Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - A Strange Absence

00:00:00.000 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:00:02.580 Guaranteed human.

00:00:04.420 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:08.020 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:11.960 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:15.780 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:19.420 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:21.720 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:24.660 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:28.220 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:01:05.100 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:01:06.540 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:01:07.640 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:01:12.360 Two untamable intellects.

00:01:14.140 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:01:15.000 This is our hell.

00:01:15.860 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:01:18.140 This is POOG.

00:01:19.540 Today's topic, loosely speaking, crucifixion, death, resurrection.

00:01:25.540 we're in oh my god i'm already laughing it's so it's so obnoxious to say i'm already laughing

00:01:32.160 but but i truly need this today right before we were logged on the center i was telling jack

00:01:38.980 i'm eating a chocolate bar not that that's some kind of indication of like uh-oh sad woman alert

00:01:43.380 you're like i did have i was sure i was like oh i'm pmsing and then i looked at my period tracker

00:01:49.240 it's not due for 10 days so see i had the same experience yesterday i checked my period tracker

00:01:54.860 there i've actually got two uh current operation on my phone uh and you know same deal um i was a

00:02:03.480 little glum and uh i checked and no it was a good you know two weeks away or something like sometimes

00:02:09.520 i don't get pms symptoms like that strongly every time but some months i will rage like the day

00:02:17.020 before like i'm filled with the with the fury of generations and i yes feel like i'm gonna put my

00:02:23.900 hand through a goddamn window and i was feeling kind of a small element or kind of a gentle rage

00:02:29.860 today and then general insatiability and anyway i tried a new lilies it's like sugar-free uh i 0.99

00:02:38.960 think it's like stevia sweetened oh i've seen that in the marketplace but i've never purchased

00:02:42.920 yeah maybe that's a big fan and um they've recently come out with a new cookies and cream

00:02:49.000 type sort of white chocolate bar cookies and cream is so so good yeah no but it's like it's

00:02:55.080 so like raunchy it's so raunchy it's like pornographic it's so like despicable yeah it's

00:03:03.560 despicably creamy well white chocolate is also like you know like and i forget if this is even

00:03:09.660 it but it's like i don't know that's not white chocolate's not even chocolate that's like a big

00:03:13.460 thing people say and it's like yeah yeah okay you know but i was like yeah like white chocolate

00:03:17.160 being like i'll have white chocolate white chocolate to me is like the kind of vision

00:03:21.540 of decadence of people i'm picturing people who pay like i'm picturing like really wealthy older

00:03:28.960 republicans who attend some gala and they pay like it's like 350 a head for the new year's

00:03:35.740 eve gala right but then what did you what price did you put on it 350 is that like so no no there

00:03:41.160 are expensive 20 there the tickets are like i mean i'm just saying like i can't name a single

00:03:46.860 event i don't know but i've heard okay literally like tickets for those types of things are like

00:03:51.320 they're like 20 000 oh 20 000 that was amazing you jumped to 2k okay but here's the thing i'm

00:03:58.680 not thinking of it as being as being a charity event i was thinking of it as being just like

00:04:02.160 the new year's eve gala right and you like take your wife you haven't had a conversation with in

00:04:06.100 30 years i wonder if this exists but like what i'm imagining is that so you pay that high ticket

00:04:09.960 you get dressed up you do a silent car ride to the ball and then what you're actually paying for 0.93

00:04:15.680 is shit prosecco and white chocolate like a white chocolate fountain which which is supposed to 0.99

00:04:24.860 which is supposed to act as a remedy against the horror of the years that have passed and that you 0.99

00:04:32.380 gaze into the white chocolate fountain and somehow that's like oh yeah baby and then i don't know i

00:04:36.920 feel like the problem makes someone horny or something yeah no no the problem with fountains

00:04:40.880 like fountains of chocolate etc okay and i just ask myself because i'm like some things why aren't

00:04:45.020 they a big part of my life okay and i think it's because i'm holding coffee you're gonna die for

00:04:51.000 this i think i think there's a notion okay okay the problem with the fountain is it is a nod

00:04:57.460 towards let's say quantity let's say overflowing yeah bacchanalian feast okay and yet the only

00:05:05.840 appropriate way to engage with a chocolate fountain at an event is to walk over grab a

00:05:11.340 strawberry okay and with a little skewer dip it into the fountain and walk away okay you're not

00:05:20.260 you're not just right you're not at the trough you don't have your tongue out to be at the trough

00:05:24.420 you're not tonguing the chocolate for 45 minutes yeah so it's it's it's it's it's worse exactly

00:05:29.960 it's like it's like you get oh there's a pretzel have you heard about this new craze salty and

00:05:34.620 sweet have you heard about this i love putting salt on something sweet my daughter came back

00:05:42.060 from vassar this this summer and she was putting salt on something and we couldn't believe it

00:05:47.680 that's one of those like wait what's another one there's got to be another one yeah um i could talk

00:05:53.280 about chocolate for some time do you remember early life chocolate okay do you remember what

00:05:58.500 were your childhood experiences of chocolate honestly and guess what i'm not just saying it

00:06:02.880 because it's topical i know what you're gonna say easter me too okay i did the thing where i

00:06:09.680 had a memory and then i decided to check with in on yours okay and okay i feel like i remember like

00:06:17.120 i was almost gonna say deep throating the ears of a chocolate bunny but like easter i think also

00:06:23.780 something about the kinder egg right or the the idea of the holland the holland the idea of the

00:06:28.640 hollow chocolate egg is profound in childhood yes and also now did you because you and i are

00:06:33.920 always talking about we're always talking about christmas but i just mean that like what i mean

00:06:39.160 chocolate a big part of christmas no but what i was gonna say was i'm curious about your

00:06:43.060 relationship to easter because we've talked about you know being jews to celebrate christmas right

00:06:47.240 so i of course also was presented with an easter basket every year

00:06:50.720 and believed in the easter bunny after it was revealed to me that santo was not real i was

00:06:57.800 surely the easter bunny still comes around yes i think that came up in christmas yeah so what was

00:07:03.460 your easter bunny well my early experience of chocolate that's meaningful okay that is the 0.75

00:07:09.360 initial holy fuck chocolate is unbelievable is an easter i remember being in my bed in my room and i 0.96

00:07:16.320 had a you know foil covered easter bunny and going back for more right just going back for more okay 0.99

00:07:22.820 opening it up trying to save it opening it up yeah like gnawing off some more yeah closing it

00:07:28.420 then going back for more and then realizing that it's tumbling towards a conclusion okay which is

00:07:33.260 to give myself over and let let the bunny take me home okay and i just ate the whole thing and

00:07:39.420 you know felt the confusing feelings of um elation knowing that something is uh ruling you

00:07:48.780 the bunny was and then the look god the look of um the crumpled foil of candy like because then

00:07:56.180 what do you do after you eat the bunny you crumple the foil into a tiny little ball and you flick it

00:08:00.660 across a across a cafeteria table there's something about that yeah that those were very

00:08:06.660 present people who are into what about this people who are into like making things out of

00:08:11.860 wrappers oh like like a wrapper chain like sitting around like you know i just mean the

00:08:18.240 same exact thing like folding the gum wrapper over and over again tiny origami that's just sort

00:08:23.920 of a moment i didn't even i didn't never have the attention for that no i certainly you know

00:08:28.860 i do have a little bit of origami experience i won't lie i can make a piano slash couch depending

00:08:33.280 on how i uh stretch the final final fold i never have attempted origami but wait chocolate and

00:08:38.940 easter and easter and passover etc so yes we were an easter basket family plus an easter egg hunt

00:08:46.300 a bit at some point in my childhood and then passover family of course full seder the whole

