440 yeah because once again like sometimes all of the activism that you need to do is like

00:38:16.080 staying alive and breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other you know sometimes

00:38:23.800 that like you just existing listeners sometimes it's like all the activism you need to do today

00:38:30.240 not always you know not always not every day but definitely definitely some days you know

00:38:39.980 definitely some days and it's been such a again because you know um i i grew up in a town that i

00:38:49.240 don't live in like my my dearest and oldest friend she and i have been having these video

00:38:54.300 a chat so like as soon as the technology was available um so we already had a habit of that

00:39:00.840 and then the podcast again has just like um given me this like whole new digital world

00:39:10.020 um and a whole like web of all of you to to be engaging with and and uh certainly not just like

00:39:19.980 our amazing guests, like the people that I've spoken to on the podcast,

00:39:23.860 but like on social media and it's been a real blessing to have this coven.

00:39:30.120 And I hope, I hope that our listeners feel the same way that I do.

00:39:34.380 I hope it's not just some masturbatory fantasy that I'm going through, 0.79

00:39:40.340 but it really like, it's, it's, 0.99

00:39:42.960 I'm really glad that all of this was set up before the shit hit. 0.94

00:39:49.900 the fan because once again you know um to uh anything anything i'm i'm like if my father 0.95

00:40:00.340 was still alive during this i don't know if i could handle that i think that that would be

00:40:04.000 officially too much like um so many things so many things where it was like lucky like you know

00:40:10.800 um so they're the bits and pieces that i that i'm grateful for to have snatched bits of sanity out of

00:40:18.440 the alternate timeline where I'm like dealing with a pandemic and all of that and also you

00:40:29.960 know an old man with all of his fears yeah it would have been crazy all the circles he was

00:40:41.160 already going around yeah but i think i i i think i told you that i like made his his site a little

00:40:51.880 more official you know um when i when i buried his ashes i reserved some because i still might

00:41:00.040 have an art project in mind you know but most of them like i took one of his model cars and

00:41:05.660 and one of his uh football trophies you know this kind of thing and there's it's it's all

00:41:11.860 it's stones now and there's a cross and there's a bench there and and uh yeah I think he's he's

00:41:18.200 better off there this year for sure I'm like so grateful that he chose 2019 to exit stage right

00:41:27.240 I don't think I could have done this I don't think I could have done any of it

00:41:32.300 but again we all say that like how many times again listeners Risa listeners how many times 0.71

00:41:38.180 in your life have you said I can't do this I can't fucking do this and then like and then 0.86

00:41:43.700 like you did it for me hundreds thousands possibly every day yeah that's what I like 0.98

00:41:53.300 about hiking you know when you go on like a couple of days hike or like something that

00:41:58.580 really pushes you like that that for me was always the best feeling of like carrying a heavy bag

00:42:07.060 walking through like the last one I did was in Yosemite and sort of flowering mountain meadows

00:42:16.820 and half the mountain was on fire so the sky was red and was thick with smoke and just being like

00:42:21.700 I cannot do this like I'm not going to be able to complete this trip at all like I've misled the 0.82

00:42:28.200 person i'm hiking with and then like real like like oh no yeah oh god we are in the fucking 0.75

00:42:39.200 woods and i'm just gonna lie down and someone will have to get helicopters and then realizing 0.92

00:42:45.260 that i've gone on this spiral of like self-loathing that took me like to things i was embarrassed

00:42:51.120 about in high school and shit because that's actually what fear is as a sort of twist through

00:42:56.400 my life and time and realizing that I'm still walking and I'm like so the air smells nice and 0.78

00:43:02.720 I'm still breathing and I actually feel okay like I'm being like wow that whole thing was the

00:43:08.840 distraction I needed to keep going like somehow that terror actually got me over to the next

00:43:16.940 bit of my strength somehow have you ever like somebody pissed you off and so you were like

00:43:25.100 i'm out of here and then you like walked home again this is not something we do as adults but

00:43:29.200 when you're younger and it's like it's like it takes you like 30 seconds to walk home because 0.96

00:43:34.240 you're so and you're the whole time your mind's like that fucking and you don't even realize that 0.87

00:43:39.980 you're you're going yeah hopefully that this is 2020 at least if we can like focus our anger and 0.99

00:43:48.120 keep walking yeah that's it that's all i gotta do yeah i mean i i think that might be the title

00:43:59.360 of the episode i'm not sure focus your anger and keep it was that or like capitalist sausages

00:44:06.160 yeah i'll leave it to you like listeners i'm sure that you are like equally as lost as we are in

00:44:20.420 your own special ways like some people are struggling financially but like not like um

00:44:27.180 emotionally and some people are struggling emotionally but not really financially some

00:44:31.040 people like are having a hard time dealing with their families some people are so lonely that they

00:44:36.340 don't like all of us have different circumstances and we're all dealing with them in our own ways

00:44:42.240 and like you know if we can focus our anger and keep walking that's literally i feel like all we

00:44:49.280 can do and again like llamas is a great is a great symbol for this because it is one of those halfway

00:44:56.000 points but it's also the point where we start to reap what we have sown where we can say like this

00:45:03.260 is the life that i made these are the choices that i made and this is the fruit that they have either

00:45:08.740 born or not born and then start to you know replan make make a change you know focus your anger and

00:45:19.120 Keep walking.

00:45:24.540 Yeah.

00:45:25.160 With that, I think I love you and leave you.

00:45:27.760 I have.

00:45:28.840 What can you say?

00:45:32.000 Keep walking.

00:45:33.340 That's all I'm going to try to do.

00:45:35.220 And then how about this?

00:45:36.500 Focus your anger, keep walking, then focus your love and run.

00:45:43.000 How about that?

00:45:44.880 How about that?

00:45:46.000 How about that?

00:45:47.220 Yeah.

00:45:47.460 Okay.

00:45:47.740 One more time.

00:45:48.520 focus your anger and keep walking then focus your love and run you got this which is you got this

00:45:56.000 which is and if you don't got this missing which is at gmail.com we like can't like tell you any

00:46:02.160 answers because we're like equally as confused as you are but we definitely are here to listen and

00:46:08.040 um yeah i mean what else can we say we love you happy llamas that's the whole thing we love you

00:46:17.700 keep going stay safe out there guys yeah stay safe stay well stay stay mighty

00:46:24.260 you must be a witch 0.95

Missing Witches - August 01, 2020

Lammas 2020： Focus Your Anger and Keep Walking w⧸ Amy and Risa

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