Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Adult Children of Christmas

00:00:00.000 last december 2024 the dead of winter in los angeles california spirits were weary and the

00:00:08.320 road to christmas was marked by many challenges but the spirit of christmas called the hags from

00:00:13.060 near and far came out in their holiday best the masonic lodge at hollywood forever it was ecstasy

00:00:18.460 and it was all recorded well these past few weeks the elves at hq have been working non-stop to

00:00:23.800 create a special archival concert episode never before released in any form this is a premium

00:00:30.560 bonus not a premium subscriber well it is not too late like the ghost of christmas future shows us

00:00:37.660 the future it is not fixed become a dear friend a premium hag right now at berlantnovac.supercast.com

00:00:46.560 upgrade and enjoy this very special holiday concert drop

00:00:53.800 two best friends both alike in dignity nurturing phantoms and courting the muse

00:01:01.000 the hag divines when something must die yes that was poog but this is huge the ego loves to seek

00:01:07.500 but never to find it was berlant and novak the whole time

00:01:11.760 oh my god okay this is a wild ep okay i'm literally texting this is this is so on

00:01:33.220 brand in the moment i'm actively texting with my christmas lights guy and i want to say

00:01:38.000 I have had OCD obsessional hyperfixation spiral the last week trying to get someone to hang

00:01:44.440 lights from my yard.

00:01:46.140 I have contacted multiple businesses, received multiple quotes.

00:01:50.120 The guy I'm going with, I saw his name and number stabled to a tree when I was driving

00:01:54.700 down Beverly Boulevard.

00:01:55.700 Okay, because I was going to say there's a sign hanging on Laurel Canyon.

00:01:58.640 They're everywhere.

00:01:59.420 I was texting with him.

00:02:00.540 He cold called me at 9.30 p.m.

00:02:02.820 Didn't pick up.

00:02:03.980 Good boy.

00:02:04.360 But he is, he came, he surveyed.

00:02:08.000 i'm i'm doing competitive quotes people are and this is the season because everyone wants their

00:02:12.340 lights hung they sure do astronomical prices i got a quote let's just say i want a backyard tree

00:02:17.820 strung up one woman goes one tree one tree one woman goes yeah that tree alone is gonna cost

00:02:24.800 1650 no no no i go 1 600 500 so kate i'm coming over no no listen a ladder okay this is not you

00:02:33.900 don't no no no the point is i found my guy really and that's final and he's doing bistro lights for

00:02:39.580 the back oh my god i don't even have my menorah turned on so holiday season holiday i mean call

00:02:45.560 it what it is christmas let's call it what it is around here let's call it so anyway i have my light

00:02:51.600 guy i have my light guy we were texting last night up until 11 p.m he goes what's your budget and we

00:02:57.160 got down a brass tacks you know can you do it for this yeah it's like what's your budget and i'll

00:03:01.200 tell you what i can do it's interesting he goes can you do it for this i go i would love to keep

00:03:04.940 it i get a call right before joining poog he starts calling me i pick up i go danny hi i'm

00:03:09.920 gonna have to call you back i'm walking into a meeting he goes i only need two minutes i go 0.53

00:03:13.060 okay what's up he goes damn i'm doing it he and he told me and i go danny he knew he had to go he 0.65

00:03:19.940 goes you're a nice lady no that is old school nice lady hive rise up oh my god i got a discount 0.91

00:03:27.360 on the holiday lights no and so now i have turned over to today i went through finding the different

00:03:34.320 holiday accoutrement fixated on a wreath i want a wreath wreath culture it actually is devastating

00:03:39.960 that you have not looped me in when there's a level of knowledge that i have i watch christmas

00:03:44.580 light fight every year you know you seek counsel from the tribunal and yet when it is what do you

00:03:52.040 mean an area of knowledge well tell me about the wreath because i i've never had a wreath and i go

00:03:56.820 i want a wreath hung on the front my my uh there's the celsius crack but my my front door is

00:04:03.380 sorry i live in a spanish home curved it's not a traditional door frame and also old wood from

00:04:11.580 the 20s and i'm worried about how to protect my door but then i started seeing door protectors

00:04:16.020 on wreaths there's like a whole culture here okay and more in the culture okay it's uh it's a

00:04:23.340 I mean, it's a community.

00:04:25.440 It's a – Kate, it's everything you could possibly want.

00:04:29.380 Well, help me.

00:04:30.120 Is out there when it comes to holidays, okay, and holiday lighting.

00:04:33.860 Everyone has struggled.

00:04:35.840 This is the art of the people, okay?

00:04:38.280 It's like talk about like this is where America, okay, as a consumer culture is like –

00:04:45.560 On it.

00:04:46.140 it's like wait but i want light clips that don't glow in the dark but i can still see them in order

00:04:52.840 to reclip them at night because you know how it is when you're three weeks into your lighting

00:04:57.720 structure okay it's yeah it's all out there for you all right so so let's okay and look i got

00:05:02.520 these going for the holiday spirit all right we've got my waving feet on your stomach are

00:05:08.200 you recording on your stomach i'm on my stomach listeners need to know you know i'm pumped if i'm

00:05:12.300 on my stomach for the recording okay so first of all i mean there's a lot so i just want to okay

00:05:18.400 we're gonna do something we've never done on this podcast what's gonna happen this episode we're

00:05:22.460 gonna talk about gifts we want damn okay so gift ideas i'm going to be doing a little christmas

00:05:27.460 eve party at my home so i'm figuring out what i'm doing cocktail wise i'm doing batch cocktails i 0.57

00:05:33.160 love a beautiful punch bowl do you like a scalloped crystal and etched do you like a yeah so i have

00:05:38.880 one that's a pedestal oh yeah that's nice and then i have another classic fishbowl just classic

00:05:43.680 i mean i've been inside you know somebody who was it someone oh a journalist telling me about the

