Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Halloween Peabody

00:00:00.600 This episode is brought to you by Fatty15.

00:00:03.540 Fatty15 is on a mission to optimize your C15 levels to help you live healthier, longer.

00:00:08.360 You can get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit by going to fatty15.com slash hags and use code hags at checkout.

00:00:19.680 Two best friends, both alike in dignity.

00:00:22.260 Nurturing phantoms and courting the muse. 1.00

00:00:24.540 The hag divines when something must die. 1.00

00:00:26.860 Yes, that was poog. 0.99

00:00:27.980 But this is huge. 1.00

00:00:29.420 The ego loves to see, but never to find.

00:00:32.380 It was Berlant and Novak the whole time.

00:00:37.280 Here we go.

00:00:38.700 And we're live, and our vibrate already was off, due to respect.

00:00:41.980 Oh, it was?

00:00:42.420 Yeah, yeah.

00:00:42.980 Okay, so.

00:00:43.620 Still on the table, though?

00:00:44.540 Oh, okay.

00:00:44.940 Yeah, I want it off the table.

00:00:45.880 By the way, what are your thoughts on?

00:00:46.880 Went to a nice dinner last night.

00:00:48.560 Well, I know you have a real problem with if a phone comes out during dinner.

00:00:52.420 You told me this years ago.

00:00:53.400 You said it's unsanitary.

00:00:54.380 I thought it was for other reasons.

00:00:55.340 A phone on the table, appropriate airports, and shitholes.

00:00:59.420 I'm not kidding

00:01:00.300 a phone on the table at dinner

00:01:03.680 unless it's like

00:01:04.380 at a nice place

00:01:05.440 I was at horses

00:01:06.580 there are

00:01:07.280 never been

00:01:08.040 oh wait

00:01:09.380 oh yeah

00:01:10.440 wait is it just called

00:01:11.320 is it called just horses

00:01:12.560 yeah

00:01:12.960 I don't think I've been

00:01:14.860 isn't there a place

00:01:15.920 called wild horses

00:01:16.720 I don't know

00:01:17.880 red horses

00:01:18.320 I don't know

00:01:18.920 but um

00:01:19.560 the point

00:01:20.000 but the point is

00:01:20.720 table and keys on the table

00:01:22.940 and I literally told my friend

00:01:23.880 I go

00:01:24.040 you gotta get that off the table

00:01:25.160 would you mind

00:01:29.420 I just have a thing.

00:01:30.780 I just have a thing where I wasn't raised by wolves.

00:01:32.340 Yeah.

00:01:33.740 Sorry, I'm just very conscious of the camera yet again.

00:01:36.260 No, we've been talking about this.

00:01:37.280 I mean, that's why you said we could talk about it.

00:01:38.560 We could talk about it on hair.

00:01:39.100 No, look at me.

00:01:39.840 Look at me.

00:01:40.260 I know.

00:01:40.720 Checking the water.

00:01:41.120 Well, I don't even know.

00:01:41.900 Well, by the way, my hair.

00:01:43.760 Oh, yeah.

00:01:44.780 We haven't discussed it.

00:01:46.040 Straightened my hair.

00:01:47.740 I'm going to start.

00:01:48.340 I'm going to do it maybe twice a year.

00:01:50.300 By the way, I feel.

00:01:51.160 Sorry, my mood is tanked.

00:01:53.000 Get over it.

00:01:54.040 No.

00:01:55.800 I'm not saying that for our audience.

00:01:57.940 I'm not saying.

00:01:58.340 It wasn't like.

00:01:58.840 Why? Because of the cameras?

00:02:00.980 Yeah.

00:02:01.460 Here, I'll pull you out of it.

00:02:02.240 I'll talk about myself for a while.

00:02:03.420 All right.

00:02:04.160 I'll talk about how by having straight hair

00:02:05.380 it was treated differently.

00:02:06.540 I felt it. 1.00

00:02:07.720 Were you treated more like a dumb bitch? 1.00

00:02:09.380 Like a normal bitch. 1.00

00:02:11.580 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:12.260 Maybe. 1.00

00:02:13.360 Or did you feel like a normal bitch? 1.00

00:02:15.060 Well, I definitely feel like a normal bitch. 1.00

00:02:17.100 And so then you projected that. 0.99

00:02:19.560 You were like, boys!

00:02:20.600 No, you know, it made me feel like fun.

00:02:22.320 Or in kind of like a big jacket.

00:02:23.840 I mean, like...

00:02:24.840 Oh, yeah.

00:02:26.040 There's something like...

00:02:28.840 like

00:02:30.980 I know it feels like a scarf or something

00:02:34.580 for you if it's normally curly

00:02:36.280 I was going to say that's what happens

00:02:38.680 when you're maintaining a straight look

00:02:40.700 like it's all that like you know

00:02:42.180 gentle or like

00:02:43.560 but also that's also a truth for curls

00:02:45.840 you're doing this thing like no one

00:02:47.320 it's true though

00:02:47.980 because with curly hair my hands are in my hair a lot

00:02:51.500 it's kind of a feeling like it's always going to be a little crazy

00:02:53.800 or something

00:02:54.540 yeah it's going to help me maybe

00:02:56.040 you know what I mean

00:02:57.420 yeah to like run my fingers through great volume like make it crazier to make it better straight

00:03:02.780 hair there's a lot of there's a like this yeah and it may and it is makes me well instantly i'm 0.96

00:03:07.600 like i have two kids and i'm like my fucking husband is gonna do you want me to what well 0.94

00:03:14.540 i'll have my husband come and talk to you how's that the front desk yeah no i just felt myself 0.99

00:03:19.620 behind the desk yeah and i was trying to see you without yeah what i know of you yeah being like

00:03:25.600 And, you know, God, it's scary.

00:03:29.420 I mean, it's intimidating.

00:03:30.760 I know.

00:03:31.180 In a different way.

00:03:33.280 I think you regular.

00:03:34.020 No, having a husband is powerful.

00:03:36.080 People, like, I get why people are just like, I'm going to do it.

00:03:38.320 I'm going to have a husband.

00:03:38.980 Like, oh.

00:03:39.600 Because it's like, my husband will call.

00:03:41.440 Or like.

00:03:41.880 Yeah.

00:03:42.200 Oh, my husband's not going to.

00:03:43.260 Yeah.

00:03:44.420 Powerful.

00:03:46.260 Interesting.

00:03:46.920 As a symbol.

00:03:49.140 Because they mostly operate in the symbolic realm, of course.

00:03:51.820 Huh?

00:03:52.100 My wife.

00:03:53.080 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:03:54.060 My wife's not going to like that.

00:03:55.020 they go yeah what is it my husband wait my husband you can always just throw on the phone

00:03:59.920 my husband why would you I guess what's the context no no it can be it can be be your own

00:04:05.460 husband and then you call back gravelly hi it's jim someone treating my little lady

00:04:13.260 not even a free drink for my little lady after she found a bug in her bed

00:04:20.200 yeah you always think you're owed like a single free cocktail and i always think you're owed the

00:04:25.480 room yeah full room the full stay by the way just it's gonna show people what you know oh everyone

00:04:34.800 remembers me at the beginning of the year talking about well this is how it always goes my i bought

00:04:40.220 this the amount of time i spent choosing this cover i know but i mean it was there as a sacred

00:04:45.700 object all year i knew it was there if i i couldn't i couldn't bring myself to to to journal

00:04:52.100 this year i really couldn't me neither like it was like twice i don't know why do we talk about 0.84

00:04:55.760 this because i have you know years of journaling yeah like journals felt couldn't fucking do it 0.86

00:05:00.340 this year and then you and i just did the other day as i go and that was enough and i'm like i'm 0.87

00:05:04.020 gonna get back to the weekly thing where it's in days where just go here's what i did that day

00:05:08.440 quick how i'm feeling quick to not do yeah whoa life took a turn you know instead of having to

00:05:13.180 do the full yeah no right but um have it have it be too small went to lunch with eh yeah right

00:05:21.700 false oh you you'll roll it I had I never forget the shocking reality of mood of mood shifts

00:05:30.040 because I had one of the most euphoric mornings I'd say oh yeah of life four hours later despondent

00:05:36.660 yeah like frozen in action couldn't bring myself to do anything I had to do no no I sent you a

00:05:42.720 picture because I had ultimate sacred morning. Or imagine this. You finally turned on your red

00:05:46.600 light that I've been using for years. Yeah. I know. Light path. Light path LED. One of the first

00:05:51.480 people to give us a gift. Provide us a hardcore heavy gift. So the other day I thought I had to

00:06:00.700 be somewhere at 830. So I set my alarm for seven, woke up and then I saw, oh, they pushed to nine.

00:06:07.100 And what's the difference of half an hour? Apparently it's a lot actually. So, but what I

00:06:11.440 did imagine this having slept i would say i had nine hours of sleep crept into the kitchen i did

00:06:16.620 a 10 minute meditation in front of the led red light by the way i don't know about you but my

00:06:22.820 whole life changed did you notice effects yeah from the red light by the way i go is this real

00:06:28.080 is this the red light yeah because i was and then i haven't done it since and that's a powerful

00:06:34.220 device and this is why i've tried to tell you 10 minutes not even well and you know that you know

00:06:39.880 five minutes if you go if you go doubly close yeah you only need five minutes to get the same

00:06:44.880 effect it literally is like that so my eyes are very sensitive so i need to wear something on the

00:06:49.100 eyes yeah they came it came with that i remember you asking the guy about it i literally just put

00:06:54.560 like my silk eye mask yeah i saw that but you know like skin stuff skin stuff like i know you're very 0.96

00:07:01.400 like you know dr dynas grossly like the mask but that thing we have is very powerful oh shit and 0.94

00:07:07.960 if you just did you know x number of that i also like nude watch television no you don't need to 0.97

00:07:16.300 be that close that's what i'm trying that's actually that's crazy no no if it's it could

00:07:19.880 be across the room and you do it for two hours right right it's literally that's the dosage

00:07:24.660 because it well guess what we turned on one of my this is tied to the red light yeah one of my

00:07:32.260 favorite shows ever been made and i'm really happy it's getting it to do because it's on netflix now

00:07:36.420 at the time was very it was it was critical success people escape but dandamora is on netflix oh yeah

00:07:41.820 have you seen it have you seen it yes okay you know what i'm doing oh yeah yeah of course of

00:07:46.820 course the pants heaven i'm just really happy for them because it's like yeah showtime talked to

00:07:52.360 them really meaning oh no one knew really and it's one of the most divine things yeah anyway

00:07:58.540 oh but oh but i was gonna say blasted dandamora had the red light on we were on the couch with

00:08:03.220 our feet up to the red light oh well you know what i'll do like with my navicular accessory

00:08:11.400 syndrome and my knee was hurting i put my knee in front of it you can rest it right on it i do

00:08:15.740 that sometimes rest it on it meaning it's blasting from below yeah i've put it on the floor and rested

00:08:20.180 my foot on it and you see relief who knows i mean i never know if anything does anything

00:08:26.000 the mood one day brief meditation i put it in front of me once and started working and something

00:08:31.400 happened where I was

00:08:34.100 soaring and working

00:08:35.960 and it wasn't the caffeine, it wasn't the Celsius.

00:08:39.860 What was it? It was the red light.

00:08:42.300 I know.

00:08:43.900 Something's up, you know what I mean?

00:08:46.280 Probiotics have completely fallen off.

00:08:48.280 No return in sight.

00:08:51.600 What have I fallen off of? I'm trying to think if I'm

00:08:54.100 still on anything.

00:08:56.100 I missed my workout for about two weeks.

00:08:58.100 I can barely drag myself

00:09:00.400 But this is this is life. This is this is where you have to go young and you have to remember balance is an ideal not to be achieved in real life. Yeah, it's a complete fucking it's not possible. Also, balance doesn't have to mean equal. I mean, like something can hold a balance if it's.

