Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - First in the Water

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00:00:34.560 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:00:38.180 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:00:42.080 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:00:45.900 No, I am not your guru.

00:00:49.560 Back then, I lied to everybody.

00:00:51.860 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:00:54.440 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

00:00:57.480 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:27.480 Listen to The Secret World of Roald Dahl on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:34.560 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

00:01:38.580 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

00:01:42.260 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

00:01:44.960 I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

00:01:51.680 Listening is a form of love.

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00:02:35.460 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:02:36.960 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:02:38.020 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:02:42.800 Two untamable intellects.

00:02:44.540 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:02:45.380 This is our hell.

00:02:46.240 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:02:48.520 This is POOG.

00:02:49.940 Today's topic, loosely speaking, spinning dolphins.

00:02:53.020 nine abreast basically

00:02:55.260 10 15 los angeles we're both in the same time zone for the first time in several months

00:03:06.300 it is 10 a.m i've got beef boiling on the stove wow i've been up since five i had a terrible night

00:03:14.980 sleep last night and jet lag i want i know well you have just returned from italy this is huge

00:03:19.540 i just returned from kawaii this is a huge episode i just want to say that the relief so

00:03:25.200 i'm a very i'm blessed with sleep i'm a very deep sleeper i really don't struggle even in

00:03:29.200 times of stress sometimes i'm up in the night but whatever the point is last night i was in

00:03:33.120 the night with stress and such the absolute darkness and the intensity of the mania in 0.97

00:03:39.240 the middle of the night when you wake up and you dwell on shit is so it's remarkable because 0.99

00:03:46.340 then it just happens. You wake up and it just feels the clarity of the agony in the middle 0.98

00:03:52.580 of the night. You see things so clearly for their darkness. And then in the light of day,

00:03:56.560 it's like, oh, okay. Like it never ceases to amaze. And yet I always wonder, is that the truth?

00:04:03.880 Is the day an illusion? Yeah. Yeah. It's the day. It's the day just the blinding sun

00:04:08.840 of falsehoods and normalcy. I know. I mean, I mean, of course, you know, probably a little

00:04:14.720 both no the residue of the midnight the residue of the 4am panic is still there but there is a

00:04:21.320 clarity of it somehow feels more manageable with the sun out but jesus um i never trusted you feel

00:04:28.640 better you know to see how you feel in the morning that always struck me as feeble um yeah and a

00:04:34.860 prayer that you know you'd lose the clarity i mean this is these are my sort of depressive

00:04:41.960 of accoutrements you know what I mean like because here's the thing I've been thinking about you know

00:04:47.900 thinking about it I was like I'm done with pleasure I mean I was thinking about it as a 0.64

00:04:54.000 laugh but I was like all I want is greatness yeah okay and I'm fucking done yeah I mean I'm not done 0.54

00:05:00.360 I'm not done but you know it's cyclical and and I'm craving uh self-mastery yeah of course 0.99

00:05:06.460 discipline you know i was imagining almost breaking it to the poog listenership that it's

00:05:13.320 time like it's time like it's mission it's mission statements it's all of it it's coming

00:05:18.440 i'm gonna get the old books off the shelf the old brutal books off the shelf the now habit for

00:05:24.620 example oh that's a good one know it it says um basically i really love to cut basically if

00:05:32.460 possible. It stays. Continue. No, I mean, from my vocabulary in general, from my lexicon,

00:05:38.940 from my lexicon. Right, right, right. My lexicon needs a serious comb through. Oh,

00:05:43.680 well, it's, yeah, it's time to, to, to just go to the store for a couple of fresh words,

00:05:50.340 bring them back and integrate them into the menu because it's getting stale over here.

00:05:54.620 Screaming. Yeah. They're screaming. Yeah. Oh God. I get so excited. Get back on a probiotic.

00:06:01.360 oh get back on seven probiotics now that i'm back in the states you know i opened up the

00:06:07.920 i go what's in here what lactobacillus is in here sorry i'm i'm i'm struck by because i'm

00:06:14.780 noticing that i think you're wearing a hailey sweater set from free people which was gifted

00:06:18.240 to us i happen to be in a cardigan from integration an effortless integration now but but and i say

00:06:25.260 this only because okay free people really knows how to give it we've been okay free people they

00:06:31.300 No, it is, it is, it is almost, it's, it's, yeah, they, option fatigue, okay, in their

00:06:38.420 generosity has been my, I've spent half a day, probably minimum, I think more, okay,

00:06:45.420 over the last couple of weeks since they first reached out, okay, there were times where

00:06:49.220 I was lying on the beach and I had a towel over my head, you know, I'm not looking at

00:06:53.100 the ocean, I'm looking at the free people site, okay, okay, of course, like that, I,

00:06:58.320 so they basically they basically said um basically we could no it was it was very generous

00:07:06.620 and and there was a like you know let us know what you you like kind of thing and I immediately

00:07:12.640 have decided to build an entire new wardrobe off of the site a new life yeah okay well that's the

00:07:19.100 thing I also had the realization and this is part of the problem is that I could live off of the

00:07:24.020 free people site. Okay. Oh, they have everything. And you and me, they have, they've, they've surf

00:07:29.140 boards. And don't get me started on the, yeah, the lifestyle tab and the, like the, the makeup,

00:07:36.280 the products. I mean, it's endless. I, I actually asked for and received like a novelty Scrabble

00:07:41.560 set. Okay. I want to say, we talk about this, the wish. Well, I'm not shocked because I've

00:07:46.320 been wanting to talk about it for the last three weeks since I first saw your wishlist come in

00:07:50.200 through the mail oh my god I opened it up and I I was like I'm worried for her I was like I was

00:07:55.460 like why the hell I was like I see a couple pairs of shoes that you boldly went for you know

00:08:01.020 despite them not being directly on the like and I've flown into and I went into chaos because

00:08:09.960 some of the shoes they so generously sent I the sizing's wrong my fault my my shoe dysmorphia

00:08:15.620 my foot continues too big always too big almost always raised like i was like the terror of like

00:08:24.960 of a shoe being too small yeah right it all costs like like there's something

00:08:30.200 cinderella's sisters yeah oh my god right you know and just and sort of the the absolute failure 0.97

00:08:38.740 of womanhood to believe your shoe uh or your foot is it can fit in something it can't it's 0.95

00:08:44.920 like this, you know, absolute, you know, you don't know your own strength, you know? So I see, I see 0.98

00:08:50.740 Kate's, Kate's wishlist comes in. I go, okay. Okay. A couple of things came in from Italy. My big plan

00:08:55.780 was on the plane. I am going to get serious on the free people website and look through and

00:09:02.160 carefully choose what I want and need. Okay. And if they don't give it to me, they don't give it

00:09:07.360 to me, but you know, I'm going to lay out what I need. At least you tried. I get on the, on the

00:09:11.740 flight okay just take a minute with this okay okay literally okay i'm going to economy seat

00:09:17.080 okay just whatever no 13 13 hour flight direct from rome wow okay um alitalia you know you know

00:09:28.040 a delta ticket under the alitalia or the ita or whatever they call it um you know operated by 0.97

00:09:35.300 classic fuck show that then occurs let's just get real when that happens you know you can't check 0.94

00:09:40.980 into the Delta site. I mean, what are we doing here? That's happened to me. Chaos. I thought 0.98

00:09:45.080 I was buying a jet, whatever. Who cares? Keep going. Yeah. Well, that's, I thought it was on

00:09:48.780 JetBlue. I got onto a Delta plane from 1904. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was likely, it was likely

00:09:53.720 United, honestly. And then I, and then I feebly remarked to the assistant, I thought this was

00:09:58.220 JetBlue. She looks at me on a Delta plane. No, no. You're not the first. Like, what is she going to say?

00:10:02.700 No. Yeah. That's JetBlue and they're going to send you to the JetBlue terminal? Yeah.