00:05:51.020 french 75 they're really good and people love them he goes you want to get drunk and i go we've

00:05:55.900 talked about that i know we've talked about that i'm doing batch i'm doing a big punch bowl filled

00:06:00.520 with french 75 and for the garnish i've already decided of course i'll have frozen lemon floating

00:06:05.760 in there rosemary sprig in the glass pretty dare i even say two cranberries they won't do anything

00:06:14.520 other than add color a holly looking mistletoe look or maraschino cherry the dark dark if you

00:06:23.680 know it's a different it's a different effect i hear what you're saying what about see this is

00:06:27.580 where it's like i should come over okay but but then it becomes no but then it becomes no no i

00:06:31.860 mean to to do um creative work okay i would love that no because i'm going i'm there i'm freezing

00:06:38.000 i'm freezing um cranberry and a sprig of rosemary into an into an ice yeah now the question is is

00:06:45.180 ice meaningful in your cocktail ice is everything i would argue i i i get you'd like ice in your

00:06:50.080 cocktail if i'm hosting a i get specific ice i go to a special ice guy and it's like expensive

00:06:57.460 beautiful bar ice like perfect cubes translucent perfect cubes well interesting because you'd

00:07:04.240 either have to see i'm suggesting i have a nice you can make nice cubes at home honey i know i've

00:07:10.000 got the ice kit you know that you gotta you gotta um heat the water warm water half warm water oh

00:07:16.420 you're talking i i know oh yeah yeah sweetie i know about ice um i actually i had a i had a

00:07:23.620 devastating um brick and we have a brick and mortar death to announce muscatels downtown los

00:07:29.440 angeles iconic next to the los angeles flower mart iconic craft store yes my mother used to 0.87

00:07:35.400 go there in like the fucking 60s i think paul sent me permanently closed permanently closed 0.76

00:07:40.620 wow and that hits hard oh wait paul did send me there huh paul sent me there some time ago it's 0.96

00:07:46.200 a classic it's a it's a true staple and it's fucking gone and the markdowns you would go 0.87

00:07:51.520 they're unbelievable decorations fake flowers candles like you wouldn't believe you can get 0.79

00:07:56.560 dripless taper candles you could get a box for like 5.99 and like very specific sizes i've been

00:08:03.280 scouring the internet this morning looking for this very specific taper candle size i want to

00:08:07.040 fit in a very specific candelabra i own nowhere on the internet i'm not kidding the only place i

00:08:12.020 found is a bulk place you can order them the only order is a hundred dollars for 430 candles

00:08:16.480 are you serious like i'm not buying 430 i want i want 10 dripless and you've no no no don't don't

00:08:23.400 don't get sidetracked it's not worth i've been doing all morning they don't exist trust me i'm

00:08:26.900 i'm not going to look all right but sure anyway so that was that was really sad to see most

00:08:30.900 hotels gone but i'm determined to find a wreath um you know what's you know what i saw online i

00:08:36.260 was like oof that's sexy but it's too expensive for a centerpiece olive branch like instead of 1.00

00:08:41.640 pine like olive leaf wreath beautiful 120 bucks i go go fuck your mother i'm not gonna branch 1.00

00:08:50.700 go good to branch out back yeah exactly i'm interested that you think the door frame is 1.00

00:08:55.580 relevant because that's not where the wreath is hung it's hung on the door someone someone 0.86

00:09:00.900 someone went fucking nuts they go what is up those real lashes okay and it was literally 0.90

00:09:07.080 in person. Maybelline falsies. Ooh, I love that. It's always exciting when that sort of thing 1.00

00:09:13.880 happens. I have a Patrick Ta lip gloss on right now that's supposed to be plumping. Oh, really?

00:09:20.160 Does it sting? Slightly. It's got that sting. So here's what I got to say. I got a gigantic

00:09:30.500 candy cane. I saw. I sent it to you. Yeah. It's lighting up the courtyard. Neighbors can't sleep.

00:09:36.340 it's that bright okay did you actually get complaints waiting for complaints i turn it out

00:09:40.360 no but i turn it out at 9 30 and i did i did say like i did try to suss you know people out in

00:09:45.340 terms of their how they felt about it i got that i got my two blow molds you remember sammy the

00:09:50.540 sensational i think he made an appearance at poog los angeles on stage yes beautiful i've got my two

00:09:57.020 from another brick and mortar to have nostalgia for a closed cvs okay the one on um sunset and

00:10:04.960 and uh fairfax there's a rite aid that i was that was devastated to see go locals to los angeles to

00:10:10.980 the west side will know the the rite aid that was inside the same parking lot as fromans classic

00:10:15.520 deli that's a nice word from the rite aid where i once got plan b in a real hush in a real hurry

00:10:22.280 a hushed hurry in my boxer shorts oh that's cool you're running in your boxer shorts by the way

00:10:29.380 probably like sort of unnecessary like a really panicked plan b you know a joke they don't like

00:10:34.260 well of course a spiral you know the joke they don't like that on the counter they don't go

00:10:38.400 sorry but it was plan a the whole time that's good sorry i know you want to hear this but uh

00:10:46.260 or plan b with an asterisk plan a yeah

00:10:49.680 shout your plan a get it all right so yeah i have been in an absolute i've reached out to rug

00:11:00.400 companies on our behalf well i bought two we have we haven't even talked about what i did on black

00:11:05.400 friday i know my rampant black friday i want to say all right so listen to me due to family tragedy

00:11:11.080 everything's fine kind of but i was my thanksgiving was derailed it was like post mating burgers at

00:11:18.400 four o'clock and then doing well guess i'm gonna go hard on black friday i got first of all i

00:11:25.060 ordered a laptop on best buy for pickup i've been freed liberated from the apple store that well

00:11:30.740 that's wild the ritual of going to the apple store you're like apple at best buy were you like

