Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - REMIX： The Law Offices of Berlant & Novak Pt. 1

00:00:00.000 Hi, I'm Kate Berlant. I'm Jacqueline Novak. And this is POOG, an ongoing conversation

00:00:05.780 about wellness between two obsessive friends, two untamable intellects. This is our hobby.

00:00:10.800 This is our hell. This is our naked desire for free products. This is POOG.

00:00:15.960 Greetings, everybody. This week, we've put together an episode full of some of our

00:00:19.880 most favorite moments featuring grievances, injustices, and scams. Enjoy our latest remix

00:00:25.860 while we're off the clock here it is the law offices of berlant and novak

00:00:30.820 but did i already talk about the guy trying to scam me the moth guy trying to scam me a different

00:00:39.960 company i called because i did the thing where i was in a panic and i googled like moths la same

00:00:44.920 day and then this company i called them something was weird because they started doing this the

00:00:52.200 woman goes well a lot of other companies will just schedule for you one or two but we really want to

00:00:56.100 break up the cycle and we really want to make sure that the moths are gone so what we're going to do

00:00:59.420 is we have you on it it started it was like a little bit of a hard sell I was like okay okay

00:01:03.740 I was like well I rent um you know whatever the point is I'm talking about that she goes I'm

00:01:10.480 going to connect you to my supervisor this guy gets on hey we want we want to give you a good

00:01:14.340 deal here um so what we're going to do he starts coming with all the good deals he's going to give

00:01:18.700 me i'm like all right yes he says okay so we're gonna come here i'm gonna send you over the

00:01:23.040 contract you just sign that send it back i was like sounds a little weird i get off the phone

00:01:26.840 i schedule it i get off the phone i immediately google this company yelp do not scam they're

00:01:32.460 spraying something weird to keep the bugs coming back they will not no no truly they were like this

00:01:37.720 is your view after review scam scam don't hire them scam hands practically shaking i call back

00:01:43.900 and i just i go i'm not gonna get in a fight i just go hey i'm actually not gonna do it did you

00:01:49.440 say i heard you're a scam no but i was planning to if they continue to persist because they

00:01:53.660 called me back the next day i just blocked i just blocked i said i'm not getting into it yeah

00:01:57.560 and i'm just to say i gave them my credit card number so i'm checking my credit card statement

00:02:01.880 to make sure i don't have a uh talk about an egg retrieval of retrieving the egg mobs that

00:02:07.620 anyway the point is the point is the poison worked the water's happening and i want new pillows okay

00:02:15.980 okay you're bringing up in me and again we never put people on blast on the pod but i'm ready to

00:02:27.740 by name call out two bunch palms for how rude they were on the phone and i'll even go further

00:02:33.100 it was the manager. Okay. So tell me, tell me if you think that this is appropriate. Tell me if

00:02:37.940 you think that I'm being, okay. I'm trying to book a room for myself and the room, the point I'm

00:02:46.220 going with, um, with, with a friend. Okay. Oh no, Kate. Another friend. Not even talking about the

00:02:49.940 fact that my oldest, oldest friends, I was 12. Okay. And it's a, it's a bit of a, it's a few of

00:02:55.800 us actually. And it's a room. Okay. The point is I around 10 AM, I'm looking at the website. Here

00:03:03.580 it is. Here's the room price. I screen grabbed that. I send it to the, to the girls. Everyone

00:03:10.100 goes, that looks great. Perfect. I go great. Are you on the hotel's website? I'm on the hotel's

00:03:16.540 website. They go this date, that room, here's the price. I screen grab it. I send it. Everyone

00:03:22.400 goes perfect i go i'll book it when i get home i everyone so more friends it's it's four of us

00:03:29.180 in one room the room sleeps four it's two king-size beds it's a sleepover it's one night

00:03:33.480 okay point is okay i'm shocked i'm horrified of course why well you know i know you love a sleep

00:03:40.120 over and so do i but why not have a room to go back to it i know i know of course of course

00:03:43.980 i know okay the toilet seat warmed by by i know cheeks trust me i'm scared for that but listen

00:03:52.060 all right go on i go run a couple errands i come home it's a couple hours later i go i log back

00:03:57.360 onto the website i've got my credit card out the price has gone up a full 100 100 in mere hours

00:04:04.580 and by the way i rock it and by the way am i wrong that's unacceptable no in mere hours

00:04:11.900 and i'll say another thing yeah which is that i'm taking it in about it said one left when i

00:04:20.620 first looked i was like oh my god this is six no no i was like oh my god one left so i was kind of

00:04:25.440 like okay i'm gonna do right when i get home i get back home still says one left so i'm trying

00:04:29.300 to say is it wasn't like there were three and now there's one and the price do you know i mean

00:04:32.060 and there's a couple this is mere hours so i find that crazy same tier room it was the exact

00:04:39.200 same room not even the same tier it was the same room okay and i had the screen where i had the

00:04:45.020 screen grab evidence so i go i'm gonna call them so i call and i'm talking to someone hi um oh god

00:04:50.320 i went to book this room just a couple hours ago and it was this price and now the price has shot

00:04:54.440 up a hundred dollars i'm wondering if there's anything done and she's kind of like i have

00:04:59.120 the screen grab well of course i mentioned that or she was like no she goes she goes oh because

00:05:04.200 it's like the spring or the desert she was like oh the desert room is is um that price i went no

00:05:10.060 no this was the spring and then she went oh really and i said yeah i was like i actually even have it

00:05:14.340 screen grabbed and she said okay um i'm i can't really do anything i could connect you to my 0.92

00:05:19.120 manager and i said yeah that would be great this woman gets on the phone instant hostility all

00:05:23.600 right she's not having it i explain it to her and i go and she goes yeah there's something i can do

00:05:28.400 and i go really i kind of kind of keep it light i go really just a just a couple hours different

00:05:34.020 the same room there's nothing you can do she goes no it's an algorithm i practically hang up on her

00:05:40.560 i get so i like and here's what also bothers me not so much is that i'm sorry not so much as i

00:05:47.040 know that might seem ridiculous unfortunately i'm out of whatever the hell just a very just

00:05:52.820 shutting me down and so i essentially hung up on her i said i said i was like okay and i got off

00:05:58.980 the phone and and out of by the way i could not bring myself to pay the extra 100 so i truly

00:06:05.960 switched the date of the whole event yeah to retain to retain the original price there's a

00:06:12.860 it becomes a battle of wills okay exactly you're going well i'm certainly not going to pay it now 0.94

00:06:17.320 because also you're all sharing the room so this hundred is actually 25 a person right god damn it

00:06:21.640 yeah no but i'm thinking of it that way yeah yeah yeah no but it's like it's like to then be like

00:06:27.560 okay i guess i'll book it like now it's a battle of wills with the manager so like i feel like you

00:06:32.900 could i could not believe her tone and i just but be honest with me don't you think that's a little

00:06:37.760 absurd don't you think she can go yeah yeah i can give you the original rate it jumped up like that

00:06:41.260 in a couple hours that doesn't really make sense no yeah i mean i i mean what don't i understand

00:06:47.820 here and now is it a boutique hotel uh yeah you know who even knows what yeah yeah yeah so to me

00:06:54.380 that that almost suggests i don't know it's hard to say whether it's the big national chain or the

00:06:59.060 boutique hotel that would be more in control of their ability to but i mean tech technically i

00:07:06.380 would imagine that the manager has uh free reign to adjust that so you know what i think is i'm

00:07:15.420 sure i've brought this up before but like the unfortunate motto of so much um customer service

00:07:21.580 these days you ready my hands are tied oh really yeah it's like it's like well let me untie them

00:07:30.680 for you yeah when you said that it reminded me of something oh oh so when i arrived at this hotel

00:07:36.700 um due to a whatever an issue they brought me to a room that was not the room i had intended to book

00:07:42.100 okay not even blaming them for that it's too impossible to explain okay the whole thing okay

00:07:46.380 but so what you're saying about no actually it was the spring room okay what i think is sometimes

00:07:51.780 not understood particularly when you're springing for it springing for a luxury right a splurge 0.98

00:07:58.000 they assume once again you're this sort of asshole who just sort of books these things 0.98

00:08:03.400 without considering that money is nothing shows up and goes this isn't what i saw on the home 0.99

00:08:07.840 page of the website when in fact because this is a splurge i have researched exactly every

00:08:13.880 single page on that website multiple times like if you go to my history and my my thing it's

00:08:19.600 the same page i've navigated my way every single way you could yes around that website i know

00:08:25.120 everything about the costs and what the different rooms like I know more than them you know what I

00:08:31.220 mean about the the tiers of the rooms and actually the premier suite and did it up right yes and I

00:08:37.400 know things like that at a certain tier these rooms some of them come with an outdoor shower

00:08:41.580 some don't right whatever like all of that and so I know it so well that it's almost like when I

