Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Lock in Peppermint Now

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00:00:34.560 This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather.

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00:02:35.440 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant.

00:02:36.900 I'm Jacqueline Novak.

00:02:38.000 And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive friends.

00:02:42.740 Two untamable intellects.

00:02:44.520 This is our hobby. 0.97

00:02:45.360 This is our hell.

00:02:46.220 This is our naked desire for free products.

00:02:48.480 This is POOG. 0.94

00:02:49.700 Today's topic, loosely speaking, lunatic. 0.77

00:02:53.020 Smiley's next Saturday.

00:02:59.420 Well, I'm just going to come right in and say that I have not gua shod for about two weeks. 0.98

00:03:05.920 And let's just say I can fucking see it. 0.98

00:03:09.040 Okay. 0.99

00:03:09.520 Yeah.

00:03:10.320 I mean, not, not, I can't see it.

00:03:13.140 But I looked in the mirror yesterday and I was like, okay, why have you aged 64 years in two weeks?

00:03:19.840 Yeah.

00:03:20.800 Yeah.

00:03:21.340 Possibly a few reasons, but one of them is the gua sha, the lack of gua sha. 0.81

00:03:25.580 And yeah, what is the face?

00:03:27.380 We have to start seeing the face as a bag of fluids.

00:03:30.620 I know.

00:03:31.060 So what I'm seeing, by the way, there was a little line that I gua sha'd straight off my face.

00:03:37.780 Okay?

00:03:38.360 Yeah.

00:03:38.900 Yeah.

00:03:39.480 She's back.

00:03:40.080 And she's back.

00:03:41.540 But that's fine because she's gone.

00:03:43.160 She was gone.

00:03:43.940 Right. 1.00

00:03:44.040 You know, she has the ability to leave.

00:03:46.100 And the glow I had.

00:03:46.580 well because there was a time I think I was like um there's like no way to say this without

00:03:53.520 it's like so despicable I think the most beautiful I've ever been was like three weeks ago

00:03:58.000 and like I was basically just home alone all day all night like constantly and I would like 0.98

00:04:06.500 look in the mirror and be like fuck like this sucks and it was that was when I was talking 0.98

00:04:12.020 about it when the gua sha the stern something was going on and now it's slipped you know through 0.99

00:04:18.920 the cracks and never to return terror came true the terror of not knowing what it was right and

00:04:24.700 then i'm afraid i'll lose it now so you can't enjoy it felt it felt really there was something

00:04:30.200 so sad about not being perceived during the most beautiful week of my life and i was enjoying and i

00:04:38.180 And I was like, look at me. Like I'm, you know, this was around Thanksgiving. As we recall, I was alone because I was isolating due to a potential COVID exposure. I was home alone. I was, you know, not on my phone, reading, journaling and passing myself in the mirror and looking in. And I had to I was the only one that could see the skin.

00:05:01.940 right 0.99

00:05:02.700 only God

00:05:03.560 and you know

00:05:04.900 God shouldn't

00:05:05.720 shouldn't care for

00:05:06.500 I mean who's my beauty for

00:05:07.780 if not for God

00:05:08.560 the rats 0.54

00:05:09.120 just God and the rats

00:05:10.780 so in a way

00:05:11.440 do you think an animal

00:05:12.860 perceives beauty

00:05:14.360 sorry

00:05:14.660 no I was imagining like

00:05:16.960 if I've been staring at

00:05:18.380 my parents cat

00:05:19.460 for example 0.99

00:05:20.020 because she makes 0.98

00:05:21.840 really loaded eye contact

00:05:23.120 right

00:05:23.660 have you ever felt like

00:05:24.780 an animal

00:05:25.340 thought you were hot

00:05:26.400 or like was somehow

00:05:27.940 perceiving you

00:05:29.100 as a

00:05:30.080 aesthetic

00:05:31.000 object

00:05:31.940 never once.

00:05:33.840 Yeah.

00:05:34.740 I'm devastated.

00:05:35.680 Well, that's different.

00:05:36.760 No.

00:05:37.240 Well, you know,

00:05:38.000 my dad always says

00:05:39.240 and feels strongly.

00:05:40.760 Well, it sure is.

00:05:41.960 My dad always says

00:05:43.080 that he feels cats know

00:05:44.160 when they're being cute.

00:05:46.740 Okay, like they really know

00:05:48.180 what they're doing.

00:05:48.760 Like they,

00:05:49.260 they're like kind of like

00:05:50.700 they'll sit in a chair

00:05:51.520 and kind of be like,

00:05:53.320 yep.

00:05:53.820 You know what I mean?

00:05:54.480 Like in this coy way,

00:05:55.480 but they like,

00:05:55.980 they're always sort of showing off

00:05:57.300 and like.

00:05:58.000 That's funny.

00:05:58.560 So maybe they're like

00:05:59.600 wrapped up too much

00:06:00.240 in their own beauty,

00:06:00.800 but I'm trying to think like

00:06:01.940 I don't think, like, I feel, I always feel beautiful in front of an animal.

00:06:08.980 Like, I'm imagining sauntering out in, like, a Betty Draper, like, equestrian costume towards the horse.

00:06:19.080 And I do not think, I think, so obviously you have felt that hot, really, Kate?

00:06:27.640 You think you've sensed desire?

00:06:29.660 From an animal?

00:06:30.540 No.

00:06:30.880 I just mean like I've wondered

00:06:33.020 I'm speaking specifically about the eye contact

00:06:35.220 from a cat which can feel really

00:06:37.160 they perceive so much

00:06:39.680 or something

00:06:40.400 I think they're seeing full on spiritual

00:06:43.080 we've talked about this

00:06:44.640 they live in like alpha or something which I know isn't

00:06:47.340 traditionally the like it should be down to data

00:06:49.120 blah blah blah but they have some weird combo of alpha and data

00:06:51.240 going on or something brainwaves

00:06:52.580 they see all

00:06:54.020 they see everything but

00:06:56.060 but complexion

00:06:58.060 you know

00:06:59.960 I keep hearing people mention dreaming in, like, you know, they dream like dreams and

00:07:04.840 they're in black and white or whatever.

00:07:06.120 Oh, uh-huh.

00:07:06.820 Or they're like low color.

00:07:08.340 Is that real?

00:07:09.080 Because I've never dreamed in anything other than lush color.

00:07:12.240 No, I also am seeing lush color.

00:07:14.600 My dreams took me for a ride last night.

00:07:16.400 Oh, yeah.

00:07:16.980 It's a big one.

00:07:17.640 Maybe due to the full moon.

00:07:18.760 Was it full last night?

00:07:19.780 I guess that was two nights ago.

00:07:20.860 But I mean, the moon that's almost full, I think, is basically full.

00:07:26.520 Yeah.

00:07:26.680 Let's get real.

00:07:27.200 Yeah.

00:07:27.300 It's turned on 99%.

00:07:28.960 We're there.

00:07:30.340 Do you experience the crescent moon?

00:07:32.500 I prefer.

00:07:33.220 I was going to say I prefer a crescent, but do I see it as a shape?

00:07:36.500 Do you see it as though there's a like a croissant standing in the sky on those nights?

00:07:41.280 Or are you fully perceiving that that is a round moon, which is covered?

00:07:46.200 No, I see it as the croissant.

00:07:47.120 Are you seeing negative space?

00:07:48.180 No.

00:07:48.720 Yeah.

00:07:49.140 Yeah.

00:07:49.400 I see it as the crescent.

00:07:51.100 Yeah.

00:07:51.640 That a little man is sitting on it fishing.

00:07:53.600 What is that?

00:07:54.220 That's something.

00:07:54.680 DreamWorks.

00:07:55.640 DreamWorks Productions.

00:07:56.920 Yeah.

00:07:57.140 Yeah. I have been experimenting with magnesium for, you know, relaxation.

00:08:04.460 Who can get up the strength to mix the powder to go get on a magnesium regimen?

00:08:10.000 Oh, God. Well, you know, what worked for me was like my friend was like, oh, you know,

00:08:14.480 moon juice makes this magnesium like night thing. And I'm like, all right. So I've been doing it a

00:08:21.280 few nights. And then one night I thought, whoa, has this is this really doing it? Is it really

00:08:25.560 relaxing me. But was it that or was it the high noon I had? What's high noon? At dinner, you know.

