Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Fucked By My Own Genius

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00:00:34.560 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

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00:02:35.440 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:02:36.900 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:02:38.000 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:02:42.720 Two untamable intellects.

00:02:44.520 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:02:45.360 This is our hell.

00:02:46.220 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:02:48.500 This is POOG.

00:02:49.920 Today's topic, loosely speaking, juniper.

00:02:52.160 paced up

00:02:53.620 laugh and a half

00:02:55.000 I want to start by saying

00:03:00.620 my learning disabilities are out of control

00:03:03.240 and I need help

00:03:04.420 I have a lot to say about this

00:03:06.580 I have many tiers here

00:03:09.380 but I just want to say that ADD

00:03:11.440 and we know this, I guess now it's called ADHD

00:03:13.460 no, we'll talk about that in a minute

00:03:15.380 I just want to say I can't bring myself to read the books

00:03:17.320 because I have ADD

00:03:18.500 I want to say that it affects

00:03:19.920 And the thing that's the most upsetting about ADD is, I would say, aside from, of course, the inability to focus or be organized or executive functioning or anything, it's actually also wreaks havoc on your relationships.

00:03:33.120 Oh, well, yeah.

00:03:34.320 Communication style, all of this interrupting, zoning out, not being able to hear, which some people call not being able to listen.

00:03:42.140 I call not being able to hear through the din of hell of the mind.

00:03:46.080 Okay, good on you.

00:03:48.100 Okay, okay.

00:03:48.860 I'm dead serious to reclaim, reclaim the hearing.

00:03:53.820 No, sorry.

00:03:55.280 I didn't hear you.

00:03:56.720 Yeah.

00:03:57.260 And so I had a moment the other day where I saw myself interrupting this moment between

00:04:02.780 two people and I could not stop.

00:04:05.040 I was like, I could not stop.

00:04:07.220 And I was like, but it was like a friend toasting another friend on her birthday.

00:04:12.920 And I was like, and I couldn't.

00:04:14.800 You felt it like an arrow flying projectile.

00:04:17.040 And I was like, Kate, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. And I couldn't, okay, wait, hang on.

00:04:20.600 There's a lot to say. A, I have a huge problem for you. Okay. So hang on. Okay. Okay. Back in LA,

00:04:27.060 I have no routine. Difficult, right? Particularly I've talked, I mean, I've been texting you crying

00:04:32.000 about this. I mean, not only have you talked about you, I'm the one who alerted you to the fact.

00:04:35.600 No, no, it's true. Of course, not really. But you said, I don't know what the hell's happening.

00:04:38.760 Yeah. Yeah. Ripped out of my, of my life in New York, ripped out of the show.

00:04:41.740 The fourth routine. Which was huge. I said for both of us,

00:04:45.140 because to not have infinity for the day

00:04:48.920 is a possibility.

00:04:50.460 Flailing, flailing, falling through air,

00:04:52.060 free falling, crying, me, free falling.

00:04:55.040 This morning, woke up, I went, guess what?

00:04:57.760 First of all, first of all, okay, wait, hang on.

00:05:00.100 There's so much, okay.

00:05:00.840 I won't say anything, I'll let you speak.

00:05:02.120 I'm going to say thank you, okay, okay, okay.

00:05:04.580 A couple of things.

00:05:06.880 First thing, haven't worked out in months, whatever.

00:05:09.600 Yesterday, forced myself to go on a walk.

00:05:11.260 That was good.

00:05:12.540 I'm going to get back into Melissa.

00:05:13.640 I'm also going to completely try Tracy

00:05:15.660 because you've inspired me.

00:05:17.400 I need something.

00:05:19.680 It's outrageous.

00:05:20.700 I have to get back on.

00:05:23.020 I, yesterday,

00:05:24.160 sent a couple emails to Jungian therapists.

00:05:26.640 It's time to get Jungian.

00:05:28.080 I remembered this yesterday as well.

00:05:30.400 Going, wait, weeks ago,

00:05:31.460 Kate and I realized 1.00

00:05:32.620 we need to stop fucking around. 1.00

00:05:34.820 We throw Jung around like whores 1.00

00:05:37.320 and yet where the fuck is the practice? 1.00

00:05:39.480 I have a call with someone today 0.98

00:05:40.800 to talk about maybe

00:05:42.100 joining her practice.

00:05:44.140 I emailed another union.

00:05:45.240 Is it that center?

00:05:46.320 Is it that center?

00:05:47.360 No.

00:05:47.700 Okay.

00:05:48.080 If it's the center, you have to apply.

00:05:50.200 I, of course, spaced out because it was an application and they were like, upload your

00:05:53.580 pay stubs.

00:05:54.300 Upload this.

00:05:55.000 My eyes immediately crossed.

00:05:56.220 No.

00:05:56.800 Yeah.

00:05:57.440 And I went furious.

00:05:58.580 So I just went through psychology today.

00:06:01.180 God, Jung would scream if he saw that.

00:06:04.440 What?

00:06:04.820 Well, he wouldn't scream.

00:06:05.540 He'd probably go into the basement, paint and draw.

00:06:08.360 If he saw the pay stub upload.

00:06:10.100 I know.

00:06:10.440 I know.

00:06:10.820 I mean, maybe he'd love it.

00:06:11.920 So I have a, but I have a call later with a potential Jungian.

00:06:15.580 I also emailed somebody who has a dream group, a Jungian dream group, 50 bucks, a session.

00:06:21.180 That could be huge.

00:06:21.860 Where you and the others talk about your dreams?

00:06:24.440 Well, that sounds like hell, but I think it's more just like hopefully learning.

00:06:27.100 Oh, doing dream work together.

00:06:29.080 Yeah.

00:06:29.200 I don't really know.

00:06:30.040 I emailed her.

00:06:30.560 I'm going to talk to her.

00:06:31.740 Okay.

00:06:32.340 We need to get mold-free coffee.

00:06:33.860 I have to find a mold-free coffee.

00:06:35.880 Well, you ruined tea for me.

00:06:37.080 You ruined bag tea.

00:06:38.000 I was about to have a delicious country peach this morning.

00:06:41.320 And then I just mold and dust from Cape Verlant in a bag.

00:06:44.540 You get off the bag.

00:06:45.900 You go to something more exciting.

00:06:47.580 You get the raw tea.

00:06:49.160 What is it?

00:06:49.520 Rare Tea Company?

00:06:50.340 Is that who I...

00:06:51.020 I won't lie.

00:06:52.260 I did start with the raw in recent months.

00:06:54.840 Yeah.

00:06:55.060 And there was two companies that have sent us loose tea.

00:06:58.420 Yeah.

00:06:58.660 One has something called Catnap.

00:07:00.060 Yeah.

00:07:00.640 Did it knock you out?

00:07:01.820 I don't know.

00:07:02.220 It's hard to say, but I wasn't even trying to be knocked out.

00:07:05.080 But anyway, continue.

00:07:07.480 Okay.

00:07:07.760 So coffee.

00:07:08.500 I drink coffee every day.

00:07:09.420 You drink coffee every day.

00:07:10.180 we have to okay coffee we got to get organic okay we got to get organic and then we got to do and

00:07:16.360 I'm going to research this mold free something about coffee and mold I'm hearing this we got

00:07:21.560 to try to find a mold free coffee brand I'm going to look into it I'm going to figure it out

00:07:24.780 I woke up okay and listen okay sorry okay I'm taking it all in morning I hate that I'm even

00:07:32.760 saying it oh no I cannot bypass the morning meditation I know I know I know and I can do

00:07:38.940 But laying down, it's all about, here's what I can do this morning.

00:07:42.480 If you can do laying down, that changes a lot.

00:07:43.480 A couple things.

00:07:44.020 First of all, Instagram off the phone.

00:07:46.120 A few days now, Instagram off the phone.

00:07:47.940 I have to, I can't go back.

00:07:50.440 I posted on my Instagram to grid a couple like hot pics.

00:07:54.160 Hot photos.

00:07:54.960 I was like, you know what I'm going to do?

00:07:55.840 It was the day my show ended.

00:07:57.660 Dopamine plummeted.

00:07:58.940 I was in despair.

00:08:00.080 I went, you know what I'm going to do to get a little high here?

00:08:02.380 I'm going to post a carousel.

00:08:03.900 Get some likes.

00:08:04.540 I'm going to post, because I go on Instagram.

00:08:06.300 You see people, they post a carousel to them in one outfit.

00:08:08.940 Almost identical poses, right?

00:08:10.620 But clearly they were like,

00:08:11.480 which one's the hottest?

00:08:12.220 I can't decide to the post all three.

00:08:13.860 And I always thought those people are ill beyond reason. 0.64

00:08:16.280 This is sick. 1.00

00:08:17.180 Are you a psychopath? 1.00

00:08:18.040 You're going to do a carousel 0.99

00:08:18.940 of one of these slight little variations. 1.00

00:08:21.280 What the fuck is wrong with you? 0.99

00:08:22.320 I go, I'm going to join the game. 1.00

00:08:23.840 I'm going to join the rat race.

00:08:24.840 Guess who's posting a carousel? 0.84

00:08:25.940 Me. 1.00

00:08:26.440 Who fucking cares? 0.99

00:08:27.380 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:27.720 Okay.

00:08:28.140 Getting the game.

00:08:28.480 We're about to,

00:08:29.100 this earth, for all I know,

00:08:31.260 it's about to crack open

00:08:32.360 and we're about to fall inside.

00:08:33.360 I mean, every day it feels closer.

00:08:35.460 So I go-

00:08:36.540 All right, Drew was like,

00:08:37.680 if it cracks open

00:08:39.140 there's no gravitational

00:08:40.040 base

00:08:41.060 straight to space

00:08:42.320 remember you and me

00:08:42.960 passing each other

00:08:43.660 in space suits

00:08:44.420 what a way to go

00:08:45.940 I

00:08:46.420 I post the carousel

00:08:48.200 three hot pics

00:08:49.180 they'll like

00:08:50.180 start popping off

00:08:51.040 I'm on Mars

00:08:51.820 I'm feeling good

00:08:52.740 I'm going hey

00:08:53.280 why not

00:08:53.700 let's see

00:08:54.440 now is it flying up

00:08:55.800 is energy being built

00:08:56.900 from within

00:08:57.880 soaring up

00:08:58.940 from the sacral

00:09:00.160 straight from Instagram

00:09:01.560 it feels sick

00:09:02.120 it feels dark

00:09:03.220 it feels

00:09:03.640 dark

00:09:04.140 I can tell that it's dark

00:09:05.020 are you checking comments

00:09:06.580 are you going

00:09:06.940 let's see

00:09:07.300 you're going huh you're going i'm all right let's go see we got any new ones i'm looking at comments 0.94

00:09:11.400 of course it's just like 1600 gay guys screaming mother love you but you know like i'm like well 0.76

00:09:16.680 there it is yeah yeah and john early calls it the death pact we have the death pact of instagram 0.94

00:09:21.020 which is if you post a hot picture everyone better be like excuse me and then when they post it it's

00:09:28.060 the death yeah it's the death pact of and then when you post we all forgive each other's sins

00:09:33.100 We all enable each other.

00:09:34.660 I mean, it's a vast network of violent enabling

00:09:36.980 is what Instagram actually is.

00:09:38.900 Yeah, it's violent enabling that at times feels like community

00:09:41.440 because addiction bombs people.

00:09:42.900 They can't catch you when you're trying to be hot.

00:09:44.460 We're literally in a death grip.

00:09:45.640 When you're asking to be told you're hot.

00:09:48.440 I mean, honestly, that's the trouble is there is kindness.

00:09:51.880 No, there is.

00:09:52.820 I wake up the next day, I'm deleting it.

00:09:55.160 I'm deleting it.

00:09:55.760 I'm deleting it.

00:09:56.380 I'm like, I can't believe I did it.

00:09:57.360 I got to delete it.

00:09:58.160 And then I was like, that's so dramatic.

00:09:59.220 Did a single comment lift you?

00:10:01.000 I'm just curious.

00:10:01.500 Was there even one that broke through the, you know, 16,000 gay guys saying mother?

00:10:08.720 Was there one that made me feel something? 0.74

00:10:11.220 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:10:14.480 Or a simple comment from, wait, wait, sorry.

