Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - Regardless, It’s Bad

00:00:00.000 two best friends both alike in dignity nurturing phantoms and courting the muse

00:00:07.120 the hag divines when something must die yes that was poog but this is huge the ego loves

00:00:13.140 to seek but never to find it was berlant and novak the whole time 0.92

00:00:17.840 i had to sleep elevated because it's congestion rebound congestion by the way a hag a hag a 0.62

00:00:28.260 hag dm'd me most vile i must have talked about afrin on the show because someone was like i'm 0.92

00:00:33.860 surprised to hear you like afrin it took my boyfriend's sense of smell away okay i've been

00:00:40.120 doing so what you're hearing right now this is not me being sick this is rebound congestion from

00:00:44.640 a mild cold where i was using pseudofed decongestion spray which i've only ever seen

00:00:49.560 available in the uk that i brought back and i used it for me i think yeah six days and then

00:00:55.500 yesterday. I wake up with the level of congestion. Little Miss, I'm scared. I know.

00:01:00.820 Little Miss, half a pill. Takes straight speed. Okay. When she was given, I mean, here's a

00:01:07.600 question. You're shocked I was doing the nose spray. You went to, so can I tell the story?

00:01:13.540 Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So the headline is, I had slash have slash have had a mild cold.

00:01:24.440 Remember, by the way, it came to the point where it's like, now I even question that.

00:01:27.960 Diagnosis is like a nothings.

00:01:29.320 Who knows?

00:01:30.880 Okay, I'll tell you exactly.

00:01:31.620 I fly back from London.

00:01:33.960 I feel good for two days.

00:01:35.480 I'm walking on air.

00:01:36.780 The story only.

00:01:38.280 Okay.

00:01:38.640 And usually I want your side.

00:01:40.240 I think the true story here is only my side.

00:01:42.840 Okay, go ahead.

00:01:44.400 Okay.

00:01:47.160 Kate, you know.

00:01:49.600 Oh, my God.

00:01:50.400 The narration of Kate for Lann.

00:01:50.980 Okay, I'm sorry, it's coming back.

00:01:52.020 but we have major screen grabs for for this yeah okay go ahead you know the human instinct to

00:01:59.360 dramatize okay to force everything into three acts etc right i have that hard i know and no but no we

00:02:06.520 all do we all do and it's not a negative we must live symbolically yeah yeah etc now but you you

00:02:14.100 know mushrooms all the time i mean your unique flavor of it to know a friend your unique flavor

00:02:19.560 of it yeah okay is the most rapid meaning making of locking in the story that you're living inside

00:02:28.840 of okay and it's so fast and frenzy and that's why i'm always trying to break in and make sure

00:02:35.540 if you're locking in you're locking in on the right peppermint yeah yeah because stumb by your

00:02:40.260 beauty as usual in person stop that's a good t-shirt stumb by your beauty i'll have to add

00:02:46.100 to my spreadsheet okay so you know that my dad in college don't worry we're coming right back

00:02:56.800 my dad in college had a roommate his listeners might remember i'm sure it's come up every morning

00:03:02.460 first thing in the morning you know coming to the roommate reach for a cigarette light it take a deep 0.99

00:03:08.640 inhale and go bastard okay i've never heard that and then what slutty lip gloss are you wearing 0.98

00:03:18.880 i like it well that's new opted to go as surprise surprise ilia okay i decided for this recording 0.98

00:03:27.460 to go that's a nice color on you you know again it's a return to the 90s okay of uh i never left

00:03:36.020 exactly so the roommate comes home with my my dad to his family okay for like some holiday or

00:03:41.500 things staying at the family or whatever i don't know he's in the next room my dad hears it okay 0.57

00:03:47.880 family home bastard you know it's not a story it is a story you know what i mean it's a novel yeah

00:03:56.740 it's amazing it's um so kate berlant okay i'm reminding myself in this moment 0.98

00:04:05.700 privately what your name is no no eclipse season is hitting me so fucking hard i don't like the 0.89

00:04:12.560 thing of i'm a cancer oh my god i feel my because i've relapsed on instagram that's why i'm fucking 0.93

00:04:17.420 miserable on my brain and i'm getting all these like cancer like like astrology and i'm like it's 0.79

00:04:25.200 got your your uh i feel things so deeply it's unbearable yeah it's like it's like it's like

00:04:31.220 don't forget you feel it all and you feel it all sore and it's eclipsed this the astrology right

00:04:36.220 now is crazy so wait we have eclipsed this week right yeah god bless you girl and bless your

00:04:42.220 family while you're at it i don't have it anymore in me the sneezes they take too much you know

00:04:46.720 what i'm saying they're like oh yeah no i know i added the scream obviously but i do like slavic

00:04:52.680 like yeah sorry i i have like do like eastern european sneezes i like shake the whole house

00:05:00.000 okay wait i'm literally taken by the power strip on the ceiling once again

00:05:04.960 she loves technology but um whatever the point is you're feeling i feel i swear sometimes i don't

00:05:11.680 feel it sometimes people go oh it's a really crazy week for astrology i go i'm fucking fine

00:05:16.100 i'm coasting this week is different it's not it's it's i feel it well you need it to be go back to

00:05:22.320 the story i need it to be because that helps because right you need it to be that this shall

00:05:26.100 to pass oh this must pass that's how i've i've i've always done a little turn i put my own spin

00:05:32.140 a little sauce on it what this shall to pass you flipped it okay wait go go go so back to me

00:05:39.800 okay i mean you know it's like sometimes i see your hands and your fingers going the fingers

00:05:46.580 would be on the phone and it's like trying to, I'm trying to dive in to break whatever. You're

00:05:56.300 just, there's a speed. So anyway, there's this kind of search for meaning around some light

00:06:03.220 symptoms that launched around when you came back from London. Two days later, it was a Thursday

00:06:10.500 evening. I developed a scratchy throat. Okay. Not pain, no other symptoms, but a scratchiness

00:06:16.000 and kind of a low body simmer something's going on she goes a light body feeling oh she goes

00:06:21.760 call the tribunal okay no so it begins and it's it's very much like

00:06:27.220 you know you go a slight throat thing a body feeling and you know now it's like did you go

00:06:34.460 and have a hot drink and see what that did yeah i was drinking tea at the time i was drinking

00:06:39.160 right simon leaf tea good luck finding it yeah all i want to okay here's what i want to get to

00:06:44.900 No, but there's this feeling of, okay, I'm going to be like, it's not even conscious, but I'm like settling in for days of what's going on in Kate's potential illness, right?

00:07:00.280 You know, and it's like, it's a search for meaning because like the symptoms are not acute enough to lead the story.

