Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Christmas

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00:00:59.160 this is our our holiday episode it's the holiday episode you're here it's a fly by the seat of your

00:01:05.760 pants kind of the ecstatic you know hunger of a child the days before christmas i think we've

00:01:11.460 managed to sort of inject the episode with some of that energy some christmas wishes have come in

00:01:16.600 um and we'll see if santa delivers yeah i just want to say that we'll see if santa delivers

00:01:20.820 enjoy the episode have a good time oh my okay hello hello it's the holiday episode

00:01:27.580 it's the holiday episode everybody's waiting for the men with a bag okay i'm gonna continue

00:01:33.540 to reference that song throughout episodes without ever explaining welcome to the holiday 0.94

00:01:37.200 episode i just want to say it's christmas bitch even though absolutely we are we are jews and 0.73

00:01:44.820 we celebrate hanukkah yeah ish yeah but it's but yeah hanukkah is christmas too let's not deny 0.88

00:01:50.960 about you know these are the culture has absorbed christmas in a way that is christmas is for

00:01:57.340 anyone who wants to participate and i i and i don't think santa would disagree and hello my

00:02:02.880 jewish grandmother had a tree and everyone was scandalized in culver city in the 50s like you're

00:02:08.700 a self-hating jew and she was like get over it cowards you know totally so i carry on that

00:02:13.540 tradition and we all know invented by coca-cola slash i mean i don't i don't believe it you know

00:02:18.880 remember the polar bears they were huge um they were a big deal huge but yeah and also like

00:02:25.600 well there's there's many traditions from which christmas comes but i believe the christmas spirit

00:02:30.460 means it's open to all um my mother embraced uh the celebration of christmas so she was a rabbi's

00:02:36.420 daughter married my father a non-jew and you know she embraced it and we always say no one does a

00:02:41.600 no one does christmas like a jewish mother it's so true it's so true well i have to say that 0.99

00:02:47.440 how are you feeling about about the upcoming holidays how are how are your spirits right now 0.86

00:02:51.940 well you know quarantine for me is kind of the dream i've as we're talking i just all of a sudden

00:02:57.460 got this like shocking pulsing in my neck like my neck is pulsing like like there's a vein that

00:03:02.520 has released it's it's wild i mean continue i'm gonna push through time it's done and it's over

00:03:07.740 and it's over oh we're usually the in the salon chair sink that's what's shocking is that out of

00:03:13.220 nowhere i just received seizing in the neck okay and it's muscular or or vascular vascular of course

00:03:21.400 my greatest fear i knew you the vascular system to me yeah okay it's fine well i've become consumed

00:03:27.240 with you know well that one thing we will talk about at some point but the various systems of

00:03:30.820 the body like how some are prioritized like obviously the skeleton okay is primary for so

00:03:37.040 many as what is the form of the interior of the body right like we see skeletons all the time

00:03:40.660 we never see like vascular man oh remember the bodies exhibit well yeah it was shamed because

00:03:48.140 it was like incarcerated people were being dissected i know i know put it well in russia

00:03:54.960 okay okay and i've barely traveled in my life but i did go to russia once okay i always feel

00:04:00.380 like mention of russia you know creates an idea of endless travels and it is not yeah it's like

00:04:05.920 well if you're going to russia who knows where you've been there and missouri you know i mean

00:04:10.220 but there was this exhibit based on like the weird doctor of peter the great and it was one of the

00:04:17.480 early sort of you know babies in jars um he was like a doctor who saved all of the he kept all

00:04:24.320 the babies and fetuses but also just you know intensely deformed um babies from i don't know 0.55

00:04:32.300 when when was peter the great oh it's humiliating i know listeners right in

00:04:37.640 right in right in snail mail okay this is live like on on um forums or so or like

00:04:44.740 questions under a product where someone's like hey does this like have nuts in it or something

00:04:49.840 and then someone someone literally takes the time to sign in and answer like oh i have no idea

00:04:54.120 right you've seen this they're like no idea i'm sorry yeah like how like it's so cute utter

00:05:00.780 loneliness i know i know it is sweet but it's like it's like i'm gonna pipe in to say i have

00:05:04.740 nothing to say i know but anyway i'm soaring on keto eggnog i made this morning okay it's okay

00:05:10.840 and by the way this isn't the almond milk brand eggnog which we know that you're i whipped i

00:05:17.440 whipped egg yolks this morning that's what's in the keto that's the keto well that's what eggnog

00:05:23.780 i'm getting overwhelmed i'm gonna okay hang on the babies in russia i need to be brought back

00:05:28.380 you don't let me forget that we'll definitely finish it now all right fine and then we're

00:05:33.960 gonna go back into the holidays well it was like christmas morning for me when i walked into that

00:05:38.040 museum okay because it was peter the great's museum of oddities pure oddities here we go

00:05:43.440 two-faced janice peter the great's boots that were like you know massive because he was supposedly

00:05:48.380 like 12 feet tall okay but anyway deformed babies in jars okay fetuses etc etc like a lot of um you

00:05:56.140 conjoined twins because you know he saved them to study them so they were pickled in jars and

00:06:01.620 what was really disgusting about what they did at the time was they would like have little

00:06:06.020 accoutrements on some of the babies like like a little lace collar oh boy and me and a friend of

00:06:12.060 mine this is how we realized like it was a it was like this program and we were there collar in the

00:06:17.700 pickle jar yes okay yes fabrics were were well they were trying to somehow neuter how brutal it

00:06:24.100 was yes and then that just pronounces how horrifying it is even more exactly oh how

00:06:30.060 embarrassing wow a text a text well my is that a mac product that sounded it was absolutely a

00:06:36.280 mac product okay i've just never heard that sound or whatever or the shappels what are the apple

00:06:40.740 sheep called i don't know but i was flirting with getting a palm pilot as a radical act of

00:06:45.280 activism vintage no no not vintage the new palm pilot oh because i was like i need to get out of

00:06:50.080 like by the way i think i still might do it because i was like i need to get out of the

00:06:53.620 Apple system. Like I'm tired of this. It's ruined my life. But as we all know, if Apple could fix

00:07:00.560 maps and if Apple could fix mailbox, we'd be in business. I mean, whatever. I don't want to get

00:07:06.180 into my problem with the cloud. The cloud's a joke. By the way, it's as insecure as a literal

00:07:12.100 cloud. Hey, would you put your data in a physical cloud in the sky? Well, it's probably safer there

00:07:18.940 than it is in apple's cloud i told you this family vacation has appeared family vacations

00:07:24.500 other people's family vacations have appeared in my cloud that is so scary it's like if it's 0.91

00:07:30.280 coming in i have like it's coming out photographs of my vagina you do sure but i delete them but 0.98

00:07:36.640 then they for my own when you when you don't have a vagina mirror at hand yes and you just go for 1.00

00:07:41.960 the phone well every you know i mean the classic of the compact mirror right is take a look down 0.64

00:07:46.960 there don't be afraid okay take a look down there with a compact mirror okay and and it's funny

00:07:52.920 because i always feel like thus anytime like a compact mirror appears like someone's compact

00:07:57.240 let's just say they pulled it out to put on some lipstick okay i'm like i'm like that thing is

00:08:02.740 like sprayed with like the breath of a vagina yeah it's like it's been held close i used my mom had 0.57