00:09:15.100 a hundred pebbles versus one rock.

00:09:19.160 Right.

00:09:20.840 It wouldn't look like you ate the same thing.

00:09:23.280 Or, you know, like, I don't know what I'm trying to say.

00:09:26.260 Big bag of popcorn, one tiny strawberry on a thing, weighing it, okay?

00:09:31.500 Okay.

00:09:31.820 Over here and over here.

00:09:32.580 Uh-huh.

00:09:34.360 A huge bag of popcorn.

00:09:36.060 Okay, okay.

00:09:36.640 And one—

00:09:37.200 It'd be a big bag of popcorn, yeah.

00:09:38.640 Yeah, I'm trying to—I can't think of anything light.

00:09:41.780 What's light?

00:09:42.640 Do you eat?

00:09:43.480 No, it doesn't matter.

00:09:44.840 Feathers?

00:09:45.320 Any single option.

00:09:46.780 What's the big thing that you always got you with?

00:09:48.340 Feather and a feather.

00:09:49.080 A hundred thousand.

00:09:49.800 What is it?

00:09:50.860 What weighs more?

00:09:51.720 A million.

00:09:52.540 Feathers?

00:09:53.000 A hundred pounds or a hundred feathers or something?

00:09:55.340 No, what was it that they got?

00:09:56.640 Yeah, you got.

00:09:57.480 I'm surprised you have.

00:09:58.280 By the way, severe speech impediments starting to form.

00:09:59.820 I think you're thinking of.

00:10:00.700 Words.

00:10:01.020 You've noticed?

00:10:01.600 I've been doing word stuff, mumbling.

00:10:03.680 I said the other day, in earnest, I said, do you think I've long COVID?

00:10:08.200 COVID.

00:10:08.640 Oh, yeah.

00:10:09.280 You can't.

00:10:10.100 Do you just slip again?

00:10:11.000 No.

00:10:12.100 Oh, no.

00:10:12.520 i thought you were saying that you think it's the long coven it could be long wait wait i just

00:10:18.980 want to show you something are you ready okay how to release the jaw oh god okay i've been reading

00:10:23.600 right so with your thumbs create a little resistance now just for a second okay open

00:10:30.540 your jaw right with the resistance okay like like don't think you're trying to release it

00:10:34.740 use your muscle okay uh push uh right you're feeling the resistance you're feeling the muscle

00:10:42.080 work, right? Or a muscle work. What? Okay, keep going. I know it made me feel sick. Did it hurt you?

00:10:47.240 No, it just made me feel ill. I can't explain it. So there's something I learned about the muscles

00:10:52.760 here where this one can only relax. It can only relax. It relaxes opposite to the other one. So

00:11:02.240 when you use the muscle to open it up, okay, it's actually relaxing the other one. So you can go

00:11:08.560 like this weird she slowly lowered the thing down just flexing that muscle like see i'm 1.00

00:11:16.340 preventing resistance here and then massaging like or like here another way to do it like

00:11:20.980 i mean i'm not massaging i got distracted confused

00:11:25.500 i kind of understand 10 hours of sleep nothing like it that's about all i'll say there

00:11:33.820 apparently silicone's bad parchment paper some parchment papers have silicone this is when you

00:11:39.280 get into stuff you go so no cooking no yeah yeah no cook steam over um i just gotta like

00:11:45.880 hot water vibe here no i know it feels days no i know it's weird because we were recording for 0.71

00:11:51.440 for years in our homes bottomless so bottomless i'm fucking grumpy okay i know i get it and oh 0.64

00:11:57.820 no wait this isn't it's chic stuff it's chic stuff you thought it was lip stuff yeah i can 0.92

00:12:03.000 give you lip stuff.

00:12:03.800 No, I have it.

00:12:04.820 You can use it on your lips.

00:12:05.580 Oh, wait, I have it.

00:12:06.300 By the way, you can for sure use that.

00:12:08.540 But it's highly pigmented, which, no, is a good thing.

00:12:13.120 I put on, do you ever do this?

00:12:14.440 Do you ever do this?

00:12:15.380 Last night, I put on more makeup than I would, almost in a costume way.

00:12:18.760 And then my friend was like, God, your makeup looks good.

00:12:20.860 And I thought it was costume makeup.

00:12:23.320 Exactly, okay?

00:12:24.760 So I go.

00:12:25.460 Do you remember what happened to us last week?

00:12:29.440 What do you mean?

00:12:30.600 I went to put on my... 0.98

00:12:33.000 brow liner in like semi-darkness i step in the light what the fuck it was eyeliner yeah 0.98

00:12:39.600 glam and i go and i go okay i fucked up i'm trying to wipe this off it's not coming off right 0.97

00:12:46.100 i'm like this is crazy right this is crazy because it was like a dark dark thing and you go well 0.95

00:12:51.720 people do that yeah people do do that but i was thinking about it today people do that i was like

00:12:55.860 i don't know if that's enough for me no i know you know what i mean and then thank god our our

00:13:02.360 producer. Yeah. Stepped in.

00:13:04.820 Knowing later I'd be furious. Yeah.

00:13:07.120 And said, take it down a notch.

00:13:08.860 But here's something I've been doing, I'd say, the last

00:13:10.580 six months I've been noticing it. Yeah.

00:13:14.420 I've been going like this.

00:13:17.100 I'm like a gape, like mouth

00:13:18.500 breathing. Not even mouth breathing, just like this.

00:13:20.660 Is that why you're writing me, I'm gonna get serious

00:13:22.380 about taping? Oh yeah, mouth taping. Did you mean

00:13:24.440 mouth taping it closed? At night.

00:13:27.500 Because I'm

00:13:28.860 driving sometimes and I just all of a sudden notice this. 1.00

00:13:31.220 Like a fucking idiot, I'm like this. 1.00

00:13:32.360 I don't know. 1.00

00:13:32.760 I think that's good.

00:13:33.360 Or someone was talking to me.

00:13:34.140 I was like.

00:13:35.100 I think that's good.

00:13:36.240 Is there always like relax the mouth in the photos?

00:13:38.060 I'm always like.

00:13:38.340 That's what exactly what someone said to me.

00:13:40.360 They were like, it means you're relaxed.

00:13:41.420 I was like, is that what it means?

00:13:42.240 But for the first time.

00:13:42.860 Because you know, supposedly you're not supposed to.

00:13:44.580 Yeah.

00:13:45.180 Because I'm always like, yeah.

00:13:46.880 What's that?

00:13:47.920 No, I'm doing relaxed because I think it's funny that you're like relaxed.

00:13:50.840 You know when they say relax the gaze and stare at the sun?

00:13:54.260 There's like sun gazing.

00:13:56.440 Like some of these Instagram polls that only eat meat.

00:13:59.120 They're like, I haven't had a vegetable in 10 years.

00:14:00.760 I've never been better or whatever.

00:14:01.880 Yeah.

00:14:02.140 And they do soft gazes. 1.00

00:14:02.860 Only organ livers.

00:14:03.820 In the morning, yeah.

00:14:04.780 Yeah.

00:14:05.740 Right into the eyes.

00:14:07.480 And then just a thousand dead rabbits out back, but the organ has been removed, the kidney.

00:14:14.700 I was just imagining that would be disturbing.

00:14:18.320 I would like merit, the brand merit to send makeup.

00:14:21.460 What's that?

00:14:22.380 M-E-R-I-T. 0.88

00:14:23.780 You've probably seen the ads.

00:14:24.720 Very chic brand.

00:14:25.560 I want the makeup.

00:14:26.300 Send it.

00:14:26.920 What's going on, guys?

00:14:27.860 Hello?

00:14:28.200 Well, now I'm thinking that now that we're camera hounds.

00:14:31.820 Yeah.

00:14:32.900 Are you ready?

00:14:33.900 What if suddenly we look incredible and we go, guys?

00:14:37.780 This week's beat brought to you by.

00:14:39.740 Yeah.

00:14:40.200 Well, each week it could be a really big deal.

00:14:43.120 Want to see what's floating around in here for fun? 1.00

00:14:45.960 One skin. 1.00

00:14:46.780 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:14:47.260 Hopefully they're going to be an advertiser, a sponsor.

00:14:49.460 We'll see. 0.99

00:14:50.280 One skin. 0.56

00:14:51.020 One skin. 1.00

00:14:51.520 Which one's that? 1.00

00:14:52.260 Look at the makeup tinted.

00:14:53.900 Yeah, I know.

00:14:54.960 I haven't even seen this.

00:14:56.520 SPF 30.

00:14:58.260 Yeah. 0.98

00:14:59.500 Look at her.

00:15:00.640 It's a little dark. 0.87

00:15:01.340 Just testing freely.

00:15:04.180 I got literally shocked.

00:15:05.420 I literally talked.

00:15:06.200 And then thought, I got to cover.

00:15:07.580 I got to cover because, like, what's wrong with me that I got nervous?

00:15:10.640 No, no, yeah, yeah.

00:15:11.900 Greed.

00:15:12.360 No, I understand.

00:15:13.380 I understand.

00:15:14.040 Pure greed.

00:15:14.460 I just had greed expressed with someone.

00:15:15.920 What was it?

00:15:16.480 This is interesting.

00:15:17.340 Where you saw it and you did it.

00:15:18.840 And I didn't want to give it to them.

00:15:20.420 What was it?

00:15:21.520 Oh, wait.

00:15:22.360 How do you feel about this?

00:15:23.140 Actually, this is a real question for you.

00:15:25.160 I'd say that I am open to sharing.

00:15:28.440 I'm a little territorial and don't really want to lend out books.

00:15:32.820 Thoughts?

00:15:33.400 It's interesting.

00:15:33.940 Particularly, I was in the gift shop and I saw a little thing.

00:15:36.280 I have marginalia.

00:15:36.820 For the generous reader.

00:15:44.920 For those curious, Fatty 15 co-founder, Dr. Stephanie Venn Watson,

00:15:49.300 discovered the benefits of C-15 while working with the Get Ready, Kate, U.S. Navy

00:15:54.680 to continually improve the health and welfare of aging dolphins.

00:15:59.900 We all want to be like the dolphins.

00:16:02.580 So I don't know if that made your ears perk up,

00:16:05.440 but it certainly made my dolphin tail wag.

00:16:07.900 Absolutely.

00:16:09.260 Dolphins are essential. 0.98

00:16:10.680 God, it feels good to have someone like Fatty15 on our side

00:16:15.060 supporting us with the free launch here of the show.

00:16:19.160 And it really feels good to, I'm sorry, but have a sponsor that we really use.

00:16:23.980 I've been taking Fatty 15 prior to them sponsoring Berlant and Novak.

00:16:29.800 Yeah.

00:16:30.040 And my excitement to just be getting more and to continue to take more.

00:16:34.540 And I'm excited to hear what the community has to say about it.

00:16:37.180 Absolutely.

00:16:38.000 And once again, this episode is sponsored by Fatty 15.

00:16:41.280 Go to fatty15.com slash hags and use code HAG for 15% off the 90-day subscription starter kit.

00:16:53.980 I was a blick, actually, hunting for getting materials for a Halloween costume.

00:16:58.920 Okay.

00:16:59.280 And then never made it out, as you know.

00:17:00.600 Yeah, totally.

00:17:01.200 You never saw me last night.

00:17:02.540 By the way, the day was spent, in part, imagining our conversation with me in costume, okay,

00:17:08.320 and that you would forget for a little while I was in costume, okay?

00:17:10.700 And then you would go.

00:17:11.800 I can't believe that you're in costume.

00:17:12.780 God, I still can't get over this costume.

00:17:14.780 And then you take out your phone and photograph me.

00:17:16.740 That was like the fantasy playing in my head.