00:10:17.360 Before we move on, because here's the thing, like for me, like with you, like it feels

00:10:21.280 like wrong to not engage, but it feels completely laughable for me to be like, to like drum

00:10:27.700 up hyperbole for you in those circumstances. 0.99

00:10:29.680 So I'll like throw a fucking heart. 0.98

00:10:31.240 i'm like yeah i loved it i think i saw it you were like wow or something yeah yeah like keep 0.99

00:10:36.380 it fucking simple like do you know what i mean like for me to do public death pack to you is 0.77

00:10:41.680 humiliating yeah i know it's i don't mean really for me i mean like for society it's just it's 0.97

00:10:46.020 bizarre it's bizarre yeah no to see us reduced to that language is really interesting but so i'm

00:10:51.980 like i'm gonna delete it i can't believe i did that and then i was like kate relax you're so

00:10:56.900 dramatic before imagine the drama not that anyone even noticed that it was gone but like i would

00:11:00.840 Oh, you deleted the post, sorry.

00:11:02.940 No, I didn't delete it, but I almost was going to delete the post.

00:11:05.400 The point is—

00:11:05.720 No, no, here's what you did.

00:11:07.160 You left Instagram town, okay?

00:11:08.880 But you left with a billboard behind you with three pics.

00:11:12.180 You said, I'm gone, but that stands in my place.

00:11:14.380 It is non-negotiable.

00:11:17.260 I cannot have it on the phone.

00:11:19.260 I cannot look at it every day.

00:11:20.540 And that is non-negotiable for me.

00:11:23.000 We all have our own boundaries, rules that we have to learn.

00:11:26.840 Oh, I can't keep peanut butter in the house.

00:11:28.920 If I have gin on my nightstand—

00:11:30.500 Yeah.

00:11:30.840 You know what I mean?

00:11:31.340 It's gin on the nightstand.

00:11:32.640 Like, that's what it is.

00:11:33.720 Gin on the nightstand, yeah.

00:11:34.520 And so I'm just like, I just can't have it.

00:11:36.700 It's like worse than that.

00:11:37.780 It's way worse than gin on the nightstand.

00:11:39.240 The gin at least takes like-

00:11:40.420 At least there's juniper in there.

00:11:41.600 Yeah.

00:11:41.800 There's something that links you to your ancestors and to the earth.

00:11:45.220 It's absolutely, no, no, no.

00:11:47.520 So I can't have it there.

00:11:49.600 I woke up.

00:11:50.280 Okay, okay.

00:11:50.940 Last night, remember I texted you.

00:11:52.940 Okay, I texted Jacqueline.

00:11:54.240 Have you had coffee yet?

00:11:55.420 Yeah.

00:11:55.780 Can you tell?

00:11:56.460 No, I was just curious.

00:11:57.140 Sorry.

00:11:57.960 Yeah.

00:11:58.060 Because this has become an ADD podcast.

00:12:00.040 I'm talking like

00:12:01.120 guess what

00:12:01.700 my favorite subject matter

00:12:02.720 here it comes

00:12:03.440 we're talking about ADD

00:12:04.180 for 19 episodes

00:12:05.260 19 episodes

00:12:05.880 we tried to record

00:12:06.740 an ADD episode

00:12:07.740 disaster unfolded

00:12:09.480 I remember

00:12:09.600 okay

00:12:10.120 producers were not interested

00:12:11.640 and

00:12:12.020 we'll release that one day

00:12:13.040 or it's gone

00:12:13.680 I'm not sure

00:12:14.600 but then we tried to

00:12:15.500 re-record it 0.98

00:12:16.220 and who the fuck knows 0.99

00:12:18.040 and then it just died 1.00

00:12:19.000 you know

00:12:19.740 it went into the earth

00:12:20.500 I know it went into the earth

00:12:21.220 and that's okay

00:12:21.700 and sprouted juniper

00:12:22.700 and here we are

00:12:23.740 so let's get back to it

00:12:24.980 I um 0.99

00:12:25.240 fuck what was I gonna say 0.99

00:12:26.760 that's why I tried to bring 1.00

00:12:28.880 us back to juniper

00:12:29.820 oh no no so so you're about to like rattle off morning six pieces of armor that are going to

00:12:35.140 save you from the hell of your current flailing the saving of the flailing so a i'm seeing i'm 1.00

00:12:39.580 seeing my energy worker today i can't wait i'm going to see her i need her to fucking chakra me 0.96

00:12:44.040 down is there an hour before or after where you can loop me in because i could use a little work 0.92

00:12:48.800 absolutely she's amazing so i okay oh this is what i was gonna say this is what i was gonna say

00:12:53.600 last night again just in this huge moment of a huge moment i haven't had a night in

00:12:59.780 alone in a long time. Not that I'm like painting the town fucking red, but I just mean I've 0.74

00:13:04.720 No, you are. You're never not going to dinner and it makes me pose questions about myself. 0.86

00:13:09.340 Okay. No, no. So yesterday I did a huge, I had a dinner plan with a dear friend as you

00:13:14.660 would always mock me for saying, but it's true. And I was like, oh my God, I think I

00:13:20.080 have to stay in.

00:13:21.000 You never say who. It's fucking creepy. 0.99

00:13:22.400 Because we made an oath not to name drop ever on Pooh. 0.98

00:13:24.680 No, I'm talking about in our private lives, you and me on text. Okay. It's like this

00:13:29.240 understanding that you're in the fucking CIA 1.00

00:13:31.360 and that I don't ask questions 1.00

00:13:32.940 about your other friends.

00:13:33.660 I would tell you, but...

00:13:34.620 All right, go on.

00:13:35.080 Okay, I'll always tell you who.

00:13:36.040 Okay, listen.

00:13:37.200 I was like, you know what? 0.97

00:13:38.760 I can't fucking go to dinner tonight. 0.98

00:13:40.680 I need to stay in and be on my couch. 0.99

00:13:43.640 Real medicine for K. Berlant.

00:13:44.960 There it is.

00:13:45.480 Like, and I texted you

00:13:47.140 because I was so proud of myself.

00:13:48.640 I know.

00:13:48.880 So I was going to text.

00:13:49.660 I texted my friend and I almost...

00:13:51.320 My first instinct was almost to lie.

00:13:52.900 I was going to be like,

00:13:53.560 hey, I'm not feeling so great.

00:13:55.000 I was like, 1.00

00:13:55.480 why the fuck would you lie to your friend? 0.99

00:13:57.460 Just be honest. 0.99

00:13:58.260 And I was like, because I hate canceling plans, whatever.

00:14:01.220 It was just like, I'm so burnt out.

00:14:02.920 I just, I think I actually need to spend the night in alone.

00:14:05.000 And I'm like, if she's upset or disappointed, I can hold that.

00:14:08.820 Sorry. 0.97

00:14:09.580 She was obviously fucking fine. 0.95

00:14:11.340 She was like, totally get it. 0.98

00:14:12.560 Most people do, I think.

00:14:13.440 I was like, all right, of course.

00:14:15.160 Listening to the body is wild.

00:14:17.120 I don't hear the body.

00:14:18.540 I know.

00:14:19.120 It's crazy because it is there.

00:14:20.700 I watched, well, I was on the couch.

00:14:22.980 I watched The Last of Us.

00:14:24.980 I was eating popcorn.

00:14:26.100 I nestled a cookie

00:14:28.260 in the center of the popcorn bowl

00:14:29.580 and kind of ate around it

00:14:31.040 and kind of had this little fun thing

00:14:32.600 where then I got to the cookie

00:14:33.600 okay

00:14:34.000 oh you nestled it deep inside

00:14:35.780 yeah

00:14:36.180 I buried it away from myself

00:14:37.720 so I could uncover it

00:14:38.980 that's cool

00:14:39.520 it's actually a huge psychological device

00:14:42.020 burying something intentionally

00:14:43.600 to pretend that you're uncovering it

00:14:45.560 is huge

00:14:46.300 well

00:14:46.760 I mean that's what Foucault

00:14:47.840 talked about sexuality

00:14:48.980 the repression is the neuroses

00:14:50.260 all right

00:14:51.280 yeah

00:14:51.740 I mean that's Freud obviously 0.86

00:14:52.640 not to be dead ass clear 0.98

00:14:55.100 Symptom is a scorned God. 0.99

00:14:56.700 Young.

00:14:57.200 I dug up an old Foucault paper.

00:14:59.100 I won't lie.

00:14:59.840 I loved it.

00:15:01.200 A couple of things have made it through.

00:15:03.080 They're in my file folder.

00:15:04.600 I've carried them from an apartment to an apartment.

00:15:06.060 I come through.

00:15:07.080 I go, this paper.

00:15:08.120 I go, there's something here.

00:15:08.480 I know.

00:15:08.800 The papers have to be read.

00:15:09.880 Fly back.

00:15:10.320 Fly back.

00:15:10.680 Take me back.

00:15:11.260 Oh, yeah.

00:15:11.460 This is just to say that I was watching it and then something outrageous happens.

00:15:17.000 I finished the episode.

00:15:18.280 I'm like, wow, that's just, I'm entertained.

00:15:20.340 This is television, you know?

00:15:22.100 Yeah.

00:15:22.320 The Last of Us, whatever.

00:15:23.180 I just like like to me this it's like a fun silly show right like I didn't understand people that's

00:15:29.420 how you went in okay yeah and I'm like totally absorbed having fun point is the episode ends

00:15:34.600 I go and this hasn't happened in a while it is maybe it's 8 45 I go I'm gonna close my eyes

00:15:40.340 just for a second dead asleep I wake up drool all over the pillow it's like nine o'clock I

00:15:47.680 fell dead asleep in that short period. Went to bed. I'm talking about lights off, dead asleep.

00:15:53.300 You hauled your ass. Okay. 1.00

00:15:54.820 905. Oh, I see. Yeah.

00:15:56.920 And what I'm trying to say is earlier when I go, I need to cancel my plans tonight and stay in.

00:16:02.300 Literally. I mean, I passed out so hard, so cold. Needed it.

00:16:08.800 You did. And there you received the certainty required to know you'd made the decision to go

00:16:14.160 to dinner this is the thing it's like you're like laying it down like like a like an anvil of weight

00:16:19.040 you're like 905 i'm like waiting for the realization yeah i'm waiting for its meaning

00:16:25.760 to unfold to fall behind the anvil that fell from the window a little note that says i made the right

00:16:31.520 choice i know i know i'm always looking for that anvil but i woke up with the light or i don't

00:16:36.540 know it was like 7 30 i woke up i was like oh my god dreams immediately rang down my dreams lots

00:16:42.440 of imagery animals really coming up petting a large goose like great stuff okay the goose waking

00:16:48.480 up okay that is union thank god it's so embarrassing when it's like not like get me animals get me like

00:16:55.060 so much so many animals tree get me vessels not like oh honey spiral staircases repeating 0.88

00:17:02.220 in my dreams last night going up people fucking on spiral elevator i mean they existed by then 0.83

00:17:07.200 you know, straight down, going down, going up, a home, a home is the psyche. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.94

00:17:12.760 All this stuff. Goose. I'm petting this goose. It's so soft. It wakes up and notices me petting

00:17:17.280 it and kind of smiles at me. Great stuff. I'm writing down the dreams. Okay. I roll.

00:17:23.280 Just a set of teeth. Sorry. The goose smiling. I'm just picturing a beak widening and then just

00:17:29.020 a full human set of teeth. All right, go on. So the Trani app, you know, I don't know a lot

00:17:34.300 about astrology, but I'm into it. I'm interested, whatever. Oh, right. I subscribe to the Chani app.