00:08:12.940 a mirror that's so iconically in my memory like on my deathbed i'll have a flash of it before i die 0.80

00:08:17.660 and it was the it was the mirror that she used to like she didn't really ever wear makeup but

00:08:22.200 she would like i don't know it's the mirror that she is and i would always use that mirror to look 0.97

00:08:25.600 at my vagina oh my god i'm picturing gold i'm picturing i'm picturing something very beautiful 0.98

00:08:31.780 no it wasn't gorgeous it was there was something filigree about it it was like a cvs five dollar 0.99

00:08:37.160 hand mirror anyway sorry i briefly was distracted by by whether how my teeth looked under this

00:08:44.040 sharp red lip you see because i don't know please continue well actually i do want to reference the

00:08:50.060 brands we're wearing okay you know for tagging shout out kosas thank you for sending me some

00:08:55.920 of the red lipstick because i love a red lip i feel naked without it and i do want to get into

00:09:01.720 because this is this is the classic issue right of clean beauty because lipstick's one of those

00:09:06.500 things you should go clean right because you know as a femme woman you eat like 14 tubes of lipstick 0.77

00:09:11.320 every six years or whatever so i've like not like my intestines are lined with nars yeah and that

00:09:17.160 can't be good high pigment high pigment i mean i love a nars red but now i'm realizing like the

00:09:23.220 lipstick probably you really do want to go natural and that's what it is i'm like okay i want to live

00:09:27.080 in a world where i'm natural on the body clean beauty on the hair but then for my face let the

00:09:32.100 toxins go like i feel like i'll take a little poison on the face if it's gonna work you know

00:09:36.480 i'm just not gonna put poison on my so if it works i mean we'll welcome to you know botox

00:09:41.360 which i've never done but i mean it's like you'll do anything it is it's literal botulism i mean

00:09:46.940 people know this i'm not breaking the news here please do not mistake me for thinking i'm breaking

00:09:51.120 the news no but a berry stain tires me okay i try though i try to get the tinted balms in other

00:09:57.940 was natural lip yeah doesn't call to me because to me lipstick has such a classic 80s I mean

00:10:03.920 obviously it existed before then okay but like the perversion of um twisting a tube of lipstick

00:10:09.880 and it emerging in its delicacy I know it's all there is not even subtextual it's just right there 0.60

00:10:15.520 right and it's like I mean it's very like penis emerging but through twist action which is 0.65

00:10:20.100 shocking like that would be bold you know what I mean but it's like yeah yeah so there's just 0.87

00:10:23.820 something about lipstick that I kind of I don't know like I get bummed out when I know it's a

00:10:28.600 tinted balm instead of a lipstick yeah I never I go nothing over a tinted balm I haven't used

00:10:34.300 chapstick in years and by chapstick I mean even I buy them okay so here's the thing though and I

00:10:38.540 will accept them as gifts I absolutely will and I a tinted balm has suddenly become interesting

00:10:43.720 to me because I for years of course just a straight lipstick but then yes sorry to say it

00:10:47.940 again but Kosas really does have a nice kind of natural tinted balm that I do enjoy did you reach

00:10:53.720 out to them um post poog yourself or with no mention of nary a mention of of a co-host because

00:11:00.420 it better have been free i purchased co-sauce yes and i saw go on no there's really nothing else

00:11:08.580 wait i don't know if i'm picturing the right one k-o-s-a-s what red lip are you wearing okay so 0.98

00:11:14.320 i am wearing what am i wearing right now whose red lip is this fuck oh milk milk makeup og red 0.97

00:11:21.800 did i get that did they send that to me no i think um i think i received that wow um i think 0.98

00:11:28.980 i got that during the run of my show um okay got it which is coming back next year tour will uh

00:11:34.280 continue or start cannot wait can't wait no but there's um and what we're gonna do obviously a

00:11:40.040 makeup episode which i'm very curious about more of the of the clean makeup world back just a quick

00:11:46.160 shout out to another great red westman atelier which is like super fancy atelier atelier wow 0.93

00:11:52.760 they make this red compact that costs like 862 dollars but it's all natural and the reds are

00:11:59.440 gorgeous but i found this is the one kind of natural version what are they called it's french

00:12:05.500 and they're like buley 1840 or something okay it's a french brand i'll look it up we'll drop

00:12:11.100 it in during the hour okay i think it was like buley 1830 or something but but anyway it was like

00:12:17.080 his french brand you know the the translation via the website was not perfect and i loved it okay

00:12:23.640 but anyway they had a terracotta little pot that you like wet with a brush and the terracotta

00:12:30.040 naturally you're wiping wet terracotta clay onto you oh my god they were i saw something from them

00:12:38.840 featured on you know my favorite the strategist that's like that's like the early days when it's

00:12:44.280 like well you know what they used to do the peasants would write beets on their lips and by

00:12:48.520 the way it's true how do you feel about that i have to say i love it because a beat i've done

00:12:53.460 it myself and a beat i also have discovered a latent beet allergy raw beets make my mouth itch

00:12:59.460 oh my god kate yeah okay this is this is actually breaking news i've uncovered my first intolerance

00:13:05.840 that i covered my first one yes beets raw beets make my mouth itch and i've been running away

00:13:10.840 from that for years glowing from the knowledge to have this added to your list well i also think

00:13:15.540 sometimes walnuts make my mouth itch well you should avoid them or it may get worse oh my god

00:13:20.980 are you kidding exposure it can increase the allergic response i would think that would be

00:13:25.540 the opposite yes i could see you doubting me in the face well as you know i don't like to speak

00:13:30.900 of my specific allergies on air and in public because i have that fear the drake hotel as you

00:13:35.800 said okay someone sends over an item uh to take me out yeah they're gonna send you yeah oh a

00:13:43.100 gentleman sent this uh pate to you and of course i would i would gobble it up uh you know and um

00:13:49.920 what were we saying sorry oh exposure exposure anyway yes so like with my allergic things it

00:13:57.220 was like worse through the years it started with with mouth itch then it expanded to unbelievable

00:14:02.880 vomiting etc etc but there's a thing with exposure therapy which is like micro micro micro they do

00:14:08.740 it in a very careful way that like you know slowly gets you um safe but well you know one of my

00:14:14.280 humiliations and this is back to the holidays okay where i really want to spend some time one of my

00:14:19.000 great humiliations um you know in the sense of just my own addiction response around food and

00:14:26.440 sugar. And that's why, you know, people laugh at me. Okay. And they don't. Okay. But, you know,

00:14:30.640 you know, people think I'm, you know, oh, sugar free. Like I'm doing it, like I'm doing it to be

00:14:35.420 cool. Okay. Or like, or for moral reasons. No. Okay. My addiction exhausts me. Okay. So for

00:14:43.640 example, there was a particular nut, I'll say there was a particular nut that I am highly

00:14:49.680 allergic to I won't name the nut okay okay but it was Christmas Eve I was an adult okay and I was

00:14:57.100 back at my parents house someone brought over a box of you know truffles and chocolates that sort

00:15:02.780 of thing the map you know the map that comes with it to tell you what's what there was a problem

00:15:09.560 with I because I study those things very carefully you know I noticed exactly what the map and

00:15:15.820 checked it against the chocolate okay of course and thought i had found the one that i was looking