00:07:08.140 yeah and I go and it's interesting because I go well you know you did just get back from a few

00:07:14.900 days in London and I have to announce I'm not proud of this listen I still wear masks okay 0.96

00:07:19.140 that I'm proud of here's what I'm not proud of I get on this fucking flight I'm wearing my mask 0.95

00:07:23.740 all through the airport whatever I sit down in my chair I'm a little two-seater and the woman next 0.99

00:07:30.940 me recognizes my voice from under my mask i don't know what to tell you no we start talking and i go

00:07:39.420 i look around not one person's in a mask only i'm in a mask i go you know what i don't want to wear 0.98

00:07:44.740 this fucking shit anymore well you know what i mean i go i go she's you've judged those for so 0.99

00:07:50.940 long who don't wear it no no i just go i go by the way i don't want to wear my you know i go wait 1.00

00:07:56.260 so i'm gonna sit here i'm gonna break out after i'm gonna be uncomfortable for 12 hours i go

00:08:00.600 i'm done too if everyone else is done why don't i be done very interesting maybe i won't get

00:08:05.180 so the mask lowers and two days later the symptoms begin well well so you also believe

00:08:14.880 okay that you are not only owed okay but but capable of certainty around what caused your

00:08:22.560 illness which is one of the most outrageous things it's a search for god i know okay

00:08:25.900 and yet isn't it also the search for the opposite of god what do you mean control knowing that's

00:08:33.120 what i'm yeah no i know i try to go it was the flight no maybe it wasn't the flight maybe it was

00:08:38.480 the and you just and then you lock and you're like you're like and then i'm pounding i was run down

00:08:42.280 so my immune like i saw a text okay a screen grab text okay like i was run down from travel and so

00:08:48.800 my immune system was lower compromise okay and so that allowed the virus from these six points to

00:08:54.340 get it well there was a moment and here's what the mask for me does if nothing else when you're

00:08:58.560 on the plane immediate dryness of the passages when you feel the air going straight up to the

00:09:03.380 brain and the viruses are just trampling they're running in one by one right i hear that visualizing

00:09:08.160 that is really good for that really powers the immune system you can visualize the virus is

00:09:14.140 taking so i felt good and then then yeah that's listen i was on a walk i i had a spiritual walk

00:09:20.600 i was on my i was on my usual walk my phone i was listening to carolyn mays am i even saying her

00:09:25.680 goddamn name right and i actually have pulled up something i want to play live on air i just do

00:09:32.160 right now so i don't forget of carolyn yeah okay i'm gonna do right now so i don't forget because 0.76

00:09:35.880 because you guys before you do this yeah okay because i'm you know my mind you you what my

00:09:41.380 mind goes a clip of kate playing carolyn mays on the pod carolyn's gonna see that and think she's

00:09:46.960 not gonna see it oh she will okay because i'm sending a medley um they're gonna think kate's

00:09:52.140 the carolyn mace reader kate's the one who brought no it's been pushing her for years well here you

00:09:57.440 go no no it's jacqueline it's always been jacqueline so i was listening to this doing

00:10:01.060 my walk by the way beautiful day post la in the rain she's talking about soul companions

00:10:05.720 hi friend wait companions and i see people starving for companions of the soul

00:10:12.900 true companions of illumination where we gather together this not to beat on the floor about our

00:10:22.160 endless wounds and waste your life in cemeteries with the dead thank you but rather to sit together

00:10:29.640 in circles of power and say this give me the best of what you've got i need to create something

00:10:36.340 illuminate my journey with me here comes where you can come and say you know what

00:10:43.200 i've been instructed i can feel the instruction i need to take a new direction in my life and

00:10:49.400 let's pray together help me with my guidance and then have a banquet go celebrate

00:10:56.920 what there is to eat on this earth how our earth feeds us wait and go watch a movie 0.98

00:11:03.160 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.98

00:11:04.260 So I just want to say, 0.99

00:11:05.460 I just want to say,

00:11:06.080 do you understand why?

00:11:07.240 No, no, no.

00:11:07.540 She was,

00:11:07.880 have a banquet.

00:11:08.560 For six years,

00:11:09.240 I feel instruction.

00:11:10.280 I've been telling you, Kate.

00:11:10.840 No, no, no.

00:11:11.200 Her going,

00:11:11.540 I feel instruction

00:11:12.140 because her whole thing is like,

00:11:13.720 her whole thing,

00:11:14.240 and she goes, 1.00

00:11:14.700 bitch, 1.00

00:11:15.160 you think God hasn't been talking to you 1.00

00:11:16.280 the whole time?

00:11:17.040 You know what you have to do with your life?

00:11:18.640 Every day,

00:11:19.160 you go,

00:11:19.300 no, not today.

00:11:20.840 No,

00:11:21.120 her going to have a banquet 0.93

00:11:22.100 and go watch a movie.

00:11:23.700 And her going,

00:11:24.260 no, no, no.

00:11:24.780 Wait,

00:11:25.020 just want to play a little more

00:11:25.700 because wait,

00:11:26.040 here it is.

00:11:26.300 No, this is hard for me, okay?

00:11:28.100 The Illuminaries to each other.

00:11:30.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:30.720 Share in the beauty of sacred poetry.

00:11:32.820 Read, share, how does it nurture your soul?

00:11:37.580 Do not nurture each other's wounds.

00:11:41.420 No, this part.

00:11:42.140 This part, wait, wait.

00:11:42.840 You do nothing but gather together, take out knives, and scrape each other's blood sores.

00:11:51.540 It's called.

00:11:52.360 And you think it helps?

00:11:54.020 Okay, so hold on.

00:11:55.300 It's so mad right now.

00:11:56.080 i can't even enjoy this okay i can't even just i have tried to play carolyn maize on the podcast 0.98

00:12:00.440 okay okay okay this i will listen to the whole fucking thing no no you're saying to me no you're 0.97

00:12:07.040 saying to me wait wait wait i'm not going anywhere i've been ready okay okay this is hell okay but 0.99

00:12:12.040 but hold on hold on hold on but how but scrape each other's blood wounds woundology okay she

00:12:17.300 calls it woundology okay oh my god really yes okay let me let me let me illuminate you know

00:12:21.440 it's funny i scraped my finger lightly and i'm no you know what it is i've been calling you to do

00:12:28.080 that okay okay how much carol mace have i wanted to play for you and on this podcast okay so it's

00:12:34.760 it's it's like painful this is really hard okay release release um so so i mean i took us off

00:12:43.380 the sixth story let me take peace okay that you have at least come to the table of course you

00:12:48.920 brought it to the table no i'm not this it's not about credit i mean it is for carolyn mason trying

00:12:53.260 to get dinner in chicago okay okay whenever i'm there all right invite her to my shows again but

00:12:57.600 okay but all right as always i'm taking on self-track because i just wanted to say that

00:13:04.020 i was on i was on my walk listening to this yes i'm being like oh my god and but her going have

00:13:11.080 a banquet and go watch a movie it's just so cool she also goes get a job okay okay like so i used

00:13:18.260 to be in a Kohl's parking lot okay in my car stopped KOHL yeah yeah KOHL you talk about

00:13:26.640 falling to your knees yeah yeah that was inside but yeah Kohl's parking lot um listening to her

00:13:34.080 radio call-in show oh I guess you never had the courage to call in okay because all of her 0.99

00:13:41.860 teachings told me that the ego wanted to call oh shit okay literally because because here's the 0.95

00:13:48.240 thing i actually don't really have a question for her okay and isn't that kind of her isn't 0.97

00:13:55.580 that kind of her thesis like well but yes exactly so they call and they also secretly they want a

00:14:01.660 psychic to appear smart oh yeah no that's we're not it's not even the academic you almost get

00:14:06.200 none of those it's what's my angel's name okay so there are entire radio shows that would be on

00:14:12.160 these networks okay entire radio shows where people call what's my what's my spirit guide's

00:14:16.600 name no stop okay and it would be like rudy no no no she knows no no no she wouldn't indulge that

00:14:24.060 okay it's like other shows i would listen to wood okay so people are on the network they're used to

00:14:29.040 calling in they're going what's my spirit guide's name what does he look like okay rude okay and 0.96

