00:06:57.780Literally, I go, and because I'm dealing with Alzheimer's now, I was like, don't sweat the
00:07:03.700small stuff. I was like doing the thing where I was like, this is actually not a problem.
00:07:07.440And then I go, look at me joining Pug with joy in my heart. I was like, the cord will not, the cord is not the problem. And none of it's a problem really. It's just an experience, just a horrible experience. But I'm also today able to go, yesterday I was driving to my parents' house, extreme darkness, right? Feeling like, oh, the walls were closing in and then left at like 10.30 PM feeling better.
00:07:32.320and then today i'm now um uh i lost it i'm feeling better what was i gonna say a new layer
00:07:40.220um yeah oh you lost the mood i lost i mean you lost your thought now it was shocking like today
00:07:46.020like it will be it'll it'll plunge me into despair again like inevitably but it's yeah it's funny or
00:07:51.460not funny it's just like oh right and then some days it feels manageable or sometimes it feels
00:07:55.220like oh it's okay like it's not you know he's still alive and whatever but it's like um yeah
00:08:00.380anyone who's dealing with it i guess just love you keep going holy shit isn't it amazing the way
00:08:08.640um like when you have an experience and you're like oh this is what everyone's talking about
00:08:14.200whatever the thing is like it literally can be like an illness you know like and you're like
00:08:18.940i get it now or whatever like i don't know this is weird like
00:08:22.600or maybe i'm just talking about our our inability to make real other people's experiences
00:08:30.240that we don't totally we're not experiencing them and understand abstractly it's like wait
00:08:35.520like we literally have to wait for everyone like everyone in america has to have an immediate0.99
00:08:39.960loved one be shot in the head at a mass shooting for anyone to really give a shit yeah or something0.98
00:08:44.860like it's so you can like feel empathy and but but but as you're saying sometimes it's like oh0.99
00:08:49.820like i was oh yeah these things that are horrible at a distance it's like
00:08:54.160understandably you just can't really reach
00:09:53.640or something because but so i guess the first thing is some weird fear that it seems like i'm
00:10:02.460like want attention which is so funny i have a podcast where i'm laughing it's like can you
00:10:09.120believe it yeah it's like yeah like yeah like i guess there's a fear that somehow i'm like is
00:10:16.060this people are gonna reach out like like if you dare reach out please reach out i know i know this
00:10:21.420my plea i know that's like the joke no no no it's gonna be too much gay it's like no no but i'm
00:10:26.260just saying yeah so what is it's interesting because i was thinking about it again as i was0.56
00:10:29.400like running to poog today i was like this is funny like this is and also people who are0.78
00:10:34.760listening to this know someone with alzheimer's like that's just the the yeah the fucking truth
00:10:40.340that's all if you drop a if you drop an ailment on poog i mean you're like or like you know like0.95
00:10:46.120some a specific thing yeah anything i i mean they're they're out there and they're experiencing0.84
00:10:51.020shit it's almost it's almost got to be shocking to be listening and and uh yeah you know like like
00:11:01.060when someone was like when i first mentioned that i was watching f1 and they were like it's not an0.99
00:11:05.640ailment but you know it's like me too it's like a holy shit like it's like you know what i mean1.00
00:11:11.940like there's just something because poog is a microscopic sliver of our lives if you know0.85
00:11:19.500obviously right like and yet it can contain it all like you know it's everything yeah it's it's
00:11:25.880it's like but i'm interested because um what is it about when information is shared i know what
00:11:36.600why that changes it i know it changes it yeah yeah and i guess i'm like what am i protecting like my
00:11:42.220my okay you could say i'm protecting my parents privacy or something or like but like what like
00:11:48.860what is that? What even is that? Or like the dignity, like, like, oh, like my father's dignity.
00:11:54.360Right. And it's like, well, because also what's like hard, well, it's all hard, but like my dad
00:12:02.340doesn't know he has it because he fucking forgets. Right. Which by the way is actually, I think for0.99
00:12:07.720the best because my dad has always been a hyper anxious person. And so it's like, if he was waking
00:12:14.020up every day and someone's going, Hey, by the way, if you're, if you're wondering what's going on,
00:12:18.280this is it but like that would be really stressful and he's still very there he's still very funny
00:12:23.300like he's still like like even last night I just think of me being there while my mom went out and
00:12:28.980he's like I don't like this like well I can't be alone like what's gonna happen and I was like
00:12:32.760dad like I you know you're 82 like I hate to tell you this but like something could happen he's like
00:12:37.260like what I was like you could fall and then he does this big thing of miming biting his nails
00:12:41.780like oh no uh you know and and he's like if i fell i'd get up amazing you know and it's like
00:12:49.720and then he's like well i'm glad you're here what if i fell you know when my mom was gone it's like
00:12:55.560and so yeah it's also it's the not sharing is also part of the thing that's so
00:13:02.880horrible about alzheimer's is it's like you're grieving the person as they're still alive or
00:13:06.940something and so there's a thing part of me that's i haven't been in denial but there's part of me
00:13:11.560like anything that's hard it's the fear that if you look at it too directly you'll be annihilated
00:13:17.780and actually annihilation yeah and what i'm learning truly just this week is this thing
00:13:22.840of like oh actually looking at it directly like that is where the medicine is or it's like the
00:13:27.040to bring in young you know young uh reality is medicinal it's like oh actually facing it is
00:13:32.140that is what you need to do and then i ended up leaving being like oh it somehow felt like oh this
00:13:37.860isn't it's still the worst thing that's ever happened to me and my mom for sure but it's also
00:13:42.900like all right like yeah you know today I'm all zen about it I'm like seeing I'm like this is an
00:13:49.300opportunity to feel my strength and to show love and like it is but also it's just like it's so
00:13:55.620much I was talking to a friend who's dealing with it and like she was just like it's so much
00:13:59.580invisible work and like it's like oh true it's just like these like invisible like invisible work
00:14:04.660invisible like pain or like triumph or anything it's just like very and yet aging god i mean it
00:14:11.020is just no the yeah i was thinking about wild out there aging um the inevitable decay and the fear
00:14:19.640of it i was i was lying lying awake and i was thinking about that thing your friend said like
00:14:25.920once like it's just a life oh my god totally or he was talking about it was like so i die like
00:14:31.840it's just my life it's just one life so zen it's it's um because i used to think that
00:14:41.000um the way that we like you you know to get through your day right you can't constantly be
00:14:47.820thinking like whatever just you can't be aware of your mortality in a visceral way
00:14:53.220right constantly yeah i mean or i guess you can i i don't know what what i'm saying i get i get
00:14:58.700More, I guess what I mean is like, like I remember as a child, sort of this pure understanding of death at a certain point that was just like, you know, completely obliterating and like, like literally have to find a way to, you know, it's like, I used to be like, if I'm not contemplating death all the time, I'm like living in an illusion and like I must contemplate death all the time.
00:15:27.580going to be reminded, reminded, reminded, you know, in order to make the most of the
00:21:07.380Who do you want to be and what's the song that can take you there?
00:21:10.820Music changes what you feel and what you feel changes what you do, right?
00:21:15.080That moment where a song shifts something inside you, that's where transformation starts.
00:21:19.720This year, I'm talking to experts across every area of life, like personal finance icon Gene Chatzky, New York Times journalist David Gellis, relationship legend Dan Savage, human connection teacher Mark Groves, and the man who shaped my ear more than anyone, Questlove.
00:38:38.400Like, I'm not like telling me about protein powders, but we all know like my father is like crushing up peanuts, you know, like in a smoothie.