00:15:20.940 at took a bite started to get some itch in the mouth no and we had to you know run out on christmas

00:15:27.680 eve okay to the one little convenience store and and and get the benadryl and you know and it was

00:15:33.780 just it was um because i couldn't like and this is not the only time i've risked this is well

00:15:41.740 well i have it here but this was at my parents and you know yeah but no better drill in the house

00:15:47.760 and and this isn't the only time that my desperation for sugar has led to me risking

00:15:52.120 an allergic response such as when four macarons okay appeared this is pathetic okay ready

00:15:57.560 anytime free food is given to me like at a hotel like any like like anytime uh it comes in as like

00:16:04.400 like oh look there's a little welcome thing that the comedy festival gave a four macarons okay

00:16:10.940 one's pink one's yellow one's green and one's purple and in they go i avoid the green one

00:16:16.400 thinking it might be pistachio i leave that one behind come back a little tipsy post-show okay

00:16:21.240 and i go it's probably not they wouldn't give something with a nut not tell you

00:16:27.100 munch munch munch allergic reaction no and down went the macaron uh and i've never been clear

00:16:39.220 because you hear a lot of people call them like macaroons well yeah i'm like around okay okay it's

00:16:45.580 like funny i see one oh right i see one oh wait there's one oh in macaron like the mac girl like

00:16:53.360 the you know but french puffy the french puffy thing but yeah in pastels do you see are you

00:16:58.720 familiar but i'm talking about a chocolate dipped coconut macaroon well those pick up okay those are

00:17:06.720 those are deli yeah and i'm big on those are good well okay okay but the macaroon yeah well did you

00:17:14.180 ever have them i feel like you didn't but like i had the jewish tin of them not tin a

00:17:19.860 like culture supermarket the pringles can i had those honey i had those because sometimes i think

00:17:29.860 But you're like L.A., you know, I don't know, Dada-ist upbringing led to, like, you know, unusual choices where, I don't know, where we would go to the supermarket and get those kosher aisle macaroons.

00:17:47.220 No, please. 0.58

00:17:48.000 I grew up with my father eating Subway four times a week.

00:17:51.040 Wait, eating what?

00:17:52.060 Subway four times a week.

00:17:53.800 Oh, OK.

00:17:55.640 OK, honestly, my dad eats Subway five times a week.

00:17:59.340 my dad constantly bless him walk on the door going to subway and i would always be like no

00:18:04.020 for years i did it i said yes i really ordered wrong there i would get the veggie delight like 0.88

00:18:09.440 an absolute fool like oh here's some green bell peppers a piece of provolone from hell 0.82

00:18:15.080 and it's served on bread that was that's actually technically shoes and okay i i i maybe they are 1.00

00:18:22.920 maybe the bread is shoes but it's baked in house so yeah like it's baked in house

00:18:27.460 it is made out of chairs i don't care what jared fogle did yeah i don't care what jared did the

00:18:34.080 bread's delicious all right guys grab a slice of the panettone because it's time to go to ads

00:18:43.260 is it pronounced panenony that's going in

00:18:46.580 welcome back more holiday episode now i just got dizzy your vascular issue

00:18:56.780 no the neck stopped but i just got a wave of dizziness but i think i'm hot by the way by the

00:19:01.340 way this is the christmas episode and we are gonna get back on track but i just have to say that i

00:19:05.840 just want to quickly say jacqueline i'm i've never been more dry and by the way it's my own fault i

00:19:11.220 haven't been drinking water the way i normally do my skin is no parched beyond i'm in the middle of

00:19:15.700 the sahara i i don't see an end in sight i'm really scared something's happening i've never

00:19:20.380 been so dry is it it's living with the heater on is it that simple wait let me just take this in

00:19:25.660 for a second so the only thing that's changed is heaters on and you haven't been drinking as much

00:19:30.580 water yeah so of course i mean i've told you a thousand times well water is not real no here's

00:19:35.240 the thing water for the skin is not real i i feel like i covered this but i'm not sure i've said it

00:19:39.600 you said it and it's so controversial that i still don't want to believe it i didn't i don't think

00:19:44.220 it's out there yet i don't think it's out there on poog yet i've brought it up six times it's

00:19:47.760 always been edited out okay this is heresy it's actually the heresy is too strong so basically

00:19:53.080 i've read some articles in which dermatologists say oh um yeah drink water i mean if you're

00:19:59.780 severely dehydrated where like your health is compromised okay sure your skin might not look

00:20:05.380 its best but you can't hydrate from the inside out no i don't want to believe it you wish it's

00:20:12.300 a husk for a reason it's an it's you know okay as you said famously the largest organ i wish that

00:20:18.520 was my line it was one of the most irritating facts along with you know you know why you fall

00:20:22.380 sleep after the turkey yeah yeah what's another one of those oh chris always likes to annoy me

00:20:32.340 with um well you know heat rises so okay he tells me he rises like like it's new every time and i

00:20:42.500 lose my mind i mean on purpose to annoy me to be clear but wait oh oh so so but have you been

00:20:48.060 oiling have you been no listen i'm getting actually too worked up this is the christmas episode i

00:20:52.880 don't want to drop we're gonna do skincare part three we'll get into it i want to do i think we

00:20:57.560 should do a whole episode on dryness we'll see but yes no but i i just i we are gonna move on

00:21:03.480 and of course skincare will be covered you know in other episodes but i just want to get some so

00:21:07.220 you've turned the heater on since and what kind of heater is it radiator uh forced air i had a 0.93

00:21:13.380 space heater a shit space heater wow at any point could knock knock over incinerate my whole life 0.98

00:21:18.960 i have one of those well it's hard for you you need to go infrared now okay i ordered an infrared 0.99

00:21:25.940 lamp but we'll talk about that in another episode okay okay and a tripod just i'm so dry i've aged

00:21:31.960 14 years in two weeks no i know but you can but here's the thing can i get it back jacqueline you

00:21:37.160 can because you just need to sloth that off and start fresh you sloth it off okay and you you

00:21:43.100 can absolutely start fresh but i got a couple things to tell you okay where's your humidifier

00:21:46.680 at the market i haven't bought it yet somebody knows what they're getting for christmas okay

00:21:51.080 okay humidifier humidifiers okay okay and and and guess what you're gonna love the humidifier world

00:21:58.400 because well it's full of trying to choose the right one failing okay like the jury's out i

00:22:06.420 have been as a child, Jacqueline. You're actually I'm getting every night or every night. Interesting.

00:22:12.480 I fell asleep to the hum of a humidifier for years as a child. Now, what did it look like?