00:14:33.200 some people call in carolyn and i just go you're gonna throw yourself i go you fools okay i go 0.95

00:14:38.960 you're gonna you're and and you know she invites them she lets them call in but there's a they're 0.97

00:14:44.840 also trying to get a reading from caro her intuitive reading while the fake entry is a

00:14:53.500 question okay we should do the research and pull some of these okay so it's like carolyn i you know

00:14:57.880 i'm just i'm wondering um and then and then there's just the people that i mean it's like

00:15:02.760 i could never come up with a question that i'm trying to remember because i feel like i had one

00:15:10.040 and i by the way the amount of times i've had literal dreams i've had so many dreams where i

00:15:13.960 go to a workshop where i run into her where i talk to her where i like try to talk to her work

00:15:19.040 okay like so so just a couple like hits right just to get off whatever it's it's a whole lot

00:15:26.660 of stuff I mean I once I once got a healing in my car from a man I met in a library okay

00:15:32.000 because I had been listening to sacred contracts that morning is that Caroline yes okay so everyone

00:15:38.340 you meet okay so I end up in a target parking lot getting a healing in my car okay by a stranger

00:15:46.200 okay and he and he um he was a man in the library carrying a stick okay okay a big stick

00:15:56.900 no part of the problem was somehow he he knew her work so I'll just tell it to you so say your

00:16:03.040 contracts every single person passes they have a contract to you you must you know be open live

00:16:08.020 symbolically whatever I'm yeah I'm wandering I'm in the local library I'm living at my parents

00:16:12.100 sounds okay i'm in a local library i'm in this i think i'm reading more carolyn mace you know

00:16:16.760 carolyn's playing in the car i'm reading carolyn in the library yeah and this guy walks past with

00:16:23.300 a with a large walking stick like you know moses kind of walking stick yeah i forget what he was

00:16:28.620 wearing you know whatever you know i actually don't want to reveal too many details about him

00:16:33.360 like because like he's probably out there like i know this is weird but like i think he even was

00:16:37.300 like peddling his business so i'm gonna give almost nothing so he looks at me strangely okay

00:16:44.340 fine gorgeous girl like you in a library 11 a.m what's wrong sweetheart yeah okay and then and

00:16:50.920 then comes into the aisle at some point and is like carolyn mace okay okay start talking about

00:16:58.020 the mace work start talking and he says he's like when i walked in your soul turned to look at me 0.98

00:17:06.100 okay it's time to fuck okay no no it wasn't hot i mean at all okay it was more you know 0.99

00:17:13.500 i mean whatever so he said something like like your soul stood up and turned to me like as in 0.99

00:17:20.240 i'm still looking at the book my soul is like it's like daddy yeah yeah okay so i'm like all

00:17:24.920 right whatever i have an interesting conversation with i'm trying to like i'm so i'm so deep in

00:17:29.300 like carolyn whatever that and by the way i want to be clear carolyn's message is not

00:17:34.980 get in a car of course you know you know what i mean like that's that's like whatever spiritual

00:17:40.240 narcissism or something you know what i mean point is the conversation with him somehow oh he does

00:17:44.980 healings he had some read on me i forget what it was like can't recall but he does healings i'm

00:17:50.520 like well there's a bench yeah i'll pay you 200 bucks you know i mean there's a bench over there

00:17:54.580 in the center of the library how about we do it there yeah he's like i think we need somewhere

00:17:59.440 more quiet private to do this kind of work fair yeah so then i'm like and he's like and i need a

00:18:04.220 you supplies or something okay somehow it ends up both of us separately driving to target i'm

00:18:08.940 getting cash out okay it's amazing okay i can't believe never in the suburbs okay okay and i

00:18:15.140 it becomes me agreeing to do it in the car yeah it becomes him with a target bag getting in my

00:18:23.300 car stick in the back you know yeah and him pulling out like a small thing of i think

00:18:29.940 what's the worst thing you could pull out from target from target yeah at that moment and i know

00:18:35.740 target is everything uh but i think it is number one worst wait tell me right now k y jelly no no

00:18:42.640 stop no no no jacqueline no jacqueline no no no no okay i know it's number one what do you mean

00:18:51.140 now he then did so i watched these trains pass rumbling through i'm like you know a young adult

00:18:59.840 woman okay stunted failure to launch whatever he pulls out the ky and then he does like a pretty

00:19:06.560 standard barely hands-on thing but there is a ky on the hand with like you know a hand on my like

00:19:14.100 chest he lubes up his hand and puts it on you is that what you're saying yeah basically okay 0.91

00:19:18.140 and then it's like a 40 minute healing and it's mostly that shit i mean and i say mostly like 0.94

00:19:22.820 you know except for when a finger no yeah of course i mean it literally was that he asked 0.93

00:19:27.400 me some questions there was something you know it was one of these like you know things of like 0.98

00:19:32.160 you gotta let go of this thing let it go let it go there i'm so pissed at the fucking six i think 1.00

00:19:37.420 i gave that motherfucker 600 bucks 400 bucks that fucking guy that healer it took me in the back 1.00

00:19:42.900 room wait the one you i thought you loved it no oh and he was like you know hand on my lower back 1.00

00:19:48.460 he's like he's like he was writhing no no i oh he was like writhing me and i was like okay like 0.99

00:19:55.460 i'm an actor like i can go with this and then it was such fucking bullshit and then he's like 0.98

00:19:59.720 you gotta let him out or like like yeah well it's a classic i was like i was like oh no right right 0.99

00:20:05.420 and then it's acting school right it's trying to have and i'm trying to write a fucking check 0.89

00:20:10.720 teacher i write a check and i write who should i make an attitude literally literally literally 0.98

00:20:16.540 your name or your business name wait for the business name wait for the business name oh

00:20:21.980 you know okay why jelly hands yeah yeah so okay okay go ahead go ahead i'll find it i'll dig it

00:20:29.420 up because i wrote about it i think i tried to put it in my it might be in my depression book

00:20:34.020 how to weep in public okay by the way i heard something there was something like point is

00:20:38.620 it's on audible what did i see point is i need a bestseller and i need it now folks it's time

00:20:43.060 okay everyone buy it this week it's so good okay go back go back sorry sorry so he does the healing

00:20:49.700 the the guidance okay that i got around it yeah the experience like walking away from that

00:20:57.320 experience you know he left whatever it was normal but he he actually did he referenced

00:21:03.500 having met carolyn mace and her telling him now i just want to be you've got it yes oh okay and

00:21:11.600 you're too powerful most people can't handle it or whatever okay i just want to say okay i oh i

00:21:16.940 also remember he was in the target and when someone else walked by okay and he had a moment

00:21:20.880 i guess like you know the souls looked okay he's like i honor you okay and then all right so because

00:21:27.220 we talked for a long time in target also before heading out and him ringing up the ky right so

00:21:33.640 you know ky is unbelievable i know and my like take on it was always like look if ky if a almost

00:21:43.540 same kind of product that you would use to conduct like you know any of our microcurrents right yeah

00:21:49.160 i'll argue that like electromagnetic could could be conducted through a ky yeah decant into a 1.00

00:21:56.760 medicine bottle decant bitch before you bring it in a car don't add a drop with a lady with a lady 1.00

00:22:03.380 present a plastic target bag okay with with a with a waving receipt and a little 0.99

00:22:09.260 so no my only pause was was it astroglide okay yeah totally which by the way like so interesting