00:08:46.280 arrived at the hotel they're acting like you've just rolled in and and know nothing and I almost

00:08:51.720 feel like i have to hide how much i know because it'll reveal me to be the peasant or whatever

00:08:56.100 right right of course i'm trying to like almost act casual or something but then i get to the room

00:08:59.620 and the very things that i'd booked the splurge for which were the outdoor shower and a little

00:09:04.040 patio area that you could sit outside were nary to be seen okay oh and this little seating area

00:09:10.980 okay so it was like it was like no i splurged this was clearly like you know like i splurged

00:09:15.500 for a room that had those features and that was it and so guys bringing me in and it's like you

00:09:19.680 want to roll with the moment which is just like here you are and we're so excited to have you

00:09:23.200 they didn't say any of that stuff but you know what i mean you want to roll the moment and so

00:09:26.220 my eyes are darting around with a smile still plastered on my face okay and i'm like i'm like

00:09:31.600 there's no seating area this just can't be right okay and i'm racking my brain going could it could

00:09:35.640 you know making sure because i i will not make an error no i will not be caught wrong of course

00:09:40.800 because then it invalidates everything i will not say i'm supposed to have this and it's you know 0.53

00:09:45.360 and then then be right so i'm looking around before i say shit right and then i go well let's

00:09:49.100 let's go take a look in the bathroom okay not only does it not have the outdoor shower the 0.90

00:09:52.860 tier below it which has windows in the shower absent no this is a dark it's as if there was

00:10:00.020 a window there and they covered it up so they could have a room that they could offer at a 0.98

00:10:03.140 cheaper price you know what I mean like like they start removing features yeah so I'm like fuck 0.64

00:10:07.580 okay and let's just say the guy's name was Jerry okay I go I go and I'm like Jerry we got a problem 0.51

00:10:13.820 honey I'm pretty sure this isn't a I'm like Jerry I'm so sorry but I'm pretty sure this is like 11

00:10:17.980 o'clock at night like is this the you know premier junior suite oh no and it's like no and no it's

00:10:26.860 not and okay and it's just like and then it begins this embarrassing thing of that costs more and i'm

00:10:35.300 like i know i know exactly how much it costs more and i'm fully intending to pay it and i fully

00:10:40.600 intended to pay it you know the whole thing right so it's this embarrassing like sorry that um those

00:10:46.340 things you're describing so it was me as the person who saw things on the website you know

00:10:50.080 when they like put like the fanciest room on the website and then like people don't look and realize

00:10:54.020 that that's the fanciest room so it's like so it's just so then it's like okay let me go back

00:10:57.980 and see what I can do and then and then I'm like I happen to know that the premier junior suite is

00:11:02.540 available I have no three are available because I've been on the website all day it's like and

00:11:07.660 I know which dates they're available for I've been through the you know the the reservation

00:11:11.560 second you know third party site I know exactly what's available and the whole thing and it's

00:11:17.100 this sort of embarrassment of knowing all that information that the haggler so then it's like

00:11:23.380 he's like wait here I'll see and I'm like I know there's availability I know you know the website

00:11:27.600 better than Jerry knows it in Jamaica so the final night John and I and by the way beautiful bar

00:11:40.840 again you said that the hotelification the bar overlooking the ocean beautiful not hotelified

00:11:46.180 just very again just romantic not fussy really really pretty okay the point is final night we're

00:11:54.120 leaving dinner we hear incredible music playing we're like what's going on like where is this

00:11:59.200 band coming from we stumble upon what is clearly a private no party there's a long table and there

00:12:07.440 are like 15 law so we had heard from because of course you made friends with um don who took us

00:12:14.420 out you know snorkeling and he was like oh there's these there are lawyers here who's don don't do

00:12:19.640 hotel or a guest sorry hotel okay so what the point is it's like i have some lawyers staying

00:12:25.140 here oh my god we clocked the lawyers we've been tracking them we go we stumble upon what is a 0.99

00:12:29.760 private lawyer we can charm their asses well the band fucking rules okay god talking seven piece 0.99

00:12:37.020 band and the lawyers aren't dancing as you can imagine they're by the bar getting hammered 0.99

00:12:43.200 you know it's like all these it's like these like men these like a little sweat on the back

00:12:47.160 of an overly long shirt or like white guys like yeah you know i go john we're crashing this party

00:12:53.640 right oh my god of course we go in we start dancing yes from the heart again we're not 0.99

00:12:59.660 dancing because it's like oh we're dancing because we're fucking moved by the fucking 0.98

00:13:03.220 and what happened did you see someone catch a glimpse their eye kind of over their buddy's 0.99

00:13:10.400 blue shirt shoulder yeah a few people started looking at us because but it's not a big party

00:13:15.380 i want to be clear 20 people amazing small party and that's that john and i clearly don't belong

00:13:20.040 very risky highly risk nominal people are looking over at us we're dancing the band goes this is

00:13:24.800 our last song and it's that thing too where it's like oh no like they're used to performing for

00:13:28.560 tourists so it's like a reggae like and they're playing like you know every little thing is going

00:13:33.000 to be all right right or something and i was like no that can't be it no more more more were you

00:13:37.580 actually calling that out or is that just your soul i'm calling it out don't stop so one of the

00:13:42.380 guys of course one of the gay lawyers came up to us i was like are you guys those comedians or

00:13:47.920 whatever yes we're like yeah so then i start chatting him up and i go listen the band cannot 0.98

00:13:53.260 be done you need to tell your boss to like add a couple more hours to the fucking thing or whatever 0.95

00:13:56.960 i watched this happen in real time sweetie okay sorry exactly i watched this partner 0.99

00:14:03.860 with a cigar in his hand something something clearly a little negotiation happens they start 0.50

00:14:09.320 playing partner the the gay lawyer is not no the gay lawyer is not the cigar to be clear yeah this

00:14:14.180 other guy spoken to the cigar man okay i'm sorry i'm getting too excited i'm forgetting the order 0.78

00:14:17.920 i'm getting to the order okay so the gay guy's like i'm like you gotta tell your boss to like 0.77

00:14:21.780 get the band to play more because it was like 10 o'clock i'm like they can't be done this is you 0.77

00:14:24.800 know i am by the bar cigar man lawyer i hear you guys are uh comedians right and i'm like yeah

00:14:33.780 no we start trying to go you gotta get he goes we're you know we're a law firm in philadelphia

00:14:37.700 by the way this like hammered drunk and this is the detail will come later this hammered drunk

00:14:42.680 lawyer comes over to me we're the best law firm in the world no no no this is too much 0.99

00:14:47.780 okay okay drunk out of his fucking mind leaves i'm talking to the lawyer 0.99

00:14:54.440 he's got the cigar 1.00

00:14:55.420 at one point

00:14:56.060 I'm sorry

00:14:56.800 best lover in the lab

00:14:57.720 best lover in the world

00:14:59.660 and then

00:15:00.200 the

00:15:00.760 are you wearing those sandals

00:15:01.980 I'm wearing my Target

00:15:03.220 so again

00:15:03.840 I want to be clear

00:15:04.580 went to Jamaica from New York

00:15:05.840 all I had were winter boots

00:15:07.040 and winter coats

00:15:07.620 I had only winter gear

00:15:09.180 I emergency ran to Target

00:15:10.880 which is where you go

00:15:11.860 when you have a trip

00:15:12.580 two swimsuits

00:15:13.400 flip flops

00:15:14.080 and two dresses

00:15:15.400 all year long

00:15:16.700 and honey

00:15:17.240 it was dead winter

00:15:18.020 30% off

00:15:18.820 and the acceleration brand

00:15:20.300 continues

00:15:21.140 to surprise and delight

00:15:22.660 every season

00:15:23.220 that's all I'll say

00:15:23.980 I know it was like, I had everything I needed for my trip.

00:15:26.440 So I'm worrying, but okay.

00:15:27.860 But the partner is talking to me.

00:15:29.000 He's got a cigar.

00:15:30.020 He goes, does this bother you?

00:15:32.120 I go, no, I go.

00:15:34.880 And where I go, it reminds me of my childhood.

00:15:38.000 Oh my God.

00:15:38.540 He goes, oh, did your dad smoke a cigar?

00:15:40.600 I was like, no, but his friend used to.

00:15:42.900 I'm like, ew.

00:15:44.660 I know.

00:15:45.400 No, no, sorry.

00:15:46.220 I'm loving.

00:15:46.760 What am I doing?

00:15:47.740 My ear was phenomenal.

00:15:49.180 Okay.

00:15:49.380 And John and I both felt he was flirting with both of us.

00:15:51.980 We're like, we're like, wait, he's like.