00:22:16.560 I miss being a child. There. People can't see your face. But what you did was I'm going to

00:22:22.620 fucking say it. I'm being a child. That's what it was. You're like, there it is. And I've had 0.99

00:22:27.700 that a couple of times, too. And we are taught to be ashamed. OK, the nostalgia baking and the

00:22:32.560 nostalgia flavors that i've been seeking out i've been eating you know rebel my favorite okay high

00:22:36.780 fat ice cream i've been eating the creamsicle flavor okay oh and just tasting any any flavor

00:22:45.360 from childhood provides some kind of immediate comfort yes and it's like and yet but i find

00:22:52.680 that things from a few years back or like teenage college no comfort there no comfort to be found

00:22:59.280 there the past and that is sorry to bring it back to the holidays but that really it's just a huge

00:23:04.400 national regression every year like all we do it's an international regression it's like yeah

00:23:10.740 to mommy and it's like wanting to go back and it's like this need to return to the womb or a need to

00:23:17.160 be a child again and that which is also completely fine you know we're allowed no i mean from what

00:23:22.540 is it from 2292 that whatever that song is about christmas yeah the melody has left me i don't know

00:23:30.800 i don't know and by the way you know we we crank tunes in this house oh we crank holiday tunes i

00:23:36.940 love holiday tunes i love holiday tunes sweetheart you don't know the man with the bag that's true

00:23:42.480 actually everybody's waiting for the man with the bag written in 1950 i checked okay wow okay well

00:23:48.520 actually i checked and it was written sometime around them but anyway sorry i got um oh but

00:23:53.080 their national regression i want to discuss the regression the national regression are you on your

00:23:57.320 phone no not at all it's like in my hand yeah yeah but keep going do you have to understand as

00:24:02.580 you know we've talked about it when you call me out and i love that you love being called out and

00:24:06.520 also it's like i get terrified i do not like calling people out right that's why my stomach

00:24:12.020 turns like with terror i really appreciate the courage of you calling me out is felt and it

00:24:16.540 comes from pure love and i should be called out but i just now i was looking at my hand not my

00:24:19.880 phone no i do it for both of us i mean like i do it i do it for brother sakes and it's good it's

00:24:23.640 good practice for me in like confrontation not meaning that you're going to abandon me yes which

00:24:30.740 is like the child's fear you know or whatever in some psychological battery of of confrontation

00:24:37.220 is so difficult even the smallest refusing a gift feels like confrontation and by that i mean like

00:24:42.980 oh, do you want some eggnog? I just made it. And if you don't want it, you have to be like,

00:24:47.240 yes, I do. And then you have to have an excuse. And this is where illness can become power in

00:24:53.160 some cases and why people don't want to heal. Okay. Okay. Not all cases, please, please hear

00:24:58.000 me in this. Okay. Not all cases, obviously, but just on some cases. Okay. Okay. When illness is

00:25:03.720 power, we, we, we, we can't just say, okay, I'm going to leave the party now because I want to

00:25:09.940 go home. Okay. Yeah. You have to, I have a headache. I'm tired. Do you see illness is

00:25:14.260 power? Yes, totally. Totally. Okay. And so we do it, we do it all the time, but gift opening is

00:25:19.300 one of my favorite subjects because for one, I really don't like the fear of how others feel

00:25:25.360 or their feelings being hurt. Not saying I don't do it in a thousand other ways, but I fear that

00:25:30.900 so greatly. So present opening is, is profound anxiety for me and it runs the family. My mother

00:25:36.760 and her sister used to as children practice opening gifts like and they put this like weird 0.99

00:25:43.100 goofy figurine that was in the house like this like stupid thing and they practice opening it 0.53

00:25:48.620 and trying to have like a good reaction to it and i thought we could do it a little bit today 0.67

00:25:52.700 that is okay because i want to see your gift opening to some so i'll give you like i'll give 0.78

00:25:59.260 you something okay i'll give you something like stupid okay upon opening or because because here

00:26:04.600 this is okay it's like i'm coming over let's just say okay and i pull out something wrapped okay okay 0.98

00:26:11.140 by the way do you think a gift is truly better than no gift wait do you think like like like 0.80

00:26:19.100 is it better to bring something stupid than nothing at all do you know what i mean or like 0.96

00:26:25.120 well would you rather be empty-handed to be empty-handed right like a small trinket that 0.98

00:26:30.440 will just haunt like that you want don't want yeah well similarly i think cards can be a burden

00:26:35.980 right because people they feel like they can't put a card right in the trash so i have often

00:26:41.660 written on a card and i'm really proud of this okay in the bottom something like expiration date

00:26:46.400 you know december 28th okay please discard after december 28th you know what i've been doing that

00:26:53.740 so they don't feel guilty isn't that wonderful so i this year i that's brilliant and i've been

00:26:58.880 ruthlessly throwing away baby announcements oh guess what because for years my fridge will not

00:27:06.780 the fridge cannot hold i feel like that's a huge part of like honor it and people yeah honor it

00:27:12.620 and send it into recycling gently and also don't you dare make it a magnet

00:27:17.300 okay if your baby announces a magnet that's bold dare you yeah i'm not putting it on my smeg

00:27:26.540 i'm just kidding i don't have a smeg imagine if i had a smeg smeg is like by the way can you

00:27:32.060 believe the name can you believe the name smeg i'll take a smeg oh but i'll call it smeg i'll 0.98

00:27:38.000 call it smeg smeg is well isn't the word like fucking like smegma or something 0.98

00:27:44.680 i'm doing the smear smear you know brilliant like jesse klein like joke ages ago pap smear 0.98

00:27:52.840 isn't that genius i love her um okay the gifts all right kate read the card first read the card

00:28:00.880 first okay okay all right so kate all right here it is kate okay okay i got you a gift okay here's

00:28:06.460 your gift are you ready for your gift don't worry it's no big deal oh and there's a card on top

00:28:11.680 yeah let's say you open the card is it in an envelope yes wow okay oh my oh my god i love you

00:28:21.640 i love you too okay and then i open it up all right open it oh now let's say it's something

00:28:28.420 absolutely so like what do you hate let's say it was like a dissected frog in glass okay okay

00:28:33.920 oh my god you're crazy is that what i would say well if it was me a dear friend i think you'd

00:28:40.980 you'd go i would go go okay wait take it in it's like no i know what i do i know my technique is i

00:28:46.360 go i go i go wait a minute oh my oh my god like i think that my angle would be like complete like

00:28:54.640 wait are you serious no like disbelief i would choose disbelief as my angle to ramp up because

00:29:05.240 you know you couldn't sell just simple like like joy no and i'm already imagining like okay okay i

00:29:10.680 know you like me explaining the gift as you're opening it okay here's a big one for me okay

00:29:15.780 what about a gift they sometimes come in bags but not always okay where there's multiple things in

00:29:23.160 the bag okay like there's let's just say like so you feel one and it's like okay so you reach into

00:29:29.220 a bag okay pull out the first thing okay and open that okay and let's say there's a little candle in

00:29:36.740 there okay oh it's beautiful i love it whatever okay oh thank you so much yeah okay so i open up

00:29:42.920 now let's say you're what there's like there's a couple things in there i pretend or not pretend

00:29:49.200 i act as if there's no way there's anything else in that bag oh wow and then and then jacqueline

00:29:57.560 there's more yeah jacqueline there's more okay i go oh my god yeah okay it's disgusting to root

00:30:02.740 around you can't remember the tissue paper like a ferret yeah okay yeah throwing tissue paper on 0.74

00:30:08.140 you're over your shoulder looking for more you monster yeah okay so i wait to be urged there's

00:30:12.560 more that's smart even if the person to me says you know there's two more things in there there's 0.86

00:30:17.380 two more things you pretend to forget i pretend to forget and and then i open the second object

00:30:22.680 okay and i'm and then i move the bag like we are done here that's beautiful thank you no there's

00:30:28.380 more there's one more thing there's one more thing okay and then wow okay but i do absolutely

00:30:33.380 no rooting around and this brings me to the one thing i want to talk about it's secret santa and

00:30:37.120 Not Secret Santa.