00:22:15.540 the 70s astroglide kind of branding you know how it's very like oh yeah simplistic i had a bottle

00:22:22.320 of astroglide once by the way paul lent me this ring okay yeah i've noticed it and it's a cocktail

00:22:28.260 ring and i go i ask i go what is a cocktail ring okay and i go because i'm where he lent it to me

00:22:33.000 i was i think i wore it like like maybe to that event or something and then i was like paul i'm

00:22:38.580 still wearing it the next day I was like and I'm still wearing it the next day I was like I don't

00:22:41.520 understand why can't I wear it every day yeah and he's like you know because it's special yeah and

00:22:46.680 I was like I don't know right and then look hideous next to the aura which you know I'd give it up but

00:22:52.500 stuck in the hand okay because I always go too tight over over too loose with a with a ring because

00:22:58.220 I'm afraid whatever sorry so so the guy I mean and I just want to say I hear I recognize here's a

00:23:05.780 grift walk into a library see what the girl's reading of course uh know the spiritual text

00:23:11.120 and say i met your guru sitting fucking duck okay and she said i have it here's 200 you know 0.70

00:23:17.080 i mean it's i know all of this okay and yet i also pride myself in this weird way as you know 0.97

00:23:22.860 of essentially not not even just not being afraid to be scammed okay it's like too obvious a scam

00:23:28.560 it's yeah exactly it's like that's where the healing that's where the medicine is it is in

00:23:32.440 the ky deli right yeah it's like there was a moment where it was almost like you're gonna have

00:23:37.020 to open your shirt a little more okay like to make a space for his like ky hand yeah yeah and

00:23:43.060 fine and i felt there and i remember sitting there and i think i remember feeling kind of like

00:23:47.000 darkness fell on the parking lot yeah yeah the suburban you know train of metro rumbling pass

00:23:53.220 Right. And then it ends and I'm sitting there and, you know, it's like, what was it about? Right. What was it about? What was the whole thing about? It's like, well, it was fun to boldly follow something down a path.

00:24:12.720 you had a little knowing it was a little whatever was it just you know pure desperation okay like

00:24:18.900 was it begging for a symbolic life right i'm reading carolyn mace you know like oh yeah

00:24:24.440 like give me a spectacle give me a whatever you got it but i i did i felt a little like

00:24:29.560 like i felt a little grossed out yeah of course post and almost and trying to go am i grossed out

00:24:36.340 or was i just healed you know what i mean which is which is like which must be discussed in the

00:24:41.060 wellness circles right like you hear other things like that i mean whatever it's it's like i equally

00:24:47.260 there was a period where there were these things like on like i remember once on on ebay or

00:24:51.520 something it was like in college or something it was like pay like you know twenty dollars to learn

00:24:56.860 how to make like a hundred dollars a night like reselling like details to how to make money off

00:25:02.760 of televisions okay like like something like yeah okay and i obviously knew it was like you know

00:25:09.380 not worth my $10, $20, whatever it was, right?

00:25:12.960 But I had to know in what way it wasn't worth it.

00:25:15.100 I wanted to see the other side of the scam.

00:25:17.080 Well, that feels like...

00:25:18.100 So I'm paying to investigate the scam.

00:25:21.020 A small version of that is 10-day trial.

00:25:24.980 Yes.

00:25:25.360 And then your card will be charged $79.99, right?

00:25:28.600 Yeah, that's 90 in bed.

00:25:29.640 So that happened to me where, have you seen this app open?

00:25:33.080 It's like Breathwork or something.

00:25:34.740 I got fed something and it's like open 10-day free trial.

00:25:37.320 And I go, I'm desperate. 0.98

00:25:38.740 it i go yes and then today i got an email i go fuck it renewed like because i was like i'll 0.98

00:25:45.140 remember in 10 days right so we all do but it's like similarly you know you know this and i'm i'm 0.84

00:25:50.860 like and it could be a good listeners no you know like the trick and i'm not saying it's not a full

00:25:55.240 trick because you still have to take action to achieve it right and it's annoying because in

00:26:00.540 those moments you want to like try the app you're excited you want to do it right you don't want to

00:26:03.740 do anything else right yeah so the trick is okay you know what i'm gonna say no what you

00:26:09.680 write in your calendar cancel yeah yeah sweetie okay who doesn't who has a calendar you okay

00:26:15.340 i barely have one okay okay no no that's not a trick which reminds me in like the add hack

00:26:20.580 like tell me your most unhinged adhd hack in the comments and then everyone saving this for later

00:26:26.060 whatever there's some good shit in there i'll tell you about later but anyway click yes on the thing 0.93

00:26:32.140 go over to your apple subscriptions and settings i know it sounds hard okay okay and you click 0.88

00:26:37.000 cancel immediately okay and it says like your your trial is active you know your trial will expire

00:26:43.160 in seven days yeah so so you you sign up and cancel genius okay okay and and because it doesn't

00:26:49.640 just wipe your app it's the same thing they're just can't say in advance and by the way you know

00:26:54.400 you could if you want whatever yeah yeah so it's like an auto cancel i mean that's that's very

00:27:00.300 smart that's what it should be very smart i would even go like if they were like you know 12 dollars

00:27:05.880 you know trial or you know 79 a year and whatever i would go like if they were like or 50 cents and

00:27:13.800 we cancel it for you in 12 days and you can play this game again you know and i'll will email in

00:27:18.120 six months to remind you if you want to try it again yeah i don't want to be like 50 cents

00:27:21.280 50 cents to not remember

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00:29:03.820 I want to return to your sicknesses. No, no, no. No, because this is great, but

00:29:08.500 the story is unbelievable. And I want to comment on a couple of things that you played of Mace

00:29:12.880 because I know so I'm listening I'm listening to the mace on my walk having a incredible experience 0.89

00:29:19.560 and then what happens my fucking phone dies well there's there's the guidance so much no that was 0.95

00:29:27.060 the guidance and here's what I'm listening to Caroline she goes she's like on the edge of a 0.99

00:29:31.280 word like she's like and that's why and then it goes silent and I go huh I look down my phone died 0.99

00:29:36.160 like I'm a fucking idiot like a common idiot I was it's always amazing because I'm so locked 0.99

00:29:40.940 with my phone my phone is my daughter my phone is my other head people go my phone died i go 1.00

00:29:45.280 so you remember to charge it doing taking care people are out in the day my phone died to me

00:29:51.860 it's like so friends like they're so alive in their lives at night i'm charging life but if

00:29:56.360 i'm going out for because add usually we have trouble charging oh i'm always charged up no

00:30:01.460 right but the point is it dies and then i take out my headphones i hear birds i hear the wind

00:30:08.400 entering trees yeah and i'm walking i end up sitting on a bench in a park looking around

00:30:15.040 no stimuli nothing no stimuli no book no book experience except for your rabid self-congratulations

00:30:22.220 of finally having a real experience exactly exactly no and i go wait till i hear about this

00:30:28.100 exactly exactly i'm gonna go home guess what i did phone died open channel to god and so then

00:30:34.480 and yeah but okay but then it's also I went on my transformative walk the next day I'm going on a

00:30:39.900 walk and I start to go feeling a little tired feeling a little excessive exhaustion that night

00:30:44.780 boom five o'clock scratchy throat I start texting you I'm just getting back into the the sickness

00:30:50.020 it's going what happened but but then what happened is um so so it's sort of like all right