00:10:07.000 so no you always got to watch out okay you got to read carefully when you're doing flight work 0.97

00:10:15.840 when they redirect you to another site you're fucked but keep going well the the the ways 0.75

00:10:21.960 the myriad i mean again hours hours and hours of research to get on a decent flight so 0.91

00:10:27.100 finally happens and i settle in i pull out i pull out my laptop i'm like this is i'm going

00:10:33.440 to treat myself no i'm so scared yeah spending the time on the thing um hunting around reaching

00:10:40.400 to the seat back pocket okay because i've never been on ita i know you see your face okay never

00:10:44.980 been on ita going like you know where's the little thing that says delta fly five but you know ita's

00:10:51.500 version oh boy i go where's the wi-fi well chris did you get did you get the wi-fi where's the

00:10:56.280 wife i goes i don't think there is any i mean you i go you mean it's not working a common a common

00:11:05.180 reality yeah you you start yeah they're bargaining with god the usual reality yeah

00:11:10.920 let's talk about that in a second yeah pay 50 bucks for the day pass

00:11:18.000 to spit in your face yeah and then just the grayed out visuals 1.00

00:11:24.240 oops by the way how dare any website ever say oops oops looks like something went wrong fuck 1.00

00:11:33.820 you yeah oops there was even a worse one like google i forget they had something like like 0.98

00:11:38.840 or something like this yeah yeah totally yeah oh no it was worse than that it was um

00:11:42.700 i want to be like splat but it wasn't splat it was like it was like

00:11:46.780 it's like it was the thing really annoying yeah so rude no wi-fi on the flight didn't know 13

00:11:56.380 hours yeah that's hard that existed tell me this are there screen but their screen there's a screen

00:12:00.500 in front of your face the thing i thought about you because i thought about you being greeted by

00:12:03.580 no screen and i i actually i can live without a screen okay i don't know why but again no full

00:12:10.620 screens that's that's why i didn't understand full screens and no wi-fi mod oh yeah that's hard

00:12:16.100 I watched three episodes of house oh I would have watched more but that's all I had I housed

00:12:21.320 like five episodes of billions on a recent flight oh I loved it yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a thrill

00:12:28.760 I have a lot to say about that um but I will just say house perfect perfect show there it is um so

00:12:35.760 wait did you panic when the wi-fi when you realized when you realized the wi-fi was gone

00:12:39.960 because i was on the flight to kawaii and i saw it six hours by the way i have to say something

00:12:46.200 coach was was so great which like because again and i'm saying this because i only fly first

00:12:52.840 class when it's work right when people are yes when i'm lucky enough to be flown when the project

00:12:57.060 is paid and i've and i almost never go on vacation so it's very rare that i find myself

00:13:01.320 when morgan stanley's page sorry back there yeah when proctor and gamble is sending me to vegas

00:13:06.960 we were uh those kinds of business women but i just want to say that on the flight there i was

00:13:12.960 totally fine on the way back because well here's what i did i had my ipad and i was able to lock

00:13:16.720 into the entertainment system who cares okay the point is my flight on the way back the magical

00:13:21.940 thing happened where i was in the row with my girlfriend and the plane was practically empty

00:13:26.600 so we got to take over the row yeah just bacchanalia bags up on the seat down no yeah

00:13:35.660 Yeah. I prefer the window. I'm in the window. We have the middle seat for free rain. I can scoot

00:13:40.700 over. You know, it's great. It was so fun. And then I even had the boldness to take my water

00:13:46.860 bottle to the back and ask the flight attendant to fill it with water. And she kind of hesitated. 0.66

00:13:51.180 And I said, I guess I'm taking advantage of the nearly empty flight. And she kind of looked at

00:13:56.000 me and was like, yeah, you're right. Like here and filled it up. Oh, interesting. Interesting

00:14:00.900 maneuver there interesting subterfuge yeah if that's a word but we're trying yeah herbs in our

00:14:08.080 salad this year i i got so thirsty are you window where are you right here so this was another fact

00:14:18.120 of being completely unable to check in on the ita website their website was an absolute um comedic

00:14:26.400 plot line yeah okay okay you go to put your information in it cannot acknowledge that

00:14:32.560 there's there's no city-state situation you know okay i'm panicking there's only you know um

00:14:39.780 and everything's wrong nothing's working can't trick in so it means chris and i are gonna have

00:14:47.320 to quote roll the dice on our seats the seat map is not available on any of the things stress

00:14:54.580 Delta's giving me oops.

00:14:55.760 ITA's giving me oops.

00:14:56.940 Yeah.

00:14:57.360 I head over to the Amex portal, one of the darkest places I spend a lot of time on, okay?

00:15:03.240 Because, you know, Amex, they'll kick you and they'll do it with a little bit of caviar on the toe.

00:15:08.860 That's what I say.

00:15:09.940 And guess what?

00:15:10.520 Guess who keeps coming back?

00:15:12.080 I know.

00:15:12.380 I love fish eggs.

00:15:13.720 I want to know.

00:15:14.100 I love fish eggs, you know?

00:15:15.960 Well, the Amex lounge.

00:15:17.780 Anyway, so I run over there because I know sometimes this is my hacking.

00:15:22.920 you know i get in there sometimes they show the seat map and when i can tell there's seats available

00:15:26.720 whatever now it's a what they call a 333 configuration okay nine abreast they call it

00:15:33.360 nine abreast 333 now here's what you need to lock in on if you're two people and you're going to sit

00:15:38.480 aisle and middle right aisle window no it's 333 configuration oh okay okay and all window seats

00:15:46.300 are gone on the flight okay you have to think of this this is huge the middle three you always

00:15:51.780 think oh the middle that's just some fucking nightmare you don't even try to think about that

00:15:55.880 area no it has a benefit are you ready you and someone are sitting there the person to the right 0.89

00:16:01.680 of you they have their own way to get out yeah it's true it's true this this is huge anyway we

00:16:08.660 weren't gifted with one of those at the um at the check-in thing okay they just boldly gave us a seat

00:16:14.300 i was like can i help pick the real classic you know like me gesturing for it for wishing they

00:16:19.840 could turn the screen around yeah so many scenarios in my life the pharmacy yeah turn the screen

00:16:25.440 around yeah never what for all the years picking up my antidepressants for every insurance problem

00:16:30.580 never seen the screen never seen the screen yeah what's on the screen what the hell does it look

00:16:35.720 like is it like a terminal or is it just dot com google and they've opened you know

00:16:42.300 rain me back where was you're in the i was asked you where you were sitting

00:16:46.540 we're deep in the seat map okay yeah yeah so we were um aisle oh yeah and i got thirsty we were

00:16:55.380 oh yeah i'll middle and there was a lovely young woman to the right of me thank god um she was 1.00

00:17:01.220 perfectly great i timed my bathroom use with hers when i saw her starting to stir from a nap 0.96

00:17:07.860 i decided to get up and go use it at that time i get instant panic that's why i have to have the

00:17:13.800 aisle because i want to just chime in quickly to say on the way there fully packed flight i'm in

00:17:18.960 the middle there's a man on the aisle next to me wow i he immediately settles into his seat

00:17:26.020 neck pillow i cover oh my god he's going to sleep instantly i usually drink try to drink

00:17:33.980 as much water as i can on a first of all bold move for an aisle on the aisle i agree he is

00:17:41.360 immediately out passed out i'm talk about thirsty i've immediately i go well i'm not drinking water

00:17:46.720 eventually i have to pee and i you know you traditionally sorry you traditionally hydrate

00:17:54.660 on the plane i think about it every time i'm on yeah use a plane which is bold move because

00:18:00.400 the bathrooms are hell yeah yeah you know what's a key move for me sorry okay you know oh god I 0.91

00:18:07.920 gotta run to the bathroom before getting on the plane actually get on the plane go straight to

00:18:11.520 the bathroom it's fresh and clean I've done that I've done that kind of a little trick

00:18:16.240 all right go on go on the point is the point is I was so completely unable to wake him the thought

00:18:25.220 of waking him and I was looking at him I was like I'm gonna leap over him yeah and I was like yeah

00:18:29.380 i can't there are ways yeah i left hand on the on the on the headrest okay but you gotta see what

00:18:36.860 what that person's doing the point is she left hand on on the headrest right hand on the on his

00:18:42.140 headrest lift from the core two legs vault yeah two legs chin to the chin knees the chest yeah

00:18:51.820 okay and then and then sort of gazelle like i there's so much to cover it's gonna have to be

00:19:00.540 a three-hour episode i'm fine with it but because i want to now skip ahead okay but okay but you

00:19:06.820 got thirsty wait but i was dying of thirst okay and i was like i don't know what to do and it was

00:19:13.600 just not a lot of activity at the edges and i was like i couldn't remember like will they give me

00:19:18.080 water if i go they were just they one point what guy flew by so fast he was not going to be stopped

00:19:22.820 you know what i mean yeah and and i just like then finally they came around i gasped with excitement

00:19:27.740 i was popping fisherman's friend they're these little lozenges those are strong oh yeah too

00:19:34.720 strong for me yeah my life as a fisherman comes back okay um so i'm popping those to generate

00:19:42.840 saliva for my own thirst okay and they finally come around with water and i'm going i'm going

00:19:48.540 to chris i'm going do you think i can ask for two two cups oh my god i was like so afraid and then

00:19:54.500 i was like chris and then he's like no you can have mine you can have mine and then i like he

00:19:58.420 didn't want you to ask for two no well maybe maybe i don't know like he just maybe he felt

00:20:03.640 because by because earlier i had asked for a half cup i didn't you know i just

00:20:07.240 anyway i felt bad for the girl though i didn't know whether to wake her when the food came

00:20:16.040 oh not your responsibility i think it's it's not your responsibility and you can't i mean

00:20:20.860 no you can't you can't because it's people value her sleep sleep sleep you can't and then i open

00:20:26.480 and then it's a hot i'm waking her for a hot pocket she she had she would never dare eat i'll

00:20:30.960 never forget being on a flight i well i can't remember where i was going or where i was coming

00:20:34.480 from but I remember finally being asleep because I really can't sleep on planes I was dead asleep