00:17:38.960 You said to us that it's like Costa or whatever. Chani is the one. Chani's next level. Chani has 0.84

00:17:43.600 a meditation every day. Her meditation this morning, it's called morning. I go, that's

00:17:48.200 interesting. I go, I'm just going to do it. Press play, laying in bed. So the meditation thing gets

00:17:53.100 overwhelming, right? I have to sit up. I have to, no, I just go, just lay down. Keep your eyes open,

00:17:58.520 bitch. Who cares? Just do it. It was good. Well, Dr. Joe Dispenza, if you can stay conscious with 1.00

00:18:03.980 your eyes open then you're doing it absolutely meditation you can meditate sitting and if you

00:18:09.640 want to sit in the chair that's why he is walking meditations at it on the next level you just keep

00:18:13.120 your eyes on the middle distance whatever like that's totally allowed the whole point yeah you

00:18:17.920 know anyway when you go to the supermarket and you instantly you go you go unconscious again all

00:18:22.160 right continue the point is i started to do mornings could be huge i started to get into

00:18:26.360 the mind frame of this is what it is i have to wake up i have to go to bed i need to make sure

00:18:30.280 I get the 10 hours

00:18:30.980 I need to wake up

00:18:31.720 and do a meditation

00:18:32.140 I started to go

00:18:33.360 this is it

00:18:33.840 this is it

00:18:34.300 and then I started to go

00:18:35.560 I need a new trash can

00:18:37.200 okay this is the thing 1.00

00:18:38.000 I need a bathroom 0.97

00:18:39.160 trash can

00:18:39.960 and I need to change 0.99

00:18:41.120 my kitchen trash can situation

00:18:42.560 well weeks ago

00:18:43.420 I remember

00:18:43.900 you'll recall

00:18:44.400 my life was changed

00:18:45.300 when I put a basket

00:18:46.120 by my desk

00:18:46.820 oh yeah

00:18:47.160 so that I didn't have to 0.90

00:18:48.160 get up with every piece of trash

00:18:49.520 and walk to the kitchen 0.97

00:18:50.740 no

00:18:51.260 open a closet door 0.66

00:18:52.280 that my trash lives in 0.79

00:18:53.380 because there's no floor space 0.87

00:18:54.520 and

00:18:55.060 and my life was changed

00:18:56.500 these little things

00:18:57.180 are life changing

00:18:57.900 we'll talk about

00:18:58.520 talk about ADD

00:18:59.600 because the walk to the kitchen,

00:19:02.420 I see six projects that I immediately fall into.

00:19:05.580 I'm hanging shelves on the way to the kitchen.

00:19:08.040 I'm hanging shelves on the way to the kitchen

00:19:09.360 and ordering hooks.

00:19:10.940 Well, I need a coat rack.

00:19:12.160 I said to Chris, I need more hooks.

00:19:13.340 I need more shelves.

00:19:14.260 Here I am going, hello?

00:19:15.980 In a store. 1.00

00:19:16.580 I need a fucking coat rack. 1.00

00:19:17.980 Hello, back of the chair. 1.00

00:19:19.380 You're a fool. 1.00

00:19:20.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:21.040 Trying to sit down at your desk chair

00:19:23.440 and it's covered with six outerwear items.

00:19:26.540 Yeah, exactly.

00:19:27.060 On my couch for the rest of my life. 0.98

00:19:28.360 I need a coat rack, hook.

00:19:30.720 I'm going to Nicky Kehoe next week

00:19:32.580 and I'm getting a freaking bespoke iron hook 0.73

00:19:35.240 to nail into my wall. 0.92

00:19:37.400 I'm doing this stuff.

00:19:38.000 Well, I have things to say 0.99

00:19:38.980 because I am a hook fucking hound. 0.99

00:19:41.400 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:41.820 Okay.

00:19:42.440 Hooks, rails, consumes my life

00:19:44.380 when I need to whittle it down

00:19:45.680 to a more manageable hook.

00:19:48.380 Okay.

00:19:48.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:49.100 Yesterday I said the question,

00:19:49.920 I need more vertical storage

00:19:50.760 because what you're saying,

00:19:51.900 we got to move to a bigger place.

00:19:53.000 I go, no, look around you.

00:19:54.180 There's nothing but vertical walls

00:19:56.120 that are not being used for storage.

00:19:57.400 Okay.

00:19:57.580 vertical space

00:19:58.300 vertical space

00:19:58.740 this is a call out

00:19:59.320 I want a personal organizer

00:20:00.480 I'm ready to hire

00:20:01.840 and work with a personal organizer

00:20:03.580 we talked about this a little bit

00:20:04.940 I'm scared

00:20:05.500 whatever

00:20:05.940 I've realized I can't do it alone

00:20:07.880 talk about ADD

00:20:09.240 talk about

00:20:09.680 I can't

00:20:10.240 I can't do it

00:20:10.820 I'm surprised no one has offered

00:20:12.260 no one's emailed saying

00:20:13.660 well I'll come into your home

00:20:14.640 and do the thing

00:20:15.560 that we begged for

00:20:16.220 well here it is

00:20:16.760 let it be known

00:20:17.340 Los Angeles

00:20:18.100 personal organizer

00:20:19.000 hello

00:20:19.520 I will store you on the Poog Instagram 1.00

00:20:21.680 you don't want a pervert though 1.00

00:20:22.800 I'm not saying I won't pay you 0.99

00:20:23.660 but I would love a discount

00:20:24.980 okay

00:20:27.100 you will be on

00:20:29.360 I need

00:20:30.640 help

00:20:31.480 and if anyone thinks

00:20:32.240 my silence here

00:20:33.180 means I'm not

00:20:34.080 interested in the

00:20:34.900 very same offer

00:20:35.780 okay that means

00:20:37.080 to be made

00:20:37.760 dead clear

00:20:39.000 we both need it

00:20:39.780 we both want it

00:20:40.620 any message that comes in

00:20:41.820 Kate

00:20:42.360 well Jacqueline

00:20:43.420 you know what I had a dream of

00:20:44.220 I heard you say you wanted

00:20:44.780 blah blah blah

00:20:45.440 I'm going to New York tomorrow

00:20:47.020 and I had this fantasy

00:20:47.960 of just giving someone

00:20:48.720 the keys to my house

00:20:49.620 I'll be back

00:20:50.200 in just a couple days

00:20:51.080 it's a short trip

00:20:51.760 right

00:20:52.040 imagine

00:20:52.760 because you know

00:20:53.140 we talked about

00:20:53.700 oh could you just 1.00

00:20:54.220 I would fucking kill 0.99

00:20:55.960 to hand my keys off 0.99

00:20:56.940 go just fucking do it leave yeah come back in four days and guess what I'll just find things 1.00

00:21:03.900 where I find them like just be like oh yeah here are my diaries here's the fucking sex stuff in 1.00

00:21:09.800 my house I don't know like who cares oh yeah I mean who fucking cares like just go through every 0.99

00:21:14.520 drawer I don't care what would I be humiliated by like that's the thing like what would I actually 0.98

00:21:18.300 be humiliated by nothing yes if you started reading my diaries turning each page like I

00:21:22.960 be a little bit much but you just alert them that but also okay you want to read about it it's the

00:21:28.480 same for years yeah it's the same book with a new date on it yeah forever ain't that the truth

00:21:34.320 god the diary a single page what why isn't the diary a single page that i just retrace

00:21:40.200 every day god the lists i know i really got i know i really got well i had a sicko idea for

00:21:48.640 managing ADD and productivity.

00:21:51.280 That's the thing.

00:21:52.120 Remember a couple months ago,

00:21:53.300 I was like, it's time. 0.99

00:21:54.340 I'm fucking done. 0.99

00:21:55.640 It is time to brutalize the self. 1.00

00:21:59.040 Yeah.

00:22:00.080 See, I have this belief

00:22:03.380 that if you're unwilling to do things

00:22:05.760 that other people would think

00:22:07.580 are weird or too much, 0.99

00:22:10.400 then why the fuck do you think 0.94

00:22:11.600 you're going to get results 0.98

00:22:12.580 that other people wouldn't get?

00:22:14.520 Wow.

00:22:15.640 So I have this brutality in me, okay?

00:22:18.640 And it's also an overreaction to like, or not overreaction, but it's an equal and opposite

00:22:24.680 reaction to the brain style. I was screaming about my learning difference. And okay, okay,

00:22:32.500 the other day, and I'll say learning difference, that is not a euphemism. I cannot believe I have

00:22:38.300 to explain this again. Okay. A learning difference is not a euphemism difference for disability,

00:22:45.180 you fucks 0.99

00:22:46.100 okay 0.99

00:22:46.420 it is

00:22:47.480 referencing

00:22:48.480 if you have six

00:22:49.380 cognitive skills

00:22:50.400 basic cognitive skills

00:22:51.600 okay

00:22:52.620 and

00:22:53.680 in my case

00:22:54.460 sorry

00:22:54.840 they're all above average

00:22:55.960 except for two

00:22:56.600 that are average

00:22:57.400 okay

00:22:58.080 therefore 0.99

00:22:59.100 fucked by my own genius 0.99

00:23:00.840 you heard me 0.99

00:23:01.540 okay

00:23:02.340 okay

00:23:03.340 if I were

00:23:04.000 average across the board

00:23:05.240 my own genius

00:23:06.100 okay

00:23:07.340 if I were average

00:23:08.340 across the board

00:23:09.080 I'd be

00:23:09.980 literally

00:23:10.440 you need to think of them

00:23:11.240 as cylinders

00:23:11.820 firing cylinders

00:23:13.540 my rocket ship

00:23:15.180 Okay. Six of them across the board. If they're all average, I'd be shooting straight. I'd be

00:23:19.700 flying straight. Learning different ridges. Okay. Four of them. Oh, me too, honey.

00:23:25.360 Four of them are, sorry, I'm just laughing at the desire to say the words off the charts.

00:23:31.140 And like, you know, no clue, but like how quickly I go from whatever to, it's off the charts,

00:23:35.320 you know it. Okay. Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. The point is I know that there are two

00:23:39.300 that are not even, and it's attention and memory. Okay. And it's short to remember, blah, blah,

00:23:43.660 I remember things no one else does, blah, blah, blah.

00:23:45.940 Okay, I will not get into it.

00:23:48.040 I will not be pigeonholed, but I will say I'm not firing straight.

00:23:52.660 And then people catch a whiff of the above average ones and then don't understand, okay, why there's a issue on follow through. 0.98

00:24:05.620 You know, it's like, so fucked by my own genius.

00:24:08.000 And so for years, you know, I'm on balance beams trying to boost the cerebellum because I read that that would help with some of these ADD symptoms. 0.98

00:24:17.560 And, you know, I'm walking on rails while other people are plodding through their day, having action.

00:24:23.200 And I'm like, am I going to need to do, you know, people, you don't knit.

00:24:27.040 I don't knit.

00:24:27.820 Many people say, oh, knitting, ADD, do the thing.

00:24:29.780 Am I going to be someone with knitting needles who I'm in a conversation at a restaurant and I have knitting needles?

00:24:34.000 It's like, I'm not going to be someone who's like, I'm like walking around, walking down

00:24:38.080 the street, walking as I'm knitting.

00:24:40.300 With like stim toys. 0.99

00:24:40.920 As I'm talking to someone, it's like a fucking just listen. 0.98

00:24:44.120 Like, because that used to happen to me in conversation with someone. 0.97

00:24:47.740 I'm like, can I just also do like, also it's like so.

00:24:54.420 Well, I also learned part of, I mean, you know this, but like for me, I spent years

00:24:58.260 trying to fix it.

00:24:59.920 Okay.

00:25:00.100 I need to microdose mushrooms so I don't have the rage. 0.74

00:25:02.560 we talked to you about the rage

00:25:04.360 because the rage is the thing

00:25:05.520 the anger the rage

00:25:06.520 that's the thing that lately

00:25:07.360 I'm going whoa

00:25:08.080 that is really the

00:25:09.200 in the ADD

00:25:10.080 the impulsive

00:25:10.720 the rage

00:25:12.100 I'm just terrified 0.93

00:25:13.120 okay people aren't dumb

00:25:14.260 I have to remember that

00:25:15.000 but I'm just terrified

00:25:15.900 like

00:25:16.660 when people hear someone say ADD

00:25:19.280 or my ADD

00:25:20.360 okay

00:25:20.760 they hear an over medicated generation

00:25:22.820 yeah

00:25:23.300 everyone has ADD

00:25:24.520 because this is a distraction culture 0.99

00:25:26.120 I'm not fucking talking about 0.98

00:25:27.800 distraction culture 0.99

00:25:28.800 I'm not talking about lower

00:25:29.880 okay I'm talking about

00:25:31.600 brain

00:25:32.340 damage. Okay. And I've told you this.

00:25:34.220 I'm talking about ring of fire. Okay. I'm talking about ring of fire. I'm talking about

00:25:36.800 neuro, okay. Different fucking shit happening in the brain. And people are going to hear 1.00

00:25:42.880 my ADD, my ADD. They hear that coming out of you and my lips. And they just think it's

00:25:48.580 fucking, they think it's a lack of will. Okay. They think it's everything. And I will show 1.00

00:25:55.760 you the scans, motherfuckers. Okay. I even went in and got my full battery of testing. 1.00

00:26:00.700 I've spoken about this before.