00:08:51.760 thing um and uh i was hard on my parents because they tried to end the yearly easter hunt when it

00:09:00.800 was no longer relevant for my older siblings because they were like six years older than me

00:09:05.340 yeah and so i was like well just because like they don't care about it anymore like what about

00:09:09.100 me of course what about you okay what about me like i'm not done don't force me to like grow up

00:09:15.120 just because they're done so it was like this question of almost like well are we gonna do it

00:09:19.160 just for jackie absolutely sorry i got a little distracted because i was just remembering just

00:09:26.240 now that easter also is tied up with my first understandings of what divorce was because i

00:09:31.720 my cousin we had like easter at her house with my relative her mother who i was related to

00:09:38.980 and then it was like her dad's house and then the stepmom gave us this like

00:09:45.640 unbelievable giant it's so fixed in my memory oh my god this huge plastic easter egg that was

00:09:53.180 filled with like a million jelly beans or something and i was like are you kidding me

00:09:57.200 like it was completely like my own family had was somehow degraded in the face of this stepmother

00:10:03.740 easter egg and it was like this knowledge of oh she has two families or you know like like oh the

00:10:10.060 gifts are doubled or or yeah there must be something there must be i used to fantasize

00:10:17.920 about divorce to ask if what divorce means is is gifts are doubled i mean it cannot be overlooked

00:10:22.900 Look, I used to be so swept up in the romance of divorce because truly every single one of my close friends growing up, their parents were divorced and the kind of shuffling between houses.

00:10:31.880 I was like, oh, the romance in that.

00:10:33.740 And so I remember one time bringing I had like a duffel bag at school.

00:10:36.980 There was a kid who I didn't really know.

00:10:38.620 And I said something about going to my dad's house and kind of just let it fly out.

00:10:41.880 No, kind of watch them.

00:10:43.060 Of course, their expression didn't change.

00:10:45.160 There was something weird about that.

00:10:46.300 But for me, I was like my palms were sweating.

00:10:48.280 My heart was pounding.

00:10:49.020 And I was like my dad's house and imagining that.

00:10:51.740 i used to get myself all worked up as a kid thinking about like if my mother was with a

00:10:56.000 different man this is actually going back to also how i'm like i don't know if i'm ready to out

00:11:00.980 myself here as a cuck but like i wonder if like my early my early obsession with my mother i can't

00:11:09.240 i can't talk oh but i'm just i've had too much of a breakthrough your early obsession with imagining 0.76

00:11:14.500 your mother with other men is a deep cuck hood not like i would imagine my mother getting railed

00:11:19.680 by a man, by another man, but just like the idea of like the possessiveness I somehow felt. Or I 0.93

00:11:23.980 remember one time going with my mother to a farmer's market and the guy behind like selling

00:11:28.340 us peaches or whatever was like, is that your sister about me? And my mother was kind of like,

00:11:32.840 ha ha ha. And I remember being like, back off, bitch. Like feeling like real, like animal visceral 1.00

00:11:38.380 rage. And anyway, it's just, it's all coming up right now. But yeah, the divorce, the, you know,

00:11:44.700 that scene always plays out in a drive way sorry i don't know what happened to me there

00:11:50.040 that that that that going to dad's house the divorce whatever in in film and television

00:11:57.000 always plays out in a driveway transferring the kids over yeah you said you were going to be here

00:12:01.260 45 minutes ago yeah i'm sorry my brief ran over or whatever and then yeah i like that and then

00:12:08.800 the father's sparsely you know or non-decorated new house or not house apartment usually that

00:12:16.020 breaks my heart the idea of like setting down your backpack in your dad's new apartment i love

00:12:20.740 i'm romanticizing the actual pain that so many people go through but like oh well you know my

00:12:26.300 my early experience my evil laughter go on i keep going no i have nothing no i just want to say

00:12:31.880 something about easter while it's in my mind i always think it's funny the idea of um because

00:12:36.380 my mom would sometimes like stick like a dollar in an easter egg or something okay and she would

00:12:41.780 do wonderful baskets and whatever and i always like this feeling of like reaching into my purse

00:12:46.740 at the bodega like paying with my easter egg basically i mean like like pulling like getting

00:12:52.020 money out of my easter egg like so sweet like being dead broke like as an adult as an adult

00:12:57.160 like my mom stuck a 10 or like my mom stuck a 10 in a plastic easter thing or something gave it to

00:13:02.980 me like as an adult you know what i mean and i'm like in a bodega like cracking it open i haven't

00:13:06.840 transferred it to a wallet this happened yeah buying cigarettes with easter money no to be

00:13:11.860 clear i never did this in a bodega this is just a fantasy sort of the humor of paying out of you

00:13:17.800 on avenue a well it's possible it was in my bag all right just forget this okay i actually i want

00:13:24.720 to briefly touch on christ now that we're talking about easter and i just want to say that i had

00:13:28.680 a little bit of a thought yesterday which is and again i have a very skeletal understanding

00:13:33.860 of the crucifixion and whatnot but am i right that so when he rose or whatever he was put in

00:13:41.100 the cave with the rock right and then they came back the next day the rock was had been moved and

00:13:44.920 he was out clue i didn't know that okay yeah oh i get it the rock is the closing moved a huge heavy

00:13:50.060 rock to keep him in the cave and then and i was like okay so they come back the rocks moved he's

00:13:54.360 out what's impressive about that if the rock were still there and he was gone if they rolled the

00:13:59.040 rock aside and he was gone that's magic the rocks moved and he's gone yeah he moved the rock or

00:14:05.600 someone came and moved the rock i think isn't isn't the magic that he's alive that he rose no

00:14:11.420 the magic was like that he rose from the dead oh it's his corpse that was in the cave either way

00:14:18.340 if the rock is moved i don't see the magic no i'm i've always i thought and i don't know this is

00:14:24.080 actually this is a question of whether or not to um reveal you know two jews discussing their vague

00:14:31.800 ideas okay of the christ um tale is pretty interesting okay so it's like so it's like

00:14:38.860 okay i have no clue what you're talking about first of all but the rock that's amazing i do

00:14:42.460 have a vague image i assumed when you said rock i pictured a tomb okay no you're correct and i

00:14:47.320 thought you know i assumed that he was crucified put in a tomb okay and then rose and i think good

00:14:53.480 friday was the the crucifixion sunday's easter right when he rises when he rose so one two three

00:15:04.020 four i always thought that i i feel like i i saw illustrations of that narrative as a kid or

00:15:11.220 something and i remember it always being this magical thing of oh the huge heavy stone that

00:15:14.980 they put there is moved and he's out and then yesterday i was thinking about that and i was

00:15:19.780 like so what's the big deal no no i'm with you on the rock thing i totally agree if that was all it

00:15:25.860 was if that's what all it was i thought it was more of a like you know in a film or something

00:15:30.800 we understand we get the reveal that he must be alive because we see the rock has moved it's it's

00:15:35.820 just a representation of he's he's alive and he got out yeah but i don't know i i don't know um

00:15:42.040 what are some what my understanding of the of the jesus story is truly cobbled together um

00:15:49.100 no pun intended since he was a cobbler was he a shoe cobbler i'm pretty sure it was a carpenter

00:15:55.140 well the fact that cobblers i mean the fact that should be a shoe repair man i'm sure he did

00:16:08.000 okay but the fact that cobbler is such a charming term for someone that makes shoes i appreciate

00:16:15.420 cobble i mean what i know where's that coming from one two three um four five six seven eight

00:16:26.320 nine i heard a distinction made yesterday between jesus and christ that i thought was exciting