00:20:39.360 eye mask on out I feel my shoulder being jostled awake by a flight attendant I open I peer out

00:20:49.980 from under the mask confusion I'm reduced to a child I feel as though I've been stirred from the

00:20:56.480 car ride from the restaurant home and I let me sleep in the car I don't want to go in I feel

00:21:00.440 completely like that oh yeah in her hand yeah a micro dasani pod of water no no no a squat dasani

00:21:08.440 that was what it was for and she she woke me from sleep for a dasani drop i was a dasani that was

00:21:15.660 wider than it is long of course i huge smile thanks and inside the agony of centuries boiling

00:21:23.680 up of course acted like she had rescued you from a desert vista i could not believe it and still

00:21:29.720 to this day can't I need sorry my omelet arrived wow delivery omelet that's shocking no so is it

00:21:39.800 warm what's in it talk to me um oh wow the croissant is humongous oh I'm starving well I was

00:21:49.840 breaking down before the call at um technologies you know failures and uh i decided to

00:22:02.960 order in an omelette a bold morning choice a lot of people are scared to order food in in the

00:22:09.360 morning they're not they don't even get it um i do want to tell you what's only happened in

00:22:15.600 restaurant in rome i'm dying because i have things i have things i know but i i'm like i'm

00:22:20.980 like i could linger in the i just want to tell you one restaurant thing because it was another

00:22:23.900 moving moment okay so coming back from the campania region okay yeah we're passing through

00:22:31.980 rome for a night to fly out of rome get in we stop at another airbnb these airbnbs have just

00:22:39.500 become my life it's great go out to dinner we go we decide we're going to roll by um

00:22:45.360 okay something like that okay but that wasn't good but i just i don't know i love it so me

00:22:54.380 saying in the cab to chris like you have to go for the accent because they actually can't

00:22:57.800 understand it when you don't i was like i'm not trying to be cute anyway so even though my accent

00:23:02.200 like the r like it doesn't roll it's like it's like um it's like a square wheel that's what it

00:23:07.580 Ever feel like you're being chased by the marriage police?

00:23:19.500 Welcome to Boys and Girls, the podcast where dating isn't dating.

00:23:23.120 It's a full-on love triathlon.

00:23:26.040 A morning what-if, an evening maybe, and a 3pm chai with a could-this-please-be-the-one.

00:23:32.880 Because in the arranged marriage universe, you're basically on a sushi conveyor belt.

00:23:36.800 And like raw fish, you've got a shelf life.

00:23:40.640 And the wild part?

00:23:42.140 You're not just looking for someone you like.

00:23:44.000 You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves of.

00:23:47.680 A saint, a demigod, a unicorn.

00:23:50.680 I know because years ago, I sacrificed myself to this chaotic, soul-crushing tradition,

00:23:55.720 hoping to find love the correct way.

00:23:58.460 Boys and Girls is our absurd, cringy, heartfelt ride 1.00

00:24:01.700 through the highs and lows of the Indian arranged marriage, 0.96

00:24:04.460 finally giving you the validation and healing you deserve.

00:24:08.920 Listen to Boys and Girls starting February 19th

00:24:11.640 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:24:14.040 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:24:16.000 This is Ryder Strong,

00:24:17.140 and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:24:19.660 It was many and many a year ago

00:24:22.680 in a kingdom by the sea.

00:24:25.060 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor,

00:24:27.600 disappeared from a commune.

00:24:28.880 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:24:30.240 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:24:33.520 so no i am not your guru and back then i lied to my parents i lied to police i lied to everybody

00:24:42.340 there were years right where i could not say your name i've decided to go back to my hometown in

00:24:47.200 northern california interview my friends family talk to police journalists whomever i can to try

00:24:52.300 to find out what actually happened isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies

00:24:56.820 in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend they have had this case for 30 years i'll teach you 0.99

00:25:02.580 Sons of bitches come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:25:04.880 Boom, boom. 1.00

00:25:06.220 This is The Red Weather.

00:25:09.200 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:25:11.780 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:25:15.980 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

00:25:19.940 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

00:25:23.960 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

00:25:26.120 I would just want you to listen to me more often

00:25:28.260 and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

00:25:32.580 Listening is a form of love.

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00:25:46.420 Crook and Chase Nashville chats with the coolest cat in country music.

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00:26:07.380 Crook and Chase Nashville chats with Chase Matthew.

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00:26:16.720 Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield, from The Girlfriends,

00:26:20.180 the number one hit true crime show that puts women right in the center of their own stories.

00:26:26.640 I'm back with more one-off interviews 0.97

00:26:28.780 with some truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriend's Spotlight. 1.00

00:26:33.660 I want to introduce you to Sylvia. 0.97

00:26:36.200 I'm going to climb this.

00:26:38.540 And then there's Vaisaka.

00:26:40.700 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:26:44.800 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:26:47.280 Is badness hereditary?

00:26:49.300 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:26:51.120 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:26:54.060 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:26:57.180 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:26:58.920 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:27:01.960 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:27:03.360 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:27:06.320 Listen to The Girlfriend Spotlight

00:27:08.120 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:27:10.660 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:27:20.060 So I went by this place multiple times,

00:27:22.720 mateo lane comedian told me when i was going there he put on his list and wrote down bucatini

00:27:28.540 amatriciana okay my favorite okay and my favorite okay and i hadn't even even i wasn't able to get

00:27:36.060 in it was a reservation situation my phone wouldn't call the italian numbers whatever

00:27:39.340 so a couple times i went by trying to you know smile my way in saying we'll wait and i'm just

00:27:43.740 saying it's not happening it finally happened okay i go by i go is there any way do i can eat

00:27:50.200 okay two and we're still not eating inside okay so they're like you got to talk to the man

00:27:56.040 like the the owner they point into the restaurant i go he's sitting in the back just at a table

00:28:03.940 just amazing with a huge book reservations okay anyway and so i i go through and i'm like hi i'm

00:28:12.240 like i'm i have two hands together in in prayer i'm tipping my head the whole thing i was like

00:28:17.340 is there any way you know two people can eat here tonight outside yeah and um he offers me an inside

00:28:24.760 table and it's devastating and i panic and don't even know how to so i just go like let me check

00:28:30.980 okay and i go running out to chris he offered us inside even though like i don't want to

00:28:34.040 eat inside and but i just chris is like no and so i just go back in i'm like i know i know i didn't

00:28:40.340 want you to say yes i go back in and i'm like it has to be outside or like it can only be outside

00:28:44.500 or whatever he's like wait outside Jacqueline and then and then we go out there and we see other

00:28:48.200 people moving because there are tables outside there there are a couple empty tables there's

00:28:51.340 a couple empty twos out there and then we see other people trying to move in on them and I'm 0.96

00:28:54.260 saying to Chris like stress like like I trust the system this restaurant doesn't fuck around

00:28:59.120 there's no way these people just are gonna roll in get that seat and that's gonna work so I'm like

00:29:03.660 we have to trust them we do a table of four arrives okay a table of four arrives okay they

00:29:08.420 is and there's there's there's two two tops next to each other so they're they want to serve the

00:29:12.820 four okay do you understand so it's a table of four

00:29:16.880 like keep going keep going because i'm like i'm riveted i know and by the way like so keep going

00:29:30.140 i'll defend it i'll say it's two two tops it's curb okay i'll defend it as curb a thousand times

00:29:35.840 of course okay so keep going okay you don't mind it when it's larry why would you mind let me let

00:29:39.220 let me guess two gals aren't allowed to talk about such things um so so i go oh god i'm saying 0.99

00:29:46.500 i mean they have a right to want to feed four people instead of two i mean and i go maybe i 0.98

00:29:50.680 run in and tell them we'll we'll dine we'll dine at the level of four people eating you know the

00:29:54.380 whole thing like panicking okay the guy comes out he goes and you see he's devastated this other

00:29:59.460 waiter he comes out and he's like we can offer you the two table like the two top inside like

00:30:04.200 you know like they've yeah they've pulled it back yeah and i'm just like okay but you know we can't

00:30:10.180 do it but thank you whatever he's like one second he's like okay like he's he's still he wants me to

00:30:17.980 eat he wants us to eat there it's just yeah so beautiful he goes i'm gonna try again so he goes

00:30:22.640 in next thing i see oh boy okay now i was so moved that that i actually couldn't reach for my camera

00:30:30.300 okay next thing i see is two waiters carrying a two-top from inside the restaurant over their

00:30:39.240 heads picture two waiters each has the leg of a table in each hand okay and it's jostling wildly 0.97

00:30:47.280 rocking back and forth moving over diner's heads they brought the two-top out fucking side 0.98

00:30:53.460 we were in ecstasy we sat down i was screaming i i grabbed him by by two upper arms and said 0.95

00:31:00.920 you're a prince you're a prince yeah of course they love it i actually grabbed the server by

00:31:06.000 the shoulder last night he didn't like it which was shocking to me i mean i thought we were having

00:31:09.980 a fun little moment not that he didn't like it but i didn't grab no it was a risk it was a risk

00:31:15.240 i i mean i kept the touch light you know but i was respectful but it was ecstasy let's all say 0.98

00:31:20.920 It was goddamn ecstasy. 0.84

00:31:22.620 And how was the amount of chichiana? 1.00

00:31:25.260 It was...