00:26:01.900 I don't know if it landed.

00:26:03.380 Okay.

00:26:03.900 The full battery of both, you know, quantitative and projective testing. 0.98

00:26:08.340 Projective is like, you know, draw a person and all that shit. 0.97

00:26:11.120 Oh, yeah. 0.94

00:26:11.320 And I do that my whole childhood was this learning therapist of like,

00:26:14.460 put the, like, literally me, like, memories of me literally trying to force

00:26:18.340 a square peg in a round hole.

00:26:21.360 Like, you know, like the joke of that.

00:26:22.480 It's like, I was like, they're like, it won't go in.

00:26:25.100 Yes, yes.

00:26:26.200 Like, literally.

00:26:27.820 I always forget, though.

00:26:28.740 Is it that is, will one fit in the other and the other, not the other?

00:26:32.740 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:26:33.260 The square would fit in, the circle will fit in the square.

00:26:35.400 Doesn't it seem like.

00:26:36.100 I know.

00:26:36.740 It has to fill the crevice of the hole.

00:26:38.480 No, I was going to say the opposite.

00:26:40.100 Also, literally, isn't squaring the circle a thing?

00:26:44.060 I don't know.

00:26:44.640 Okay.

00:26:44.940 I think it's like there's something Jungian in that, like fraternity or something.

00:26:48.280 I don't know.

00:26:48.640 But squaring the circle, I know it's something.

00:26:51.120 I'm like, the circle is going to square.

00:26:53.360 And then I'm like, also, I mean, obviously, let's get real, folks.

00:26:58.620 Depends on the size of the circle.

00:26:59.660 Is that right?

00:27:01.400 That's what I'm saying.

00:27:02.140 Size of the circle.

00:27:03.100 No one's talking about it.

00:27:04.700 It's like those horrible,

00:27:05.720 every of these things,

00:27:06.400 these corporate things,

00:27:07.480 they're like the interview question

00:27:08.560 that they ask at McKenzie.

00:27:12.120 They're like,

00:27:12.760 this is the last level.

00:27:14.160 And they come in and they're like,

00:27:15.060 how do you put,

00:27:15.940 they're like,

00:27:16.620 how do you get an elephant into a fridge?

00:27:19.720 Okay. 1.00

00:27:19.840 You fucking open the door. 1.00

00:27:21.240 You put it inside. 1.00

00:27:22.340 Yeah.

00:27:23.160 Yeah.

00:27:23.460 I think it's like that.

00:27:24.520 Okay.

00:27:24.780 I mean,

00:27:24.980 that's like the answer that gets you hired.

00:27:26.580 Yeah.

00:27:27.080 Or,

00:27:27.440 or like I could be wrong

00:27:30.040 chop it up mercilessly

00:27:32.120 that's my answer

00:27:33.220 but also it's like if the

00:27:36.020 answers open the door and like put

00:27:38.020 it in there they are saying what you

00:27:39.980 need to work here is a kind of willful

00:27:42.240 refusal yeah you need a 1.00

00:27:44.000 kind of like stiffly dumb 0.98

00:27:46.040 insistence on like getting 0.98

00:27:48.060 the money in the box

00:27:49.340 you know what I mean but anyway all right

00:27:51.740 take me back wait I'm not done

00:27:53.040 whatever at some point we will educate

00:27:55.320 We will educate the doubters on the truths

00:27:57.900 And we're going to Dr. Amin

00:27:59.840 His clinic

00:28:00.760 There's another thing I sent you

00:28:02.300 I want scans and I want them now

00:28:04.260 I want to know exactly what's firing

00:28:07.060 But anyway, I went through years of this

00:28:08.840 First of all, the woman doubted me 0.81

00:28:11.720 She's like, with these grades

00:28:12.940 And the way you're staying focused

00:28:15.840 On this conversation

00:28:16.820 With these grades, you don't have a problem at all

00:28:18.380 You don't have an issue with focus

00:28:20.280 And then ask me to

00:28:21.640 Say a set of numbers backwards

00:28:24.220 Okay. And then she looked, and this is where data doesn't lie. Just because I'm charming your ass

00:28:30.080 off at one of the most stimulating intellects. I know, the charming doctors is such a dangerous 0.97

00:28:34.940 skill. Well, sorry to reference a chapter in my own book, but, and stolen directly from the

00:28:40.260 Against Depression author, Peter D. Kramer, but he encourages the depressive to stop charming the

00:28:46.020 therapist because there are elements in Western culture that depression and its symptoms are

00:28:51.460 considered positives okay like pensive loner there's an attractive intellectual quality to it

00:28:59.660 and so you go in there and they just can't get enough okay if you're bringing too much

00:29:05.540 existentialism to it they love it and then what's really sick is that he points out that some

00:29:10.620 therapists feel the need to if they found their client to be like narcissistic or whatever or

00:29:17.940 you know bratty or something

00:29:20.060 they like they essentially like

00:29:22.100 see the depression as like moral

00:29:23.980 correction like they're kind of like

00:29:25.680 they're kind of like yeah you need a little of that 0.97

00:29:28.300 oh my god damn 0.96

00:29:30.080 so I did okay 0.91

00:29:31.840 so but the idea is like

00:29:34.040 so then I'm committed to boring my therapist

00:29:35.980 I was like I'm no longer going in there giving them literature

00:29:38.200 no longer going in there

00:29:40.180 and making them feel like this is an afternoon

00:29:42.680 in their college days

00:29:44.580 okay under the rain

00:29:46.380 you know questioning it all

00:29:47.940 And so I just go in because the problem is I'd go and I'd charm them and then I'd go home and experience the simple, common, unpeculiar, uninteresting symptoms of depression.

00:29:58.940 Okay.

00:29:59.260 And that's the truth.

00:30:00.400 Okay.

00:30:00.940 And so then I committed just going in and sitting there and being like, and just not, not bringing anything.

00:30:07.320 And I've said it many times before she fell asleep.

00:30:10.360 Oh my God.

00:30:10.660 Of course.

00:30:11.260 Your therapist fell asleep.

00:30:12.200 It's incredible.

00:30:13.520 It's absolutely incredible.

00:30:14.880 And week after week.

00:30:16.120 That is absolutely.

00:30:17.100 And then here, let's, let's, let's play it out.

00:30:19.080 And then you can give the, do it when you'll see what I did.

00:30:21.320 So you slowly nod off.

00:30:22.800 Okay.

00:30:22.960 While I'm talking, are you ready?

00:30:25.020 So it's just, if for the fifth day in a row, I get up at a reasonable hour, I exercise,

00:30:31.460 I go for a walk and I come home and have a light lunch, not a carbon site.

00:30:36.220 And I immediately, I look to the window, I'd look to the window as though that's where

00:30:45.380 I was already staring off.

00:30:46.300 So don't worry, I didn't see you.

00:30:47.740 You hadn't noticed her fall asleep.

00:30:48.160 I hadn't noticed her fall asleep.

00:30:49.860 You protected her.

00:30:51.200 You were literally protecting her from her shocking.

00:30:54.940 Literally.

00:30:55.380 Unprofessionalism. 1.00

00:30:56.380 And from the fact of her. 1.00

00:30:58.100 Slap her face. 0.61

00:30:58.720 And then she'd lean forward, like elbows onto the knees. 1.00

00:31:02.300 Yeah.

00:31:02.600 To kind of like, okay, I'm getting in the game.

00:31:05.720 You know, I liked her, but I'm sorry.

00:31:07.360 I'm never going to stop talking about the sleeping.

00:31:10.000 Without a doctor's note.

00:31:11.440 I know. 1.00

00:31:12.020 She better bring a doctor's note.

00:31:13.360 She better write a letter and say, I had an issue back then.

00:31:15.820 It was medical and I'm sorry, but the zero accountability for that and it going unspoken.

00:31:21.060 Can you imagine a sticker dynamic in therapy? Me leaving, plopping down $250 and leaving.

00:31:26.360 I'm struggling. Last night, I was emailing these, looking for this like union therapist.

00:31:31.960 I Googled my old therapist and I was like, is he dead? Because it said like for his business was

00:31:37.000 like temporary clothes. Like, I guess I haven't been to him in almost 10 years. Like how old was

00:31:41.100 he? And then I started to spiral because I was like, wait, and it's still happening. My mom

00:31:45.180 will remember i cannot fucking for the life of me remember the name of my therapist who was key for 0.98

00:31:49.000 me in high school who sent me nashville skyline at college you don't you want to find him again 0.98

00:31:53.520 okay this is not about charming the therapist yeah your face no this therapist sent me bob

00:31:58.900 dylan nashville skyline when i was went to college and sent me this big doll and was like

00:32:04.340 you can talk to her if you need to talk to someone what arriving at the college yeah

00:32:08.320 in the mailroom and it's my therapist kate brilliant see this is the thing the teacher's

00:32:12.300 pet the favorite see i was always you know teacher's favorite meal hall right where i belong

00:32:16.420 right i'm after school with the teacher talking going but what's this really all about of course

00:32:20.300 me too for literal hours we're changing our teachers lives right it's like and i did that

00:32:25.180 with my literal my learning therapist i'll never forget my learning disability like therapist

00:32:29.320 sobbed when i left i remember my mother and i being in the office being like we're not going

00:32:33.120 to come back her crying i should have done this crying my piano teacher when i quit piano crying

00:32:39.380 at the house crying you mean crying wait wait because you were you were such a joy joyful

00:32:44.980 student for them to have you mean or because they failed or they failed their job and they

00:32:48.920 realized i should have done this i saw it as the loss of me her crying the piano teacher crying

00:32:54.020 what if it wasn't i'll never forget if it wasn't it's funny i know no no if they cry once maybe

00:32:59.020 it's that if they're all crying it's me okay i'll never forget the face of my piano teacher crying

00:33:03.740 my mother closing the door on her thank you so much for everything tears on the piano teacher

00:33:08.740 my other after school

00:33:10.860 like learning therapist guy

00:33:12.360 literally being mean to me

00:33:14.260 him being so upset

00:33:14.940 that I was leaving 0.58

00:33:15.660 him being like

00:33:16.920 what do you think?

00:33:18.600 Yeah well what are you going to do

00:33:19.800 when you're trying to get into college?

00:33:21.020 You think you're going to be able

00:33:21.720 to just get like

00:33:22.480 Oh of course

00:33:23.120 he had to fight on the way out

00:33:24.500 he had to pick a fight

00:33:25.600 he had to pick a fight

00:33:26.400 Acting out

00:33:26.680 I've seen the way adults act out

00:33:28.800 at children and adolescents

00:33:29.920 Well

00:33:30.700 all I'll say

00:33:32.220 is the shadow

00:33:33.020 and the light side

00:33:34.040 of the teacher archetype

00:33:35.260 Yeah

00:33:35.440 Okay

00:33:36.040 This is a theme for me

00:33:37.500 Okay

00:33:38.060 Okay, but the shadow and the light, if you're not looking out for the shadow.

00:33:41.880 Well, they have to do their own shadow work, and often they don't.

00:33:44.400 I'm about to do a deep dive into shadow.

00:33:46.300 I'm doing inner child, and then I'm doing shadow.

00:33:48.740 I'm dying to do shadow, but who wants to look?

00:33:52.140 I know.

00:34:02.620 Hello, it's me, Anna Sinfield from The Girlfriends,

00:34:05.640 the number one hit true crime show that puts women right in the centre of their own stories.

00:34:12.420 I'm back with more one-off interviews with some truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriend's Spotlight. 0.96

00:34:19.400 I want to introduce you to Sylvia. 0.99

00:34:21.980 I'm going to climb this.

00:34:24.700 And then there's Vaisaka.

00:34:26.460 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:34:30.560 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:34:33.040 Is badness hereditary?