00:17:18.140 Okay, I want to go do that. 0.99

00:17:18.740 Like, Kate will lose her mind for this.

00:17:20.200 I want to go do that.

00:17:20.640 Like, I can't believe you're a floating head. 0.94

00:17:22.400 I can't believe you're a floating dead baby. 0.97

00:17:23.980 baby in a coffin 0.87

00:17:25.080 like all these things

00:17:26.260 that I

00:17:26.620 you were going to be

00:17:27.320 created

00:17:27.660 well I have a

00:17:29.440 floating head thing

00:17:30.100 I made

00:17:30.480 I made a floating head

00:17:31.920 for Chris

00:17:32.400 meaning everything else

00:17:33.920 is like blacked out

00:17:34.880 basically yeah

00:17:35.640 or

00:17:35.980 but I hadn't decided

00:17:37.220 if it was going to be

00:17:37.800 a table

00:17:38.200 and then plate

00:17:39.020 and then you know

00:17:39.940 oh plate's fun

00:17:41.240 champagne whatever

00:17:41.840 or series of candles

00:17:43.280 candlelight

00:17:43.820 is a really good costume

00:17:45.760 wait I'll tell you

00:17:46.440 about my costume

00:17:46.840 take me back

00:17:47.740 we were here

00:17:48.540 book lending

00:17:49.260 thoughts

00:17:49.840 oh yeah

00:17:50.260 because I really

00:17:51.020 find myself going

00:17:52.040 so here's the thing

00:17:53.240 I'm not kidding

00:17:54.020 11 years ago

00:17:56.020 Lent out a book

00:17:56.940 To a friend

00:17:57.700 I go

00:17:57.980 I go

00:17:58.620 I'll lend it to you

00:17:59.260 I go

00:17:59.420 I really

00:18:00.100 I really

00:18:00.960 Love this book

00:18:02.160 Why did you lend it then?

00:18:03.600 Why not say

00:18:04.200 Order on Amazon

00:18:05.360 And get it by later today

00:18:06.460 The person actually

00:18:06.960 Kind of threw a fit

00:18:07.600 Like seriously

00:18:08.320 Made me feel bad about it

00:18:09.260 Really?

00:18:10.120 You won't lend me the book?

00:18:11.440 Did this whole thing

00:18:11.980 I'm gonna give it back to you

00:18:12.920 Do I know them?

00:18:13.680 No

00:18:13.900 You seriously won't let me?

00:18:15.980 And I went

00:18:16.580 Okay sure

00:18:17.040 But I just gotta get it back

00:18:18.100 Guess who never 0.98

00:18:18.720 Fucking got it back 0.98

00:18:19.440 Well I have 0.99

00:18:20.520 Yeah cause I have news for you

00:18:21.560 Like

00:18:23.240 Lending a book is giving a book.

00:18:24.720 It's over.

00:18:25.420 It could take nine years to read.

00:18:27.060 I know.

00:18:27.400 And I still listen to people talk about this, but I just, it happened.

00:18:30.280 So, but it felt uncomfortable the other day because I felt it happening.

00:18:32.580 And I go, I don't want, don't take my book.

00:18:34.780 Hey, can I borrow this?

00:18:35.600 No.

00:18:37.340 Sorry, I have a weird thing with books.

00:18:38.620 I just, I really don't lend them out.

00:18:39.160 No, it doesn't have to be weird.

00:18:40.140 I just, I think.

00:18:41.220 Yeah, I did a whole thing last night with the waiter.

00:18:42.980 It's kind of a skinny margarita.

00:18:44.140 I wish they'd come up with a different term.

00:18:45.460 Oh God, I hate asking for a skinny margarita. 0.99

00:18:47.080 I, every fucking time. 0.99

00:18:48.280 I literally, same thing. 0.99

00:18:49.340 Every time.

00:18:50.060 Literally, guys, it's humiliating, but can I have what you would call a skinny margarita?

00:18:54.220 I did this last night, and the guy didn't care.

00:18:56.580 No, I know.

00:18:57.240 They never do.

00:18:57.660 And I go, I'm not doing that.

00:18:59.040 I'm giving up on this charade every time.

00:19:00.820 I know.

00:19:01.020 Okay, here I am.

00:19:01.820 A girl with straight hair ordering a skinny margarita at a restaurant.

00:19:04.600 Like, no one cares. 1.00

00:19:07.060 No, I know.

00:19:07.460 But it depends on where I am.

00:19:09.400 It should be, even just call it like a sour margarita.

00:19:14.240 Yeah, sour margarita or tart.

00:19:15.720 Well, I do this whole thing.

00:19:16.560 Can I have almost no sugar?

00:19:19.060 The problem is, like, basically I've almost had to start saying, like, no agave.

00:19:22.220 No, I know.

00:19:22.500 By the way, apparently agave is actually the worst of the sugars.

00:19:25.060 No, stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:19:26.480 Yeah.

00:19:26.840 Like, canes better?

00:19:27.880 It wouldn't be, wouldn't be.

00:19:28.900 Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me.

00:19:30.000 Anything's better.

00:19:30.560 It's straight, like, fructose.

00:19:32.340 Which, like, you know, like, goes and immediately fills the liver up.

00:19:35.140 The lie of agave.

00:19:36.480 Whatever.

00:19:36.680 And then it's you on the cover.

00:19:37.580 Yeah.

00:19:38.520 The lie of agave.

00:19:40.140 Yeah.

00:19:40.720 I don't know.

00:19:41.240 I read it and I was like, got it.

00:19:43.280 Okay.

00:19:44.680 That's amazing.

00:19:45.480 Okay.

00:19:45.780 I'll take, what did you say? 0.77

00:19:47.060 Hanes?

00:19:47.380 sugar what did you say cane like oh cane yeah sugar well by the way people go that's another

00:19:51.640 thing cane there's they're saying it doesn't remind you that it comes from a plant yeah

00:19:55.940 but it doesn't well it's just like they're trying to like you know don draper it's toasted

00:20:03.020 they're adding a thing yeah you'd love it yeah you love when i reference that wait book lending

00:20:09.020 oh yeah but oh yeah but i was in the hollywoods dirt whatever the point is this is a pattern for

00:20:15.000 me spend all day soaring with ideas the amount of costumes i lived in my mind like the scenes

00:20:20.480 playing out in my head give me a couple give me a couple all right i don't have costume do you

00:20:24.300 want to hear my my journey imagine okay yeah and and in the end gave up and got the pleasure of

00:20:30.620 not going anywhere actually let's order in right so oh yeah so order in tonight that was you know

00:20:36.700 good and actually decided okay now i'm i've got a head start on next year first it started by

00:20:42.360 going to

00:20:44.380 oh my god

00:20:46.700 I had an insane

00:20:47.420 parking experience

00:20:48.420 truly

00:20:48.860 at the farmer's market

00:20:49.840 Grove

00:20:50.220 okay

00:20:50.540 parking

00:20:51.280 it's not

00:20:52.500 there's no story here

00:20:53.500 there's no story here

00:20:54.200 but it just truly

00:20:55.380 was

00:20:56.460 you know

00:20:57.560 someone waiting behind me

00:20:58.640 for me to wait

00:20:59.300 for someone to get out

00:20:59.980 of their spot

00:21:00.340 to take their spot

00:21:01.680 and someone's waiting

00:21:02.240 this way

00:21:02.580 and they can't get past

00:21:03.260 so now there's essentially

00:21:03.980 two people waiting for me

00:21:05.080 and I'm waiting

00:21:05.520 for someone else

00:21:06.180 yes

00:21:06.520 okay the person

00:21:07.220 finally leaves

00:21:08.000 behind me

00:21:08.600 and front

00:21:09.220 because I can't

00:21:09.760 squeeze by this way

00:21:10.460 because it shouldn't

00:21:11.280 be two way

00:21:12.360 so finally it's the moment right i once read in like the dsm 4 or something okay they were like

00:21:20.620 like like under like social anxiety disorder whatever they were like um like anxiety at

00:21:25.020 making left turns because there's a like a there's a choice being made like it's on you

00:21:33.060 like yeah going now like people behind you like you're you're yeah yeah left turning doesn't freak

00:21:38.740 me out, actually, weirdly. I just, once I got, they were always scary until I got peace with

00:21:44.740 the fact that, like, yeah, it turns red, you're out there, you go. You know what I mean? Like,

00:21:49.280 that's the absolute, now there's dogs and you can definitely go. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally.

00:21:53.340 I used to be like, you know, can I race? No, pull to the middle of the intersection. Get out there.

00:21:59.440 So we're all waiting so long. Now it's my moment. And I'm feeling a little self-conscious,

00:22:04.800 just like there's just hay or normally you know you know this feeling like yeah we've got it where

00:22:10.420 you just feel like the car is your body right when you hold the steering with a flat palm i know

00:22:14.520 because you you are literally pushing because yeah yeah that yeah that is like yeah you're like

00:22:21.280 yeah the heel of the palm it's like it's almost like some memory of being a different animal or

00:22:26.900 something it's like so i started to pull in right i'm self-conscious i'm self-conscious

00:22:34.440 too tight now here's the thing you know when you pull in you go oh that was wrong and then

00:22:39.360 you're gonna pull out yeah you kind of feel that it's gonna follow the same way back out

00:22:42.720 but if you stay there too long and let other things happen and you kind of forget where the

00:22:47.060 wheel is like you lose the thread and now you don't know how to move yeah part of your body

00:22:52.960 anymore so i now i start to doubt if i'm gonna be able to get out back out the way i came and i'm

00:22:58.340 afraid i'm like i'm gonna scrape this car like it is i'm too close to the other car like i might be 0.60

00:23:03.340 fucked there might be no way out keep looking back there is like to me like the archetypal 0.86

00:23:07.660 like man okay like like just a shadow of a waiting man in the car in the car behind me okay 0.98

00:23:15.500 now he's waiting for what now like space to move by okay but it's it's it's chaos because there 0.94

00:23:21.440 there's no space it's chaos right but finally I move in such a way to let the other woman at

00:23:27.720 least pass me okay then I get back in the car I'm gonna start to do the turn while he would

00:23:31.260 and there's some kind of like female next to him okay and I can't tell if it's a daughter

00:23:36.160 or you know a lover okay but there's and I don't know if it's worse or better yeah but

00:23:44.360 So he's like, okay, unreadable, you know, but so I'm just, I try again.

00:23:54.260 No, I try again.

00:23:55.180 The car's screaming, beeping, like the car's like, brake, brake.

00:23:59.020 Your car?

00:23:59.700 Yeah, like it tells you, it stops you, and then beep, you know what I mean?

00:24:03.360 And then like, it's like screaming brake, and then I think it won't even let you move.

00:24:07.020 So I like search it back out again.

00:24:08.260 I'm like, all right, he's like, whatever.

00:24:09.820 I'm like, I got out of the car.

00:24:11.300 i walked around by the back of my car took a look no to the guy and i just go

00:24:19.160 okay man oh can you maybe like do you think you can squeeze by me because like this this could

00:24:26.420 take me a while because i needed him to leave you know what i mean for me to relax and figure it out

00:24:31.360 he said yeah but i'll need to squeeze by and i'm like that's why i was like waving him for a while

00:24:37.500 Whatever.

00:24:38.000 So I pulled in a little more.

00:24:39.080 He squeezed by.

00:24:39.980 Yeah.

00:24:40.180 Now I was just safe and alone.

00:24:41.820 Still struggling.

00:24:42.560 And then new people were appearing.

00:24:44.160 Okay.

00:24:44.460 And then like a German woman and daughter.

00:24:47.380 Okay. 0.62

00:24:47.900 German. 0.90

00:24:49.620 That was the vibe. 0.72

00:24:50.600 Okay.

00:24:51.220 Well, yes.

00:24:52.540 Because.

00:24:53.300 Yeah.