00:11:36.620 is it even real i'm like what's this counterfeit it's real honey it's real i did forget to pick

00:11:42.520 out a color and accidentally got like midnight blue or whatever that's okay dark dark blue but

00:11:46.360 i don't care anymore guess what the color ultimately it's fabulous no now i'm like it's

00:11:50.640 fabulous it is no but i was at first like uh but it basically reads black the point is

00:11:57.140 to be this is really key to be liberated from the apple store yeah and then guess what 0.99

00:12:01.580 fuck you apple care the greatest scam on the proletariat is apple care yeah the proletariat 0.98

00:12:08.300 rises up over apple care no am i a coder so got the got the black friday markdown on the 1.00

00:12:15.000 on the macbook air like 300 200 so 250 off 250 off and then i consider an additional 150 off

00:12:23.680 because i didn't get apple care and if i'd gone to the apple store they would have swindled me

00:12:26.560 into apple care that's hysterical i'm putting that in my tally you got the no apple care push

00:12:31.480 bonus you got the caperland trick yeah get apple care here are my hacks egg bites at their airport

00:12:39.860 and don't get apple care well my dad's biggest is like is like he always has this example of

00:12:45.240 i forget what store it was like some big box store or something or like yeah you get the

00:12:50.980 radio shack four-year guarantee radio shack closed in eight months oh of course of course

00:12:55.380 yeah yeah completely and this computer is a new fresh brain for me i'm not transferring anything

00:13:01.040 from the old computer so it's raw it's fresh it's a new beginning and that's major that is one of

00:13:06.220 the largest questions facing americans today contemporary culture no i know and listen i said

00:13:13.240 you can't take it with you i go it's all there more and more it's on the internet but then i

00:13:19.300 have computers sitting in closets me too that i just go like can't throw them out because there's 0.80

00:13:24.580 shit on there it's dead i know well talk about you can't take it with you i got news for you 0.54

00:13:28.620 you can't even put it on a hard drive and have that you have to you have to you have to upgrade 0.99

00:13:32.760 your hard drives every few years oh god who's doing that they just they just go to shit like

00:13:37.120 like when i was collecting like footage like it was like yeah well four years from now you're 0.90

00:13:41.940 gonna want to read four years digitize all this because it's just rotting in your closet that's

00:13:47.900 so perverse no you have to just let go you know i live in this permanent state of of creative

00:13:54.920 archival not not finished stuff more like you know potential use footage everything must be caught

00:14:01.740 right can't you know to lose anything that could one day you know be the thing i want for some

00:14:06.660 project and it's it's it's like collect collect collect time to start producing there's a real

00:14:13.420 i don't know i've started to ask huge questions about being an artist okay yeah and and and like

00:14:20.960 a huge part of it is like the work that's only done between you you yourself and god okay that 0.53

00:14:28.720 never makes it fucking anywhere. I'm sorry. It sounds like a cliche of, I'm not talking about

00:14:33.040 like 10 jokes. One's good. You should see the stuff in my wastebasket. Okay. I'm not talking

00:14:37.240 about that. I'm talking about full creative journeys. Okay. The following, I, sorry to break

00:14:43.520 in with this, but I'm just like, I'm like on it. Cause it's like been really like eating me,

00:14:48.360 but like there was some, some weird footage from a news story and I started, um, I screen recorded

00:14:56.520 it fascinated by what was happening. And then, and then I started wildly screen recording my

00:15:01.260 own sort of edits and zooms of it. And this whole thing, it went on for like 45 minutes. Okay. And

00:15:06.320 I was like, this is like what I'm going to do now. I'm going to like take news stories

00:15:09.100 and do these like weird edits and, you know, and then, you know, the dollar signs, right?

00:15:13.780 The artistic dollar signs, this is who I was always supposed to be. It falls away. The dopamine

00:15:18.160 falls away. The whole thing, it falls away. Where was it? Where does that go between me and the

00:15:22.540 muses it's weird that that is a huge part of it and it must be accepted as part of the ecosystem

00:15:31.180 it's not all about bringing it to market well that's for sure i think the market's where god

00:15:36.740 goes to die see i've always wanted it to be i don't know i don't know i'm not really saying

00:15:43.740 anything but but there was something i just to be you know to be an artist alone and and the private

00:15:50.000 yeah experience absolutely well i'm i'm i mean this is the christmas episode i'm gonna go here

00:15:57.120 but i want to go back to rugs and and products okay but go on okay oh but black friday black

00:16:01.960 friday wait so just how i went crazy i also got an outdoor coffee table on best buy who knew that

00:16:06.820 they even had that was a shock because you forwarded me your receipt which i really appreciate

00:16:12.840 because i go i can't so so so headline want to know what i got on black friday or cyber monday

00:16:18.960 nothing okay yeah no good for you no you we don't need anything guess what i did all freaking week

00:16:24.160 hunt deals okay and then you didn't act so i i lived it with and left with nothing well there

00:16:31.520 were some things that i really needed like my mini fridge broke in my office got a gorgeous

00:16:36.400 mini fridge best buy mini fridge so cute that was a receipt i sent you to see that cape berlant

00:16:42.820 this is going to free people caper lance snob of the century okay tastemaker to the tastemaker

00:16:49.160 okay to see that she purchased a coffee table from best buy there it was under a mini fridge

00:16:59.260 i go what's that okay i go no i go wait coffee table an outdoor coffee table no still i may

00:17:06.780 yes still it's teak by the way it's a little smaller than i thought i was this is when

00:17:11.480 rushing to buy things i kind of was like i did like a hasty measure i'm like it's fine i need

00:17:15.960 a measuring tape built into my body i need it to be full cyborgization this is my biggest issue i'm

00:17:22.100 always screaming for measuring tape and scissors constantly so i need to get surgical scissors

00:17:27.000 surgical measuring tape would you like to know what my technique now is what it hasn't fully been