00:16:31.720 christ as a cosmic figure okay christ as as once jesus uh goes beyond and it becomes a cosmic being

00:16:41.080 now you're talking about christ that's cool thing see and i'll just say briefly jesus the man christ

00:16:45.680 the cosmic being and that is actually a very powerful interesting question right of like

00:16:52.240 christ the man or jesus the man christ the the transcendent spirit or something and that i had

00:16:58.040 never thought about it or understood it this way as the crucifixion i again in my pedestrian

00:17:02.920 understanding of the christ narrative was like oh yeah the crucifixion we're kind of marveling at

00:17:07.400 the physical pain that he endured or like, okay, but that what the crucifixion in a way represents

00:17:12.400 is Jesus, the man being like, I'm a man. I have, I'm a mortal being. I have a body. I have kind

00:17:18.940 of earthly desires or earthly pursuits. And then this higher calling of you're the, you're the,

00:17:24.740 you're God or you're the son of God. Right. And that's Christ. And that the crucifixion is,

00:17:28.000 is actually kind of like that, that split is kind of making physical, that painful split between

00:17:33.580 kind of the earthbound mortal parts of ourselves and then that kind of higher calling like well

00:17:39.960 across itself at least i mean all of my jesus related stuff comes at me through kind of like

00:17:45.480 you know these other types of books and so it's like it's like it's it's like it's like i've never

00:17:50.480 gotten it straight i've only gotten it via books reinterpreting the jesus you know what i mean like

00:17:56.100 like books that are trying to say like hey so i know the word jesus freaks you out because you're

00:18:00.740 a secular american hog or whatever you know like so please please understand no right bring it on

00:18:06.820 and like but but this sort of um like the cross as the like symbolically kind of the cross as the 0.94

00:18:13.480 vertical and the horizontal literally intersecting and the idea of horizontal being oh shit the plane

00:18:20.160 we're on oh my god amazing the immortal that's so cool and guess where it crosses the heart 0.98

00:18:25.360 oh shit because the heart the heart is the goblet okay the heart the heart is the uh what's it called 0.98

00:18:32.220 the um you know the the thing the holy the green yeah yeah the chalice there's like a word i'm 0.99

00:18:39.880 looking for but it's like an alchemy word maybe chalice yeah it's like i wanted to say grail but

00:18:46.200 i was like wait what is a grail you know what i wanted to say as a jew yeah that i've had the

00:18:50.300 experience of receiving communion from someone I had a crush on. You mean rested a wafer on your

00:18:57.020 tongue? I didn't get the wafer on the tongue, but I got the goblet. I got the drink from the wine

00:19:02.200 thing. Because, you know, I went to Christian camp. I went to Christian camp, which is my

00:19:07.420 desperation for community, as you always say. And I had a crush on a counselor and I got the wine

00:19:15.680 for him wow it's i mean of course that sounds you know from the outside like like a move you know

00:19:20.980 because i'm like the wafer and you're like no just the wine out back out back the cabin he brought

00:19:26.440 the wine you know it sounds like you were being okay yeah i'm pushing it towards that fantasy

00:19:32.020 because i'm more intrigued by imagining it that summer i'm realizing i was made fun of because

00:19:36.820 i was so obsessed with sunscreen it's all coming back anyway this is boring but i just remember

00:19:40.680 being slathered in white sunscreen and everyone being like nerd i think we need to turn sunscreen 0.89

00:19:46.820 into full-on colors like you know purples neons like own it like like yes i'm wearing sunscreen 0.98

00:19:52.720 yeah right here it is right which is another theory about deodorant we'll talk about a little

00:19:57.060 bit i want to say that i ordered paid for out of my own pocket if you can believe it for a bunch

00:20:02.220 of biology we're cherished this morning because i woke up panicked and i was like my face my skin

00:20:06.000 is changing okay we're gonna talk about this after the break i'm very i'm very excited um

00:20:09.460 okay we'll talk about it after a break yeah i'm in

00:20:12.920 this is rider strong and i have a new podcast called the red weather it was many and many a

00:20:22.700 year ago in a kingdom by the sea in 1995 my neighbor and a trainer disappeared from a commune

00:20:29.440 it was hard to wrap your head around it was nature and trees and praying and drugs so no

00:20:34.940 No, I am not your guru.

00:20:38.240 And back then, I lied to my parents, I lied to police, I lied to everybody.

00:20:43.100 There were years, right, where I could not say your name.

00:20:46.080 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:20:48.760 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can,

00:20:52.640 to try to find out what actually happened.

00:20:54.940 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:20:59.260 They have had this case for 30 years. 1.00

00:21:02.300 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:21:05.480 Boom, boom. 1.00

00:21:06.800 This is The Red Weather.

00:21:09.800 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:21:20.940 Okay, so what's wrong?

00:21:23.880 Oh, I just, my cold brew cascaded down my mouth.

00:21:26.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:27.320 I know all about that.

00:21:29.140 Yeah.

00:21:29.360 I have coffee on my walls.

00:21:30.880 I have coffee on my floors.

00:21:31.940 you know i'm almost always um i'm having nespresso as i often do thanks nespresso um okay so you

00:21:40.420 purchased i purchased new biology biology because i want some i've never had it touch my face not a

00:21:48.500 single biology product perfect i just really feel that i think about when i was using it religiously

00:21:54.740 and i just didn't have any other products and then enter poog enter some free gifts thank you very

00:21:58.900 much for the gifts. I start mixing it up. I start changing the products I'm using. And my skin is

00:22:05.180 not as good as it was when I was, I'm sorry, devoutly biologique. That's how I feel. And it 0.52

00:22:09.440 could also be psychosis. I'm not sure, but I really do think it's true. It's so hard to say. 0.56

00:22:13.660 I wonder if, well, no, sorry. Hold on. Oh, sorry. Oh, what I was going to say, what I was going to

00:22:20.120 say is just, it's funny. Cause I mean, is there a greater organic ad? It's like the topper to all

00:22:25.820 of poog is to say like thank you other brands for sending us this this this and yet i'm going back

00:22:33.400 like that's almost like you couldn't pay for that yeah for for 20 episodes of different biologique

00:22:40.500 would never reach out they'll never give a single serum well it's we're waiting for you know similar

00:22:45.760 to stern will they cave cave they cave will they oh my god the day that br cave unbelievable so

00:22:52.500 what did you get i want to know the regimen i want to know and and and i don't even know this is and

00:22:57.100 this is part of the the sacred you know the or the um mystical none of these words are the words

00:23:02.400 i'm looking for but the thing about i know nothing about their brand i know nothing about their

00:23:05.960 promises okay yeah all i know is the lore the excitement the fountain of youth vibes and that

00:23:10.920 thrills me the trust is such an interesting thing right because the way that we trust like my

00:23:17.540 facialist laurie yes hi laurie if you're listening so i just trust her completely so i'm like i'll do

00:23:23.360 whatever she tells me and she's not someone who pushes products or is like this is what you need

00:23:27.140 you know but she exclusively uses biologic okay and so i really feel like when i was going to her

00:23:32.660 getting the facials doing the biologic and this isn't like a six-step process right this is like

00:23:37.940 i was washing my face i was doing the toner i was doing the serum i was doing a moisturizer

00:23:41.780 right and nothing exfoliating the toner is highly exfoliating that the p50 1970 kind of iconic

00:23:50.040 classic yeah toner which is like illegal in europe or something because it's like so toxic

00:23:54.920 loyalty is so hard though what brand loyalty is so hard because the moment you give yourself over

00:24:00.640 to like okay i only like my facialist tells me see this is something i hear like celebrities

00:24:05.860 um in these like interviews i i see it all the time okay in magazine interviews they're like well

00:24:11.120 my facialist it always starts with my facialist okay and they always seem to be using small batch

00:24:16.120 direct from the facialist items okay or the thing the facialist recommended and the way i always

00:24:20.880 perceive it is i'm like i'm not sure the celebs are actually on top and up to date on the science

00:24:30.200 okay i actually feel like they're a little busy shooting movies okay and so they're sort of

00:24:34.960 rolling into their facialist and i guess what i'm saying is i feel like like i hear a lot and i'm

00:24:39.080 like, I'm not, I feel like you're just, whenever someone comes home from their facialist with the

00:24:44.100 products, I doubt the products. Yeah, I hear you. That's all I'm saying, you know, and, but then

00:24:48.800 there is something to all the facialists. Many of the facialists swear by Biologique Recherche,

00:24:53.560 but anytime you commit to a line in its entirety, I feel like you're giving something away. You're,

00:24:58.760 you've bought in on a level, a cult level where they could give you trash and you wouldn't care.