00:30:37.820 Whatever the one is where there's the bag

00:30:40.300 and everyone reaches, grab bag.

00:30:41.980 What is that?

00:30:42.680 Yeah, grab bag.

00:30:43.260 A white elephant?

00:30:44.060 No, because that's that thing where you get to trade up. 1.00

00:30:46.340 Oh, which by the way, fuck you. 1.00

00:30:49.520 That's a very like, 1.00

00:30:51.000 is that like very Goyam white elephant?

00:30:54.140 Like, do you know what I mean?

00:30:55.260 Like I did my first white elephant last year.

00:30:57.480 Oh, yeah.

00:30:57.880 I really classically freeze up around games.

00:31:00.780 I don't like group games.

00:31:03.140 And I actually can get really angry.

00:31:05.200 my belief of the worst words in the english language and it's not even a full sentence

00:31:08.780 it's just the first few what okay let's everyone go around the room and that's it that's all you

00:31:16.660 need whatever's coming that's so scary that's so scary say what you're thankful for say your name

00:31:21.480 and an animal that also starts with that name no something about by the way i just want to say i

00:31:26.440 had fun with the white elephant which is kind of so i go back on what i said well often once no i

00:31:31.300 never want to play a game and then often i'm loving the game oh no i just had a memory

00:31:35.420 oh no at the white elephant last year i it was like i was a little pissed because i got like

00:31:42.340 some joke ones or whatever and one of them i was like it was so i was like what did you say

00:31:46.980 something rude okay no i said something i kind of held it up and was like what is this somebody

00:31:52.120 had actually made it oh no it was it was like made from cork and then but by the way then the

00:32:01.040 gifts really like retained some value and i was like oh by the way where is it now i wonder but

00:32:05.000 and then i had to really overcompensate and i felt so horrified because i had dancing for the

00:32:09.600 next three hours and trying to contextualize your early response not wanting to switch gifts i had

00:32:15.740 to perform not wanting to switch gifts well thank god okay i'm i'm moved i got the opportunity to

00:32:20.420 be like no no no i'm keeping this i'm keeping this oh my god i would watch this movie and i

00:32:25.260 we need i want to talk about because there's the ontological crisis of giving and receiving gifts

00:32:30.580 and it's endless and it chases us our whole lives and and the presents because the depression that

00:32:37.060 follows the opening of the presents as a child christmas you're tearing through all the gifts

00:32:41.640 the utter depression that follows in the moments after okay i have to say something that this is

00:32:46.920 really embarrassing because it really highlights how violently spoiled i was as a child oh my god

00:32:52.440 okay i can't believe i'm gonna reveal it actually reveal it knowing that later we could cut it if

00:32:59.380 it must be okay so only child right my christmas mornings were like full-blown

00:33:06.300 bacchanalia for one for one daughter you mean like a christmas miracle

00:33:15.420 a dionesian for one it was like absolute just like richie rich like marie presents galore like

00:33:27.120 you have no idea like like my my stocking was so overstuffed there were presents on the ground

00:33:32.760 so there were things below the stocking i won't lie i won't lie our full stockings also had to go

00:33:44.840 on the ground because they they couldn't be held up by a single nail i won't lie okay

00:33:50.040 okay because my this is a funny thing related to the depression okay so as we were opening gifts

00:33:57.180 again it's the one thing we really celebrate hardcore and like get really into it but like

00:34:01.440 as we were opening gifts my brother or whoever would say because there started to be the panic

00:34:06.380 of the diminishing gifts okay yeah my brother would always go like we still have the stockings

00:34:12.040 you do stockings after yeah okay whoa okay as a way of we still have the stockings is like

00:34:19.380 it's like this separate

00:34:20.460 and there's like there's peace there's peace in it also and then the other thing that's so

00:34:28.080 disgusting about regression slash and i do think this is generational and chris believes this is

00:34:32.820 the baby boomers did this and it's their fault okay because they wanted to remain the parents

00:34:37.160 they didn't want to turn into grandparents there's an extreme regression where like my parents are in 0.98

00:34:40.840 their 70s and we still expect them to like run christmas like yeah and us who are adults to be

00:34:46.880 the children like literally like like i wouldn't my mother's like like you know like 70 okay and

00:34:53.100 and i'm like and she's like can i just put the presents out the night before like do i have to

00:34:56.440 do it at 4 a.m okay so that we all run down and there's a surprise and i'm like no mother you're

00:35:03.320 gonna no like no you have to do it you have to be able to crack it on i'm like i'm like pigging out

00:35:08.640 like in front of the tv watching it's a wonderful life like and it's like and it's like you know

00:35:12.580 like until i go to bed she's not allowed to do it it's so wrong by the way i just had a flash as

00:35:17.560 you know because i'm an only child i'm constantly living in the fear of my inevitable the inevitable

00:35:22.780 reality that i'll be an orphan and so i'm always planning my future christmases and i just realized

00:35:27.060 i have to be at your christmas one year okay i'm starting to plant the seeds now for when i'm an

00:35:31.580 orphan absolutely of course it really helps absolutely you can all you can come okay back

00:35:38.760 to my most i have to say my horrifying detail which is that yes so the absolute bacchanalia

00:35:43.780 the the embarrassment the opulence the shocking opulence oh my god although i want to be clear

00:35:50.380 wasn't like i was getting high price tag it wasn't like i was getting like you know there was just a

00:35:54.780 lot okay but i remember this thing of tearing through and it would take hours it would take

00:35:59.600 hours to unwrap the presents and then i remember this i remember this one specific christmas of

00:36:04.200 like being like just like right afterwards just like so the the come down right of the high

00:36:11.300 and then my mom and then maybe it was the next day i was like still depressed

00:36:16.620 and my mom this is so my mom truly oops they forgot one

00:36:24.540 santa must have oops did they run out to get it because of your depression or

00:36:32.180 they planned it originally no i think no

00:36:35.700 one more no i look at elf must have left one behind the couch by accident

00:36:42.960 see this is and it was a whistle it was a gem encrusted whistle

00:36:47.440 no it was not a gem encrusted whistle that i wanted that i hadn't received it

00:36:52.680 i strike me down i really hope i didn't bring it up but i i must have i must have after opening

00:36:57.180 all the presents gone i didn't get the whistle no no okay i hate so this is another thing i hate

00:37:04.220 okay i would never like utter and okay like okay so like this girl this is a perfect story okay okay

00:37:10.200 of that exact thing i am i'm i go like i get sick with guilt okay around these things the fear of

00:37:16.920 any of that like i could never utter i didn't get the whistle like never i would i would i mean did

00:37:22.240 it would haunt me for years i'm haunted by one time telling a woman when i was like three and

00:37:27.520 she gave me this bracelet of like these plastic like this rainbow plastic heart thing it was great 0.66

00:37:32.200 for some fucking psychotic ocd reason i said i didn't like it meanwhile wore it every day for 0.94

00:37:38.000 the next three years okay it still haunts me it was like i was trying it out it was like i was 0.96

00:37:42.260 trying out what it would feel like to do that but but here's the best story okay so this girl told