00:24:53.980 Screaming in German.

00:24:55.360 Excuse me.

00:24:56.380 Okay.

00:24:56.800 Yeah.

00:24:57.040 Could you help me for a minute?

00:24:58.320 You said this?

00:24:58.900 Yes.

00:25:00.800 And, and?

00:25:01.460 And I just want to see if I can hit, if I'm about to hit that car on the other side, if

00:25:05.140 I pull out. 0.90

00:25:06.240 She comes around.

00:25:07.140 she goes you've got four centimeters okay it went in centimeters which was yeah yeah european

00:25:14.820 yeah totally and then she's like but if you go go go you know and she like backed me out and

00:25:20.180 she's like you just need to take it wider like she got me out safely and then and then i pulled back

00:25:24.420 in and then i hid in the car for like a few minutes to give anyone who was part of the scene

00:25:32.380 them gone let them leave yeah still put on a show when i got out of the car i was like you know

00:25:37.780 that was not great so this is amazing because i have two quick parking stories first of all

00:25:43.240 similar to story just told wait do you like how i handled it yes and i think it's really brave

00:25:49.200 i want to know were you screaming and doing self-harm language in the car and you were a lot

00:25:52.900 no okay so this is where we're different but listen i was going down in my car tiny hill

00:25:58.460 you know these hills in Los Angeles where no two cars in the mountains in the hills I go down 0.99

00:26:02.960 a car is coming up oh I hate those and I start to go fuck fuck fuck I go I go right it becomes 0.99

00:26:08.840 this whole thing this car next to me the point is to just get by each other you mean yeah yeah 0.99

00:26:13.100 just get by so one person but I came down there was a car here the point is it was a gridlock 1.00

00:26:17.280 hell situation and I couldn't figure out how to maneuver it and this car this there's a woman in

00:26:23.900 this car and she's kind of looking at me going like I can see her exclaiming like go that way

00:26:27.600 She's not like, it's not really angry, but she's clearly frustrated with me, you know?

00:26:31.260 And I'm seeing a lot of like this.

00:26:33.680 No.

00:26:34.240 And like.

00:26:35.200 No, but you can see the shadow of the cheek.

00:26:37.540 I'm freaked out.

00:26:38.100 Yeah, because I don't know.

00:26:39.700 I'm like, and by the way, I get so close.

00:26:41.700 There's a car here, windows down.

00:26:42.980 There's a man in there.

00:26:43.620 I didn't even know.

00:26:44.100 I thought it was a parked car, but it was a moving car.

00:26:45.680 And he goes, they giving you a hard time?

00:26:47.580 It was actually kind of hot.

00:26:48.340 He was like, they giving you a hard time?

00:26:49.900 I was like, like, I don't even know.

00:26:51.860 I was like, finally, I maneuver the car.

00:26:56.680 I do this whole thing.

00:26:57.360 I still think, I think I mostly could have been better at the situation, but it wasn't 0.90

00:27:01.880 like I was fucking the situation. 0.95

00:27:03.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:03.680 But I finally get down to her.

00:27:04.820 I roll down the window.

00:27:05.780 I go, sorry, I'm from New York.

00:27:08.260 This isn't my car.

00:27:10.080 Sorry, I work nights.

00:27:11.340 I go, this isn't my car, but it was your car, right?

00:27:14.840 I go, this isn't my car.

00:27:15.820 I was in my neighborhood.

00:27:17.020 I go, I go, I go, this isn't my car.

00:27:19.040 I'm from New York.

00:27:20.080 This is like my second day driving.

00:27:21.860 You didn't.

00:27:22.960 Or something like it's on my car.

00:27:24.260 I think I said, I barely have a license.

00:27:25.860 And the woman literally goes, you're an actor and you grew up here.

00:27:29.200 Her face softens.

00:27:30.080 She goes, totally cool.

00:27:32.700 I go, well, who cares if I had to tell a little lie to make her relax?

00:27:36.820 No, but it's not.

00:27:37.820 What is it really?

00:27:38.560 Make her relax.

00:27:39.660 You'd already gotten through it, right?

00:27:41.400 It was over.

00:27:42.020 It was post-mortem.

00:27:43.160 I couldn't apologize.

00:27:44.180 I go, sorry, I'm so bad at that.

00:27:45.920 Born and raised in Los Angeles.

00:27:47.400 This is my car.

00:27:48.280 No.

00:27:48.980 Sorry, I was so bad at that.

00:27:49.940 This isn't my car.

00:27:50.740 I'm from New York.

00:27:51.420 No, I mean, I know why it's better, but for whom?

00:27:54.100 Both.

00:27:55.100 Do you like how I hit that M at the end?

00:27:56.660 Yeah, that was good.

00:27:58.040 Okay, here's a really quick parking story.

00:27:59.640 Tell me if I...

00:27:59.920 And I'm not done with your lie.

00:28:00.720 I'm not done with your lie.

00:28:01.600 Let me think about this.

00:28:02.260 Lie is a strong word.

00:28:04.680 I don't mean it negatively.

00:28:06.220 Fabrication.

00:28:06.500 I don't mean it negatively.

00:28:09.020 I mean it neutrally.

00:28:10.280 Someone called me a little liar the other day.

00:28:11.840 I'll tell you about this lie.

00:28:12.760 So this is a lie.

00:28:13.540 I mean, you're a...

00:28:14.540 But this is a lie. 0.87

00:28:15.340 Tell me about this lie.

00:28:16.060 This was interesting.

00:28:18.100 What would you do if you were me?

00:28:19.340 Okay, me.

00:28:20.080 So, okay.

00:28:20.960 Basically, the point is...

00:28:21.900 How long, how early in that, before you actually talked to that woman, were you concocting the story?

00:28:26.920 Oh, moments before.

00:28:28.440 Oh, it was, it was, it wasn't, it wasn't like the second, like you growled and go, oh no, okay, I'm gonna have to.

00:28:33.840 Like me fantasizing about hours later, our conversation where you go, I just can't believe you, like the day, like the, like I spent the day, oh God, oh God.

00:28:43.640 What, wait, what, okay, what, you spent the day what, what lie?

00:28:47.620 I love when you cry, and when you cry on air, I go, Peabody, I see the dollar signs, I see the New York Times.

00:28:51.900 worker festival no i just uh no i love it i'm laughing at like because this is the moments 0.98

00:28:57.500 where you where you have to this is where you learn how to act crying oh my god this is fucking

00:29:04.160 real oh my god this is like you know like my dad says john early deserves a literal oscar for what 0.91

00:29:09.300 for his instagram videos of crying yeah yeah and it's true like anyway but like like you know like

00:29:15.740 like this like it's something like like we like it would be like a joke like yeah right that'd be

00:29:21.100 like we do that as a joke and it's real i'm like literally do it why yeah why do we just why do we

00:29:25.280 like why isn't it i mean you know i'm saying anyway so now i've pulled it together the

00:29:32.340 vulnerability i felt the vulnerability oh god it's coming again okay great i go i go um

00:29:38.580 wait what was it i don't know why it's making me cry i love it what is it

00:29:49.380 Wait, what is it?

00:29:50.500 Oh.

00:29:51.460 Wait, I'm scared.

00:29:52.260 Wait, what is it?

00:29:52.900 Oh, no, it's nothing bad.

00:29:54.260 Like, I mean, I think, like.

00:29:55.760 Like, it's sad that I lied?

00:29:57.720 Oh, my God, it's not about the lie.

00:29:59.000 Okay, okay.

00:29:59.440 No, it's about me spending my day, like, like, like, I just realized, like, that I, like,

00:30:05.600 just the way this conversation was playing in my head, essentially, all day while I was

00:30:10.220 crafting, you being impressed by my costume, and you being so impressed by my costume that

00:30:17.320 Halfway through a conversation, I see your eyes kind of go.

00:30:20.820 I can't believe it.

00:30:21.960 It's that great.

00:30:22.160 I feel like you're probably like, like, sorry, Jacqueline.

00:30:25.460 It's incredible.

00:30:27.000 I'm sure.

00:30:29.200 It's just like so, like, I, it's like, I'm crying.

00:30:36.980 I don't know why I'm crying.

00:30:37.720 It's just so, like, no one would have the courage to admit such a thing.

00:30:42.780 No, no, no.

00:30:43.460 That's why I am, like, that's why I am disturbing. 0.93

00:30:47.320 But P-Botty, you can go there knowing. 0.99

00:30:50.800 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:51.060 Why?

00:30:52.000 By the way, this episode just became a $20 paywall.

00:30:56.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:56.780 Imagine if every time I cried, the paywall goes up.

00:31:01.220 All right, let me think.

00:31:02.160 Let me just think about it.

00:31:02.560 No, it's beautiful.

00:31:03.640 It is true.

00:31:04.300 Because, by the way, Jacqueline, people do everything in their life doing that.

00:31:07.780 You imagine it.

00:31:08.280 But, like, it's like, you know what it is?

00:31:10.440 it's like it's the shock when it's like because it's it's it's not the um it's not like the like

00:31:20.320 oh and everyone at the party is gonna think I'm so fabulous right yeah yeah I'm like that's not

00:31:24.500 even like really it like it's almost like I don't know like it it's almost a shock when it's

00:31:30.840 it's like I'm not I don't live my life trying to impress you you know what I mean like it's not

00:31:36.960 of that it's like it's like I don't know I mean I think it's so sweet I think like whatever I'll

00:31:50.400 tell you I don't know why I can't talk about this without crying but it's like yeah because it was

00:31:54.720 also like this like ADD like it I was soaring so high yeah no like I was like it was like pure

00:32:03.980 ecstasy. Yeah. And like, you know, so, all right, I'll pull it together just to tell you like this

00:32:10.820 stuff, but it was like, so first I go, I'm looking for a table for a book or whatever the hell this

00:32:18.560 is. So I go looking for a table, right? Yeah. Whatever that starts. And I realized like,

00:32:24.400 oh my God, you know, well, actually tried to go to Tracy, missed my turn. Okay. Fuck it. Great

00:32:30.440 idea i'm already out now i can go shopping for tables right okay for the podcast yeah okay and

00:32:35.880 then i go and then i go um oh my god i'm here at the grove i there's probably some some stuff

00:32:44.480 you know that i could get to do a costume right tonight for a party sure that i could go to you

00:32:51.900 know and no i've made no promises to come to the party because i don't like to do that because i

00:32:55.680 always disappoint so i just whatever but i know it's an option if should i get a costume together

00:32:59.980 I go, I'm going to go to Zara.

00:33:01.640 Okay, I know it's Zara, whatever.

00:33:03.420 Okay, but growing up in the 90s, you've corrected me before.

00:33:07.020 I've never heard you say Zara.

00:33:08.220 No, I say Zara's.

00:33:10.060 Zara's.

00:33:10.420 I have like an apostrophe S. 0.96

00:33:11.840 Zara's is hilarious.

00:33:14.280 So.

00:33:16.600 Go to Zara's.

00:33:17.780 Yeah.

00:33:18.920 In my mind, here's what's going to happen.

00:33:20.640 I'm going to get a base, okay, a cheap base.

00:33:23.100 Okay. 0.98

00:33:23.380 I'm going to get a little black dress.