00:17:33.220 made operational but it's in motion measuring tape that lives in every room yeah i believe it

00:17:40.360 okay it's right there i'm and i have absolutely given my life over to the ikea creative with a k

00:17:49.480 ar whatever you call it app okay or where you put things in your home digitally it's not what you

00:17:55.460 think it's not just like on the other apps where hey i want to see what this looks like in my room

00:17:59.160 it's start from scratch take your phone it goes time to scan the room okay you walk around the

00:18:04.900 room okay grabs and measures no stop not measure yes wall ceiling every single freaking divots

00:18:13.560 okay divots in the wall i go oh my god i finally have it okay i go i finally know that's crazy

00:18:22.080 because remembering that my ceilings are 98 inches you know i know it right now because i'm in a

00:18:28.440 absolute, you know, curtain. I've looked at 19,000 rugs, curtains, and brass floor lamps,

00:18:38.400 okay, in the last week. And you ask, why not just buy something? Well, I tried. Okay. I said,

00:18:44.560 fuck it. This looks suitable at Lowe's. I bring home the lamp. One piece of it's not 1.00

00:18:49.560 screwing together. I freak out and just throw it back in. Okay. I go, no. Okay. I go, it's not

00:18:54.120 happening. Okay. Fold it back up in there. I go, it's not happening. Then I go, why am I in

00:18:58.000 marketplace why i'm on facebook marketplace okay running around sending messages and offer up why

00:19:04.200 am i doing this the limitation okay i'm going i i'm the whole wide world is too much too many

00:19:13.000 options i realized that's why i go and offer up i'm like well maybe there's a brass floor lamp

00:19:19.680 in two miles around here do you know what i mean and if it's suitable suitable infinite floor lamps

00:19:27.300 in the world it's hell so i realized that's a huge that's like the reason i go to an estate sales for

00:19:32.160 the limited options no restriction is freedom as we know yeah that's too much it's really too much

00:19:38.560 and then i reached out to um nordic knots obviously so i know every rug on nordic knots

00:19:43.000 well actually there's an amazing text that we should pull up which is so viewers might recall

00:19:47.860 last black friday i bought a nordic knots red for my living room and i was i was panicking because i

00:19:55.880 go am i gonna get this before a holiday party people come with their muddy feet and stomp over

00:19:59.320 my brand new rug when i tell you the rug was impeccable nothing happened because people are

00:20:04.600 hanging out outside mostly but the point is except there was one loose party goer i came in

00:20:10.300 he's sitting on my couch with i'm not kidding you shoes i would almost say the term caked in mud

00:20:18.860 like to a point where it's like right he thinks he's in a bar like he thinks he's in one of those

00:20:24.100 bars full of like vintage like wood and velvets and six rugs and the idea is like you just bring

00:20:30.560 the mud in onto the rugs because you're in a bar it was like did you even like i just remember

00:20:34.380 looking down and like seeing and somehow like by the grace of god he got up and left and like there

00:20:39.520 was like a full clump like but it was it didn't stain the rug so i'm trying to say although shout

00:20:44.880 out we do shark ninja did send us those um power vacuum for fabric and i have to say knowing that

00:20:51.740 I have that is really helping me go into the holidays. Can you believe this isn't paid for

00:20:54.920 guys? This is not paid for. And by the way, that was a Novak pick. I go, I want this.

00:20:59.400 Novak picked it. So I go, someone spilled something on my rug. I'm free. They spilled

00:21:02.560 something on the couch. I've got it. But the Nordic knots. So I bought that rug. I get a text

00:21:07.120 from Jacqueline that's like looking at, what'd you say? You were like looking at a red rug on

00:21:12.000 Nordic knots, diamond pattern. You don't have that one, right? Like the pattern. I was like,

00:21:15.840 I sure do. I was like, is yours the diamond or not? Cause I knew yours was that dark color.

00:21:20.080 and i'm going this is stunning okay and i'm going because i i respect you know there's two minds

00:21:28.740 about it i i can respect it bumming someone out to get the exact same thing and and and and i also 0.85

00:21:35.240 would never bother me yeah it's like and we have so much too of everything because of poog

00:21:39.960 well yeah i know it's already really so so it was a thing where you go what you know it's like when

00:21:47.160 you when you find yourself like no why do i think that's cool and then you realize like saw it on a

00:21:50.860 cool person you know what i mean like yeah i was like something about that i was like because in

00:21:55.620 my mind the diamond was going to make it different than what you had i was like no she has the pure

00:21:59.040 she has the if i may the grand i believe the rug is called the grand the pure smooth whatever

00:22:05.180 so you know the diamond that'll be my own little take on it whatever i've got the subtle pattern

00:22:10.320 and then guess what i bought this year sweetheart yeah back to nordic knots black friday a jute

00:22:17.120 big jute rug for under the dining room table here we go so i don't think it's it's hard to state how

00:22:24.240 deep i've gone on on rugs in the last you know was it 48 hours or was it 48 days i got another rug

00:22:30.780 from the bedroom lulu and georgia gatekeeping lulu and georgia look look jealousy okay no no

00:22:38.180 because because because by the way i got it crazy markdown maybe this will show you how deep i am

00:22:42.880 in this game okay were you on lulu in georgia oh my god you guys she's holding up a swatch

00:22:48.560 where'd you get that you ordered no i went somewhere yesterday okay that's so deep and

00:22:57.060 by the way i've but by the way i mean the the level of knowledge i now have about every product

00:23:01.680 so i missed the black friday not because i missed it i was there every freaking second okay on

00:23:06.860 nordic knots okay decisions decisions right going going going and then and then it expands

00:23:12.680 out where to a whole nother world where you know what you know it's come up a lot a lot of people

00:23:17.200 seem to like i think it's quality for the price revival oh yeah okay take a look without judgment

00:23:28.040 okay okay because the heart jute people are loving all right so okay but anyway point is 0.97

00:23:35.740 what you're dying to know about you're gonna this is gonna blow your ass off okay okay you ready 0.98

00:23:40.660 yeah years ago paul told me about this all right paul by the way it's really cute bunch of hags 0.99

00:23:45.560 like 20 hags reached out to einstein's underscore nyc going are you doing a holiday drop this year

00:23:50.660 because you know we all remember from the live show i love that the questions were held in him so

00:23:56.500 so he goes go to lester carpet okay you go what okay sure do go what okay oh now i can hear you

00:24:07.180 because one of my headphones had fallen out.