00:34:35.080 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:34:37.200 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:34:40.020 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:34:42.960 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:34:44.680 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:34:47.720 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:34:49.120 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:34:52.080 Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, 1.00

00:34:55.340 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:35:04.540 police. Welcome to Boys and Girls, the podcast where dating isn't dating. It's a full-on

00:35:11.180 love triathlon. A morning what if, an evening maybe, and a 3pm chai with a could this please

00:35:18.760 be the one. Because in the arranged marriage universe, you're basically on a sushi conveyor

00:35:23.300 belt. And like raw fish, you've got a shelf life. And the wild part, you're not just looking

00:35:29.740 for someone you like. You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves

00:35:34.120 off a saint a demigod a unicorn i know because years ago i sacrificed myself to this chaotic

00:35:41.080 soul-crushing tradition hoping to find love the correct way boys and girls is our absurd cringy 0.95

00:35:47.460 heartfelt ride through the highs and lows of the indian arranged marriage finally giving you the

00:35:52.740 validation and healing you deserve listen to boys and girls starting february 19th on the

00:35:58.780 iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:36:02.860 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

00:36:06.560 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

00:36:11.900 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

00:36:15.740 It was hard to wrap your head around.

00:36:17.080 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

00:36:20.700 So no, I am not your guru.

00:36:24.480 And back then, I lied to my parents.

00:36:27.120 I lied to police.

00:36:28.040 I lied to everybody.

00:36:29.360 There were years, writer, where I could not say your name.

00:36:32.140 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:36:35.040 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists,

00:36:37.840 whomever I can to try to find out what actually happened.

00:36:41.220 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:36:44.120 and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:36:45.800 They have had this case for 30 years. 0.92

00:36:48.720 I'll teach you sons of a** to come around here and my wife. 0.90

00:36:51.740 Boom, boom. 0.97

00:36:53.060 This is The Red Weather.

00:36:54.400 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:37:24.400 and their emotional well-being

00:37:26.200 at SoundItOutTogether.org.

00:37:28.360 That's SoundItOutTogether.org.

00:37:30.880 Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.

00:37:39.520 I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

00:37:40.660 because to have a partner in this, 1.00

00:37:43.140 like you and me, fuck it, 1.00

00:37:44.060 like we're pulling this shit together. 1.00

00:37:45.720 It is fucking, you know, catnip to me. 1.00

00:37:48.840 Okay, because here's what I'm going to say. 0.99

00:37:50.760 Okay, so here was an idea I had the other day.

00:37:52.800 Oh, right. Remember how I said that if I think if I don't do weird shit that no one else would do, I won't get equally weird and exciting results. So I had this idea, which is like, let's say I want to work for eight hours. Okay. Or not even work for eight hours. Let's say we talk about this, right? These dreams, the morning, the meditation, the whole thing, right? These, these routines. Okay. Now I'm exercising. Okay. Now I'm sitting down. I'm journaling the whole thing. I was imagining creating like an eight hour audio track through the day in which I guide my own ass.

00:38:22.040 through the entire fucking day oh my god so wait hang on hang on so you go quiet you go 0.99

00:38:27.500 now do this and then you just go quiet for 40 minutes then you come back possibly well that's 0.99

00:38:32.180 been the question and then the binaural beats do i layer in and modify as i go so then yeah is it i

00:38:36.480 drop in chopin okay right and you better get in your seat sister now i'm thinking of course there'll

00:38:41.800 be interruptions okay so yes i'll have to pause i think the house needs to be literally sonos

00:38:47.080 ballasting Chopin at 7.30 a.m.

00:38:49.220 Well, do you know that that's, okay, around here?

00:38:52.300 And this started a number of years ago. 0.99

00:38:53.940 It's like when shit is fucked up and I'm like, 0.99

00:38:56.780 I have to write, I have to whatever. 1.00

00:38:58.400 We just play Chopin and we have for a long time 0.99

00:39:00.900 and it does create a fucking vibe. 0.99

00:39:03.340 The Nocturnes? 0.99

00:39:04.220 What?

00:39:04.580 Yeah.

00:39:05.000 And expanding to just like Chopin radio, essentially.

00:39:08.420 Okay?

00:39:08.960 Oh, yeah, baby.

00:39:09.700 Because if you do the same eight, you'll get tired, you know? 1.00

00:39:11.920 Fuck radio. 1.00

00:39:12.940 Okay. 1.00

00:39:13.360 Do you want to go, Jacqueline?

00:39:15.040 Jacqueline, Jacqueline, Jacqueline. 0.96

00:39:15.940 do you want to go to the symphony orchestra with me soon and see a fucking like let's right sure 0.85

00:39:22.420 let's go to the symphony although i'm already going when no let's go to the symphony but 0.97

00:39:26.460 and i will and you're already going i was gonna say i'm already thinking i'm already going dot

00:39:31.500 dot i'm already going well what can one night at the symphony do okay it needs to be every day

00:39:37.080 pumped into the veins you see what i'm saying but yes it could kick it off every day but i'm

00:39:40.720 just saying for fun us no absolutely but i'm now i'm in a symphony of being beyond fun what about

00:39:47.500 scenes that we talked about scenes in movies where the lead character is watching an opera and crying

00:39:51.660 by the way it happened to me i went to go see tar in new york when i was wrecked emotionally

00:39:58.200 there were maybe four people in the theater and they were all elderly and they were all talking

00:40:03.920 a lot throughout the whole movie but i was i had a steady stream of tears just going down my face

00:40:10.520 like the whole movie

00:40:11.220 and I was like

00:40:11.640 if anyone looked over

00:40:12.340 they thought that I was like

00:40:13.160 so moved by tar

00:40:14.220 this was my reaction

00:40:15.040 but whatever

00:40:15.940 the brief moments of orchestra

00:40:17.940 the brief moments of music

00:40:19.540 in tar

00:40:20.080 because I was so ready

00:40:22.160 to go there

00:40:22.840 it would just flood

00:40:23.980 I was like

00:40:24.320 please hit the cello again

00:40:25.640 oh wow

00:40:26.740 please

00:40:27.200 I've long asked the question

00:40:29.040 how can the cello be so haunting

00:40:30.580 I mean it just

00:40:31.900 the cello

00:40:33.760 I mean if you play cello

00:40:35.260 I know

00:40:35.720 you must be like

00:40:37.220 looking at the other

00:40:39.060 string instruments

00:40:39.860 and being like 0.99

00:40:40.400 what the fuck is wrong with you? 0.99

00:40:42.260 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:42.840 For not like choosing cello.

00:40:45.280 Like,

00:40:45.600 however,

00:40:45.960 I imagine you look over at them

00:40:47.000 and you see them as a different.

00:40:48.440 I think if,

00:40:49.560 not even obvious, 1.00

00:40:50.640 just the sound of the fucking cello. 1.00

00:40:52.780 Like, 1.00

00:40:52.980 of course all instruments are needed.

00:40:54.900 Okay.

00:40:55.500 But it is haunting.

00:40:57.340 Yeah.

00:40:57.700 The depths,

00:40:58.080 the soul.

00:40:59.260 It is. 1.00

00:41:00.180 Fuck. 1.00

00:41:00.880 Well, 1.00

00:41:01.320 to me,

00:41:01.720 like the string instruments

00:41:02.860 have very distinct kind of,

00:41:04.800 like what to you is the color?

00:41:06.260 And it's okay if you don't have one.

00:41:07.500 This might just be mine.

00:41:08.600 A violin strings.

00:41:09.900 what I mean the notes the sound orange interesting for me it's wine oh and I think cello is purple

00:41:19.000 see for me it goes darker I think darker higher into like kind of a berry but it's like like

00:41:25.100 nothing sounds more there was like a moment in Les Mis I remember as a kid so it's like

00:41:28.860 listening on the in the car it's like shit I lost it I'll have to do it on a previous episode I mean

00:41:34.360 on a future episode. 0.96

00:41:35.600 It's like,

00:41:35.920 it's like,

00:41:39.280 that sums it up.

00:41:43.260 You just now,

00:41:44.620 if you know what that was for me,

00:41:45.960 you popping out,

00:41:47.680 knowing block universe,

00:41:49.200 the past,

00:41:49.600 the present,

00:41:50.060 the future.

00:41:50.500 Like that was you.

00:41:51.460 I had to do that in a previous episode.

00:41:52.700 I know me popping out.

00:41:54.240 Unbelievable. 0.99

00:41:54.720 And there it fucking is. 1.00

00:41:56.020 And there it is. 0.99

00:41:56.500 Popping out and going,

00:41:57.260 that's firing on so many.

00:41:58.180 I'll have to do that last year.

00:41:59.600 Yeah.

00:41:59.760 I'll have to do that last year.

00:42:01.180 Grammar will not hold me back.

00:42:03.220 Or rather the grammar,

00:42:04.360 like the possibility of grammar like remember this idea i know you do because you studied

00:42:08.460 similar things but like those grammatically correct sentences that like you know have no

00:42:13.180 meaning okay or whatever or like mean nothing it's like which of course really shouldn't be a

00:42:18.480 surprise but this idea that like like grammar can give form to be impossible of course i mean the

00:42:29.500 psyche is constructed like text and we think in text like literally you know I'll never forget

00:42:33.980 when I was when I realized I was thinking in text oh yeah deep and when a derrida took hold

00:42:38.040 I was like 23 yeah and I was like wait what I was like oh cool so my thoughts and experience

00:42:45.220 are entirely created by language carved up well yeah carved up from day one okay carved up from

00:42:51.340 you start with nothing and then mama okay then it's over then it's it's the difference the first

00:42:56.720 time you recognize the self okay versus the other the first division okay one become two

00:43:01.240 you know right right yeah the nipple the foot slow carving your baby look at your own foot you go

00:43:06.980 that's why i still struggle with that i still struggle with the foot you know this but it

00:43:11.100 being like five and a half feet away from me are you kidding like and that's me oh well the hands

00:43:15.860 were always where i would consciousness trapped in the face i mean consciousness you know above

00:43:19.560 the neck oh god don't don't don't i'm sorry it's starting to freak well i started reading a book

00:43:23.020 called Sun and Steel.

00:43:24.500 You're not going to even...

00:43:25.240 I've read that.

00:43:25.940 Mishima?

00:43:26.460 Yes.

00:43:27.680 What?

00:43:28.220 Oh my God.

00:43:28.580 What made you start reading that?

00:43:30.000 That's crazy.

00:43:30.660 Mitch Horowitz.

00:43:31.740 Okay.

00:43:31.980 One of my favorite authors

00:43:33.160 who the occult in America.

00:43:35.660 Mishima is it.

00:43:36.260 Confessions of a Mask.

00:43:37.300 I read Sun and Steel.

00:43:38.760 I mean,

00:43:39.000 I have it here somewhere.

00:43:40.700 I was humiliated

00:43:41.880 when I saw

00:43:42.820 Confessions of a Mask

00:43:43.660 on the list

00:43:44.140 when I was researching,

00:43:45.200 right?

00:43:45.360 And I go,

00:43:46.040 I haven't read a book

00:43:47.500 called Confessions of a Mask.

00:43:48.660 I've not read

00:43:49.400 Confessions of a Mask.

00:43:50.140 I've got to read Sun and Steel.

00:43:51.320 It's obviously...

00:43:52.480 Yeah, I know.

00:43:53.020 but wait

00:43:54.400 is Sun and Steel

00:43:55.500 because I just recall

00:43:56.320 it being like

00:43:56.700 unbelievable him

00:43:57.620 like working out

00:43:58.540 okay

00:43:58.800 yes

00:43:59.440 like him with a sword

00:44:00.980 it's gonna be huge

00:44:02.160 okay

00:44:02.580 it's gonna be huge for me

00:44:03.680 because

00:44:04.000 it's like

00:44:04.980 where's my copy of Sun and Steel

00:44:06.120 where are my books

00:44:07.100 I swear to god

00:44:07.680 there's like

00:44:08.000 okay sorry

00:44:08.600 keep going

00:44:08.980 keep going

00:44:09.440 there's so many books

00:44:10.220 I don't know where they are

00:44:10.900 they've been stolen

00:44:11.280 imagine how disturbing

00:44:12.180 that would be

00:44:13.120 books slowly

00:44:14.040 well let me guess

00:44:15.280 do you steal it from others

00:44:16.440 because I sure do

00:44:16.820 well that's what the relationships are

00:44:18.100 they take your books

00:44:18.840 oh wow

00:44:19.620 what

00:44:19.880 yeah they take your books

00:44:21.320 they leave with the

00:44:22.200 with the ideas of the centuries and you're in the dust.

00:44:25.840 I'll never forget my mom always being like my first husband.

00:44:28.220 This was like her marriage in her early twenties.

00:44:30.160 It was very brief.

00:44:31.180 She was like,

00:44:32.040 he took my Elvis records.