00:37:47.240 me this once that she begged and begged and begged and begged for this specific doll okay okay okay 0.99

00:37:53.820 begged and begged and begged that's why i miss being a kid you could just fucking beg for presents 0.97

00:37:57.700 right keep going open begging yeah yeah yeah okay keep going then christmas eve she's lying in bed 0.97

00:38:03.440 she knows they got it for her yeah okay and she sobs all night because she doesn't want it anymore

00:38:09.920 that's beautiful isn't that the best just that really is life i know but wait go back to what

00:38:18.420 you were saying about opening no recollection of anything i said oh oh the grab bag the grab bag

00:38:24.400 yes okay whatever that thing is where everyone puts a gift in the bag for the office okay or 1.00

00:38:29.180 whatever okay okay or the group of friends on the team i think you're a pig and an asshole okay if 1.00

00:38:36.120 you root around with your hand in that back oh that feels bad and stupid no no thank you okay 1.00

00:38:42.000 that rooting around for quote something good like horrible devastates me i'm still haunted by i 0.99

00:38:50.860 remember my brother having a birthday party at like 13 or something okay and he opened this gift

00:38:56.900 from one guy and it was this varney i don't know this was big in like 1990 or something it was like

00:39:01.960 varney france like like tennis or biking like whatever this brand pulls it out and it has like

00:39:08.900 this you know emblem on the front it was like oh this is awesome okay and then i look over and this

00:39:13.840 other guy okay jimmy okay was like was like guess my gift won't matter now okay no because he had

00:39:22.800 also gotten him a varney france shirt and like it brutalized me it brutalized me have you ever

00:39:30.800 seen karate kid no you haven't no typical i know he says something and i covered this in my

00:39:36.640 depression book which just came out on audiobook and we'll be doing a full episode on okay um um

00:39:41.780 there was a part in in um his mother saves up and gets him a great bike okay he's wanted a bike 0.64

00:39:50.500 but then the asshole bullies have like have wheels okay and are like and have a car and all this kind 0.74

00:39:56.460 of stuff and i think he gets chased down by them and like the bike you know gets like 0.99

00:40:00.800 messed up oh no i can't take that are you ready no no it's worse he kicks the bike and says 0.99

00:40:05.820 stupid bike i want to kill myself when i hear that i want to i want to end it the mother like 0.99

00:40:10.460 saved and was so excited and then like and like and then it's like he's like kicked it over stories 0.99

00:40:15.600 go too far stories go too damn far they're much like the fruit jewels that mar the challah that

00:40:25.380 is the panettone or panettone bread. Ads must mar the bread that is this episode. In you go, folks.

00:40:41.920 Welcome back from the ads, you Christmas freaks. I just want to tell you about my Christmas tree

00:40:46.420 because I'm really excited. When else am I going to get to do it? Okay, I went fake. I went fake,

00:40:49.840 aka artificial. Love it. From treetopia.com and everything about what they did was fantastic.

00:40:55.380 and i'm i sprung for the real feel okay there's like the whatever the pvc shreds in the center

00:41:01.460 deeper in and then the ends of the branches yeah well same with a real tree you know so that's true

00:41:07.980 actually what am i talking about but anyway this is what i'm proud of i got led led is less scary

00:41:12.240 you don't feel it heating up under you however people don't appreciate the way the lights look

00:41:16.640 they don't have the same warmth of an incandescent for me however guess what i did i'm obsessed with

00:41:21.800 lights okay okay i got some acrylic paint and i once it was already on the tree i went over every

00:41:28.080 single light i love you okay colored lights to to soften the glow of the led okay you're like my mom

00:41:36.780 that's something that my mom would do and it is beautiful and then the other thing i want to say

00:41:42.380 that i think you'll understand okay so a thing in my family that me and my mom and sister in

00:41:47.700 particular are really intense about with gifts okay and this is part of the like depression thing

00:41:51.320 okay it's like we don't believe in spreading the gifts out like to make it quote look bigger

00:41:58.260 okay okay like for example you know if you don't pile them but instead spread them out like okay

00:42:05.120 maybe they'll reach across the room okay we believe that the true plenty okay is the short

00:42:11.760 tall stack is to stuff it as deep into the tree as possible and stack and stuff so there's a there's

00:42:17.560 a do you see the difference it's not an illusion of largeness you don't tip a present on its side

00:42:22.920 no i like that that's more opulent of like oh they're just stacked and they're falling off

00:42:27.100 each other yeah it's okay it's like a cornucopia you know you know it's like i wouldn't want four

00:42:32.860 apples at the tip of a cornucopia covering an empty thing i want it to be so clearly shoved

00:42:38.940 in there shoved in that you know no there's no space there shouldn't be a space where it seems

00:42:44.520 like there's a gift and there isn't that's the horror right right god cornucopia you saying that

00:42:48.900 i'm like i need to i need to look at some images of cornucopias because because i feel like that

00:42:53.600 was a really defining image for me as a child well it sounds like it was it was it was a symbol

00:42:58.060 of your childhood i'm writing down here cornucopia because i'm trying to think of like

00:43:03.180 like earlier in the year i realized like shells i was like i think shell imagery is going to be

00:43:07.360 important for me and the cornucopia and the shell is kind of similar and now i'm thinking of the

00:43:11.680 pineal gland in the brain right well the pine cone the pine cone did you get that from the

00:43:16.880 energy healer we both worked with anita because that's where i learned about the pine cone i don't

00:43:20.140 know where i heard about it initially but we were we'll talk about that at some point we we worked

00:43:23.940 for the same guy and actually we'll have her on it'd be really we should have her on and i want

00:43:26.740 her to dissect what a terrible worker i was i don't want her to dissect what a terrible worker

00:43:30.500 i was because i don't have the fortitude to take criticism what we're referencing here folks is

00:43:36.800 jacqueline i both worked for the same energy healer in manhattan and i completely decimated her

00:43:41.440 the emails with her accountant i mean you can't imagine i can barely i can't do any of it and the

00:43:46.040 accountant was able to immediately uncover me as a fraud and i was i spent most of the day on twitter

00:43:50.840 and like printing out my headshots well she was very supportive of our like goals and sometimes

00:43:55.440 we would like leave together to go to she made the most delicious soups it was soups with the

00:43:59.320 seeds on top damn yeah she once told me she was like read my chart and she was like wow you are

00:44:04.660 out there she was like your neptune is crazy but that was kind of cool well you are like the word

00:44:10.960 neptune i look at you and i see it okay okay so i want to do a little fun christmas corner here

00:44:17.520 are we talking about what we want for christmas and i just have to say well first of all what do

00:44:24.380 you want for christmas jacqueline me oh my gosh um i mean aside from world peace yeah i want the

00:44:32.500 vaccine i was thinking about this earlier today as i was thinking about you know we might talk

00:44:36.820 about Christmas wishlist today and I was just I literally jumped to my head like world peace like

00:44:41.340 you're not playing the game if you say world peace you know what I mean like you're not playing the

00:44:45.800 game like it's contextually wrong to say it you know what I mean like it's like today we're talking

00:44:50.800 about gifts you know what I mean right right well I have to say that Christmas came a little early

00:44:55.960 for us because I mean we'll be trying it on air we did get the Dennis Gross LED mask which I'm

00:45:03.000 really excited to try it out. I still can't believe that we got that. I'm looking at it

00:45:07.460 right now. It's a holy grail. It's a holy grail item. I'm kind of saving it for Christmas. Like

00:45:11.380 I'm looking at it and like, I'm really excited in the next week to get that on. I tore it open

00:45:15.420 instantly. Okay. And got on my face and I've used it multiple times. The Dennis Gross facial

00:45:19.460 steamer was also sent. Will that help me with hydration? Wait, did that arrive? Yes.