00:24:08.560 All right.

00:24:09.860 He goes, it's a carpet store, okay?

00:24:13.700 He goes, but they have remnants.

00:24:16.700 Now, when you picture remnant, I picture this size, right?

00:24:19.460 You go, oh, it's tiny, or you can make a hat out of it.

00:24:23.120 No.

00:24:24.380 These remnants are 12 by 40.

00:24:27.820 I made my cushions on my banquette from remnant, from mohair remnant.

00:24:32.920 Do you do eggnog?

00:24:34.660 Sure do.

00:24:35.240 you want me to make it for you for your christmas eve yeah although and not that i'm some expert but

00:24:40.800 whatever a couple ideas for you oh you know what i didn't get on on black friday and i'm sure they

00:24:45.900 had and i would like them to send paleo valley chocolate bone broth i want to be doing hot

00:24:51.240 cocoa bone broths um i've did a brodo bone i did two brodo bone broths yesterday lemon olive oil

00:24:59.400 in there feels seasonal little rosemary so holiday christmas movies i had the urge and then didn't

00:25:06.160 watch on thanksgiving home for the holidays right you've seen home we've talked about holidays a lot

00:25:10.460 i still have never seen it's a wonderful life it's a wonderful life maybe this is the year

00:25:16.340 well i was thinking about this year i had thought maybe i would invite you know you guys over maybe

00:25:22.060 a few others i don't know for a christmas for it's a wonderful life kind of party okay yeah

00:25:27.780 but I love it it's long and three hours I actually don't remember it just it felt so

00:25:36.080 long as a kid and took so many years to fully get to a point where every second of it I loved where

00:25:41.860 you know I just don't it's tough with the here's a holiday movie a lot where Scrooge doing a

00:25:48.520 Scrooge viewing it's tough because you invite the people over and then what you make everyone be

00:25:52.400 silent so then if they've never seen the movie before you want to talk and have a good time

00:25:57.200 but they've never seen it before so it's a bad viewing

00:25:59.220 do you see what I'm saying so what do you do

00:26:00.920 it's kind of like the only thing is actually to have a

00:26:03.200 party with a movie the group has seen

00:26:04.900 that's actually better. Movies in a group is tough

00:26:07.440 homework

00:26:08.280 homework and then we

00:26:10.380 yeah

00:26:12.640 you watch it and then you show up 0.98

00:26:14.740 that would be a nice little gift for the hags

00:26:16.240 that is doable you and me watch it

00:26:19.080 on Twitch okay

00:26:20.340 I would love it. Commentaire

00:26:22.360 extraordinaire across two

00:26:24.920 bonus experiences. Trying to get on

00:26:27.120 twitch real bad though jim carrey grinch is one of you know it's an all-timer i know i know it is

00:26:33.440 and oh i discovered that my personality i wonder if i've discovered this in previous years i know

00:26:38.200 i have but i don't know if i shared it with the group but the alvin simon theodore okay um christmas

00:26:46.860 tune on my mary hagmas which i don't know i guess i can share with the group i think i shared it

00:26:52.280 last year that's our that's our christmas playlist oh fabulous played it for my parents they were

00:26:58.080 blown away when i did their tree i wrapped individual branches from center out i believe 1.00

00:27:03.240 i picked that up from martha oh you just reminded me that's hello oh fuck bitch martha god damn 0.99

00:27:11.140 stewart youtube old christmas episodes that is the number one for me most comforting most pleasant 0.99

00:27:18.920 most inspiring most soothing content you can fucking consume on this planet a playlist on 0.90

00:27:25.920 the youtube for them we should we should put it together for our listeners you will weep and and 0.93

00:27:31.580 that's that's it jacqueline this is the year i'm making cookies for the neighbors okay remember

00:27:37.760 last year i had the flu and i was considering doing it anyway do i remember about four and a

00:27:41.420 half minutes ago when you first brought up do you okay i go oh no here we go cookies for the

00:27:47.680 do it this year cellophane what do you do wrap chocolate chip well we all remember your boxes

00:27:54.160 last year i know they were too big and i was like just put them away it's okay next year you can use

00:27:59.320 them i can't though i think i recycled them they were literally too big but the song they would

00:28:04.340 fit like a dozen cookies the song i just need them to know because they're curious okay but

00:28:09.240 my personality is encompassed in a single moment in that song and maybe we can pull it up

00:28:16.000 you know, one of our producers, right, for later. It's here. Okay. It's literally,

00:28:22.220 I'll send it to you later. Okay. That one. It's, it's specifically, um, Alvin. Yes. But

00:28:29.100 specifically this moment. Okay. Here comes Santa Claus. Here comes Santa Claus. Right down

00:28:35.400 Santa Claus lane. It's me. I don't remember that one. Okay. It literally is me. I'm going to send

00:28:40.460 to you later today i was like this is who i am well for for christmas music for me always chances

00:28:48.420 with wolves shout out been a patreon for what 10 years at this point from out from east village

00:28:53.480 radio new york city their christmas playlist and they have probably really i think they've

00:28:58.700 been doing it for 10 years every year they have fantastic beautiful we're talking deep

00:29:05.160 rare b-sized we're talking yeah and just amazing stuff like truly amazing stuff so go check that