00:33:24.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:33:24.700 But it's something that I can paint, staple shit to, whatever. 0.98

00:33:28.080 Right, I don't care. 0.95

00:33:28.420 going there literally no sales section well not a red tag in sight it was really weird yeah okay

00:33:34.440 there was one spot everything starts at $79.99 then i was in then i was in yeah it's like

00:33:39.740 then i was in um world market so my first idea became in world market so it's all about you

00:33:45.760 now i'm just getting excited going to the mall with you okay yeah so so i go i start to go

00:33:51.060 i start to go like looking around the place i start to go what's the biggest thing here and

00:33:55.920 then i rose this is a really fun question okay you ready what's the biggest thing in a store

00:34:00.940 for the cheapest just physically the largest physically largest okay what an interesting

00:34:06.760 question right and i was in world market thinking about it and go you know is it a curtain you know

00:34:11.040 what i mean is it whatever because costume so i start to think now they have all this like candy

00:34:17.700 and these mini candies right and mini bottles of tabasco whatever they have all that stuff so i

00:34:21.680 sort of thing food-based okay that they have these huge things of like popcorn i for a little while

00:34:26.520 i thought about being a candy and popcorn dispenser okay so i think there'd be the tubes yeah i couldn't

00:34:31.980 figure out what would be this was a brief thought okay but i couldn't figure out how i'd open it

00:34:35.760 let candy fall into party goers hands okay yeah fun okay close it back up okay so so start there

00:34:41.600 right i go all right it's falling apart on me i gotta get out of here right i gotta get out of

00:34:45.400 here i've done this before you know it always it's about what i have at home i know i have stuff at

00:34:48.700 home i like i like going with what materials i have yeah that that works and is a delight to me

00:34:57.340 right so tearing apart things like the things i considered tearing apart for the costume yeah

00:35:03.320 like looking at your computer yeah i'm like like cloth okay like it's like everything because it's

00:35:11.040 like this very particular like add thing for me which is like which is like the create creative

00:35:16.920 part, which is seeing everything

00:35:18.820 as, like, material.

00:35:21.180 And going, like, it could be this.

00:35:23.080 It could be this. So...

00:35:24.500 You do that with writing. I'm like, uh...

00:35:28.040 A microphone.

00:35:29.260 Uh...

00:35:30.620 You know what I mean? Like, trying to think that, like,

00:35:32.620 you don't have to think about things. You can just look, and there's

00:35:34.860 the material. Well, absolutely,

00:35:37.060 because I had this thought

00:35:38.820 recently about observational humor, okay?

00:35:41.140 I was like, is it literally just...

00:35:43.540 Okay, so I was watching something, and it

00:35:44.860 was the most straightforward. I go...

00:35:46.920 If you just are literally taking people through what's true about experience,

00:35:50.740 I was like, you know how you're at the parking meter, right?

00:35:54.560 You get to the parking meter, it's so sunny.

00:35:56.220 And yet it's just like those little numbers and it's on that gray screen from the 80s.

00:36:00.700 I mean, how can you even see that thing out in the sun?

00:36:02.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:04.080 Everyone, everyone, going like this.

00:36:05.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:06.500 They're outside.

00:36:07.380 They're only going to be outside.

00:36:08.520 When's that time parking meter was inside?

00:36:10.360 Okay.

00:36:10.920 Everyone's going like this.

00:36:11.980 Everyone's going like this.

00:36:12.860 Okay, exactly.

00:36:13.500 Okay.

00:36:13.800 And then you're going, surely it's got a credit card.

00:36:18.100 No, it doesn't.

00:36:19.220 And then you're going, oh, looking for coins.

00:36:21.580 But, oh, this one's got a credit card.

00:36:23.720 Okay, whatever.

00:36:24.980 So I leave, but I'm going, I am going to be driving past Blick. 0.74

00:36:30.660 Oh, yeah.

00:36:31.420 I go, I'll stop at Blick.

00:36:32.600 Yeah, fine.

00:36:33.160 Okay, pop into Blick.

00:36:35.020 This is when I had this idea because I know that I have these mini easels that I got.

00:36:40.320 I've got a couple of those.

00:36:41.180 so i go so i go the easel can go over my head okay okay canvas okay okay only canvas oh yeah

00:36:50.060 in your face yeah genius okay and then my face a painting yeah yeah okay and then there's going to

00:36:55.020 be i'm holding a palette with paints okay and brush and no other people can paint that's that's

00:37:00.460 amazing that's amazing like a 10 minute conversation with john at blick okay this guy

00:37:06.200 And, you know, and then he, like, comes back around.

00:37:09.260 He's like, are you sure you want to, this isn't weird, but are you sure you'll be comfortable with people, like, you know, touching or whatever?

00:37:14.480 I'm like, the canvas is pretty, like, sturdy.

00:37:16.960 Over you, yeah.

00:37:17.600 We have, like, different opinions.

00:37:18.820 Like, this is a problem when you ask for help.

00:37:20.120 Interesting.

00:37:20.740 And then you don't do what they told you.

00:37:22.480 I know.

00:37:23.140 He's like, well, he's not going to work with, you know, watercolor paper or whatever.

00:37:26.180 You know what I mean?

00:37:26.560 And then here I am at my register with a watercolor paper.

00:37:29.860 That's, like, why I don't like to do it.

00:37:31.660 Yeah.

00:37:31.900 You know?

00:37:32.660 Okay.

00:37:32.920 And then I'm studying Crayola.

00:37:34.720 I'm trying to go, well, I can't ruin someone's house if someone flings paint.

00:37:38.360 Right, right, right.

00:37:38.620 It's got to be Crayola, completely washable.

00:37:41.000 Water, yeah, yeah.

00:37:41.220 It's got to be, and it can't be a drip thing, so it's got to be these things.

00:37:43.720 I'm going to fake that it's a paintbrush, okay, on top of whatever the other thing is.

00:37:49.720 Yeah.

00:37:51.960 So I got two canvases, and I got the hell out of there, right?

00:37:54.300 Oh, and then I got, like, some gaff tape, you know what I mean?

00:37:57.160 Just because I figured it would be useful.

00:37:58.540 Don't want to be at home eating it.

00:37:59.980 Of course, of course.

00:38:00.700 Stopped at Target on the way.

00:38:02.120 Thought I might have something in there.

00:38:05.340 Something Halloween-y.

00:38:06.340 Always is.

00:38:07.200 There was nothing.

00:38:07.900 Literally a zero.

00:38:09.440 Whatever.

00:38:09.900 Finally get home.

00:38:10.980 That's an interesting thing when you go into a store and leave with nothing.

00:38:14.100 It's 99% of Mike.

00:38:16.400 The big drive, like a little boutique, of course you leave with nothing.

00:38:19.760 Right.

00:38:19.900 But going into like a, I feel like this just happened to me.

00:38:21.900 I went into like a big, like a Target something.

00:38:25.500 Yeah.

00:38:25.660 Walked in.

00:38:26.680 Left with nothing.

00:38:27.820 You almost feel.

00:38:28.700 like surely you need something that they have taboo not to me because i've left all manner of

00:38:36.320 you know same thing soaring at the container store and then what do i do with the container

00:38:40.860 store everything's 942 literally how can you get organized i think we've covered this but how can

00:38:46.720 you get organized with one shoebox because that's all you can afford well by the way in earnest

00:38:52.940 someone the other day talking about closets because i'm like my closet by the way no no so

00:38:57.380 my closet is not a walk-in closet it's a reach-in closet it's not a big closet it's horribly

00:39:00.900 organized this is what happened the other day literally i was in bed oh yeah couldn't move

00:39:05.180 describe discussing with my partner the closet bad organized how to organize it and i literally

00:39:09.520 it's i go we were talking about it yeah i go i go i can't live like this

00:39:14.380 genuinely i go oh because my jeans because they an angel my partner so much more organized than

00:39:21.040 i am much better than i am they're like let's fold your jeans put them above so you don't

00:39:25.100 So they folded my jeans for me.

00:39:26.440 So sweet.

00:39:27.200 The other day I'm looking for my jeans.

00:39:28.360 I go, I can't get it.

00:39:31.260 Like putting it back.

00:39:32.360 Oh, yeah.

00:39:32.740 It's like the Tower Falls or whatever.

00:39:35.080 Meltdown.

00:39:35.600 Not actual meltdown.

00:39:36.500 But I was thinking, I was just thinking about it.

00:39:37.860 And I said, I said, I can't live like this.

00:39:39.740 And then we're talking about it.

00:39:41.900 You need to read that book, the ADD clutter.

00:39:42.960 Okay, I'm going to read that.

00:39:43.960 I'm going to read that.

00:39:44.320 Organizing for ADD.

00:39:44.880 Okay, I need that.

00:39:45.520 I need that.

00:39:45.900 Okay.

00:39:46.160 It's all winging things into open top storage.

00:39:48.220 No, I know, I know.

00:39:48.960 But I was shutting down about the closet organization and everything and the cost of everything.

00:39:55.100 and getting it yeah and i said i want to get drunk i was like makes you want to drink like it makes

00:40:00.300 you want to like like like i was like i want to get drunk and high where you get yeah i can't feel

00:40:06.520 the pain of this like you know as someone who doesn't like struggle with a problem yeah yeah 0.98

00:40:11.540 but then like kind of like yeah i was like take it the fuck i want to eject me from the suffering 0.93

00:40:18.720 yeah so and by the way i was talking to this woman who's a interior design house you know 0.98

00:40:23.800 very on top something about closet store i go you know could i build a new closet thing here 1.00

00:40:28.240 whatever she goes yeah she and i was like how much does that even cost like if i were to build

00:40:32.000 she in earnest looks at me 2k oh my god jacklyn she looks at me she goes not just talking about

00:40:37.680 organizing like maybe building out some stuff she goes she goes 20k yeah are you hearing me

00:40:43.440 20k i was saying i go like like you go to the container store and that's 2k is the joke oh

00:40:49.520 to be clear am i talking about renovating a huge walk-in closet even that did she know it was it

00:40:54.500 was truly a region yeah yeah no she had seen images 20 20k 20k well i i the amount of i probably would

00:41:06.280 how much how much time do i spend a year perusing online and live thank god the container store near

00:41:16.260 me it's no longer because it was like a problem well how could why is a plastic box 2850 and also

00:41:22.820 by the way that's a huge issue now with the storage i'm just going really more plastic i know

00:41:27.920 can't afford the wood well the wood i know the wood's crazy and the wood's poison too the wood's

00:41:31.980 like been shellacked in plastic oh yeah i don't know but wait i want to i want to i want to close

00:41:35.900 the loop so to speak because i haven't even gotten to the i haven't even i haven't even gotten to the

00:41:42.100 the beginning of

00:41:43.640 so I haven't even begun

00:41:44.880 to build a

00:41:45.380 to my creative session

00:41:46.900 yeah yeah

00:41:47.440 I know it's a bore

00:41:48.020 but

00:41:48.320 no it's not

00:41:48.820 it's not

00:41:49.140 it's not of course

00:41:49.600 to get home right

00:41:50.260 I have all these supplies

00:41:51.420 yeah

00:41:51.820 and I feel a little bit

00:41:52.820 the feeling of like

00:41:53.660 you know

00:41:55.000 like the addict

00:41:55.640 or something

00:41:56.100 yeah

00:41:56.440 like I'm in that

00:41:57.560 I'm hiding

00:41:58.320 almost the addiction

00:41:59.240 like

00:41:59.560 it's more the

00:42:01.820 enable

00:42:02.840 like

00:42:03.140 like I almost don't want Chris

00:42:04.640 to see like

00:42:05.320 how many supplies I got

00:42:08.020 or something

00:42:08.400 you know what I mean

00:42:08.900 because it's like

00:42:09.420 it's going to tip him off

00:42:10.940 yeah

00:42:11.360 I'm about to

00:42:12.100 like go into this kind of state that might be like not the best use of my time but i want it so bad

00:42:19.240 yeah yeah so i'm like sneak it upstairs you know i'm like no i'm like i got some like supplies i'm

00:42:25.040 gonna go literally try it casual it's really cute i'm gonna make some uh costumes or whatever okay

00:42:29.640 we'll go we won't i go upstairs like i get on the sit on the floor i get it all together i grab some

00:42:34.760 other things from other projects you know oh my god i i decide i go okay chris is gonna be a

00:42:41.120 floating like where he's gonna be a head on a table like an altar with like candles like creepy

00:42:46.160 you know what i mean but like then the head and i'm so i'm like i'm like where are those taper

00:42:50.660 candles that they don't they're not i have these battery operated okay tall candles that i got

00:42:58.080 last year when i was like all about the plastic candles everywhere battery operated turn on

00:43:02.080 automatically at six right they have been filling up my shoe cabinet okay for like so long and

00:43:08.620 I've been falling out every time I go to get a shoe.