00:15:53.420 there it is okay yeah i'm sure so i'm like we gotta get the band to play more and then i watch

00:15:59.740 in real time you're on a mission this is you you've locked in that tonight there's more like

00:16:04.420 you've decided the band has to play more and you're like yes a dog with a bone okay keep going

00:16:10.500 sorry it's just an essential part of your personality well i locked it in i watch him go

00:16:15.720 over talk to the the lead singer they work it out they start playing i go over to the bar and i go

00:16:20.340 i want seven beers for the band right now oh my god okay they're not getting them beers and i

00:16:25.360 carry over red stripes to the band yes so fun on the company tab said they're all sober needless

00:16:31.520 to say i know they start drinking beer was on the company tab wait hold on yes yes it's on the

00:16:38.020 company tab did you say it's on the company tab did you know it was just happening by virtue of

00:16:42.780 i just knew i knew that it was a private party i knew right so if you just ask the bartender

00:16:46.420 Yeah, it's a 20-person party.

00:16:47.600 And he sees that you've been talking to the partner.

00:16:49.240 I had a tequila soda on the company.

00:16:51.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:52.300 No, no, no.

00:16:52.740 I'm in.

00:16:53.380 I'm in.

00:16:53.800 What are they going to do?

00:16:54.720 Hey, you can't have drinks here?

00:16:56.640 No.

00:16:57.360 No, no, no.

00:16:57.840 Not after we're dancing and making them experience.

00:16:59.800 Yeah, literally.

00:17:00.720 Connecting with life.

00:17:01.840 The entire reason they came on the vacation.

00:17:02.980 The entire reason they came on the vacation.

00:17:04.680 Is spontaneously.

00:17:06.360 Sometimes you have to be, for someone else,

00:17:08.140 the entire reason they came on the vacation.

00:17:10.400 You have to actually serve that up a lot in life.

00:17:12.220 Oh.

00:17:12.380 I mean, if you're, if we're poor, you know.

00:17:14.940 we're like we cannot believe that the night ended with that like the trip ended with that just

00:17:19.480 unbelievable we go back to our room we're sharing this room it's around 12 30 i hear all of a sudden

00:17:27.600 wait wait you know it's so scarier so okay so we're in this unbelievable lagoon cottage 0.98

00:17:33.380 on the water yes fucking psychotic okay it's the nicest place i've ever stayed 0.97

00:17:37.560 and we're in there and we hear something we're brushing our teeth together his and her sinks 0.98

00:17:44.500 and we hear like something that is enough to make us both kind of turn around and go like what was 0.91

00:17:49.920 that and it kind of kind of oh a little scary like oh you know is it a fucking like animal like what 0.91

00:17:55.380 the hell so we hear that we're kind of scared but then we immediately dissolves we're brushing our 0.96

00:18:00.620 teeth john goes into the the bedroom area i'm in the bathroom and i hear i hear john say whoa you

00:18:07.200 You guys, I go in.

00:18:09.800 Two drunk lawyers are standing in our hotel room.

00:18:12.980 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:18:14.400 No, no, no, no.

00:18:15.920 My adrenaline shoots through the roof. 1.00

00:18:19.320 Two drunk men in the room here to clearly rape and murder. 0.99

00:18:22.780 I start to scream. 0.99

00:18:24.780 I don't scream. 0.99

00:18:25.440 I go, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:18:27.520 Wait, wait, wait. 0.99

00:18:28.540 What the hell? 0.91

00:18:30.180 John goes out first. 0.98

00:18:31.420 You're still in the bathroom.

00:18:32.540 And then you hear John say, guys.

00:18:34.200 John, I'm in the bathroom, but it's like one open.

00:18:36.180 I hear John go.

00:18:36.900 i heard john as if a puppy has wandered and i heard john say like well you guys like what are

00:18:42.460 you doing here i go in so they entered the fear they're not at the door they entered they entered

00:18:46.880 so they're standing he's not at the door and people have kind of argued their way in they've

00:18:52.740 already walked john hurley saying guys no john hurley it's like guys i was like okay so give me

00:18:58.060 let's give him give it to me for real i i say what the hell i and i'm like and one of them so

00:19:03.040 one of them is the guy we're the best law firm in the world it's that of course he is yeah the 0.57

00:19:07.220 super hammered guy and then a less hammered but still very hammered guy the very hammered guy

00:19:11.920 is walking in and he's fully in the other guy's still kind of lingering by the doorway

00:19:16.720 and they're like this is our room this is my room i go this is not your room they're like 0.95

00:19:20.740 this is our room and i'm like scam not your fucking room i was like you need to get the 0.99

00:19:25.860 hell out of here right now and i i walk outside encourage them to get outside and to be in more 0.99

00:19:30.780 public yeah and just because i'm i didn't feel i soon realized like okay they're not being

00:19:35.900 aggressive drunk they're actually so hammered and i think they actually are confused like

00:19:40.360 something's going on that i don't understand but this is the scariest thing in the world

00:19:44.160 and there's a good chance they are staying in a lagoon room yeah i don't feel the need to scream

00:19:48.140 like but i because it's also the resort small it's quite it's like if i were to scream everyone 0.64

00:19:54.840 would hear whatever but this one guy won't get the fuck out of here and he's like this is my 0.65

00:19:59.460 suitcase my that is not your suitcase is john saying anything too like is john john not protecting 0.94

00:20:07.600 me i peacocked i was pumping i was like yeah you went i was like you went like the masculine energy 0.97

00:20:15.260 switch got churned and i was like get the fuck how the hell do i not have this on film this is 1.00

00:20:19.740 devastating i know i know so i'm like yelling loud enough being like get your fucking get the hell 0.99

00:20:26.420 whatever they wander out we close you're not trying conversational at all you're not 0.99

00:20:31.920 like i i feel like i would just know i'm get the fuck out get the fuck out okay no no i i'm pure 0.94

00:20:36.820 anger i have the adrenaline surging i'm like how the hell are they in here what's going are they 0.73

00:20:41.200 you know but then i'm again i'm also clocking okay they're not being like physically aggressive

00:20:46.380 or anything like they're they truly are so hammered but i there's nothing worse on earth

00:20:51.700 than drunk people like it's just the scariest it's like horrifying like the last of us like

00:20:58.060 the zombies like that's just alcoholism like if it's all around and it's like and i and i'm just

00:21:03.080 like so scared of them because they're so out of their minds and so i immediately call the front

00:21:09.420 desk and i'm like hi there are two drunk lawyers did you say lawyers because i know they're from

00:21:14.120 the retreat i'm like there are two drunk men from the lawyer retreat they're in our room

00:21:18.280 they got in the guy's like okay lock your door like do you want me to send security i was like

00:21:22.620 yes you do need to wait were they out yet were they out were they out yeah they're out they're 0.73

00:21:26.020 out but i close your door by the door and i'm like and you call the hell did they get in here 0.56

00:21:29.800 how the hell and then and john was like was the door open maybe the door was open i was like the 0.95

00:21:32.880 door was not open i opened the door and closed it there's no fucking way that door was open 0.88

00:21:35.740 so i call the front i hear and then i hear one of them outside like our key worked for your room 0.82

00:21:41.800 or something like oh how do we get in so there's an there's an identical lagoon cottage directly

00:21:47.220 across okay okay i think okay this is so i'm like light maybe the lawyers becomes first of all wait

00:21:52.120 don't forget they're lawyers so watch their defense closely and what about key work what

00:21:57.940 about key work so show us i'm still like we can't well by the way i'm like imagine being dead asleep

00:22:05.080 and the door opens and there are men in there i mean that's literally your life's ruined

00:22:10.180 can't sleep ever again i mean but the point is they're gone so i watch them i go okay they're

00:22:15.740 in. I go so clearly. Okay. At least that is their room. That is their room. But like, what the hell?

00:22:22.100 They weren't angry. Like I wasn't, I was like, okay, we're going to sleep, sleep like a baby. 0.74

00:22:26.720 But, oh, I said to John, so as soon as they left, I go, this room is free. I say to John and I'm

00:22:32.260 walking around, I'm walking around the room. So sure. I go, if they think we are paying for this

00:22:39.160 night. Now it's your belief. And tell me if this isn't even coming into it. Okay. But is your

00:22:43.760 belief that the key of the, of men was the keys were made in such a way that there's no security

00:22:51.040 because these other guys' keys does open our door. Is that what you'd be coming at the hotel

00:22:55.220 with in your mind? Yeah. I'm just kind of like, how is this possible? But yeah, their keys work

00:22:58.340 for our room. If that's true. Right. That's insane. If that's true, then then I, yeah. Okay.

00:23:02.540 Anyway, you know, wake up, have coffee, fucking breakfast on the lagoon, diving right into the 0.99

00:23:08.120 water from the room. What in the, about in the morning, do you see the lawyers or anything? 0.98

00:23:10.960 No. So I, so I'm terrified of seeing the lawyers. Right. And I was like, cause I was like, John and I are going to be swimming all morning outside the lagoon and the lagoon. If they come out and try to talk to us, I'm going to be like, Hey, hope you're like, but then I'm also realizing, okay, this was a mistake. Like they weren't intruding.