00:29:12.620 out i have a question i have a question what would you do with i was gifted a very extravagant

00:29:20.220 beautiful artisanal gingerbread house i don't have the space on my dining room table or countertop

00:29:27.660 to display here's my question for christmas eve i have a question one is it pre-built yes so it's

00:29:34.460 almost like getting a baked good like it's fully it's huge yes it is like me going i i obviously i

00:29:41.040 obviously have the wrong people in my life because i have not received that and i need that now i

00:29:47.860 would want to build it this is it by the way this gingerbread house is all over reddit because the

00:29:53.520 kardashians gift it to you there it is you because you work with them no no no honey it's not from

00:30:00.620 them i i was saying it so that you um wouldn't have to no no it's not from them but it's it's

00:30:06.500 this the solving bakery special specialty gingerbread houses yeah so these are what oh

00:30:12.960 mamacita this is not cheap folks the one that i got i'm so sorry to do this but we're looking at

00:30:19.200 460 bucks are you sending it this is outrageous i'm texting you well by the way now i am like i'm

00:30:27.100 gonna have to unwrap the gingerbread house and show it but here's my question jacqueline

00:30:29.940 because um last year and i and if the person who gift who's so generously and kindly gifted this

00:30:35.800 is hearing this i opened it up was shocked it was unbelievable it was gorgeous but then i was

00:30:42.140 about to leave town and i said you know who's really gonna get a kick out of this a friend i

00:30:45.880 know with a with a young with two small children so i took it over to their house so that the kids

00:30:49.700 could enjoy it right so this year i'm going jacqueline do i do it as deck outside how big is

00:30:56.500 it oh my god i mean it is it is you want to really you want to really do it no i've asked for a photo

00:31:04.240 i've sent a prompting text send it now okay 16 i would say six i just sent it to you oh not a

00:31:12.000 picture of it but but the um oh okay okay hold on what i'm dealing with 16 inches so wide 14 inches

00:31:21.520 tall i mean it's big well i would say that's actually the size of like you know a reasonable

00:31:27.680 cake you know for a group of people so here's what i say you have it going you have it out

00:31:33.780 somewhere okay could be out back whatever we can find a place for it you've get you got you have

00:31:40.400 candlelight around it okay and then there comes a moment we start eating it where you go bacchanalia

00:31:47.200 okay for the last people standing because i was at a party where where this edible thing that was

00:31:53.860 sort of a display but 100 edible no one's really going to go diving in during end of the party

00:31:59.780 people went wild and it was bacchanalian what was it it was like a cake but people were just

00:32:05.540 going for it with their hands and it was like it was like yeah yeah yeah it was like it was like

00:32:12.140 never forget i'll never forget those people you know what i mean that that went hand over yeah

00:32:16.200 Yeah, totally, totally.

00:32:17.720 But as a kid, me and – I'm sure I've said this before, but me and three other friends used to gather every year and make gingerbread houses together, okay, and chatter and hens clocking while we're doing it.

00:32:28.780 And I remember as we got older, like me and my one friend, like, you know, it's like we're 14 and then like, you know, our senses of humor are evolving.

00:32:35.880 And I remember like, you know, we had like firemen outside and people trapped inside the house.

00:32:42.580 Oh, my God.

00:32:43.260 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:32:43.740 like we were like yeah we were like fuck you dad you know what i mean yeah that wasn't there you 0.96

00:32:48.480 know but but you you understand okay what about this i'm sorry i'm really hyper fixate on it i 0.97

00:32:54.840 think the gingerbread because i was thinking i'd give it to a child maybe i incorporate it and i

00:32:58.920 could put it i could even put it because i know the idea of putting it outside seems crazy but i

00:33:03.980 why is it crazy it makes total sense okay particularly if it's lit yeah it could go on

00:33:09.200 a porch also i was thinking when you walk up to the house by the front door on a stool i think

00:33:13.660 that's a little i mean okay the big good out front that is only there for decor yeah like i

00:33:21.860 think you need to embrace to me maybe it's just me but to me it's like cracking off pieces of

00:33:29.000 this thing i don't think this thing is so it really like it's edible but it really isn't meant

00:33:35.700 to be eaten i'm looking at it red roof christmas really i can't believe i mean i'm the recipient

00:33:43.580 Maybe some artistic nuances to your house.

00:33:46.420 Okay.

00:33:47.360 Yeah, look at this.

00:33:48.000 Ordering the Kardashian.

00:33:49.140 I still believe in my bacchanalia.

00:33:50.740 I still believe in my bacchanalia.

00:33:53.080 Videos of people.

00:33:54.040 I mean, gingerbread, to me, it's genuinely something I want to eat.

00:33:57.060 Oh, my God.

00:33:57.500 Look, look, look.

00:33:58.780 I found an unboxing.

00:33:59.880 This is literally what the gingerbread house is, guys.

00:34:01.800 Send the link.

00:34:02.520 This is unbelievable.

00:34:04.200 I'm sending it.

00:34:05.360 My mind's going wild.

00:34:06.620 Is there still time?

00:34:07.200 Because I always thought gingerbread housemaking, just really good activity.

00:34:10.960 I'm just going.

00:34:11.880 All right.