00:30:55.580 okay I got it like this is gonna be this like thing whatever and then I think the next day

00:31:01.440 whatever it doesn't matter point is I get a text I have COVID okay okay let's skip ahead okay I see

00:31:07.480 it no no you know I'm doing whatever I pull up my text okay so I have COVID sorry I missed I've

00:31:13.760 missed a few texts from Kate right yeah I pick up my phone I have COVID and then next text all caps

00:31:19.100 I have COVID so the two so there's a there's a you know they're okay so it's like it's essentially

00:31:26.820 hello yeah yeah right yeah and then oh wait i don't have covid okay or whatever right yeah now

00:31:33.900 you know you had been confused okay so here's what happened oh no and then regardless okay so

00:31:40.440 so then so then you you share with me also your text i'm gonna bring it back i just want to bring

00:31:46.020 it back and i ask like how quickly between test results did both me and naomi the tribunal and

00:31:55.640 anyone else i'm curious get texted the alerts the announce the you sounded the bell right how quick

00:32:03.480 did you sound the bell very quickly to how many i would say i texted immediately naomi you and my 0.93

00:32:09.120 mom nice i have covid okay so wait fuck wait i'm trying to find this because it really is 0.95

00:32:15.060 i'm trying to find the original regardless okay wait covid oh you're so funny okay what do you 0.98

00:32:23.460 okay you just you you are a wild wild woman because there's a couple threads to to i know

00:32:30.420 it's confusing okay okay i have it i have it i have it okay i have it so i say to you i have 0.91

00:32:35.220 covid lowercase all caps i have covid and then oh my god i read it wrong all caps i don't have it

00:32:42.260 and then you said are you sure i said yes oh no that was wait so it's confusing okay okay

00:32:47.580 so are you sure was a joke okay I go this is funny right because you've got I have COVID

00:32:55.020 I have COVID and then I don't have COVID I go are you sure yeah yeah okay okay because like

00:33:00.040 and you I am sure the rapid test I know reading it straight is actually really funny you read it

00:33:05.980 straight the rapid test was confusing it was a COVID so I'm looking so I text my partner who

00:33:11.060 just landed I have COVID I'm so sorry I don't know how to tell you this right and then I start going

00:33:15.740 but then I start going, wait, wait, wait. I go, well, there's no bottom line. The point is that

00:33:21.220 the instructions are confusing for people like me who couldn't do standardized tests, who got such

00:33:25.180 a low test on the SATs that it was like broke the system. Like they'd never seen a score so low.

00:33:31.380 So I started seeing this, I start panicking and I go, well, what? So then I say, well,

00:33:35.060 it's confusing. And then Naomi, God bless goes, that's the control line.

00:33:39.540 so then i so then i see this later actually even so so you i go send me what you saw because i

00:33:46.180 wanted to diagnose too okay and i got excited you're like it's confusing and i got excited to

00:33:50.240 like play the game and i argue that it is confusing and started to read no right and i i did i

00:33:55.620 disempower you no no i said it's confusing because you know some would argue the control shouldn't

00:34:02.320 look just like another of five things right yeah five letters yeah i'm c and you're wondering if

00:34:07.040 of COVID you know what I mean so because this was I can't find COVID and flu yeah and I don't know

00:34:13.100 if there's a third thing there okay and so I studied those those those pictures trying to

00:34:18.500 understand right and go how would I read this whatever it's very confusing now you shared with

00:34:24.020 me because I wanted to investigate you shared with me immediately a text that you had sent I think

00:34:29.080 Naomi to Naomi or Naomi whatever I forget who sent it right poor Naomi tells me because I go I go

00:34:34.740 the original was like can you wait like are you like there was something naomi said that was like

00:34:39.600 i don't understand they said i don't understand what i'm being sent because i'm sending them

00:34:43.180 pictures of the instructions and they said please just figure it out i love you yes that's that's

00:34:48.120 what was yeah that's that's what made you laugh and they said kate one line is control yes and

00:34:53.040 they said please just read the instructions c means control okay and then i said i said regardless

00:35:01.120 it's bad because i thought so so let me let me let me let me look at this to the people

00:35:06.740 so katie said to naomi's case i have covid or maybe flu okay or something right regardless it's

00:35:12.760 bad okay yeah yeah is one of the funniest things to me that i've ever read in my life yeah okay

00:35:18.200 it's like i have covid wait no i don't wait before i lose my audience here of witnessing my illness

00:35:26.520 this is bad okay and even to your own partner right yeah careful right like like regardless

00:35:34.540 it's bad right so so it's like don't for don't for a second anyone think i mean regardless it's bad

00:35:41.580 is a commitment to having well i thought because i was like oh if it's not yeah i just didn't

00:35:47.860 understand unreal yeah meanwhile meanwhile neither okay well then well then because then

00:35:54.840 what happens oh and so then this is why yeah so i had to act quick when i saw the funniest thing

00:35:58.980 i've ever had and ran the canva to make t-shirts all right we'll share these yeah okay front is i

00:36:04.100 can't tell okay regardless is bad i was screaming is a new you okay and i mean to me it's it's it's

00:36:13.060 it's like it was the mushrooms all the time regardless it's bad no no and then this and

00:36:17.900 then and then what happened was because this is something that so i sit there and i and i think

00:36:22.940 I have COVID right I'm texting my mother I'm texting I go oh no and then I realize I don't

00:36:30.260 have COVID by the way when I saw it I go control the sea lion I go oh no I have COVID and I go

00:36:36.060 I fucking knew it because that's what this has to be see that's the thing the speed okay 0.66

00:36:40.560 because oh no I go I knew it two nights before okay you were also doing the like the one time 0.98

00:36:48.760 i don't wear a mask i don't wear a mask i know so the drama the drama the it's a play it's a

00:36:54.220 staged play okay it's a greek tragedy of the one time okay you don't understand the context

00:37:02.940 jacqueline i've worn a mask for two years i know i know so that but then i realized i don't have it

00:37:08.860 the freedom i feel the gratitude the joy i mean that is a high unlike anything else anything else

00:37:14.320 i go i have covet and then i go i don't have covet and then i'm so happy now now that's the

00:37:21.460 key word i write i'm so happy now which is exactly the human right the the condition of hell i'm so

00:37:29.640 happy now because happiness as we know right is transient happiness is temporary that's why it's 0.91

00:37:35.760 not something to be chased well because it comes and it goes and it's fucking chase happiness

00:37:40.420 yeah yeah bottom of the gin bottle that's where it is for you yeah so so i'm so happy now it's 0.68

00:37:47.220 like it's like and then you said you said amazing ai art okay it's not ai art what do you mean i

00:37:55.380 placed that okay i i i didn't say make me a shirt okay it's out here's what i had to do i did a

00:38:01.800 two-step vintage process okay which is i went to canva designed a t-shirt had to grab a text box

00:38:08.780 run i do it fast okay i'm really fast in canva run okay type it in do a quick choice on format

00:38:14.840 figure out and they have a thing print on the t-shirt so you can do a mock-up okay i go through

00:38:19.400 the mock-ups i find one i do let's print on a mug instead i find like a harvest mug set up

00:38:24.980 whatever i just want to say that wasn't no no i'm sorry canva canva would be sent like that okay

00:38:30.860 and then i felt really seen because you were sending that to myself and naomi i'm so happy

00:38:36.880 now name by the you because you said you were like it's so fast she flies ahead oh yeah and