00:31:26.060 I'm starving as we speak. 0.99

00:31:27.280 Fucking good. 0.99

00:31:29.260 Okay. 0.96

00:31:29.540 I just...

00:31:30.240 The way I respond to a cooked tomato

00:31:31.860 cannot be...

00:31:34.220 Overstated.

00:31:34.980 Overstated.

00:31:35.740 Okay, so...

00:31:36.940 Okay.

00:31:37.720 I need to tell you about Kauai.

00:31:41.480 And I want...

00:31:42.260 Give it to me.

00:31:42.860 Are we in?

00:31:43.260 Okay, because I just want to say,

00:31:44.740 so as everyone knows,

00:31:45.540 we're planning the trip to Kauai

00:31:46.580 kind of last minute. 1.00

00:31:47.660 Great recommendations from the hags. 0.86

00:31:48.900 Thank you.

00:31:49.300 we all know i was and you and i have discussed me begging for an upgrade at the hotel koakia

00:31:54.360 how to do it how to approach it i'm at the airport we're about to consider you considered

00:31:59.420 lying about a honeymoon or something yeah yeah but then i was like i'm not gonna do that but

00:32:02.900 what i did i told you not to do exactly i thought of you i thought of your advice i thought of your

00:32:08.180 advice i brought up an email and i just very clearly was like i just asked for it good for

00:32:15.260 you and i said and being direct and i'm here to say that the koakia was wonderful we were

00:32:21.240 upgraded to a gorgeous oceanfront room okay what's the place called koakia oh koakia koakia

00:32:29.240 in the south of kawaii yeah okay and it was absolutely the room is beautiful and just

00:32:36.100 being out there looking at the ocean it was just it was uh it was incredible it just really was

00:32:41.620 and I want to say one thing a detail here which is yeah when you get to a hotel and you look in

00:32:46.940 the shower and there are pumps of product yes what a relief because I because it's a big yeah

00:32:56.340 it's an industrial I'm talking about to the wall stapled you know yeah yeah there's the conditioners

00:33:01.160 there's the shampoo there's the body wash and and the and the product smells great and it was

00:33:06.580 because you know when you're when you're at when you're at the beach your wash you know you need

00:33:10.660 more conditioner than normal whatever the point is that was a real feeling of luxury of just the

00:33:14.400 endless conditioner for me particularly was huge the small bottle is is is over yeah it's been over

00:33:20.080 for years pina at the beach thought of you drinking the pina colada one you know having it all to

00:33:25.480 myself not one sip not one sip so there was this thing that happened that really made me think of

00:33:31.900 you i've been dying to tell you so we so two days we were there for five nights we booked this

00:33:39.040 boat tour of the nepali coast that involves snorkeling to this really this like island

00:33:44.180 that no one can go to it's like you need a permit to get there like it's the best snorkeling in

00:33:47.260 what so the first day so we wake up at 5 a.m we drive to the dock we get on this boat we're in

00:33:53.260 heaven at 6 a.m flying down the crystal clear water in this boat it's a catamaran no glenn

00:34:00.940 the amazing ship captain up there playing like frank sinatra at 6 30 a.m absolutely incredible

00:34:06.520 my god when i tell you the amount of dolphins i saw i had to i i didn't really but the tears the

00:34:12.280 tears were there spinning in the air so close to the boat they're called spinner dolphins spinning

00:34:17.980 in the air you mentioned a moment so profound you couldn't reach for your phone i was like i'm

00:34:22.260 taking this in the the way the dolphins move so close to each other in sync spinning in the air

00:34:26.820 dozens of them in the crystal clear waters first of all i go i'm done with single-use plastic i'm 0.72

00:34:31.040 changing my life now so i was like that's it i'm fucking done i'm done yeah the dolphins and then

00:34:37.980 oh what's that oh just you know dozens of flying fish silver flying fish have you ever seen them 0.88

00:34:42.520 they have wings they're not just it's not a little leap they're they're flying on the surface of the

00:34:46.720 ocean no okay unbelievable incredible natural beauty i wanted to talk about it sounds like a

00:34:52.780 real case of where you go so that's why they call them flying fish you know oh exactly oh so they do

00:34:58.200 fly it's not i always thought of flying fish so many things are like that leap out of the water

00:35:02.000 no they're flying as fast as the boat is going that's insane silver are they going like a foot

00:35:09.100 above the water or three feet above the water well that's kind of magical they're so close to

00:35:14.060 the water but they're i couldn't tell you it's like a foot maybe i don't know no no it's interesting

00:35:20.280 okay so we're there we're flying all this stuff it's unbelievable the rocks the natural beauty

00:35:25.360 is stunning um and then our captain gets on and says so unfortunately glen glen gets on love glen

00:35:34.460 he's lived in kawaii since the 70s he's like our turbo engine is out which means that we safely

00:35:41.200 cannot access the forbidden island as it's called you know they're like he was like because it's a

00:35:46.440 it's a 90 mile journey what we were going to be taking okay my god and that means that we're not

00:35:52.080 gonna have the snorkeling dream waters right so he's like we're gonna tie up we're gonna snorkel

00:35:56.940 right here but he's like there's no way around it like it's just not the same experience i get in

00:36:01.260 there in the snorkel it's devastating i see two fish it's nothing okay it's still beautiful the

00:36:05.540 water is amazing we're there in the coast but it's nothing god those poor fish imagine they

00:36:09.100 were so proud for you i know they were so proud like they saw finally an audience i know and we 0.95

00:36:15.760 were just and then we just were like fuck this and so but still gorgeous whatever and my girlfriend 0.92

00:36:22.180 and I are like we're coming back tomorrow we're not not gonna see the forbidden island it's too 0.92

00:36:27.360 beautiful and the boat ride was amazing so then we're talking to Glenn and so you can imagine for

00:36:32.540 me I start to look around and go other people are gonna want to come back tomorrow by the way

00:36:37.400 of course they're not I start planning the exit listen when I dock I'm gonna start running to the

00:36:41.600 to the office the secure spot so i start panicking about why if every single person on your boat

00:36:47.260 wanted to go tomorrow because the boat's limited limited spots because no but right because there's

00:36:52.760 already people booked yeah exactly okay and and he and he also which added to the you know salt

00:36:57.400 in the wound he was like this is a remarkably light group like he was like this is i haven't

00:37:01.020 seen this boat that's not heavy in a long time it's like cool so it would have been the june day

00:37:04.540 anyway the point is like you wouldn't be leaning over someone's shoulder to try to get a look at

00:37:07.920 a blue smiler by the way exactly breakfast on the boat was delicious I just want to say fluffy salty

00:37:13.480 amazing scrambled eggs lunch cold cuts deli when a when a deli cut anyway it was just great okay

00:37:20.000 yeah had a hard seltzer on the way back flying on the catamaran like heaven on earth just really

00:37:25.700 restored to life and by the way I made the plan I was like I'm doing this with friends at some

00:37:30.700 point I was like if this catamaran were just filled with friends it would just be unbelievable

00:37:34.720 so I'm planning that there's something hysterical about you okay because I can picture of not knowing

00:37:39.720 you well I can picture a few things knowing you and being on the boat with you and you like when

00:37:44.400 you have sunglasses on and your mouth is just dropped in straight face nothingness right um

00:37:50.440 I can see it's always in your head is turned strongly to one side and you're sort of taking

00:37:57.160 in the others I can just see you going I wish these people were my friends

00:38:01.600 like it's like this this it's like this subtle disgust

00:38:09.740 for them being like for them being like i'm having no value to you kind of like

00:38:15.940 like you're like you're like these spots are being misused like i don't know i can't explain

00:38:23.660 it but like i could it's like if i didn't know you would i feel what i know what i was thinking

00:38:30.740 well by the way on the on that first boat ride there was a family four french canadian family

00:38:37.020 four daughters all between the ages of maybe 35 and 50 their older parents who were the father was

00:38:44.440 heartbreakingly charming and sweet i had a couple moments with him passing around the boat and then

00:38:49.820 i and then i see and i overhear oh it's four daughters and their parents and i go well that's 0.95

00:38:53.900 the son of that's the father of four daughters he's a fucking angel wow i mean it was unbelievable 0.81

00:38:59.700 okay so listen so there i am being like okay we got to book it back to the office to secure 0.97

00:39:04.340 tomorrow i'm at the front of the group with glenn i'm at the front of the we got the boat

00:39:09.900 i'm at the front with glenn walking into the office he's like talking about yeah well just

00:39:14.120 the biodiversity of the island is just you know he's like the water goes from 20 feet to 500 to

00:39:18.600 200 feet you know it's not unusual to see sharks and i was like i have to do that i have to do that