00:25:03.740 And I think for me, committing to Biologique whittled the world out into a more manageable

00:25:07.500 size as we say right i was able to not be i was able to no longer drown in the din of options

00:25:14.960 right and i find myself right now we've started pook right getting sent a cream here or there

00:25:19.480 and my i i have spiraled and i feel like my skin is confused and it's like where'd we go who's this

00:25:27.140 right and then i hear i can't tell how like how boring this is but but here i go um i heard

00:25:33.400 something that haunted me to my core which is that like oh it takes like six months for your

00:25:37.720 face to really acclimate to a product and actually reap the benefits right oh cool so what the hell

00:25:43.660 do i do now six months i have to say though i mean a quick fix can only be such a fix

00:25:49.880 right i mean you know i hate that you know i hate that but like that's why i'm going back

00:25:55.780 things require time back to bio but you're going back to bio because you you're not willing to put

00:26:00.680 in the time on the augustinus botter for example i won't give a botter a dollar i i completely it's

00:26:07.160 just too and again biologique is very expensive but the augustus the the lure of that cream to me

00:26:13.300 is well the one thing and i i fear i'm gonna say it because i fear yes you know okay skin school

00:26:19.260 you know i'm really into skin school with a k um they analyze formulas you put in a product it

00:26:25.460 tells you hey this product's that for i want to do that for biologique i've done it and i forget

00:26:30.000 what the answers were, but I'm looking it up, but they went into Augustinus Bader and the TCM

00:26:36.900 complex. Okay. I'll wait. I feel like if you're Googling. Yeah. I want to look up. I just want

00:26:42.280 to quickly buy a look. Oh my God. Oh my God. Are you on skin school dupe finder? Yeah. So here's

00:26:48.160 the amniotic serum and we're looking at like 72%. See, then this is the big question. And I reached

00:26:53.840 out. I DM to skin school. Okay. To ask them. Okay. So when you say something's 80%, whatever, 0.57

00:27:00.000 I mean, we know that some products, like, you get 2% retinol or something in it, right?

00:27:05.380 Yeah.

00:27:05.640 And so I'm like, well, if the 80% is carrier oil, you know what I'm saying?

00:27:10.740 One, two, three, four, five.

00:27:14.440 Is the, like, does the 2% difference make all the difference?

00:27:18.680 Right, exactly.

00:27:19.740 This is, like, 72%, and I'm like, well, yeah.

00:27:23.780 But that's why you got to go in and actually look at the ingredients and see what are the shared ingredients, okay?

00:27:28.660 so like lotion p50 or should i go to the lotion 1970 1970 i thought you were just referencing

00:27:34.820 it 1970 yeah p50 1970 okay dupe finder okay we got 92 percent lactic acid toner from pestil and

00:27:42.800 mortar okay and that's and that's what is that let's see and that's at um uh let's get the

00:27:50.200 well it's at two it's at two uh dollar signs versus three dollar signs so we know it's cheaper

00:27:55.360 and then let's just take a look at the ingredients of p50 okay i'm shocked okay what is it's facial

00:28:02.360 in a bottle all right so here's an example product ingredients water glycerin phenol 0.94

00:28:05.940 niacinamide um which comes up a lot and i haven't found out the pronunciation vinegar damn biology 0.98

00:28:11.940 vinegar magnesium chloride lactic acid are you impressed by vinegar you think that's pathetic 0.69

00:28:16.340 i'm not sure i i'm i'm kind of excited i'm titillated i'm scared yeah yeah okay but magnesium

00:28:24.080 magnesium chloride, lactic acid, arctium laparoot extract, salicylic acid, right? A classic sodium

00:28:31.700 benzoate sulfur. And I feel like, are you imagining that this French, you know, skincare line is

00:28:37.720 magical? You know, when it's, those are the ingredients, right? And so what if you did the

00:28:42.560 entire biologique recherche, like system, but with all the dupes is kind of exciting. I'm very open

00:28:49.760 to that. And so if that's in that, and then let's see what's in it. So it feels like the

00:28:53.200 niacinamide or whatever niacinamide is key that keeps coming up a lot let's just see this guy

00:29:01.460 vinegar is shocking i mean aren't you shocked that you're putting vinegar on your face like

00:29:07.140 i don't mean because vinegar is notoriously fabulous for a lot of things okay but are you

00:29:13.060 surprised that that's in you in your thing are you are you is the magic leaving us due to the

00:29:17.940 ingredient list this is more perverse it's almost magical to me

00:29:23.200 I don't think that's perverse. I think that's like, that's real.

00:29:26.960 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

00:29:33.540 Yeah. I'm here. I'm like literally just staring. I'm yeah.

00:29:36.220 But you do seem crestfallen. Have I ruined it for you? I've ruined it for you.

00:29:39.080 I've taken the magic out of the being.

00:29:42.620 No, I don't know. I, there's, there's truly nothing. I'm sorry.

00:29:46.160 It's my own. It's there's let's continue.

00:29:49.120 let's um one two three four five six seven eight nine are you sad about biology

00:30:00.680 or you just sort of did your life slip in did me perhaps here's what i think

00:30:04.920 me perhaps reading an ingredient list okay give you a little space to think about your own life

00:30:09.900 maybe i think maybe i i i what happened one two i mean well how do you feel now let's take it

00:30:17.940 in the present confused disoriented a strange absence yeah i feel a little like i told you i

00:30:28.320 thought it was pms and then i was horrified to see i'm not supposed to get my period for a whopping

00:30:32.040 10 days and such an indignity when it's not i was so excited i was like i know i'm gonna open

00:30:37.600 the app it's gonna tell me i bleed tomorrow and then it didn't and um wait but were you eating

00:30:42.000 chocolate not to yeah i'm craving chocolate oh right it's not the cause um one two three i think

00:30:50.780 maybe i got sorry i'm just trying to one two three wait okay i have a question we just really

00:30:59.980 i know really quick i just want to say something about bio i just want to say something about bio

00:31:04.680 i want to yeah so i'm scared that i okay okay okay have bo okay okay sure but listen do you have

00:31:14.680 because i feel like i've mentioned my radioactive silk blouses that i'm like do i just have to

00:31:19.200 shred these because i've worn them too many times and like radioactive doesn't like from bo oh like

00:31:23.900 do i need to like i once heard yeah a remedy for getting a order order odor out of clothes is

00:31:32.340 alcohol mixed with water in a spray bottle have you heard this well it kills bacteria i guess

00:31:37.580 right doesn't i mean alcohol so most of the bo stuff i mean yeah if you soak it in something

00:31:44.260 that will kill all the bacteria it should leave you know yeah but most things most detergents and