00:38:43.880 then naomi said it's inherited holocaust trauma yeah yeah yeah pogrom trauma we have to leave now

00:38:50.140 and you said act now or die yeah it's act now or die and then i mean the whole like regardless

00:38:54.920 it's bad it's like it's like it's wait there's either a fire at the window or a giant orange

00:38:59.200 monster regardless it's bad this is what we're gonna post on yeah poog instagram and i want i

00:39:03.480 i'm so happy now i mean there's a lot there's a lot um but there's something i wanted to say

00:39:09.400 about this which is oh so then and this is really subtle and it didn't like it was hard to explain

00:39:16.760 on text and i don't know that i'll be explaining it now it's like what was comical to me okay it 0.88

00:39:21.480 was after all that yeah then caperland decides next morning throat is worse she's going to

00:39:26.840 urgent care i went to urgent care the next morning two things one i go maybe it's what i go you still

00:39:32.480 just have no like basically no symptoms other than throat I had sore throat on one side

00:39:37.860 which is just you know and I again by the way like you refused so I'm like don't forget jet

00:39:44.120 lag is real right and you're like but I slept like like I'm back on normal schedule whatever

00:39:48.240 still even just it's real okay so you wouldn't let that into the narrative for some reason

00:39:54.180 so I think it was really important to you that you were sick this week

00:39:58.560 and you were gonna get it one way or another you know what's so sad i didn't want to be sick

00:40:06.500 but also here's what's interesting maybe it's okay let's let's look at this because i'm looking

00:40:11.160 at the calendar and i'm going i can be sick this week i had that thought a few times i go

00:40:15.600 i canceled stuff i go if there's a week to do it it's this week

00:40:21.760 by the way and i want to be clear the congestion you're hearing everyone

00:40:26.020 well we're gonna get to that so i say so get ready get ready this one for the folks okay so

00:40:31.700 two things happen by the way i go to urgent care she's on her way to urgent care i'm at cedar's

00:40:35.140 urgent care where i'm safe okay now after everything after everything yeah okay kate

00:40:42.520 still thinks she's gonna get she's gonna do business on urgency around this illness okay

00:40:48.260 where she goes where she goes um maybe i don't remember what it was she goes i'm going for a 0.92

00:40:52.540 test she goes or like i'm going to urgent care she goes so i have fucking strep she's like like 1.00

00:40:58.900 this is fucking bullshit like fucking strep like are you kidding me right now like i have fucking 1.00

00:41:02.620 strep okay after after six diagnoses the the she still thinks she's gonna get like oh sweetie i 1.00

00:41:09.380 hate that you probably have strep strep test was negative fucking strep right now is like a real 0.93

00:41:15.940 laugh and a half and it's like i go in there you you know what i mean like the hunt wait well i 0.95

00:41:21.140 have an amazing positive test well i have an amazing thing also my my fear of the anxiety so

00:41:25.980 my uncle talk about big time about you in this that you don't even okay is coming well this is

00:41:31.420 gonna make you i think see me too my uncle shout out to uncle jeff who i don't think i've ever

00:41:35.500 mentioned on the pod you have okay my dad's brother um who said who goes he was at my house

00:41:42.300 we're outside and he you know this is the classic anxiety that you know it's like coursing

00:41:48.320 uncle dr jeff the berlant side is like a flame with anxiety and all it's it's it's unbelievable

00:41:55.440 yeah anyway we're outside there's a bee kind of buzzes past and i get scared because i actually

00:42:00.200 a little scared of bees and i kind of laugh it off and i go i go it's so embarrassing like

00:42:03.860 that i'm afraid of bees i was like honestly spiders snakes whatever like i'm fine but bees

00:42:07.480 i actually kind of have a phobia and he goes he kind of calmly nods and he says well yellow jackets

00:42:12.700 are aggressive and he said and if you get stung you can have an allergic reaction and then he

00:42:18.140 continues and he says and they want meat they go for flesh something sweet something they like the

00:42:23.760 smell they'll clamp down on you so the fear was that's incredible was amplified um but wait here's

00:42:30.120 what i want to say so i go so you have no symptoms other than throw it on one side i hear okay i go

00:42:34.220 interesting yeah i go maybe how would i had okay you go what are you okay okay i go i talked about

00:42:42.620 i remember your episodes yeah okay eustachian tube dysfunction folks she's all ears okay okay

00:42:50.860 finally interested in my eustachian tube dysfunction okay it was wild point is i go in

00:42:58.460 pam was unbelievable the doctor such patience she's slowly going through it i'm giving her

00:43:03.900 the forensics did they put anything on your did they put the hard plastic because i know it's a

00:43:08.600 heart yes i noticed it and i noticed it that the nurse came in with the thermometer i crossed my

00:43:13.240 eyes to look at it yeah hard condom on it right someone tried to say this but it's hard when it

00:43:17.960 come out of the wall and there's no and they didn't preload it before i got in there no she 0.99

00:43:22.620 went i i maintain that i got fucked i think you got fucked she she she put the condom on in front 0.99

00:43:27.600 of me but it was like a fisher price like let's grab some germed up plastic it's crazy it's crazy 0.99

00:43:33.360 so the strep test comes back negative she goes it's on one side she looks at me she goes

00:43:38.760 not infection she goes i think you've got post nasal drip one side nasal drip well last time

00:43:44.500 looking deviated septum i go i have a deviated septum and i don't want a nose job you don't

00:43:50.100 have to get it i mean whatever i think most of the time when they fix the deviated septum a lot

00:43:55.540 of people do but it's not like they insist on shaving down you know you know what i mean like

00:44:00.700 I think the deviated septum nose job culture, and I don't know, is we're fixing the deviated

00:44:05.820 septum.

00:44:06.340 And while we're in there, we'll chisel a little.

00:44:08.660 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:09.020 So it's not like if you get your deviated, you know, they're absolutely going to give

00:44:12.500 you a different nose.

00:44:13.500 Okay, okay, okay.

00:44:14.500 So how you know you're from LA, right?

00:44:19.940 Point is...

00:44:21.040 Wait, but so I'm like, so because I go, wouldn't it funny if you had the same thing I did,

00:44:26.380 which is like astonishing pain in the throat that was actually being referred...

00:44:30.520 Because I just had post-nasal drip from...

00:44:35.220 Eustachian.

00:44:36.600 Environment.

00:44:37.220 Yeah, that's what she goes.

00:44:38.200 That's what they're saying.

00:44:38.660 She goes environmental.

00:44:39.600 I go, what?

00:44:39.800 And then the eustachian tubes are collapsed.

00:44:42.760 So she assigned me a spray, the one that fixed me immediately assigned you a spray.

00:44:46.340 Azulane or whatever?

00:44:47.380 Yes.

00:44:47.640 Yeah.

00:44:48.140 Now, here's where things get interesting.

00:44:50.100 Next day, throat's not sore.