00:43:10.920 Okay.

00:43:11.800 Okay.

00:43:12.480 And every time I go to dump them, I go, but what if, what if, what if one day there's

00:43:17.720 the one night party where it doesn't matter if they burn out at the end and it's over?

00:43:20.760 Yeah.

00:43:21.360 Imagine.

00:43:21.860 Okay.

00:43:22.380 I'll go, I'll get them again.

00:43:23.720 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:23.920 Fuck it. 1.00

00:43:24.380 Then yesterday I go, where are those candles? 1.00

00:43:26.280 And I go.

00:43:26.720 Oh no.

00:43:27.540 I go, oh my God.

00:43:28.560 Did I finally do it?

00:43:30.140 Did I throw them out?

00:43:31.820 Yep.

00:43:33.020 I go, this is the, this is the origin of why, you know, we hold onto stuff.

00:43:38.620 Yeah. So anyway, I sit down. What happens? I have these humongous boxes from Burrow.

00:43:45.320 Okay. Which we love. When Burrow sent couches. We love Burrow. Huge boxes that have these

00:43:49.920 folding already built into them. So the possibilities are endless. Oh, yeah.

00:43:55.040 Eventually, I construct a thing that is a square like this. Okay. And I cover it over with a black

00:44:00.880 paper. And I'm like, you put something around your neck. This could either be a floating head

00:44:04.940 our table you know and then there's this sort of coming to where i go downstairs and i it's like

00:44:12.040 what's chris like what's happening you know i'm like chris can you try this out do you try this

00:44:15.520 on for a second i'm like scraping his neck you're getting this thing around you know and and he's

00:44:22.420 sort of like what is this i'm like well you're floating at or it's a table i'm not sure yet

00:44:25.260 whatever yeah i go back upstairs i start to build this coffin and basically it's like gonna be and

00:44:31.660 i'm imagining you again appreciating okay yeah if i was a had a creepy dead baby

00:44:38.360 body right here in my head yeah coffin floating okay it ends here terrifying and then the other

00:44:45.660 option was like a mangled corpse right and then things are covered and so it's just body parts

00:44:50.600 including my head yeah yeah so i don't know it got whatever i go downstairs like then it's all

00:45:00.060 falling apart on me i'm tired yeah and then i'm like talking with chris like about like are we

00:45:04.860 doing this and then and then it's like like what if we just went to like halloween adventure yeah 0.76

00:45:08.840 grab some shit he's like we grab like a whatever and a whatever yeah i'm like i don't know and 0.79

00:45:14.440 then i'm like well i bet i could get some limbs there yeah yeah just still do my construction 0.98

00:45:18.240 yeah so we drive he checks it's open till 11 okay drive over oh okay it's dark we're like maybe

00:45:25.840 there's a back entrance they go around the back the petco guys like entrance right down there

00:45:30.320 make a left okay closed peer in see them in their halloween gear okay and they there were decals on

00:45:37.500 the wall i go halloween adventure because the store comes down i go take one of the decals

00:45:41.960 then i go ralph's is right there i go i could make something happen at ralph's

00:45:45.760 and because like what you know like what are you envisioning ralph i'm like

00:45:50.040 i got a couple ideas i'm like and then i try to act like like like a simpleton like

00:45:55.600 I go, I mean, there's nothing better than two sheets.

00:46:00.520 Ghost.

00:46:00.960 Ghost, right?

00:46:01.460 I go, tablecloth, Ralph's.

00:46:02.780 Yeah.

00:46:03.060 Plastic tablecloth at Ralph's, right?

00:46:05.580 Briefly imagine you being disgusted by the plastic.

00:46:08.340 No.

00:46:09.380 Okay.

00:46:10.060 Like being like, I can't believe you'd be willing to be under that, like, toxic.

00:46:13.580 Inhaling it?

00:46:14.420 So I go there.

00:46:15.500 So I go, Chris, we're going to be a bunch of ghosts.

00:46:17.640 Sheet over me, sheet over you.

00:46:19.260 Helium balloons at different heights.

00:46:21.280 Sheets.

00:46:21.640 Sheets over all of them.

00:46:22.700 Then we're a...

00:46:23.560 Floating ghost cluster.

00:46:25.240 yeah that's good that's fun he didn't think he didn't think the balloon could support the weight

00:46:30.720 i'm hearing that okay and i go well at home i you know whatever i have some other methods

00:46:37.120 he's like i don't know if you know home and doing more construction is the answer you know what i

00:46:41.500 mean and i'm like because i'm like i take this home for construction

00:46:47.840 oh i looked around this was growth okay i looked around the room

00:46:53.560 and it's where we like to do our exercise okay and the place is trashed yeah yeah because of

00:46:59.780 the constructions yeah i mean i was sitting there okay stuffing two arms of a little of a little 0.98

00:47:05.500 stretchy t-shirt okay okay with other clothes like fuck it like destroy my clothing organization 0.99

00:47:10.600 taking a pair of jeans yeah stuffing it in yeah to make the little baby legs yeah yeah going 0.99

00:47:15.640 it's not believable they need kneecaps oh my god and then but you know there there was a high point

00:47:24.040 there was a high point where i had the plant paper okay box over my head and a hole got in it

00:47:31.980 wait so you bought plant paper no they sent it no once they sent it once as a gift one box yeah

00:47:38.900 like in the last couple weeks yeah makes sense you're going you thought you got an extra i got

00:47:45.040 confused because i'm a subscriber and i got what another one we're not i got confused

00:47:49.720 anyway but there was a moment where i had a plant paper box in my head and i saw these possibilities

00:47:55.900 you know and then i also basically constructed a box it was like having my mother once she like

00:48:02.080 accidentally no she invented the box she arrived at it independently oh yeah she's like you could

00:48:06.880 have like sides some of them would have a thing here okay you could have little ones you could

00:48:10.540 big ones you decorate them okay okay anyway anyway so i also like sort of reinvented the box like

00:48:20.660 like fold this up i had the moment where like i could have just whatever

00:48:25.080 little straps i'll post it i'll post it please please i love that listen you went it's and then 0.97

00:48:33.000 we said fuck it we're ordering from crossroads great piccata did you feel tempeh piccata oh 0.97

00:48:37.220 did you feel liberated are you relieved somewhat i felt like i i did have my fun 0.99

00:48:43.740 technically yeah you were constructing yeah you were imagining it's like when i spent like

00:48:49.620 two days in the workshop choreographing dances for us yeah like and like free dancing to like

00:48:56.940 you know like this is the thing the creative the goddamn process absolutely like but you know it's

00:49:05.020 not it's sorry it's just like a like a you know interview but like it's not enough for me 0.56

00:49:11.320 i don't just want process yeah i want to complete you want you want to put out the world

00:49:16.340 of course so of course next year or not you know what i mean yeah it's just an old pattern i 0.93

00:49:25.980 remember in high school i mean in college once trying to do these like last minute fucking 0.71

00:49:30.680 roller girl costume like and constructing boogie nights skates yeah trying to construct these fake

00:49:36.200 skates on like my own sneakers it's so interesting because it's something it's the way that you and

00:49:41.540 are just different like i fundamentally i'm not a constructor

00:49:46.940 taking a break from the show just to let you know that the premium experience is available to

00:49:58.920 you. We're so excited to offer bonus episodes and AMAs and any other curious offerings that

00:50:06.620 we decide to share with those who cough up the cash. There's the dear friend level. There is

00:50:12.100 the out-of-pocket level. There's even an overpaying is erotic level, which is too erotic to even tell

00:50:16.920 you about over here. Check out the link in description, the link in bio, or even just

00:50:22.160 looking at berlantnovac.supercast.com.

00:50:28.920 let me I want to finish my I want to because I just actually want your thoughts my parking story

00:50:35.480 I want it too and I just want to say there's another this hyper focus on me needing to tell

00:50:41.700 you the Halloween story it's another ADD just like like I had to get through it and I'm like

00:50:48.100 what all right anyway take me back no no no well I'm taking you back to just because this is I

00:50:56.760 think and by the way this is actually brave because i'm gonna give it to me i'm in a parking

00:51:02.320 lot i'm in a grocery store parking lot it's quite crowded why plenty of room for two cars to go you

00:51:08.560 know how it is people are pulling out sometimes you have to wait plenty of room cars pulling out

00:51:13.040 here i'm about to pull in okay the point is i can't remember the exact configuration this was

00:51:18.220 a couple months ago yeah the point is i wasn't in anyone's way and that i will and i was really yeah

00:51:24.680 i just wasn't yeah so i'm waiting for this car to pull out this car here can easily get by

00:51:31.860 right but i see this woman her car kind of doing this thing oh yeah kind of doing one of these 1.00

00:51:37.940 what are you doing kind of doing one of these at me and then i go i was like and then she starts

00:51:42.820 she starts literally going no motioning like go and by the way which is almost comical because

00:51:49.780 go where like this car is where like there was nowhere to go and i really and i and i and by the

00:51:54.240 i was really aware of the fact i'm like fed i had i had protein like i wasn't angry yeah i wasn't

00:52:00.320 starting to like i was just like i was like i was fed and i was fed yeah i was like you threw that

00:52:05.380 out like a vampire what just like well i was fed so like i was like what like i mean it's like i

00:52:11.720 wasn't like in a moment of like agitation like i was just like leave almost but i was calmly 0.89

00:52:17.880 looking around going am i in someone's way let me really pull back here am i fucking and i was like 0.96

00:52:22.880 I'm fucking not. 0.98

00:52:24.120 I'm fine in this parking lot where I am. 0.99

00:52:26.580 Well, this is a classic traffic drama, right?

00:52:28.940 And I go, she's not fed. 1.00

00:52:30.480 She's not fed. 0.99

00:52:31.320 Go.

00:52:31.380 I can't.

00:52:32.260 Go.

00:52:33.900 So I see her start going like this. 1.00

00:52:36.180 Really like yelling in her car. 1.00

00:52:37.820 Go. 1.00

00:52:38.280 Are you stupid kind of thing? 1.00

00:52:39.960 Go. 1.00

00:52:40.460 Not one of these.

00:52:40.760 And so I go like this.

00:52:42.220 She doesn't go like that, but she's like.

00:52:43.080 There you go.

00:52:43.540 She's going.

00:52:44.080 I go like this.

00:52:44.960 I literally go like this.

00:52:48.680 Give her the peace sign.

00:52:49.580 No, no.

00:52:50.000 She's facing me.

00:52:50.800 I go, peace, like this. 1.00

00:52:53.260 Like, I'm not fighting with you, bitch. 1.00

00:52:54.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:54.860 Like, because by the way,

00:52:55.700 you see how quickly I throw that out.

00:52:56.780 Why don't you have lunch?

00:52:57.800 I had lunch, so I'm fine.

00:53:00.540 You need lunch.

00:53:01.620 Okay.

00:53:02.240 You're getting angry.

00:53:03.520 I was fed, so.

00:53:05.760 No.

00:53:06.380 So anyway, so wait.

00:53:07.200 This happens, right?

00:53:08.180 Yeah.

00:53:08.360 She finally goes by.

00:53:09.400 It's so weird.

00:53:10.060 Oh, she drives by me.

00:53:11.000 I purposely don't look into her car.

00:53:12.820 So I'm like, I don't want to fight.

00:53:14.140 This is huge.

00:53:14.660 Don't look.