00:31:50.200 whatever don't really get anything out and then what's disgusting is that when you're sweating

00:31:54.340 again when you're heating it up again it reactivates it reactivates you bring them back

00:31:58.600 to life the reactivation period of wearing clothes is disgusting i have to even get away like from

00:32:03.940 the topic because it could really like devastate me no i it devastates me i'm looking at my looking

00:32:08.880 at my closet going oh cool well this all will be activated and then hell will break loose like as 0.85

00:32:13.140 soon as i wear this shirt in a goddamn room for more than 20 minutes and my body temperature goes 0.98

00:32:18.360 up at all the reactivation period sweating and silk like like you and your silk shirts like 0.98

00:32:22.780 there's something like so impressive to me about it like just like like being a woman like sweating

00:32:28.500 like in a room with some people i can't explain it but i'm impressed good um

00:32:35.720 okay so uh you ordered biology research we're just trying to think um where where am i at what

00:32:46.820 am i doing um one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve it's an interesting

00:33:01.520 thing i wonder what's going on here why aren't we talking it's very this is actually the first

00:33:06.320 time this has ever happened we've never recording and like you know people are like you know people

00:33:10.420 are like no it's like very odd it's very odd what is it i don't think it's merely is it

00:33:17.240 like i'm imagining that theta's thinking like oh jesus there's no episode here or something i don't

00:33:23.480 know like am i am i getting down my head about that like or is it like it is mysterious i'm

00:33:29.600 afraid of you know what it is i'm afraid of striking out on a topic that occurs to me because 0.93

00:33:34.100 i'm worrying about like the fuck does this fit in with easter and chocolate or something it's like 0.54

00:33:38.480 yeah yeah we obviously are better when we fly right this but there is something interesting 0.96

00:33:43.400 here that in all of our poop recordings this is the first time we've ever fallen silent like there

00:33:48.460 there were a few there's been a few moments of like 10 seconds of absolute silence that's never

00:33:52.560 happened once it's well i mean right like is it the um i go spiritual i go like you and i are

00:33:58.240 somehow intuiting something like either there's about to be like an asteroid that hits the earth

00:34:03.600 i mean that'd be incredible i mean for the podcast because it would affirm our psychic

00:34:10.300 like abilities just moments before the tsunami came yeah i know like here's what's crazy as

00:34:16.300 they were falling silent little did they know that the tsunami was forming yeah i feel well

00:34:21.180 let's see let's come up with different reasons that we could be falling silent that are the

00:34:24.280 most exciting and the most fun so aside from intuiting like global catastrophe intuiting

00:34:28.760 yeah catastrophe which two is i mean two is transcendence okay okay that through the

00:34:38.640 you know the discussion through the easter through the all of it we there's something

00:34:44.400 happening here okay where we've been lifted a christ like yeah okay about the christ light

00:34:50.400 has come in there's a holy silence that's taken us um you know as talkers right you know how do

00:34:56.820 you know, we've been affected, it would be silence, right? I'm thinking I'm falling on

00:35:03.600 your knees and all. Have I? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. I love I will. I love. I love what

00:35:11.760 brings me to my knees. Yeah. No, it's a constant question. You talk to yourself. Yeah. Or do you

00:35:17.840 well explain like in my head monologue no out loud not a ton yeah not a ton you nope let's hear it

00:35:27.140 oh yeah give me a test give me a test run so like the podcast is over i'll fall into i'll break into

00:35:32.540 a monologue mid sentence like out of nowhere you know i'll do kind of is it aspirational character

00:35:39.420 or is it you sometimes it's aspirational like i think i remember talking about it on poog like

00:35:43.960 with my morning coffee pretending i own a coffee shop right sometimes it'll be that sometimes it'll

00:35:48.920 be like ever just working things out yeah sometimes it'll be like oh you know this is something i'd

00:35:52.860 want to say to this person and i imagine saying it that's kind of classic talking to yourself stuff

00:35:57.680 or sometimes i'll narrate my life as though i'm dead or something and i'm processing the moment

00:36:05.360 in my life posthumously which could have some value yeah i mean it's one way of being in the

00:36:10.520 present i guess is to imagine already died like to celebrate the present by yeah by recounting it

00:36:15.940 while it's happening um one two three four like right there i was like six seconds the other day

00:36:24.580 that's never happened like something's uh i'm like wait have i had my will be like have i had

00:36:29.260 my will be yes i'm on my second cup of coffee i'm on my second cup of coffee i i slept well

00:36:34.760 i even did some pilates this morning i had some incredible sheep's milk cheese smeared on a

00:36:41.220 gluten-free loaf that i procured at a local market oh my gosh i had some i had an egg

00:36:47.360 on top of some lentils one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen

00:37:02.140 it is in awe i've never seen this expression on her face she's like slack jawed it's truly

00:37:07.820 shocking it really is shocking so okay okay here's one reason okay so i go also to blame myself i

00:37:13.840 feel like we were really on a roll talking about christ and chocolate and then the biologic stuff

00:37:19.020 happened i think maybe i became a little insecure that i was being boring or something or that right

00:37:23.860 right and then i was leading you into territory that you didn't want to go into and then i was

00:37:29.400 like oh poor listener poor listener and then i felt also maybe tired like all kind of one two

00:37:39.040 three four i knew something was off when i woke up i just want to say are you serious i'm not

00:37:44.840 kidding i woke up and i felt just like kind of sad it was gray outside and i was like it's better

00:37:50.680 that it's gray outside because then i can really like lean into this and the sun won't be coming

00:37:54.180 and taunting me yeah it's good that it's gray outside no no i did full it's good it's gray

00:37:59.020 um and i was like okay good that it's gray i can just really like you know i'll read you know and

00:38:05.040 i'll just kind of be indoors and there was a sadness and i even do you ever act out some

00:38:10.640 sadness like i remember a moment a few months ago i was i had been crying and i felt really

00:38:15.700 just despondent and kind of anxious and i looked in the bathroom mirror and i did the thing where

00:38:21.260 i i took water in my hands splashed cold water in my face to be like snap out of it and then i like

00:38:26.340 brought my face up looked in the mirror and let the water drip off my face no and kind of like

00:38:30.560 looked at myself in this sad way and by doing that it helps like it made me feel better like

00:38:35.420 i really gave into the cinematic sadness of what would it be if i were to splash water on my face

00:38:40.300 and look up with my with my tear stained eyes and it helped and i was doing a little bit of that

00:38:46.600 this morning i was doing kind of micro movements of like kind of like gazing like i opened my

00:38:51.000 windows and i was laying down i was just gazing out the window kind of like and then i sort of

00:38:55.580 felt good about myself like look at me not on my phone just gazing out my window you know look at

00:38:59.280 me able to just be sad in the moment yeah and then i actually this is almost too much i of course

00:39:03.820 then blasted the phantom thread soundtrack throughout my entire home i was allowing myself

00:39:07.980 to kind of gaze out the window listen to the phantom thread soundtrack be like i'm hungry but

00:39:13.200 what's the point i i don't want to cook you know and i blame dehydration i blame the increase in

00:39:20.060 wine of wine intake the last couple nights i think that i've had shake shack like six nights in a row

00:39:25.380 yes literally actually six nights yes i i this is one of the things about me like when i like

00:39:31.460 something lettuce wrap yeah yeah lettuce wrap um although one night um buns came nonetheless

00:39:38.180 by accident and yeah and we ate them yeah of course you know whenever that happens chris

00:39:42.920 always says it's the good lord jesus okay and sent them and we have to obey yeah but but yeah

00:39:49.240 when i like something i immediately want it again you know which is a simple concept and it's funny 0.96