00:39:23.600 so i'm here okay god put me on this earth to do a few things one of them is snorkel

00:39:27.760 and i i agree i get back to the office of course we can get on the boat tomorrow it's like no

00:39:35.400 problem at all and so same thing next day alarm goes off at 5 a.m thought of you because the in

00:39:41.840 room nespresso maker at koakia was sublime and i couldn't believe it so important yeah so important

00:39:47.620 and i thought i'm even going to get one of these have it under the sink for just those early

00:39:51.700 mornings when it's 4 a.m or 5 a.m and you cannot be expected to do a boiling water french press

00:39:56.280 the whole thing it's just too much okay so you don't oh right you don't have a espresso machine

00:40:01.520 in your home an espresso no particularly now my commitment to the dolphins and no use of

00:40:07.060 and trying to really reduce all plastic but anyway oh so this made me think of you so this

00:40:12.880 made me think of you yeah oh okay let's make me think of you all right go on the next day we're

00:40:16.880 back on the boat with glenn um sarah and keenan the other people on the boat the familiarity just

00:40:23.520 from one day to the next how suddenly i'm the queen i i hey sarah hey keenan hey keenan thanks

00:40:28.080 for recommending that beach that was great the whole no no i can't this is like this it was pure

00:40:33.540 you this is my it was pure why is it me what is it about this it's the coziness because i was

00:40:41.140 looking around yes you know and hearing glenn's kind of spiel of his like his jokes his ocean 0.98

00:40:46.480 jokes and he a couple times pointed at you know me and was like you know thumbs up what a fucking 0.92

00:40:51.760 king and i was like that is a kawaii a man who moved to kawaii in the 70s oh my god wildness of 0.90

00:41:00.880 him and he's up there on the boat he loves nature i mean it was just i was like i was so moved by

00:41:07.700 glenn okay anyway so no i moved by glenn and like god yeah to be so there were new people on the

00:41:15.960 boat to be clear whole new group no one from yesterday repeated did you struggle with did

00:41:21.700 you let the people know you were there yesterday no and and if so why so didn't didn't reveal that

00:41:27.880 the familiarity that we had with Kenan and Sarah and Glenn I saw other people on the boat obviously

00:41:33.920 flag it because it's like and like the way that Kenan and I are talking about you know the Allerton

00:41:41.640 beach in the south that he recommended and all this stuff and we're having fun and i see people

00:41:47.260 go i see people just note it like and a couple of them i think were like wow they're really

00:41:53.380 hitting it off it's 6 30 in the morning those people went home to their therapist and said

00:41:58.320 why can't i can't i hit it off i know so it's yeah so here's what happened so we have the turbo

00:42:05.560 engine it's great we're zooming toward the forbidden island i start immediately going

00:42:10.440 because there's more people on the boat i go i start to go i need the snorkeling gear i want to

00:42:13.900 be like first in the water like i i've been we're back here today to do this i'm getting in i start

00:42:19.400 i also start panicking in my head of the snorkel that i'm gonna like contract something from the

00:42:24.400 shared snorkel even though they're because they wash those out by dipping them into the ocean

00:42:29.020 and they just know there's it's more than that but it's still not great you know and i just kind

00:42:33.580 of relinquish i go okay i'm just gonna do it so once again this happens where i start to get

00:42:37.740 panic tonight i'm telling you know i'm i'm like okay okay you go here go here we're gonna figure

00:42:43.120 it out i yes because i'm the princess that i am i am first in the water okay people right your

00:42:50.880 bird's right behind me we're about to get into the water okay we're getting into the water i

00:42:55.600 out of the greed the desperation because so he's saying they're saying okay so snorkel over here

00:43:00.640 see over there like that's as far as we want you to go stay near the boat whatever there's these

00:43:04.440 parameters i get in the water the clear beautiful crystal clear water like swimming in champagne

00:43:10.180 as my mother said and it's the truth wow and i start my god man i take off i'm i understand okay

00:43:18.920 so i'm going i'm gonna see it all i'm gonna get it all i'm going to have the experience here i 0.85

00:43:23.140 fucking go and i want to get over there before it's polluted with all these tourists like myself 0.83

00:43:27.820 i want to go out there and have the purest most direct mermaid i take off yes i take off i take 0.99

00:43:32.840 off yes i go around i immediately see beautiful bright yellow fish tropical fish i mean crazy

00:43:37.920 are you able to enjoy them or are you or are you just like still like wondering if people are

00:43:41.840 coming yeah yeah there's a it's it's a combination but i i do feel amazing i i i splash around it's

00:43:47.440 great and i told i said i was like god i really do want to see a shark like of course i don't

00:43:51.500 want to see a great white but it's like i would like to see a shark i would i think i could handle

00:43:56.280 it okay that's kind of my hope do they say you will see them they said you might dangerous what

00:44:01.520 did they say yeah yeah they were like they're like you might see them you know they're gonna

00:44:06.120 be fine they're not dangerous they didn't even say that which is kind of amazing they just were

00:44:10.200 like yeah you might see a shark but they were like they're not taking us to a place where they

00:44:14.800 think we're gonna get you know ripped apart by great whites yeah but so the point is so I go

00:44:19.760 ahead I'm swimming around swimming around I turn back I see Roberta kind of with a cluster with 0.95

00:44:25.300 like the other people I start swimming back she goes I tried to call you over she's like I tried

00:44:34.760 to call you over but you you left so quickly we got as soon as we got into water we looked down

00:44:40.100 and there was this huge slowly moving shark that passed under the boat and it just went along its

00:44:46.060 way and I said what yeah it was huge it was unbelievable I said and what happened everyone

00:44:53.320 was amazing it just swam right by and it was huge and i was like were you scared she's like i was

00:44:56.620 terrified but it was amazing like that the experience that i wanted was the terror of course

00:45:00.080 the reality finally something to pierce the experience of being alive to see a shark in the

00:45:04.440 water and to be with it i'm like the death of not knowing death is what i'm referring to of course

00:45:10.320 and it gets worse it gets worse okay so we're talking about that i'm like wow and i try to go

00:45:16.780 it's okay i'm jealous about this i'm like jealous but so then she and i are swimming around and then

00:45:22.660 i kind of get cocky again and i go oh this area is a little like again beautiful fish everything

00:45:26.440 but i'm like i want to go somewhere i need to see more i need more and they we had seen like a

00:45:30.900 turtle on the way there and i was like i want to swim with the turtle of course i start swimming

00:45:35.400 again so i start swimming again out looking looking searching enlightened exactly searching

00:45:40.840 searching where's where's roberta where is she hmm i swim back i go i kind of swim away from her

00:45:46.520 it's almost rude you know like i was so like feverish or were you thinking roberta's lucky

00:45:51.140 okay well that's what i won't have it happen again we're almost like because here's the

00:45:55.320 psychology you go i'd rather lose a second time with roberta okay like if i go yeah the group or

00:46:01.320 lose with the group and see nothing then once again have the group win and me off seeking gold

00:46:07.440 alone you would think that i would have learned my lesson jacklyn so i'm out there alone kind of

00:46:13.720 you know huh and then i go i'm gonna go swim with my girl and you know i go where is she i go back

00:46:18.560 i go back she goes where'd you you happen she goes i just swam no no listen to this she goes

00:46:24.720 we're we're we're treading water this is snorkels we're talking above the surface she goes of course

00:46:30.480 you left again she said i just swam for five minutes with a sea turtle it was so close i

00:46:36.540 could have touched it and i wanted to but of course i didn't she said it was just right next

00:46:40.560 to me it's almost like it came for me and we were just swimming together for a full five minutes and

00:46:44.320 And I was like, this is this is unbelievable.

00:46:52.000 And then I start and then I'm like, I'm so happy for her.

00:46:55.100 She's like clearly moved by the experience.

00:46:56.900 I bet you were.

00:46:57.740 I bet you were so happy for her.

00:47:01.340 I was so devastated.

00:47:03.440 So then she's like, I bet it's still around here.

00:47:06.740 Sim around.

00:47:07.460 I see the turtle.

00:47:08.380 It's about, you know, 50 feet below me.

00:47:10.600 I see it, but I'm looking at it.

00:47:12.880 I'm amazed by it.