00:08:32.240 Oh, a brewski? My preferred alcoholic seltzer. Oh, OK. Right. Of course. Hard seltzer. And don't

00:08:37.680 let the ranch rider people get upset. I love ranch rider. They didn't offer it in the restaurant,

00:08:41.900 probably. Correct. So you were left astray. Oh, I was in Whole Foods and I was headed over,

00:08:47.580 thought maybe I'd get some ranch rider. Actually, this is interesting. Interesting consumer

00:08:51.560 uh insight for the people at whole foods there was someone giving out you know a sample of some

00:08:57.940 kind of new canned margarita and you know i avoided eye contact trying to make a beeline

00:09:05.180 for the ranch rider okay not get you know someone else was already getting suckered

00:09:10.460 suckered in but do you do that do you stop and get the sample and engage with the culture of the

00:09:15.620 you know all I'll say is it depends right now it's stressful if they scream out something like

00:09:22.420 zero sugar like I need to hear the pitch okay this isn't you know maybe like in the old days

00:09:32.280 and salad days okay in New York right like you know get a meal wherever you can okay they're

00:09:37.940 giving away cheese fill up now right yeah at Trader Joe's oh yeah but the like hot corner

00:09:43.880 at Trader Joe's yeah yeah I mean cheese is a big one god do you do they even have this in malls in

00:09:49.880 California like someone with um bourbon chicken and a little stick no okay like in a food court

00:09:57.080 in a mall it was always bourbon chicken you know like or like something from the Chinese food like

00:10:04.220 food court restaurant someone with a tray little pieces of chicken you know like little popcorn 0.96

00:10:09.500 kind of whatever looking chicken fun and then fucking little skewer in it and you just go by 0.91

00:10:14.300 and you just you just grab that stick and you just and just pull it right off toothpick between the 0.97

00:10:20.660 teeth in it goes a little protein to keep you alive for shopping the food court mean anything

00:10:26.940 to you a lot i'm getting lost and i'm thinking about hot dog on a stick which was big corn dog

00:10:32.560 and then dog they ever mean anything to you yeah the hot dog on a stick was a corn dog and okay

00:10:38.400 I loved that.

00:10:39.620 They had that at the mall

00:10:40.500 and then they had Panda Express at the mall.

00:10:43.500 And I have visceral memories

00:10:45.300 of hot dog and a stick with an ice cold lemonade.

00:10:47.760 And then going over to the sticker store.

00:10:49.640 Oh, wow.

00:10:50.780 And that's exactly the kind of experience

00:10:52.320 that our children won't ever have.

00:10:54.220 I know kids still go to the mall, maybe.

00:10:57.340 And they still have Panda Express, technically.

00:10:59.440 Yeah.

00:11:00.060 But their stickers are pixels now.

00:11:03.980 No.

00:11:05.140 No, they don't.

00:11:05.920 It's true.

00:11:06.480 I almost wept.

00:11:07.240 I went to the Grove.

00:11:07.920 Have you been to the sticker store at the Grove?

00:11:09.640 You mean at the farmer's market?

00:11:11.120 Uh-huh.

00:11:11.480 Section?

00:11:12.400 Yeah.

00:11:12.840 You go in there, you start crying because you feel like culture might still have a chance.

00:11:16.340 Yeah, and you know it's, yeah.

00:11:17.820 Ten cents, breaking off the little thing.

00:11:21.380 For Sandy Lyon.

00:11:22.800 Cash only.

00:11:23.380 Sandy Lyon is one of the brands.

00:11:25.360 Oh, yeah.

00:11:26.040 I go through these periods sometimes where I decide I'm going to go for it and feed the nostalgia of the inner child.

00:11:33.880 And I go on eBay and go, eBay can save me.

00:11:37.120 I can get the stuffed animal that I gave away at six and still regret.

00:11:41.140 I can heal myself by ordering it now.

00:11:44.100 And yes, it won't be the same one, but it'll do a lot.

00:11:46.900 Yeah.

00:11:47.200 Do you want to hear something?

00:11:48.340 Yep.

00:11:48.800 When I was in first grade.

00:11:49.860 I need you to drive today, honey, in case you haven't.

00:11:53.340 Just drive.

00:11:55.300 All right.

00:11:55.880 All right.

00:11:56.120 I'll go for it.

00:11:56.700 I'll go for it.

00:11:57.220 Now you break it.

00:11:58.180 You drive.

00:11:59.400 When something's of interest, I'll just turn her on.

00:12:02.040 um so in first grade we had this intriguing teacher and there was a concept he put in place

00:12:09.220 um a kind of banking system inside the classroom where so that he had this red smiley stamps okay

00:12:17.420 they were called smileys right just and it was a red stamp of a smiley face kind of with a circle

00:12:22.240 around it full face this wouldn't be dead clear this wasn't two eyes and a mouth okay anyway

00:12:26.400 Right. He'd stamp it on, you know, worksheets and that sort of thing. Right. Now, he made those into

00:12:31.700 a currency, like a penny. And we got these note cards and we he would stamp smileys on them and

00:12:39.520 then they would add up. OK, now, because there were so many smileys, they could no longer just

00:12:44.100 fit on the card themselves. So it became a representational system like banking, where it's

00:12:48.120 just a number. It's like, OK, now I have a thousand smileys. I have a thousand and two smileys.

00:12:51.840 You could do different things to like, like acquire more, you know, like whatever. And

00:12:57.700 there were rewards. Okay. That was the big one. Like if you got like a thousand smileys or

00:13:02.360 something, he would take you to the cafeteria. Okay. And you can essentially like purchase an

00:13:09.800 ice cream there. So you can imagine the excitement. Now that wasn't the only thing that happened with

00:13:15.660 smileys. There were auctions and I believe it was what it was it was once a week, but it could have

00:13:22.100 been once a day where we would bring things in and auction them off to the class for smileys.

00:13:30.420 Like what? Like you'd pay out. So you start going to your home and seeing what you can auction off

00:13:35.640 and bring things from home. And I remember one time, so I had this little red kind of yarn like

00:13:43.700 mouse that was just, you know, a non-repeatable stuffed animal and a craft. And I had received it

00:13:50.380 at the hospital when I was two and a half. Okay. When I had chicken pox and then they thought I

00:13:56.840 might have rice syndrome, which can be fatal. And it's like a thing that happens as a result or can

00:14:02.100 happen as a result. So they brought me in. And I remember it's one of my earliest memories. I guess

00:14:05.380 I was, I was like two and a half. I'm inside like a crib in a hospital room. Okay. It's high sort of

00:14:12.020 crib like thing, like a high bed with bars. And I'm confused because I'm not a baby. I'm two or

00:14:18.360 whatever. Yeah. And I had slept on a mattress on the floor since I was one and a half. OK,

00:14:24.380 or whatever, because I'd pulled myself out on the floor. I know because I'd pulled myself out and

00:14:29.380 emerged in the living room with a, you know, a scrape on my head. Can you imagine? Wow. Do you

00:14:36.000 love it? Your daughter? So sweet. Yeah. So then from then I slept on a mattress on the floor. So

00:14:40.660 I was like, why am I in here? What's going on? I also remember him coming in with like

00:14:44.720 the crescent shaped bedpan. Oh, you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen those?

00:14:51.700 The crescent returns.

00:14:58.720 So and I remember he handed it to me quickly because I was going to throw up. I remember

00:15:03.920 telling him I'm going to throw up or something. And then they gave me that thing and I threw

00:15:07.120 threw up in it. I remember that very strongly. Okay. And then this other strong memory is that

00:15:14.320 so waking up in the night and seeing my dad sleeping in the chair. Okay. And being comforted

00:15:21.880 as you know, and my mother wasn't there. Now my whole family, I guess was sick or my mother had

00:15:27.520 chicken pox. Oh, that's what it was. We all had chicken pox and we just moved up from North

00:15:32.380 Carolina where my parents, they lived for a few years, whatever my, I was born there. My siblings

00:15:36.740 It doesn't matter.

00:15:37.560 Jesus.