00:39:56.000 that it should be weird right i know like it's funny that it's stupid and embarrassing to have

00:40:00.840 ordered shake shack the same order six nights in a row or whatever right and it's like but why would

00:40:05.040 you ever do anything else i loved it like if you love something last night guess what i want it

00:40:10.760 again tonight totally and then tomorrow it's like god it's a good feeling and knowing that i love it

00:40:15.740 and knowing it's coming no that's very comforting and what have i been getting on it i've switched

00:40:23.320 it i've been getting a chicken thing the chicken sandwich which you know it's quite good and it's

00:40:28.760 um i've been putting shack sauce on it i've made slow modifications with shack sauce and we get

00:40:33.840 pickles and chris doesn't like pickles but we get them on all them anyway and so i get to eat the

00:40:40.160 pickles and so there's an extra special thing that happens which is while we're eating them

00:40:43.420 he hands me his pickles it's heaven because i always forget they're coming we gotta go to break

00:40:47.880 i am feeling invigorated it's happening okay okay okay okay we'll go to break and we'll come right

00:40:52.680 back this is rider strong and i have a new podcast called the red weather it was many and many a year

00:41:04.120 ago in a kingdom by the sea in 1995 my neighbor and a trainer disappeared from a commune it was

00:41:10.880 hard to wrap your head around. It was nature and trees and praying and drugs. No, I am not your

00:41:17.640 guru. And back then I lied to my parents. I lied to police. I lied to everybody. There were years

00:41:25.300 right where I could not say your name. I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern

00:41:29.200 California, interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists, whomever I can to try to find

00:41:34.460 out what actually happened. Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:41:39.060 and not the obvious boyfriend.

00:41:40.740 They have had this case for 30 years. 0.86

00:41:43.660 I'll teach you sons of a** to come around here and my wife. 0.90

00:41:46.700 Boom, boom. 0.97

00:41:48.000 This is The Red Weather.

00:41:51.020 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:41:53.580 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:42:01.520 Okay, we're back.

00:42:02.460 We're back.

00:42:02.800 Okay, we're back.

00:42:03.480 The energy's changing.

00:42:04.020 Something's happening.

00:42:04.860 I think it's due to food.

00:42:06.040 I think it's due to food.

00:42:07.440 It's you talking about the shake check.

00:42:08.600 got me excited. And I have to say something that's actually doing my life meaning right now.

00:42:12.880 I know what I'm having for dinner. I'm having Italian, my favorite kind of food. So the

00:42:16.760 knowledge that I'm going to be drinking wine and eating Italian food later is hugely beneficial to

00:42:22.320 this moment. Oh, let's talk about the taste of wine. Okay. Because it's a new thing in my life,

00:42:27.380 which is exploring the taste of wine. My sister gave me a couple of wines and stems. And so I've

00:42:35.680 gotten into it you know the stems were my introduction right and so i've been i've been

00:42:39.820 i literally joined vivino the vivino app oh i think i joined vivino once so then i deleted it

00:42:45.640 to create more space on my phone that should not be necessary vivino should not be taking

00:42:51.200 living on the edge of storage i know you are i know you are and i forget why and i've tried to

00:42:56.740 solve it for you i have to delete apps to take pictures of my own something is wrong you need to

00:43:02.300 we need to we need to look at it and get you on some automatic thing where it automatically backs

00:43:06.860 up and i do that do you it can't be i mean your phone is not old i thought i i know it doesn't 0.91

00:43:14.240 make any sense i take so many videos i cloud storage i pay for a fucking terabyte of like 0.92

00:43:20.940 i know but is it uploading and deleting it's one thing if it's uploading and just creating a copy 0.90

00:43:26.300 cake i would pay i would pay so much money for someone just to come in and do that for me all

00:43:32.040 well don't pay too much okay because it's pretty like by so much such i mean you know 150 bucks

00:43:38.460 chris will do it for 20 okay that would be huge you know what i'm gonna start doing what no i

00:43:43.480 just was thinking like i was like there would be something cool about localized i keep it in the

00:43:48.340 family keep it in the family yeah but also okay keep going okay i just want to say so do you fear

00:43:54.120 whatever keep going keep going you're dying to know what we won't discuss it but i want to know

00:43:58.240 what i was truly gonna talk about nudes i was talking about nudes leaking but keep going oh

00:44:01.120 okay okay well people were pranking each other with that going like did you mean to post those 0.98

00:44:05.420 nudes on your that was an can you imagine april fools in this day and age april fools past the 0.99

00:44:10.280 age of 19 is it's unacceptable i mean by the way who the fuck what a snob go out and have fun kids 0.99

00:44:17.360 who am i who am i to say i'm not like these philistines with their april fools but what we 0.99

00:44:23.120 were we were following the cadence of our own spirits okay yeah we were following the kids and 0.92

00:44:27.740 went so it's like it was unbelievable but wait the wine the vivino what were you saying you were

00:44:33.580 saying that you're starting to experiment with the taste of trying to focus on the taste oh right

00:44:37.240 right so so i downloaded vivino okay i want you to download i was tempted to hit the button that's

00:44:42.440 like can we have all of your contacts to like get them to join vivino okay and and i like didn't

00:44:49.440 okay but i want i so i go direct i go direct one but it's really exciting and i've realized i'm

00:44:53.840 really into um like brunello like montapolciano or something like that i don't know it's very

00:45:00.160 very very dry okay and i don't mean to brag yeah yeah okay i like it's almost like i like all the

00:45:09.020 qualities that are brutal like i like acidic dry there's a couple others that are like that um

00:45:15.400 but i like it to kind of like kind of like cling to the top of my mouth are you into orange wine

00:45:19.980 though i mean our friend john early has pushed orange wine for some time now you know so i sort

00:45:26.400 of associate it i mean i'm actually getting really excited to bring i'm gonna bring you this 0.74

00:45:30.440 this bottle of orange that i love that's so cheddary it's like a goddamn block of cheddar

00:45:35.860 oh the color it's savory yes but also the flavor and um but i have to say that for me 0.79

00:45:42.000 i gotta just champagne well i bubbles for me it's all about bubbles but i just mean

00:45:46.800 now i'm blaming my mood right now on the fact that by the way by no means did i drink to excess last

00:45:51.160 night i think i had one and a half glasses of kava with dinner okay but then the previous night i had

00:45:57.080 a couple glasses my friend once said to me like it's a lot of women take a glass of wine at bed

00:46:02.180 or something okay like take a glass of wine at bed take okay take wine and like she by phrasing 0.95

00:46:10.440 it that way she made it like it's a not exactly a vitamin but in that realm right like and take

00:46:17.100 take wine with bed no that goes back to my dream my vision of the nightstand which i'm working

00:46:21.740 toward every day in my life of like you know the abalone shell the the candle whatever yeah and

00:46:26.620 like the idea of being in white linen and kind of getting into bed with a necklace on and a silk

00:46:31.780 slip and having like a glass of of wine that you're sipping on as you read your novel and then

00:46:37.360 you pass out this woman passes out having not brushed her teeth after the wine but wakes up 0.99

00:46:42.760 right right freshly fucked somehow and like beautiful like that's no it's a good question 0.97

00:46:48.880 it's a good question this is why we do and they have them now you know toothpastes that don't 0.84

00:46:54.660 have a flavor profile okay because wouldn't that be nice if you could well i see some that are

00:47:01.400 i'm trying to think flavored at least there are some that are not mint okay and that's sort of

00:47:05.940 a revelation i mean my cat famously i would love to brush my teeth with what lotion sorry with what

00:47:11.380 lotion listen the lotion you use in your body you know the smell of like drugstore lotion like that