00:53:15.180 And by the way, I was like, I'm not looking.

00:53:16.540 It's over.

00:53:17.120 It's over.

00:53:17.740 So why?

00:53:17.920 I'm like, yeah.

00:53:18.520 And I think maybe she, I don't know what was going on, but I was like, she was on one something.

00:53:22.080 I don't know.

00:53:22.680 Yeah.

00:53:23.300 And then I realized we're both parking and we're going to go into the supermarket.

00:53:27.240 Oh, wow.

00:53:27.980 And I didn't see exactly.

00:53:29.960 Something like that happened to me.

00:53:30.360 I knew who she was, but I was like, I mean, like I recognize.

00:53:32.580 I was like, so whatever.

00:53:33.680 So I get in there.

00:53:34.740 I start doing my shopping.

00:53:36.620 I see her.

00:53:37.700 So you knew each other enough.

00:53:39.700 No, no, no.

00:53:40.220 Like I saw like glasses.

00:53:41.880 I saw just like where I was like, I would know her head.

00:53:44.140 Yeah.

00:53:45.320 But I go in there. 1.00

00:53:48.520 That's the girl.

00:53:50.640 We know each other.

00:53:52.560 Yeah, here we go.

00:53:54.980 Acquaintances.

00:53:55.740 Here we go.

00:53:56.440 Vague acquaintance.

00:53:57.200 Acquaintance might be too even strong.

00:53:59.600 Enough that.

00:54:00.300 Work or social.

00:54:01.800 Work.

00:54:03.320 Like, kind of, but not, we've never worked together.

00:54:05.580 But I just mean, like, enough where I was like, and by the way, I started to go, well, I didn't, I gave her a peace sign.

00:54:13.780 Yeah.

00:54:13.940 and smiled 1.00

00:54:14.580 kind of bitchy 0.99

00:54:15.540 like 1.00

00:54:15.800 like

00:54:16.600 like

00:54:17.080 like I know you're trying

00:54:18.340 to fight with me

00:54:18.920 but isn't

00:54:20.180 so like she must be embarrassed

00:54:21.480 yeah

00:54:22.080 because she was the one

00:54:22.760 that had

00:54:23.060 you're going

00:54:23.400 do I stand by this

00:54:24.180 yes

00:54:24.360 who had the fit

00:54:25.040 yeah

00:54:25.440 and this is a bigger risk

00:54:27.460 because she could see this

00:54:28.260 what is

00:54:30.120 what's the bigger risk

00:54:30.860 the show

00:54:31.120 she could see the show 1.00

00:54:32.020 oh shit 1.00

00:54:33.080 she could be watching this right now 1.00

00:54:34.040 yeah

00:54:34.480 so I just want to say also

00:54:35.600 I'm not mad

00:54:36.380 and it's fine

00:54:36.980 and maybe I should

00:54:38.560 so here's what was interesting though

00:54:39.700 yeah

00:54:39.820 I panicked

00:54:40.760 I felt scared

00:54:41.920 are you getting more on the record

00:54:43.560 in case like are you like filling in the story like okay i did leave something out like in case

00:54:47.880 no no no no no i don't think i've left anything out and this can go in our in our law office

00:54:54.280 we can do this in our with our law offices we can litigate this case oh yeah but like i was like

00:54:59.820 but but but she enters my my my my aisle cortisol levels reaching 4 000 i mean i was like yeah this

00:55:06.240 is terrifying hey no no i didn't no i took a fake phone call no you didn't

00:55:13.460 yeah no here's a huge question about that because there's a risk there is a huge risk

00:55:19.400 she sees that it's just a black screen or not even or like it pops on like

00:55:24.220 yeah yeah yeah light shining on the face i've seen that i wonder and then i go does she think

00:55:37.420 i and then and then of course we have we all have to zoom out and go what if i did do something

00:55:40.900 wrong well that's here's one detail that might have been wrong right away i've been in the wrong 0.96

00:55:45.120 but i go don't be a pussy tell me everything because i can't help you okay okay okay here's 0.91

00:55:50.260 what might might have been it i might have been in the arrow sign going the wrong way 0.99

00:55:56.340 no okay but there was plenty of room so this is wrong way yeah and i go yeah but

00:56:03.960 there's plenty room for everyone to get by it's a wide you know what i mean wait let me think

00:56:09.580 about this so maybe so that is why she was doing it she's going you're you're going the wrong way

00:56:14.140 i guess no i don't think i was i think i remember going no i am going the right way like i i don't

00:56:19.080 remember if you went back to i could go back to the lot you'd know exactly where it happened right

00:56:24.000 so we can actually find out i can go find out i'm gonna because i'm curious stressful but it's a 0.87

00:56:27.960 good lesson it's a good fucking because that person might be i know that might be be the 0.81

00:56:35.760 had a universal well that's what i was gonna say in hollywood i was gonna say like that doesn't 0.97

00:56:39.520 get people because that's that classic thing i feel like you told me that like like why is

00:56:44.420 everyone fake in la or whatever because like by the way such a like lame i think well that's why

00:56:50.580 la is the most real that's why la is the most real because because i think la is fake i go

00:56:56.760 yeah we're so fake that we're the most real yes because we're we're actually doing exactly what

00:57:02.740 needs to be done for for our well also what's wrong with politeness maybe well for sure but

00:57:08.080 what did i say to you i think no it maybe wasn't you but it was like because everyone realizes that 1.00

00:57:13.660 they could do talking about the head of universal at any time okay so you're just like fuck you and 0.99

00:57:18.340 it's like you know son of the king yeah you know what i mean it could have been you i'm not sure 1.00

00:57:23.480 I don't know. Yeah. But it is kind of.

00:57:29.360 So. Oh, that's a good lesson. I know.

00:57:32.280 Particularly because a lot of times you I mean, there's a good chance you're on the same road as someone.

00:57:38.400 You might be going to the same place. I know.

00:57:41.920 I know. And we should be. It's so it's so moot.

00:57:44.380 And listen, I have grace for fellow people because we all are in a mood.

00:57:48.140 We're not fed. We're having a hard day. It can be tough, right?

00:57:51.620 you can't take it out on people 0.99

00:57:54.340 you fucking can't 0.99

00:57:55.860 and guess what I'll be in my car screaming 1.00

00:57:58.040 shit at myself 0.99

00:57:59.360 I don't take it out on people 1.00

00:58:01.360 you cannot take this shit out on people 0.99

00:58:03.120 no you cannot you have to anything but 0.99

00:58:05.500 I had a transformative experience

00:58:08.200 at Bank of America yesterday

00:58:09.260 incredible connection with the teller

00:58:11.140 another community experience

00:58:12.120 I feel like last week you were talking about

00:58:14.100 so by the way this is a Bank of America

00:58:16.080 a branch that since COVID shut down

00:58:18.200 meaning it was only ATMs

00:58:19.240 all the tellers the window was gone i was always annoyed because i go this is the closest bank of

00:58:23.600 america now i go to the other bank of america that i don't like as much so i almost i go i have to go

00:58:27.500 i go there's no tellers there i go what if there are i'm pulled inside renovation clean bank tellers

00:58:33.380 i go through sweet teller guy i sensed in training so this is interesting he was wearing a dodgers

00:58:39.680 uniform this was almost it was i think it was that day before halloween or something not the

00:58:46.280 world series kate oh my god i thought it was yeah right no costume it was a world series thing

00:58:51.840 yeah i was going dodgers he was wearing it just because yeah of course no of course

00:58:55.800 i'm now realizing that's funny not like i thought this is me playing character where i'm like

00:58:59.700 you know no no world series babe no but but no but i'm realizing okay so he was so how about this 0.55

00:59:05.360 this guy by the way he has fucking gusto he's probably young right maybe 28 i don't know he's 0.86

00:59:10.980 sitting there and it's all just saying what i imagine to be a supervisor he must be in training 0.98

00:59:14.720 because there's a woman standing behind him watching right i mean that's super the supervision

00:59:18.800 yeah this guy has he's chatting me up he's so relaxed he's he's he's like he's like oh this

00:59:28.180 is interesting that's showbiz he does this whole thing with the checks because i've got checks i

00:59:32.420 go oh but and uh you know some of the names on the checks aren't my name whatever like right and

00:59:38.380 he goes he goes i thought this kind of bold he goes can i ask what you do i go red flag red

00:59:43.700 fine i go supervisor is not gonna like this yeah you do you dart your eyes to her i don't know if

00:59:49.080 i darted to her i think i darted her at one point and smile and just smiled like but but i was doing

00:59:53.960 good this whole this whole thing i literally go i'm an actor i'm a comedian well by the way

01:00:01.780 by the way because you don't but normally you don't do that or no no sure but i just no yeah

01:00:07.340 i'm not like i'm like i work in sales like when people are like i usually say a comedian then well

01:00:12.500 I usually don't say comedian because obviously it's pure hell.

01:00:14.760 Oh, really?

01:00:15.740 You know, make me laugh.

01:00:17.520 You know, whatever. 0.93

01:00:18.360 So, but then when you say actor, hell.

01:00:20.140 But then there's also a thing where, you know, do you write your own stuff?

01:00:22.940 Oh, my God.

01:00:23.460 When it's comedian, do you write your own stuff?

01:00:25.600 That is probably, I was like, if you're super family feud, you know, I'm like, do you know

01:00:29.380 the, do you know family feud?

01:00:30.760 Not really.

01:00:31.320 Yeah, I had a feeling.

01:00:32.260 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:32.660 Suddenly.

01:00:33.220 Yeah.

01:00:33.420 Like, the listener knows.

01:00:34.840 Yeah.

01:00:35.440 But yeah, like second on the list of like, what, like things, it's like, you know, you're

01:00:40.380 Guessing on what everyone would vote on is the most common thing you say to someone

01:00:45.380 says they're a comedian.

01:00:46.220 One, make me, you know, say something funny.

01:00:49.460 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:49.880 Right?

01:00:50.260 Almost number one is, do you write your own material?

01:00:53.880 First, they need to clarify that it's stand-up. 0.99

01:00:55.880 Sorry, but is it a gender thing?

01:00:56.860 Are guys getting that as much?

01:00:58.740 Yeah, seriously.

01:00:59.740 Are they?

01:01:00.700 Because I've gotten asked if I write my own material.

01:01:03.800 I mean.

01:01:05.280 No, I got a team of writers, you know?

01:01:07.360 I got into this.

01:01:08.600 Yeah, it's like, well, that's the other thing.

01:01:09.800 recitation

01:01:11.440 recitation

01:01:12.400 like limericks

01:01:14.280 what is that

01:01:16.440 a piece or a pipe

01:01:17.260 or a pole

01:01:17.700 and the book

01:01:18.260 the boys set me up

01:01:21.640 the boys set me up

01:01:22.560 with some great stuff

01:01:23.340 I go out there

01:01:24.140 gloves

01:01:25.260 and I test this

01:01:26.100 sometimes it doesn't work

01:01:27.160 sometimes it doesn't work

01:01:28.060 I go back

01:01:28.800 and I go

01:01:29.140 Johnny

01:01:29.420 you gotta do better

01:01:30.060 next week

01:01:30.720 do you write it

01:01:32.660 do you write your own

01:01:33.520 material

01:01:33.720 well first also

01:01:34.360 there's a big

01:01:35.060 they think

01:01:36.540 there's no way

01:01:37.420 it's like being

01:01:38.120 in a stand up

01:01:38.640 as an Olympian

01:01:39.360 but like they think there's no way that's stand-up comedy so it's like oh so like improv skits or

01:01:45.080 right right right no straight just delivery down the barrel yeah yeah i'm trying to get

01:01:50.580 trying to get some heat anyway take me back nothing just just he was just he was you know

01:01:56.740 and and he was and then yeah and i just like okay so he goes he goes or he i think he said

01:02:01.480 did he say like anything i might have seen or something like oh have you been thinking i

01:02:05.460 I've seen something there you go and he started to ask something I go I go oh it's a lot of little

01:02:09.780 stuff like it or something and then he goes um you know who you look like he's like you look a

01:02:14.080 lot like and I go Catherine yeah and he goes I don't know her name she's in I go it's Catherine

01:02:18.880 Han I go Agatha you know all along I was like Catherine Han did you say yeah he was he was like

01:02:23.380 oh yeah yeah that was it and I was like get it all the time he's like yeah you look just like her

01:02:27.700 I was like, yeah, no.