00:44:51.620 Berlant, who is so, you know, delicate, okay? 1.00

00:44:55.920 And oh, I took a fourth of a pill that any other asshole would take, okay? 1.00

00:44:59.620 Yeah. 0.99

00:44:59.800 not prescribed goes running for afrin when congestion wasn't one of your symptoms i was

00:45:08.120 i had slight congestion slight slight so i start pumping afrin as medicine because i did you have

00:45:15.800 a productive week what do you mean because it's like an upper it's a stimulant no i don't feel

00:45:21.480 shit you didn't feel anything no afrin doesn't do that to me i mean just because and look i could be

00:45:27.440 wrong we are not doctors you know what i mean okay but because i remember you know i once had 0.97

00:45:34.360 a boyfriend who was in medical school and um amazing and a boyfriend in medical school and

00:45:41.800 he was like let's take a second with that and he was like um you know oh your adderall or your

00:45:49.480 your add med will the stimulant will dry up the the side like by the way i'm about to bust out

00:45:54.860 some adderall that i think prescribed in 2010 yeah and i'm about to get my life something tells

00:46:00.800 me adderall packs a punch no matter where oh yeah so we all know last year you know last year was

00:46:07.000 rough um thanks to uh you know a complete um well butrin generic situation me yelling at the

00:46:16.520 pharmacy you know do you have do you know death in your house right yeah but i'm saying i'm saying

00:46:22.320 like you know it's the same and then my doctor saying like they literally like looked and saw

00:46:29.120 that there was a different amount of the thing it's so terrible i don't care whether it's due

00:46:33.360 to a like a spell i am telling you folks i have a problem on on generic willbutrin okay so in from

00:46:39.940 cloud pharmacy canada it comes so i mean it's oh god am i crying okay so 0.91

00:46:49.140 wait what about the malbutrin yes about how how they fucked you i think like whatever and like 0.96

00:46:57.720 i honestly might decide to cut it because like i'm not in the mood for like you know what i mean 0.99

00:47:01.020 like no real shit no it's okay this is good i'm just having like a moment of realizing like

00:47:07.160 like it's days yeah that wasn't good you know i know i know it's just like no it's not fair it's 1.00

00:47:14.000 it's it's horrible so it just sucks and it's like it's it's so fucked it's so fucked you know it's 0.98

00:47:18.980 like like there's a lot of like you know i take a lot of self-responsibility for like how i'm 1.00

00:47:23.340 feeling at any given time you know what i mean so no it's terrifying the puppets you're literally

00:47:27.300 being pulled by the well butry they're like it's the same medicine it's not it's it's completely

00:47:31.900 maddening someone will write in and be like it is and like whatever it is no i'm saying someone

00:47:36.460 will write in and be like someone will come for me i mean like come for you no no be like well

00:47:42.600 it is jacqueline and by the way like there's no proof that antidepressants work whatever i don't

00:47:45.720 care like oh my god and i know and like guess what like i've been on for 20 years so now i can't get

00:47:50.500 off them yeah you know what i mean like whatever yes you get okay they were no no no they were

00:47:56.500 okay whatever it's like actually was inflammation in the brain the whole time blah blah blah oh 0.95

00:48:01.300 god like you know what i mean like oh god the other thing is like sorry to like fucking have 0.77

00:48:09.580 it pointed out again but like for me like crying is just like throwing up or something right it 0.95

00:48:13.720 just like fucking happens yeah yeah and like whatever i actually was comforted on the pit 0.77

00:48:18.800 that like it's good dr mel was like and i know you don't watch but dr mel was like 0.97

00:48:22.160 like was like i forget what it was it was like um i um processed my emotions through crying it

00:48:27.560 was something very whatever doesn't matter doesn't matter so well will you i'm just like

00:48:33.820 whatever and i still retain that we might not talk like i might cut it or whatever put it put

00:48:37.760 tears by the way it really would be fun if tears were behind the paywall you get to see them break

00:48:42.720 you see them break and then it cuts okay yeah yeah that's actually good that's actually good

00:48:46.920 and you want to hear the like you know further explanation by the way that's actually a good

00:48:49.260 idea yes if you pay you get to see jocelyn's tears but you're not getting them for free sweetie

00:48:53.300 so point is why did i bring this up i mean well i said expired adderall but

00:49:03.640 oh I go it still packs a punch and then oh yeah like last year was tough yeah I'm just like why

00:49:09.220 was I talking about last year being tough and oh you used to get my life together sorry got it

00:49:13.300 so I like you know I'm on the road whatever like you know I mean I also had good good times I mean

00:49:19.060 it was like you know whatever it was like two margaritas and like you know as we all remember

00:49:23.640 me in the booth okay like me and the writer's booth nightly like whatever and like it wasn't

00:49:28.440 all bad it was also a great time but point is it's just like I take personal responsibility

00:49:31.800 for my mood and my whatever and so like the reason like the tears like come flying out is because

00:49:36.940 like i don't walk around thinking about like despite like right now i spent almost zero time

00:49:41.640 thinking about like how last year was rough okay like i've not done any of that yeah yeah making 0.91

00:49:46.820 you know what i mean it's like there's no time for that shit right so whatever so just spills 0.62

00:49:51.160 out in the sudden like in that suddenly way of like you know what last year yeah yeah but all 0.97

00:49:58.460 to say like you know and I went off the Vyvanse like you know I know because I was like 0.98

00:50:04.600 like taking that out for all sorts of reasons and like but you know like whatever that shit's 0.98

00:50:11.880 completely unmanageable gonna have to go back on the fucking bed really it's exhausting whatever 0.97

00:50:19.380 so I'm like gonna have to like you know try to like figure out a dose that works for me plus 0.97

00:50:25.040 i know you know plus like whatever that like the company sent us like stasis and it's like 0.86

00:50:29.600 another fucking bill to swallow like no it's so overwhelming newman or whatever 0.86

00:50:34.000 oh then i forgot we'll have to save it for the next episode but i i like in my desperation 0.98

00:50:38.860 another new like add management thing yeah i i've developed which is it is laugh out loud

00:50:45.560 you know we can talk we can talk about this next week by the way do you know this concept of like

00:50:49.920 right before like in therapy right so like on the way out the door they dropped the big bomb you

00:50:54.260 know like because they they're like who by the way i'm like leaving my husband or whatever you

00:50:57.760 know or like oh yeah yeah they're like or like you know by the way like my mother like you know

00:51:01.860 beat me or something whatever like they dropped a big bomb like on the way out the door because

00:51:05.800 like the session's over so i don't have to get into it yeah yeah but anyway it's like

00:51:09.820 i'm like while i'm crying might as well say one other thing like

00:51:14.140 which is like when we were talking about this at dinner but like 0.98

00:51:18.260 you know i'm like racing to get like this fucking like you know 0.95

00:51:22.120 you know this transcranial whatever tms whatever okay yeah transcranial blah blah blah and it's 0.97

00:51:31.820 like it's a future you know whatever it seems good whatever whatever and like our friend was

00:51:36.140 telling us about it like full remission you know you're not even like identify as depressed like

00:51:42.960 you know what i mean these days because i'm just like i've been like fine on meds for years so i

00:51:47.680 don't walk around with this like depression identity at all you know what i mean whatever

00:51:51.260 so it's like basically if i did something and like there was a massive difference

00:51:56.500 can you imagine like just like it was a huge difference and it was like 0.73

00:52:00.420 oh like fucking 20 years i know i know like 20 years like lost no it's not lost it's not lost 0.80

00:52:07.960 by the way guess what let this heal you there is no magic pill that will take it like it doesn't 0.99

00:52:14.800 exist i'm saying medic of course management of course medication changes lives of fucking course 0.74

00:52:20.200 but it's never going to be you look up and you go i lost it's never lost as you said you were 0.94

00:52:24.780 still having a great time in the booth with the margaritas even though you were on the wrong

00:52:27.320 well butrin you know i mean you're always moving forward you're you're in the belly of the whale