00:23:26.240 Thinking it was his suitcase is interesting.

00:23:27.780 Here's what I can't get over them walking in and the one guy not leaving, not leaving. That's where I'm like burn in hell. There's a woman screaming at you, get the fuck out. And you're just standing there in the room.

00:23:38.500 trying to argue the case yeah i mean he wasn't he but the one guy you mean the less drunk no the

00:23:43.380 more drunk guy no more drunk i wouldn't leave and the other one did like he left like trying to get 0.99

00:23:49.160 the other one is in the doorway and i start screaming at him get your fucking guy get get 0.98

00:23:53.960 him and he's like he's like oh whatever his name is like let's go right i'm like no physically go 0.99

00:23:58.920 get him right now physically go get it ever occur to you and or did you i'm not suggesting this i'm

00:24:05.360 just curious because my mind I'm putting myself in the circumstances to physically like push his

00:24:10.980 drunk body towards the door so I didn't want to touch no so I didn't want to touch at all and

00:24:16.780 I was waiting in the door like it could stimulate yeah and I just like even in the moment I was like

00:24:21.880 he was so drunk he still wasn't fully leaving and I had the urge to kind of John said he like put

00:24:26.920 his hand on his back kind of firmly to lead him out but didn't push and I'm still like when it

00:24:32.140 comes out I'm like is he gonna like turn around and stalk me like I just don't know like he's 0.94

00:24:36.280 because he's so fucking x's in his eyes yeah might as well be dead right I'm like anyway in the 0.96

00:24:43.640 beautiful glow of the morning I'm like maybe we won't get the room free I'm like maybe now here's 0.99

00:24:48.360 what I want to know what do you think well are you still wondering what happened and why they got in

00:24:53.640 and are you dead sure you closed the door yes because I would assume knowing you you're pretty

00:24:58.800 fucking sure if you closed the door or not the door was closed and that is fully confirmed the

00:25:03.200 door was completely closed what do you think i'm entitled to was there any follow-up by the hotel 0.98

00:25:08.000 in the morning no that was checkout day what what do you feel i mean how much outrage or is there

00:25:16.580 none am i overreacting did you feel outrage at the hotel because do you believe the key opened

00:25:21.440 yes and i felt i i felt yeah i guess at that point i thought their key opened our door you

00:25:27.360 know it would be an ugly I don't know what this would prove or do an ugly little thing would be

00:25:31.340 to switch your room key at the party so the lawyer switches his room key with yours pulls it out of

00:25:36.200 your little purse okay whatever and then uses that to get in your room and be like but my key work

00:25:41.320 look look no oh my god I know like I'd be like curious about like security camera I don't know

00:25:46.540 I would be curious about what happened okay so we go to check out everyone's been lovely that works

00:25:52.360 there. It's been a great experience. And I say to the woman at the front, did they talk to you

00:25:58.660 about what happened last night? And she's like, no, what happened? I tell her and she's like,

00:26:04.340 oh, be honest. She's not as horrified as I would like her to be. I was like, they were like drunk

00:26:10.200 and like, wouldn't get out. We had to like scream at them. I was like, it was pretty awful. It was

00:26:13.520 like pretty scary there when they first came in. It was like, you know, but I'm like, well, she

00:26:17.740 can't like these guys whatever she says there's a thing because our cottages normally it's like 0.98

00:26:24.540 people are renting that whole area so it's like oh it's a bachelor weekend or whatever the fuck 0.84

00:26:29.460 so the two villas the key work for both that's and she she alerted you to that key 0.88

00:26:33.400 there she just admitted that yes kate i'm in shock that is absolute negligence that is

00:26:43.040 Oh, absolute.

00:26:46.340 That's insane.

00:26:47.900 What do you, what do you, what is the primary responsibility?

00:26:51.200 A room with a lock.

00:26:53.060 So it's like, you don't pay for the room, you pay for the lock.

00:26:55.620 You know, I said, I said, you pay for the horror to leave.

00:26:58.180 You know what I mean?

00:26:58.580 I said, and she kind of said that, like, she was like, I'll alert the IT people.

00:27:04.160 I was like, yeah.

00:27:05.680 And I can't, because she's so relaxed about it.

00:27:07.920 I was like, IT people.

00:27:09.200 Oh my God.

00:27:09.960 Yeah.

00:27:10.120 Or something.

00:27:10.520 and i was like whoa and i and i i wasn't you know i just said is there anything you can do for us i

00:27:14.880 was like that's that seems pretty you know crazy that their key would work for a room she goes i'll

00:27:20.160 be right back i hear on the phone she's talking to someone then she comes back and she goes i 0.99

00:27:24.460 talked to our manager he's sincerely sorry i wanted to give you a single we're gonna take

00:27:29.540 two of your dinners off the tab ew i'm sorry okay nope this is bad enough that i i don't even think

00:27:34.640 you didn't get like oh you didn't get it in the moment right there and i think you still have

00:27:38.720 recourse. This is insane. This fucking rules.

00:27:40.880 I'm going to email them today. I'm going to email them today. 0.99

00:27:42.820 I feel like they're... I'm going to email them today

00:27:44.540 because... Listener, correct me if I'm wrong.

00:27:46.480 At Holiday Inn, another guest's key doesn't work

00:27:48.900 for your room. Exactly. It's the

00:27:50.700 number one... At a roadside

00:27:52.520 motel. Yeah. Also, like

00:27:54.620 there must... I mean, not to

00:27:56.560 but... Not to have to call

00:27:58.720 the boys in Philly, but

00:27:59.900 like, legally, surely

00:28:02.520 like to run a hotel, there are certain like basic

00:28:04.660 things, okay? Actually,

00:28:06.640 it's an interesting idea. You should get the Philly boys

00:28:08.700 themselves to represent you I know we we sue them we could have assaulted her in the courtroom well

00:28:16.460 by the way that's almost the difference I'm like if I had been if I had been alone I would have 0.95

00:28:22.740 lost my fucking mind and I would have okay so you're saying this is huge Jacqueline so you're 0.62

00:28:29.500 saying I should email and say it just doesn't sit right with me paying for that final night oh my 0.99

00:28:33.860 God, Kate, no, it just doesn't sit right with you.

00:28:36.260 Not calling the cops, in my opinion, and taking massive legal action.

00:28:40.600 Final night.

00:28:43.140 I mean, okay, there's a couple of thoughts.

00:28:45.460 One, I've never taken legal action, okay?

00:28:47.660 I know nothing about legal action.

00:28:48.900 I'm speaking merely in the world.

00:28:50.800 I would never take legal action.

00:28:51.800 You know, whatever.

00:28:53.140 Like, what happens if a hotel has bad wiring in their room, okay?

00:28:57.760 And a minor fire started and they put it out.

00:29:00.700 And it's because they had bad wiring, like, that they installed.

00:29:03.860 because here's the thing it's not even accidental it's like essentially a policy

00:29:07.020 i'm actually as you're talking i'm like oh we're not paying for that final night honey

00:29:11.220 you keep saying final night whole trip plus plus a free one next year

00:29:18.020 their sister property final night kate what i'm trying to suggest to you is that

00:29:25.560 you were put in literal danger literal danger i know okay i know by the way we could have john

00:29:31.540 and I could have been having sex. 0.55

00:29:33.480 You know what I'm just saying? 0.98

00:29:34.420 Yeah.

00:29:34.660 They came in 1230.

00:29:35.660 We could have been,

00:29:36.520 oh, by the way,

00:29:36.760 it wouldn't indicate

00:29:37.200 under any circumstance.

00:29:39.040 Could have been naked. 1.00

00:29:39.780 Could have been fucking. 1.00

00:29:40.460 Could have been asleep. 1.00

00:29:41.200 Could have been,

00:29:42.060 could have been mid-proposal.

00:29:43.200 We could have been mid-breakup.

00:29:46.340 Well, these are not,

00:29:47.400 again, again,

00:29:47.860 I go back to assault.

00:29:49.780 Okay.

00:29:50.540 It's not about like,

00:29:51.740 we could have been having

00:29:52.400 the finest steak dinner

00:29:53.500 of our lives.

00:29:54.660 Okay.

00:29:55.900 And what about a row?

00:29:56.500 By the way,

00:29:56.880 the lawyers say,

00:29:57.560 the lawyers getting on my side,

00:29:59.000 we could have assaulted them.

00:30:00.120 Well, this is what you say

00:30:01.060 You're the lawyer, boys.

00:30:02.540 You head down to Philly, okay?

00:30:04.700 Okay?

00:30:05.100 And you roll in and you say,

00:30:06.320 boys, there's two options.