01:02:30.560 I mean, you have to be clear.

01:02:31.160 But then I left sailing.

01:02:32.380 I left sailing.

01:02:33.940 You two, like, it would not be if you and Kevin Anwar were in a room.

01:02:38.360 I sometimes think it's me.

01:02:38.920 I sometimes see the photos of her.

01:02:40.540 I think it's me.

01:02:41.380 That's a different thing.

01:02:42.240 Like, that's something else.

01:02:43.300 Scrolling fast.

01:02:44.060 Like, kind of like, yeah.

01:02:45.160 I'm rich.

01:02:47.300 I've got a show on.

01:02:48.820 Yeah.

01:02:50.680 I'm at the airport.

01:02:51.740 It's billboarded me at the airport.

01:02:58.620 Oh, wow.

01:02:59.720 We got to wrap up.

01:03:01.500 Doing that on the sink down the wall.

01:03:03.160 Have I ever, this is a huge question.

01:03:05.260 I don't think I have.

01:03:07.300 Have I ever said?

01:03:09.460 We got to wrap up?

01:03:10.600 Yeah, have I ever noticed?

01:03:11.560 Have I ever thought this is a version of mine, like hyper-focused?

01:03:14.220 Never once have I considered.

01:03:16.100 I'm so.

01:03:17.660 You're locked in, baby.

01:03:18.960 It's a beautiful thing.

01:03:19.260 And by the way, that wasn't an insult.

01:03:21.060 No, no, I didn't feel insulted.

01:03:22.500 Hey, I want to just do a last minute bag.

01:03:24.580 And we flirted with this.

01:03:26.080 And I actually texted you about this.

01:03:27.160 you hadn't responded i know i started to text you back about it and then i decided i want to

01:03:30.940 my response okay great because i texted you i go i'm ready to beg for peloton you know i started

01:03:36.280 i went back you bring this up bi-monthly okay you bring this up bi-monthly i always say yeah

01:03:41.520 yeah no i feel like it's been like a year six months bi-monthly it was gonna amuse me okay

01:03:46.460 and and i was gonna leave it open to interpretation because some people think that means every two

01:03:50.040 weeks some people think that means um bi-monthly yeah or every two months like the bicentennial

01:03:55.920 is the 200 yeah now I was also gonna say because you go any interest and I go why like yeah of

01:04:02.780 course I don't have Bella and why would I want one right and I go oh she's wondering if I don't

01:04:08.200 have an interest is it my I think it's I thought she's gonna reach out as an actor okay and go

01:04:16.000 one Peloton no no you think I'm gonna on my personal Instagram be like yeah that's how

01:04:22.820 Acapella started.

01:04:24.380 Actually.

01:04:26.620 The first time I heard of you begging.

01:04:30.320 That is a deep cut.

01:04:32.420 I'm going to drop my address here.

01:04:34.380 I just, I'm loving the, you know, whatever, Gnocchi.

01:04:38.500 And I'd love, I'm really curious about the whole line.

01:04:40.940 I'm just going to leave my address here the first time you begged, right?

01:04:46.240 Why is it making you laugh that hard?

01:04:48.780 just

01:04:51.540 is it like

01:04:52.380 because it's deep

01:04:53.160 in your

01:04:53.500 the reasons

01:04:53.920 that I remember

01:04:55.200 it's like

01:04:56.400 it's like

01:04:57.600 it's the first time

01:05:00.820 I ever

01:05:01.240 it really was

01:05:02.080 it really was

01:05:02.900 you think it really was

01:05:04.700 because it was life changing

01:05:06.720 I'm not someone

01:05:07.940 who cries

01:05:08.300 when I laugh

01:05:08.820 the first time

01:05:10.540 I think I ever

01:05:11.260 begged for a product

01:05:12.960 to debase myself

01:05:14.000 in front of a company

01:05:15.020 and said please

01:05:15.600 please

01:05:16.320 Capellos

01:05:19.160 and by the way

01:05:20.100 Capellos delivered

01:05:21.120 they sent

01:05:22.200 they sent

01:05:22.980 they sent

01:05:24.740 cookie doughs

01:05:25.740 pizzas

01:05:26.280 oh my god

01:05:27.820 yeah

01:05:28.180 Capellos

01:05:30.200 who's our number one

01:05:31.260 Capellos

01:05:32.020 but I want to beg

01:05:33.180 I'm ready to beg

01:05:33.940 I'm ready to beg

01:05:34.660 for Peloton

01:05:35.220 Peloton Peloton

01:05:36.000 now I had a fantasy

01:05:37.860 bike out there

01:05:38.580 and you were

01:05:39.340 no you've been talking

01:05:40.500 about it for a little while

01:05:41.120 I was gonna say

01:05:41.600 did you see one last night

01:05:43.000 with Peloton

01:05:43.760 yeah

01:05:44.200 no see it where

01:05:45.180 because you sent it to me

01:05:46.180 I feel like early this morning

01:05:47.320 I was like

01:05:48.240 no I texted you yesterday

01:05:49.220 no no I texted

01:05:50.120 a couple days ago

01:05:51.340 I just was like

01:05:52.400 Peloton

01:05:52.960 I go

01:05:53.340 yeah yeah

01:05:54.280 because I'm feeling

01:05:55.120 like I need something

01:05:56.580 to just get the heart rate up

01:05:57.760 blast

01:05:58.100 I don't

01:05:58.620 I don't want to do

01:05:59.460 jumping jacks 0.99

01:06:00.180 like

01:06:00.420 I want to get on the

01:06:01.620 and I need the guided

01:06:02.860 I need the community

01:06:03.980 yeah

01:06:04.540 imagine us

01:06:06.320 I wonder if we could

01:06:07.760 get hired by Peloton

01:06:08.600 for sure

01:06:09.220 to be coaches or whatever

01:06:10.320 like go on a ride with us

01:06:11.880 yeah

01:06:12.080 oh look a cafe

01:06:12.960 this is great

01:06:13.900 this is great

01:06:14.720 hello are you hearing this

01:06:15.880 hello

01:06:16.140 also Apple

01:06:16.960 guided walking

01:06:18.200 us in your ear

01:06:19.500 unbelievable

01:06:20.140 thoughts on a Stairmaster

01:06:22.480 I think the Stairmaster 1.00

01:06:23.760 apparently blasts your ass 1.00

01:06:24.920 to heaven and back 1.00

01:06:25.660 well 1.00

01:06:26.120 it blasts your ass 1.00

01:06:27.480 but a lot of people feel like 1.00

01:06:28.560 it blasts the wrong thing

01:06:30.040 you want to talk about 1.00

01:06:31.000 a fucking ass 1.00

01:06:31.700 you get a crazy ass 1.00

01:06:32.320 go to Tracy 1.00

01:06:33.120 okay

01:06:33.620 I want to talk about 0.99

01:06:34.360 design of an ass 0.99

01:06:35.920 by the way 1.00

01:06:36.220 I want her to design my ass 1.00

01:06:37.600 but I have this hip problem 1.00

01:06:38.700 I'm scared

01:06:39.380 I don't think a

01:06:41.100 will you

01:06:41.520 will you

01:06:42.080 please before the end of the year

01:06:43.700 will you take me to a Tracy class

01:06:44.980 please

01:06:45.240 I already told you the whole thing.

01:06:46.580 You can go to any of the things that are...

01:06:48.600 Okay, we'll talk about this now.

01:06:50.660 But you'd be hammering the same muscle

01:06:56.540 over and over again.

01:06:57.200 No, I see what you're saying.

01:06:58.080 No, you're so right.

01:06:58.780 You're so right.

01:06:59.140 But what do you think about the bike?

01:07:00.400 What do you think about the bike?

01:07:01.520 I technically think the same thing,

01:07:03.140 but for heart rate, sure.

01:07:04.240 You're not doing it an hour every day for six years.

01:07:06.540 You don't want to bulk up.

01:07:09.420 Wouldn't be doing it enough.

01:07:10.700 The fear of bulking?

01:07:11.920 Yeah, the bulking fear.

01:07:13.700 I've always felt like,

01:07:15.240 We're both doing this all of a sudden.

01:07:16.240 Yeah, what is this?

01:07:16.580 It's weird.

01:07:16.940 I don't know what this is.

01:07:17.660 Nerve flossing?

01:07:20.020 You know nerve flossing?

01:07:21.220 No, what's that?

01:07:22.480 What's that?

01:07:23.340 I just felt it.

01:07:24.000 Try it.

01:07:24.820 Probably make you nauseous.

01:07:26.300 No, it's got to be to the side.

01:07:29.180 To the side.

01:07:30.260 Do that one.

01:07:31.240 Oh, remember how this whole thing

01:07:32.100 with the vagus nerve

01:07:32.920 to release the vagus nerve?

01:07:34.040 Wait.

01:07:35.260 Wait, did you send that to me?

01:07:36.620 Yeah.

01:07:37.020 Okay. 1.00

01:07:37.740 It's like an Australian woman 0.99

01:07:39.080 on the beach. 0.96

01:07:39.240 No, wait, what does she do? 0.99

01:07:40.140 She's Irish. 1.00

01:07:40.520 She's like, 1.00

01:07:41.160 here's how you release

01:07:41.860 your vagus nerve.

01:07:42.920 Oh, right.

01:07:43.280 She says,

01:07:43.620 sometimes we don't need oh i know what it was no it wasn't that cute it was unless you're thinking

01:07:47.780 of a different one it was sometimes we don't need see she was like it's not always about nerve

01:07:51.820 flossing that hurt my neck so she's like taking it to the next level i've seen all the nerve

01:07:55.840 flossing stuff okay yeah for like undoing the pinched nerve oh okay okay and then she's like

01:08:03.620 she's sometimes we need what she says she goes nerve um

01:08:06.820 slack, slackening.

01:08:11.260 She's like, look here, look down.

01:08:15.740 That's what it is.

01:08:17.460 But we actually have to go.

01:08:18.760 I also want to say thank you to Suri, the toothbrush company.

01:08:22.060 I've been loving my toothbrush.

01:08:23.580 Now, you were using a manual before.

01:08:25.780 I was using a manual.

01:08:26.800 Like a character in a movie.

01:08:27.180 Like I was alive in the 1800s.

01:08:28.880 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:29.200 With a fucking broomstick in my mouth. 1.00

01:08:33.260 It's so weird. 1.00

01:08:33.880 It's changed everything.

01:08:34.640 That was your, wait, is that your first?

01:08:36.820 No, I had an Oral-B in the 80s like everyone else.

01:08:39.680 Yeah.

01:08:40.120 But something about this, as I said, it's just clean, it's sexy, it's working.

01:08:45.600 Yeah, we both got moss or whatever.

01:08:47.500 We both got moss-colored ones.

01:08:49.300 I love when we choose colors together, like two moss green, please.

01:08:53.340 Okay, have to go.

01:08:54.320 All right.

01:08:54.580 Okay, so thank you for opening up and crying.

01:08:57.440 That's huge for the Peabody, the inevitable Peabody.

01:09:00.900 Yeah.

01:09:01.700 One hasn't come through yet.

01:09:03.440 Okay, I love you.

01:09:05.520 Love you.

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Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - January 06, 2025

Halloween Peabody

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