00:15:38.000 You told me to drive and here I am.

00:15:39.560 I didn't know.

00:15:40.040 I'm interested.

00:15:41.180 Can I continue?

00:15:42.240 We moved up to New York and all had chicken pox. 0.99

00:15:45.660 And so my mother's kind of like in a state of hysteria.

00:15:51.300 And she's at the hospital and she's very worried about me because this could potentially be fatal.

00:15:57.460 And apparently a nurse slapped her and said, pull it together.

00:16:02.520 there's no way it's real it's real okay i'll even i'll even yes and i'll do a double check

00:16:13.500 and leave it leave an addendum a postscript confirming okay slapped her and said like

00:16:18.760 get a grip or something get a hold of yourself and then she was banned from the hospital okay 0.56

00:16:23.080 your mother or the nurse go home no my mother okay i was like go home you're you know you're

00:16:28.980 not well and we can't have this here so i don't know i healed up whatever i was fine whatever and

00:16:34.980 and i remember going home and they gave me this red mouse stuffed animal it's interesting they

00:16:39.600 reward you on the way out not during but yeah so riding home i say riding home what i remember

00:16:47.120 was being carried in by my father into like it was very like charlie and chocolate factory like

00:16:51.300 the way i remember it is that the whole family was like in my parents bed yeah yeah and i'm sort of

00:16:56.900 carried in and around like to my mother and holding this the red the red mouse and then

00:17:01.960 apparently I said to my mother apparently I said to my mother you left me oh no dad stayed oh wow

00:17:11.900 that is wow well do you know well years later I was reading about like early abandonment by the

00:17:18.340 mother and like you know the effects when I was when I was very little I told my dad I wanted a

00:17:23.420 new dad oh can you believe i don't know if i can survive that and what's worse is that because i

00:17:33.140 my friend's dad was like a super like normal dad who would like throw the ball around and stuff

00:17:38.900 and i was like a slugger and yeah and i was like i don't know why i'm not saying his name but i'm

00:17:44.660 not yeah i'm preserving the anonymity but i was like i don't want you to be my dad i want a new 0.98

00:17:50.740 dad i wish he was my dad can you imagine oh god you know how fucked up i get over shit like this 0.98

00:17:58.320 don't feel that way anymore i wouldn't trade him for the world no you know how fucked up i get over 0.99

00:18:02.020 um shit like that like like the idea of the parent being sad like you know this is like 0.98

00:18:07.040 still i talk about in my book it's still struggle daily with making the parents that yeah okay the 0.99

00:18:12.120 horror much work to do like i still regret um and you i keep being like i talk about in my book

00:18:18.460 which is literally the most obnoxious thing a person can say. But I say it because it's

00:18:22.520 too embarrassing for me to like recount an anecdote. We're going to write a book.

00:18:27.140 So like, but you know, like the little repressions of the tiny things that I find so intolerable

00:18:32.740 that I cannot bear to think them even though they're minor. So it's like the guilt I felt

00:18:37.140 when on vacation with my family as an adult, I was disappointed by my sister and mother

00:18:43.260 when I wanted to swim with the dolphins or whatever had booked just the water visit.

00:18:48.460 The water visit.

00:18:49.340 This is one of my favorite things in your book.

00:18:52.800 But I think about and I just relate it to so deeply.

00:18:56.200 It makes me.

00:18:56.860 No, I deserve the water visit.

00:18:58.060 Because my dad.

00:18:58.920 Are you ready?

00:18:59.500 So I hear that they've booked that.

00:19:02.960 Like I'd left it up to them when I shouldn't have.

00:19:05.000 You know what I mean?

00:19:05.860 They're like, yeah, like we could do it at this time or this time.

00:19:09.040 But at this time, you know, it was only the water visit was available.

00:19:11.980 So that's what we booked.

00:19:12.880 And I was like, the water visit is like where you stand next to a dolphin.

00:19:16.240 Okay.

00:19:16.920 Like three feet into the water.

00:19:18.460 Like, get a pic.

00:19:19.800 And, like, I see families soaring, arcing up and down,

00:19:23.400 arcing with dolphins.

00:19:24.980 And I'm so disappointed.

00:19:26.100 You actually hold on to the dolphin's back?

00:19:27.640 I think you wrap it gently around the neck.

00:19:29.340 But, you know, something like that.

00:19:31.180 And they don't mind.

00:19:33.340 You know, they love it.

00:19:34.640 They love it.

00:19:35.140 And they booked you.

00:19:36.020 And so she booked the one.

00:19:36.860 I was so disappointed.

00:19:38.640 And then I remember we're in the hotel.

00:19:41.420 My mom's like, Jackie's upset because we're not doing the right dolphin

00:19:44.560 swimming or whatever.

00:19:46.200 And the idea of, like, Jackie's bummed.

00:19:48.460 like saying that to my dad who's sitting there and he's like on his computer like still working

00:19:52.940 during the vacation like certain hours you know like yeah like doing work and like providing

00:19:58.100 like he's got us on his vacation and jackie's bummed i'll be very clear i was 20 26 yeah okay 0.77

00:20:05.040 and like jackie's bummed like a pig like a pig brat yeah that's tough yeah i was so i just felt 0.73

00:20:10.520 sick and guilty over that and like you know whatever but then is it that the other ones are 0.92

00:20:15.860 like so as a child once I hate this I hate this I hate even saying it but like this woman gave me

00:20:21.560 a bracelet and it was made of these like thick fantastic plastic hearts okay like stacked against

00:20:28.880 each other yeah a rainbow of colors fabulous yeah okay she gives it to me and for some psychotic

00:20:34.000 reason despite being utterly polite child I said something like I don't like it even though you

00:20:41.420 loved it it must not have at first I don't know it became my favorite favorite bracelet

00:20:45.400 it horrified imagine getting a gift for a child and they say that I mean a child can break a

00:20:53.300 heart like no one that's what I'm wondering or or is it funny or is it like who cares but for

00:21:00.080 whatever reason like I feel such the the primary example that I use for this and I say it so that

00:21:06.360 we will have a shared lexicon in the future for this dynamic much like mushrooms the whole time

00:21:11.060 right is in the movie the karate kid never saw it yeah i was gonna say like maybe if you had that

00:21:16.960 other father you can hear my voice to disdain i think you'd like it yeah i think i think you'd

00:21:21.380 find lessons in it i think i saw it but like it never it wasn't it never pierced me you might

00:21:27.460 want to revisit okay okay but he he's like lusting after this bike in the beginning and

00:21:34.200 his mother like surprises him with it okay and he's like he's like in high school or something

00:21:38.820 OK. And mother likes like saves up and surprises him with it kind of thing. And he's like loves it

00:21:45.760 and whatever and rides it off. And by the way, I could I could have this wrong, though. Let's just

00:21:49.860 but who cares? This is my version of in my mind. Then the mean guy, Johnny fucking has wheels and

00:21:56.580 has the girlfriend. OK. And they like beat him up. And I think they even like drive over his bike. 0.99

00:22:04.100 okay and he brings his bike home and he like kicks it or something and he says like stupid bike 0.98

00:22:12.020 yeah okay i don't even think he says it i don't even think he says it in front of his mother 0.98

00:22:17.040 that this is what you see this is where it's about being god and the rats is enough okay 0.97

00:22:21.660 and this happened in a movie and thinking of him saying stupid bike the bike that he loved those 0.98

00:22:27.440 mothers saved for and then like if his mother could see like his bike being run over by the 1.00

00:22:32.260 guy with wheels and the girl but the stupid bike makes me want to lay down really sad 0.99

00:22:38.140 and by the way we can the we can only that's the kind of anger that can only be exercised against 0.99

00:22:49.040 the mother okay okay no it's interesting because i just read no no i just well it's gene it's just

00:22:58.440 It's just the piercing light of your mind.

00:23:03.700 Okay.

00:23:04.220 It was a thrill there.

00:23:05.760 It was a thrill.

00:23:06.280 It came down like a, like a, just a sword through the ashen night.