00:52:31.160 you're in the jona's well you're always you're still in your life you're still moving forward

00:52:34.680 and it's not i'm not trying to say like like there isn't like some no anytime though like anytime

00:52:41.200 there is a positive like and you realize a positive like that like let's just whatever

00:52:45.740 like exercising is a huge benefit on my mood i do it for a year it's great i know there is a sadness

00:52:51.300 of like if somehow i i was had been doing whatever it's just like there's like you know some some

00:52:58.440 version of like you know how like a cure or or symptoms or response to a medic medication like

00:53:05.520 confirms the diagnosis right right so that that's all it is it's like it's like because like i can

00:53:10.520 walk around going like i've probably got it wrong and i've got all these other issues and actually

00:53:13.860 it's this and it's blah blah blah blah blah blah and if it's like oh look the brain waves are like

00:53:19.320 not coherent and then here they are yeah yeah that would be hard to go of course like i could

00:53:27.560 have gotten this treatment years ago whatever you know like we lose decades we use years

00:53:32.860 and you know obviously we lose lives you know what i mean like people die you know what i mean

00:53:38.920 whatever it's all fine blah blah blah whatever people seem to like take some value be like

00:53:44.940 speaking openly about mentally so that's all i'm doing now i'm like giving you a little space to

00:53:51.540 be like you know whatever and you're healing you're healing the masses the tears are a baptism

00:53:57.120 they heal i love you everything's fine whatever everything's absolutely fine but also you've 0.99

00:54:04.140 every right to be mad at the fucking i mean it's really maddening you were on the wrong fucking 0.99

00:54:08.440 pill they told you that you were on the right pill it's completely fucking insane it's negligent 0.99

00:54:12.180 and they should all be sued whatever i've lost the thread no no um the point is that i have 0.86

00:54:21.660 i'm experiencing rebound congestion and but um sorry so i went i went cold turkey i took day

00:54:29.020 quill i'm sorry i'm just like my nose is like no no completely like they don't deserve to look at

00:54:35.800 okay thank you that was a really good double tissue by the way like the both the tissue and

00:54:47.580 the paper towel is genius by the way no mascara the new no mascara trend i know it's now yeah

00:54:53.780 mother of the bride won't be wearing mascara on the big day by the way no mascara is over

00:54:58.740 mascara is fucking done i actually have a little bit on right now but i think it's it's a really 0.83

00:55:03.740 do you think it's i mean i saw like an article saying oh really i didn't see the article i 0.99

00:55:08.140 literally saw somebody in beautiful makeup and i go fuck your makeup's good what's going on 0.75

00:55:13.900 and she said i was like your eyeshadows she goes no mascara i go well i can't be it no mascara 0.99

00:55:19.220 that night i'm going out i'm gonna get my photo taken no mascara first time getting photographed

00:55:25.240 no mascara i go well that's good that's good me with mascara the commitment to mascara it's like

00:55:30.380 i'm a hockey mom like like like like this is like ambrosia salad and like

00:55:37.880 suddenly i'm like mascara is so cheap again i forget it's like jello with like maraschino

00:55:44.580 cherries it's actually fucking delicious i ate it once in salt lake city like as like an 11 year 0.63

00:55:49.220 old when i was like where was i where i was bunking with mormon girls and she had an she 0.91

00:55:53.460 had a prayer abacus above her bed of like counting her prayers and i was like

00:55:56.460 eating ambrosia salad and you're trying to remember what that was sorry wait it was a

00:56:00.620 funeral i was invited to so should i give because this is like this is like i think pretty huge

00:56:05.500 okay this is like a new invention add invention of mine what so i started doing that let me see

00:56:11.320 if there's anyone's living here so i have downloaded i decided i came up with a concept

00:56:16.600 so like i saw this woman on on instagram okay her technique like oh i'm going downstairs to 0.99

00:56:23.000 you know get the coffee whatever and then getting distracted so she's like puts her hand up in the 0.99

00:56:27.420 air and that's like like i'm getting coffee and then she goes downstairs she keeps her hand up

00:56:30.680 and that's like a reminder right yeah okay because i was experimenting with like okay i'm gonna do

00:56:36.300 that i'm like okay i'm going downstairs to empty the trash and i'll get distracted so it's like 0.98

00:56:39.900 i'm like you know trash trash trash trash trash trash trash right trash trash so then of course 0.97

00:56:45.740 i had an idea i could do better than that right what if i downloaded like a reggie watts like 0.99

00:56:51.960 like a looper yeah okay trash trash trash and had my own thoughts reflected back to me in this way

00:56:57.000 so let me see like okay so i was like making it possible to work in this office making it 0.97

00:57:03.760 okay what is so i'm going making it possible to work in this office that was my goal i go

00:57:09.360 because the office was chaos okay so i'm gonna play making it possible to work in this office

00:57:13.120 this is truly like just for me right yeah obviously it sounds psychotic right so i'm like

00:57:17.620 that's the goal okay I'm like that's let's start with the goal okay right so I'm like

00:57:21.900 okay what's the first thing I got to do trash okay and then I go wait let's see what I did next

00:57:29.000 what I decided on next

00:57:30.080 okay so I decided pick everything up off the floor okay

00:57:37.640 well that'll drive you no it didn't it worked it was heaven on earth okay

00:57:47.220 okay but then i can go okay and then i can add something right so i'd be like you know um i'd be

00:58:00.100 like bring the donation items downstairs like bring the donate and then i can pop in there okay

00:58:08.880 and i i edit it okay and then i can have the other one lowered down so i just trimmed it

00:58:16.340 okay i can have the other one lowered down so i could a step at a time okay i could just have

00:58:22.880 that on repeat donation okay i did this okay i completely like transformed my office okay

00:58:29.780 and then the really wacko one sorry i do that but i just want to show something like so then like

00:58:34.140 okay you ready yeah like hold on like okay so so it was like i wanted to like change it up a little

00:58:41.580 bit. No, no, no. So then I was like, bring the donation. Okay. I did this. It rocked. Okay. But

00:59:00.960 I can get rid of that. Sometimes I need the original goal to be reminding me. Bring the

00:59:06.260 donation

00:59:07.500 and then I can bring in a new thing

00:59:10.140 so I did this and then the other morning I did it

00:59:12.180 like a crazy okay

00:59:13.600 I know this is a lot okay but wait

00:59:15.960 okay this one I went really far

00:59:18.320 because this is my original experiment remember roles and goals

00:59:20.300 I said I was committed to it yeah

00:59:21.840 that was my bass line

00:59:28.520 and then I'm like

00:59:31.320 I'm an artist

00:59:34.160 I'm

00:59:35.340 So scary

00:59:37.240 And then I was like

00:59:39.880 Souls goals and rules

00:59:42.880 I also have a body 0.70

00:59:43.780 No no

00:59:46.540 Okay so I'm going on a walk because

00:59:48.740 My body makes the art

00:59:50.440 Okay and with that

00:59:52.320 No we're not cutting it

00:59:54.640 No we're not cutting it the people need that

00:59:56.780 And I think the track should be available for subscribers

00:59:59.020 Okay yeah well I could release a few

01:00:01.240 But it's really about being able to turn it up

01:00:03.140 and focus and then you could drop a thought in there and come back and i went through later

01:00:06.680 and found my different samples like oh yeah i forgot about that goodbye love you love you

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - March 03, 2026

Regardless, It’s Bad

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