00:44:33.420 Oh,

00:44:33.680 wow.

00:44:33.980 I think you've told me that heinous.

00:44:35.400 That is not okay.

00:44:36.660 A heinous story.

00:44:38.040 All you're left with is a boyfriend sweatshirt,

00:44:40.300 as they say.

00:44:41.340 Oh my God.

00:44:42.820 You were married for,

00:44:43.520 yeah.

00:44:43.620 Hold on,

00:44:44.020 Son and Steel.

00:44:44.800 Yeah,

00:44:45.020 Son and Steel.

00:44:45.700 So,

00:44:46.200 you know,

00:44:47.120 trying to reckon with the body,

00:44:48.260 the whole thing.

00:44:48.840 Okay.

00:44:49.700 It's genius because he,

00:44:51.060 he basically comes in as an intellect, his body as a concept,

00:44:53.940 and then like arrives philosophically at this place, you know,

00:44:58.100 realizing the body and the universal experience from the body and its

00:45:02.200 perspective, like is equally at the height of the poetry of, I mean,

00:45:07.060 I'm pushing my own thing on a little bit,

00:45:08.600 but equally at the height of the poetry of ideas and whatever.

00:45:12.260 So it's like, yeah,

00:45:13.320 it's like he discovered basically seeing perfection in the body. Okay.

00:45:17.660 And it was such a relief to hear for once that angle.

00:45:20.620 yeah let's get back to that

00:45:22.520 I know because of course

00:45:25.080 that's been so you know I mean

00:45:26.800 body neutrality whatever but it's like

00:45:28.980 I hate myself right now

00:45:30.760 I might have to cut like me saying body neutrality

00:45:32.620 but like you're fine culture is not your friend

00:45:34.820 culture is not your friend culture is not your friend

00:45:36.540 thank you thank you thank you thank you okay

00:45:38.420 so

00:45:40.100 I know you just you freed me

00:45:45.000 you freed me

00:45:46.600 I call myself a thinker

00:45:49.000 And yet, I live in terror, okay, of being perceived under the language of the culture.

00:45:55.340 So anyway, it's like, he's like, and then I realized I should build my muscles like to perfection, basically.

00:46:00.920 And it's like, what?

00:46:02.080 Yeah.

00:46:02.680 Okay.

00:46:03.160 Oh, it's him like, yeah.

00:46:04.040 And then it's the sun and the steel.

00:46:05.400 And I think sun and steel might be a term.

00:46:07.220 I'm not sure like beyond this concept of like, because he's open air gyms.

00:46:13.020 Okay.

00:46:13.480 Like the steel of the weights.

00:46:14.800 And then yesterday, I'm on my back on a wooden box, okay, with my new Tracy Anderson Mimode apparatus, okay?

00:46:26.000 And I'm on my back.

00:46:27.020 Proud of you.

00:46:27.600 Thank you.

00:46:28.420 Congratulations. 1.00

00:46:29.280 With a goddamn staff with weights at the end. 1.00

00:46:31.900 It's wooden. 1.00

00:46:32.720 Ooh, that sounds fun.

00:46:33.760 It's iron.

00:46:34.160 That sounds fun.

00:46:34.960 Because it's all natural materials because, you know, instead of leaching chemicals into your open pore sweating body, as most of the stuff is.

00:46:42.220 Yeah.

00:46:42.440 And it's like made in Ohio.

00:46:44.040 Love it.

00:46:44.400 and I'm lying on my back.

00:46:46.020 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:46.680 Fucking. 1.00

00:46:48.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:48.620 And I was like- 1.00

00:46:49.220 You feel like a fucking God. 1.00

00:46:50.480 It was the body. 1.00

00:46:50.920 Of course.

00:46:51.360 It was the body the whole time. 1.00

00:46:53.320 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:46:54.460 Well, no, no, no. 1.00

00:46:55.040 The body the whole time.

00:46:56.160 Oh, here it comes.

00:46:57.140 It's the body the whole time.

00:46:58.160 I know.

00:46:58.560 I know.

00:46:58.960 I've been out of the body for-

00:47:00.400 Yeah, I got to work out.

00:47:01.100 It's hysterical.

00:47:01.860 We've been out of the body for most of our lives.

00:47:03.800 Okay.

00:47:04.340 So for us-

00:47:05.600 I need to pump iron.

00:47:07.100 To get into the sun and the steel and the form.

00:47:08.980 I'm getting a personal trainer next week.

00:47:10.160 You got to go. 0.99

00:47:10.820 I don't fucking care. 1.00

00:47:11.020 I want to be on my back 1.00

00:47:12.800 With a staff across my tits 1.00

00:47:14.300 Going 1.00

00:47:14.520 Yeah 0.99

00:47:15.260 With a staff across the tits 0.99

00:47:16.260 Sweat 0.99

00:47:16.600 I haven't sweat

00:47:17.240 I need to sweat

00:47:18.100 Jacqueline

00:47:18.760 Yes

00:47:19.260 I'm sorry to say

00:47:20.240 The answer is Tracy again

00:47:21.240 But the answer is Tracy

00:47:21.960 Okay

00:47:22.480 Okay listen to me

00:47:23.120 Listen to me right now

00:47:23.680 Will you go with me

00:47:25.060 Because I know that you

00:47:26.180 And I admire you

00:47:27.440 You're so dedicated

00:47:28.460 To your at home Tracy practice

00:47:29.680 Yeah

00:47:29.980 I want to go

00:47:30.880 To the studio

00:47:31.820 Class workouts

00:47:32.860 Whatever

00:47:33.320 But just for fun

00:47:34.460 Would you recommend for me

00:47:36.060 A true beginner

00:47:36.680 I start at home

00:47:38.000 Or do I go to a class

00:47:39.300 Oh

00:47:39.800 I hate to tell you

00:47:40.920 Start at home.

00:47:41.700 Yeah.

00:47:42.180 Because you got to learn the language at home.

00:47:45.120 I barely, I mean, I don't know that they would say that, but I think they would, honestly,

00:47:49.580 because-

00:47:49.880 The class are going to get so long.

00:47:51.080 Well, you just, you learn the language at home.

00:47:54.260 Okay.

00:47:55.300 The language of the movement.

00:47:56.500 You just do.

00:47:57.740 And I want to say too, the body, the body stuff, as you were saying, it was the body

00:48:01.140 the whole time.

00:48:02.120 That's what I felt even last night falling asleep at 9 PM.

00:48:05.240 It was the body the whole time.

00:48:06.260 You know what I mean?

00:48:06.540 It's like, no, no, you're in the body.

00:48:08.460 So you actually have to listen. 0.99

00:48:09.820 like and I hate this listen to the body it's like sometimes the body just goes shut the fuck up and 0.86

00:48:14.660 goes to sleep if you're lucky but it's like even just today it's a good point why must I listen

00:48:20.560 isn't the body kind of like I know the body awareness and and all that and that we've all

00:48:27.340 lost it and so it makes sense that therapeutically they'd all be saying like no let's stop and listen

00:48:31.620 where do you feel that emotion and the whole thing and I've like had realizations you know

00:48:35.420 in those, those moments. But then I also kind of go, I don't know, brains in the body,

00:48:41.600 it's doing what it's doing.

00:48:42.420 Is this, is this, is this, does this exist? Listen or the body will speak? Is that a book?

00:48:46.160 Or is that a book?

00:48:51.200 Well, I think it, no, and it's a good title. And I think what it's saying is,

00:48:55.060 although it is kind of saying that the body will alert you. So don't, I guess, well, here's what,

00:48:59.620 you know, Carolyn Mays, like first, you know, it's an idea. It's first, it's in the energy field.

00:49:02.960 okay you don't handle it there yes it will eventually make itself manifest in the flesh

00:49:08.080 oh okay carolyn mace also sorry i'm dropping it because people were reaching out saying what is

00:49:12.060 the book what is the book and it's entering the castle and it's carolyn mace m-y-s-s okay but you

00:49:17.200 know this this so one time i did a whole it's the body whole time thing right and we use that

00:49:22.660 language in order to communicate that of course a swing entirely in one direction you know has the

00:49:27.300 fantasy of it was mushrooms all the time okay the point is it's fun to go flying into that direction

00:49:32.520 Okay, so like a couple of things.

00:49:34.960 One, first of all, I just want to say one thing

00:49:36.180 that reminded me of earlier is like,

00:49:37.740 you know, she's like, you know,

00:49:39.720 not saying to people,

00:49:40.980 I can't go to dinner because I don't feel well.

00:49:42.840 Yeah.

00:49:43.040 Right?

00:49:43.300 Because that's illness as power.

00:49:44.980 Right, right.

00:49:45.340 So what does she say?

00:49:45.960 Okay, and if you cling to illness as power

00:49:47.560 and then you, she's like,

00:49:49.260 you have so little backbone

00:49:50.740 that you cannot just say that you don't want to go.

00:49:53.740 You have to say there's an outside force

00:49:55.460 of an illness inside your body

00:49:56.540 and then you wonder why you wake up with a headache. 1.00

00:50:00.540 Like when it's your only fucking problem. 0.99

00:50:01.720 I don't want to go 0.99

00:50:05.880 because I don't want to go.

00:50:07.140 This was actually huge, huge for me.

00:50:10.040 Okay, to own it.

00:50:11.480 But your husband could be there.

00:50:13.880 Did we talk about this?

00:50:14.940 Because this is so...

00:50:16.620 No, you're saying that is so...

00:50:18.520 Yeah, that's like a disease

00:50:20.760 in the family that was passed down

00:50:22.220 and you can meet,

00:50:22.780 but you can meet your husband there.

00:50:25.000 Like from my grandmother

00:50:27.960 to my mother to me.

00:50:29.080 It kills me.

00:50:29.780 versus like at home you could stumble across in an idea in a book an idea that'll uh

00:50:38.700 ignite your intellect the most important moments of your life are when you're alone 0.96

00:50:42.420 who said that freaking you joan didion or some shit it's maybe susan sontag some yeah one of 0.99

00:50:48.460 these whores one of these said like the most important things that happen happen to you when 1.00

00:50:54.460 you're alone and it's the truth and it was being alone with the body the whole time but wait so 1.00

00:51:01.520 so one that was the one thing get a backbone say you just don't want to go to dinner own up she's

00:51:06.060 like stop lying to yourself and others yeah like she was like if you just are someone who i don't

00:51:12.720 want to do what i don't want to do when i don't want to do it or i want to do what i want to do

00:51:16.160 when i want to do it she's like hot that's fine like own up to it doesn't mean that you have to

00:51:20.920 embrace that as a moral stance okay that was huge for me because i was like like i'm like that sounds

00:51:26.960 like an ugly character trait to be that person yeah and then it's like no there are people who

00:51:32.420 do that and they're fucking fine and they still contribute to the world whatever that was huge

00:51:36.840 and then the other one was just oh yeah she's like these people come to her workshops whatever

00:51:40.940 and they're like what is my greatest like purpose my highest potential like like what can you see

00:51:46.140 in me whatever because of her like intuition and stuff they kind of like go that angle or like

00:51:50.160 they just they're like I'm trying to like find like my purpose okay and she's like you have a

00:51:57.080 job okay she's like love it okay she's like she's like she's like um she's like all these people

00:52:04.120 come to me they want to talk about their highest purpose okay when they can't even function at

00:52:10.260 their lowest level they can't chop wood they can't get and then we'll talk okay they can't get out of

00:52:16.780 bed. They can't motivate themselves to go for a walk when their body says, go for a walk. Okay.

00:52:22.460 Or when their mind or whatever, when their intuition says, I should really move. And you

00:52:26.660 think you're going to, you think, well, the classic, you think you're going to heal. Okay.

00:52:33.020 Your leg inflammation. Okay. With your mind. Okay. You think you're going to dissolve a

00:52:39.420 bursitis. Okay. With your mind when you can't even rally your consciousness enough to forgive

00:52:45.400 your father-in-law yeah yeah okay are you kidding have the conversation she's like have so they're

00:52:53.680 like i'm not getting any intuitive hits are you ready this is huge yeah she's like they come i

00:52:59.220 want to develop my intuition i want to develop my intuition how do i how do i get better at

00:53:03.460 she's like your problem is you don't listen to the ones you're getting you're flooded with

00:53:08.360 quote, intuition all day, okay? You don't like it because it's not big, huge, okay? It's not

00:53:15.280 the mystic being said, go to this tree, dig here, and you'll find the holy healing water down here,

00:53:21.900 okay? She goes, the mystics got the big messages because they listened to the small messages,

00:53:26.620 okay? The gods, okay, God, whatever, knew, they listened. So you think you're going to get a hit

00:53:33.460 about what your purpose is in life, direct, okay?