00:23:13.540 So you feel that in this, yes, because it's, is it because his masculinity kind of was

00:23:19.580 what was questioned by him not having the wheels and that's mother's sort of mother's

00:23:24.000 offering mother's feeble nurturing was not it couldn't hack it in the real world well i kind

00:23:29.760 of feel like anger like the child's anger can only because guess what we know the moms can take it 1.00

00:23:39.920 there's something about we can only be angry at the mother we can fuck you bitch 1.00

00:23:46.580 like like you can right right it's it's safe anger right i'm speaking generally it's like 1.00

00:23:54.660 we know that the mother can take anything unfortunately right or like we we assume

00:24:01.480 that her capacity for pain is so endless right somehow built for it so it's like

00:24:06.200 you can be you can snap at your mother you cannot snap at your father because the fragility of

00:24:11.780 fathers right like well well is that is that um there's sort of notorious like you know the son

00:24:19.820 won't snap at the mother kind of thing you know what I mean like the feminine masculine that kind

00:24:24.040 of thing maybe I don't know I feel like I've seen some sons snap at mom 0.50

00:24:27.040 hello it's me anna sinfield from the girlfriends the number one hit true crime show that puts women

00:24:44.180 right in the center of their own stories i'm back with more one-off interviews with some

00:24:50.200 truly kick-ass women on The Girlfriend's Spotlight. 1.00

00:24:54.500 I want to introduce you to Sylvia. 0.99

00:24:56.960 I'm going to climb this.

00:24:59.360 And then there's Vaisaka.

00:25:01.460 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:25:05.560 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:25:08.060 Is badness hereditary?

00:25:10.060 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:25:12.160 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:25:15.020 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:25:17.960 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:25:19.560 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:25:22.780 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:25:24.160 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:25:27.000 Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, 1.00

00:25:30.500 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:25:37.340 Ever feel like you're being chased by the marriage police?

00:25:41.360 Welcome to Boys and Girls, the podcast where dating isn't dating.

00:25:44.980 It's a full-on love triathlon.

00:25:47.080 A morning what-if, an evening maybe, and a 3pm chai with a could-this-please-be-the-one.

00:25:54.720 Because in the arranged marriage universe, you're basically on a sushi conveyor belt.

00:25:58.880 And like raw fish, you've got a shelf life.

00:26:02.500 And the wild part? You're not just looking for someone you like.

00:26:05.820 You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves of.

00:26:09.520 A saint, a demigod, a unicorn.

00:26:11.840 on. I know because years ago I sacrificed myself to this chaotic, soul-crushing tradition, hoping

00:26:17.820 to find love the correct way. Boys and Girls is our absurd, cringy, heartfelt ride through the

00:26:23.960 highs and lows of the Indian arranged marriage, finally giving you the validation and healing 0.96

00:26:29.380 you deserve. Listen to Boys and Girls starting February 19th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

00:26:35.140 Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Ryder Strong and I have a new podcast called

00:26:40.300 The Red Weather. It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea. In 1995, my neighbor,

00:26:48.680 Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune. It was hard to wrap your head around. It was

00:26:52.300 nature and trees and praying and drugs. No, I am not your guru. And back then, I lied to my parents.

00:27:02.100 I lied to police. I lied to everybody. There were years right where I could not say your name.

00:27:07.140 I've decided to go back to my hometown in Northern California,

00:27:10.040 interview my friends, family, talk to police, journalists,

00:27:12.840 whomever I can to try to find out what actually happened.

00:27:16.200 Isn't it a little bit weird that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:27:19.120 and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:27:20.780 They have had this case for 30 years. 0.92

00:27:23.720 I'll teach you sons of a** to come around here and my wife. 0.90

00:27:26.760 Boom, boom. 0.97

00:27:28.060 This is The Red Weather.

00:27:31.080 Listen to The Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app,

00:27:33.540 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:27:37.800 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

00:27:41.880 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

00:27:45.820 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

00:27:48.140 I would just want you to listen to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

00:27:54.900 Listening is a form of love.

00:27:57.120 Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org.

00:28:03.180 That's SoundItOutTogether.org.

00:28:05.560 Brought to you by the Ad Council and Pivotal.

00:28:35.560 Literally, literally don't even know about like, no, you've never read a book on your

00:28:38.900 phone.

00:28:39.220 No, I can't.

00:28:40.320 No, I just it's not even me being some kind of monk.

00:28:43.420 I just can't do that.

00:28:45.000 Yeah, it's it's my eyes.

00:28:46.840 Like, I don't I can't read on my phone or on a computer.

00:28:50.060 I do it surprisingly often because the 20 year long search for the correct book light

00:28:58.420 book lamp and I perk up instantly because it's false.

00:29:01.380 Wait, I got one.

00:29:02.380 I thought I sent it to you.

00:29:03.240 The red light one.

00:29:04.080 I did.

00:29:04.600 there's a red light no I got one too actually I want to find where it is because this is great

00:29:08.640 for the crisp this is a great stocking stuff for guys here we go I'm looking for it because we have

00:29:13.980 to start we have to weave in gifts we promised where the cock is this red light book okay wait 0.64

00:29:22.840 I'm searching in my email because I purchased it myself wait but I want to tell you about shame and 0.94

00:29:28.160 then we'll move on are you ready yeah yeah please okay and we'll find it and we will we will post

00:29:33.700 i found it no blue no blue it's called no blue if you read blue sorry block blue light it's under

00:29:39.860 30 it's a blue light or you know non-blue light red light book light and it's a clip-on and there's

00:29:50.420 three different brightnesses and it's really nice particularly for you want to just get into bed

00:29:55.260 and you want to read with that with that the glow of that red light and go into shame go

00:30:00.400 well I just will say about the book like the one I got for myself when I was like serious about this

00:30:06.000 was um it went around the neck okay like kind of like uh it went around the back of the neck and

00:30:12.540 then had two lamps sticking like a horseshoe that you put around your neck and the two ends of the

00:30:17.040 horseshoe have have uh just bulbs and and it bent it's kind of great hands-free you know none of

00:30:23.460 this tuck none of this clip it to the book nonsense right so so shame so I start reading it and just

00:30:30.220 like all right let's let's dig into this and god i've mentioned this on poog there was a book i

00:30:34.480 read in college shame and her sisters oh talk about not healed by a title but broken wide open

00:30:40.760 by one yeah right so i had another realization about six feet under's finale we talk about we

00:30:47.680 talk about later but what am i saying oh shame so so i read just this morning this anecdote

00:30:54.500 different examples of shame and how people shame each other and how people experience shame

00:30:57.860 and it was this anecdote by this father it was like you know like Arnie 52 a father you know

00:31:06.880 these case examples in psychological books it's always like first name like who are these people

00:31:11.440 you know what I mean like there's such a yes a world I place them in my head of like psychological

00:31:16.140 example world kind of in their homes so Arnie like overhears brutal right there isn't it just

00:31:23.760 overhearing that which was not meant okay so he hears his son come in ask his mother for

00:31:31.480 money for boots and the mother says why don't you use the the money from your part-time job or

00:31:38.280 whatever the teen son is is doing and he says well i'm gonna need those for i'm gonna need that money

00:31:43.820 for school for my expenses okay can i get the boots and she's like well your father isn't getting

00:31:49.740 the tips he he usually gets he's a cab driver he hasn't been getting the tips he usually gets

00:31:54.720 and so we're you know we're short on money and no and he goes in and he's like arnie saw

00:32:00.960 he like passed a doorway okay he saw the look of the dad saw yeah the dad arnie saw the look

00:32:09.300 of anger and frustration on his son's face and then uh what did they say depression followed

00:32:16.140 uh-huh oh see i thought this says something about maybe me i thought yeah the devastation

00:32:26.120 was the son walked by and saw the father heard well there it is that is karate kid i mean that's

00:32:32.800 to me yeah you know that's the same thing i was humiliated because my mother said jackie's bummed 0.95

00:32:37.740 my mother because it's not a big deal it's okay to be bummed it's not a big fucking deal we can 0.80

00:32:43.340 withstand why pain you know my i don't think my father was freaked out allegedly we can withstand 0.80

00:32:48.700 allegedly just because you survive it doesn't mean it shouldn't be avoided at all costs

00:32:56.640 that's not true okay i know that's the opposite of the medicine i know it is the opposite of the

00:33:02.880 medicine unfortunately all right let's go into stock and stuffers because you know it isn't the

00:33:06.760 medicine product but i love it anyway buying things yeah okay let's talk about buying things

00:33:10.540 Okay. This will help. Okay. Okay. So what do we want for Christmas? I would like to put out a

00:33:15.980 formal ask. Okay. I'm really interested in the, first of all, I've been hearing about this for

00:33:20.980 a long time now. This is an old timey kind of early Instagram ad item, the Hanacure mask.