00:47:16.840 really like nice kind of just like clean drugs like like oil of olay like a lubriderm or maybe

00:47:23.860 a eucerin lubriderm i want to brush my teeth with eucerin i would like i would like that kind of

00:47:29.720 fresh well i used to dream of saliva flavored gum do you see what i'm saying again that it just it

00:47:35.080 matches it doesn't you know it matches the flavor of your own mouth right it just lubes your mouth

00:47:39.960 yeah i mean that's that's the dream but my cat you know famously had beef flavored toothpaste

00:47:45.100 okay adorable and it's the sweetest thing in the world the most elegant the most elegant i mean

00:47:50.020 that that's not gonna make you want kids what will yeah yeah i don't know i jump to kids but

00:47:54.520 well i mean oh wow what no i just realized i've never had an interest in disney right even as a 0.95

00:48:03.320 kid i was like shit's cheesy like not to be so like again back to being such a snob but i just 0.72

00:48:08.720 mean that like cartoons i never was really that into as a kid because i was just like i want 0.97

00:48:12.000 movies i want real people i just considered like should i watch lady and the tramp is that gonna

00:48:17.180 we have to cut this it's like too despicable keep keep going keep going but why would you

00:48:22.860 like right now i kind of feel like what i want to do it's because you're hungry for italian food

00:48:27.100 oh my god you're right i i refuse to believe i'm not about the two dogs the most iconic scene i

00:48:33.680 want to watch lady in the champ i think i might take my jeans i think we might stop recording 0.90

00:48:37.600 i'm gonna rip my jeans off get in bed and watch goddamn lady in the tramp but why that one i 0.96

00:48:44.220 don't know it just came to me i mean i'm an italian i guess you're right i'm thinking about 0.98

00:48:47.520 spaghetti and meatballs i mean i i know it's common but have you heard of the little mermaid

00:48:52.720 OK, because I just want to tell you, OK, Little Mermaid, you know, was probably is my if I could only have one.

00:48:59.720 Right. If I could only have one of those those films. OK.

00:49:01.920 And the underwater, the underwater. And I could see you doubting it.

00:49:06.180 But the underwater kingdom, Triton's kingdom. Yeah, sure. That's fine.

00:49:08.780 And the music. No, no, no. It's not a yeah, sure. OK, it's not a yeah, sure. It's fun.

00:49:12.520 It's a deep emergence. I mean, it's a deep immersion into a world like no other.

00:49:17.960 OK. OK. King Triton's universe. I mean, it's incredible down there.

00:49:21.280 okay it's like mean in this no he's like the sweet daddy or whatever yes and actually you

00:49:26.640 will sob okay you will sob does he die no okay but but but it's it's just um the underwater

00:49:35.400 you know too much of that movie of course is on land okay yeah too much of the movie's on land

00:49:41.360 that's all that's all i say take me back take me back okay i i yeah i don't know something like

00:49:48.360 but why did that pop in your head i like i remember 101 dalmatians being fun yeah like i

00:49:53.240 think that that kind of has like why did lady and the champ come in i just i'm i'm feeling

00:49:57.980 sensitive today i'm feeling like a deep need for comfort i'm feeling a little bit socially like

00:50:03.840 inept or kind of like not to be a bitch but have you seen my cousin vinnie it's the coziest movie

00:50:09.020 in all time yeah you might want to try that but no but i feel like i should lean into this rare 0.94

00:50:14.600 moment of wanting to watch disney because i've never in my life craved disney fair enough and

00:50:18.780 i also feel like maybe that i should maybe just i just lean into the tramp i'm not sure sustains

00:50:24.500 like i think it's just the italian food i think you're right yes i think what what i is you'll 0.98

00:50:28.920 never do this you'll never do the tiger woods dog what should i watch i mean fuck they all have 0.91

00:50:35.840 their issues i'm trying to think which one is the most comforting i don't know i just remember 0.98

00:50:40.400 101 dalmatians like the puppies like they're being i just feel like well this is this is an

00:50:46.380 issue that my mother always raises geniusly okay which is that too often the villains are boring

00:50:51.940 okay she hates in beauty and the beast gaston she thinks gaston is a bore two things she thinks

00:50:57.100 her theories on beauty and the beast one gaston is a bore all the scenes with gaston

00:51:01.020 yeah okay were you attracted to him not at all okay and two and two clearly you were and we're

00:51:07.140 going we're going there in a second but i just want to give you the other thing the like thing

00:51:10.540 of like ew look at his gross feet i was like uh there was like that moment of him with his like

00:51:16.740 i want to get into this i remember i remember his first thing through the sock i was like

00:51:20.740 and him eating the eggs i always preferred lefou that's a joke okay this is a sidekick don't even

00:51:26.820 know the reference but wait her other theory i just want to say because she deserves the air

00:51:30.860 time is um they shouldn't have killed him killing gaston oh just any gaston specifically she thinks 0.99

00:51:36.740 that's overkill we all know he's a piece of shit do we really need to throw him off a clip well i 0.95

00:51:41.980 didn't know that but anyway i guess on um i actually you know the identification and culture 0.99

00:51:47.860 of these disney freaks or whatever right this is a thing now that we talk about oh the disney people

00:51:52.420 with their disney weddings it's taken away a little bit the like joy like it's a little it

00:51:57.400 just like now like what i can't talk about a little more without that it's like annoying it's

00:52:02.580 like you know it was the best okay what the vhs like disney oh the puffy the puffy puffy yeah that

00:52:09.380 puffy case damn like i want to eat that fantasia i loved well my my take on fantasia as a child

00:52:16.340 beautiful but boring because i always was like was like the brooms yeah yeah i mean well broom 0.83

00:52:23.140 obviously is key for you i mean i know any any broom imagery in cult in media i'm there wait 0.80

00:52:28.380 but i want to hear about what you're getting for dinner i'm getting goddamn bolognese you know

00:52:32.460 do you say oh yeah yeah yeah some people say bolognese or they say right yeah i mean i go 0.99

00:52:39.880 bolognese i say i say bolognese like a fucking like a goddamn see the language isn't coming 0.94

00:52:46.460 i'm not like i was like gearing up to say something and then it was blank the real 0.99

00:52:51.040 question is will the will the silences remain i mean a few have to obviously for the point of

00:52:55.560 you know letting the people understand i'm actually lying myself right now to go okay

00:53:00.080 three o'clock in like four and a half hours I'll probably be starting to eat the Italian food

00:53:03.840 and that's okay so in the meantime now I'm really excited about you once freed me Jacqueline

00:53:08.760 obviously in the friendship you're constantly freeing me with your genius over the years

00:53:12.020 and I run to you screaming for it constantly you once changed my life with I remember I had a cold

00:53:17.980 or something in New York and you're like well being sick's the best yes and you were like that 0.98

00:53:22.920 level of sick when you feel like shit just enough that you can cancel everything without guilt 0.98

00:53:27.420 you don't have to lie you can say i'm really don't feel well legitimately sick yeah so you 0.99

00:53:32.400 legitimately need to be in bed but you're not actually ill in a way that you're suffering 0.97

00:53:36.560 right profoundly so you feel like shit but you're able to to reap the benefits of being sick 0.80

00:53:42.080 without the actual agony of it so then you can just be so cozy in that knowledge and similarly

00:53:48.220 right now i'm going i woke up kind of feeling in a funk or something oh i hate that term i woke up

00:53:54.380 in a funk oh my god oh my god i know but i i didn't judge you for it no i know but i just

00:54:00.100 i had no and i i want you to say because i do think when those again yeah when the language

00:54:04.960 comes in like that it's devastating it's so scary like where did that come from but when it's your