00:34:12.240 i mean talk you want to you want to you want to give give the kids something to do

00:34:16.080 what during during if you want to let kids and be involved present give them a gingerbread

00:34:21.080 making um table you set them that they candy all night and they make it can't see it pixelation 0.66

00:34:27.780 fuck okay here we go you have to see though to me it's just i'm sorry building it is where it's at 0.67

00:34:34.840 i'm not saying it's not a beautiful gift it is i would i would take it in a second i'd be 0.99

00:34:37.880 I'm going to do an unboxing of this for the subscribers. So folks, now's your chance. New

00:34:43.500 year, sign up and subscribe. When you pay for the podcast, if you're able to do that,

00:34:50.960 you're directly supporting the show. You're producing the show. You will get goodies such

00:34:54.640 as me unboxing my Kardashian gingerbread house. You will get goodies such as me doing my own

00:35:02.160 build of one tonight okay because i'm i'm lit up with gingerbread spirit i need you to come over

00:35:09.460 you don't know how good it is so so here's my question i'm like well it's how close are we

00:35:16.160 it's 23rd now you could come overnight i i have a couple ideas for um for uh i don't know if i

00:35:23.520 mentioned it to you maybe i didn't because i didn't want you to start spinning on it okay if i couldn't

00:35:28.120 pull it off but last minute invite you over um a couple people have a couple holiday ideas

00:35:34.520 the casual hosting okay casual hosting of course me making snowmen in the blender some of the best

00:35:41.820 well i have to say something about casual hosting i love to host i plan i mean again this little

00:35:46.280 party this little christmas eve party i've been obsessing about it for months i'd argue but i

00:35:50.340 have to say one of the finest little get-togethers that i ever had at my home was a completely

00:35:56.500 spontaneous. I mean, it wasn't big. We're talking about 12 people. Completely spontaneous. And by

00:36:02.460 the way, it's life affirming. The unboxing is playing in the background. I go, what is that

00:36:05.980 noise? Okay. Oh, it's the unboxing. But I just mean – I mean, you do whatever. You know, if I

00:36:10.840 say we're making an ornament, we're making a gingerbread house. I mean, I know you don't like

00:36:14.660 games, but I don't think that's a game. I think that's play. That's just – there's no competition

00:36:19.600 there. That's play. No, no. It's not about the competition. I just find it boring. But if it's

00:36:24.380 something that you can have conversation during yeah sure well i had a transformative i had my

00:36:28.960 first crafting experience my first crafting experience in the last few years was i went

00:36:33.040 to someone's house and they were making ornaments with like popsicle sticks i can't believe you're

00:36:36.180 telling this again no i say this not because you're telling the podcaster again my mind

00:36:41.120 no because it blew your mind and i keep trying to tell you that me and the person who held that

00:36:45.800 event we first did that as guests of our friend paul who had us come over and do that i knew that

00:36:52.740 that's amazing yeah well you and then you pay it forward no you pay it forward it's just it's like

00:36:56.840 i want you to know i'm your grandmother yeah yeah completely subtly you know what i mean

00:37:02.020 i helped my parents with the tree this year because i was there and i it was really fun

00:37:07.100 because it was like it was a whole you did beautiful work you sent me a picture thank

00:37:11.500 you i was really proud because i took it very seriously because because you know normally my

00:37:15.720 dad does the lights whatever you know we're gonna have them work into the bone till they're 106

00:37:21.420 apparently like this is the other huge issue with christmas right is like is like and i feel like

00:37:28.200 somewhat generational we refuse we refuse to grow up the adult children the childless adult children

00:37:33.260 a hundred the childless adult child on christmas i this is one of the this is where it's just it's

00:37:39.240 sick okay this is no it really is sick and it's making me go twins by next year like i'm not

00:37:43.700 kidding you also because yeah i saw i hate in instagram of course it's ruined my life but i

00:37:49.040 saw a thing that was like that moment when you realize the magic of the holidays was just your 0.97

00:37:54.840 mom oh god okay i think i saw that too i'm like how dare you say that to me okay bitch i know 0.94

00:38:01.060 all right i know i know no we know sweetie and um i saw the cheesiest thing 0.92

00:38:07.220 again where where i go imagine if this time next year i twins i can see it i mean it's not

00:38:13.560 happening josephina and theodore i don't know that means i'd have to get knocked up now ish

00:38:22.660 someone would right like because i was going surrogate eggs oh my god i know surrogate the

00:38:30.760 dream of the surrogate except you know i always feel like i don't necessarily i'm not like i always

00:38:35.440 feel like like i don't know that i need the kid but i actually like think like pregnancy is so

00:38:40.320 interesting like body body horror that i want it yes you carry my child my egg my egg in your body

00:38:47.320 being like kate there's no glyphosate in this oatmeal even though it's not farmer's choice

00:38:52.740 i found a different helicopter yeah i found it and i'd be like kate your anxiety is what's gonna 0.96

00:38:57.780 hurt this baby if you're a bitch to me i know that's what's so scary i mean it's actually like 0.96

00:39:05.560 when people do it with people they know that is actually like one of the surrogate with someone 1.00

00:39:09.480 they know talk about like commitment like anything of that nature but sure like knowing nothing about

00:39:15.540 i'm just saying like you know you're like oh careful getting in a business with a friend or

00:39:18.980 something right oh totally like you know don't mix whatever it's like my god wow imagine if in the in 0.60

00:39:25.420 the future i'm looking for a sperm donor through poog and i'm like non-drinker athletic under 30 0.75

00:39:34.540 wear a hag um you're like yes we found we found a hag uh we did the classic the email call out

00:39:41.220 um and it'd be like it'd be like blood work guys attach it in the first thing don't just 0.98

00:39:46.700 throw your hat in the ring with no resume no i'm getting final semen analysis for the for

00:39:52.320 when i when i narrow it down okay it needs to be in the initial email three guys yeah

00:39:57.300 initial email what did your paternal grandfather die of in the subject line just thinking what i'm

00:40:03.540 going to, yeah, so I did the lights. I wrapped each branch from the inside. By the way, I just

00:40:06.240 want to put out a PSA, okay, merch that matters. Power strips don't last forever. They degrade

00:40:15.620 and become dangerous. Dangerous. You might have some, we had this thing at my father's house,

00:40:21.140 my father's house, leaving the father's house, okay, my parents' house. This light strip,

00:40:27.100 this power strip that was going to be what all the tree lights plugged into. I'm looking at this