00:33:27.120 You're hysterical. Yeah, that is. That's old world. I tried it. You did? Oh yeah. I bought

00:33:33.320 signed, sealed, delivered. Okay. I want Hanacure and my, my fancy friend swears by it. What

00:33:39.080 thoughts okay so you put on this mask and people post it frozen in a glaze yeah you're not only

00:33:46.180 frozen in a glaze it dries up and scrunches up your face as it dries like it prunes you

00:33:52.220 and prunes you literally the mask shrinks as you're wearing it so it's like

00:33:55.740 yeah and then you look like you have one million wrinkles okay yeah you look and so people post

00:34:03.580 themselves because it's like look how hideous I look then you take it off and you rinse it off

00:34:08.500 and um comes with like a paintbrush it's very there's two steps you mix them obviously mixing

00:34:14.280 at home is always exciting because it activates their tonic but you don't like that idea for some

00:34:19.920 reason i just got stressed about so i'm thinking about how i'm traveling i'm like mixing it's not

00:34:25.280 that hard you'll just right now where i am in my life washing a dish feels impossible right now

00:34:30.220 yeah um god i was at i was gonna quickly say i all i'll say is don't you dare make it quick

00:34:36.620 okay okay okay okay because i'll slow you down i was blown away she there were two of us she

00:34:42.220 ordered in food for the two of us you know on the couch so many friends what was so amazing i arrived

00:34:47.720 to her home table was set for two people flowers on the table two candles lit i was astonished

00:34:54.000 and then we ate the food i go into the living room i'm sitting there she proceeds to clean up

00:35:00.800 I see her. She goes, I'll bring her back. She takes out the trash. What? She I came back. I 0.99

00:35:07.020 just couldn't believe I was like, because her house is so clean. And I'm like, oh, this is why

00:35:11.060 she. Oh, my God. Completely cleaned up. Didn't take a long time while you were there. Maybe

00:35:16.320 seven minutes. All remnant of our meal gone. She walked out of the house. Yes. She disappeared. I

00:35:21.700 heard the door click and I went, what? And then I heard her side house. You went, she's gone. You 0.99

00:35:27.940 heard oh god the sound right right that's so specific you hear like you're like and then like

00:35:33.060 a lid and then like like plastic gets plastic do you know what I mean I could feel it I heard it

00:35:38.400 and I thought oh my god and I was just like that's how you live and I'll strive for that

00:35:45.840 is it though is it is it about yes you know I think of you every time I drop something and

00:35:51.320 don't pick it up right conservation of energy that begins you know I feel in the depression

00:35:57.120 in years, can't lose energy on something that's not needed right now. Right. Knock something off

00:36:01.680 a table. But I do feel that the detritus, the detritus creates mental detritus. And I can't.

00:36:07.100 It does. It's real. Yesterday, I, in a pinch, like cleared off my my desk, the whole thing

00:36:15.160 suddenly realized like, oh, my God, this room, the things I could do in this room. Yeah. Like

00:36:20.560 accomplish. You know what I mean? I know. Oh, I because I'm packing up and getting my house

00:36:26.860 you know ready because i'm having a friend sublet i was like getting rid of things or just putting

00:36:32.500 them away not to be clear not getting rid of them just putting them away suddenly like a drawer

00:36:38.420 empty a countertop almost empty i was like have to shed 75 of the personal belongings now okay

00:36:47.600 now 40 particularly living in in italy or whatever for two months you don't need much one suitcase

00:36:55.380 that I wasn't, that I didn't pack for Italy. It was from the, the road. Wow. Okay. I had my show

00:37:01.220 shoes, you know, unusable. Right. And my flag. Okay. These are the things I had with me in Italy,

00:37:08.660 right? Like every, like a microphone, a huge microphone that I broke, as you know, hence the

00:37:14.820 audio quality, uh, for months and to just go, I'm living with one sweatshirt, whatever, and,

00:37:20.240 and be freer than ever and just being terrified of coming home and um no they sent they sent us

00:37:26.660 go no no you go i was just gonna say they sent us a pacific tote bag and i filled it i filled it

00:37:31.100 yeah but with a tote bag love it clothes that are gonna go in the uh in the donation um bin

00:37:36.400 oh yeah on the corner and the the feeling of knowing that those are gonna just be donated

00:37:43.240 is such a god damn oh i made a trash bag of clothes i was like well i'm not gonna these 0.65

00:37:48.460 aren't giveaway, but I'm not taking them to New York and I just can't deal with them right now. 0.96

00:37:51.660 And the urge to just put them on the corner. Like, would I really miss them? Would I really

00:37:56.180 miss any of it? No. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, what was my moment with that? It felt

00:38:02.220 significant. Wait, I got excited. I was about throwing away. I don't know. I lost it. Doesn't

00:38:07.200 matter. I'll panic here. I think I interrupted your panic here. Point is, did you like it?

00:38:12.540 I mean, I don't know.

00:38:15.340 I guess I could try it again.

00:38:16.840 I think it tightens things up.

00:38:19.120 I just, I don't know.

00:38:19.920 I don't know that it's doing something that,

00:38:21.620 that like cupping or something isn't doing.

00:38:25.040 Yeah, I got to get, I mean, I fell off Gua Sha

00:38:27.080 and I have only myself to blame, of course.

00:38:28.940 It just, it's been too overwhelming to do, to commit.

00:38:31.500 I think you can blame others.

00:38:32.660 I think you can blame others.

00:38:34.020 Okay, great.

00:38:35.180 The Theragun face massager.

00:38:37.480 Oh, that's on your list.

00:38:39.540 Wait, can I see that bottle?

00:38:40.700 Can I see that bottle?

00:38:41.420 i think i can recognize the sound of the spray show me there's no way show me i know you don't

00:38:45.860 i know what it is and i know what it isn't what do you think it is it's soco glam no sorry i see

00:38:50.680 that it's you thought it was misha treatment essence no i thought it was something else

00:38:54.260 that i used a long time ago okay no so this is actually are you familiar with italic.com no 0.62

00:39:00.940 i bought in okay when you had to have a fucking membership like to italic bold now you don't have 0.67

00:39:06.760 to it's like their whole thing is no brands you know they're like luxury high quality items 0.96

00:39:12.940 without the fucking you know markup and so what they'll do is they'll be like they'll sell like 0.90

00:39:17.940 a cashmere coat and it'll say made by such and such manufacturer and sometimes they say who the 0.98

00:39:23.560 manufacturer is and sometimes they don't but they're like whose previous clients are you know 0.95

00:39:28.320 blah blah blah blah I can't think of a single fucking brand right now you know something high 0.95

00:39:32.720 end. Yeah. And you're like, oh, or the sheets is great. It's Carlton. You know, they describe it. 0.99

00:39:39.680 So they choose. They're slowly building up the site with these like quality goods and whatever

00:39:45.020 the coat that would be eight hundred dollars is two fifty, you know. And so I've been experimenting

00:39:49.840 with that and they came out with skin care. And this is the fine print serum mist. Now,

00:39:54.440 ceramides, medic, you know, metacastic acid, hyaluronic acid. Right. So I just panicked because

00:40:00.860 it says walnut california and i was like walnuts okay yeah yeah um mists in essence is you know

00:40:07.380 a key part of my skincare regimen if you want to call it that and why because it's not regimented

00:40:15.000 i just leave them around i give a spritz whenever i can right well i'm panicking because i have

00:40:20.520 you've turned me on to spritz and i can't live without it yeah and i forgot to buy a new one

00:40:24.580 for my trip if you're going like you're going for months you are checking luggage right and

00:40:30.120 you're putting full-size toiletries oh am i but i've decided like okay body lotion i'm just gonna