00:47:13.600 but I'm like so it could have been arm's length interesting and so I'm then

00:47:18.660 and I keep asking her so it just it just came to you she's like yeah it was surreal she was like

00:47:26.500 it just like shot up from the depths of the ocean it's like again because of course after 200 feet 0.78

00:47:31.300 the humble it's always the goddamn humble tourist okay you're grasping it's like grasping for the 0.82

00:47:38.840 penny in the water frankly you know what i'm talking about you grasp for it and the very 0.98

00:47:43.540 grasping causes the water to shoot yeah of course falling penny away grasping um yeah to be avoided 0.54

00:47:49.180 white white you know white knuckled grip on the ocean i had i again white knuckle grip on an 0.63

00:47:54.540 experience trying to have an experience trying to force an experience which is the thing that

00:47:57.860 i struggle with and like my the way i tore through that ocean searching entitled needing to have

00:48:07.400 needing to win i know i know it's a it's a it was a real lesson i mean i really felt it i was like

00:48:15.180 well god gave me just what i needed today but yeah okay no yeah yeah yeah i mean well part of

00:48:23.860 it is like do you start to have this consciousness i i would okay even in telling the story like

00:48:29.140 the others who don't seem to be so desperate to win i know like even robert in this scenario okay

00:48:35.480 they they take on a kind of foolish childlike quality to you okay yeah where it's almost like 0.98

00:48:41.660 you're like those fools like the fact that they're not even racing like they're i don't feel them 0.98

00:48:46.780 yeah the fact that you don't feel them like have the same desperation like like you were able to 0.99

00:48:50.940 get off first because they're not trying and you're kind of like it's this kind of single

00:48:55.040 mindedness i was almost like i was like what's wrong with these people i was like what's wrong

00:48:58.380 with these people we're here at this island we only have an hour here to snorkel like what are

00:49:02.540 you doing you're taking your time putting on why the sunscreen's coming on now well that's that's

00:49:09.180 a shock by the way i want to say that the sun protection was really happening and i was really

00:49:14.680 super good i sent us stuff and the big body lotion the texture of it's unbelievable didn't get

00:49:20.240 sunburned which is huge i mean i was in direct sun for i mean yes i had a huge oversized oxford

00:49:25.180 t-shirt on and a hat and sunglasses for most of the time wait while snorkeling you mean no no on 0.94

00:49:31.500 the boat listen you saw them as fools and then the fools were rewarded i've seen it a thousand 1.00

00:49:36.260 times okay the fool and i should know to the fool is the fool always wins 1.00

00:49:42.080 ever feel like you're being chased by the marriage police 1.00

00:49:48.380 welcome to boys and girls the podcast where dating isn't dating it's a full-on love triathlon

00:49:55.500 A morning what if, an evening maybe, and a 3pm chai with a could this please be the one.

00:50:03.140 Because in the arranged marriage universe, you're basically on a sushi conveyor belt.

00:50:07.300 And like raw fish, you've got a shelf life.

00:50:10.880 And the wild part? You're not just looking for someone you like.

00:50:14.240 You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves of.

00:50:17.940 A saint, a demigod, a unicorn.

00:50:20.260 I know because years ago, I sacrificed myself to this chaotic, soul-crushing tradition, hoping to find love the correct way. 1.00

00:50:28.740 Boys and Girls is our absurd, cringy, heartfelt ride through the highs and lows of the Indian arranged marriage, 1.00

00:50:34.920 finally giving you the validation and healing you deserve. 0.94

00:50:39.240 Listen to Boys and Girls starting February 19th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:50:46.040 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:50:50.260 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:50:55.140 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

00:50:59.140 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:51:00.480 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:51:04.100 So no, I am not your guru.

00:51:07.880 And back then, I lied to my parents.

00:51:10.520 I lied to police.

00:51:11.800 I lied to everybody.

00:51:12.520 There were years right where I could not say your name.

00:51:15.840 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:51:18.180 to interview my friends, family, talk to

00:51:20.120 police, journalists, whomever I can

00:51:22.000 to try to find out what actually

00:51:24.040 happened. Isn't it a little bit weird that

00:51:26.000 they obsess over hippies in the woods and not the

00:51:28.000 obvious boyfriend? They have had this

00:51:30.040 case for 30 years. 1.00

00:51:32.120 I'll teach you sons of bitches to come around 1.00

00:51:33.960 here and my wife. Boom! Boom! 1.00

00:51:36.460 This is The Red Weather.

00:51:39.480 Listen to

00:51:40.120 The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:51:42.040 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

00:51:44.000 your podcasts.

00:51:46.260 The more you listen to your

00:51:47.940 kids the closer you'll be so we asked kids what do you want your parents to hear i feel sometimes

00:51:55.240 that i'm not listened to i would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations

00:52:00.140 with me and lead me towards success listening is a form of love find resources to help you support

00:52:07.320 your kids and their emotional well-being at sounded out together.org that's sounded out

00:52:12.760 Together.org.

00:52:14.300 Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.

00:52:16.680 Crook and Chase Nashville chats with the coolest cat in country music.

00:52:20.400 He is edgy.

00:52:21.220 He's fun.

00:52:22.180 He is Chase Matthews.

00:52:23.720 Keith Urban helped make him a global sensation last year,

00:52:26.480 but it's his recent number one hit darling to put Chase on the map

00:52:29.500 and launched a fun and difficult conversation about lovers who cheat and lie.

00:52:34.760 That's why I'm scared to get married.

00:52:36.100 You're giving me trust issues, brother.

00:52:37.640 Crook and Chase Nashville chats with Chase Matthews.

00:52:40.380 Listen and subscribe on the iHeartRadio app.

00:52:42.760 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

00:52:46.940 Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield, from The Girlfriends,

00:52:50.440 the number one hit true crime show

00:52:52.760 that puts women right in the center of their own stories.

00:52:56.620 I'm back with more one-off interviews 1.00

00:52:59.020 with some truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriends Spotlight. 1.00

00:53:03.960 I want to introduce you to Sylvia.

00:53:06.460 I'm going to climb this.

00:53:08.820 And then there's Vaisaka.

00:53:10.960 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:53:15.060 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:53:17.540 Is badness hereditary?

00:53:19.560 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:53:21.680 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:53:24.520 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:53:27.440 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:53:29.160 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:53:31.860 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:53:33.620 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:53:36.420 Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight

00:53:38.380 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:53:40.920 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:53:47.560 I had an experience like that once on a lake

00:53:54.000 on a group of people.

00:53:55.720 It was a standing paddleboard situation.

00:53:58.960 And I got on and I just went so fast

00:54:03.420 and leaving everyone in the dust.

00:54:06.340 and the guy in charge said to chris like well zippy's uh already okay like it was like zippy's

00:54:13.840 already halfway down the lake okay like somebody make sure zippy doesn't refer to me as zippy

00:54:19.760 that's cute isn't that the best and i've been zippy ever since really i mean it's not my only

00:54:25.080 nickname but that's cute i like to say they call me zippy zippy's cute i know it's just the whole

00:54:30.900 thing you're describing is so the hunger familiar like the the fear the hunger and the excitement

00:54:38.860 but it's more hunger it's like it's tough I mean I well it's tough because the I mean it's one of

00:54:49.120 the you know I write about it in my depression book and you've referenced it to me it's the

00:54:53.800 only reason I bring it up but uh the water visit the pressure of the water visit and the dolphin

00:54:57.820 visit and the whole thing like vacation is so uh heavy because so heavy so much you know anything

00:55:06.320 like that I mean any any leisure that you were paying for that you've planned I mean this is

00:55:12.800 almost why I struggle to plan like I don't plan things because oh it's really like it's really

00:55:17.840 testing the devil it's too hard yeah yeah to to to spend all that time and then to go did I choose

00:55:24.660 right well by the way yeah the day before we went to kawaii i went why don't i just look at the

00:55:28.680 forecast just for the hell of it every day rain emojis on the forecast every single day and i went

00:55:34.560 well kawaii i know rain is common like it will you know rain quickly and then i look at it yes

00:55:39.760 but it's like every hour of every day has like a rain drop and i really and i and i and i go okay

00:55:45.320 okay and i start spiraling i go okay wow wow never take vacation didn't do the research yeah

00:55:51.520 i call the front desk and i go hi i'm checking in tomorrow just looking at the the weather app and

00:55:59.660 the concierge at koakia lovingly kind of goes oh you know we really don't even consult that

00:56:04.340 because it just isn't you know the rain maybe it comes for a little while but it's really nothing

00:56:08.520 let me just tell you this the rain was no issue and it was actually a blessing

00:56:11.380 every now and then through the amount of rainbows we saw because you're in the you're in the heat

00:56:17.420 i'm sorry i mean i'm not trying to take away from this know what but even now i believe i'm i am

00:56:24.200 witnessing even now okay that the you have to make it that the rain was not only okay it was a

00:56:30.640 blessing okay like like how many times and how many people have you already told about how there

00:56:36.620 was rain and how it was a blessing okay like i see this this is spiraling upwards okay like

00:56:43.320 yeah yeah spot feeling like you're like you're like let me just let me just the rainbows the

00:56:49.460 rainbows i saw i was like oh it was a break it was a break from the heat it was a break from the

00:56:53.460 heat i was on the beach rain falling on me i love this no it was actually weirdly i love it yeah i

00:57:05.340 mean yeah yeah so I'm just taking it in I just I but yeah we have to we have to go on vacation

00:57:16.240 if you're able to figure it out and do it bring it back to free people okay always because they

00:57:22.220 have full wetsuits I didn't know they have surfboards they might even have this was gonna

00:57:27.340 say your own snorkeling equipment they might even have a mask on there they had they had like stuff