00:30:07.540 You can either be dragged into this case as a witness

00:30:09.860 or you can take the case 1.00

00:30:14.120 and you'll fight your goddamn rights. 1.00

00:30:16.780 You'll just fight your goddamn ass off 1.00

00:30:18.560 to get me a settlement 1.00

00:30:19.780 or I don't know.

00:30:21.840 I don't know.

00:30:22.200 There's something poetic to be gleaned here.

00:30:31.060 Does anyone else feel like August is the Sunday of summer?

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00:35:43.020 you what do you think about dogs being off leash in public because i have a huge issue first of

00:35:53.840 all first of all i have a friend i have a friend this is unbelievable to me i have a friend dear

00:35:58.460 friend an old friend who works who's um a doctor essentially she's a pa physician's assistant right 0.95

00:36:04.260 she fucking she sent me a picture smiling face puffed up bite mark in her face from swollen 0.99

00:36:12.640 got was bitten in the face by a dog by an off leash dog yeah who came for her friend's dog 1.00

00:36:17.960 she picked up her friend's dog lean down to protect it the two got in the way of the two

00:36:22.420 dogs bit her face if i were bit in the face by a dog i will see you in court yeah okay i'm going

00:36:28.740 for the jugular to say i'll see you in court well because also how fun that would be imagine

00:36:33.860 by the way the first time someone said it genius yeah i know i know okay the first time someone

00:36:38.620 said it they were a joke like that's a funny thing so imagine so yeah it's not like it's i'm

00:36:43.660 gonna sue you or whatever like like my dad was the i'll see you in court guy yeah really no i'm

00:36:48.920 just saying imagine oh yeah yeah if you're my dad the first one i'll see you richard lewis but from

00:36:53.200 hell yeah exactly law offices of berlin and novak are officially in set in session and i

00:37:07.240 i'm going to be in court first order of business switching the name to berlant and novak saying my

00:37:14.200 own name wrong as usual it's ongoing um i mean i struggle with mine too jacqueline jacqueline

00:37:19.280 okay okay but wait okay so i'm just gonna do a quick context so let's first of all and there's

00:37:24.420 a wider spiritual context here right sure is i'm sure there is i'm taking charge wow so i have as

00:37:30.880 we know add various learning disabilities was taken i had took my stts with extended time i 0.53

00:37:37.340 had various lucky bitch learning disability coaches okay i no one spotted those in me i 0.90

00:37:42.440 struggle i struggle c minus in math i had to basically bribe teachers like it was you know 0.93

00:37:50.400 it was impossible and the point is the point is i'm not proud of this but i am often very much

00:37:57.680 with financial things numbers my eyes cross i go deal with it i don't know i am someone who is

00:38:03.960 perfectly primed to be taken advantage of in any kind of like okay so basically i i will beg to

00:38:11.800 differ though i you know you chase down the money okay i i feel like i can't you know i go kate uh

00:38:17.700 poop checks coming in you're like you're like i'm looking at the numbers uh sure you didn't forget

00:38:21.960 to pay me no no no no i agree so so it's a combination i wouldn't say i'm fully someone i

00:38:27.620 it's not it's not that simple but the point is nothing ever is right we we contain paradox

00:38:32.880 nothing ever is no nothing ever is simple let's go down this one we'll go down this one path

00:38:38.200 without the statement including all because it can never yes go yes

00:38:43.220 i have reason to believe i'm soaring right now by the way i just the people need to understand

00:38:50.760 that this is a spontaneous poog this is a spontaneous spontaneous poog you heard me

00:38:55.020 all right go on by the way i'm already wanting to let them down don't get too excited okay the point

00:38:59.280 is i am going to be investigating further figuring this out i will be figuring this out but i have

00:39:06.780 reason to believe that my accountants have bent me over their office couch yeah pulled my pants

00:39:13.240 down to my ankles all the way down all the way down right right right right and have been railing 0.99

00:39:19.820 me in the ass they're in high heels so when they all the way down to bring your pants to your 0.97

00:39:24.320 ankles they had to do a full hamstring stretch they actually were going further than than their 0.99

00:39:29.680 own ankle to reach to get yours down i think i have been they had to tug they had to tug him to 0.69

00:39:36.160 get over that ass that she's been working up since january all right so we're gonna you know i don't 0.72

00:39:41.360 know how we're not gonna get too in the weeds the point listen i don't have a business manager i 0.98

00:39:44.620 just have accountants okay pull up the uh pull up the uh file i i'm literally too embarrassed and i

00:39:50.900 i'm too embarrassed to say actual numbers here because i think it will why are you embarrassed

00:39:55.460 to bring it the better bring up the numbers because it's so it's such a it's such a high

00:39:59.960 amount that it seems like because a moment ago i was almost prepared to pay this right i was gonna 0.97

00:40:04.440 i was like i was like i remember when i got the bill i went oh my god and i went fuck and i was 0.50

00:40:10.160 like are you kidding me and then i was like well i mean have you sent it to my dad yet i will i 0.66

00:40:15.740 would love to oh okay so one of the accountants just got back i will be on the call okay because 0.79

00:40:19.760 i said a call bitch oh sorry because i sent a call i would love i'm laughing because i'm just 0.58

00:40:24.440 imagining by the way i would honestly love because i don't have again i don't have a parent who is 0.98

00:40:29.760 able to like i i need a financial i need like i need the uncle the dad figure to go take a look 0.95

00:40:34.760 at this and go this is fucking bullshit so though i'm not sure it is and that's that i'm just going 0.97

00:40:39.200 like i looked at i was like can i just tell you one thing can i tell you one thing yeah so you 0.99

00:40:43.400 have a friend really you thought that look that made sense to you well i didn't like because a

00:40:47.160 friend just looked at it and literally called me and goes this is astronomical this is the bill of

00:40:51.720 somebody who has multiple homes and multiple cities in different countries who's accruing

00:40:55.680 millions of dollars who oh really like this makes no sense for you at all the friend you mentioned

00:41:00.240 earlier yeah i don't know i'm hiding i'm sure she wouldn't care robbie hoffman i literally called

00:41:04.440 her literally robbie hoffman i know protecting her protecting her from her own accountants you

00:41:08.500 see what i'm saying she no i know she because a couple years ago maybe this was maybe it was as

00:41:13.740 recently as last year she was like you like your accountants i was like well you know

00:41:17.100 it's great because i don't because again this is this is color for the for the photograph for the

00:41:20.700 picture i don't do anything meaning i'm not there with the bookkeeping going i have a business card

00:41:26.100 i have a personal card that's how the expenses are divided i'm not there going like i i don't have

00:41:32.260 the the ability the bandwidth whatever to be chasing down files and send do you know what i

00:41:37.840 mean like they do all of that for me taxes taxes yes if your business is a freaking llc or whatever 0.95

00:41:45.060 the fuck exactly s corp all of it okay so they're so they're doing all of that for me here's my mom 0.98

00:41:51.960 calling me i'm gonna just silence it why you you called the tribunal about this yeah yeah who else 0.99

00:41:56.800 how many people did you text let's see let's hear how worried she is hang on wait hi mom

00:42:01.440 wait i can't hear her what what's insane well yeah what she's what she said but also if it's true

00:42:11.280 check with Dan and um no wait will you forward it to me sorry I'm laughing I'm talking I'm talking

00:42:20.180 to Jacqueline yeah um I know well who knows who knows but I'm going to I'm going to get to the

00:42:24.740 bottom of it I just texted and I said you know and there's a call that's going to happen next week

00:42:28.840 um let's see I'm going to send it to Jacqueline Jacqueline's dad might take a look at it um

00:42:35.320 oh is he a businessman i mean is he a young guy he's in a businessman in the sense that yeah like

00:42:41.360 he knows no he's definitely oh is he a businessman i mean he's big time no i know i know i'm just

00:42:46.780 like he's not an accountant but he's no but he knew a lot of cpas no but he he runs his own

00:42:51.160 business is the point his own consultancy i'm sure the richer would be able to look at it he's a

00:42:55.240 banker okay great okay great well then i'm gonna send this i'm gonna send this to jacklyn yeah 0.98

00:43:00.300 we'll get to the bottom i've gone down these paths where i i was convinced i had been fucked 0.89

00:43:05.120 okay bye i know well that's my big fear is that i go through all of this and they go

00:43:09.100 nope that's just the cost well i mean i also think i mean you know i think robbie robbie is

00:43:17.800 likely shrewd in these matters you know yeah you know but no but but even robbie and i said this

00:43:23.480 to her robbie's like you know my tech stuff it takes me a day i sit down i go see right there

00:43:28.920 i can't even do that i'm never going to be there at the desk going let's see april what was i

00:43:33.460 spending in april no no this but this is what i'm saying i'm just going if robbie does some

00:43:40.700 version of her own freaking work okay then she's going to be confused so i'm not see you have to 0.99