00:40:34.360 get when i get there it's not gonna take a big body lotion dragging body lotion through an

00:40:38.000 airport yeah can you imagine so i need to buy a spritz you know i go shopping as a garbage can

00:40:43.840 right before security i know i know well you know that that's where i get my baiter you know when

00:40:49.220 people have to throw out their skincare there oh yeah that's really exciting but wait do you when

00:40:53.480 you're at i'm gonna be at a hotel for a few nights do you ever have you ever gotten something sent

00:40:57.620 to a hotel mailed to a hotel in what sense like if i bought an essence on social glam sure have

00:41:04.860 okay on the road favorite expression i love throwing around is i've yearned to be andy

00:41:10.540 defranco since i was age 12 yeah okay so just that's where we're going to keep hearing that

00:41:14.620 phrase from me um i will call ahead sometimes and say would you accept a package oh so you know how

00:41:21.940 you like text me and you say like I shrunk my jeans or whatever your issue is with your jeans

00:41:27.740 oh yeah and you're like I'm leaving in two days and my jeans da da da and I'm like you have so

00:41:34.000 much time this isn't even funny so I'll do a thing where I'm leaving I know where I'm headed and I'm

00:41:38.400 like there's no time for this package to arrive I'm like let me call the hotel and ask and they'll 0.87

00:41:43.900 say yeah I don't think they you know it's supposed to be ridiculous you know you go over the top you

00:41:49.000 don't have a chair scent but i had a sweatsuit scent once because i knew i was gonna freeze in

00:41:54.040 minneapolis it was from yaoi it was so fun yaoi i'm wearing my delicious with scissors cut off

00:42:00.420 the bottom of my skims oh my teddy bear fluffy pants you would never know okay good good how did

00:42:08.280 they slice how thread like did that teddy are you ready for you're ready for the truth well like i

00:42:13.240 didn't cut them my mother did okay you only trusted your mother take them off no I took

00:42:20.260 them off yeah I had them on I was like I don't know what to do I was like regressing yeah and

00:42:26.620 she went like and I was like we could just cut it and I was like I like she cut them you would

00:42:33.560 never know so are you familiar with this thing where if you cut a t-shirt okay and it has that

00:42:40.640 freshly cut look it's kind of like looks weird yeah like I just made that one second ago but if

00:42:46.220 you then grab the hem and pull it okay it curls it slightly and it looks oh right yeah it's just

00:42:53.560 a key little tip

00:42:54.980 hello it's me anna sinfield from the girlfriends the number one hit true crime show that puts women

00:43:11.680 right in the center of their own stories i'm back with more one-off interviews with some

00:43:17.700 But truly kick-ass women on the Girlfriends Spotlight. 1.00

00:43:22.020 I want to introduce you to Sylvia. 0.92

00:43:24.460 I'm going to climb this.

00:43:26.860 And then there's Vaisaka.

00:43:28.940 Let's see how we can stop killing and save lives.

00:43:33.060 Leila dared to ask the question.

00:43:35.540 Is badness hereditary?

00:43:37.560 And finally, we'll meet Rosamund.

00:43:39.680 If it wasn't for the year where Ella lived,

00:43:42.500 she wouldn't have died on that fatal night.

00:43:45.440 You'll even get to meet my mum in that one,

00:43:47.040 who I can always count on to keep my feet on the ground.

00:43:50.200 I'm not too intimidated by her.

00:43:51.620 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:43:54.520 Listen to the Girlfriend Spotlight on the iHeartRadio app, 1.00

00:43:57.980 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:44:04.860 Ever feel like you're being chased by the marriage police?

00:44:08.880 Welcome to Boys and Girls, the podcast where dating isn't dating.

00:44:12.460 It's a full-on love triathlon.

00:44:14.560 A morning what if, an evening maybe, and a 3pm chai with a could this please be the one.

00:44:22.220 Because in the arranged marriage universe, you're basically on a sushi conveyor belt.

00:44:26.380 And like raw fish, you've got a shelf life.

00:44:29.960 And the wild part? You're not just looking for someone you like.

00:44:33.320 You're casting for a mythical hero your entire family approves of.

00:44:37.020 A saint, a demigod, a unicorn.

00:44:39.320 on. I know because years ago I sacrificed myself to this chaotic, soul-crushing tradition, hoping

00:44:45.300 to find love the correct way. Boys and Girls is our absurd, cringy, heartfelt ride through the

00:44:51.460 highs and lows of the Indian arranged marriage, finally giving you the validation and healing 0.96

00:44:56.860 you deserve. Listen to Boys and Girls starting February 19th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

00:45:02.640 Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast

00:45:07.240 called the red weather it was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea in 1995 my neighbor

00:45:16.000 and a trainer disappeared from a commune it was hard to wrap your head around it was nature and

00:45:21.000 trees and praying and drugs no i am not your guru and back then i lied to my parents i lied to police

00:45:30.540 i lied to everybody there were years right where i could not say your name i've decided to go back

00:45:35.720 to my hometown in Northern California,

00:45:37.520 interview my friends, family,

00:45:38.900 talk to police, journalists,

00:45:40.340 whomever I can to try to find out

00:45:42.260 what actually happened.

00:45:43.680 Isn't it a little bit weird

00:45:44.860 that they obsess over hippies in the woods

00:45:46.600 and not the obvious boyfriend?

00:45:48.260 They have had this case for 30 years.

00:45:51.200 I'll teach you sons of a** 0.95

00:45:52.520 to come around here and my wife. 1.00

00:45:54.240 Boom, boom.

00:45:55.540 This is The Red Weather.

00:45:58.540 Listen to The Red Weather

00:45:59.720 on the iHeartRadio app,

00:46:01.120 Apple Podcasts,

00:46:02.080 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:46:03.780 the more you listen to your kids the closer you'll be so we asked kids what do you want

00:46:11.720 your parents to hear i feel sometimes that i'm not listened to i would just want you to listen

00:46:16.720 to me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success listening is a form

00:46:23.520 of love find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well-being at

00:46:29.220 That's SoundItOutTogether.org. That's SoundItOutTogether.org. Brought to you by the Ad

00:46:34.300 Council and Pivotal. I remember the juicer that I wanted for us. Nama, yeah. And I tagged them.

00:46:45.800 I did. Maybe I didn't. My strategic use of social media, meaning I'm never on it unless I'm absolutely

00:46:50.660 looking for something for a specific. I went in, I went into my DM specifically because I was looking

00:46:54.840 for someone's email and then I saw they responded and basically said no really Nama said no so I'm

00:47:04.080 just gonna let that sit out there well it's good for it's good for the people to hear we don't

00:47:08.300 always get the thing certainly not who else rejected us well the Palm Springs place but

00:47:15.200 you know the Palm Springs place oh yeah classic old hotel but you know who you know someone heard 0.96

00:47:20.560 someone heard us talking about us me talking about the aura ring and fucking reached out 0.94

00:47:26.740 and made the connect oh believe that you believe that that's unbelievable 0.93

00:47:32.280 oh a huge realization i don't know if i've told you this or if i realized this last year and forgot

00:47:38.340 as is often the case with christmas but so i have these trees these glass trees and then the plastic

00:47:43.980 ones from rite aid they go beautifully together there's the moma trees okay that are glass glass

00:47:49.460 tree from moma they're christmas they're like you know the collection of them is like it's like six

00:47:53.980 inches and then one's 12 18 they're like the greatest thing i've ever like sprung for and

00:47:59.660 then rite aid and those came out with sort of their version and then together you can just go

00:48:04.040 and go and go and their battery and they're the lit and they bring the christmas spirit to the

00:48:06.980 home oh yeah i might want to get those for my mother you absolutely should send me the link

00:48:11.860 and i'm just gonna say because i meant to say mother anger at mother there's been a few times

00:48:15.620 I cannot believe. Oh, yeah. When I get annoyed at my mom or I'm trying, I will say I will call her

00:48:20.300 mother. This is completely I've gone. I do it, too. Mother. I've been like, mother, take it off

00:48:27.040 speaker. No, I do it, too. But I don't think it's abusive. You see, I also not now it's partly

00:48:31.860 affectionate in this other way. Like it's almost like just like being extreme, like kind of like