00:45:24.620 Interesting. Perhaps mine was stolen by members of my apartment building because

00:45:28.560 no do you think it'll help with hydration i mean it says on the front hydrating well yeah sure

00:45:36.760 open the pore okay we'll figure it out we'll figure it out if you pack essence right on top

00:45:41.340 of it after it's wet i need some new essence but okay i mean what do you want because i actually

00:45:45.400 have i struggle to it's very hard for me to go i want this even in this podcast you know that's

00:45:50.940 why it has to be so formalized in this podcast that we're begging for for things because the

00:45:55.300 the humor of that is the only way i can do it totally totally like to just want something like

00:45:59.880 i i haven't made peace with it again i you know i have issues whereas i for whatever reason the

00:46:04.160 entitlement of my childhood i'm able to be like i want it now well i want like well what do i want

00:46:10.220 i mean honestly and by the way i'm like they're never going to give it to me and that's why i

00:46:14.260 continue to to chase is there a specific one i'm ready i'm so excited here's the thing what do you

00:46:20.340 want so we talked so much about skincare and all these things and i'm trying stuff my skin right

00:46:24.220 now is in crisis in a way it hasn't been in a while and it's really hard i think i think i know

00:46:27.840 it's emotional does it start with an n no oh what's that new face well oh well no but guess

00:46:35.440 what we're getting honey and it's huge news i do i even break do i break it now it's christmas

00:46:41.000 it's christmas little poogsters everywhere let's spell it out jacqueline and i are getting

00:46:46.360 that's too much i i p the zip the anti-aging but let me hold while i just look up what they 0.99

00:46:56.400 actually call it the zip which is a micro current at home device for your goddamn face 0.93

00:47:04.600 see i just started panicking about with guilt okay about receiving these things okay for free 0.97

00:47:09.980 and then i started having the conversation with no no it's valuable advertising for the brands

00:47:14.300 okay okay like i have to talk myself back to that because i start to i start to spiral out on guilt

00:47:19.460 no of course it's not fair we shouldn't be getting free stuff but we are and that's why we started

00:47:25.320 the podcast was to get free stuff so it's fine but i it's okay so so the zip's coming and that's

00:47:30.680 huge for me i'm so excited what's the thing you want here's what i want i want biologique

00:47:34.540 research to send me everything because i have to say something which is that i really think

00:47:41.080 that when i stick to their products my skin really shines and i feel like the hydration that i'm

00:47:46.700 lacking right now i was really having with them and i just i just wish they would send me

00:47:52.240 specifically the amniotique serum and some of the cream vipo2 i never bought it because it

00:47:58.100 was too expensive fluid i assume that i put it better be that i put on my face once i went to

00:48:02.500 hot yoga and i was like someone pissed themselves and it was my face that i was smelling okay i want

00:48:07.880 that stuff judging the others meanwhile you were the source yeah i was like someone's pissed and 0.97

00:48:12.460 it was my forehead and so i would i want biology quesherish it's so expensive and it god damn

00:48:18.780 works strike me down never a drop has landed on my skin so i'm very very eager to try well i hope

00:48:24.560 i hope they're listening okay apparently now they're available in neiman marcus but who knows

00:48:28.680 i don't know why i said that am i a neiman marcus sponsor okay i would like to find out

00:48:35.700 if you could have the biologic research okay if you could have perfect skin or a completely open

00:48:40.600 fifth chakra for life i'm serious kate because you know what i'm gonna choose and it's sick

00:48:44.980 i know i know that's why i asked you choose skin over what's fifth is really important it's the

00:48:51.020 throat chakra and it's communication it's writing it's speaking okay i take it back i take it back

00:48:55.920 i want the chakra okay good but i'd say fifth chakra plus you know the opti skin to cover my

00:49:02.800 my blemishes but listen yeah fifth chakra plus products and by the way i just said

00:49:07.200 opti skin because merry christmas i can't believe they sent us opti skin i can't believe it's

00:49:20.520 literally possibly the biggest innovation in beauty in the last 21 years i can't wait to try

00:49:25.540 it i'm worried that my skin's too dry for it right now well you do want to prep the canvas

00:49:29.280 is the only reason i haven't put it on yet okay first of all you know how i found out about opi

00:49:33.060 skin classic utter the discover page of course instagram as you know yeah cut the feed more ads

00:49:39.140 for me please okay it was an ad with in which paris hilton gifted one okay to kim kardashian

00:49:48.040 and said you're gonna be obsessed sold it's an ink jet printer for you how do you take it off

00:49:54.660 how do you take the makeup off i think the average ways okay it's not tattooing you have not tried

00:49:59.160 it yet no but i'm gonna need to run it i've unboxed it it's just it's it's serum i thought

00:50:06.440 it was that pigment or something no that's that's that's a different thing okay i can't wait to try

00:50:11.580 it i can't thank you opti skin i really can't wait to try it so we really have an embarrassment of 0.95

00:50:15.940 riches here no i keep flashing to um steve martin and in um the jerk when i think all his money's

00:50:22.640 being taken away and he says something like you know i don't care about the money it's just all 0.59

00:50:26.100 my stuff no that's bernadette peter says that oh she's like of course of course i misattributed a

00:50:32.780 great line to a man okay so so okay keep it coming kid i'm like so i want the biologique

00:50:38.020 research and i hope those listening will will get excited and send me the full line and you know

00:50:42.680 what it would do to me okay oh by the way i want to also say someone who actually deflected who's

00:50:48.000 trying not to i want to i want to put a little shade onto barbara stern oh wow okay i can't

00:50:56.380 believe you went there i'm literally in shock and i think it's a little tacky i'm not gonna do it

00:51:01.620 i'm not gonna do it no i don't think it's tacky listen we reached out to barbara stern and said

00:51:05.540 hey we love your products we'd love to try and they said no aka who the hell do you think you

00:51:11.020 are which i think is completely valid and honestly adds to the thrill okay if if if the stern cage

00:51:16.440 okay okay like you want one of the like if you're a hunter gatherer okay and one of the like turkeys

00:51:22.560 makes it away yeah the one you catch tastes that much sweeter absolutely and i start waiting for

00:51:27.840 the day when we can hashtag stern caved and they send us the line so anyone from barbara stern

00:51:33.440 listening we're still interested i still want the beauty drops i want the glow drops i want the

00:51:37.700 hyaluronic serum it's dark you know it's dark i was thinking of punishing them via something i'm

00:51:42.740 really pumped about which is skin school it's this website that analyzes the ingredients of

00:51:48.020 every beauty product and then provides matches and tells you the percentage match so let's say

00:51:52.360 you put in biology recherche yeah blah blah serum okay it spits back a bunch of products at you and

00:51:57.960 it says this product you know this cheaper product is 97 the same as biology research this one's 82

00:52:03.420 percent the same as biology school i had never heard of it so you know sterms sterms okay here