00:54:08.680 friend it doesn't i don't think oh kate you know it's when it's your own when your own imagination

00:54:13.540 fails you in that way and you end up saying i woke up in a funk and you're just like hell okay

00:54:17.780 cool well where do i what the hell do i do now okay so i woke up feeling a little sad a little

00:54:22.640 blue and now i'm i'm feeling starting to kind of be excited by thank god for poog thank god for the

00:54:29.280 friendship as i always say and then when we're done i'm gonna rip off my jeans get in bed and

00:54:33.080 i'm gonna watch i'm gonna start now i have to i'm gonna start a cartoon maybe lady and the tramp

00:54:37.640 yeah you're obviously drawn to it for a reason i don't know why i'm trying to bark you off of it

00:54:41.520 but it's just the underground world of king of triton's universe i think you're right i think

00:54:46.440 it might be a subpar disney film and i'm just fixated on italian imagery right now so you're

00:54:51.040 gonna get bolognese you're gonna get what kind of appetizers do you like to get in it's gonna be

00:54:56.580 it's gonna be john and vinnie's um i've never had a single um bite john and vinnie's is just very

00:55:03.520 good and yeah so they have you know the incredible seasonal antipasti of the various vegetables but

00:55:09.040 they do a spicy fusilli that's to die for they do a bolognese you know i love the the cacio

00:55:13.740 pepe seasonality scares me of course it means freshness and deliciousness but it scares me

00:55:18.520 because same reason as the shake shack if i love it i want to be able to eat it forever and i know

00:55:24.600 i know you know it's brutal when um when a summer dessert leaves i remember the maringata at ultra

00:55:30.320 paradisio god damn the maringata was unbelievable things there's nothing like that when you go in

00:55:36.320 the menu and it's it's gone it's just it's it's so painful but doesn't that but then i just can't 0.97

00:55:42.780 stop thinking about it forever i just can't stop thinking about i'm so hungry and just thinking

00:55:49.240 about food um i have had i think for years i've had this image of making like a shiitake porcini 0.96

00:55:55.700 mushroom broth and i sorry i'm gonna cut myself off mid-sentence because i can't even fucking

00:56:02.760 believe what i'm saying it's just like it's not even there's not even an idea there's not even a 0.71

00:56:07.180 hope here or something funny it's like i don't know i'm wondering is this episode

00:56:11.920 what do we do our best yeah yeah no i think there's enough here to cobble together much

00:56:17.720 like a shoe to be worn by the listener but i feel like i feel like what about this what about to

00:56:24.020 resurrect die what about to die to resurrect and then to die again okay there it is see we were

00:56:30.500 resurrected we were resurrected okay this is huge we were resurrected in the second act so what do

00:56:35.700 do if you die after resurrection well ultimately in cycles there you know it's never ending

00:56:40.820 birth death death and you have to be willing to die every day you know you have to die to yourself

00:56:47.140 in order to discover yourself free to to let go of the person you just were then you're not free

00:56:52.420 at all you know but but to die because i felt this die again right we died again i i felt myself

00:56:58.680 slipping into we died again with it was self-consciousness i i was aware of my own husk

00:57:03.040 okay yeah the husk of my language the husk of my yeah you know voice the husk and um and it you

00:57:10.340 know it doesn't always feel good going down uh yeah so we resurrected we died again and now we

00:57:19.120 have a micro resurrection right here at the end micro resurrection at the end of the episode

00:57:22.860 marking yet another death and then to be resurrected by the listener once they hit oh right it reminds

00:57:27.400 me of that i'm sure you'll know this and i won't be able to remember it but like that todd haynes

00:57:31.280 thing about the film like comes to life on the page and then it dies when you film it and then

00:57:35.240 it comes to life when you're editing it and then it dies and the hands are not I forget what it is

00:57:38.620 but it's something along those natures but you have to accept the living and the death but here's

00:57:44.060 what I'm wondering Kate maybe what's happening here maybe some of the silences maybe some of

00:57:47.900 that is that we've kind of um we've spun the wheels or we've traversed a certain realm of

00:57:54.840 our shared consciousness through conversation right we've we've done it okay and maybe we're

00:58:00.780 intuitively realizing that it's now that level is sort of running out terrifying not running out

00:58:08.260 in that way but there's a pause there's a there's a thing that has to happen in order to reach for

00:58:14.480 a new level and and you know this might be that pause this might be that the sort of the silences

00:58:19.420 that found their way in okay to this episode it can't be gold the whole time well that that's too

00:58:27.520 much of a negative screen okay it's like the darkest thing i've ever heard okay it can't be

00:58:33.560 cold all the time no i'm saying this is the silence before a new dawn oh wow okay i'm saying

00:58:39.340 i'm saying that that the cycle is moving us the ground is what there's a there is a metaphor and

00:58:45.260 i don't know i don't have it i haven't found it yet but it's it's it's a pause it's a silence oh

00:58:49.480 it's the breath at the top of the um roller coaster it's the stillness at the top of the

00:58:53.700 roller coaster okay of potential energy and then boom right and so I just I just think this this

00:59:03.120 might see here's the thing here's the thing here's the thing here's the thing okay and if I'm not a

00:59:06.420 synthesizer what am I right okay sorry I got distracted by pronouncement about myself so

00:59:11.780 and I've lost it it's gone okay congratulating myself for my realization but I'll bring it back

00:59:18.760 okay hold on the pause uh the silence oh I got it I got it okay so the asteroid you were saying

00:59:23.260 earlier right what's going on what are we feeling there's something weird and then we'll look back

00:59:26.780 and we'll go oh my god can you believe it they felt weird and then the asteroid hit okay no

00:59:30.920 no this episode there's going to be something there's going to be a subtle shift okay there's

00:59:36.640 going to later on people are going to mark whatever episode this is okay and there's

00:59:40.320 going to feel a shift okay there's going to be something and they're going to be able to look

00:59:44.460 back and see we're letting something in right now let's let it in

00:59:47.100 you really you you free me you give my life meaning this is really helpful is it because

00:59:57.340 you don't seem ecstatic it's I feel like you're paying lip service and that's okay no clearly

01:00:01.840 this one's going on with me today it's okay if you're not feeling it right now okay all you have

01:00:04.660 to know is the future you will look back and you'll see something different it's okay if you're

01:00:07.480 not feeling it now you have to have faith no I think you're right you think you're right I had

01:00:10.440 a faith healer I get into this carnival barking spiritual faith healer vibe I can't I can't I

01:00:16.800 can't let it it's who i am and i'm sorry okay okay so i think will you just assign me a movie

01:00:23.160 right now look you're called to lady in the tramp you're gonna be bored after 15 minutes

01:00:26.860 yeah okay but i'll uh yes let's just you go the only thing i want to say is who cares the movie

01:00:33.460 why not order italian for lunch and eat it in bed no i'd rather long for the italian anyway

01:00:38.920 anyway kate kate i feel yes we have to trust we have to live symbolically we have to believe that

01:00:44.540 Silences here were spaces through which a new light is going to come in, okay?

01:00:49.900 I love that.

01:00:50.660 A sort of rock that will be pushed aside.

01:00:53.580 Okay, and it is magic, Kate!

01:00:54.920 It is magic!

01:00:55.960 Yes, no, I... 1.00

01:00:56.800 All right, off you go, hogs. 1.00

01:00:59.820 That was Pug. 1.00

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01:01:07.600 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

01:01:16.560 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

01:01:20.480 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

01:01:24.280 No, I am not your guru.

01:01:27.960 Back then, I lied to everybody.

01:01:30.260 They have had this case for 30 years.

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Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - April 06, 2021

A Strange Absence

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