00:48:37.320 mother. Yeah. I think it's like I think it's funny. You know what I mean? You know what else

00:48:43.720 I call her ma isn't hysterical that's crazy I'm like ma whoa anyway send me the Christmas trees

00:48:50.420 or else so the Christmas trees but I want everyone to understand if you leave the battery in I thought

00:48:56.240 who cares okay I never know these things okay I leave the battery in in storage you know I come

00:49:03.420 I open it up the battery has rusted away powder a little coil whoa yeah who knew not me and where's

00:49:12.800 the message on the battery pack you know they you know they still tell you how to use shampoo on the

00:49:17.620 back of a shampoo bottle yet the battery doesn't have a single instruction it's like kind of rude

00:49:23.060 like you know what to do no i agree and it's highly toxic the battery industry is like treating

00:49:27.420 us all as electric engineers oh that was a big one what else happened i feel the need to apologize

00:49:34.140 for my energy today to all the listeners and to you my co-host what no i uh i think you've been

00:49:39.980 i think you've been a damn delight i think you're a lovely woman and a lovely friend

00:49:44.720 i had a moment i was very down i was picking up a bottle of wine for my friend the friend i was 0.90

00:49:51.860 saying took the trash out and i couldn't believe it and i went into this little wine store i walk

00:49:58.240 in there christmas lights christmas music oh wow two women my age friendly behind the counter

00:50:05.520 my spirit wow was lifted oh yeah instantly i couldn't believe it and i said to them

00:50:16.540 wow it's so what did i say so jolly in here or something i said like oh my god so jolly in here

00:50:22.700 and they were like yeah we got into like the mood tonight i almost took their hands yeah held them

00:50:29.160 in mine and said i mean i was i couldn't believe the first noel this was my first yeah i was like

00:50:34.980 this i needed this and when i tell you i closed the door a little bit bell rings this small little

00:50:41.620 independent wine shop um oh the bell ringing bell rang on the door um could have cried no no i feel

00:50:49.180 this so intensely they're called vino vor there i said it vino vor and their women-owned wine shop 0.95

00:50:54.740 um god a poog hag dropped off goddamn moette what at the show last night with a in a christmas bag 0.93

00:51:02.240 and it said it said cheers oh it's just a just a cheers a pook hag and so sweet all i'll say is 0.98

00:51:12.180 thank you they spotted chris and handed it to him unbelievable anyway so so so thank you to the

00:51:19.100 anonymous um and just a christmas bag i mean just just you know unbelievable they are too much so

00:51:25.360 so so christmas oh yeah here's all i'm trying to say i want to encourage you kate okay it's not a

00:51:31.140 joke. OK, you need maybe I'll even share our Christmas playlist with you. Oh, I love Christmas

00:51:36.480 music. You need to pump it in the home. OK, great. It's unbelievable to do you actually have a

00:51:43.900 fireplace? Yes, I have a you're not lighting a fire. That's a whole fucking thing. I'm not doing

00:51:48.620 that. And again, I'm going to New York in two days. I know. But two days of holiday spirit will

00:51:54.780 do a lot. OK, Christmas is only one day a year and look what it does. Good point. So here's what I'm

00:51:59.280 saying? I know you're going to laugh at this. I know you're going to think it's bullshit. It's

00:52:02.740 not. Get on your TV, open fucking YouTube or whatever. I don't have a TV. Oh, wow. I know 0.99

00:52:09.760 it's really hard. Wait, do you think because you have that projector thing? Yeah, but the

00:52:14.180 projector, I mean, it's all right. I guess you make a good point. I was going to say

00:52:17.980 cracking fireplace on the TV. Yeah, I know it's an American joke. It's not. It's real. The sound,

00:52:24.680 it does a lot okay do you have any lights any christmas lights anything happening i have to

00:52:30.560 be honest nothing's going up before i leave i leave the day after tomorrow i dare you to have

00:52:36.020 two days you need something all right i'm gonna have to go back to the wine shop all right here

00:52:42.460 here's what it is tunes you're gonna have holiday tunes okay and you're going to make something

00:52:47.740 with peppermint see this is where i struggle so christmas flavors do nothing for me i'm not

00:52:55.680 interested in the flavor profile of christmas at all oh do you hear the anger my voice interesting

00:53:00.360 yeah i feel i like mint tea year-round but peppermint like a like that doesn't that isn't

00:53:06.280 where my nostalgia lies in the flavors maybe it's time to create a new one because i got news for

00:53:11.300 you the light one day this will be the past what do you mean so let's just say you and me start in

00:53:18.840 on peppermint candy now oh i see what you're saying in 10 years it will hold nostalgic value

00:53:26.200 it's not only the sacred nostalgia bomb of childhood that has a chance of meaning something

00:53:34.460 right it's a really good i saw this thing with crushed where you crush up the peppermint candy

00:53:38.360 Now it had been marked now. So I was looking at that and I was looking at you crush it up

00:53:42.880 and these cocktails. OK, this sort of these creamy, maybe it was eggnog. I don't know. But

00:53:47.080 oh, no, this was like a white chocolate peppermint cocktail. Creamy. OK. And then and then they dip,

00:53:52.140 you know, they turn over the glass and they line the glass. Oh, oh, whoa. Red and white,

00:53:58.880 just bark or whatever the hell it is. OK. I mean, how do you say no to that? That's fine.

00:54:04.480 I mean at dinner recently a friend ordered a glass of eggnog what where and I thought good for him

00:54:12.500 are you ready for this where yeah the Beverly Hills Hotel the polo bar and did they was it at

00:54:19.060 the bar or at dinner and was it on the menu and was it featured just among the cocktails was a

00:54:24.060 seasonal I didn't know this was non-alcoholic this is non-alcoholic he wanted a glass of and 0.75

00:54:29.080 they just had it yep but it was on the menu because I've never fucking seen it there I don't 0.60

00:54:32.980 know if it was on the menu and guess what on the room of the glass a baby pepper uh candy cane 0.96

00:54:37.340 there it is okay there see and i had a sip and i said candy cane does nothing for you

00:54:42.160 they didn't yeah that's exciting tossed across a desk in in elementary school a baby candy cane

00:54:47.760 yeah that does mean something that does mean something crunch crunch crunch i'm getting

00:54:52.540 stuck in the molars crunch crunch crunch yeah but there's memories they're out of the molars

00:54:56.340 enjoying them christmas time is nearly here and we are this is i mean not to bring us brutally

00:55:02.300 into the present, but it is Christmas is in. Holy shit. See, when I look at calendars, I get 0.99

00:55:08.960 confused here because to me, Christmas is Christmas Eve, I would say is next Saturday.

00:55:14.440 Now, that might not be the truth to you right now. Now, today's the 11th. I get lost in numbers like

00:55:20.700 this. Yeah. So if I'm looking at the calendar, this row of week Saturday to me, this Saturday

00:55:26.560 is this upcoming Saturday, not yesterday. This Saturday is the Saturday we're about to have.

00:55:31.600 So next Saturday.

00:55:32.800 Of course it is.

00:55:33.860 OK, great.

00:55:34.560 We're in agreement.

00:55:36.300 No, no, no.

00:55:36.780 Hold on.

00:55:37.180 I just mean, no, no.

00:55:38.000 I'm wondering about when someone says, you know, well, if you said I went to the Grove

00:55:42.060 this Saturday, I think we'd know you meant I went to the Grove this past Saturday.

00:55:46.320 Yeah.

00:55:46.600 But that's very affected language, right? 0.99

00:55:49.940 Here's here's one. 0.98

00:55:51.740 What the fuck do you mean when you say, do you want to go to the Grove next Saturday? 0.99

00:55:56.460 OK, that's exactly it. 1.00

00:55:57.600 I think you're a psychopath if you think that means two Saturdays from now. 1.00

00:56:01.600 I think I think you're a lunatic. 1.00

00:56:07.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:56:08.340 Like next Saturday.

00:56:09.820 Lunatic, by the way, is one of my favorite words.

00:56:15.580 Well, because it means like, you know, it's like the whole like hysteria, you know, like 0.92

00:56:20.180 the hysteria female, like like I feel like I can recall my dad being like he's a lunatic. 0.67

00:56:27.320 It's so funny. 0.99

00:56:28.700 It's a great word.