00:40:32.600 it looks so industrial it looks like the most trustworthy overkill thing for for tiny you know

00:40:38.200 okay and i look it up because i start looking up i worry you know parents okay i just worry for

00:40:43.640 them so so i start looking up like you know ken whatever and it's like i see these things and

00:40:49.680 and it's like there have been changes and they're like you know like pre-2010 lighting strips don't

00:40:55.080 have the same safety features blah blah blah blah i go this could have killed us in the night oh god

00:41:00.680 that's scary i went out i got new all the whatever all the whatever new and then and then i also got

00:41:07.980 them a label maker one of my favorite things to do ever okay is a label maker and i'm gonna label

00:41:13.000 it and say bought in 2025 right on the strip that's smart so that in 2032 you go let's take a

00:41:21.360 look let's take take another look it's like a carabiner you know that concept of how you don't

00:41:26.720 know if it's shattered internally oh no basically like if you don't know where a carabiner came from

00:41:34.380 you can't trust it to hang from a mountain you need it fresh i won't be hanging from any mountain

00:41:39.060 it's like bonks that kill but but i won't be hanging from any mountains it lands it's man on

00:41:44.080 wire a christmas movie look my tom bin this this this is something i got okay it's that it's a

00:41:49.860 drawstring tombin oh i like that and then you know it opens this it's um i really you know

00:41:57.220 collabs folks okay so i want to do a gingerbread okay i want to invite you over i'm thinking

00:42:03.560 i'm thinking i could do a lychee i could do a frozen lychee martini okay why frozen again

00:42:09.640 finally gonna make a snowman this is time let we all remember i was fixated on making a snowman

00:42:16.340 two lychee snowman or three to be on top of a lychee martini okay a couple years ago now i am

00:42:23.480 over that and i've decided that the lychee doesn't fundamentally read prettily enough as a snowman

00:42:29.500 it's it's it's a little yellow it's whatever no it's got to be it's a frozen type snowman

00:42:37.200 okay i could swirl him in i pop the eyes the nose whatever do it i can't wait i'm gonna do it i'm 0.99

00:42:44.540 You're not going to blow your ass away. 1.00

00:42:45.760 You're going to scream in the night. 1.00

00:42:47.240 You're going to scream, and the scream is going to turn into the sound of jingle bells, okay?

00:42:50.940 Yeah.

00:42:51.760 You're going to scream so loud.

00:42:53.520 It'll be bells.

00:42:54.320 That's one of my dreams for you.

00:42:55.480 What else?

00:42:56.560 I'm thinking.

00:42:57.460 Did you do, you did a big Santa milk and cookies thing when you were a kid, right?

00:43:01.220 That wasn't, we weren't a big cookie-making family.

00:43:03.480 I mean, like, every once in a while.

00:43:05.020 Never make cookies.

00:43:05.780 I just mean putting them out and seeing them in the morning.

00:43:07.520 We would put them out, and there'd be a bite.

00:43:09.100 I mean, I think, well, this is what I'm talking about.

00:43:10.840 We still do.

00:43:11.340 it's like like the joke is like you know my mother in her her late 70s right it's like yeah

00:43:18.900 and it's like mom i haven't gone to bed yet okay it's like she's not allowed to put the stockings

00:43:22.920 out until we're all asleep and she's like i'm tight she wants to go to bed at nine i'm like

00:43:26.980 well i'm sorry i'm up watching movies till 4 a.m so yeah yeah so see you down there at 4 45 when

00:43:33.080 you hear me me and are sure that i'm dead asleep then you can come in i had a flash of my mom my

00:43:40.920 mom unbelievable christmas present rapper i mean unbelievable decorator i mean worked in production

00:43:46.360 design she so a production design mother doing christmas for an only child just sit with that

00:43:53.040 okay imagine what i got used to and an elf forgot something an elf forgot something and then

00:43:59.520 she and the wrapping and i was like how did she even i was imagining my mother i guess she did

00:44:05.040 days in advance i have to ask her but sorry just imagining advent calendar of poog christmas

00:44:11.120 specific trivia okay okay or 12 days of christmas poog specific trivia win a piece of merch okay

00:44:18.000 but i'm going you know what did what did the little elf forget on christmas

00:44:23.120 diamond crusted whistle okay gem encrusted whistle what do you think about sexualized

00:44:30.140 christmas okay as in kind of what i'm doing like santee all for it really you don't think it's

00:44:38.500 it's repulsive like it's not christmas is not sexual to me but it is romantic yes but that's

00:44:45.180 what that's what i'm sort of saying is is is a short is a mini version of you know i'm mrs claus

00:44:51.840 you know what i mean of interest i think not really i think not really i think i'd rather show up

00:45:00.360 full um rudolph to a party then then sexy four legs yeah yeah take someone who's not part of

00:45:11.760 the friend group right like of whatever party i'm attending yeah they're they're in the back

00:45:16.800 of my costume that's next level you go you hire them no they're a friend they're just not your

00:45:21.420 a friend. So they're playing your ass? Yes. First of all, all right, let's move into product corner 1.00

00:45:26.120 with the coziest hack in the world. Love you. We're going into product corner. Merry Christmas.

00:45:31.500 We love you.

00:45:51.420 listen up hags it's me kate you don't want to miss this year's extra special premium holiday drop

00:46:07.600 a christmas miracle 2024 live at hollywood forever in full video glory yours with a premium

00:46:14.360 subscription in addition you get to enjoy all the year-round benefits of becoming a dear friend

00:46:19.600 add free episodes and extra episode each month available in audio and video plus special bts

00:46:26.040 content like unlisted video and the pride of just knowing that you do more than just eavesdrop

00:46:31.860 you produce the show we love you now give yourself the gift of premium because it's christmas

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - December 23, 2025

Adult Children of Christmas

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Transcript