00:57:32.340 that you'd be shocked they had okay and they have the entire supergoop line love so i was like

00:57:40.160 maybe we pitch them something oh what do you mean where they're snorkeling it where we're

00:57:46.680 snorkeling in their gear i don't know let's put it out there right now we want well actually

00:57:51.400 snorkeling tropical destination um and we're here to do it and i have to say when i was on the

00:57:58.460 says no yeah yeah it's open when i was zooming on the catamaran through the water i started

00:58:07.080 talking about super group and i said god i wish i had been an early investor because you know i was

00:58:11.540 like that is the marketing i mean brilliant yeah anyway um i also wanted to say the way they sent

00:58:19.400 us a bounty yeah and i appreciate the bounty of their products because if you're serious about

00:58:25.500 spf you're gonna go through it one kind isn't gonna cut it right you need the the spray you

00:58:32.240 need the setting spray you need the lighter one for this i thought of you because the the super

00:58:37.200 goop play it's like in a big um squeeze bottle yes i was amazed by the texture i will be rebuying

00:58:43.260 use the entire thing because for two people on a kawaii trip that is what you need and normally

00:58:47.720 and then i love the face stuff it's called like single face really nice texture light yeah like

00:58:54.780 smooth not i was very impressed no it'd be like if spf is going to be serious for you if spf is

00:59:01.380 clothing you you don't go outside without it right exactly well then you're gonna need a lot

00:59:06.480 different outfits for different occasions completely and by the way the super group spf

00:59:10.580 lip balm which i applied heavily on the boat yeah actually i noticed on your wish list we never got

00:59:15.980 to this but but your free people wish to pull me away because i saw you got a cool lip balm i got

00:59:22.080 an sbf so md solar silence science i say silence yes md solar actually one of my absolute favorites

00:59:28.860 and by the way to recommend i say we're due for some some goods we would love some more because

00:59:34.220 i've used them i've ordered them for my mother listen to me listen to me so clearly i told my

00:59:38.380 i've used i've paid and i've paid oh i've paid i'm probably on my six tube folks me too of the

00:59:45.260 md solar science the mattifying whatever it is mineral sunscreen yeah mineral sunscreen

00:59:50.060 unbelievable little tint mattifying heaven on earth and you know what they make which i love

00:59:55.300 by the way it's like 20 it's like under it's like 20 it's a cup it's under it's maximum 25

01:00:00.420 i think it's under 25 they also make for 20 spf lipsticks lip balms that are really light color

01:00:08.320 love it the red one i love it and there's spf in there and honey i'd wear it just the color on its

01:00:13.220 own and if that's not an ad that gets me a package i don't know what is and then that came from the

01:00:17.140 heart that came from the absolute heart i know well that's the joke we will you know we say we

01:00:22.500 will be bought and we laugh but you know the the authenticity of our brands you know i remember

01:00:29.620 when i was a kid i have something else i want to beg for but keep going well yeah no go beg

01:00:33.200 well fine i'll say it oh you say it there were like i went on a couple auditions for commercials

01:00:38.440 when i was a child after acting camp okay oh because there was a scout there you know they

01:00:42.920 scouted me and whatever i generally found the material too embarrassing okay and below me and

01:00:48.580 all this kind of stuff and so i would you know throw auditions and that sort of thing but

01:00:52.260 i remember i remember my cousin rachel geniusly pointed out to me because i think she was

01:00:58.820 okay she's like you know it seems really cheesy to be like to be like like dentine

01:01:06.220 the fresh maker or whatever to be like to be like i tried dentine and it what's unbelievable

01:01:12.680 but but like whatever the the the copy was okay that i had to do for the audition like that just

01:01:19.460 seemed like too ridiculous she's like when you are talking about a product to a friend that you 0.94

01:01:23.940 really like you you are that ridiculous yeah okay you're maybe even more like it'd be like kate 0.97

01:01:31.020 you need to try this sunscreen this sunscreen is the only one you're right it both looks good 0.99

01:01:35.700 is mattifying delivers on ingredient you know uh whatever and like and like you you do it

01:01:42.580 with that and that freed me you know for the concept of leaning into that kind of auditioning

01:01:49.860 language never booked never booked a single thing of course no it's true because about this is from

01:01:53.820 the heart as you know we're talking about this oh i oh you want to hear another plug oh here's a real

01:01:58.000 plug here it comes so i recently did an event the l women in hollywood event listen the point is

01:02:05.140 i've heard of that they give you there's a care package on the way out and i grabbed it and i

01:02:10.180 thought huh bring it home open it up it's this brand rose ink have you heard of that and I

01:02:15.440 immediately dismiss it I go well if they're giving this away then if they're giving away

01:02:18.960 no but I didn't want to offend them go on you what they're giving this away yeah okay anyway

01:02:23.640 I just I'm just like what is this and there's this thing in a pump and it says like it's like

01:02:28.480 a tinted serum luminizing something I go what is this garbage I was in a bad mood yeah that night

01:02:34.580 I'm going out to dinner I go I'm gonna try this out I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna yeah when I

01:02:39.840 tell you it's my new most favorite makeup product i repeat no my current most favorite no makeup

01:02:47.800 product rose ink luminizing serum essence what did you already find it yeah spray i mean i've

01:02:55.240 used it for evenings because there's no spf in it but you could make up it's well it's like a

01:02:59.920 no i don't mean that negatively i mean it's makeup yeah it's like it illuminizes it tonight

01:03:06.480 it luminizes you tonight not luminizes you over the next six to seven weeks

01:03:10.180 no exactly tonight it's makeup yeah it's like a sheer it's like this is genius what is makeup

01:03:16.260 makeups tonight what'd you say it's a genius idea about pitching makeup in general as a concept

01:03:22.580 but what is makeup well i said what is makeup makeups tonight okay but what i meant was like

01:03:28.420 yeah makeup's about beauty tonight yeah yeah makeup's about beauty in 10 minutes makeup's

01:03:35.080 about beauty on your way to the door that's a fun little that's a fun line

01:03:39.040 no i'm not sure what it means i don't know what i know there's something there okay no but the

01:03:45.500 night but i just want to say i love it and i will be rebuying although i think now we're

01:03:51.200 securing future bottles but it is i love it and i wore it last night i've worn it several nights

01:03:57.740 i love it it's super sheer it's not when you want full coverage but it gives you something and it's

01:04:03.420 Gorgeous on the skin.

01:04:04.900 Okay.

01:04:05.460 I did that last night.

01:04:06.900 Here was my night look.

01:04:08.020 I did that.

01:04:08.760 I did some Charlotte Tilbury, which they sent this.

01:04:10.940 The bronzer illuminizing.

01:04:12.520 It's like two things.

01:04:13.300 One's bronzer.

01:04:13.880 The two.

01:04:14.500 Yeah.

01:04:14.780 Well, that has been a staple.

01:04:17.260 Life changing.

01:04:18.040 Of my travel all year. 1.00

01:04:20.600 Holy shit. 1.00

01:04:21.100 And on stage. 1.00

01:04:22.360 And on stage.

01:04:23.360 On stage.

01:04:24.380 Well, see, I started using it for my stage show.

01:04:26.440 I had never used like.

01:04:27.120 I put it.

01:04:27.800 I put it basically everywhere.

01:04:30.220 Oh, I love to hear that.

01:04:31.740 Okay.

01:04:32.260 Yeah.

01:04:32.660 no so i i love that okay everywhere on the face i mean yeah yeah the lips

01:04:38.360 no but i do right across everything i just yeah i think that's exciting let on the nose but you

01:04:46.460 know well i want to say that i love that and i and i'm here to beg for because guess what i'm

01:04:50.100 back on what matcha in new york i was doing a lot of matcha i'm back on matcha i love it i would like

01:04:56.300 to receive some top shelf ceremonial grade matcha perhaps a cute little set for my life

01:05:01.340 I don't know I'm back on matcha I love it I'm pushing it hard on others here's what I need

01:05:06.600 here's what I heard too yeah when you're on an evening or something where you're imbibing some

01:05:11.940 cocktails okay it's really important they say to drink matcha either the day after the morning

01:05:17.460 after something about the way matcha oxygenizes I don't know oxygen look it up yeah something

01:05:23.720 about oxygen yeah matcha is really good for and yeah of course you're not gonna have cocktails

01:05:27.920 come home at 11 p.m. and drink a matcha and be up all night probably but right matcha is really

01:05:32.420 good to integrate into the into the system and I'm kind of already seeing myself as someone who

01:05:37.820 my second cup of that cup of the coffee in the morning and the matcha in the afternoon and then

01:05:41.820 I'm sailing into my 80s on a yeah in heaven well I forget I forget the the there's something in

01:05:48.400 there also that you know it was like it's sort of green tea again right like in terms I know it's

01:05:52.980 different but I'm just saying like 500 times the amount of antioxidants or whatever yeah

01:05:56.540 yes a teaspoon of matcha you'd have to drink versus 50 cups of green tea is that true yeah