00:56:29.680 OK, so I think you're completely right.

00:56:31.400 I would be a lunatic to say, do you want to go to the Grove next Saturday?

00:56:35.440 Next Saturday. 0.85

00:56:36.240 I mean, Christmas, which is in two weeks.

00:56:39.760 No, I see what you're saying.

00:56:40.620 Well, it has here as this.

00:56:42.040 Do you want to go to the Grove on Saturday?

00:56:43.580 What does that mean? 0.99

00:56:44.520 That means fucking Saturday. 0.99

00:56:46.120 That means whether today, whatever day it is, the next one. 0.99

00:56:49.740 And then if you say next Saturday, OK, OK, then you got to pause and clarify.

00:56:56.200 Someone's trying to extend the conversation because it's time to say, you mean this Saturday?

00:57:00.700 or this following saturday jesus the concept of the following saturday might just be as far as

00:57:06.760 away as the second coming do you know what i mean not this saturday the following saturday yeah that

00:57:12.920 that works but it's like who's ever talking about that you know what i mean anyway so here's a

00:57:18.060 question when you're on the map in your mind i mean the calendar to me it is a map okay

00:57:21.660 so right now we're it's like sunday right and so i kind of have this vision where i'm over here in

00:57:29.220 sunday and i'm in the place where now like the week is ahead of me okay on my like mental calendar

00:57:36.920 kind of but when i'm in saturday i still am feeling myself sort of it okay you know how you 0.51

00:57:43.060 can choose like a calendar some calendars start on sunday some start on monday that kind of shit

00:57:47.180 when you're in the weekend do you feel at the beginning or the end kind of is what i'm saying 0.81

00:57:50.900 and that's the non-european way to see it yeah oh the europeans like life begins on saturday

00:57:56.420 Yeah. Or something like like for me, I Sunday is the end. But you don't feel like your Sunday

00:58:04.440 doesn't feel like like a cliff looking over until Monday. Yes, it does. Right. Yeah. But when you're

00:58:10.540 back in, let's say Wednesday. Yeah. OK. And you're talking about Sunday. Is that Sunday in the same

00:58:17.380 location in your mental map as it is when then you're in that Sunday? For me, it's not. It almost

00:58:23.440 be like i'm over here in wednesday sunday's far to the right right during the week sunday's far

00:58:28.860 away to the right right and then then when sunday arrives right now where are you yeah do you don't

00:58:33.240 you feel like you're on the left exactly that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying can you

00:58:39.600 believe so this is why and i say it every year because the 12 months to me in my mind are laid

00:58:45.160 out from the original root imagery of they had the months above the chalkboard in like first

00:58:50.680 grade or something. Right. Oh, yeah. I remember this, but let's say it again. Oh, my God. I never

00:58:54.340 said the fucking thing. I'm just going to say it now first. So I auctioned off a red mouse 0.99

00:59:00.580 for smileys for smileys. And my friend purchased it. And then I also auctioned off my my like

00:59:10.340 prize popple, my prize popple. What's a popple? The popple. It's like it looks like a ball,

00:59:17.220 but then it you turn it inside out and it's this creature cute but then you can put it back in a 0.93

00:59:22.140 ball it's fantastic i fucking auctioned it off regretted both of those things for life okay now 0.88

00:59:27.920 they weren't no i mean the good thing was they were over in my best friend's house she gave them 0.92

00:59:32.280 as gifts for christmas to her siblings so she purchased them at school through auction of

00:59:37.740 smileys now i told her years later i was upset about it and it did not lead to her immediately

00:59:44.340 giving them back because i guess now those children had had meaning for them but yeah go

00:59:48.700 on ebay you know decide do i need a popple to heal this wow no whatever so 12 months

00:59:55.220 people see you next year and that's like a big you know funny joke okay right but it's real to

01:00:01.340 me because the 12 months are lined up above the chalkboard left to right and so when we're at the

01:00:07.120 end of december and we're talking about doing something in january to me that is all the way

01:00:13.840 spatially 12 months away I have to so on New Year's Eve when the clock strikes 12 I am shot

01:00:20.960 into space into the air and I soar backwards and around to land at the beginning of the of the board

01:00:31.280 again and you'd think I would make a bigger deal you go backwards what is so to the but not over

01:00:39.340 it would be sick and twisted to just to fly straight over those months. I fly to the down

01:00:45.300 and over through space. So the months are like that. And then I fly down through space in the

01:00:50.480 Netherland. OK. OK. Land at the beginning of the of the game piece again. So to me, the shock is

01:00:55.980 that moving from December to January, there is no more space between December 31st and January 1st

01:01:02.880 than there is between, you know, November 30th and December 1st.

01:01:08.600 Right.

01:01:09.180 To me, there's basically a year between them.

01:01:11.620 Right, right, right, right.

01:01:12.080 A year of empty space.

01:01:13.020 I have to fly back.

01:01:14.200 Does that—I don't understand how I'm living in the same world as everyone else.

01:01:17.840 Like, do you not picture the year that way?

01:01:20.180 No, I understand.

01:01:21.540 No, but I don't—I'm not implying you don't get it.

01:01:24.320 No, no, I understand that there isn't a—it feels like a gulf.

01:01:27.500 Yeah.

01:01:28.060 December 31st to January 1st.

01:01:30.000 Is it anything to you?

01:01:31.220 is it an abstraction is it I just got depressed we gotta go all right I love you all right love you

01:01:42.580 too that was poop if you enjoyed poop please subscribe rate and review if not we will press

01:01:53.860 charges.

01:01:59.600 When you feel uncomfortable,

01:02:01.860 what do you put on? Biggie.

01:02:03.460 You put on Biggie when you feel uncomfortable? Because I want to get confident.

01:02:06.180 This is DJ Hester Prince Music

01:02:07.840 is Therapy. A new podcast

01:02:09.540 from me, a DJ and licensed

01:02:11.800 therapist. 12 months,

01:02:13.680 12 areas of your life. Money,

01:02:15.920 love, career, confidence.

01:02:17.600 This isn't just a podcast. It's

01:02:19.500 unconventional therapy for your entire

01:02:21.620 year. Listen to DJ

01:02:23.580 Hester-Prince Music is Therapy on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

01:02:28.800 podcasts. This is Ryder Strong, and I have a new podcast called The Red Weather. In 1995,

01:02:34.740 my neighbor, Anna Trainor, disappeared from a commune. It was nature and trees and praying

01:02:40.120 and drugs. No, I am not your guru. Back then, I lied to everybody. They have had this case for

01:02:48.700 30 years. I'm going

01:02:50.620 back to my hometown to uncover the

01:02:52.620 truth. Listen to the

01:02:54.620 Red Weather on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

01:02:56.620 Podcasts, or wherever you get your

01:02:58.520 podcasts.

01:03:00.380 You know Roald Dahl. He thought up Willy Wonka

01:03:02.880 and the BFG. But did

01:03:04.720 you know he was a spy?

01:03:06.700 In the new podcast, The Secret World

01:03:08.680 of Roald Dahl, I'll tell you that story

01:03:10.580 and much, much more.

01:03:12.500 What? You probably won't believe it either.

01:03:15.100 Was this before he wrote his stories?

01:03:16.640 It must have been.

01:03:18.120 Okay, I don't think that's true.

01:03:20.180 I'm telling you, I was a spy.

01:03:23.060 Listen to The Secret World of Roald Dahl

01:03:25.040 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

01:03:27.720 or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:03:30.100 The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be.

01:03:34.040 So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

01:03:38.080 I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

01:03:40.360 I would just want you to listen to me more often

01:03:42.340 and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

01:03:46.440 listening is a form of love

01:03:48.800 find resources to help you support

01:03:51.160 your kids and their emotional

01:03:52.840 well-being at SoundItOutTogether.org

01:03:55.440 that's SoundItOutTogether.org

01:03:57.800 brought to you by the Ad Council

01:03:59.440 and Pivotal

01:04:00.080 this is an iHeart Podcast

01:04:01.700 guaranteed human

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - December 20, 2022

Lock in Peppermint Now

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