00:43:46.840 remember okay i just sent you a bill that'll make your cock become a rat's tail something you don't 0.99

00:43:54.380 recognize yeah rat's tail and pure all right hold on and by the way i'm just saying does robbie use 0.99

00:44:03.940 an accountant at all yes for what no no robbie's going robbie's going yeah i have an accountant

00:44:10.360 and it's you know under a thousand dollars you know or something a year to to compile this stuff

00:44:15.920 and she's like no this is you know she's yeah so all right oh sorry so it sounded like i was

00:44:22.240 breaking into tears because i rolled this um joanna check skin grabby rolly anyway the point

00:44:29.040 is i felt extreme camarader i really appreciate robbie because and and she even said i found

00:44:33.780 this very sweet she's like you can come over when i'm doing my taxes this year that's sweet it's

00:44:37.640 almost like i need that it's really sweet and um although you do have a tendency kate to be shocked

00:44:42.320 that you have to pay for anything okay for example you're like like my lawyer okay stepping in for

00:44:47.960 our recent things you know like kate just waits until someone steps up and it's like somehow you

00:44:54.080 know my lawyer okay i'm paying you know like i'm paying for that like you know what i mean like

00:45:01.540 like i'll split the bill there is no bill because here's the thing because she gets

00:45:06.080 percent of everything you see what i'm saying i take on that cost and then you just can i get in

00:45:11.240 on that okay i wonder how that does work with people that work together on stuff we're we're

00:45:17.340 our own unique case but i have a side story and i want to say i'm not listen it's very hard for me

00:45:25.440 to believe that i am taking it taken advantage of and i very well may not may not be i might be

00:45:29.360 getting some crazy white glove service that i just really can't afford or something yeah but

00:45:32.940 and it really is hard for me to believe because i have to say a couple of the women at this firm 0.92

00:45:38.200 i've grown fond of i talked to them you know one of them like like brought goddamn flowers to my 0.93

00:45:44.860 show do you know i'm saying one of them like do you text these people and go do i have money one

00:45:49.960 of them so one of them i text you ongoingly text or send questions i text then they're functioning

00:45:55.060 kind of like a business manager they kind of are in which case they'd take five percent of your

00:45:59.420 income so add it up so so let me just do the math here live for you okay so if that is uh if that

00:46:07.320 were um if that were 10 of your of your income i thought business managers took five percent

00:46:12.900 they took 10 and say no they take five so if so that would be 10 so so if if it were

00:46:19.300 okay five percent of okay five percent okay

00:46:23.520 this is where i'm going i mean i recall 10 shows at the bell house

00:46:31.180 okay i go i no wonder she i recall uh nordic knots times three okay hold on okay five percent

00:46:41.060 i recall tile by the way my nordic knots jute just arrived wow i'm still in absolute hell wait

00:46:48.160 i presented with the question do i do i roll it out before a party let me see this okay let me

00:46:53.980 just double check this yeah so so that's um that that higher that rounded up number is five percent

00:47:01.120 of of of give it to me and sweetie i think you might have am i not net no sorry gross gross

00:47:09.980 gross obviously yeah i don't know where i'm at this year i recall a couple movies honey movies

00:47:16.540 don't pay i know so let me tell you and again i was in bend oregon of course we all remember i'm 0.91

00:47:22.640 in bend oregon i'm on the treadmill the haunted treadmill i'm like get me out of fucking bend 0.80

00:47:26.600 i've never used a hotel gym two days in a row i'm down there just trying to get out right 0.95

00:47:31.900 trying to trick the ghost i'm in that actually is good i'm like you could really work out you

00:47:37.300 know what would make you work out if your house is haunted because you're on a treadmill the ghost

00:47:40.560 thinks you're running away sorry go on i'm on the treadmill i'm not like high pace running but i'm

00:47:45.200 running and i'm like i'm out of breath right my accountant and i had been what was it there had 0.97

00:47:50.380 been something i was dealing with and she really held my hand through this here's a fucking example 0.78

00:47:54.600 i got a weird bank of america thing i'm locked out of my account i go what there was this whole 0.59

00:47:59.040 thing that she helped me with okay so i was in the middle of this process with her of getting

00:48:03.280 locked out of my account so whatever screaming yeah her she's she's calling me i go i should

00:48:09.420 pick up even though i'm out of breath because like this could be you know so i i do the thing

00:48:14.300 where i put my feet on either side of the treadmill i'm out of breath i go hi i go

00:48:17.960 sorry i said can i call you back in about you know 20 minutes half an hour i'm just

00:48:22.500 on a run and she very excited voice in her tone that i've never really heard she goes this will

00:48:27.440 only take a moment and i go oh well of course she goes it'll just take a moment of your time

00:48:32.780 she goes let me guess you need to send you a uh a code no listen to this listen to this

00:48:38.040 imagine hearing this i have great news so i'm sitting there going is she about to tell me like

00:48:46.640 you just got this crazy like what could it be i won the lottery it's in my accountant right

00:48:52.820 i have great news i go oh you got an unexpected tax return or something yes exactly exactly like

00:48:59.340 we actually moved the decimal wrong and you didn't make this you made that like i don't once again

00:49:03.380 hoping fantasy world but fantasy no i know but why else would she be so excited saying i have great

00:49:07.920 news i was like nothing bad had happened i was like okay but she's calling i should pick up i

00:49:12.760 have great news oh what is it i say she goes and so i'm going to make up the names of the company

00:49:19.000 now right she goes she goes have great news what is it maxman and sons is merging with warner inc

00:49:27.180 snake in the grass accountants is merging with wells fargo exactly right and do you go why is

00:49:34.400 that good news and and i go oh and she goes yes she goes it's great so and she's like you know

00:49:41.740 on your end nothing will change you know it's still your same team everything she goes but

00:49:45.840 but kroger and sons will be present but kroger and sons exactly they're like you know the emails

00:49:52.220 will look different the letterhead will be different the same people she goes and then

00:49:56.600 And this is when I go, is something, she goes, they handle, you know, this stuff, which we didn't really have at the old firm.

00:50:05.380 And she goes, and they even have a program to help disabled children.

00:50:10.800 And I was like, oh, so this was a she's got she's got the roll decks out and she's calling every client and going, let's and going, let's push this through as good news.

00:50:21.840 Full throated. I have great news. And I have to say something.

00:50:25.580 she sounded elated it was like she was kind of telling me you won a million dollars

00:50:31.000 and and and so i just i wanted to be friendly on i go oh well congratulations like sounds great

00:50:38.760 that means nothing to me i don't know yeah but like but the full out of breath i have great news

00:50:45.460 on my feet on the side of the treadmill it's going i'm like i'm like okay you know so here's 0.86

00:50:52.480 here's what it sounds like to me but i thought it's hilarious and it was like it was so fucking

00:50:57.560 funny like i have great news we're merging it's like nothing will change on your end see i think

00:51:04.340 she's on her treadmill and she has to get through 90 clients before before before she gets to the

00:51:10.560 movies did you call the clients okay no now she's hustling up columbus towards the imax and and

00:51:16.400 yeah yeah maybe this is her 50th call and she's truly out of breath yeah i know but it's and so

00:51:23.580 she's she's she's gone you know what it's faster if i just go it's great news and then just dump 0.98

00:51:28.620 it on them that's why she wouldn't call back she just wants this shit done totally she's like i'm 0.99

00:51:33.360 going to blow past them, dancing wildly. Yeah, I know. No, I know, I know. 0.99

00:51:45.920 Okay, just quickly, I can't get off of this. Jacqueline traveled to St. Louis to honor

00:51:49.800 her sister for her sister's 50th birthday. As we all know, Jacqueline has a tree nut

00:51:54.020 allergy, meaning allergic to trees. She can consume almonds, sure, but whatever. The point

00:51:59.500 You said allergic to trees, it made me laugh.

00:52:01.360 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.96

00:52:02.920 Her sister goes, I'm going to make the entire event a nut-free night 1.00

00:52:08.140 so that you can just enjoy your night.

00:52:11.100 You don't have to worry.

00:52:11.900 The whole night's nut-free.

00:52:13.280 I think we all know what happens next, okay? 1.00

00:52:17.260 Jacqueline fucking takes one bite of an appetizer. 1.00

00:52:21.340 Instant reaction. 1.00

00:52:22.120 Instant reaction. 1.00

00:52:23.440 She runs to the kitchen like a martyr, says, 1.00

00:52:25.560 don't tell my sister, you'll ruin her night. 1.00

00:52:27.220 By the way, I would have been topless in the center.

00:52:29.500 I would have been writhing, okay? 1.00

00:52:33.420 She goes, let me slip out the back.

00:52:37.040 Sprints to the hospital.

00:52:38.000 I mean, this is a nightmare.

00:52:39.440 But I want to know, because you...

00:52:40.780 Banging on the door.