00:53:36.660 When you get a hit that you need to move your body around

00:53:38.920 and you cannot motivate yourself

00:53:40.080 to go walk around the neighborhood. 0.99

00:53:41.420 Are you fucking kidding? 0.99

00:53:43.000 Okay, so she goes, 0.99

00:53:44.340 they got the big hits

00:53:45.340 because they listened to the small ones.

00:53:47.260 Begin a relationship with your soul.

00:53:49.420 Well, say it again.

00:53:50.660 Is that not amazing?

00:53:53.600 I was crying.

00:53:54.220 No, bring a relationship with your soul.

00:53:56.080 And again, it's like all of our, you know,

00:53:58.100 all of man's suffering comes

00:53:59.240 from not being able to sit in a room alone, right?

00:54:00.960 Or whatever.

00:54:01.400 It's like listening to the self.

00:54:03.460 And here's another headline, have the conversation, have the conversation.

00:54:07.900 And if you're listening to me, you know what I'm talking about.

00:54:10.700 If I say out in the airwaves, hey, have that conversation.

00:54:13.880 Everyone listening going, well, I know what she's talking about.

00:54:16.820 Have the conversation.

00:54:19.080 Wait, I can't tell though.

00:54:19.960 I'm sorry.

00:54:20.680 I'm getting to be dense.

00:54:21.480 I'm being imbued with some sick force.

00:54:23.340 Do you mean with people or do you mean with yourself or do you mean whatever it is?

00:54:28.300 Sure, both.

00:54:29.260 But I also mean, well, Jacqueline, I was texting you.

00:54:31.840 We were both crying.

00:54:32.960 You met with people.

00:54:33.740 You know that I had,

00:54:34.840 I had,

00:54:35.280 and there's nothing huge,

00:54:36.560 but I had like a huge breakthrough

00:54:37.540 with my mother,

00:54:38.500 right?

00:54:39.260 Had the conversation.

00:54:40.580 Yes.

00:54:41.060 Didn't wake up going,

00:54:42.120 I'm going to do it today.

00:54:43.060 Oh, okay.

00:54:43.460 So yeah.

00:54:44.400 Massive intergenerational healing,

00:54:45.940 literally crying of gratitude

00:54:46.900 with the healing.

00:54:48.020 Yeah.

00:54:48.460 Literally healed the lineage.

00:54:49.340 My great,

00:54:49.900 great grandmother

00:54:50.440 just now went,

00:54:51.600 oh, I'm released. 0.97

00:54:52.140 Healed the lineage backwards.

00:54:54.260 Right?

00:54:54.780 We got to go backwards.

00:54:56.000 Mimi, it's all,

00:54:56.840 Mimi, Mimi. 1.00

00:54:57.380 What about your fucking dead ancestors? 1.00

00:55:01.000 Heal the lineage. 1.00

00:55:01.640 Maybe send it back. 0.97

00:55:02.800 Yeah. Send it back up the line.

00:55:04.320 You're made of them. 0.93

00:55:06.180 That is, I think,

00:55:07.240 You're made of them.

00:55:08.140 You're going, what's this?

00:55:09.420 You're going,

00:55:09.940 and that's the thing,

00:55:10.440 the amorphous quality of being alive,

00:55:12.020 the emotions.

00:55:12.920 Oh my God, what is that?

00:55:14.060 Yeah.

00:55:14.200 Well, maybe it's not you.

00:55:15.280 Maybe it's your great, great, great, great, great grandmother.

00:55:17.760 And maybe she needs you to just do

00:55:19.280 a little something for her sometimes.

00:55:21.440 Maybe just do a little something for her.

00:55:23.940 A little something.

00:55:25.480 And then you'll go, oh.

00:55:26.540 Yeah.

00:55:27.680 Well, also, then again,

00:55:29.040 you ignore them and then you expect guidance.

00:55:31.300 you expect them to come

00:55:32.640 into the Walmart

00:55:33.220 okay

00:55:33.780 and pick a fruit jam

00:55:35.220 for you

00:55:35.640 when

00:55:36.400 you know what I mean

00:55:37.380 when the photo

00:55:38.200 isn't even up on the desk

00:55:39.320 I mean that's another thing

00:55:40.160 well I told you

00:55:41.060 altars now

00:55:41.720 I have to get an altar

00:55:43.080 going

00:55:43.360 I need two altars

00:55:44.620 I've been screaming

00:55:46.360 about the need

00:55:47.380 for an altar

00:55:47.880 okay

00:55:48.440 really

00:55:48.880 well

00:55:49.520 for six years

00:55:50.840 haven't done it

00:55:51.580 okay

00:55:52.100 and that's

00:55:53.620 that's where the screaming

00:55:54.520 about the personal organization

00:55:55.460 guess what

00:55:55.820 I have a little altar

00:55:56.620 to my muse

00:55:58.140 in my office

00:55:59.100 and I love it

00:56:00.560 yeah well i do have as i look up right now i do have this printout you know it's real when it's 0.96

00:56:07.800 a fucking printout like you know like technically you know it's like more serious when you've printed 0.87

00:56:13.280 out on your from an html page something spiritual that you need on your wall what is it like a 0.99

00:56:17.920 hideosity this is this work i was doing where you create this is typical where i decided inner

00:56:23.880 alter inner alter inner alter i'm going to create this sort of castle this okay inside and i'm going

00:56:29.400 build it out and it has these different levels has the armory the library the temple of the goddess

00:56:34.580 the chair the throne the sword it's very like young because it's like you populate like this

00:56:39.700 interior world with your um the guys their advisors you know he did that like people like

00:56:43.940 from history other like like whatever and so you go into this and then you you know you can go into

00:56:49.660 these kind of archetypal things and almost go like all right like what does the warrior have to say

00:56:54.260 to me what does the wizard have to say about this i'm going to go into this interior thing and build

00:56:59.020 it out and carolyn mace does that too in a dream castle you literally like sit in a on a couch with

00:57:03.860 your soul at one point in like a brocaded room who's the therapist who talks about inner children

00:57:08.120 changing it to inner children yeah and that's yeah yeah and yeah there yeah there she is

00:57:17.960 yeah oh my god because inner child my inner child my inner child i feel like what we all 0.98

00:57:24.480 picture when people talk about that and why it's kind of like like shit on a lot is you just 0.99

00:57:28.800 picture like the most ego part of the current asshole adult you should have shrink it down 0.99

00:57:35.740 into now with a teddy bear and strangling a teddy bear that same person but now with a right to be 0.99

00:57:41.020 upset because i'm innocent how about the wisdom of a child well here we go shadow and light shadow

00:57:46.060 and light you know no archetype no whatever is pure shadow or darkness wow

00:57:50.340 hello it's me anna sinfield from the girlfriends the number one hit true crime show that puts women

00:58:07.640 right in the center of their own stories i'm back with more one-off interviews with some

00:58:13.680 truly kick-ass women on the girlfriends spotlight i want to introduce you to sylvia 1.00

00:58:20.420 I'm going to climb this.

00:58:22.860 And then there's Vassaka.

00:58:24.920 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:58:29.020 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:58:31.500 Is badness hereditary?

00:58:33.540 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:58:35.660 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:58:38.480 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:58:41.400 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:58:43.020 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:58:46.160 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:58:47.580 What are you talking about? 0.72

00:58:50.180 Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. 1.00

00:59:20.180 You're basically on a sushi conveyor belt, and like raw fish, you've got a shelf life.

00:59:25.960 And the wild part? You're not just looking for someone you like.

00:59:29.280 You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves of.

00:59:32.980 A saint, a demigod, a unicorn.

00:59:35.980 I know because years ago, I sacrificed myself to this chaotic, soul-crushing tradition,

00:59:41.020 hoping to find love the correct way. 1.00

00:59:43.460 Boys and Girls is our absurd, cringy, heartfelt ride through the highs and lows of the Indian-arranged marriage. 0.94

00:59:49.780 finally giving you the validation and healing you deserve. 1.00

00:59:54.300 Listen to Boys and Girls starting February 19th on the iHeartRadio app,

00:59:58.360 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:00:01.320 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

01:00:04.980 It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea.

01:00:10.380 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune.

01:00:14.200 It was hard to wrap your head around.

01:00:15.540 It was nature and trees and praying and drugs.

01:00:18.820 so no i am not your guru and back then i lied to my parents i lied to police i lied to everybody

01:00:27.640 there were years right where i could not say your name i've decided to go back to my hometown in

01:00:32.500 northern california interview my friends family talk to police journalists whomever i can to try

01:00:37.620 to find out what actually happened isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies

01:00:42.120 in the woods and not the obvious boyfriend they have had this case for 30 years i'll teach you 0.99

01:00:47.880 Sons of bitches come around here and my wife. 1.00

01:00:50.200 Boom, boom. 1.00

01:00:51.520 This is The Red Weather.

01:00:54.500 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:01:01.280 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

01:01:05.260 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

01:01:09.280 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

01:01:11.420 I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

01:01:17.880 Listening is a form of love.

01:01:20.600 Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org.

01:01:26.800 That's SoundItOutTogether.org.

01:01:29.260 Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.

01:01:36.380 All right.

01:01:36.960 So we're soaring, we're soaring, we're soaring.

01:01:38.680 Okay.

01:01:38.940 We're seeing it all.

01:01:39.620 We're seeing the possibility.

01:01:40.700 Okay.

01:01:40.860 It's just over the hill.

01:01:41.900 Okay.

01:01:42.300 Enlightenment is just past the hill.

01:01:44.680 And then what does this do to me?

01:01:46.160 I feel it all.

01:01:46.780 And then in a few hours, I'll be like, you know, lying on the floor, having forgotten

01:01:50.640 the ADD, the forgetting.

01:01:52.480 Well, I know.

01:01:52.940 So routine.

01:01:53.800 No, of course.

01:01:54.320 Well, Jacqueline, like two minutes ago, I was like, look at you, Kate.

01:01:57.600 You've been like a struggle.

01:01:58.820 You know, I've been feeling this like struggle and now you're free.

01:02:00.740 Now you're free.

01:02:01.120 I was holding it, holding it.

01:02:02.300 And I had to loosen the grip and go, it's okay.

01:02:04.420 Like this is, and here's the thing.

01:02:06.580 Life provides.

01:02:07.860 We have to believe in life.

01:02:09.040 That it'll serve it up again.

01:02:10.260 Yes.

01:02:10.560 That we will circle back.

01:02:11.500 But go on the walk.

01:02:12.660 You see a dog. 1.00

01:02:13.440 Oh, you have a little moment with the fucking barista. 1.00

01:02:16.160 like life will provide. 1.00

01:02:17.860 Well, also, wait.

01:02:19.140 Yeah.

01:02:19.280 Well, the one piece we also have to remember

01:02:21.020 is that we are inundated with sun, young, okay?

01:02:26.400 Sort of masculine energy, continuous, straight line, whatever.

01:02:30.800 Okay, the concept of the cycle, the very nature of life 0.70

01:02:33.560 completely fucking stamped out of society, okay?

01:02:38.120 And so we have no faith in the cycle. 0.97

01:02:40.060 And that's something, I mean-

01:02:40.940 Of the narrative, yeah.

01:02:41.740 Back to menstrual.

01:02:42.780 Here we go.

01:02:43.900 Don't even get me started.

01:02:44.920 Okay, back to the menstrual thing.

01:02:45.940 yeah western culture 0.94

01:02:47.220 completely ripped from the earth

01:02:48.560 ripped from the earth 0.99

01:02:49.440 we expect

01:02:50.480 we think that beginnings and ends

01:02:52.520 that we think that that exists

01:02:54.240 that there is a beginning and end

01:02:55.300 right

01:02:55.520 humiliating

01:02:56.400 yeah I'm humiliating

01:02:57.580 death rebirth

01:02:58.520 death rebirth

01:02:59.180 death rebirth

01:02:59.860 death rebirth

01:03:00.600 die every minute or get over it 0.99

01:03:02.480 yeah die every minute or burn 1.00

01:03:03.940 okay in in this

01:03:05.160 in the sameness of a single sunlight

01:03:07.200 and guess what

01:03:08.180 if you're not ready to die every minute 0.99

01:03:09.360 then how the fuck 1.00

01:03:10.620 are you gonna 0.98

01:03:11.420 organize your 0.97

01:03:12.900 how the fuck are you gonna get out of bed 0.97

01:03:13.360 toiletries 0.98

01:03:14.140 I mean it's like

01:03:15.820 Well, yeah.