01:06:02.940 yeah it's something crazy like the density of the the nutritional density of matcha dose after dose

01:06:08.380 of the pink stuff imodium ad versus pepto um they were like imodium equals like you know versus

01:06:15.340 dose after dose of the pink stuff oh yeah that was a real can you imagine the warfare can you

01:06:21.860 can you imagine when Pepto saw that who the and by the way we are the pink stuff and who the 0.98

01:06:27.820 fuck do you think you are because Pepto-Bismol was basically Pepto is god Pepto Pepto if I told 0.97

01:06:33.380 you this that Pepto-Bismol was like an antidepressant for me anti-anxiety so I would get 1.00

01:06:37.440 overwhelming anxiety to go on sleepovers when I was little I used to love sleepovers I was brave 0.97

01:06:42.140 and wild and then I had a deeply traumatic deeply traumatic experience at Jewish sleepaway camp 0.92

01:06:47.440 camp swig i was weeping it's like the grief this is a camp of this hasn't come up on poo i don't 0.96

01:06:53.920 think it has and i know i had to have told you this because it's one of the foundational

01:06:57.380 narratives of my life yes i went to camp i went to jewish sleepaway camp the misery the homesickness

01:07:04.060 homesickness the like weeping waking up in the morning weeping i remember i had a dream that i

01:07:08.420 was home and i woke up and i was in the bunk bed and i like started and i could barely eat i was

01:07:13.380 so sick smell i was so upset every day i really wanted to go home it's just so sad yeah wrote

01:07:19.640 letters home i love camp i'm having the best time i wrote letters home because i was well now i see

01:07:25.460 what it is is that i was i was i felt i trying to make it okay well i was afraid of my parents

01:07:31.100 my parents being sad was so unbearable to me or i felt like i was you know responsible for

01:07:35.140 their emotional state oh oh oh oh but um but but uh wrote letters about how much i loved it

01:07:42.200 And then basically came home from camp and was like, well, if you think I'm ever leaving home 0.99

01:07:46.100 again, you're out of your fucking mind. You people are mistaken. So then that's a lot of 1.00

01:07:52.520 therapy and all this stuff and me learning coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety

01:07:56.180 breathing techniques, which I received from who later became Caitlyn Jenner's therapist. I know

01:08:02.160 this cause I was watching. I am Kate like episode one, 1400 years ago. And my beloved childhood

01:08:07.180 therapist was Caitlyn Jenner's therapist talking about Caitlyn. And I was like, Susan, I mean,

01:08:11.400 she susan changed my life oh right susan susan who taught me how to what breathing did you do the

01:08:16.320 square the square breath what was the breathing technique she taught me well she taught me one

01:08:21.960 thing which she was like i remember talking about the sadness i had about something or other and

01:08:27.140 she i was talking about myself like a little baby and she was like why don't you hold yourself as if

01:08:31.840 you were a little bit and i was in the fifth grade at this point and i like pretended to be holding

01:08:36.180 my baby self and she was like you can nurture yourself like you can like i don't know i just

01:08:42.180 remember that and i remember um we had a lot of visualizations she would have me close my eyes and

01:08:46.900 imagine i was somewhere more relaxing and you know just like how in moments of anxiety and stress to

01:08:53.700 breathe and go inward and really helped and then guess no i guess who shipped up to move to new

01:08:59.880 york city you know it's like i was able to i mean plenty of sleepovers before then but no but there

01:09:04.900 was like a school trip i refused to go on like i was like i'm not going i'm not leaving home

01:09:08.280 my parents were like yeah she's not gonna go yeah my parents spoke a lot about how when i or said

01:09:14.740 that when i was a kid i seemed unusually concerned about eventually having to like you know leave the

01:09:19.660 house like like for college or whatever i got it you know there's a there's a there's a

01:09:25.540 there was a moment where in um the movie 16 candles yeah okay i don't know if it's you know

01:09:36.920 how well you know it but you know it's not well actually it's just like there it's like it's just

01:09:40.880 a tiny scene you know when at the school dance and you see like experience like closing the two gym

01:09:48.060 doors behind like a nerd or something okay and he's i want to go home with you guys or whatever

01:09:53.400 yeah yeah i do remember that i relate so deeply i just want to be home with you guys

01:09:57.520 oh my god i feel like i'm going with you guys i want to stay home with you guys and you guys

01:10:02.120 as the language for parents like to me speaks to me deeply that's because it's very it's it's

01:10:08.640 actually like it's actually so sweet yeah because to see your parents as you guys is that they are

01:10:15.400 people and they're there and and it's like yeah i happen to like you guys like yeah you know what

01:10:21.980 i'm saying like they're just people and like they're i don't know it's just i continue to i

01:10:27.200 continue to think that um you know my life's about my parents ultimately okay okay that of course

01:10:33.300 that oh well i'll never forget the child list must turn it around you know to another level or just

01:10:39.560 or just you know to age together they become your children child together you have to parent your

01:10:44.100 children eventually or i mean sorry you have to parent your parents or you just continue you're

01:10:48.360 lucky to yeah as the child okay you just I do a pretty good job of both yeah yeah yeah yeah both

01:10:55.740 can be achieved do you remember that book this book I remember who made a real impression it's

01:11:00.880 a children's book and it's about the lifespan and it's like the mother holding the baby and at the

01:11:06.600 end it's the businessman the grown man holding his mother like a baby oh this went deep for me

01:11:13.520 put that to kids they gave that to me and i read it and i have to say folks i think that i don't

01:11:19.780 know how much damage it did but it is and i remember i used to weep reading it because it

01:11:24.260 was like and i love you forever oh something for always as long as i'm living my baby you'll be

01:11:29.400 and it was the parent so it starts out and it's the parent saying that to the baby

01:11:32.420 and then and then the child does the child say the word baby about their parent again no no so

01:11:37.420 here's what happens at the end the mother that we've seen the beginning of the book has shrunken

01:11:41.420 into a little old lady and now he the grown man the child is cradling the mother oh can't even

01:11:48.480 always i love you for always as long as i'm living my mommy you'll be or something i have to find

01:11:52.940 that's what i'm okay needs it to be that i feel like it switches finally at the end but oh my god 0.52

01:11:59.360 i mean it you it gutted me gutted damn we've barely even scratched the surface as usual we

01:12:08.080 have so much to talk about i know because we're both post trip there's just a lot there's a lot

01:12:14.220 of material um we've already been talking for quite a while so i think we have to end it i know

01:12:17.960 by the way you know it's a wild day when we didn't even get to the fact that i had an 8 a.m

01:12:23.180 colonic this morning we didn't even get to the fact that i don't even know i can't remember i

01:12:30.440 have a list and we didn't even head towards it you know what i'm gonna do eat these boiled beets

01:12:35.480 that i've prepared and take a bath i'm going to put in microbiome i'm in mission statement i'm in

01:12:44.500 it's all happening we have so much and by the way and i say this without stress but as soon

01:12:49.180 as you're ready i'm coming to you i know let's just say i'll be in your area okay

01:12:54.680 okay i love you i'm so glad you're back we're back

01:13:01.320 that was poog

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01:13:17.460 what do you put on

01:13:18.580 biggie

01:13:19.200 you put on biggie 0.92

01:13:20.240 when you feel uncomfortable

01:13:20.940 because I want to get confident

01:13:21.880 this is DJ Hester Prince

01:13:23.380 music is therapy

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01:13:43.720 or wherever you get your podcasts this is rider strong and i have a new podcast called the red

01:13:48.900 weather in 1995 my neighbor and a trainer disappeared from a commune it was nature

01:13:54.480 and trees and praying and drugs.

01:13:57.340 No, I am not your guru.

01:14:01.000 Back then, I lied to everybody.

01:14:03.320 They have had this case for 30 years.

01:14:06.260 I'm going back to my hometown to uncover the truth.

01:14:10.020 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

01:14:12.380 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:14:16.300 You know Roald Dahl.

01:14:17.860 He thought up Willy Wonka and the BFG.

01:14:20.360 But did you know he was a spy?

01:14:22.640 In the new podcast, The Secret World of Roald Dahl,

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01:14:28.460 What?

01:14:29.340 You probably won't believe it either.

01:14:31.060 Was this before he wrote his stories?

01:14:32.780 It must have been.

01:14:34.140 Okay, I don't think that's true.

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01:14:37.540 The guy was a spy.

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01:14:46.080 The more you listen to your kids,

01:14:48.200 the closer you'll be.

01:14:49.660 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

01:14:54.120 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

01:14:56.380 I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

01:15:03.140 Listening is a form of love.

01:15:05.360 Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org.

01:15:11.580 That's SoundItOutTogether.org.

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01:15:16.020 Crook and Chase Nashville Chats with the coolest cat in country music.

01:15:20.220 He is edgy.

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01:15:37.460 Crook and Chase Nashville Chats with Chase Matthews.

01:15:40.160 Listen and subscribe on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:15:46.020 This is an iHeart Podcast, Guaranteed Human.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - November 08, 2022

First in the Water

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