00:52:41.320 You were in CVS first to get the Benadryl,

00:52:43.740 because I didn't have him with me,

00:52:44.480 because the plane, 3.2 ounces, whatever.

00:52:46.520 Those who were here last night know this.

00:52:47.860 That's why I'm talking in this tone.

00:52:49.080 Like, I'm telling a story from last night,

00:52:50.180 because we did not rehearse, you know,

00:52:51.380 and regurgitate stories.

00:52:54.980 But banging on the door. 0.73

00:52:57.240 International sign for choking.

00:52:58.740 Okay.

00:52:58.900 They let me in as they're closing.

00:53:01.640 Guzzle, guzzle, guzzle, half the bottle.

00:53:03.720 Get to the emergency room.

00:53:06.180 The Uber driver drives past it.

00:53:09.200 Drives past the emergency room spot.

00:53:10.980 Now we're in a maze of parking lots.

00:53:13.560 My lover and I, we get out of the car.

00:53:15.940 Okay.

00:53:17.080 My mouth is filling with saliva, so I just knock on the door to say,

00:53:20.720 we've got to get out.

00:53:21.800 Brent barefoot, holding my heels.

00:53:23.700 Okay.

00:53:24.660 Around the building, around the building, around the building,

00:53:26.440 feeling frostbite going like frostbite would be a cute addition you know yeah yeah but sort of the

00:53:31.000 the thrill of that whatever get in and then it's like security put your phone in a basket

00:53:37.320 like that's crazy so if you're in labor if you're in labor or you have a knife between your eyes

00:53:43.940 and you're you're blind from the blood running into your eyes to go with they're like you still 0.97

00:53:49.320 have to put your fucking galaxy samsung i even go i just want to be this is what like i'm i'm in the 0.98

00:53:54.920 correct line right you know what I mean like this is what the yes everyone and then I get in 0.99

00:53:59.360 okay I get through that and then checking in and it's like I guess you know and I go this is the

00:54:05.880 thing this is the thing right like this is what everyone has to do it kind of thing you know and

00:54:10.480 it was like yeah whatever it was it was it was interesting but what I want to know because you

00:54:14.260 mentioned because Jacqueline texted me the other day I'm writing a letter to the caterer and I go

00:54:17.940 well here we fucking go because my as I was wondering because what kind of discount do you

00:54:22.060 offer as a caterer by the way it's life or death people have life-threatening allergies right right 0.99

00:54:27.620 so is a whole stay free i mean what what do you offer as a caterer how mortified are you you're

00:54:32.440 like well we everyone that night the sister who flew out had to go home 20 off what do you do

00:54:38.420 i mean anyone what i tried to i was like i was like you'll forgive me my hospitality advice

00:54:44.500 you know my my theories on business you know because i've got them right you'll indulge me

00:54:50.320 Would you consider reading it right now?

00:54:52.480 I haven't, what, a draft?

00:54:53.780 Yeah.

00:54:54.600 I kind of want to hear it.

00:54:55.480 Don't I want to hear it?

00:54:56.760 Don't I want to hear it, folks?

00:54:58.960 This feels like a setup, but a plan.

00:55:00.660 It's not.

00:55:01.940 No, I haven't agreed to yet.

00:55:04.920 So, you know me, okay?

00:55:06.260 And you understand that what I like to do is, much like Joan Didion, I write to know what I think.

00:55:12.500 Okay?

00:55:15.220 So, I drop in to personally, I want to make sure I'm unimpeachable, okay?

00:55:20.320 in what I believe, and so I do it on

00:55:22.040 the page. So I take it you found the email?

00:55:24.540 No, this isn't an email. This is separately

00:55:26.440 in a notion.

00:55:27.680 I have to be

00:55:30.400 like, this is not going to be an email

00:55:32.320 for me to get everything out.

00:55:33.940 Not just emotions, okay? This is not that.

00:55:35.980 I've been doing this since the fourth grade. I wrote a letter to my

00:55:38.240 old therapist in the fourth grade.

00:55:39.940 I don't like you anymore. You have to

00:55:41.900 break up with your therapist, and they say

00:55:44.080 every five years. After that, you're basically

00:55:46.200 fucking. It's like you can't... 1.00

00:55:48.700 It's no longer appropriate.

00:55:49.920 that's no longer appropriate.

00:55:51.580 It turns.

00:55:52.020 It turns.

00:55:52.640 I have a couple of friends in my life.

00:55:54.560 Dear people,

00:55:56.180 something's wrong, okay?

00:55:57.660 And they've had this same therapist

00:55:59.080 for like 12 years.

00:56:00.300 Oh, I've known ones that are 45 years

00:56:01.860 three times a week.

00:56:02.960 And you have to cut.

00:56:04.000 You have to cut.

00:56:04.620 And here's what you do.

00:56:05.600 It's an old sponge.

00:56:05.800 You write the email.

00:56:06.680 You go in in person.

00:56:08.120 You bring dignity to the experience.

00:56:10.680 I don't think you need to bring dignity to it.

00:56:12.200 I think you have to do a closing session.

00:56:14.400 I think father sends an email.

00:56:15.500 I'm joking, okay?

00:56:16.900 I mean, I was a young girl.

00:56:18.400 Okay, read the email.

00:56:19.400 So I want to be clear, this isn't an email.

00:56:21.180 This is a personal document, okay?

00:56:22.780 I'm exploring my thinking.

00:56:24.140 It could be an email.

00:56:25.400 Right?

00:56:25.760 Okay, so let's see.

00:56:26.700 And I'm going to stop if I don't like anything.

00:56:28.360 Okay, just I want to hear it.

00:56:29.900 So I titled this personal document,

00:56:32.340 Rebecca's 50th hospital visit. 0.99

00:56:34.360 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:56:38.360 I wanted to reach out to give the details 0.99

00:56:40.320 about the catering issue directly.

00:56:42.800 Because sharing the details with my sister

00:56:44.220 is only going to make her feel worse

00:56:45.920 about the party and what happened,

00:56:47.460 which isn't my intention.

00:56:49.100 I wrote this on the plane, by the way.

00:56:51.700 And then didn't send it that night because I was like, I didn't get anywhere.

00:56:55.220 So just understand that, right?

00:56:57.200 Also, given the fact that I spent the night in the hospital,

00:57:00.380 I hope you can tolerate me giving my full two cents on hospitality,

00:57:04.860 customer service, and catering.

00:57:09.260 Okay, okay.

00:57:12.600 First. 1.00

00:57:13.900 Okay, first, the fucking hero. 1.00

00:57:15.120 First, the roosting on a hospital bed. 0.99

00:57:16.980 okay first allow me to note that anytime i eat outside of my home i take personal responsibility 0.98

00:57:25.680 for the fact that i am taking on risk by the way fucking beautiful okay yeah this is incredible 0.92

00:57:32.780 thank you thank you okay i am used to failures by restaurants caterers and so on 0.95

00:57:40.180 i know that in places where they cook with nuts or food is served that is baked elsewhere

00:57:46.440 there is a risk of cross-contamination.

00:57:48.780 I do expect waiters to be able to avoid

00:57:51.160 handing me something explicitly made with nuts.

00:57:55.640 Still, it is my risk to take.

00:58:00.460 It was my choice to go to St. Louis.

00:58:03.000 Okay.

00:58:04.340 Several weeks ago,

00:58:05.820 when my sister sent out invitations,

00:58:07.780 she alerted the family that she requested

00:58:09.480 the entire menu be nut-free

00:58:11.180 in order to create a completely worry-free environment for me.

00:58:14.420 This is meant as a precaution to reduce risk of human error by the caterers.

00:58:19.800 A server serving the nut-free person the wrong dish, for example, is impossible.

00:58:24.920 She was very excited about the tasting menu.

00:58:27.780 Additionally, she reached out and even offered vegan options, given my partner and my preference.

00:58:33.100 Our recent transition to plant-based lifestyle.

00:58:36.340 Return, new paragraph, okay?

00:58:39.200 It's a privately catered event. 1.00

00:58:42.060 A nut should not have entered the house.

00:58:44.420 additionally we are vegan okay i'm not sure i've not entered the house okay it's health related

00:58:56.680 not religious and therefore errors there are not catastrophic but that was mishandled as well

00:59:02.220 okay because it was yeah i recommend you issue a swift and full refund

00:59:08.040 an apology comma an apology comma oxford comma and eat the costs wait wait wait of the of the 0.96

00:59:21.540 hospital saying everything no i'm not even talking about my my shit i'm talking about just to to my 0.58

00:59:26.160 sister just i'm just i'm just go i wanted to go for it see how it felt to say refund the whole 0.68

00:59:31.060 thing okay and get ready for this if you do you will likely have a long-term customer in rebecca

00:59:36.120 By the way, and there I get the warmth of trying to build a relationship with them.