00:52:08.820 we go. Sturm's pollution drops. Okay. There's a dupe on there. And, you know, dupes are not

00:52:13.300 knockoffs. Dupes are dupes. Okay. Meaning same ingredients. Okay. So there's something on there

00:52:18.940 for her pollution drops. It's like a 97% match. And so, you know. Wow. She went there. It's kind

00:52:25.980 of interesting. And at some point, Kate, I mean, you are, you know, traditionally cheap, right? So

00:52:32.020 at some point, and we just, we literally haven't gotten around to this. I will want to tell our

00:52:38.060 cheap beauty hacks for the modern gal okay no but seriously like the cheap stuff that's good

00:52:44.840 and the dupes we must share with the listeners of course because that's that's like i'm very

00:52:49.480 excited about yeah no that's no i'm very excited about the hanes cool dry yeah 11 dollar tea sun

00:52:55.360 shirt no i love that i want some of that stuff i want oh oh oh i know what i want okay i want

00:53:01.480 this freaky parasol that oh yes I want this parasol that I saw on the goop website that

00:53:09.720 has like SPF 4000 and it's like two hundred dollars and you go on walks with it and it

00:53:15.140 protects you from aging the question is remember the black denim is like one of the most UPF

00:53:22.380 whatever I'm like so does it have to be that one or can you just have a black denim umbrella

00:53:26.160 what i mean i hear you i hear parasols protect but not all parasols are created so could i get

00:53:31.440 a beautiful vintage sundays in the park with george and then line it a little spray adhesive

00:53:37.560 and then line it with black denim on the inside we should do a parasol line well i mean i don't

00:53:43.060 know if any manufacturers want to reach out but as you know i want to do a full coveralls black

00:53:47.780 denim jumpsuit for sun protection no no i want to sell it to our listeners okay okay yeah so i want

00:53:53.180 to sell to us i want a clothing line called hag by poog hag by poog is very good that is good

00:53:59.660 actually that is good okay because because hag on a even like like i think a lot of people would be

00:54:05.160 into wearing the word hag on a sweatshirt i love that we're hags because we're certainly not gals 0.87

00:54:10.060 no and we're not ladies no and we're not the the gals of poog i mean puke city the ladies of poog 0.81

00:54:17.100 hell on earth hag embodies the truth of us which is hunger like a hungry ghost i love when you say 0.72

00:54:25.940 hungry ghost hungry ghost is fabulous because it's like i don't know if there's an archetype

00:54:29.960 i could identify with more term i think okay so what do you want jacqueline though what do you

00:54:35.060 want i i feel like yeah i'm not playing the game because whatever because my desires are buried so

00:54:40.480 deep in guilt that i can't even access them but let me think yeah help me find them kate help

00:54:45.020 i'm like the silent child on santa's knee by the way i think it's disgusting for children to sit 0.99

00:54:50.220 on a thigh i think sitting on a lap is a disgusting act because your your your vagina is pressed 1.00

00:54:57.180 downward right into his thigh hey want to come here and put your your vagina on santa's thigh 1.00

00:55:02.300 it's totally true disgusting it's totally true sitting on someone is vile inherently sexual 1.00

00:55:08.740 all right let me think what do i want i want upf um i want serious upf okay so

00:55:14.120 will you also for the listeners and myself what does UPF stand for versus SPF who knows oh she

00:55:20.380 doesn't even know I love that okay I know what I want okay go what do you want well I feel guilty

00:55:24.700 I feel guilty because it's me coming back for more Lisa are you ready yeah I want I want the new

00:55:31.100 mat from higher dose there's a new one in addition to the one they've sent us which we will have an

00:55:38.620 episode all about okay what's the mat I also want the new one it's called like PEMF because I can't

00:55:44.100 remember it's similar to the one we've been sent is the are you looking at your nails or has your

00:55:48.260 phone returned it's my nails my phone is on the table out of sight i love it thank you okay sorry

00:55:53.540 i'm peeling off my gel listen to me i'm peeling off my gel manicure and i have to say one benefit

00:55:59.340 of of corona is not getting gel manicures and talk about poison i've been uv baking gel manicures 0.94

00:56:05.720 onto my i mean am i out of my goddamn mind do i want the death drive has never been more pronounced 0.78

00:56:10.680 of my life to go in to get gel manicures every four weeks am i insane snap me out of it rip me 0.98

00:56:16.640 out of it tell me never again well the problem is i think you and me enjoy the dance of um eros and

00:56:23.120 wait what's the death one i can't i can't access it not manitos thanatos thanatos it's thanatos

00:56:29.340 and eros those are the opposites it's just so sad that eros is such a short word and thanatos takes

00:56:34.040 up like the whole damn room evil's crowding out good okay no no but but k i think you and me like 0.83

00:56:39.380 to like to ride the line so for example i think it's fun to get uv poison on your fingers but 0.98

00:56:44.240 then be like hyper aware of this other toxin thing over here right it's specific it's irrational

00:56:50.260 it's arbitrary it's wabi-sabi i'm unfamiliar with that term is it i don't know it's a japanese

00:56:57.360 aesthetic kind of idea oh is it the crack in the vessel where they fill it with gold the acceptance

00:57:03.440 of transience and imperfection i'm weeping i'm weeping as well okay i'm really into this oh

00:57:08.180 I'm moaning. The aesthetic is sometimes

00:57:09.940 described as one of appreciating beauty

00:57:11.900 that is imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete

00:57:13.980 in nature. I love that thing.

00:57:16.260 I love that. Who doesn't? It's beautiful.

00:57:17.780 But I want Biologique Recherche. I want

00:57:19.880 every item in the Bader line,

00:57:22.020 okay? I want Bader now. Because you know I've been purchasing.

00:57:24.240 And I think that because I've

00:57:25.960 purchased, I still think I should be rewarded.

00:57:28.000 Of course. That's my whole theory of shoplifting.

00:57:30.680 Buy a little, you take a little.

00:57:32.300 there it was that was the christmas episode christmas holidays hanukkah all of it we barely

00:57:45.120 got into hanukkah and that you know oh well it's fine it's fine people will actually be upset but

00:57:50.860 yeah no there's a lot to discuss but you know christmas took over as it often does i love the

00:57:54.760 holidays and um i know and jacqueline and i love you oh well i love you and i have an ornament on

00:57:59.460 My tree of the two of us from an old-fashioned movie theater.

00:58:02.180 Oh, I remember that.

00:58:03.380 Picture.

00:58:04.540 Wow.

00:58:05.060 I'll make you a fresh one this year.

00:58:06.780 All of you out there,

00:58:08.060 I hope you have some kind of comfort this holiday season,

00:58:11.300 however you get it.

00:58:12.120 Be sweet to yourself.

00:58:13.160 Be sweet to yourself and each other.

00:58:16.180 And we'll see you on another episode of POOG soon.

00:58:18.800 Thank you so much for listening.

00:58:19.920 Thank you, guys.

00:58:21.080 That was POOG.

00:58:23.060 If you enjoyed POOG,

00:58:24.820 please subscribe, rate, and review.

00:58:27.140 If not, we will press charges.

00:58:29.460 This is an iHeart Podcast.

00:58:36.480 Guaranteed human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - December 22, 2020

Christmas

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