01:03:16.900 And if you can, and by the way,

01:03:18.060 something's got to go.

01:03:19.280 Give it to God.

01:03:20.200 Literally say, God, you organize my toiletries

01:03:22.020 and then try because it works.

01:03:24.880 Oh, I'll tell you, literally,

01:03:27.420 let Jesus take the hanging toiletries 0.99

01:03:29.340 because, okay, let Jesus take the goddamn caps, 0.99

01:03:34.180 by the way. 0.99

01:03:35.000 You know, the caps that have fallen.

01:03:36.280 Okay.

01:03:36.500 Remember I showed you the other day,

01:03:37.720 my Loretta, Dr. Loretta.

01:03:39.800 Okay.

01:03:40.120 And it has to squeeze out.

01:03:41.280 It's that kind of clear plastic covers.

01:03:43.700 They're not doing anything for anyone.

01:03:45.200 All they're doing is protecting it from being pushed down.

01:03:47.320 And if you've overpacked your toiletry kit to the point where it's going to get pushed

01:03:50.720 down by a little jostling, then that's on you.

01:03:53.020 Okay.

01:03:53.180 Some response, God helps those who help himself.

01:03:55.020 Okay.

01:03:55.300 The point is for me, let go of the cap. 1.00

01:03:57.640 Fuck it. 1.00

01:03:58.500 Those things are sprinkled around under my, my altar to death chair in the corner where 1.00

01:04:03.380 my skincare lives.

01:04:04.460 They're sprinkled around and I just sweep them now into the trash.

01:04:08.080 Throw it away.

01:04:08.540 My golden gel from Zip, uncapped, living, uncapped.

01:04:11.940 Whoa.

01:04:12.640 Living, uncapped.

01:04:13.580 The cap is gone.

01:04:14.300 And if I find it across the hallway and go, I wonder if this is that, straighten the trash.

01:04:18.660 Okay.

01:04:19.160 Interesting.

01:04:20.080 Anyway, if you're not willing.

01:04:21.520 Yeah.

01:04:22.340 Toss, toss, toss, toss, toss.

01:04:23.580 Well, also, I mean, this similar thing, the linear growth.

01:04:27.380 Okay.

01:04:27.800 Linear is not inherently good.

01:04:30.300 Like endless growth would destroy.

01:04:33.900 You know what I mean?

01:04:35.460 Of course.

01:04:35.680 So if we don't start thinking about-

01:04:38.300 That breeds superstition.

01:04:39.440 That breeds superstition because you think, oh no, I'm slipping, I'm slipping, I'm slipping.

01:04:42.460 It's over.

01:04:42.780 It's like, no, slip, die. 0.99

01:04:44.300 die come back you can slip and die you'll be ever heard of night and day you'd think ever heard you

01:04:50.140 think that you think the daily and nightly reminder you think sun and moon might clue us in 0.99

01:04:56.220 and yet there we are demanding you would think that would be enough hey you know how the sun 0.98

01:05:02.680 goes down every fucking night yeah into pure darkness with a reminder wait wait are you ready 1.00

01:05:09.440 for this holy shit with a fucking reminder in place the moon collecting like a dish okay 1.00

01:05:16.000 collecting sunlight like a dish during the night like the yin and yang symbol right there it is 1.00

01:05:21.060 the little white spot in the black it's there to even remind you that it's coming back and even

01:05:26.380 that and even that what are we doing i'm putting either an eight hour audio to guide me to the um

01:05:33.240 the factory and back and by the way i'm still gonna do that because guess what my audio will

01:05:36.940 include night and day yeah wait that's huge we have to go but this is incredible and I just want

01:05:41.980 to say I want to add one more thing which is I full ban and by the way you don't you don't really

01:05:46.580 dip into this and I don't a lot but I am issuing a full ban with love I lovingly ban psychics 0.95

01:05:55.140 Kate this is huge for you yeah no thank you now we've talked about a little bit because like you

01:06:01.980 were doing that thing where it was like that week where you know it was like a psychic every day

01:06:07.180 Shopping for certainty.

01:06:09.180 Now, that's the one thing I somehow,

01:06:13.700 the idea of info about the...

01:06:16.300 Now, interestingly, I would say you, though,

01:06:18.180 with the psychics, it was almost more,

01:06:19.700 less about, I don't know,

01:06:21.000 maybe it was the future,

01:06:22.400 but I feel like it was a little more

01:06:23.320 about legitimizing the past

01:06:24.980 and the context of the future.

01:06:26.560 Like, you're going to the psychic

01:06:27.720 so they can say it was Mushroom Soul time.

01:06:30.520 That you didn't make necessarily...

01:06:32.880 Well, totally.

01:06:33.400 And it's like, when you focus on a psychic,

01:06:36.280 First of all, it's absolutely godless.

01:06:39.300 You are robbing your ability of surrender.

01:06:41.220 You're robbing yourself of learning the skill of surrender.

01:06:43.860 It's demanding only sunlight.

01:06:45.340 I don't mean a sunny day, of course.

01:06:46.960 I mean, it's demanding knowledge that is perfect.

01:06:52.160 And it's demanding certainty.

01:06:54.460 Welcome to the light of the moon.

01:06:56.440 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:56.640 You're cutting off your own head. 0.96

01:06:57.980 You're going, I can't.

01:06:58.820 And that's why the psychics have to be very careful, okay?

01:07:03.300 They actually have to really consider what they're doing with their gift.

01:07:05.980 There should be an intake form and there should be a literal two-hour consultation before you get a reading.

01:07:10.520 Because what are they, I mean, the essential sci-fi problem of free will and psychicness and, of course, the information affecting what you do, which would affect the future.

01:07:22.640 So how was there, was that part of it?

01:07:25.160 Like, of course, the future has changed by being given this information, right?

01:07:29.600 So what are we even talking about when you gave me this information?

01:07:32.880 I mean, I guess in theory, it's multiverse.

01:07:35.200 They're telling you one path.

01:07:37.800 I know.

01:07:38.280 But it just is not serving the people. 0.97

01:07:41.260 It's just fucking not. 0.87

01:07:42.500 I'm sorry. 0.92

01:07:43.100 I've said it.

01:07:43.440 It's not.

01:07:43.920 And I'm just like...

01:07:44.940 Here's an idea.

01:07:45.380 Here's an idea.

01:07:45.960 Let's just say it's absolutely sort of real.

01:07:49.600 Okay.

01:07:49.940 Let's just say even acknowledging sort of a multiverse kind of thing.

01:07:53.160 Let's just say a psychic can see a path that they feel you're headed down.

01:07:56.180 Okay.

01:07:56.380 And they can see the whole thing.

01:07:57.540 Sure.

01:07:58.000 Okay. 0.90

01:07:58.940 Now, is the answer to dump that on you and make you a prisoner

01:08:02.320 of their services for life, okay?

01:08:05.000 Or like, what is the psychic meant

01:08:06.640 to do with that information?

01:08:07.640 Let's just say, what if instead, you know,

01:08:10.320 it wasn't about delivering you the movie in their head?

01:08:15.760 Like, what if it was about, okay, they see that

01:08:17.880 and as a result, you know, they, I don't know,

01:08:21.820 tell you something that you need to hear.

01:08:23.640 I don't even know what it is.

01:08:24.940 I know, I know, I don't know.

01:08:25.420 I don't have the answer.

01:08:26.440 I just know that, ban, with love, I detach from you.

01:08:30.280 No.

01:08:30.480 By the way, it's like, I haven't even been to a ton of psychics in my life, but I have in moments of emotional distress or uncertainty.

01:08:39.160 I mean, that's the thing, the crushing weight of uncertainty.

01:08:41.840 It's so unbearable for all of us and it is the only truth.

01:08:44.880 And so it's just like, we have to learn to live with that or else the suffering will be absolutely never ending.

01:08:50.280 Do you have things that you've on some level decided that you don't question?

01:08:55.640 They're just kind of there.

01:08:56.860 Because I got these moments where I could suddenly perceive them.

01:09:00.480 what you consider

01:09:01.420 sort of like unlivable

01:09:02.740 or your life was a failure

01:09:05.320 on whatever level.

01:09:07.020 You know what I mean?

01:09:07.600 Like what are the like

01:09:08.760 non-negotiables of like

01:09:10.620 you get to your end of your life,

01:09:12.260 whatever.

01:09:12.680 And like,

01:09:13.120 and I don't actually believe

01:09:14.220 like hugely in this whole

01:09:15.200 like deathbed thing.

01:09:16.180 Like this kind of like

01:09:17.300 when you're on your deathbed.

01:09:18.840 Oh, it's always on the deathbed.

01:09:20.080 It's like,

01:09:20.820 it's like the deathbed

01:09:22.060 is one moment or two weeks.

01:09:24.600 By the way,

01:09:24.940 I was going to say,

01:09:25.600 don't worry about the deathbed.

01:09:26.620 What about the 40 years before?

01:09:28.280 What the hell are you talking about?

01:09:29.680 Yeah.

01:09:29.820 I mean, it's an interesting visualization for someone who's, I guess, never thought about their life as a whole, you know, in that sense, like whatever.

01:09:36.860 I mean, it's that they need to go in that direction, swing over there for a few minutes. 0.99

01:09:40.400 But if you've been consumed with the question of how you'll feel in your deathbed, okay, for years and years and years, you got to get the fuck out. 0.99

01:09:47.660 I don't know. 0.98

01:09:47.940 The fear of future regret.

01:09:49.920 There it is.

01:09:51.460 Fearing future regret.

01:09:52.600 How about you decide that you will never, this is a big, I almost have, I think I've almost achieved this, okay?

01:09:58.260 I just have to remember to keep doing it.

01:09:59.820 I don't do regret.

01:10:02.460 Me neither.

01:10:03.020 Okay.

01:10:03.260 Like it's talk about pay twice.

01:10:05.180 It's, 0.99

01:10:05.540 it's a fool's errand. 0.99

01:10:06.940 Okay. 0.99

01:10:07.820 With no grocery bag in sight.

01:10:09.380 Okay.

01:10:09.800 So if you're able to live that way,

01:10:12.060 which is whatever,

01:10:13.380 like kind of not stew on if I'd done it this way or that way or whatever,

01:10:18.060 or these like where I'd be now if I had done that,

01:10:20.880 that is a laugh and a half.

01:10:22.680 Okay.

01:10:23.380 So.

01:10:25.920 Okay.

01:10:26.600 Okay.

01:10:27.340 And I go,

01:10:27.820 I go. So I'm not sitting here living my life right now full of regret. Why would I be doing

01:10:33.560 that in 10 years or 15 years or 30? Right. Do you see what I'm saying? You don't have to fear

01:10:38.980 the future regret if you decide now that you won't be that person then. Okay.

01:10:44.960 I literally have to go. I have to leave here in 10 minutes. I'm not dressed. Wait, hold on. Sorry.

01:10:50.660 I just want to say one thing. I go to check my text messages. Okay. Hey, if now feels like a

01:10:56.240 good time i'd be happy to help you close a solid deal for 17135 lake grove connecticut

01:11:02.400 no pre-sale expenses call you tonight the real estate yes it's insane so funny coming back

01:11:07.620 one of these things where they've got me love you lifted from this obviously love you

01:11:13.560 that was poog if you enjoyed poog please subscribe rate and review if not we will press charges

01:11:26.240 When you feel uncomfortable, what do you put on?

01:11:32.460 Biggie.

01:11:33.080 You put on Biggie when you feel uncomfortable?

01:11:34.720 Because I want to get confident.

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01:11:59.640 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

01:12:03.240 In 1995, my neighbor, Anna Traynor, disappeared from a commune.

01:12:07.160 It was nature and trees and praying.

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01:12:14.620 Back then, I lied to everybody.

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01:12:59.640 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

01:13:03.640 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

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Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - February 28, 2023

Fucked By My Own Genius

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