00:59:41.180 Because I'm not a beast, okay?

00:59:44.020 I have had plenty of mistakes made in restaurants over the years.

00:59:47.580 And the restaurants who take responsibility for it.

00:59:50.020 Here we go.

00:59:50.440 Quote, of course the entire meal is comped.

00:59:53.020 Following up to find out if I made it to the hospital, etc. 0.99

00:59:56.280 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:59:57.400 These are the restaurants I return to again and again. 1.00

01:00:01.360 Proper handling, which should feel to the customer like overcorrection of their error,

01:00:06.920 makes me more loyal to the place than if no poisoning had happened at all.

01:00:16.820 I have raved about restaurants based explicitly on how strongly they, quote, overcorrected.

01:00:25.280 The catering's disregard meant I left very early

01:00:28.940 and didn't get to see my 76-year-old parents toasting my sister.

01:00:34.700 These fly-in family events are rare.

01:00:37.660 Oh, sure.

01:00:38.180 Once in a lifetime.

01:00:39.600 This is a knife.

01:00:40.740 This is really...

01:00:42.160 I mean, I have more.

01:00:43.680 Go.

01:00:44.100 Okay.

01:00:45.440 Here's a rundown of what happened from my experience.

01:00:48.340 Before food comes out, my sister points out to the waiters and caterers,

01:00:52.360 the vegan nut free people are over there pointing out me and my partner and also pointing out

01:00:58.200 those two are vegan over there okay this is i mean again but i want to again and that should

01:01:03.780 not have entered the home yeah shortly thereafter a wedge is brought to me i ask is this vegan

01:01:11.760 nut free doubting given the cheese okay waiter says yes we eat it i go wow coconut based cheese

01:01:21.440 has come a long way.

01:01:25.740 Parentheses, I asked my sister

01:01:27.160 for the menu contract today

01:01:28.640 and see that there was

01:01:29.760 no vegan wedge option.

01:01:32.240 Next, I'm offered...

01:01:32.860 They gave you straight blue?

01:01:34.460 Yeah, straight blue.

01:01:37.200 Next, I'm offered a grilled cheese,

01:01:39.200 which I declined.

01:01:40.620 Parentheses, definitely not vegan.

01:01:42.560 I'm offered a mini samosa

01:01:44.120 and I go, do these have nuts?

01:01:45.660 The server says,

01:01:46.380 I can't say for sure.

01:01:48.360 I asked them to go check.

01:01:49.780 then we're brought a pasta by someone and i take a bite and say this isn't vegan the server goes

01:01:55.600 it is chris eats it i confirm with the waiter again and she says it's just pasta

01:02:02.900 mushrooms and i go and butter and dairy and she says yeah

01:02:06.980 the head caterer intervenes no no that's not for them and brings us the special item that was meant

01:02:17.000 specifically for the nut-free vegans and i eat it and immediately full reaction

01:02:25.540 not cross-contamination but full i just drink to the dome full of nuts yeah yes i just did an

01:02:34.020 instant throat itchy i go into the kitchen and ask the caterer this has nuts and she says it

01:02:38.980 shouldn't okay then a man says the vegan app cashews okay

01:02:46.100 so i was served the special vegan item meant for me but that was made explicitly with nuts

01:02:53.500 my boyfriend and i and i wondered briefly shall i call him a husband shall i you know try to 0.88

01:02:58.260 gain more weight not just some slut you know my boyfriend and i each call an uber in case 0.98

01:03:04.480 one arrives faster than the other. 0.98

01:03:06.220 By the way, the forensic detail of that.

01:03:08.980 Okay, I'm asking for help

01:03:10.280 finding a location in the nearest CVS

01:03:11.960 to get liquid Benadryl to slow the reaction.

01:03:14.880 Caterer helps me find a CVS

01:03:16.740 close by as I'm spitting into the trash.

01:03:20.360 We leave, we go to the closest CVS

01:03:21.780 as my throat is swelling

01:03:22.660 and I'm banging on doors

01:03:23.660 making international signs for choking

01:03:25.340 because it's closing.

01:03:26.940 And they let us in to get it.

01:03:29.400 Then the overdriver takes us to a hospital.

01:03:31.400 Pain and throwing up begins.

01:03:32.540 ivy port established epi pen inject injected swelling goes down and i'm no longer afraid

01:03:38.640 i'll stop breathing several hours of hell at the hospital until 2 a.m and i miss the send-off

01:03:43.880 brunch brunch the next morning but this i actually think is interesting okay this is where i go my

01:03:49.220 two cents here's what should have happened i said oh oh oh oh oh oh oh okay okay okay

01:03:56.380 quote i just drop right into the quote rebecca can you show us who the people with the

01:04:02.340 dietary restrictions are. Rebecca points us out. Someone comes over and asks, hi, I'm so-and-so,

01:04:08.180 the head caterer managing tonight's meal. I wanted to confirm you and your partner are two of the

01:04:12.820 vegans and you have a nut allergy. I want to show you the menu real quick and go over it.

01:04:17.700 Oh, wow. Additionally, quote, and I threw in names to help. Okay. Additionally, quote,

01:04:22.320 Stuart here will be bringing you your items. For safety, please don't eat anything not delivered

01:04:29.040 by steven the entire menu is of course stewart stewart he's not real but don't eat the stuff

01:04:37.620 steven brings oh i said stewart both times okay thank god yeah by the way i'm almost i was like

01:04:45.500 reading comprehension okay yeah i'm really locked in no i'm steven and stewart here yeah okay

01:04:52.140 again first draft okay first draft by the way i think go with steven stewart's a little on the

01:04:58.140 nose okay i thought i had a kind of point to it you know what i mean yeah a precise steward

01:05:06.380 steward's a fake name steven's a real name thank you thank you and we won't ask who's here tonight

01:05:13.340 i go uh we'll be delivered by steven the entire menu is not free of course per rebecca's request

01:05:20.800 but for extra precaution we'd really appreciate it if you only ate the stuff delivered by steven

01:05:25.220 Despite the fact that a nut should never have entered the home

01:05:28.000 I know, I know

01:05:28.600 Anyone with a life-threatening allergy will be extremely grateful for this

01:05:32.520 Anyone with a dietary restriction will appreciate it

01:05:36.260 Okay, you see, you see, you see

01:05:38.980 It's such a simple step that goes so far

01:05:41.660 So I was offered stuff that wasn't vegan

01:05:44.480 No mention of nuts or lack thereof was made to me ever

01:05:47.900 Items I inquired about if they were vegan

01:05:50.200 I was told blatant misinformation

01:05:52.260 the server not recognizing the difference between vegan and vegetarian okay I expect a certain

01:06:00.240 amount of oh I'm off the rails now I'm on the third cup of coffee on the plane okay

01:06:04.560 cran vodka please okay I had two on the plane it was delightful yeah I expect a certain amount of

01:06:16.080 disdain for vegans wait this is amazing

01:06:18.800 we are only recently vegan after a health scare and doctor's orders i

01:06:32.460 i still expect caterers to be okay right this is where i'm just like my true calling is this

01:06:41.460 i still expect caterers to be able to star cater to specific requests

01:06:50.380 weeks ago when my sister inquires if it will require vegan food at the party my boyfriend

01:06:58.180 and i have a long conversation but whether to burden my sister or just say don't worry about

01:07:05.520 it and just eat what we can and you actually reached out to me with this post-party i go

01:07:09.760 you're flying, they can make it vegan. Yeah. Because my sister was so excited about the food

01:07:14.220 selection, the special menu, and really wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, we opted to say

01:07:18.940 we would really enjoy it if it were vegan, right? If you could accommodate us, she then did so,

01:07:25.680 okay? We all spent time and consideration on these matters, and the catering group did not.

01:07:32.780 okay it's not like a one person had a bad experience refund 50 bucks situation

01:07:43.780 no they are lucky you did not die exactly i wouldn't say it you write her an email and you

01:07:51.440 say of course the entire service is refunded we are horrified here's how we're correcting this

01:07:55.360 issue for future customers i'm sorry we didn't reach out immediately following the vet to say

01:08:00.020 this our on-site caterer didn't feel comfortable

01:08:01.920 making the refund until speaking with us

01:08:04.000 the heads of the company

01:08:05.580 and now I start repeating myself you write Noreen

01:08:07.900 email and you say of course the service

01:08:09.780 is refunded

01:08:10.500 I haven't sent it

01:08:13.080 send it in full

01:08:15.600 send it in full

01:08:17.220 by the way that's the law offices of

01:08:19.560 Roland and Novak

01:08:20.240 that was POOG

01:08:25.920 if you enjoyed POOG

01:08:27.340 please subscribe, rate and review

01:08:29.640 If not, we will press charges.

Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak - August 18, 2026

REMIX： The Law Offices of Berlant & Novak Pt. 1

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